WEBVTT
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00:00:08.640We have to get more intentional about how we create our team dynamics when we're working in a virtual or hybrid organization.
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00:00:15.599Things like appreciation releases the same bonding chemicals in your brain as falling in love.
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00:00:16.399Yeah.
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00:00:21.120And yet most team meetings feel about as romantic as a parking ticket.
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00:00:27.039Take that, let's say, five minutes to do that human check-in.
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00:00:36.159We have to be more conscientious and intentional about it because lots of the connection took care of itself when we were all in the same space together.
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00:00:41.920It's not that you don't want to connect, it's not that you don't have the intention to connect, it's just that it's just probably not going to happen automatically.
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00:00:42.640Yeah.
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00:00:57.920I think the real opportunity with so much tech now is that it really pushes us now to rebalance a bit more with the human because that is the unique bit that we and our team members can bring.
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00:01:01.600Because today we're talking about team dynamics.
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00:01:12.879This is living, leading, communicating, and collaborating with intention and impact with 4D human being.
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00:01:16.640Good afternoon.
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00:01:18.319Nearly evening, Phil.
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00:01:19.439Nearly end of the week.
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00:01:25.599I mean, actually, I have to say, often when we do these podcasts, I say, oh, you know, it's a lovely sunny Saturday morning, and these are very often some of my favourite times.
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00:01:28.000This is my absolute favourite time.
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00:01:28.640Friday.
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00:01:29.040Friday.
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00:01:29.680End of play.
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00:01:30.560Friday evening.
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00:01:31.200And do you know why?
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00:01:34.640It's not just because there's there's the weekend on Friday night's always nice.
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00:01:40.239It's because I don't know why, but lots of things seem to happen on a Friday these days, work-wise.
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00:01:41.040Have you noticed?
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00:01:42.480It's like people want to kind of get things.
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00:01:46.799And I'm you know, I'm I'm an organiser, so I love getting things kind of sorted.
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00:01:48.319So Fridays are a good day for me.
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00:01:51.040People are like, let's close this down, let's get this done.
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00:01:52.480And I'm like, love a Friday.
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00:01:58.319I like it when Thursday does that, and then Friday just coasts, just takes care of itself.
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00:02:00.560It's Free Day, not Friday.
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00:02:01.599See what I did that?
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00:02:01.840Yeah.
00:02:03.200 -->
00:02:04.560I'm gonna rename it.
00:02:04.640 -->
00:02:05.840I'm renaming it.
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00:02:08.240You're rebranding Friday to Free Day.
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00:02:09.039Free Day.
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00:02:09.439Nice.
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00:02:09.759Yeah.
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00:02:13.039Well, Kirsty she did the TEDx at Glasgow with you.
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00:02:16.879She was talking about the four-day week, and that was eight years ago, Phil.
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00:02:22.159Well, can I do a little bit of a segue to something I wanted to talk about that doesn't relate to the podcast that we're doing?
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00:02:33.360Because today we're going to talk about unifying teams remotely.
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00:02:34.800Four-day week.
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00:02:35.439Yes.
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00:02:38.319The evidence is that you don't lose anything.
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00:02:38.960No.
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00:02:46.879Well, I saw a lovely bit of research that I will bring into a more relevant podcast, but I'm so all over it that I want to mention it today.
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00:02:56.560That I've been talking a lot with people about joy and that sort of hopeful imagining what might come and looking forward or optimistic.
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00:02:57.039Yeah.
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00:03:01.520And how much some people can avoid joy.
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00:03:02.719Somebody talks about it as much as a channel.
00:03:02.879 -->
00:03:05.120Renee Brown talks about it as the most vulnerable emotion.
00:03:05.599 -->
00:03:08.000Because it's so vulnerable because of the disappointment if it doesn't happen.
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00:03:08.400Fear.
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00:03:09.599The fear and the letdown.
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00:03:17.199You know, I really would I I really hope that those friends ask me to go on that event or everything's going well at the moment, or so happy.
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00:03:18.560Oh, it might suddenly change.
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00:03:19.120Exactly.
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00:03:24.000And then and then the and then the fear is that the disappointment will be, you know, a crash and we'll be able to do that.
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00:03:28.560Or that you're sort of superstitiously gonna invite the crash.
00:03:28.879 -->
00:03:48.719But the research is, and I absolutely love this, that while you might a very, very slight bigger dip, moments, just the moments where the disappointment comes or the event doesn't happen how you wanted it.
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00:03:52.639Like we're talking moments, seconds, minutes before we re-regulate.
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00:03:57.919Because as we know from the sort of, you know, if you win the lottery or break a leg, we're very good at getting back to state.
00:03:59.199 -->
00:04:08.719So you might have a very, very few moments where you've had a little bit more of a dip below that baseline, but you've just spent the last how many weeks and months worrying about it.
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00:04:10.560Reducing your joy and worrying about it.
00:04:10.879 -->
00:04:17.199So overall, it's an absolute loss not to live with the hope and the joy of the expectation.
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00:04:21.439So, how does that tie to a four-day week where you have a free day instead of a Friday?
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00:04:23.360Well, it's oh ping.
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00:04:23.839Thank you.
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00:04:26.240It was it it was more I told you what happens on a Friday first.
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00:04:34.720It was more a piece of research that proves that there's no gain through through sort of There's no gain to a five-day week.
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00:04:37.040There's no gain through thinking that everything's gonna be terrible.
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00:04:43.600And and yet, and yet you'll meet a lot of people who say, Oh my goodness, no, I couldn't do a full day.
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00:04:44.079No, no, no.
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00:04:45.120I'll never get it all done.
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00:04:50.160Or, no, no, no, I don't want to think um that it's all gonna go well because it would be terrible if it didn't.
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00:04:52.879And that mindset is actually false.
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00:04:57.920It's it's not actually the rat rationally, the research does not prove that was my link.
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00:04:59.120Do you know it's really interesting to say that.
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00:05:01.920But because we don't make those decisions based on rationale, do we?
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00:05:05.040No, and it's really interesting to say that because it's making me a super segue into this podcast.
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00:05:14.000Well, it's making me think for another podcast we should definitely talk about justifying the fear of having to justify, the planning we do to justify.
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00:05:18.639Because of course, if you work a five-day week and you don't get your work done, you say, Well, I've been working really hard all week.
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00:05:24.319If you work a four-day week and don't get your work done, somebody could say, Well, if you work five days, yeah, yeah, exactly.
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00:05:37.120I am gonna make a super segue because on the idea that we aren't rational, we don't actually look at the facts when it comes to some of this research.
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00:05:44.879Actually, I want to kind of thread a line through that sometimes we need to not think about the rational.
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00:05:46.879I'm right with you, Phil.
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00:06:08.639And we need to actually put some weight on what we think is a waste of time, what we think isn't gonna get stuff done in the team, but what is going to give you so much in reward, but that your instinct is telling you don't waste time on that, don't waste time playing, connecting the team, all of these things we're gonna talk about, getting that team united.
00:06:08.720 -->
00:06:13.120We haven't got time, we've got to crack on with this project, and that is a false belief.
00:06:13.199 -->
00:06:18.720And research will tell you that that belief feels like it's right, but it's not.
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00:06:20.240And you have super sacred.
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00:06:21.759Don't be saying outright.
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00:06:27.199No.
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00:06:32.000Craike, that was that was what that was Donald That was a Donald Trump weave almost, wasn't it?
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00:06:34.079But hopefully, not not suggesting.
00:06:35.519 -->
00:06:41.199I'm not sure that's how you want to brand yourself, but it but it was a very good uh weave and super segue.
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00:06:41.839Uh and I had to.
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00:06:43.439It's Bayer tapestry, eh?
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00:06:45.040Oh, it's absolutely amazing, Phil.
00:06:45.279 -->
00:06:46.240People would cue up for that.
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00:06:46.879Cue up.
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00:06:48.560Well, they have to, apparently.
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00:06:50.240Although I think they've sorted it out.
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00:06:57.759Yes, because today we're talking about it's our fourth episode in our series around virtual and hybrid working.
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00:07:10.800So we started with your impact, then we started about then with the second episode was engagement and participation, third episode was around how to be a leader when leading virtual teams, and now we are talking about team dynamics and it's unifying.
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00:07:34.319Unifying, because it's really interesting that I mean, lots of what we all speak about is as we've said in in other episodes on this topic, we have to get more intentional about how we create our team dynamics when we're working in a virtual or hybrid organisation, because you're probably not walking down the corridor, having a coffee, or going down to the canteen together.
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00:07:34.800Sometimes you will.
00:07:35.120 -->
00:07:36.560And do you know what's sad about that?
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00:07:37.360Go on.
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00:07:45.759A lot less movie-like meet cutes with the new recruit on the fifth floor, because that we're not that's not happening now.
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00:07:50.240Oh Phil, those spontaneous moments of interaction, and that's what we're talking about.
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00:07:58.000Phil, I mean, and I think sometimes it's can be slightly sort of frowned upon as well, sort of, you know, relationships in the office.
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00:08:02.160I wouldn't have had a boyfriend for a decade if I hadn't have gone out with colleagues.
00:08:02.319 -->
00:08:04.879I mean, that's what you did back in the day.
00:08:05.920 -->
00:08:10.079I think you can you can you can times that by ten with the acting profession.
00:08:11.279 -->
00:08:11.759Riley.
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00:08:14.560I mean, yeah, I think that's the main reason for going on tour.
00:08:14.800 -->
00:08:23.040So whilst we're not really focusing this on in-office dating, you could you could probably apply some of these things.
00:08:23.439 -->
00:08:28.879Well, although didn't we didn't we I talked about this recently, I did this on a video.
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00:08:31.199We've been doing some film, we've been doing some filming this week.
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00:08:40.559But we are kind of talking about the same brain, the same brain chemistry, because really we you know we want that dopamine and oxytocin released.
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00:08:42.720We want some intimacy, we want some connection.
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00:08:53.039Yes, and things like appreciation, which is one of the elements we'll certainly talk about today, releases the same bonding chemicals in your brain as falling in love.
00:08:53.519 -->
00:08:58.799Yeah, and yet most team meetings feel about as romantic as a parking ticket, don't they?
00:08:59.039 -->
00:09:06.720So there is definitely room for feel good because when you feel good, you'll do things for people, and people will do things for you.
00:09:06.799 -->
00:09:09.360You'll go the extra mile for the people that you love the most.
00:09:09.519 -->
00:09:14.320So is it we actually do need to release more of the of the of the love chemicals.
00:09:14.480 -->
00:09:18.240I mean, aside from aside from I can't believe we're talking about love chemicals under 10 minutes.
00:09:18.639 -->
00:09:30.799Aside from obviously working at 40 human being, although I was gonna slightly caveat that with Matt being the only male in our team, but when I was working in corporate, I don't remember many meetings feeling like rom-coms, yeah, I've got to say.
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00:09:32.480No, well, I think it's time, Pam.
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00:09:33.759We're on a mission today.
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00:09:34.639Oh my goodness.
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00:09:36.320To bring the love.
00:09:36.879 -->
00:09:39.039You kind of want to fall in love with your team, don't you?
00:09:39.200 -->
00:09:44.960I mean, you do want it to be you I mean, you certainly would rather it was a rom-com than a horror or a tragedy.
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00:09:45.759Wouldn't you?
00:09:45.919 -->
00:09:53.679And I have worked with some teams, I mean, there's one in particular that comes to mind, obviously, with the wonderful Heather Barker, who we've done a lot of work with.
00:09:53.919 -->
00:09:59.440I have worked with teams that you do feel a bit like you're in a pit of love and joy with.
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00:10:05.919And and actually that you know, and and that is the case with you know, global teams.
00:10:06.159 -->
00:10:08.960It takes a lot of effort from the leader and from the team.
00:10:09.279 -->
00:10:12.080I have seen it happen, and it's like magic in the room.
00:10:12.720 -->
00:10:20.080So let's talk about what we mean by uniting remote teams because uniting is a good word, doesn't it?
00:10:20.399 -->
00:10:20.639Yeah.
00:10:21.120 -->
00:10:22.639Well, it's like being on a team, isn't it?
00:10:22.879 -->
00:10:24.480Literally, I mean, that's such an obvious thing to say.
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00:10:25.919The team of human beings.
00:10:26.080 -->
00:10:41.519Well, it's such an obvious thing to say, in a way, and yet you wouldn't expect a football team or a you know, a hockey team, or you wouldn't expect them to be spending 20% of their time huddled in corners bitching about each other.
00:10:41.840 -->
00:10:42.480But they wouldn't.
00:10:42.960 -->
00:10:44.879You couldn't, you couldn't, you know.
00:10:44.960 -->
00:10:49.679You want that that feeling of when they're rushing across the pitch and hugging each other when someone wins.
00:10:49.759 -->
00:10:51.519Like it's so visceral, isn't it?
00:10:51.840 -->
00:10:52.159Yeah, yeah.
00:10:52.320 -->
00:10:53.360I think we want a bit more of that.
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00:10:55.759Maybe less of the hockey and football.
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00:10:56.720Maybe less mad.
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00:10:58.240Exactly.
00:10:58.480 -->
00:11:17.200But but really we're talking about that feeling of collaboration, that feeling of belonging, and without the shared physical space that we used to have, we want that feeling of that shared kitchen or that walk to the car park or the accidental conversation, and we have to we have to build it.
00:11:17.279 -->
00:11:22.480And I've written this word down at the top of my notes: toe curling.
00:11:22.960 -->
00:11:41.679And I think the reason I just want to check in on this is for anybody who either listening to this or thinking about unifying a team, or the idea of inserting a bit of sort of fun or play, and the first thing that happens is your toes just curl in your shoes, and you just think, I just can't.
00:11:41.919 -->
00:11:42.720We don't want any of that.
00:11:42.799 -->
00:11:46.080We don't we it's finding a way that works for you.
00:11:46.559 -->
00:11:58.639I think that's the first sort of caveat and sort of pitfall to name is before going to the all or nothing, either we all have to wear, you know, silly hats and be ridiculous, or I'm just not doing anything.
00:11:59.120 -->
00:12:05.679It's finding what's gonna work for this team because the forced fun that isn't in the culture of your team is good, it's not helpful.
00:12:05.919 -->
00:12:15.759Well, otherwise, we'll all have to buy t-shirts that as my youngest daughter has bought has bought that has just simply got written on it, unwilling participants.
00:12:15.919 -->
00:12:17.840Yes, that's what we'd all have to do.
00:12:18.000 -->
00:12:19.440I just love it so much.
00:12:19.519 -->
00:12:20.879I mean, it's just clear, isn't it?
00:12:21.039 -->
00:12:21.519Exactly.
00:12:21.759 -->
00:12:30.720So, we're going to look at four key areas that you can look at to find ways to really bring your team together.
00:12:30.879 -->
00:12:45.039It's that feeling of trust, connection, belonging, and I think one of the most important things, of course, is feeling like you're in a group of people that if you get annoyed or things go wrong, you can express it in a good way.
00:12:45.279 -->
00:12:46.080Yeah, healthily.
00:12:46.320 -->
00:12:48.240Healthily, and you can talk about it.
00:12:48.480 -->
00:12:49.519It's safe, isn't it?
00:12:49.679 -->
00:12:51.200Yeah, and it's meaningful as well.
00:12:51.279 -->
00:12:54.559It's not just I'm coming in just to get this project done and then I'm gonna go.
00:12:54.799 -->
00:12:59.200Well, the amount of time the amount of time that we all spend at work now, yeah.
00:12:59.440 -->
00:13:00.480More than with our families.
00:13:00.799 -->
00:13:05.919And do you and I mean I think we might have talked about this a little bit um when when talking about AI.
00:13:06.159 -->
00:13:21.600I think the real opportunity with so much tech now is that it really pushes us now to to to rebalance a bit more with the human because that is the unique bit that we and our team members can bring.
00:13:21.679 -->
00:13:21.840Yeah.
00:13:22.080 -->
00:13:27.039If we keep being task and transactional with the tech, everyone's sort of doing the same thing.
00:13:27.360 -->
00:13:28.399We all just get caught in a pattern.
00:13:28.639 -->
00:13:28.799Yeah.
00:13:28.960 -->
00:13:29.360Yeah.
00:13:29.600 -->
00:13:31.519So I've got a few stats on this.
00:13:31.600 -->
00:13:42.559I will caveat this by saying that we have given some statistics before in other episodes around how much people want and almost demand to be working virtually in hybrid these days.
00:13:42.639 -->
00:13:46.080Like people like the flexibility, especially the younger generation.
00:13:46.320 -->
00:13:48.320So people want it.
00:13:48.879 -->
00:13:52.960We are now talking about the how often that we realize it.
00:13:53.200 -->
00:13:53.360Yeah.
00:13:53.600 -->
00:13:57.360So some stats that actually the the first one made me feel quite sad, Phil.
00:13:57.600 -->
00:14:03.600So 25% of fully remote employees report feeling lonely every single day.
00:14:03.919 -->
00:14:04.879Say that number again.
00:14:05.039 -->
00:14:13.51925% of fully remote, it's a quarter of all of remote and fully remote employees report feeling lonely every day.
00:14:13.679 -->
00:14:17.440Um, that compares to 16% of on-site workers.
00:14:17.519 -->
00:14:25.919So what's interesting about that is there is a stark difference in those statistics, and loneliness generally is a thing that we need to get to grips with.
00:14:26.159 -->
00:14:47.360You know something on that, and I I'm pausing because I almost don't want to say it, because I really, I really acknowledge that for some people, actually it does suit them to spend quite a lot of time on their own, and they would probably identify using kind of the introvert-extrovert language, they'd probably identify more as introvert, and that that really suits them.
00:14:47.440 -->
00:14:50.639And and a lot and people might even say I don't need to be around a lot of people.
00:14:50.879 -->
00:15:10.399But there was that piece of research done on commuter trains where even people who identified as someone who really didn't want to make eye contact with anybody else definitely didn't want to talk to a stranger when they were put in the social experiment of being connected with on a commuter train, they reported feeling much happier afterwards.
00:15:10.480 -->
00:15:23.759And I it really stayed with me that because I understand the feeling of just wanting your own space, but the research showed that they felt lifted and happier, and even though they wouldn't have thought they would have.
00:15:24.159 -->
00:15:32.960Well, that's right, because sometimes what we believe about ourselves, our identity, what we tell ourselves, isn't always what is actually the reality of what is good for us.
00:15:33.120 -->
00:15:41.120Yeah, remote workers report feeling lonely 98% more often than fully on-site colleagues, and 79% more than hybrid colleagues.
00:15:41.440 -->
00:15:42.879This is something that's quite surprising.
00:15:43.039 -->
00:15:52.720There's sort of been some sort of soft softer research on this that the more meetings people attend, the more even virtually, it doesn't necessarily reduce their loneliness.
00:15:52.799 -->
00:16:00.240And that goes back to talking about the how those meetings are sort of structured and well, is if your humanness is met, isn't it?
00:16:00.480 -->
00:16:05.600If you're sort of just being asked to deliver, your personhood doesn't feel any more connected.
00:16:05.840 -->
00:16:06.080Exactly.
00:16:06.720 -->
00:16:07.679Exactly, exactly.
00:16:08.080 -->
00:16:19.600So, you know, we know that this can mean that virtual teams can drift apart, we know that that can have impacts in terms of communication, collaboration, therefore outcomes and performance.
00:16:19.919 -->
00:16:30.399And there is some upside to this, um, which is that some research done on um structured kind of virtual team connections, which is part of what we're going to speak about today.
00:16:30.720 -->
00:16:40.79988% of participants reported that they felt more connected to colleagues after engaging in some of those sort of connected team virtual meetings.
00:16:41.039 -->
00:16:42.559Deliberately tried to connect.
00:16:42.879 -->
00:16:47.600Well, it doesn't specify silly hats wheel, but nevertheless, that is a massive percentage.
00:16:47.679 -->
00:16:53.120That's nearly nine out of ten employees felt better when those kind of structured virtual meetings were put in place.
00:16:53.440 -->
00:16:55.759It also suggests it doesn't take much.
00:16:56.000 -->
00:16:56.480That's right.
00:16:56.639 -->
00:16:56.879Yeah.
00:16:57.039 -->
00:16:57.360That's right.
00:16:58.080 -->
00:16:58.559Quite quickly.
00:16:58.799 -->
00:16:59.200That's right.
00:16:59.279 -->
00:17:12.480And I do you know what's really interesting about you saying that, Phil, is that often I talk with um clients about that sort of the time that we spend building connections with people outside of the agenda of the meetings and the delivering stuff.
00:17:12.640 -->
00:17:16.799And very often people say, Well, I'll set some time aside for that next week.
00:17:17.039 -->
00:17:22.799And I kind of challenge it slightly because I say, Well, what could you do in two minutes today?
00:17:23.039 -->
00:17:28.400So we have to be careful about thinking, well, it's got to be a whole event organised with silly hats, and it doesn't have to be.
00:17:28.640 -->
00:17:30.880You can experience it on dog walk sometimes, you know.
00:17:31.039 -->
00:17:34.960You have an interaction with somebody, and you've had this where you really walk away.
00:17:35.039 -->
00:17:39.680I've had it a number of times where I've walked away feeling really lifted.
00:17:39.759 -->
00:17:40.000Yeah.
00:17:40.240 -->
00:17:44.319Because it's been it's been short, but it's been much more than a nice day.
00:17:44.480 -->
00:17:46.000Yeah, it's been it's been a moment.
00:17:46.240 -->
00:17:46.480That's right.
00:17:46.640 -->
00:17:47.519Yeah, so it's possible.
00:17:47.839 -->
00:17:55.039So the four areas that we're gonna look at are connection, play, don't panic, everyone.
00:17:55.359 -->
00:17:56.160Don't panic, Mr.
00:17:56.240 -->
00:17:57.119Mannering! Mr.
00:17:57.200 -->
00:18:01.039Mannering! Um reference, uh Dad's army if you don't know it.
00:18:01.119 -->
00:18:02.720Oh my goodness, that's showing our age company.
00:18:02.880 -->
00:18:03.440Very English.
00:18:03.759 -->
00:18:08.000Connection, play, trust, and difference.
00:18:08.400 -->
00:18:15.440So, quick one on the pitfalls, connection pitfalls, relying on the formal, diarise calling.
00:18:15.599 -->
00:18:17.200You know, we've that's where we connect.
00:18:17.599 -->
00:18:19.440We've got plenty of meetings in the diary with the team.
00:18:19.759 -->
00:18:20.720Like I see them every other day.
00:18:21.920 -->
00:18:22.720We're connecting all the time.
00:18:22.799 -->
00:18:25.119No, you're not, you're having formal diaries, you're having formal meetings.
00:18:25.599 -->
00:18:27.279Often when only one or two people are speaking.
00:18:27.440 -->
00:18:28.640Yes, and it's all agenda.
00:18:29.119 -->
00:18:33.039Only connecting with people that you work really closely with.
00:18:33.200 -->
00:18:34.720I mean, we've talked about this for years.
00:18:34.880 -->
00:18:37.200It's the same with networking, even in person.
00:18:37.279 -->
00:18:38.640We tend to end up siloed.
00:18:39.039 -->
00:18:40.400And that happens even more online.
00:18:40.640 -->
00:18:51.599Yeah, so you tend to inherit a network based on your your role, and and you'll have a certain number of people in your very close network that you don't even think about, but you have to connect with every day because you have to get to get your job done.
00:18:51.839 -->
00:18:54.400And those are the people that you'll tend to spend your time with.
00:18:55.279 -->
00:18:58.960Assuming shared history, shared connection that doesn't even exist.
00:18:59.119 -->
00:19:00.640And I think there's two things to this.
00:19:00.799 -->
00:19:13.039One is new joiners on a team will assume that everybody really knows each other really well, and uh secondly, you yourselves can assume that, well, we've worked together for five years, like you say.
00:19:13.119 -->
00:19:22.880So Yeah, yeah, so we we know each other really well, but that doesn't it that is not necessarily true because we all uh you know very much keep parts of ourselves, and sometimes that's a good thing.
00:19:23.119 -->
00:19:28.000But there's there may well be very, very key things that you don't know, and particularly when things are happening in people's lives.
00:19:28.240 -->
00:19:38.240I have definitely been uh working with groups and get them to introduce something about themselves, and they say, Oh god, I didn't know that about you, and I'll say, How long have you worked?
00:19:38.480 -->
00:19:39.440Yeah, that's right.
00:19:39.759 -->
00:19:44.960But not even like, not even really personal things, just like you know, no, that's right.
00:19:45.119 -->
00:19:46.079I you know, I play football.
00:19:46.319 -->
00:19:46.559Do you know?
00:19:46.640 -->
00:19:55.039I had a sort of small experience about it say, Oh, by the way, I haven't told you this because you didn't you weren't able to come today, but it was my 100th hot yoga lesson today.
00:19:55.279 -->
00:19:55.920Do they count them?
00:19:56.160 -->
00:19:56.960Do they count them, Phil?
00:19:57.200 -->
00:19:58.079Bit of a milestone.
00:19:58.240 -->
00:20:00.079But anyway, I got chatting to our yoga team.
00:20:00.400 -->
00:20:02.240Congratulations! I know, I was quite proud.
00:20:02.400 -->
00:20:04.079How do I say the results are clear?
00:20:04.240 -->
00:20:05.039Well, thank you, Phil.
00:20:05.119 -->
00:20:10.799And I was most impressed that I went without you because usually my getting over the edge to do exercise, I need you by myself.
00:20:11.039 -->
00:20:13.119I'm not sure I was told when I had a hundred.
00:20:13.440 -->
00:20:14.640Well, maybe it's a new thing.
00:20:14.720 -->
00:20:15.599But anyway, I had a hundred.
00:20:15.839 -->
00:20:20.079But anyway, point being that I got chatting to the yoga teacher today.
00:20:20.480 -->
00:20:23.119And bear in mind that's my hundredth lesson.
00:20:23.200 -->
00:20:25.920So I've been going for a year, over a year, yeah.
00:20:26.240 -->
00:20:28.720And she'd just been on holiday to Lake Como.
00:20:29.039 -->
00:20:29.119Oh.
00:20:29.279 -->
00:20:32.880And I said, Oh, and she said, Oh, it begins with tea, and I said, Oh, probably Tremezzo.
00:20:33.039 -->
00:20:37.119And she went, Yeah, that's she went, there's a really nice restaurant just down where where George Clooney used to do.
00:20:37.200 -->
00:20:45.279Oh, I said, Orlaglio, yeah, it's a really nice restaurant, and she went, uh and I said, I said, Well, I lived near Como for like well over a decade, and she said, Did you?
00:20:45.440 -->
00:20:47.119She said, You must speak Italian.
00:20:47.279 -->
00:20:51.039And I thought, yeah, it's that is such a big part of my life.
00:20:51.200 -->
00:20:56.240The amount of time I lived in Italy, I speak Italian, my kids are half Italian, I've known this woman for a year.
00:20:56.480 -->
00:20:57.200Yeah, yeah.
00:20:57.519 -->
00:21:02.240But these things aren't saying don't get said, and that's a good example, isn't it?
00:21:02.480 -->
00:21:18.240Of a different version, but that we go into a yoga class to do the yoga thing, and there might be a little bit of you know, a few minutes or how are you, but actually it's a really good example of we probably never get past how are you?
00:21:18.400 -->
00:21:19.440Gosh, the weather's turned.
00:21:19.519 -->
00:21:28.799Yes, and and that, and that's I think what we're talking to here is you might think that you're doing some of this because you say, Oh, hi, how was your weekend?
00:21:28.960 -->
00:21:30.480And someone says, Fine, it was really nice.
00:21:30.559 -->
00:21:31.279It was sunny, wasn't it?
00:21:31.440 -->
00:21:32.079Well, nice to see you.
00:21:32.240 -->
00:21:36.240Yeah, nice to see you, but that's not really doing what we're talking about.
00:21:36.799 -->
00:21:37.440Exactly, Penn.
00:21:37.599 -->
00:21:38.240Really good point.
00:21:38.400 -->
00:21:41.680So, connection, play hundredth lesson film, hundreds lesson.
00:21:41.759 -->
00:21:42.880I mean, just just saying.
00:21:42.960 -->
00:21:48.640I don't know if there's some sort of um celebratory firework you can give us there, Laura.
00:21:48.880 -->
00:21:52.559Um, and maybe we could do an AI of Penelope and a downward dog.
00:21:52.640 -->
00:21:53.759No one needs to see that thing.
00:21:53.920 -->
00:21:54.240Right.
00:21:54.720 -->
00:21:56.319Number three is trust.
00:21:56.400 -->
00:21:57.440Did I mention that trust?
00:21:57.599 -->
00:21:59.759Yeah, and then number four.
00:22:00.000 -->
00:22:01.599Well honestly, what's all we can see now?
00:22:01.680 -->
00:22:03.759It's like saying don't think of a pink elephant, isn't it?
00:22:03.839 -->
00:22:04.799It's all we can see.
00:22:04.960 -->
00:22:10.400Um, and the fourth one is is sorry, I've got to I've completely been thrown back.
00:22:11.599 -->
00:22:16.799You don't elephant jump as if I've done a hundred yoga clubs.
00:22:17.119 -->
00:22:18.880Okay, sorry, we did connection pitfalls.
00:22:18.960 -->
00:22:20.480Honestly, no, we just keep all these things.
00:22:21.599 -->
00:22:21.839Yeah.
00:22:22.079 -->
00:22:24.240Because actually, do you know what this makes me think of?
00:22:24.319 -->
00:22:25.599Just to go off on a tangent.
00:22:25.759 -->
00:22:33.839But of course, when you're it in an improvising team, it's when things go wrong that it's the most fun and most playful.
00:22:33.920 -->
00:22:36.400And it's always the things that you really remember as a team.
00:22:36.480 -->
00:22:39.519That you know, we can I connected with my um previous improv team.
00:22:39.759 -->
00:22:41.119We haven't seen each other for a long time.
00:22:41.279 -->
00:22:45.680And of course, you've got those shared memories, and often they're the screw up, so keep it in.
00:22:45.759 -->
00:22:46.079Right.
00:22:46.240 -->
00:22:47.680Uh, play pitfalls.
00:22:47.759 -->
00:22:52.079I've said the first one, forced fun that doesn't suit the culture of your team.
00:22:53.279 -->
00:22:54.079Unwilling participant.
00:22:54.319 -->
00:22:55.359Unwilling participant.
00:22:55.519 -->
00:22:58.880Um, treating team building as a one-off event.
00:22:59.119 -->
00:23:02.559I think you're annual the annual raft building.
00:23:03.359 -->
00:23:05.279The annual marshmallow game.
00:23:07.039 -->
00:23:08.400I just like it.
00:23:08.559 -->
00:23:11.440I've done the raft building across the lake with a big bar and a piece of chilling.
00:23:11.519 -->
00:23:12.640I'm like, I've done it.
00:23:12.960 -->
00:23:15.680I think I think most team building's done.
00:23:15.920 -->
00:23:19.440Team building's done! We did it, we did it in March.
00:23:19.680 -->
00:23:21.680We should be fine still in December.
00:23:21.839 -->
00:23:23.759I think this is the biggest one.
00:23:23.920 -->
00:23:25.519Honestly, everybody knows it.
00:23:25.680 -->
00:23:31.200And actually, when it gets to get to it, it's oh no, it's coming up again! We've just got to get through it.
00:23:50.799 -->
00:23:52.559Although I do love a bit of rough building film.
00:23:52.880 -->
00:23:59.759Yes, but and how much better if it wasn't just if the whole of the team spirit didn't rely on one afternoon building.
00:24:00.240 -->
00:24:04.480Also, I'm gonna say something that I don't think is gonna surprise many people listening, but you wanted to win.
00:24:04.720 -->
00:24:08.720Well, you put ten people together and pitted against other ten people building a rough.
00:24:09.039 -->
00:24:10.640Let me tell you, it does not build a t.
00:24:16.720 -->
00:24:20.000I'm adding that point to my pillow.
00:24:21.680 -->
00:24:22.240Exactly.
00:24:24.319 -->
00:24:28.559It's so brilliant because I wouldn't be thinking, oh, let's all get together.
00:24:28.640 -->
00:24:31.120I'd be thinking, I'm gonna build the best marshmallow tower.
00:24:31.680 -->
00:24:32.400Screw you guys.
00:24:32.640 -->
00:24:32.880Honestly.
00:24:33.120 -->
00:24:33.359Honestly.
00:24:33.599 -->
00:24:35.599There was not that some things did not end well.
00:24:35.839 -->
00:24:40.400I think I think we really need to think we mean by team building.
00:24:41.759 -->
00:24:48.799Doth not a team build! Does not team spirit instill! Alright, so we really need to think.
00:24:48.960 -->
00:24:51.120We really need to rethink team building.
00:24:51.440 -->
00:24:54.240Okay, if it's a one-off event, it's a one-off help.
00:24:54.400 -->
00:24:54.720Okay.
00:24:55.599 -->
00:25:00.240Trust pitfalls is really does sit in that when it's task.
00:25:00.720 -->
00:25:01.120Oh, sorry.
00:25:03.599 -->
00:25:09.920Um the the trust danger is when it's task communication only.
00:25:10.720 -->
00:25:15.279This really speaks to the fundamentals around the uniting the team.
00:25:15.519 -->
00:25:19.759That you're not really going to build any trust when everything is transactional.
00:25:20.000 -->
00:25:26.079Because your very best trust is that much more vulnerability-based trust, that much more um personal-based trust.
00:25:26.160 -->
00:25:33.440And this is a really big topic, not just for building virtual teams, which obviously is what we're focusing on today, but task only versus task and relationship.
00:25:33.680 -->
00:25:36.240It's one of the biggest pitfalls in organisations, leadership, and teaching.
00:25:36.480 -->
00:25:39.519Exactly, because the problem with it is there are two ways to build trust.
00:25:39.680 -->
00:25:41.839One is that you'll is reliability.
00:25:41.920 -->
00:25:44.480You'll you'll say you'll do something and you'll do it, which is great.
00:25:44.640 -->
00:25:44.880Yes.
00:25:45.039 -->
00:25:56.720But the problem with it is it's so fragile because if you don't, if you can't meet that expectation or you let someone down, if you've got none of the other kind of trust, you're completely screwed.
00:25:56.880 -->
00:26:06.240So it's a really interesting one that we tend to put a lot of hope or investment in that, you know, can we all trust each other to do what we say we're gonna do?
00:26:06.559 -->
00:26:11.839But one moment where you haven't been able to deliver, you've got nothing holding it.
00:26:12.000 -->
00:26:18.880It's the personal trust that holds that let down in reciprocity and allows you to build back.
00:26:19.279 -->
00:26:24.000Difference pitfalls, and this is about that silo um the silo problem.
00:26:24.079 -->
00:26:35.759So it's avoiding the colleagues that you're kind of less aligned with or you have less in common with, and expecting everyone to connect in the way that you do, and I think that is a big one.
00:26:36.079 -->
00:26:49.120We as a team leader, particularly, but everybody, is if it's easy for you to do the bants, you know, at the beginning of a call when you're all sort of, you know, settling in, great.
00:26:49.440 -->
00:26:57.680Yes, but that might not be but that might not be A, that might not be not be someone else's style, but it also might be the opposite of what makes them feel connected.
00:26:57.920 -->
00:27:00.160Yeah, and I'd also they might actually feel threatened.
00:27:00.240 -->
00:27:21.759You know that thing our sister was telling us about a a teacher at s at school, at one of the school uh school that one of her daughters goes to, who really wanted to connect with them around a bit of a joke, and he and some of the pupils really love it, yeah, because it's kind of humorous, it's playful, but some of them find it they're not quite sure if it's a joke or not.
00:27:22.000 -->
00:27:26.960And he's he realised he had to really learn how to connect with different pupils because not everybody wants to.
00:27:27.120 -->
00:27:28.960No, no, that does the opposite of what I thought it was gonna do.
00:27:29.359 -->
00:27:32.000You don't find that funny, in fact, you find that disconcerting.
00:27:32.240 -->
00:27:37.759So it's a really good example of for some people humour's great, yeah, but for other people, it's not gonna work.
00:27:37.920 -->
00:27:56.880Yeah, and I'd really mention on difference that as a pitfall of really connecting hybrid and virtual teams, difference can be we operate differently, we're just very different people, we do different jobs, absolutely, but it can also be more subtle.
00:27:56.960 -->
00:28:10.400It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like somebody, you don't get on with somebody, although I do always say if you can step into more sort of trust building and relationship time with people that you don't get on with, that is, I mean, that is a whole level of maturity in terms of team building.
00:28:10.559 -->
00:28:22.319But it's also things like difference in terms of, as you said, departments that I work in, or difference in terms of the boss that I have, or difference difference in terms of difference in terms of time zone.
00:28:22.400 -->
00:28:28.160Like that's a massive one in terms of who you do just by chance end up connecting with and not connecting with.
00:28:28.319 -->
00:28:33.759So there's loads of there's loads of ways that difference in teams can sort of alienate some and include others.
00:28:33.920 -->
00:28:35.599And do you know, yeah, I mean we'll come to it.
00:28:35.680 -->
00:28:45.599There's a good exercise there, isn't there, to look at the people that have got are different from you on all they're all they're much older or much younger than you, they're at the they're a completely different area of specialization.
00:28:45.839 -->
00:28:51.279Something about looking at the people that are really different, yeah, and then seeing thinking about how connected am I to them?
00:28:51.519 -->
00:28:56.559Yeah, okay, so we're looking at connection, play, trust, and difference.
00:28:56.799 -->
00:28:58.720So, how can we connect?
00:28:58.799 -->
00:29:04.079How can we build moments that used to happen by accident?
00:29:04.240 -->
00:29:05.680Is this about wearing a silly hat, Phil?
00:29:05.920 -->
00:29:06.000No.
00:29:06.160 -->
00:29:07.359No, that's probably coming back.
00:29:07.519 -->
00:29:08.240That's bad.
00:29:08.559 -->
00:29:12.799So this this is about that getting to know, finding ways to connect.
00:29:13.120 -->
00:29:27.680Yeah, and if I could say, I guess that my my headline for this would be, and I know I've said this a million times, is that we have to be more conscientious and intentional about it because lots of the connection took care of itself when we were all in the same space together.
00:29:27.920 -->
00:29:34.880So it's not that no, it's not that you don't want to connect, it's not that you don't have the intention to connect, it's just that it's just probably not going to happen automatically.
00:29:35.120 -->
00:29:35.920Yeah, exactly.
00:29:36.160 -->
00:29:37.519So human check-ins.
00:29:37.839 -->
00:29:40.799Let's just do let's just do the first one.
00:29:41.120 -->
00:29:55.440I think this is a kind of relatively easy and high payout one as well, and relatively accessible way that you take that, let's say five minutes to do that human check-in.
00:29:55.680 -->
00:30:01.200So you're not checking in with does everybody have what they need for the meeting, or does everybody, you know, know what we're here for?
00:30:01.359 -->
00:30:02.240That's coming.
00:30:02.400 -->
00:30:03.759You're doing that check-in.
00:30:04.160 -->
00:30:07.200Now, you can just ask, how was your weekend?
00:30:07.359 -->
00:30:17.680But you're gonna get a real range of responses to that in terms of what we just spoke about, who's gonna who's front foot in communication and connection and who just wants to turn their camera off and disappear down a hole.
00:30:17.920 -->
00:30:22.480If you are so you've got to find those ways to ask really powerful questions, you know.
00:30:22.799 -->
00:30:28.799Before we even start, give me a number from one to ten of how much energy you've you you know that you're bringing.
00:30:29.120 -->
00:30:42.799Or it might be um, let's do a quick word cloud, you know, find accessible ways, you know, type into the chat a couple of words that describe how you're feeling, and it's all fine, but just to get just to get a sense of what's you know what's been going on for you.
00:30:43.200 -->
00:30:47.279So that can be as a group or it can be individually or in smaller groups.
00:30:47.440 -->
00:30:47.680Exactly.
00:30:47.759 -->
00:31:03.599You might you might exactly you might check in individually, but as a leader, both within your team and on one-to-one, think about you cannot have you that you cannot have a to-do list before you've ticked off your be list.
00:31:03.839 -->
00:31:04.000Yeah.
00:31:04.160 -->
00:31:10.559Oh, how is everyone being or feeling before we get to what we're doing?
00:31:10.720 -->
00:31:10.880Yeah.
00:31:11.039 -->
00:31:13.599And and make sure you've got that list as well.
00:31:13.759 -->
00:31:15.839Otherwise, you're just doing stuff all week.
00:31:16.160 -->
00:31:20.559And a real sort of pitfall to this is well, two pitfalls, I would say.
00:31:20.720 -->
00:31:25.839One is thinking you've done it when it's just been a bit of a bland sort of how is everyone?
00:31:26.000 -->
00:31:26.640Hope you're all okay.
00:31:26.799 -->
00:31:28.240Because everyone's gonna say that's fine.
00:31:28.400 -->
00:31:30.480That doesn't really count as connection.
00:31:30.720 -->
00:31:39.039And the other one is waiting to connect with somebody, waiting until you have a work-specific project or question to ask them.
00:31:39.120 -->
00:31:40.160I hear that a lot.
00:31:40.400 -->
00:31:41.839Could you get in touch with so and so?
00:31:41.920 -->
00:31:44.880Well, I don't really need to at least until that's right, that's right.
00:31:45.120 -->
00:31:46.799Do it! That's right, that's exactly right.
00:31:47.039 -->
00:31:57.359And it might be, you know, before we even begin, um, if everybody puts into the chat, you know, one thing that they really uh loved about the weekend, and if that's difficult, then one thing you're looking forward to this week.
00:31:57.440 -->
00:31:59.279Like find ways that work for you.
00:31:59.519 -->
00:32:00.640Coffee roulette.
00:32:00.720 -->
00:32:01.599I really like this.
00:32:01.680 -->
00:32:04.400It's a real I think this is this this speaks to breakouts.
00:32:04.960 -->
00:32:14.079That actually you, you know, you almost create a game that you put people into twos or threes to have 10 minutes maybe before you start the meeting.
00:32:14.240 -->
00:32:19.359And in and and the the idea of roulette being that it's random and you don't know who you're gonna be.
00:32:19.599 -->
00:32:20.000I love that.
00:32:20.319 -->
00:32:20.720I love that.
00:32:20.960 -->
00:32:25.839People are much more likely to connect and get to know each other better if they're in pairs or or two or small groups.
00:32:26.000 -->
00:32:32.400Yeah, I mean you're not you're not gonna sit in a group of 20 people and have a conversation the same as if you would with one other person.
00:32:32.559 -->
00:32:40.000I mean it's not exactly, and why not 10 minutes, maybe not even at the beginning of every meeting, because people might start coming late.
00:32:40.240 -->
00:32:40.880Midway coffee break.
00:32:41.120 -->
00:32:44.400Midway coffee break, and then roulette, out you go, have a coffee, come back.
00:32:44.559 -->
00:32:45.599One thing that you learned.
00:32:45.759 -->
00:32:51.519Yeah, because the coffee breaks at the moment either happen, everyone just switches off and they go away.
00:32:51.839 -->
00:32:57.120Yeah, what a way, or you expect to do your coffee break between meetings, which is there's never any time.
00:32:57.279 -->
00:33:00.960Why not schedule the bloody coffee breaks and do two or three people in a coffee break?
00:33:01.120 -->
00:33:01.680A hundred percent.
00:33:01.759 -->
00:33:02.160Oh, definitely.
00:33:02.960 -->
00:33:09.680And in fact, even as a leader, you could send coffee packages out, you know, you could send you could send cookies out once a month or something.
00:33:09.759 -->
00:33:10.400That's a thing.
00:33:10.480 -->
00:33:10.880Love it.
00:33:11.039 -->
00:33:16.640I might send myself a cookie film and a reach across, which is what you were talking to.
00:33:16.720 -->
00:33:19.120Um, message the colleague that you speak to least.
00:33:19.440 -->
00:33:25.759Now, the thing I like about this is it's not leader-led, it's this is about all the team taking responsibility for that connection.
00:33:26.000 -->
00:33:33.519Notice the person that you know you connect with the least and reach across, reach out to them and just say if you've got a couple of minutes, yeah.
00:33:33.680 -->
00:33:36.400It'd be lovely just to just to check in and say hello.
00:33:36.480 -->
00:33:38.880And you know, I'd I've got a couple of questions to ask you.
00:33:38.960 -->
00:33:40.319I'd love to hear more about what you're up to.
00:33:40.400 -->
00:33:40.799Yeah, yeah.
00:33:40.960 -->
00:33:46.000Anything like that, you're doing so much, you get double points for people that that you know less.
00:33:46.240 -->
00:33:48.559New joiners, so a belonging plan.
00:33:48.720 -->
00:33:52.400New joiners is a really good opportunity to get everybody connected.
00:33:52.559 -->
00:33:52.720Yeah.
00:33:52.960 -->
00:33:57.839Rather than letting them sort of come in and just sort of, you know, work out how it all works here.
00:33:58.079 -->
00:34:06.160Actually, you can get people who are already there to share with this new person, you know, how things work here and is there anything that they need?
00:34:06.240 -->
00:34:13.279You can really get that reciprocal um kind of connection and ask them if there's anything that they need.
00:34:13.359 -->
00:34:15.599For me, this is kind of like the buddy plan, almost, isn't it?
00:34:15.759 -->
00:34:18.000You know, get get get people budded up when they come.
00:34:18.159 -->
00:34:20.639So it's new a new recruit.
00:34:21.279 -->
00:34:21.839Good opportunity.
00:34:23.359 -->
00:34:23.839Exactly.
00:34:24.000 -->
00:34:25.279Okay, that's connect.
00:34:25.440 -->
00:34:26.799That's connect part two.
00:34:27.359 -->
00:34:30.559Woohoo play.
00:34:30.959 -->
00:34:32.159We love this word, Phil.
00:34:32.319 -->
00:34:32.959Absolutely.
00:34:33.119 -->
00:34:35.039So we love it at 4D.
00:34:35.199 -->
00:34:52.959It's again, it's finding ways that really work, and I'm not dissing humour because for some teams, a little bit of the band it's gotta be appropriate to your culture, but if everyone's if everyone is okay with it and it works for everybody, great.
00:34:53.039 -->
00:34:53.839Yeah, go for it.
00:34:54.079 -->
00:34:58.799I mean, I'm someone who loves a bit of um self-deprecating humour, yeah.
00:34:58.959 -->
00:35:00.079So I'm very happy with it.
00:35:00.239 -->
00:35:02.239I mean, obviously, there's a boundary, there's a line, yeah.
00:35:02.479 -->
00:35:16.639But some people don't feel happy with that, so you've got to be a little bit careful, and also it can be that you get little tribes with with bands, so you've got to use it wisely, and it is only one small part of what play can constitute in a team, yeah, exactly.
00:35:16.959 -->
00:35:21.199So there's all kinds of games from the world of improv that we love.
00:35:21.279 -->
00:35:26.239So I'm gonna kind of bucket those because that will depend on what how comfortable you feel.
00:35:26.399 -->
00:35:38.399But for example, you could you could play games like Yes and with um, you could even do it around a work idea, or you could do it around planning the the next sort of team get together.
00:35:38.559 -->
00:35:53.039So you can you can use improv games like Word at a time, or right, we're gonna we're gonna talk about, we're gonna tell a story about Dave's weekend saying one word at a time each, you know, and it's silly and it's funny, but actually it's not a huge pressure because you're not on the spotlight, everyone's doing it together.
00:35:53.119 -->
00:35:54.159So there's a news of games.
00:35:54.639 -->
00:35:57.519You would be amazed what it does for the brain chemistry.
00:35:57.919 -->
00:36:07.759It's always the thing when whenever we've run improv sessions within within training, and people say, Oh my goodness, if you told me up front that I was doing improv, I wouldn't want it to have come.
00:36:07.839 -->
00:36:09.919And it's the thing that has been most powerful.
00:36:10.079 -->
00:36:12.639I've heard that so many times over the last decade.
00:36:13.039 -->
00:36:18.799And actually, what it also does is it gives permission to people to bring a different part of themselves into the space.
00:36:18.959 -->
00:36:20.079Yeah, and you might be surprised.
00:36:20.639 -->
00:36:40.639Now, a slightly different way, of course, is to do quick polls, to do quizzes, to have a virtual social hour, or um, you know, if you as the leader, or maybe some other people, maybe maybe every week you get everybody to take in turns to spend five minutes talking about a hobby that that they really like and to take questions.
00:36:40.799 -->
00:36:42.879Like it doesn't matter what it is.
00:36:43.119 -->
00:36:50.159You could watch a video together if there's been a reference to a kind of comedy or a stand-up that you all like, play the video.
00:36:50.319 -->
00:36:52.399It does it really doesn't matter what it is.
00:36:52.639 -->
00:36:58.559You are going to get so much back from spending five or ten minutes at play.
00:36:58.799 -->
00:37:00.079And it's amazing for your brain.
00:37:00.399 -->
00:37:07.359It's both in terms of the can the connecting through play, so really getting team the team dynamics to shift and change.
00:37:07.599 -->
00:37:27.919The other thing that play does is if you can bring some play into your actual work in terms of how you're brainstorming, how you're organizing, what what you're allowing in terms of opinions and ideas to come in, it's a very different ball game in terms of what people are willing to share, the allowance, the permission, the it's okay to fail, because it's play.
00:37:28.000 -->
00:37:30.639It's not about winning and being perfect and being right.
00:37:30.799 -->
00:37:31.519Well, exactly.
00:37:31.599 -->
00:37:41.919And and Donald Winnicott always said that the that the that the health of the adult human isn't is demonstrated to its absolute best in an adult's ability to play.
00:37:43.039 -->
00:37:44.639And for me, it's also the ego.
00:37:44.719 -->
00:37:50.399You know, we do a lot of work on the um ego reactivity, getting getting into a healthy ego state.
00:37:50.559 -->
00:37:55.119And of course, what play does is really create that safety because we've all agreed this is a game.
00:37:55.519 -->
00:38:03.359This isn't about this isn't an exam to get something right, this is a game, and games are about stepping in, not not getting it right.
00:38:03.599 -->
00:38:16.639Now, you think, well, that's just a game, but of course, what you're then gaining is in the in the collaboration and the trust of your team, when something goes wrong in a project, you've got that gamification spirit.
00:38:16.799 -->
00:38:18.399I think I've told this story before.
00:38:18.559 -->
00:38:25.839When I used to write with when I used to co-write, and one of the person people I co-wrote with, we'd done a lot of improv together.
00:38:26.079 -->
00:38:29.519And yes, and is one of the cornerstone games for improv.
00:38:29.839 -->
00:38:45.199What it meant was when we were writing scripts together, when we were sharing ideas, sometimes late into the night, we'd be kind of riffing ideas and we'd push and push, and maybe we'd stretch and stretch until it just went, you know, we call it sort of, you know, jump the shark, the idea went crazy.
00:38:45.679 -->
00:38:55.519And rather than shaming or embarrassing you, uh, somebody, you know, somebody would go, Oh, you know, I'm not sure we can do that, or something like that.
00:38:55.599 -->
00:38:57.439And then one of us would go, Oh, is that your yes and?
00:38:57.599 -->
00:39:02.639And we'd use the yes and as a way of dealing with rejection or dealing with somebody stopping it.
00:39:02.799 -->
00:39:08.559So it was a really, really useful way to deal with rejection or feeling like our idea wasn't that good.
00:39:08.799 -->
00:39:14.799And you can just take some small steps if it feels a little bit uncomfortable as to introduce this into a team, just take some small steps.
00:39:14.879 -->
00:39:16.799Like Philippa said, is there a quiz?
00:39:16.959 -->
00:39:19.679Is there a way that people can respond in the chat space initially?
00:39:19.759 -->
00:39:32.239Just to get the idea that this is this is just something fun, we're not, it's not, it's nothing serious, and then if you know that in itself will build some trust, but it's such a wonderful way to build trust across across global global teams.
00:39:32.719 -->
00:39:33.759So let's move to trust.
00:39:33.919 -->
00:39:38.879So, so trust is the foundation, as Lencione talks about, and trust.
00:39:39.039 -->
00:39:41.359We've we've mentioned this already, so we'll do this quite quickly.
00:39:41.439 -->
00:39:42.719There are two ways to build it.
00:39:42.879 -->
00:39:45.519One is that reliability, trust, that reciprocity.
00:39:45.679 -->
00:39:47.439I'll do, I'll do, I'll say what I'm gonna do.
00:39:48.079 -->
00:39:48.399Reliability.
00:39:48.799 -->
00:39:50.719All of those really tangible things, exactly.
00:39:50.799 -->
00:39:53.359You that that's your role, those are your responsibilities.
00:39:53.519 -->
00:39:54.719You deliver on time.
00:39:54.879 -->
00:39:56.639I really trust Bob to get that done.
00:39:56.719 -->
00:39:58.159He's 100% reliable.
00:39:58.239 -->
00:39:59.039That's great.
00:39:59.279 -->
00:40:09.039And the other piece, of course, is the vulnerability, is the actually when we reveal something about ourselves, uh, it's a weird thing, isn't it, Pim?
00:40:09.119 -->
00:40:21.359Because Brene Brown talks about this a lot, it feels like we're more vulnerable, and yet the thing that we're doing is saying to people I'm exactly I'm I'm safe.
00:40:22.000 -->
00:40:33.119I'm safe enough to be able to reveal this, and I'm and I feel safe enough to be able to reveal this, and and it tells you that the relationship is tr is safe enough and therefore it's got enough trust.
00:40:33.359 -->
00:40:34.319I just think it's so incredible.
00:40:34.799 -->
00:40:45.359We did I'm I'm doing a programme at the moment myself, I'm doing some some sort of development mental work myself, and on one of the sessions that we that we've just done, we just went into breakouts.
00:40:45.679 -->
00:40:51.679Just three people in a breakout, and the only question we had to ask each other was who are you when you're not at work?
00:40:51.919 -->
00:40:54.000Oh, and it was very simple.
00:40:54.159 -->
00:41:07.279You could share as much or as little as you as you liked about who who you were when you were outside of work, and there was no other purpose to it other than yeah just build building that foundation of we're gonna be working in this program together.
00:41:07.919 -->
00:41:08.239So nice.
00:41:08.479 -->
00:41:09.679So it can be really simple.
00:41:09.919 -->
00:41:19.279Yeah, so to build on that, here are here are some ways to get that kind of um more vulnerability trust that which is de which is much, much more long-lasting.
00:41:19.519 -->
00:41:21.919That's really what's gonna get you through the tough moments.
00:41:22.159 -->
00:41:25.359Ask questions like that: who are you at your best?
00:41:25.759 -->
00:41:28.079Who are you when you're not at your best?
00:41:28.239 -->
00:41:31.199That will give you so much in terms of that trust.
00:41:31.519 -->
00:41:35.199Telling a team member or as a leader, do you know what?
00:41:35.279 -->
00:41:36.879I'm not sure about this.
00:41:37.119 -->
00:41:39.039I I I I don't know if I know this.
00:41:39.199 -->
00:41:40.799Can I can I can I ask you?
00:41:40.959 -->
00:41:42.239Is anybody else saying that?
00:41:42.799 -->
00:41:46.639When you when you say that you don't know everything or you're not sure about something, exactly.
00:41:46.799 -->
00:41:55.919Um and I would say just when because we mentioned about a difference, you know, like age, for example, or across regions or time zones, that it's a really good one to break down those barriers.
00:41:56.000 -->
00:42:00.559Like it's probably more likely that a younger, new, new, new employee will ask those kind of questions.
00:42:00.719 -->
00:42:04.639Well, somebody more senior in the team who's been here a long time, ask that question.
00:42:04.719 -->
00:42:06.559Yeah, imagine how that makes other people feel.
00:42:06.879 -->
00:42:07.279Absolutely.
00:42:07.439 -->
00:42:09.759Oh, I don't know that bit of coding, or I don't know that bit of tech.
00:42:10.639 -->
00:42:11.119Can you help me?
00:42:11.279 -->
00:42:13.599And that's the other one is asking for help.
00:42:13.839 -->
00:42:15.199Yeah, can you help me out with it?
00:42:15.279 -->
00:42:18.239I mean, that does so much for trust and for reciprocity.
00:42:18.799 -->
00:42:21.199Sort of if you sort of if you don't even need it for feel.
00:42:21.519 -->
00:42:22.479Absolutely, absolutely.
00:42:22.719 -->
00:42:23.839Use it, use it as a tool.
00:42:24.000 -->
00:42:26.959Well, and also to motivate someone else to make someone else feel safer.
00:42:27.119 -->
00:42:28.799I could really do with your with your help here.
00:42:28.879 -->
00:42:29.359Brilliant.
00:42:29.519 -->
00:42:30.719And then appreciation.
00:42:30.879 -->
00:42:35.759And when we talk about appreciation, we've just filmed a really nice module on this and uh a quick short video.
00:42:35.839 -->
00:42:38.959Which, if you're signed up to 4D on demand essentials, you can get it.
00:42:39.119 -->
00:42:40.399You'll be getting it in your inbox.
00:42:40.719 -->
00:42:41.759You're a great team, anyway.
00:42:41.839 -->
00:42:42.479Let's look at the agenda.
00:42:42.719 -->
00:42:43.039Exactly.
00:42:43.119 -->
00:42:43.759It's not yet.
00:42:43.919 -->
00:42:44.639Thanks for that.
00:42:44.799 -->
00:42:50.239It's really specific, it's really I thank you for getting that report to me a day early.
00:42:50.399 -->
00:42:51.279It really made a difference.
00:42:51.679 -->
00:42:54.799The impact of that is the step too, it really made a difference.
00:42:54.879 -->
00:42:59.919Yeah, and then uh really acknowledging kind of what might be next for them.
00:43:00.000 -->
00:43:09.359So you you really acknowledge kind of what that person did, the quality of them, you know, that really tells me that you know you are really committed to this project.
00:43:09.439 -->
00:43:16.479Uh, the impact is the third one on the impact on me, was or the team was it it saved us so much stress.
00:43:16.639 -->
00:43:17.119Thank you.
00:43:17.279 -->
00:43:20.399Um, and then finally, I'd the the opportunity for the person.
00:43:20.559 -->
00:43:23.439I'd love you to um take a lead on the next project.
00:43:23.519 -->
00:43:38.000So that four-step process, you're appreciating specifically what they did, the quality about them as a person, who they are that meant that they did that, the impact on you or other people, and then the opportunity for the future.
00:43:38.159 -->
00:43:39.919So appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.
00:43:40.079 -->
00:43:42.159Okay, that is how to build trust.
00:43:42.319 -->
00:43:48.159Um, you can look at more of Lencioni if you're interested in that, and of course, we run uh sessions using that model.
00:43:48.559 -->
00:43:50.479Part four difference.
00:43:50.639 -->
00:43:54.479Yeah, difference, uniting difference doesn't mean you have to be identical.
00:43:54.719 -->
00:43:57.439So, yeah, we we have to be careful.
00:43:57.519 -->
00:44:16.000I mean, when we're working in teams, generally, you know, there's lots of research has been done about how we recruit people, how we collaborate with people, and we know that it's more likely we'll be drawn to people who share the same energy as ours, share the same beliefs as ours, we like them, whatever it might be.
00:44:16.399 -->
00:44:17.759Here are identical twigs.
00:44:18.479 -->
00:44:18.879Exactly.
00:44:19.039 -->
00:44:31.039So we have this kind of unconscious bias in terms of how we see people, spending time with people, collaborating with them better, how much we will forgive them for, all of those kind of things based on sameness.
00:44:31.119 -->
00:44:45.199And it's a you know it's very tribal because you know, back in the day when we were in tribes and life was highly risky, we needed to be able to recognise the people that were kind of a bit like us, and therefore we could we could trust them quickly.
00:44:45.439 -->
00:44:46.879Well, the opposite is now true.
00:44:47.039 -->
00:44:55.279We are a global kind of multifaceted society, and we are working with difference in so many different ways.
00:44:55.599 -->
00:44:56.159And we need to.
00:44:56.319 -->
00:44:57.279And we need to.
00:44:57.919 -->
00:45:03.119So we really want to be stepping into that and really working with it in many, many different ways.
00:45:03.199 -->
00:45:04.719And we can look at this in many different ways.
00:45:04.799 -->
00:45:32.639We haven't got time to go through all the different ways you can look at difference, but one of them is definitely around what drives us, what sits underneath how we work, and it's a really easy way for teams to start disintegrating because he should, she should, they should, why don't they is a real sign that somebody is is operating through a different lens, different perspective to you, and doing things not worse, not better, but just in a different way to you, and that is a real danger in teams.
00:45:32.799 -->
00:45:35.359So we have to really respect that difference and understand it.
00:45:35.519 -->
00:45:37.439A really easy way to think about this.
00:45:37.519 -->
00:45:46.799And if you want more on this, we've got brilliant, brilliant modules in our Managing Difficult Conversations 40 on demand series, which is literally being uploaded now.
00:45:46.879 -->
00:45:49.359It's available, it'll be available to buy in the next few days.
00:45:49.519 -->
00:45:57.519It is packed full of tools to deal with difficult conversations and to unite people and get the best out of your team organisation.
00:45:58.000 -->
00:46:07.439And one of the things that I love in this one particular module we've um that's going up is positions divide and interests unite.
00:46:08.239 -->
00:46:16.799If you stop at the level of, well, I'm I'm feeling micromanaged or I need that report got given to me by on Friday, that's a position.
00:46:17.519 -->
00:46:18.559They don't fill out all the forms.
00:46:18.799 -->
00:46:22.719Yeah, they don't fill out the forms, and that's that's a position, and that's that divides us.
00:46:22.959 -->
00:46:29.919If as a colleague or a leader, you can ask the questions that get underneath that, what is it that's really important to you here about this project?
00:46:30.079 -->
00:46:31.359What one thing would really help you?
00:46:31.679 -->
00:46:33.279You'll tend to find you've got a lot of similarities.
00:46:33.919 -->
00:46:37.599A lot of similarities because actually everybody wants to do this on time.
00:46:37.759 -->
00:46:41.839Everybody wants this to be a success, everybody wants to gain this to win this business.
00:46:42.079 -->
00:46:45.279Underneath it, we've got this shared interest.
00:46:45.439 -->
00:46:47.199So don't get stuck in positions.
00:46:47.359 -->
00:46:49.439Positions divide, interests unite.
00:46:49.599 -->
00:46:51.679Get underneath, ask the really good questions.
00:46:52.159 -->
00:46:56.879And the last one on difference is think people not process.
00:46:56.959 -->
00:46:59.439We talk about task versus relationship.
00:46:59.759 -->
00:47:06.239And so, easy ways to think about this is put your team's birthdays in your diary.
00:47:06.719 -->
00:47:09.359Celebrate the birthdays, celebrate the milestones.
00:47:09.439 -->
00:47:12.799Has somebody just done a run or you know, done something for charity?
00:47:12.879 -->
00:47:15.279Have they just got you know got through a difficult illness?
00:47:15.919 -->
00:47:20.559Celebrate the wins and the the the the kind of the those milestones of love.
00:47:21.279 -->
00:47:21.839Social glue.
00:47:22.000 -->
00:47:39.519And I'll go back to what I said right at the beginning of the episode, which is I remember, I've said this many times before, I remember back in the day, you know, in the year 1800, as my kids would say, when I worked in an office, you'd walk in in the morning and somebody would say, Oh, it's Bob's birthday today, and it would just gently filter through the team.
00:47:40.000 -->
00:47:40.799The card would go around.
00:47:40.959 -->
00:47:46.479Yeah, so the put the card would go around, the boss would become aware of it, somebody would buy Kate and they'd come out and the whole thing would happen.
00:47:46.639 -->
00:47:53.359Of course, we don't have that natural kind of system now where these things just describe the informal network.
00:47:53.519 -->
00:48:00.319Yeah, so if someone is sitting over in Singapore, how are you gonna find out that it's their birthday unless it's scheduled?
00:48:00.479 -->
00:48:08.559Yes, and if you know that it's Sheila's birthday and you've sent a little Slack or WhatsApp message, say happy birthday, Sheila.
00:48:08.959 -->
00:48:13.279What we're offering here is that that it can't stop there now.
00:48:13.679 -->
00:48:18.719Because we haven't got that informal network where that information goes round, we have to take charge of it.
00:48:18.799 -->
00:48:20.479So that's the It takes more effort.
00:48:20.639 -->
00:48:21.359It takes more effort.
00:48:21.439 -->
00:48:26.559So that's the moment where you then need to message everybody else and say, by the way, did you know it's Sheila's birthday?
00:48:26.719 -->
00:48:28.799And even if you think, well, they should know, why?
00:48:28.879 -->
00:48:30.719You know, I I I know what you're I should say.
00:48:30.799 -->
00:48:42.399Oh, it's not my responsibility, it's not my responsibility is remembering that really what you're doing is creating that wonderful, contagious, informal network that used to happen around the coffee machine at the office.
00:48:42.799 -->
00:48:49.039So I mean the donuts always came late in the day, Phil, on the birthdays for that very reason because people didn't know they found out later.
00:48:49.839 -->
00:48:50.079Exactly.
00:48:50.319 -->
00:48:51.919So that hasn't changed.
00:48:52.319 -->
00:48:56.959It's just that we now need to be more proactive to make sure that by the end of the day the virtual donuts have been shared.
00:48:57.119 -->
00:48:58.000That's exactly right.
00:48:58.079 -->
00:49:00.319And so, a couple of things to say on that.
00:49:00.559 -->
00:49:10.639It's this is not about the diary or the agenda or the budget because that's not what's gonna do it, and what used to do it was being in the same space, and now it needs intention.
00:49:10.719 -->
00:49:13.759Yeah, it needs fourth dimension intention.
00:49:13.919 -->
00:49:18.479Fire up your 4D and get to celebrate those birthdays and get everyone connected.
00:49:19.279 -->
00:49:21.919And not just that, like, yeah, no, not just that, yeah.
00:49:22.079 -->
00:49:24.799No, share personal updates, not just professional ones.
00:49:24.959 -->
00:49:32.879Say thank you specifically and often, you know, if you know someone's doing a charity run, let other people know, donate as a team, all of that.
00:49:33.039 -->
00:49:39.679Like keep that that lovely personal connective juice, really, you know, you've got to you've got to like feed it, haven't you?
00:49:39.839 -->
00:49:43.039It's like a plant you've got or a dog, or you know, you've got to keep feeding it.
00:49:43.199 -->
00:49:43.519That's right.
00:49:43.599 -->
00:49:44.959It otherwise it will just shrivel.
00:49:45.199 -->
00:49:45.519That's right.
00:49:45.679 -->
00:49:50.319And it and and and if you feed it, it will feed you.
00:49:50.479 -->
00:49:57.839And this is why you've got to focus on difference because the the similarities you have will be the work you have to do, the team you're in.
00:49:57.919 -->
00:49:59.439And that's great, and that's all brilliant.
00:49:59.599 -->
00:50:01.359We want to we want to focus on that.
00:50:01.599 -->
00:50:09.839And it's all the different stuff that won't necessarily be reflected in things you say in a meeting, the agenda, you know, etc.
00:50:10.000 -->
00:50:10.159etc.
00:50:10.399 -->
00:50:11.439So we've got to work hard.
00:50:11.599 -->
00:50:13.439It's the you must speak Italian.
00:50:13.599 -->
00:50:14.159Well, exactly.
00:50:14.319 -->
00:50:14.559Exactly.
00:50:14.799 -->
00:50:19.359And I said, and I do, and you do, arriva Dirchen, and well, and there's a whole new link there, isn't there?
00:50:19.439 -->
00:50:20.319Yeah, Riva Durchin.
00:50:20.479 -->
00:50:22.879Alla prossima, exactly, exactly.
00:50:23.279 -->
00:50:27.279Okay, so enjoy uniting and unifying teams.
00:50:27.359 -->
00:50:28.239Have fun with it.
00:50:28.399 -->
00:50:30.719This is the really bringing the human.
00:50:31.919 -->
00:50:32.639It's the fun bit.
00:50:32.879 -->
00:50:44.879This is bringing the human into the workplace, and we have got to be activists in this in this day and age because tech is squeezing us, and we need to push right back with the very human.
00:50:45.039 -->
00:50:45.439Exactly.
00:50:45.599 -->
00:50:56.479Tech is absolutely brilliant for doing loads of things in terms of the efficiencies and how we're operating, and it's not on its own gonna bring those team dynamics and team spirit alive.
00:50:56.719 -->
00:50:58.479We need to dial it right up, baby.
00:50:58.559 -->
00:50:59.8394D intention feel.
00:51:00.000 -->
00:51:00.399Love it.
