Hack-O-Lantern

Automatic Transcript

Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

Episode 508, 2 Guys and a Chainsaw Horror Movie Review Podcast

Todd: Hello and welcome to another episode of Two Guys and a Chainsaw. I’m Todd. 

Craig: And I’m Craig. 

Todd: Oh, buddy, it’s Halloween season. 

Craig: Oh, it’s exciting. It always is exciting. I mean, we’ve been looking forward to it, talking about it forever. I’m glad it’s finally here. 

Todd: Me too. I love it every time of year, no matter where I am in the world.

It’s a little bit of America I can bring with me to wherever I am. Out in Asia, they don’t do a lot of Halloween. Japan’s where you gotta go for the Halloween celebrations. I think I mentioned that once before that I single-handedly brought Halloween to Japan 25 years ago. 

Craig: Yep, yep. I 

Todd: remember. Yeah. You’re welcome, Japan.

So here we are, and, uh, we have a nice selection of Halloween goodies this year. I’m really excited about what we’ve chosen, especially this first one, which has been on my list, our list, for a very long time. And knowing that it was just, like, a straight to video deal, I, I really kind of dismissed it as some piece of crap that we would get to at some point, maybe if we didn’t have anything better to do.

I envisioned it as this shot on video, kind of like that turkey movie we did once. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: For, uh, Thanksgiving. You remember that? 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: So I don’t know why I had this in my head that 1988’s Hack-O-Lantern would be more or less like that. But actually, it’s shot on film but was put direct to video. And oh boy, is it a trip.

Craig: Yeah, it’s something. 

Todd: I guess, I didn’t realize this, but I guess it got some play- Recently from, uh, those guys, Red Letter Media, who do the funny commentaries on movies and things. So that whole Star Wars breakdown about why the new Star Wars movies were lousy. Yeah, I, I like those guys. I really like their breakdown of the first, the, the prequel Star Wars movies.

They really make a lot of points, and they’re really funny. Uh, they have a big following. Uh, you got- Have you never, uh, listened to them or- 

Craig: It’s not- … seen 

Todd: their stuff? 

Craig: The RiffTrax guys? 

Todd: Red Letter Media, not the RiffTrax guys. 

Craig: Yeah, I don’t, I don’t think so. 

Todd: You’re right. They did a RiffTrack on this as well, and it is ripe for it.

This movie’s its own RiffTrack. I cannot believe that I- This is the first time I’ve seen it. I’m so excited. Had you seen this before? 

Craig: I don’t think… No, I’ve definitely never seen it before, and I don’t think I’ve even ever heard of it. And I’m surprised just ’cause, like, Hack-O-Lantern’s a great title. Yeah.

That’s fantastic. And 1988, I mean, that’s, that’s, that’s prime, you know, prime time for us. But no, I’d never heard of it. And I expected it to be bad, but I, but m- but more so than bad, I expected it to be really low budget. Like, I, I, I think you suggested too. But I, I think that what we saw… I’m not positive ’cause you just sent me a link and I didn’t question it and I watched it, but I think what we saw had to have been, like, a restoration.

Like, I know that there has been a 4K restoration, and I feel like that must be what we saw ’cause it looked really good. Like, I was surprised by how good it looked, and I was surprised by the… I mean, the cinematography is certainly serviceable. Yeah. I mean, i- if not, if not, downright okay. I was surprised by how good it is.

Now, the acting and, and the writing is an entirely different story, but it, it looks… I was surprised by how good it looked. And because I was impressed… Ah, impressed might be exa- an exaggeration. But- But because of my reaction to the, the quality, the technical quality, I was surprised that I hadn’t seen it, you know?

A- and you said that it’s streaming, I think, on Tubi. Like, it’s never popped up for me, or at least I don’t think it has. I mean, maybe I’ve overlooked it. I don’t know 

Todd: It’s directed by an Indian guy named, uh, Jag Mund- Uh, I always butcher these Indian names, I’m sure. Uh, Jag Mundhra or Jag Mundhra, uh, who, uh, just has ba- basically done low budget movies.

He’s done quite a few of them, like 31. Mostly, I think, direct to video. Either horror movies or kind of sexual thrillers, things like that. He only died about, uh, 15 years ago, so, uh, this was his fourth movie direct to video. He did a number of other films after this. It all seem like direct to video films.

And the writers, one of them was a ghostwriter who did scripts on spec, like 65 of them. 13 of them were actually produced, so he’s usually credited under an assumed name in, uh, in his movies. But uh, he also wrote, uh… The story guy, not, not necessarily the screenplay- Yeah … person. The story guy is, uh, Dave Eisenstark, who would, uh, called himself Buford Houser for his films.

But Creepozoids was what he wrote under that pen name before this. We’ve done Creepozoids. That was the one we interviewed Linnea Quigley on. 

Craig: That’s right. That’s what I was thinking. Yeah, and it also was not very good. 

Todd: No. Oh, man. Consistency is the name of the game here. Yeah, uh, the, the screenwriter hasn’t done anything else at all besides this movie, so I mean, that, that tracks.

Craig: Well, good. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I think whoever that was learned from this experience that they probably had other talents- … that they should work on. Not this. 

Todd: Career choice, right. It’s funny you mention the cinematographer. Pretty good. The cinematographer was the cinematographer on Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama.

Craig: Well, I really enjoyed that one as well, so. 

Todd: Yeah, we really did, and at least one or two of the other, uh, gals in this were in that movie as well. 

Craig: Oh, really? 

Todd: I think Vera in here was on, uh, S- Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. 

Craig: Ugh. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I need to watch that again. I’ve only seen it that one time that we watched it together 100 years ago.

I need to- 

Todd: Ugh … 

Craig: That’d be a good one to pull out this time of year if you haven’t seen it. Yeah. 

Todd: That’s a good Halloween style movie, uh, one of my favorites. 

And so yeah, there’s some connections here to a bunch of other low budget shot to video stuff, uh, mostly by the women and by the people I’ve mentioned here.

Otherwise, the guys in this, uh, only a couple of them went on to much more. This movie, A Polish Vampire in Burbank, which a few of these gals were also in before this. Have you seen that one? 

Craig: No 

Todd: I saw that a long time ago, like when I was in, I think when I was in college. Because at the time, and we’re talking 1983, that movie was the most successful independent film ever, ever.

It was like shot for $2,500 and went on to make like a couple million. 

Craig: That’s wild. I’ve never heard of it. 

Todd: It was one of these cases of a guy who just, you know, shoestring budget, independent film, very niche and very genre, just made it big. Not with the general audience, but just made tons of money, I think, in the, the, the straight to video market, some of the midnight stuff, cable, things like that.

So for an aspiring filmmaker, as I was back then, I’ve always remembered that movie as kind of a, a tale of what you could possibly do. So yeah, so I mean, there’s little connections to other movies here. This movie isn’t out on its own in a vacuum. Because while I was watching this, I was also thinking of Scary Movie, one of those movies we did for Halloween as well.

Do you remember that one, about the kid who was super scared and went through the haunted house and- 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah, that movie had this flavor. Very independent, very low budget, very w- competently filmed, but as far as story, as far as acting and everything else, it just looked like a production that just a town came together for.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: A bunch of amateur actors, you know? I was getting that flavor from this, and that’s part of what I liked about it. 

Craig: Yeah, the, the rural setting of it also was kind of reminding me of one of the Halloween movies we did. Uh, Night of the Scarecrow, I think. 

Todd: Oh, yeah. Mm. 

Craig: It was kind of giving me those vibes, just because of like the local color and it being so small and such a small cast.

I mean, there are lots of… I guess there are extras, ’cause it all kind of culminates in a big Halloween party, which is a little disappointing after all of the build-up. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: But yeah, I mean, it, it… Aside from the fact that there’s tons of boobs in it- 

Todd: Uh-huh. Tons … 

Craig: it, it feels like something that would’ve been on network television around Halloween time.

Like- 

Todd: Oh, yeah … 

Craig: it, it kind, it kinda has a movie of the week kind of vibe to it. And it’s bad. Like- It’s 

Todd: terrible. 

Craig: We should just, we should just say outright, it is a really bad movie. And I kind of, I, I try not to read too much about these things, ’cause I, I, I don’t want my opinions to be swayed one way or another, especially if I don’t know anything about them anyway.

But I had kind of seen something that suggested that maybe it was kind of a so bad it’s good kind of movie, and I think if you’re going to appreciate it, that’s what you’re going to appreciate it for. 

Todd: Oh, yeah. 

Craig: How successful it is in that way, ah, I mean, like I’ve, I’ve definitely seen better, but it’s funny and there are elements of it that are funny to watch or, or at least worth it talking about.

But I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve said it. I used to say it all the time. This for sure is one of those movies that you could just put on in the background. Like if you- Mm … are cultivating a, a playlist to have on your television at your Halloween party where people are gonna be milling about and talking and you just want atmosphere in the background, this is great.

Todd: Oh, yeah. 

Craig: Put it on the list. 

Todd: This checks all the boxes. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: It is just dripping with Halloween atmosphere from start to finish. Takes place during Halloween. There’s a satanic cult- 

Craig: Uh-huh … 

Todd: involved. There is, like you said, a Halloween party. There’s tons of costumes. Just- 

Craig: Pumpkins galore … 

Todd: ah, 

Craig: yeah. Boobs. 

Todd: So many boobs.

Craig: There’s a music video. 

Todd: Oh, yeah. 

Craig: Like this thing’s- Yeah … got it all. 

Todd: Satanic cult, right? I would say it’s the kind of movie that y- like you said, for sure, I think this movie would’ve been a blast with you sitting next to me. Sure. It would’ve been a blast with a room full of friends where you can just collectively laugh at it.

I’ll bet that Rifftrax is out of sight. 

Clip: Oh, I’m 

Todd: sure it’s great. And, uh, I, I might actually get that one. I, I love Rifftrax. I, I listen to them all the time. But you’re right, there’s something about it that’s also kinda slow and boring, a little plodding at times. But then you’ll have a moment, kinda like in Pieces.

You remember in Pieces where there’s that moment where for no good reason at all just Kung Fu guy- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: Bruce Lee impersonator just leaps into the screen and does a whole shtick and then leaves. 

Craig: I think vaguely. 

Todd: This has a moment or two like that too where there’s just some weird shtick that just happens for n- no good reason except you have to think it was really important to this guy to put it in his movie.

Or his friend who’s acting in this movie. Ah, and we’ll get to that too, I’m sure. 

Craig: Well, I think they were just… Yeah, I think a lot of it was probably just stretching for time because there’s nothing to this movie really. No. Like- 

Todd: Well, there’s a lot of people 

Craig: I guess there’s a lot of people, but there’s not a, a whole lot of…

God, there are too many people, frankly. Who cares- Yeah … about all these stupid people? And r- not a whole lot happens, but the setup is funny. Like, it, it is, like, in the country, like out in the middle of the country, and this weird grandpa visits his- … I guess daughter’s family, but he’s really only into this one little blonde boy named Tommy, and he’s there to give him a pumpkin ’cause he’s a pumpkin seller.

That’s his job. And he also, he also said, “I would give you something else that’s really special. You can’t even look at it.” And Tommy’s like, “Okay, whatever.” Tommy, I guess, ac- is, is carving the pumpkin that his grandpa gave him, and his mom… God, there’s so many things to talk about. We gotta talk about his mom.

But she’s, like, hanging the laundry or something, and she’s like, “I told you to wait for your daddy. You’re gonna cut yourself.” But then she doesn’t do anything, and so then he does cut himself with the huge knife, and he’s, like, licking of his own blood. And she’s like, “We’ve gotta clean this up.” And he’s like, “No, it tastes good.

Grandpa says it’s good for me.” Okay. Oh, God. I’m getting into too much detail, but eventually the dad goes to confront the grandpa. The grandpa is having a cult ceremony in his barn, and they kill the dad and burn him up in the car. And that’s the whole- That’s the whole- … that’s the whole setup. 

Todd: That’s the childhood trauma that leads us to today.

That’s, it’s pretty typical. 

Craig: But we gotta talk about the mom and the grandpa, but the grandpa especially. Now I don’t know this guy. What, what is his name? He is a character actor who had done some other things. I think- 

Todd: Hy Pyke, I think. 

Craig: Yeah. Yeah. And I haven’t seen anything that he’s been in, but I guess he had a s- teeny tiny little part in Blade Runner, and he’s done some other stuff.

Todd: Vamp. 

Craig: He is wild. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: He’s funny, he’s odd-looking, and he’s so over the top. He speaks, like I guess it’s the country so they all have Southern accents, and his Southern accent is so thick that sometimes you can’t… I couldn’t even understand what he was saying sometimes. And in the beginning he’s young and he has black hair.

I mean, it’s the same actor in both obviously, but they- With like a toupee … like they try to make him- Yeah … yeah, like a, like a black toupee and eyeliner. And then when he’s in the cult I think he’s just like in a red robe, but when he burns up the dad in the car he looks like an old Italian grandmother.

Like- … he’s wearing like a black like scarf around his head, thick black eye makeup. I swear to God he looked like a stereotypical mafia grandmother. And it was so campy. I didn’t know what was going on. And then he’s campy throughout the whole rest of the thing, but never in that way again. So he is something, something special.

Todd: He’s a campy mess. It, I, I feel like the whole movie really revolves around him. And he’s one of these guys who just pops into every other scene for no good reason except to- 

Craig: Mm-hmm … 

Todd: leer and… He, he’s the head of this cult. What are they doing? I don’t know, culty stuff. They just have rituals in his barn.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Him and like six other people. What’s their goal? Mm. 

Craig: At some point in time, like, I think Tommy is supposed to be, what? I don’t know 

Todd: A child of Satan or something? ‘

Craig: Cause, like, they’re grooming him ’cause he has three grandkids, but he’s not really interested in the other two. He’s only interested in Tommy.

Like, and, and he says that Tommy’s the chosen one. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And gosh, is it b- is it be- is it before or after the dad is dead? Oh, it’s after he’s dead. The grandpa comes over and visits, and then he leaves in his car, and then the mom magically appears in front of him in the middle of the road- 

Todd: Yeah. Teleports, basically

Craig: to have a talk with him, and it’s revealed through a flashback that the reason that he’s only interested in Tommy and not the other two kids is because he’s really Tommy’s dad because he had sex with her on her wedding day? 

Todd: Yeah. 

Clip: You are a beautiful and alone woman who hasn’t had a man for 13 years.

Don’t you think it’s about time we did something about that? 

No! Stop hurting Tommy. Stop ruining his life. 

Learn, my sweet. You must learn. You cannot stop what is meant to be. No. You have no power here. The force of nature will conquer all. 

Todd: Oh, my God. Gross. It’s so disgusting. I mean, it’s his, her dad. I, I remember if he says it to her, if he sa- oh, he says it to his father.

Yeah. “Tommy was never yours. He belongs to something greater than you could ever imagine. Bye, Bill.” Yeah. Uh, but we don’t really know what’s so great. Um, he, child of incest, I guess. 

Craig: I guess. I don’t know. 

Todd: The devil’s child. Well, he gives him this amulet. It’s… He gives Tommy this thing, and we don’t even see what it is till Tommy opens it up, uh, later in his bedroom.

And we get a nice transition to present day where, uh, suddenly, like you said, he showed up. Tommy is now a full-grown adult. He’s living in the basement. All the other kids are full-grown adults. They’re all living at home still. 

Craig: Yeah. This is weird. Also, they say it’s 13 years later. Now, I would guess that that kid, Tommy, when we first saw him, was, I don’t know- 10

between the ages of 10 and 12 maybe. This is supposed to be 13 years later. Tommy looks like he’s 40 now. 

Todd: He looks like a 40-year-old. He looks like Joe Piscopo, and he’s very angry, and his hair turned black. 

Craig: And he… Yes. A- his hair turned black- … and he’s… I, I didn’t even thought about that. That’s funny. And he’s just a angry loser who hangs out in his mom’s basement and, like, only comes out to brood and- 

Todd: Fight with people

Craig: and he just sits down there and lifts weights and listens to music. Oh, my gosh. So funny. 

Todd: But he’s still got a good relationship with Grandpa. Grandpa comes by to visit. He’s like, “It’s not just any Halloween. You don’t know your own strength. The ceremony will begin at sundown.” 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And Tommy’s like, “Yeah.” I love this bit.

Remember, his grandpa drives off. This is before Mom appears in front of him. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And then Tommy just turns towards the camera, takes off his sunglasses and just stares- 

Craig: It was so strange … 

Todd: glaring right at us. 

Craig: It was really weird. 

Todd: But yeah. Then we get the little, uh, the thing you mentioned, the flashback.

Craig: She says something about, “You’ve been bothering me ever since my husband’s been gone.” And he says something like, “He’s never been gone. He’s always been right here with us,” and he shows her a bone that he wears around his neck. 

That was so funny. Oh, 

my God. 

Todd: That was hilarious. 

Craig: Yeah. It… That was funny to me, but it was…

I was still grossed out by the revelation that- He’s, like, trying to bang her 

Todd: Yeah 

Craig: She’s also something else. She’s got, like, long blonde hair down to her butt Wow, 

Todd: neat 

Craig: And she’s, she’s, she’s crazy. Yeah 

Todd: She’s crazy Gosh, I don’t know She’s a, she’s an interesting actress. She’s got one speed this whole thing, and this is on the verge of tears or in tears the entire time 

Craig: Uh-huh.

Yeah. What’s… Like, calm down. It’s been years and years. Ah, God, I don’t know 

Todd: We might as well, we might as well say. C- she’s played by Katina Garner. Katina Garner was in a movie called Wacko a couple years before this, which is on my list of things to do. Kind of along the same lines as Pandemonium, it’s supposed to be a ridiculous hor- a horror comedy spoof of slasher- Huh

movies by Great and Clark, which means it could be fun. It’s gonna be corny. It’s gonna be cheesy. But I really, it’s… I really want us to do it soon. Yeah, so she was in that. She was also in The Polish Vampire in Burbank, a couple other movies like The Tomb and Cannibal Hookers before this. And then- 

Craig: She’s got a great look.

I can see how, you know- Yeah … especially in a melodramatic role I think that she would be really funny. It’s just, ugh- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: she’s weird in this 

Todd: She’s weird in this 

Craig: We, we catch up with, uh, the sister, Vera, in a, in the bath- Mm-hmm … and her friend It’s Beth comes and it… Or Beth, it- Halloween is Beth’s favorite holiday, and so she’s going to celebrate it by scaring her friend who’s naked in the bathtub with a big fluffy fake spider.

Just so, just so that we can see Beth in the bathtub all covered in soap except for her breasts, you know- 

Todd: Perkiness … 

Craig: right out there. Yeah. Right? And bathing herself and singing a generic song. I- Uh- I- I really love in movies when people just sing songs like- Just random stuff … 

doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Like, there’s no melody or like- Yeah … it’s obviously not a real song. It’s just they can’t sing a real song ’cause they don’t wanna pay for it, so just sing something. Who knows? Like, people do that- Yeah … in real life. They do it all the time. I have never found myself- All the time … I’ve never found myself soaping up my legs and just composing a little.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. 

Todd: When you sing in the shower, you sing with purpose, right? 

Craig: I do. 

Todd: You’ve got a song- Yeah … in mind. 

Craig: Yeah, absolutely. 

Todd: A real song. That’s right. Not a fake one. Well, Vera- Oh, 

Craig: yeah … 

Todd: Vera has loads of bubbles all over her. She gets up, Beth surprises her with the spider. She’s like, “Oh, Beth, you’re crazy.”

And Beth hands her a robe, which Vera puts on over her completely soapy sudsy body. 

Craig: I noticed that too. With… I- I thought, do people, do women really do that? Like, do they not- What? … rinse? Like, what? It’s 

Todd: a mess. It doesn’t matter because in the next shot she’s all dry, so it doesn’t- 

Craig: Yeah … 

Todd: apparently 

Craig: it didn’t- Perfect.

Her hair. Yeah, it’s great. 

Todd: She was, uh, she’s Karla B., and, uh, she was the one who was in Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama as, uh, Frankie. She was also in a movie called Necromancer before this one, and in a couple other horror movies after this, The Jigsaw Murders and Terror Night. She hasn’t done anything since 1989.

So these two are, like, really, really good friends, and we’re gonna be following them a lot in this m- 

Craig: They’re kinda always together. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And then we go back to Tommy, the weird basement creep, who’s down there listening to music and won’t answer the door for his mother. And then he puts on his earphones and lays down in his bed and falls asleep, and we are treated to an entire dream music video.

Uh, which again, is just something very special, and I was asking myself- Who are these people? I, I couldn’t tell if they were the other actors. Like if he was having a dream and everybody- Right … it was like a, a Wizard of Oz type thing. Like, and you were there and you were there. But no, I think it’s just a bunch of randos.

Yeah. And they sing a whole… They, it, it’s a whole song. 

Todd: It’s a real rock band named DC LaCroix or at least, ah, the, the lead singer is named DC LaCroix and that was also the name of their band. This is a, a crazy little sequence isn’t it? You’ve got magic and laser eyes and- 

Craig: Yes, uh- All kinds … a, a, a, a woman…

First she’s just dancing and then- … and then she like starts shooting lasers out of her eyes and- … and then everybody else in the band disappears except for Tommy and he’s like playing guitar and, and this woman is dancing all around him. She’s very scantily clad. She’s like straps and stuff all over and eventually she like pushes him down or lays him down, I don’t remember, but she stabs him in the head with a pitchfork.

And, and then, and then pulls his head off and holds it up with her glowing eyes and that’s- The end and he wakes up. That’s it. Yeah. It doesn’t have any other connection to the rest of the movie at all, but it is something to see. 

Todd: It’s another one of those moments. 

Craig: Yeah. Yeah. And it’s also funny because at first, like when it’s the band, there’s a lead singer, a lady lead singer of the band, and she’s singing and playing and blah, blah, blah.

But then everybody disappears and it’s as though the dancing woman takes over the vocals, like she starts moving her mouth. The voice doesn’t change. 

Todd: Right.

Craig: It was funny. I liked it. That was one of my favorite parts. 

Todd: The song is pointed. You’re The Devil’s Son is the name of it. 

Craig: I couldn’t tell if it was son or spawn, but yeah. 

Todd: Tommy’s freaked out. Roger, his brother, is now a deputy, and he’s working the Halloween party tonight. It must be a slow day in this sleepy town where they’ve assigned one of the three deputies in the whole place to, uh, just sit around at a Halloween party later.

Craig: I was also confused by this because at first I thought the mom was throwing the party, ’cause I thought the sister said something about the party being important to Mom or something. I don’t know. But it’s not. It’s like a whole town party, right? 

Todd: Yeah, the kids in town, I guess. Yeah. 

Craig: Seems like it. I don’t know.

But yeah, Roger, he’s, you know, the good son now. 

Todd: And he’s comforting his mom. 

Craig: Yeah, and, God, and all of it’s so dumb. And like grandpa shows up again to interrupt Tommy and his girlfriend- 

Todd: Yeah. … 

Craig: uh, to tell Tommy, “Hey, you need to get rid of her. You, you gotta be pure for the ceremony.” Like what? “

Todd: I’ve come by the store to pick up some candles for your ceremony.”

The 

ceremony. 

Jesus, Grandpa, give it a rest. 

Clip: What do you call yourself doing here? 

I don’t know, just, uh, having a little fun, you know. Yeah. 

Ordinarily, I’d say screw her brains out, but I don’t think that little witch has got any. But where is your head, Tommy? You know you must be pure for tonight. Knock this off and preserve that energy And as for you, sweetheart, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get his little butt home, and I mean right now 

Todd: You are- Oh, my 

Craig: God.

Grandpa, I’ll be there. Calm down 

Todd: You’re killing everyone’s vibe, man. And Vera comes home with Beth to talk about the party, and that’s when she says she’s 18. Vera is 18? Apparently. None of these people look any younger than 30. 

Craig: Well, she’s 18 and she’s a virgin, but she’s bummed out about it, so she plans on boffing Brian, her boyfriend, later while everybody else is decorating for the party.

I thought that was such a funny plot line. Yeah, but later this afternoon while everybody’s decorating for the party, I’m gonna… I’m like, “Okay, let’s…” Just squeeze it in between lunch and- 

Todd: Yeah. But Roger says he’s gonna go talk to Tommy for Mom. There’s a lot of banging on the basement door yelling down, “Tommy, what are you doing down there?

Tommy, you can’t be living like this,” from Mother. So then Roger goes over and decides he’s gonna do the same thing. “Tommy! Tommy, open up!” Comes downstairs into the basement and Tommy is super aggressive, busy furiously exercising on his equipment- Yeah … down there. 

Craig: Before he answers the door he has to pause for a second to do some pull-ups.

Todd: And 

Craig: then he 

Todd: answers the door. Tommy sits down and is like, “What’s going on, man? Why, why are you like this?” Eventually Tommy… Roger sits down and says that. Eventually Tommy jumps up and says, “Hey, let me show you something,” walks over to this door, and there’s this huge reveal where he swings open this door under the stairs and he has a full-on ritualistic shrine in there to the devil.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: Wi- 

Craig: With a bunch of candles. I don’t think you can- Lit 

Todd: candles? … 

Craig: light candles- You can’t really do that … in a closet like 

Todd: that. Not really. Not really. You think maybe he just lit it and kind of assembled it right then and there just, just minutes before- I 

Craig: don’t know … before 

Todd: Roger came down … it seems very 

Craig: intricate.

Todd: Super dramatic. Maybe it’s magic. Then Roger’s like, “Christ, Tommy, now I know why Mom is so worried about you spending time with Grandpa.” 

Craig: Next scene. I know. It’s like- … 

Todd: what 

Craig: was the point of showing him that? Like- 

Todd: Ah. 

Craig: It’s, “I do too have something going on in my life, look.” Like, oh, boy. Oh, boy. 

Todd: In case we didn’t get the memo that, uh, Tommy is just as into this as Grandpa is.

Craig: Yeah. And then Tommy, by the way, his girlfriend, y- she had a moment in the convenience store where other people, like, ogled her and commented that she had a tattoo on her butt- And then Tommy, like, brings her back to his house, doesn’t wanna hang out with her. So she goes and hangs out in the pool by herself.

And then, and then we see her swimming around in the pool in a bikini bottom and some sort of sheer top. And so her boobs are out. And then not just that, s- she immediately gets out of the pool, walks into the house, and slowly takes off everything- … and just twirls around a couple of times for us to look at her naked body.

Yeah. 

Hit my nail. And then, and then gets in the shower, and then the killer shows up. But I’m sure you can tell us about this girl. I know this girl. She’s one of the few of the people in this movie that kind of had a career- … 

Todd: before, 

Craig: during, and after. 

Todd: This is Gianna Fine. Yeah. She, uh, she went straight from this movie into the adult film world.

Many, many, many films under her belt. 287 of them, to be exact. She has a great body. She has a great look. I freaking love her hairstyle in this. She’s got that very punky look. 

Craig: Yeah, ble- uh, platinum bleach blonde, spiky. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah. She was doing porn before this as well, so it, it, she- I think she had kind of a bit of an on and off again career in that, but, uh- 

Craig: Mm-hmm

Todd: pretty solid it seems like if you look at her, like maybe on for a couple t- weeks and off for a couple weeks. ‘Cause she was pretty solid all the way through the mid-’90s. 

Craig: Yeah. I read a little bit about her. It’s just funny ’cause if you go to her IMDb page, she looks like, you know, your aunt or your mom or something.

Like she’s- She does 

Todd: now. 

Craig: But yeah, she, she had a successful career, and she, you know, she, like you said, she does, she has a beautiful body and she- It’s on full display here. She hears something outside and goes out thinking it’s her boyfriend, and at first she doesn’t see anybody, but then this guy in a mask, like this weird devil mask, pops up in the window and she’s like, “Oh, Tommy, you’re so crazy,” or whatever.

And she lets him in, and he’s in a full, like, costume. Like, it looks like a decent Halloween costume. It’s a full, like, robed thing and a devil mask. And she- Yeah … I guess thinks it’s her boyfriend and invites him in and is like… 

Clip: So come and get it, you devil. Come on. Don’t you wanna see my costume? You’re gonna love it, you know.

I’m Lady Godiva. Wanna play my horsey? 

Craig: Oh my God, it was so funny. And then she just, like, sprawls herself out on the couch. I don’t even remember what she says. She’s like, “So are you gonna surprise me?” And she says something like, “Go easy,” or something, “Last time you left marks.” And then she closes her eyes and he puts a pitchfork through her head or, or I don’t know, some sort of- 

Todd: Yeah

Craig: spiky gardening tool. 

Todd: Spiky gardening tool. Not quite a pitchfork. One of those, uh, what do you call them? 

Craig: I don’t know what they’re called … 

Todd: those things you use to till the ground with. 

Craig: Yeah, they’re like long-toothed rake, like, like three-pronged rake-like things. I don’t know. But that’s his MO. He kills a lot of people with that.

And, and, you know, those effects, they… I think that the director or, or cinematographer or editor or whatever combination was wise not to linger too long on those shots. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: They, they show you… You see it. You see the weapon- Blood … you know, impaled in these people’s faces and the blood and I thought it looked good- 

Todd: Yeah

Craig: on my computer screen. I thought it looked good. And I thought it was, it was smart not to linger on it too long. You know? You, you see it long enough to see that it’s there, and then the camera cuts away, and I think that was probably- 

Todd: For the best … 

Craig: smart. Yeah. 

Todd: Yeah, so this was Tommy killing his own girlfriend, huh?

Craig: I guess so, and I don’t know why. 

Todd: I don’t either. I thought surely there’s, like, some setup or some switcheroo or something, but then, uh, as soon as, uh, he comes home, we see, we see later a shot of Tommy coming home and he packs his things up and one of the things he does is pull out one of those masks.

Makes a big point of showing it off for the camera. 

Craig: Yeah, and it’s… I mean, there’s a couple of things that happen in between there, but n- not really anything important. Like, for a second the grandpa shows up and, like, starts hitting on Vera, his granddaughter. Gross. And her boyfriend Brian jumps in to stand up for her.

Mm-hmm. And then sh- Brian and Vera go off and start, like, fooling around, and Tommy comes in and beats him up a little bit. It’s right after that that we see that he has a mask, and then he immediately goes to kill Brian. So it’s not like there’s- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: yeah. It’s, this is not a whodunit, at least at this point.

We know it’s him. 

Todd: Yeah, exactly. He kills Brian and dumps him in a grave or something. 

Craig: And that scene was so weird. Like, again, I, I, I still don’t know why he killed his girlfriend. I guess he’s killing Brian ’cause Brian was trying to hump his sister. Like, who cares? Get over it. You’re all grownups. Like, move out.

Yeah. Go away. Um, and, and he kills Brian in broad daylight in the middle of a giant cemetery. 

Todd: Everywhere. Which apparently is- Just outside their house- Yeah … and within walking distance of everything else. 

Craig: It was cra- it was so funny to me, like, so Brian finds them making out, you know, half-dressed or whatever, and he, and he throws- 

Todd: Tommy.

Tommy throws Brian 

Craig: out … Tommy finds them and throws Brian out. And then the next thing we see, it’s, he’s halfway in the middle of this giant cemetery, and he has put on a shirt and a jacket. And apparently the last thing that he did was to close his pants and close his belt. Like, I just thought it was so funny- Might be the first-

that he had been walking for a while- … with his pants open. And then it’s right in the middle of broad d- broad day, and I feel like he just hears something. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: And he starts running as fast as he can. 

Todd: He kinda turns around and looks behind him, but there is no way anybody’s hiding in this cemetery. 

Craig: No.

Todd: This isn’t a creepy cemetery in the woods. No. It’s a big, bright city cemetery with no trees and wide open, middle of the daylight with these short little graves. There’s no way he’s being pursued through this cemetery by something he can’t see. 

Craig: No, but he takes off running as fast as he can and ends up just falling in a freshly dug grave that inexplicably is full of bones.

Human bones. 

Todd: How do they bury people in this place? What? Get some coffins Get some coffins, you country bumpkins. 

Craig: Oh my God. Not on there. I mean, uh, apparently they’re just burying people one right on top of the other too, ’cause there were a bunch of bones in there Like 

Todd: multiple skulls, yeah. 

Craig: Oh, boy. And then the guy just, Tommy I guess, in the costume just hits him over the head with a shoulder…

or his shoulder, a shovel. And, and again, the shovel goes into his head. You see it for a second, and then it cuts away. But like really, that guy was so stupid. Yeah. If he hadn’t been running and looking behind him and fallen himself, he would’ve been fine. Bro, it’s the middle of the day. Like- … 

Todd: walk 

Craig: to the police station.

I don’t know. 

Todd: 100%. 100%. 

Craig: Oh, boy. God. 

Todd: It’s super dumb. You know what kind of movie you’re getting definitely. Well, you kinda knew from the beginning, but especially by now. There’s no real rhyme or reason for what’s happening. 

Craig: And nothing matters, ugh, 

Clip: ultimately. 

Todd: The whole setup is nebulous. It’s really weird, okay?

So this guy who is destined for Grandpa’s ritual or something, but he’s- he seems to be cool with it. So, uh, he’s just as weird as Grandpa is, just as satanic and mean, and he’s running around killing his own girlfriend. So, like what’s happening? It… Well- And why? 

Craig: I don’t know. And then we cut back to Grandpa’s cult in the barn, and it’s not just him.

He’s got like three or four friends who are in the cult with him. We never really see them, but when we do they just look like normal, average, middle-aged people who just- Yeah. … you know, are in a cult. 

Yeah. 

But they’re, they’re in there and they’re robed and they’re on this big pentagram and he’s like, “The hour of Satan has arrived.”

And then he’s like, “Prepare the sacrifice.” And they have this hot naked blonde And they brand her on the ass with a pentagram. Now I am confused. Was the, was the girlfriend’s ass tattoo the same thing? 

Todd: Yeah. It was supposed to be a brand. I mean, it’s black. It’s more like a tattoo than a brand, but yeah. 

Craig: So is she connected to the cult?

Todd: I guess. 

Craig: Or was she? 

Todd: So why was she killed? I have no idea. 

Craig: I don’t either. And then this other girl, at first I thought it was the same girl because they both have that platinum blonde hair, but I think that this girl’s hair was longer. 

Todd: This girl’s, uh, the same actress that also plays the stripper at the party.

Craig: Oh, okay. 

Todd: The stripper at the party has a mask on to obscure it, but yeah- Oh … this is the same, the same gal. 

Craig: I didn’t know that. 

Todd: Not the same character, I think. Sh- they just had the same actress playing. 

Craig: Hmm. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: All right. Well, they brand that girl on the ass, and then Roger takes Beth to the graveyard, uh, to investigate something.

Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t- 

Todd: I, I just know Beth is gonna be late to this party. That’s all I know. 

Craig: Oh my God. 

Todd: She’s supposed to be there by 7:00. Super dark. 

Craig: It is already, and they run into some kids who look like cult members, but they’re really not. They just dropped their candy, I guess, as they were walking through the graveyard.

Todd: Ah. 

Craig: Okay, whatever. Yeah. So they leave. So Beth and Roger decide to just bang right there on a grave. Oh, listen, good for them. It’s Halloween, they wanna have a good time. They just met today. Like, they have spent 10 minutes together. But, you know- Yeah … it’s Halloween. It’s, it’s, like- 

Todd: It’s inspiring. Graveyard, good old night.

Craig: I know. And, and there’s, like, a, a corpse hand and, and she grabs it. 

Todd: She said, “Your hand, it’s so cold.” 

Craig: And he’s like, “I, I’m, I, well, I’m about to get real hot,” or something like that. 

Todd: Now, how they can go through this whole rigmarole on this grave and then stand up, get dressed, get back on his motorcycle and drive off without her or him noticing that there is a hand sticking out of this grave that she put her own hand in?

Craig: Well, and also when we see it, it is a huge mound of dirt. Yeah. Like, it’s not like they were just laying on the flat ground. Like, they were laying on a big hill. No. 

Todd: That’s not an easy place to make out on. It doesn’t 

Craig: even make any sense. They should’ve rolled off that. It also doesn’t even make any sense because they come back to it later for no reason- Yeah

other than for Beth to show Vera where she her brother. 

Todd: Yes. That’s, like, 

Craig: like- 

Todd: Like, she had to make 

a point 

of it … that’s the 

Craig: only reason they go back there. 

Todd: Yeah. Oh, I love that bit. I love that bit. 

Craig: Oh my God. And when they go back there it’s a huge mound, and it turns out that the person buried under there is Brian.

But that doesn’t make any sense either because we… The last time we saw Brian he was in a six-foot hole. So why is he now buried three centimeters- … at the top of a huge mound of dirt? 

Todd: Oh, 

Craig: boy. 

Todd: It’s a really good question, actually. But, you know, it’s the same as, uh, zombies. Lucio Fulci, those zombies two inches below the earth so they can 

Craig: burst out.

Yes, true. Yeah. I also thought that it was… Okay, two funny things. First, we finally get to this Halloween party, which, you know, th- they’ve been building up to. They’ve been decorating for it for the whole movie, and then we get to it and it looks like a high school dance. Like, it looks totally lame. 

Todd: It’s pretty lame, but they have a live band.

Craig: They do, they do have a live band, and everybody is in costume. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: So that’s, that’s fun. But it, there’s a woman in a red dress and a white fur stole and, like, a masquerade mask, and we track her through the whole party until she beckons some guy who comes over and dances with her for a second and unzips the back of her dress.

And I was like, “Where is this going?” Well, where it’s going is that she then does an entire striptease where she takes off all of her clothes. Mm. Like, I- Mm-hmm … I did not s- I did not see this coming. And I still- 

Todd: I didn’t either … 

Craig: I still don’t understand really what was happening. Like, did they hire a stripper for the party?

‘Cause it really seems like she was just getting into it and getting naked for the fun of it. I- 

Todd: Right. 

Craig: And then immediately- Wow … after that happens We cut to outside the party where a guy stumbles out and says to all the people just gathered there standing around outside, “Hey, did you guys see that stripper?”

And then goes into a full comedy routine for, like, five minutes. 

Clip: And boy, you know, she reminded me of one of those girls from the girly magazine. Did you ever see those girls in the girly… Like, my favorite part in there is, is the naked girl. I love the naked girl. But now I got a favorite brand-new part: the little memo right underneath the naked girl’s picture.

‘Cause the things they say about themselves, they’re not quite accurate, are they? I mean, they say things, for example, like, “

I’m just a conservative girl.”

Todd: This guy’s a master of physical comedy. He’s, uh, he’s something. 

Craig: The… Oh, boy. This r- watching this scene made me think of moments in real life. C- like, this is the kind of thing that happens in real life. Like, you’re out there just hanging out with your friends or whatever, and then some drunk asshole stumbles out and thinks that they are hilarious and gives you, like, a whole routine, and you just have to stand there and look at them and be like, “Uh-huh.”

Oh, boy. 

Todd: Oh, no, they think it’s hilarious. They’re all laughing- Oh, yeah … at this story. 

Craig: They’re laughing and laughing. 

Todd: There’s nothing funny about this routine. He’s playing a turkey. He’s writhing around on the ground. He… Oh my God, is it bad. It’s so bad- It goes on 

Craig: for a long time … 

Todd: it’s embarrassing to watch.

That’s how bad it is. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: Poor Bill Tucker. I wonder what he felt when he was out in the audience watching this for the first time. 

Craig: Oh, boy. Oh. 

Todd: Party comedian, Bill Tucker. So he gives his little thing, and now… Oh yeah, so then we’re back in the house- 

Craig: They find Brian on the grave, yeah … 

Todd: with the girls. Yeah.

And the girls are, like, getting ready for their h- for their thing. And I just love this transition because the girls are talking about how, “Oh, so-and-so hit it off with Roger,” and she’s like, “Did you do it?” And she’s like, “Yeah, I guess we did.” She’s like, “So tell me, where did you guys do it?” Cut to they’re in coats, they’re outside at the graveyard, and she’s pointing, “Over there.”

She had to walk her to it. And, uh, yeah, you’re right. So she’s showing her the grave. She sees a hand in there sticking out. She’s like, “Ah, ha, ha, very, very funny, Vera, putting this fake hand out here.” And she pulls it up and ends up pulling her boyfriend out of it. 

Craig: Yeah, and she’s really upset, and she’s like, “I’m gonna get Tommy for this.”

Todd: Oh, my 

Craig: God. Okay. So she goes to Grandpa’s satanic barn- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: and interrupts the ceremony. I would call the police, by the 

Todd: way. 

Craig: Yeah, she… Yeah. She, she tells Beth, “Wait outside. This is family business.” And she goes in and she interrupts the satanic ceremony, and Grandpa, uh, says that she has to pay the price for the sacrilege of disrupting the ceremony or something.

I don’t know. “

Todd: You’ve intruded on the ceremony of blood, and now you must pay the price for your sacrilege.” Ah. He hands Tommy a knife, and he’s gonna stab his sister. Like, what kind of weird up 

family is this? And if Grandpa is so evil, why did he wait this long to off all of his grandchildren? It’s just- 

Craig: I know

so dumb. Like, it’s not like it’s… It, it’s not like it’s Tommy’s 18th birthday or anything. This guy is in his mid-40s. Like, I don’t… What were you waiting for? 

Todd: I know, right? Oh, my God. And then, so she’s kneeling on the ground begging him, “Tommy. For God’s sake, Tommy, I’m your sister.” And Grandpa’s like, “Don’t be a fool, Tommy,” as Tommy hesitates.

And he goes, “She’s my sister.” Mm. And now Tommy has failed the master. He lets his sister run out. He runs out, and Grandpa turns around, walks back towards the camera, and he looks very sad about it.

This is a masterclass in community theater acting 

Craig: It’s really funny 

Todd: Every bit of it is melodramatic- Yeah … and hilarious. 

Craig: It is pretty funny. 

Todd: And I, and I say that with a smile. You and I have both been in community theater. 

Craig: Oh, 

Todd: yeah. And, uh, you know, I’m not disparaging that at all. But it’s, it’s just horrible.

It’s just melodramatic, over the top- Yeah … terrible dialogue, stupid situation. 

Craig: It’s pretty funny. 

Todd: And now Tommy, who’s gone through, what, 40 years of his life in anger and building up to this moment, within s- a split second, I guess, you know, he could kill his girlfriend, he could kill his sister’s, uh, boyfriend, but killing his sister was a bridge too far.

Craig: Yes. 

Todd: It broke the whole thing. So you’d think it’s kind of over by now, right? ‘Cause what the hell’s Grandpa gonna do? Yes. I don’t know. It’s not like they’re summoning demons or anything, you know? I 

Craig: know. 

Todd: A- anybody could just take this guy out. If he bothers you, just tackle him to the ground. 

Craig: Right. And he, he, he says like, you know, very solemnly like, “I know what I must do.

I have no choice.” I’m like, “Okay. I, I mean, I don’t know what you need to do, but I, I guess we’ll find out in the next 10 minutes.” And then a lady dances with a snake. I guess this- Mm-hmm … is back at the Halloween party. There’s- Yeah … like a – They 

Todd: hired a snake dancer … snake dancer … as well as a stripper. We get to see her for no reason at all, just Halloween atmosphere.

Craig: The devil costume shows up at the party, and I thought, “Okay, that must be Grandpa. He’s-” carrying out whatever mysterious mission they’re carrying. I don’t know, but it’s not Tommy, so it must be Grandpa. 

Todd: Right. 

Craig: And he k- he kills a lady in the bathroom. That was such a weird scene. Oh my God. There’s a lady in the bathroom, and the devil thing comes in, and she’s like, “Help me with my corset.”

And so, like, he starts helping her, and she’s like, “Make it tighter.” And so he starts pulling it tighter, and her tits start to pop out, and then he stabs her. That’s it. 

Todd: I thought this was gonna be like he squeezed her to death or something. I think it was just an excuse for them to really zoom in on her tits almost popping out.

Craig: Almost popping out. Oh, boy. Gosh, what else? And then the, the, the cops investigate the barn. What, what was funny to me is the brother, Roger, is at the party when the grandpa shows up, and then the next time we see him and the rest of the cops, they’re out at the barn. Like, what are you doing out there? Like, nothing’s happening out there.

Like, get back to the party. 

Todd: The girls ran into the party and got Roger- Okay, okay … and Roger left with them, and then he got the police, and they went to the barn. But of course, no one’s there. The girls are back at the party crying, and they go into the women’s room, and they see the body in there, but they think she’s just drunk.

Even though her eyes are open, she’s just staring out into 

Craig: nothingness. Yeah, and she’s made up like a corpse. I mean, I guess it is Halloween. We’ve talked about this. Yeah, I guess. If you’re gonna kill somebody, do it on Halloween. 

Todd: But even Roger’s made it back there by now. 

Craig: Well, Beth gets strangled. Beth gets killed.

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: I was kinda surprised by that. 

Todd: Yeah, it surprised me too. 

Craig: But yeah, she gets, she gets strangled and then s- hung up in a closet, I guess, in the bathroom or something. And then Vera runs out, and she runs into the devil costume. But then Tommy also shows up also in the devil costume. 

Todd: I was so confused.

There are two people in a devil costume. I guess one of them’s Grandpa and one of them’s Tommy, but d- I have no idea which is which. 

Craig: And they’re fighting. 

Todd: It’s supposed to be a big dramatic fight sequence, but it looks so bad. 

Craig: The grandpa gets killed. 

Todd: He falls. 

Craig: For… He falls down, and then Roger runs in at this point, and Grandpa’s on the ground, and Grandpa’s like, “Roger, the power is in the blood,” and he, I don’t know, touches his face or something.

And so then Roger pulls out his gun and shoots the other person in the devil suit as they’re running away. But when they get outside, they take off the mask, and it turns out it w- it wasn’t Tommy, it was the mom. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: Okay. 

Todd: Ugh. So What? How did Mom get the mask? What is Mom doing? Why is she at the party? Uh, did she know Grandpa was gonna be there?

Did she know he was gonna be in a mask, too? Like, what, what… How is Mom involved suddenly? But you forgot about the animated red dot that shows up on, uh, Roger’s forehead when Grandpa touches it. That seems to be important. Yeah. 

Craig: Oh, boy. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: So 

Todd: it’s the one with long blonde hair, and God, it’s so labored. I’m thinking, “Where is Tommy then?”

And suddenly Tommy shows up. He’s also in the cemetery. She stumbles to her dead husband’s grave and falls down on it, and I’m thinking, “God, is this over yet?” And oh, no, here comes Tommy, and he comes over to comfort her. He’s clearly a changed man. They confess their love for one another, they cry together, and they fade out.

Clip: Mm-hmm.

I only wanted t- to keep my family.

Todd: I’m sorry.

I love you

Clip: Tommy. 

Todd: So is she dead now? I don’t know. 

Craig: I don’t know. 

Todd: Is she’s dead? She got shot. 

Craig: Who cares? 

Todd: Whatever. Now we fade in and there’s another ritual happening in the barn. 

Craig: Mm-hmm. 

Todd: And the person who’s leading it turns around, and it’s Roger as the high priest. 

Craig: Yep. “

Todd: We welcome the night.” Fade out. 

Craig: The end. Yeah. Twist 

Todd: ending.

Wow. 

Craig: Yeah. Good boy, you know, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Roger is the- … the, the evil Satan cult leader now. 

Todd: A finger to the head with that red dot. That’ll get you every time, man. 

Craig: It will. You gotta watch out for that. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, no, it’s terrible. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a awful, awful movie. But there- You know, like, if, if you’re, if you’re looking for…

I- you picked this one. We have, you know, thought about and talked about and planned out what we wanna do over the rest of the month for Halloween, and I think we’ve got some good ones picked out. But you picked out this one, I’d never heard of it, and you said we should just go ahead and start with it.

And I’m glad you did because I think that this is a really fun way to kick off the season. 

Todd: Yeah. 

Craig: It’s, it’s stupid. It is. It’s stupid and funny and fun and light and like- And 

Todd: baffling- 

Craig: Uh … in 

Todd: all the right ways. Yeah. I, I love it. I think I’m gonna be thinking about this movie a lot. This might be one of those I revisit every, uh, every now and then for Halloween because it is just that goofy, and it’s got a lot of boobs in it.

I’m not gonna lie. That part’s appealing. 

Craig: Yeah. I don’t know. It’s, there’s… And, and like you said, it’s, there’s so much Halloween to it, like Halloween decorations and so much talk of Halloween and people in costume and 

Todd: it- Halloween party, bands playing music … 

Craig: as bad as it is, it, I feel like it, it in some weird way kind of is emblematic of the crazy fun, unexpected…

Like, that’s, that’s… Halloween for me is fun- 

Todd: Yeah … 

Craig: first and foremost, and this is fun. It’s, it’s mindless. You don’t have to pay any attention to it really. It’s just kind of a ride, and I think it’s worth seeing i- if, as long as you go in knowing it’s bad and, and just enjoy the ride. 

Todd: Well, I’ve said this before about other Halloween movies similar to this, is Halloween to me is scrappy and DIY.

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: You know? Halloween is putting your costume together yourself, putting out the cheesy decorations, just going to the nines with the fake spider webs and the fake… Whatever you do to your lawn, wherever you’re going, it’s just, it’s just a mess of just whatever people throw out there, and that’s what I love about it.

It’s just the scrappiness of it. It’s not polished, and, uh, your local haunted house or two put on by the Shriners or the Lions Club or whatever is also scrappy and unpolished fun. You know, it doesn’t make any sense either. It’s just a mishmash of stuff. 

Craig: Yeah. 

Todd: And, uh, that’s why I think a movie like this just totally captures the spirit of that season, and it puts me in the mood.

You know, when the weather is cold outside and this is happening, boom. Yeah. Hack-o-Lantern is, is a go-to Halloween movie as far as I’m concerned now, and I just wish I had gotten to it earlier. As a kid, I might’ve really enjoyed it. I mean, even without the boobs, I probably would’ve- … had a good time with this.

Craig: It does. You know, it also very much, you know, from very early on, es- with the first bathtub scene, I’m like, “Oh, gosh, this really takes me back to Ron DeScheer and Up All Night.” Yes. This is exactly the kind of thing- Yes … exactly the kind of movie that you would’ve seen on Up All Night l- in the, you know, at 2:00 in the morning on a Friday or Saturday night.

W- you know, you’re 11 years old, and your parents are asleep, and you’re watching movies with boobs. Mm-hmm. And like, it, it just, it, it re- and, and it’s terrible, but it’s sexy and funny. And yeah, it’s, it’s a nice throwback to that. It was a fun, it was a fun watch. 

Todd: Well, thank you guys so much for listening, and Happy Halloween season to all of you, no matter where you are in the world.

I hope you’ll join us in the spirit of the season this month, as we have five Halloween movies coming to you, so four more after this. They only get better or worse from now on. That’s the only promise we can make to you. Go to chainsawhorror.com to have all the fun. We also have a really great lineup of stuff planned for our patrons this Halloween season.

We’re gonna go a little bit more all out with the minisodes than we usually do. I have some posts and things lined up, some special surprises in store, maybe an audiobook or so, like I did a couple years ago. I may bring that back this year. If you wanna get in on all that fun, plus get unedited episodes the minute that we record them on the phone, plus join our book club, we’re gonna be reading some Halloween-themed books this year as well.

We’re in the middle of one right now. Just, uh, drop us a line at patreon.com/chainsawpodcast. And for just $5 a month, there’s no better month to jump in, uh, and enjoy the spoils of Halloween at Two Guys and a Chainsaw. Until next week, I’m Todd. And I’m Craig. With Two Guys and a Chainsaw.