Between Us: Chemistry Vs Compatibility

WEBVTT
00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:11.599
Hi, I'm Renee Richel, the founder and president of 1 True Match.
00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:14.800
I'm here to help you find and cultivate the love of your life.
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:20.800
For over a decade, I've dedicated my life to the importance, purpose, and dynamic of human relationships.
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:29.280
My team and I are disciplined by faith, love, and integrity to help our clients find the quality relationships they've always dreamt of.
00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:37.359
Each week, I will be sharing the tools and tips I've learned that have rooted my success as a matchmaker with other leaders around the world.
00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:42.960
Hello loves.
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:44.079
Welcome back.
00:00:44.079 --> 00:00:59.840
I am so excited to be sitting here with Amanda West, who is our advocate to help our women ministry and more for widow, divorced, and single moms.
00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:09.840
That we are so excited to bring her back to have real talk conversations that we are going to talk about today, chemistry versus compatibility.
00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:11.040
So welcome.
00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:12.000
Thank you.
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:13.599
We're so happy to have you back.
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:14.879
I'm happy to be back.
00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:15.599
So fun.
00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:29.760
I can't wait to talk about this subject that I was reading an article from Psychology Today explaining that we often call chemistry a frequently mistaken for true compatibility.
00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:41.680
While chemistry can feel intense and exciting, compatibility includes shares values, emotional availability, and healthy communication patterns.
00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:49.280
So we asked our audience and surveyed what questions they would ask, and that's what we're going to talk about today.
00:01:49.280 --> 00:01:53.680
So let's get into it after surveying our audience.
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:57.280
And please chime in, give us your questions.
00:01:57.280 --> 00:01:58.719
We love these questions.
00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:08.479
That we're going to just answer live on spot is have you ever felt intense chemistry with somebody only to later realize you weren't compatible?
00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:09.680
Oh my gosh.
00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:10.560
Yes.
00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:11.199
Yes.
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:12.159
Yes.
00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:24.800
Because, you know, God gave us the gift of chemistry, which only all of us have our type or whatever it is, especially in matchmaking.
00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:27.599
Like all day long when we do our consultation session.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:29.039
I'm sure you see it a lot.
00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:37.520
I say, send me in, I don't like this part, but send me in like five to seven people of what you find attractive because I cannot control chemistry.
00:02:37.520 --> 00:02:42.319
But I want to know what's going to turn your head because I'm going to interview from the core out.
00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:48.479
So I'm going to find you somebody that I know naturally you're going to be attracted to because I'm not trying to put you in a friendship, right?
00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:54.080
I'm hoping it turns into something more in time than it would with just, you know, your neighbor.
00:02:54.080 --> 00:03:00.240
And so chemistry is obviously important and that's what draws us in.
00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:06.960
But if we don't interview from the core out, that's what also leaves us flat in relationships because we were just drawn into them.
00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:08.560
We don't know anything about them.
00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:16.639
And then we realize that they're not everything that we dreamt of past just the surface.
00:03:16.639 --> 00:03:20.800
And then we wonder why we get into toxic relationships that don't turn into anything more.
00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:23.280
And I think that's something so true too.
00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:25.919
If you look at younger ones dating.
00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:26.319
Right.
00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:30.080
Like they don't have the wisdom of knowing that there has to be more than chemistry.
00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:32.080
And when you're young, that's all you look at.
00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:35.520
Well, and when we're young, we have all the collagen in the world, as we were talking about.
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:45.360
We have all the youthful assets that we are going to be at our primate at our younger age.
00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:56.000
But we don't have the the pearls of wisdom, whatever you want to call it, the knowledge of experience that then, you know, our age, not aging ourselves, right, have.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:04:02.080
And the truth of it is when you're done, the last when you're young, the last thing you want to do is listen to anybody older because what do they know?
00:04:02.080 --> 00:04:10.080
They're not in your body, they don't understand anything until you get that age and you're like, I only could give my younger self advice.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:12.000
Wow, how good it would be.
00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.039
Right.
00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:32.240
But going off chemistry, the reality of it is if you don't have compatibility, and compatibility, and that's something with my younger age individuals when we're matching, we keep matching young and younger clients, is the truth of it is compatibility is what is the non-negotiables.
00:04:32.319 --> 00:04:38.000
I'd like to just re-compatibility is ultimately what helps sustain the relationship long term.
00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:38.959
Long term.
00:04:39.199 --> 00:04:43.199
Your chemistry exactly that can burn out very fast.
00:04:43.439 --> 00:04:43.680
Yes.
00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:47.199
It's like a candle that eventually it burns out, right?
00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:48.720
If it's just based on chemistry.
00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:49.199
Absolutely.
00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:53.839
And yes, we all have this fairy tale image of what true love would look like.
00:04:53.839 --> 00:05:02.399
And yes, you could look great because all you have to compare it to is prawn pictures, and it is all about, you know, attracting the right couple and the right on all of that thing, right?
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:09.040
But the older you get, the wiser you are, you realize are they kind to the servers?
00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:10.800
Are they kind to the family?
00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:14.079
Do they, you know, are they servant-hearted?
00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:16.079
Do they, do they give?
00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:17.759
Do they love you every day?
00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:33.360
Are you wanting to love this person back and give all of your like all of these things that nobody thinks about, that as you then go through the season of puppy love and you go through the season of parenting, and then you go through the season of now empty nesters, and you go through the season of retirement.
00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:38.000
Nobody knows exactly every detail because only God does.
00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:45.279
But are you seeing yourself to the best of your knowledge with this person going through all the highs and lows?
00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:48.240
Because what we see when we're young is all the highs.
00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:58.319
And nobody thinks through the season of the lows, which is the compatibility part that is so much, so much sexier than just the chemistry part.
00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:01.279
And the chemistry has to be there because I am not trying to put two friends together.
00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:03.040
I'm I mean, I want you to be friends, right?
00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:14.959
But I want you to also have when married, that romantic relationship that God desired marriage to be that sexual chemistry that is different than your relationship with friendship.
00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:22.000
And ultimately, it's really interesting because it's like you have to have that chemistry, right?
00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:29.360
But ultimately you need to identify pretty quickly the compatibility going into it in your first few days.
00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:36.480
If there's there's signs there that there's not compatibility on your on your morals and values, then ultimately that's not going to take you long term.
00:06:36.480 --> 00:06:48.720
But then it's interesting because if you do have those things and then going into marriage and long term, that ultimately ignites a fire that keeps burning and becomes stronger and stronger.
00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:52.399
And the chemistry can become something you never even had in the beginning.
00:06:52.399 --> 00:06:54.800
That's so much better than you actually even imagined.
00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:55.600
Trust me.
00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:57.040
I totally get it.
00:06:57.360 --> 00:07:08.480
I totally understand because it's almost like you fall in love with a person all over again as you learn them and and fall in love with those things that you love about them.
00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:09.120
100%.
00:07:09.759 --> 00:07:10.639
I couldn't agree more.
00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:11.839
I so agree.
00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:18.319
And that's what people I don't think think through when they're just, especially like in our world, right?
00:07:18.319 --> 00:07:20.720
I always say, I hate sharing profiles.
00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:29.439
It's the moment that I'm like, because I love raving about people because I get to know them from the core of who they are and the beauty that I see two people to become, right?
00:07:29.439 --> 00:07:34.639
Because they're just, to me, complete two blank canvases that I'm blessed to get to know their stories.
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:40.399
But then I also get I wouldn't want to meet somebody without seeing a photo of like a complete stranger, right?
00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:43.040
In today's day and age, Instagram, all of it, all of it.
00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.079
But it's just one dimensional.
00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:49.439
So a profile is one dimensional, a photo is one dimensional.
00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:55.199
We have this thing in our office all day long of like who chooses the best photo, like we call it playing for quarters.
00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:56.319
It sounds crazy.
00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:00.879
But photos that I would choose that I think are the best representation of my client.
00:08:00.879 --> 00:08:05.120
I might have my team choose five different photos, and I might be like, that could be the worst photo.
00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:05.439
What?
00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:07.360
Why would you share or not worse, right?
00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:11.279
But maybe not represent how I'm articulating this person right.
00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:15.839
And I believe in the beginning, when you're courting somebody, you gotta show your best.
00:08:15.839 --> 00:08:21.439
I mean, you're not gonna show up in a hair bun in your pajamas, sweaty and gross.
00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:25.600
You're just not like who is going to uh I mean, come on.
00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:33.039
We are trying to also get a romantic relationship to blossom, which means you have to show up your best.
00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:36.720
But I mean, those are things in age in life, things change.
00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:45.919
So if you don't have that solid foundation of the core um compatibility to substand the test of time, it will.
00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:47.120
It will not last.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:54.080
And you'll wonder why you're alone in life miserably down the road, because that was your number one thing was just about chemistry.
00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:57.759
I will say you're speaking about the photos that you put to your clients.
00:08:57.759 --> 00:09:07.200
And that is one of the great things about having you in someone's court is that you've spoken to them, you know their personality.
00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:09.519
We've video verified them, we know they're real.
00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:19.519
I mean apps and all of this technology of like dating online.
00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:21.200
You don't know what's real.
00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:22.240
You don't know it's real.
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:27.039
For one, because of AI, and two, is the photo from 10 years ago.
00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:28.159
Right.
00:09:28.159 --> 00:09:28.720
Yes.
00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:30.720
That's a big issue in dating now.
00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:31.360
It's true.
00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:31.600
Right.
00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:39.519
Well, and I think too, a lot of it is, I mean, if you think about it, apps came out what in the 90s-ish time frame.
00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:42.159
And so maybe mid-late 90s.
00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:47.600
I should probably know this detail, but because I'm so not in the world of online dating.
00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:52.320
Um, but my point is, is those photos people were using, they're still using.
00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:57.759
So 10, right 15, 20 years later, they're still using the same photos because that was what they originally.
00:09:57.759 --> 00:09:58.559
They show up on the date.
00:09:58.639 --> 00:10:01.519
How many times you heard from friends and they're like, I showed up on this date?
00:10:01.519 --> 00:10:03.440
And it was it did not even look like a person.
00:10:03.840 --> 00:10:04.159
Right.
00:10:04.159 --> 00:10:07.840
And so we don't want to get into that world either, because here's the truth.
00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:15.279
And I remember when I went back into dating after post divorce, and unfortunately not knowing the knowledge that I have today.
00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:20.159
Because I remember going back out there and you live in this Instagram world, and I'm even in the world that I'm in.
00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:22.080
So, you know, you know who you're up against.
00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:31.679
Let's just say from a standpoint of like, okay, if a client is going to get presented three or five photos, where are you in the comparison of these other options?
00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:38.240
And I'm like, well, you know, I'm not as chiseled as this person, or I'm not as like perfect as this one or whatever.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:43.840
And it's it it just psychologically starts to tear you down, which is the world of dating we live today.
00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:45.759
And this is the place that I don't like.
00:10:45.759 --> 00:11:04.720
Because at the end of the day, half these people are filtered, half of these people then, you know, either they have other um insecurities or they have, and at the end of the day, and I'm not saying all because God has definitely made us all look the way that we we do for a reason.
00:11:04.720 --> 00:11:06.960
And that's the beautiful part of this earth.
00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:09.919
Like, I don't think anybody should ever compare themselves to anybody else.
00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:18.559
The truth of what you're trying to find is somebody that loves you for exactly who you are, unfiltered.
00:11:18.559 --> 00:11:23.200
Maybe sure, they fall for you because you're all at your best.
00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:25.919
Like men are in suits and women are in dresses and heels, right?
00:11:25.919 --> 00:11:26.799
Like, I get that.
00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:28.879
That's part of the law of attraction, right?
00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:30.240
Like, I get that.
00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:41.200
However, do they still love you when you are in your pajamas, your hair-ups in a butt, you're in your sport clothes, you're in just a t-shirt for guys and you know, basketball shorts or whatever it is.
00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:46.399
Do they still love you outside of that image?
00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:52.799
Because I hear all day long in the industry of what I'm in is like, oh, well, I don't like that photo, but I like that photo of them.
00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:57.519
I don't like they're all the same person, maybe different light, different angle, different whatever.
00:11:57.519 --> 00:11:59.919
But do you want to get to know the person?
00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:03.360
Because you can get that photo, but is it just about the photo or is it about the person?
00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:12.480
Like, that's the psychological between when we talk about chemistry versus compatibility, that it has to be, it has to stand the test of time, like you just said.
00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:13.440
That's what it's about.
00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:14.879
It's about having the balance of both.
00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:21.919
I'm not saying you should be with somebody you're not have chemistry towards, but chemistry can also be, you know, an energy thing.
00:12:21.919 --> 00:12:37.600
It can be a personality thing, it could be how they carry themselves, how they how they are with other people that in confidence but not arrogance that makes somebody so like yes, you know, that chemistry builds from that too.
00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:38.960
Yes, desirable.
00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:39.919
I agree.
00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:43.759
Okay, so next question from our audience that came in.
00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:48.159
Why does chemistry feel so convincing in the moment?
00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:54.159
Well, I 100% think that that is an endorphin release.
00:12:54.320 --> 00:12:55.840
Yes, that's what I was gonna say.
00:12:56.080 --> 00:13:01.519
And in the culture that we're in, we we live off this endorphin release.
00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:07.279
We do we have completely put ourselves in the cycle that we're litting for the next endorphin release.
00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:07.519
Yeah.
00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:08.240
Constantly.
00:13:08.240 --> 00:13:09.120
Yes.
00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:18.559
And obviously, like the pheromones from colognes, perfumes, all of those things that is a multi-billion dollar probably business, right?
00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:20.879
I don't know the exact number, so please don't quote me.
00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:23.519
But why do we wear perfume in cologne?
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:32.799
To draw somebody in because of that scent that naturally gets our pheromones moving.
00:13:32.799 --> 00:13:33.919
Yeah, right.
00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:37.840
So, you know, when you talk about that, why are we drawn into somebody?
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:38.320
What is it?
00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:39.279
What was the question?
00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:42.879
Why does chemistry feel so convincing in the moment?
00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:56.320
Because your idea of what you find attractive is there, their scent, the way they carry themselves, and all of these things that you get lost up in lust opposed to love.
00:13:56.320 --> 00:13:57.679
Yes.
00:13:57.679 --> 00:14:03.519
And so it feels it's like it's like a brand new shining object.
00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:09.360
Like we're it's technology, it's a new car, it's a new outfit, and we're like, oh my gosh, we're so excited.
00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:09.679
Right.
00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:12.559
And then, you know, the car gets scratched, right?
00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:15.440
It gets old, you realize everybody else has it.
00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:19.279
The technology is no longer fun, and you've worn the outfit five times, you're not wearing it anymore.
00:14:19.279 --> 00:14:24.080
Like it just is, it's no longer exciting because it's not new and fresh.
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:31.120
So that's how I would describe like why chemistry in the beginning, because you don't know anything about them.
00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:32.159
It's exciting.
00:14:32.159 --> 00:14:40.559
Yeah, it's then after you know more about them, does the conversation continue as if it was your first date five years down the road right now?
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:48.159
And that's why it's so important in the beginning to really pay attention to Are we compatible?
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:50.080
Yes, that's so true.
00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:58.799
Because at some point, the chemistry is just not going to be on fire the way that it was the day that you met each other.
00:14:58.799 --> 00:15:01.919
It's just not in my well, I mean it should, but maybe not every day.
00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:04.960
And they right, it's not gonna be every day, every moment.
00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:06.399
Real life comes into place.
00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:07.200
Yes, right?
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:30.639
Yes, and you you can correct me if you think that I'm wrong on this, but I feel like in a relationship when you're dating, I feel like right around six months is a good time frame that that sizzle comes down a little bit, and you you start to see like that the real in and outs of the relationship and how things or how real life is going to come into play.
00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:30.960
Yeah.
00:15:30.960 --> 00:15:35.120
And then I think at another mark is at a year, you see it even more so.
00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:38.000
And it's good to give yourself that time.
00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.080
We were talking about this before we sat down.
00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:44.080
It's so good to give yourself that time in the relationship, right?
00:15:44.080 --> 00:15:44.559
Yeah.
00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:51.360
To make sure that all of the compatibility is there with the chemistry, right?
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:54.720
Like you want to maintain that chemistry and figure out how to keep that going as well.
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:57.279
But all of those things have to come into play.
00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:57.919
It's so true.
00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:02.720
And I usually typically say nine months just from study, because six months we can still carry it.
00:16:02.720 --> 00:16:03.039
Okay.
00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:04.559
But six months you'll start to see it.
00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:07.039
Nine months you'll really start to witness it.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:14.879
But definitely go through all the seasons, if not a little bit more, because it is amazing how people can keep a front.
00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:17.120
But does it stand the test of time?
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:17.840
Right.
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:22.000
And so, I mean, I think it goes back to the whole thing we were talking about earlier.
00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:30.720
Like be wise, uh, be quick to listen, slow to respond, and just take everything to the Lord, right?
00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:39.039
And every decision that we're, you know, when you when you're thinking, is this chemistry or is this lust or is this love or is this, you know, um compatibility?
00:16:39.039 --> 00:16:39.440
Right.
00:16:39.440 --> 00:17:05.759
You know, and and know, I mean, the advice that I'm always sharing when we talk about like our course and just in general, spend quality time with God and ask him, because he knows whether I think so many people struggle with this, and this is like its own podcast on its own, but I even struggle with this sometimes is I'm like, I feel like I need to go to God when I'm like either praising him or I'm like asking him for something, but I don't ever go to him as frequently as I should.
00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:09.200
And I'm saying this out loud to all and myself too, as a reminder.
00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:12.480
We need to go to him even when we have concerns.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:16.079
We don't often go to God when we have a concern.
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:26.880
And so when we're thinking about compatibility versus chemistry, or non-negotiable should be things that maybe are concerns of ours, why we haven't fallen in love yet, why we haven't found that person.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:32.000
Like those should be things that we go to God and say, Lord, I'm concerned about this.
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:33.920
My concerns are this.
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:50.079
Help me to hear you, feel you, and acknowledge what it is I need so that I'm not falling on lust and just chemistry, and I'm also falling on compatibility because you know my future way beyond what I think I know.
00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:52.240
And you know what I need today and tomorrow.
00:17:52.240 --> 00:18:06.079
And help me write those words down and then write it down and use that as your accountability that will forever be changing, but yet so you don't get in the wrong relationships just on chemistry and not on compatibility.
00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:14.960
And if they don't match, at least I always say if you write 15, 25, 35, 50 things down, if they don't match your top four, it's not the one.
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:19.680
That is truly just chemistry that will not send the last test of time because you just wrote this without.
00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:20.640
I agree.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:27.519
And I think in relationships, taking it to a word I think we're so quick to respond.
00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:36.799
When we're in a relationship and things come up or we're not sure if we're like, oh, this seems like it's not going the way that I thought it was.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:40.960
Don't take it into your own hands immediately.
00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:44.480
Yes, yes.
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:54.480
When you seek answers, I mean there's tons of people that come to me and they say, Well, I asked my friends and I asked my psychologist, and I'm like, where's the conversation of that you asked God?
00:18:54.480 --> 00:18:56.559
Because that's the only answer I want.
00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:58.880
Love our friends, love our psychologists, right?
00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:00.319
Like I get it.
00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:05.680
But the only answer I want to hear that you went to first and foremost is with God.
00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:06.240
Right.
00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:08.880
Because He is the one who's gonna give you your answers.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:15.200
Then take that knowledge of the conversation you had with God to your friends and then to your psychology, whatever it is, right?
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:16.960
Remember the source you're coming from.
00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:18.880
Don't find somebody I know when I was younger.
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:20.720
I'd always go to somebody that would agree with me.
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:21.359
Why?
00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:22.319
Why?
00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:25.279
Because I just wanted more affirmation that I was right.
00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:26.640
Where did that get me?
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:38.079
That got me 10 steps further back from the Lord and Savior to get into my lane of my purpose now, because I was cutting God off at the knees, which is so wrong.
00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:47.279
So it's just also important that you really like you know your worth, you ask for what the Lord sees, and it's not always comfortable.
00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:52.799
It's definitely not always what we want, but it is so much better when we actually do that than we could ever imagine.
00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:58.720
Even in conversations and not just not just in romantic relationships, but in friendships.
00:19:58.720 --> 00:20:07.920
Can you take it to a Lord first and you allow him to have time to work on things before you go in in the conversation?
00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:08.480
Yeah.
00:20:08.480 --> 00:20:13.920
100% of the time the conversation goes way better than if you just sort of went at it.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:14.400
Yeah.
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:19.279
And I mean you always walk away from it, going, so right?
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:34.079
Even when you think you can't do something, but if you have the Lord behind you in everything you do, you can do anything as long as you know you are speaking as a witness from him through you to somebody else, opposed to then saying, I'm doing this, right?
00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:35.680
It's amazing the things that come.
00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:39.680
And I think, you know, as our audience is learning more about your story as well.
00:20:39.680 --> 00:20:51.839
Um, you know, you and I off this have shared a lot of like heart-to-heart stories, is it's just going back to, you know, if we could tell our younger self this, this is what we would share with them.
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:55.279
For me, I I finally found my true love later in life.
00:20:55.279 --> 00:21:04.559
All the seasons I had to go through, it's it's scary, it's difficult, it's lonely, it's exciting, it's upset, and it's just like, when is my time?
00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:05.839
Like, this is not fair.
00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:06.799
Why, Lord?
00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:07.440
Why?
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:11.519
But I'm sitting here to say later in life, finally waking up to everything.
00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:20.160
I had to go through all of that because then you wouldn't be as appreciative as you are now to be the best mom, to be the best mate, to be the best, all of these things.
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:22.160
And that we all have different seasons.
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:37.359
And so stop comparing yourself to what the world wants you to believe you should be doing this, you should be doing that, and create your own story because God made us all individually differently for a reason, and he doesn't want us to all be the same.
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.079
So, know whatever your neat unique story is.
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:44.240
Don't get discouraged, don't get down on yourself, don't compare yourself.
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:51.599
Just try your best every single day, going to him, and he will provide on all fronts.
00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:56.400
That time in between is time for you to grow.
00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:56.720
Yeah.
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.599
That's grow so that you can be the person that you can.
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:01.519
The one that he has for you.
00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:02.160
Amen.
00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:03.200
So true.
00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:26.559
So the next question, which is I feel like we've already answered this, but let's ask it because this is one of the other questions that somebody had asked or wrote in is how can someone slow down and assess compatibility, which I feel we just talked about, you know, writing down your needs, your wants, your non-negotiables, taking it to the Lord.
00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:32.240
I think if you're somebody that, I mean, I lived a life of like fast and furious.
00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:34.480
What I wanted, I would go after, I would get it.
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:39.920
I it but it always led to a lonely result.
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:48.000
Whether crashing and burning or feeling lonely at the end of it, I can say from my own life experience, I'll let you share yours.
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:49.920
It never worked out.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:23:06.319
So when we slow down, live life, and we're were there for the you know, through the journey, me now, like I was saying earlier, falling in love later in life, it's also like it was worth it.
00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:09.599
But I wish I learned it all a lot earlier.
00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:25.519
So when we take our time, and especially in today's fast-paced, like drive-through it feels like dating world we live in, and everybody's watching, honestly, the most per most important person watching is is Jesus.
00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:32.960
And so when you ask yourself, like, okay, well, this person's single, okay, this person, oh, I gotta ask on this date today, I gotta ask on that date, da da da da, what are you doing?
00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:52.160
Like, if you truly want to find true love, date with intention, don't date around, don't just go on the next date because you have time and there's somebody like ask important questions early on, which of course, us as a matchmaking company, that's what we do before you even go on that first date to spare you when you're out there in the your own, though, and I get it, right?
00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:55.359
And you're not working with us, and I and I get it.
00:23:55.359 --> 00:24:01.599
Just don't be too quick just to go on a date to go on a date.
00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:10.480
Like, you know, get to know someone, show interest, show, show curiosity because you ultimately want somebody to be curious about you.
00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:11.119
Right.
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:12.480
That would be my two stories.
00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:18.079
Don't just stay in it because there's chemistry.
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:24.319
If you know you see that there's not compatibility, the most valuable thing in this world is your time.
00:24:24.799 --> 00:24:25.119
Yes.
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:26.799
Yes, so don't waste your time.
00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:30.640
And we're not gonna have enough time on this earth somebody sitting there working a seat.
00:24:30.640 --> 00:24:31.200
Right.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:32.079
It's so true.
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:38.000
And I think you know the world has changed so much in the dating path, right?
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:40.640
From even back in the day when we were dating before internet.
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:57.440
I mean, I'm not trying to date us, but right before any of the technology or anything that came out, to then the way of dating today and the way of fast pace is the problem is we have all gotten so used to getting what we want now when we want it.
00:24:57.440 --> 00:25:14.960
And that is not how God designed love to be, even our own relationships from when we were born, when God designed us before we even were born, to what he knew we would be in and out today.
00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:20.880
It's incredible how his favorite moments are when we slow down in in our presence.
00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:28.640
And I think if we take relationships that way, and and trust me, of all the people in the world, us both being female, we get it.
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:31.759
The biological clock, all of the things, right?
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.160
Right.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:37.200
I am now sitting here saying today, love my daughter more than anything in this world.
00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:44.640
I would love her just the same if she was not my blood or she was somebody else's child.
00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:46.640
It's different, yes, I get it.
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:52.559
But it's also like I believe love is so much thicker than blood.
00:25:52.559 --> 00:26:00.559
And I believe God is the ultimate like feeling of true love.
00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:18.079
And when we go into every relationship feeling his heartbeat and his blessing, and we go at it with that approach, and two people do, um, I just I just truly feel that that's when we're talking about obviously this whole subject is about chemistry and compatibility.
00:26:18.079 --> 00:26:19.440
That's the compatibility.
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:27.920
If more people spent time looking at that approach, they would truly have both chemistry and compatibility all in one.
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:36.960
We hope you have found this beneficial and valuable, as we love having these conversations and the questions that you're writing in.
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:46.079
Please continue to ask the questions that you want Amanda and I to answer in real girl talk conversation, talking about the real things that matter.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:56.720
And I truly believe men and women should be listening to this so that they can truly hear what's just happening and just in conversation when you're like, what do I do about this?
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:08.480
Uh, I hope you have enjoyed this podcast on chemistry versus compatibility, because it's a real thing out there that people are struggling with to try to know and have and navigate the right direction of where they're going.
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:10.880
So thank you, Amanda, for joining us.
00:27:10.880 --> 00:27:11.839
Thank you for having me.
00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:17.599
Always love chatting with you, and we cannot wait to hear any other questions you have or topics you want us to discuss.
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:18.960
Please write in.
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:20.960
I hope you have an incredible week.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:33.200
And if there's other topics you want to learn about, check out our podcasts from past years that are trending topics that never fade because love and relationships are something that is continuously growing.
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:36.480
We're gonna love and leave you and hope you have a blessed day.
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:44.960
It's been another great talk on this episode of 1 True Talks by Renee Richel.
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:46.960
I look forward to our next chat.
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:55.440
Please write in your questions and comments so I can be sure to talk about whatever it is you want to discuss in our next upcoming episode.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:56.319
Lots of Love.
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:58.000
God Bless, XOXO.