00:00:00
Speaker 1: Our next discussion ties into sixteen days of activism for no Violence against Women and Children, which the nation is observing until the tenth of December. Men's development worker and founder of father A Nation, Craig Wilkinson has authored a book titled Force for Good, The Power of Healthy Musculinity. He's urging men to change South Africa's alarming femicide rate, which is five times the global average. Craig joins us now from Australia via zoom. Craig, Welcome to weekend breakfast. Good do I say good morning or good.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Evening, Good evening to me, Good morning to you. Thanks Jake, You're good to be with you.
00:00:39
Speaker 1: Now, when you say that positive musculinity protects women and children, what do.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: You mean, well, I mean masculinity is first of all, it's a beautiful gift to humanity and if used well and if it is what it should be, it protects, It never abuses. It's always there to serve, to love, to honor. The more positive, good, healthy masculinity we have the healthier society and the safer society. It's as simple as that.
00:01:08
Speaker 1: Now, can you read us the pledge that you've taken and tell us where you would like men to recite it.
00:01:15
Speaker 2: Well, in many forms of the pledge you can find it in our website to father a Nation, dot co, dot zerte. But basically the pledge is I'm a man. I'm a gift to society. I can also choose to be a curse, but I choose to be a gift. I choose to be an excellent partner, husband, father, role model, citizen, And I pledge that every woman in child is safe in my presence. You know, it should be something that men and women take for granted that men do. But you know, we need to state it out.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Loud now, Craig, no boy is born an abuser. What can be done to educate young boys so that when they grow up they become part of the solution and not the problem.
00:02:01
Speaker 2: Absolutely well, it's so true. I mean, we've had these hashtags men are trash. We hear a lot about toxic masculinity, but that's not the natural state of masculinity. You know, no boy enters this world whired to be an abuser. In our DNA, as men is a rich heritage of heroism, you know, standing up against what's wrong, fighting for what's right, protecting and so we need to be very cognizant and intentional about how we raise boys to be men. And I've written a lot of material on this, you know, I talk about the six pack of masculine virtues, and fundamentally, the very first one is that every man. What determines what kind of manual is what do you do with the strength you have, whether it's economic, physical, emotional, what do you do with it? Do you fail to use it and become passive bystander, or do you misuse it and become an aggressive domineerrant? Or do you say I'm going to use my strength for good in other words, not be passive, never be silent when evil is happening, but also misuse my strength, dominate or take what's not mine. And it's simply that you can ask the question of any boy or any man, are you making the world a better place? Is everyone in your life better off because you're in their life? And if the answer is yes, that's that's true masculinity.
00:03:17
Speaker 1: Well said, Now, what does the role fatherlessness play in how young men turn out?
00:03:24
Speaker 2: Jacob? It's huge. I think that's one of South Africa's biggest, biggest issues. Young boys look to older men to model to them what it means to be a man, and also to validate them as a man, and to and to to induct them into manhood. And in the absence of old the good male role models and ideally a father or father figure, you know it, an uncle or a biological father, or a stepfather or older brother. In the absence of that, boys grow up not knowing what it means to be a man. And particularly if a boy grows up and there's no father's there's the absent, you know. Their their view is that men don't take with responsibility. Men are absence, so they model that behavior. If they grow up seeing all theer men abusing women, they model that behavior abusing alcohol or you know. So, the role of fathers and father figures in raising the next generation of boys to be good men is absolutely crucial and utterly indispensable. And in a country like ours, where you have upwards of sixty percent of children growing up without a present, engaged father, you're growing up. We're growing a nation of men that are lost and don't know what it means to be a man. So it's something we need to address very urgently.
00:04:32
Speaker 1: And I think addressing something like alcohol abuse or alcohol consumption that needs to be taken care of almost immediately because that plays a big role in the abuse. And obviously the glorifying of alcohol being.
00:04:48
Speaker 2: Cool absolutely well, you know, it's one of the false notions of you know, it's boys and men. We grow up with many lives about masculinecy. You know, one of the lies is big boys don't cry. One of the lies is, you know, the more power I have, the more macho I am, the more woman I can have, you know, all these lies that we grow up with, and of course alcohol plays into that. The more more beers I can drink, the more of a man. But also what happens is alcohol in and of itself, if not abused, is not the problem. It's wounded men who escaped in alcohol and excessively consume alcohol that then become very dangerous men. So it plays a massive role alcohol abuse. But you've got to look at why I'm men abusing alcohol. You know, it's often a result of woundedness and damagedness within their masculine psyche. But you're right, alcohol is a major major contributor to gender based violence.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: Now, how else can men become a force for good?
00:05:47
Speaker 2: Well, there many ways. You know, it's not a sort of bullet is it. You know, the book I've written, Force for Good, I think is a wonderful manual for men because it says, to men, you're a hero man waiting to happen, but you can also be a a villain. The choice is yours, and this is how you become a hero not a villain. I think. Also, what we need to do, Jacob, is we begin, we need to begin to develop brotherhood. We've lost that. You know, we have men that we can drink a beer with, watch a game with. But how many men do we have that really hold us to account, that already know us, that we can really truly be vulnerable with. And as we develop that band of brothers that hold us to account and are able to be vulnerable with us, in other words, help us carry our burdens. Healthy masculinity will definitely result from that. So many men commit suicide, you know, four times more than women. And one of the reasons is we don't we don't share, we don't talk, you know, they say. The biggest lie that men say is I'm fine and I'm not fine, and that leads to disaster as well. So as men, we need to really step up and stand up with each other, for each other and hold each other to high standards. If we see a brother making racist comments, sexist comments, you know sojynty, we need to say, hey, do that's not okay man, not in my presence. More. We do that with each other and then also are there to support when the brothers going through a terrible situation, A light will change.
00:07:09
Speaker 1: How do we get our hands on the book Force for Good?
00:07:13
Speaker 2: It's available at all leading bookstores, exclusive books, also Amazon Online, available in kindles, so wherever books are sold, one should be able to find it.
00:07:24
Speaker 1: And it is also available on Father and Nation dotzo dot zerday. And what else could we find on Father and Nation dotzotday.
00:07:32
Speaker 2: Well, there's some beautiful free resources there for men and women. There's there's a free online course called No Excuse for Abuse. There's a free online course called the six Pack of Masculine Virtues, which which one one can log in if we log into father father a Nation, dot co dot zerte and just look under resources when one can get access to those courses. There's also courses on fatherhood. There's a small cost to those, but multiple resources available there.
00:08:00
Speaker 1: Greig Wilkinson, that's all the time. We have authored a book titled Force for Good, The Power of Healthy Masculinity. Thank you for your time. Craig really appreciate it.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: Thank you, Jake, appreciate being one
Speaker 1: Our next discussion ties into sixteen days of activism for no Violence against Women and Children, which the nation is observing until the tenth of December. Men's development worker and founder of father A Nation, Craig Wilkinson has authored a book titled Force for Good, The Power of Healthy Musculinity. He's urging men to change South Africa's alarming femicide rate, which is five times the global average. Craig joins us now from Australia via zoom. Craig, Welcome to weekend breakfast. Good do I say good morning or good.
00:00:33
Speaker 2: Evening, Good evening to me, Good morning to you. Thanks Jake, You're good to be with you.
00:00:39
Speaker 1: Now, when you say that positive musculinity protects women and children, what do.
00:00:43
Speaker 2: You mean, well, I mean masculinity is first of all, it's a beautiful gift to humanity and if used well and if it is what it should be, it protects, It never abuses. It's always there to serve, to love, to honor. The more positive, good, healthy masculinity we have the healthier society and the safer society. It's as simple as that.
00:01:08
Speaker 1: Now, can you read us the pledge that you've taken and tell us where you would like men to recite it.
00:01:15
Speaker 2: Well, in many forms of the pledge you can find it in our website to father a Nation, dot co, dot zerte. But basically the pledge is I'm a man. I'm a gift to society. I can also choose to be a curse, but I choose to be a gift. I choose to be an excellent partner, husband, father, role model, citizen, And I pledge that every woman in child is safe in my presence. You know, it should be something that men and women take for granted that men do. But you know, we need to state it out.
00:01:49
Speaker 1: Loud now, Craig, no boy is born an abuser. What can be done to educate young boys so that when they grow up they become part of the solution and not the problem.
00:02:01
Speaker 2: Absolutely well, it's so true. I mean, we've had these hashtags men are trash. We hear a lot about toxic masculinity, but that's not the natural state of masculinity. You know, no boy enters this world whired to be an abuser. In our DNA, as men is a rich heritage of heroism, you know, standing up against what's wrong, fighting for what's right, protecting and so we need to be very cognizant and intentional about how we raise boys to be men. And I've written a lot of material on this, you know, I talk about the six pack of masculine virtues, and fundamentally, the very first one is that every man. What determines what kind of manual is what do you do with the strength you have, whether it's economic, physical, emotional, what do you do with it? Do you fail to use it and become passive bystander, or do you misuse it and become an aggressive domineerrant? Or do you say I'm going to use my strength for good in other words, not be passive, never be silent when evil is happening, but also misuse my strength, dominate or take what's not mine. And it's simply that you can ask the question of any boy or any man, are you making the world a better place? Is everyone in your life better off because you're in their life? And if the answer is yes, that's that's true masculinity.
00:03:17
Speaker 1: Well said, Now, what does the role fatherlessness play in how young men turn out?
00:03:24
Speaker 2: Jacob? It's huge. I think that's one of South Africa's biggest, biggest issues. Young boys look to older men to model to them what it means to be a man, and also to validate them as a man, and to and to to induct them into manhood. And in the absence of old the good male role models and ideally a father or father figure, you know it, an uncle or a biological father, or a stepfather or older brother. In the absence of that, boys grow up not knowing what it means to be a man. And particularly if a boy grows up and there's no father's there's the absent, you know. Their their view is that men don't take with responsibility. Men are absence, so they model that behavior. If they grow up seeing all theer men abusing women, they model that behavior abusing alcohol or you know. So, the role of fathers and father figures in raising the next generation of boys to be good men is absolutely crucial and utterly indispensable. And in a country like ours, where you have upwards of sixty percent of children growing up without a present, engaged father, you're growing up. We're growing a nation of men that are lost and don't know what it means to be a man. So it's something we need to address very urgently.
00:04:32
Speaker 1: And I think addressing something like alcohol abuse or alcohol consumption that needs to be taken care of almost immediately because that plays a big role in the abuse. And obviously the glorifying of alcohol being.
00:04:48
Speaker 2: Cool absolutely well, you know, it's one of the false notions of you know, it's boys and men. We grow up with many lives about masculinecy. You know, one of the lies is big boys don't cry. One of the lies is, you know, the more power I have, the more macho I am, the more woman I can have, you know, all these lies that we grow up with, and of course alcohol plays into that. The more more beers I can drink, the more of a man. But also what happens is alcohol in and of itself, if not abused, is not the problem. It's wounded men who escaped in alcohol and excessively consume alcohol that then become very dangerous men. So it plays a massive role alcohol abuse. But you've got to look at why I'm men abusing alcohol. You know, it's often a result of woundedness and damagedness within their masculine psyche. But you're right, alcohol is a major major contributor to gender based violence.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: Now, how else can men become a force for good?
00:05:47
Speaker 2: Well, there many ways. You know, it's not a sort of bullet is it. You know, the book I've written, Force for Good, I think is a wonderful manual for men because it says, to men, you're a hero man waiting to happen, but you can also be a a villain. The choice is yours, and this is how you become a hero not a villain. I think. Also, what we need to do, Jacob, is we begin, we need to begin to develop brotherhood. We've lost that. You know, we have men that we can drink a beer with, watch a game with. But how many men do we have that really hold us to account, that already know us, that we can really truly be vulnerable with. And as we develop that band of brothers that hold us to account and are able to be vulnerable with us, in other words, help us carry our burdens. Healthy masculinity will definitely result from that. So many men commit suicide, you know, four times more than women. And one of the reasons is we don't we don't share, we don't talk, you know, they say. The biggest lie that men say is I'm fine and I'm not fine, and that leads to disaster as well. So as men, we need to really step up and stand up with each other, for each other and hold each other to high standards. If we see a brother making racist comments, sexist comments, you know sojynty, we need to say, hey, do that's not okay man, not in my presence. More. We do that with each other and then also are there to support when the brothers going through a terrible situation, A light will change.
00:07:09
Speaker 1: How do we get our hands on the book Force for Good?
00:07:13
Speaker 2: It's available at all leading bookstores, exclusive books, also Amazon Online, available in kindles, so wherever books are sold, one should be able to find it.
00:07:24
Speaker 1: And it is also available on Father and Nation dotzo dot zerday. And what else could we find on Father and Nation dotzotday.
00:07:32
Speaker 2: Well, there's some beautiful free resources there for men and women. There's there's a free online course called No Excuse for Abuse. There's a free online course called the six Pack of Masculine Virtues, which which one one can log in if we log into father father a Nation, dot co dot zerte and just look under resources when one can get access to those courses. There's also courses on fatherhood. There's a small cost to those, but multiple resources available there.
00:08:00
Speaker 1: Greig Wilkinson, that's all the time. We have authored a book titled Force for Good, The Power of Healthy Masculinity. Thank you for your time. Craig really appreciate it.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: Thank you, Jake, appreciate being one
