Unlocking You and Your Relationships: A Deep Dive into the Enneagram

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Welcome to Restoration Beyond the Couch, hosted by Dr Lee Long.
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In this episode, dr Long interviews Jetty and Dana, a dynamic duo of Enneagram experts who work together to bring transformation to both personal and professional lives.
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Jetty, a therapist specializing in personal growth and healing, and Dana, who works with organizations and businesses, combine their expertise to help individuals and teams foster deeper connections and self-awareness.
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Together, they provide a powerful perspective on how the Enneagram can unlock personal and professional transformation.
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Join us as we dive into their journey and explore the profound impact the Enneagram has on relationships, work environments and personal development.
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Welcome Dana Corley and Jetty Bowen to, honestly, two of my most favorite people here to talk about a subject the Enneagram.
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I think people it's so funny because I feel like when we talk about the Enneagram it's a skosh bit polarizing, because people are like, oh, those numbers and all that.
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But then other people are like totally bought in, they totally sink into it and they have so much fun with it.
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And then they say, oh well, that's so one of you.
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Or oh my gosh, that's your eight popping out and it's like this creates this little language, right?
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Oh yeah, it's a whole subculture, a whole subculture, and that's what we're going to explore today.
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So thank you so much for being here.
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Yeah, I'm excited.
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So how would you all, how would you give us an overview and I know this is a big question, but how would you all give us?
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an.
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What would your overview of the Enneagram be?
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Well, in its most simple form, the Enneagram is a tool utilizing both modern psychology and spirituality ancient spirituality to really discover who we really are and in all of our glory.
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We have two selves a false self and a true self, or an authentic self and an adapted self.
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And, at its basic core, the Enneagram has been able to identify nine distinct personalities that all of us will fall into one of those, and there's a lot of crossover on how we manifest that personality, so it can be challenging to discover which type you actually fall into, but there's.
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It's just a tool for personal self-discovery and, hopefully, growth.
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Love that.
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Yeah, yeah, I would echo that and just say it's a tool for transformation.
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It's really.
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It helps to put language to the box that you've been living in and it's an invitation to step out of that.
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Yeah, I love the way you guys are characterizing this, because it is ancient.
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I mean, how far back does it go?
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Like several thousand years, correct?
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Yeah, I mean it's theorizing, putting historical things together, but as far back for sure as the desert fathers and mothers, and then it utilizes things out of sort of the mystics of multiple religions, multiple faiths, the Sufis of the Kabbalah, of the Bible, and just utilizing the traits that are similar in those mystic books.
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And a lot of it has been passed down orally and then put together in the last century by a few guys that kind of put it on paper and then started refining it more with modern psychology.
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Now, to your knowledge, has there been any research like like, have have we had any studies or anything using the Enneagram?
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Do you all know?
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Well, using the Enneagram.
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Can you expand on that?
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Yeah.
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Has anybody utilized the Enneagram and studied it in a in a, a um in a?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Well, there are a lot of psychologists that use it, um, a lot of guys that are that are, you know, teaching on emotional health?
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Um, and our emotional quotient will often utilize the Enneagram in becoming more aware of who we are that way.
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There is one person in particular currently, dr Jerome Love, who has an organization called the Brain-Based Enneagram, and his work is fascinating because he really is a scientist as well as a psychologist.
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Nice is a scientist as well as a psychologist, nice, um, I have read his book and utilized some of his stuff, but I'm not proficient at it to be able to speak at length about but, he.
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He incorporates the way our brains work and the different parts of our brain, and how they tie in with the different personality styles.
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Nice.
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Nice, looking at the neurochemistry and all that good stuff that's nice.
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That's nice.
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So it's a tool to discover yourself, Would you say.
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Because here's my take on the Enneagram is that it is a it's.
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First of all, I found it to be the most usable for my own personal sense, the most usable tool that gave me insight into why is it that I'm so driven by fun and I discipline is so difficult for me, but I found a workaround that, if I could look at something as an enjoyable thing, like running, People used to say to me you are such a disciplined person to get up so early all the time.
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And I'm thinking to myself that's not discipline.
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I so enjoy the people that I run with that if I know they're going to be there, that we're going to have these great conversations and I don't want to miss out on that.
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So there's so're going to be there, that we're going to have these great conversations, and I don't want to miss out on that.
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So there's so much fun to be had and I use that as my workaround, if you will, to create a sense of disciplined outcomes.
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But the process was all about fun and that's how I found my workaround and I think that for others, if it's utilized, I'm guessing that you guys feel the same way, that if you utilize this, it it works for other people as well, in the way that they're maybe bent or predetermined in their sense of who they are.
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Absolutely and in in your example we could actually unpack a lot more in there but we won't because you didn't ask that question Unpack away.
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Well, as a seven, you do want fun, you do want adventure.
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But why do you want that?
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And the Enneagram will get behind, not what we do, but why we do it Right.
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Why do you want that fun?
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And for a seven, sevens want to avoid pain.
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So there's something driving our personalities that is, we want to avoid something and we want to get our basic needs met.
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And also, the cool thing about the Enneagram is there.
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It's a dynamic system.
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Nobody's stuck in one place.
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We may all have a type that we identify with because of what the motive of that type is, but we move around that Enneagram diagram and we connect to other types and we can actually connect to every type and have some of every type within us.
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I love that.
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Yeah, person who's most concerned about getting their basic needs met and protecting themselves and what they think they need.
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And we have the social person, who's more about connecting with other people and being part of the group and moving the group forward and having their role in that group space.
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And then there is the one-on-one, which is also referred to as the sexual.
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That's more about the coupling with that one other person and really connecting deeply.
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Well, you, as a seven, are also a social seven, so when you want to run, it's the connection with others that's driven by your social also.
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So there's several things going on when you make that choice.
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And the discipline part is there for you too, because, as a seven, you also go to the one space which is an extraordinarily disciplined person, right, so you've got a lot going on, but it's so fascinating.
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It is so fascinating going on, but it's so fascinating, it is so fascinating and I'd love for you to give our listeners a little peek behind what a seven, what a one or any other type that you want to highlight.
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But that's the part that to me, was so freeing, so helpful is that I would take different personality tests because in our, in our field, especially going through our programs test, because in our, in our field, especially going through our programs, we had to take a lot of personality inventories and I would always.
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I had one mentor look at me and said you broke the test, because he said you have all of these sanguine qualities.
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But then you have this melancholic quality and he's like I think you broke the test and I was like, well gosh, I didn't mean to break the test.
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And when I understood the Enneagram better I was like I didn't break the test.
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It's pointing to the two different places that I think I was under a lot of stress and pressure when I took that inventory and what it was showing that in stress I go to a sense of perfectionism to myself and so that's that melancholic piece is that, you know, it's that enthusiastic or that sanguine piece is that at, I guess at my baseline I would say, is what I where I would go, but in stress it's there and that's where it doesn't.
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The personality inventories don't always pick that up.
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Yes, and something that we mentioned also is is what makes the Enneagram so unique from other personality assessments is a lot of times these personality assessments, there's a lot of emphasis on behavior and what we're seeing right.
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Whereas the Enneagram is really giving language.
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It's kind of like lifting the the the lid a little bit and looking below the surface of what's actually driving and motivating the behavior.
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What are my core beliefs, what are those core fears that are moving me towards these behaviors?
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And that's what I would say makes it so unique and so helpful and provide this opportunity or invitation for transformation.
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And you mentioned kind of this workaround, right, Like when I understand that I can, I can start to kind of move to shift out of that.
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But I think, on the flip side, the other thing that's beautiful about it is it also that awareness of what's below the surface really can increase our compassion for not only ourselves but for those around us.
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You know.
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That's so.
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Yes, yes, yes, yes, with all exclamation points behind it.
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The thing that sold me on the Enneagram I was already sold before, but the thing that solidified it to me at its core, or to my core, was I had a struggle in a relationship with a very close person and once I understood their Enneagram number, all of a sudden for me, I was like, oh, now I understand where you're coming from, and all of the hurt, all of the pain in our interactions just disappeared.
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I had an.
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I had a better understanding that, yes, their impact on me may have been painful, but their intent was certainly more illuminated.
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Therefore, I could have a whole lot more space and grace for the impact.
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Yeah, it doesn't feel so personal.
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Correct yes Cause, it wasn't about me.
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And the reality is, we all live out of our ego or our false self.
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If we don't realize that there's something deeper and that false self is designed to protect us and to promote us, and if we don't, like Jenny said, pull back the lid undo the veil to look deeper inside of what's really going on in our hearts, we will continue to live in the subconscious, automated program that's been running our entire lives, and so change doesn't occur without an honest evaluation of what's really going on inside.
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Right.
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An honest yet nonjudgmental evaluation.
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That's so important.
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Because what you're describing is this adapted version of us, which all of us take on a personality.
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It's this adapted version and it's simply just our means for survival, like we're just surviving, we're just learning to, to function.
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Right.
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And so I think that piece is so important is when we are evaluating and we're really taking a deeper look at ourselves.
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We have to be willing to let go of the judgment and give ourselves the grace that I'm.
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I really am doing the best.
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I know how to do Right, yep.
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This promotes curiosity versus that sense of certainty, which certainty, I believe, often leads to judgment.
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I'm certain it's this, but wait, are you?
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And I think about what you're talking about, with that false self, that ego, that adaptive self.
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We have a term in our field perceptual understanding.
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And okay, we all know what perception is.
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Well, that was my perception of it.
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We hear that was my truth, that was my reality.
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But in our field I don't know that we all give as much credence to the understanding that that perception is a lens that we look at the world through.
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That lens is built on experiences from the past.
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It's built on present experience, but it's built on how we ingested the world.
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And I think about the term proprioception, which is a physical term and that's how does my body move through, how does my body navigate gravity Right?
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To me, proprioception is the physical, where perceptual perception or perceptual understanding is the metaphysical, because it's how do I move through life with an understanding of my lens Right?
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And do I ever take my lenses off and try to clean them a little bit to see that maybe my lens is not the factual truth, it's my understanding of it?
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I'm not saying that there aren't absolutes there.
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Let me make this very clear there are absolutes, there are Mm-hmm, but then there's my perceptual understanding of the absolute.
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Exactly and how often do we navigate through those right?
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And it has been interesting because there have been studies done using Enneagram where you take a set of twins that were raised in the same environment and they're very different personalities and they perceived their experiences, their traumas differently because of the lens, and that's why I think that our personalities are part of our soul DNA.
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It is obviously a combination of nature versus nurture, but I think that it is innate in how we look at the world and in the Enneagram world.
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It's a disconnection from what's true about our being.
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It's a disconnection from actually what God imprinted on us.
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Wow, one of the things in the Enneagram we love is to talk about.
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Personality is actually a mask.
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The Latin word for personality comes from the word mask, and so our personalities are a mask that we put on and we move through the world with this mask because we want other people to see what we want them to see, or we want to believe that the mask we're wearing is who we really are.
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But the word character comes from the word being engraved, and character, in our opinion, is the divine engraving, the divine imprint of the Imago Dei.
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That's the true self, that's the essence of who we are.
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But we disconnect from that in order to protect and promote ourselves in the world, because we don't have a manual and all of the first seven years of life is just programming.
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We're taking information in but we don't have the maturity to know how to process that in truth, and so it's a distortion through our lens and that becomes the basis for the personality, and so we develop coping strategies and defense mechanisms for that promotion and protection Right, and they become more ingrained, more ingrained with our experiences, with our hurts, with our traumas, with our unhealed pain, and we don't realize the interior infrastructure that is being built and solidified, and that's what we live out of, and without the work, that's what we live out of, and without the work, that's what we continue to live out of right which offers as a therapist right.
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It offers us so much, I guess, fertile ground to to help people walk through healing from what you're describing and the beauty is the language is there in the program, so it's a helpful tool, right, it's not just pulling out of thin air, it's really being able to to, to narrow down and have people relate to.
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Once they read it, they might not have been able to come up with the language themselves, but this gives them the ability to go oh my gosh.
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I identify with that.
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That feels so true to me and I don't want to be that way necessarily.
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Right.
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I've always said it was interesting that the, the, the questionnaires.
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People will say, well, I did the questionnaire and I came out this and you're thinking?
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I've interacted with you enough to know.
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I don't know that that's accurate, because what is the?
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What is the stat that it's?
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the test are about 70% accurate.
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So, that's tricky, right, so cause, you're right.
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A lot of people are like, well, I did the free online test and I'm always like Ooh, because we also in in the Enneagram world like I can't tell someone, even even if I know them intimately, I cannot tell someone what motivates them.
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Right, and so it's.
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It is a journey of self-discovery that we've talked about, but just simply taking the test is not always going to be accurate, because, whether we like it or not, we're answering the way we want to believe that we are or how we want to be perceived.
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Another thing, too, is when you take the test, it's recommended to think back on your kind of early adulthood years, like early 20s, where you don't have as much stress and responsibility, right, right, and so you're probably more aware of yourself, but also more really living out of that, that kind of core space.
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You haven't had to adapt as much.
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Yes, yeah, um so we kind of like to say, yes, take a test, but read your top, your top few and see if one of those like study those a little bit and see if one resonates with you.
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Again, that's a.
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That is what is so to me.
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What is what's intriguing about the Enneagram is that it is a.
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It is a point to discover because there is so much complexity and this is some of the criticism I hear is there's so much complexity, am I a one, am I a two?
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A three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
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And then you have wings.
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So okay, are you a seven, six wing?
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Are you a seven, eight wing?
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Oh, I was winging on my six there, oh, I was winging on my eight there.
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And then you say okay, but I'm in stress, so I go to a one in stress.
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And then, oh, but I was happy, so I was going to a five, and it's.
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And then are you self-preserving, right?
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Are you social?
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Are you one-on-one?
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What's your?
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level of health when you travel Right it is very complex, which it's really fun for those who like to geek out on that Right, but for those it can be overwhelming to think about all that too.
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And the reality is you are always a unique individual, created in the image of God, no matter what type you might identify with.
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Yes, which is that's part of the discovery process.
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Right, it's because how do we show up in the world?
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How do we show up in the world and are we aware of our impact?
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Are we curious of how we show up in the world?
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And I think this can be a large wormhole that sends you into a whole new galaxy of trying to figure out how you show up in the world.
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So could you give our listeners a little background on you?
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We've said seven, we've said one, six.
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What would you mind giving us a background on what, like what, the numbers are and sure?
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Do you want like an overview of each number?
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Sure, that'd be great.
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Okay, what do I want to start with?
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I'd go ahead and start with ones.
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Okay, you want to start?
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Okay.
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So ones are they're known as the perfectionist.
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Ones kind of see what's missing, what's broken, and they have the solution and they know, they know how to fix it, and so oftentimes they can come across.
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The impact might be that people people receive them as critical but in their mind they're really just helping because they have the solution, right, and so they can be.
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They tend to be very black and white people and ones what?
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What sets them apart is a one has this voice in their head that is their inner critic and it has been with them probably for as long as they can remember, right, and many ones.
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When you say to them, you know, not everybody has that they're shocked because it's so familiar to them this, this voice that is constantly criticizing and and perfecting and correcting, um, yeah, am I missing anything you want to add?
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no, I don't know how deep you want us to go.
00:23:10.688 --> 00:23:26.744
Because, their most familiar emotion would be anger, and it's more of an anger that things aren't the way they should be, because they have an ideal image of what the world should be like, and so they live trying to perfect that and bring that about.
00:23:26.744 --> 00:23:34.279
And not everybody has that, and so there's this inner anger that you don't see what they see.
00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:39.278
And why aren't you helping to make this world a better place or this person a better person?
00:23:39.919 --> 00:23:47.901
Right, and the beauty of the one is that they truly do have a sense of something that they're aiming for.
00:23:48.342 --> 00:23:48.883
They do.
00:23:48.883 --> 00:23:51.587
We kind of like to call it a superpower.
00:23:51.788 --> 00:23:52.148
Yeah.
00:23:52.255 --> 00:24:07.830
They really do have an innate sense of how to make things better, honestly, but all of us, all of us tend to over-identify with the personality and lose ourselves in that Right and lose perspective because of that.
00:24:07.852 --> 00:24:10.722
Right right and for the one, their core motivation is to be good.
00:24:10.722 --> 00:24:15.084
They don't want to be a good person, and so their gift is discernment.
00:24:15.084 --> 00:24:26.281
They really do have the gift of discernment and are able to very quickly kind of discern what is right, what is wrong, what is good, bad yeah, and they fear being bad.
00:24:26.824 --> 00:24:27.044
Sure.
00:24:27.355 --> 00:24:32.528
So they're very hard on themselves and tend to be hard on others because of that.
00:24:33.115 --> 00:24:34.843
We're trying to perfect there Exactly.
00:24:35.255 --> 00:24:37.000
They want the best for you, right.
00:24:37.342 --> 00:24:38.444
Yeah, right, and it's really.
00:24:38.444 --> 00:24:52.167
I do think that there's a a real pure for lack of a better word motivation there, so okay, so there's the one, now the two two, two's there, so okay, so there's the one now the two, two, twos um.
00:24:52.167 --> 00:24:52.974
I'm assuming we're going in order.
00:24:53.375 --> 00:24:57.702
Yes, okay yes, uh, twos have a need to be needed.
00:24:57.702 --> 00:24:59.626
They're called the helper, um.
00:24:59.626 --> 00:25:21.541
Each number has a little name for it and there's multiple names for it, but that's the two and they want desperately to be liked um, and so they go out of their way to try to meet the needs of others and they kind of have a superpower of what others' needs are, and so they're very attuned to that.
00:25:21.541 --> 00:25:28.144
But they're not very attuned to their own needs, and so they're not good at identifying what their own needs.
00:25:28.144 --> 00:25:35.026
But deep inside they want you to know what their needs are, because they know what your needs are, and they want you to meet their needs.
00:25:35.026 --> 00:25:37.200
But they will never ask you to meet their needs.
00:25:37.401 --> 00:25:58.743
So resentment can kind of build up in the twos, but they spend their lives trying to take care of others and have a just real sensitivity towards others and knowing they could walk into a room where there's a conference being held and be sensitive to oh, is that?
00:25:58.743 --> 00:26:00.712
Is the temperature right in this room for everybody?
00:26:00.712 --> 00:26:01.435
Is the light right?
00:26:01.435 --> 00:26:02.962
I want to make it right for everybody.
00:26:02.962 --> 00:26:15.210
And they're lovely people, they're very warm and they look towards others before they kind of react to things or respond to things.
00:26:15.734 --> 00:26:20.026
So it's an external orientation where it seems like a I guess a one.
00:26:20.026 --> 00:26:22.078
Is that the one actually?
00:26:22.098 --> 00:26:23.222
looks towards others also.
00:26:23.262 --> 00:26:24.005
Yeah, there's that.
00:26:24.275 --> 00:26:28.946
We could get into a word for this, but we're going to keep it simple and not go there, but I want the word now.
00:26:28.946 --> 00:26:44.606
It's their stance, their dependent stance, and our stance is basically our posture, that we move through the world in how we sort of react to things, and the two's posture is always looking towards others.
00:26:44.606 --> 00:26:58.028
They want to get the feedback from others and again, this is subconscious Most of our living, our most of our living, 95 of our living, is autopilot right so it's comes in, coming out of the subconscious, uh part of us.
00:26:58.128 --> 00:27:05.516
So that's what twos do, uh, they want to make sure every everybody's okay so ones and twos are both in the dependent stance.
00:27:05.615 --> 00:27:09.520
Just to clarify yeah sure yeah, yeah, do we cover twos?
00:27:09.661 --> 00:27:09.901
Yeah.
00:27:10.020 --> 00:27:10.321
Threes.
00:27:10.821 --> 00:27:12.203
Go for it Uh.
00:27:12.344 --> 00:27:12.644
Three.
00:27:12.644 --> 00:27:15.728
The word for three is the achiever, performer, um.
00:27:15.728 --> 00:27:17.569
Threes are um.
00:27:17.569 --> 00:27:25.420
They are also in what we call the image triad, so they're very aware of how other people experience them and so they.
00:27:25.420 --> 00:27:32.367
They don't necessarily move towards others the way that the twos or the ones might, but they're very in tune with.
00:27:32.367 --> 00:27:35.351
Okay, when I step into this space, what's expected of me?
00:27:35.351 --> 00:27:39.201
What do other people perceive as successful?
00:27:39.201 --> 00:27:41.105
And they're able to kind of meet that expectation.
00:27:41.105 --> 00:27:44.095
Threes highly value efficiency.
00:27:44.095 --> 00:27:50.689
They're typically very hardworking and very focused on productivity.
00:27:50.689 --> 00:27:54.758
For a three, they equate admiration with love.
00:27:54.778 --> 00:27:56.101
They deeply want to be admired.
00:27:56.101 --> 00:28:07.137
Um, and they are not in the dependent stance here, the aggressive or, what I like to say, assertive stance right, Because aggressive has a little bit of negative connotation.
00:28:07.258 --> 00:28:07.538
Right which?
00:28:07.577 --> 00:28:10.984
really what that means is people in the aggressive, assertive stance.
00:28:10.984 --> 00:28:16.575
They are willing to move against others in order to get what they want right.
00:28:16.575 --> 00:28:21.467
So they've kind of got their eye on the prize or on the goal and they'll kind of do what it takes to get there.
00:28:22.816 --> 00:28:33.096
So when you think about a three who's achievement-oriented eye on the prize, the one who is perfection oriented, Can you delineate a little bit of that?
00:28:33.096 --> 00:28:34.038
That's a good question.
00:28:34.660 --> 00:28:43.277
Um, because actually they're the subtype of the three, which is a self-preserving three, looks a lot like a one, and so that's a really good question and clarifying question.
00:28:43.277 --> 00:28:53.645
Um, one thing is that, uh, while threes highly value efficiency, they, they, they're okay to cut corners as long as they get the job done and it looks good enough.
00:28:53.645 --> 00:29:02.969
Got it Because they want to get a lot of jobs done right, whereas the one really values being thorough and doing it precisely and perfectly right.
00:29:02.969 --> 00:29:11.044
They will dot their I's and cross their T's and take time doing it, and the three doesn't quite have that inner critic voice.
00:29:11.044 --> 00:29:32.443
They're more focused on again, like how am I being experienced by those around me and how can I set myself up to be admired, whereas the one has this innate sense of what is right and what is moral and they will stick with that kind of regardless of the environment, right.
00:29:32.784 --> 00:29:35.368
Okay, that makes sense, no that's good.
00:29:36.176 --> 00:29:38.163
Ones are going for goodness.
00:29:38.163 --> 00:29:39.979
Threes are going for admiration.
00:29:40.740 --> 00:29:41.000
Okay.
00:29:41.342 --> 00:29:41.542
Yeah.
00:29:42.084 --> 00:29:44.009
Okay, makes sense.
00:29:44.569 --> 00:29:45.511
Four, fours.
00:29:45.511 --> 00:29:46.273
I'll let you do fours.
00:29:46.974 --> 00:29:55.806
Fours are the people that desire to be unique and they are very connected to their hearts.
00:29:55.806 --> 00:30:03.684
They're also in the image triad, so the twos, threes and fours are in the image triad, which is most concerned with connections and relationships.
00:30:03.684 --> 00:30:26.534
Those three numbers and we call that the heart triad also, okay and fours just have a need to be special, a need to stand out and to be separate for their uniqueness, and they have a great deal of empathy, like a superpower of empathy, okay.
00:30:26.534 --> 00:30:42.009
And they also have this huge range of emotions, and so the fours can often feel deeply saddened in one moment and 10 minutes later be elated over something.
00:30:42.009 --> 00:30:53.519
Fours are the person you want to sit with you in your pain and sorrow, because they will sit with you in that, whereas other numbers are ready to go okay enough let's go
00:30:53.539 --> 00:30:58.915
um force can usually sit a long time in that and they can sit a long time in their own.
00:30:58.915 --> 00:31:12.468
They want to deeply feel that to them is a source of life where other types want to avoid feeling certain feelings or the depth of emotions because it's disruptive.
00:31:12.468 --> 00:31:19.347
For fours it feels like they're living, no matter how good or bad that emotion is.
00:31:19.347 --> 00:31:26.127
Fours have this innate superpower of bringing beauty to the world.
00:31:26.127 --> 00:31:35.275
They tend to be very creative, the world.
00:31:35.275 --> 00:31:40.824
They tend to be very creative, Very often people in the arts of any kind, whether it's music or performing or textiles, whatever it is.
00:31:40.824 --> 00:31:49.679
They just have this real gift of creativity and so the world is a better place because of that.
00:31:49.679 --> 00:31:58.250
And they have this ideal world of everybody being special and unique and getting along.
00:31:58.250 --> 00:32:06.066
And they can be super challenging because they're probably the most misunderstood.
00:32:07.107 --> 00:32:07.568
Interesting.
00:32:07.694 --> 00:32:13.756
And at their core they believe that there's something innately missing in them that everybody else has, yeah, and so for them.
00:32:13.756 --> 00:32:15.319
They oftentimes really struggle with envy.
00:32:17.655 --> 00:32:20.598
And I'm glad you brought that up, that is true.
00:32:20.598 --> 00:32:30.473
So that feeling inside of them of something's lacking is always there.
00:32:30.473 --> 00:32:38.407
Okay, so there's a lot of of unconscious comparison going on with the four and they don't ever measure up.
00:32:38.407 --> 00:32:46.506
So part of their uniqueness, part of their way of being, is trying to prove that they do have something to bring to the table.
00:32:46.506 --> 00:32:48.430
Wow, yeah, yeah.
00:32:48.430 --> 00:32:51.760
So any questions on the four?
00:32:52.242 --> 00:32:55.416
No, I love, I love how you all are putting this out.
00:32:55.416 --> 00:33:00.548
There is that, there's this, there's this bottom line Humanity is beautiful.
00:33:00.548 --> 00:33:17.284
Now I understand, when we operate out of our as y'all are saying our false self, our adoptive self, that we can be painful to other people, but the uniqueness of each type of person is just so beautiful to observe and to think about.
00:33:17.284 --> 00:33:31.943
Okay, moving toward this type of individual, this is what would be so helpful for me to offer to connect, not that I need to change me, I just need to understand them.
00:33:31.943 --> 00:33:47.185
And it's knowing, it's giving, maybe, parameters, not not to sound confining, but it's giving parameters to how people may show up for you or with you, and knowing how to be curious in that.
00:33:47.185 --> 00:33:49.215
So this is, to me, this.
00:33:49.215 --> 00:33:59.732
That's what I love about the Enneagram is learning those parameters of this is how they may show up and it's unique to them, which is beautiful because then we can explore it.
00:33:59.933 --> 00:34:06.913
Yes, so we move to the five which is the, the five is the investigator or observer.
00:34:06.913 --> 00:34:10.164
I was thinking you were going to say explorer because of what I said.
00:34:10.195 --> 00:34:10.597
Yeah, that's true.
00:34:10.597 --> 00:34:12.617
Yeah, the explorer with the explorer.
00:34:12.617 --> 00:34:15.186
I'm just kidding um fives are.
00:34:15.206 --> 00:34:20.445
We talked about stances a minute ago and fours and fives are both in what's called the withdrawing stance, so they go inward.
00:34:20.445 --> 00:34:23.394
Um, fives really live in their head.
00:34:23.394 --> 00:34:26.119
They're in the head triad uh, which means they.
00:34:26.119 --> 00:34:35.983
A familiar emotion to them is anxiety or worry, um, but for a five, the kind of this concept that knowledge is power is sort of what drives them.
00:34:35.983 --> 00:34:48.458
They accumulate and um uh, gather as much information as they can Um, and that uh that helps them to feel competent, which is one of their top values, is competency.
00:34:49.101 --> 00:34:53.297
Um, fives also have, uh, a lot of fives that I've talked to.
00:34:53.297 --> 00:35:22.199
It's almost like they have this visual of a battery or or a tank of gas and they start the day like this and they're watching it start to go down and they've kind of got to be back in their safe space before they're they're out of juice, um, and so they're, they're out of juice, and so they're very aware of and focused on preserving their energy, which means that they oftentimes aren't the quickest to willingly share, whether it's knowledge or insight.
00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:33.128
Fives are oftentimes the wisest on the Enneagram, but they're not quick to share that insight and wisdom Because, again, they're so focused on preserving their capacity and their energy.
00:35:33.856 --> 00:35:40.248
So would a self-preserving five look different than a more preserving than a five?
00:35:40.248 --> 00:35:48.963
Yes, and a social five would still be looking at that gas gauge, so to speak, but they would be a little more willing to connect.
00:35:48.963 --> 00:36:00.231
While there's a the, the one-on-one five, that's really linked together with that one person, but they're still watching that as if they were self-preserving.
00:36:00.231 --> 00:36:06.266
I bet that's an interesting subtype to uncover and discover with a five.
00:36:06.266 --> 00:36:06.786
Yeah.
00:36:06.806 --> 00:36:17.130
Cause the fives, you know they they hoard their resources because of that false belief that they won't have enough to get through the day.
00:36:17.130 --> 00:36:23.027
So they're constantly measuring what they can give and what they need to just hold on to.
00:36:23.027 --> 00:36:33.041
And, like Jenny said, their head is their castle, it's their favorite place to be and they can be super creative fives and creating in there.
00:36:33.041 --> 00:36:50.902
Many of our really brilliant people are fives and they spend so much time in their head, you know, coming up with ideas, huge solutions to the world's problems, and so it is interesting.
00:36:51.001 --> 00:37:00.307
But the fives, also because of that, they are the most emotionally detached of all the types.
00:37:00.307 --> 00:37:27.686
They value their information more than they value emotional connections often, and so you see them really withdrawing and holding on to that, because that information, that proficiency of what they own, is everything to them and they are willing to share it if you're willing to listen.
00:37:27.686 --> 00:37:36.018
But if they share it and you really aren't paying attention, they're like a turtle, they'll go back into their shell and they're not ever going to share that again.
00:37:36.018 --> 00:37:38.523
So they risked it one time.
00:37:38.523 --> 00:37:43.880
If it's well received, that's really good, but if not, it's backed off Wow.
00:37:44.320 --> 00:37:44.541
Wow.
00:37:45.021 --> 00:37:49.789
Okay, you can imagine a five with a four wing or a four with a five wing has a lot of internal.
00:37:50.070 --> 00:37:51.295
Yeah, there's a lot of.
00:37:51.295 --> 00:38:00.927
There's the opportunity for a lot of internal turmoil, but there's also an opportunity to be tapped in to.
00:38:00.927 --> 00:38:02.690
I mean, like you could take over the world.
00:38:02.811 --> 00:38:12.806
Yeah, a five with a four, I think, is a real gift, because it does have that emotional connection there when the five with the six, they're both in their heads all the time, Gotcha.
00:38:13.936 --> 00:38:15.041
So moving to the six.
00:38:15.315 --> 00:38:16.322
Moving to the six.
00:38:16.342 --> 00:38:17.911
Do you want to do six or me?
00:38:17.911 --> 00:38:18.253
I don't know.
00:38:18.815 --> 00:38:20.121
Oh, you do sevens, I'll do six.
00:38:20.121 --> 00:38:38.608
So five, sixes and sevens, where the twos, threes and fours were all in the emotional heart, most concerned with relationships and connections, the fives, sixes and sevens are in what we call the head triad, or the intellectual side.
00:38:38.608 --> 00:38:42.885
They are always in their heads so they think their way through life.
00:38:42.885 --> 00:38:44.661
They don't feel their way through life.
00:38:44.661 --> 00:38:45.920
They think their way through life.
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:49.514
They don't feel their way through life, they think their way through life.
00:38:49.514 --> 00:38:52.135
And so for the sixes.
00:38:52.195 --> 00:38:58.068
The sixes are constantly thinking, but what they want most, which all of the ones in this head triad want, certainty and security.
00:38:58.068 --> 00:39:00.684
That's what the head space is going for.
00:39:00.684 --> 00:39:06.148
The sixes, especially, are going for security and certainty.
00:39:06.148 --> 00:39:10.481
And the sixes are in the dependent stance, so they're looking towards others.
00:39:10.481 --> 00:39:12.822
They want the world to be a safe place.
00:39:12.822 --> 00:39:20.543
And so if you're a type six, you often, if you go into a restaurant, you're going to sit where you can see the door.
00:39:20.543 --> 00:39:22.242
You want to know where the exits are.
00:39:22.242 --> 00:39:25.284
You want to know what you have to do to get out of there if something goes down.
00:39:26.936 --> 00:39:39.976
I mean, that's sort of an extreme example, but it's not uncommon right so sixes are keenly aware of how secure they are in the world and they're concerned with everybody's security.
00:39:39.976 --> 00:39:48.670
So they tend to be very communal in their concern and putting things in place that benefit all of the group.
00:39:48.670 --> 00:39:52.302
They're in the society they're a part of, whatever it is right?
00:39:52.322 --> 00:39:54.990
um, because sixes are always in their head.
00:39:54.990 --> 00:40:14.650
They have a high level of anxiety, a high level of worry, and so their wheels are always spinning in their head, but they're never really at rest or at peace because they are constantly thinking of worst case scenarios that, well, this might happen.
00:40:14.650 --> 00:40:16.983
Well, if that doesn't happen, this could happen.
00:40:16.983 --> 00:40:19.083
And if that doesn't happen, well, this could happen.
00:40:19.083 --> 00:40:27.730
So they're creating plans all the time plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D to cover their bases if something goes wrong.
00:40:27.730 --> 00:40:29.559
Plan B, plan C, plan D to cover their bases if something goes wrong.
00:40:29.559 --> 00:40:37.045
But they spend so much of their energy concerned with what might happen they're not liberated to live in the now.
00:40:37.045 --> 00:40:37.527
Right.
00:40:37.936 --> 00:40:41.206
And what is good and true about now.
00:40:41.876 --> 00:40:52.768
And what's so fascinating about what you're describing to me is, I think about you know, when I was trying to type myself thinking well, but I identify with that I.
00:40:52.768 --> 00:40:59.827
I walk in and I look at the restaurant and I'm like what's the best view that I can have in this restaurant to see everything.
00:40:59.827 --> 00:41:02.878
And you think, oh gosh, okay, well then maybe I'm a six.
00:41:02.878 --> 00:41:06.284
And then I think, well, wait, what's the motivation for that?
00:41:06.284 --> 00:41:10.849
The motivation in my mind is not so that am I safe?
00:41:10.849 --> 00:41:13.083
The motivation in my mind is I want to see everything.
00:41:13.617 --> 00:41:16.739
I want to experience everything and I might see somebody.
00:41:16.820 --> 00:41:18.659
I know and I want to say hi.
00:41:19.115 --> 00:41:27.987
But there's also that space of I am always thinking and planning, but it's not the worst case scenario, it's for best case scenario.
00:41:27.987 --> 00:41:49.005
It's for best case scenario, it's how to maximize things, and so I think that that's what I love about the Enneagram is that it truly is about motivation, and that's why the test, those online quizzes, are probably not as accurate, because are we being prompted in each question?
00:41:49.005 --> 00:41:51.422
What's your motivation behind this?
00:41:52.195 --> 00:41:53.981
And how many of us are aware of our motivations?
00:41:53.981 --> 00:42:00.614
Right, and so we usually right, because we don't know that again, that's that perceptual understanding of ourselves.
00:42:00.815 --> 00:42:01.920
Are we aware of that?
00:42:01.920 --> 00:42:03.599
No, not always.
00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:06.143
Well, I would say very rarely are we aware?
00:42:06.143 --> 00:42:07.521
I think we in this field have a an advantage.
00:42:07.521 --> 00:42:08.487
Well, it would say very rarely are we aware.
00:42:08.487 --> 00:42:09.594
I think we in this field have an advantage.
00:42:09.594 --> 00:42:14.605
Well, it could be an advantage if we utilize it to really think through.
00:42:14.605 --> 00:42:15.608
Wait, what is it?
00:42:15.608 --> 00:42:17.382
Why is it that I do this?
00:42:17.382 --> 00:42:28.822
Yes, not to beat ourselves to death with that Right, but it truly is to discover, curiously Right To discover yourself and those around you, right, okay, so the sixes are plagued with a lot of self-doubt.
00:42:28.922 --> 00:42:29.163
Right.
00:42:29.443 --> 00:42:35.010
And so where the ones have the critic in their head, the sixes tend to have a committee in their head.
00:42:35.010 --> 00:42:35.291
Right.
00:42:35.755 --> 00:42:37.414
And so they don't trust themselves.
00:42:37.414 --> 00:42:56.960
And so in their mind, they'll go around to different people in mind, they'll also physically go to different people to check out things before they make a decision for themselves, because they just simply don't trust that inner voice of assuring them that, yes, they can go for it, they can do it.
00:42:56.960 --> 00:43:13.483
So the sixes have to really draw up a lot of courage to move through the world and get what they want what a beautiful thing to observe in a six and to celebrate with them and and superpower of the six is they.
00:43:13.664 --> 00:43:22.123
They are incredibly loyal people, like incredibly, and like my sixes that are or, I'm sorry, my friends that are sixes.
00:43:22.123 --> 00:43:27.525
Those are the ones that I probably am in touch with the most because they make the effort to reach out.
00:43:27.525 --> 00:43:30.960
Um, so they're really good friends.
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:44.797
And the other, the other beauty that they bring, I would say, is that they're oftentimes they are prepared for things right, I love being on a play date with another mom who's a six, cause she's got an extra bandaid, she's got extra snacks, like she is ready.
00:43:44.836 --> 00:43:50.485
She's got the Mary Poppins bag bag I'm like thank you you know, so I do I just think it's so important.
00:43:50.525 --> 00:43:51.586
It's easy to look at.
00:43:51.586 --> 00:44:01.338
You know the the pitfalls or the downside of each type and but, like you said earlier, every single type brings a unique beauty to the world.
00:44:01.338 --> 00:44:03.505
I think that's so important to highlight.
00:44:03.606 --> 00:44:06.936
Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, on to the seven seven.
00:44:06.956 --> 00:44:08.021
do you want to talk about seven?
00:44:08.061 --> 00:44:10.342
No, no, I would love to hear y'all's take on this.
00:44:11.385 --> 00:44:13.934
Um, okay, so sevens are like we've mentioned.
00:44:13.934 --> 00:44:24.914
They're pain avoiders, um, and how that manifests is they're they're looking at all their options again in their head and, like you said, they're not necessarily scanning worst case scenario.
00:44:24.914 --> 00:44:26.518
They're looking at all the options.
00:44:26.518 --> 00:44:28.541
Right, sevens want options.
00:44:28.541 --> 00:44:36.103
There's this fear of being trapped, and because if they get trapped, they might get stuck in pain, and that is their worst fear.
00:44:36.103 --> 00:44:38.648
And so they're always creating options.
00:44:38.648 --> 00:44:40.498
We kind of joke.
00:44:40.498 --> 00:44:42.347
The sevens are the ones who you know.
00:44:42.347 --> 00:44:44.394
They want one of everything on the menu.
00:44:44.574 --> 00:44:49.903
We just want to try it all you know they tend to be adventurers, tend to be life of the party people.
00:44:49.903 --> 00:44:54.657
Um, there's something that is very magnetic about a sevens personality.
00:44:54.657 --> 00:44:56.161
People are drawn to them.
00:44:56.161 --> 00:44:59.416
Um, they do enjoy having fun, they're up for an adventure.
00:44:59.416 --> 00:45:06.581
They tend to be, yes, people, and so they're really fun to have around, for sure, um, but again, what's the motivation?
00:45:06.581 --> 00:45:06.943
Right?
00:45:06.943 --> 00:45:15.407
A lot of times it's creating the options and bringing the energy, so as not to have to connect with the pain that is.
00:45:15.407 --> 00:45:17.818
That is an inevitable part of life, right?
00:45:17.818 --> 00:45:22.047
Um, I'm trying to think of what else about sevens are so much.
00:45:22.976 --> 00:45:25.161
Yeah, sevens are very charismatic.
00:45:25.161 --> 00:45:28.088
Like you said, they really endear people to them.
00:45:28.088 --> 00:45:32.505
They have a high, high, high amount of energy.
00:45:32.505 --> 00:45:40.815
They tend to go, go, go, and when we say they're pain avoiders, it can also be just negativity.
00:45:40.815 --> 00:45:45.840
You know, anything that kind of lowers their own energetic level.
00:45:45.840 --> 00:46:07.322
They want to avoid that if they can, and they will sometimes be non-committal because if they commit to something that feels like they're trapped and locked in and that means if something better comes along, they can't do it.
00:46:07.322 --> 00:46:13.023
So they would rather, if you ask them to do something, they'll say instead of oh, yes, put it on my calendar.
00:46:13.023 --> 00:46:13.525
Good to go.
00:46:13.525 --> 00:46:15.862
They'll often say that sounds really great.
00:46:15.862 --> 00:46:17.300
Yeah, check back with me on that.
00:46:17.300 --> 00:46:18.800
I think that would be really fun.
00:46:19.115 --> 00:46:20.641
Well unhealthy seven would say that.
00:46:20.641 --> 00:46:38.371
I think unhealthy sevens would say yes in the moment because it sounds fun but if something better comes along, they have no problem and the thing about it is, is sevens don't take things as personally.
00:46:39.010 --> 00:46:45.574
So if they better deal, yeah, they don't think that's a big deal, because if somebody did that to them they wouldn't mind so much.
00:46:45.574 --> 00:46:51.891
They kind of get it, but for those that don't get it, it can feel very personal yeah.
00:46:52.090 --> 00:46:59.128
Well and they're not taking things personally to that point they are one of their gifts is they can reframe things immediately, right?
00:46:59.128 --> 00:46:59.456
So they're.
00:46:59.456 --> 00:47:02.945
They're kind of the eternal optimist until they're not.
00:47:02.945 --> 00:47:15.358
But they, because they're so optimistic and wanting to see the good and experience the good, they are so quick to reframe anything, anything that may be perceived as negative.
00:47:15.358 --> 00:47:21.289
They can very quickly spin it and make it seem fine, or even good or positive.
00:47:22.436 --> 00:47:31.197
So they're one of the idealist types that wants an ideal world that's free of pain, and they see the silver lining in every cloud.
00:47:31.918 --> 00:47:35.666
yeah, that makes a lot of sense and thank goodness for sevens.
00:47:35.726 --> 00:47:41.713
It makes the world of much more fun and adventurous, that is true, they tend to be impulsive too.
00:47:41.713 --> 00:47:44.887
That's something yes, they do, because they they think and then act.
00:47:44.887 --> 00:47:49.844
They're pretty disconnected from their feelings and they also think if one is good, then 10 is better.
00:47:49.925 --> 00:47:53.621
Yes, More is always better, that's right.
00:47:53.641 --> 00:47:53.842
Right.
00:47:54.021 --> 00:47:55.626
Did we miss anything you want to add?
00:47:56.755 --> 00:47:58.483
No, I think you covered it all.
00:47:58.483 --> 00:48:01.099
Yes, and I'm feeling very bare right now.
00:48:01.099 --> 00:48:01.641
No, I'm kidding.
00:48:01.641 --> 00:48:16.365
No, I'm kidding Because I think you do bring up a really interesting point is that there is a healthy side to each of these numbers and then there is an unhealthy side to each of these numbers, and there's that space of learning.
00:48:16.445 --> 00:48:20.730
Again, to me, like you all started out the conversation, this is a tool.
00:48:20.730 --> 00:48:36.278
It's a tool of discovery, and in discovery we, then it creates options, and those options are we can operate in a healthy manner or we can operate in an avoidant manner, and sometimes it's knowing that.
00:48:36.278 --> 00:49:12.105
My option is that, yeah, I'm going to have to do some things here that I may not enjoy and I'm going to have to be hemmed in a little bit if I say yes to this, but let our yes be yes and our no be no, and let's be loyal and our no be no, and let's be loyal and stick to the things that we need to stick to, because that may be something that I, that there may be a knee jerk reaction to that, but I get to act opposite action, you know, to emotion or to to fear, and that I, we get to move through and we may look like a different number, but it's because we're operating out of a healthy space, right?
00:49:12.105 --> 00:49:14.101
So I just think that's really.
00:49:14.101 --> 00:49:16.813
That's the joy of understanding yourself.
00:49:17.034 --> 00:49:18.539
Yeah, okay, on to the eight.
00:49:18.539 --> 00:49:20.101
One more thing about sevens.
00:49:20.101 --> 00:49:28.505
Sevens also tend not to be terribly emotionally connected to themselves, because they want everything to be light and happy.
00:49:28.505 --> 00:49:38.398
And sevens often look like threes because they're actually more interested in their image than you would think.
00:49:38.398 --> 00:49:43.188
But it's a big part of sevens is how are other people perceiving me?
00:49:43.454 --> 00:49:45.219
I want to be the fun person I want to be light.
00:49:45.239 --> 00:50:01.528
Yeah right, yeah, so okay, moving on to eights, so eights are in the gut triad, or what we also call the instinctual triad, and these are people that respond from that just sense of knowing okay.
00:50:01.528 --> 00:50:06.599
So they're not thinking their way through life, they're not feeling their way through life, they're sensing their way through life.
00:50:06.599 --> 00:50:17.032
So eights are typically very strong people because they want to avoid weakness and vulnerability.
00:50:17.032 --> 00:50:24.427
They tend to be leaders because they're also in that aggressive stance.
00:50:24.427 --> 00:50:31.764
By the way, sevens are also in the aggressive, assertive stance, so they'll go against others to get what they want.
00:50:32.326 --> 00:50:35.389
And eights, Sevens do it in such a charming way you don't realize.
00:50:40.275 --> 00:50:41.056
Yeah, they bring you along with them.
00:50:41.056 --> 00:50:45.623
Eights, on the other hand, tend to just kind of put their foot down and go no, I'm doing this, you know, and so they are strong.
00:50:45.623 --> 00:51:07.875
But people are often drawn to eights because of their strength, and that can be a very magnetic pull for people that want that in their life, that aren't oriented towards really stepping up or standing up, and so they'll look to eights for that leadership and guidance.
00:51:07.954 --> 00:51:09.237
And so they'll look to eights for that leadership and guidance.
00:51:09.237 --> 00:51:21.070
Eights are really, underneath the surface, very sensitive people and they want to do well for people.
00:51:21.070 --> 00:51:31.815
They want to have an influence in people's lives and they want to have an influence for good in people's lives.
00:51:31.815 --> 00:51:44.652
They are often um impulsive, like sevens, because they're very quick at making decisions.
00:51:44.652 --> 00:51:50.380
Like eights sum up things really quickly, they'll assess something and they will have a decision like that and they don't tend to go back on that decision.
00:51:50.380 --> 00:51:57.483
Now they can be talked out of it, if you know, with somebody coming up with a reasonable reason to consider things differently.
00:51:57.483 --> 00:51:59.695
But they're just real quick assessors.
00:51:59.695 --> 00:52:04.166
They move through life very quickly and they move forward through life.
00:52:04.166 --> 00:52:11.958
Eights don't tend to look back and eights have a way of communicating that can be very cut and dry.
00:52:11.958 --> 00:52:23.938
They're not couching their language in softness or flowery language, not because they want to hurt anybody.
00:52:24.139 --> 00:52:24.820
They don't.
00:52:25.101 --> 00:52:30.507
They simply are so moving forward.
00:52:30.507 --> 00:52:33.050
They want to get things done.
00:52:33.050 --> 00:52:40.677
They don't want to spend a lot of time on extraneous conversations because that gets in the way of getting things done.
00:52:40.677 --> 00:52:45.356
And eights have the most amount of energy of all the numbers on the Enneagram.
00:52:45.356 --> 00:52:52.809
Sevens are right behind them, but eights just, and they can be like a bull in a china shop.
00:52:52.809 --> 00:52:59.474
They don't mean to, but it's like they have blinders on going through life.
00:52:59.534 --> 00:53:09.440
Especially the unhealthier you are, you're not very aware of how you're impacting others, and so the healthier you are, you're taking that into consideration.
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:14.018
It'll modify your language, you'll slow down and bring people along.
00:53:14.018 --> 00:53:26.402
But eights are the type that if they give you something to do, they expect you to do it, and if you don't, they'll take it away from you and do it themselves, um, real quickly.
00:53:26.402 --> 00:53:36.077
So eights are um, not eights get each other so we're not offended.
00:53:36.077 --> 00:53:47.101
We, we like the directness of how you talk to one another directly when, and can get underneath real quickly and not be offended by it.
00:53:47.101 --> 00:53:53.471
But eights can offend other people if they're not aware of how they're coming across.
00:53:53.471 --> 00:54:00.784
Like I can't tell you how many times my husband will say do you know what you just sounded like and I'll go.
00:54:00.784 --> 00:54:04.500
Oh, I'm so sorry, we don't mean to.
00:54:05.135 --> 00:54:07.081
It's just the way it comes out so quickly.
00:54:07.724 --> 00:54:10.117
Yes, yes.
00:54:10.217 --> 00:54:10.759
Yes, do you want to add?
00:54:10.798 --> 00:54:11.561
anything about AIDS.
00:54:11.561 --> 00:54:28.835
Um, you mentioned the fear of vulnerability and and I think even just making that connection, that they move so quickly and are so focused on, kind of um, maintaining a sense of control and getting the job done, and that is a self-protective mechanism right.
00:54:28.835 --> 00:54:37.402
Like that's a self-defense that keeps them from really being able to connect with themselves and and connect with others.
00:54:37.402 --> 00:54:39.083
Right, it's that kind of that is true.
00:54:39.224 --> 00:54:47.965
And in fact I'm glad you brought that up, because eight, nines and ones, those are the types that are in the gut instinctual triad.
00:54:47.965 --> 00:55:01.115
Those types are most concerned with power and control, and that is why anger is the most familiar emotion for all three of those types.
00:55:01.115 --> 00:55:03.699
Now they manage that anger differently.
00:55:03.699 --> 00:55:14.159
Eights tend to be more explosive and say it like it is, and so that's why, when something happens, they feel it in the body.
00:55:14.159 --> 00:55:17.907
They're real, connected to what the feelings in the body are.
00:55:17.907 --> 00:55:30.958
So, whether it's a tummy ache over something, a headache over something, a shoulder strain, something is intuitively going on that they need to be aware of because they're feeling it in their body.
00:55:30.958 --> 00:56:02.364
And so eights are oriented towards the future and, like I said, they don't tend to look back, which means not all eights are great at keeping up relationships of chapters in their life in the past, not because they don't dearly love those people, but because there's people in the future that they're they're having to move towards Right, and so power and control is that that thing that most drives the eights, nines and ones.
00:56:02.364 --> 00:56:07.996
So, but the power and control is so important to these three numbers we all have a need for.
00:56:07.951 --> 00:56:09.157
Power and control is so important to these three numbers?
00:56:09.157 --> 00:56:12.706
We all have a need for power and control, we all have a need for connections and relationship.
00:56:12.706 --> 00:56:22.293
We all have a need for safety and security, right, but we have a dominant need, depending on what your type is, and this is the dominant need of the eights Makes sense.
00:56:22.293 --> 00:57:12.545
So, moving on to the nines, our last number that we're going to talk about, these are called the peacekeepers and nines, interestingly enough, have a connection to anger, but you don't see it so much Because nines manage their anger by pushing it down, by suppressing their anger, because nines have a desire to not have their inward peace disrupted, and having to deal with things that bother them disrupt their inner peace, and so nines tend to go through life like this where fours have these emotions like this, nines have their emotions like this so nines are totally steady and fours are peaking and valleys.
00:57:12.586 --> 00:57:14.840
Yes, lots of back and forth.
00:57:14.920 --> 00:57:31.594
Right, yes, yes, and the nines have a disconnect of knowing who they are and knowing what they want, of knowing who they are and knowing what they want.
00:57:31.594 --> 00:57:38.728
It's much easier to ask a nine what they don't want, because they can identify that better than asking them what they want.
00:57:38.728 --> 00:57:42.565
So if you're going to go to dinner, don't ask a nine where do you want to go to dinner?
00:57:42.565 --> 00:57:44.561
There's way too big of a question.
00:57:44.561 --> 00:57:48.083
They have no idea, but you can start narrowing it down for them.
00:57:48.083 --> 00:57:49.378
Do you want Asian food?
00:57:49.378 --> 00:57:50.141
Do you want Mexican food?
00:57:50.141 --> 00:57:50.563
Do you want that?
00:57:50.563 --> 00:57:54.139
Okay, now we've landed on Asian food, here's three picks.
00:57:54.139 --> 00:57:57.460
You know, and I will force.
00:57:58.282 --> 00:58:15.148
We have all of the types in our family because our family is so large, we get to practice with every type practice with every time, and I will force our nines to make decisions, because they could easily just acquiesce to what the group wants or what the other person wants.
00:58:15.329 --> 00:58:20.686
Right and and they ultimately believe their voice doesn't really matter that much for a nine.
00:58:20.686 --> 00:58:32.485
A lot of times they have this mentality of I mean, if I wasn't there it wouldn't really make a difference, it wouldn't matter, which sounds sad to some of us, but to them that's not necessarily this like depressing, sad thing.
00:58:32.485 --> 00:58:42.686
I think it actually kind of lets the pressure off a little bit right, like if I can believe, it doesn't really matter if I show up or not show up.
00:58:42.686 --> 00:58:45.224
That allows me to keep my inner peace.
00:58:45.224 --> 00:59:01.606
Nines are in the withdrawing stance and so that means they go inward right and the, the types in the withdrawing stance, they really do struggle to acknowledge the impact that they have on others because, again, they live inside Right.
00:59:01.688 --> 00:59:19.157
Exactly, exactly, it's interesting because each there's a group, there's groupings, as you all have pointed out there's the internalizing group, there's the externalizing group and then there's the group of trying to figure out the balance of the internal, external and what they're trying to achieve with all of that.
00:59:19.157 --> 00:59:35.679
And I think the beauty again, this is a tool is that I think a lot of times when we look at a tool and we see a static well, I am an eight, I am a three, I am a seven, I am a whatever we think, well, I'm stuck there.
00:59:35.679 --> 00:59:38.639
Well, I'm a seven, I don't do pain, so I'm not going to go to that.
00:59:38.639 --> 00:59:41.119
I'm an eight, I deal in realism.
00:59:41.119 --> 00:59:43.565
That hurt, sorry, that's the truth.
00:59:43.565 --> 00:59:44.617
I'm a three.
00:59:44.617 --> 00:59:49.047
Well, I'm achieving Sorry, that doesn't matter to me, you know.
00:59:49.047 --> 00:59:51.280
Or I'm a six, hey, I want to be safe.
00:59:51.280 --> 00:59:54.288
So if that impacts you in a negative way, sorry, I'm a six.
00:59:54.288 --> 01:00:00.148
And I do see people use it this way where it is an immovable theme in their life.
01:00:00.755 --> 01:00:08.867
But I think where the health of the Enneagram comes in is is this is a starting point of exploration and curiosity.
01:00:08.867 --> 01:00:11.016
Now, how do I move beyond?
01:00:11.016 --> 01:00:13.641
I didn't intend to hurt you.
01:00:13.641 --> 01:00:14.844
Let me say that softer.
01:00:14.844 --> 01:00:16.847
Whoa, that is painful.
01:00:16.847 --> 01:00:18.396
I need to sit in that with you.
01:00:18.396 --> 01:00:22.527
I don't want to, but I'm going to because that's what's best for both of us.
01:00:22.527 --> 01:00:25.940
You know that's there an achievement and an efficiency.
01:00:25.940 --> 01:00:29.469
Well, intimacy doesn't lend itself to efficiency.
01:00:29.469 --> 01:00:41.063
Therefore, I need to sit in an intimate moment because efficiency could really drive the intimacy out of this, but I know that intimacy has its place as well.
01:00:41.063 --> 01:00:51.597
So it's that moving through that, I think, is a starting point as a tool, not a static point, that's right, that's right, and not to wear your type as a badge of honor.
01:00:51.838 --> 01:00:59.369
Right and never to beat one another up because well, I, you know, you do this because you're this or to justify.
01:00:59.369 --> 01:01:02.309
Well, I do this because that's just who I am I'm an eight.
01:01:02.309 --> 01:01:07.871
That's just arrogant and unproductive and unbeneficial, right.
01:01:07.871 --> 01:01:15.253
And so the beauty, like you said, is moving underneath to recognize.
01:01:21.659 --> 01:01:34.356
wow this is my way of being, but it's not the most beneficial way of being for me and can I grow out of that and until we get to that place of being honest with the reality of of who we are in our false self?
01:01:34.356 --> 01:01:42.501
That's really where we meet jesus so deeply too, because we find that jesus meets us there and he's not judging us.
01:01:42.501 --> 01:01:48.753
He knows how that developed and formed to survive in the world he wants to.
01:01:56.699 --> 01:01:59.547
In the world he wants to walk with us out of that strong stronghold into a place of freedom and liberation Right.
01:01:59.568 --> 01:01:59.907
And authenticity.
01:02:00.309 --> 01:02:01.070
Yeah, I love that.
01:02:01.070 --> 01:02:12.760
And so you all have taken the Enneagram and thank you for going through all the numbers, because it gives us a foundation for which for which for me to ask this next question.
01:02:12.760 --> 01:02:22.163
So you all have taken the enneagram and you utilize it with teams, and so what's been your experience with that?
01:02:22.163 --> 01:02:22.925
How is that?
01:02:22.925 --> 01:02:24.349
What does that look like?
01:02:25.492 --> 01:02:26.195
it's really fun.
01:02:26.275 --> 01:02:40.856
First of all, it's really fun, um, I think I think one of the coolest parts of it is helping people to see themselves in a more honest light for the purpose of having compassion and understanding.
01:02:41.079 --> 01:03:21.672
And again, this invitation of you don't have to stay stuck in how you've been functioning and operating, but within the context of a system, whether it's a family or a team, um, where where we've seen a lot of really just neat things happen or conversations, is when, when the people in that space begin to understand each other and see each other in a more honest light, right, and kind of like some of the examples you gave you, you begin to let certain experiences go and it doesn't feel so personal because you actually understand the motivation, right, or at least have space to be curious about what the motivation might be and to explore that.
01:03:21.960 --> 01:03:49.724
But also it gives a lot of insight into how to move towards those individuals, those individuals, um, and then finally, in a work setting which we've worked with, a lot of um, of businesses and stuff is uh, kind of even like the roles that each person plays in that team and you know, is this the best fit as far as the role or job description, um, and you know maybe when their boss or manager is is having to have a difficult conversation.
01:03:49.724 --> 01:04:00.976
This gives so much direction and freedom to have those conversations in a really productive, effective way.
01:04:00.976 --> 01:04:01.536
Right.
01:04:02.340 --> 01:04:24.969
Some of our businesses we've worked with have, after we've gone in and people have identified their type, they'll put on their outside their office door their name with their type and um, and again, it's not because we're putting you in that box, it's giving people an understanding of a deeper part of how you see the world.
01:04:24.969 --> 01:04:50.197
And then when I come in and have a conversation with you and I remember, oh yeah, you're seven, then I can shift and expand my own understanding and even communicate differently, because the way we solve problems, the way we have conversations and having to have hard conversations, we can adapt that to the person's style.
01:04:50.197 --> 01:04:51.659
Now, that takes a lot of work, it's not going to be a one time thing.
01:04:51.659 --> 01:04:52.679
We can adapt that to the person's style of.
01:04:53.139 --> 01:05:14.690
Now that takes a lot of work, it's not going to be a one-time thing, but then when you use that in families because we've done it with families also, and they begin to understand their children or the spouses understand each other, you really are opening the door to a different way of communicating and a different way of understanding.
01:05:14.690 --> 01:05:19.331
But again, like your work, it takes a lot of self-awareness.
01:05:19.331 --> 01:05:25.592
It takes intentionality and attentionality to be able to do the work.
01:05:25.592 --> 01:05:30.391
So for some people, the Enneagram is just kind of a fun thing to learn about and they never do anything with it.
01:05:30.391 --> 01:05:33.284
Some people, the Enneagram is just kind of a fun thing to learn about and they never do anything with it.
01:05:33.284 --> 01:05:42.996
And for others, they want to live out of who Jesus says they are the truth of their being and not the egoic way of our being.
01:05:45.822 --> 01:05:51.409
What a beautiful service to offer, because you're offering a tool.
01:05:51.409 --> 01:06:30.699
Because I'm thinking about like a couple, and if you have like, say, a six and a seven that end up together as a husband and a wife, you have someone who is always preparing for the negative, someone who's always living for the positive, and there could either be a whole lot of symbiosis there, right, that could go positive or negative, but there also could be some explosiveness there that does not go towards the positive and understanding from where they're coming, that there's a, there could be a lot of freedom, right.
01:06:30.699 --> 01:06:39.262
Or if you have, say, a two and a seven who get together, you, the two, would be so oriented to the seven, and the seven being oriented to themselves.
01:06:39.262 --> 01:06:48.192
There's that space of like do you just take right, and so, again, it's that, it's, you know, an an eight being with a nine.
01:06:48.601 --> 01:06:54.809
I'm happy to tell you how the world needs to look Right and the nine's happy to let you take charge.
01:06:55.480 --> 01:06:58.449
And in unhealth, that's what we do, right, you know.
01:06:58.780 --> 01:07:08.275
And having that roadmap of something that is not only an understanding but a space to begin exploration.
01:07:08.275 --> 01:07:11.204
I mean, because you know I think about.
01:07:11.204 --> 01:07:13.931
In any realm, I don't care what your number is.
01:07:13.931 --> 01:07:20.000
If someone says go paint the universe, that's overwhelming, yeah.
01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:28.530
But if somebody says hey, I want you to start here, I want you to explore this area, I want you to see what you think, what resonates with you.
01:07:28.530 --> 01:07:32.367
Even the tool itself is self-discovery.
01:07:32.789 --> 01:07:35.355
Right, right, brilliant, yeah.
01:07:35.355 --> 01:07:53.032
And I think the other great thing about the Enneagram is it is a tool of self-discovery and in our egoic way of being, it's so much easier to see the flaws in others, to want to blame others and not to look inward at the self.
01:07:53.032 --> 01:08:17.350
But once we do, once we take ownership, once we start doing the work, even the things that others do that maybe used to really bother us or annoy us start to be more minimal and diminish the impact that others ways of being used to impact us in a big in.
01:08:17.371 --> 01:08:43.166
Exactly one of my favorite things that I kind of discovered this year is where I can't remember whether it's Matthew mark I'm sorry I don't have the address for it but where the man comes to Jesus at this it might have been the parable of the sheep and the goats and they come to Jesus and he says get away from me, I don't know you.
01:08:43.166 --> 01:08:48.024
And they said but I did this in your name and I did this for you and I did this for you.
01:08:48.024 --> 01:08:52.990
And it seems so harsh what Jesus is saying Get, I did this for you and I did this for you.
01:08:53.011 --> 01:08:56.097
And it seems so harsh what Jesus is saying Get away from me.
01:08:56.097 --> 01:09:05.672
I don't even know you Right and what I learned this year, and I don't know where I heard this or discovered this, but it was Jesus saying you're coming to me in your false self.
01:09:05.672 --> 01:09:07.466
I don't know the false self.
01:09:07.466 --> 01:09:29.244
I know the true self that I created and that's how you come to me, that's who you are, that's who I made you to be, and it is beautiful and it is perfect and it is lovely, and we keep trying to perform our way through this world and prove things, and we don't need to do any of that with him.
01:09:29.265 --> 01:09:32.494
Yeah, prove things, and we don't need to do any of that with him.
01:09:32.494 --> 01:09:38.291
Yeah, and what a beautiful space it could be that we would have a community where we didn't have to do that with each other.
01:09:38.291 --> 01:09:45.027
Yeah, not to say that we could live out of a place of being reckless, but that we could also.
01:09:45.027 --> 01:10:03.282
But that we could live authentically and say, yeah, that that is me, but I also need to consider you, and that we have space for each other, that we could allow ourselves to grow in authenticity, and that would that would be following.
01:10:03.282 --> 01:10:11.135
What his whole plan was for us is to live authentic, to live out of our true sense of who we are.
01:10:11.135 --> 01:10:23.711
And it's so beautiful that you all offer this to corporations, to businesses, to families, and what a what a beautiful service and what a wonderful tool.
01:10:23.711 --> 01:10:37.533
So thank you for coming and sitting down with me to talk about this, and every time we talk about this, I feel like I always learn something, so thank you.
01:10:38.193 --> 01:10:41.036
Thank you, it is a blast.
01:10:41.036 --> 01:10:42.117
It's so much fun.
01:10:42.117 --> 01:10:45.381
We feel like we're sevens when we're doing it.
01:10:45.402 --> 01:10:45.782
I love it.
01:10:45.782 --> 01:10:54.069
If you found value in our discussion and wish to uncover more about the fascinating world of mental wellness, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast.
01:10:54.069 --> 01:11:01.497
Stay tuned for our upcoming episodes, where Dr Long will continue to delve into empowering therapies and strategies for mental wellness.
01:11:01.497 --> 01:11:08.748
Your journey to understanding and embracing mental health is just beginning and we're excited to have you with us every step of the way.
01:11:08.748 --> 01:11:15.402
Until next time, keep exploring, keep growing and remember to celebrate restored freedom as you uncover it.
01:11:15.402 --> 01:11:16.002
Thank you.