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You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom.
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I'm your Diana Rene host, , and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me.
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Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back.
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I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement.
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Let's listen to today's show.
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Welcome to another episode of The Decluttered Mom podcast.
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Today, I want to talk about a question that I got in the DM a while ago and I thought it was a very good question that I think many of you can relate to, and so I wanted to save it for the podcast so I could do an episode about it.
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We could just chat about it, because I think it's a very common thing and it's a common feeling, and so let's talk about it.
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So the question is I put the house to bed, but I don't feel like I have time to do so every night because I'm so busy.
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Is doing it three out of seven nights better than zero, okay, so first great question.
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Second, let's clarify what putting the house to bed means, because maybe you're listening to this and you know exactly what that means.
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Maybe you're listening to it and you're like what in the world is that?
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So putting the house to bed is just another term for what I call PM pickup, and basically it is taking care of everything that's been out during the day putting the dishes away, making sure that everything's cleaned and wiped down and swept up, and you're just ready to go for the next day.
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So it's making sure things are going back into their homes.
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And we really like to focus on the kitchen when we're talking about PM pickup even though now my PM pickup consists of basically the whole house, because it just doesn't take very long.
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And when someone is just first starting, though, I really ask them to focus on the kitchen, because that makes the biggest difference.
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Number one, number two that tends to be where we have food and things that really need to be put away, more than like the blanket on the floor in the family room, because it could cause other issues.
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So we want to make sure that we focus on the kitchen first when I talk about PM pickup.
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I talk often about how anybody who's home needs to participate in PM pickup.
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So if your kids are home when you're doing it, they need to do it also.
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If your partner, your spouse or any other adults that live in your home are home during it, they need to participate also.
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But something I was thinking about the other day is that so many of us have varying schedules from the other adults in our home, and so that can still lend things to feeling a little unfair and falling more on mom's shoulders, and so that can still lend things to feeling a little unfair and falling more on mom's shoulders.
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And so something that my husband and I did for years because he was never home when I chose to do PM pickup during the week because his work schedule didn't cooperate with that and I really loved doing PM pickup right after dinner before we started bedtime, because then I felt like, once the chaos of bedtime was over, I was able to relax.
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It wasn't like, oh, let's go through bedtime.
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The kids are getting out of bed a thousand times, you're feeling frustrated, you're feeling really stressed and frazzled, and then they're finally asleep and you maybe have a sleep by that point too, and then you have to get up and you have to go do PM pickup.
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It's not a great feeling, so I have always preferred to do it before bedtime.
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So that way, once the bedtime craziness is over, I can do what I want and I can relax and I can watch Netflix, I can hang out, I can work if I want to.
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I can just do what I want, versus having to do something that, even though I know is helpful, it's not something I particularly love and desire.
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It's not like I think about all day like, oh, I can't wait until tonight when I can do PM pickup Right.
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So, all that to say, I prefer to do it before bedtime and oftentimes my husband wasn't home during then and so we basically like split up PM pickup duties and I did my share, the girls helped and then he did his share when he wanted to.
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So he prefers to do it like really late at night, before he's going to bed, and I would do the countertops and the dishes and he would do all the floors and the trash, and so it just felt like it worked really well for a long time.
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But I want to say that because if you are in a situation where not every adult is home.
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When you feel like you have the highest energy and patience level for PM pickup, then just split up the duties and that way you're still not taking on everything, okay.
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So PM pickup, again overall, is just putting, like she said, putting the house to bed is just putting things away.
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I like to think of it like in the morning I like to like wake the house up, I like to open the curtains and I like to open a couple of windows, depending on the time of year, to like let fresh air in and I like to put on some relaxing music and I like to just start my day with that fresh, clean slate.
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So at nighttime it's kind of the opposite, where I'm closing the curtains, I am just putting everything away, making sure everything is good to go for that morning, like reawakening, right, and so that's what PM pickup, or putting the house to bed, is.
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Now let's go over her question Again.
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She says I don't feel like I have time to do it every night because I'm so busy.
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Is doing it three out of seven nights better than zero?
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So I'm guessing the person who asked this question is a perfectionist or an all or nothing type person when it comes to any type of change or building new habits, and the reason I guess this is because the way her question is phrased number one, but also number two that's me, so I can relate and I get it, and I think it's a really easy trap to fall into whenever we're trying to find a new routine or a new habit that we're trying to build into our life, because we all know that PM pickup will be super helpful for our homes.
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But it's the act of actually doing it and doing it consistently that can be tough, and I have fallen into that trap so many times in so many areas of my life.
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I can't even tell you how many times I've joined like a different gym and with the intent that, like I'm going to like be more consistent with movement and all of that, and like if I don't go every single day, then I get frustrated with myself like three days in a row and then I don't go the next day and it's like, well, that's all over, like what was the point, and so I think that's kind of maybe what's happening here.
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But here's the thing the simple truth is that anything is better than nothing.
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So even doing it one night a week is going to be better than zero, right?
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Being able to wake up to a clean or cleaner kitchen even one day a week is better than never doing it, because it's going to give you that boost, it's going to give you a reminder that this is something that's helpful for you and your family in the mornings and that's a great thing.
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So, even if it's only happening one time, it's great.
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If it's happening three times, that's great, because it's still on those days reaffirming the positive results of taking the time to do it the night before.
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However, I do think that sometimes, when we have this perfectionist attitude, we tend to think of it in terms, again, of all or nothing for the PM pickup, and I think that's happening here too, where it's like I'm doing it three times a week, but you know there's the other four nights a week that I'm not doing it, but it's likely taking a long time on those three nights, which maybe kind of backfires a little bit because it just feels really overwhelming.
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It feels heavy and nobody wants to do something.
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That feels heavy, right.
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And so what if you did something each night instead to begin to build the habit, right?
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So what if you just set a timer for five minutes to start for the first week and then the second week you set it for 10 minutes every night and then the third week you set it for 15 minutes every night and you pick a favorite Spotify channel.
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You put on a mindless show that you don't really have to concentrate on, like some type of reality dating show.
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My favorite for this would be like Love is Blind, where it's like you don't really feel like you have to be like sitting in front of the TV paying attention or pop in the earbuds and listen to an audio book or podcast.
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You know side note, funny story I started this podcast as a way like the original idea was to have this podcast as like your PM pickup buddy, like something that you can listen to while you're doing your PM pickup.
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So if you like this podcast, then that would be great because that was the original goal of the podcast.
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But pick a podcast or an audio book or music, something that you look forward to.
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It doesn't want to be something like I don't know, like this might be good, like pick a good podcast If you see a podcast that you're on Instagram and you're scrolling and you see a video and you're like, ooh, I want to watch that podcast later or listen to that podcast later.
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Save it for your PM pickup.
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Don't listen to it before then, because then we're kind of tricking our brain into thinking like this is something that we enjoy, because we at least get to do something that we do enjoy while we're doing the PM pickup.
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And then I want you to start with food and trash, and even if you just get that done, that's huge, because even just taking care of those things that like really shouldn't be left out for so many different reasons, then it feels like a really good boost and it makes your home just feel a little bit tidier and cleaner, and so I think that's going to give you the biggest boost.
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If you only have five minutes to do it right, then you would move on to loading or unloading the dishwasher whichever you know, if your dishwasher is empty or not or begin hand washing dishes.
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If you don't have a dishwasher, then I would move into countertops.
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So that includes like putting things away from the countertops, wiping them down, then floors always do your countertops before floors, because something inevitably from the countertop falls onto the floor and it's annoying if you do your floors first.
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So sweep the floors.
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If you have like a Roomba or something like that, just start running it while you're doing it and then also make a pile of like your go elsewhere things, so like anything that doesn't belong in the kitchen.
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Just make a pile as you're going through your PM pickup so that you're not wasting your five minutes or your 10 minutes or your 15 minutes running back and forth to various rooms of your house to put things away.
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Now here's the key.
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If you have momentum, that timer goes off and you're like, oh, I'm doing fine, I'm enjoying this podcast, I'm moving, whatever, keep going.
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If you have that momentum and the timer goes off and you're ready to keep going, just turn like whatever, keep going.
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If you have that momentum and the timer goes off and you're like ready to keep go, just turn the timer off and keep going, because oftentimes starting is 90% of the battle.
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And so if we can like get ourselves to just start, most of the time honestly, 90% of the time we just want to keep going because we want to just get done with the task and we feel good about it because we're moving, our bodies are moving, our minds are focused on something that we enjoy and we feel like we're getting something done and that's rewarding.
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It's like you got a little dopamine hit from starting to tackle this project right.
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But here's the thing If the timer hits, the timer goes off and you think, thank God, go ahead and stop.
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Give yourself the grace to stop, it's okay.
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You did what you said you were going to do.
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You said you were going to put a timer on for five minutes and you were going to start PM pickup and get as much done as you could in five minutes, and you did it, and it's okay.
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If you don't have the momentum, it's going to depend on so many things.
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Maybe everyone in your house has been sick, or maybe you haven't been feeling well or sleeping well, or maybe something's really stressful is happening at work.
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There's so many reasons that you may need to just call it for the night, and that's okay.
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But also give yourself praise, because you told yourself you were going to do something and you did it and, even if it feels silly, be proud of yourself.
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Reward yourself, because then we again are training our mind that this was a good thing, this is something that was rewarding, and you are more likely to do it the next night.
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So then the next night, do it again, stick with that short timer, listen to a podcast, do the thing that interests you and just keep going.
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And if you start to do this, night after night after night, you're gonna find sooner or later that you're doing your full PM pickup and it's just a habit, it's just part of what you do, it's part of your day.
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It's not even something you even really think about.
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You just get it done, and that's how we can really focus on building the habit of PM pickup, instead of doing the full thing three nights a week and feeling really overwhelmed by it.
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Now, there's always the possibility that it's just going to take you a long time, and most of the time that's because we have too much stuff.
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And so if you are feeling like you really want PM pickup to go faster, you really want it to be quicker every night, then declutter ruthlessly your whole home kitchen, obviously, but your whole home, because the less stuff that you have, the harder it is to make the mess and the easier is to follow systems that are going to keep your home running smoothly and feeling like they're operating at a level where it's just part of your life.
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Right, it's not something that you even have to think about.
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Everyone in your home is just ready to do it.
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It's just the next thing.
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We all eat dinner every day, right, and this is just the next thing that we do.
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It just becomes habit, like brushing our teeth, and so I hope this is helpful for you.
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Again.
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I think there's a couple of things going on here, but I really do think if you can just get over the hurdle of starting each night, it's going to immensely improve how you feel about it.
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And last thing is, I just want to acknowledge that you're busy.
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You are busy, moms are busy and most people are busy these days, and we have so much on our plates, we have so much on our minds, and so I get that we are all busy, but this stuff has to be done right, and if we can get into the routine and the habit of making it that nightly thing, it's going to make your life easier in the overall scheme of things, and so that's just something to keep in mind, that you're probably not going to get less busy.
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I have said so many times in my life like, oh, I'll do that whatever project for work when I'm not so busy.
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Well, guess what?
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That time never comes up because I have kids, I run a business and I run my home and I do lots of volunteer things and I'm at my kids' school like three or four days a week and like there's always going and life happens right, somebody gets sick and someone breaks a bone and like there's always going to be something to keep us busy.
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So if we can just start to build these little habits in just little increments and we can use these little tricks that are going to trick our brain into thinking that this is a good thing, then we will be much more likely to follow through and just make our lives much easier.
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Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast.
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If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories.
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And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi.
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I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode.
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I hope you'll come.
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What you thought about today's episode, I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.
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You're listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast, a podcast built specifically for busy moms by a busy mom.
00:00:14.021 --> 00:00:28.327
I'm your Diana Rene host, , and in 2017, I had my second daughter and it felt like I was literally drowning in my home okay, not literally, but I felt like I couldn't breathe with all of the stuff surrounding me.
00:00:28.327 --> 00:00:37.209
Over the next 10 months, I got rid of approximately 70% of our household belongings and I have never looked back.
00:00:37.209 --> 00:00:44.549
I kind of feel like I hacked the mom system and I'm here to share all the tips, tricks and encouragement.
00:00:44.549 --> 00:00:46.473
Let's listen to today's show.
00:00:46.473 --> 00:00:53.429
Welcome to another episode of The Decluttered Mom podcast.
00:00:53.829 --> 00:01:08.646
Today, I want to talk about a question that I got in the DM a while ago and I thought it was a very good question that I think many of you can relate to, and so I wanted to save it for the podcast so I could do an episode about it.
00:01:08.646 --> 00:01:15.631
We could just chat about it, because I think it's a very common thing and it's a common feeling, and so let's talk about it.
00:01:15.631 --> 00:01:22.260
So the question is I put the house to bed, but I don't feel like I have time to do so every night because I'm so busy.
00:01:22.260 --> 00:01:28.605
Is doing it three out of seven nights better than zero, okay, so first great question.
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Second, let's clarify what putting the house to bed means, because maybe you're listening to this and you know exactly what that means.
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Maybe you're listening to it and you're like what in the world is that?
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So putting the house to bed is just another term for what I call PM pickup, and basically it is taking care of everything that's been out during the day putting the dishes away, making sure that everything's cleaned and wiped down and swept up, and you're just ready to go for the next day.
00:01:56.251 --> 00:02:00.230
So it's making sure things are going back into their homes.
00:02:00.230 --> 00:02:11.633
And we really like to focus on the kitchen when we're talking about PM pickup even though now my PM pickup consists of basically the whole house, because it just doesn't take very long.
00:02:11.633 --> 00:02:20.044
And when someone is just first starting, though, I really ask them to focus on the kitchen, because that makes the biggest difference.
00:02:20.044 --> 00:02:31.561
Number one, number two that tends to be where we have food and things that really need to be put away, more than like the blanket on the floor in the family room, because it could cause other issues.
00:02:31.561 --> 00:02:38.093
So we want to make sure that we focus on the kitchen first when I talk about PM pickup.
00:02:38.180 --> 00:02:42.629
I talk often about how anybody who's home needs to participate in PM pickup.
00:02:42.629 --> 00:02:45.924
So if your kids are home when you're doing it, they need to do it also.
00:02:45.924 --> 00:02:53.132
If your partner, your spouse or any other adults that live in your home are home during it, they need to participate also.
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But something I was thinking about the other day is that so many of us have varying schedules from the other adults in our home, and so that can still lend things to feeling a little unfair and falling more on mom's shoulders, and so that can still lend things to feeling a little unfair and falling more on mom's shoulders.
00:03:06.840 --> 00:03:29.826
And so something that my husband and I did for years because he was never home when I chose to do PM pickup during the week because his work schedule didn't cooperate with that and I really loved doing PM pickup right after dinner before we started bedtime, because then I felt like, once the chaos of bedtime was over, I was able to relax.
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It wasn't like, oh, let's go through bedtime.
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The kids are getting out of bed a thousand times, you're feeling frustrated, you're feeling really stressed and frazzled, and then they're finally asleep and you maybe have a sleep by that point too, and then you have to get up and you have to go do PM pickup.
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It's not a great feeling, so I have always preferred to do it before bedtime.
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So that way, once the bedtime craziness is over, I can do what I want and I can relax and I can watch Netflix, I can hang out, I can work if I want to.
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I can just do what I want, versus having to do something that, even though I know is helpful, it's not something I particularly love and desire.
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It's not like I think about all day like, oh, I can't wait until tonight when I can do PM pickup Right.
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So, all that to say, I prefer to do it before bedtime and oftentimes my husband wasn't home during then and so we basically like split up PM pickup duties and I did my share, the girls helped and then he did his share when he wanted to.
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So he prefers to do it like really late at night, before he's going to bed, and I would do the countertops and the dishes and he would do all the floors and the trash, and so it just felt like it worked really well for a long time.
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But I want to say that because if you are in a situation where not every adult is home.
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When you feel like you have the highest energy and patience level for PM pickup, then just split up the duties and that way you're still not taking on everything, okay.
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So PM pickup, again overall, is just putting, like she said, putting the house to bed is just putting things away.
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I like to think of it like in the morning I like to like wake the house up, I like to open the curtains and I like to open a couple of windows, depending on the time of year, to like let fresh air in and I like to put on some relaxing music and I like to just start my day with that fresh, clean slate.
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So at nighttime it's kind of the opposite, where I'm closing the curtains, I am just putting everything away, making sure everything is good to go for that morning, like reawakening, right, and so that's what PM pickup, or putting the house to bed, is.
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Now let's go over her question Again.
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She says I don't feel like I have time to do it every night because I'm so busy.
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Is doing it three out of seven nights better than zero?
00:05:59.552 --> 00:06:31.670
So I'm guessing the person who asked this question is a perfectionist or an all or nothing type person when it comes to any type of change or building new habits, and the reason I guess this is because the way her question is phrased number one, but also number two that's me, so I can relate and I get it, and I think it's a really easy trap to fall into whenever we're trying to find a new routine or a new habit that we're trying to build into our life, because we all know that PM pickup will be super helpful for our homes.
00:06:31.750 --> 00:06:41.916
But it's the act of actually doing it and doing it consistently that can be tough, and I have fallen into that trap so many times in so many areas of my life.
00:06:41.916 --> 00:07:06.661
I can't even tell you how many times I've joined like a different gym and with the intent that, like I'm going to like be more consistent with movement and all of that, and like if I don't go every single day, then I get frustrated with myself like three days in a row and then I don't go the next day and it's like, well, that's all over, like what was the point, and so I think that's kind of maybe what's happening here.
00:07:06.661 --> 00:07:15.043
But here's the thing the simple truth is that anything is better than nothing.
00:07:15.043 --> 00:07:16.829
So even doing it one night a week is going to be better than zero, right?
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Being able to wake up to a clean or cleaner kitchen even one day a week is better than never doing it, because it's going to give you that boost, it's going to give you a reminder that this is something that's helpful for you and your family in the mornings and that's a great thing.
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So, even if it's only happening one time, it's great.
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If it's happening three times, that's great, because it's still on those days reaffirming the positive results of taking the time to do it the night before.
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However, I do think that sometimes, when we have this perfectionist attitude, we tend to think of it in terms, again, of all or nothing for the PM pickup, and I think that's happening here too, where it's like I'm doing it three times a week, but you know there's the other four nights a week that I'm not doing it, but it's likely taking a long time on those three nights, which maybe kind of backfires a little bit because it just feels really overwhelming.
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It feels heavy and nobody wants to do something.
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That feels heavy, right.
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And so what if you did something each night instead to begin to build the habit, right?
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So what if you just set a timer for five minutes to start for the first week and then the second week you set it for 10 minutes every night and then the third week you set it for 15 minutes every night and you pick a favorite Spotify channel.
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You put on a mindless show that you don't really have to concentrate on, like some type of reality dating show.
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My favorite for this would be like Love is Blind, where it's like you don't really feel like you have to be like sitting in front of the TV paying attention or pop in the earbuds and listen to an audio book or podcast.
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You know side note, funny story I started this podcast as a way like the original idea was to have this podcast as like your PM pickup buddy, like something that you can listen to while you're doing your PM pickup.
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So if you like this podcast, then that would be great because that was the original goal of the podcast.
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But pick a podcast or an audio book or music, something that you look forward to.
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It doesn't want to be something like I don't know, like this might be good, like pick a good podcast If you see a podcast that you're on Instagram and you're scrolling and you see a video and you're like, ooh, I want to watch that podcast later or listen to that podcast later.
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Save it for your PM pickup.
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Don't listen to it before then, because then we're kind of tricking our brain into thinking like this is something that we enjoy, because we at least get to do something that we do enjoy while we're doing the PM pickup.
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And then I want you to start with food and trash, and even if you just get that done, that's huge, because even just taking care of those things that like really shouldn't be left out for so many different reasons, then it feels like a really good boost and it makes your home just feel a little bit tidier and cleaner, and so I think that's going to give you the biggest boost.
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If you only have five minutes to do it right, then you would move on to loading or unloading the dishwasher whichever you know, if your dishwasher is empty or not or begin hand washing dishes.
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If you don't have a dishwasher, then I would move into countertops.
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So that includes like putting things away from the countertops, wiping them down, then floors always do your countertops before floors, because something inevitably from the countertop falls onto the floor and it's annoying if you do your floors first.
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So sweep the floors.
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If you have like a Roomba or something like that, just start running it while you're doing it and then also make a pile of like your go elsewhere things, so like anything that doesn't belong in the kitchen.
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Just make a pile as you're going through your PM pickup so that you're not wasting your five minutes or your 10 minutes or your 15 minutes running back and forth to various rooms of your house to put things away.
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Now here's the key.
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If you have momentum, that timer goes off and you're like, oh, I'm doing fine, I'm enjoying this podcast, I'm moving, whatever, keep going.
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If you have that momentum and the timer goes off and you're ready to keep going, just turn like whatever, keep going.
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If you have that momentum and the timer goes off and you're like ready to keep go, just turn the timer off and keep going, because oftentimes starting is 90% of the battle.
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And so if we can like get ourselves to just start, most of the time honestly, 90% of the time we just want to keep going because we want to just get done with the task and we feel good about it because we're moving, our bodies are moving, our minds are focused on something that we enjoy and we feel like we're getting something done and that's rewarding.
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It's like you got a little dopamine hit from starting to tackle this project right.
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But here's the thing If the timer hits, the timer goes off and you think, thank God, go ahead and stop.
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Give yourself the grace to stop, it's okay.
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You did what you said you were going to do.
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You said you were going to put a timer on for five minutes and you were going to start PM pickup and get as much done as you could in five minutes, and you did it, and it's okay.
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If you don't have the momentum, it's going to depend on so many things.
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Maybe everyone in your house has been sick, or maybe you haven't been feeling well or sleeping well, or maybe something's really stressful is happening at work.
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There's so many reasons that you may need to just call it for the night, and that's okay.
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But also give yourself praise, because you told yourself you were going to do something and you did it and, even if it feels silly, be proud of yourself.
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Reward yourself, because then we again are training our mind that this was a good thing, this is something that was rewarding, and you are more likely to do it the next night.
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So then the next night, do it again, stick with that short timer, listen to a podcast, do the thing that interests you and just keep going.
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And if you start to do this, night after night after night, you're gonna find sooner or later that you're doing your full PM pickup and it's just a habit, it's just part of what you do, it's part of your day.
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It's not even something you even really think about.
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You just get it done, and that's how we can really focus on building the habit of PM pickup, instead of doing the full thing three nights a week and feeling really overwhelmed by it.
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Now, there's always the possibility that it's just going to take you a long time, and most of the time that's because we have too much stuff.
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And so if you are feeling like you really want PM pickup to go faster, you really want it to be quicker every night, then declutter ruthlessly your whole home kitchen, obviously, but your whole home, because the less stuff that you have, the harder it is to make the mess and the easier is to follow systems that are going to keep your home running smoothly and feeling like they're operating at a level where it's just part of your life.
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Right, it's not something that you even have to think about.
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Everyone in your home is just ready to do it.
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It's just the next thing.
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We all eat dinner every day, right, and this is just the next thing that we do.
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It just becomes habit, like brushing our teeth, and so I hope this is helpful for you.
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Again.
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I think there's a couple of things going on here, but I really do think if you can just get over the hurdle of starting each night, it's going to immensely improve how you feel about it.
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And last thing is, I just want to acknowledge that you're busy.
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You are busy, moms are busy and most people are busy these days, and we have so much on our plates, we have so much on our minds, and so I get that we are all busy, but this stuff has to be done right, and if we can get into the routine and the habit of making it that nightly thing, it's going to make your life easier in the overall scheme of things, and so that's just something to keep in mind, that you're probably not going to get less busy.
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I have said so many times in my life like, oh, I'll do that whatever project for work when I'm not so busy.
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Well, guess what?
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That time never comes up because I have kids, I run a business and I run my home and I do lots of volunteer things and I'm at my kids' school like three or four days a week and like there's always going and life happens right, somebody gets sick and someone breaks a bone and like there's always going to be something to keep us busy.
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So if we can just start to build these little habits in just little increments and we can use these little tricks that are going to trick our brain into thinking that this is a good thing, then we will be much more likely to follow through and just make our lives much easier.
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Thanks for hanging out and listening to The Decluttered Mom podcast.
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If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could write a review or share this episode with a friend or your Instagram stories.
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And if you're on Instagram, be sure to follow me at thedeclutteredmom and send me a DM to say hi.
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I'd love to hear what you thought about today's episode.
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I hope you'll come.
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What you thought about today's episode, I hope you'll come back next week and hang out with us again.
