Pause for Purpose

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so we had a talk.
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That was the end of my glim levitavitt 14.
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I'm going to sip on this and go through where I'm at right now.
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I turned 36 this week 31st it's always cool to have a birthday 31st it's always cool to have a birthday.
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But of course, this year and if you've been listening to the pod, you've been noticing I've been kind of on a little journey, trying to understand my purpose, trying to really establish what I want for me, trying to be more disciplined, trying to be more disciplined, trying to be more in control of what I can control.
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So we come to the podcast.
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This year has been really cool to me.
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I've had some great conversations, but I feel like I have to take a break.
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I feel like I put a lot of energy, excitement, time.
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I put a lot of myself into this project.
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I always tell people it's one of my favorite things I've ever done.
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And it all started because, you know, I wanted to challenge myself.
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I wanted to see if I could do something that I've always said I wanted to do.
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I wanted to host a show.
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I wanted to write episodes.
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I wanted to interview people.
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I wanted to be personable.
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I wanted to explore a different avenue of my personality.
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I wanted to be more vulnerable, I wanted to create, and I feel like I've done that.
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At this point, I sit down in my office and I try to ask myself what do I want in life?
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And I feel like I'm in a great place, but I still don't have an actual answer.
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That's difficult, you know, because I feel like I've worked really hard, I've rehearsed and, like I said, I'm at a place now where I am performing every week, unless it's summertime, but I'm usually working a lot and meeting new people, creating.
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I still feel like there's another level that I can achieve when it comes to my creations, and so I'm starting to look at things in my life where it's like what purpose is this serving towards my overall purpose?
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I've said I think my purpose is to create opportunities for people to shine, which this podcast is, that it is another opportunity for that, so it makes me go back to the drawing board.
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Is that the purpose?
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Is that the only thing?
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What is the true purpose?
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What do I want?
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And I want to create, I want to perform, I want to put together stories.
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I want to more than anything.
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I guess the real answer is I just want to be recognized for doing that.
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I want people to see me and know exactly what I'm doing, instead of oh, you're doing this, you're doing that, you're doing so much I don't even know what, really what your focus is.
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I talked to a friend the other day and I was like I don't think I've ever given one specific thing 100% ever.
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Which is weird because it's the truth.
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Whenever it came to my albums, you know I was working doubles at a bar that didn't care about me and I was giving them more than half of the energy I was giving to my project.
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My project always came second With the wedding band.
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You know I give so much energy to that.
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There's so many hours in the week that goes to memorizing music.
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When it comes to that day, that whole day is dedicated to the wedding band.
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I try to write, I try to create while I'm there, but it just there isn't time in that day if I want to do my best on stage, and then the next day, half of that day I'm traveling back home, or the day before I'm going to sleep three hours earlier so I can wake up and make it to the bus, and so the day before and the day after are also being taken away from me to focus on something specific.
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I don't really know how any of this is gonna really go.
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I don't know if that's really me anymore when it comes to giving 100% to something.
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Maybe it's just not something that I can do.
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But going back to what I can control, I can't control the things that I put out.
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I can control the things that I put my heart into and I don't think this podcast is sucking anything negative out of me.
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I love everything I've done with this, but it is taking time.
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It is very frustrating trying to wrestle with people's calendars and schedules.
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I mean I've done almost 200 episodes over 200, I think and those 200 were very hard to get together.
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Some people I really care about I've kind of had to check myself.
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Say, hey, you know, yeah, they might not have prioritized this.
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They might not have I don't know.
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I don't know if they're taking you serious.
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I don't know how people are reacting, but I have to make sure that my reaction isn't overreacting.
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I can't I can't get mad at people for putting themselves first.
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I need to put myself first too.
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So I want to really focus on my music.
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I really want to focus on my future.
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What is going to be my next step for real?
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And I want time.
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Next step for real, and I want time.
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I want to be able to really enjoy this time with my wife and family and truly come to a conclusion that I can start to go 110 towards and my album.
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I feel like that is the thing I want to focus on now.
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I believe that it's an incredible thing to kind of help me, if anything, start to find that focus.
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If I can put 100% into that and release something I'm proud of, then I can move on and say, ok, is this what I want to do, or do I need to really consider what my life is, what my purpose is?
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The one thing I know I'm good at and I feel very proud of and I've seen go incredible is my relationship with my wife and our marriage and life here has been incredible.
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Maybe that's it, but then again I can see ways that me being the best, me Working towards my goals, can also help that.
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So I don't want to totally cancel out anything else but the podcast.
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I want to approach this a little different.
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It's been incredible these past couple seasons season three being able to really connect with people and put together episodes that I'm so proud of.
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I want to clear that space in my head for creation other than that podcast and I just think it's time.
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I will keep the podcast and I will still post online and if I have announcements or anything, I'll kind of use this as a another newsletter to post my mindset and stuff I'm going through and things I'm working on.
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But the interview process, the writing the episodes, the editing the episodes, the marketing the episodes, the paying for all editing the episodes, the marketing the episodes, the paying for all of the stuff and all of that energy needs to be pushed somewhere else and I'm okay with that.
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I appreciate every person who has taken time to sit with me, my friends, anyone who's reached out and actually tried to collaborate.
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That's been dope.
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I'm still open to that.
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If you are listening to this, I'm still open to creating with this platform.
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If you are listening to this, I'm still open to creating with this platform.
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I just I really need some time to really push myself.
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I feel like I've enjoyed my clean eating.
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I've enjoyed my hikes and activity, my yoga, breathing exercises, drinking this scotch has been really.
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This is actually what I've worked towards to be able to say you know what?
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I'm going to drink the scotch today because I know that I've been very good and I've pushed myself.
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And you know, tomorrow I'm going to go on my hike and I'm going to keep on doing my yoga and I'm going to keep on taking it easy.
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This is good in moderation.
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I haven't had a drink of scotch all year.
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I'm making it easy.
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This is good in moderation.
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I haven't had a drink of scotch all year.
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And for my 36th birthday, I think that's a time to celebrate and it's a time to reflect and it's a time to kind of be in this position because this is me truly making this decision.
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For me, this podcast is something I've loved and I found myself going the extra mile and staying overnight and missing rehearsals or doing stuff so that I can get this episode out, so that I can keep this up.
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But things have taken a backseat to this podcast and the purpose for the podcast is to promote what I'm doing, and if I'm doing this more than the other thing, that's a problem.
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So I hope people get a chance to really listen to the episodes, to the stories, take something away.
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I feel like a lot of people have shown their whole heart on a few of these episodes and some are fun episodes that we're just, you know, connecting but every episode has that, that human connection that I feel like a lot of us are missing.
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I found myself feeling like I needed more and more, feeling like I need it more and more.
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I found myself limiting myself from social media or limiting myself from binge watching TV or limiting myself from so much, but I really don't like social media.
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I don't want to be on there.
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Maybe this is a chance to eliminate a little bit more of that.
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I really enjoy getting out and meeting new people.
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Maybe this is an opportunity to give me more time to do that.
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It's something I love, but also it isn't truly I don't know.
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Like I said, thank you for listening, thank you for the comments, thank you for the reviews.
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Thank you to my sponsors that have sent a couple of dollars every month to help me pay for it.
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Thank you to my friends who've come on the show.
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I'm very proud of this platform and I'm going to miss the feeling I get when I release on Wednesdays.
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I'm going to miss the feeling of listening to an episode and being like.
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This really felt good.
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This came together great.
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I read a book and one of the things about it was they say you should continue to work on your craft so that the unknown can shine Meaning when you perform and you do these things and you do it well and you constantly do it.
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At times there will be moments where you create something or you'll say something or you'll do something, and then afterwards you'll look back and be like where did that even come from?
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I didn't prep for that.
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It's just somewhere in your head and that's that unknown coming to light and the work that you're putting in rewarding you Because even in your subconscious you're still creating, you're able to push yourself to another level, and this show has truly given me a lot of those moments.
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I feel like some people would be like Dominique that's a hell of a question and I write most of these episodes out completely, even sometimes a line in line, to know exactly what I want to say, what I want to push.
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But some of my favorite moments have come just from genuine conversation.
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For me, be like, wait a minute, let me go back to that and I want you to dig deeper on that subject.
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Small, I know, but as a creator, as a performer, as someone who loves this shit, but as a creator, as a performer, as someone who loves this shit, there's nothing better than doing something that is out of body and then looking back and being like man.
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That's why I love to do it.
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So this is hard for me.
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This is very hard for me, but I'm going to be very, very Proud Of the music I create, the music I put together with others.
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I'm going to be really proud of All the 110 I put into this next project that I'm working on, and I really want to give myself A chance to truly prove to myself that I can really create something unique.
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On this next project, I wrote a song called Special and when I sat down and write the song, I really wanted to create a song that spoke to that little hidden voice in my head and what it's saying.
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Ever since I was in school I was younger I always just wanted to be special.
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I always wanted someone to look at me and be like wow, that kid's got it, that kid's good.
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Wow, that dude is doing something that I want to do or he's inspiring me.
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That kid is great.
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But you know, you get to a point where you know you don't want people to judge you.
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You don't want people to look at you like you're dumb for even trying.
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And so even with that sentiment of the song I've gone back and forth on, even if I'm going to put it on the project Because it's something so simple.
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But in my head is like I could hear the criticism.
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I can hear people saying he's stupid or I can hear people being like, oh, he's self-absorbed, why he want to be spent.
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I don't know.
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I don't know.
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I'm creating these things in my own head.
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But it's honest, when I sit down and I wrote that song and I thought about it and I looked at the lyrics before I even sang them, I really felt like that was something that I truly want.
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I had a moment with a family member who was really down.
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I felt they were underappreciated and when they said that, it broke my heart.
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But on top of breaking my heart, it made me really think about my place and how I feel.
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In many ways I do feel that, but it's also a lot of a mental game of me creating this idea.
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You know, I feel underappreciated.
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I feel underappreciated.
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I feel like things that I put out or people that I work with.
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For some reason I've created this, this mental that things are going to go one way, but then usually they don't.
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Nothing usually goes the way that I plan in my head.
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I have to embrace that, because in many ways a lot of people still kind of surprise me with how much they appreciate me and tell me that thing that you did years ago.
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I watch that every once in a while.
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It makes me happy.
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I'm just like you know, I wanted to hear that the week it was released but it took three years to hear it.
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And in my head, for some reason, the whole time I'm like I'm underappreciated.
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No one cares and this and that.
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But it's like people do care.
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Some people just don't communicate it.
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Some people communicate it to themselves.
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Some people show their appreciation another way.
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You know, when I release a post or something or I talk to someone about a project, they they show their appreciation.
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Then, wow, I'm so excited for you, that's something that's so great, that you're so great at, and I'm just like I hear it.
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I see, I feel it a lot, but I still find ways to tell myself it's not happening.
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It just comes back to the idea that I'm working on me and this is another step towards that.
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I think this is a good thing for me to take some time.
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This is a good thing for me to take some time, turn off the TV, turn off the social media, and if I just sit in front of my writing app or in front of my journal for an hour and nothing is put down, I feel like that's more important to give myself that opportunity than to suck up all of this madness that's going on around us.
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This morning I listened to Seth Meyers and he just was going on about Epstein and Trump.
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And I listened to NPR and he listened to all the stuff that's going on in Gaza and Israel and none of it makes me happy.
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But I can turn it off and I can create something that hopefully will inspire people.
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I mean, that's what you want, right, for yourself at least.
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So this isn't goodbye.
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You will hear from me, maybe on this platform, maybe in other ways, but Cheers to you all.
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I appreciate y'all.
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If you want to do anything with the pie, just hit me up, but I'm going to.
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I'm going to take a break in.
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I may come back in a year, so we'll see If not.
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It's been an incredible experience.
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This has been a lot of fun to create, to nail down, to truly experiment with, and it helped me see that I can do something incredible.
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I'm just going to keep on trying to do that and see what life will really bring towards me, because I have some things that I want to do, and 36 is not too old to do it.
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It's just a matter of having a clear vision, a clear guide towards that goal, or not goal, that target.
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I don't want to limit myself anymore.
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I want to shoot through these targets.
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I can do it.
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I want to give myself that opportunity.
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Thank you Once again.
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Y'all be safe.
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Much love you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.
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I think for us, like you are like the perfect, like image of like a black woman, like.
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So I always wondered if you felt that pressure.
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No, light is not heavy.
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Carry light, share light.
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Light is not heavy.
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Grandma taught me lots of things Bring people joy, use my gift and sing.
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I'd lean on her her arm, I'd cling.
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The world lost such a precious thing.
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I'll never forget her.
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She made life so much better.
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I close my eyes and I can hear her Preaching and sharing her love Straight from above, this little light of love I'm so thankful of.
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She is my glove.
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Straight from above this little light of love I'm so thankful of.
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Family first, do well in school, treat people right.
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The golden rule Set you some goals, be brave, don't be cruel.
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Her wisdom was my special tool.
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I'll never forget it.
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Stuck in my head, embedded Her love, I can still feel it.
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I cherish that and I spread her love.
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Straight from above, this little light of love I'm so thankful of.
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She is my glove.
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Straight from above, this little light of love I'm so thankful of.
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Yes, I can hear her sing to me.
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I can hear my grandma sing.
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Yes, she would always sing this one song, yes, and it goes like this Sing it with me, amen, amen, amen, amen.
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One more time now Amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen, amen.
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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
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This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
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That's my favorite part.
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Everywhere that I go, baby, I'm gonna let it shine.
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Everywhere that I go, baby, I'm gonna let it shine.
00:28:07.538 --> 00:28:21.864
Everywhere that I go, baby, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
00:28:21.864 --> 00:28:39.382
Yes, one more time, this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.
00:28:39.382 --> 00:28:53.151
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.