Facing Ourselves

Scott Hayes: Good morning and welcome back to Sober Readings, or welcome to Sober Readings. If you're just joining us, my name is Scott. I'm glad you're here with me for today's readings. We're gonna read Daily Reflections 24 hours a day as Bill sees it, and then a fourth reading from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, from the chapter The Family Afterword. So stick around for that. And I don't think I mentioned that today is Tuesday, the 6th of October. But let's get started like we always do with the serenity prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Today's reading from Daily Reflections, Facing Ourselves. And fear says, You dare not look. And that's a partial line from page 49 of Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. How often I avoided a task in my drinking days just because it appeared so large? Is it any wonder, even if I have been sober for some time, that I will act that same way when faced with what appears to be a monumental job, just as a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself? What I discover after I have arrived at the other side, when my inventory is completed, is that the illusion was greater than the reality. The fear of facing myself kept me at a standstill, and until I became willing to put pencil to paper, I was arresting my growth based on an intangible. Today's reading from 24 Hours a Day. October 6th, AA Thought for the Day. Is it my desire to be a big shot in AA? Do I always want to be up front in the limelight? Do I feel that nobody else can do as good a job as I can? Or am I willing to take a seat in the back row once in a while and let somebody else carry the ball? Part of the effectiveness of any AA group. Is the development of new members to carry on, to take over from the older members? Am I reluctant to give up authority? Do I try to carry the load for the whole group? If so, I'm not being fair to the newer members. Do I realize that no one person is essential? And so ask yourself: Do I know that AA could carry on without me if it had to? The meditation for the day. The unseen God can help to make us truly grateful and humble. Since we cannot see God, we must believe in Him without seeing. What we can see clearly is the change in a human being when he sincerely asks God for the strength to change. We should cling to faith in God and in His power to change our ways. Our faith in an unseen God will be rewarded by a useful and serviceable life. God will not fail to show us the way we should live when in real gratitude and true humility we turn to Him. In the prayer for the day. I pray that I may believe that God can change me. I pray that I may be always willing to be changed for the better. And for the next reading, let's go to As Bill sees it. Today we're on page twenty-seven. Daily Reprieve. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And that's on page eighty five of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We of AA obey spiritual principles, at first because we must, then because we ought to, and ultimately because we love the kind of life such obedience brings. Great suffering and great love are AA's disciplinarians. We need no others. And that's on page one hundred seven four of twelve and twelve. And for today's final reading, let's go to the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm gonna read a page and a half from The Family Afterword. And that is chapter nine, and this begins on page 134. The alcoholic may find it hard to reestablish friendly relations with his children. Their young minds were impressionable when he was drinking. Without saying so, they may cordially hate him for what he has done to them and to their mother. The children are sometimes dominated by a pathetic hardness and cynicism. They cannot seem to forgive and forget. This may hang on for months, long after their mother has accepted dad's new way of living and thinking. In time, they will see that he is a new man, and in their own way, they will let him know it. When this happens, they can be invited to join in morning meditation, and then they can take part in the daily discussion without rancor or bias. From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion. Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. The others must be convinced of his new status beyond the shadow of a doubt. Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker. Here is a case in point. One of our friends is a heavy smoker and coffee drinker. There was no doubt he overindulged. Seeing this and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. He admitted he was overdoing these things, but frankly said that he was not ready to stop. His wife Is one of those persons who really feels there is something rather sinful about these commodities, so she nagged, and her intolerance finally threw him into a fit of anger. He got drunk. Of course, our friend was wrong, dead wrong. He had to painfully admit that and mend his spiritual fences. Though he is now a most effective member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he still smokes and drinks coffee. But neither his wife nor anyone else stands in judgment. She sees she was wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured. We have three little mottos which are apropos. Here they are. First things first, live and let live, easy does it. And now for my take on today's readings. One of the things I take from these pages in Alcoholics Anonymous is that sobriety doesn't happen in a vacuum. When I stop drinking, the people around me don't suddenly forget everything that happened, and life doesn't magically become perfect. There can still be hurt, mistrust, fear, and old habits within a family that took years to develop. Recovery gives me the opportunity to begin repairing those relationships, but I have to remember that other people may need time to heal too. My job isn't to demand that they recognize how much I've changed. My job is to keep doing the work and let my actions over time speak for me. I also love the three simple ideas at the bottom of page 135. First things first, live and let live. Easy does it. They sound almost too simple, but I think that's exactly why I need them. First things first reminds me that sobriety has to remain a priority. Because everything else I value depends on it. Live and let live reminds me that I don't have to control everybody around me, fix their problems, or convince them to see things my way. Sometimes the healthiest thing I can do for myself and for the people I love is allow them to be who they are while I concentrate on who I am becoming. And then there's easy does it. For someone like me, that might be the hardest one of the three. I'm comfortable pushing harder, running farther, and convincing myself that more effort is always the answer. But recovery has taught me that I can't force everything. I don't have to fix my entire life today. I don't have to repair every relationship today. I don't have to have all the answers today. I just have to do the next right thing. First things first. Let other people live their lives. Take mine one day at a time. And maybe that's the beauty of these sayings. When life and recovery start feeling complicated, they bring me back to something simple enough to actually live. That's gonna do it for today's episode of Sober Readings. Thank you all so much for listening. I hope that something you heard today stays with you through your day and helps you along. If you'd like to be a guest on Sober Readings and share your experienced strength and hope, or just join me for a reading, there's a link in the show notes below to send me an email. You'll also find a link in the show notes to my website where you can learn more about sober readings and stay connected. Also, if you'd like to drop a dollar in the donation basket for today's readings, just go to the support page on the website and click the button that says drop a dollar in the basket. If you enjoyed today's episode and want to support Sober Readings, please subscribe to the podcast and give this episode a like because it really does help people find us. So again, thanks for spending a few minutes of your day with me. Be good to yourselves, be good to others, and remember, we only have to do this one day at a time. So just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, everyone, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.