WEBVTT
00:00:00.221 --> 00:00:01.403
Next level nation.
00:00:01.403 --> 00:00:09.723
Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth.
00:00:09.723 --> 00:00:15.321
We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1615.
00:00:15.321 --> 00:00:17.306
Are you pushing yourself too much?
00:00:17.306 --> 00:00:25.266
Any chance for Alan to use a finding Nemo reference is a good episode, 100%, hopefully today.
00:00:25.266 --> 00:00:32.634
For episode number 1616, deep down, you already know the answer to the question you're asking.
00:00:32.634 --> 00:00:48.447
We had a lot of interesting potential opportunities over the last month or so and I shared one recently how I was stressing over it and and it ended up going better than I expected and that was kind of the conclusion of that.
00:00:48.447 --> 00:00:54.850
But we had another very interesting opportunity that was presented to us and I was talking to this person about.
00:00:54.850 --> 00:00:57.061
This potential opportunity Sounded good.
00:00:57.061 --> 00:00:59.107
So I said hey, alan, can I bring you in on this?
00:00:59.107 --> 00:01:00.892
I need some support to make sure this is good.
00:01:00.892 --> 00:01:05.810
We went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and that always seems to go well.
00:01:06.331 --> 00:01:07.212
Yeah, it never works.
00:01:08.063 --> 00:01:12.212
I've learned my lesson just do it and Deal with the repercussions.
00:01:12.212 --> 00:01:16.908
No, so you ended up doing research on something.
00:01:16.908 --> 00:01:18.751
You said, hey, let's chat later.
00:01:18.751 --> 00:01:21.037
I think it'll bring some certainty and we can kind of come to a conclusion.
00:01:21.037 --> 00:01:27.129
And I Kind of knew it wasn't a great idea deep down.
00:01:27.129 --> 00:01:40.490
But there was potential for short-term money that will help us build the business and in my mind that's my job it's to try to help us make the most aligned money we can, and sometimes I I swing and miss that just kind of par for the course.
00:01:41.212 --> 00:01:46.629
So we met and we had a real Alan and Kevin conversation.
00:01:46.629 --> 00:01:52.582
We've done this a million times, but there was a point in the conversation where you said, yeah, man, I don't think we can do it.
00:01:52.582 --> 00:01:54.450
I'm sorry, and you were very, very.
00:01:54.450 --> 00:01:58.465
I could tell that you knew it was gonna create pain for me and you were regretful of that.
00:01:58.465 --> 00:01:59.751
But you knew this was the right decision.
00:01:59.751 --> 00:02:02.868
And I said honestly, man, I know this is the right choice.
00:02:02.868 --> 00:02:08.872
I know deep down there was a part of me that was hoping you'd say this, because I knew that was the right answer.
00:02:10.241 --> 00:02:14.893
This is the moment where I would normally be villainized instead of instead of you having that.
00:02:14.893 --> 00:02:19.094
Yeah, I knew deep down that this is true, this is what's best.
00:02:19.094 --> 00:02:26.347
A Lot of people and again I'm not gonna make this about me, but I need that for you and me, man that's usually the moment.
00:02:27.207 --> 00:02:28.530
I wanted to where I would?
00:02:28.530 --> 00:02:30.875
I guess I wanted to for sure anything.
00:02:31.140 --> 00:02:32.625
It's not just with business, it's with.
00:02:32.625 --> 00:02:40.072
It's almost like the person who it's like you could have deluded yourself into, into thinking that was a good idea.
00:02:40.072 --> 00:02:44.490
It's almost like the truth sucks and you can villainize me.
00:02:44.490 --> 00:02:50.651
You can villainize the truth, or you can accept that this is actually the better path, even though it's up, and I just wanted to make that clear.
00:02:50.651 --> 00:02:52.366
It wasn't it was.
00:02:53.209 --> 00:02:54.775
It wasn't the best idea.
00:02:54.775 --> 00:02:56.120
It was a decent idea.
00:02:56.120 --> 00:03:03.961
Yeah, in in different circumstances it would have been a great idea, but yeah, for us and in our goals and certain specifics it wasn't.
00:03:03.961 --> 00:03:08.150
And I again at this point, I've trusted you for the last seven years.
00:03:08.150 --> 00:03:13.146
The last thing I'm gonna do is say, uh, I'm just gonna go against what you say.
00:03:13.146 --> 00:03:14.129
I think it's important.
00:03:14.129 --> 00:03:14.842
How do you have a relation?
00:03:14.921 --> 00:03:16.164
How did you not villainize me?
00:03:16.164 --> 00:03:18.189
Because there's no way we would have gotten here if you?
00:03:18.531 --> 00:03:32.568
because I I've dealt with this so many times where I'll have a really good, really good good is in quotation marks for those who are just listening what I perceive is a really good Idea, and then you and I will have a conversation about it.
00:03:32.568 --> 00:03:34.171
You'll bring a deeper awareness to it.
00:03:34.171 --> 00:03:35.679
We won't end up doing it.
00:03:35.679 --> 00:03:41.533
I'll be frustrated for five minutes and then not five minutes depends and then I'll just go back to.
00:03:41.533 --> 00:03:43.584
I'll try to go back to what I was doing.
00:03:43.584 --> 00:03:50.127
So you and I have had this conversation in this form, but I don't know dozens of times at this point.
00:03:50.949 --> 00:04:00.843
In my honest opinion, having Tried really hard to help a lot of people flourish in their lives, this is the reason Kevin was has been able to.
00:04:00.843 --> 00:04:08.298
More than anything else, this is the reason you've been able to create a life and design a life that you love.
00:04:08.298 --> 00:04:24.168
I appreciate that Because I think that the ability to accept hard truths that you know deep down are what's best for you, even though they absolutely suck in the moment and not villainize someone else, but actually look in the mirror.
00:04:24.168 --> 00:04:25.574
I think that's rare.
00:04:25.574 --> 00:04:39.605
I'm coming to realize that's rarer and rarer and rarer, and I'm just I want to ask you how you do that so that the listeners can also do that more, and I know many of the listeners do that too.
00:04:39.605 --> 00:04:43.375
You wouldn't listen to this show if you didn't want hard truths.
00:04:44.285 --> 00:04:46.088
Well, I think it really so.
00:04:46.088 --> 00:04:50.036
The point of this episode is I knew the answer deep, deep, deep down.
00:04:50.036 --> 00:04:56.786
Sometimes I think you're just looking for permission to get to the answer that you kind of expect.
00:04:56.786 --> 00:05:02.237
Anyway, I told Taryn at the beginning of this, when this was brought up to me as an opportunity.
00:05:02.237 --> 00:05:05.632
I told Taryn I said this isn't, it's not going to happen, most likely.
00:05:05.632 --> 00:05:06.716
And she said why?
00:05:06.716 --> 00:05:08.889
And I said Alan's probably not going to go for it.
00:05:08.889 --> 00:05:10.555
And she said is that bad?
00:05:10.555 --> 00:05:15.336
And I said I said it'll be frustrating for me in the short run, but no, I don't think it's bad.
00:05:15.336 --> 00:05:17.331
I think it's probably what's best.
00:05:17.331 --> 00:05:20.374
I just can't see that far into the future.
00:05:20.964 --> 00:05:21.747
This is a really good.
00:05:21.747 --> 00:05:23.132
This is a really good example of this.
00:05:23.132 --> 00:05:48.644
Next time you have a decision to make and I've never actually done this, but I've been thinking about this for a long, long long time, maybe I've done it in the past, I don't know Next time you have a decision to make and you don't know yes or no, or go or don't go, or whatever it is, buy it or don't buy it, whatever it is flip a coin and, when that coin is in the air, figure out what you're actually wishing for that.
00:05:48.644 --> 00:05:56.596
I feel like that is an amazing way for you to figure out what you actually want, the truth that you know, the answer that you know deep down.
00:05:56.596 --> 00:05:59.132
So if it's heads, I'll go.
00:05:59.132 --> 00:06:00.428
If it's tails, I won't go.
00:06:00.428 --> 00:06:03.228
I don't really care and I don't really care that much.
00:06:03.228 --> 00:06:04.052
If it's heads, I'll go.
00:06:04.444 --> 00:06:04.966
If it's tails.
00:06:04.966 --> 00:06:05.670
I'm not that invested.
00:06:06.464 --> 00:06:14.333
When that coin is up in the air and you're thinking to yourself I really hope it's heads or when it lands on tails, how do you feel?
00:06:14.333 --> 00:06:16.891
Are you okay with the fact that you're not going now?
00:06:16.891 --> 00:06:17.990
Or did you actually want to go?
00:06:17.990 --> 00:06:22.492
You just weren't willing to admit it, or you needed the permission from something else.
00:06:22.492 --> 00:06:24.831
That's really what I want to talk about here.
00:06:24.831 --> 00:06:26.009
Here's another real quick.
00:06:26.009 --> 00:06:40.216
I got a message from someone yesterday and this person's an entrepreneur and they said I got this really really really good job offer with a really really really high upside.
00:06:40.216 --> 00:06:47.317
And I just tried to listen to what this person was saying to me and they said what do you think?
00:06:47.317 --> 00:06:52.677
And I said you know, you know, you know the answer.
00:06:52.677 --> 00:06:54.550
You're just looking for me to say the same thing that you're saying.
00:06:54.550 --> 00:07:01.055
And that really was the conversation and we got to the end and the resolution was yeah, no, it sounds really good.
00:07:01.055 --> 00:07:04.512
It's a really heavy temptation, but I know I'd regret it, I know.
00:07:04.531 --> 00:07:06.115
Yeah, it's always easy road.
00:07:06.115 --> 00:07:08.725
Remember, we used to do episodes on the hyper conscious podcast.
00:07:08.725 --> 00:07:09.668
This was always your idea.
00:07:09.668 --> 00:07:14.214
You always said there's the right choice and then there's the easy choice.
00:07:14.214 --> 00:07:16.348
Yeah, you used to say that all the time.
00:07:16.925 --> 00:07:20.867
I've forgotten a lot of my good quotes from back in the day I was thinking about this.
00:07:20.887 --> 00:07:24.425
the other day too you have another quote your life.
00:07:24.425 --> 00:07:26.252
Wait, the imagination one.
00:07:26.252 --> 00:07:26.754
Let me do it.
00:07:26.754 --> 00:07:28.410
I want to see if I can pull this off.
00:07:28.410 --> 00:07:31.271
Your life becomes the parts of your imagination.
00:07:31.271 --> 00:07:32.394
You hold onto the longest.
00:07:32.394 --> 00:07:34.192
No, I was thinking about that yesterday.
00:07:34.192 --> 00:07:35.630
You absolutely butchered it.
00:07:35.630 --> 00:07:37.071
Did I really ever say it again?
00:07:37.685 --> 00:07:43.637
No, your reality becomes the parts of your imagination that you hold onto and pour into the longest.
00:07:43.637 --> 00:07:47.235
I wouldn't just say hold on to, because you got to do something about it.
00:07:47.235 --> 00:07:50.528
You got to do some effort, though you have to do some effort.
00:07:51.367 --> 00:07:52.947
But before I let Alan speak, I'll have to be out.
00:07:52.947 --> 00:07:54.668
Then You're out for that reason.
00:07:56.964 --> 00:08:01.396
You've been asked questions more than I have because you've done more coaching.
00:08:01.396 --> 00:08:10.271
Yeah, you've done more coaching, specifically career relationship, identity, mindset, fitness, peak performance.
00:08:10.271 --> 00:08:22.456
I'm sure you get it a ton where people come and ask you a question and they're just looking for reaffirmation or guidance with an answer that they already kind of know deep down.
00:08:25.466 --> 00:08:30.716
The deep down knowing is something that I've brought.
00:08:30.716 --> 00:08:31.358
This episode.
00:08:31.358 --> 00:08:33.211
I've brought this concept.
00:08:33.211 --> 00:08:36.056
This is Emilia's concept and it's so good.
00:08:36.056 --> 00:08:39.330
Shout out to Emilia, shout out to Emilia.
00:08:39.330 --> 00:08:43.215
She's brought more value to my life than I can probably articulate.
00:08:43.215 --> 00:08:46.929
It's unbelievable, this concept called a tertiary truth.
00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:48.394
She said that to me one time.
00:08:48.394 --> 00:08:49.826
She's like Alan, that's a tertiary truth.
00:08:49.826 --> 00:08:53.755
What do you mean?
00:08:53.755 --> 00:08:58.520
What she means is deep down, it's a story I'm telling myself.
00:08:58.629 --> 00:09:01.476
We did an episode recently about the story you're telling yourself versus the truth.
00:09:01.476 --> 00:09:21.072
A tertiary truth is I'll use this as an example one time early in our relationship, we were late at night and I was falling madly in love with her and I was scared, because love for me is the scariest thing in the entire world, because it's so vulnerable and I've been very hurt.
00:09:21.072 --> 00:09:26.812
And intimate relationships for me had never felt easy, except for with her, which is the irony of this.
00:09:26.812 --> 00:09:28.933
But she said what's the matter?
00:09:28.933 --> 00:09:30.738
What's going on?
00:09:30.738 --> 00:09:31.279
Are you okay?
00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:34.176
And I said, oh no, I'm just tired.
00:09:34.176 --> 00:09:37.557
And then I turned over, we're going to go to bed.
00:09:37.557 --> 00:09:43.995
And I was like you're not tired, you're not even a little bit tired, you're staring at the wall, freaking out.
00:09:45.169 --> 00:09:47.315
And so that was my tertiary truth I'm just tired.
00:09:47.315 --> 00:09:48.076
No, you're not.
00:09:48.076 --> 00:09:49.620
What's underneath that I'm tired?
00:09:49.620 --> 00:09:54.897
What's underneath I'm tired is I'm not actually tired, I'm just saying that because I don't want to have this conversation.
00:09:54.897 --> 00:09:58.899
And then what's underneath that is, I'm deeply vulnerable.
00:09:58.899 --> 00:10:01.423
I'm falling head over heels in love with you and I'm afraid to get hurt.
00:10:01.423 --> 00:10:05.998
And I'm afraid to share that with you, because if you don't feel the same, that's not good.
00:10:05.998 --> 00:10:22.333
And so, fortunately, I had the courage and this is the first time where I've been able to really go straight to the root when it came to intimate relationships, which is probably why I struggled so much in the past, because in the past, I wasn't honest with myself about this, isn't it for me?
00:10:22.333 --> 00:10:25.950
I wasn't honest with myself, not honest enough.
00:10:25.950 --> 00:10:31.274
I was like, oh, maybe this can work and yeah, no, I think I love that, I think this is forever.
00:10:31.274 --> 00:10:33.890
No, you know, deep down, it's not Again.
00:10:33.890 --> 00:10:38.017
This is me mad at myself, by the way, so please don't let me you know, spill all over everybody.
00:10:38.558 --> 00:10:41.716
Okay, so tertiary truth is I'm tired, not true.
00:10:41.716 --> 00:10:44.779
Underneath that is, I'm afraid to have this conversation.
00:10:44.779 --> 00:10:50.332
Underneath that is, I'm falling deeply in love and I'm scared to share that because if she doesn't feel the same way, I'm going to get really hurt.
00:10:50.332 --> 00:11:00.801
And so I ended up having the courage, luckily, to say sweetheart, I'm not tired at all, I'm falling in love more than I ever have and I'm freaking out.
00:11:00.801 --> 00:11:06.854
And fortunately, she was super vulnerable too and she told me she's falling in love too, and we ended up having this magnificent night.
00:11:07.655 --> 00:11:09.360
You know, made love the whole nine.
00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:23.515
And that's the difference between growing together and growing apart, right there, one of them is the vulnerable, honest, courageous truth, and the other one is a story you're telling yourself because deep down, you're actually so scared to be honest.
00:11:23.515 --> 00:11:35.360
And so I think, deep down, you knew this wasn't the best choice, you already knew the answer, but there was a part of you that wanted the easier road, and you even said that you're like I'm sick and tired of playing the long game 100%.
00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:39.120
I'm like trust me, man, 100%.
00:11:39.159 --> 00:11:41.792
Same, but it's the only road it went from.
00:11:41.792 --> 00:11:49.996
There was two opportunities to get a bunch of clients in a very short period of time and in my mind it was like this would be really good for business.
00:11:49.996 --> 00:11:54.856
It would be really good We'd be able to do everything a little bit better.
00:11:56.230 --> 00:12:01.195
And then you know, five to 10 years from now, you'd be telling everyone online how easy it is to succeed in business.
00:12:01.195 --> 00:12:05.530
But, by the way, you have to sell your soul, you know.
00:12:05.530 --> 00:12:06.576
That's the funny part too.
00:12:06.576 --> 00:12:08.277
I do want to make a side tangent on this.
00:12:08.277 --> 00:12:11.580
I'll go quick, but that's one of the things that you and I don't talk about.
00:12:11.580 --> 00:12:17.999
We do talk about calling people out on social media that make it sound really easy, because nothing of real authentic value is.
00:12:17.999 --> 00:12:24.663
You know some makeshift off-brand car you know might be easy to make or whatever.
00:12:24.663 --> 00:12:30.412
You know some online course that's just packaged perfectly, but it's actually a bag of air we joke.
00:12:30.412 --> 00:12:37.595
The truth is is a lot of the people that are wildly successful Kev, that say it's easy to be successful.
00:12:37.595 --> 00:12:40.517
What they aren't telling anyone is that they had to sell their soul to get there.
00:12:42.509 --> 00:12:50.932
And in corporate early on, there were things that I did and said and pretended to be that I'm not proud of.
00:12:50.932 --> 00:13:01.496
And I played the game and I did office politics and I you know, he said, she said and I found a way to look better than I really was and it did.
00:13:01.496 --> 00:13:01.918
It worked.
00:13:01.918 --> 00:13:05.037
It worked unbelievably well.
00:13:05.037 --> 00:13:14.716
Now was I lying through my teeth and an awful person, all that stuff, no, but I'll tell you what I wasn't deeply fulfilled and proud of the man that I was, not nearly to the extent that I am now.
00:13:14.716 --> 00:13:25.991
And that brings us to what I know you is about, which is the harder, longer, more challenging but deeply meaningful road where you don't lose yourself, you don't lose who you really aspire to be, you don't.
00:13:25.991 --> 00:13:29.414
Character over everything is what we used to say, and that's what that moment was.
00:13:29.414 --> 00:13:37.291
It was another character over everything, character over money, you know, character over quick fix, and I would rather take that road For the audience.
00:13:37.331 --> 00:13:45.958
It's not like we weren't going into selling liquor or cigarettes or anything it was in our industry, it wasn't anything like that.
00:13:46.078 --> 00:13:46.440
Of course.
00:13:47.671 --> 00:13:48.734
It was just not.
00:13:48.734 --> 00:14:01.051
Yeah, not 10 out of 10 aligned with what we're trying to do, 100%, and I think that anyone who wants to be homegrown, organic, without taking shortcuts that are not aligned.
00:14:01.572 --> 00:14:06.003
You're going to have a harder time, but long term, there will be that moment.
00:14:06.003 --> 00:14:07.235
I can't wait for it.
00:14:07.235 --> 00:14:12.263
I tell you, meaning this all the time there's going to be that moment where it's it was all worth it.
00:14:13.125 --> 00:14:13.586
It already is.
00:14:13.586 --> 00:14:16.096
It already is, and maybe that's a piece of it too.
00:14:16.096 --> 00:14:16.610
For me it's.
00:14:16.610 --> 00:14:23.322
If this was, if we were one year into business and that, I don't know, it might be a different conversation, I might be more frustrated, I don't know.
00:14:23.322 --> 00:14:26.797
But it's, I'm over it, not the end of the world.
00:14:26.797 --> 00:14:27.498
We'll figure it out.
00:14:27.498 --> 00:14:27.979
We always do.
00:14:29.289 --> 00:14:29.952
It's not the end of the world.
00:14:29.952 --> 00:14:32.256
These temptations are all around us all the time.
00:14:32.256 --> 00:14:36.078
Remember that guy who didn't want us to come to that thing and you were like dude, I don't even want to go.
00:14:36.078 --> 00:14:44.577
I know we were in Florida and he invited us to some networking party with models and bottles and all that stuff.
00:14:44.577 --> 00:14:45.057
Yeah.
00:14:45.057 --> 00:14:49.823
And you and I were like yeah, yeah, past, there have been a million opportunities to sell out on this journey.
00:14:49.823 --> 00:14:50.344
We just won't do it.
00:14:50.344 --> 00:14:51.225
He, we weren't invited.
00:14:52.149 --> 00:14:53.416
Somebody we knew was invited.
00:14:53.549 --> 00:14:55.577
We weren't invited because we wouldn't play the game with him.
00:14:55.577 --> 00:14:57.155
I was like, well, screw you anyway man.
00:14:57.470 --> 00:14:58.914
Well, I don't want to hang out with you.
00:14:58.914 --> 00:15:04.509
First of all, what am I going to do at a party with models and bottles?
00:15:04.509 --> 00:15:06.315
I'm going to sit in the corner by myself.
00:15:06.315 --> 00:15:06.937
I'm good.
00:15:06.937 --> 00:15:08.080
I'd rather stay inside.
00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:09.552
I'd rather go to the gym, whatever.
00:15:09.552 --> 00:15:10.436
Rather podcast.
00:15:10.436 --> 00:15:12.972
I think that's what we did, I hadn't.
00:15:12.972 --> 00:15:16.442
I had something Deep down.
00:15:16.442 --> 00:15:20.591
You already know the answer to the question you're asking oh man.
00:15:20.591 --> 00:15:39.493
Oh, I think one of the reasons, one of the reasons it works so well when you do something to stay in more alignment than going outside of alignment, is now you can look at the regrets.
00:15:39.493 --> 00:15:41.225
Okay, here's a good example.
00:15:41.225 --> 00:15:51.346
I messaged the person on WhatsApp and said hey, I appreciate the opportunity so much where it's just not aligned, I wish you all the best, nothing but success.
00:15:51.346 --> 00:15:52.101
It's just not for us.
00:15:52.101 --> 00:15:53.485
And they never answered me.
00:15:54.027 --> 00:16:06.110
They never messaged me back, and that was a week ago, it's like oh okay, cool, now I see relatively true colors, if anything, that helps me lock in on the fact that that was the best thing.
00:16:06.110 --> 00:16:11.605
Anyway, I remember I've said this before I was in a situation ship.
00:16:11.605 --> 00:16:16.610
I was in what I would consider I was dating someone and I went to this person.
00:16:16.610 --> 00:16:20.024
I said look, this isn't it for me and I don't want to waste your time.
00:16:20.024 --> 00:16:21.125
I want to be respectful.
00:16:21.125 --> 00:16:22.484
I just want to be honest and upfront.
00:16:22.484 --> 00:16:23.648
This isn't it for me.
00:16:23.648 --> 00:16:25.600
I think we should part ways.
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:27.486
And the person said no, let's keep spending time together.
00:16:27.486 --> 00:16:29.346
Okay, let's keep sleeping together.
00:16:29.346 --> 00:16:32.065
And I was like are you?
00:16:32.065 --> 00:16:33.248
I am going to hurt you.
00:16:33.248 --> 00:16:35.725
I said I promise you.
00:16:35.725 --> 00:16:38.051
I promise you, I want to be as honest as I can be.
00:16:38.051 --> 00:16:42.104
I'm not going to fall for you If that's what you think this is going to be.
00:16:42.104 --> 00:16:43.407
It's not and you're going to end up hurting you?
00:16:43.447 --> 00:16:43.768
How did she know?
00:16:43.768 --> 00:16:44.429
She thought that.
00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:49.368
Because she did think that I don't want this to sound bad.
00:16:49.368 --> 00:16:55.197
I think I was trying to protect her from I just had higher.
00:16:55.197 --> 00:16:56.182
I know how I'm going to feel.
00:16:56.182 --> 00:17:07.770
I know how I'm going to feel and I don't know I wouldn't expect you to spend time with me if you didn't like me or want a relationship.
00:17:07.770 --> 00:17:10.446
Eventually, I think it was just intuition.
00:17:10.446 --> 00:17:14.445
I kind of knew that's why I knew it was a bad idea to continue seeing the person.
00:17:14.988 --> 00:17:20.789
Yeah, eventually I woke up one day and I had that moment of I know I can't do this anymore.
00:17:20.789 --> 00:17:22.605
This is not healthy for me.
00:17:22.605 --> 00:17:28.343
I'm potentially I'm definitely stopping myself from meeting my dream partner or reconnecting with my dream partner.
00:17:28.343 --> 00:17:38.112
This person's not out there meeting people either, and when I facilitated this breakup for lack of better phrasing they were not kind to me.
00:17:38.112 --> 00:17:40.707
They said some nasty things to me.
00:17:40.707 --> 00:17:43.432
Ah, okay, there's your indicator.
00:17:43.432 --> 00:17:48.402
You got hurt, even though I told you you were going to get hurt and I didn't want you to get hurt.
00:17:48.402 --> 00:17:49.963
Here's the indicator.
00:17:49.963 --> 00:17:51.625
It's more on me than anything else.
00:17:51.625 --> 00:17:53.807
I never should have gone the second step.
00:17:53.807 --> 00:17:55.804
I knew I told you you were going to get hurt.
00:17:55.804 --> 00:17:56.646
That's on me.
00:17:56.646 --> 00:18:03.711
I should have said you know what, I'd rather be lonely than bring you along on this ride and potentially get you hurt.
00:18:05.784 --> 00:18:07.328
This is such a good conversation.
00:18:07.328 --> 00:18:09.086
That's the self-fulfilling prophecy.
00:18:09.086 --> 00:18:21.366
You're afraid to hurt her and because you were afraid of that, you weren't honest with yourself as much as you could have been should have been with your actions, obviously you were with your words, which I respect, but you need my respect now.
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:23.885
But then you ended up hurting her.
00:18:23.885 --> 00:18:26.125
That I see that in coaching all the time.
00:18:26.125 --> 00:18:30.346
It's almost like and I do this too I'm afraid to offend people.
00:18:30.346 --> 00:18:34.529
So then I get all insecure and all weird and then I end up offending people.
00:18:34.529 --> 00:18:49.426
It's like this weird thing and I'm starting to understand these self-fulfilling cycles you may call them cycles where whatever the fear is driving, you always have an over swing and you know, what's funny is the opposite is true with your wife Taryn.
00:18:49.426 --> 00:18:54.820
You and I were in the car I'll never forget it and you were like do you think I stopped that For context?
00:18:54.820 --> 00:18:57.448
Kevin and Taryn met long before they were.
00:18:57.448 --> 00:18:58.289
Yeah.
00:19:00.007 --> 00:19:00.529
We dated twice.
00:19:00.529 --> 00:19:03.143
We dated twice before.
00:19:03.143 --> 00:19:06.951
We reconnected and then dated and then got married.
00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:21.025
And so, way back, I remember you being in the car with me talking about Taryn this is before you guys were official and all that before you reconnected and you were like, does it sound like I closed the door on that too quickly and you already knew the answer?
00:19:21.025 --> 00:19:23.625
The answer was yes, you're a coward.
00:19:23.625 --> 00:19:27.175
I didn't say that I probably should have, though I think you might have.
00:19:27.175 --> 00:19:27.838
I don't know.
00:19:27.838 --> 00:19:30.365
I don't know if I said it like that.
00:19:30.705 --> 00:19:31.528
I don't, I don't think that.
00:19:31.528 --> 00:19:32.390
Well, definitely not like that.
00:19:33.721 --> 00:19:36.869
I think I said it does sound like you didn't let that run its course you know you did.
00:19:37.579 --> 00:19:38.704
Yeah, you very clearly ran away.
00:19:38.704 --> 00:19:40.042
This is a good example.
00:19:40.042 --> 00:19:52.049
When her and I first connected, I was just finishing no, I was preparing for a second bodybuilding show.
00:19:52.049 --> 00:20:01.182
I was in bodybuilding prep when her and I connected and I ended up stopping the bodybuilding thing.
00:20:01.182 --> 00:20:01.924
I was like I'm not doing this.
00:20:01.924 --> 00:20:02.627
This is not healthy.
00:20:02.627 --> 00:20:03.069
I'm sick of this.
00:20:03.069 --> 00:20:03.913
I don't want.
00:20:03.913 --> 00:20:05.960
I'm not willing to do this again for a plastic trophy.
00:20:06.551 --> 00:20:09.127
But that's when we got my company that I was working for.
00:20:09.127 --> 00:20:16.163
At the time we got the biggest job we ever had in Virginia, which is 14 hours away from where I lived, and I was running that job.
00:20:16.163 --> 00:20:18.635
So my boss said you guys are gonna be down.
00:20:18.635 --> 00:20:21.093
You might be down there for a month at a time, it depends.
00:20:21.093 --> 00:20:26.049
You're gonna be down there for at least two weeks at a time, because there's no point in driving 14 hours.
00:20:26.049 --> 00:20:26.992
You're gonna lose a day.
00:20:26.992 --> 00:20:28.700
So we're gonna stay down there.
00:20:28.700 --> 00:20:31.269
I think I was staying down there at two week increments or three weeks.
00:20:31.269 --> 00:20:38.913
I Told that was one of the reasons I told Tara and I said I'm gonna be gone for the next like three months and I don't know how to do this.
00:20:38.913 --> 00:20:41.319
I don't know how to do this long distance.
00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:50.679
I don't know how that's gonna work, so that was one of the reasons, but you had believed in yourself more, would you have Tried to make it happen.
00:20:51.241 --> 00:20:52.869
Let me finish because it okay, it connects.
00:20:52.869 --> 00:20:58.855
When I went down there two weeks later, I texted her and I wanted to do it.
00:20:58.855 --> 00:21:01.061
I wanted to try, but I was scared.
00:21:01.061 --> 00:21:05.486
So even like right after I sent the message, I sent another one saying yeah, maybe this isn't the best idea.
00:21:05.486 --> 00:21:06.049
I was scared.
00:21:06.049 --> 00:21:06.912
What were you scared of?
00:21:07.413 --> 00:21:12.230
because that's the self-fulfilling prophecy that eventually I probably Commitment.
00:21:12.612 --> 00:21:16.221
I just I had one relationship that failed miserably.
00:21:16.221 --> 00:21:22.337
I jumped into another relationship that failed Pretty miserably all things considered, and I didn't.
00:21:22.337 --> 00:21:24.883
I didn't know if I was ready for that again.
00:21:25.931 --> 00:21:26.152
Yeah.
00:21:26.594 --> 00:21:27.798
I don't know if I was capable of that.
00:21:27.869 --> 00:21:39.778
I well, fortunately, you and I went on this crazy journey of growth and development and then you eventually were like I'm ready and Fortunately we still available, because if she wasn't, you would have screwed that up.
00:21:39.778 --> 00:21:42.042
Well, she wasn't she wasn't originally.
00:21:43.092 --> 00:21:47.430
She went that when I felt like I should reach out, she was dating someone.
00:21:47.430 --> 00:21:51.031
But I was like I I can't, that's I.
00:21:51.031 --> 00:21:53.419
I gotta wait and see what happens.
00:21:53.419 --> 00:21:55.104
If something happens, and maybe I'll reach out.
00:21:55.104 --> 00:21:56.267
If not, then I don't know what I'm gonna do.
00:21:56.267 --> 00:21:58.113
So there was that.
00:21:58.113 --> 00:21:59.817
I think I mangled this.
00:21:59.817 --> 00:22:00.760
I messed this up pretty bad.
00:22:02.230 --> 00:22:09.222
Fortunately you long term didn't but same with me, with Emilia I I tell the story jokingly, but it's true.
00:22:09.222 --> 00:22:14.333
I was DMing her, true or false?
00:22:14.333 --> 00:22:15.336
Are you in a relationship?
00:22:15.336 --> 00:22:20.093
Because I saw in a relationship on her Facebook but I saw no guys there was no Pickup line.
00:22:21.135 --> 00:22:22.980
I think somebody like you would have better game than that.
00:22:23.810 --> 00:22:27.082
That's what you come with at that point, man, I was done with any game.
00:22:27.082 --> 00:22:29.329
I don't want any game there's no games.
00:22:29.329 --> 00:22:32.650
Yeah, you and I had been through too much at that point to do any games.
00:22:32.650 --> 00:22:35.017
I know as a matter of fact, her and I wore the same outfit.
00:22:35.017 --> 00:22:35.999
We talk about this all the time.
00:22:35.999 --> 00:22:39.470
Our very first date we both had a black tea and jeans.
00:22:39.470 --> 00:22:45.423
Her sister, before the date Ella show, tell her she's like that's what you're wearing.
00:22:46.431 --> 00:22:47.374
You went actually right.
00:22:47.374 --> 00:22:52.890
Yeah, yeah, tara and I had gray and gray shirts and jeans on when we went.
00:22:53.191 --> 00:22:53.932
Isn't it wild?
00:22:53.932 --> 00:22:55.536
It's, you know what we?
00:22:55.536 --> 00:22:57.441
I had this moment and she did too.
00:22:57.441 --> 00:23:02.804
I don't care, I'm not gonna dress nice, like it be something, I'm not.
00:23:02.804 --> 00:23:03.326
This is just.
00:23:03.326 --> 00:23:18.884
She told Ella Getting ready in the mirror before the date for me, before she knew me, really knew of me, but Such a big, big podcasters yeah, such a big podcasters there with many, many modeling photos.
00:23:21.351 --> 00:23:28.846
But she's, she told Ella, her sister and we still talk about this to this day that she's, she doesn't care, I'm not, I'm just gonna be me.
00:23:28.846 --> 00:23:29.549
That's what she said.
00:23:29.549 --> 00:23:30.355
I'm just gonna be me.
00:23:30.355 --> 00:23:32.930
I was at the point in my life where I was done with all that.
00:23:32.930 --> 00:23:38.772
I I don't know if I outgrew it or what, but I just was like listen, I, if it's gonna work, it's gonna work.
00:23:38.772 --> 00:23:42.626
I'm not gonna like contort anything to, I'm not gonna put on a show.
00:23:42.626 --> 00:23:43.009
There is.
00:23:43.009 --> 00:23:45.694
No, I'm not gonna pretend I'm wealthy when I'm not.
00:23:45.694 --> 00:23:46.236
I'm not gonna.
00:23:46.236 --> 00:23:49.242
You know, I'm just gonna be entirely me.
00:23:49.242 --> 00:24:00.609
Like Not unapologetically me with ego, I mean unapologetically me as in this will never work unless I just stay me, because it's never worked in the past and because eventually the real me eventually came out.
00:24:01.393 --> 00:24:21.880
And by the real me I mean more than you know, more of my Mathematical mind, more of my goals and dreams, more of my who I really am, more of my Adoring of movies and more of my insatiable work ethic of wanting to go to the gym every day for the rest of my life, even though my partner wants to have quality time, like I just decided in advance like, listen, I I've tried to be something.
00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:24.609
That never worked and it never worked.
00:24:24.609 --> 00:24:28.500
So I'm just gonna try this time to just be a be whatever I am.
00:24:28.500 --> 00:24:30.231
Whatever it is that I am, I'm just gonna be that.
00:24:30.231 --> 00:24:31.756
And she did the same thing.
00:24:31.756 --> 00:24:33.159
We end up with the same outfit.
00:24:33.159 --> 00:24:34.602
We go axe throwing it.
00:24:34.602 --> 00:24:36.614
We hit it off unbelievably well.
00:24:36.614 --> 00:24:41.403
But before that it's Friday night and I had already unsent the m's.
00:24:41.403 --> 00:24:43.675
And again, member this is.
00:24:43.675 --> 00:24:46.965
I'll explain why this is relevant to the episode here in a second.
00:24:46.986 --> 00:24:49.665
I Was afraid to DM her.
00:24:49.665 --> 00:24:58.599
I Was afraid to be a homewrecker, I was afraid that she had a boyfriend and I was afraid to come off as a as a dick who doesn't respect her relationship.
00:24:58.599 --> 00:25:01.534
And at that point she had listened to the show a little bit.
00:25:01.534 --> 00:25:05.077
She was close friends with Bianca, so I didn't want to lose face.
00:25:05.077 --> 00:25:09.596
But I eventually said you know what, whatever worst case scenario, she says yeah, I'm in a relationship.
00:25:09.596 --> 00:25:10.773
So I did it.
00:25:11.095 --> 00:25:13.486
I sent unsent the DM several times, by the way, before this.
00:25:13.486 --> 00:25:14.289
So I was a coward.
00:25:14.289 --> 00:25:17.894
I sent it, unsent it, sent it, unsent it, I think three times.
00:25:17.894 --> 00:25:22.890
And then I was lonely Saturday night, friday night I forget which and she was actually with Bianca at the time.
00:25:22.890 --> 00:25:27.261
I didn't know that they were watching a movie together, the Lion King, which is fascinating, my favorite movie.
00:25:27.261 --> 00:25:30.656
But I DM her and I say true or false, you know relationship.
00:25:30.656 --> 00:25:36.594
And she said true with myself, I'm in a relationship with myself and we just unbelievably hit it off.
00:25:36.674 --> 00:25:40.167
But To bring this to the episode, you already know the answer.
00:25:40.167 --> 00:25:44.319
I Already knew I wanted to DM her, I just didn't have the courage.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.693
No, and it got.
00:25:46.693 --> 00:25:50.403
It wasn't until I was lonely, alone on a Saturday night or a Friday night in the gym.
00:25:50.403 --> 00:25:54.077
I remember I was at impact fitness and it was just me, no one else was there.
00:25:54.077 --> 00:26:05.688
And I remember thinking like my life really sucks, like this sucks, and I gotta, I gotta send this goddamn DM, I gotta do it and and so that's the honest conversation myself of you gotta have the courage.
00:26:05.688 --> 00:26:10.534
So my fear is Holding me back and that's really it in this episode.
00:26:10.534 --> 00:26:11.954
What is the fear?
00:26:11.954 --> 00:26:15.759
How honest can you be with yourself about the fear?
00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:19.630
You know Kev's like well, do you think I left that too early?
00:26:19.630 --> 00:26:21.968
Hey brother, do you think you left that too early?
00:26:21.968 --> 00:26:24.749
Because obviously you're asking about it for a reason.
00:26:24.749 --> 00:26:33.099
So you do you deep down, you know, you already knew the answer yes, you ran away instead of actually letting it play out and see what happened.
00:26:34.163 --> 00:26:35.048
Well, I was afraid.
00:26:35.048 --> 00:26:37.749
I was afraid, much like you alluded to there.
00:26:37.749 --> 00:26:40.469
This is my next love of nugget is this.
00:26:40.469 --> 00:26:42.160
But guys don't get scared.
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:50.026
Yeah right, especially tattooed bodybuilders who love fighting and they don't ever get scared I'm terrified all the time.
00:26:51.430 --> 00:26:52.359
That's my existence.
00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:53.304
This would be my next love of nugget.
00:26:53.304 --> 00:27:00.086
Next time you have a decision, I want you to imagine you're flipping a coin and when that coin is up in the air, are you pulling for one or the other?
00:27:00.086 --> 00:27:03.288
You, I'm willing to bet you most likely are.
00:27:03.288 --> 00:27:04.967
I know that's worked for me in the past.
00:27:04.967 --> 00:27:13.673
I haven't actually done it, but I imagine that If you, if, if you're with me, alan and I are together, alan's super logical.
00:27:13.673 --> 00:27:14.500
So I don't think you'd ever do this.
00:27:14.540 --> 00:27:18.229
But and he said, it's a, I want to go or I don't want to go.
00:27:18.229 --> 00:27:20.272
Okay, cool, heads, you go, tails, you don't go.
00:27:20.272 --> 00:27:24.683
I'm going to flip the coin and it's going to land and I'm not going to show you yet what do you actually?
00:27:24.683 --> 00:27:25.771
What would you rather it be?
00:27:25.771 --> 00:27:26.759
I don't know.
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:28.603
I kind of think I'd rather it be tails.
00:27:28.603 --> 00:27:29.243
I don't really want to go.
00:27:29.243 --> 00:27:30.666
All right, cool, we're going to have to look at it.
00:27:30.666 --> 00:27:31.848
Don't even worry about it.
00:27:31.848 --> 00:27:32.911
Don't even worry about what it is.
00:27:32.911 --> 00:27:33.873
You just answered it yourself.
00:27:33.873 --> 00:27:37.669
And even if it's 51 49, it's one way.
00:27:37.669 --> 00:27:39.505
It's one way more than the other way.
00:27:39.505 --> 00:27:41.768
So that would be my next level nugget.
00:27:41.768 --> 00:27:46.540
I've never I don't know if I've ever physically done it, but I do use it in my imagination quite often.
00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:55.184
My next level, nugget, is what you used to say Hyperconscious throwback, the hyperconscious podcast change the way you think, change the way you act, change the way you live.
00:27:55.184 --> 00:28:00.027
We used to say this all the time there's the right choice and there's the easy choice.
00:28:00.027 --> 00:28:09.721
And if you feel called to something, whether it's your intimate partner or you know, I do say you know.
00:28:09.721 --> 00:28:16.404
After, after thoughts like that, I'm trying to say less filler words, so I apologize to the listeners for all of my you know.
00:28:16.404 --> 00:28:20.333
So what was my next level, nugget?
00:28:20.333 --> 00:28:23.920
There's the right choice and there's the easy choice Fear.
00:28:24.522 --> 00:28:25.465
Identify the fear.
00:28:25.465 --> 00:28:28.710
The right choice is there and you can take it.
00:28:28.710 --> 00:28:29.935
And you got to answer the call.
00:28:29.935 --> 00:28:32.606
And there's good things on the other side of that.
00:28:32.606 --> 00:28:33.770
It's going to open doors.
00:28:33.770 --> 00:28:50.003
It's going to open doors, but you got to admit you're afraid, because if you tell yourself a story and you ego up, you're going to say, nah, I'm not afraid, and then you're going to go the other way and then you're going to wonder why your life's not working the way you want and you're going to wonder why you're not proud of yourself and you're going to wonder why you're not fulfilled.
00:28:50.003 --> 00:28:54.971
So, identify the fear and then feel it and then do it anyway.
00:28:54.971 --> 00:29:09.067
That's where courage comes in, and I feel really good about a lot of things in my life, but I don't feel like I've ever been super courageous, and I'm working a lot on that lately, so I hope that that inspires somebody.
00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:13.924
One of the things I'm scared of Alan you know this.
00:29:13.924 --> 00:29:15.910
I think everybody knows this is speaking.
00:29:15.910 --> 00:29:19.549
I've done a fair amount of speeches and many, many podcast episodes.
00:29:19.549 --> 00:29:22.608
There's something about an in-person speech in front of an audience that scares the crap out of me.
00:29:23.339 --> 00:29:30.286
If you want to come support your boy, next level live 2024 is on March 23rd In Groton Mass at the Groton Inn.
00:29:30.286 --> 00:29:40.105
We're going to have 30 people live and everybody who comes and attends in person will get a free next level dreamliner as well as a catered lunch and it's very, very good food.
00:29:40.105 --> 00:29:43.807
We've been there before and we're also going to sell 30 virtual tickets.
00:29:43.807 --> 00:29:53.672
So if you live in another country, you live in another state, whatever it is on another continent and you listen to NLU and you want to join us virtually, we'll be selling 30 tickets for that as well.
00:29:54.059 --> 00:29:55.545
Everything you need to know is in the show notes.
00:29:55.545 --> 00:30:01.468
We would absolutely love to see you in person if possible, but if you like the podcast, it is a deeper dive.
00:30:01.468 --> 00:30:07.663
It is I won't say it's funnier, because I know we tell I try to tell jokes on here, but it's just different.
00:30:07.663 --> 00:30:13.304
Alan and I have a very unique thing with this podcast, but we also have a very unique thing being on stage together.
00:30:13.304 --> 00:30:15.625
So if you want to see that, please, we'd love to have you.
00:30:17.140 --> 00:30:22.412
Also, every Saturday, 12.30 PM, eastern Standard Time, we have a next level book club.
00:30:22.412 --> 00:30:28.431
Some read next level books with next level people and, more importantly, underneath that is, it's a safe space that's completely private.
00:30:28.431 --> 00:30:29.202
It's not recorded.
00:30:29.202 --> 00:30:31.824
For you to be courageous, we share a lot in there.
00:30:31.824 --> 00:30:33.345
You don't have to share.
00:30:33.345 --> 00:30:37.021
You can come, listen in for a couple sessions and then eventually get to the point where you share.
00:30:37.021 --> 00:30:43.468
But it's very much a collaborative experience where we're all sharing our perspective about the same book, which has been really, really meaningful.
00:30:43.468 --> 00:30:44.865
So I hope that you join us.
00:30:44.865 --> 00:30:48.470
The link will be in the show notes to register and I will see you on Saturday.
00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:56.673
Tomorrow for episode number 1617, what's your relationship with earning it?
00:30:56.673 --> 00:31:04.287
I was thinking about this the other day, where some people say, yeah, I've been doing it for two years and in some cases two years is a really long time.
00:31:04.287 --> 00:31:10.691
In other cases, two years just isn't that long and I think it's all dependent on what it is, but what your relationship with earning it is.
00:31:10.691 --> 00:31:12.660
So we're going to do an episode on that tomorrow.
00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:17.165
As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and NLU.
00:31:17.165 --> 00:31:18.891
We don't have fans, we have family.
00:31:18.891 --> 00:31:20.486
We'll talk to you all tomorrow.
00:31:21.128 --> 00:31:21.892
Stay courageous.
00:31:21.892 --> 00:31:23.115
See you on Sunday.
00:00:00.221 --> 00:00:01.403
Next level nation.
00:00:01.403 --> 00:00:09.723
Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth.
00:00:09.723 --> 00:00:15.321
We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1615.
00:00:15.321 --> 00:00:17.306
Are you pushing yourself too much?
00:00:17.306 --> 00:00:25.266
Any chance for Alan to use a finding Nemo reference is a good episode, 100%, hopefully today.
00:00:25.266 --> 00:00:32.634
For episode number 1616, deep down, you already know the answer to the question you're asking.
00:00:32.634 --> 00:00:48.447
We had a lot of interesting potential opportunities over the last month or so and I shared one recently how I was stressing over it and and it ended up going better than I expected and that was kind of the conclusion of that.
00:00:48.447 --> 00:00:54.850
But we had another very interesting opportunity that was presented to us and I was talking to this person about.
00:00:54.850 --> 00:00:57.061
This potential opportunity Sounded good.
00:00:57.061 --> 00:00:59.107
So I said hey, alan, can I bring you in on this?
00:00:59.107 --> 00:01:00.892
I need some support to make sure this is good.
00:01:00.892 --> 00:01:05.810
We went back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and that always seems to go well.
00:01:06.331 --> 00:01:07.212
Yeah, it never works.
00:01:08.063 --> 00:01:12.212
I've learned my lesson just do it and Deal with the repercussions.
00:01:12.212 --> 00:01:16.908
No, so you ended up doing research on something.
00:01:16.908 --> 00:01:18.751
You said, hey, let's chat later.
00:01:18.751 --> 00:01:21.037
I think it'll bring some certainty and we can kind of come to a conclusion.
00:01:21.037 --> 00:01:27.129
And I Kind of knew it wasn't a great idea deep down.
00:01:27.129 --> 00:01:40.490
But there was potential for short-term money that will help us build the business and in my mind that's my job it's to try to help us make the most aligned money we can, and sometimes I I swing and miss that just kind of par for the course.
00:01:41.212 --> 00:01:46.629
So we met and we had a real Alan and Kevin conversation.
00:01:46.629 --> 00:01:52.582
We've done this a million times, but there was a point in the conversation where you said, yeah, man, I don't think we can do it.
00:01:52.582 --> 00:01:54.450
I'm sorry, and you were very, very.
00:01:54.450 --> 00:01:58.465
I could tell that you knew it was gonna create pain for me and you were regretful of that.
00:01:58.465 --> 00:01:59.751
But you knew this was the right decision.
00:01:59.751 --> 00:02:02.868
And I said honestly, man, I know this is the right choice.
00:02:02.868 --> 00:02:08.872
I know deep down there was a part of me that was hoping you'd say this, because I knew that was the right answer.
00:02:10.241 --> 00:02:14.893
This is the moment where I would normally be villainized instead of instead of you having that.
00:02:14.893 --> 00:02:19.094
Yeah, I knew deep down that this is true, this is what's best.
00:02:19.094 --> 00:02:26.347
A Lot of people and again I'm not gonna make this about me, but I need that for you and me, man that's usually the moment.
00:02:27.207 --> 00:02:28.530
I wanted to where I would?
00:02:28.530 --> 00:02:30.875
I guess I wanted to for sure anything.
00:02:31.140 --> 00:02:32.625
It's not just with business, it's with.
00:02:32.625 --> 00:02:40.072
It's almost like the person who it's like you could have deluded yourself into, into thinking that was a good idea.
00:02:40.072 --> 00:02:44.490
It's almost like the truth sucks and you can villainize me.
00:02:44.490 --> 00:02:50.651
You can villainize the truth, or you can accept that this is actually the better path, even though it's up, and I just wanted to make that clear.
00:02:50.651 --> 00:02:52.366
It wasn't it was.
00:02:53.209 --> 00:02:54.775
It wasn't the best idea.
00:02:54.775 --> 00:02:56.120
It was a decent idea.
00:02:56.120 --> 00:03:03.961
Yeah, in in different circumstances it would have been a great idea, but yeah, for us and in our goals and certain specifics it wasn't.
00:03:03.961 --> 00:03:08.150
And I again at this point, I've trusted you for the last seven years.
00:03:08.150 --> 00:03:13.146
The last thing I'm gonna do is say, uh, I'm just gonna go against what you say.
00:03:13.146 --> 00:03:14.129
I think it's important.
00:03:14.129 --> 00:03:14.842
How do you have a relation?
00:03:14.921 --> 00:03:16.164
How did you not villainize me?
00:03:16.164 --> 00:03:18.189
Because there's no way we would have gotten here if you?
00:03:18.531 --> 00:03:32.568
because I I've dealt with this so many times where I'll have a really good, really good good is in quotation marks for those who are just listening what I perceive is a really good Idea, and then you and I will have a conversation about it.
00:03:32.568 --> 00:03:34.171
You'll bring a deeper awareness to it.
00:03:34.171 --> 00:03:35.679
We won't end up doing it.
00:03:35.679 --> 00:03:41.533
I'll be frustrated for five minutes and then not five minutes depends and then I'll just go back to.
00:03:41.533 --> 00:03:43.584
I'll try to go back to what I was doing.
00:03:43.584 --> 00:03:50.127
So you and I have had this conversation in this form, but I don't know dozens of times at this point.
00:03:50.949 --> 00:04:00.843
In my honest opinion, having Tried really hard to help a lot of people flourish in their lives, this is the reason Kevin was has been able to.
00:04:00.843 --> 00:04:08.298
More than anything else, this is the reason you've been able to create a life and design a life that you love.
00:04:08.298 --> 00:04:24.168
I appreciate that Because I think that the ability to accept hard truths that you know deep down are what's best for you, even though they absolutely suck in the moment and not villainize someone else, but actually look in the mirror.
00:04:24.168 --> 00:04:25.574
I think that's rare.
00:04:25.574 --> 00:04:39.605
I'm coming to realize that's rarer and rarer and rarer, and I'm just I want to ask you how you do that so that the listeners can also do that more, and I know many of the listeners do that too.
00:04:39.605 --> 00:04:43.375
You wouldn't listen to this show if you didn't want hard truths.
00:04:44.285 --> 00:04:46.088
Well, I think it really so.
00:04:46.088 --> 00:04:50.036
The point of this episode is I knew the answer deep, deep, deep down.
00:04:50.036 --> 00:04:56.786
Sometimes I think you're just looking for permission to get to the answer that you kind of expect.
00:04:56.786 --> 00:05:02.237
Anyway, I told Taryn at the beginning of this, when this was brought up to me as an opportunity.
00:05:02.237 --> 00:05:05.632
I told Taryn I said this isn't, it's not going to happen, most likely.
00:05:05.632 --> 00:05:06.716
And she said why?
00:05:06.716 --> 00:05:08.889
And I said Alan's probably not going to go for it.
00:05:08.889 --> 00:05:10.555
And she said is that bad?
00:05:10.555 --> 00:05:15.336
And I said I said it'll be frustrating for me in the short run, but no, I don't think it's bad.
00:05:15.336 --> 00:05:17.331
I think it's probably what's best.
00:05:17.331 --> 00:05:20.374
I just can't see that far into the future.
00:05:20.964 --> 00:05:21.747
This is a really good.
00:05:21.747 --> 00:05:23.132
This is a really good example of this.
00:05:23.132 --> 00:05:48.644
Next time you have a decision to make and I've never actually done this, but I've been thinking about this for a long, long long time, maybe I've done it in the past, I don't know Next time you have a decision to make and you don't know yes or no, or go or don't go, or whatever it is, buy it or don't buy it, whatever it is flip a coin and, when that coin is in the air, figure out what you're actually wishing for that.
00:05:48.644 --> 00:05:56.596
I feel like that is an amazing way for you to figure out what you actually want, the truth that you know, the answer that you know deep down.
00:05:56.596 --> 00:05:59.132
So if it's heads, I'll go.
00:05:59.132 --> 00:06:00.428
If it's tails, I won't go.
00:06:00.428 --> 00:06:03.228
I don't really care and I don't really care that much.
00:06:03.228 --> 00:06:04.052
If it's heads, I'll go.
00:06:04.444 --> 00:06:04.966
If it's tails.
00:06:04.966 --> 00:06:05.670
I'm not that invested.
00:06:06.464 --> 00:06:14.333
When that coin is up in the air and you're thinking to yourself I really hope it's heads or when it lands on tails, how do you feel?
00:06:14.333 --> 00:06:16.891
Are you okay with the fact that you're not going now?
00:06:16.891 --> 00:06:17.990
Or did you actually want to go?
00:06:17.990 --> 00:06:22.492
You just weren't willing to admit it, or you needed the permission from something else.
00:06:22.492 --> 00:06:24.831
That's really what I want to talk about here.
00:06:24.831 --> 00:06:26.009
Here's another real quick.
00:06:26.009 --> 00:06:40.216
I got a message from someone yesterday and this person's an entrepreneur and they said I got this really really really good job offer with a really really really high upside.
00:06:40.216 --> 00:06:47.317
And I just tried to listen to what this person was saying to me and they said what do you think?
00:06:47.317 --> 00:06:52.677
And I said you know, you know, you know the answer.
00:06:52.677 --> 00:06:54.550
You're just looking for me to say the same thing that you're saying.
00:06:54.550 --> 00:07:01.055
And that really was the conversation and we got to the end and the resolution was yeah, no, it sounds really good.
00:07:01.055 --> 00:07:04.512
It's a really heavy temptation, but I know I'd regret it, I know.
00:07:04.531 --> 00:07:06.115
Yeah, it's always easy road.
00:07:06.115 --> 00:07:08.725
Remember, we used to do episodes on the hyper conscious podcast.
00:07:08.725 --> 00:07:09.668
This was always your idea.
00:07:09.668 --> 00:07:14.214
You always said there's the right choice and then there's the easy choice.
00:07:14.214 --> 00:07:16.348
Yeah, you used to say that all the time.
00:07:16.925 --> 00:07:20.867
I've forgotten a lot of my good quotes from back in the day I was thinking about this.
00:07:20.887 --> 00:07:24.425
the other day too you have another quote your life.
00:07:24.425 --> 00:07:26.252
Wait, the imagination one.
00:07:26.252 --> 00:07:26.754
Let me do it.
00:07:26.754 --> 00:07:28.410
I want to see if I can pull this off.
00:07:28.410 --> 00:07:31.271
Your life becomes the parts of your imagination.
00:07:31.271 --> 00:07:32.394
You hold onto the longest.
00:07:32.394 --> 00:07:34.192
No, I was thinking about that yesterday.
00:07:34.192 --> 00:07:35.630
You absolutely butchered it.
00:07:35.630 --> 00:07:37.071
Did I really ever say it again?
00:07:37.685 --> 00:07:43.637
No, your reality becomes the parts of your imagination that you hold onto and pour into the longest.
00:07:43.637 --> 00:07:47.235
I wouldn't just say hold on to, because you got to do something about it.
00:07:47.235 --> 00:07:50.528
You got to do some effort, though you have to do some effort.
00:07:51.367 --> 00:07:52.947
But before I let Alan speak, I'll have to be out.
00:07:52.947 --> 00:07:54.668
Then You're out for that reason.
00:07:56.964 --> 00:08:01.396
You've been asked questions more than I have because you've done more coaching.
00:08:01.396 --> 00:08:10.271
Yeah, you've done more coaching, specifically career relationship, identity, mindset, fitness, peak performance.
00:08:10.271 --> 00:08:22.456
I'm sure you get it a ton where people come and ask you a question and they're just looking for reaffirmation or guidance with an answer that they already kind of know deep down.
00:08:25.466 --> 00:08:30.716
The deep down knowing is something that I've brought.
00:08:30.716 --> 00:08:31.358
This episode.
00:08:31.358 --> 00:08:33.211
I've brought this concept.
00:08:33.211 --> 00:08:36.056
This is Emilia's concept and it's so good.
00:08:36.056 --> 00:08:39.330
Shout out to Emilia, shout out to Emilia.
00:08:39.330 --> 00:08:43.215
She's brought more value to my life than I can probably articulate.
00:08:43.215 --> 00:08:46.929
It's unbelievable, this concept called a tertiary truth.
00:08:46.929 --> 00:08:48.394
She said that to me one time.
00:08:48.394 --> 00:08:49.826
She's like Alan, that's a tertiary truth.
00:08:49.826 --> 00:08:53.755
What do you mean?
00:08:53.755 --> 00:08:58.520
What she means is deep down, it's a story I'm telling myself.
00:08:58.629 --> 00:09:01.476
We did an episode recently about the story you're telling yourself versus the truth.
00:09:01.476 --> 00:09:21.072
A tertiary truth is I'll use this as an example one time early in our relationship, we were late at night and I was falling madly in love with her and I was scared, because love for me is the scariest thing in the entire world, because it's so vulnerable and I've been very hurt.
00:09:21.072 --> 00:09:26.812
And intimate relationships for me had never felt easy, except for with her, which is the irony of this.
00:09:26.812 --> 00:09:28.933
But she said what's the matter?
00:09:28.933 --> 00:09:30.738
What's going on?
00:09:30.738 --> 00:09:31.279
Are you okay?
00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:34.176
And I said, oh no, I'm just tired.
00:09:34.176 --> 00:09:37.557
And then I turned over, we're going to go to bed.
00:09:37.557 --> 00:09:43.995
And I was like you're not tired, you're not even a little bit tired, you're staring at the wall, freaking out.
00:09:45.169 --> 00:09:47.315
And so that was my tertiary truth I'm just tired.
00:09:47.315 --> 00:09:48.076
No, you're not.
00:09:48.076 --> 00:09:49.620
What's underneath that I'm tired?
00:09:49.620 --> 00:09:54.897
What's underneath I'm tired is I'm not actually tired, I'm just saying that because I don't want to have this conversation.
00:09:54.897 --> 00:09:58.899
And then what's underneath that is, I'm deeply vulnerable.
00:09:58.899 --> 00:10:01.423
I'm falling head over heels in love with you and I'm afraid to get hurt.
00:10:01.423 --> 00:10:05.998
And I'm afraid to share that with you, because if you don't feel the same, that's not good.
00:10:05.998 --> 00:10:22.333
And so, fortunately, I had the courage and this is the first time where I've been able to really go straight to the root when it came to intimate relationships, which is probably why I struggled so much in the past, because in the past, I wasn't honest with myself about this, isn't it for me?
00:10:22.333 --> 00:10:25.950
I wasn't honest with myself, not honest enough.
00:10:25.950 --> 00:10:31.274
I was like, oh, maybe this can work and yeah, no, I think I love that, I think this is forever.
00:10:31.274 --> 00:10:33.890
No, you know, deep down, it's not Again.
00:10:33.890 --> 00:10:38.017
This is me mad at myself, by the way, so please don't let me you know, spill all over everybody.
00:10:38.558 --> 00:10:41.716
Okay, so tertiary truth is I'm tired, not true.
00:10:41.716 --> 00:10:44.779
Underneath that is, I'm afraid to have this conversation.
00:10:44.779 --> 00:10:50.332
Underneath that is, I'm falling deeply in love and I'm scared to share that because if she doesn't feel the same way, I'm going to get really hurt.
00:10:50.332 --> 00:11:00.801
And so I ended up having the courage, luckily, to say sweetheart, I'm not tired at all, I'm falling in love more than I ever have and I'm freaking out.
00:11:00.801 --> 00:11:06.854
And fortunately, she was super vulnerable too and she told me she's falling in love too, and we ended up having this magnificent night.
00:11:07.655 --> 00:11:09.360
You know, made love the whole nine.
00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:23.515
And that's the difference between growing together and growing apart, right there, one of them is the vulnerable, honest, courageous truth, and the other one is a story you're telling yourself because deep down, you're actually so scared to be honest.
00:11:23.515 --> 00:11:35.360
And so I think, deep down, you knew this wasn't the best choice, you already knew the answer, but there was a part of you that wanted the easier road, and you even said that you're like I'm sick and tired of playing the long game 100%.
00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:39.120
I'm like trust me, man, 100%.
00:11:39.159 --> 00:11:41.792
Same, but it's the only road it went from.
00:11:41.792 --> 00:11:49.996
There was two opportunities to get a bunch of clients in a very short period of time and in my mind it was like this would be really good for business.
00:11:49.996 --> 00:11:54.856
It would be really good We'd be able to do everything a little bit better.
00:11:56.230 --> 00:12:01.195
And then you know, five to 10 years from now, you'd be telling everyone online how easy it is to succeed in business.
00:12:01.195 --> 00:12:05.530
But, by the way, you have to sell your soul, you know.
00:12:05.530 --> 00:12:06.576
That's the funny part too.
00:12:06.576 --> 00:12:08.277
I do want to make a side tangent on this.
00:12:08.277 --> 00:12:11.580
I'll go quick, but that's one of the things that you and I don't talk about.
00:12:11.580 --> 00:12:17.999
We do talk about calling people out on social media that make it sound really easy, because nothing of real authentic value is.
00:12:17.999 --> 00:12:24.663
You know some makeshift off-brand car you know might be easy to make or whatever.
00:12:24.663 --> 00:12:30.412
You know some online course that's just packaged perfectly, but it's actually a bag of air we joke.
00:12:30.412 --> 00:12:37.595
The truth is is a lot of the people that are wildly successful Kev, that say it's easy to be successful.
00:12:37.595 --> 00:12:40.517
What they aren't telling anyone is that they had to sell their soul to get there.
00:12:42.509 --> 00:12:50.932
And in corporate early on, there were things that I did and said and pretended to be that I'm not proud of.
00:12:50.932 --> 00:13:01.496
And I played the game and I did office politics and I you know, he said, she said and I found a way to look better than I really was and it did.
00:13:01.496 --> 00:13:01.918
It worked.
00:13:01.918 --> 00:13:05.037
It worked unbelievably well.
00:13:05.037 --> 00:13:14.716
Now was I lying through my teeth and an awful person, all that stuff, no, but I'll tell you what I wasn't deeply fulfilled and proud of the man that I was, not nearly to the extent that I am now.
00:13:14.716 --> 00:13:25.991
And that brings us to what I know you is about, which is the harder, longer, more challenging but deeply meaningful road where you don't lose yourself, you don't lose who you really aspire to be, you don't.
00:13:25.991 --> 00:13:29.414
Character over everything is what we used to say, and that's what that moment was.
00:13:29.414 --> 00:13:37.291
It was another character over everything, character over money, you know, character over quick fix, and I would rather take that road For the audience.
00:13:37.331 --> 00:13:45.958
It's not like we weren't going into selling liquor or cigarettes or anything it was in our industry, it wasn't anything like that.
00:13:46.078 --> 00:13:46.440
Of course.
00:13:47.671 --> 00:13:48.734
It was just not.
00:13:48.734 --> 00:14:01.051
Yeah, not 10 out of 10 aligned with what we're trying to do, 100%, and I think that anyone who wants to be homegrown, organic, without taking shortcuts that are not aligned.
00:14:01.572 --> 00:14:06.003
You're going to have a harder time, but long term, there will be that moment.
00:14:06.003 --> 00:14:07.235
I can't wait for it.
00:14:07.235 --> 00:14:12.263
I tell you, meaning this all the time there's going to be that moment where it's it was all worth it.
00:14:13.125 --> 00:14:13.586
It already is.
00:14:13.586 --> 00:14:16.096
It already is, and maybe that's a piece of it too.
00:14:16.096 --> 00:14:16.610
For me it's.
00:14:16.610 --> 00:14:23.322
If this was, if we were one year into business and that, I don't know, it might be a different conversation, I might be more frustrated, I don't know.
00:14:23.322 --> 00:14:26.797
But it's, I'm over it, not the end of the world.
00:14:26.797 --> 00:14:27.498
We'll figure it out.
00:14:27.498 --> 00:14:27.979
We always do.
00:14:29.289 --> 00:14:29.952
It's not the end of the world.
00:14:29.952 --> 00:14:32.256
These temptations are all around us all the time.
00:14:32.256 --> 00:14:36.078
Remember that guy who didn't want us to come to that thing and you were like dude, I don't even want to go.
00:14:36.078 --> 00:14:44.577
I know we were in Florida and he invited us to some networking party with models and bottles and all that stuff.
00:14:44.577 --> 00:14:45.057
Yeah.
00:14:45.057 --> 00:14:49.823
And you and I were like yeah, yeah, past, there have been a million opportunities to sell out on this journey.
00:14:49.823 --> 00:14:50.344
We just won't do it.
00:14:50.344 --> 00:14:51.225
He, we weren't invited.
00:14:52.149 --> 00:14:53.416
Somebody we knew was invited.
00:14:53.549 --> 00:14:55.577
We weren't invited because we wouldn't play the game with him.
00:14:55.577 --> 00:14:57.155
I was like, well, screw you anyway man.
00:14:57.470 --> 00:14:58.914
Well, I don't want to hang out with you.
00:14:58.914 --> 00:15:04.509
First of all, what am I going to do at a party with models and bottles?
00:15:04.509 --> 00:15:06.315
I'm going to sit in the corner by myself.
00:15:06.315 --> 00:15:06.937
I'm good.
00:15:06.937 --> 00:15:08.080
I'd rather stay inside.
00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:09.552
I'd rather go to the gym, whatever.
00:15:09.552 --> 00:15:10.436
Rather podcast.
00:15:10.436 --> 00:15:12.972
I think that's what we did, I hadn't.
00:15:12.972 --> 00:15:16.442
I had something Deep down.
00:15:16.442 --> 00:15:20.591
You already know the answer to the question you're asking oh man.
00:15:20.591 --> 00:15:39.493
Oh, I think one of the reasons, one of the reasons it works so well when you do something to stay in more alignment than going outside of alignment, is now you can look at the regrets.
00:15:39.493 --> 00:15:41.225
Okay, here's a good example.
00:15:41.225 --> 00:15:51.346
I messaged the person on WhatsApp and said hey, I appreciate the opportunity so much where it's just not aligned, I wish you all the best, nothing but success.
00:15:51.346 --> 00:15:52.101
It's just not for us.
00:15:52.101 --> 00:15:53.485
And they never answered me.
00:15:54.027 --> 00:16:06.110
They never messaged me back, and that was a week ago, it's like oh okay, cool, now I see relatively true colors, if anything, that helps me lock in on the fact that that was the best thing.
00:16:06.110 --> 00:16:11.605
Anyway, I remember I've said this before I was in a situation ship.
00:16:11.605 --> 00:16:16.610
I was in what I would consider I was dating someone and I went to this person.
00:16:16.610 --> 00:16:20.024
I said look, this isn't it for me and I don't want to waste your time.
00:16:20.024 --> 00:16:21.125
I want to be respectful.
00:16:21.125 --> 00:16:22.484
I just want to be honest and upfront.
00:16:22.484 --> 00:16:23.648
This isn't it for me.
00:16:23.648 --> 00:16:25.600
I think we should part ways.
00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:27.486
And the person said no, let's keep spending time together.
00:16:27.486 --> 00:16:29.346
Okay, let's keep sleeping together.
00:16:29.346 --> 00:16:32.065
And I was like are you?
00:16:32.065 --> 00:16:33.248
I am going to hurt you.
00:16:33.248 --> 00:16:35.725
I said I promise you.
00:16:35.725 --> 00:16:38.051
I promise you, I want to be as honest as I can be.
00:16:38.051 --> 00:16:42.104
I'm not going to fall for you If that's what you think this is going to be.
00:16:42.104 --> 00:16:43.407
It's not and you're going to end up hurting you?
00:16:43.447 --> 00:16:43.768
How did she know?
00:16:43.768 --> 00:16:44.429
She thought that.
00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:49.368
Because she did think that I don't want this to sound bad.
00:16:49.368 --> 00:16:55.197
I think I was trying to protect her from I just had higher.
00:16:55.197 --> 00:16:56.182
I know how I'm going to feel.
00:16:56.182 --> 00:17:07.770
I know how I'm going to feel and I don't know I wouldn't expect you to spend time with me if you didn't like me or want a relationship.
00:17:07.770 --> 00:17:10.446
Eventually, I think it was just intuition.
00:17:10.446 --> 00:17:14.445
I kind of knew that's why I knew it was a bad idea to continue seeing the person.
00:17:14.988 --> 00:17:20.789
Yeah, eventually I woke up one day and I had that moment of I know I can't do this anymore.
00:17:20.789 --> 00:17:22.605
This is not healthy for me.
00:17:22.605 --> 00:17:28.343
I'm potentially I'm definitely stopping myself from meeting my dream partner or reconnecting with my dream partner.
00:17:28.343 --> 00:17:38.112
This person's not out there meeting people either, and when I facilitated this breakup for lack of better phrasing they were not kind to me.
00:17:38.112 --> 00:17:40.707
They said some nasty things to me.
00:17:40.707 --> 00:17:43.432
Ah, okay, there's your indicator.
00:17:43.432 --> 00:17:48.402
You got hurt, even though I told you you were going to get hurt and I didn't want you to get hurt.
00:17:48.402 --> 00:17:49.963
Here's the indicator.
00:17:49.963 --> 00:17:51.625
It's more on me than anything else.
00:17:51.625 --> 00:17:53.807
I never should have gone the second step.
00:17:53.807 --> 00:17:55.804
I knew I told you you were going to get hurt.
00:17:55.804 --> 00:17:56.646
That's on me.
00:17:56.646 --> 00:18:03.711
I should have said you know what, I'd rather be lonely than bring you along on this ride and potentially get you hurt.
00:18:05.784 --> 00:18:07.328
This is such a good conversation.
00:18:07.328 --> 00:18:09.086
That's the self-fulfilling prophecy.
00:18:09.086 --> 00:18:21.366
You're afraid to hurt her and because you were afraid of that, you weren't honest with yourself as much as you could have been should have been with your actions, obviously you were with your words, which I respect, but you need my respect now.
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:23.885
But then you ended up hurting her.
00:18:23.885 --> 00:18:26.125
That I see that in coaching all the time.
00:18:26.125 --> 00:18:30.346
It's almost like and I do this too I'm afraid to offend people.
00:18:30.346 --> 00:18:34.529
So then I get all insecure and all weird and then I end up offending people.
00:18:34.529 --> 00:18:49.426
It's like this weird thing and I'm starting to understand these self-fulfilling cycles you may call them cycles where whatever the fear is driving, you always have an over swing and you know, what's funny is the opposite is true with your wife Taryn.
00:18:49.426 --> 00:18:54.820
You and I were in the car I'll never forget it and you were like do you think I stopped that For context?
00:18:54.820 --> 00:18:57.448
Kevin and Taryn met long before they were.
00:18:57.448 --> 00:18:58.289
Yeah.
00:19:00.007 --> 00:19:00.529
We dated twice.
00:19:00.529 --> 00:19:03.143
We dated twice before.
00:19:03.143 --> 00:19:06.951
We reconnected and then dated and then got married.
00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:21.025
And so, way back, I remember you being in the car with me talking about Taryn this is before you guys were official and all that before you reconnected and you were like, does it sound like I closed the door on that too quickly and you already knew the answer?
00:19:21.025 --> 00:19:23.625
The answer was yes, you're a coward.
00:19:23.625 --> 00:19:27.175
I didn't say that I probably should have, though I think you might have.
00:19:27.175 --> 00:19:27.838
I don't know.
00:19:27.838 --> 00:19:30.365
I don't know if I said it like that.
00:19:30.705 --> 00:19:31.528
I don't, I don't think that.
00:19:31.528 --> 00:19:32.390
Well, definitely not like that.
00:19:33.721 --> 00:19:36.869
I think I said it does sound like you didn't let that run its course you know you did.
00:19:37.579 --> 00:19:38.704
Yeah, you very clearly ran away.
00:19:38.704 --> 00:19:40.042
This is a good example.
00:19:40.042 --> 00:19:52.049
When her and I first connected, I was just finishing no, I was preparing for a second bodybuilding show.
00:19:52.049 --> 00:20:01.182
I was in bodybuilding prep when her and I connected and I ended up stopping the bodybuilding thing.
00:20:01.182 --> 00:20:01.924
I was like I'm not doing this.
00:20:01.924 --> 00:20:02.627
This is not healthy.
00:20:02.627 --> 00:20:03.069
I'm sick of this.
00:20:03.069 --> 00:20:03.913
I don't want.
00:20:03.913 --> 00:20:05.960
I'm not willing to do this again for a plastic trophy.
00:20:06.551 --> 00:20:09.127
But that's when we got my company that I was working for.
00:20:09.127 --> 00:20:16.163
At the time we got the biggest job we ever had in Virginia, which is 14 hours away from where I lived, and I was running that job.
00:20:16.163 --> 00:20:18.635
So my boss said you guys are gonna be down.
00:20:18.635 --> 00:20:21.093
You might be down there for a month at a time, it depends.
00:20:21.093 --> 00:20:26.049
You're gonna be down there for at least two weeks at a time, because there's no point in driving 14 hours.
00:20:26.049 --> 00:20:26.992
You're gonna lose a day.
00:20:26.992 --> 00:20:28.700
So we're gonna stay down there.
00:20:28.700 --> 00:20:31.269
I think I was staying down there at two week increments or three weeks.
00:20:31.269 --> 00:20:38.913
I Told that was one of the reasons I told Tara and I said I'm gonna be gone for the next like three months and I don't know how to do this.
00:20:38.913 --> 00:20:41.319
I don't know how to do this long distance.
00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:50.679
I don't know how that's gonna work, so that was one of the reasons, but you had believed in yourself more, would you have Tried to make it happen.
00:20:51.241 --> 00:20:52.869
Let me finish because it okay, it connects.
00:20:52.869 --> 00:20:58.855
When I went down there two weeks later, I texted her and I wanted to do it.
00:20:58.855 --> 00:21:01.061
I wanted to try, but I was scared.
00:21:01.061 --> 00:21:05.486
So even like right after I sent the message, I sent another one saying yeah, maybe this isn't the best idea.
00:21:05.486 --> 00:21:06.049
I was scared.
00:21:06.049 --> 00:21:06.912
What were you scared of?
00:21:07.413 --> 00:21:12.230
because that's the self-fulfilling prophecy that eventually I probably Commitment.
00:21:12.612 --> 00:21:16.221
I just I had one relationship that failed miserably.
00:21:16.221 --> 00:21:22.337
I jumped into another relationship that failed Pretty miserably all things considered, and I didn't.
00:21:22.337 --> 00:21:24.883
I didn't know if I was ready for that again.
00:21:25.931 --> 00:21:26.152
Yeah.
00:21:26.594 --> 00:21:27.798
I don't know if I was capable of that.
00:21:27.869 --> 00:21:39.778
I well, fortunately, you and I went on this crazy journey of growth and development and then you eventually were like I'm ready and Fortunately we still available, because if she wasn't, you would have screwed that up.
00:21:39.778 --> 00:21:42.042
Well, she wasn't she wasn't originally.
00:21:43.092 --> 00:21:47.430
She went that when I felt like I should reach out, she was dating someone.
00:21:47.430 --> 00:21:51.031
But I was like I I can't, that's I.
00:21:51.031 --> 00:21:53.419
I gotta wait and see what happens.
00:21:53.419 --> 00:21:55.104
If something happens, and maybe I'll reach out.
00:21:55.104 --> 00:21:56.267
If not, then I don't know what I'm gonna do.
00:21:56.267 --> 00:21:58.113
So there was that.
00:21:58.113 --> 00:21:59.817
I think I mangled this.
00:21:59.817 --> 00:22:00.760
I messed this up pretty bad.
00:22:02.230 --> 00:22:09.222
Fortunately you long term didn't but same with me, with Emilia I I tell the story jokingly, but it's true.
00:22:09.222 --> 00:22:14.333
I was DMing her, true or false?
00:22:14.333 --> 00:22:15.336
Are you in a relationship?
00:22:15.336 --> 00:22:20.093
Because I saw in a relationship on her Facebook but I saw no guys there was no Pickup line.
00:22:21.135 --> 00:22:22.980
I think somebody like you would have better game than that.
00:22:23.810 --> 00:22:27.082
That's what you come with at that point, man, I was done with any game.
00:22:27.082 --> 00:22:29.329
I don't want any game there's no games.
00:22:29.329 --> 00:22:32.650
Yeah, you and I had been through too much at that point to do any games.
00:22:32.650 --> 00:22:35.017
I know as a matter of fact, her and I wore the same outfit.
00:22:35.017 --> 00:22:35.999
We talk about this all the time.
00:22:35.999 --> 00:22:39.470
Our very first date we both had a black tea and jeans.
00:22:39.470 --> 00:22:45.423
Her sister, before the date Ella show, tell her she's like that's what you're wearing.
00:22:46.431 --> 00:22:47.374
You went actually right.
00:22:47.374 --> 00:22:52.890
Yeah, yeah, tara and I had gray and gray shirts and jeans on when we went.
00:22:53.191 --> 00:22:53.932
Isn't it wild?
00:22:53.932 --> 00:22:55.536
It's, you know what we?
00:22:55.536 --> 00:22:57.441
I had this moment and she did too.
00:22:57.441 --> 00:23:02.804
I don't care, I'm not gonna dress nice, like it be something, I'm not.
00:23:02.804 --> 00:23:03.326
This is just.
00:23:03.326 --> 00:23:18.884
She told Ella Getting ready in the mirror before the date for me, before she knew me, really knew of me, but Such a big, big podcasters yeah, such a big podcasters there with many, many modeling photos.
00:23:21.351 --> 00:23:28.846
But she's, she told Ella, her sister and we still talk about this to this day that she's, she doesn't care, I'm not, I'm just gonna be me.
00:23:28.846 --> 00:23:29.549
That's what she said.
00:23:29.549 --> 00:23:30.355
I'm just gonna be me.
00:23:30.355 --> 00:23:32.930
I was at the point in my life where I was done with all that.
00:23:32.930 --> 00:23:38.772
I I don't know if I outgrew it or what, but I just was like listen, I, if it's gonna work, it's gonna work.
00:23:38.772 --> 00:23:42.626
I'm not gonna like contort anything to, I'm not gonna put on a show.
00:23:42.626 --> 00:23:43.009
There is.
00:23:43.009 --> 00:23:45.694
No, I'm not gonna pretend I'm wealthy when I'm not.
00:23:45.694 --> 00:23:46.236
I'm not gonna.
00:23:46.236 --> 00:23:49.242
You know, I'm just gonna be entirely me.
00:23:49.242 --> 00:24:00.609
Like Not unapologetically me with ego, I mean unapologetically me as in this will never work unless I just stay me, because it's never worked in the past and because eventually the real me eventually came out.
00:24:01.393 --> 00:24:21.880
And by the real me I mean more than you know, more of my Mathematical mind, more of my goals and dreams, more of my who I really am, more of my Adoring of movies and more of my insatiable work ethic of wanting to go to the gym every day for the rest of my life, even though my partner wants to have quality time, like I just decided in advance like, listen, I I've tried to be something.
00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:24.609
That never worked and it never worked.
00:24:24.609 --> 00:24:28.500
So I'm just gonna try this time to just be a be whatever I am.
00:24:28.500 --> 00:24:30.231
Whatever it is that I am, I'm just gonna be that.
00:24:30.231 --> 00:24:31.756
And she did the same thing.
00:24:31.756 --> 00:24:33.159
We end up with the same outfit.
00:24:33.159 --> 00:24:34.602
We go axe throwing it.
00:24:34.602 --> 00:24:36.614
We hit it off unbelievably well.
00:24:36.614 --> 00:24:41.403
But before that it's Friday night and I had already unsent the m's.
00:24:41.403 --> 00:24:43.675
And again, member this is.
00:24:43.675 --> 00:24:46.965
I'll explain why this is relevant to the episode here in a second.
00:24:46.986 --> 00:24:49.665
I Was afraid to DM her.
00:24:49.665 --> 00:24:58.599
I Was afraid to be a homewrecker, I was afraid that she had a boyfriend and I was afraid to come off as a as a dick who doesn't respect her relationship.
00:24:58.599 --> 00:25:01.534
And at that point she had listened to the show a little bit.
00:25:01.534 --> 00:25:05.077
She was close friends with Bianca, so I didn't want to lose face.
00:25:05.077 --> 00:25:09.596
But I eventually said you know what, whatever worst case scenario, she says yeah, I'm in a relationship.
00:25:09.596 --> 00:25:10.773
So I did it.
00:25:11.095 --> 00:25:13.486
I sent unsent the DM several times, by the way, before this.
00:25:13.486 --> 00:25:14.289
So I was a coward.
00:25:14.289 --> 00:25:17.894
I sent it, unsent it, sent it, unsent it, I think three times.
00:25:17.894 --> 00:25:22.890
And then I was lonely Saturday night, friday night I forget which and she was actually with Bianca at the time.
00:25:22.890 --> 00:25:27.261
I didn't know that they were watching a movie together, the Lion King, which is fascinating, my favorite movie.
00:25:27.261 --> 00:25:30.656
But I DM her and I say true or false, you know relationship.
00:25:30.656 --> 00:25:36.594
And she said true with myself, I'm in a relationship with myself and we just unbelievably hit it off.
00:25:36.674 --> 00:25:40.167
But To bring this to the episode, you already know the answer.
00:25:40.167 --> 00:25:44.319
I Already knew I wanted to DM her, I just didn't have the courage.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.693
No, and it got.
00:25:46.693 --> 00:25:50.403
It wasn't until I was lonely, alone on a Saturday night or a Friday night in the gym.
00:25:50.403 --> 00:25:54.077
I remember I was at impact fitness and it was just me, no one else was there.
00:25:54.077 --> 00:26:05.688
And I remember thinking like my life really sucks, like this sucks, and I gotta, I gotta send this goddamn DM, I gotta do it and and so that's the honest conversation myself of you gotta have the courage.
00:26:05.688 --> 00:26:10.534
So my fear is Holding me back and that's really it in this episode.
00:26:10.534 --> 00:26:11.954
What is the fear?
00:26:11.954 --> 00:26:15.759
How honest can you be with yourself about the fear?
00:26:15.759 --> 00:26:19.630
You know Kev's like well, do you think I left that too early?
00:26:19.630 --> 00:26:21.968
Hey brother, do you think you left that too early?
00:26:21.968 --> 00:26:24.749
Because obviously you're asking about it for a reason.
00:26:24.749 --> 00:26:33.099
So you do you deep down, you know, you already knew the answer yes, you ran away instead of actually letting it play out and see what happened.
00:26:34.163 --> 00:26:35.048
Well, I was afraid.
00:26:35.048 --> 00:26:37.749
I was afraid, much like you alluded to there.
00:26:37.749 --> 00:26:40.469
This is my next love of nugget is this.
00:26:40.469 --> 00:26:42.160
But guys don't get scared.
00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:50.026
Yeah right, especially tattooed bodybuilders who love fighting and they don't ever get scared I'm terrified all the time.
00:26:51.430 --> 00:26:52.359
That's my existence.
00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:53.304
This would be my next love of nugget.
00:26:53.304 --> 00:27:00.086
Next time you have a decision, I want you to imagine you're flipping a coin and when that coin is up in the air, are you pulling for one or the other?
00:27:00.086 --> 00:27:03.288
You, I'm willing to bet you most likely are.
00:27:03.288 --> 00:27:04.967
I know that's worked for me in the past.
00:27:04.967 --> 00:27:13.673
I haven't actually done it, but I imagine that If you, if, if you're with me, alan and I are together, alan's super logical.
00:27:13.673 --> 00:27:14.500
So I don't think you'd ever do this.
00:27:14.540 --> 00:27:18.229
But and he said, it's a, I want to go or I don't want to go.
00:27:18.229 --> 00:27:20.272
Okay, cool, heads, you go, tails, you don't go.
00:27:20.272 --> 00:27:24.683
I'm going to flip the coin and it's going to land and I'm not going to show you yet what do you actually?
00:27:24.683 --> 00:27:25.771
What would you rather it be?
00:27:25.771 --> 00:27:26.759
I don't know.
00:27:26.759 --> 00:27:28.603
I kind of think I'd rather it be tails.
00:27:28.603 --> 00:27:29.243
I don't really want to go.
00:27:29.243 --> 00:27:30.666
All right, cool, we're going to have to look at it.
00:27:30.666 --> 00:27:31.848
Don't even worry about it.
00:27:31.848 --> 00:27:32.911
Don't even worry about what it is.
00:27:32.911 --> 00:27:33.873
You just answered it yourself.
00:27:33.873 --> 00:27:37.669
And even if it's 51 49, it's one way.
00:27:37.669 --> 00:27:39.505
It's one way more than the other way.
00:27:39.505 --> 00:27:41.768
So that would be my next level nugget.
00:27:41.768 --> 00:27:46.540
I've never I don't know if I've ever physically done it, but I do use it in my imagination quite often.
00:27:48.420 --> 00:27:55.184
My next level, nugget, is what you used to say Hyperconscious throwback, the hyperconscious podcast change the way you think, change the way you act, change the way you live.
00:27:55.184 --> 00:28:00.027
We used to say this all the time there's the right choice and there's the easy choice.
00:28:00.027 --> 00:28:09.721
And if you feel called to something, whether it's your intimate partner or you know, I do say you know.
00:28:09.721 --> 00:28:16.404
After, after thoughts like that, I'm trying to say less filler words, so I apologize to the listeners for all of my you know.
00:28:16.404 --> 00:28:20.333
So what was my next level, nugget?
00:28:20.333 --> 00:28:23.920
There's the right choice and there's the easy choice Fear.
00:28:24.522 --> 00:28:25.465
Identify the fear.
00:28:25.465 --> 00:28:28.710
The right choice is there and you can take it.
00:28:28.710 --> 00:28:29.935
And you got to answer the call.
00:28:29.935 --> 00:28:32.606
And there's good things on the other side of that.
00:28:32.606 --> 00:28:33.770
It's going to open doors.
00:28:33.770 --> 00:28:50.003
It's going to open doors, but you got to admit you're afraid, because if you tell yourself a story and you ego up, you're going to say, nah, I'm not afraid, and then you're going to go the other way and then you're going to wonder why your life's not working the way you want and you're going to wonder why you're not proud of yourself and you're going to wonder why you're not fulfilled.
00:28:50.003 --> 00:28:54.971
So, identify the fear and then feel it and then do it anyway.
00:28:54.971 --> 00:29:09.067
That's where courage comes in, and I feel really good about a lot of things in my life, but I don't feel like I've ever been super courageous, and I'm working a lot on that lately, so I hope that that inspires somebody.
00:29:11.980 --> 00:29:13.924
One of the things I'm scared of Alan you know this.
00:29:13.924 --> 00:29:15.910
I think everybody knows this is speaking.
00:29:15.910 --> 00:29:19.549
I've done a fair amount of speeches and many, many podcast episodes.
00:29:19.549 --> 00:29:22.608
There's something about an in-person speech in front of an audience that scares the crap out of me.
00:29:23.339 --> 00:29:30.286
If you want to come support your boy, next level live 2024 is on March 23rd In Groton Mass at the Groton Inn.
00:29:30.286 --> 00:29:40.105
We're going to have 30 people live and everybody who comes and attends in person will get a free next level dreamliner as well as a catered lunch and it's very, very good food.
00:29:40.105 --> 00:29:43.807
We've been there before and we're also going to sell 30 virtual tickets.
00:29:43.807 --> 00:29:53.672
So if you live in another country, you live in another state, whatever it is on another continent and you listen to NLU and you want to join us virtually, we'll be selling 30 tickets for that as well.
00:29:54.059 --> 00:29:55.545
Everything you need to know is in the show notes.
00:29:55.545 --> 00:30:01.468
We would absolutely love to see you in person if possible, but if you like the podcast, it is a deeper dive.
00:30:01.468 --> 00:30:07.663
It is I won't say it's funnier, because I know we tell I try to tell jokes on here, but it's just different.
00:30:07.663 --> 00:30:13.304
Alan and I have a very unique thing with this podcast, but we also have a very unique thing being on stage together.
00:30:13.304 --> 00:30:15.625
So if you want to see that, please, we'd love to have you.
00:30:17.140 --> 00:30:22.412
Also, every Saturday, 12.30 PM, eastern Standard Time, we have a next level book club.
00:30:22.412 --> 00:30:28.431
Some read next level books with next level people and, more importantly, underneath that is, it's a safe space that's completely private.
00:30:28.431 --> 00:30:29.202
It's not recorded.
00:30:29.202 --> 00:30:31.824
For you to be courageous, we share a lot in there.
00:30:31.824 --> 00:30:33.345
You don't have to share.
00:30:33.345 --> 00:30:37.021
You can come, listen in for a couple sessions and then eventually get to the point where you share.
00:30:37.021 --> 00:30:43.468
But it's very much a collaborative experience where we're all sharing our perspective about the same book, which has been really, really meaningful.
00:30:43.468 --> 00:30:44.865
So I hope that you join us.
00:30:44.865 --> 00:30:48.470
The link will be in the show notes to register and I will see you on Saturday.
00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:56.673
Tomorrow for episode number 1617, what's your relationship with earning it?
00:30:56.673 --> 00:31:04.287
I was thinking about this the other day, where some people say, yeah, I've been doing it for two years and in some cases two years is a really long time.
00:31:04.287 --> 00:31:10.691
In other cases, two years just isn't that long and I think it's all dependent on what it is, but what your relationship with earning it is.
00:31:10.691 --> 00:31:12.660
So we're going to do an episode on that tomorrow.
00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:17.165
As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and NLU.
00:31:17.165 --> 00:31:18.891
We don't have fans, we have family.
00:31:18.891 --> 00:31:20.486
We'll talk to you all tomorrow.
00:31:21.128 --> 00:31:21.892
Stay courageous.
00:31:21.892 --> 00:31:23.115
See you on Sunday.
