WEBVTT
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Welcome to Mad About with me, Maddie Alexander Grout, the podcast where we talk about all the things that we're mad about.
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Mad passionate, mad angry, all the neurodivergent things when our brains go.
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And uh it's really exciting.
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Um so I'm talking, I'm joined today by the lovely, the wonderful, and the incredibly inspiring Lucy Power.
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Um, Lucy is a um lots of words that I can't even remember.
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Like therapeutic.
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We can't even remember what we were going to say because they were totally is basically like qualified in ridiculous amounts of stuff, including trauma, um, which I'm actually learning about myself now.
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And I'm like, it's helping me with me, and it's helping me with my clients, and it's helping me to understand my friends better and lots of different things.
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And it's very exciting.
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But I'm gonna actually ask Lucy to um to introduce herself so I can get the words right because it was really long, wasn't it?
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It was really long.
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Yeah, I've had my first complaint of the day that Maddy says that's really long words, all of them.
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Long words.
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That's probably the worst intro I've ever done for anybody because I'm like therapeutic transformic.
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I can't even remember what words they were.
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I mean, you're welcome.
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I'm trained in psychotherapy, I'm not qualified.
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Psychotherapy, that was the one of the psychotherapeutic coach because I smushed the two together.
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I'm I'm a qualified and um personal and business coach.
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I've been teaching business coaches, personal and business coaches for over a decade in another long word, alerts, transactional analysis for coaches, which we're gonna I know we're gonna get on to this later because we are because my special interest.
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And also I was the person, like, and I'm thinking I'm the person who did that Facebook post about like this this this well-known wonderful coach who doesn't know what transactional analysis is.
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It wasn't about you, but wasn't it?
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Oh, I was I was like, oh boo.
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I was like, she said a nice thing, but I still didn't know what it was.
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But then when you said what it was, I was like, ah, yeah, totally know what that is, it's fine.
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Like I just I don't know, I think I don't know what I called it before.
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So we are going to talk about transactional analysis because I want to know more about it, and it's also very that's very difficult to say as well.
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So I feel like my tongue's too big for my mouth.
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I just feel a bit like I'm people must think I'm drunk because it's like I have to slow my words transactional analysis.
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It's there's too many vowels in it, and there there is, isn't there?
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Like, and I get I get this a lot.
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Like I was I was on my on my masterclass last night trying to say the title of my masterclass, and it came out as blue, blue blue blue, and I went, I'll put my tongue out of my mouth.
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What's the title?
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It was um why your content's not working, and it's not because it's not because it's shit.
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Um, but that was quite a long title.
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Yeah, it's quite long.
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It was long.
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I had 200 people register for it as well, which was insanity.
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I was so excited to watch the reading.
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Yeah, I mean, there was about 50 people on live, which is quite which is quite good.
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Um lots of people dropped off at the end when I said, you know, you don't have to buy for me if you don't want to.
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Bye, everybody.
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You know, I'm I never stress about these things, it's it is what it is.
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But anyway, so let's let's delve into a little bit about you.
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So you are neurodivergent.
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Um, tell me about your neurodivergence.
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Well, I I thought it was pure uh no no mixer trauma for a long, long time.
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Eventually I got a diagnosis of ADHD, and then I went through the stage that I think so many of us go through when we get a diagnosis of thinking, yeah, but is it true though?
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Is it really though?
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I'm a really um so I went through that questioning myself.
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I do see, and I do know that I have ADHD.
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I've also um I'd like to say I've self-diagnosed, but this isn't true.
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My eldest child has diagnosed me as autistic.
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Um, they are an autism specialist, um, they're like um they're doing a PhD uh in that involves autism, it's autism adjacent, but they're also the I think their role is something to do with heading up the commissioning service for a major council in the UK.
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So yeah, they they really do know what they're talking about, and they're like, I don't have an official, but I'm like, no, it's trauma.
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So yeah, there's there's a huge intersection that I'm becoming more and more interested in and aware of between neurodivergence and trauma, and I am absolutely fascinated with trauma and with neurodivergence and how similar some of the presentations can be.
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Because I've always I I also have a diagnosis of CPTSD, complex post-traumatic stress syndrome disorder, something.
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Um disorder, yeah.
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Yes, I hate the fact that disordering a disorder.
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It's a horrible word, isn't it?
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Because it's like disorder makes you sound manic, and like I mean, I I always say that I think that the acronym for ADHD is rubbish because it's like attention deficit.
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Well, I know I've got a fucking attention abundance for loads of things, so like that's one thing.
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Um, you know, hyperactive.
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Like sometimes people are hyperactive within their brains rather than externally.
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That's the kind I am, yeah.
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Like an inner inattentive ADHD is like the worst kind in my opinion, because like I'm I'm very much the the I'm I mean I'm combined, so I'm very much the hyperactive.
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I'm combined as well.
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Yeah.
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And then it's and then it's um and then disorder.
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Disorder makes you sound like you're some form of like reprobate that like society doesn't need that's true.
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Um so anyway, I went off on a tangent there, but that's but so I'm I'm not diagnosed officially well.
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I mean, I was told by a psychiatrist, again, it's not on paper, but during my ADHD diagnosis.
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Yeah, like during during my ADHD diagnosis, she was like, You're autistic, and I went, No, I'm not.
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And she was like, Yeah, you are.
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I'm like, Okay, um, well, we'll come back to that anyway.
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We kind of skirted over it, and uh, and then I started taking my ADHD meds, and I was like, Oh, there it is.
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Wow, autistic things.
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Yeah, so it was interesting.
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But I so I I think like my my views on ADHD and trauma is that like trauma trauma signs present sometimes as ADHD and vice versa, but so many people who have got ADHD have trauma because of the way that we've lived our lives, not knowing who we are, getting ourselves into different situations, and you know, I love I love the fact that like that I've learned that trauma isn't the event, it's how your body and everything feels afterwards, um, and you know, the reactions to that specific event.
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But you know, I talk about it a lot in my book.
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You know, there are a lot of traumatic things that have happened in my book.
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I mean, they didn't happen in the book, they happened in my life, you know.
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Um, and trigger warning um here because you know, there are I'm gonna mention some of them, postpartum psychosis.
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Um, you know, I literally wanted to, you know, unalive my child and myself um after pregnancy, it was horrendous.
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Um, I got raped when I was at university um by three different people in my own bedroom, like that was horrendous.
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Um there was you know, my my parents' divorce really, really traumatized me.
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Like my my I had to move house, but like by the time I'd realised I was moving house, I'd spent so much time at my boyfriend's house that my house had been moved and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my old house.
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Um, I'd dream about it all the time.
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It's really weird.
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Um, and you know, there were you know deaths and things like that that were that were traumatizing.
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Like my grandpa passed away, my my mother-in-law passed away.
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Like we we found out that she had three years to live, and then it turned out to be three weeks, and it was just super close and really, really quick.
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Um, and then you know, recently um my dad um then my dog died like two weeks after my dad.
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Um, I had the most horrendous year last year with cancel culture.
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Like basically a load of popular business owners were like, Yeah, Maddie's a bitch, fuck her.
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Um, and and and I got cancelled.
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I mean, I didn't, I was but you know, I just removed myself from certain circles.
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But there was a lot of trauma there as well.
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And when you've got ADHD, processing trauma is is is really difficult because we've got brains that are different.
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Anyway, I went off on tangent, but um I believe that yeah, the that's really interesting, and thank you for sharing all of that, my dear, as well.
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But the the processing of trauma, because there is existing neurodivergence, it it stuff rattles around in us and processes differently.
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We have a different brain system, we we we we move information through our brains and our nervous system at a different pace, and sometimes it gets stuck, and sometimes we don't know how to process it, so it rattles around.
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I've been accused of being a grudge bearer, and that isn't who I think I am.
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However, I struggle to let things go because if they're not processed, they're still in me, they're still rattling around you.
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But you did say this thing in idea.
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Yeah, that's very much an autistic trait as well, where we replay conversations that we've had in our heads.
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Um, you know, we relive situations.
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What would have happened if I'd have done that part differently?
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Like if I hadn't have said that thing, if I hadn't have overshared, if I hadn't have done all these things.
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And it's it's very much like the shoulda, woulda, coulda, isn't it?
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Kind of it's it's hard, but we but we have had lives where, you know, I mean, even even just like you know, take the the kind of the subliminal messages that we get, it's something like 12, 12,000 negative pieces of information that that enter our brains before we're like 12 years old, which start which starts to form who we are as a person, and then we feel like actually we're shit.
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And then it's like you get an ADHD diagnosis.
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And I know a lot of people who get an ADHD diagnosis and they're like, oh my god, my life is over.
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Like, I cannot do that thing.
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Um, and one of my one of my biggest, biggest passions in life is helping people to understand that they are not broken.
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ADHD is not a superpower, it is absolutely 100% not is a disability.
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But if you learn how to manage your brain and manage and run your business around the way that your brain works and around your body and all of those things, then you can find your own personal superpowers, you can find the things that you're good at, that you're passionate about, that you love, that you can be like, yes, let's do this.
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But trauma comes into it, and that's the whole reason why I was like, I need to train in this, because like if I can then help my clients, then you know, then I know where I'm coming from.
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And I feel like it's the responsible thing to do as well.
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It's really responsible.
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I as you said, when we grow up neurodivergent inside a family that doesn't understand or accept us, inside a society that doesn't understand or accept us, inside a body that we don't understand and accept, and haven't got any support or help to do so, we we end up um splitting off parts of ourselves, not owning, not accepting, not claiming, not homogenizing those parts of ourselves, and then we start struggling.
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And in among all of that, trauma shoots up like little caring mushrooms in the middle of our neurodivergency, and then we're then we present as we present, and some of it is trauma, and some of it is neurodivergence.
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It resurfaces as well, doesn't it?
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Like, you know, so so I mean, my my dad passing away that was really traumatic.
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Like, I I had no no clue that it was gonna happen.
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Like the last time I saw him, he was the best he'd ever been.
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Like, obviously, you know, you know your parents are gonna die at some point, but it was just massively unexpected, and that sent me into the biggest trauma.
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And then I was like, Did I do enough?
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Did I do all these things?
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And it's just in my head, and you know, I I've spent the last four months processing that, and it still creeps in.
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Like, like yesterday, like I was I was telling you before that I found out um how my dad died last night, yesterday, kind of afternoon, and uh it wasn't what I was expecting.
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And the the response to that phone call that I had was for me to burst into tears um outside the passport office, and the policeman being like, It's not the end of the world if you can't get your passport, you know, you can you can apply again, and I'm like, It's not that, my dad died, and he was like, Oh my god, I'm really sorry.
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And I was like, It was four months ago, don't worry about it.
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But the thing is, I mean, grief is very traumatic, isn't it?
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Like and that's the sort of thing that plays and and traumas can resurface.
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I mean, like the the time that I that I had like in the business world where like this whole cancel culture thing was going, like I had past traumas from like being bullied in the workplace, being bullied at school, like being triggered by that.
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Yeah, and it wasn't necessarily bullying, but I felt like I was being cast aside and kind of you know, like almost people being like, don't talk to Maddie because she's a horrible person.
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When I would call that bullying lady, I would call that weird.
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It was hard, and like the thing is like the more the more that I recognize this, and we've been talking about this a little bit in our sessions, haven't we?
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That I didn't do things the way I sh should have done.
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Um, you know, I said a few things that I that I definitely like regret saying.
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There are ways that I behaved that I regret, but the reason I did those, it was kind of like a self-preservation thing because I could see it coming.
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Um, and so I kind of put this barrier up around myself where I was just like, I can't talk about this.
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Like, and actually, these people are being horrible to me.
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This is what's happened to me.
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I need to vocally process it.
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And I wasn't meaning to be a horrible person, I wasn't meaning to be a bitch, but I ended up getting that label because I was processing out loud, if that makes sense.
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It really does.
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There's nothing bitch about you at all, and you've shared that you know, you you you've obviously got great pattern recognition because of your AD.
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We often know what's coming, and then we start to prepare for it.
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And if you're if you knew what was coming was that you were about to be excluded by a group of people who you valued, you're going to exclude yourself before they can do it to you.
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Yeah, which is it's self-sabotage, isn't it?
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But I definitely trauma response and it's also a really clever ADHD response.
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It's a it's a look, I can see this coming.
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I'm going to take control of it so that it's not done to me.
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It's something that I'm setting up for myself, and then at least I know it's going to happen.
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And it's a it's a way of calming and regulating your nervous system.
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Yes, yeah.
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And and and it's it's really tough actually when like and I think I've got ADHD do not have regulated nervous systems as it is, because there's so many things going on, you know, we're tapped out most of the time, we're like really low on spoons, we're low on energy.
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Um, and actually, all of those things that that come together make us just sometimes a little manic, and like we don't think through situations and we react, we're very reactive people.
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Um, so sometimes that can get us into trouble.
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I find where we are dysregulated, we're much more likely to think and feel and behave as we did when we were younger.
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So we will be more impulsive.
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Um, not necessarily reactionary.
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I'm I'm being careful about the words I use, but we're more impulsive, more spontaneous in our um in how we present to the world.
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But that can come across as being like a manic bitch.
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But actually, what we are is we're in survival mode within.
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That would be great.
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I really mean merch.
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Yeah, I mean, I do have some merch a little bit, like I've got some t-shirt design.
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Yeah, manic bitch, lovely.
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Manic bitch, manic bitch with ADHD.
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I come on this podcast, I'm like, I've got new ideas.
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This is the problem in ADHD brains.
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We have too many things that go all of very exciting.
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Oh, interesting.
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So, how did you get into doing what you do?
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I mean, probably special interest.
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I mean, uh initially I was a social worker, so I started off being a support worker for vulnerable people, mainly at that point, people with learning difficulties with a diagnosed label of having a learning difficulty, a lot of who were newer divergent.
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I was really, you're gonna be like, oh yeah, really drawn and really fascinated by autistic people at that point in my life.
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And I ended up fostering an autistic two and a half year old.
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Um, I offered respite fostering for him, so he came to stay with me every two weekends throughout his life until he was, you know, turned as an adult by social services.
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So he's the one of the best things that's ever happened to my world, and he still comes to stay quite regularly because we've got a drum kit mainly.
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Nice of the drum kit.
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I want to come and stay because you've got a drum kit.
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He's very welcome to come and stay, have a go on the drums.
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We've got a drumming room down the end of the garden.
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I'm terrible at it, but I love drumming.
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Like, I I mean it was when I was at school, I used to like boys who drummed um because it was just I don't know what it was.
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It's just like just it's like ape aggression, isn't it?
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It's great, yeah.
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I love to watch drums.
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She's good at it.
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She's really good.
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But yeah, so I was really drawn to to neurodivergent people, really drawn to kind of people that lived on the edges of society for some reason.
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I didn't understand it in myself, so it's very obvious now why.
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But um, slowly and surely I came home to myself, understood that I'm queer, that I'm neurodivergent myself, that I carried the scar tissues of some early childhood trauma, attachment trauma.
00:17:20.720 --> 00:17:41.599
And then I started to understand myself and others in tandem, and I developed what is is termed in society it's expertise, which you know we know is special interest in transactional analysis, trauma, neurodivergency, and kind of all the different places that they intersect, and yeah, that that stuff fascinates me.
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:51.839
Um I think as as soon as I realized that I was neurodivergent, and like weirdly though, I never accepted that I was neurodivergent.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:54.160
I didn't see dyslexia as being a neurodivergent thing.
00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:58.640
And I got diagnosed with dyslexia when I was like seven, so I've always been neurodivergent.
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:03.759
I just didn't like see that, I didn't really realise that other things came along with it.
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:13.519
And then like I got my official ADHD and my autism kind of at the same time, which was not really official, but it was official if that makes sense.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:20.400
Um, and then I just through through doing my qualification, I learned about all of the rest of it.
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:29.680
And I was like, oh, okay, I am dyspraxic, I am dyslexic, I've got dyscalculia, I've got dysgraphia, um, I even have I've got mild Tourette's.
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:32.559
I have ticks that people do not know.
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:37.759
I mean, the thing is though, if you if you if you know about them, you know about them and you will notice them.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.000
But my my husband is the worst.
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:42.400
I do this like, and I I do a lot of stimming as well.
00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:51.680
There's like I do this like it's kind of like a sexual grunting um when I'm concentrating and like when I'm doing certain things.
00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:55.279
Um I've got a shoulder twitch that it just it does its own thing, just randomly.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.039
My partner has both of those things.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.839
Yeah, um and shoulder.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:02.240
My eye, I've got a twitchy eye as well.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:04.400
Like, but sometimes that's more tiredness.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:14.079
Yeah, that's just being a mum and like having a fucking new puppy that gets up at four like 5 30 in the morning, and a husband that doesn't get up with him sometimes.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:19.200
Like this morning, Rufus woke up at 5 30 and I was just like kicking James, and he was just like, I'm tired.
00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:21.039
And I was like, fine, I'll get up with him.
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:23.680
So I got up with him, and then two seconds later, James got up.
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:26.480
I was like, You could have done that earlier, and then I wouldn't have had to get out of bed.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.160
God James.
00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:29.440
Like men.
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:33.039
I'm not a man hater, by the way, just my husband.
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:34.079
Neither am I.
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.880
I'm just a lesbian, that they are different things.
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.000
There's difference, yeah, just because you you don't have to hate men.
00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.920
Like men aren't the the source of all evil.
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:48.880
I mean, some of them are, but patriarchy is, but men are yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely, and yeah, we can be mad about that for sure.
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:49.519
Absolutely.
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:55.200
Um, so how old were you when you discovered that you were neurodivergent?
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:01.680
Actually discovered, went for a diagnosis and got the diagnosis.
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:03.599
That was in 2020.
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:05.839
Wow, actually, really recently.
00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:09.519
Yeah, I mean, I think I'd suspect it, and that was 27.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:10.960
Pardon?
00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:12.559
You're what, 27?
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah, I'm 27 now, obviously.
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.440
Yeah, it's painful all to see that I'm 27 now.
00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:18.079
Yes, clearly.
00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:20.400
How old was I in 2020?
00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:22.480
I think 40.
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:24.480
Was I 49 in 2020?
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.480
Yes, because I would have been 50 in 2021.
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:28.079
So I was born in 1971.
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:31.200
Yeah, so I was relatively very old, really.
00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:36.400
Um, and I don't know what led me to go for the diagnosis either.
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:38.799
Me and my partner did one together in tandem.
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:40.720
We did it privately because we couldn't be waiting.
00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:42.799
That's like a romantic expedition type thing.
00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:45.519
It's beautiful dates.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:46.079
I love that.
00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:48.079
Hey, let's go get diagnoses together.
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:49.920
It's really bonding, isn't it?
00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:58.880
Couple who diagnose together stay together, I really I think that theory is good because it means that you can understand each other better, and I love that.
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:01.359
Like it's definitely the way forward.
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:05.039
Like, you know, I I always say about my my my husband pretending.
00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:12.880
I mean, he doesn't pretend, like he just he is a very like neurotypical presenting man who seems neurotypical.
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.319
I think I'm high masking.
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:18.000
I I once had a compliment from this one.
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:19.519
I'm masking in all sorts of different ways.
00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:22.559
I've I've hidden my lesbianism for all of my life.
00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:29.200
Um and now I'm hiding it, but some but um why is that just fear of judgment and homophobia?
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:31.920
Yeah, the I mean it is it's a it's a genuine fear.
00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:34.319
It's dangerous out there for the gays.
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:35.680
It really is.
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:40.400
I remember I was I had a director's job and it I was really proud of myself.
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:43.359
You know, I was very, very successful at that part of my life.
00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:47.359
And this other director, she was the sister of the owner of the company.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:49.519
She came up to me and said, Lucy, I've got a compliment for you.
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:50.720
And I was like, Oh, lovely.
00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:56.960
I'd recently had my hair done, I've regularly had my hair done, and I was excited, I was about to be given this amazing compliment.
00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.839
We were all going up for dinner that night as well, so I was like, Yeah, make me feel good.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.880
Come on, give me it.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:03.039
I wasn't like you're the biggest twat I've ever met.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:07.759
It wasn't you're the biggest twat I've ever met, but it was you don't look like a lesbian.
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:10.559
And I was like, super confused about it.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:17.039
Well, obviously, I do look like a lesbian because I am a lesbian, and so therefore, this is what lesbians look like.
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:20.480
I mean, no, I've had that as well.
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:24.079
Being neurodivergent, like they don't have a look, do they?
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:25.359
They don't have a look.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:27.759
I mean, there is they do have a stereotype.
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:29.599
Stereotype, yes, yes.
00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:31.200
But not a look, not a vibe.
00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:35.519
You know, because there is the stereotypical.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:39.519
And you know, and on autistic Barbie, I do think that she is a very good idea.
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:45.200
I think there needs to be something out there for young girls to be able to go, I see myself in that person.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:48.640
We need a queer, we need a we need, we need a we need a queer Barbie.
00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:52.640
Why is it that's a piece of trauma for certainly for me?
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:55.680
Grew up with ADHD at the very least.
00:22:55.920 --> 00:23:00.079
Um, non-binary Barbie called Barbie.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:02.079
Yeah, we do need a non-binary Barbie.
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.960
Why is it like she's a Mattel right now, Maddy?
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:11.839
Because because my daughter would not fucking dream of playing with a Barbie.
00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:12.799
Never in a minute.
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:14.640
No, neither would ours.
00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:18.799
No, but if there was a non-binary Barb, then possibly.
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:24.799
Like, because my my daughter, like, and I'm I I'm not gonna put a label on her, I'm not gonna say she's trans, she's not non-binary.
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:34.240
At the moment, she is happy being a girl, but previously she wanted to be a boy, and she from the age of like 18 months, and people are always like, How can they tell you 18 months?
00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:40.559
Well, trust me, she was a good in we were in the pandemic, we spent a lot of time at home, and she was like, I want to be a boy mummy.
00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:45.920
She made my my 90 odd year old grandmother refer to her as a boy.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:51.359
And if my if if if if my grandmother ever said you're a good girl, Harriet would be like, I'm a boy.
00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:54.319
Um she decided she didn't want to be Harriet, she wanted to be Harry.
00:23:54.559 --> 00:23:55.200
We were fine with that.
00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:56.160
It's a good danger.
00:23:58.079 --> 00:24:00.799
I mean, like we didn't plan that, but it but it's worked really well.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:02.079
Harry with an eye.
00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:04.799
Um, and and it was like, do you know what?
00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:09.680
Like about a year or about a year or so ago, she went, Mummy, I think I'm gonna be a girl now.
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:11.119
I said, That's okay, darling.
00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:12.880
You can be whatever you want to be.
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:27.440
Like you you can be a boy, you can be non-binary, and we've we've explained to her what non what non-binary is, we've explained to her about trans because we had um we had an incident in the playground where a boy shouted and pointed, your sister's trans, uh, to Ben.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:29.519
And he was like, What?
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.400
Um, and I turned around to the boys and I said, So what if she was?
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:35.200
But she's six, she's fucking six.
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:44.960
Like, do not come and say something like that to her, and like if she was, absolutely fine, but like don't fucking judge somebody before you know.
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:46.880
It's not good to say either.
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:47.599
It's for us all.
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:53.200
They were learning about it in PSHE, which I think is a good thing.
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:59.599
You know, it's very it's good that, but but it's not something to take the piss out of somebody for, and it was an accusatory you're trans.
00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:02.319
It wasn't like, hey Ben, is your sister transgender?
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.319
Because that would be totally acceptable.
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:09.680
Um, and even then I would be like, She is six because she's fucking six, you know.
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:18.640
She doesn't know when saying she doesn't know her own mind is not what I'm gonna say because 100% there are lots of trans people that I know who knew from that early age.
00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:36.640
So and and actually, so that you know, therefore, we have him like if she wants to be a she, like she's happy being a she at the moment, so Harry is a she, but whatever she decides in the future, it will absolutely not surprise me, and we will be there for her, whatever she decides she wants to do.
00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:41.440
Um, and I and I it it just it wouldn't surprise me if it was if it was either way.
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:42.640
Um, she doesn't know.
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:45.359
I would love to hear more parents talk like you are buddy.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:47.759
I think I think we should.
00:25:47.839 --> 00:26:03.119
I think we should be more open about it um and more open about it with our children so that they don't suddenly go when they're 16, oh my god, I wish I was, you know, I wish I was a boy, I wish I was a girl, like I've I I'm born in the wrong body because they do know when something doesn't feel right, when it's early on.
00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:07.920
Yeah, we get to trust them with that, and we get to show them that they can trust themselves with that.
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:13.599
Because they know themselves, they know who they are.
00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:17.039
Like, and Harriet is the most headstrong person.
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:21.279
Like, you know, I'm more worried about her being a criminal than I am her being trans.
00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:25.200
Because she's a stealer, she steals everything.
00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:33.680
Like, she's she's like she's a bit of a sugar addict, and she's like, I'm going to have this, and I'm gonna stash all the wrappers under my bed so mummy doesn't know about it.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:34.559
And I'm like, hmm.
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:43.519
She'll either she'll either be a really good business owner, like a lawyer or a barrister or a salesperson, or definitely a criminal.
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:46.640
We're hoping to steer her away from the criminality part.
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:47.599
Maybe.
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:56.640
Yeah, I think more if more people talked about, you know, and I'm hoping that actually the the the edits of this, like that me talking, because I'm I talk about it very openly.
00:26:56.799 --> 00:27:03.039
I've had a lot of abuse talking about how my six-year-old could be trans or could be non-binary.
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:15.519
Um, but we six-year-old could be anything, our potential is infinite, and it and we get to choose how to define and you know, present ourselves and how to know ourselves as well.
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:24.319
Yeah, and and also as well, I think it's a really good message for all parents that your child could be trans or non-binary, even if you don't see it, they could be.
00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:25.839
I've seen this somewhere.
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:39.920
If you are not willing to accept and love and embrace your child as queer or as as as as um gender variant uh or as neurodivergent, do not have fucking children.
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:42.319
Absolutely, yeah.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:51.359
I mean, if you're neurodivergent, I mean like I I'm talking about this in the press actually later today about the fact like I I was asked a question, would you have had children if you'd have known you were neurodivergent?
00:27:51.519 --> 00:28:02.079
And I honestly don't know if I could answer that question because like yeah, it's a but it's a weird one because like I I think if if I think if I'd have known I was neurodivergent, I still would have wanted to have children.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:27.519
Like, I don't know why I wanted to have them, like having them, the the reality of having them is so different to like wanting to have um I love my kids, like I love my kids more than anything, like they are adorable dickheads, but they are also my adorable dickheads, and like both of them neurodivergent, like Ben's Ben's ADHD um and autistic, Harriet is just super autistic, she's just very autistic.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:33.839
And like I think if I had known that I was neurodivergent, I might not have had two.
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:41.759
Um, I might have just stuck at one because one was overwhelming, and then accidentally Harry came along, and like she's just been a whirlwind of crazy since then.
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:44.160
Um, and I definitely would have got a fucking puppy.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:51.839
Like, I mean, I knew I was neurodivergent when I got a puppy, but how did I not think, oh my god, this is just gonna add so many extra layers of complication to my life?
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:54.400
He took a poo on my bed this morning.
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:56.079
What a wazook!
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.440
He's not my friend anymore.
00:28:57.519 --> 00:28:58.559
Like, I've left him downstairs.
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:00.160
I'm like, no, not talking to you.
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:04.960
I'm gonna I'm gonna have to go and play with him in a minute, but he's like definitely, yeah.
00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:06.559
Dolly's not my friend at the moment.
00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:10.319
He nearly murdered someone who came to the door last night, someone who we absolutely love.
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:12.079
So he's not my friend.
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:13.279
I'm just ignoring them.
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:15.759
I'm gonna take him for a very long walk to try to run his.
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:17.519
Yeah, Lucas can't go out.
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:19.680
He can go out from tomorrow.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:22.240
Oh, he had his cabs on Monday.
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:28.319
So, um, so I'm gonna take him for his first walk, and I've decided I'm gonna get one of those extendy leads because there's no chance I can't lead.
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:28.880
I'm too terrified.
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:43.599
So I'm gonna take him out, and uh that's gonna be my first job for like tomorrow after Ben's football, because I have to be a football mum, which like for anybody who's listening who's a football mum, like why do we do this to ourselves?
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:48.400
Like, I 100% love my kids, but football, I don't like it.
00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:51.920
Yeah, it's annoying anyway.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:53.119
That's a that's another story.
00:29:53.440 --> 00:30:14.000
Anyway, so we were talking about you, like so one of the themes of this podcast is visibility, and we talk a lot about like unmasking, showing up as you, like the real you, without without fear, without judgment, without like has that changed a little bit now that you've got older?
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:23.680
Are you a little bit more brave about going out there and I mean obviously you're doing this podcast, so people are gonna know that you're queer, people are gonna know that you have had trauma and all those kind of things.
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:35.119
But let's talk a little bit about like the visibility and like how you can actually like own some of those things so you can like and I always I've I've got my uh my my own your soundtrack tattoo, which is uh which is this.
00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:37.920
It's my like my my tape player with my heart.
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:50.000
Um it's all about like owning your soundtrack and just knowing that you are you and that actually if you're scared of being you to the to the whole world, it's the world that's the problem, not you.
00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:51.440
Absolutely.
00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:53.519
So I've always been there.
00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:59.680
This is nothing to do with my journey into accepting my neurodivergence or or queerness either.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:07.200
I mean, I've known I was queer since at least by the time I was 12, and if not before, I just don't really remember much of my childhood.
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.680
But um, so it's never been a secret, and I've always been completely out about it.
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:24.960
So by the time I started my business and came into the online space, I have been uh openly queer, proudly queer, and you know, I define as a lesbian, um, not I have no problem with that word.
00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:32.799
I know a lot of queer people do have problem with that word because it's it just feels it's a long, it's a long word and it kind of like it's a long word.
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.200
I don't know, like it just it sounds very lesbian.
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:40.240
It's I think it's a weird do you know what I mean?
00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:42.640
I think it's because I've heard it a lot in my time as well.
00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:45.279
Yeah, and it's it's kind of a jeery word, isn't it?
00:31:45.359 --> 00:31:47.920
But it also does it's not a nice sounding word.
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.920
I'm quite happy to reclaim it.
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:50.799
It has been a jury word.
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:53.200
Me as well.
00:31:53.519 --> 00:32:03.279
But yeah, so there's no secrets in me at all, and I haven't made a business out of my neurodivergence, my queerness, my anything like that.
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:30.400
But I have made a business about helping people to become radically authentic, which is about despite the fact that we live in late-stage capitalism, despite the fact we live in a heteronormative patriarchy, let's be authentic, let's be ourselves, let's see what it is that's hiding the light of ourselves, and that can be trauma, that can be secrets that from ourselves and within ourselves, that can be the multi-layers of the impact.
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:33.039
Another podcast that you'd be perfect for, actually.
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:39.839
Like, I'm just gonna give a big massive shout out to my friend Jen Wilson, um, who runs the Irregular Humans podcast.
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:41.440
Um, oh you know Jen, yes.
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:42.160
You know Jen.
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:50.240
Jen is a very good friend of mine, and like they are does all the things you've just said, it's just like absolutely all of those things.
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:54.960
Like, I just can see you guys getting some genuinely good chats going.
00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:58.480
Yeah, I've got my eye on Jen, and I do think we've got on really well actually.
00:32:58.559 --> 00:32:59.200
Yeah, that's all.
00:33:00.559 --> 00:33:07.519
Like, Jen is one of the most like loving and supportive humans that I I think I've ever come across.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:19.359
Um yeah, yeah, but but also they're not afraid to call me out when I'm being a twat, which I really appreciate from a friend, because sometimes we don't need that.
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:20.480
Yeah, we all need that.
00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:22.960
Yeah, it's nice, but anyway, yeah, I'll I'll hook you guys up.
00:33:23.039 --> 00:33:36.640
Um, more about being radically authentic and helping people to discover sometimes for the first time who they actually are and find ways to bring that out of themselves and be who they are.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:49.279
So I know people that have have run businesses that is like helping people to come out as their true selves, but I don't want to link it necessarily to anything particularly queer because that's just that's just not my vibe.
00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:52.720
It's about owning owning who you are.
00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:58.000
Let's be honest, not who you think people want you to be, right?
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:15.599
Yeah um I I have I have this a lot, um, you know, in in my world where like you know, no, I'm I'm an open book, like everything that I talk about, people are I don't think I mean I could I could tell people that I was a secret belly dancer or something, and people would be like, Oh cool, yeah, whatever.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:19.599
Like, yeah, that genuinely I don't think I could shock anybody.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:28.639
Um just so me all the time, and I'm just like unapologetically, like this is me, fucking like it or lump it.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:35:02.880
Like that's how that's how like we're meant to be in the world, like and and there's there's no but like but I and I did I was talking about this on my on my masterclass last night, like all of the things that that go on in the background um that stop us from showing up, and there is you know identity such a big thing, um you know, identity confusion, and I'm not saying like you know, you're not you know, like gender confusion, but but being being unsure of who you are, um and trauma can really link into that, can't it?
00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:03.920
It really can.
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:14.800
And I see identity as the story that we tell ourselves about who we are, and it's not always necessarily accurate, true, or reflective of who we actually are.
00:35:14.960 --> 00:35:29.199
Yeah, you know, I'm a cis woman and I was raised by heterosexual parents who assumed I was gonna grow up and marry a man, get a golden labrador, have two children, possibly called Quinton and Henry or something.
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:30.800
Oh love it.
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:33.440
Oh, Ben was almost Henry, I'm so glad he wasn't.
00:35:33.599 --> 00:35:43.039
Godved out path for who I was meant to be, and who I really am couldn't fit into that at all and was never going to.
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:51.519
And I spent some time, there's a thing called compulsory heteronormativity, and there was some time that another long word, Maddie, I know.
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:54.719
There was some time that I thought, right, no, I I need to sort this out.
00:35:54.880 --> 00:36:02.000
I need to be able to get a boyfriend, I need to be able to fulfil my parents' expectations of me in societies because that's a good one.
00:36:02.559 --> 00:36:05.119
My dad actually was convinced that I was going to be a lesbian.
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:08.800
So my best friend, Rach, like we she's my wife.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:15.519
Like, we like if if I wasn't married to James, I'd be married to Rach because she is just like my she is my probably my second favourite person.
00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:19.840
I mean, let's not count the kids, but like we've been best friends since we were 11.
00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:25.920
And my my dad just all the time used to drive, he used to be like, So, when are you guys like coming out?
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:27.519
Like, what when's it when's this happening?
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:34.320
Um, and it's it's just I think my dad my dad was actually really, really accepting of that.
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:36.960
And and my mum was like, Don't be so stupid, Bob.
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:38.239
She's not a lesbian.
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:40.079
Look at that, all the boyfriends she's had.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:41.840
I was a bit slutty back in my youth.
00:36:42.159 --> 00:36:43.039
Not always a thing, though.
00:36:43.119 --> 00:36:46.960
I had a lot of boyfriends as well, but that was compulsory heterosexuality.
00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:49.039
Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:49.840
Like, really interesting.
00:36:50.079 --> 00:36:58.400
Yeah, finding ourselves to be really hard, neurodivergence can make it so hard to actually go on a treasure hunt and find out who we really are.
00:36:58.559 --> 00:36:58.800
Yes.
00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:06.400
We can get lost so easily, we can go off down tracks that aren't really linked to our identity and who we truly are.
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:08.480
And oh, it's yeah, it's tricky.
00:37:08.639 --> 00:37:17.679
And it's it's that conformity, that social, that social norm, but also in a world like we're in today, fear, like massive fear.
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:29.199
It's like, you know, if if if anybody says something which doesn't conform to the stereotypical, like what a normal person should be, um, then they get they get persecuted for it.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:34.159
They get like they they get taunted and bullied and horrible stuff.
00:37:34.239 --> 00:37:35.440
But do you know what though?
00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:40.159
I think the youth of today are so much better at it than we were.
00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah.
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:43.039
Because there's also that generational thing.
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:51.679
It's like I um like one of one of my best friends, um, like actually, I can't really tell the story because it's not just going back on myself thinking because it's not my story to tell.
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:52.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:52.559 --> 00:38:01.760
But a very good friend of mine um told me like that that their their sister had had had come out and said that they were dating a woman.
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:10.000
Um, and that and that is not something that I was shocked about at all, because I think new.
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:23.760
Um but it but it's that thing where I think there is because being non-binary is is actually quite a like normalized thing now, and teenagers are hearing more about it on social media, etc.
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:27.599
I think that that generation is gonna change the world.
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:30.559
It's our generation, I think, that's the problem.
00:38:32.079 --> 00:38:33.599
And our parents' generation.
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:36.079
Oh, those more than us, obviously.
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:38.400
Yeah, but I but I think it's interesting, isn't it?
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.239
So I my oldest child is a millennial and very much a millennial.
00:38:42.320 --> 00:38:44.159
Like, so I'm not sure where I sit anymore.
00:38:44.239 --> 00:38:44.800
Like, I get it.
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:49.840
They don't call it avocado on toast, they call it avocado toast.
00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:50.880
Avocado toast, yeah.
00:38:52.559 --> 00:38:56.320
Um, so I'm Generation X and some coronaphoning me.
00:38:56.400 --> 00:38:58.480
Let's okay, let's see what the coroner has to say.
00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:03.679
Hello yeah, speaking.
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:11.039
Oh, hi uh yes, yeah.
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:19.280
Okay, um, can I give you a call back?
00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:20.000
Is that all right?
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:23.280
Because I'm just in the middle of a work call and I haven't got my diary in front of me.
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:26.320
Okay, that's fine, I'll give you a ring back.
00:39:32.239 --> 00:39:33.199
Oh yes, I do.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:34.880
Yeah, I'll just take the number.
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:38.000
Hang on, uh just hang on, eight two.
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:40.239
So can you give me the whole thing, including the code?
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:40.960
Is it oh one?
00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:41.599
Yeah.
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:43.360
Yeah.
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:46.400
Yeah.
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:49.920
Okay, lovely, that's perfect.
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:50.559
Thank you very much.
00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:51.440
Okay, thanks, Sam.
00:39:51.920 --> 00:39:52.480
Bye.
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:56.239
I have to go and register my father's death.
00:39:56.559 --> 00:39:59.119
That's that's a really morbid thing to do, isn't it?
00:39:59.280 --> 00:39:59.679
Sorry about that.
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:01.039
I'll quickly cut that bit out.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:08.000
I didn't I didn't realize I mean it because it is it's a registering of births and deaths, isn't it?
00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:08.639
You have to do it.
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:12.400
Oh well, it looks like I'm going for a trip to the RFI.
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:14.400
Are you okay, Maddie?
00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:15.599
Yes, no, I'm fine.
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:16.320
Absolutely fine.
00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:18.719
Like it's you know, it's it's part of the process.
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:22.800
Like, I probably won't be fine when I actually do it, but you know, talk about it on the phone.
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:23.679
Yeah, it's all good.
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:24.800
Anyway, where were we?
00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:26.079
We got sidetracked.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:31.119
We were we did get sidetracked.
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:32.719
Silly coroner, sorry.
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:36.800
Well, I have got just had a pass a message from the passport office saying that my passport is ready.
00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:39.599
See yesterday is is done.
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:41.760
Things and roundabouts, fucking yesterday.
00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:46.079
By the time this podcast comes out, yesterday will probably be about eight weeks ago.
00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:47.280
So, like, you know, we're good.
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:49.519
Well what else do we need to talk about?
00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:51.440
Let's let's get on to that.
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:53.360
So I want to ask you what you're mad about.
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:57.760
We're gonna talk about transactional analysis, weren't we?
00:40:57.920 --> 00:40:59.280
Yeah, we're mad about that, right?
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:01.440
Yeah, ask me what I'm mad about.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:02.320
Have you just done that?
00:41:02.559 --> 00:41:03.840
Yeah, what are you mad about?
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:05.440
I'm mad about.
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.800
I mean, I asked you what mad meant earlier.
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:09.920
Like, what does it mean?
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:11.840
Is it is it what am I angry about?
00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:13.199
Because I'm angry about a lot of things.
00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:13.840
Or what is it?
00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:19.039
I'm so enthusiastic about that if you get me on the subject, you'll have to kind of wrench me off it.
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:22.239
I might have to wrench you off it because we've got about five minutes left.
00:41:23.119 --> 00:41:24.239
But what can then be?
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:27.760
I'm mad about the way trans people are treated by society.
00:41:27.920 --> 00:41:32.480
I'm mad about the way capitalism wrenches the goodness out of everybody.
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:37.280
I'm mad about the all the shit going on in America and how terrifying it is.
00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:49.840
For the people that live over there, especially the gay ones, especially the neurodivisible ones, especially the immigrants, especially the people who live on the edges of American society.
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:52.800
I'm really mad about all these things.
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:53.280
Yeah.
00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:55.119
Yeah, I'm really mad about them.
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:58.639
But I'm mad about transactional analysis and trauma.
00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:01.599
They are my special interest since I've discovered both of them.
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:14.320
I'm absolutely mad about them, and I'm really excited that I've recently had one of it's a programme I've been offering for quite a while, and it's something I've been teaching for well over a decade, but transactional analysis for coaching and leadership.
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:20.719
I've recently had a certification accredited by the International Coaching Federation, so I'm really excited about that.
00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:34.719
And that's my like signature programme that then leads on to my diploma in integrative therapeutic coaching, which is transactional analysis heavy, but also loads of other therapeutic methodologies as well, and with a lovely.
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:45.920
I know I'm so totally doing a business that expresses who I am and what I'm mad about, what I'm really, really passionate about in my life.
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:50.719
So I'm in joy when I talk about all the things I offer and do.
00:42:51.199 --> 00:42:51.920
And do you know what?
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:53.920
This is like this is what I talk about as well.
00:42:54.000 --> 00:43:04.000
You know, when you when you are passionate, when you are in line, when you are ethical, when you are doing something that completely aligns with your values, you can be mad about it and you can make shit tons of money.
00:43:04.079 --> 00:43:06.639
And this is what I teach my clients, and I fucking love it.
00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:08.880
So that is the most perfect answer ever.
00:43:09.039 --> 00:43:11.440
Um, Lucy, how how do people find you?
00:43:11.599 --> 00:43:12.079
Where are you?
00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:13.760
What's the best place for people to connect?
00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:20.880
So I am on um, I mean, I am on email, which is Lucy at IamlucyPower.com.
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:29.920
I am on Facebook, Lucy Power, I'm on LinkedIn, Lucy Power, on Instagram, on at Iam Lucy Power.
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:32.159
Like my name's Lucy Power, and I'm not going to hide up.
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:34.400
Like, she has the power.
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:36.000
I love the fact that your surname is power.
00:43:36.079 --> 00:43:36.559
That's the thing.
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:38.239
I love it so much.
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:38.880
I'm very excited.
00:43:38.960 --> 00:43:40.880
It's literally the best surname I've ever come across.
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:44.159
I kind of feel like I'm I it's just, yeah, I want it.
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:44.880
I I do want it.
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:46.800
Like, can we get married so I can have your surname?
00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:47.679
Yeah, of course.
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:53.039
Like that would be I mean, I mean power is definitely better than grout, though, isn't it?
00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:56.159
I mean we can write it.
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:58.079
Grout, power, power, grout.
00:43:58.239 --> 00:43:58.960
I don't think that'll work.
00:43:59.119 --> 00:43:59.760
Maybe power grout.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:00.719
Power.
00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:03.519
Something you might buy down by being cute, isn't it?
00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:06.800
Grout power sounds like some weird vibrator or something.
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:08.000
Oh, yeah.
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:12.000
Maybe we should design what Grout Power looks like.
00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:14.559
But you know, if we collaborate, that's totally what we've got.
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:16.159
We could brand it, couldn't we?
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:18.559
We could have a personal brand for our new marriage.
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:19.519
Power Grout.
00:44:19.599 --> 00:44:21.519
I mean power grout.
00:44:21.679 --> 00:44:22.320
Oh no, no, no.
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:22.719
Here we go.
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:23.840
This is a marketing thing.
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:24.960
Power Grout.
00:44:25.360 --> 00:44:27.280
The thing that glues you together.
00:44:27.679 --> 00:44:30.159
Oh gosh, that's absolutely beautiful.
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:31.519
Okay, right.
00:44:31.679 --> 00:44:36.159
On that note, on that note, we have to say goodbye to the fantastic, fucking wonderful Lucy Power.
00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:37.760
I have loved this.
00:44:38.079 --> 00:44:39.440
I'm loving her programme.
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:42.400
Um, just loving being in her world, actually.
00:44:42.559 --> 00:44:44.480
Um, so thank you so much, Lucy.
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:46.800
Um, this probably won't be the last time we see you on here.
00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:48.320
Um, we'll definitely get you back.
00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:52.320
Um, if anybody has liked this episode, please hit the subscribe button.
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:53.599
Um, give me a follow as well.
00:44:53.760 --> 00:45:00.639
Maddie Talks Money on uh Instagram, Mad About Money Official on uh TikTok, and uh everywhere else, just Maddie Alexander Grout.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:02.079
And buy my book, please.
00:45:02.239 --> 00:45:02.800
Maddie Alexander.
00:45:02.880 --> 00:45:03.599
Yes, really good.
00:45:03.679 --> 00:45:04.159
I'm reading it.
00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:07.039
Managing Finances and Life with ADHD.
00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:08.320
Um, this will help you.
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:10.159
Um and uh yeah, I'm Maddie.
00:45:10.239 --> 00:45:11.199
I will see you next time.
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:12.559
Thanks for listening.
00:00:00.959 --> 00:00:06.879
Welcome to Mad About with me, Maddie Alexander Grout, the podcast where we talk about all the things that we're mad about.
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:11.519
Mad passionate, mad angry, all the neurodivergent things when our brains go.
00:00:12.720 --> 00:00:14.160
And uh it's really exciting.
00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:21.280
Um so I'm talking, I'm joined today by the lovely, the wonderful, and the incredibly inspiring Lucy Power.
00:00:21.440 --> 00:00:25.280
Um, Lucy is a um lots of words that I can't even remember.
00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:26.160
Like therapeutic.
00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:41.520
We can't even remember what we were going to say because they were totally is basically like qualified in ridiculous amounts of stuff, including trauma, um, which I'm actually learning about myself now.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:48.640
And I'm like, it's helping me with me, and it's helping me with my clients, and it's helping me to understand my friends better and lots of different things.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:00:49.840
And it's very exciting.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:55.439
But I'm gonna actually ask Lucy to um to introduce herself so I can get the words right because it was really long, wasn't it?
00:00:55.759 --> 00:00:56.479
It was really long.
00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:00.880
Yeah, I've had my first complaint of the day that Maddy says that's really long words, all of them.
00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:01.520
Long words.
00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:09.280
That's probably the worst intro I've ever done for anybody because I'm like therapeutic transformic.
00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:10.879
I can't even remember what words they were.
00:01:11.120 --> 00:01:12.879
I mean, you're welcome.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:16.239
I'm trained in psychotherapy, I'm not qualified.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:23.519
Psychotherapy, that was the one of the psychotherapeutic coach because I smushed the two together.
00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:28.560
I'm I'm a qualified and um personal and business coach.
00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:42.560
I've been teaching business coaches, personal and business coaches for over a decade in another long word, alerts, transactional analysis for coaches, which we're gonna I know we're gonna get on to this later because we are because my special interest.
00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:51.359
And also I was the person, like, and I'm thinking I'm the person who did that Facebook post about like this this this well-known wonderful coach who doesn't know what transactional analysis is.
00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:53.359
It wasn't about you, but wasn't it?
00:01:53.439 --> 00:01:55.120
Oh, I was I was like, oh boo.
00:01:55.280 --> 00:01:58.640
I was like, she said a nice thing, but I still didn't know what it was.
00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:02.400
But then when you said what it was, I was like, ah, yeah, totally know what that is, it's fine.
00:02:02.480 --> 00:02:06.079
Like I just I don't know, I think I don't know what I called it before.
00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:12.479
So we are going to talk about transactional analysis because I want to know more about it, and it's also very that's very difficult to say as well.
00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:14.159
So I feel like my tongue's too big for my mouth.
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:20.479
I just feel a bit like I'm people must think I'm drunk because it's like I have to slow my words transactional analysis.
00:02:20.639 --> 00:02:24.639
It's there's too many vowels in it, and there there is, isn't there?
00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:26.240
Like, and I get I get this a lot.
00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:36.080
Like I was I was on my on my masterclass last night trying to say the title of my masterclass, and it came out as blue, blue blue blue, and I went, I'll put my tongue out of my mouth.
00:02:36.319 --> 00:02:37.520
What's the title?
00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:43.199
It was um why your content's not working, and it's not because it's not because it's shit.
00:02:43.439 --> 00:02:45.120
Um, but that was quite a long title.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:46.319
Yeah, it's quite long.
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:47.280
It was long.
00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:51.280
I had 200 people register for it as well, which was insanity.
00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:53.360
I was so excited to watch the reading.
00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:56.800
Yeah, I mean, there was about 50 people on live, which is quite which is quite good.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:01.280
Um lots of people dropped off at the end when I said, you know, you don't have to buy for me if you don't want to.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:02.639
Bye, everybody.
00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:08.159
You know, I'm I never stress about these things, it's it is what it is.
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:11.680
But anyway, so let's let's delve into a little bit about you.
00:03:11.840 --> 00:03:13.280
So you are neurodivergent.
00:03:13.599 --> 00:03:16.000
Um, tell me about your neurodivergence.
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:24.879
Well, I I thought it was pure uh no no mixer trauma for a long, long time.
00:03:25.039 --> 00:03:32.560
Eventually I got a diagnosis of ADHD, and then I went through the stage that I think so many of us go through when we get a diagnosis of thinking, yeah, but is it true though?
00:03:32.719 --> 00:03:33.360
Is it really though?
00:03:33.439 --> 00:03:36.639
I'm a really um so I went through that questioning myself.
00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:39.520
I do see, and I do know that I have ADHD.
00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:43.759
I've also um I'd like to say I've self-diagnosed, but this isn't true.
00:03:43.840 --> 00:03:46.639
My eldest child has diagnosed me as autistic.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:04:05.680
Um, they are an autism specialist, um, they're like um they're doing a PhD uh in that involves autism, it's autism adjacent, but they're also the I think their role is something to do with heading up the commissioning service for a major council in the UK.
00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:12.719
So yeah, they they really do know what they're talking about, and they're like, I don't have an official, but I'm like, no, it's trauma.
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:30.079
So yeah, there's there's a huge intersection that I'm becoming more and more interested in and aware of between neurodivergence and trauma, and I am absolutely fascinated with trauma and with neurodivergence and how similar some of the presentations can be.
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:38.720
Because I've always I I also have a diagnosis of CPTSD, complex post-traumatic stress syndrome disorder, something.
00:04:38.879 --> 00:04:40.399
Um disorder, yeah.
00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:44.480
Yes, I hate the fact that disordering a disorder.
00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:46.240
It's a horrible word, isn't it?
00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:55.120
Because it's like disorder makes you sound manic, and like I mean, I I always say that I think that the acronym for ADHD is rubbish because it's like attention deficit.
00:04:55.279 --> 00:05:00.240
Well, I know I've got a fucking attention abundance for loads of things, so like that's one thing.
00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:02.480
Um, you know, hyperactive.
00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:06.560
Like sometimes people are hyperactive within their brains rather than externally.
00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:08.079
That's the kind I am, yeah.
00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:17.519
Like an inner inattentive ADHD is like the worst kind in my opinion, because like I'm I'm very much the the I'm I mean I'm combined, so I'm very much the hyperactive.
00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:19.040
I'm combined as well.
00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:20.399
Yeah.
00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:24.160
And then it's and then it's um and then disorder.
00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:32.000
Disorder makes you sound like you're some form of like reprobate that like society doesn't need that's true.
00:05:32.240 --> 00:05:38.800
Um so anyway, I went off on a tangent there, but that's but so I'm I'm not diagnosed officially well.
00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:44.000
I mean, I was told by a psychiatrist, again, it's not on paper, but during my ADHD diagnosis.
00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:50.160
Yeah, like during during my ADHD diagnosis, she was like, You're autistic, and I went, No, I'm not.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:51.519
And she was like, Yeah, you are.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:54.879
I'm like, Okay, um, well, we'll come back to that anyway.
00:05:54.959 --> 00:05:59.920
We kind of skirted over it, and uh, and then I started taking my ADHD meds, and I was like, Oh, there it is.
00:06:00.560 --> 00:06:01.759
Wow, autistic things.
00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:04.319
Yeah, so it was interesting.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:35.759
But I so I I think like my my views on ADHD and trauma is that like trauma trauma signs present sometimes as ADHD and vice versa, but so many people who have got ADHD have trauma because of the way that we've lived our lives, not knowing who we are, getting ourselves into different situations, and you know, I love I love the fact that like that I've learned that trauma isn't the event, it's how your body and everything feels afterwards, um, and you know, the reactions to that specific event.
00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:37.600
But you know, I talk about it a lot in my book.
00:06:37.680 --> 00:06:41.199
You know, there are a lot of traumatic things that have happened in my book.
00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:43.759
I mean, they didn't happen in the book, they happened in my life, you know.
00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:50.720
Um, and trigger warning um here because you know, there are I'm gonna mention some of them, postpartum psychosis.
00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:58.639
Um, you know, I literally wanted to, you know, unalive my child and myself um after pregnancy, it was horrendous.
00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:05.519
Um, I got raped when I was at university um by three different people in my own bedroom, like that was horrendous.
00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:10.240
Um there was you know, my my parents' divorce really, really traumatized me.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:20.319
Like my my I had to move house, but like by the time I'd realised I was moving house, I'd spent so much time at my boyfriend's house that my house had been moved and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my old house.
00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:22.480
Um, I'd dream about it all the time.
00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:23.839
It's really weird.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:29.040
Um, and you know, there were you know deaths and things like that that were that were traumatizing.
00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:32.560
Like my grandpa passed away, my my mother-in-law passed away.
00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:39.920
Like we we found out that she had three years to live, and then it turned out to be three weeks, and it was just super close and really, really quick.
00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:46.319
Um, and then you know, recently um my dad um then my dog died like two weeks after my dad.
00:07:46.399 --> 00:07:50.879
Um, I had the most horrendous year last year with cancel culture.
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:55.600
Like basically a load of popular business owners were like, Yeah, Maddie's a bitch, fuck her.
00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:57.600
Um, and and and I got cancelled.
00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:02.800
I mean, I didn't, I was but you know, I just removed myself from certain circles.
00:08:02.879 --> 00:08:04.720
But there was a lot of trauma there as well.
00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:11.519
And when you've got ADHD, processing trauma is is is really difficult because we've got brains that are different.
00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:18.959
Anyway, I went off on tangent, but um I believe that yeah, the that's really interesting, and thank you for sharing all of that, my dear, as well.
00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:29.040
But the the processing of trauma, because there is existing neurodivergence, it it stuff rattles around in us and processes differently.
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:42.799
We have a different brain system, we we we we move information through our brains and our nervous system at a different pace, and sometimes it gets stuck, and sometimes we don't know how to process it, so it rattles around.
00:08:42.960 --> 00:08:48.399
I've been accused of being a grudge bearer, and that isn't who I think I am.
00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:54.720
However, I struggle to let things go because if they're not processed, they're still in me, they're still rattling around you.
00:08:54.799 --> 00:08:55.919
But you did say this thing in idea.
00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:03.039
Yeah, that's very much an autistic trait as well, where we replay conversations that we've had in our heads.
00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:04.879
Um, you know, we relive situations.
00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:07.440
What would have happened if I'd have done that part differently?
00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:11.840
Like if I hadn't have said that thing, if I hadn't have overshared, if I hadn't have done all these things.
00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:16.399
And it's it's very much like the shoulda, woulda, coulda, isn't it?
00:09:16.559 --> 00:09:41.039
Kind of it's it's hard, but we but we have had lives where, you know, I mean, even even just like you know, take the the kind of the subliminal messages that we get, it's something like 12, 12,000 negative pieces of information that that enter our brains before we're like 12 years old, which start which starts to form who we are as a person, and then we feel like actually we're shit.
00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:43.519
And then it's like you get an ADHD diagnosis.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:48.240
And I know a lot of people who get an ADHD diagnosis and they're like, oh my god, my life is over.
00:09:48.480 --> 00:09:50.399
Like, I cannot do that thing.
00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:57.039
Um, and one of my one of my biggest, biggest passions in life is helping people to understand that they are not broken.
00:09:57.279 --> 00:10:01.519
ADHD is not a superpower, it is absolutely 100% not is a disability.
00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:18.320
But if you learn how to manage your brain and manage and run your business around the way that your brain works and around your body and all of those things, then you can find your own personal superpowers, you can find the things that you're good at, that you're passionate about, that you love, that you can be like, yes, let's do this.
00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:29.440
But trauma comes into it, and that's the whole reason why I was like, I need to train in this, because like if I can then help my clients, then you know, then I know where I'm coming from.
00:10:29.519 --> 00:10:32.480
And I feel like it's the responsible thing to do as well.
00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:34.399
It's really responsible.
00:10:34.480 --> 00:11:02.799
I as you said, when we grow up neurodivergent inside a family that doesn't understand or accept us, inside a society that doesn't understand or accept us, inside a body that we don't understand and accept, and haven't got any support or help to do so, we we end up um splitting off parts of ourselves, not owning, not accepting, not claiming, not homogenizing those parts of ourselves, and then we start struggling.
00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:16.000
And in among all of that, trauma shoots up like little caring mushrooms in the middle of our neurodivergency, and then we're then we present as we present, and some of it is trauma, and some of it is neurodivergence.
00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:18.320
It resurfaces as well, doesn't it?
00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:22.879
Like, you know, so so I mean, my my dad passing away that was really traumatic.
00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:27.679
Like, I I had no no clue that it was gonna happen.
00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:30.399
Like the last time I saw him, he was the best he'd ever been.
00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:37.919
Like, obviously, you know, you know your parents are gonna die at some point, but it was just massively unexpected, and that sent me into the biggest trauma.
00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:39.759
And then I was like, Did I do enough?
00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:40.559
Did I do all these things?
00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:46.720
And it's just in my head, and you know, I I've spent the last four months processing that, and it still creeps in.
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:56.879
Like, like yesterday, like I was I was telling you before that I found out um how my dad died last night, yesterday, kind of afternoon, and uh it wasn't what I was expecting.
00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:13.759
And the the response to that phone call that I had was for me to burst into tears um outside the passport office, and the policeman being like, It's not the end of the world if you can't get your passport, you know, you can you can apply again, and I'm like, It's not that, my dad died, and he was like, Oh my god, I'm really sorry.
00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:16.480
And I was like, It was four months ago, don't worry about it.
00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.159
But the thing is, I mean, grief is very traumatic, isn't it?
00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:24.320
Like and that's the sort of thing that plays and and traumas can resurface.
00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:36.639
I mean, like the the time that I that I had like in the business world where like this whole cancel culture thing was going, like I had past traumas from like being bullied in the workplace, being bullied at school, like being triggered by that.
00:12:36.879 --> 00:12:46.799
Yeah, and it wasn't necessarily bullying, but I felt like I was being cast aside and kind of you know, like almost people being like, don't talk to Maddie because she's a horrible person.
00:12:46.879 --> 00:12:50.320
When I would call that bullying lady, I would call that weird.
00:12:50.799 --> 00:12:57.440
It was hard, and like the thing is like the more the more that I recognize this, and we've been talking about this a little bit in our sessions, haven't we?
00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:01.039
That I didn't do things the way I sh should have done.
00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:06.159
Um, you know, I said a few things that I that I definitely like regret saying.
00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:14.240
There are ways that I behaved that I regret, but the reason I did those, it was kind of like a self-preservation thing because I could see it coming.
00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:20.559
Um, and so I kind of put this barrier up around myself where I was just like, I can't talk about this.
00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:22.720
Like, and actually, these people are being horrible to me.
00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:23.759
This is what's happened to me.
00:13:23.840 --> 00:13:25.600
I need to vocally process it.
00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:33.759
And I wasn't meaning to be a horrible person, I wasn't meaning to be a bitch, but I ended up getting that label because I was processing out loud, if that makes sense.
00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:34.639
It really does.
00:13:34.879 --> 00:13:43.360
There's nothing bitch about you at all, and you've shared that you know, you you you've obviously got great pattern recognition because of your AD.
00:13:44.559 --> 00:13:48.000
We often know what's coming, and then we start to prepare for it.
00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:56.480
And if you're if you knew what was coming was that you were about to be excluded by a group of people who you valued, you're going to exclude yourself before they can do it to you.
00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:58.799
Yeah, which is it's self-sabotage, isn't it?
00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:04.559
But I definitely trauma response and it's also a really clever ADHD response.
00:14:04.799 --> 00:14:06.720
It's a it's a look, I can see this coming.
00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:09.600
I'm going to take control of it so that it's not done to me.
00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:14.639
It's something that I'm setting up for myself, and then at least I know it's going to happen.
00:14:14.799 --> 00:14:17.519
And it's a it's a way of calming and regulating your nervous system.
00:14:17.840 --> 00:14:18.720
Yes, yeah.
00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:33.440
And and and it's it's really tough actually when like and I think I've got ADHD do not have regulated nervous systems as it is, because there's so many things going on, you know, we're tapped out most of the time, we're like really low on spoons, we're low on energy.
00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:44.960
Um, and actually, all of those things that that come together make us just sometimes a little manic, and like we don't think through situations and we react, we're very reactive people.
00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.080
Um, so sometimes that can get us into trouble.
00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:54.720
I find where we are dysregulated, we're much more likely to think and feel and behave as we did when we were younger.
00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:57.120
So we will be more impulsive.
00:14:57.279 --> 00:14:59.840
Um, not necessarily reactionary.
00:14:59.919 --> 00:15:08.320
I'm I'm being careful about the words I use, but we're more impulsive, more spontaneous in our um in how we present to the world.
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:11.759
But that can come across as being like a manic bitch.
00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:14.559
But actually, what we are is we're in survival mode within.
00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:18.000
That would be great.
00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:20.320
I really mean merch.
00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:23.679
Yeah, I mean, I do have some merch a little bit, like I've got some t-shirt design.
00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:27.440
Yeah, manic bitch, lovely.
00:15:27.759 --> 00:15:30.080
Manic bitch, manic bitch with ADHD.
00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:32.960
I come on this podcast, I'm like, I've got new ideas.
00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:34.799
This is the problem in ADHD brains.
00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:37.919
We have too many things that go all of very exciting.
00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:40.639
Oh, interesting.
00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:44.159
So, how did you get into doing what you do?
00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:47.759
I mean, probably special interest.
00:15:47.840 --> 00:16:00.960
I mean, uh initially I was a social worker, so I started off being a support worker for vulnerable people, mainly at that point, people with learning difficulties with a diagnosed label of having a learning difficulty, a lot of who were newer divergent.
00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:10.080
I was really, you're gonna be like, oh yeah, really drawn and really fascinated by autistic people at that point in my life.
00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:14.240
And I ended up fostering an autistic two and a half year old.
00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:24.080
Um, I offered respite fostering for him, so he came to stay with me every two weekends throughout his life until he was, you know, turned as an adult by social services.
00:16:24.240 --> 00:16:31.679
So he's the one of the best things that's ever happened to my world, and he still comes to stay quite regularly because we've got a drum kit mainly.
00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:33.360
Nice of the drum kit.
00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:35.200
I want to come and stay because you've got a drum kit.
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:38.480
He's very welcome to come and stay, have a go on the drums.
00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:40.799
We've got a drumming room down the end of the garden.
00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:42.879
I'm terrible at it, but I love drumming.
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:48.159
Like, I I mean it was when I was at school, I used to like boys who drummed um because it was just I don't know what it was.
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:51.759
It's just like just it's like ape aggression, isn't it?
00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:53.360
It's great, yeah.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:55.039
I love to watch drums.
00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:56.000
She's good at it.
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:56.639
She's really good.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:05.680
But yeah, so I was really drawn to to neurodivergent people, really drawn to kind of people that lived on the edges of society for some reason.
00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:09.359
I didn't understand it in myself, so it's very obvious now why.
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:20.559
But um, slowly and surely I came home to myself, understood that I'm queer, that I'm neurodivergent myself, that I carried the scar tissues of some early childhood trauma, attachment trauma.
00:17:20.720 --> 00:17:41.599
And then I started to understand myself and others in tandem, and I developed what is is termed in society it's expertise, which you know we know is special interest in transactional analysis, trauma, neurodivergency, and kind of all the different places that they intersect, and yeah, that that stuff fascinates me.
00:17:41.759 --> 00:17:51.839
Um I think as as soon as I realized that I was neurodivergent, and like weirdly though, I never accepted that I was neurodivergent.
00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:54.160
I didn't see dyslexia as being a neurodivergent thing.
00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:58.640
And I got diagnosed with dyslexia when I was like seven, so I've always been neurodivergent.
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:03.759
I just didn't like see that, I didn't really realise that other things came along with it.
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:13.519
And then like I got my official ADHD and my autism kind of at the same time, which was not really official, but it was official if that makes sense.
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:20.400
Um, and then I just through through doing my qualification, I learned about all of the rest of it.
00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:29.680
And I was like, oh, okay, I am dyspraxic, I am dyslexic, I've got dyscalculia, I've got dysgraphia, um, I even have I've got mild Tourette's.
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:32.559
I have ticks that people do not know.
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:37.759
I mean, the thing is though, if you if you if you know about them, you know about them and you will notice them.
00:18:38.079 --> 00:18:40.000
But my my husband is the worst.
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:42.400
I do this like, and I I do a lot of stimming as well.
00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:51.680
There's like I do this like it's kind of like a sexual grunting um when I'm concentrating and like when I'm doing certain things.
00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:55.279
Um I've got a shoulder twitch that it just it does its own thing, just randomly.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.039
My partner has both of those things.
00:18:57.200 --> 00:18:59.839
Yeah, um and shoulder.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:02.240
My eye, I've got a twitchy eye as well.
00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:04.400
Like, but sometimes that's more tiredness.
00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:14.079
Yeah, that's just being a mum and like having a fucking new puppy that gets up at four like 5 30 in the morning, and a husband that doesn't get up with him sometimes.
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:19.200
Like this morning, Rufus woke up at 5 30 and I was just like kicking James, and he was just like, I'm tired.
00:19:19.279 --> 00:19:21.039
And I was like, fine, I'll get up with him.
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:23.680
So I got up with him, and then two seconds later, James got up.
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:26.480
I was like, You could have done that earlier, and then I wouldn't have had to get out of bed.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.160
God James.
00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:29.440
Like men.
00:19:31.119 --> 00:19:33.039
I'm not a man hater, by the way, just my husband.
00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:34.079
Neither am I.
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.880
I'm just a lesbian, that they are different things.
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.000
There's difference, yeah, just because you you don't have to hate men.
00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:41.920
Like men aren't the the source of all evil.
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:48.880
I mean, some of them are, but patriarchy is, but men are yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely, and yeah, we can be mad about that for sure.
00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:49.519
Absolutely.
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:55.200
Um, so how old were you when you discovered that you were neurodivergent?
00:19:57.279 --> 00:20:01.680
Actually discovered, went for a diagnosis and got the diagnosis.
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:03.599
That was in 2020.
00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:05.839
Wow, actually, really recently.
00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:09.519
Yeah, I mean, I think I'd suspect it, and that was 27.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:10.960
Pardon?
00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:12.559
You're what, 27?
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.880
Yeah, I'm 27 now, obviously.
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.440
Yeah, it's painful all to see that I'm 27 now.
00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:18.079
Yes, clearly.
00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:20.400
How old was I in 2020?
00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:22.480
I think 40.
00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:24.480
Was I 49 in 2020?
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.480
Yes, because I would have been 50 in 2021.
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:28.079
So I was born in 1971.
00:20:28.240 --> 00:20:31.200
Yeah, so I was relatively very old, really.
00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:36.400
Um, and I don't know what led me to go for the diagnosis either.
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:38.799
Me and my partner did one together in tandem.
00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:40.720
We did it privately because we couldn't be waiting.
00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:42.799
That's like a romantic expedition type thing.
00:20:44.559 --> 00:20:45.519
It's beautiful dates.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:46.079
I love that.
00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:48.079
Hey, let's go get diagnoses together.
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:49.920
It's really bonding, isn't it?
00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:58.880
Couple who diagnose together stay together, I really I think that theory is good because it means that you can understand each other better, and I love that.
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:01.359
Like it's definitely the way forward.
00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:05.039
Like, you know, I I always say about my my my husband pretending.
00:21:05.119 --> 00:21:12.880
I mean, he doesn't pretend, like he just he is a very like neurotypical presenting man who seems neurotypical.
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.319
I think I'm high masking.
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:18.000
I I once had a compliment from this one.
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:19.519
I'm masking in all sorts of different ways.
00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:22.559
I've I've hidden my lesbianism for all of my life.
00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:29.200
Um and now I'm hiding it, but some but um why is that just fear of judgment and homophobia?
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:31.920
Yeah, the I mean it is it's a it's a genuine fear.
00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:34.319
It's dangerous out there for the gays.
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:35.680
It really is.
00:21:36.079 --> 00:21:40.400
I remember I was I had a director's job and it I was really proud of myself.
00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:43.359
You know, I was very, very successful at that part of my life.
00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:47.359
And this other director, she was the sister of the owner of the company.
00:21:47.440 --> 00:21:49.519
She came up to me and said, Lucy, I've got a compliment for you.
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:50.720
And I was like, Oh, lovely.
00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:56.960
I'd recently had my hair done, I've regularly had my hair done, and I was excited, I was about to be given this amazing compliment.
00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.839
We were all going up for dinner that night as well, so I was like, Yeah, make me feel good.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.880
Come on, give me it.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:03.039
I wasn't like you're the biggest twat I've ever met.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:07.759
It wasn't you're the biggest twat I've ever met, but it was you don't look like a lesbian.
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:10.559
And I was like, super confused about it.
00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:17.039
Well, obviously, I do look like a lesbian because I am a lesbian, and so therefore, this is what lesbians look like.
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:20.480
I mean, no, I've had that as well.
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:24.079
Being neurodivergent, like they don't have a look, do they?
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:25.359
They don't have a look.
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:27.759
I mean, there is they do have a stereotype.
00:22:28.079 --> 00:22:29.599
Stereotype, yes, yes.
00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:31.200
But not a look, not a vibe.
00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:35.519
You know, because there is the stereotypical.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:39.519
And you know, and on autistic Barbie, I do think that she is a very good idea.
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:45.200
I think there needs to be something out there for young girls to be able to go, I see myself in that person.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:48.640
We need a queer, we need a we need, we need a we need a queer Barbie.
00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:52.640
Why is it that's a piece of trauma for certainly for me?
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:55.680
Grew up with ADHD at the very least.
00:22:55.920 --> 00:23:00.079
Um, non-binary Barbie called Barbie.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:02.079
Yeah, we do need a non-binary Barbie.
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:04.960
Why is it like she's a Mattel right now, Maddy?
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:11.839
Because because my daughter would not fucking dream of playing with a Barbie.
00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:12.799
Never in a minute.
00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:14.640
No, neither would ours.
00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:18.799
No, but if there was a non-binary Barb, then possibly.
00:23:19.039 --> 00:23:24.799
Like, because my my daughter, like, and I'm I I'm not gonna put a label on her, I'm not gonna say she's trans, she's not non-binary.
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:34.240
At the moment, she is happy being a girl, but previously she wanted to be a boy, and she from the age of like 18 months, and people are always like, How can they tell you 18 months?
00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:40.559
Well, trust me, she was a good in we were in the pandemic, we spent a lot of time at home, and she was like, I want to be a boy mummy.
00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:45.920
She made my my 90 odd year old grandmother refer to her as a boy.
00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:51.359
And if my if if if if my grandmother ever said you're a good girl, Harriet would be like, I'm a boy.
00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:54.319
Um she decided she didn't want to be Harriet, she wanted to be Harry.
00:23:54.559 --> 00:23:55.200
We were fine with that.
00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:56.160
It's a good danger.
00:23:58.079 --> 00:24:00.799
I mean, like we didn't plan that, but it but it's worked really well.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:02.079
Harry with an eye.
00:24:02.319 --> 00:24:04.799
Um, and and it was like, do you know what?
00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:09.680
Like about a year or about a year or so ago, she went, Mummy, I think I'm gonna be a girl now.
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:11.119
I said, That's okay, darling.
00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:12.880
You can be whatever you want to be.
00:24:13.039 --> 00:24:27.440
Like you you can be a boy, you can be non-binary, and we've we've explained to her what non what non-binary is, we've explained to her about trans because we had um we had an incident in the playground where a boy shouted and pointed, your sister's trans, uh, to Ben.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:29.519
And he was like, What?
00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:32.400
Um, and I turned around to the boys and I said, So what if she was?
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:35.200
But she's six, she's fucking six.
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:44.960
Like, do not come and say something like that to her, and like if she was, absolutely fine, but like don't fucking judge somebody before you know.
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:46.880
It's not good to say either.
00:24:46.960 --> 00:24:47.599
It's for us all.
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:53.200
They were learning about it in PSHE, which I think is a good thing.
00:24:53.279 --> 00:24:59.599
You know, it's very it's good that, but but it's not something to take the piss out of somebody for, and it was an accusatory you're trans.
00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:02.319
It wasn't like, hey Ben, is your sister transgender?
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.319
Because that would be totally acceptable.
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:09.680
Um, and even then I would be like, She is six because she's fucking six, you know.
00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:18.640
She doesn't know when saying she doesn't know her own mind is not what I'm gonna say because 100% there are lots of trans people that I know who knew from that early age.
00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:36.640
So and and actually, so that you know, therefore, we have him like if she wants to be a she, like she's happy being a she at the moment, so Harry is a she, but whatever she decides in the future, it will absolutely not surprise me, and we will be there for her, whatever she decides she wants to do.
00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:41.440
Um, and I and I it it just it wouldn't surprise me if it was if it was either way.
00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:42.640
Um, she doesn't know.
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:45.359
I would love to hear more parents talk like you are buddy.
00:25:46.559 --> 00:25:47.759
I think I think we should.
00:25:47.839 --> 00:26:03.119
I think we should be more open about it um and more open about it with our children so that they don't suddenly go when they're 16, oh my god, I wish I was, you know, I wish I was a boy, I wish I was a girl, like I've I I'm born in the wrong body because they do know when something doesn't feel right, when it's early on.
00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:07.920
Yeah, we get to trust them with that, and we get to show them that they can trust themselves with that.
00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:13.599
Because they know themselves, they know who they are.
00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:17.039
Like, and Harriet is the most headstrong person.
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:21.279
Like, you know, I'm more worried about her being a criminal than I am her being trans.
00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:25.200
Because she's a stealer, she steals everything.
00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:33.680
Like, she's she's like she's a bit of a sugar addict, and she's like, I'm going to have this, and I'm gonna stash all the wrappers under my bed so mummy doesn't know about it.
00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:34.559
And I'm like, hmm.
00:26:34.720 --> 00:26:43.519
She'll either she'll either be a really good business owner, like a lawyer or a barrister or a salesperson, or definitely a criminal.
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:46.640
We're hoping to steer her away from the criminality part.
00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:47.599
Maybe.
00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:56.640
Yeah, I think more if more people talked about, you know, and I'm hoping that actually the the the edits of this, like that me talking, because I'm I talk about it very openly.
00:26:56.799 --> 00:27:03.039
I've had a lot of abuse talking about how my six-year-old could be trans or could be non-binary.
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:15.519
Um, but we six-year-old could be anything, our potential is infinite, and it and we get to choose how to define and you know, present ourselves and how to know ourselves as well.
00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:24.319
Yeah, and and also as well, I think it's a really good message for all parents that your child could be trans or non-binary, even if you don't see it, they could be.
00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:25.839
I've seen this somewhere.
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:39.920
If you are not willing to accept and love and embrace your child as queer or as as as as um gender variant uh or as neurodivergent, do not have fucking children.
00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:42.319
Absolutely, yeah.
00:27:42.720 --> 00:27:51.359
I mean, if you're neurodivergent, I mean like I I'm talking about this in the press actually later today about the fact like I I was asked a question, would you have had children if you'd have known you were neurodivergent?
00:27:51.519 --> 00:28:02.079
And I honestly don't know if I could answer that question because like yeah, it's a but it's a weird one because like I I think if if I think if I'd have known I was neurodivergent, I still would have wanted to have children.
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:27.519
Like, I don't know why I wanted to have them, like having them, the the reality of having them is so different to like wanting to have um I love my kids, like I love my kids more than anything, like they are adorable dickheads, but they are also my adorable dickheads, and like both of them neurodivergent, like Ben's Ben's ADHD um and autistic, Harriet is just super autistic, she's just very autistic.
00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:33.839
And like I think if I had known that I was neurodivergent, I might not have had two.
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:41.759
Um, I might have just stuck at one because one was overwhelming, and then accidentally Harry came along, and like she's just been a whirlwind of crazy since then.
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:44.160
Um, and I definitely would have got a fucking puppy.
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:51.839
Like, I mean, I knew I was neurodivergent when I got a puppy, but how did I not think, oh my god, this is just gonna add so many extra layers of complication to my life?
00:28:52.000 --> 00:28:54.400
He took a poo on my bed this morning.
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:56.079
What a wazook!
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.440
He's not my friend anymore.
00:28:57.519 --> 00:28:58.559
Like, I've left him downstairs.
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:00.160
I'm like, no, not talking to you.
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:04.960
I'm gonna I'm gonna have to go and play with him in a minute, but he's like definitely, yeah.
00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:06.559
Dolly's not my friend at the moment.
00:29:06.640 --> 00:29:10.319
He nearly murdered someone who came to the door last night, someone who we absolutely love.
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:12.079
So he's not my friend.
00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:13.279
I'm just ignoring them.
00:29:13.359 --> 00:29:15.759
I'm gonna take him for a very long walk to try to run his.
00:29:16.319 --> 00:29:17.519
Yeah, Lucas can't go out.
00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:19.680
He can go out from tomorrow.
00:29:20.400 --> 00:29:22.240
Oh, he had his cabs on Monday.
00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:28.319
So, um, so I'm gonna take him for his first walk, and I've decided I'm gonna get one of those extendy leads because there's no chance I can't lead.
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:28.880
I'm too terrified.
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:43.599
So I'm gonna take him out, and uh that's gonna be my first job for like tomorrow after Ben's football, because I have to be a football mum, which like for anybody who's listening who's a football mum, like why do we do this to ourselves?
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:48.400
Like, I 100% love my kids, but football, I don't like it.
00:29:48.559 --> 00:29:51.920
Yeah, it's annoying anyway.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:53.119
That's a that's another story.
00:29:53.440 --> 00:30:14.000
Anyway, so we were talking about you, like so one of the themes of this podcast is visibility, and we talk a lot about like unmasking, showing up as you, like the real you, without without fear, without judgment, without like has that changed a little bit now that you've got older?
00:30:14.240 --> 00:30:23.680
Are you a little bit more brave about going out there and I mean obviously you're doing this podcast, so people are gonna know that you're queer, people are gonna know that you have had trauma and all those kind of things.
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:35.119
But let's talk a little bit about like the visibility and like how you can actually like own some of those things so you can like and I always I've I've got my uh my my own your soundtrack tattoo, which is uh which is this.
00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:37.920
It's my like my my tape player with my heart.
00:30:38.000 --> 00:30:50.000
Um it's all about like owning your soundtrack and just knowing that you are you and that actually if you're scared of being you to the to the whole world, it's the world that's the problem, not you.
00:30:50.559 --> 00:30:51.440
Absolutely.
00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:53.519
So I've always been there.
00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:59.680
This is nothing to do with my journey into accepting my neurodivergence or or queerness either.
00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:07.200
I mean, I've known I was queer since at least by the time I was 12, and if not before, I just don't really remember much of my childhood.
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.680
But um, so it's never been a secret, and I've always been completely out about it.
00:31:11.759 --> 00:31:24.960
So by the time I started my business and came into the online space, I have been uh openly queer, proudly queer, and you know, I define as a lesbian, um, not I have no problem with that word.
00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:32.799
I know a lot of queer people do have problem with that word because it's it just feels it's a long, it's a long word and it kind of like it's a long word.
00:31:33.039 --> 00:31:37.200
I don't know, like it just it sounds very lesbian.
00:31:37.440 --> 00:31:40.240
It's I think it's a weird do you know what I mean?
00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:42.640
I think it's because I've heard it a lot in my time as well.
00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:45.279
Yeah, and it's it's kind of a jeery word, isn't it?
00:31:45.359 --> 00:31:47.920
But it also does it's not a nice sounding word.
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:49.920
I'm quite happy to reclaim it.
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:50.799
It has been a jury word.
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:53.200
Me as well.
00:31:53.519 --> 00:32:03.279
But yeah, so there's no secrets in me at all, and I haven't made a business out of my neurodivergence, my queerness, my anything like that.
00:32:03.440 --> 00:32:30.400
But I have made a business about helping people to become radically authentic, which is about despite the fact that we live in late-stage capitalism, despite the fact we live in a heteronormative patriarchy, let's be authentic, let's be ourselves, let's see what it is that's hiding the light of ourselves, and that can be trauma, that can be secrets that from ourselves and within ourselves, that can be the multi-layers of the impact.
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:33.039
Another podcast that you'd be perfect for, actually.
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:39.839
Like, I'm just gonna give a big massive shout out to my friend Jen Wilson, um, who runs the Irregular Humans podcast.
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:41.440
Um, oh you know Jen, yes.
00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:42.160
You know Jen.
00:32:42.240 --> 00:32:50.240
Jen is a very good friend of mine, and like they are does all the things you've just said, it's just like absolutely all of those things.
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:54.960
Like, I just can see you guys getting some genuinely good chats going.
00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:58.480
Yeah, I've got my eye on Jen, and I do think we've got on really well actually.
00:32:58.559 --> 00:32:59.200
Yeah, that's all.
00:33:00.559 --> 00:33:07.519
Like, Jen is one of the most like loving and supportive humans that I I think I've ever come across.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:19.359
Um yeah, yeah, but but also they're not afraid to call me out when I'm being a twat, which I really appreciate from a friend, because sometimes we don't need that.
00:33:19.599 --> 00:33:20.480
Yeah, we all need that.
00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:22.960
Yeah, it's nice, but anyway, yeah, I'll I'll hook you guys up.
00:33:23.039 --> 00:33:36.640
Um, more about being radically authentic and helping people to discover sometimes for the first time who they actually are and find ways to bring that out of themselves and be who they are.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:49.279
So I know people that have have run businesses that is like helping people to come out as their true selves, but I don't want to link it necessarily to anything particularly queer because that's just that's just not my vibe.
00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:52.720
It's about owning owning who you are.
00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:58.000
Let's be honest, not who you think people want you to be, right?
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:15.599
Yeah um I I have I have this a lot, um, you know, in in my world where like you know, no, I'm I'm an open book, like everything that I talk about, people are I don't think I mean I could I could tell people that I was a secret belly dancer or something, and people would be like, Oh cool, yeah, whatever.
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:19.599
Like, yeah, that genuinely I don't think I could shock anybody.
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:28.639
Um just so me all the time, and I'm just like unapologetically, like this is me, fucking like it or lump it.
00:34:28.719 --> 00:35:02.880
Like that's how that's how like we're meant to be in the world, like and and there's there's no but like but I and I did I was talking about this on my on my masterclass last night, like all of the things that that go on in the background um that stop us from showing up, and there is you know identity such a big thing, um you know, identity confusion, and I'm not saying like you know, you're not you know, like gender confusion, but but being being unsure of who you are, um and trauma can really link into that, can't it?
00:35:03.119 --> 00:35:03.920
It really can.
00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:14.800
And I see identity as the story that we tell ourselves about who we are, and it's not always necessarily accurate, true, or reflective of who we actually are.
00:35:14.960 --> 00:35:29.199
Yeah, you know, I'm a cis woman and I was raised by heterosexual parents who assumed I was gonna grow up and marry a man, get a golden labrador, have two children, possibly called Quinton and Henry or something.
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:30.800
Oh love it.
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:33.440
Oh, Ben was almost Henry, I'm so glad he wasn't.
00:35:33.599 --> 00:35:43.039
Godved out path for who I was meant to be, and who I really am couldn't fit into that at all and was never going to.
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:51.519
And I spent some time, there's a thing called compulsory heteronormativity, and there was some time that another long word, Maddie, I know.
00:35:51.760 --> 00:35:54.719
There was some time that I thought, right, no, I I need to sort this out.
00:35:54.880 --> 00:36:02.000
I need to be able to get a boyfriend, I need to be able to fulfil my parents' expectations of me in societies because that's a good one.
00:36:02.559 --> 00:36:05.119
My dad actually was convinced that I was going to be a lesbian.
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:08.800
So my best friend, Rach, like we she's my wife.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:15.519
Like, we like if if I wasn't married to James, I'd be married to Rach because she is just like my she is my probably my second favourite person.
00:36:15.599 --> 00:36:19.840
I mean, let's not count the kids, but like we've been best friends since we were 11.
00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:25.920
And my my dad just all the time used to drive, he used to be like, So, when are you guys like coming out?
00:36:26.000 --> 00:36:27.519
Like, what when's it when's this happening?
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:34.320
Um, and it's it's just I think my dad my dad was actually really, really accepting of that.
00:36:34.400 --> 00:36:36.960
And and my mum was like, Don't be so stupid, Bob.
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:38.239
She's not a lesbian.
00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:40.079
Look at that, all the boyfriends she's had.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:41.840
I was a bit slutty back in my youth.
00:36:42.159 --> 00:36:43.039
Not always a thing, though.
00:36:43.119 --> 00:36:46.960
I had a lot of boyfriends as well, but that was compulsory heterosexuality.
00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:49.039
Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:49.840
Like, really interesting.
00:36:50.079 --> 00:36:58.400
Yeah, finding ourselves to be really hard, neurodivergence can make it so hard to actually go on a treasure hunt and find out who we really are.
00:36:58.559 --> 00:36:58.800
Yes.
00:36:59.039 --> 00:37:06.400
We can get lost so easily, we can go off down tracks that aren't really linked to our identity and who we truly are.
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:08.480
And oh, it's yeah, it's tricky.
00:37:08.639 --> 00:37:17.679
And it's it's that conformity, that social, that social norm, but also in a world like we're in today, fear, like massive fear.
00:37:17.760 --> 00:37:29.199
It's like, you know, if if if anybody says something which doesn't conform to the stereotypical, like what a normal person should be, um, then they get they get persecuted for it.
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:34.159
They get like they they get taunted and bullied and horrible stuff.
00:37:34.239 --> 00:37:35.440
But do you know what though?
00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:40.159
I think the youth of today are so much better at it than we were.
00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:40.480
Yeah.
00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:43.039
Because there's also that generational thing.
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:51.679
It's like I um like one of one of my best friends, um, like actually, I can't really tell the story because it's not just going back on myself thinking because it's not my story to tell.
00:37:51.840 --> 00:37:52.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:52.559 --> 00:38:01.760
But a very good friend of mine um told me like that that their their sister had had had come out and said that they were dating a woman.
00:38:02.000 --> 00:38:10.000
Um, and that and that is not something that I was shocked about at all, because I think new.
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:23.760
Um but it but it's that thing where I think there is because being non-binary is is actually quite a like normalized thing now, and teenagers are hearing more about it on social media, etc.
00:38:24.239 --> 00:38:27.599
I think that that generation is gonna change the world.
00:38:27.840 --> 00:38:30.559
It's our generation, I think, that's the problem.
00:38:32.079 --> 00:38:33.599
And our parents' generation.
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:36.079
Oh, those more than us, obviously.
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:38.400
Yeah, but I but I think it's interesting, isn't it?
00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:42.239
So I my oldest child is a millennial and very much a millennial.
00:38:42.320 --> 00:38:44.159
Like, so I'm not sure where I sit anymore.
00:38:44.239 --> 00:38:44.800
Like, I get it.
00:38:47.280 --> 00:38:49.840
They don't call it avocado on toast, they call it avocado toast.
00:38:50.079 --> 00:38:50.880
Avocado toast, yeah.
00:38:52.559 --> 00:38:56.320
Um, so I'm Generation X and some coronaphoning me.
00:38:56.400 --> 00:38:58.480
Let's okay, let's see what the coroner has to say.
00:38:59.119 --> 00:39:03.679
Hello yeah, speaking.
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:11.039
Oh, hi uh yes, yeah.
00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:19.280
Okay, um, can I give you a call back?
00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:20.000
Is that all right?
00:39:20.079 --> 00:39:23.280
Because I'm just in the middle of a work call and I haven't got my diary in front of me.
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:26.320
Okay, that's fine, I'll give you a ring back.
00:39:32.239 --> 00:39:33.199
Oh yes, I do.
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:34.880
Yeah, I'll just take the number.
00:39:35.760 --> 00:39:38.000
Hang on, uh just hang on, eight two.
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:40.239
So can you give me the whole thing, including the code?
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:40.960
Is it oh one?
00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:41.599
Yeah.
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:43.360
Yeah.
00:39:45.920 --> 00:39:46.400
Yeah.
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:49.920
Okay, lovely, that's perfect.
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:50.559
Thank you very much.
00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:51.440
Okay, thanks, Sam.
00:39:51.920 --> 00:39:52.480
Bye.
00:39:54.079 --> 00:39:56.239
I have to go and register my father's death.
00:39:56.559 --> 00:39:59.119
That's that's a really morbid thing to do, isn't it?
00:39:59.280 --> 00:39:59.679
Sorry about that.
00:39:59.760 --> 00:40:01.039
I'll quickly cut that bit out.
00:40:03.920 --> 00:40:08.000
I didn't I didn't realize I mean it because it is it's a registering of births and deaths, isn't it?
00:40:08.079 --> 00:40:08.639
You have to do it.
00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:12.400
Oh well, it looks like I'm going for a trip to the RFI.
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:14.400
Are you okay, Maddie?
00:40:14.719 --> 00:40:15.599
Yes, no, I'm fine.
00:40:15.760 --> 00:40:16.320
Absolutely fine.
00:40:16.400 --> 00:40:18.719
Like it's you know, it's it's part of the process.
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:22.800
Like, I probably won't be fine when I actually do it, but you know, talk about it on the phone.
00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:23.679
Yeah, it's all good.
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:24.800
Anyway, where were we?
00:40:24.880 --> 00:40:26.079
We got sidetracked.
00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:31.119
We were we did get sidetracked.
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:32.719
Silly coroner, sorry.
00:40:32.960 --> 00:40:36.800
Well, I have got just had a pass a message from the passport office saying that my passport is ready.
00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:39.599
See yesterday is is done.
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:41.760
Things and roundabouts, fucking yesterday.
00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:46.079
By the time this podcast comes out, yesterday will probably be about eight weeks ago.
00:40:46.159 --> 00:40:47.280
So, like, you know, we're good.
00:40:47.760 --> 00:40:49.519
Well what else do we need to talk about?
00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:51.440
Let's let's get on to that.
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:53.360
So I want to ask you what you're mad about.
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:57.760
We're gonna talk about transactional analysis, weren't we?
00:40:57.920 --> 00:40:59.280
Yeah, we're mad about that, right?
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:01.440
Yeah, ask me what I'm mad about.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:02.320
Have you just done that?
00:41:02.559 --> 00:41:03.840
Yeah, what are you mad about?
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:05.440
I'm mad about.
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.800
I mean, I asked you what mad meant earlier.
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:09.920
Like, what does it mean?
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:11.840
Is it is it what am I angry about?
00:41:11.920 --> 00:41:13.199
Because I'm angry about a lot of things.
00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:13.840
Or what is it?
00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:19.039
I'm so enthusiastic about that if you get me on the subject, you'll have to kind of wrench me off it.
00:41:19.280 --> 00:41:22.239
I might have to wrench you off it because we've got about five minutes left.
00:41:23.119 --> 00:41:24.239
But what can then be?
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:27.760
I'm mad about the way trans people are treated by society.
00:41:27.920 --> 00:41:32.480
I'm mad about the way capitalism wrenches the goodness out of everybody.
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:37.280
I'm mad about the all the shit going on in America and how terrifying it is.
00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:49.840
For the people that live over there, especially the gay ones, especially the neurodivisible ones, especially the immigrants, especially the people who live on the edges of American society.
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:52.800
I'm really mad about all these things.
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:53.280
Yeah.
00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:55.119
Yeah, I'm really mad about them.
00:41:55.280 --> 00:41:58.639
But I'm mad about transactional analysis and trauma.
00:41:58.719 --> 00:42:01.599
They are my special interest since I've discovered both of them.
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:14.320
I'm absolutely mad about them, and I'm really excited that I've recently had one of it's a programme I've been offering for quite a while, and it's something I've been teaching for well over a decade, but transactional analysis for coaching and leadership.
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:20.719
I've recently had a certification accredited by the International Coaching Federation, so I'm really excited about that.
00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:34.719
And that's my like signature programme that then leads on to my diploma in integrative therapeutic coaching, which is transactional analysis heavy, but also loads of other therapeutic methodologies as well, and with a lovely.
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:45.920
I know I'm so totally doing a business that expresses who I am and what I'm mad about, what I'm really, really passionate about in my life.
00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:50.719
So I'm in joy when I talk about all the things I offer and do.
00:42:51.199 --> 00:42:51.920
And do you know what?
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:53.920
This is like this is what I talk about as well.
00:42:54.000 --> 00:43:04.000
You know, when you when you are passionate, when you are in line, when you are ethical, when you are doing something that completely aligns with your values, you can be mad about it and you can make shit tons of money.
00:43:04.079 --> 00:43:06.639
And this is what I teach my clients, and I fucking love it.
00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:08.880
So that is the most perfect answer ever.
00:43:09.039 --> 00:43:11.440
Um, Lucy, how how do people find you?
00:43:11.599 --> 00:43:12.079
Where are you?
00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:13.760
What's the best place for people to connect?
00:43:14.000 --> 00:43:20.880
So I am on um, I mean, I am on email, which is Lucy at IamlucyPower.com.
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:29.920
I am on Facebook, Lucy Power, I'm on LinkedIn, Lucy Power, on Instagram, on at Iam Lucy Power.
00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:32.159
Like my name's Lucy Power, and I'm not going to hide up.
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:34.400
Like, she has the power.
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:36.000
I love the fact that your surname is power.
00:43:36.079 --> 00:43:36.559
That's the thing.
00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:38.239
I love it so much.
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:38.880
I'm very excited.
00:43:38.960 --> 00:43:40.880
It's literally the best surname I've ever come across.
00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:44.159
I kind of feel like I'm I it's just, yeah, I want it.
00:43:44.239 --> 00:43:44.880
I I do want it.
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:46.800
Like, can we get married so I can have your surname?
00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:47.679
Yeah, of course.
00:43:48.000 --> 00:43:53.039
Like that would be I mean, I mean power is definitely better than grout, though, isn't it?
00:43:54.800 --> 00:43:56.159
I mean we can write it.
00:43:56.719 --> 00:43:58.079
Grout, power, power, grout.
00:43:58.239 --> 00:43:58.960
I don't think that'll work.
00:43:59.119 --> 00:43:59.760
Maybe power grout.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:00.719
Power.
00:44:00.960 --> 00:44:03.519
Something you might buy down by being cute, isn't it?
00:44:03.920 --> 00:44:06.800
Grout power sounds like some weird vibrator or something.
00:44:07.360 --> 00:44:08.000
Oh, yeah.
00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:12.000
Maybe we should design what Grout Power looks like.
00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:14.559
But you know, if we collaborate, that's totally what we've got.
00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:16.159
We could brand it, couldn't we?
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:18.559
We could have a personal brand for our new marriage.
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:19.519
Power Grout.
00:44:19.599 --> 00:44:21.519
I mean power grout.
00:44:21.679 --> 00:44:22.320
Oh no, no, no.
00:44:22.320 --> 00:44:22.719
Here we go.
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:23.840
This is a marketing thing.
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:24.960
Power Grout.
00:44:25.360 --> 00:44:27.280
The thing that glues you together.
00:44:27.679 --> 00:44:30.159
Oh gosh, that's absolutely beautiful.
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:31.519
Okay, right.
00:44:31.679 --> 00:44:36.159
On that note, on that note, we have to say goodbye to the fantastic, fucking wonderful Lucy Power.
00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:37.760
I have loved this.
00:44:38.079 --> 00:44:39.440
I'm loving her programme.
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:42.400
Um, just loving being in her world, actually.
00:44:42.559 --> 00:44:44.480
Um, so thank you so much, Lucy.
00:44:44.559 --> 00:44:46.800
Um, this probably won't be the last time we see you on here.
00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:48.320
Um, we'll definitely get you back.
00:44:48.480 --> 00:44:52.320
Um, if anybody has liked this episode, please hit the subscribe button.
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:53.599
Um, give me a follow as well.
00:44:53.760 --> 00:45:00.639
Maddie Talks Money on uh Instagram, Mad About Money Official on uh TikTok, and uh everywhere else, just Maddie Alexander Grout.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:02.079
And buy my book, please.
00:45:02.239 --> 00:45:02.800
Maddie Alexander.
00:45:02.880 --> 00:45:03.599
Yes, really good.
00:45:03.679 --> 00:45:04.159
I'm reading it.
00:45:04.400 --> 00:45:07.039
Managing Finances and Life with ADHD.
00:45:07.119 --> 00:45:08.320
Um, this will help you.
00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:10.159
Um and uh yeah, I'm Maddie.
00:45:10.239 --> 00:45:11.199
I will see you next time.
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:12.559
Thanks for listening.
