Internalised Misogyny, Allyship, and the Cost of Fitting In

Welcome to the first official episode of Holding It Both Ways — a podcast about leadership, paradox, humanity, and strategy. In this opening conversation, Cynthia Fortlage and Katie Allen dig into the hard-to-name, often-unspoken realities that shape how women show up in leadership.

Katie brings deep insight from her time in the male-dominated petrochemical industry, where she both challenged and conformed to workplace norms. She reflects on the internalised misogyny that shaped her leadership journey, the trade-offs she made to succeed, and the lingering impact those choices may have had on others.

Cynthia shares her own story of being a poor ally before her transition and explores the emotional weight of learning how to truly listen. Together, they discuss how societal expectations and professional pressures often force women to overperform, adapt, or self-silence.

Katie also speaks candidly about the idea of fitting in—a phrase that echoes Brené Brown’s insight from The Gifts of Imperfection: “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”

This is not a conversation about blame. It’s a conversation about becoming. And it invites each of us to reflect on the ways we’ve been shaped by systems—and how we might lead differently from here.

🎧 Key Themes

* Internalised misogyny and its workplace impact

* Navigating leadership in male-dominated industries

* The paradox of belonging vs. authenticity

* Allyship, listening, and lived experience

* Pressure, perfectionism, and self-validation

* Practical approaches to inclusive leadership

#HoldingItBothWays #InclusiveLeadership #AcceptanceWithoutUnderstanding

📄 TranscriptTranscript available with the video on YouTube.