The Me Monster

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Welcome, welcome.
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How are we doing?
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Thank you, Vicky.
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It's great to be with you.
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My name's Mac.
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I'm one of the pastors on our team here at the church.
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Also, want to welcome all of you who are joining us from home.
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Thanks so much for tuning in.
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Most of you know that Josie and I have three boys, and our youngest Griffin, he has Down syndrome.
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Now, um, I want you to hear me on this.
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I'm about to roast Griffin big time.
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And when I was telling the preaching team, they're like, is that okay?
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Because you're roasting someone with a disability.
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It's normally not okay unless you're the parent, okay?
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So let me just clear that up.
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And I want to be really clear.
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I love Griffin.
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I love Griffin so much.
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Um, he is easily one of the greatest gifts in my life.
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He has stolen my heart, he's expanded it.
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I love that kid and would do anything for him, and he can be a total turd.
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All right.
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There's all kinds of challenges that come with raising a child like Griffin.
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Um, he has health issues, developmental delays, there's financial pressures.
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One of the biggest things that Josie and I have to navigate on a daily basis is behavioral issues.
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Griffin knows when he's doing something wrong, he knows, but it's actually really hard to correct him because it's difficult to establish understanding.
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Okay?
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So, like with our other boys, when they did something wrong when they were Griffin's age, uh, we could kind of talk with them about it and reason with them.
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And that was no guarantee that things would go well.
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It usually didn't.
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They'd throw tantrums and so on and so forth, and they and they still do.
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But over time, you're at least able to like establish some mutual understanding about what's right and wrong and so on.
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But with Griffin, it's totally different.
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He does not understand at all.
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And so what happens is Griffin knows what he wants, but when he doesn't get what he wants, he gets really angry.
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I mean mad.
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He can go from zero to 60 in about 0.1 seconds.
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Okay?
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So let me give you just an example.
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Griffin is a total chip a holic.
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He loves chips, and he loves all different kinds of chips.
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And so we have our pantry is full of all of his favorites, and we try to keep it well stocked because we don't know which one he's gonna prefer at any given moment.
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So let's just say, and this is a pretty common occurrence, that Griffin asked for a chip, and he happened to plow through the entire bag of those chips the day before.
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Okay, one of his favorites is those uh jalapeno kettle chips.
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He calls them spicy.
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So let's say he asks for spices, and we're like, hey bro, you you blew through that bag yesterday.
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We don't have any.
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In Griffin's mind, he's not gonna understand that he ate all of them.
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You're just the jerk that's not giving him what he wants.
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And when Griffin gets mad, he pinches and scratches, and it's not like a cute little pinch, it hurts, and he's freaky fast.
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So you'll be standing next to him and you're like, hey bro, there's no more spicies.
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And the next thing you know, he's got like your cheek in a vice grip.
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And it it hurts.
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Like he can draw blood.
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Last weekend I was at a wedding with Griffin, and the service was going a little bit longer than he preferred.
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Uh the vows legitimately were way too long.
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And he was like, all done.
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And I said, Sorry, bro, there's more time.
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And next thing I know, he had my neck like, yeah.
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And it hurt.
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And I looked at my son Kieran, I'm like, is there a mark?
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He's like, Dad, you're bleeding.
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So if you ever see scratch marks or things like that, it's probably that we had an altercation with Griffin.
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Now, typically, we've gotten really good at uh the strategy is to redirect him, okay?
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So when he wants something and you can't give it to him, the key is to distract him with something else that he really enjoys.
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Usually we just whisper in his ear about something else, like the Packers or whatever.
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And and I'd say 80% of the time that's gonna work.
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He's gonna start talking about that other thing and sort of forget about whatever it is that he just wanted.
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Um, but if he doesn't, like that 20% where he's not gonna move off of what he wants, and you can't stop him, like you can't pinch anymore, usually you have to kind of put distance between yourself and Griffin, and then he does what Josie and I call the Hitler.
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Okay?
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So he'll stand like a foot away from you and he'll just swipe like this, over and over, like letting you know uh I don't like you right now.
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Now, this is why it's one of my favorites, is when people tell me that the great thing about kids with Down syndrome is they're always happy.
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Um, because usually it's like, well, clearly you've never hung out with an individual with Down syndrome for more than 15 minutes.
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Um, or the implication is mine's just kind of defective.
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You know what I mean?
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I was at the splash pad with Griffin this summer, and um this older woman noticed that I was um caring for Griffin, and she came up to me and she said, Do you know what the best thing about kids with Down syndrome are?
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And I'm starting to immediately filter.
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Like I've got all sorts of snarky responses in my brain, but I'm like, no, tell me please, what's the best thing?
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And she's like, they're just so filled with kindness.
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There's nothing but kindness in their hearts.
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I kid you not, while she's saying this, I look down and Griffin's like pushing at another kid who's in the way of his area.
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Nothing but kindness in his heart.
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So I I love Griffin.
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Um, and he can be a total turd.
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Like, literally, this past summer in August, we told him it's time to go back to school, and he immediately pooped his pants in protest, like literally turded himself, is saying, I'm not a big fan of going back to school.
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So um a little bit of a roast.
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Um, the point is, and just follow the logic, Griffin often knows exactly what he wants.
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And when he doesn't get what he wants, he gets mad real quickly.
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And in the worst moments, he kind of turns into a little Hitler, okay?
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But here's the truth.
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The truth is we're not much different than Griffin.
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We have much more social awareness, so we know what's socially appropriate.
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Most of us aren't pinching and scratching people or doing the Hitler to our friends.
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We realize that like pooping your pants is actually self-sabotage, like there's it's not fun for you.
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Like, we know better than to do these things.
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But the reality is, just like Griffin, we all have a me monster.
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We all have a me monster.
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When we don't get what we want or think that we need, we turn into little monsters.
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And when our me monster gets activated, it almost always causes harm.
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Just like griffins pinching and scratching.
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Our me monsters hurt our relationships, they wreak havoc on our relationships, the most significant relationships we have in our lives.
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Our me monsters ruin marriages.
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When our me monsters get activated, we say things and do things that wound our spouse.
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Um our me monster uh strains our relationships with our kids.
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When it gets activated, we say and do things that hurt our kids, cut our kids deeply.
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They can ruin and fracture friendships.
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Our me monsters are toxic, they ruin relationships, and it is this is not only true, you know, with family and friends and at home and at work, but it's also true in the church.
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When our me monster gets activated at church, church predominantly becomes about getting what I want or what I think I need.
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Church quickly begins to revolve around my preferences and my desires.
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What kind of preaching do I like?
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What kind of worship do I like?
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What kind of programs uh do I like?
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And then when our preferences aren't met, when our desires aren't fulfilled, what happens is we uh freak out, we get really upset, usually causing all kinds of conflict, and then most of the time people end up leaving and repeating the pattern at another church.
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And friends, this is the nonstop influence of a consumer mentality among Christians.
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Where we treat church like a vendor of religious goods and services, and we're the consumer of those religious goods and services, and we sort of function like food critics at the end of the day, where we kind of rate our experience.
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So, like, oh yeah, the preaching was pretty good, but I really wish the pastor would sprinkle in a little bit more humor.
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Or, hey, the worship was awesome, but I kind of felt like the worship leader was a little breathy this morning.
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Did you notice that?
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I typically prefer dark roast coffee after church.
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Today it was a little watered down.
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I wonder if that's indicative of them watering down the gospel.
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Do you think there's a correlation there?
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Right?
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Like, I mean you get what I'm talking about.
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And this is so backwards.
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Church isn't to be a place where your me monster is activated and then enabled.
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It's actually a place where you should be challenged to die to your me monster in order to live in love towards other people.
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Most church conflicts are nothing but a bunch of me monsters facing off with each other and refusing to give in.
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And this is exactly what was happening at Corinth.
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Um, just a reminder, we're in this series called Love Never Fails, where we're going for through 1 Corinthians.
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But uh the church at Corinth was a total mess, you guys.
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They were divided, there were factions, they were arguing and bickering with one another.
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Some of them were taking each other to court, like suing each other.
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There were uh divisions along socioeconomic lines, the rich were excluding the poor from communion, one guy was sleeping with his mother-in-law, like the whole thing is just a mess.
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And Paul writes this letter to address these problems, and 1 Corinthians 13, this chapter we're in, is the solution to all of their issues.
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Namely, Jesus-like love.
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And I want you to remember that that Paul is describing what Jesus-like love looks like in action.
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Okay, so he packs like 15 some descriptors in a few short verses, and all of them are verbs.
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He's describing what love does.
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Here's what love does, and here's what love doesn't do.
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And this list, interestingly, is basically an indictment of the Corinthians, because everything that love does, they're not doing, and everything love doesn't do, they are doing.
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And so he's correcting them and saying, look, look at what love looks like in action.
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And if you were actually to do this, well, all these other problems I've been reviewing with you would disappear.
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So here's what Paul says in verses four through seven by way of review.
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Paul says, Love is patient, love is kind.
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It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
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Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
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It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
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Love never fails.
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Paul starts out by naming two actions that love engages in proactively.
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Love is patient and love is kind.
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And then he moves on to give seven descriptors of what love doesn't do.
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Today we're looking at number five and six.
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Paul says love is not self-seeking, and it is not easily angered.
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So I'm gonna unpack both of these.
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Paul says, number five, love is not self-seeking.
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In the Greek, there are three words, okay?
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It's not, the word not, and then two words that go together.
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The first one is zateo.
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Anybody recognize that word zeteo?
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We have that partnership with the human trafficking organization that is named Zateo.
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It just means to seek or to pursue.
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In the New Testament, zateo can be used to seek or pursue good things or bad things.
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So, for instance, when Jesus says, seek first the kingdom of God, that's the word zateo.
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But here it has a negative connotation.
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It's about seeking the wrong thing.
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And it's partnered with the word that comes right after it, which is heyatu.
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And this denotes that the person acting and the person being acted on are the same.
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So, in other words, the person who's acting is acting for him or herself.
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We're always seeking something.
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The question is, what are we seeking?
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And Paul here is saying that love does not first and foremost seek what's good for itself, his or her own interests.
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In other words, love is not self-seeking, it's not turned in on itself, it's not selfish.
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Love is not manifested by egocentric self-seeking.
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That's the fifth descriptor.
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And then right after this, Paul says, and love is not easily angered.
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The word here is paroxuno, and it has the sense of sharpening toward anger, being provoked or aroused to anger.
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And this can happen in two directions.
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So we can say things and do things that arouse anger in other people, right?
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You can provoke someone else to anger.
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And they're responsible for it, but you're also responsible for how you interact with them.
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This is one layer you can provoke anger in others.
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What Paul is talking about here is you being the kind of person that's easily provoked to anger.
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You're sharpened toward being angry.
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Now I want to remind you, we've talked about this a lot when it comes to anger.
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Anger is not inherently sinful or wrong.
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It's a God-given human emotion.
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But it's also a powerful one.
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And when it grips us, when it controls us, we often do things and say things that are really hurtful.
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And so Paul is saying, look, love is not sharpened towards anger.
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It doesn't erupt in uncontrollable anger.
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It is not uh short-fused.
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When people do things or say things that you don't like, love doesn't immediately erupt in uncontrollable anger.
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Love is not self-seeking and it's not easily angered.
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Now I want to notice, I want you to notice the connection between these two.
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Okay?
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Because Paul puts these, I think Paul put these next to each other for a reason.
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They play off one another.
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And so here's the point, here's the connection between the two.
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The more self-seeking I am, the more easily angered I become.
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You see that?
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Just think about it.
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The more focused I am on myself, the more I'm focused on my wants, my desires, my preferences, me, me, me, the more selfish I am, the more I'm gonna need things to go my way.
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Yeah?
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And then when they don't go my way, what's gonna happen is I'm gonna erupt with anger and frustration.
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My anger is sharpened.
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The more focused I am on me, the more I'm sharpening my anger when I don't get my way.
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In recovery circles, like AA, they actually have a phrase to describe this dynamic.
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It's called the self-will run riot, where your will is all about yourself and it runs riot throughout your life.
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When our egocentric, self-seeking desires don't get met, we end up erupting in anger and frustration.
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Just like Griffin when he doesn't get his spices.
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We begin to pinch and scratch and hurt the people around us.
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This is the dynamic I'm naming as the me monster.
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Me being self-seeking, monster being easily angered.
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And here's how it works: the more selfish you are, the more easily angered you're gonna be.
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Which, by the way, leads to keeping a record of wrongs, which is the very next thing Paul says love doesn't do.
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The more fully blown your me monster is, the more you're gonna become a garbage collector.
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Always holding on to grudges and uh collecting dirt on people and noticing how people have wronged you and so on and so forth, you're not able to let go.
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All of this ends up flowing into each other, which is no bueno.
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Here's what I want you to understand is that our me monster, and we all have one, our me monster is incompatible with love.
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It doesn't, this in no way represents love.
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Whenever your me monster is activated, you aren't going to be able to love the people around you.
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Remember, Jesus shows us what love is, supremely on the cross by dying for the sins of humanity out of self-sacrificial love.
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This is what love looks like.
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And so if you're focused on your own needs, yourself, and then you're sharpened towards anger, you can't be living in Jesus like love.
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And this is what Scripture calls us to do.
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It's the exact opposite of the me monster.
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So here's what Paul says in Philippians 2.
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He says, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
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Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others.
00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:09.200
It's the exact opposite of being selfish and self-absorbed and egocentric.
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:16.240
We're actually to be noticing the needs of other people and valuing them above the needs of our own.
00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:22.559
And then as far as being quick to anger, sharpened towards anger, again, Scripture calls us to the exact opposite.
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:24.480
Here's what Jesus' brother says.
00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:27.599
He says, My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this.
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:36.960
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:42.960
Jesus, like love, is the exact opposite of a fully activated me monster.
00:19:43.519 --> 00:19:58.880
Instead, we're to actually be considering the needs of the people around us and seeking to meet those needs in a loving way, and instead of being short-fused and quick-tempered, we're to be slow to anger because it doesn't produce the righteousness of God.
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:12.240
Now, last week, Cameron quoted Katie, who quoted me, who quoted my friend Jim Harrington, who often says, You can't, you can't take off what you can't name.
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:12.799
Okay?
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:22.480
You're not gonna be able to take off a behavior that doesn't match the way of Jesus if you can't first name it and how it shows up in your life.
00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:28.400
So I want to name a few things today that I think are universally true.
00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:32.720
Again, quoting Katie, quoting Cameron, quoting me, quoting Jim.
00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:33.200
Okay?
00:20:33.680 --> 00:20:35.200
Here's the first one.
00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:39.920
We all, all of us, we all have a me monster.
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:41.759
Don't pretend you don't.
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:43.039
You've got one.
00:20:43.200 --> 00:20:44.000
I've got one.
00:20:44.160 --> 00:20:45.599
We all have a me monster.
00:20:45.680 --> 00:20:48.480
And this is just part of the human condition.
00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:53.519
This is part of the human condition underneath the bondage of sin.
00:20:54.559 --> 00:20:58.799
Uh, due to the fall, we all have a me monster that can get activated.
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:01.759
And we actually see this when the fall happens.
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:08.960
You know, before Adam and Eve uh ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they were naked and felt no shame.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:11.680
There was no fractured relationship between them.
00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:21.359
But what ends up happening when they eat from the tree is uh they end up experiencing shame, become self-focused, and then end up blaming each other out of self-protection.
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:23.519
It all gets ruined.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:29.440
And so now this other-centered way of showing up gets bent and distorted.
00:21:29.599 --> 00:21:36.880
Adam and Eve become bent in on themselves, hiding in shame and blaming one another.
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:44.160
Martin Luther, the famous reformer, described this reality using a Latin phrase.
00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:50.160
The phrase is homo incurvatus and say, and it literally means man curved inward.
00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:56.000
He's naming that sin has created an inward curvature of the human heart.
00:21:56.720 --> 00:22:08.559
Our hearts, under the bondage of sin, Are bent in on ourselves, leading to selfishness and an egocentric way of navigating the world.
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:09.359
All right?
00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:19.039
And not only is this part of our human condition, our fallen human condition, our society actually encourages us to live this way.
00:22:19.759 --> 00:22:24.160
So maybe just some like cultural exegesis for a moment, okay?
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:33.119
One of the great things about the American experiment is that it provided language around the inherent dignity and value of every human being.
00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:34.319
It's wonderful.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:40.480
In the Declaration of Independence, it says that every human being has the right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.
00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:49.119
Friends, that was a major upgrade from the exploitation and an injustice that people absorbed under monarchies and dictators.
00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:49.519
Okay?
00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:52.000
So total step in the right direction.
00:22:52.240 --> 00:23:02.400
Now, it would have been great if it had been applied to every human being right from the start, you know, like women and children and black and brown people and disabled people, right?
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:04.720
It was only selectively applied.
00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:19.920
But even if it had been universally applied from the beginning, what our founders didn't notice is that underneath this conviction, without proper calibration, you're essentially giving license to selfishness.
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:34.480
When this gets coupled with rugged individualism, what ends up happening is we give permission to people to just do what's best for themselves while ignoring the needs of the people around them.
00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:41.920
In the name of freedom, in the name of rights, in the name of pursuing happiness.
00:23:42.160 --> 00:23:43.039
You following this?
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:54.319
And I just want you to know that when the New Testament talks about freedom, it's not talking about the freedom to do whatever you want or what's best for you.
00:23:54.480 --> 00:23:58.319
That's not what Scripture is talking about when it discusses freedom.
00:23:58.559 --> 00:24:06.000
It's talking about freedom from disordered desires that block your ability to love God and love others.
00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:17.519
Are you the kind of person who is free from entanglements that cause you to be focused on yourself rather than loving God and loving others well?
00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:25.279
The person who can love God and love others with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength is the person who is genuinely free.
00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:26.720
So notice this.
00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:28.880
We all have a me monster.
00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:31.599
We're bent in on ourselves.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:38.640
This is part of our fallen condition under sin, and it's part of the culture we're living in.
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:42.480
We're actually encouraged to live this way, to look out for number one.
00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:55.359
But here's what I want you to notice is that when we don't get what we want or think we need, our me monster becomes a rage monster.
00:24:57.039 --> 00:25:07.440
In other words, the more bent we in we are on ourselves, because we get bent in on ourselves, we get easily bent out of shape.
00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:09.039
These two go together.
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:12.240
This is several years ago.
00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:15.680
Uh my entire family came into town for Thanksgiving.
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:21.839
Okay, I have three sisters, they all have kids, all of them converged on Oconamwalk for Thanksgiving.
00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:41.039
So what if just the adults went out for dinner and we got a babysitter and enjoyed an adult dinner?
00:25:41.279 --> 00:25:49.759
So the plan was all of the kids would converge on our home, we'd order pizza and turn on a movie and get a sitter to sort of supervise.
00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:50.160
Okay?
00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:58.960
So they have a fun night, pizza party, movie, and we get to go out for dinner right here in town, uh, quick, easy dinner, and everybody wins.
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:03.920
Well, there was one problem with our plan that we didn't consider.
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:11.519
Um, and that is it's impossible to select a movie with 11 little me monsters.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:22.319
So we order the pizza, we get them downstairs in the basement, the babysitter arrives, and we turn on the TV to get a movie going, and you guys, they could not agree on a movie.
00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:26.079
The older kids, well, the younger kids wanted Disney or something like that.
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:29.680
The older kids were like, we're so too old for that now.
00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:40.720
And then they start suggesting movies that are scary for the younger kids, and everybody like there's shouting, there's yelling, there's tears, the parents are getting frustrated.
00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:42.640
I think my sister started crying.
00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:46.160
The babysitter standing there, like, what did I get into?
00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:47.279
Right?
00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:55.440
This is what happens when our me monster gets activated and then clashes with someone else's me monster.
00:26:55.599 --> 00:26:59.519
There's tears, there's frustration, there's anger, and so on.
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:11.279
When our me monsters get activated in marriage, in friendship, with family, what ends up happening is we refuse to bend towards the other person and we end up harming the relationship.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:14.240
And this is the exact opposite of love.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:18.240
It's the exact opposite of the way of Jesus.
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:20.480
Here's our bottom line for today.
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:24.799
If there's one thing you walk away with, let it be this that love bends towards others.
00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:29.039
It's the exact opposite of being self-bent.
00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:30.880
Love bends towards others.
00:27:31.039 --> 00:27:32.720
Consider Jesus for a moment.
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:35.680
Remember how Jesus showed love.
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:42.799
Supremely on the cross, he dies for other people, the ultimate sacrifice.
00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:53.920
And when you read through the Gospels, um, Jesus demonstrates an attentive consideration towards the people around him at all times.
00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:58.400
He had an others-oriented presence.
00:27:58.799 --> 00:28:01.599
And because of this, he wasn't sharpened towards anger.
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:10.880
When things didn't go his way, when people didn't do what he wanted them to do, which happened all the time, uh, you never see him erupting with uncontrollable anger.
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:12.640
He wasn't sharpened towards anger.
00:28:12.720 --> 00:28:14.400
He was slow to anger.
00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:24.319
In the times he does get angry, it was well calibrated in order to produce change and transformation in either systems or structures around him or the people around him.
00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:26.480
Jesus wasn't self-bent.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:31.839
He wasn't self-bent, but rather he bent towards others with love.
00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:35.119
Now here's what I want you to understand.
00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:37.839
This is a mark of maturity.
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:41.920
Following Jesus will correct your curvature.
00:28:43.839 --> 00:28:44.480
It will.
00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:55.119
I mean, I'm lucky if I can just bend over, touch my toes without pulling a hammy.
00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:56.240
Okay, that's where I'm at.
00:29:56.480 --> 00:30:03.279
My wife Josie, she was a gymnast, and she kept up her stretching routine, so she can still do the splits.
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:04.559
She's very bendy.
00:30:05.039 --> 00:30:05.279
Okay?
00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:15.519
Here's my point is that all of us need to learn to bend towards other people, but we're not all equally bendy right now.
00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:18.160
We're in different places.
00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:19.759
Right?
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:21.839
Some of you are further along than others.
00:30:21.920 --> 00:30:23.200
Let's just normalize this.
00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:26.480
But we all need a stretching routine.
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:27.680
Right?
00:30:27.839 --> 00:30:30.799
My stretching routine is way more basic than Josie's.
00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:33.119
But she stretches and I stretch.
00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:35.920
And we all need to stretch.
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:39.920
We all need to bend, practice bending the way Jesus bent.
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:44.640
And so there's two directions I want to name that should be part of your bending routine.
00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:45.039
Okay?
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:48.160
And the first one is we're to bend toward one another.
00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:53.039
And what I'm talking about, friends, is we, the church.
00:30:54.160 --> 00:30:57.359
The church is we're the people of God.
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:02.319
We're those who have been called out by God to serve as the hands and feet of Jesus in the world.
00:31:02.480 --> 00:31:15.119
And so when you think about growing in love, learning to bend towards one another, practicing other-centered consideration and gentleness and kindness, it starts here.
00:31:16.480 --> 00:31:18.640
It starts here with us.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:24.559
We've got to practice bending toward one another as a church community.
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:27.119
And I mean practice it.
00:31:28.160 --> 00:31:34.880
If you grew up playing sports, or maybe you have kids in sports, and it doesn't have to be sports, it could be theater or whatever.
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:39.440
They spend so much more time practicing than actually competing.
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:44.319
You know, Ethan is gonna be in a play soon at the high school.
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:49.519
Months and months and months of rehearsals before they actually get to perform for other people, right?
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:51.839
So practice is really important.
00:31:53.200 --> 00:31:57.839
And this is what we need to be practicing when we gather as a church.
00:31:58.079 --> 00:32:00.799
Every Sunday is an opportunity to practice loving one another.
00:32:00.960 --> 00:32:08.400
Every small group you have, every interaction we have is just an opportunity to grow in our ability to bend towards one another in love.
00:32:08.559 --> 00:32:10.559
We've got to practice it.
00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:16.160
There's another direction we need to learn to bend, though, and that is we are to bend toward the other.
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:23.440
And I would put the other in like quotations, because remember, the church isn't an us versus them, it's an us without a them.
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:24.799
Okay?
00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:36.240
The love that we learn to practice together as a church community then shapes the way we engage those outside of our community in the world.
00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:40.400
We're to bend towards those that Jesus bent towards.
00:32:40.640 --> 00:32:44.160
And who do you see Jesus bending towards in his day and age?
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:51.839
But the overlooked and the forgotten, sinners and tax collectors, the disabled, the sick, those on the margins.
00:32:52.079 --> 00:33:03.359
If you're gonna learn to love the way Jesus loved, bend towards others the way Jesus bent towards others, then we should be bending towards the same people that Jesus bent toward in his day and age.
00:33:03.519 --> 00:33:03.920
Yes?
00:33:05.039 --> 00:33:17.200
So there's two sort of directions we need to grow in terms of our flexibility, and that's learning to love one another this way, and then letting that shape the way we engage the world.
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:25.759
I want to close today with what I'm gonna name as the problem of the last appetizer.
00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:30.880
Okay, because this is a really big conundrum that I've been thinking about.
00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:36.400
What happens when everyone's bending towards one another and nobody is willing to receive?
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:39.200
It's a pretty great problem to have when you think about it.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:42.480
Maybe you've been out to dinner before with a couple, right?
00:33:42.559 --> 00:33:44.319
And you order an appetizer.
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:48.720
And there's four of you, but there's five appetizers, so you each get one, right?
00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:51.759
And then there's one left over on the table.
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:53.599
What usually happens?
00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:59.119
Well, most people know I shouldn't selfishly just take the last one when there's three other people.
00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:07.440
And so usually what happens is there's that lone appetizer that just sits there on the table getting cold, which is rude to the appetizer when you think about it.
00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:08.559
That's not right.
00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:10.719
And so what do you do?
00:34:11.199 --> 00:34:12.079
What do you do?
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:19.519
It's the problem of the last appetizer when everybody's bending towards everybody else and nobody's willing to receive.
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:24.639
Well, here's the first thing you should do is you should ask the question is this someone else's favorite?
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:27.679
Okay, if it's Crab Ragoon, that belongs to Josie.
00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:29.599
Josie loves Crab Ragoon.
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:33.679
So look, if if it's someone's favorite, they should get it, period.
00:34:33.920 --> 00:34:38.960
But here's my strategy when you're out to dinner and there's one appetizer left.
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:43.199
As quickly as I can, I'll just say, hey, I really want you to have this.
00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:46.239
It would make me happy to see you enjoy this.
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:51.760
So as quickly as you can, you just practice putting someone else's desires before your own.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:58.239
Now, if someone beats you to it, and I mean genuinely beats you to it, not like you waiting so that someone offers you, right?
00:34:58.320 --> 00:35:02.960
If j someone j then receive it and enjoy it.
00:35:03.760 --> 00:35:08.480
Because you can't grow in loving others if you don't know how to receive love yourself.
00:35:08.639 --> 00:35:09.039
Yes?
00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:10.480
Okay.
00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:13.280
Anybody else have that problem when they're out to eat before?
00:35:13.599 --> 00:35:14.320
Some of you?
00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:15.199
Okay.
00:35:15.440 --> 00:35:16.719
Maybe it's just me.
00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:21.760
Um listen, we talk about this every Sunday.
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:26.239
You are not going to be changed or transformed by just listening to a sermon.
00:35:26.719 --> 00:35:30.480
You're going to forget 98% of what I said by tomorrow, okay?
00:35:30.639 --> 00:35:31.920
So that's just how it works.
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:35.280
The way you grow is by responding.
00:35:35.679 --> 00:35:42.960
And so every week we give you some questions to take with you and pray through with Jesus during the week.
00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:45.920
Here are your questions for this week.
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:50.719
Um, how big is my me monster right now?
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:54.719
Where does it show up most frequently?
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:58.000
What relationships, what environments, that kind of a thing?
00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:01.760
How sharpened am I toward anger?
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:07.039
Uh who is it that I'm easily angered with?
00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:09.119
I get they just activate my anger.
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:10.159
Why is that?
00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:11.440
Why is that?
00:36:11.679 --> 00:36:17.440
And where is Jesus inviting me to bend in love toward others?
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:29.119
Uh, we're gonna give you a couple minutes right now to spend some time in prayer and get started on these questions, and then Cameron's gonna come up and share a few announcements and close our service.
00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:39.920
You can find them online or journal with them if that's helpful.
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:42.079
I know for me, sometimes that's very helpful.
00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:47.039
Um, as I was sitting here reflecting, you know, I don't often explode in anger.
00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:48.159
It happens sometimes.
00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:52.159
But so I can kind of fool myself, I think, into thinking that's not there.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:59.199
But as we were thinking about it and talking about it, it's like, man, there's maybe more in my heart than I realize that I keep bottled up.
00:38:59.360 --> 00:39:03.039
But I just felt an invitation to continue to attend to that this week and see what's underneath that.
00:39:03.119 --> 00:39:10.800
So I'd encourage you, if God was prompting something in you, to not just forget it as you walk out the door, but to keep leaning into that.
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:16.559
And here's some practical action steps you can do this week too, to practice living into love.
00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:18.639
So bend towards someone else in love.
00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:28.239
Like if someone came up for you, uh someone came to mind, or uh maybe at work you really struggle with this, just spend some time with Jesus asking, How do you want me to bend towards people this week?
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:36.639
And then notice what happens when you do so, how it changes, maybe the dynamic in the room or with that person that you're with.
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:42.000
Um, all right, there are a couple things want to make sure you know about that are coming up.
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:46.320
Would love for you to participate in if it's something you feel like God is inviting you into.
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:48.320
And we've talked about these the last couple weeks.
00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:54.320
We're doing a divorce care and a grief share surviving the holidays, right?
00:39:54.400 --> 00:40:01.360
Because these are two big life events that can make the holidays a really difficult season to navigate and to walk through.
00:40:01.519 --> 00:40:12.880
Um, you know, divorce changes a lot of family rhythms if you have kids and uh a lot of memories around what things used to be and uncertainty around what is coming up, um, as does grief.
00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:16.320
These two classes are a couple hours on a Saturday.
00:40:16.480 --> 00:40:19.599
One's the seventh, one's the 14th, so not a lot of time.
00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:28.639
Um there'll be a video, uh, some discussion, and then there's a small cost which just covers the little book, the booklet that you'll get uh for that.
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:31.440
This is not just for people in our church.
00:40:31.599 --> 00:40:43.280
So if you know anyone in your life who has is dealt with stuff like this over this last year, I'd encourage you, if it feels right, to get on our website, get the link, send it to them, encourage them to sign up.
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:52.400
Um it's gonna be a really good, uh, fruitful time uh thinking proactively about what does it look like to navigate the holidays um in these difficult times.
00:40:52.639 --> 00:40:58.320
So um let me pray for us and then we can go and uh enjoy the rest of our day.
00:40:58.480 --> 00:41:14.320
God, we thank you so much uh just for your love and your grace that even when we're self-centered and self-seeking and angry and frustrated and make the whole world about us, God, that you still love us, just like we love a toddler in our life who throws a fit in a tantrum.
00:41:14.639 --> 00:41:17.840
God, your love is still extended to us.
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:25.440
But God, we also thank you that you don't leave us in that tantrum and that selfish mode, but you are calling us into something better.
00:41:25.679 --> 00:41:41.360
And so as we go about our week in home with family, um at work, with friends, wherever it might be, God, continue to give us the courage to step into something different so that we can experience the beautiful kingdom life that you have for us.
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God help us to love people even when it's difficult.
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Uh, give us awareness around what's happening underneath our anger so that we can continue to press in and bend towards the people around us in love.
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So we thank you.
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It's in your name we pray.
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Amen.
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Go in peace.