Crafting Powerful First Impressions and Executive Presence – Sylvie DiGiusto

WEBVTT
00:00:20.330 --> 00:00:23.950
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Behind the Numbers, the program where we go beyond
00:00:23.950 --> 00:00:27.590
the data to explore the people, the stories, and all the insights that really
00:00:27.590 --> 00:00:29.130
drive business success.
00:00:29.710 --> 00:00:33.030
My name is Dave Bookbinder. I'm known as a business evaluation expert,
00:00:33.210 --> 00:00:36.390
and I'm also a bestselling author, and I thank you for joining us today.
00:00:36.830 --> 00:00:40.330
I've got a very interesting guest for you today, gang. Her name is Sylvie DiGiusto.
00:00:40.610 --> 00:00:45.470
She is an international, multi-award-winning, immersive, holographic,
00:00:45.630 --> 00:00:46.910
Hall of Fame keynote speaker.
00:00:47.270 --> 00:00:49.550
That's a mouthful. I'm going to have her explain that to you.
00:00:49.550 --> 00:00:52.530
She's also the author of The Image of Leadership.
00:00:53.350 --> 00:00:55.490
Sylvie, pleasure to have you. Welcome to Behind the Numbers.
00:00:56.470 --> 00:01:00.970
Well, Dave, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be with you and your guests today.
00:01:01.450 --> 00:01:05.070
Yeah, I was really looking forward to this one because you've got such an interesting background.
00:01:05.270 --> 00:01:09.590
So let's start by having you tell the audience, we'll say the rest of your story.
00:01:09.710 --> 00:01:11.710
What didn't I share and what do you want to expound on?
00:01:12.690 --> 00:01:18.190
Well, where should we get started? Maybe with the accent first that you hear,
00:01:18.370 --> 00:01:24.090
my personal background, you hear a Spanish grandmother, an Italian grandfather,
00:01:24.810 --> 00:01:27.470
a French father, and an Austrian mother.
00:01:28.230 --> 00:01:32.590
And nevertheless, my entire life, I wanted to live in the United States.
00:01:32.730 --> 00:01:35.490
So right now you find me in sunny Florida.
00:01:35.770 --> 00:01:42.190
And I spent 20 years in human resources, mainly training and development,
00:01:42.690 --> 00:01:46.710
leadership development. But when I moved to the United States,
00:01:46.770 --> 00:01:50.190
I started an exciting journey as keynote speaker.
00:01:50.470 --> 00:01:56.090
And today I have the pleasure and the honor to spend time with audiences and
00:01:56.090 --> 00:01:59.930
help them to lead better, sell faster,
00:02:00.270 --> 00:02:06.830
persuade instantly and stay forever human despite the technology and the disruption
00:02:06.830 --> 00:02:08.390
we are going through at the moment.
00:02:09.150 --> 00:02:12.790
Great message. And I appreciate you sharing that. So I want to unpack all the
00:02:12.790 --> 00:02:16.030
individual components of the introduction that I share with the audience.
00:02:16.170 --> 00:02:18.870
And let's start with the book, The Image of Leadership.
00:02:19.130 --> 00:02:21.730
Tell us about what it is, what inspired you to write it?
00:02:22.643 --> 00:02:28.023
Well, The Image of Leadership actually was my first book that I wrote 10 years
00:02:28.023 --> 00:02:34.363
ago, and I wanted to capture the elements of your professional imprint,
00:02:34.563 --> 00:02:43.003
what I call the ABCDEA, the way you present your presence to others in an organization.
00:02:43.223 --> 00:02:48.103
Your A for your appearance, your B for your behavior, your C for your communication,
00:02:48.463 --> 00:02:51.543
your D for your digital footprint, and your E for an environment.
00:02:52.603 --> 00:02:57.163
However, truth to be told, if you have ever written a book or read a book that
00:02:57.163 --> 00:03:00.503
is 10 years old, you kind of realize, oh my God,
00:03:01.143 --> 00:03:06.303
I saw the world quite differently 10 years ago and the world has changed a lot
00:03:06.303 --> 00:03:08.023
during the last 10 years.
00:03:08.023 --> 00:03:14.283
So last year I went on the incredible journey not just to update the image of
00:03:14.283 --> 00:03:18.983
leadership, but also to create 10 custom editions of it.
00:03:19.143 --> 00:03:25.023
Because the reality is when it comes to leadership, leadership looks very different
00:03:25.023 --> 00:03:30.083
in technology than it looks in healthcare. It looks different in retail than
00:03:30.083 --> 00:03:31.623
it looks in hospitality.
00:03:32.143 --> 00:03:40.803
And so I dedicated 10 special editions to the 10 industries I have the pleasure to work most with.
00:03:41.743 --> 00:03:43.223
Wow, that is fascinating.
00:03:44.243 --> 00:03:48.203
Visualize, I love that. All right, let's unpack what I said was a mouthful,
00:03:48.383 --> 00:03:51.983
the 3D immersive holographic speaker. Wow.
00:03:52.383 --> 00:03:55.423
And the audience is in for a treat because we're going to direct them to your
00:03:55.423 --> 00:03:58.803
website to see what we're talking about here. It's mind-blowing stuff,
00:03:58.903 --> 00:03:59.943
but why don't you explain it to us?
00:04:00.443 --> 00:04:05.403
Thank you very much. Well, you see, probably you have all been at a conference
00:04:05.403 --> 00:04:09.963
and most conferences follow the same recipe, the same structure.
00:04:10.183 --> 00:04:13.663
There is an introducer and then there comes a keynote speaker and the keynote
00:04:13.663 --> 00:04:18.463
speaker has a slide deck and then it starts out with some stories and then some
00:04:18.463 --> 00:04:21.123
data and facts and then back to some stories.
00:04:21.123 --> 00:04:26.143
And I force myself very often to sit in the audience, to not be the speaker
00:04:26.143 --> 00:04:33.083
on stage, but to be on the receiving end and realize how hard and tough it actually
00:04:33.083 --> 00:04:34.563
is to be an audience member.
00:04:34.563 --> 00:04:37.243
I find it's the toughest job at the conference.
00:04:37.483 --> 00:04:42.503
Being on stage is fun. It's what we do for a living and it's my happy place.
00:04:42.723 --> 00:04:47.363
And so for a very long time, I thought about how can I break the mold and how
00:04:47.363 --> 00:04:49.083
can I offer something different?
00:04:49.083 --> 00:04:54.343
And I truly believe that also the future of events is not so much anymore in
00:04:54.343 --> 00:04:58.983
delivering knowledge, because, you know, knowledge, artificial intelligence
00:04:58.983 --> 00:05:02.303
nowadays can provide it to us in milliseconds.
00:05:02.303 --> 00:05:05.103
The future of events is in providing experiences.
00:05:05.383 --> 00:05:09.803
So a few years ago, I went on an incredible journey and created something that
00:05:09.803 --> 00:05:14.383
has never existed before. And I present in a holographic environment.
00:05:15.379 --> 00:05:19.679
Now, you might think holograms existed before, and yes, other speakers use them
00:05:19.679 --> 00:05:25.019
too, but in the most cases, they use holograms to beam themselves somewhere else.
00:05:25.159 --> 00:05:29.439
I'm in a studio in Florida, and I present at a conference in Singapore.
00:05:29.659 --> 00:05:33.639
But I wanted to be in the room. I wanted to be with the audience,
00:05:33.639 --> 00:05:40.379
and so we massaged the technology a little bit and added some three-dimensional aspects.
00:05:41.259 --> 00:05:46.879
And so I actually use the technology to turn this stage and the room into a
00:05:46.879 --> 00:05:48.179
holographic environment.
00:05:48.599 --> 00:05:53.799
So rather than just talking with you about the brain and what decisions somebody
00:05:53.799 --> 00:05:55.859
makes about you in their brain,
00:05:56.019 --> 00:06:02.879
I kind of flip a brain over us and I walk with you into this brain and I can
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:05.919
show you what part of the brains are engaged.
00:06:06.179 --> 00:06:12.679
It is truly a very magic show that It happens on stage and an incredible experience
00:06:12.679 --> 00:06:16.879
that I'm so honored and so glad I can share with the audiences.
00:06:17.459 --> 00:06:21.159
I hope I get to see you do that in person. But from what I've seen on the video,
00:06:21.379 --> 00:06:22.899
it's amazing. It's mind-blowing.
00:06:23.159 --> 00:06:26.499
And I want to give you a chance to kind of humble brag here a little bit because
00:06:26.499 --> 00:06:29.139
you didn't tell the audience, but you've won multiple awards for this,
00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:32.799
including being inducted into Speakers Hall of Fame.
00:06:34.139 --> 00:06:39.819
I'm very lucky that we won six international,
00:06:40.059 --> 00:06:44.219
six global awards event awards for
00:06:44.219 --> 00:06:50.319
the immersive experience itself and then as a personal highlight out of the
00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:56.179
15 years being in this industry I have been inducted into the Hall of Fame lately
00:06:56.179 --> 00:07:02.459
by the National Speakers Association which is truly one of my greatest personal achievements here,
00:07:03.579 --> 00:07:05.319
Congratulations to you on that. Well-deserved.
00:07:05.739 --> 00:07:08.799
Thank you. And one of the things that I noticed from watching,
00:07:08.999 --> 00:07:12.239
and not just your sizzle reel, but literally presentations that you've done,
00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:16.399
it seems like you typically begin the presentation by telling the audience that
00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:18.379
they have seven seconds to make a first impression.
00:07:19.679 --> 00:07:23.419
Unpack that for our listeners today and talk about some of the common mistakes
00:07:23.419 --> 00:07:27.519
that professionals do make in those first seven seconds. Yes.
00:07:27.819 --> 00:07:33.059
So I just use one study for my work that refers to seven seconds and 11 decisions
00:07:33.059 --> 00:07:36.459
that we make about each other when we interact with each other.
00:07:36.539 --> 00:07:39.259
And the first impression, the imprint that we make on others.
00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:44.859
But truth to be told, the numbers don't matter as much. It could be five decisions.
00:07:45.099 --> 00:07:48.839
It could be 15 decisions. It could be 11 seconds. It could be eight seconds.
00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:54.179
And it really doesn't depend on how long it is and what decisions we make.
00:07:54.239 --> 00:07:57.499
And there are different studies out there. They all come to different results.
00:07:57.679 --> 00:08:03.139
But what they all have in common is that we instantly imprint an opinion about
00:08:03.139 --> 00:08:05.039
somebody or the else in our brains.
00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:14.079
And then afterwards, unfortunately, a variety of unconscious biases is working against us.
00:08:14.866 --> 00:08:20.266
Let me give you a very practical example. All of us travel at some point,
00:08:20.366 --> 00:08:22.486
either for leisure or for business.
00:08:22.826 --> 00:08:28.326
And let's walk into a hotel lobby, okay? And we walk up to the receptionist.
00:08:28.366 --> 00:08:30.386
And the receptionist is not attentive.
00:08:30.866 --> 00:08:36.846
The receptionist is somehow typing on the keyboard, doesn't notice us, and we have to wait.
00:08:37.426 --> 00:08:42.466
And we are already annoyed, right? Because all we want is that the receptionist
00:08:42.466 --> 00:08:44.386
sees us and takes care of us.
00:08:44.866 --> 00:08:49.306
And then finally, they take care of us and we walk to the elevator and then
00:08:49.306 --> 00:08:52.466
we have to wait for the elevator and we walk into the elevator,
00:08:52.586 --> 00:08:57.126
go into our room and then we kind of smell something weird in the hallways and
00:08:57.126 --> 00:09:03.526
we walk into our room and we find that little teeny tiny paper that the cleaning team oversaw.
00:09:03.526 --> 00:09:08.826
The reason for that is that we are heavily biased based on the first imprint
00:09:08.826 --> 00:09:13.366
that receptionists made on us because our brain is always looking for proof.
00:09:13.486 --> 00:09:19.946
We want to be right and we ignore everything else that goes against our first initial opinion.
00:09:20.406 --> 00:09:25.026
If that first impression with the receptionist would have been superb.
00:09:25.626 --> 00:09:30.486
Chances are that I wouldn't even have noticed that the elevator took longer
00:09:30.486 --> 00:09:35.566
because I'm still in that emotion of joy and feeling welcomed in that hotel.
00:09:35.886 --> 00:09:40.706
Chances are I wouldn't even have noticed the smell in the hallways or maybe
00:09:40.706 --> 00:09:44.686
even would have thought somebody must have been cooking something yummy.
00:09:44.886 --> 00:09:49.846
I don't know. Chances are I would have never seen the piece of little crumpled
00:09:49.846 --> 00:09:53.946
paper in the room or wouldn't have been annoyed by it. The same is true for you.
00:09:54.506 --> 00:10:00.966
So what I encourage audiences to do is to craft those first moments No matter
00:10:00.966 --> 00:10:03.046
if there are 7 seconds or 11 seconds,
00:10:03.246 --> 00:10:09.146
but those first interactions more intentionally so that unconscious biases are
00:10:09.146 --> 00:10:11.666
working for you rather than against you.
00:10:11.986 --> 00:10:17.026
Let's talk a little bit about those unconscious biases and how you can make them work in your favor.
00:10:17.246 --> 00:10:20.746
Is it as simple as looking for the positive in situations and people?
00:10:21.663 --> 00:10:27.643
Yes and no. But if you don't try at least to control them, you know,
00:10:27.763 --> 00:10:31.223
if you don't try to control your impressions, your presence,
00:10:31.443 --> 00:10:36.383
your perceptions, you give away all the power that you have and somebody else will control it.
00:10:36.603 --> 00:10:41.283
So what you can do is you can be more intentional about your appearance,
00:10:41.423 --> 00:10:47.363
your behavior, your communication, your digital footprint and your environment in those first moments.
00:10:47.603 --> 00:10:51.403
What are you wearing? What does your body image say about you?
00:10:51.663 --> 00:10:55.343
How are you looking? Your entire visual image that you create.
00:10:55.483 --> 00:10:58.103
Because very often we walk into a meeting room, for example,
00:10:58.223 --> 00:11:02.003
and we don't even have the chance to say something and people just look at us.
00:11:02.203 --> 00:11:07.003
And then what about your behavior, your attitude in those first micro moments,
00:11:07.163 --> 00:11:11.423
your charisma, your emotional intelligence, the micro moments?
00:11:11.623 --> 00:11:14.443
Did you shake hands? Did you look somebody in the eyes?
00:11:14.723 --> 00:11:19.463
Did you let them sit down first or last? For us, those things might not even
00:11:19.463 --> 00:11:22.063
matter, but for somebody else, it might be a big deal.
00:11:22.703 --> 00:11:27.223
Then, how did you start a conversation? What did you say? What were the first
00:11:27.223 --> 00:11:29.763
words that came out of your mouth?
00:11:30.223 --> 00:11:37.303
Very often, we try to sound interesting, but actually, we should be more interested instead,
00:11:37.503 --> 00:11:42.303
so that the other person instantly feels like you are there for them,
00:11:42.403 --> 00:11:47.823
you see them, and you have an interest in their process for progress, for example.
00:11:48.303 --> 00:11:50.663
And then I'm going to skip the D for a moment.
00:11:51.183 --> 00:11:56.363
And your environment, what do you see around them? The physical things.
00:11:56.563 --> 00:12:00.823
We are in a virtual meeting, right? People could make an impression about me
00:12:00.823 --> 00:12:05.363
just about my background, your background, how we interact virtually,
00:12:05.383 --> 00:12:08.083
or when they walk into your real-life office.
00:12:08.263 --> 00:12:12.463
But also the people that you surround yourself with in your environment.
00:12:12.463 --> 00:12:14.143
What do they say about you?
00:12:14.243 --> 00:12:17.023
Who do you hang out with and how do you reflect on them?
00:12:18.288 --> 00:12:21.368
Now, the reason why I skipped the D is because, unfortunately,
00:12:21.708 --> 00:12:26.328
or fortunately because it's an opportunity, nowadays, most often,
00:12:26.428 --> 00:12:29.408
we don't make those first impressions anymore in person.
00:12:29.748 --> 00:12:33.528
We make them in some sort of digital way. We send out emails.
00:12:33.968 --> 00:12:38.108
People Google our name. They look at our social media profiles.
00:12:38.228 --> 00:12:42.988
They check if we used artificial intelligence or not, and they create opinions
00:12:42.988 --> 00:12:47.408
about us before we ever have a chance to meet them in person.
00:12:48.288 --> 00:12:53.688
And what people very often underestimate is that those opinions will determine
00:12:53.688 --> 00:12:55.548
if we ever meet in person.
00:12:55.768 --> 00:13:01.168
If they ever give you with their time and with their attention because your
00:13:01.168 --> 00:13:06.828
digital footprint has been so impressive and conscious biases have worked in
00:13:06.828 --> 00:13:08.608
your favor that they said,
00:13:08.828 --> 00:13:11.068
I want to meet this person in real life.
00:13:12.548 --> 00:13:17.028
Well said. A lot going on there. And you made the distinction between the personal
00:13:17.028 --> 00:13:19.428
situation and the digital situation.
00:13:19.508 --> 00:13:23.388
I was going to ask you about that, but maybe combine it with this thought of
00:13:23.388 --> 00:13:26.048
defining what exactly executive presence is.
00:13:26.188 --> 00:13:31.608
I mean, whether you are officially an executive by title or you're someone in
00:13:31.608 --> 00:13:35.788
an organization who is just trying to present in a more professional way.
00:13:35.928 --> 00:13:40.608
But the term is executive presence and it covers a lot of different components
00:13:40.608 --> 00:13:44.068
depending on who I'm speaking to. So what's your definition of executive? and.
00:13:44.817 --> 00:13:50.917
Well, I always use this framework of A, B, C, D, E as the tools to create an
00:13:50.917 --> 00:13:54.057
executive presence in your organization.
00:13:54.757 --> 00:13:59.277
And I'm very focused on leadership. But what I want you to understand is that
00:13:59.277 --> 00:14:03.917
let's call it leadership presence that each of us, no matter what role or what
00:14:03.917 --> 00:14:07.757
type we have, in some sort are leaders.
00:14:07.997 --> 00:14:14.297
There are always people looking at you and you always want specific people to follow you.
00:14:14.297 --> 00:14:21.597
And this might be official in an organizational structure, or it might be not
00:14:21.597 --> 00:14:23.557
official. It might be your colleagues.
00:14:23.757 --> 00:14:27.337
It might be even people from outside the organization.
00:14:27.337 --> 00:14:32.697
It might be people in your community where you need to use your presence to
00:14:32.697 --> 00:14:36.377
convince them that you are the right person for that challenge,
00:14:36.637 --> 00:14:38.457
for that role, whatever it is.
00:14:38.457 --> 00:14:42.157
And what I want you to understand is that very often leaders,
00:14:42.597 --> 00:14:48.057
even without the official title, have a leadership presence or an executive
00:14:48.057 --> 00:14:57.277
presence long before they actually get the title executive or leader or the role.
00:14:57.577 --> 00:15:03.077
So, you know, a president of a state hasn't appeared and behaved and communicated
00:15:03.077 --> 00:15:07.777
like a president the day he or she or they got voted in.
00:15:08.457 --> 00:15:13.437
They have already appeared, behaved, and communicated long before,
00:15:13.657 --> 00:15:17.477
maybe decades ago, that somebody thought this is a potential president.
00:15:17.877 --> 00:15:23.277
A CEO, to bring it into the corporate world, hasn't just appeared,
00:15:23.457 --> 00:15:29.477
behaved, communicated like a CEO the day she or they have been appointed as a CEO.
00:15:29.477 --> 00:15:35.917
They had already that executive presence probably five years ago, 10 years ago,
00:15:36.117 --> 00:15:41.337
15 years ago, so that somebody thought, oh, here's a potential CEO for the future,
00:15:41.497 --> 00:15:46.597
and we will work together to bring you on that path and identify them as a candidate.
00:15:48.184 --> 00:15:51.924
So what's your advice for how to better improve executive presence?
00:15:52.064 --> 00:15:54.804
I mean, you touched on a couple of things, obviously, how you show up and how
00:15:54.804 --> 00:15:58.604
you look, but what are some of the tips you might offer folks who just want
00:15:58.604 --> 00:16:02.904
to be taken more seriously even? Well, first of all, be more intentional.
00:16:03.384 --> 00:16:08.204
Because most of the time we run on autopilot, right? In our appearance,
00:16:08.324 --> 00:16:10.224
in our behavior, in our communication.
00:16:10.824 --> 00:16:16.704
And so focus and force yourself on being more intentional throughout the day
00:16:16.704 --> 00:16:24.224
and also before in your planning. But secondly, I take my audiences through a three-step process.
00:16:25.164 --> 00:16:30.424
The first step is to define what your executive presence actually should say.
00:16:30.644 --> 00:16:33.544
And you need to define this with one word only.
00:16:33.884 --> 00:16:39.464
You need to define one word that you want to imprint on everybody else,
00:16:39.724 --> 00:16:44.444
no matter if it's your boss or your colleague or your neighbor.
00:16:44.444 --> 00:16:50.324
And that one word must become your anchor because if you change that one word
00:16:50.324 --> 00:16:54.244
just to massage it for the audience that is in front of you,
00:16:54.404 --> 00:16:58.684
just for the person you are interacting with, you come over inauthentic.
00:16:58.784 --> 00:17:01.764
And that's something people instantly notice. And, you know,
00:17:01.964 --> 00:17:06.004
that word could be trust, and that trust appears, behaves,
00:17:06.584 --> 00:17:11.604
communicates very different than somebody who chooses a word like innovative,
00:17:11.604 --> 00:17:19.324
or somebody who chooses a word like caring, or somebody who chooses a word like powerful.
00:17:19.844 --> 00:17:25.804
All those words look and feel very differently, right?
00:17:26.564 --> 00:17:31.684
But here's the challenge. Then you need to look into two more perspectives,
00:17:31.944 --> 00:17:35.324
no matter if you are in a corporate environment or if you're a business owner.
00:17:36.428 --> 00:17:44.828
The one perspective is, does this work also represent your corporate brand or your business brand?
00:17:45.388 --> 00:17:51.548
Because it's a difference if you want to represent trust and you work for an
00:17:51.548 --> 00:17:59.748
IT company in Silicon Valley or you work for a financial organization in downtown Manhattan, right?
00:18:00.428 --> 00:18:05.868
They both probably have very different brand messages, those two companies.
00:18:06.428 --> 00:18:11.628
And then there's the third component, which means, is this actually what your
00:18:11.628 --> 00:18:13.008
clients expect from you?
00:18:13.188 --> 00:18:19.908
Do your clients really come to you because trust is their biggest pain point,
00:18:19.928 --> 00:18:22.348
or do they have different expectations?
00:18:22.348 --> 00:18:26.048
And out of those three components,
00:18:26.508 --> 00:18:32.568
I let them graft an appearance, a behavior, a communication style,
00:18:32.588 --> 00:18:37.548
and a digital footprint that allows them to more intentionally imprint those
00:18:37.548 --> 00:18:39.388
messages subconsciously.
00:18:39.488 --> 00:18:41.228
But it always starts with you.
00:18:41.408 --> 00:18:46.988
If you give up yourself totally, as I said, then you will come over as inauthentic
00:18:46.988 --> 00:18:51.628
and somebody who's trying too hard to be somebody who you actually are.
00:18:52.348 --> 00:18:55.928
Yeah, really, really good. Really good stuff there, Sylvie. Thank you.
00:18:56.208 --> 00:19:00.228
You work with so many leaders, Fortune 500 companies.
00:19:00.428 --> 00:19:04.088
Based on what you've seen, what separates, we'll call them the average leaders
00:19:04.088 --> 00:19:05.648
from the really exceptional ones?
00:19:06.168 --> 00:19:10.408
What a great question that is. What a great question that is.
00:19:10.568 --> 00:19:16.468
I think the exceptional ones, the exceptional leaders are authentic.
00:19:17.640 --> 00:19:20.920
Let me add kind of an asterisk to this.
00:19:21.220 --> 00:19:25.880
Authenticity is probably one of the most overused words in our industry and
00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:29.900
in the world because very often people think authentic means you don't have to care.
00:19:30.120 --> 00:19:33.740
You just be you. But in my world, authentic,
00:19:34.080 --> 00:19:42.780
and in the world of exceptional leaders, it means you have clarity about who
00:19:42.780 --> 00:19:48.020
you are based on the values that make you distinctive.
00:19:48.660 --> 00:19:52.120
And those are the real things that you show to the world.
00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:55.240
And you show that differently in different roles.
00:19:55.240 --> 00:20:00.340
You will appear, behave, communicate differently as a father with your children,
00:20:00.580 --> 00:20:05.040
then as the CEO with your team, as the husband with your wife,
00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:08.300
then with the community in your church. Correct?
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:11.860
But it's all based on your distinct values.
00:20:12.560 --> 00:20:18.200
I also think that the most exceptional leaders are actually very controlled.
00:20:18.760 --> 00:20:22.780
And with controlled, I don't mean they control their teams, the opposite.
00:20:22.780 --> 00:20:27.680
It, they are very controlled in terms of their own appearance and their own
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:29.800
behavior, their own communication.
00:20:30.220 --> 00:20:35.540
They don't accidentally let their emotions get over it.
00:20:35.740 --> 00:20:40.480
They have a plan, they define, they master it, they refine it,
00:20:40.560 --> 00:20:44.920
they control their presence and how they are perceived by others.
00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:51.080
And then I also think that those exceptional leaders lead by example.
00:20:51.080 --> 00:20:57.400
They don't expect their teams to appear, behave, and communicate in a way they
00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:58.560
wouldn't do it themselves.
00:20:58.900 --> 00:21:05.140
They know that great leaders are followed because they, for example,
00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:10.500
they set the tone for the team and for the entire organization,
00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:16.900
knowing that everybody in the organization looks up to them and will follow whatever they do or say.
00:21:18.240 --> 00:21:21.760
Yeah. And when we talk about that seven second, just to jump back to that,
00:21:21.920 --> 00:21:25.320
I mean, I'm thinking about this and I realize I think the human brain has an
00:21:25.320 --> 00:21:27.820
attention span less than that of a goldfish.
00:21:29.140 --> 00:21:34.220
Is it possible to recover from a poor first impression in those first seven seconds?
00:21:35.402 --> 00:21:39.862
First, absolutely. But second, it's quite hard.
00:21:40.502 --> 00:21:47.762
You have to realize that whenever you can avoid this, it's better for you because
00:21:47.762 --> 00:21:49.122
it's going to be a hard path.
00:21:49.222 --> 00:21:53.322
And obviously, it depends on what happens. You know, there are minor mistakes
00:21:53.322 --> 00:21:56.042
you will recover very, very easily.
00:21:56.302 --> 00:22:03.702
And then there are really hard mistakes where the consequences were brutal that will take longer.
00:22:04.002 --> 00:22:11.662
And the best path is always to recognize this and decide, is this something I have to apologize for?
00:22:11.742 --> 00:22:16.262
And if you apologize, then really apologize and mean it, right?
00:22:16.262 --> 00:22:22.102
And if you apologize, then don't make excuses for your behavior.
00:22:22.362 --> 00:22:27.802
Just recognize what went wrong and what you will change in the future.
00:22:27.982 --> 00:22:31.702
And then obviously you have to stick to that, right? You really have to change it.
00:22:31.822 --> 00:22:35.962
And then you need to be patient and convince the other person again and again
00:22:35.962 --> 00:22:40.282
and again that you really change your behavior and that you learned from your
00:22:40.282 --> 00:22:46.382
mistakes. But again, it takes consistency, persistence, and it takes time.
00:22:46.542 --> 00:22:48.542
You have to be patient.
00:22:49.202 --> 00:22:52.382
Yeah, people want to see it in your actions, not just your words. Good point.
00:22:52.582 --> 00:22:53.682
There may be some folks who are
00:22:53.682 --> 00:22:57.242
listening to this program right now and thinking, I'm never doing this.
00:22:57.382 --> 00:23:00.902
I don't like speaking. I'm not going to stand up in a room and present anything,
00:23:01.082 --> 00:23:03.302
even though we all know that at some point they're going to have to.
00:23:03.742 --> 00:23:06.542
Maybe they just characterize themselves as introverts.
00:23:07.322 --> 00:23:10.782
So let's run with that for a second. So for people who are listening and thinking,
00:23:11.002 --> 00:23:13.302
I'm introverted, none of this stuff really lands with me.
00:23:13.382 --> 00:23:18.122
What's your advice for them to develop powerful presence without having to pretend
00:23:18.122 --> 00:23:19.222
that there's something they're not?
00:23:20.622 --> 00:23:27.082
Should I share the biggest secret of the speaking industry with you? By all means, please do.
00:23:28.322 --> 00:23:34.542
Most of us, most of us, and you will be very surprised, but most of us are introverts.
00:23:35.582 --> 00:23:41.582
You can ask 10 speakers, and my guess is that 7 or 8 out of 10 speakers will
00:23:41.582 --> 00:23:43.182
tell you that they are introverts.
00:23:44.462 --> 00:23:51.742
And the stage is that place where we are by ourselves, right? We are alone.
00:23:52.022 --> 00:23:57.822
We kind of have control over what we do, and there is a huge audience in front of us, obviously.
00:23:57.822 --> 00:24:04.542
But then if you speak with most speakers afterwards, we can't wait after obviously
00:24:04.542 --> 00:24:08.662
connecting and networking with the audiences until we go back into our rooms
00:24:08.662 --> 00:24:11.342
and we are just quiet and all by ourselves again.
00:24:12.617 --> 00:24:19.057
And so if you are an introvert and you are scared of speaking on a stage,
00:24:19.237 --> 00:24:23.897
if it really scares you and you have the option, then don't do it.
00:24:24.017 --> 00:24:28.257
If I talk to professionals because we're at the beginning of the journey and
00:24:28.257 --> 00:24:31.957
they tell me how scared they are, then I honestly have to ask them,
00:24:32.017 --> 00:24:34.597
is this really the right path you want to go down?
00:24:34.737 --> 00:24:38.157
Right? Because it's my joy of happiness, even if I'm an introvert.
00:24:39.257 --> 00:24:43.617
It's my place of happiness, even if I'm an introvert. But the other thing is
00:24:43.617 --> 00:24:48.977
I want you to change your mindset that speaking in front of people is actually not about you.
00:24:49.217 --> 00:24:53.437
It has nothing to do with you, no matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert.
00:24:53.817 --> 00:24:58.157
Speaking is never about the speaker. It's always about the audience.
00:24:58.157 --> 00:25:03.097
And you're gifting the audience with something they didn't have before.
00:25:03.437 --> 00:25:07.077
You're gifting them with your knowledge, with your insights,
00:25:07.357 --> 00:25:10.137
with your experience, with your stories.
00:25:10.377 --> 00:25:18.457
So turn away the fear from it's about you and focus on it's all about the audience.
00:25:18.737 --> 00:25:22.577
And with that confidence, confidence is your best designer.
00:25:22.577 --> 00:25:25.817
Walk on a stage or in front of the group and
00:25:25.817 --> 00:25:28.717
reverse engineer your talk that it
00:25:28.717 --> 00:25:31.757
has nothing to do with you it's all about gifting the
00:25:31.757 --> 00:25:36.737
audience yeah that was a big thing for me when i first started out and speaking
00:25:36.737 --> 00:25:41.177
understanding that it's not about me so get out of your own head and worrying
00:25:41.177 --> 00:25:44.837
about how you look how you sound how you're moving whatever it's not about you
00:25:44.837 --> 00:25:49.437
come with that giving mindset that you're bringing value to your your audience
00:25:49.437 --> 00:25:50.877
and that's what they want to hear. Yeah.
00:25:51.237 --> 00:25:52.977
And even if you have something that
00:25:52.977 --> 00:25:56.917
holds you back, I'm going to share a personal story if you don't mind.
00:25:57.157 --> 00:26:02.957
As I mentioned, I have quite a multicultural background and you might notice a heavy accent.
00:26:03.177 --> 00:26:04.657
And I always thought with that
00:26:04.657 --> 00:26:09.957
accent, I cannot go on stages and speak in front of a group of people.
00:26:10.157 --> 00:26:13.957
It was really one of my biggest insecurities and holding me back.
00:26:14.859 --> 00:26:18.259
But then I got invited on a TV show out of nowhere.
00:26:18.419 --> 00:26:24.059
They asked me to come to a studio and be part of a panel to comment on the public
00:26:24.059 --> 00:26:26.819
persona and perception of politicians.
00:26:27.259 --> 00:26:33.519
And I found myself in between those political experts with picture-perfect English.
00:26:33.739 --> 00:26:38.619
Words so sophisticated and complicated, I couldn't even understand most of them.
00:26:38.859 --> 00:26:43.079
And when I watched the show in the evening, it was horrible when I listened
00:26:43.079 --> 00:26:48.059
to myself. yourself, in between all those picture-perfect American experts.
00:26:48.779 --> 00:26:52.819
But they invited me back, and they invited me again and again and again.
00:26:53.159 --> 00:26:59.699
But I never posted it on social media, I never shared it, I never told anyone
00:26:59.699 --> 00:27:03.219
because I was so insecure about myself. I made it all about me.
00:27:04.479 --> 00:27:07.979
At the holiday party, I was sitting together with the producer,
00:27:08.339 --> 00:27:12.919
and I shared those insecurities with him and that pointed at my mouth and said,
00:27:13.019 --> 00:27:15.359
I don't understand why you invite me again and again.
00:27:15.699 --> 00:27:19.539
And he pointed at my mouth and he gave me the greatest gift ever.
00:27:20.459 --> 00:27:23.999
He said, that's exactly the reason why we invite you.
00:27:25.299 --> 00:27:31.779
Because you sound like an international expert and you say things so simple
00:27:31.779 --> 00:27:37.199
that everybody in the audience understands you, but nobody understands the experts.
00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:44.219
So what I thought is actually my greatest weakness turned out to be my differentiator,
00:27:44.859 --> 00:27:45.999
my greatest superpower.
00:27:47.299 --> 00:27:51.979
And maybe what is holding you back right now and your insecurities,
00:27:52.319 --> 00:27:57.259
no matter if it's your executive presence or if it's public speaking,
00:27:57.699 --> 00:28:00.739
might actually be your superpower. Think about it.
00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:05.219
Yeah, what a mindset shift. That's a great way to totally flip the script.
00:28:05.439 --> 00:28:08.259
Cool story, and I thank you for sharing it. We're just about to the end of the
00:28:08.259 --> 00:28:11.799
program here, but I want to give you the last word, maybe around some tips or
00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:15.319
ideas for the audience that they can literally take away maybe when they're
00:28:15.319 --> 00:28:19.839
done listening to this program to improve their presence, their leadership, their influence,
00:28:20.159 --> 00:28:22.699
their personal brand, your choice, all of the above.
00:28:23.139 --> 00:28:25.719
You've got whatever time you need. Okay.
00:28:26.439 --> 00:28:32.419
Well, let's start with what we talked through. Why do we start it out with first impressions?
00:28:32.419 --> 00:28:35.739
Be aware that wherever you walk
00:28:35.739 --> 00:28:38.879
into in every room no matter if it's an online
00:28:38.879 --> 00:28:41.859
room if it's a social media room a zoom
00:28:41.859 --> 00:28:47.219
meeting or wherever you appear online people will instantly create opinions
00:28:47.219 --> 00:28:54.099
about you make sure that you craft them in a way to ensure that people are so
00:28:54.099 --> 00:28:59.159
interested in you that they actually want to have an in-person interaction then
00:28:59.159 --> 00:29:01.639
we talked about the A, B, C, D, E,
00:29:02.099 --> 00:29:07.559
craft those elements based on your work first. What do you want to be known for?
00:29:08.019 --> 00:29:13.139
But don't forget your business brand or your corporate brand and massage that
00:29:13.139 --> 00:29:17.739
message into and analyze what your clients actually want to have.
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:21.839
And lastly, we talked a little bit about the 3D immersive experience.
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:28.059
And I don't expect you to create a holographic experience. but if somebody ever
00:29:28.059 --> 00:29:30.839
told you something is not possible.
00:29:31.712 --> 00:29:36.672
Turn around and prove them wrong, because that's what I have been doing,
00:29:36.772 --> 00:29:38.712
and it has been the greatest gift ever.
00:29:39.352 --> 00:29:41.632
That's one of the greatest motivators. You'll never get that done.
00:29:42.312 --> 00:29:47.172
Yeah, watch me. See, what? Yeah, exactly. Sylvie, tell the audience how they
00:29:47.172 --> 00:29:51.072
can find you, how they can connect, where they can see some of these really
00:29:51.072 --> 00:29:52.612
cool videos I was talking about.
00:29:53.152 --> 00:29:56.332
Oh, thank you very much, Dave, for asking that. I really appreciate it.
00:29:56.632 --> 00:30:00.252
You can find me on the internet. If you don't find me on the internet,
00:30:00.472 --> 00:30:06.152
probably you don't have Wi-Fi or a cell phone reduction at the moment with my name.
00:30:06.332 --> 00:30:09.932
I should be all over the place. You can find my website. You can find my books
00:30:09.932 --> 00:30:14.472
on Amazon. You can find me on Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, wherever you look.
00:30:14.672 --> 00:30:20.752
And I would love you to say hello, leave a comment, and let us know what you
00:30:20.752 --> 00:30:24.572
thought about the conversation that I had the pleasure to have with Dave today.
00:30:25.292 --> 00:30:28.672
Yeah, and if you're out there and you're responsible for getting speakers for
00:30:28.672 --> 00:30:32.352
your conferences, you are missing out if you don't get in touch with this woman.
00:30:33.112 --> 00:30:37.052
Go check out those videos. The presentations are amazing. And man,
00:30:37.152 --> 00:30:39.012
would that just raise your conference game.
00:30:39.732 --> 00:30:42.652
Sylvie, thank you so much for joining us today on Behind the Numbers.
00:30:43.652 --> 00:30:48.732
Thank you very much for having me, Dave. It was such a pleasure to be with you and with your audience.
00:30:48.952 --> 00:30:52.452
I really enjoyed the conversation. And I know the audience did as well.
00:30:52.452 --> 00:30:54.912
And I thank you out there for tuning into Behind the Numbers.
00:30:55.252 --> 00:30:59.052
If you did, in fact, enjoy today's episode, why don't you take a quick moment,
00:30:59.152 --> 00:31:00.792
leave us a review on Spotify or Apple.
00:31:01.192 --> 00:31:05.872
That stuff actually really does make a difference in terms of who will actually find the program.
00:31:06.052 --> 00:31:09.112
So really appreciate that. And also, don't forget, I keep telling you,
00:31:09.192 --> 00:31:12.232
crush that subscribe button so that you don't miss another episode.
00:31:12.672 --> 00:31:15.972
Until next time, my name is Dave Bookbinder, reminding you that the numbers
00:31:15.972 --> 00:31:19.072
tell the story, but the people bring it to life. Take care, everybody.