WEBVTT
00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:09.230
Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm.
00:00:09.779 --> 00:00:11.580
Somebody else is on our belly.
00:00:11.589 --> 00:00:13.189
They're feeling our rhythm.
00:00:13.500 --> 00:00:16.489
What tends to happen is we are co regulating.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:20.839
And we begin to breathe.
00:00:21.664 --> 00:00:38.284
Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax.
00:00:39.005 --> 00:00:57.814
We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched we can feel high from it, right?
00:00:58.045 --> 00:01:01.734
We can feel like we're floaty blissful.
00:01:01.935 --> 00:01:06.844
We're feeling soft feeling very receptive, your heart is opening.
00:01:06.915 --> 00:01:08.984
That's the oxytocin high.
00:01:09.484 --> 00:01:23.424
Welcome to the Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye, the podcast that delves into the profound realms of spiritual experiences, exploring the dedicated practitioners and various modalities that guide us on our transformative path.
00:01:24.305 --> 00:01:29.844
Together, we will explore the mystical, the magical, the enlightened, and the sacred.
00:01:30.474 --> 00:01:40.614
In each episode, we pair seasoned practitioners, spiritual experiences, or healing modalities, and a willing participant to share their experience in working together.
00:01:41.275 --> 00:01:52.424
We will explore the unique insights, stories, and wisdom gained from their own profound journeys, unveiling the extraordinary narratives that shape spiritual seekers and practitioners alike.
00:01:53.525 --> 00:02:04.504
My name is Krista Rauschenberg and my work as a healer has emerged from hundreds of hours of certified training, spiritual initiations, direct experience, and deep personal work.
00:02:04.864 --> 00:02:12.625
I have been employed in the healing arts as a postpartum doula, an advanced Akashic reader, an Akashic breathwork practitioner, and a writer.
00:02:13.354 --> 00:02:19.615
Facilitating and educating people through their personal, spiritual, and healing journeys is my greatest source of happiness.
00:02:20.115 --> 00:02:21.235
And I'm Elle Larson.
00:02:21.685 --> 00:02:25.194
I use sound and space to help balance internal and external environments.
00:02:25.875 --> 00:02:33.254
I've practiced holistic healing modalities for over 20 years, and my work includes Tibetan bull sound healing, feng shui, reiki, and shamanism.
00:02:33.754 --> 00:02:39.064
Welcome once again to The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye where we demystify the mystical.
00:02:40.825 --> 00:02:58.695
In this episode, we dive into the sense of touch and explore how cuddle classes are revolutionizing the way we connect with others and ourselves The simple yet profound act of platonic touch in a safe, supportive environment can help support personal growth, emotional healing, and provide a deep sense of community.
00:02:59.195 --> 00:03:18.520
Our practitioner today is Stella Chung, a love and intimacy coach who helps you intuitively connect with your mind and body to access your innate wisdom and be more authentically self expressed she has over 20 years of experience teaching yoga, meditation, and shamanism, and is also trained in conflict resolution as a certified mediator and coach.
00:03:19.320 --> 00:03:29.770
She creates and facilitates experiential events that defy conventional social constructs where you feel safe to step outside of your comfort zone and discover your potential for love and connection.
00:03:30.760 --> 00:03:41.741
And, our willing participants are, us! When I brought up the idea of a cuddle class, both Krista and I shied away from it, or rather rejected the idea, which meant that it was probably a good thing for us to do.
00:03:42.241 --> 00:03:52.800
Join us as we explore the holistic benefits of platonic touch, uncover the science behind cuddling, and meet the inspiring individual spreading warmth and kindness through this remarkable practice.
00:03:53.496 --> 00:03:56.225
So Stella, can you tell us a little bit about your background?
00:03:56.235 --> 00:03:58.955
What other modalities you've studied and what led you to this?
00:03:59.866 --> 00:04:00.336
Yes.
00:04:00.376 --> 00:04:05.036
So it's been a journey I'm sure you guys know, it's one thing leads to another.
00:04:05.235 --> 00:04:15.246
My background is in the healing arts with yoga, mindfulness, meditation, a lot of somatic work, dance and shamanism.
00:04:15.626 --> 00:04:17.505
And I'm also a certified mediator.
00:04:17.555 --> 00:04:24.831
And over the years, just for these different practices and connecting to myself, helping others to connect, I've To their bodies to their truth.
00:04:25.180 --> 00:04:37.641
It has led me to knowing and discovering that I really have a love for facilitating connection between people, whether that is in conversation, whether that's interaction in how we relate to people.
00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:42.091
And so it has led me to creating this community.
00:04:42.091 --> 00:04:52.740
called Misfits in Love, where it is about relationships, and it's about discovering, what is most fulfilling for you, and what that looks like, because what's modeled for us is only one model, right?
00:04:52.761 --> 00:05:02.401
It's heteronormative, monogamy, and it's like, what are the options outside of that, if people are looking at what is fulfilling, or even not putting a label on it?
00:05:02.670 --> 00:05:18.021
So this led me to doing experiential workshops, experiential classes, where people can actually experience for themselves how they like to relate and how they like to interact with people and to be able to connect in a way that feels meaningful.
00:05:18.081 --> 00:05:20.461
So that's really the crux of my work.
00:05:20.961 --> 00:05:21.940
That's fascinating.
00:05:22.531 --> 00:05:24.721
What type of I was going to say education.
00:05:24.721 --> 00:05:26.120
Is it an educational background?
00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:28.920
How do you study for something like this
00:05:28.920 --> 00:05:52.076
It's been cumulative over the years just accumulating knowledge and Putting pieces together and I guess We're always our own guinea pig right and what we do or what we teach is what we need most And coming from a family where I didn't really feel like there was true, deep connection, that's what I've longed for in my own life and in my own relationships.
00:05:52.466 --> 00:05:59.305
It also comes from I really don't like small talk, and so how do I, relate to people when I first meet them in a deeper way.
00:05:59.305 --> 00:06:03.725
What kinds of questions can I ask that will foster a deeper connection and faster?
00:06:03.915 --> 00:06:09.276
So I like to do that not just for myself, but to be able to facilitate that for group settings as well.
00:06:09.516 --> 00:06:40.375
Mediation training helps with facilitation, but I also went to facilitation school and discovered how to create, whether it's 10 or 100 people and how you can create intimacy even in a large group that you do feel like you're making deeper connection it was actually during COVID that I was able to grow my community, using facilitation exercises, these different ways of helping people to connect online.
00:06:40.656 --> 00:06:56.725
I think it's really powerful knowing how to, Facilitate connection whether it's online or in person with a community or with groups, because it really does work Things that are facilitated or guided in a way that feels intentional, where our time.
00:06:57.105 --> 00:07:00.615
Getting there and being spent there feels like it's well used.
00:07:01.696 --> 00:07:02.235
Amen.
00:07:02.565 --> 00:07:04.196
It's so courageous what you do.
00:07:04.216 --> 00:07:19.875
I think it takes such courage to be vulnerable to bridge those uncomfortable gaps and bring people together and bypass all of their own, either social anxiety or personal anxiety to just go in and take them forward.
00:07:19.966 --> 00:07:22.665
I think as a facilitator must take a lot of courage.
00:07:23.446 --> 00:07:23.925
Thank you.
00:07:23.925 --> 00:07:26.165
I was going to say, I can be really socially awkward.
00:07:26.175 --> 00:07:30.136
And so maybe that helps my social awkwardness.
00:07:30.156 --> 00:07:37.105
But knowing what it feels like to be on that receiving end of showing up to a place and really not knowing anyone or not knowing where to start.
00:07:37.305 --> 00:07:41.096
I think it just really helps people to have a place to start, you know.
00:07:41.805 --> 00:07:50.795
Anytime I go to just a party, They always seem so empty to me It's like, can we do something can this be a game night or can we go do an activity or something?
00:07:51.045 --> 00:07:57.235
So I'll put myself in charge of something just so that I have some function in that environment.
00:07:57.276 --> 00:07:57.696
Yeah.
00:07:57.696 --> 00:07:58.406
I can relate.
00:07:58.966 --> 00:07:59.846
That's really anxiety.
00:07:59.846 --> 00:08:00.206
Yeah.
00:08:00.706 --> 00:08:11.685
I have a little bit of the same thing I feel really comfortable in a situation and really comfortable talking to people that I don't know when it's something that I'm a part of or I'm hosting, a sound bath, super comfortable, talking to people who have come in.
00:08:12.036 --> 00:08:20.076
But when it's a situation where it's not in my domain I'm not the one that's going to go up and introduce myself to somebody that I don't know.
00:08:20.076 --> 00:08:23.665
So then yes, I would be, but there's a lot of people out there like that.
00:08:24.115 --> 00:08:29.526
There's a lot of people out there who are comfortable just like, Oh, Hey, so and my name is whatever.
00:08:29.935 --> 00:08:33.145
And Stella, you don't strike me as the type to be.
00:08:33.525 --> 00:08:37.686
Socially anxious because it seems like you do everything with ease.
00:08:37.716 --> 00:08:41.926
But then again, this is your domain and you're the one facilitating it.
00:08:41.936 --> 00:08:44.556
So do you notice that kind of shift as well?
00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:49.921
If it's something that you're hosting and something that you feel, you've got to absolutely,
00:08:51.230 --> 00:08:56.831
yes, because when I'm hosting, it's like, wherever it is, it's like I'm welcoming them into my home, right?
00:08:56.860 --> 00:08:58.000
That's how it feels.
00:08:58.301 --> 00:09:04.061
And I want people to walk in feeling safe, feeling comfortable, knowing what to expect.
00:09:04.855 --> 00:09:12.525
If it was me going to an event where I didn't know anybody, I might just be a fly on the wall, or depending on my mood or who's there.
00:09:12.556 --> 00:09:13.885
So yeah, it was very different.
00:09:16.884 --> 00:09:19.043
Okay, so we're about to head into cuddle class.
00:09:19.563 --> 00:09:20.474
How are you feeling?
00:09:20.583 --> 00:09:21.644
I'm nervous.
00:09:21.754 --> 00:09:22.323
Nervous how?
00:09:22.413 --> 00:09:22.774
I don't know.
00:09:22.774 --> 00:09:25.443
I don't really like people touching me.
00:09:25.903 --> 00:09:26.573
Strangers.
00:09:26.614 --> 00:09:29.014
Yeah, and I'm not sure what to expect.
00:09:29.453 --> 00:09:32.833
But I also know because I feel this way, it's probably good for us to be doing this.
00:09:33.264 --> 00:09:34.703
Do you feel the same way?
00:09:35.323 --> 00:09:41.033
I don't want to do this and I don't do Know who?
00:09:41.413 --> 00:09:43.183
comes to these kinds of things.
00:09:43.234 --> 00:09:44.553
What are we getting ourselves into?
00:09:44.553 --> 00:09:48.913
But it's something that I have such a big aversion to is probably going to have a really good outcome.
00:09:49.333 --> 00:09:50.453
But I don't want to be here.
00:09:50.864 --> 00:09:51.783
It's not that I don't want to be here.
00:09:51.783 --> 00:09:53.114
It's just I just don't want anyone to touch me.
00:09:53.114 --> 00:09:58.043
And I want to be put in a position where I'm going to have to do something that I don't want to do.
00:09:58.094 --> 00:10:04.698
And I don't want to Get in the things like group pressure I'm not a joiner of anything I'll stay on the outside in the lodge.
00:10:04.698 --> 00:10:06.220
Yeah, but I'll stay here.
00:10:06.220 --> 00:10:08.234
Okay, so I don't know what's gonna happen.
00:10:08.423 --> 00:10:11.683
The one thing is that I trust the facilitator implicitly.
00:10:11.754 --> 00:10:13.953
You know her, she knows her really well, I don't know
00:10:13.953 --> 00:10:14.403
her,
00:10:14.484 --> 00:10:16.653
So at least I have that, so I don't want to blame you.
00:10:16.874 --> 00:10:17.224
And then I
00:10:17.234 --> 00:10:17.573
trust
00:10:17.573 --> 00:10:17.953
you,
00:10:18.014 --> 00:10:18.703
One removed.
00:10:19.293 --> 00:10:19.974
I'm going in.
00:10:20.114 --> 00:10:20.754
Yeah, we're going in.
00:10:20.793 --> 00:10:21.104
Alright.
00:10:21.153 --> 00:10:21.394
Anyway.
00:10:21.673 --> 00:10:27.596
Bye! See I have to say walking into this.
00:10:28.230 --> 00:10:29.350
experience.
00:10:29.441 --> 00:10:35.576
You held such a safe, warm welcoming home for us to relax into.
00:10:35.576 --> 00:10:43.265
So I felt really safe walking in that didn't help my anxiety of what was about to come, but at least there was that.
00:10:43.456 --> 00:10:44.806
Invitation to relax.
00:10:44.806 --> 00:10:47.336
And I thought it would be interesting.
00:10:47.336 --> 00:10:48.475
I felt safe with you.
00:10:48.666 --> 00:10:49.566
I guess is my point.
00:10:50.245 --> 00:10:50.666
Oh,
00:10:50.755 --> 00:10:52.426
That just warms my heart hearing that.
00:10:52.456 --> 00:10:53.525
Thank you for sharing that.
00:10:54.346 --> 00:10:55.796
Can you describe to us a little bit Stella?
00:10:55.826 --> 00:10:57.015
What is a cuddle class?
00:10:58.566 --> 00:11:03.885
Oh, that is a there's so many layers to it.
00:11:03.926 --> 00:11:05.936
I would love to ask you that question.
00:11:06.485 --> 00:11:17.466
I would say The first thing I say is that it is an experiential class with platonic touch with no strings attached.
00:11:17.966 --> 00:11:24.336
There's complete autonomy for every person and choosing what's right for them in every single moment.
00:11:24.946 --> 00:11:37.186
And it's about being able to clearly communicate Your yes and your nose and being able to say no without guilt.
00:11:38.515 --> 00:11:48.605
So I say it's a, class about being able to communicate your needs and your desires and be able to express your boundaries.
00:11:49.105 --> 00:11:50.056
That's what it's really about.
00:11:50.066 --> 00:12:07.676
It's a class about that disguised as a cuddle, so I think there's so many life lessons that can be learned within a cuddle class that are a little unexpected.
00:12:08.176 --> 00:12:09.655
Yeah, I would definitely agree with that.
00:12:09.706 --> 00:12:19.056
I think it was really important how you started the class out with us just getting into our bodies and walking around the room and doing some stretching.
00:12:19.056 --> 00:12:39.535
That was just a very solitary activity within the group and it helped us begin to engage with the energy of the other people in the room, but most importantly, like engaging with our own bodies and how we felt and then there were these practices around consent and asking and receiving consent or saying no or no, thank you.
00:12:39.546 --> 00:12:43.316
And I thought that was really important and super valuable.
00:12:43.816 --> 00:13:00.875
One of the things that I walked out of the class saying was if everybody had some of those consent exercises, there could potentially be, less trauma in the world because not only people feeling comfortable saying no or giving an alternative no, I'm not comfortable with that, but we can do this instead.
00:13:01.155 --> 00:13:03.716
And most importantly, feeling okay.
00:13:04.221 --> 00:13:05.221
hearing no.
00:13:05.581 --> 00:13:08.270
One thing that you mentioned is no is not a rejection.
00:13:08.841 --> 00:13:11.990
Can you talk a little bit more about that aspect of the class?
00:13:12.921 --> 00:13:13.400
Sure.
00:13:13.421 --> 00:13:16.620
I think that's one of the key parts.
00:13:17.191 --> 00:13:34.880
That a significant part of cuddle class and being able to say no and reframing it even for ourselves and how we hear a no because, we're conditioned to think that a no is a rejection and we might take it personally.
00:13:34.931 --> 00:13:49.091
So to be able to bring the no into a different light, into a different way of thinking about it as Oh, that person is taking care of themselves or I'm saying no, because that's not what I want right now.
00:13:49.091 --> 00:13:50.451
And I'm taking care of myself.
00:13:51.260 --> 00:13:56.821
It's also thinking about how if I can trust your no, then I can trust your yes.
00:13:57.311 --> 00:14:07.990
Because I think as women, we are taught and conditioned to be agreeable, to accommodate, I grew up being a people pleaser.
00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:17.900
And so it's saying yes to everything, or, if I Don't say yes, being afraid, the fear of losing this person's love or losing this friendship or whatever.
00:14:17.931 --> 00:14:20.620
It might be a threat, right?
00:14:20.681 --> 00:14:27.321
It could be a threat to some sort of love that I am wanting to keep or to keep the connection.
00:14:27.370 --> 00:14:50.061
Being able to say no is super powerful because then it begins to create the trust that we can really Be honest with each other that we do respect each other enough to be honest To be authentic and to say the hard things even if it is hard and what creates true intimacy is being able to Be open and being able to really express what's true for you.
00:14:51.421 --> 00:14:53.671
And so that's how you started our class.
00:14:53.721 --> 00:15:07.410
I'm guessing you start every class that way by teaching us the rules where you pair us up and then someone will ask to hug us, let's say, and then we're made to say no to practice saying no, regardless of what we felt in that moment.
00:15:07.890 --> 00:15:08.791
And it sets it up.
00:15:08.791 --> 00:15:11.791
So everyone has that experience of what it's like.
00:15:12.150 --> 00:15:15.370
And then you're giving us permission to do that throughout the rest of the class.
00:15:15.801 --> 00:15:18.530
So it sets a foundation that we have a choice.
00:15:19.541 --> 00:15:20.980
Yes, absolutely.
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:23.280
That every person has a choice in any moment.
00:15:23.321 --> 00:15:28.941
I'm curious what it was like for the two of you to say no and to receive a no.
00:15:29.191 --> 00:15:36.341
It was wonderful to have that groundwork laid and being like, okay it's good to say no, it's okay to say no.
00:15:36.770 --> 00:15:38.620
For me that felt really comfortable.
00:15:38.650 --> 00:15:41.010
It made me feel more safe in the spot.
00:15:41.030 --> 00:15:46.860
And I thought it was also really important how you instructed on saying no, you could give an alternative do you want to hug?
00:15:46.870 --> 00:15:47.630
No, but I'm okay.
00:15:47.630 --> 00:15:49.910
Shaking hands but then also receiving that.
00:15:49.910 --> 00:15:58.030
No when I said no, thank you was, oh, well, you know, I'm, I'm happy that you're taking care of yourself or, thank you for taking care of yourself which.
00:15:58.475 --> 00:15:59.645
Is really affirming.
00:15:59.655 --> 00:16:03.586
It's like that person is supporting my decision instead of feeling put out by my decision.
00:16:04.436 --> 00:16:05.196
Yes.
00:16:05.306 --> 00:16:08.155
I love how you put that supporting your decision.
00:16:08.475 --> 00:16:12.046
And it doesn't necessarily mean that's the end of the conversation, right?
00:16:12.076 --> 00:16:13.635
You can negotiate.
00:16:15.115 --> 00:16:16.216
That make you feel Krista?
00:16:16.716 --> 00:16:18.346
I was very happy for it.
00:16:18.395 --> 00:16:19.716
I said no a lot.
00:16:19.816 --> 00:16:21.875
It took me a while to warm up.
00:16:22.346 --> 00:16:23.905
My guard was very much up.
00:16:24.025 --> 00:16:30.966
So to have that as an option, having no idea what we were getting into, Oh, okay, I don't have to do any of this.
00:16:30.985 --> 00:16:32.785
I wasn't ready to really participate.
00:16:32.826 --> 00:16:35.066
I didn't want to engage.
00:16:35.076 --> 00:16:37.225
So it helped a lot.
00:16:37.505 --> 00:16:47.035
I was going to say I just want to acknowledge the two of you it does take a lot of freaking courage to come to a cuddle class to not know what is happening.
00:16:47.046 --> 00:16:50.135
Because even just the name can sound weird, right?
00:16:50.155 --> 00:16:51.475
What is a cuddle class?
00:16:51.505 --> 00:16:52.535
I don't want to be around creeps.
00:16:52.535 --> 00:16:53.635
I don't want to be touched by creeps.
00:16:53.706 --> 00:16:55.056
Why are we going to a sex party?
00:16:56.615 --> 00:17:00.596
We talked about it after, I would have never gone without Elle or a friend.
00:17:00.855 --> 00:17:03.306
The people that came on their own, hats off.
00:17:03.336 --> 00:17:04.096
My goodness.
00:17:04.226 --> 00:17:04.875
Amazing.
00:17:06.096 --> 00:17:06.516
Yes.
00:17:06.675 --> 00:17:07.986
Absolutely.
00:17:08.125 --> 00:17:08.576
Yes.
00:17:08.635 --> 00:17:10.246
And it's so normal.
00:17:10.246 --> 00:17:15.115
The way you guys described how you felt is totally how others feel.
00:17:15.125 --> 00:17:16.375
Like it's so normal.
00:17:16.375 --> 00:17:17.885
It's what most people feel like.
00:17:17.895 --> 00:17:19.675
It would be weird for them to not feel that.
00:17:21.010 --> 00:17:21.701
Of course, right?
00:17:21.830 --> 00:17:22.191
Yeah.
00:17:22.961 --> 00:17:25.181
So what type of people do seek out a cuddle class?
00:17:25.221 --> 00:17:26.381
Who is your audience?
00:17:26.431 --> 00:17:27.451
That's a good question.
00:17:27.550 --> 00:17:39.911
It's usually people who have felt isolated, I think, as the pandemic ends, or they're still feeling effects of the isolation from the pandemic.
00:17:40.730 --> 00:17:42.300
They are living alone.
00:17:42.310 --> 00:17:43.770
They're not in a relationship.
00:17:43.820 --> 00:17:45.310
There is no family.
00:17:45.530 --> 00:17:49.270
They could be in a relationship where there is not a lot of touch going on.
00:17:49.631 --> 00:17:55.611
Their partner may not be interested in touch so they're getting a need.
00:17:56.211 --> 00:18:00.740
Met and fulfilled by coming to a platonic touch class.
00:18:01.441 --> 00:18:08.300
We saw that there's a community people that have continued to come back and had a relationship already formed.
00:18:08.310 --> 00:18:10.230
So they knew what they were coming for.
00:18:10.230 --> 00:18:16.730
They knew what they were coming to get, and they dove right in and didn't waste any time, which I thought was fascinating.
00:18:17.861 --> 00:18:34.330
Yeah, people do get to know each other through the cuddle community and They do just come, dive right in and to a spoon train and to a bear den, all of those cuddle positions that we like they were getting their medicine.
00:18:35.201 --> 00:18:35.871
And they wanted it.
00:18:35.871 --> 00:18:36.580
Yes.
00:18:37.510 --> 00:18:37.641
Yes.
00:18:38.651 --> 00:18:41.570
I think, people who are wanting to connect.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:48.861
In a different way to experience themselves in a different context might seek out an experience like this, out of curiosity.
00:18:49.780 --> 00:18:51.830
It's almost like training ground, right?
00:18:51.911 --> 00:19:00.510
Come do it in this platonic safe environment and then you can apply what you learned out in your world, in your life, in your relationships.
00:19:01.010 --> 00:19:09.830
And like anything with more practice, you get better, you get more comfortable with asking, even with the actual contact or touch.
00:19:09.830 --> 00:19:10.250
Yes.
00:19:10.250 --> 00:19:12.310
A question is popping up in my mind.
00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:13.760
Am I able to ask?
00:19:13.901 --> 00:19:14.881
For sure, please.
00:19:14.881 --> 00:19:19.471
So I'm curious, when you heard Cuddle Class, what was your first impression?
00:19:19.490 --> 00:19:24.411
Like what images, what feelings or words came to mind about it?
00:19:24.830 --> 00:19:29.201
And what was your impression after?
00:19:29.701 --> 00:19:31.810
I was imagining the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:32.101 --> 00:19:34.550
Because you're involved and I know you and I trust you.
00:19:34.560 --> 00:19:40.201
I knew that there would be a high level of ethics to it and a high level of integrity to it.
00:19:40.280 --> 00:19:44.171
But I pretty much imagined what was going on in the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:44.260 --> 00:19:46.411
But I didn't really.
00:19:46.586 --> 00:19:53.726
Anticipate that I would feel so comfortable not being a part of the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:53.846 --> 00:20:01.865
I went into it feeling like everybody's gonna be cuddling and then Krista and I are gonna be like sitting on the sidelines holding hands, and feeling the odd people out.
00:20:01.965 --> 00:20:07.935
But I didn't feel uncomfortable at all not participating in some of the larger cuddle groups.
00:20:08.336 --> 00:20:11.496
I loved cuddling with you though, Stella We did have a nice cuddle.
00:20:11.526 --> 00:20:12.546
We did have a nice cuddle.
00:20:12.576 --> 00:20:14.066
So I warmed up and I.
00:20:14.736 --> 00:20:16.036
felt comfortable cuddling with you.
00:20:16.086 --> 00:20:22.326
I felt like I would feel awkward all of the time and out of place all the time, but would say a third of the way into it.
00:20:22.326 --> 00:20:27.185
I was like, I feel comfortable and it's not weird for me to sit here with these.
00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:32.201
Boundaries and I can enjoy and share space with people to my level of comfort.
00:20:32.701 --> 00:20:34.270
Stella, I don't know you.
00:20:34.431 --> 00:20:52.431
So I thought it was creepy or it would be lascivious in some way I was dismissive and then had conversations about it, and was curious and much like L, I was happy to know my boundaries.
00:20:53.391 --> 00:20:56.510
Reinforced my sense of self.
00:20:57.046 --> 00:21:03.256
I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want, and I had no problem putting that boundary up and keeping that boundary.
00:21:03.256 --> 00:21:07.786
I never felt like I had to, give someone what they wanted over what I needed.
00:21:08.135 --> 00:21:09.405
So that felt really good.
00:21:09.445 --> 00:21:10.945
It's like I really know myself.
00:21:11.115 --> 00:21:15.145
And that's, of course, taken a lot of work and a long time.
00:21:15.645 --> 00:21:22.976
I didn't feel the need to be part of a bigger cuddle group that just didn't feel safe or inviting or interesting to me.
00:21:23.486 --> 00:21:27.905
Had I been there with a bunch of my friends, I probably would have done that.
00:21:28.236 --> 00:21:33.006
But I know I need that level of intimacy or closeness or connection.
00:21:33.006 --> 00:21:35.945
But I did do more than I thought I would do.
00:21:36.016 --> 00:21:41.816
There was a moment where you had us lay our heads on someone else's belly.
00:21:42.266 --> 00:21:44.276
And then someone would lay their head on our belly.
00:21:44.806 --> 00:21:47.736
And that melted me.
00:21:48.605 --> 00:21:54.326
And what came through was this sense of humanity and me of Oh, we're all just.
00:21:54.766 --> 00:21:58.425
Human and trying to connect and understand.
00:21:58.435 --> 00:22:00.796
And it really opened my heart.
00:22:00.826 --> 00:22:05.185
And as soon as my heart was open, then everything felt different.
00:22:05.625 --> 00:22:07.895
And I was far more willing.
00:22:07.895 --> 00:22:12.690
and able to connect One gentleman asked if he could hold my hand.
00:22:13.049 --> 00:22:17.222
And I'm telling you, if he'd done that, like 10 minutes before this heart opening, I would have said no.
00:22:17.222 --> 00:22:19.878
And then I was like, oh yeah, you can hold my hand.
00:22:19.888 --> 00:22:20.398
Why not?
00:22:20.648 --> 00:22:21.439
Yeah, hold my hand.
00:22:21.449 --> 00:22:23.818
And then he asked if he could touch my foot and I was like, oh, that's so sweet.
00:22:23.818 --> 00:22:24.038
Yeah.
00:22:24.038 --> 00:22:24.669
Touch my foot.
00:22:24.679 --> 00:22:27.689
and then I got to a point where I was like, does anyone else want to come and touch me?
00:22:28.818 --> 00:22:30.068
Does anyone else want to rub my feet?
00:22:30.459 --> 00:22:39.288
Then I was in So yeah, it was a really interesting unraveling or opening that I feel like was done very organically.
00:22:40.068 --> 00:22:42.439
Hence, your ability to create that space.
00:22:42.449 --> 00:22:43.219
So thank you.
00:22:43.838 --> 00:22:44.578
I love that.
00:22:45.128 --> 00:22:46.019
I will second that.
00:22:46.019 --> 00:22:46.628
What did you call it?
00:22:46.659 --> 00:22:51.459
Was it like stomach Tetris or something like that where we like the belly laughing?
00:22:52.278 --> 00:22:55.548
Oh, yeah, that we did some lattice or something because it looks like a
00:22:56.019 --> 00:22:56.469
lattice.
00:22:56.959 --> 00:23:08.358
Yeah, that was a fantastic icebreaker because it wasn't intimidating for me, not a big deal to have somebody's head laying on my stomach and for me to be laying my head on somebody else's stomach.
00:23:08.608 --> 00:23:10.769
And I thought it was a nice way to relax into things.
00:23:10.769 --> 00:23:28.199
And also that physicality of having a weight on your belly as you're breathing, there something grounding about it and for our listeners, anytime somebody touches you in the cuddle class, they need to ask for your consent just to speak about some of the guidelines like you say, Stella, everything is G rated.
00:23:28.229 --> 00:23:31.949
A six year old could walk in and we wouldn't have to adjust anything.
00:23:32.308 --> 00:23:34.239
There's, nothing sexual about it.
00:23:34.739 --> 00:23:36.128
That's what got me I thought.
00:23:36.159 --> 00:23:37.449
Oh, So this is safe.
00:23:37.949 --> 00:23:39.169
That was my selling point.
00:23:39.409 --> 00:23:53.794
Yeah, there's no assumptions about who we can touch or how we can touch them, even L if like we were holding hands and I, Naturally wanted to stack my leg on top of yours maybe that would just naturally happen.
00:23:53.794 --> 00:23:56.374
But, it's to ask, it's not to assume, right?
00:23:56.443 --> 00:24:03.574
It's to make sure that every single touch is intentional, that we do have a hell yes to it.
00:24:03.824 --> 00:24:05.913
And that if it's a maybe, it's a no.
00:24:05.913 --> 00:24:07.344
And if it's a no, it's a no.
00:24:07.384 --> 00:24:08.913
So anything short of a hell yes.
00:24:09.439 --> 00:24:15.459
Is a no and to make sure that we're not operating off of assumptions.
00:24:15.818 --> 00:24:21.558
I'm curious, how has this changed, in your own life about assumptions for a hug?
00:24:21.933 --> 00:24:23.013
Outside of the class.
00:24:23.804 --> 00:24:31.253
One thing that came to me is I'm super comfortable giving and receiving hugs especially in our community, we work in holistic fields.
00:24:31.253 --> 00:24:41.814
And so a lot of people hug for greeting and in the beginning exercises, I realized I'm pretty much comfortable hugging almost anybody but there is, for me, a comfort level with, how long that hug sustains.
00:24:41.824 --> 00:24:46.723
It's definitely made me sensitive about people who might not want a hug.
00:24:46.743 --> 00:24:52.463
And not that I go around hugging everybody, but I think, asking people if they are okay to hug.
00:24:52.864 --> 00:25:00.493
One of my big takeaways was noticing the difference between pushing my comfort level, which this definitely did versus crossing a boundary.
00:25:01.114 --> 00:25:02.854
How do you know when you cross a boundary?
00:25:02.943 --> 00:25:05.114
What is your telltale sign for yourself?
00:25:06.263 --> 00:25:08.624
Oh, that I retract and I just don't want it.
00:25:09.344 --> 00:25:11.324
I might not say that, but I'm like that inside.
00:25:11.324 --> 00:25:13.384
I'm like a little five year old inside no, I don't want that.
00:25:13.384 --> 00:25:14.023
I don't like it.
00:25:14.534 --> 00:25:22.443
Yeah, usually when a boundary is crossed or something that we don't want, our body immediately knows, there's a contraction.
00:25:22.953 --> 00:25:28.574
And with what you said earlier, Krista, about you felt your heart opening and you felt safe.
00:25:29.078 --> 00:25:48.269
To be able to let go and trust that experience like our body knows right you immediately feel it And so I love that this cuddle class gives us an opportunity to really get in touch with our bodies because the body always knows first and Really trust what it's signaling to us
00:25:49.159 --> 00:25:49.638
yeah.
00:25:50.709 --> 00:25:53.459
Stella, who would this class not be good for?
00:25:54.489 --> 00:25:56.019
That's a good question.
00:25:56.019 --> 00:26:03.148
I guess it wouldn't be good for somebody who is not open to experiencing something different.
00:26:04.189 --> 00:26:08.709
What about people with any kind of like physical trauma or sexual trauma?
00:26:09.459 --> 00:26:15.709
Because I could imagine that this would be a beautiful way to come back into their body, heal parts of them that may have been.
00:26:16.163 --> 00:26:17.663
Talk about boundaries crossed.
00:26:17.773 --> 00:26:22.124
So do you recommend it for people with, those types of traumas?
00:26:22.334 --> 00:26:23.584
Can you speak to that at all?
00:26:24.094 --> 00:26:25.304
That's a great question.
00:26:25.374 --> 00:26:40.844
And in particular, for my cuddle classes that I host and facilitate it is specifically to help people with boundaries, with consent, being consent informed, being able to communicate their wants and desires.
00:26:41.153 --> 00:26:45.943
This class is therapeutic in nature, and it's not intended for healing.
00:26:46.314 --> 00:26:52.848
That you may have your own healing, or that a healing may occur, but the purpose of it is for betterment.
00:26:53.479 --> 00:26:58.239
practicing and building our consent and communication and boundaries.
00:26:58.509 --> 00:27:00.219
So that's how I differentiate.
00:27:00.648 --> 00:27:02.989
Healing versus being therapeutic,
00:27:03.828 --> 00:27:04.288
beautiful.
00:27:04.288 --> 00:27:07.048
And then there is an intake form, if I remember.
00:27:07.058 --> 00:27:12.898
And do you ask any of these questions on that intake form, just so that you're informed about what you may encounter?
00:27:13.659 --> 00:27:14.098
Yeah.
00:27:14.148 --> 00:27:15.159
So there are.
00:27:15.324 --> 00:27:16.884
specific questions.
00:27:16.894 --> 00:27:20.564
Not so much about what are you healing, but do you have any pain?
00:27:20.713 --> 00:27:33.634
And that's a very general question, that people can either share if it's physical pain, emotional pain, any sort of difficulties that they're going through in their life, if they're willing to be open and sharing that I do take a look.
00:27:34.048 --> 00:27:41.138
At that to make sure that whoever is coming can feel supported and be aware of where people are mentally and physically,
00:27:41.638 --> 00:27:45.249
you also make it quite clear that it's not a place where you pick up people to date.
00:27:45.368 --> 00:27:49.969
It's not a dating service, definitely helps with the safe environment.
00:27:50.538 --> 00:28:11.398
I want to make things explicit and that's why I have these specific questions on the intake form, just so people know, that this is a safe space it is platonic and that if anybody has, any sort of notion that they can ask someone out on a date or that they're going there for that reason that's not tolerated.
00:28:11.778 --> 00:28:19.939
So I have these guidelines to make sure that we're all on the same page that somebody has actually read that and they check off.
00:28:19.959 --> 00:28:21.179
Yes, I understand.
00:28:21.459 --> 00:28:29.308
So that's just really important to me so that in creating the safe container, it begins before we actually come in person together,
00:28:29.808 --> 00:28:35.679
because I'm sure there are groups of people that get together for different reasons.
00:28:35.689 --> 00:28:37.078
That does exist in the world.
00:28:37.078 --> 00:28:41.159
So to differentiate yourself from that and say, we are not that I think is really important.
00:28:41.159 --> 00:28:42.699
So people don't get confused.
00:28:42.919 --> 00:28:44.638
You're talking about orgies, aren't you, Krista?
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:48.669
Yes, we got to wrap up because I got you guys.
00:28:48.699 --> 00:28:50.179
Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
00:28:50.398 --> 00:28:57.233
No, there's all kinds of play encounters and sexual exploration.
00:28:58.074 --> 00:29:04.074
Let's touch on that real quick because when it is balanced and when there is consent, that's all very healthy.
00:29:04.324 --> 00:29:06.473
It's just that cuddle class is not one of those things.
00:29:07.384 --> 00:29:10.564
So people know what they're, what they're signing up for.
00:29:10.604 --> 00:29:10.933
Yeah.
00:29:10.933 --> 00:29:11.249
Yeah.
00:29:12.308 --> 00:29:15.368
And then Stella, tell us where does cuddle class come from?
00:29:15.409 --> 00:29:18.828
What are the origins of this to develop this?
00:29:19.419 --> 00:29:21.328
I'm guessing it's from the 1920s.
00:29:21.749 --> 00:29:22.278
Just kidding.
00:29:22.278 --> 00:29:24.848
I
00:29:25.229 --> 00:29:26.628
think it might be, no.
00:29:26.878 --> 00:29:41.409
Jean Frazblau is actually the creator of the Cuddle Sanctuary who certifies cuddle experts and trains people to lead these classes and she's based in Los Angeles.
00:29:41.844 --> 00:29:54.114
It's an ongoing training that she does and, like you said, I think it's wonderful work that restores faith in humanity and after every cuddle class, that's exactly how I feel.
00:29:55.473 --> 00:29:59.554
And what are some of the things you learned in your training that you didn't know?
00:30:00.403 --> 00:30:03.104
Going in what are some of your big takeaways from your training?
00:30:04.753 --> 00:30:10.364
I would say, the training is very thorough and there is a code of ethics, for the trainers.
00:30:10.574 --> 00:30:25.903
And how we conduct ourselves and how do we create an environment that does feel safe, where people feel like they can choose in any moment, the autonomy that they have in every moment during the class to be able to express themselves.
00:30:26.493 --> 00:30:32.653
And yeah, I think the trust and the safety is the most important component.
00:30:33.114 --> 00:30:35.594
What do you think of the psychology behind it?
00:30:35.594 --> 00:30:39.403
Because I was left with almost a deficit.
00:30:39.644 --> 00:30:49.054
After the class, it's like my body yearned for that again, but almost a false economy Because that wasn't real in my life.
00:30:49.513 --> 00:30:53.983
Those weren't people that I could call tomorrow and go, hang out with again.
00:30:54.384 --> 00:30:57.304
And one of the gentlemen that I partnered up with.
00:30:57.403 --> 00:30:58.463
I found attractive.
00:30:58.463 --> 00:31:06.134
So it was an interesting thing to let an attractive man rub my head and rub my shoulders and then walk away from it.
00:31:06.144 --> 00:31:14.453
So the psychology behind that was interesting to me because my body didn't know that this wasn't something that I might be interested in continuing.
00:31:14.453 --> 00:31:15.284
Does that make sense?
00:31:15.394 --> 00:31:22.294
So your body wanted more of it, but mentally you were telling yourself this isn't really in my life.
00:31:22.314 --> 00:31:24.094
This was just something I experienced.
00:31:24.223 --> 00:31:25.035
And so I
00:31:25.035 --> 00:31:26.294
had to kill myself.
00:31:26.294 --> 00:31:26.608
Yeah.
00:31:26.659 --> 00:31:27.439
It's like I opened.
00:31:27.439 --> 00:31:27.818
I don't know.
00:31:27.818 --> 00:31:28.469
Do you?
00:31:28.709 --> 00:31:37.200
We have a cuddle community and a WhatsApp group where I do encourage people to join so that you can have your spontaneous cuddles if you wanted to.
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:38.890
And people have been getting together.
00:31:38.890 --> 00:31:40.470
So maybe you need to join that group.
00:31:42.910 --> 00:31:47.950
I'll be under the umbrella of this is just a cuddle versus.
00:31:48.509 --> 00:31:51.329
I wouldn't date this person or take it any further.
00:31:51.390 --> 00:31:52.390
Does that make sense?
00:31:52.490 --> 00:31:53.569
Yeah So I think
00:31:53.579 --> 00:31:55.019
that's also a distinction.
00:31:55.130 --> 00:32:05.289
Two things like first there is such a thing as the oxytocin high which is the hormone that makes us feel connected and loved and so the come down of that
00:32:05.289 --> 00:32:11.200
and not the next hit felt a little jarring actually to me.
00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:17.494
I remember exactly the next day Feeling like I was in a deficit is the best way I can put it,
00:32:18.065 --> 00:32:19.595
that is such a great way of putting it.
00:32:19.644 --> 00:32:35.549
And what we encourage people to do the next day is to really take it easy, like to really do things that really nourish you, nourish your body, whatever that may be like taking a walk or hike in nature going dancing whatever that may be.
00:32:35.660 --> 00:32:50.109
So that oxytocin high that you are feeling can ride itself out through maybe something else that you can nurture yourself with, but there isn't that drop that sudden deficit that you're talking about, but that is so common.
00:32:50.500 --> 00:32:50.900
Yeah.
00:32:50.950 --> 00:32:55.039
And then psychologically, I have this handsome man with his arms around me rubbing my head.
00:32:55.039 --> 00:32:56.440
I'm like, are we on a date right now?
00:32:57.029 --> 00:32:57.920
Is this my boyfriend?
00:32:58.470 --> 00:33:02.259
Are we getting coffee after this You go through these mental things in your mind.
00:33:02.259 --> 00:33:03.150
How could you not?
00:33:03.170 --> 00:33:04.230
We're human, right?
00:33:04.700 --> 00:33:06.730
That was just really interesting to me, too.
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:21.130
And I think that's also a really great point is can we have these beautiful experiences of relating to another person where we do feel like we've had an intimate emotional connection without attachment, right?
00:33:21.180 --> 00:33:23.470
That does this need to lead to another thing?
00:33:23.809 --> 00:33:29.869
The second thing that I want to make a distinction about is yes, the purpose is not to come to a cuddle class to find a date.
00:33:30.539 --> 00:33:45.439
But if a connection has been made, then I would, love for people to connect, to be able to practice your yes, your no, we are in a community where we can speak honestly, where we can speak honestly.
00:33:45.450 --> 00:33:46.309
Speak truthfully.
00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:53.960
And so if an authentic connection has been made, I think it would be wonderful for people to say, Hey, I really felt like I connected with you.
00:33:54.369 --> 00:33:56.599
Would you be open to keeping in touch?
00:33:57.049 --> 00:34:04.369
If that's really what's desired and then for that person to be able to say, yes, I would love to, or no, I'm not really feeling it.
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:05.369
I love the connection here.
00:34:05.369 --> 00:34:06.519
And this is where I want to keep it,
00:34:07.019 --> 00:34:10.000
that actually helps a lot because I didn't know that.
00:34:10.429 --> 00:34:20.809
But knowing that now that feels far more organic to the whole process that it could, if both parties feel the need, it could develop into something.
00:34:21.119 --> 00:34:25.469
Cause to me, it was like opening, this whole metaphor stuff.
00:34:25.480 --> 00:34:28.289
And then it's like, boosh, the door just slammed shut.
00:34:28.289 --> 00:34:31.170
And that was jarring for me that felt like, what did I do?
00:34:31.170 --> 00:34:32.409
And why did I do that?
00:34:32.409 --> 00:34:34.239
Why did I let this all open up in me?
00:34:34.280 --> 00:34:36.320
If it was just going to be slammed shut
00:34:36.730 --> 00:34:37.530
Great point.
00:34:37.559 --> 00:34:48.829
So what do you think could have helped is there something that I could have said or something that could have been guided at the end when we're closing to say something if you've made a connection?
00:34:49.030 --> 00:34:50.659
I guess I didn't know the full rules.
00:34:50.670 --> 00:34:51.849
So that's on me.
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:56.179
But also it's, I think a personal thing too.
00:34:56.239 --> 00:35:02.639
My own experience of opening up and then really seeing Okay, I need more of this in my life.
00:35:02.789 --> 00:35:08.130
I need more of a road to travel so that this can stay open.
00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:13.860
So I think it's my responsibility, not yours, if that makes sense.
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:16.159
Yeah, I hear you.
00:35:16.219 --> 00:35:32.280
And I also want to make sure as a facilitator that I do make the expectations clear and that if there can be some guidance in fully supporting somebody's fullest experience with that whole process, because like you said, there is an opening, right?
00:35:32.329 --> 00:35:36.159
So I don't want people to be left hanging with what to do with that.
00:35:36.514 --> 00:35:41.114
Or if they really do want to connect with somebody but feel like there's a rule there where it's off limits.
00:35:41.554 --> 00:35:46.764
And so if there is a true connection I would love for that connection to be able to continue,
00:35:46.974 --> 00:35:54.889
Even just and pardon me if you do mention this and I didn't hear you, but talking about the oxytocin, Tosin coming down from that and what you can do and how you can support yourself.
00:35:54.889 --> 00:36:00.269
That's huge because ultimately that's a lot of what it is right to come down.
00:36:00.789 --> 00:36:06.460
And a lot of people that are going there don't have an oxytocin exchange at home.
00:36:06.460 --> 00:36:09.030
So that's where the disconnect is.
00:36:09.489 --> 00:36:12.829
I think that's incredibly valuable too talk about
00:36:13.050 --> 00:36:13.889
yeah, absolutely.
00:36:13.909 --> 00:36:14.590
I usually do.
00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:16.619
I can't remember if I did with this one.
00:36:17.070 --> 00:36:21.639
And that's why I do say there's a WhatsApp group, but I might have missed it.
00:36:22.420 --> 00:36:35.119
But I do appreciate you saying this because it is really important because it's all part of the process and and saying that I'm curious, it sounds like with that oxytocin drop or that experience of feeling the depletion.
00:36:36.449 --> 00:36:40.320
Yeah what is it that you realize that you may need more of in your life
00:36:42.150 --> 00:36:47.130
a puppy Someone went and got a puppy
00:36:52.099 --> 00:36:53.219
Yeah, just got her.
00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:59.239
I was I was fostering puppies and I've been looking for a puppy, but I finally found my puppy two weeks ago.
00:36:59.619 --> 00:37:05.039
So I'm all good now, but that was shortly after cuddle class that you found him, right?
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:05.599
Yeah.
00:37:05.969 --> 00:37:06.349
Yeah.
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:08.780
I think it opened my heart, right?
00:37:08.820 --> 00:37:12.289
I lost my dog a year ago and it just was, ouchy.
00:37:12.579 --> 00:37:13.630
But yeah, good point.
00:37:14.150 --> 00:37:15.280
Yeah, I'm sure.
00:37:15.789 --> 00:37:17.190
It was like, all right, I'm ready.
00:37:18.409 --> 00:37:19.389
All jokes aside.
00:37:19.889 --> 00:37:21.929
oh, and I got back on dating apps.
00:37:22.585 --> 00:37:24.465
Two double whammy.
00:37:24.465 --> 00:37:24.914
Amazing.
00:37:24.914 --> 00:37:24.974
Yeah.
00:37:27.284 --> 00:37:27.585
Yeah.
00:37:27.585 --> 00:37:28.275
Good for you.
00:37:28.635 --> 00:37:29.144
Oh my God.
00:37:29.144 --> 00:37:32.264
Talk about a major heart opening a little bit.
00:37:32.315 --> 00:37:34.260
Stella, you got my heart all open.
00:37:34.809 --> 00:37:40.170
I actually started these classes for to help people experience themselves in different contexts and how to relate.
00:37:40.539 --> 00:37:54.650
And so Misfits in Love is a community for people who are exploring anything outside of monogamy or anything if you didn't want to label it anything that is fulfilling for you, basically designing relationships.
00:37:55.105 --> 00:37:55.355
Wow.
00:37:55.364 --> 00:37:57.414
So that you're not just operating by default.
00:37:57.934 --> 00:38:00.764
Is that couples of therapy, individual therapy?
00:38:00.764 --> 00:38:01.835
Is it a group thing?
00:38:01.844 --> 00:38:02.155
What is
00:38:02.155 --> 00:38:02.385
it?
00:38:02.824 --> 00:38:04.135
It's a group community.
00:38:04.184 --> 00:38:13.105
And then I also have coached individuals and couples and being able to redesign and redefine their relationships so that it can be more meaningful for them.
00:38:13.425 --> 00:38:15.824
It's coming together, a communal.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:20.610
So the community itself we do social things together.
00:38:20.699 --> 00:38:33.170
It's what motivated me to do these cuddle classes was because of this group that I started to help them have different experiences, like experiencing themselves in a different context and how they want to relate.
00:38:33.230 --> 00:38:45.289
And then it expanded outside of my Misfits in Love group where I promoted is Sex Positive Los Angeles and also the Bloom Community and then Cuddle Sanctuary.
00:38:46.630 --> 00:38:47.380
What was the other one?
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:48.250
Bloom Community?
00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:49.170
Bloom Community.
00:38:49.170 --> 00:38:49.530
Yeah.
00:38:49.530 --> 00:38:59.340
And that's actually a place, it's an app where you can go for dating, where you can go for events, where you can find community.
00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:00.590
That's amazing.
00:39:00.599 --> 00:39:01.030
Look at you.
00:39:02.429 --> 00:39:03.429
Changing the world.
00:39:04.739 --> 00:39:06.820
So another place for you guys to explore, maybe.
00:39:07.969 --> 00:39:23.050
It's all sex positive kink friendly anyone who is exploring BDSM um, LGBTQ friendly, all of these communities where we get to explore who we are what's authentic to us, what's most fulfilling to us.
00:39:24.164 --> 00:39:24.655
Beautiful.
00:39:25.605 --> 00:39:36.559
Yeah, I would like to wrap up with talking about oxytocin and the benefits of touch and some of the physiological benefits of touch Because I feel touch is a sense that often gets overlooked.
00:39:37.059 --> 00:39:38.219
Yes, absolutely.
00:39:38.260 --> 00:39:44.719
When you asked earlier, who this class is for, what's coming to mind is well, if your love language is physical touch, you're probably going to come to this class.
00:39:45.420 --> 00:39:47.650
We all need, touch of some kind, right?
00:39:47.699 --> 00:39:49.329
Babies can't survive without touch.
00:39:49.809 --> 00:39:50.690
Such a good point.
00:39:51.309 --> 00:39:51.980
Yeah.
00:39:52.570 --> 00:39:57.829
The other thing is that, there's a co regulation that happens.
00:39:57.860 --> 00:40:12.469
And Krista, when you and Elle, talked about laying on each other's bellies and how that began to help you melt and really help you to feel safe and more open, even the breathing that we're feeling with this person, right?
00:40:12.489 --> 00:40:16.719
Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm.
00:40:17.269 --> 00:40:19.070
Somebody else is on our belly.
00:40:19.079 --> 00:40:20.679
They're feeling our rhythm.
00:40:20.989 --> 00:40:23.980
What tends to happen is we are co regulating.
00:40:24.769 --> 00:40:28.329
And we begin to breathe.
00:40:29.155 --> 00:40:45.775
Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax.
00:40:46.494 --> 00:41:08.224
We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched in a spoon drawer we can feel high from it, right?
00:41:08.454 --> 00:41:12.144
We can feel like we're floaty blissful.
00:41:12.344 --> 00:41:19.394
We're feeling soft feeling very receptive your heart is opening that's the oxytocin high.
00:41:19.894 --> 00:41:21.675
One last question is coming up for me.
00:41:21.675 --> 00:41:22.224
Can I ask it?
00:41:22.735 --> 00:41:23.074
Of course.
00:41:23.125 --> 00:41:32.664
I'm curious how Or if you've taken any of the cuddle positions or any of the cuddle concepts into your own life?
00:41:32.795 --> 00:41:36.994
I'm single I don't know that would apply to me, but Elle what have you and Gabe got up to?
00:41:36.994 --> 00:41:38.244
Oh
00:41:38.244 --> 00:41:38.295
my god.
00:41:38.815 --> 00:41:44.054
I don't know that we've specifically done any of the cuddle positions.
00:41:44.594 --> 00:41:52.775
One thing that I did find is over COVID, we started holding hands again we've been together for 13 years.
00:41:53.255 --> 00:42:02.664
And at some point in the relationship, we just stopped holding hands but over COVID the last couple of years, that's come back into our relationship, which is really nice.
00:42:02.724 --> 00:42:14.235
I can't say that I specifically brought in anything from the cuddle class, but it was just super insightful for me to be going through and really observant of how do I feel about this person touching me?
00:42:14.235 --> 00:42:16.804
How do I feel about touching this situation?
00:42:17.284 --> 00:42:22.364
That's really what I brought with me, but maybe I'll have him lay on my stomach tonight.
00:42:23.835 --> 00:42:25.264
Calm me down a little bit.
00:42:25.264 --> 00:42:25.635
Yeah,
00:42:26.715 --> 00:42:35.625
I didn't learn positions that I would have not thought of that I will want to implement into my next relationship.
00:42:35.929 --> 00:42:54.275
And even the innocence of them, of, being in contact and not having all contact have to be a sexual thing or sensual thing, when we were kids, me and my friends were so tactile and we'd lay on each other and put our arms around each other or hold hands, you know, we were just in each other's, space.
00:42:54.485 --> 00:43:06.875
I think that as we get older, touch becomes a sexual thing and to not have, both aspects of it, neutral, sexual, all in between, we're robbing ourselves.
00:43:06.885 --> 00:43:16.394
So to make it playful, to make it fun, to make it relaxing to make it nurturing, all of those things matter so much and are nutritive.
00:43:16.394 --> 00:43:27.679
And we need to really think about them full scope versus just I'm going to do this thing which initiates sex and, have almost like a routine a patterning that, you can fall into.
00:43:27.679 --> 00:43:33.920
So I learned that like, Oh, I want to sit like this with someone that I like, or I want to take this home.
00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:35.369
I want to take this back into my world.
00:43:37.014 --> 00:43:38.085
Beautiful.
00:43:38.585 --> 00:43:43.815
if you could let us know where people can find you, got a lot going on.
00:43:43.974 --> 00:43:47.114
Yeah, that sort of thing, how people can get in touch with you.
00:43:47.880 --> 00:43:52.300
Yes, so you can go to my website, thestellarlife.
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:57.739
com, and that's where you can find events that are happening.
00:43:58.130 --> 00:44:00.570
We're experimenting now, so there's a cuddle class.
00:44:01.135 --> 00:44:02.445
And then there's the Cuddle Lab.
00:44:02.735 --> 00:44:07.534
And so Cuddle Class is for anyone who hasn't attended a class before that wants to experience a Cuddle Class.
00:44:07.885 --> 00:44:17.474
And then the Cuddle Lab is going to be for people like you! Who has experienced a Cuddle Class before, wants to dive right into cuddling.
00:44:17.485 --> 00:44:26.449
We dive right into the Cuddle Lab so that, you can have four hours straight of that oxytocin magic carpet, right?
00:44:26.949 --> 00:44:27.480
Amazing.
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:29.360
Thank you so much.
00:44:29.389 --> 00:44:31.320
I think what you do is unique.
00:44:31.329 --> 00:44:35.280
It's very special, and it's very needed by so many people.
00:44:35.980 --> 00:44:45.900
And the way you present it makes it really accessible and challenging to a degree that is still comfortable for people like me and Krista to attend.
00:44:45.929 --> 00:44:50.210
And push our comfort level a little bit, but maintain our boundaries.
00:44:51.469 --> 00:44:51.690
Yeah.
00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:55.329
To pioneer anything is a huge undertaking.
00:44:55.389 --> 00:45:01.679
It's Really impressive what you've created in the world and what you do for other people and for yourself as well.
00:45:02.099 --> 00:45:08.940
Having led the charge right to develop these aspects of yourself and explore them and understand them and then to teach others.
00:45:09.304 --> 00:45:11.144
It's beautiful So thank you.
00:45:11.855 --> 00:45:12.664
Thank you.
00:45:12.704 --> 00:45:14.025
I so appreciate you too.
00:45:14.545 --> 00:45:16.204
Thanks for having me on your podcast.
00:45:17.224 --> 00:45:17.704
So much.
00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:18.820
We really appreciate it.
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:20.744
We're big fans, Dallas, so thank you.
00:45:21.474 --> 00:45:21.945
Thank you.
00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:23.920
I hope to see you at Kettle again.
00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:31.050
Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye.
00:45:31.320 --> 00:45:37.349
For more information about the show, visit our website Beginners guide to the third eye.com.
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:49.130
For show inquiries, email us at Guide to the Third i@gmail.com and visit the shop page on our website to find many of the products suggested by our practitioners and participants.
00:45:49.449 --> 00:45:56.639
And if you would be so kind, please leave a review and follow us on your go to podcast platform as it helps build our audience.
00:45:56.900 --> 00:45:57.550
Thank you.
00:45:57.610 --> 00:45:58.340
See you soon.
00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:09.230
Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm.
00:00:09.779 --> 00:00:11.580
Somebody else is on our belly.
00:00:11.589 --> 00:00:13.189
They're feeling our rhythm.
00:00:13.500 --> 00:00:16.489
What tends to happen is we are co regulating.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:20.839
And we begin to breathe.
00:00:21.664 --> 00:00:38.284
Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax.
00:00:39.005 --> 00:00:57.814
We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched we can feel high from it, right?
00:00:58.045 --> 00:01:01.734
We can feel like we're floaty blissful.
00:01:01.935 --> 00:01:06.844
We're feeling soft feeling very receptive, your heart is opening.
00:01:06.915 --> 00:01:08.984
That's the oxytocin high.
00:01:09.484 --> 00:01:23.424
Welcome to the Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye, the podcast that delves into the profound realms of spiritual experiences, exploring the dedicated practitioners and various modalities that guide us on our transformative path.
00:01:24.305 --> 00:01:29.844
Together, we will explore the mystical, the magical, the enlightened, and the sacred.
00:01:30.474 --> 00:01:40.614
In each episode, we pair seasoned practitioners, spiritual experiences, or healing modalities, and a willing participant to share their experience in working together.
00:01:41.275 --> 00:01:52.424
We will explore the unique insights, stories, and wisdom gained from their own profound journeys, unveiling the extraordinary narratives that shape spiritual seekers and practitioners alike.
00:01:53.525 --> 00:02:04.504
My name is Krista Rauschenberg and my work as a healer has emerged from hundreds of hours of certified training, spiritual initiations, direct experience, and deep personal work.
00:02:04.864 --> 00:02:12.625
I have been employed in the healing arts as a postpartum doula, an advanced Akashic reader, an Akashic breathwork practitioner, and a writer.
00:02:13.354 --> 00:02:19.615
Facilitating and educating people through their personal, spiritual, and healing journeys is my greatest source of happiness.
00:02:20.115 --> 00:02:21.235
And I'm Elle Larson.
00:02:21.685 --> 00:02:25.194
I use sound and space to help balance internal and external environments.
00:02:25.875 --> 00:02:33.254
I've practiced holistic healing modalities for over 20 years, and my work includes Tibetan bull sound healing, feng shui, reiki, and shamanism.
00:02:33.754 --> 00:02:39.064
Welcome once again to The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye where we demystify the mystical.
00:02:40.825 --> 00:02:58.695
In this episode, we dive into the sense of touch and explore how cuddle classes are revolutionizing the way we connect with others and ourselves The simple yet profound act of platonic touch in a safe, supportive environment can help support personal growth, emotional healing, and provide a deep sense of community.
00:02:59.195 --> 00:03:18.520
Our practitioner today is Stella Chung, a love and intimacy coach who helps you intuitively connect with your mind and body to access your innate wisdom and be more authentically self expressed she has over 20 years of experience teaching yoga, meditation, and shamanism, and is also trained in conflict resolution as a certified mediator and coach.
00:03:19.320 --> 00:03:29.770
She creates and facilitates experiential events that defy conventional social constructs where you feel safe to step outside of your comfort zone and discover your potential for love and connection.
00:03:30.760 --> 00:03:41.741
And, our willing participants are, us! When I brought up the idea of a cuddle class, both Krista and I shied away from it, or rather rejected the idea, which meant that it was probably a good thing for us to do.
00:03:42.241 --> 00:03:52.800
Join us as we explore the holistic benefits of platonic touch, uncover the science behind cuddling, and meet the inspiring individual spreading warmth and kindness through this remarkable practice.
00:03:53.496 --> 00:03:56.225
So Stella, can you tell us a little bit about your background?
00:03:56.235 --> 00:03:58.955
What other modalities you've studied and what led you to this?
00:03:59.866 --> 00:04:00.336
Yes.
00:04:00.376 --> 00:04:05.036
So it's been a journey I'm sure you guys know, it's one thing leads to another.
00:04:05.235 --> 00:04:15.246
My background is in the healing arts with yoga, mindfulness, meditation, a lot of somatic work, dance and shamanism.
00:04:15.626 --> 00:04:17.505
And I'm also a certified mediator.
00:04:17.555 --> 00:04:24.831
And over the years, just for these different practices and connecting to myself, helping others to connect, I've To their bodies to their truth.
00:04:25.180 --> 00:04:37.641
It has led me to knowing and discovering that I really have a love for facilitating connection between people, whether that is in conversation, whether that's interaction in how we relate to people.
00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:42.091
And so it has led me to creating this community.
00:04:42.091 --> 00:04:52.740
called Misfits in Love, where it is about relationships, and it's about discovering, what is most fulfilling for you, and what that looks like, because what's modeled for us is only one model, right?
00:04:52.761 --> 00:05:02.401
It's heteronormative, monogamy, and it's like, what are the options outside of that, if people are looking at what is fulfilling, or even not putting a label on it?
00:05:02.670 --> 00:05:18.021
So this led me to doing experiential workshops, experiential classes, where people can actually experience for themselves how they like to relate and how they like to interact with people and to be able to connect in a way that feels meaningful.
00:05:18.081 --> 00:05:20.461
So that's really the crux of my work.
00:05:20.961 --> 00:05:21.940
That's fascinating.
00:05:22.531 --> 00:05:24.721
What type of I was going to say education.
00:05:24.721 --> 00:05:26.120
Is it an educational background?
00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:28.920
How do you study for something like this
00:05:28.920 --> 00:05:52.076
It's been cumulative over the years just accumulating knowledge and Putting pieces together and I guess We're always our own guinea pig right and what we do or what we teach is what we need most And coming from a family where I didn't really feel like there was true, deep connection, that's what I've longed for in my own life and in my own relationships.
00:05:52.466 --> 00:05:59.305
It also comes from I really don't like small talk, and so how do I, relate to people when I first meet them in a deeper way.
00:05:59.305 --> 00:06:03.725
What kinds of questions can I ask that will foster a deeper connection and faster?
00:06:03.915 --> 00:06:09.276
So I like to do that not just for myself, but to be able to facilitate that for group settings as well.
00:06:09.516 --> 00:06:40.375
Mediation training helps with facilitation, but I also went to facilitation school and discovered how to create, whether it's 10 or 100 people and how you can create intimacy even in a large group that you do feel like you're making deeper connection it was actually during COVID that I was able to grow my community, using facilitation exercises, these different ways of helping people to connect online.
00:06:40.656 --> 00:06:56.725
I think it's really powerful knowing how to, Facilitate connection whether it's online or in person with a community or with groups, because it really does work Things that are facilitated or guided in a way that feels intentional, where our time.
00:06:57.105 --> 00:07:00.615
Getting there and being spent there feels like it's well used.
00:07:01.696 --> 00:07:02.235
Amen.
00:07:02.565 --> 00:07:04.196
It's so courageous what you do.
00:07:04.216 --> 00:07:19.875
I think it takes such courage to be vulnerable to bridge those uncomfortable gaps and bring people together and bypass all of their own, either social anxiety or personal anxiety to just go in and take them forward.
00:07:19.966 --> 00:07:22.665
I think as a facilitator must take a lot of courage.
00:07:23.446 --> 00:07:23.925
Thank you.
00:07:23.925 --> 00:07:26.165
I was going to say, I can be really socially awkward.
00:07:26.175 --> 00:07:30.136
And so maybe that helps my social awkwardness.
00:07:30.156 --> 00:07:37.105
But knowing what it feels like to be on that receiving end of showing up to a place and really not knowing anyone or not knowing where to start.
00:07:37.305 --> 00:07:41.096
I think it just really helps people to have a place to start, you know.
00:07:41.805 --> 00:07:50.795
Anytime I go to just a party, They always seem so empty to me It's like, can we do something can this be a game night or can we go do an activity or something?
00:07:51.045 --> 00:07:57.235
So I'll put myself in charge of something just so that I have some function in that environment.
00:07:57.276 --> 00:07:57.696
Yeah.
00:07:57.696 --> 00:07:58.406
I can relate.
00:07:58.966 --> 00:07:59.846
That's really anxiety.
00:07:59.846 --> 00:08:00.206
Yeah.
00:08:00.706 --> 00:08:11.685
I have a little bit of the same thing I feel really comfortable in a situation and really comfortable talking to people that I don't know when it's something that I'm a part of or I'm hosting, a sound bath, super comfortable, talking to people who have come in.
00:08:12.036 --> 00:08:20.076
But when it's a situation where it's not in my domain I'm not the one that's going to go up and introduce myself to somebody that I don't know.
00:08:20.076 --> 00:08:23.665
So then yes, I would be, but there's a lot of people out there like that.
00:08:24.115 --> 00:08:29.526
There's a lot of people out there who are comfortable just like, Oh, Hey, so and my name is whatever.
00:08:29.935 --> 00:08:33.145
And Stella, you don't strike me as the type to be.
00:08:33.525 --> 00:08:37.686
Socially anxious because it seems like you do everything with ease.
00:08:37.716 --> 00:08:41.926
But then again, this is your domain and you're the one facilitating it.
00:08:41.936 --> 00:08:44.556
So do you notice that kind of shift as well?
00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:49.921
If it's something that you're hosting and something that you feel, you've got to absolutely,
00:08:51.230 --> 00:08:56.831
yes, because when I'm hosting, it's like, wherever it is, it's like I'm welcoming them into my home, right?
00:08:56.860 --> 00:08:58.000
That's how it feels.
00:08:58.301 --> 00:09:04.061
And I want people to walk in feeling safe, feeling comfortable, knowing what to expect.
00:09:04.855 --> 00:09:12.525
If it was me going to an event where I didn't know anybody, I might just be a fly on the wall, or depending on my mood or who's there.
00:09:12.556 --> 00:09:13.885
So yeah, it was very different.
00:09:16.884 --> 00:09:19.043
Okay, so we're about to head into cuddle class.
00:09:19.563 --> 00:09:20.474
How are you feeling?
00:09:20.583 --> 00:09:21.644
I'm nervous.
00:09:21.754 --> 00:09:22.323
Nervous how?
00:09:22.413 --> 00:09:22.774
I don't know.
00:09:22.774 --> 00:09:25.443
I don't really like people touching me.
00:09:25.903 --> 00:09:26.573
Strangers.
00:09:26.614 --> 00:09:29.014
Yeah, and I'm not sure what to expect.
00:09:29.453 --> 00:09:32.833
But I also know because I feel this way, it's probably good for us to be doing this.
00:09:33.264 --> 00:09:34.703
Do you feel the same way?
00:09:35.323 --> 00:09:41.033
I don't want to do this and I don't do Know who?
00:09:41.413 --> 00:09:43.183
comes to these kinds of things.
00:09:43.234 --> 00:09:44.553
What are we getting ourselves into?
00:09:44.553 --> 00:09:48.913
But it's something that I have such a big aversion to is probably going to have a really good outcome.
00:09:49.333 --> 00:09:50.453
But I don't want to be here.
00:09:50.864 --> 00:09:51.783
It's not that I don't want to be here.
00:09:51.783 --> 00:09:53.114
It's just I just don't want anyone to touch me.
00:09:53.114 --> 00:09:58.043
And I want to be put in a position where I'm going to have to do something that I don't want to do.
00:09:58.094 --> 00:10:04.698
And I don't want to Get in the things like group pressure I'm not a joiner of anything I'll stay on the outside in the lodge.
00:10:04.698 --> 00:10:06.220
Yeah, but I'll stay here.
00:10:06.220 --> 00:10:08.234
Okay, so I don't know what's gonna happen.
00:10:08.423 --> 00:10:11.683
The one thing is that I trust the facilitator implicitly.
00:10:11.754 --> 00:10:13.953
You know her, she knows her really well, I don't know
00:10:13.953 --> 00:10:14.403
her,
00:10:14.484 --> 00:10:16.653
So at least I have that, so I don't want to blame you.
00:10:16.874 --> 00:10:17.224
And then I
00:10:17.234 --> 00:10:17.573
trust
00:10:17.573 --> 00:10:17.953
you,
00:10:18.014 --> 00:10:18.703
One removed.
00:10:19.293 --> 00:10:19.974
I'm going in.
00:10:20.114 --> 00:10:20.754
Yeah, we're going in.
00:10:20.793 --> 00:10:21.104
Alright.
00:10:21.153 --> 00:10:21.394
Anyway.
00:10:21.673 --> 00:10:27.596
Bye! See I have to say walking into this.
00:10:28.230 --> 00:10:29.350
experience.
00:10:29.441 --> 00:10:35.576
You held such a safe, warm welcoming home for us to relax into.
00:10:35.576 --> 00:10:43.265
So I felt really safe walking in that didn't help my anxiety of what was about to come, but at least there was that.
00:10:43.456 --> 00:10:44.806
Invitation to relax.
00:10:44.806 --> 00:10:47.336
And I thought it would be interesting.
00:10:47.336 --> 00:10:48.475
I felt safe with you.
00:10:48.666 --> 00:10:49.566
I guess is my point.
00:10:50.245 --> 00:10:50.666
Oh,
00:10:50.755 --> 00:10:52.426
That just warms my heart hearing that.
00:10:52.456 --> 00:10:53.525
Thank you for sharing that.
00:10:54.346 --> 00:10:55.796
Can you describe to us a little bit Stella?
00:10:55.826 --> 00:10:57.015
What is a cuddle class?
00:10:58.566 --> 00:11:03.885
Oh, that is a there's so many layers to it.
00:11:03.926 --> 00:11:05.936
I would love to ask you that question.
00:11:06.485 --> 00:11:17.466
I would say The first thing I say is that it is an experiential class with platonic touch with no strings attached.
00:11:17.966 --> 00:11:24.336
There's complete autonomy for every person and choosing what's right for them in every single moment.
00:11:24.946 --> 00:11:37.186
And it's about being able to clearly communicate Your yes and your nose and being able to say no without guilt.
00:11:38.515 --> 00:11:48.605
So I say it's a, class about being able to communicate your needs and your desires and be able to express your boundaries.
00:11:49.105 --> 00:11:50.056
That's what it's really about.
00:11:50.066 --> 00:12:07.676
It's a class about that disguised as a cuddle, so I think there's so many life lessons that can be learned within a cuddle class that are a little unexpected.
00:12:08.176 --> 00:12:09.655
Yeah, I would definitely agree with that.
00:12:09.706 --> 00:12:19.056
I think it was really important how you started the class out with us just getting into our bodies and walking around the room and doing some stretching.
00:12:19.056 --> 00:12:39.535
That was just a very solitary activity within the group and it helped us begin to engage with the energy of the other people in the room, but most importantly, like engaging with our own bodies and how we felt and then there were these practices around consent and asking and receiving consent or saying no or no, thank you.
00:12:39.546 --> 00:12:43.316
And I thought that was really important and super valuable.
00:12:43.816 --> 00:13:00.875
One of the things that I walked out of the class saying was if everybody had some of those consent exercises, there could potentially be, less trauma in the world because not only people feeling comfortable saying no or giving an alternative no, I'm not comfortable with that, but we can do this instead.
00:13:01.155 --> 00:13:03.716
And most importantly, feeling okay.
00:13:04.221 --> 00:13:05.221
hearing no.
00:13:05.581 --> 00:13:08.270
One thing that you mentioned is no is not a rejection.
00:13:08.841 --> 00:13:11.990
Can you talk a little bit more about that aspect of the class?
00:13:12.921 --> 00:13:13.400
Sure.
00:13:13.421 --> 00:13:16.620
I think that's one of the key parts.
00:13:17.191 --> 00:13:34.880
That a significant part of cuddle class and being able to say no and reframing it even for ourselves and how we hear a no because, we're conditioned to think that a no is a rejection and we might take it personally.
00:13:34.931 --> 00:13:49.091
So to be able to bring the no into a different light, into a different way of thinking about it as Oh, that person is taking care of themselves or I'm saying no, because that's not what I want right now.
00:13:49.091 --> 00:13:50.451
And I'm taking care of myself.
00:13:51.260 --> 00:13:56.821
It's also thinking about how if I can trust your no, then I can trust your yes.
00:13:57.311 --> 00:14:07.990
Because I think as women, we are taught and conditioned to be agreeable, to accommodate, I grew up being a people pleaser.
00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:17.900
And so it's saying yes to everything, or, if I Don't say yes, being afraid, the fear of losing this person's love or losing this friendship or whatever.
00:14:17.931 --> 00:14:20.620
It might be a threat, right?
00:14:20.681 --> 00:14:27.321
It could be a threat to some sort of love that I am wanting to keep or to keep the connection.
00:14:27.370 --> 00:14:50.061
Being able to say no is super powerful because then it begins to create the trust that we can really Be honest with each other that we do respect each other enough to be honest To be authentic and to say the hard things even if it is hard and what creates true intimacy is being able to Be open and being able to really express what's true for you.
00:14:51.421 --> 00:14:53.671
And so that's how you started our class.
00:14:53.721 --> 00:15:07.410
I'm guessing you start every class that way by teaching us the rules where you pair us up and then someone will ask to hug us, let's say, and then we're made to say no to practice saying no, regardless of what we felt in that moment.
00:15:07.890 --> 00:15:08.791
And it sets it up.
00:15:08.791 --> 00:15:11.791
So everyone has that experience of what it's like.
00:15:12.150 --> 00:15:15.370
And then you're giving us permission to do that throughout the rest of the class.
00:15:15.801 --> 00:15:18.530
So it sets a foundation that we have a choice.
00:15:19.541 --> 00:15:20.980
Yes, absolutely.
00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:23.280
That every person has a choice in any moment.
00:15:23.321 --> 00:15:28.941
I'm curious what it was like for the two of you to say no and to receive a no.
00:15:29.191 --> 00:15:36.341
It was wonderful to have that groundwork laid and being like, okay it's good to say no, it's okay to say no.
00:15:36.770 --> 00:15:38.620
For me that felt really comfortable.
00:15:38.650 --> 00:15:41.010
It made me feel more safe in the spot.
00:15:41.030 --> 00:15:46.860
And I thought it was also really important how you instructed on saying no, you could give an alternative do you want to hug?
00:15:46.870 --> 00:15:47.630
No, but I'm okay.
00:15:47.630 --> 00:15:49.910
Shaking hands but then also receiving that.
00:15:49.910 --> 00:15:58.030
No when I said no, thank you was, oh, well, you know, I'm, I'm happy that you're taking care of yourself or, thank you for taking care of yourself which.
00:15:58.475 --> 00:15:59.645
Is really affirming.
00:15:59.655 --> 00:16:03.586
It's like that person is supporting my decision instead of feeling put out by my decision.
00:16:04.436 --> 00:16:05.196
Yes.
00:16:05.306 --> 00:16:08.155
I love how you put that supporting your decision.
00:16:08.475 --> 00:16:12.046
And it doesn't necessarily mean that's the end of the conversation, right?
00:16:12.076 --> 00:16:13.635
You can negotiate.
00:16:15.115 --> 00:16:16.216
That make you feel Krista?
00:16:16.716 --> 00:16:18.346
I was very happy for it.
00:16:18.395 --> 00:16:19.716
I said no a lot.
00:16:19.816 --> 00:16:21.875
It took me a while to warm up.
00:16:22.346 --> 00:16:23.905
My guard was very much up.
00:16:24.025 --> 00:16:30.966
So to have that as an option, having no idea what we were getting into, Oh, okay, I don't have to do any of this.
00:16:30.985 --> 00:16:32.785
I wasn't ready to really participate.
00:16:32.826 --> 00:16:35.066
I didn't want to engage.
00:16:35.076 --> 00:16:37.225
So it helped a lot.
00:16:37.505 --> 00:16:47.035
I was going to say I just want to acknowledge the two of you it does take a lot of freaking courage to come to a cuddle class to not know what is happening.
00:16:47.046 --> 00:16:50.135
Because even just the name can sound weird, right?
00:16:50.155 --> 00:16:51.475
What is a cuddle class?
00:16:51.505 --> 00:16:52.535
I don't want to be around creeps.
00:16:52.535 --> 00:16:53.635
I don't want to be touched by creeps.
00:16:53.706 --> 00:16:55.056
Why are we going to a sex party?
00:16:56.615 --> 00:17:00.596
We talked about it after, I would have never gone without Elle or a friend.
00:17:00.855 --> 00:17:03.306
The people that came on their own, hats off.
00:17:03.336 --> 00:17:04.096
My goodness.
00:17:04.226 --> 00:17:04.875
Amazing.
00:17:06.096 --> 00:17:06.516
Yes.
00:17:06.675 --> 00:17:07.986
Absolutely.
00:17:08.125 --> 00:17:08.576
Yes.
00:17:08.635 --> 00:17:10.246
And it's so normal.
00:17:10.246 --> 00:17:15.115
The way you guys described how you felt is totally how others feel.
00:17:15.125 --> 00:17:16.375
Like it's so normal.
00:17:16.375 --> 00:17:17.885
It's what most people feel like.
00:17:17.895 --> 00:17:19.675
It would be weird for them to not feel that.
00:17:21.010 --> 00:17:21.701
Of course, right?
00:17:21.830 --> 00:17:22.191
Yeah.
00:17:22.961 --> 00:17:25.181
So what type of people do seek out a cuddle class?
00:17:25.221 --> 00:17:26.381
Who is your audience?
00:17:26.431 --> 00:17:27.451
That's a good question.
00:17:27.550 --> 00:17:39.911
It's usually people who have felt isolated, I think, as the pandemic ends, or they're still feeling effects of the isolation from the pandemic.
00:17:40.730 --> 00:17:42.300
They are living alone.
00:17:42.310 --> 00:17:43.770
They're not in a relationship.
00:17:43.820 --> 00:17:45.310
There is no family.
00:17:45.530 --> 00:17:49.270
They could be in a relationship where there is not a lot of touch going on.
00:17:49.631 --> 00:17:55.611
Their partner may not be interested in touch so they're getting a need.
00:17:56.211 --> 00:18:00.740
Met and fulfilled by coming to a platonic touch class.
00:18:01.441 --> 00:18:08.300
We saw that there's a community people that have continued to come back and had a relationship already formed.
00:18:08.310 --> 00:18:10.230
So they knew what they were coming for.
00:18:10.230 --> 00:18:16.730
They knew what they were coming to get, and they dove right in and didn't waste any time, which I thought was fascinating.
00:18:17.861 --> 00:18:34.330
Yeah, people do get to know each other through the cuddle community and They do just come, dive right in and to a spoon train and to a bear den, all of those cuddle positions that we like they were getting their medicine.
00:18:35.201 --> 00:18:35.871
And they wanted it.
00:18:35.871 --> 00:18:36.580
Yes.
00:18:37.510 --> 00:18:37.641
Yes.
00:18:38.651 --> 00:18:41.570
I think, people who are wanting to connect.
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:48.861
In a different way to experience themselves in a different context might seek out an experience like this, out of curiosity.
00:18:49.780 --> 00:18:51.830
It's almost like training ground, right?
00:18:51.911 --> 00:19:00.510
Come do it in this platonic safe environment and then you can apply what you learned out in your world, in your life, in your relationships.
00:19:01.010 --> 00:19:09.830
And like anything with more practice, you get better, you get more comfortable with asking, even with the actual contact or touch.
00:19:09.830 --> 00:19:10.250
Yes.
00:19:10.250 --> 00:19:12.310
A question is popping up in my mind.
00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:13.760
Am I able to ask?
00:19:13.901 --> 00:19:14.881
For sure, please.
00:19:14.881 --> 00:19:19.471
So I'm curious, when you heard Cuddle Class, what was your first impression?
00:19:19.490 --> 00:19:24.411
Like what images, what feelings or words came to mind about it?
00:19:24.830 --> 00:19:29.201
And what was your impression after?
00:19:29.701 --> 00:19:31.810
I was imagining the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:32.101 --> 00:19:34.550
Because you're involved and I know you and I trust you.
00:19:34.560 --> 00:19:40.201
I knew that there would be a high level of ethics to it and a high level of integrity to it.
00:19:40.280 --> 00:19:44.171
But I pretty much imagined what was going on in the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:44.260 --> 00:19:46.411
But I didn't really.
00:19:46.586 --> 00:19:53.726
Anticipate that I would feel so comfortable not being a part of the freestyle cuddle.
00:19:53.846 --> 00:20:01.865
I went into it feeling like everybody's gonna be cuddling and then Krista and I are gonna be like sitting on the sidelines holding hands, and feeling the odd people out.
00:20:01.965 --> 00:20:07.935
But I didn't feel uncomfortable at all not participating in some of the larger cuddle groups.
00:20:08.336 --> 00:20:11.496
I loved cuddling with you though, Stella We did have a nice cuddle.
00:20:11.526 --> 00:20:12.546
We did have a nice cuddle.
00:20:12.576 --> 00:20:14.066
So I warmed up and I.
00:20:14.736 --> 00:20:16.036
felt comfortable cuddling with you.
00:20:16.086 --> 00:20:22.326
I felt like I would feel awkward all of the time and out of place all the time, but would say a third of the way into it.
00:20:22.326 --> 00:20:27.185
I was like, I feel comfortable and it's not weird for me to sit here with these.
00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:32.201
Boundaries and I can enjoy and share space with people to my level of comfort.
00:20:32.701 --> 00:20:34.270
Stella, I don't know you.
00:20:34.431 --> 00:20:52.431
So I thought it was creepy or it would be lascivious in some way I was dismissive and then had conversations about it, and was curious and much like L, I was happy to know my boundaries.
00:20:53.391 --> 00:20:56.510
Reinforced my sense of self.
00:20:57.046 --> 00:21:03.256
I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want, and I had no problem putting that boundary up and keeping that boundary.
00:21:03.256 --> 00:21:07.786
I never felt like I had to, give someone what they wanted over what I needed.
00:21:08.135 --> 00:21:09.405
So that felt really good.
00:21:09.445 --> 00:21:10.945
It's like I really know myself.
00:21:11.115 --> 00:21:15.145
And that's, of course, taken a lot of work and a long time.
00:21:15.645 --> 00:21:22.976
I didn't feel the need to be part of a bigger cuddle group that just didn't feel safe or inviting or interesting to me.
00:21:23.486 --> 00:21:27.905
Had I been there with a bunch of my friends, I probably would have done that.
00:21:28.236 --> 00:21:33.006
But I know I need that level of intimacy or closeness or connection.
00:21:33.006 --> 00:21:35.945
But I did do more than I thought I would do.
00:21:36.016 --> 00:21:41.816
There was a moment where you had us lay our heads on someone else's belly.
00:21:42.266 --> 00:21:44.276
And then someone would lay their head on our belly.
00:21:44.806 --> 00:21:47.736
And that melted me.
00:21:48.605 --> 00:21:54.326
And what came through was this sense of humanity and me of Oh, we're all just.
00:21:54.766 --> 00:21:58.425
Human and trying to connect and understand.
00:21:58.435 --> 00:22:00.796
And it really opened my heart.
00:22:00.826 --> 00:22:05.185
And as soon as my heart was open, then everything felt different.
00:22:05.625 --> 00:22:07.895
And I was far more willing.
00:22:07.895 --> 00:22:12.690
and able to connect One gentleman asked if he could hold my hand.
00:22:13.049 --> 00:22:17.222
And I'm telling you, if he'd done that, like 10 minutes before this heart opening, I would have said no.
00:22:17.222 --> 00:22:19.878
And then I was like, oh yeah, you can hold my hand.
00:22:19.888 --> 00:22:20.398
Why not?
00:22:20.648 --> 00:22:21.439
Yeah, hold my hand.
00:22:21.449 --> 00:22:23.818
And then he asked if he could touch my foot and I was like, oh, that's so sweet.
00:22:23.818 --> 00:22:24.038
Yeah.
00:22:24.038 --> 00:22:24.669
Touch my foot.
00:22:24.679 --> 00:22:27.689
and then I got to a point where I was like, does anyone else want to come and touch me?
00:22:28.818 --> 00:22:30.068
Does anyone else want to rub my feet?
00:22:30.459 --> 00:22:39.288
Then I was in So yeah, it was a really interesting unraveling or opening that I feel like was done very organically.
00:22:40.068 --> 00:22:42.439
Hence, your ability to create that space.
00:22:42.449 --> 00:22:43.219
So thank you.
00:22:43.838 --> 00:22:44.578
I love that.
00:22:45.128 --> 00:22:46.019
I will second that.
00:22:46.019 --> 00:22:46.628
What did you call it?
00:22:46.659 --> 00:22:51.459
Was it like stomach Tetris or something like that where we like the belly laughing?
00:22:52.278 --> 00:22:55.548
Oh, yeah, that we did some lattice or something because it looks like a
00:22:56.019 --> 00:22:56.469
lattice.
00:22:56.959 --> 00:23:08.358
Yeah, that was a fantastic icebreaker because it wasn't intimidating for me, not a big deal to have somebody's head laying on my stomach and for me to be laying my head on somebody else's stomach.
00:23:08.608 --> 00:23:10.769
And I thought it was a nice way to relax into things.
00:23:10.769 --> 00:23:28.199
And also that physicality of having a weight on your belly as you're breathing, there something grounding about it and for our listeners, anytime somebody touches you in the cuddle class, they need to ask for your consent just to speak about some of the guidelines like you say, Stella, everything is G rated.
00:23:28.229 --> 00:23:31.949
A six year old could walk in and we wouldn't have to adjust anything.
00:23:32.308 --> 00:23:34.239
There's, nothing sexual about it.
00:23:34.739 --> 00:23:36.128
That's what got me I thought.
00:23:36.159 --> 00:23:37.449
Oh, So this is safe.
00:23:37.949 --> 00:23:39.169
That was my selling point.
00:23:39.409 --> 00:23:53.794
Yeah, there's no assumptions about who we can touch or how we can touch them, even L if like we were holding hands and I, Naturally wanted to stack my leg on top of yours maybe that would just naturally happen.
00:23:53.794 --> 00:23:56.374
But, it's to ask, it's not to assume, right?
00:23:56.443 --> 00:24:03.574
It's to make sure that every single touch is intentional, that we do have a hell yes to it.
00:24:03.824 --> 00:24:05.913
And that if it's a maybe, it's a no.
00:24:05.913 --> 00:24:07.344
And if it's a no, it's a no.
00:24:07.384 --> 00:24:08.913
So anything short of a hell yes.
00:24:09.439 --> 00:24:15.459
Is a no and to make sure that we're not operating off of assumptions.
00:24:15.818 --> 00:24:21.558
I'm curious, how has this changed, in your own life about assumptions for a hug?
00:24:21.933 --> 00:24:23.013
Outside of the class.
00:24:23.804 --> 00:24:31.253
One thing that came to me is I'm super comfortable giving and receiving hugs especially in our community, we work in holistic fields.
00:24:31.253 --> 00:24:41.814
And so a lot of people hug for greeting and in the beginning exercises, I realized I'm pretty much comfortable hugging almost anybody but there is, for me, a comfort level with, how long that hug sustains.
00:24:41.824 --> 00:24:46.723
It's definitely made me sensitive about people who might not want a hug.
00:24:46.743 --> 00:24:52.463
And not that I go around hugging everybody, but I think, asking people if they are okay to hug.
00:24:52.864 --> 00:25:00.493
One of my big takeaways was noticing the difference between pushing my comfort level, which this definitely did versus crossing a boundary.
00:25:01.114 --> 00:25:02.854
How do you know when you cross a boundary?
00:25:02.943 --> 00:25:05.114
What is your telltale sign for yourself?
00:25:06.263 --> 00:25:08.624
Oh, that I retract and I just don't want it.
00:25:09.344 --> 00:25:11.324
I might not say that, but I'm like that inside.
00:25:11.324 --> 00:25:13.384
I'm like a little five year old inside no, I don't want that.
00:25:13.384 --> 00:25:14.023
I don't like it.
00:25:14.534 --> 00:25:22.443
Yeah, usually when a boundary is crossed or something that we don't want, our body immediately knows, there's a contraction.
00:25:22.953 --> 00:25:28.574
And with what you said earlier, Krista, about you felt your heart opening and you felt safe.
00:25:29.078 --> 00:25:48.269
To be able to let go and trust that experience like our body knows right you immediately feel it And so I love that this cuddle class gives us an opportunity to really get in touch with our bodies because the body always knows first and Really trust what it's signaling to us
00:25:49.159 --> 00:25:49.638
yeah.
00:25:50.709 --> 00:25:53.459
Stella, who would this class not be good for?
00:25:54.489 --> 00:25:56.019
That's a good question.
00:25:56.019 --> 00:26:03.148
I guess it wouldn't be good for somebody who is not open to experiencing something different.
00:26:04.189 --> 00:26:08.709
What about people with any kind of like physical trauma or sexual trauma?
00:26:09.459 --> 00:26:15.709
Because I could imagine that this would be a beautiful way to come back into their body, heal parts of them that may have been.
00:26:16.163 --> 00:26:17.663
Talk about boundaries crossed.
00:26:17.773 --> 00:26:22.124
So do you recommend it for people with, those types of traumas?
00:26:22.334 --> 00:26:23.584
Can you speak to that at all?
00:26:24.094 --> 00:26:25.304
That's a great question.
00:26:25.374 --> 00:26:40.844
And in particular, for my cuddle classes that I host and facilitate it is specifically to help people with boundaries, with consent, being consent informed, being able to communicate their wants and desires.
00:26:41.153 --> 00:26:45.943
This class is therapeutic in nature, and it's not intended for healing.
00:26:46.314 --> 00:26:52.848
That you may have your own healing, or that a healing may occur, but the purpose of it is for betterment.
00:26:53.479 --> 00:26:58.239
practicing and building our consent and communication and boundaries.
00:26:58.509 --> 00:27:00.219
So that's how I differentiate.
00:27:00.648 --> 00:27:02.989
Healing versus being therapeutic,
00:27:03.828 --> 00:27:04.288
beautiful.
00:27:04.288 --> 00:27:07.048
And then there is an intake form, if I remember.
00:27:07.058 --> 00:27:12.898
And do you ask any of these questions on that intake form, just so that you're informed about what you may encounter?
00:27:13.659 --> 00:27:14.098
Yeah.
00:27:14.148 --> 00:27:15.159
So there are.
00:27:15.324 --> 00:27:16.884
specific questions.
00:27:16.894 --> 00:27:20.564
Not so much about what are you healing, but do you have any pain?
00:27:20.713 --> 00:27:33.634
And that's a very general question, that people can either share if it's physical pain, emotional pain, any sort of difficulties that they're going through in their life, if they're willing to be open and sharing that I do take a look.
00:27:34.048 --> 00:27:41.138
At that to make sure that whoever is coming can feel supported and be aware of where people are mentally and physically,
00:27:41.638 --> 00:27:45.249
you also make it quite clear that it's not a place where you pick up people to date.
00:27:45.368 --> 00:27:49.969
It's not a dating service, definitely helps with the safe environment.
00:27:50.538 --> 00:28:11.398
I want to make things explicit and that's why I have these specific questions on the intake form, just so people know, that this is a safe space it is platonic and that if anybody has, any sort of notion that they can ask someone out on a date or that they're going there for that reason that's not tolerated.
00:28:11.778 --> 00:28:19.939
So I have these guidelines to make sure that we're all on the same page that somebody has actually read that and they check off.
00:28:19.959 --> 00:28:21.179
Yes, I understand.
00:28:21.459 --> 00:28:29.308
So that's just really important to me so that in creating the safe container, it begins before we actually come in person together,
00:28:29.808 --> 00:28:35.679
because I'm sure there are groups of people that get together for different reasons.
00:28:35.689 --> 00:28:37.078
That does exist in the world.
00:28:37.078 --> 00:28:41.159
So to differentiate yourself from that and say, we are not that I think is really important.
00:28:41.159 --> 00:28:42.699
So people don't get confused.
00:28:42.919 --> 00:28:44.638
You're talking about orgies, aren't you, Krista?
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:48.669
Yes, we got to wrap up because I got you guys.
00:28:48.699 --> 00:28:50.179
Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
00:28:50.398 --> 00:28:57.233
No, there's all kinds of play encounters and sexual exploration.
00:28:58.074 --> 00:29:04.074
Let's touch on that real quick because when it is balanced and when there is consent, that's all very healthy.
00:29:04.324 --> 00:29:06.473
It's just that cuddle class is not one of those things.
00:29:07.384 --> 00:29:10.564
So people know what they're, what they're signing up for.
00:29:10.604 --> 00:29:10.933
Yeah.
00:29:10.933 --> 00:29:11.249
Yeah.
00:29:12.308 --> 00:29:15.368
And then Stella, tell us where does cuddle class come from?
00:29:15.409 --> 00:29:18.828
What are the origins of this to develop this?
00:29:19.419 --> 00:29:21.328
I'm guessing it's from the 1920s.
00:29:21.749 --> 00:29:22.278
Just kidding.
00:29:22.278 --> 00:29:24.848
I
00:29:25.229 --> 00:29:26.628
think it might be, no.
00:29:26.878 --> 00:29:41.409
Jean Frazblau is actually the creator of the Cuddle Sanctuary who certifies cuddle experts and trains people to lead these classes and she's based in Los Angeles.
00:29:41.844 --> 00:29:54.114
It's an ongoing training that she does and, like you said, I think it's wonderful work that restores faith in humanity and after every cuddle class, that's exactly how I feel.
00:29:55.473 --> 00:29:59.554
And what are some of the things you learned in your training that you didn't know?
00:30:00.403 --> 00:30:03.104
Going in what are some of your big takeaways from your training?
00:30:04.753 --> 00:30:10.364
I would say, the training is very thorough and there is a code of ethics, for the trainers.
00:30:10.574 --> 00:30:25.903
And how we conduct ourselves and how do we create an environment that does feel safe, where people feel like they can choose in any moment, the autonomy that they have in every moment during the class to be able to express themselves.
00:30:26.493 --> 00:30:32.653
And yeah, I think the trust and the safety is the most important component.
00:30:33.114 --> 00:30:35.594
What do you think of the psychology behind it?
00:30:35.594 --> 00:30:39.403
Because I was left with almost a deficit.
00:30:39.644 --> 00:30:49.054
After the class, it's like my body yearned for that again, but almost a false economy Because that wasn't real in my life.
00:30:49.513 --> 00:30:53.983
Those weren't people that I could call tomorrow and go, hang out with again.
00:30:54.384 --> 00:30:57.304
And one of the gentlemen that I partnered up with.
00:30:57.403 --> 00:30:58.463
I found attractive.
00:30:58.463 --> 00:31:06.134
So it was an interesting thing to let an attractive man rub my head and rub my shoulders and then walk away from it.
00:31:06.144 --> 00:31:14.453
So the psychology behind that was interesting to me because my body didn't know that this wasn't something that I might be interested in continuing.
00:31:14.453 --> 00:31:15.284
Does that make sense?
00:31:15.394 --> 00:31:22.294
So your body wanted more of it, but mentally you were telling yourself this isn't really in my life.
00:31:22.314 --> 00:31:24.094
This was just something I experienced.
00:31:24.223 --> 00:31:25.035
And so I
00:31:25.035 --> 00:31:26.294
had to kill myself.
00:31:26.294 --> 00:31:26.608
Yeah.
00:31:26.659 --> 00:31:27.439
It's like I opened.
00:31:27.439 --> 00:31:27.818
I don't know.
00:31:27.818 --> 00:31:28.469
Do you?
00:31:28.709 --> 00:31:37.200
We have a cuddle community and a WhatsApp group where I do encourage people to join so that you can have your spontaneous cuddles if you wanted to.
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:38.890
And people have been getting together.
00:31:38.890 --> 00:31:40.470
So maybe you need to join that group.
00:31:42.910 --> 00:31:47.950
I'll be under the umbrella of this is just a cuddle versus.
00:31:48.509 --> 00:31:51.329
I wouldn't date this person or take it any further.
00:31:51.390 --> 00:31:52.390
Does that make sense?
00:31:52.490 --> 00:31:53.569
Yeah So I think
00:31:53.579 --> 00:31:55.019
that's also a distinction.
00:31:55.130 --> 00:32:05.289
Two things like first there is such a thing as the oxytocin high which is the hormone that makes us feel connected and loved and so the come down of that
00:32:05.289 --> 00:32:11.200
and not the next hit felt a little jarring actually to me.
00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:17.494
I remember exactly the next day Feeling like I was in a deficit is the best way I can put it,
00:32:18.065 --> 00:32:19.595
that is such a great way of putting it.
00:32:19.644 --> 00:32:35.549
And what we encourage people to do the next day is to really take it easy, like to really do things that really nourish you, nourish your body, whatever that may be like taking a walk or hike in nature going dancing whatever that may be.
00:32:35.660 --> 00:32:50.109
So that oxytocin high that you are feeling can ride itself out through maybe something else that you can nurture yourself with, but there isn't that drop that sudden deficit that you're talking about, but that is so common.
00:32:50.500 --> 00:32:50.900
Yeah.
00:32:50.950 --> 00:32:55.039
And then psychologically, I have this handsome man with his arms around me rubbing my head.
00:32:55.039 --> 00:32:56.440
I'm like, are we on a date right now?
00:32:57.029 --> 00:32:57.920
Is this my boyfriend?
00:32:58.470 --> 00:33:02.259
Are we getting coffee after this You go through these mental things in your mind.
00:33:02.259 --> 00:33:03.150
How could you not?
00:33:03.170 --> 00:33:04.230
We're human, right?
00:33:04.700 --> 00:33:06.730
That was just really interesting to me, too.
00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:21.130
And I think that's also a really great point is can we have these beautiful experiences of relating to another person where we do feel like we've had an intimate emotional connection without attachment, right?
00:33:21.180 --> 00:33:23.470
That does this need to lead to another thing?
00:33:23.809 --> 00:33:29.869
The second thing that I want to make a distinction about is yes, the purpose is not to come to a cuddle class to find a date.
00:33:30.539 --> 00:33:45.439
But if a connection has been made, then I would, love for people to connect, to be able to practice your yes, your no, we are in a community where we can speak honestly, where we can speak honestly.
00:33:45.450 --> 00:33:46.309
Speak truthfully.
00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:53.960
And so if an authentic connection has been made, I think it would be wonderful for people to say, Hey, I really felt like I connected with you.
00:33:54.369 --> 00:33:56.599
Would you be open to keeping in touch?
00:33:57.049 --> 00:34:04.369
If that's really what's desired and then for that person to be able to say, yes, I would love to, or no, I'm not really feeling it.
00:34:04.400 --> 00:34:05.369
I love the connection here.
00:34:05.369 --> 00:34:06.519
And this is where I want to keep it,
00:34:07.019 --> 00:34:10.000
that actually helps a lot because I didn't know that.
00:34:10.429 --> 00:34:20.809
But knowing that now that feels far more organic to the whole process that it could, if both parties feel the need, it could develop into something.
00:34:21.119 --> 00:34:25.469
Cause to me, it was like opening, this whole metaphor stuff.
00:34:25.480 --> 00:34:28.289
And then it's like, boosh, the door just slammed shut.
00:34:28.289 --> 00:34:31.170
And that was jarring for me that felt like, what did I do?
00:34:31.170 --> 00:34:32.409
And why did I do that?
00:34:32.409 --> 00:34:34.239
Why did I let this all open up in me?
00:34:34.280 --> 00:34:36.320
If it was just going to be slammed shut
00:34:36.730 --> 00:34:37.530
Great point.
00:34:37.559 --> 00:34:48.829
So what do you think could have helped is there something that I could have said or something that could have been guided at the end when we're closing to say something if you've made a connection?
00:34:49.030 --> 00:34:50.659
I guess I didn't know the full rules.
00:34:50.670 --> 00:34:51.849
So that's on me.
00:34:51.960 --> 00:34:56.179
But also it's, I think a personal thing too.
00:34:56.239 --> 00:35:02.639
My own experience of opening up and then really seeing Okay, I need more of this in my life.
00:35:02.789 --> 00:35:08.130
I need more of a road to travel so that this can stay open.
00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:13.860
So I think it's my responsibility, not yours, if that makes sense.
00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:16.159
Yeah, I hear you.
00:35:16.219 --> 00:35:32.280
And I also want to make sure as a facilitator that I do make the expectations clear and that if there can be some guidance in fully supporting somebody's fullest experience with that whole process, because like you said, there is an opening, right?
00:35:32.329 --> 00:35:36.159
So I don't want people to be left hanging with what to do with that.
00:35:36.514 --> 00:35:41.114
Or if they really do want to connect with somebody but feel like there's a rule there where it's off limits.
00:35:41.554 --> 00:35:46.764
And so if there is a true connection I would love for that connection to be able to continue,
00:35:46.974 --> 00:35:54.889
Even just and pardon me if you do mention this and I didn't hear you, but talking about the oxytocin, Tosin coming down from that and what you can do and how you can support yourself.
00:35:54.889 --> 00:36:00.269
That's huge because ultimately that's a lot of what it is right to come down.
00:36:00.789 --> 00:36:06.460
And a lot of people that are going there don't have an oxytocin exchange at home.
00:36:06.460 --> 00:36:09.030
So that's where the disconnect is.
00:36:09.489 --> 00:36:12.829
I think that's incredibly valuable too talk about
00:36:13.050 --> 00:36:13.889
yeah, absolutely.
00:36:13.909 --> 00:36:14.590
I usually do.
00:36:14.610 --> 00:36:16.619
I can't remember if I did with this one.
00:36:17.070 --> 00:36:21.639
And that's why I do say there's a WhatsApp group, but I might have missed it.
00:36:22.420 --> 00:36:35.119
But I do appreciate you saying this because it is really important because it's all part of the process and and saying that I'm curious, it sounds like with that oxytocin drop or that experience of feeling the depletion.
00:36:36.449 --> 00:36:40.320
Yeah what is it that you realize that you may need more of in your life
00:36:42.150 --> 00:36:47.130
a puppy Someone went and got a puppy
00:36:52.099 --> 00:36:53.219
Yeah, just got her.
00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:59.239
I was I was fostering puppies and I've been looking for a puppy, but I finally found my puppy two weeks ago.
00:36:59.619 --> 00:37:05.039
So I'm all good now, but that was shortly after cuddle class that you found him, right?
00:37:05.360 --> 00:37:05.599
Yeah.
00:37:05.969 --> 00:37:06.349
Yeah.
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:08.780
I think it opened my heart, right?
00:37:08.820 --> 00:37:12.289
I lost my dog a year ago and it just was, ouchy.
00:37:12.579 --> 00:37:13.630
But yeah, good point.
00:37:14.150 --> 00:37:15.280
Yeah, I'm sure.
00:37:15.789 --> 00:37:17.190
It was like, all right, I'm ready.
00:37:18.409 --> 00:37:19.389
All jokes aside.
00:37:19.889 --> 00:37:21.929
oh, and I got back on dating apps.
00:37:22.585 --> 00:37:24.465
Two double whammy.
00:37:24.465 --> 00:37:24.914
Amazing.
00:37:24.914 --> 00:37:24.974
Yeah.
00:37:27.284 --> 00:37:27.585
Yeah.
00:37:27.585 --> 00:37:28.275
Good for you.
00:37:28.635 --> 00:37:29.144
Oh my God.
00:37:29.144 --> 00:37:32.264
Talk about a major heart opening a little bit.
00:37:32.315 --> 00:37:34.260
Stella, you got my heart all open.
00:37:34.809 --> 00:37:40.170
I actually started these classes for to help people experience themselves in different contexts and how to relate.
00:37:40.539 --> 00:37:54.650
And so Misfits in Love is a community for people who are exploring anything outside of monogamy or anything if you didn't want to label it anything that is fulfilling for you, basically designing relationships.
00:37:55.105 --> 00:37:55.355
Wow.
00:37:55.364 --> 00:37:57.414
So that you're not just operating by default.
00:37:57.934 --> 00:38:00.764
Is that couples of therapy, individual therapy?
00:38:00.764 --> 00:38:01.835
Is it a group thing?
00:38:01.844 --> 00:38:02.155
What is
00:38:02.155 --> 00:38:02.385
it?
00:38:02.824 --> 00:38:04.135
It's a group community.
00:38:04.184 --> 00:38:13.105
And then I also have coached individuals and couples and being able to redesign and redefine their relationships so that it can be more meaningful for them.
00:38:13.425 --> 00:38:15.824
It's coming together, a communal.
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:20.610
So the community itself we do social things together.
00:38:20.699 --> 00:38:33.170
It's what motivated me to do these cuddle classes was because of this group that I started to help them have different experiences, like experiencing themselves in a different context and how they want to relate.
00:38:33.230 --> 00:38:45.289
And then it expanded outside of my Misfits in Love group where I promoted is Sex Positive Los Angeles and also the Bloom Community and then Cuddle Sanctuary.
00:38:46.630 --> 00:38:47.380
What was the other one?
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:48.250
Bloom Community?
00:38:48.300 --> 00:38:49.170
Bloom Community.
00:38:49.170 --> 00:38:49.530
Yeah.
00:38:49.530 --> 00:38:59.340
And that's actually a place, it's an app where you can go for dating, where you can go for events, where you can find community.
00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:00.590
That's amazing.
00:39:00.599 --> 00:39:01.030
Look at you.
00:39:02.429 --> 00:39:03.429
Changing the world.
00:39:04.739 --> 00:39:06.820
So another place for you guys to explore, maybe.
00:39:07.969 --> 00:39:23.050
It's all sex positive kink friendly anyone who is exploring BDSM um, LGBTQ friendly, all of these communities where we get to explore who we are what's authentic to us, what's most fulfilling to us.
00:39:24.164 --> 00:39:24.655
Beautiful.
00:39:25.605 --> 00:39:36.559
Yeah, I would like to wrap up with talking about oxytocin and the benefits of touch and some of the physiological benefits of touch Because I feel touch is a sense that often gets overlooked.
00:39:37.059 --> 00:39:38.219
Yes, absolutely.
00:39:38.260 --> 00:39:44.719
When you asked earlier, who this class is for, what's coming to mind is well, if your love language is physical touch, you're probably going to come to this class.
00:39:45.420 --> 00:39:47.650
We all need, touch of some kind, right?
00:39:47.699 --> 00:39:49.329
Babies can't survive without touch.
00:39:49.809 --> 00:39:50.690
Such a good point.
00:39:51.309 --> 00:39:51.980
Yeah.
00:39:52.570 --> 00:39:57.829
The other thing is that, there's a co regulation that happens.
00:39:57.860 --> 00:40:12.469
And Krista, when you and Elle, talked about laying on each other's bellies and how that began to help you melt and really help you to feel safe and more open, even the breathing that we're feeling with this person, right?
00:40:12.489 --> 00:40:16.719
Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm.
00:40:17.269 --> 00:40:19.070
Somebody else is on our belly.
00:40:19.079 --> 00:40:20.679
They're feeling our rhythm.
00:40:20.989 --> 00:40:23.980
What tends to happen is we are co regulating.
00:40:24.769 --> 00:40:28.329
And we begin to breathe.
00:40:29.155 --> 00:40:45.775
Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax.
00:40:46.494 --> 00:41:08.224
We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched in a spoon drawer we can feel high from it, right?
00:41:08.454 --> 00:41:12.144
We can feel like we're floaty blissful.
00:41:12.344 --> 00:41:19.394
We're feeling soft feeling very receptive your heart is opening that's the oxytocin high.
00:41:19.894 --> 00:41:21.675
One last question is coming up for me.
00:41:21.675 --> 00:41:22.224
Can I ask it?
00:41:22.735 --> 00:41:23.074
Of course.
00:41:23.125 --> 00:41:32.664
I'm curious how Or if you've taken any of the cuddle positions or any of the cuddle concepts into your own life?
00:41:32.795 --> 00:41:36.994
I'm single I don't know that would apply to me, but Elle what have you and Gabe got up to?
00:41:36.994 --> 00:41:38.244
Oh
00:41:38.244 --> 00:41:38.295
my god.
00:41:38.815 --> 00:41:44.054
I don't know that we've specifically done any of the cuddle positions.
00:41:44.594 --> 00:41:52.775
One thing that I did find is over COVID, we started holding hands again we've been together for 13 years.
00:41:53.255 --> 00:42:02.664
And at some point in the relationship, we just stopped holding hands but over COVID the last couple of years, that's come back into our relationship, which is really nice.
00:42:02.724 --> 00:42:14.235
I can't say that I specifically brought in anything from the cuddle class, but it was just super insightful for me to be going through and really observant of how do I feel about this person touching me?
00:42:14.235 --> 00:42:16.804
How do I feel about touching this situation?
00:42:17.284 --> 00:42:22.364
That's really what I brought with me, but maybe I'll have him lay on my stomach tonight.
00:42:23.835 --> 00:42:25.264
Calm me down a little bit.
00:42:25.264 --> 00:42:25.635
Yeah,
00:42:26.715 --> 00:42:35.625
I didn't learn positions that I would have not thought of that I will want to implement into my next relationship.
00:42:35.929 --> 00:42:54.275
And even the innocence of them, of, being in contact and not having all contact have to be a sexual thing or sensual thing, when we were kids, me and my friends were so tactile and we'd lay on each other and put our arms around each other or hold hands, you know, we were just in each other's, space.
00:42:54.485 --> 00:43:06.875
I think that as we get older, touch becomes a sexual thing and to not have, both aspects of it, neutral, sexual, all in between, we're robbing ourselves.
00:43:06.885 --> 00:43:16.394
So to make it playful, to make it fun, to make it relaxing to make it nurturing, all of those things matter so much and are nutritive.
00:43:16.394 --> 00:43:27.679
And we need to really think about them full scope versus just I'm going to do this thing which initiates sex and, have almost like a routine a patterning that, you can fall into.
00:43:27.679 --> 00:43:33.920
So I learned that like, Oh, I want to sit like this with someone that I like, or I want to take this home.
00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:35.369
I want to take this back into my world.
00:43:37.014 --> 00:43:38.085
Beautiful.
00:43:38.585 --> 00:43:43.815
if you could let us know where people can find you, got a lot going on.
00:43:43.974 --> 00:43:47.114
Yeah, that sort of thing, how people can get in touch with you.
00:43:47.880 --> 00:43:52.300
Yes, so you can go to my website, thestellarlife.
00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:57.739
com, and that's where you can find events that are happening.
00:43:58.130 --> 00:44:00.570
We're experimenting now, so there's a cuddle class.
00:44:01.135 --> 00:44:02.445
And then there's the Cuddle Lab.
00:44:02.735 --> 00:44:07.534
And so Cuddle Class is for anyone who hasn't attended a class before that wants to experience a Cuddle Class.
00:44:07.885 --> 00:44:17.474
And then the Cuddle Lab is going to be for people like you! Who has experienced a Cuddle Class before, wants to dive right into cuddling.
00:44:17.485 --> 00:44:26.449
We dive right into the Cuddle Lab so that, you can have four hours straight of that oxytocin magic carpet, right?
00:44:26.949 --> 00:44:27.480
Amazing.
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:29.360
Thank you so much.
00:44:29.389 --> 00:44:31.320
I think what you do is unique.
00:44:31.329 --> 00:44:35.280
It's very special, and it's very needed by so many people.
00:44:35.980 --> 00:44:45.900
And the way you present it makes it really accessible and challenging to a degree that is still comfortable for people like me and Krista to attend.
00:44:45.929 --> 00:44:50.210
And push our comfort level a little bit, but maintain our boundaries.
00:44:51.469 --> 00:44:51.690
Yeah.
00:44:51.730 --> 00:44:55.329
To pioneer anything is a huge undertaking.
00:44:55.389 --> 00:45:01.679
It's Really impressive what you've created in the world and what you do for other people and for yourself as well.
00:45:02.099 --> 00:45:08.940
Having led the charge right to develop these aspects of yourself and explore them and understand them and then to teach others.
00:45:09.304 --> 00:45:11.144
It's beautiful So thank you.
00:45:11.855 --> 00:45:12.664
Thank you.
00:45:12.704 --> 00:45:14.025
I so appreciate you too.
00:45:14.545 --> 00:45:16.204
Thanks for having me on your podcast.
00:45:17.224 --> 00:45:17.704
So much.
00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:18.820
We really appreciate it.
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:20.744
We're big fans, Dallas, so thank you.
00:45:21.474 --> 00:45:21.945
Thank you.
00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:23.920
I hope to see you at Kettle again.
00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:31.050
Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye.
00:45:31.320 --> 00:45:37.349
For more information about the show, visit our website Beginners guide to the third eye.com.
00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:49.130
For show inquiries, email us at Guide to the Third i@gmail.com and visit the shop page on our website to find many of the products suggested by our practitioners and participants.
00:45:49.449 --> 00:45:56.639
And if you would be so kind, please leave a review and follow us on your go to podcast platform as it helps build our audience.
00:45:56.900 --> 00:45:57.550
Thank you.
00:45:57.610 --> 00:45:58.340
See you soon.
