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Welcome to Actes and Beauty, a podcast by Switch.
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Our mission is to end local sex trafficking and exploitation by shining a light in the darkest places, bringing hope, healing, and restoration to survivors.
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We'll share real life stories, thought-provoking conversations, and insights that help raise awareness and inspire action.
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Because from the ashes of exploitation, beauty can rise.
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Yeah, so prevention is my passion.
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I firmly believe that if we want to eradicate this darkness, if we want to eradicate this evil, we need to start by empowering our children so that they can rise up as the next generation to one, resist traffickers and then two, shut down that demand to buy it.
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And so if we can really reach that youth to protect them and empower them to be the change, our I mean, our generation's too old.
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We're not gonna get through that.
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Like we're not gonna be the generation to end this because we're too set in our ways, we're too stubborn where we are.
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But their generation, their generation can grow up and I mean, they can totally change the world.
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Um, and so I I believe that with all my heart.
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So when I go and talk to youth about this, um, this is why I get so fired up.
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So prevention um is um, at least through Switch, um, we have a program, a curriculum that we go in and we talk to schools um and students at schools and church groups and um Department of Juvenile Justice and wherever they'll have us, wherever there's youth.
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And we we combat it through two ways.
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One, talking directly to the youth, and I'll talk about that in a second.
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And then the other part is talking to caregivers, parents, and those that work with youth.
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And prevention takes both sides because if we're gonna equip our children, we need to equip those that are working or living with our children so that they're on board as well and they can continue to strengthen our children because this world is hard.
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It is hard, and they have to be a culture changer, which means they have to defy culture norms.
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And so if we if we can give them the foundation they need, they can change our culture.
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I love that.
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But if we don't give them that firm foundation of, you know, parents and caregivers and those that work with youth, then it it's gonna be too easy for them to be swayed by the culture norm that is so bad.
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So that's that's part of it, okay.
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Reaching the adult side.
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And then the the student side is one bringing awareness.
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And um, I think that's so important to bring awareness, but you can't just stop at awareness because you're just gonna add trauma to this kid's life, right?
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Like you can't just scare them.
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That's not enough.
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Yeah, so we we tell them about the realities and our at least switch's prevention program, it's not just targeting trafficking and exploitation because it's deeper than that.
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We know what predators and traffickers prey on and its vulnerabilities.
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And so our whole curriculum is strengthening those vulnerabilities so that traffickers have nothing to gain a hold of.
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And so we do that through awareness, telling them about the darkness that's out there, the trafficking, the online predators, the in-person predators, the nice guy offenders, everything a child needs to be aware of.
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And then the second phase is showing them tactics and red flags that these predators use and traffickers use.
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And so they can have this uh veil of um, I recognize this and I'm not gonna play that game.
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You know, I recognize this and I'm not, I'm not gonna engage in this chat.
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And more importantly, I know how to report this so that this trafficker or predator doesn't target another child.
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Um, and so empowering them to be a part of that.
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And then the third part is the most important part, and this is where we actively equip the kids.
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And so we we talk about safety protocols and risk management.
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We know kids don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, they're gonna make stupid decisions.
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I mean, when you talk about sex tortion, which is a form of online exploitation, even adults fall for this.
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Yeah.
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If adults fall for this, how can we expect our kids to resist it, right?
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Yeah, for sure.
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And so knowledge is power.
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That's how we educate our kids and we equip them and we we tell them about these tactics and we talk about, you know, you don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, you're gonna make silly, stupid decisions.
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Yeah.
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We know it.
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I did.
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And it's by the grace of God that I'm still here today, okay?
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I hope you don't do the same mistakes I did, but you're probably gonna make some as a person because you're human and we're all fallible.
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But if you do, if you do engage in risky behavior, just make sure you're safe.
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Yeah.
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You know, make sure you do as much as you can to plan ahead to make sure that you come out okay on the other side.
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And so just putting those thoughts in our kids' heads that weren't put in my head as a teenager, I never thought about it.
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And, you know, I know that every child's different.
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And there are gonna be some kids that were we say these things and they're gonna learn from what I said or from what I experienced.
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And they're gonna be like, Yeah, Miss Crystal said not to do that.
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I'm never gonna do that.
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Great.
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Okay, those kids probably weren't gonna get in much trouble on their own, anyways.
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But for the kids that are risky, that are daredevils, that are like me in adrenaline junkie, and it's like, I'm gonna push myself to see how far I can go, right?
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Yeah.
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I pray that just one of the tactics that we teach them to protect themselves will remain in their brain to be like, oh yeah, you know what?
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Let's do that, but let's do this instead.
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Like, let's add this to it.
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Like, let's let's make this deal.
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If we're gonna go to this party and engage in risky behavior, that all four of us go together and all four of us leave together.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And so just things like that.
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So just equipping them to make sure that in this broken world, in this world where predators have more access to our children than ever before, these children can say, Ah, I'm familiar with that now.
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That's not gonna work for me.
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Yeah, for sure.
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You're not gonna play that on me.
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Yeah, I love that because um, you know, again, just equipping them with the little bit of knowledge is enough to be the seed that saves a life, really.
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Right.
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And and and I tell the youth too, like, my prayer is that none of you in this room are ever affected by trafficking.
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That's my prayer.
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That's my hope.
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Maybe some of you will be though, but what about your friends?
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And what about their friends?
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And so um, I have a an amazing story, and again, the Holy Spirit works, um, he's working, he's active, he's moving.
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And it's stories like this that just keep empowering me and keep me going.
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And I was at a uh a unicorn farm on a mommy-daughter day with one of my kids, and it was this little pony farm that had little harnesses on their head with unicorns, and it looked so tacky, but it was magical.
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And so uh me and my daughter were there just spending mommy me time together.
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I have four kids, so it's really important to get those one-on-one time with my children individually.
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And so while I was there, this girl came over to me that worked there and she said, Are you a teacher?
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And I was like, No, I'm a dog trainer.
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She's like, Oh, I thought you came to my school and talked about sex trafficking stuff.
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I'm like, Oh, I did, I did.
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I am a teacher now, I guess.
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I never identified as a teacher, but I do now.
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Um, and so um, and what really got me was not that she recognized me and remembered me, but she pulled her friend over who was not in my class and said, See, this is the woman I was telling you about that taught me about sex trafficking.
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And I was like, Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
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And I was like, Yeah, it's like keeping it cool in front of them.
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And as soon as they left, like I started tearing up, and my daughter's like, Mom, are you okay?
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What happened?
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I'm like, I just need a moment.
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Mommy is so happy right now.
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These are good tears, and I have like an ugly crying face.
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Okay.
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But that's that's what it's all about, right?
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And so not just reaching the classrooms that we touch, but we're creating a a good virus, if you will, yeah that infects others in a good way.
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And so they're spreading that, not just within the classroom, but outside of the classroom that we touched.
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Yeah, that's awesome.
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I love that.
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It makes me so happy.
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Um, I spoke at a church um twice last last year.
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I spoke at the same church twice.
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The first time was just general awareness uh with a dabble in prevention.
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Um, and then the second time was just a follow-up because they wanted to become partners with Switch, which they are this year, which is awesome.
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That's awesome.
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Thank you, Christ Community Church.
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Um But I I talked a little bit about prevention, and then the second time I talked, I had two different families come up to me and say that they found grooming text on their kids' phones.
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Yeah.
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And I think that that's the you know, the the scary part as a parent, and probably the number one question I get asked, which we can address right now, um, but it's it's so prevalent, like I think they're just like throwing fishing lines in the water, and whichever kid is the first to like get a nibble, this the one they like are drawn to.
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Um so the question that I get asked by a lot of parents are like, what should they be doing to protect their children?
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What should they be looking out for?
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Yeah, that's a great question.
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And I think it's one that so many parents are um so naive due to the um predation that's out there that they don't even know to ask that question.
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Yeah, and so um I think one educating yourself on on the darkness that's really out there is really important because if you give your kid a tech device, whether it's a phone, an iPad, um a computer, whatever it is, a tablet, you are giving them the world's predators in their hand.
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And and it's not your kids' fault.
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I I want to clarify that always, because um, your kids aren't looking for this, they're looking for your kids.
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Yeah.
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And so what do you need to know?
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And what do you need to talk to your kids about?
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Well, uh, remember we talked about you know, traffickers and and predators prey on vulnerabilities.
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Children have a vulnerability just being under 18.
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Yeah, really just being under like 26.
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Your prefrontal cortex doesn't even stop developing until your mid-20s, mid to late 20s.
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So that's a big vulnerability right there.
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And then what other vulnerabilities do we have?
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Well, I am not a perfect parent.
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I know all the things.
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I've read all the books and all of them, but I've read a few.
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Um, and so like I know every time I correct my kid, I should give them 10 praises.
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I know this.
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Do I do this?
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Never.
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Yeah, right?
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That's so hard.
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I've got four kids.
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Like if I yell at all of them together, that's like 40 praises I have to come up with on the spot.
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Well, I'm still mad, right?
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Like, that's not how my brain works.
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And so um, you know, I'm not good at doing that in the moment, but I um I do use technology to my benefit, and I have reminders in my phone that go off like randomly so the kids don't know.
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Every time at three o'clock, mom's gonna come over and tell me I'm a good kid, you know?
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But I I have triggers, whether I put alarms in my phone or other times, to remember to go and talk to them about why they are special, yeah, why you are important.
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And so I feel like that kind of makes up for me yelling at them sometimes.
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But but like I'm just saying, as a parent, we have a hard job, okay?
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And none of us are doing it right.
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Even those of us that are in this this fight, that are walking in the trenches, that know this stuff, I'm I'm still fallible.
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So don't like put pressure on yourself if you're not gonna check all these boxes because even I don't.
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But I'm gonna share this stuff just to give you some awareness and to empower you of what you should be looking for and what you should be talking about regularly with your kids.
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Um, so tactics that predators use is very much going to be, you know, it's not stranger danger anymore, it's online danger.
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And when we talk to kids about stranger danger, kids at the park, even when I was growing up, I never had any hesitation to talk to another kid at a park.
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Yeah, but they were a stranger.
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Kids are the same way online.
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Yeah, who they're talking to online, they think is a kid, even though it's a grown beef.
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Yeah, right.
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Like it, they they they see them as kids on the playground because that's what their phone is.
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It's their playground now.
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And so when they're talking to people online, they oftentimes think they're a kid and later maybe realize they're an adult, but now they have a relationship started.
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They have a friendship started.
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And this person, this person gets me, mom.
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Like when I'm sad, they make me happy.
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When I'm sad, they tell me that I'm worthy, that I'm beautiful, that I'm strong, that, you know, um, but like kids, I mean, parents yell at kids, carrot, parents make decisions that kids are thinking are irrational or unfair, even though we think that we are just or right, because we're trying to protect them and we may not go about it the right way all the time, but our hearts, I feel like, are truly mostly in the right place.
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And then there are parents in homes that are not good for kids.
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So I'm not, you know, justifying it all the time.
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But what predators do is they see that vulnerability, they see that weakness, they see that sadness, and they fulfill it and they say, Hey, I would never yell at you like that.
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Yeah.
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I think you are an intelligent person, and I don't think your family gives you enough credit.
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Right.
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And they're gonna say all those things that you're like, oh no, she did make a bad choice.
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I totally logically had every right to discipline her for that choice because that could harm her or her siblings or whatever it is, but they're just gonna fill those lies.
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So, one, talk to your kids about healthy relationships and what true love looks like.
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I talk to my kids all the time that true love isn't just appeasing someone when they're making bad choices and saying, you know, you just got to do what makes you happy.
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No, if what doing, if what is making you happy right now is harmful to you, I want my kids to be that friend that truly loves them and speaks ugly truth to them, to say, hey, you know we've been friends for so long.
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You know my heart is a hundred percent for you.
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But I want you to know that that choice right there is gonna be bad for you.
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It's harming you.
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And I love you so much that I can't let you do that without saying this.
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Yeah.
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I want my kids to be that kid.
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But we have to teach them that love.
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And we have to help them understand that sometimes when we love hard as parents and we seem unfair or unjust, it's because that's what real love looks like.
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And there will be a time that you understand why I made that choice when your prefrontal cortex is fully developed.
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And that's why you know, young adults tend to come back home and say, Mom and dad, I love you again, you know, after the rebellious teenage years, because they get it.
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And so it's important to share that with kids.
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So talk to them about what healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships look like.
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Unhealthy relationships are appeasement relationships, you know, relationships that stay shallow and just, you know, say, do what makes you happy and and just, you know, encourages them to do things that are not good for them that could lead them down dark paths or harmful paths.
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And so having those role modeling those healthy relationships.
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The other thing is talking about relationship red flags.
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What's a big no-no?
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And so, um, you know, if they are talking to somebody online, I always tell students, if you've never met them in person, you can't fully trust them ever.
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Yeah.
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Don't give personal details ever, because you don't know who they are in real life.
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We know that technology lets people disguise themselves.
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So even if they are a 60-year-old man, they can look like a five-year-old when you're chatting with them.
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They can look like a 15-year-old when you're chatting with them on live chat.
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Yeah.
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Like that's the technology, the technological age that we live in.
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Guilt tripping.
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Um, you know, if you're talking in-person friends or online friends or online people you met that I wouldn't even call your friends because you don't know them in real life.
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If they're guilt tripping you for being like, why weren't you, you know, here at three o'clock when I texted you?
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Why weren't you, you know, responding to my text yesterday?
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Well, you have a life to live.
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You are indebted to nobody.
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You don't have to give anybody try getting out of your basement, old man.
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Right, right, right, exactly.
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And so, like learning that that is a predate like that's a predation tactic.
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Yeah.
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And so, um, you know, even if they say, Well, I've always been nice to you, and so I need you to also be nice to me, and I I rely on this conversation or this friendship to keep me happy.
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Well, I'm sorry, you are not the keeper of anyone's happiness.
00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:14.480
And so, again, just learning those red flags, yeah, um, talking about them, um, you know, mood swings of, you know, you said, Well, I'm so sorry, I missed you yesterday.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:20.879
It was my friend's birthday, and so we went out to the mall, we got ice cream, we do all these things, and so they like go off on you.
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:21.440
Yeah.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.159
And like, you know, that's ridiculous.
00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:28.320
You know, you're my friend too, and you didn't tell me anything, and I had no heads up, and that's just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:31.200
And then they're like, I'm so sorry that I acted that way.
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:34.639
Um, you know, we can still be friends, and uh, you know, I understand.
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:37.759
Um, but just, you know, if you're gonna hang out with that person, you just have to let me know.
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:39.600
Again, no, you don't.
00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:41.759
Yeah, you're not indebted to anybody.
00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:44.320
You don't have to check in with this person, right?
00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:49.200
Like you have to let your parents know where you're going, sure, because they're your parents, but you don't have to let the stranger know.
00:16:49.360 --> 00:16:51.279
And so understanding those red flags.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:59.039
But if we don't educate our kids about these tactics, it's so easy for them to be like, oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.799
Because kids, kids generally have good hearts, right?
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:04.640
They want to make people happy.
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:06.640
And so they're gonna be like, Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.480
I didn't mean to upset you.
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:10.160
Uh, next time I'll I'll know.
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:13.839
I'll know to let you know I'm gonna hang out with with Haley, you know?
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.400
And no, you're not required to do that at all.
00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:18.880
And so just letting them know that those type of things.
00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:28.720
Um, if they if they're still, if they start to feel uncomfortable about this conversation or the pressure of having this friendship online, that's not healthy.
00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:30.799
There's a reason you're having that feeling.
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:33.279
That's because it's not a good relationship.
00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:34.880
It's not a good friendship.
00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:44.319
And then um, you know, most importantly, all these all these little um tips and advice I'm gonna give, the most important one is to have open conversations regularly.
00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:46.640
This isn't a one and done conversation.
00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:52.319
You need to be open and regularly because it isn't a matter of if this will happen to your child.
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:56.640
It's a matter of when this will happen to your child being contacted by a stranger online.
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:57.039
Yeah.
00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:02.079
And so the other thing you want to talk to uh your kids about is sex.
00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:05.599
And this is such an uncomfortable topic for parents.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:12.960
And I get it, it was uncomfortable for me at first too, because we are we we hype ourselves up about it.
00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:14.960
Like we we get it all in our head about it.
00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:18.160
And the reality is that sex is a normal part of life.
00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:18.480
Yeah.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:29.759
And so when you talk to your kids about it in that regard and what it's meant to be and how it's designed to be between two consenting adults, um, preferably God designed it to be within marriage.
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:33.279
Um, but the reality is that that's that doesn't happen very often.
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:40.079
And so I talk to my kids about the reality of what sex looks like in the world and then what sex looks like, how God designed it to be.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:50.240
And I think it's really important to have both of those um definitions because one side of that is not fulfilled.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:19:02.799
And so when you have sex outside of marriage, um that can lead to um a lot of emotional distress and and stuff because that's not how God designed it.
00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:08.720
He designed you to make this connection with somebody that is magical and beautiful and spiritual and emotional.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:14.640
And if you're not spending the rest of your life with that someone, that like almost like rips a part of you out, right?
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:16.880
And so you're just left missing.
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:17.680
Yeah.
00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:20.880
And and then the other side of that is pornography.
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:23.039
And pornography is so invasive.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:26.799
Again, your children are not looking for it, it's looking for your kids.
00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:33.519
And and so when kids right, and kids should, I mean, being curious about sex is a normal thing.
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:35.599
That's how God designed us.
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:42.480
But when we don't give our kids the answers, they go seeking them in places that we may not like the answers they get.
00:19:42.559 --> 00:19:46.079
And that's how a lot of kids accidentally stumble upon pornography.
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:52.160
And sometimes it's a friend who shares it with them, and sometimes it's an ad in a game that they discover it.
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:54.960
But it's they're not looking for it, it's finding them.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:20:02.960
And so it's important to have, again, regular conversations with sex because your kids, depending on their age, are gonna be learning about this at different developmental levels.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:07.839
I just love that we've created such a welcome environment for them to just ask those questions.
00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:20.240
And I want, I know, I know there's gonna be a time that my kid accidentally stumbles across pornography online or through a friend or on a playground at a park on someone's device that they're looking over their shoulder.
00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:21.920
Like, I know it's gonna happen.
00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:26.880
Yeah, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of if it's getting younger and younger when it happens.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:31.359
Right now, the average age of uh child children viewing pornography is like eight years old.
00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:32.079
It's like, what?
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.240
You're like, how in child?
00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:40.000
Um, and so when my kids were briefly in public school, no, they're they're homeschooled since COVID.
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:47.359
Um, but when they were briefly in public school, my bus driver, knewing knowing what I did with switch, pulled me aside one time and said, Can I get your your cell number?
00:20:47.519 --> 00:20:49.519
I'd like to call you after my bus route.
00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:51.839
And I was like, uh, okay, sure.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:55.839
And so um her daughter was introduced to pornography on the bus.
00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:04.480
And since she's the bus driver, her daughter's on the bus for the longest route and had been viewing pornography since she gets out of school, the whole ride on the bus until they get home.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:06.400
And she's like, What do I do?
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:09.440
And I was like, one, don't be angry at your daughter.
00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:11.279
Yeah, she's curious.
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:14.240
Yeah, but that's not a bad thing.
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:25.440
The bad thing is that the world has taken something that God designed to be beautiful and has flipped it ups upside down on its head and made it ugly and harmful when when consumed this way.
00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:35.200
And so we talked about all the things and um, and so just understanding you have to talk about sex, and when you think it's too early, it's not.
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.960
Um understanding consent and both sides of consent, right?
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:49.200
What it means to give consent and what it means to hear hear consent, to per to actively receive consent.
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:54.079
And so consent is not I g I I guess that's not consent.
00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:58.480
Yeah, consent is a enthusiastic yes.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.759
Yeah, I really want to.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.480
Do this.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:01.759
Yeah, I'm good with that.
00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:03.119
That's consent.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.200
Not yeah.
00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:05.839
Okay.
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:08.160
No, that's not consent, right?
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:18.559
And so teaching our kids one to learn how to give consent, but two, to learn how to understand it, to hear it, receive it, and say, I don't think you're I don't think you really are ready for this.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:21.759
You know, and it doesn't have to be about consent like sex.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:24.240
It does when you're talking about consent, it doesn't have to be about sex.
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:37.759
We because because again, uh nice guy offenders, uh, one of the most moving things that I experienced through Switch was at um, I think it was Spartanburg College, and um it was what was she wearing?
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:44.240
And they had a whole hall filled with outfits that people were wearing while they were sexually assaulted.
00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:49.200
And of course, these weren't the real items because those are evidence, but they got like items.
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.000
Um they they they got the reports, they read what they were wearing.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:55.200
And the majority of these outfits blew my mind.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:23:03.839
You would think like club dresses and like, you know, out-of-the-house clothes and like no, it was pajamas and sweatpants.
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:13.279
That's what they were wearing because they know they're attackers, they know they're offenders, they were friendly with them, they trusted them.
00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:14.960
It's those nice guy offenders.
00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:27.680
And so I want my kids to know that consent isn't just about sex, it's about uh people that maybe want to take you into a room alone or maybe see parts of your body that you don't want them to see or that's uncomfortable for you.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:30.160
That's where consent consent is important.
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:36.240
So just talking to them about consent and that they have the power and authority to consent to hugs.
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:45.920
And again, depending on the age level of your kids, I don't want you to tell them too many details because the little brains shouldn't have to deal with the darkness that we deal with as adults.
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:52.160
But I do want them to know that there are dangerous adults out there that don't always want to take good care of kids, they want to hurt kids.
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:58.319
And I think it's important for kids to know that because I grow up, I grew up being taught to respect authority.
00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:05.839
And I want my kids to respect authority, but respecting authority doesn't mean obeying authority, and there's a difference, and I didn't know that as a kid.
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:06.000
Yeah.
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.720
And so I think it's important to distinguish that for our kids.
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.319
And so we'll we'll role play.
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:16.400
Like, if you were to go to your friend's house and uh mom and dad wasn't there, you're just having a play data at your friend's house.
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:19.759
We dropped you off, and their dad walked into the bathroom while you're on the toilet.
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:20.480
What would you do?
00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:25.440
And so, like, going through this with each of my kids, they're vastly different personalities.
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:31.039
And so, like working through, you get to be your child's cheerleader to help them learn how to navigate this broken world.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:38.960
And so that's a similar seemingly innocent situation that could possibly happen, but that could also have a nefarious side too that our kids may not know.
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:43.440
And so I use this as an example because it has that seemingly innocent side of it.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:45.920
And so we talk about like they'd be like, get out.
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:48.079
Oh, nope, that's not how we say that actually.
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:53.839
You know, you have to project, and I don't want to yell on the mic, but it's like, get out, you know, you have to like yell it loud.
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:59.759
And I tell my kids that when you have something like that happen, you don't want the room you're in to hear it, you want the next room over to hear it.
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.880
And so you have to do it loud and you get to work through those objections of well, I don't want to embarrass them.
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:08.880
No, God created consequence.
00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:13.440
This is a natural consequence, and this is why God created consequence because two things are gonna happen.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:15.920
One, you're gonna be embarrassed too.
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.119
And you're gonna remember to lock that bathroom door next time.
00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:25.279
Number two, they're gonna be embarrassed too, and they're gonna remember to knock when they have company at the house.
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:31.839
And so when you see it that way, the kids are like, oh, okay, there's a reason to call someone out like that, right?
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:33.519
And that's an innocent way to do it.
00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:42.880
So just role-playing through these scenarios, these possible scenarios, so that you just get their brains okay with the idea of almost defying authority, right?
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:45.759
Like to tell an adult, get out, like that's a big deal.
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:46.000
Yeah.
00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:49.039
Um, but but you're okay to do that.
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:49.680
That's okay.
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:50.480
Yeah, for sure.
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:52.400
And so just opening that doorway.
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:57.519
Um, talking about pictures online, pictures and videos online, you know they're gonna be exposed to porn.
00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:00.160
You have to start talking about it, especially if they have tech.
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:06.480
If you have a three-year-old that has tech, you need to be talking about good pictures and bad pictures online because they're gonna be exposed to it.
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:13.200
And so seeing a nude image is not art unless you're looking at like a Da Vinci sculpture, right?
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:19.920
Like there is a difference between pornographic images and you know, art that's like in a museum somewhere.
00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:20.400
Yeah.
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:30.640
And the art in the museum is not to stir up emotions in our body, but the pornography that your children see, those pictures and videos, they will stir up feelings in the body.
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:40.880
And those are natural feelings that God designed to be good, but when they're consumed in a bad way, they become harmful to your body and leave you wanting more because they're not fulfilled.
00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:44.400
And that's the harms of pornography, and that's why it's addictive.
00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:50.720
So talking to them about, you know, it's okay if you see that image, it's okay if it had some, you know, weird, I call them weird feelings.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:53.279
Um, they could be good feelings, they could be bad feelings.
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:54.640
Um, those are normal feelings.
00:26:54.720 --> 00:27:01.839
And it's okay to talk to mom and dad about that, and we can help you understand what you saw, and then we can make sure that that doesn't accidentally happen again, right?
00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:05.039
Or try to put parameters in place to make sure it doesn't happen as often or something.
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:05.839
Yeah, for sure.
00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:07.519
Because it will happen.
00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:12.480
Um, if you have older children, sexting, that's such a big deal, right?
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:13.839
That's shocking.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.920
It's it's that it's such a big deal.
00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:17.200
It is so many.
00:27:17.279 --> 00:27:23.759
I think it was like 70 or 80 percent of teens think it's totally okay to send a nude image of themselves to their significant other.
00:27:24.559 --> 00:27:25.039
Yeah.
00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:32.000
And and while it's innocent from them, they don't mean like they don't see the nefarious side of it.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:36.880
But what they don't realize is that very rarely who you're dating in high school is who you're gonna stick to.
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.680
And I know I'm I'm a hypocrite for saying that because I did marry my sweet, my high school sweetheart.
00:27:41.839 --> 00:27:44.720
We met in eighth grade and we've been together since ninth grade.
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:47.279
But it's not common, right?
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:59.599
And so the reality is you don't know that this is the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, and they haven't, I mean, marriage is a big deal because it's a public commitment that this is the only person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:03.119
If they haven't married you, they haven't given you that public commitment.
00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.039
So you just don't know that they're really gonna be with you forever.
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:15.359
And when you send this picture to them and life is going well, and they love you and you love them, and then oops, that love is gone now.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:16.960
Yeah, you're no longer together.
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:26.240
They have that image of you, yeah, and so many times, more times than I'd like to admit, that picture gets shared.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:27.680
Yeah, that's the thing.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:41.440
It's like you're sharing that picture with all the high school boys, all of everyone, not just even in the school, sometimes online, and and I mean that's worldwide, and it's never ever gonna be taken down fully.
00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:44.480
Yeah, sexting has major repercussions.
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:59.039
One, it's illegal because even if you're a minor and you're sharing a nude image of yourself, that is considered distribution of child sexual abuse material because minors cannot consent to commercial sex, sharing images even for free, is considered commercial sex.
00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:04.319
And so um that's that's distribution of child sexual abuse material.
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:08.799
Yeah, you you are not old enough to consent to that, so that's illegal.
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:22.799
Um, and most law enforcement doesn't want to arrest children for doing this, they don't want to arrest teenagers for doing it, but because it has such nefarious consequences of it being online forever, sometimes they have to make examples.
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:25.279
Yeah, and so it's not something they want to do.
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:36.640
I really appreciate law enforcement and they're put in some really tough situations when it comes to sexting and stuff, but don't let yourself be put in that situation, right?
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:46.720
Um, you know, if you have to let somebody see yourself naked, do it in person with no cameras, you know, like don't go back to old school, don't do it new school, okay?
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:49.359
Um, and then talk about your kids' vulnerabilities.
00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:50.240
We all have them.
00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:53.599
I've created vulnerabilities in my kids because I yell, right?
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:55.839
Like that's that's gonna create insecurities.
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:01.359
And I tried to overcome it when I'm a little bit calmer and I realize, okay, mommy shouldn't have yelled about that.
00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:04.400
But you know, I did ask you guys to stop playing or screaming.
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:06.799
That's really screaming because it gets me the screaming.
00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:10.799
I've asked you guys to stop screaming several times and you guys kept getting louder and louder.
00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:12.160
And then finally I just yelled.
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:14.319
And that was not the best way to handle it.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:20.160
But you guys could also help me moving forward that if I say, Can you please stop screaming upstairs and go outside or go downstairs?
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:21.279
You guys could do that.
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:21.599
Right.
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:23.119
And then I wouldn't have to get to that point.
00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:33.680
So, like just asking for that forgiveness and telling them where you're coming from, trying to help strengthen their vulnerabilities and letting them know they have a control in life where they can make choices too.
00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:38.319
But like walking through the vulnerabilities that your child might have.
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:40.880
Okay, being a youth is just that's one.
00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:45.839
Um, maybe being insecure about yourself, self-conscious, that's another.
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:52.880
Um, maybe being super cocky and confident, that could be one because you're gonna be likely to overlook things, right?
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.640
You're not gonna be able to see the danger as quickly because you're gonna think I'm fine.
00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:01.440
Um, and so talking about those vulnerabilities and teaching them how to to work through them.
00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:05.200
So for my kids that are more cocky and and confident, I love that.
00:31:05.359 --> 00:31:09.920
I pray for God to help me live through it because I don't want to take that away from them.
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:12.480
But sometimes it's really hard to parent those kind of kids, right?
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:18.160
And so I have to tell them, I love that confidence that's gonna take you far in life.
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:23.680
But you also sometimes have to be humble and realize that God's in control and not you.
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:28.640
And so you have to have this lens of let me step back a second and take another look.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:38.240
And then for my child who's insecure or self-conscious or more shy, you know, I'm going to say, um, God is with you.
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:39.839
You've got this.
00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:41.759
You just have to lean on his power.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:47.599
When you're insecure, pray, believe, and know that he's with you moving forward.
00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:47.920
Right.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.720
And so helping them strengthen those vulnerabilities, identifying them with your kids and saying we all have them.
00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:57.519
And I use myself as an example when I teach students, I say that my empathy is a vulnerability.
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:04.559
As a child, my empathy was used against me a lot to get me to do things that I didn't want to do because I feel people.
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:10.000
And if they would get angry or mad or sad, I would feel that and I would feel responsible for that.
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:13.039
But God gave me that empathy for a reason.
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:20.079
And so I had to learn how to put boundaries in place to protect my empathy so that it can be used for God's glory.
00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:21.599
It can be used for his beauty.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:32.319
And now as an adult, my empathy has taken me very far in building relationships with people, building trust with students, um, so that they can be more likely to share things with me than they would other people.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.440
And so it's a beautiful thing, but I had to put boundaries in place.
00:32:35.599 --> 00:32:38.000
And that's what we want you to do with your kids' vulnerabilities.
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:42.319
Vulnerabilities are not weaknesses, they are not something you can get rid of.
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:44.160
We all have them, even adults.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:46.480
We just learn how to strengthen them.
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:50.799
Um, and then um that's really it.
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:53.279
Um, looking up resources in your area.
00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:56.960
So if you're in the upstate Greenville, South Carolina, check out Switch.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:08.799
Um, if you're if you're not, you can um go to like defendyoungminds.org where they talk about um how to have these conversations with your kids about pornography and and predation online predators.
00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:26.480
Um, you know, there are apps that you can put in place on your kids' tech, like Bark or Covenant Eyes, to help um reduce the exposure to some of these things or to alert you right away so that you know, oh, your kid's looking at this, or your kid's friend texted them this, and this could be a red flag.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:36.799
Um, and so there are things like that that you can do to help you in this journey of tech in the modern world where it's very dangerous and we just don't realize it.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:41.599
So you're not alone and that there are help and resources out there to help get you through this.
00:33:41.839 --> 00:33:42.240
Amen.
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:43.519
I love it.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:45.839
Well, thank you so much for coming.
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:48.000
Obviously, there's so much to talk about.
00:33:48.079 --> 00:33:49.599
We're just gonna have to do it again.
00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:51.680
I know.
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:59.279
But no, this was really awesome, and I think it's a great first step in helping um parents understand the reality of it, right?
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:11.119
Because it's not just um uh I guess the best way I've heard it said is like you're not just giving your kid a phone, or you're not just giving your kid access to the world, you're giving the world access to your kid.
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:26.480
100% knowing that there are nefarious actors, a ton of them here locally that are trying to exploit any kid that will let them or give them a crack in any door, they're gonna push it wide open.
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:32.800
Um, so it's so important to um just pay attention to your children and love them.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:35.440
And thank you for listening to Ashes and Beauty.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:40.079
If you want to know more about Switch, check out uh switchsc.org.
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:42.400
Until next time, my friends.
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:48.159
Thank you for listening to Ashes and Beauty, a podcast by Switch.
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:53.760
Since 2012, we've been fighting sex trafficking right here in Greenville, South Carolina.
00:34:54.000 --> 00:35:02.320
If you'd like to join the fight and support our mission, visit switchsc.org today and become a monthly supporter.
00:35:02.719 --> 00:35:06.239
Together, we can end trafficking for good.
00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:04.240
Welcome to Actes and Beauty, a podcast by Switch.
00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:15.679
Our mission is to end local sex trafficking and exploitation by shining a light in the darkest places, bringing hope, healing, and restoration to survivors.
00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:23.679
We'll share real life stories, thought-provoking conversations, and insights that help raise awareness and inspire action.
00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:29.039
Because from the ashes of exploitation, beauty can rise.
00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:36.560
Yeah, so prevention is my passion.
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:53.439
I firmly believe that if we want to eradicate this darkness, if we want to eradicate this evil, we need to start by empowering our children so that they can rise up as the next generation to one, resist traffickers and then two, shut down that demand to buy it.
00:00:53.840 --> 00:01:01.200
And so if we can really reach that youth to protect them and empower them to be the change, our I mean, our generation's too old.
00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:02.799
We're not gonna get through that.
00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:09.439
Like we're not gonna be the generation to end this because we're too set in our ways, we're too stubborn where we are.
00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:17.280
But their generation, their generation can grow up and I mean, they can totally change the world.
00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:19.519
Um, and so I I believe that with all my heart.
00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:23.120
So when I go and talk to youth about this, um, this is why I get so fired up.
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:38.480
So prevention um is um, at least through Switch, um, we have a program, a curriculum that we go in and we talk to schools um and students at schools and church groups and um Department of Juvenile Justice and wherever they'll have us, wherever there's youth.
00:01:38.719 --> 00:01:41.040
And we we combat it through two ways.
00:01:41.200 --> 00:01:45.519
One, talking directly to the youth, and I'll talk about that in a second.
00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:50.159
And then the other part is talking to caregivers, parents, and those that work with youth.
00:01:50.400 --> 00:02:01.280
And prevention takes both sides because if we're gonna equip our children, we need to equip those that are working or living with our children so that they're on board as well and they can continue to strengthen our children because this world is hard.
00:02:01.519 --> 00:02:07.920
It is hard, and they have to be a culture changer, which means they have to defy culture norms.
00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:14.240
And so if we if we can give them the foundation they need, they can change our culture.
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:15.039
I love that.
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:26.479
But if we don't give them that firm foundation of, you know, parents and caregivers and those that work with youth, then it it's gonna be too easy for them to be swayed by the culture norm that is so bad.
00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:28.479
So that's that's part of it, okay.
00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:29.840
Reaching the adult side.
00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:33.199
And then the the student side is one bringing awareness.
00:02:33.439 --> 00:02:41.199
And um, I think that's so important to bring awareness, but you can't just stop at awareness because you're just gonna add trauma to this kid's life, right?
00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:42.319
Like you can't just scare them.
00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:43.120
That's not enough.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:53.439
Yeah, so we we tell them about the realities and our at least switch's prevention program, it's not just targeting trafficking and exploitation because it's deeper than that.
00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:58.319
We know what predators and traffickers prey on and its vulnerabilities.
00:02:58.719 --> 00:03:04.800
And so our whole curriculum is strengthening those vulnerabilities so that traffickers have nothing to gain a hold of.
00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:16.560
And so we do that through awareness, telling them about the darkness that's out there, the trafficking, the online predators, the in-person predators, the nice guy offenders, everything a child needs to be aware of.
00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:23.280
And then the second phase is showing them tactics and red flags that these predators use and traffickers use.
00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:30.080
And so they can have this uh veil of um, I recognize this and I'm not gonna play that game.
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:33.120
You know, I recognize this and I'm not, I'm not gonna engage in this chat.
00:03:33.199 --> 00:03:37.759
And more importantly, I know how to report this so that this trafficker or predator doesn't target another child.
00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:40.960
Um, and so empowering them to be a part of that.
00:03:41.120 --> 00:03:46.159
And then the third part is the most important part, and this is where we actively equip the kids.
00:03:46.319 --> 00:03:49.759
And so we we talk about safety protocols and risk management.
00:03:49.919 --> 00:03:54.080
We know kids don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, they're gonna make stupid decisions.
00:03:54.159 --> 00:04:01.199
I mean, when you talk about sex tortion, which is a form of online exploitation, even adults fall for this.
00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:01.599
Yeah.
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:05.280
If adults fall for this, how can we expect our kids to resist it, right?
00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:05.759
Yeah, for sure.
00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:07.520
And so knowledge is power.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:17.199
That's how we educate our kids and we equip them and we we tell them about these tactics and we talk about, you know, you don't have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, you're gonna make silly, stupid decisions.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:17.600
Yeah.
00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:18.240
We know it.
00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:18.800
I did.
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.439
And it's by the grace of God that I'm still here today, okay?
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:27.920
I hope you don't do the same mistakes I did, but you're probably gonna make some as a person because you're human and we're all fallible.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:34.560
But if you do, if you do engage in risky behavior, just make sure you're safe.
00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:34.959
Yeah.
00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:40.879
You know, make sure you do as much as you can to plan ahead to make sure that you come out okay on the other side.
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:46.959
And so just putting those thoughts in our kids' heads that weren't put in my head as a teenager, I never thought about it.
00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:49.120
And, you know, I know that every child's different.
00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:54.959
And there are gonna be some kids that were we say these things and they're gonna learn from what I said or from what I experienced.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:56.800
And they're gonna be like, Yeah, Miss Crystal said not to do that.
00:04:56.879 --> 00:04:57.839
I'm never gonna do that.
00:04:58.000 --> 00:04:58.319
Great.
00:04:58.480 --> 00:05:01.279
Okay, those kids probably weren't gonna get in much trouble on their own, anyways.
00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:09.120
But for the kids that are risky, that are daredevils, that are like me in adrenaline junkie, and it's like, I'm gonna push myself to see how far I can go, right?
00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:09.839
Yeah.
00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:18.160
I pray that just one of the tactics that we teach them to protect themselves will remain in their brain to be like, oh yeah, you know what?
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:20.000
Let's do that, but let's do this instead.
00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:21.040
Like, let's add this to it.
00:05:21.120 --> 00:05:22.240
Like, let's let's make this deal.
00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:27.759
If we're gonna go to this party and engage in risky behavior, that all four of us go together and all four of us leave together.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:28.079
Yeah.
00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:28.480
Right.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:29.680
And so just things like that.
00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:42.879
So just equipping them to make sure that in this broken world, in this world where predators have more access to our children than ever before, these children can say, Ah, I'm familiar with that now.
00:05:42.959 --> 00:05:43.920
That's not gonna work for me.
00:05:44.079 --> 00:05:44.560
Yeah, for sure.
00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:46.240
You're not gonna play that on me.
00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:58.959
Yeah, I love that because um, you know, again, just equipping them with the little bit of knowledge is enough to be the seed that saves a life, really.
00:05:59.199 --> 00:05:59.360
Right.
00:05:59.439 --> 00:06:04.079
And and and I tell the youth too, like, my prayer is that none of you in this room are ever affected by trafficking.
00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:05.439
That's my prayer.
00:06:05.680 --> 00:06:06.480
That's my hope.
00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:10.639
Maybe some of you will be though, but what about your friends?
00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:12.399
And what about their friends?
00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:19.120
And so um, I have a an amazing story, and again, the Holy Spirit works, um, he's working, he's active, he's moving.
00:06:19.360 --> 00:06:22.720
And it's stories like this that just keep empowering me and keep me going.
00:06:22.800 --> 00:06:33.680
And I was at a uh a unicorn farm on a mommy-daughter day with one of my kids, and it was this little pony farm that had little harnesses on their head with unicorns, and it looked so tacky, but it was magical.
00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:37.439
And so uh me and my daughter were there just spending mommy me time together.
00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:42.639
I have four kids, so it's really important to get those one-on-one time with my children individually.
00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:46.639
And so while I was there, this girl came over to me that worked there and she said, Are you a teacher?
00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:48.639
And I was like, No, I'm a dog trainer.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:52.000
She's like, Oh, I thought you came to my school and talked about sex trafficking stuff.
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I'm like, Oh, I did, I did.
00:06:53.680 --> 00:06:55.040
I am a teacher now, I guess.
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I never identified as a teacher, but I do now.
00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:10.879
Um, and so um, and what really got me was not that she recognized me and remembered me, but she pulled her friend over who was not in my class and said, See, this is the woman I was telling you about that taught me about sex trafficking.
00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:13.439
And I was like, Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:15.920
And I was like, Yeah, it's like keeping it cool in front of them.
00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:19.439
And as soon as they left, like I started tearing up, and my daughter's like, Mom, are you okay?
00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:20.000
What happened?
00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:21.120
I'm like, I just need a moment.
00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:22.319
Mommy is so happy right now.
00:07:22.399 --> 00:07:24.959
These are good tears, and I have like an ugly crying face.
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:25.360
Okay.
00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:27.439
But that's that's what it's all about, right?
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:38.160
And so not just reaching the classrooms that we touch, but we're creating a a good virus, if you will, yeah that infects others in a good way.
00:07:38.399 --> 00:07:43.279
And so they're spreading that, not just within the classroom, but outside of the classroom that we touched.
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:44.800
Yeah, that's awesome.
00:07:45.120 --> 00:07:45.519
I love that.
00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:46.879
It makes me so happy.
00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:52.720
Um, I spoke at a church um twice last last year.
00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:55.040
I spoke at the same church twice.
00:07:55.680 --> 00:08:00.720
The first time was just general awareness uh with a dabble in prevention.
00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:07.279
Um, and then the second time was just a follow-up because they wanted to become partners with Switch, which they are this year, which is awesome.
00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:07.920
That's awesome.
00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:09.680
Thank you, Christ Community Church.
00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:22.879
Um But I I talked a little bit about prevention, and then the second time I talked, I had two different families come up to me and say that they found grooming text on their kids' phones.
00:08:23.279 --> 00:08:23.519
Yeah.
00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:47.440
And I think that that's the you know, the the scary part as a parent, and probably the number one question I get asked, which we can address right now, um, but it's it's so prevalent, like I think they're just like throwing fishing lines in the water, and whichever kid is the first to like get a nibble, this the one they like are drawn to.
00:08:47.679 --> 00:08:55.039
Um so the question that I get asked by a lot of parents are like, what should they be doing to protect their children?
00:08:55.200 --> 00:08:57.200
What should they be looking out for?
00:08:58.559 --> 00:09:00.000
Yeah, that's a great question.
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:11.919
And I think it's one that so many parents are um so naive due to the um predation that's out there that they don't even know to ask that question.
00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:38.799
Yeah, and so um I think one educating yourself on on the darkness that's really out there is really important because if you give your kid a tech device, whether it's a phone, an iPad, um a computer, whatever it is, a tablet, you are giving them the world's predators in their hand.
00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:41.840
And and it's not your kids' fault.
00:09:42.000 --> 00:09:47.679
I I want to clarify that always, because um, your kids aren't looking for this, they're looking for your kids.
00:09:47.759 --> 00:09:48.000
Yeah.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:50.240
And so what do you need to know?
00:09:50.480 --> 00:09:52.639
And what do you need to talk to your kids about?
00:09:52.879 --> 00:09:58.080
Well, uh, remember we talked about you know, traffickers and and predators prey on vulnerabilities.
00:09:58.240 --> 00:10:01.279
Children have a vulnerability just being under 18.
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:03.200
Yeah, really just being under like 26.
00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:07.440
Your prefrontal cortex doesn't even stop developing until your mid-20s, mid to late 20s.
00:10:07.759 --> 00:10:09.840
So that's a big vulnerability right there.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:11.840
And then what other vulnerabilities do we have?
00:10:12.000 --> 00:10:13.519
Well, I am not a perfect parent.
00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:14.399
I know all the things.
00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:16.960
I've read all the books and all of them, but I've read a few.
00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:20.720
Um, and so like I know every time I correct my kid, I should give them 10 praises.
00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:21.519
I know this.
00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:22.399
Do I do this?
00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:22.799
Never.
00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:23.519
Yeah, right?
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:24.240
That's so hard.
00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:25.360
I've got four kids.
00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:30.080
Like if I yell at all of them together, that's like 40 praises I have to come up with on the spot.
00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:31.919
Well, I'm still mad, right?
00:10:32.080 --> 00:10:33.840
Like, that's not how my brain works.
00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:44.720
And so um, you know, I'm not good at doing that in the moment, but I um I do use technology to my benefit, and I have reminders in my phone that go off like randomly so the kids don't know.
00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:48.000
Every time at three o'clock, mom's gonna come over and tell me I'm a good kid, you know?
00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:58.240
But I I have triggers, whether I put alarms in my phone or other times, to remember to go and talk to them about why they are special, yeah, why you are important.
00:10:58.799 --> 00:11:02.159
And so I feel like that kind of makes up for me yelling at them sometimes.
00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:06.480
But but like I'm just saying, as a parent, we have a hard job, okay?
00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:07.840
And none of us are doing it right.
00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:14.240
Even those of us that are in this this fight, that are walking in the trenches, that know this stuff, I'm I'm still fallible.
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:18.960
So don't like put pressure on yourself if you're not gonna check all these boxes because even I don't.
00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:27.200
But I'm gonna share this stuff just to give you some awareness and to empower you of what you should be looking for and what you should be talking about regularly with your kids.
00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:36.000
Um, so tactics that predators use is very much going to be, you know, it's not stranger danger anymore, it's online danger.
00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:44.480
And when we talk to kids about stranger danger, kids at the park, even when I was growing up, I never had any hesitation to talk to another kid at a park.
00:11:44.639 --> 00:11:46.399
Yeah, but they were a stranger.
00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:48.720
Kids are the same way online.
00:11:49.039 --> 00:11:54.720
Yeah, who they're talking to online, they think is a kid, even though it's a grown beef.
00:11:55.039 --> 00:11:55.679
Yeah, right.
00:11:55.919 --> 00:12:01.440
Like it, they they they see them as kids on the playground because that's what their phone is.
00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:02.639
It's their playground now.
00:12:02.799 --> 00:12:11.759
And so when they're talking to people online, they oftentimes think they're a kid and later maybe realize they're an adult, but now they have a relationship started.
00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:13.440
They have a friendship started.
00:12:13.679 --> 00:12:16.240
And this person, this person gets me, mom.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:18.559
Like when I'm sad, they make me happy.
00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:39.440
When I'm sad, they tell me that I'm worthy, that I'm beautiful, that I'm strong, that, you know, um, but like kids, I mean, parents yell at kids, carrot, parents make decisions that kids are thinking are irrational or unfair, even though we think that we are just or right, because we're trying to protect them and we may not go about it the right way all the time, but our hearts, I feel like, are truly mostly in the right place.
00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:42.159
And then there are parents in homes that are not good for kids.
00:12:42.240 --> 00:12:44.159
So I'm not, you know, justifying it all the time.
00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:53.120
But what predators do is they see that vulnerability, they see that weakness, they see that sadness, and they fulfill it and they say, Hey, I would never yell at you like that.
00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:53.679
Yeah.
00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:58.480
I think you are an intelligent person, and I don't think your family gives you enough credit.
00:12:58.879 --> 00:12:59.120
Right.
00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:04.879
And they're gonna say all those things that you're like, oh no, she did make a bad choice.
00:13:05.039 --> 00:13:14.879
I totally logically had every right to discipline her for that choice because that could harm her or her siblings or whatever it is, but they're just gonna fill those lies.
00:13:14.960 --> 00:13:19.600
So, one, talk to your kids about healthy relationships and what true love looks like.
00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:27.519
I talk to my kids all the time that true love isn't just appeasing someone when they're making bad choices and saying, you know, you just got to do what makes you happy.
00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:41.200
No, if what doing, if what is making you happy right now is harmful to you, I want my kids to be that friend that truly loves them and speaks ugly truth to them, to say, hey, you know we've been friends for so long.
00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:44.240
You know my heart is a hundred percent for you.
00:13:44.480 --> 00:13:48.159
But I want you to know that that choice right there is gonna be bad for you.
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:49.360
It's harming you.
00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:53.600
And I love you so much that I can't let you do that without saying this.
00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:53.919
Yeah.
00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:55.919
I want my kids to be that kid.
00:13:56.159 --> 00:13:57.840
But we have to teach them that love.
00:13:58.240 --> 00:14:06.399
And we have to help them understand that sometimes when we love hard as parents and we seem unfair or unjust, it's because that's what real love looks like.
00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:11.840
And there will be a time that you understand why I made that choice when your prefrontal cortex is fully developed.
00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:19.120
And that's why you know, young adults tend to come back home and say, Mom and dad, I love you again, you know, after the rebellious teenage years, because they get it.
00:14:19.519 --> 00:14:21.759
And so it's important to share that with kids.
00:14:21.919 --> 00:14:26.159
So talk to them about what healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships look like.
00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:40.960
Unhealthy relationships are appeasement relationships, you know, relationships that stay shallow and just, you know, say, do what makes you happy and and just, you know, encourages them to do things that are not good for them that could lead them down dark paths or harmful paths.
00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:44.000
And so having those role modeling those healthy relationships.
00:14:44.159 --> 00:14:46.480
The other thing is talking about relationship red flags.
00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:47.679
What's a big no-no?
00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:55.759
And so, um, you know, if they are talking to somebody online, I always tell students, if you've never met them in person, you can't fully trust them ever.
00:14:55.919 --> 00:14:56.080
Yeah.
00:14:56.320 --> 00:15:01.039
Don't give personal details ever, because you don't know who they are in real life.
00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:03.919
We know that technology lets people disguise themselves.
00:15:04.080 --> 00:15:09.200
So even if they are a 60-year-old man, they can look like a five-year-old when you're chatting with them.
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:12.559
They can look like a 15-year-old when you're chatting with them on live chat.
00:15:12.639 --> 00:15:12.799
Yeah.
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:16.399
Like that's the technology, the technological age that we live in.
00:15:17.120 --> 00:15:18.240
Guilt tripping.
00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:26.080
Um, you know, if you're talking in-person friends or online friends or online people you met that I wouldn't even call your friends because you don't know them in real life.
00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:31.759
If they're guilt tripping you for being like, why weren't you, you know, here at three o'clock when I texted you?
00:15:32.159 --> 00:15:35.360
Why weren't you, you know, responding to my text yesterday?
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:37.120
Well, you have a life to live.
00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:38.720
You are indebted to nobody.
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:42.399
You don't have to give anybody try getting out of your basement, old man.
00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:44.159
Right, right, right, exactly.
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:48.559
And so, like learning that that is a predate like that's a predation tactic.
00:15:48.639 --> 00:15:48.960
Yeah.
00:15:49.120 --> 00:16:00.639
And so, um, you know, even if they say, Well, I've always been nice to you, and so I need you to also be nice to me, and I I rely on this conversation or this friendship to keep me happy.
00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:03.840
Well, I'm sorry, you are not the keeper of anyone's happiness.
00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:14.480
And so, again, just learning those red flags, yeah, um, talking about them, um, you know, mood swings of, you know, you said, Well, I'm so sorry, I missed you yesterday.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:20.879
It was my friend's birthday, and so we went out to the mall, we got ice cream, we do all these things, and so they like go off on you.
00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:21.440
Yeah.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.159
And like, you know, that's ridiculous.
00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:28.320
You know, you're my friend too, and you didn't tell me anything, and I had no heads up, and that's just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:31.200
And then they're like, I'm so sorry that I acted that way.
00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:34.639
Um, you know, we can still be friends, and uh, you know, I understand.
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:37.759
Um, but just, you know, if you're gonna hang out with that person, you just have to let me know.
00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:39.600
Again, no, you don't.
00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:41.759
Yeah, you're not indebted to anybody.
00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:44.320
You don't have to check in with this person, right?
00:16:44.399 --> 00:16:49.200
Like you have to let your parents know where you're going, sure, because they're your parents, but you don't have to let the stranger know.
00:16:49.360 --> 00:16:51.279
And so understanding those red flags.
00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:59.039
But if we don't educate our kids about these tactics, it's so easy for them to be like, oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:02.799
Because kids, kids generally have good hearts, right?
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:04.640
They want to make people happy.
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:06.640
And so they're gonna be like, Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.480
I didn't mean to upset you.
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:10.160
Uh, next time I'll I'll know.
00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:13.839
I'll know to let you know I'm gonna hang out with with Haley, you know?
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.400
And no, you're not required to do that at all.
00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:18.880
And so just letting them know that those type of things.
00:17:19.039 --> 00:17:28.720
Um, if they if they're still, if they start to feel uncomfortable about this conversation or the pressure of having this friendship online, that's not healthy.
00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:30.799
There's a reason you're having that feeling.
00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:33.279
That's because it's not a good relationship.
00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:34.880
It's not a good friendship.
00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:44.319
And then um, you know, most importantly, all these all these little um tips and advice I'm gonna give, the most important one is to have open conversations regularly.
00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:46.640
This isn't a one and done conversation.
00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:52.319
You need to be open and regularly because it isn't a matter of if this will happen to your child.
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:56.640
It's a matter of when this will happen to your child being contacted by a stranger online.
00:17:56.880 --> 00:17:57.039
Yeah.
00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:02.079
And so the other thing you want to talk to uh your kids about is sex.
00:18:02.559 --> 00:18:05.599
And this is such an uncomfortable topic for parents.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:12.960
And I get it, it was uncomfortable for me at first too, because we are we we hype ourselves up about it.
00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:14.960
Like we we get it all in our head about it.
00:18:15.119 --> 00:18:18.160
And the reality is that sex is a normal part of life.
00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:18.480
Yeah.
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:29.759
And so when you talk to your kids about it in that regard and what it's meant to be and how it's designed to be between two consenting adults, um, preferably God designed it to be within marriage.
00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:33.279
Um, but the reality is that that's that doesn't happen very often.
00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:40.079
And so I talk to my kids about the reality of what sex looks like in the world and then what sex looks like, how God designed it to be.
00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:50.240
And I think it's really important to have both of those um definitions because one side of that is not fulfilled.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:19:02.799
And so when you have sex outside of marriage, um that can lead to um a lot of emotional distress and and stuff because that's not how God designed it.
00:19:02.880 --> 00:19:08.720
He designed you to make this connection with somebody that is magical and beautiful and spiritual and emotional.
00:19:08.880 --> 00:19:14.640
And if you're not spending the rest of your life with that someone, that like almost like rips a part of you out, right?
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:16.880
And so you're just left missing.
00:19:17.119 --> 00:19:17.680
Yeah.
00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:20.880
And and then the other side of that is pornography.
00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:23.039
And pornography is so invasive.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:26.799
Again, your children are not looking for it, it's looking for your kids.
00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:33.519
And and so when kids right, and kids should, I mean, being curious about sex is a normal thing.
00:19:33.680 --> 00:19:35.599
That's how God designed us.
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:42.480
But when we don't give our kids the answers, they go seeking them in places that we may not like the answers they get.
00:19:42.559 --> 00:19:46.079
And that's how a lot of kids accidentally stumble upon pornography.
00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:52.160
And sometimes it's a friend who shares it with them, and sometimes it's an ad in a game that they discover it.
00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:54.960
But it's they're not looking for it, it's finding them.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:20:02.960
And so it's important to have, again, regular conversations with sex because your kids, depending on their age, are gonna be learning about this at different developmental levels.
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:07.839
I just love that we've created such a welcome environment for them to just ask those questions.
00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:20.240
And I want, I know, I know there's gonna be a time that my kid accidentally stumbles across pornography online or through a friend or on a playground at a park on someone's device that they're looking over their shoulder.
00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:21.920
Like, I know it's gonna happen.
00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:26.880
Yeah, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of if it's getting younger and younger when it happens.
00:20:27.200 --> 00:20:31.359
Right now, the average age of uh child children viewing pornography is like eight years old.
00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:32.079
It's like, what?
00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:34.240
You're like, how in child?
00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:40.000
Um, and so when my kids were briefly in public school, no, they're they're homeschooled since COVID.
00:20:40.079 --> 00:20:47.359
Um, but when they were briefly in public school, my bus driver, knewing knowing what I did with switch, pulled me aside one time and said, Can I get your your cell number?
00:20:47.519 --> 00:20:49.519
I'd like to call you after my bus route.
00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:51.839
And I was like, uh, okay, sure.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:55.839
And so um her daughter was introduced to pornography on the bus.
00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:04.480
And since she's the bus driver, her daughter's on the bus for the longest route and had been viewing pornography since she gets out of school, the whole ride on the bus until they get home.
00:21:04.640 --> 00:21:06.400
And she's like, What do I do?
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:09.440
And I was like, one, don't be angry at your daughter.
00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:11.279
Yeah, she's curious.
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:14.240
Yeah, but that's not a bad thing.
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:25.440
The bad thing is that the world has taken something that God designed to be beautiful and has flipped it ups upside down on its head and made it ugly and harmful when when consumed this way.
00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:35.200
And so we talked about all the things and um, and so just understanding you have to talk about sex, and when you think it's too early, it's not.
00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.960
Um understanding consent and both sides of consent, right?
00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:49.200
What it means to give consent and what it means to hear hear consent, to per to actively receive consent.
00:21:49.440 --> 00:21:54.079
And so consent is not I g I I guess that's not consent.
00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:58.480
Yeah, consent is a enthusiastic yes.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.759
Yeah, I really want to.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.480
Do this.
00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:01.759
Yeah, I'm good with that.
00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:03.119
That's consent.
00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.200
Not yeah.
00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:05.839
Okay.
00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:08.160
No, that's not consent, right?
00:22:08.319 --> 00:22:18.559
And so teaching our kids one to learn how to give consent, but two, to learn how to understand it, to hear it, receive it, and say, I don't think you're I don't think you really are ready for this.
00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:21.759
You know, and it doesn't have to be about consent like sex.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:24.240
It does when you're talking about consent, it doesn't have to be about sex.
00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:37.759
We because because again, uh nice guy offenders, uh, one of the most moving things that I experienced through Switch was at um, I think it was Spartanburg College, and um it was what was she wearing?
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:44.240
And they had a whole hall filled with outfits that people were wearing while they were sexually assaulted.
00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:49.200
And of course, these weren't the real items because those are evidence, but they got like items.
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.000
Um they they they got the reports, they read what they were wearing.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:55.200
And the majority of these outfits blew my mind.
00:22:55.359 --> 00:23:03.839
You would think like club dresses and like, you know, out-of-the-house clothes and like no, it was pajamas and sweatpants.
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:13.279
That's what they were wearing because they know they're attackers, they know they're offenders, they were friendly with them, they trusted them.
00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:14.960
It's those nice guy offenders.
00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:27.680
And so I want my kids to know that consent isn't just about sex, it's about uh people that maybe want to take you into a room alone or maybe see parts of your body that you don't want them to see or that's uncomfortable for you.
00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:30.160
That's where consent consent is important.
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:36.240
So just talking to them about consent and that they have the power and authority to consent to hugs.
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:45.920
And again, depending on the age level of your kids, I don't want you to tell them too many details because the little brains shouldn't have to deal with the darkness that we deal with as adults.
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:52.160
But I do want them to know that there are dangerous adults out there that don't always want to take good care of kids, they want to hurt kids.
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:58.319
And I think it's important for kids to know that because I grow up, I grew up being taught to respect authority.
00:23:58.480 --> 00:24:05.839
And I want my kids to respect authority, but respecting authority doesn't mean obeying authority, and there's a difference, and I didn't know that as a kid.
00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:06.000
Yeah.
00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.720
And so I think it's important to distinguish that for our kids.
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.319
And so we'll we'll role play.
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:16.400
Like, if you were to go to your friend's house and uh mom and dad wasn't there, you're just having a play data at your friend's house.
00:24:16.480 --> 00:24:19.759
We dropped you off, and their dad walked into the bathroom while you're on the toilet.
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:20.480
What would you do?
00:24:20.720 --> 00:24:25.440
And so, like, going through this with each of my kids, they're vastly different personalities.
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:31.039
And so, like working through, you get to be your child's cheerleader to help them learn how to navigate this broken world.
00:24:31.200 --> 00:24:38.960
And so that's a similar seemingly innocent situation that could possibly happen, but that could also have a nefarious side too that our kids may not know.
00:24:39.039 --> 00:24:43.440
And so I use this as an example because it has that seemingly innocent side of it.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:45.920
And so we talk about like they'd be like, get out.
00:24:46.079 --> 00:24:48.079
Oh, nope, that's not how we say that actually.
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:53.839
You know, you have to project, and I don't want to yell on the mic, but it's like, get out, you know, you have to like yell it loud.
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:59.759
And I tell my kids that when you have something like that happen, you don't want the room you're in to hear it, you want the next room over to hear it.
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.880
And so you have to do it loud and you get to work through those objections of well, I don't want to embarrass them.
00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:08.880
No, God created consequence.
00:25:09.039 --> 00:25:13.440
This is a natural consequence, and this is why God created consequence because two things are gonna happen.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:15.920
One, you're gonna be embarrassed too.
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.119
And you're gonna remember to lock that bathroom door next time.
00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:25.279
Number two, they're gonna be embarrassed too, and they're gonna remember to knock when they have company at the house.
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:31.839
And so when you see it that way, the kids are like, oh, okay, there's a reason to call someone out like that, right?
00:25:32.000 --> 00:25:33.519
And that's an innocent way to do it.
00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:42.880
So just role-playing through these scenarios, these possible scenarios, so that you just get their brains okay with the idea of almost defying authority, right?
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:45.759
Like to tell an adult, get out, like that's a big deal.
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:46.000
Yeah.
00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:49.039
Um, but but you're okay to do that.
00:25:49.119 --> 00:25:49.680
That's okay.
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:50.480
Yeah, for sure.
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:52.400
And so just opening that doorway.
00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:57.519
Um, talking about pictures online, pictures and videos online, you know they're gonna be exposed to porn.
00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:00.160
You have to start talking about it, especially if they have tech.
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:06.480
If you have a three-year-old that has tech, you need to be talking about good pictures and bad pictures online because they're gonna be exposed to it.
00:26:06.720 --> 00:26:13.200
And so seeing a nude image is not art unless you're looking at like a Da Vinci sculpture, right?
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:19.920
Like there is a difference between pornographic images and you know, art that's like in a museum somewhere.
00:26:20.079 --> 00:26:20.400
Yeah.
00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:30.640
And the art in the museum is not to stir up emotions in our body, but the pornography that your children see, those pictures and videos, they will stir up feelings in the body.
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:40.880
And those are natural feelings that God designed to be good, but when they're consumed in a bad way, they become harmful to your body and leave you wanting more because they're not fulfilled.
00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:44.400
And that's the harms of pornography, and that's why it's addictive.
00:26:44.559 --> 00:26:50.720
So talking to them about, you know, it's okay if you see that image, it's okay if it had some, you know, weird, I call them weird feelings.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:53.279
Um, they could be good feelings, they could be bad feelings.
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:54.640
Um, those are normal feelings.
00:26:54.720 --> 00:27:01.839
And it's okay to talk to mom and dad about that, and we can help you understand what you saw, and then we can make sure that that doesn't accidentally happen again, right?
00:27:01.920 --> 00:27:05.039
Or try to put parameters in place to make sure it doesn't happen as often or something.
00:27:05.200 --> 00:27:05.839
Yeah, for sure.
00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:07.519
Because it will happen.
00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:12.480
Um, if you have older children, sexting, that's such a big deal, right?
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:13.839
That's shocking.
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:15.920
It's it's that it's such a big deal.
00:27:16.240 --> 00:27:17.200
It is so many.
00:27:17.279 --> 00:27:23.759
I think it was like 70 or 80 percent of teens think it's totally okay to send a nude image of themselves to their significant other.
00:27:24.559 --> 00:27:25.039
Yeah.
00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:32.000
And and while it's innocent from them, they don't mean like they don't see the nefarious side of it.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:36.880
But what they don't realize is that very rarely who you're dating in high school is who you're gonna stick to.
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.680
And I know I'm I'm a hypocrite for saying that because I did marry my sweet, my high school sweetheart.
00:27:41.839 --> 00:27:44.720
We met in eighth grade and we've been together since ninth grade.
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:47.279
But it's not common, right?
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:59.599
And so the reality is you don't know that this is the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, and they haven't, I mean, marriage is a big deal because it's a public commitment that this is the only person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:03.119
If they haven't married you, they haven't given you that public commitment.
00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:07.039
So you just don't know that they're really gonna be with you forever.
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:15.359
And when you send this picture to them and life is going well, and they love you and you love them, and then oops, that love is gone now.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:16.960
Yeah, you're no longer together.
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:26.240
They have that image of you, yeah, and so many times, more times than I'd like to admit, that picture gets shared.
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:27.680
Yeah, that's the thing.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:41.440
It's like you're sharing that picture with all the high school boys, all of everyone, not just even in the school, sometimes online, and and I mean that's worldwide, and it's never ever gonna be taken down fully.
00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:44.480
Yeah, sexting has major repercussions.
00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:59.039
One, it's illegal because even if you're a minor and you're sharing a nude image of yourself, that is considered distribution of child sexual abuse material because minors cannot consent to commercial sex, sharing images even for free, is considered commercial sex.
00:28:59.359 --> 00:29:04.319
And so um that's that's distribution of child sexual abuse material.
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:08.799
Yeah, you you are not old enough to consent to that, so that's illegal.
00:29:08.960 --> 00:29:22.799
Um, and most law enforcement doesn't want to arrest children for doing this, they don't want to arrest teenagers for doing it, but because it has such nefarious consequences of it being online forever, sometimes they have to make examples.
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:25.279
Yeah, and so it's not something they want to do.
00:29:25.440 --> 00:29:36.640
I really appreciate law enforcement and they're put in some really tough situations when it comes to sexting and stuff, but don't let yourself be put in that situation, right?
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:46.720
Um, you know, if you have to let somebody see yourself naked, do it in person with no cameras, you know, like don't go back to old school, don't do it new school, okay?
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:49.359
Um, and then talk about your kids' vulnerabilities.
00:29:49.519 --> 00:29:50.240
We all have them.
00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:53.599
I've created vulnerabilities in my kids because I yell, right?
00:29:53.759 --> 00:29:55.839
Like that's that's gonna create insecurities.
00:29:55.920 --> 00:30:01.359
And I tried to overcome it when I'm a little bit calmer and I realize, okay, mommy shouldn't have yelled about that.
00:30:01.519 --> 00:30:04.400
But you know, I did ask you guys to stop playing or screaming.
00:30:04.480 --> 00:30:06.799
That's really screaming because it gets me the screaming.
00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:10.799
I've asked you guys to stop screaming several times and you guys kept getting louder and louder.
00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:12.160
And then finally I just yelled.
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:14.319
And that was not the best way to handle it.
00:30:14.480 --> 00:30:20.160
But you guys could also help me moving forward that if I say, Can you please stop screaming upstairs and go outside or go downstairs?
00:30:20.319 --> 00:30:21.279
You guys could do that.
00:30:21.440 --> 00:30:21.599
Right.
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:23.119
And then I wouldn't have to get to that point.
00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:33.680
So, like just asking for that forgiveness and telling them where you're coming from, trying to help strengthen their vulnerabilities and letting them know they have a control in life where they can make choices too.
00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:38.319
But like walking through the vulnerabilities that your child might have.
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:40.880
Okay, being a youth is just that's one.
00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:45.839
Um, maybe being insecure about yourself, self-conscious, that's another.
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:52.880
Um, maybe being super cocky and confident, that could be one because you're gonna be likely to overlook things, right?
00:30:52.960 --> 00:30:56.640
You're not gonna be able to see the danger as quickly because you're gonna think I'm fine.
00:30:56.880 --> 00:31:01.440
Um, and so talking about those vulnerabilities and teaching them how to to work through them.
00:31:01.519 --> 00:31:05.200
So for my kids that are more cocky and and confident, I love that.
00:31:05.359 --> 00:31:09.920
I pray for God to help me live through it because I don't want to take that away from them.
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:12.480
But sometimes it's really hard to parent those kind of kids, right?
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:18.160
And so I have to tell them, I love that confidence that's gonna take you far in life.
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:23.680
But you also sometimes have to be humble and realize that God's in control and not you.
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:28.640
And so you have to have this lens of let me step back a second and take another look.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:38.240
And then for my child who's insecure or self-conscious or more shy, you know, I'm going to say, um, God is with you.
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:39.839
You've got this.
00:31:40.079 --> 00:31:41.759
You just have to lean on his power.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:47.599
When you're insecure, pray, believe, and know that he's with you moving forward.
00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:47.920
Right.
00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.720
And so helping them strengthen those vulnerabilities, identifying them with your kids and saying we all have them.
00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:57.519
And I use myself as an example when I teach students, I say that my empathy is a vulnerability.
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:04.559
As a child, my empathy was used against me a lot to get me to do things that I didn't want to do because I feel people.
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:10.000
And if they would get angry or mad or sad, I would feel that and I would feel responsible for that.
00:32:10.559 --> 00:32:13.039
But God gave me that empathy for a reason.
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:20.079
And so I had to learn how to put boundaries in place to protect my empathy so that it can be used for God's glory.
00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:21.599
It can be used for his beauty.
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:32.319
And now as an adult, my empathy has taken me very far in building relationships with people, building trust with students, um, so that they can be more likely to share things with me than they would other people.
00:32:32.400 --> 00:32:35.440
And so it's a beautiful thing, but I had to put boundaries in place.
00:32:35.599 --> 00:32:38.000
And that's what we want you to do with your kids' vulnerabilities.
00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:42.319
Vulnerabilities are not weaknesses, they are not something you can get rid of.
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:44.160
We all have them, even adults.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:46.480
We just learn how to strengthen them.
00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:50.799
Um, and then um that's really it.
00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:53.279
Um, looking up resources in your area.
00:32:53.359 --> 00:32:56.960
So if you're in the upstate Greenville, South Carolina, check out Switch.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:08.799
Um, if you're if you're not, you can um go to like defendyoungminds.org where they talk about um how to have these conversations with your kids about pornography and and predation online predators.
00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:26.480
Um, you know, there are apps that you can put in place on your kids' tech, like Bark or Covenant Eyes, to help um reduce the exposure to some of these things or to alert you right away so that you know, oh, your kid's looking at this, or your kid's friend texted them this, and this could be a red flag.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:36.799
Um, and so there are things like that that you can do to help you in this journey of tech in the modern world where it's very dangerous and we just don't realize it.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:41.599
So you're not alone and that there are help and resources out there to help get you through this.
00:33:41.839 --> 00:33:42.240
Amen.
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:43.519
I love it.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:45.839
Well, thank you so much for coming.
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:48.000
Obviously, there's so much to talk about.
00:33:48.079 --> 00:33:49.599
We're just gonna have to do it again.
00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:51.680
I know.
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:59.279
But no, this was really awesome, and I think it's a great first step in helping um parents understand the reality of it, right?
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:11.119
Because it's not just um uh I guess the best way I've heard it said is like you're not just giving your kid a phone, or you're not just giving your kid access to the world, you're giving the world access to your kid.
00:34:11.440 --> 00:34:26.480
100% knowing that there are nefarious actors, a ton of them here locally that are trying to exploit any kid that will let them or give them a crack in any door, they're gonna push it wide open.
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:32.800
Um, so it's so important to um just pay attention to your children and love them.
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:35.440
And thank you for listening to Ashes and Beauty.
00:34:35.599 --> 00:34:40.079
If you want to know more about Switch, check out uh switchsc.org.
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:42.400
Until next time, my friends.
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:48.159
Thank you for listening to Ashes and Beauty, a podcast by Switch.
00:34:48.400 --> 00:34:53.760
Since 2012, we've been fighting sex trafficking right here in Greenville, South Carolina.
00:34:54.000 --> 00:35:02.320
If you'd like to join the fight and support our mission, visit switchsc.org today and become a monthly supporter.
00:35:02.719 --> 00:35:06.239
Together, we can end trafficking for good.
