Textbook Sleep #48: The Confessions of Jean Jacques Rousseau

Welcome to Textbook Sleep, the Maximum-Strength Sleep Aid, where we read aloud boring public-domain textbooks to help you fall asleep.

Tonight it’s The Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau.

Don’t get excited by the word “confessions.” If like me you were expecting a big tell-all about 18th-century shenanigans, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Rousseau did, however, break some teeth off a comb as a child, and then lied about it.

This “confession” ought to give you some idea of how stultifying this book is to hear aloud. Not to mention, to read aloud. I will do my heroic best to stay awake. But I fully expect to fail this time. I’ve come perilously close before—Hegel was touch and go.

You, however, may be asleep after the first syllable I read, that’s the powerful sedative effect of Rousseau. Your gastroenterologist could read you a sentence or two immediately before your colonoscopy and avoid all those drugs:

“Count backwards from 10.”

“T…”

Thank you Project Gutenberg for the text.

Now it’s time for the bells, whose gently radiating sound waves will clear your mind of any and all impediments to sleep.

This recording will end quietly.