OVER DEZE AFLEVERING
Overwhelm often shows up disguised as productivity. Your calendar is full, your brain is loud, and you keep hunting for the next book, habit, tool, or commitment that will finally make life feel under control. John and Josh discuss taking a different angle: pruning. Just like a garden grows healthier when you cut back strong branches, your life gets better when you remove even “good” things that steal time, attention, emotional energy, and presence from what you value most.
If this gives you a nudge to simplify, subscribe, share with a friend who feels maxed out, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show.
- Email us: awesomelifenotes@gmail.com
- Learn more about John: JohnSpence.com
- Familiar Wilsons Media: FamiliarWilsonsMedia.com
About John Spence: John is a globally recognized business thought leader, former owner/CEO of five companies, and advisor/coach to organizations from startups to the Fortune 10. He’s lectured at more than 90 universities and was named by the American Management Association as one of “America’s Top 50 Leaders to Watch.”
About the show: Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence focuses on personal growth, happiness, clarity, and the everyday habits that compound into an AWESOME life.
Credits: Hosts John Spence and Josh Wilson • Produced by Josh Wilson for Familiar Wilsons Media • Special thanks: Amanda Wilson (writing and production), and Domingo Jimenez (writing and marketing).
LAAT NOTITIES ZIEN 🔗
TRANSCRIPTIE 🔗
00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:04.320
This is a familiar Wilsons Media Production.
00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:18.559
John Spence is recognized as one of the foremost business thought leaders in the world, a global top 100 business thinker and advisor to companies from startups to the Fortune 10.
00:00:19.039 --> 00:00:20.719
But it didn't start that way.
00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:26.640
In college, John hit rock bottom, kicked out of one university and rejected by another.
00:00:26.800 --> 00:00:33.520
That's when he made a decision to change his attitude and take a systematic approach to building the life he wanted.
00:00:33.759 --> 00:00:41.039
Through hard work and relentless learning, he went on to create a life full of meaning, joy, and connection.
00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:46.159
I'm Josh Wilson, and this is Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence.
00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:58.399
We invite you to join us in conversation as John shares with us the lessons, habits, and tools that he used and that you can use to build an awesome life.
00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:05.680
Welcome to Notes for an Awesome Life with John Spence.
00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:07.040
I'm Josh Wilson.
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:09.439
Surprise, surprise, I'm John Spence.
00:01:09.760 --> 00:01:11.760
Surprise, surprise, John Spence.
00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:18.879
John, we just released the episode where we discussed your cancer journey and great, great response to that.
00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:23.120
Yeah, and thank you for some people sent us some really nice notes, some questions.
00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:25.760
Uh, you saw one I got to answer yesterday.
00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:28.159
I'm just so glad that people interacted with that.
00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:30.480
You always ask at the end what we're grateful for.
00:01:30.640 --> 00:01:34.159
I'll say at the beginning, I'm grateful that we were able to share that information.
00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:36.000
It was very helpful to a lot of people.
00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:45.599
Yeah, now it's interesting because we're recording this episode, but there's one that we recorded between the cancer episode and this one, and it's all about me.
00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:53.599
So I'm really interested to see what the numbers do between John's journey and then Josh's journey.
00:01:53.760 --> 00:01:59.680
And we will we will see how that one goes, and we will report back next time.
00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:05.439
But today I want to talk a little bit about pruning.
00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:12.159
Now, you've got a lovely backyard that you love to um to brag about on your socials as well.
00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:12.800
You should.
00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:21.599
Now, I would can only assume that you put in the hard work to prune all those plants so that they are pristine and beautiful the way I see them.
00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:32.960
No, the vegetables and herbs and stuff I handled that, but the rest of the yard, I the when we moved into our property 20-something years ago, we took it down to mud.
00:02:33.599 --> 00:02:36.639
A couple of huge oak trees, but literally mud.
00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:42.080
Now our house is on the garden tour most years, and I can take zero credit for that.
00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:47.759
A guy named Doug Hopkins was the landscape architect from day one and is still there.
00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:50.879
And him and his crew uh take care of the yard.
00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:54.960
But you know, I don't drive an expensive car, I don't have a boat or any of that stuff.
00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:56.400
I don't wear jewelry.
00:02:56.719 --> 00:03:02.159
My most expensive guilty pleasure is having a an absolutely magnificent.
00:03:02.560 --> 00:03:08.240
I think we have like 70 or 80 rose bushes back there and you know, fruit trees and all that stuff.
00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:11.680
It's only two acres, but it is an oasis.
00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:17.840
And uh I do very little pruning back there, but I still understand the concept.
00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:18.719
Well, sure.
00:03:18.800 --> 00:03:27.360
And and if needed on this topic, perhaps we can have Doug uh Hopkins call in, you know, if if he needs to give us any advice on pruning.
00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.080
But I do want to talk about this idea of pruning.
00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:40.560
And we talk about this in different ways on other episodes, but I think that it's such an important concept that we need to hit it from different directions.
00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:45.360
Um, because we spend a lot of our lives asking additive questions.
00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:46.639
What should I learn?
00:03:46.719 --> 00:03:48.080
What else should I accomplish?
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:48.879
What else should I?
00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:50.560
What new thing should I start?
00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.400
What new people do I need to meet?
00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:56.000
What thing do I need to purchase now to make my life this or that?
00:03:56.319 --> 00:04:03.439
The question I think that probably is more important than that, what needs to go?
00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:04.319
Agreed.
00:04:04.400 --> 00:04:05.599
You can get overwhelmed.
00:04:05.680 --> 00:04:12.240
I'm I'm actually working on uh this morning a new guidebook on the on strategy.
00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:20.959
And my my fundamental ideas on business strategy is that at some level it's the allocation of scarce resources.
00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:26.079
And one of the things a great strategic thinker does is figuring out what to say no to.
00:04:26.319 --> 00:04:27.839
Uh and I think it applies.
00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:49.360
I mean, we have we have one resource that is extremely scarce, time, uh, our lives, that in my opinion needs to be protected pretty carefully and allocated very, very, very carefully, which then means that you have to get good at using the word that a lot of people struggle with is no, no, I'm not gonna spend time with that person.
00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:51.839
I'm not gonna do that activity anymore.
00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:55.759
Uh, I'm not gonna spend time on this or whatever it might be.
00:04:55.920 --> 00:04:57.920
Uh, and that could be hard for some folks.
00:04:58.160 --> 00:04:58.720
Oh, sure.
00:04:58.959 --> 00:04:59.759
It's hard for me.
00:04:59.839 --> 00:05:02.000
It's a thing that I've had to learn.
00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:05.920
But you're right when you talk about our scarce and limited resources.
00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:12.079
You mentioned time, attention, emotional energy, physical energy, and presence.
00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:13.519
Those are the ones that I can think of.
00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:16.319
Money, money, oh, absolutely money, sure.
00:05:16.560 --> 00:05:19.680
A good example with money is a thing that I'm doing right now.
00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:25.279
I'm auditing how many different streaming services we have and you know, stuff like that.
00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:27.120
Subscriptions, they creep up.
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:29.360
Subscription creep is a thing.
00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:35.360
And so having to go back and regularly assess oh, I don't need this, I don't need that.
00:05:35.519 --> 00:05:39.279
I needed that for this thing I was doing, but I don't need it now.
00:05:39.680 --> 00:05:44.000
Did you ever have a time in your life where it was difficult for you to say no to people?
00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:45.519
Oh, I still do.
00:05:45.759 --> 00:05:46.959
Oh, talk about that.
00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:49.680
Yeah, I still do, but I've learned something really powerful.
00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:51.439
Like I get people and I love it.
00:05:51.519 --> 00:05:53.759
I'm honored that asked me to help them all the time.
00:05:54.079 --> 00:05:54.639
Will you mentor me?
00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:55.360
Will you coach me?
00:05:55.439 --> 00:06:07.680
And when I say I do get paid for executive coaching, but these are folks, friends, but folks, college students, stuff like that, that want me to join a board or do this or or mentor them or whatever it might be.
00:06:07.839 --> 00:06:17.839
And in the past, I just because I wanted to be helpful, um, I was listening to an audio book today, which we might get into later, on the idea of ambitious usefulness.
00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:18.639
Okay.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:28.800
So I wanted to be useful, but then I realized I'm spending all my time doing things that weren't necessarily, I wasn't really adding a lot of value at the level I wanted to.
00:06:28.959 --> 00:06:33.680
And it was taking away my precious time with my family or my health, or on and on and on.
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:45.040
So I started putting up a sort of a barrier of if you prove to me by doing some work that I should give you my time, then I'm happy to do it.
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:51.439
And I think I've mentioned it maybe on one of the past episodes when a college student uh asked me to mentor them.
00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:53.279
I say I'd love to.
00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:56.399
However, I need you to read three books.
00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.040
So tell me a subject you're interested in learning about.
00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:00.480
Let's just say leadership.
00:07:00.639 --> 00:07:02.560
I will say I need you to read these three books.
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.560
I want you to write a book report on each.
00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:08.079
Then we're gonna go to breakfast or lunch, and I'm gonna ask you questions.
00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:12.319
So you can't just use Chat GPT or to the, you actually have to understand this.
00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:27.040
If you can make it through those three levels, read, report, and uh meeting, I am absolutely on your team and I'm happy to do everything I can to help you because they will have done the work to prove to me that they're serious.
00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:36.319
Uh, out of the hundreds, literally hundreds over my career of people that have asked me that, only four have ever actually made it and lasted.
00:07:36.639 --> 00:07:37.839
Wow, that's amazing.
00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:46.160
But here's the key idea, Josh, which is I'm genuinely serious that if you will do the work, I will bust my ass to help you.
00:07:46.399 --> 00:07:46.800
Yeah.
00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:52.160
But you've got to continue doing the work because once they say yes, okay, here's another book to read, let's discuss this.
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:53.199
Here's something.
00:07:53.439 --> 00:08:03.360
So, and I always tell them if you if you don't have time to read the books, we're on your schedule, or if it gets to the point where you have don't have time to prepare for the meetings and stuff, then just we'll just hold off.
00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:05.120
Hold off until you do have the time.
00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:08.800
But I'm not going to give my time if they're not going to invest their time.
00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:09.279
True.
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:17.839
But the key thing here is I'm not saying no, I'm saying yes, absolutely, if you're willing to show me that it's important to you too.
00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:19.600
It's the old improv trick.
00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:21.839
Yes, and yes, I'll do it.
00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:23.279
And here's some work.
00:08:23.519 --> 00:08:24.480
Yeah, no, I like that.
00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:25.439
I like that.
00:08:25.759 --> 00:08:35.360
So, did something happen for you where you realized that that saying yes was becoming a problem, or was it just a gradual realization?
00:08:36.399 --> 00:08:44.240
It was the disappointment of having people ask me to mentor them and I'd invest a lot of time, take it to lunch, write them off, and nothing would happen.
00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:45.919
They wouldn't take the advice.
00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:51.360
Uh, or they'd they'd ask, you know, we'd have like two meetings, then they disappear.
00:08:51.600 --> 00:09:10.879
Uh, and I thought, well, I've just spent, you know, six hours of my life with someone who didn't really, you know, like if someone shows up for one of those meetings with no notepad, uh, or they're not taking notes on their phone or something, I realize that I've just spent two hours and the person's probably not gonna remember any or very, very little of it.
00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:14.720
That's not, you know, I do the same thing when I meet with executives.
00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:24.480
If I'm gonna meet with somebody to coach them and they show up to a meeting with nothing to write with, I it's already red flag for me of this person isn't serious.
00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:31.440
You know, if we're gonna talk for two hours, they will not be able to remember all of the critical things we said in two hours.
00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:38.000
So when I saw that happening over and over, I realized this is not a good investment.
00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:47.919
There's other places I could invest my time and my talent that would have a higher, I believe, yeah, more be a more useful implementation of my time.
00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:51.440
So let's talk a little bit about the different phases or areas.
00:09:51.519 --> 00:09:54.320
You just talked about giving your time to other people.
00:09:54.720 --> 00:10:01.840
How about versions of one's identity that they maintain even though they've outgrown it?
00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:04.639
In high school, my nickname was Bear.
00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:06.000
The Bear.
00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:08.320
And everybody knew me by that name.
00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:11.120
I'm gonna bet there's a lot of people that didn't know my real name.
00:10:11.360 --> 00:10:11.679
Church.
00:10:12.080 --> 00:10:17.200
Uh, and so everywhere I went, no one called me John, everyone called me Bear.
00:10:17.279 --> 00:10:26.320
Uh, in college, there were still a few people, but after college, I figured it was probably time to retire that and move into John.
00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:27.919
Now, here's the idea.
00:10:28.159 --> 00:10:30.399
The the idea of Bear had a lot of stuff with it.
00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:37.279
The guy that was out partying and drinking and played to the football team and all this stuff and was always joking, cracking jokes and everything.
00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:44.399
And I decided to shift into, well, now I'm gonna be John and be known for the things going forward, my career.
00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:47.360
Here's one of the things I tell people when they move to a new town.
00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:50.799
I say, you get to create a completely new story about yourself.
00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:59.840
You don't have to share, you know, I'm not saying why, but you don't have to talk about your drunken time in college or, you know, your high school football stuff.
00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:10.320
I mean, you can, but you get to you get to decide what information to give people to create their understanding of you or their image of you.
00:11:10.559 --> 00:11:14.879
So I think there's times in your life where you can say, that's who I used to be.
00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.960
I'd like to be known as a different person going forward.
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:26.240
Uh and you and I talked about it that I've I've had folks from my you know youth that have said, Wow, you've really changed, Bear.
00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:29.279
Yeah, they're right.
00:11:29.519 --> 00:11:31.440
I I have changed a lot.
00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:34.159
And they kind of looked at you like, but I loved Bear.
00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:34.960
He was fun.
00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:38.080
Like, I'm still fun, but I'm I'm John now.
00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:46.399
I think there's a lot of people out there right now who've not really thought very much about their why, right?
00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:49.360
And therefore they don't really know who they are.
00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:58.720
You and I did this on the show on the show here, the podcast, and it's one I continue to do with my coaching clients is I'm the kind of person who.
00:11:58.960 --> 00:11:59.679
Yeah, yeah.
00:11:59.919 --> 00:12:08.639
And it's been really powerful for people to try to dig down and go a couple levels and say, I did not know that I thought that way about myself.
00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:13.360
Uh, and for some of them, like me, I'm the kind of guy that everything always works out for.
00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:16.080
Uh, I had someone challenge me on that the other day.
00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:17.600
Everything doesn't work out for you.
00:12:17.759 --> 00:12:18.720
I'm like, yeah, it does.
00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:20.399
Like, what about this and this and this?
00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:21.279
Those were all horrible.
00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:24.320
And I go, they sure were, but they all taught me something.
00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:25.360
You know, it's cool.
00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:32.799
Well, obviously, that thinks I'm you know not mentally all there, which is true, but at an even higher level.
00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:39.360
But I think that's part, and uh, you know, a phrase came to mind that's not me, that's not who I am.
00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:46.960
I think that's part of changing a little bit your decision about who you want to, who you want to be and the kind of life you want to live.
00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:51.600
Remember again, my saying of be today, what you want them to say when you die.
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:58.000
That's an great opportunity to make a change in a very positive direction.
00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:04.960
I might have acted this way in the past, Bear, but I've decided to act this way in the future, John.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:11.279
And I want you to circle back a little bit and talk about you either call it useful ambition or or ambitious usefulness.
00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:12.879
Yeah, ambitious usefulness.
00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:15.840
That's another one of the things that I had written down for us to talk about.
00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:20.480
And that's this idea of every opportunity looks like a great opportunity.
00:13:20.799 --> 00:13:23.840
This is for I'm listening to a couple books on philosophy right now.
00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:29.840
One I'm really enjoying called The Good Life Method by two philosophy professors from Notre Dame.
00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:36.960
Uh, and this other one I'm listening to is really interesting, Josh, because I vehemently disagree with the guy who wrote it.
00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:40.879
I'm I am cuss, not cussing him, but I'm like, oh, come on, man.
00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:44.000
Well, I'm listening to in the crowd, I'm like, you can't believe that.
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:52.960
His idea, he just takes it to an extreme, is your life should be dedicated to being useful, to helping other people.
00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:57.360
And your greatest good should be focused on that.
00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:01.600
And everything in your life should be calibrated to your level of usefulness.
00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:07.919
And his idea is don't be ambitious in the other these other areas that don't really add value to the world.
00:14:08.080 --> 00:14:11.279
Uh, consultants have to be one of the ones on his list.
00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:15.200
Consultants, accountants, lawyers, hedge fund managers.
00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:19.440
Uh, so you start to see the areas he's uh he's focused on.
00:14:19.759 --> 00:14:23.279
But he's like, that's not usefulness, that's ambition.
00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:28.399
And according to him, it would be blind ambition, but it is not useful ambition.
00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:39.919
So I'm struggling now with the idea of and his idea is if you have a lot of talent, you owe the world to focus that talent on something useful at the highest level to the most people.
00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:56.399
And wasting your talent on being a consultant, uh when you could do something much more useful, is uh not just a shame, but he's like it's a it's a waste of your life.
00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:57.440
I mean, he's pretty aggressive.
00:14:57.519 --> 00:14:58.559
It's a waste of your life, right?
00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:02.320
You're hurting the world because you're not using your talents.
00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:08.639
At some level, I understand he's taking it to the extreme, but his idea is be extremely ambitious.
00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:20.960
Want to do the best you can possibly do and achieve it the highest level you possibly can in pursuit of being useful to the most people at the highest level of usefulness, saving lives.
00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:22.960
Okay.
00:15:23.519 --> 00:15:31.840
Um but there um what professions then does he does he bless?
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:33.840
He hasn't really any.
00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:56.000
I mean, he he's like things that save people's lives, uh, things that help the environment, things that uh, you know, and I'm listening to another one sort of on you, I think it's called utilitarianism, that says, be ambitious, go make a lot of money on Wall Street per se, you know, as a yeah, but then take that money and invest it back in where you can help people.
00:15:56.159 --> 00:16:11.360
Buy nets for uh beds for people in Africa to reduce malaria, or you know, make a million dollars a year and donate half of it to save children in Guatemala or someplace, or in the United States, you know, right here.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.080
Yeah, yeah.
00:16:12.320 --> 00:16:18.559
Uh, but that one is you know, be ambitious, but be ambitious to make money to then help people.
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:33.519
He has not really, I'm that's why I'm still I'm early in the the book, and he is still complaining about all the people that waste this amazing talent where they could be helping more people, but instead they're just helping themselves.
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:37.039
And that's my my argument is I'm trying to think.
00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:39.759
Oh, here's the one he he really hit on today.
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.720
People who want to just live, you know, create a company that creates passive income.
00:16:44.879 --> 00:16:50.000
They don't hire anybody, they don't have to make any decisions, they don't do any work, they just get money.
00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:51.519
That's the worst form.
00:16:51.679 --> 00:17:12.160
And he just went on and on like, no, passive income is can be great if you take all the free time, help people donate money, go, you know, volunteer, do stuff like that, because you don't have to work all day and you're making plenty of money without having to, and as he said, lift a finger uh of real work.
00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:25.599
So I'm content, even though I'm vehemently opposed to this, I think it's just a great experiment of me to listen to something that I that I don't, at least this far into the book, agree with and challenge my own thinking.
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:30.799
But it seems to me that that you have already been on that that track.
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:46.960
You've already told me that that you meet with or you have met with a brain trust of people and who are in your profession of business consulting and business thinking, and that you've encouraged them to lead with love.
00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:47.920
Yeah.
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:49.920
To this friend of ours who's written this book.
00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:50.960
What the heck's wrong with that?
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.680
I'm sharing ideas and not doing work.
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:59.680
So let's not go too far down the rabbit hole because I'm only about 45 minutes into a five-hour book.
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:01.279
Oh, he might turn it around.
00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:03.200
Yeah, yeah, he might turn it around.
00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:08.000
Right now, he's just poking me in the eye, but he might turn it around.
00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:12.640
But it's um, I think that he would say you need a physical impact.
00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:20.079
You need to actually help someone directly versus indirectly teaching an idea that might later impact people.
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:38.160
Uh, I happen to believe, you know, like I feel very good about the work I do because I try to help businesses be more successful so that they can take better care of their employees and their employees can take better care of their families uh and have the opportunity to live a fuller and happier life.
00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:44.880
Uh, business can't do that, but they can create the conditions that will allow someone to try to do that in their own life.
00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.720
I think that's a pretty cool deal because of the ripple effect.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:54.240
And so getting back to the this idea of ambition, which is believe it or not, how we started this.
00:18:54.319 --> 00:18:58.319
And yes, I did remember where we started, which is we started with pruning.
00:18:58.559 --> 00:18:59.119
That's right.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:00.079
That's right.
00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:10.079
But but the idea that, you know, not every good idea, not every good path, not everything that you are good at is something that you should pursue.
00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:11.519
And that's that's what I'm getting at.
00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:17.119
When we're talking about pruning, oftentimes, you know, what you want to do is you want to prune a healthy branch.
00:19:17.359 --> 00:19:27.680
You're looking at things even when things seem to be going well, and you're assessing and you're saying, yeah, this thing that I'm doing is going well, but it's really drawing time from this other thing that maybe I should be doing.
00:19:27.839 --> 00:19:31.839
And so this idea of reigning in your ambition as well.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:40.559
Well, I go back to, and I've been doing a ton of writing lately on different topics, but my idea of when values are clear, decisions are easy.
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:46.559
That you can back up and look at your life and say, you know, where do I want to be at the end of this life?
00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:48.480
What's the legacy I want to leave?
00:19:48.720 --> 00:19:50.799
What are the values I hold dearest?
00:19:51.039 --> 00:20:03.920
Now let me try to, with my very limited time and resources, prune most of the things, not all, but most of the things that don't align with my values and won't take me in the direction of the life that I hope to live.
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:12.559
Things that are very attractive and look like fun and exciting, but stepping back and saying what's the long-term goal here?
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:16.240
Uh, and and I'm not saying do things you don't enjoy.
00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:23.119
I'm just saying that focus on the things you enjoy that match your values and what you hope your life will be.
00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:25.440
And I'm noticeing I also said didn't say all.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:33.680
Can you give me an example of something that looked great that you made a conscious decision to say, ah, that's great, but I that doesn't serve me.
00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:39.359
I had thought a little a little while ago about trying to find a group here in Gainesville, uh, and they're here.
00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:47.359
I looked them up of uh people that were studying Stoic philosophy and got together once a week for a couple of hours to talk about Stoicism.
00:20:47.519 --> 00:20:53.680
And I thought, well, you know, I can go over there and I I'll, you know, miss dinner and I'll hang out with them, but we'll be able to talk about stoicism.
00:20:53.759 --> 00:20:55.359
I'll meet some interesting people.
00:20:55.599 --> 00:21:05.920
But then I thought, you know, uh I could do that at home reading and listening to books and doing other stuff and spend time with my wife and the dogs and hang out.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:19.519
And for that particular thing, it sounds interesting and I might learn from it, but there's other things I could do to still get that mental stimulation without leaving my family for the evening.
00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:31.599
Okay, so if someone who's listening right now, because I'm always trying to think of the different levels that people are at when they're listening to this podcast, someone right now is feeling totally overwhelmed with their life and they're listening.
00:21:31.759 --> 00:21:35.839
Where would you suggest that they start this process of pruning?
00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:41.759
I I would go back to getting really, really clear on what the most important things in your life are.
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:43.279
What do you value?
00:21:43.680 --> 00:21:45.839
What do you want your life to stand for?
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:48.000
What's the legacy you want to leave?
00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:53.920
And then back up and examine everything to say is this really in alignment with that?
00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:57.119
Uh and if you are overwhelmed, here's the hard part.
00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:58.720
We just went back to saying no.
00:21:58.880 --> 00:21:59.759
You know, there's another thing.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:03.839
I again I was writing about strategy this morning called sunk costs.
00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:06.240
Is well, I've already been doing this for three years.
00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:07.599
They already know me in the group.
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:08.799
I've got friends there.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:10.640
You know, I don't really like it anymore.
00:22:10.720 --> 00:22:14.400
It's not that much fun, but I don't want to disappoint everybody by not showing up.
00:22:14.559 --> 00:22:19.119
You know, I a big one for me was pruning was boards sitting on boards of directors for charities.
00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:22.319
I would go, we wouldn't accomplish much in the meetings.
00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:25.839
Uh it was rubber stamping stuff.
00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:35.279
It was important to the community, and I was adding value, but that time could have been invested someplace else where it would have made a bigger difference.
00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:37.359
I hated stepping down for the boards.
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:45.519
I disappointed people, they were unhappy, but their happiness wasn't more important than my own happiness and spending time.
00:22:45.759 --> 00:23:01.119
So being really uh aggressive, I don't know if that's the right word, or disciplined and saying, is this really on a scale of one to ten, is this an 11 that I need to be involved, or is this a three that I'm just it's habit?
00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:03.119
And I don't want to let people down.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:04.319
Did that make sense?
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:05.359
It it it is.
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:14.319
And and again, the thing that I'm processing as I'm listening is this idea of needing to get comfortable with disappointing people because their priorities aren't your priorities.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:24.079
And I think that at the end of the day, you nailed it, that's the the biggest thing that's keeping people back is you know, needing to derive your sense of safety from what other people think of you.
00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:27.920
It's not healthy, it's not good, and it's not going to lead you anywhere you want to be.
00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:28.319
Yeah.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:36.720
I I'm coaching a CEO right now of a company that he he has very, very high standards and wants to achieve great things.
00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:40.880
And it happens to be an organization that that is very helpful to society.
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:42.319
It's in the medical field.
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:46.720
Uh, and what they do there is literally saves people's lives.
00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:49.039
And he is very serious about that.
00:23:49.359 --> 00:23:55.279
But he's having a hard time because people think he's too demanding and pushing too hard.
00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:58.240
And trying, he's like, no, you don't understand what's at stake here.
00:23:58.559 --> 00:24:05.680
And there's a uh title of a book that I love the title, I didn't love the book, but here it is is The Courage to Be Disliked.
00:24:06.559 --> 00:24:06.799
Yeah.
00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:23.119
Now, maybe the framing of that word isn't exactly it, but it's the courage to for people not to be happy, to you know, to be disappointed in you, or to think what you what you're trying to accomplish is unfair or too hard, and because of that, you're too hard or you're unfair.
00:24:23.680 --> 00:24:28.799
If you really want to accomplish great things, there will be always be people that don't like you.
00:24:29.039 --> 00:24:31.039
Uh that's part of life.
00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:35.839
Uh what was that someone said, your opinion of me is none of my business?
00:24:36.799 --> 00:24:37.680
I like that.
00:24:38.000 --> 00:24:38.799
All right, John.
00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:41.839
Now it's the time for you to give us some homework.
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:43.440
What's our homework?
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:47.680
I would write down all the places that you're involved in now.
00:24:48.160 --> 00:24:50.880
Uh the time where you spend your time.
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:51.759
Look at it.
00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:58.000
Write down, literally, write down a list of how you allocate your time, uh, and then score all of it.
00:24:58.240 --> 00:25:00.720
You know, this you know me, I'm very logical in this.
00:25:00.880 --> 00:25:02.400
And score it on a scale of one to ten.
00:25:02.559 --> 00:25:04.960
Ten minutes is an awesome use of my time.
00:25:05.200 --> 00:25:10.400
It makes me happy, it gives me joy, I enjoy it, it's good for me.
00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:20.400
Uh it aligns with my values, it's helping me become the kind of person I truly want to be, all the way down to a one, two, or a three of I this is just a habit.
00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:30.720
I'm doing it just because I've always done it, and and then be disciplined to say, all right, how can I prune uh anything below a four or anything below a five?
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:32.640
Uh and you can't do it all at once.
00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:44.319
It's not like I'm asking you to quit everything tomorrow, but how can you slowly prune one branch and then maybe a couple weeks later, a couple months later, prune another one and slowly regain that time.
00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:50.000
And importantly, take that time and invest it in the areas that are eights, nines, and tens.
00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:56.480
As I was putting together the material for this, I went through and we talked about some of the different areas in life.
00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:01.200
I'm just going to share with you my list and maybe that also would be helpful for folks.
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:13.920
So we talked about um assessing relationships and then commitments and then your identity, those things that that version of yourself that you're trying to maintain, even though you've outgrown it.
00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:21.359
Possessions, boy, I'll tell you what, in around my house, if stuff starts to build up, that is a mental and emotional drain.
00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:22.640
And financial.
00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:24.240
And financial too.
00:26:24.319 --> 00:26:26.079
And people kind of know about that.
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:31.680
But it's the idea, especially when you've got ADHD like me, clutter is oppressive.
00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:34.880
And so getting rid of stuff helps me think.
00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:37.759
Um, ambition, we mentioned information.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:41.759
What are you allowing into your head every day that's not making your life better?
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.160
Are you just doom scrolling?
00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:45.599
How is that helping?
00:26:45.839 --> 00:26:49.119
And then, you know, calendar obligations as you talked about.
00:26:49.200 --> 00:26:54.880
So those are just some of the things that I think that that folks can take and make a list, like you're saying.
00:26:55.039 --> 00:26:57.119
And you will probably be shocked.
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:03.599
Just like I was shocked when I sat down and looked at all the the list of the damn um subscriber services that I have.
00:27:03.839 --> 00:27:07.200
The same thing's gonna happen with these other things, I would, I would bet.
00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:09.200
I would imagine that as well.
00:27:09.759 --> 00:27:10.400
All right, John.
00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:12.960
That is our time for today.
00:27:13.119 --> 00:27:14.240
Folks, thanks for listening.
00:27:14.319 --> 00:27:19.039
If you found this helpful, please share this episode and all of our episodes with other folks.
00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:23.839
You can reach out to us at awesome life notes at gmail.com.
00:27:23.920 --> 00:27:28.079
We had a lovely uh email exchange with some folks uh this past week.
00:27:28.240 --> 00:27:29.440
Shout out to Victor.
00:27:29.680 --> 00:27:31.200
We talked to Victor this week.
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:32.319
Thank you, Victor.
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:36.880
If you want to find out more about John Spence, go to JohnSpence.com.
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:42.960
See, that's how easy John makes things for us and names things what they are, and that's helpful.
00:27:43.119 --> 00:27:47.039
So go to johnspence.com to find out who the heck John Spence is.
00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:48.000
All right, folks.
00:27:48.079 --> 00:27:51.200
So until next week, I'm Josh Wilson.
00:27:51.279 --> 00:27:52.640
That guy there is John Spence.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:55.440
Y'all go out and have an awesome life.