OVER DEZE AFLEVERING
Every couple has a dance, and most men have never seen the steps written down.
One of you closes the distance and gets louder. The other creates distance and shuts down. What makes it a loop rather than an argument is that each one's way of coping is precisely the thing the other cannot tolerate. Mark Groves names it, then takes it apart: Gottman's four horsemen, why men stonewall more than women do, and the single sentence that breaks a defensive pattern even though saying it feels awful.
Then the harder half. Groves admits he spent years in a relationship with someone who needed exactly the skills he teaches, and asks the question underneath it: what if you need the problem to be there? What if the fixing is the point?
IN THIS EPISODE
- The dance: the distancer, the escalator, and why the loop holds
- Gottman's four horsemen, and why men stonewall
- "I can see some truth in what you're saying," and why it tastes terrible
- Behind every criticism is a desired behavior
- "Our defense strategies live beside our greatest wounds"
- The kitchen, the deal breaker that kept moving, and what he said instead
- What happens to the fixer when the addict gets sober
- Why nobody should be 100 percent in with someone who is 99
- Unconscious commitments, and needing a battle to fight
- Jon on creating problems at home to have something to bring to the room
FULL EPISODE
How to Co-Regulate: The Science Behind Relationship Harmony: https://frontrowdads.com/474
Want a taste of what Front Row Dads is all about? The Brotherhood Experience is a free, one-hour online session where you meet other like-minded men who are committed to being family men with businesses, not businessmen with families. You will hear the core ethos and values behind the community, and why this brotherhood is a strategy for connecting with your kids, building a thriving marriage, and winning in business. It runs every month. Pick a time that works for you at https://frontrowdads.com/experience
