Gabriella Pomare: Welcome back to Before It Breaks with Gabriella Pomari. This is the podcast for the conversations people usually have too late. The conversations about what we ignore, what we outgrow, what we keep trying to fix. And the moment we finally become honest about what is no longer working. What if the thing you've been calling failure though is not the end of the story? What if it's the first honest moment? The moment you stop trying to force the relationship, the career, the timeline, or the version of yourself that no longer fits, the moment the plan falls apart, but you begin to come back together. My guest today is Lola Berry. Now Lola's an Australian author, podcaster, actor, and nutritionist, and the host of Fearlessly Failing, a podcast built around honest conversations about risk, reinvention, creative dreams, and the moment that don't go to plan. Lola's written multiple best-selling books, built a career in health and wellness, worked across television and media, and moved into podcasting and acting, and she really has followed her ambitions across countries, industries, and entirely different versions of herself. Now Lola fits perfectly in season two because she is now living in LA. But what interests me most about Lola is not simply how much she's achieved, it's her willingness to keep changing, to keep moving something forward, to start again when the outcome might be uncertain, and to risk being misunderstood rather than remain trapped inside a version of success that no longer feels like her. Because so many of us stay too long, not only in relationships, but careers, identities, cities, dreams, timelines. Because leaving can feel like failure. We stay because we've already invested so much and Because people know us as this version of ourselves, because starting again feels embarrassing or because changing our mind can look inconsistent, because sometimes it feels safer to keep performing alive than to admit we want a different one. So today I want to talk to Lola about what failure really teaches us, about heartbreak, redirection, about ambition, exhaustion, about the body knowing before the mind is ready to admit the truth, and about releasing their timeline. Trusting yourself again and finding the courage to build a life that actually feels like yours. This is a conversation about what happens when the old story stops working and why the moment everything changes may not be the moment you failed. It might actually be the moment you finally listened. All right. Lola Berry. Welcome to Before It Breaks. How are you?
Lola Berry: It's so nice to be reunited with you, albeit not in real life this time. but lovely to see you. I wish you were in LA. I wish you were doing pods in LA.
Gabriella Pomare: Sadly. That's it. So do I. So do I. Sunshine, it's freezing here, or it's Sydney freezing, so not that cold. but I very much wish I was there. tables have turned this time. So you're coming onto my pod. So this is exciting. And I guess for anyone who is new to you, although I doubt really anyone would be, tell us a bit about you, describe this chapter of your life, your work.
Lola Berry: Yeah, I'm a bit of a mixed bag. I call I introduce myself often as a slashy. because
Gabriella Pomare: Yep, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: of podcasting, acting. I used to write health and wellness books and I I also teach teach a bunch of yoga and I wrote yoga books as well. So I know I'm a bit of a slashy,
Gabriella Pomare: You did.
Lola Berry: but the pod and acting are the two main things I'm focused on here while I'm in America. But yes, I'm a bit like you. Like I love I love following your sub stack. So I love I still love writing, but it's it's more it's definitely like yeah, acting pod and we are raising a little guide dog puppy that is asleep under my feet right now. And that's really cool. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I saw that. How nice is that? How long have you been doing that for?
Lola Berry: This is our first time ever doing it. So we have over 16 months and then she'll become
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. gosh.
Lola Berry: like a seeing eye dog, like a guide dog for somebody that is blind or someone with PTSD. So we're not thinking about the heartbreak of a year and a half's time
Gabriella Pomare: Right.
Lola Berry: when we hand her back, but it's been really cool to like learn the guide
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: dog ways and train her. Yeah. Yeah, little buddy to air one. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: How beautiful. And you get to bring her around with you and growing that little family. That's it. Well, yes, I grew up reading the wellness books and the nutrition books. So, you know, young Gab was fangirling. I probably still am. I'm a big fan of the podcast, Fearlessly Failing. So yeah, let's jump into it. What do you think failure means to you now compared to maybe when you were younger and you were starting out?
Lola Berry: Well, I think I was scared of failing when I was younger, whereas now I'm like, this is a really good opportunity to grow, to skill up. And I did a little meditation before our pod today because I wanted to feel really clear for you.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: and I thought sometimes failure can be a really beautiful gift in letting go. And I'm not saying letting go of a dream by any means. I'm all for working really hard and making your dreams come true, but letting go of like the attachment to things. And then it's like it's it's like the energy shifts a little bit and then there's like this ease that can come. So I kind of see it as like a really good barometer and kind of like way of checking in with yourself. So I I invite failure now because I know I can grow quicker.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I think that's right. I mean, I know when I was younger, I would be so scared of what people would think. You know, if she failed at something, there's something wrong with her or she's not as good as she thinks. But now I'm like, who honestly cares? No one's concentrating that much on you. They're probably not following what you're doing. And there's so much to be learnt, I think, from failure and not maybe succeeding
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: in something you thought you might.
Lola Berry: Yeah, I love it. I love it. I always think I can skill up, I can grow, I can work on it with my therapist, like I can meditate on it. Like there are so many it is a gift. It is a gift. It but often an uncomfortable gift if you're in when you're in it. But usually when you look back in retrospect and you're like, I can see why that thing happened. It actually helped me move in this direction.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, you need to learn to sit in it, I think, to grow. so I guess as you know, the podcast is called Before It Breaks. And that's
Lola Berry: Mm.
Gabriella Pomare: not just to do with relationships. I think it's to do with all, you know, facets of life because I'm really interested in in, you know, all the moments before things within life break. do you think that people often know, you know, something's not right before they're ready to call it a failure?
Lola Berry: I love that you I love the way you talk about this and I love the way that you talk about often it can be little things and more subtle things as well. And I think human beings are really complicated and complex. So I do think it can be like like yeah, I think it's not like one big thing. I think it goes the same way with success and wins as well. I don't think it's like there's a saying here in Hollywood, an overnight success takes ten years. And so I I feel like the same way with like when you talk about before things breaking, I think it's little things that like it's like this unsticking or something and and it's up to us to use our barometer to kind of like notice if something feels a little off. That sounds very whimsy and woo-woo, I know. But for me, if something feels off, I'll intuitively I'll feel it like viscerally, and I'm like, cool, okay, that feels off. I'm gonna note that for next time. And then if it ke the same behavior or pattern keeps happening, especially with friendships. Like I know you talk a lot about relationships and something like I'm 40 and my 30s, no one prepared me for adult friendship breakups. And
Gabriella Pomare: So true.
Lola Berry: right, it's and it's sometimes so hard because you think you're gonna have your buds forever, right? And I for me, I've noticed now that I've got to 40, I'm quicker at catching behavior that just doesn't fit with my vibe. Whereas when I was
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: younger, I would just let it slide, let it slide, let it slide, and then it would break and it'd be quite heavy and traumatic. Whereas now if I see behavior that I'm like, that's kind of not how I feel like I want to be treated, then I can just like take a little like self care and step back a little. So that would be the coolness of aging. Like I love figuring that out older.
Gabriella Pomare: There is something nice about that. I think you're right. When you're younger, there's almost a panic to lose a friendship. Again, it's like that judgment. It's we all need to have as many friends as we can. But these days I think it's less about the number of friendships and really about the people you value. you know, those
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: people you can count on your hand that are supportive of you, that have the same values as you and that genuine friendship as opposed to the person that, you know, you might text once a year for the sake of saying, How are you going? but they don't genuinely care what you're up to. That's certainly become interesting as we're growing older and and and evolving and doing different things in life. I mean, you've moved through lots of chapters, nutrition, books, media, podcasting, acting, you've moved overseas. How do you think that you know when it's the right time to let, you know, yourself evolve or let an old identity evolve?
Lola Berry: I mean, I'm a holder honor. I'll be honest with you. I am a like, no, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: You're the same Lola?
Lola Berry: I'm a holder on, but I often have found, and I was telling you just before we hit record on this, I did an audition and I was really wanted it. Like real I was like, this suits me. I know I'm really good for it. This was a really fun acting audition. I worked hard on it. and I got kind of like a maybe back, and I was like, this feels terrible. This feels like I'm in limbo. And so I just mentally, and I I have the most beautiful partner in the whole world. And he was like, just let it go. Let it go. Pretend it was a no. Just trick trick yourself. So I did this full letting go. And I was like, okay, I didn't get it. Forty-eight hours later, they're like, Hey, you've got a call back. Can you do it again? And so I think for me, the art of this kind of idea of just being like letting letting things go. I mean, it's very hard to do, but like letting go and trusting in the work and trusting in who you are as a human and what you have just touched on as well is like the value piece too. Like if if if values are aligned, whether it's in friendship, whether it's in relationships, whether it's in work opportunities, I know that that's like huge for me. I want, I want value alignment. I don't even know if I answered your question properly, but that's what came out.
Gabriella Pomare: No, I I think I get you too. And I mean, linking it to relationships. I've often found that it's very hard if you don't have that same alignment on values where, you know, I'm doing a whole bunch of different things now and maybe it wasn't the person I was a couple of years ago. and is, you know, my partner accepting of that. Does he understand and support that? Because that really does impact a relationship, you know, particularly with travel. I mean, you guys both moved overseas together. How was that?
Lola Berry: Well, I moved over first because it's quite tricky, as you know. You're in in America, what
Gabriella Pomare: To get there.
Lola Berry: feels like every second week.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm. How wish.
Lola Berry: you getting that New York billboard, I was like, shut the front door. I have I know I've said congrats, but I'm so proud of you for that.
Gabriella Pomare: Thank you.
Lola Berry: so I moved over first because we're just we're on different visas essentially. And so I moved over first. So we actually did our relationship was long distance for the first two years. So we
Gabriella Pomare: Wow.
Lola Berry: Yeah. So Matt lived in Byron Bay and I lived in Los Angeles. And so I'd do six months on, six months off to keep my visa active and then also like keep a relationship with him. And that took like very honest conversations. We'll both both consistently in therapy. so yeah, that first two that first two years, like a lot of people, I'm a bit of a lone wolf, if I'm honest. So like I actually can like lock into my own. And I feel like you're like this busy, like I know you miss your fan bam so much when you travel, but when you travel, you don't stop.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: And a part of you I feel like thrives in that go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Okay, this is how much time I've got. I'm gonna make hay. I get and so I I relate to that. Like I like that idea of like, okay, I've got this certain amount of time. And that's how I think I mentally switched for like when I was in LA, I got to I was writing a book at the time. And I got to just be in acting classes all the time. So I just kind of lent into the positives of having that time alone. I still had this awesome partner back home. And and yeah, and our relationship the whole time, like since living in America and and Matt being in Byron, like, you know, we got a property together still, like we froze embryos. We did all this adult stuff, even while I was like half in America, like we really It sounds weird, but it I think it fostered something really strong between us.
Gabriella Pomare: I think it shows though the dynamic that you two had that strong connection and there was the proper desire to build that life together. So, you know, you going overseas and not being, you know, in Australia necessarily half the year didn't stop that. And the relationship
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: didn't necessarily slow down or fail. Because of that, if anything, it grew stronger. And that's really interesting. And you said that, you know, you both had to go through therapy. And I find that these days so many people are scared to talk about that or to engage, you know, with third parties, you know, therapist, counseling, whatever it might be. But I think there's such beauty in seeking help. Or just, you know, having that third person to, you know, test you the the issues you're having, the communication problems, or sometimes just to reality test what's going on, right? So you don't feel crazy. something you would recommend, I guess.
Lola Berry: Yeah, 100%. If anyone asks me like what's the best biggest career tip I could give someone, I'm like, get into therapy. I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: I'm 40. I started in therapy at 30. I just went to clean up a shitty breakup. And I remember we cleaned that relationship up in three sessions, literally.
Gabriella Pomare: God.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah. And I said to my therapist, can I come back? This feels really good. And he was like, Yeah, and I see him. every second week. Like I've got a session this time tomorrow. So I
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. Yeah.
Lola Berry: keep it up, especially I've found like with the acting stuff, 'cause there is I don't want to say darker side, but there's a h a heavier side of the acting world, which is where you're sitting in rejection and uncertainty for very long periods of time. It feels very different to pitching books, which I know
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. Hmm.
Lola Berry: you're so versed at. But in in book world, you'll often even if you get a no, you'll get feedback. you not always feedback, but you'll get a yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Get you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some direction.
Lola Berry: Acting World, yeah, acting world, you see send on that audition. And if you don't book, you get nothing. Literally zero. So it's almost like I know this is like a big word to throw out there, but it almost feels like abandonment because you get you're giving your heart to these characters and then you just hear nothing. And so for me, therapy's been
Gabriella Pomare: I guess, yeah.
Lola Berry: helpful.
Gabriella Pomare: You you are supposed become that character and you're starting to believe that you're gonna do it and you're gonna play this part. And then if you don't hear back, I mean, I kinda might it took me a long time when I was doing all this kind of work of, you know, if you put a pitch out there and someone doesn't respond or they say no, you feel like it's huge rejection. And it takes a
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: while to just be like, you know what, they probably got thirty pitches that day, yours just wasn't that interesting. But if it's a role you r really wanna play, I guess that yeah, that that would take a lot of self learning and I guess putting it through your head and understanding that's actually not failure. This is just another growth opportunity. There'll be another part. I'll build on whatever I've been learning in my acting classes. what do you think that failure, or not even failure, but maybe the rejection through auditioning and and going for different parts and being in LA and doing these different things has taught you about self-trust and, you know, your self worth?
Lola Berry: I would say it depends on the day. So on a good
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: day, I would say it I feel pretty resilient and adapt. I
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: would say I can adapt quite well. so I think it's fantastic, especially if you do get callbacks, they're usually gonna want quite a big change. I did an audition where I did a callback and I had to be a smoker. Never smoked in my life, never had a cigarette in my life. So I went and ordered the prop cigarettes they used on Peaky Blinders.
Gabriella Pomare: you're funny.
Lola Berry: Yeah. I I feel it 'cause I didn't want to smoke I'm like, I don't really want to smoke tobacco. Like, what's the point? I don't I'm not a smoker. So I ordered the same ones I use in Peaky Blinders. And luckily, my beautiful fiance, he used to be before I met him, he was a smoker. So he was like teaching
Gabriella Pomare: yeah.
Lola Berry: me how to hold it cool. Like I had no idea. I looked like such a nerd. And I was like holding it like a pen. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no. so like I it I just see it all as truly like yeah, a gift. I think it's like As long as you don't feel it's like rejection and you're like, do you know what? It's an opportunity to like build resilience,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: to become more adaptable, to like find the fun and the play in it as well. And that's like if I go for a role that I don't think I'm right for. I auditioned for a horror about a month ago and I had to audition to a teddy bear, like a soft toy, and it was gonna murder me. And I was like, How? How?
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. How do you take that seriously?
Lola Berry: Right and not laugh. Like, do you know what my first audition was? You're going to die. I had to look down the barrel of the lenses with a commercial American audition and I had to say, I'm your fanny godmother and I had to make a wand and say this is a whole body deodorant safe to use on your pits, privates and feet and point to each area in my body. That was my first ever audition
Gabriella Pomare: Wow.
Lola Berry: in America.
Gabriella Pomare: Well you threw yourself into it.
Lola Berry: Truly. Like truly. Like it like it's this that's what I mean. You gotta lose all that sense of like caring if you're being judged and all of that. You just
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: gotta like, cool, on to the next. And that sense of like letting go pretty quickly too.
Gabriella Pomare: Absolutely. I mean, I totally agree with that. And I guess I kind of link that to relationships, friendships and that sort of thing as well, because I think that idea of failure, rejection, or building new opportunities comes into how you, you know, you are in relationships. Do you think over time in your adult life, the travel, the moving, all of that has taught you something different about relationships?
Lola Berry: That's really good question. I feel like the real ones stand the test of time and I'm mad for a voice note. probably, I don't know if you are, but being a podcaster, I think I love a voice note and and our community, and I know I was watching your stories today and you talked about having a confidence community. And
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: I loved it. And I was I was like, who's mine? And I was thinking like it's it's my mates back in Byron that are like,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: you go girl, my god, send me a pick from that audition. And it's like like You've got I I think it's like the thing that I've learned is like even when we go back after like a year being away or a year and a half being away, those friendships don't go anywhere and it does feel like you are just picking up from wherever you left off.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: and it's yeah, it's really I think the travel, like the distance is kind of a gift because it means that you and the other person on the other side of that friendship or relationship also has to put in a little bit of like make a little bit of an effort if they want a friendship. Yeah. So
Gabriella Pomare: The extra effort. Yeah.
Lola Berry: I like it. I mean, I'm I'm big on not having like I've got five mates kind of thing. That's happy to that's a perfect amount for me. But yeah, you don't want
Gabriella Pomare: I agree with that. Yeah. I'm big on that.
Lola Berry: too don't want too many. but yeah, the real ones, like yeah, they'll check in and we voice note. I love it.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Do you think that moving to LA changed a lot of that in terms of maintaining those friendships? Having people who maybe still understood you, didn't judge you, or weren't competitive? Do you think that they were really able to connect with what you were doing? Do you know what I mean?
Lola Berry: Yeah, I think like champion you, like that that way the way you were talking about that confidence yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: The confidence community. Yeah, exactly. It's the people who genuinely believe in you. And it's not like, here she goes again posting or, you know, she thinks she's some actress in Hollywood, but really believe in you. And I think that's important as a person too and gives you that extra confidence.
Lola Berry: Hundred percent. I will say it's been a really good barometer because I in LA like friendships are quite quick and they move p through quite quickly because people ever everyone here is hustling. Everyone wants something. So you do see the other side of that where you'll think someone's a friend and pretty quickly they'll just want something from you. And that definitely does happen. And it's taken me a lot of work over the last couple of years to like catch that before I give somebody the world. 'Cause I love helping and And and and helping people and making friends, but it it usually if it starts coming at my like one-sided cost, I have learned to kind of step away. That's been a big, big, big lesson for me. So again, that's showing the it depends where you are in the world, but here it is very like people are hustling. LA is an expensive city to live in. People want to have their next win. They people don't hold back. Yeah,
Gabriella Pomare: Competitive, yeah.
Lola Berry: and they'll ask you for stuff like. Hey, can I have your manager's data? Hey, can I and you're just like, cool, cool, cool, cool. but if it ends up being like constantly asking for things, then it it fully depletes me. And I'm just like, this feels bad. And then I come back to this, like my confidence community, and it that it never feels taky. It feels nourishing.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: It feels like we've got the same values, even though like one of the people in my confidence community, his name's Sam, and he's a chef, you know, like very different worlds,
Gabriella Pomare: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: right? But like he's passionate and and we have very similar like we express like passion the same way and like get excited from one another. So I think it really like yeah, it just you just want a good gang around you and and you wanna be able to read the play when it feels a little too takey.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I think when it's one way traffic, you know, that's a relationship perhaps to start letting go of. and I'm
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I'm more for helping people out. You know, if someone says, Hey, do you know you know, got a contact in a particular area, of course I'll give it. But at the same time,
Lola Berry: Yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: you know, you give some, it goes around. I then we'll hope that if I need something, someone will help me out.
Lola Berry: Ye yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: But there is that balance of someone always asking and always taking, and then you start to sort of feel a bit empty because you think there's a reason that we've got this relationship and it's not actually because it's a true friendship.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: and that can be really hard. You I guess started over somewhat in that when you did the big move. Did you find that you had to sort of prove yourself, particularly in a city like LA where there are so many people and as you say, they're hustling, they're all trying to get there and, you know, become the next big thing. You obviously had an intention, you're very clear on what you want, your next few goals. Was that hard? And is it hard, I guess, to I mean you're still doing it, right?
Lola Berry: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, it is, but I think now and I I don't know if something happens when you turn forty. I just have less shits to give about people when it feels not good. You know what I mean? Like it like when I first got here, I think yeah, it wa i it did feel a little I love the way you said one-way traffic. I'm taking that and putting in my pocket because that is like how the best way I could describe how that felt. So I felt like and because yeah, LA is a city where there is a little bit of fluff of and a little bit of that, more so than I would say SIDS or Malbs and and not and like in Australia, like you hang out with your mates. Like, you know what I mean? It's not whereas here you you're trying to build a community from scratch and that feels weird. Like I got here at 35, like that felt so weird. And I it
Gabriella Pomare: Wow, so it's been five years.
Lola Berry: yeah, and I was COVID when I got here too. So like there was a lot of like I was Very lonely. I was just trying to figure out what made me feel safe and secure friendship-wise. So
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Yeah.
Lola Berry: yeah, I would say proving myself the only people that I really care about that with are like that inner core group of people. I don't care. Like when I'm in acting class, I'm like, I'm just here to learn. And you gotta get over yourself real quiet real fast because the actors in your acting class, you see them on billboards driving home.
Gabriella Pomare: Ace, yeah.
Lola Berry: So you gotta get out of your head. You gotta not compare. My acting teacher said comparison is cancer for creatives. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I love that. Yeah. That's true though, because at the end of the day you're you're unique. And I think by trying to be someone else, you're gonna fail. Like those opportunities aren't gonna come because if someone wants you, it's gonna be you for you, right?
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: so look, I g I don't know, I can't imagine living in LA. I think there's just so much going on there and there probably is a lot of competition that my personality probably wouldn't thrive. I'm too like controlling, I need to know what's happening. maybe you'll more go with the flow. but it's hard.
Lola Berry: I can relate to the control. I can relate to I actually think you would fly here because you are such a hard worker and Americans value the time and effort you put in. It's like the American It's like to be free land of the free. You need a show that you can sweat it out, work it out. And it's like w and I love that about America because I love working hard. So it you know, it it does pay off. Like even I had an audition recently and I pitched myself direct. And they're like, I love
Gabriella Pomare: Pra mim.
Lola Berry: how direct you are and I'm like, Well, what have I got to lose? Nothing. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Hundred percent. That's it. Put yourself out there. I mean, that's what you're working hard for. I guess given your health, your nutrition background, wellness, all of that, what do you reckon that the body teaches people about emotional honesty and feeling what's going on?
Lola Berry: my goodness, what a great question. I think your body really lets you know. I mean, we've all heard of polyvagal theory and like, yeah,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: and how like if we're anxious, we'll feel it in the body. for me, and this is gonna sound very woo-woo, but I've been meditating. My naturopath
Gabriella Pomare: Love with it.
Lola Berry: well, my naturopath, I had really high cholesterol at the start of the year, and my naturopath was like, cool, we're gonna make all these lifestyle changes. And we and he goes, because you're a nutritionist, I'm not gonna put you on any supplements yet. I wanna see if you can do it by essentially cutting certain foods out. And I was living a pretty Paleolithic kind of lifestyle. So a lot of meat, a lot of coconut oil, which is very healthy for a lot of people. But for me, it was just too much saturated fat. And he was like,
Gabriella Pomare: Okay.
Lola Berry: just let's try a diet and see and do your bloods and retest in three months. I was like, cool. And he's like, one other thing I need you to do. And I was like, Yeah. He's like, you need to meditate. And I was like, cool. And he didn't think I'd do because I'm he calls me a shark. Like if I stopped moving, I'd die. and so, and we've been friends,
Gabriella Pomare: God. I feel that.
Lola Berry: he's part of my confidence community, we've been friends forever.
Gabriella Pomare: Okay, okay.
Lola Berry: and I was like, all right, well, he's telling me I better start meditating. But the and I love it. I'm like 130 days straight now, I think.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: but I noticed that like I'm so much more emotionally attuned to what I'm feeling. feeling now like I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: can take a meeting and I'll walk out and call my partner call Matt and be like, I like that's not for me. Or the opposite. I really feel like I'm gonna work with that person. It's like it
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, okay.
Lola Berry: sharpens up your intuition. But as far as like the body letting us know, I mean, it definitely does. And like all like gut, like we know like that the gut is like the brain in essentially in the way it responds to things in the body. Serotonin receptors are in our gut. So like if you're feeling like super anxious before or after something or after meeting someone, or you get really bloated, or you get really tired, or everything goes through you, like take notice of that. That's your body literally talking to you and being like, This ain't for me. Or I'm feeling fight and fight or flight right now and I need to like
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, absolutely.
Lola Berry: be ready to fight essentially. So Yeah, I always take notice. I also wear an aura ring, so as soon as I see my heart
Gabriella Pomare: Do
Lola Berry: rate variability change, like and it's li it's elevated, I'll take notice of what I did that day if it feels really and that's been a really good one because I'm like, Wow, game changer.
Gabriella Pomare: I have to jump on the battery. Like I'm seeing everyone doing it. I think I've just got to do it because that is me. My body tells me everything before it's happening. Like I'm telling you before I'm ready to admit there's like a problem in my relationship or I'm too stressed at work, something will happen. And like recently I've had bad blood pressure, stress. I used to have endo, which went away for like, not when I say went away, settled for like seven years, and it's been back really bad. And I just think it's because there's too much going on in life and relationships and everything
Lola Berry: Mm-hmm.
Gabriella Pomare: else. And my doctor sort of said to me, I've done all the bloods. There is nothing physically really wrong with you right now. You just need to, you know, take time for yourself, you know, engage in that self-care, rest more and be aware what's going on. Stop just racing through life and ignoring you know everything that's going on in your personal life. And I thought that probably is true when I'm ignoring what's going on, you know, I'm either having inflammation or whatever health issue. Because I can't just stop and say, Hey Gab, it's time to address what's going on in your personal life right now.
Lola Berry: It's so hard to do that though. It is so hard to stop. I get like acute
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: like shoulder and back pain and it's always psychological. Like always I'll be stressing about something or I'll feel unsafe. Like for me, if I go away somewhere and I'm like, this doesn't feel like right,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: like you can like set your t clock clock to it. Lola's about to get back pain. To the point that I have to go and get like Voltaran from if I'm in Australia from the chemist, because I'm like,
Gabriella Pomare: Bad. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah, I'm out. I'm out for like two days. So yeah, listen to your body. And and and do you know what? Like take notice like when things crop up. Like look back over time. Like you mentioned endo. Like you said it's been really nice and good for seven years, but go back to what was going on in your life when it when it flared up last. Like learn. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: It's it's so fascinating. I actually love all this stuff.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, well that's why I thought I got the perfect person today to talk about it with.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Do you think though, realistically, that we've got this constant need, you know, to to engage in self-care? But can we separate that need, you know, to to have real self-care from that pressure to constantly need to optimize ourselves? And I think sometimes there's that balance of, you know, we're all on Instagram, we're all on social media, TikTok, we see the reels, and these days, look, I fall for it. All the different self-care tools and machinery and things we need. Is there real self-care versus the things that everyone thinks that they need?
Lola Berry: That's such a great question. Gab, you're a very good podcast host. I would say, yeah, there isn't so for me, like I do a bunch of self-care things. I lift weights, I do yoga, I meditate, I see a therapist, eat pretty clean. And they're kind of my self-care things. Get out in nature, hike, right? But
Gabriella Pomare: Mm, mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: they're kind of like, we know you gotta do those things to feel healthy. So it's kind of like I would happily add in like saunas and red light therapy. So that list like we the stuff you were talking about, you see on TikTok, right?
Gabriella Pomare: To grow. Yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: But then I've got something that I do, two things I do that are arguably better for my self-care that aren't like that. So one is I go to the movies. I see a movie. I can just see a movie. Like and it's like the
Gabriella Pomare: Will you eat the salty popcorn at the movie?
Lola Berry: So I buy the healthy popcorn at
Gabriella Pomare: Course you do.
Lola Berry: at Target on the way through.
Gabriella Pomare: Ha ha ha.
Lola Berry: or at Ollie, but America has like the best alternatives to everything. Only because I don't want to feel like sick after. And then them that
Gabriella Pomare: Fair. Yeah, okay, okay.
Lola Berry: weird American butter, you know, the melted weird movie butter.
Gabriella Pomare: You're balancing it. Okay. Yeah.
Lola Berry: Yeah. So I'll still have a treaty. I'll just make sure I don't feel sick the next day, treaty. the
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: other thing I do, and I've actually been doing it specifically when I'm anxiously awaiting like an email from someone or a callback, I've started drawing.
Gabriella Pomare: Okay.
Lola Berry: Like it just came to me. Like I was talking to Matt and I was like, I'm feeling really flat waiting to hear back from this. And
Gabriella Pomare: I've seen some of these lately, you're right, on your stories. They're really good.
Lola Berry: Ye I've just started like drawing I love West we love Western things. We want to live on a ranch one day. And so I've just started
Gabriella Pomare: Nice.
Lola Berry: drawing like horses and cows and ranches and like a cowboy bandit. And yeah, I just I set aside like fifteen minutes. I don't go, ham. And I'm just like, see how I feel and and it just like it basically it's that s flow state where time stops. I'm not thinking
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: about anything other than the thing I'm doing. And they're like two I would say arguably as important as my meditation and my therapy and all those other things that I'm doing for self care. But they're the two that like I get there's no reward at the end of them other than just being
Gabriella Pomare: I just about to say that.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I think that's what it is. You're obviously very creative, smart. So you like the idea of maybe it's the creative outlet. But again, there's no competition, there's no reward, there's no end. It's just you getting to be yourself and and have that outlet, perhaps. And I guess that's why I do some of the stuff I do is just I mean, I have a very stressful job. I'm at the office today and I'm like, thinking about the clients I have. And for me, I know this is still work to an extent, but I actually just enjoy switching off and having a chat. And for me, that's
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: like a different maybe side of my brain. I don't know.
Lola Berry: Yeah, totally.
Gabriella Pomare: I did one of these weird ones and I learned it from look, I'm gonna call you one of the OG Wildest people from when I was growing up. And I can't remember who it was, but someone used to talk about putting your legs up on the wall and sort of lying down. So like an L. okay, well there
Lola Berry: Yeah, it's a yoga pose, legs up the wall, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: you go. See, I'm not a I'm not a yogi. But I've been doing that for I'd say twelve years and I do it every morning, every night, and I feel so incredibly different. I can't explain it. It's like I just need to zen out. I don't No, I won't scroll on my phone, I won't listen to anything or watch anything, but I really feel different after doing it. And I just feel like that's one of the original things without doing all the light therapy and the saunas and all these new, you know, techie type things. Mind you, I did buy these strange red light under eye glasses. And I think it's just a trend, but hey, it makes me feel good. So if the placebo works
Lola Berry: my goodness, send me them. I wanna know what they are. I'm gonna text you about that after.
Gabriella Pomare: everyone has been. I'm like, I think it's placebo, but if it's working, that's okay. so yeah, God, it's interesting, the the self care and the wellness world.
Lola Berry: Legs up the wall is great though. I teach yoga here in LA and I tilt every single class. Another thing you can do is if you have a block at home, like a yoga block, you can actually put the block underneath your sacrum and then send your legs up, and that's called waterfall. But against
Gabriella Pomare: Right. Okay.
Lola Berry: a wall means you don't need anything. and basically it's activating your parasympathetic nervous system. So super calming. And also it's really good for lymphatic drainage 'cause your legs
Gabriella Pomare: Yes.
Lola Berry: are the other way all the time pretty much. And so it's one of the most medicinal yoga poses ever.
Gabriella Pomare: There we a bit of yoga advice here today. So you're getting rid of everything in this episode.
Lola Berry: yeah. Love missing my aides. Love yoga.
Gabriella Pomare: If we go back to guess your podcast and what you talk to people about, and obviously we talk a lot about failing, do you think that through all the conversations you've had with so many different people, you've noticed different patterns in terms of
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: failure and trying again and starting out?
Lola Berry: I would this might sound this is the first thing that came to me. I would say like age has a lot to do with it. So if I'm interviewing someone like at the infancy of their career or like early 30s kind of vibe, that's a
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: very different interview versus interviewing someone mid sixties. They're my favorite. When you
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: get to someone that's lived and like like got and like got that wisdom and experience and zero Fs to give, you're gonna get a very honest I like honesty is kind of one of my favorite. ways to communicate. And everybody, everybody is pretty on it, like brutally honest on the pod, but there's something about someone that is so like has that life experience and wisdom. And it's my therapist said this the other day because I was trying to learn this New York accent for this audition and it was taking ages. I wasn't catching
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: it as quick as I used to. And I was like Am I aging? And he's like, Yeah. And he said, We get better as we get older, but we also get slightly slower. And he said, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. And and in your brain with learning lines and stuff, like it's so easy in your thirties. Like you just like can look at it three or four times and you've probably got a pretty solid handle. Whereas I'm noticing I'm like, can you know, and I'm looking into supplements. Does that mean more creatine? Does that mean more fish or you know? But I I would say age is really like r especially 'cause I do interview a lot of creatives, like a lot of actors, a lot of authors.
Gabriella Pomare: You do, yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: You were the first lawyer I ever had on the pod, you know?
Gabriella Pomare: There you go. I like to think of myself as a mix. A lawyer's so boring.
Lola Berry: You're you're definitely a mix. You're a slashy. Well, your author, pod host,
Gabriella Pomare: That's it. Yeah.
Lola Berry: mate, speaker.
Gabriella Pomare: She doesn't know what she wants, this girl.
Lola Berry: No, I mean I c I think that I think being a slashy is the best way to be because you get to try
Gabriella Pomare: It's a
Lola Berry: on all those different things. And like you said, this just brings you joy. Like you're having conversations with people. So you just gotta keep doing that. You know, like I feel the same way about pods. But yeah, I I interviewed this actor called Anthony Lapalia. I think he's 64 or 65 now.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, of course. Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: And I said, you know, what advice have you got? And he goes, He's got this really interesting accent. It's like half New York, half Australian. And he's like, Forget the fluff. There's a lot of fluff in acting. And he's like, I always see I love acting. I don't love the box it comes in. You know, like he was just like, forget that like and and he's
Gabriella Pomare: I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: kind of become a mentor over the years too, in my time in Al. He'll always say to me, You just one audition away, Lola, you just want and every time he says I like tear up, like 'cause you know,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: he's killed it. Like he's got this incredible career and you know. but yeah, I think I think age has a lot to play with it. Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: You need those people in your corner. It does, it does. Yeah, I think so. would you say then, I mean, okay, we're not in our sixties, but we haven't had that much of life, but you still you've gone through a lot, you've experienced a lot, you've achieved a lot. Is there a particular failure for you that you would say you're now grateful for?
Lola Berry: yeah, I love them all. I've had so many too. So many. Like I had a smoothie bar in Melbourne called Happy Place back in the day. And it
Gabriella Pomare: All right. Okay.
Lola Berry: was so much fun. It was literally like you'd walk in, you get your smoothie, and you get a crystal. That's gonna tell you a lot about me. Complimentary crystal every time. We had clear
Gabriella Pomare: I love it. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: quartz in the ground. It we had like this giant, like 60 kilo like
Gabriella Pomare: Awesome.
Lola Berry: raw quartz cluster. Anyway, it was so much fun. And I it was my first time having a business, like actual
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: bricks and mortar business. And I had in we had like there was five of us. but it was called Happy Place Lola Berry. Like I still remember the logo. I did the whole menu, everything, and it did so well in the summer. But Gab, in the in the winter, it did.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, it makes sense. You wouldn't think of it, yeah.
Lola Berry: In the winter was dead. It would bleed money. Cause it's Melbourne. Who wants a s it
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Particularly if you're giving away free crystals as well.
Lola Berry: Yeah, true. There you go. I love your business brain. I was like, no, more the merrier. I'll just buy more. and that's the thing. I learned so much about PL. I learned that like getting these amazing macadamias from one tiny farm in Byron Bay wasn't necessarily the most financially viable thing to do. but I learned when to walk away. And so we had it for three and a half years. And by the final winter, the other partners were like, we're out, you should buy us out. And I was like, I want to move to America. Like, I don't think I
Gabriella Pomare: Okay. I have dreams.
Lola Berry: can run a I don't think I can run a smoothie bar. And I sat down with my therapist and I showed him like the like how the like a business plan of how it would look if I stayed. And and it was kind of linked to my ego because I was like having a thing with your name on it, I didn't want that to fail. And then we looked at the alternative of not chasing and following my dream in America. And by the end of the session I knew and I had to walk into a board meeting and Everyone thought I was gonna buy them out and I was like, we're selling and everyone was like, What? And so that was such a what a great lesson. I had no idea about HR, I had no idea about P and L's. Like the I got to learn so much cool stuff.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, that is interesting. I think you're right. And it's only through experiences like that that you probably found what you were more interested in or maybe gave you the confidence to say, Hey, I'm actually gonna go do now what you know my next big dream is or goal is and not stay stuck for the sake of it. I think a lot of people fear that failure and say, If I get out of this business now everyone's gonna look at me, they're gonna judge me and you know, it's who cares, right? it's a long life and we've got to be happy in what we do.
Lola Berry: Do you know what was really fascinating when that happened? Because when we sold, I would have been 31. And someone said to me, Congratulations. Like a really successful
Gabriella Pomare: Really.
Lola Berry: business friend was like, Hey, congrats. I heard you sold. And it was, and that was the first time I was like, thanks. Like I hadn't sat in the excitement of what if, and everybody else was like commiserating. And I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm mm.
Lola Berry: remember that being a turning point of that friend just being like, It's like those friends that yeah, see your spark and they're like, Now you're on to the next thing, how cool, you know.
Gabriella Pomare: 100%. Yeah, yeah. I think they're the true ones who understand business as well.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: What what would you say to someone, I guess, listening to this who feels like they're watching, you know, everyone's else everyone else's life working out? And I have a lot of friends like that who say I sit, I'm at home, I'm watching all these big things happening for people I know or who are online or on social media, and they feel like their life is sort of it's it's stagnant, nothing's happening
Lola Berry: Flattoing. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: exactly. what's your advice there?
Lola Berry: I mean, we all know that social media is a highlight reel. I think you just gotta come back to like your truth and your barometer. And like, it's been hard for me when I've sat in failure or I shot a pilot last year and I was like, yes, this is gonna be the thing that pops off for me.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: And like it's done really well, but it hasn't been bought, which means it's just a pilot that's in festivals. A and it's an awesome pilot was so much fun to do. But until that's bought, that's not a TV show. So I can't like Bank my check on that and be like, great, that's the thing that's gonna like launch me as an actor in America. And so when you're then seeing other people like book roles or other people, like a lot of my friends are building families and like we're we're choosing to not do that at this stage of our life right now, which is like a very constant open conversation with each other, with therapists, all that kind of thing.
Gabriella Pomare: Imagine that. Yeah.
Lola Berry: But yeah, I think I come back to that. Acting coach quote of like comparison is cancer for creatives, but I think for anyone, I think just don't compare. It's not worth
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, exactly.
Lola Berry: it. And like everybody has peaks and troughs, like everybody has good ears and shitty, like it just happens. And so it's just like learning that in those like stuck or stagnant or plateauy times, like. connecting to yourself and when we and I'd be coming back to this idea of like self-care, like what can you do that makes you feel good? I like dream up holidays as well. Like if I'm feeling stuck,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: I'll be like, okay, let's plan an adventure. Whether we book it or not is a whole different ballgame. But the joy I get out of like, how about we plan a Christmas in Aspen? Like I just am
Gabriella Pomare: So good.
Lola Berry: and then I'd like TikTok like how what the best way to book Christmas in Aspen. I like start learning about all the cafes. And like it just changes my channel for a sec. It's just finding what that circuit breaker is for you. And it might just be going for
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I know.
Lola Berry: a walk or grabbing a coffee with someone that's like a really honest, genuine friend. You've just got to find your circuit breaker and find the thing that's going to make you feel good. And if you feel like you're still stuck, I would come back to therapy because you can process quicker.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, no, that's important, that circuit breaker idea. I think it's the same for me, I don't know about a holiday, but it's always like, what's that thing to look forward to? And so I'll
Lola Berry: Mm.
Gabriella Pomare: come up with something and then it gives me an idea to to plan it, to think about it, and and it's that distraction maybe from what you think you're failing at, which you're not anyway. but I see that in relationships too so often now. And I did a whole episode on the pod about I guess looking at other people's lives and everyone thinking, wow, they're the perfect couple, you know, they're going on all these big fancy dinner dates or they're holidaying all the time or Because they're posting reels, they're perfect. And we all know that that's not reality. Because I think if you need to seek that external validation, there's probably something going on in that relationship. What do you feel about that in terms of relationships and always looking at others and and wanting more or thinking there's, you know, the grass is greener?
Lola Berry: I saw this on TikTok today. I'm sure you're gonna know who this guy is. I don't know his name, but he's a divorce attorney here in America, does lots of podcasts.
Gabriella Pomare: James Sex did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: And he always says the bigger the ring, the bigger the wedding, the bigger the like celebration, the bigger the honeymoon. He's like, the bigger the divorce, the worse the divorce. Like, you
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. It's true.
Lola Berry: know, and and and I'm like, yeah, because like a real love should be a celebration of that, that. union and that love. And it's like when you're watching someone else live this incredible, highly curated life, that's like awesome for them if that is their truth. But
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: it doesn't mean that that their truth is your truth as well. And I think like if you're a travel adventure bunny, like I love traveling, sure, I'm gonna make sure I get a couple of adventures in each year because that's an important thing that fills my cup and I love doing that. Or Like I know how much you love podcasting. And it was funny how you were talking about like finding things to look forward to. I I'm a bit like you. I love recording in studios in person in here in
Gabriella Pomare: Yes.
Lola Berry: LA. And I just have got like a few people lined up for August. I'm like, great, I'm gonna book the pod studio for that day. And then I'm gonna like do this, this, and this. And then I turn it into this whole self-care week. I'm like, I'm gonna get my hair done, I'm getting my nails done,
Gabriella Pomare: Right.
Lola Berry: you know? And it becomes this whole celebration of doing the thing that you love, right?
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, celebration of yourself too, because I mean, let's be
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: honest, it's hard work doing it. and why
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: not celebrate you for that week or for that day or whatever it might be?
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah. So I think do not compare. That would be my advice.
Gabriella Pomare: biggest one. All right. I guess to wrap it up then, what do you wish people noticed earlier before they lose themselves trying to make the wrong life work for them?
Lola Berry: don't live up to other people's ex like, don't worry about other people's expectation of you being a creative. And I am very lucky I've got awesome parents and great relationships with them. But they didn't always get my dreams and nor should they. Like, why would they need to? One is one's an incredible vet and the other one's a nurse. Like the sciences were very
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, very different. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: different. Whereas I'm like, so I'm gonna go and create a career that I haven't got in Australia and And so I think like not living up to like not needing to live up to expect expectations of other people. I my barometer all in my twenties was because I'm really close to my dad, my barometer was like, How can I make my dad proud? How can I make my dad proud? And I remember he wrote me a card one year, so beautiful with words. He wrote me a it was either a birthday or Christmas card and he was like, I'm always so proud of you. And and so like it was like so freeing for him. And now he's just like, I think it's so cool what you're doing. And when I was in Melbourne for Christmas this last year, we found out that pilot I shot got into a huge festival here called South by Southwest. And he started crying at the cafe. Do
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. Yeah, wow. God, that's cute.
Lola Berry: you know what I mean? But I spent years being like, No, I should go into zoology and be a vet like my dad, you know, like and I love animals. I'm obsessed with animals, but like I this is what's in my like DN like that this is my passion. And so I think
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I feel you. Mm.
Lola Berry: just doing like and coming back to this idea like the body doesn't lie, what we were talking about. Like do the stuff that makes you feel alive, makes you feel good. And even if you've got a different job to your passion, super common, super normal,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: you know, just make sure you're still doing those things that make you feel alive at least a couple of times a week.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I totally agree with that. I think that's so important because that does. That makes you feel alive and healthy and it still gives you purpose, right? We all need to work, we need the bread and butter, we need the money just to pay bills. But
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I don't think you can hang your hat up on, well, this is my job and I can't have anything outside of that. hobbies are so important, self care is so important.
Lola Berry: Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: making yourself truly happy with I guess not worrying about what everyone else thinks and and whether they're judging you or not, because again, who cares?
Lola Berry: it's not worth it. It was such a waste of time. Like just do you have fun, connect, like
Gabriella Pomare: So that maybe.
Lola Berry: have real friendships and relationships, you know?
Gabriella Pomare: Move to LA if that's what fills your cup. I think I've learned that
Lola Berry: Mate.
Gabriella Pomare: from you today.
Lola Berry: Yeah. It's just follow my my meditation teacher used to say, Follow the charm, Lola. Follow the charm. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: That's it. I love it. Well, thank you, and thank you for your time today. I really have loved the chat with you and catching up again. And I think so many people are gonna learn so much from this.
Lola Berry: Thanks for having me on. I've been obviously a fan of your pod Feyonx and I'm so excited to hear that there's another book. So keep me posted.
Gabriella Pomare: There is, there it is. Stay tuned. loved that conversation with Lola and what I keep coming back to is the idea that failure's not always a final verdict on who we are or what we're capable of. Sometimes it's information, sometimes it's redirection. Sometimes it's the moment life asks us to stop performing the version of ourselves that once made sense and begin listening to the person that we're becoming. There's so much courage in continuing to believe in yourself when it no longer looks the way you imagined that it would, in releasing the timeline, in allowing an identity or a relationship or a career or a dream to evolve. And in trusting the beginning again doesn't mean you've lost everything. It may mean you've finally stopped abandoning yourself to keep the old story alive. So I really hope this conversation reminds anyone listening that changing direction's not the same as giving up. That heartbreak can exist alongside hope, and that uncertainty doesn't mean that you're behind. And that the life that feels like yours may begin with the courage to admit that something no longer does. You can listen to Lola's podcast, Fearlessly Failing, wherever you listen to podcasts, and you can follow Lola and her work online. So, Lola Berry, thank you for joining me on Before It Breaks. And to everyone listening, thank you for being here. I'll see you in the next episode.
Lola Berry: It's so nice to be reunited with you, albeit not in real life this time. but lovely to see you. I wish you were in LA. I wish you were doing pods in LA.
Gabriella Pomare: Sadly. That's it. So do I. So do I. Sunshine, it's freezing here, or it's Sydney freezing, so not that cold. but I very much wish I was there. tables have turned this time. So you're coming onto my pod. So this is exciting. And I guess for anyone who is new to you, although I doubt really anyone would be, tell us a bit about you, describe this chapter of your life, your work.
Lola Berry: Yeah, I'm a bit of a mixed bag. I call I introduce myself often as a slashy. because
Gabriella Pomare: Yep, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: of podcasting, acting. I used to write health and wellness books and I I also teach teach a bunch of yoga and I wrote yoga books as well. So I know I'm a bit of a slashy,
Gabriella Pomare: You did.
Lola Berry: but the pod and acting are the two main things I'm focused on here while I'm in America. But yes, I'm a bit like you. Like I love I love following your sub stack. So I love I still love writing, but it's it's more it's definitely like yeah, acting pod and we are raising a little guide dog puppy that is asleep under my feet right now. And that's really cool. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I saw that. How nice is that? How long have you been doing that for?
Lola Berry: This is our first time ever doing it. So we have over 16 months and then she'll become
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. gosh.
Lola Berry: like a seeing eye dog, like a guide dog for somebody that is blind or someone with PTSD. So we're not thinking about the heartbreak of a year and a half's time
Gabriella Pomare: Right.
Lola Berry: when we hand her back, but it's been really cool to like learn the guide
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: dog ways and train her. Yeah. Yeah, little buddy to air one. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: How beautiful. And you get to bring her around with you and growing that little family. That's it. Well, yes, I grew up reading the wellness books and the nutrition books. So, you know, young Gab was fangirling. I probably still am. I'm a big fan of the podcast, Fearlessly Failing. So yeah, let's jump into it. What do you think failure means to you now compared to maybe when you were younger and you were starting out?
Lola Berry: Well, I think I was scared of failing when I was younger, whereas now I'm like, this is a really good opportunity to grow, to skill up. And I did a little meditation before our pod today because I wanted to feel really clear for you.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: and I thought sometimes failure can be a really beautiful gift in letting go. And I'm not saying letting go of a dream by any means. I'm all for working really hard and making your dreams come true, but letting go of like the attachment to things. And then it's like it's it's like the energy shifts a little bit and then there's like this ease that can come. So I kind of see it as like a really good barometer and kind of like way of checking in with yourself. So I I invite failure now because I know I can grow quicker.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I think that's right. I mean, I know when I was younger, I would be so scared of what people would think. You know, if she failed at something, there's something wrong with her or she's not as good as she thinks. But now I'm like, who honestly cares? No one's concentrating that much on you. They're probably not following what you're doing. And there's so much to be learnt, I think, from failure and not maybe succeeding
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: in something you thought you might.
Lola Berry: Yeah, I love it. I love it. I always think I can skill up, I can grow, I can work on it with my therapist, like I can meditate on it. Like there are so many it is a gift. It is a gift. It but often an uncomfortable gift if you're in when you're in it. But usually when you look back in retrospect and you're like, I can see why that thing happened. It actually helped me move in this direction.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, you need to learn to sit in it, I think, to grow. so I guess as you know, the podcast is called Before It Breaks. And that's
Lola Berry: Mm.
Gabriella Pomare: not just to do with relationships. I think it's to do with all, you know, facets of life because I'm really interested in in, you know, all the moments before things within life break. do you think that people often know, you know, something's not right before they're ready to call it a failure?
Lola Berry: I love that you I love the way you talk about this and I love the way that you talk about often it can be little things and more subtle things as well. And I think human beings are really complicated and complex. So I do think it can be like like yeah, I think it's not like one big thing. I think it goes the same way with success and wins as well. I don't think it's like there's a saying here in Hollywood, an overnight success takes ten years. And so I I feel like the same way with like when you talk about before things breaking, I think it's little things that like it's like this unsticking or something and and it's up to us to use our barometer to kind of like notice if something feels a little off. That sounds very whimsy and woo-woo, I know. But for me, if something feels off, I'll intuitively I'll feel it like viscerally, and I'm like, cool, okay, that feels off. I'm gonna note that for next time. And then if it ke the same behavior or pattern keeps happening, especially with friendships. Like I know you talk a lot about relationships and something like I'm 40 and my 30s, no one prepared me for adult friendship breakups. And
Gabriella Pomare: So true.
Lola Berry: right, it's and it's sometimes so hard because you think you're gonna have your buds forever, right? And I for me, I've noticed now that I've got to 40, I'm quicker at catching behavior that just doesn't fit with my vibe. Whereas when I was
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: younger, I would just let it slide, let it slide, let it slide, and then it would break and it'd be quite heavy and traumatic. Whereas now if I see behavior that I'm like, that's kind of not how I feel like I want to be treated, then I can just like take a little like self care and step back a little. So that would be the coolness of aging. Like I love figuring that out older.
Gabriella Pomare: There is something nice about that. I think you're right. When you're younger, there's almost a panic to lose a friendship. Again, it's like that judgment. It's we all need to have as many friends as we can. But these days I think it's less about the number of friendships and really about the people you value. you know, those
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: people you can count on your hand that are supportive of you, that have the same values as you and that genuine friendship as opposed to the person that, you know, you might text once a year for the sake of saying, How are you going? but they don't genuinely care what you're up to. That's certainly become interesting as we're growing older and and and evolving and doing different things in life. I mean, you've moved through lots of chapters, nutrition, books, media, podcasting, acting, you've moved overseas. How do you think that you know when it's the right time to let, you know, yourself evolve or let an old identity evolve?
Lola Berry: I mean, I'm a holder honor. I'll be honest with you. I am a like, no, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: You're the same Lola?
Lola Berry: I'm a holder on, but I often have found, and I was telling you just before we hit record on this, I did an audition and I was really wanted it. Like real I was like, this suits me. I know I'm really good for it. This was a really fun acting audition. I worked hard on it. and I got kind of like a maybe back, and I was like, this feels terrible. This feels like I'm in limbo. And so I just mentally, and I I have the most beautiful partner in the whole world. And he was like, just let it go. Let it go. Pretend it was a no. Just trick trick yourself. So I did this full letting go. And I was like, okay, I didn't get it. Forty-eight hours later, they're like, Hey, you've got a call back. Can you do it again? And so I think for me, the art of this kind of idea of just being like letting letting things go. I mean, it's very hard to do, but like letting go and trusting in the work and trusting in who you are as a human and what you have just touched on as well is like the value piece too. Like if if if values are aligned, whether it's in friendship, whether it's in relationships, whether it's in work opportunities, I know that that's like huge for me. I want, I want value alignment. I don't even know if I answered your question properly, but that's what came out.
Gabriella Pomare: No, I I think I get you too. And I mean, linking it to relationships. I've often found that it's very hard if you don't have that same alignment on values where, you know, I'm doing a whole bunch of different things now and maybe it wasn't the person I was a couple of years ago. and is, you know, my partner accepting of that. Does he understand and support that? Because that really does impact a relationship, you know, particularly with travel. I mean, you guys both moved overseas together. How was that?
Lola Berry: Well, I moved over first because it's quite tricky, as you know. You're in in America, what
Gabriella Pomare: To get there.
Lola Berry: feels like every second week.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm. How wish.
Lola Berry: you getting that New York billboard, I was like, shut the front door. I have I know I've said congrats, but I'm so proud of you for that.
Gabriella Pomare: Thank you.
Lola Berry: so I moved over first because we're just we're on different visas essentially. And so I moved over first. So we actually did our relationship was long distance for the first two years. So we
Gabriella Pomare: Wow.
Lola Berry: Yeah. So Matt lived in Byron Bay and I lived in Los Angeles. And so I'd do six months on, six months off to keep my visa active and then also like keep a relationship with him. And that took like very honest conversations. We'll both both consistently in therapy. so yeah, that first two that first two years, like a lot of people, I'm a bit of a lone wolf, if I'm honest. So like I actually can like lock into my own. And I feel like you're like this busy, like I know you miss your fan bam so much when you travel, but when you travel, you don't stop.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: And a part of you I feel like thrives in that go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Okay, this is how much time I've got. I'm gonna make hay. I get and so I I relate to that. Like I like that idea of like, okay, I've got this certain amount of time. And that's how I think I mentally switched for like when I was in LA, I got to I was writing a book at the time. And I got to just be in acting classes all the time. So I just kind of lent into the positives of having that time alone. I still had this awesome partner back home. And and yeah, and our relationship the whole time, like since living in America and and Matt being in Byron, like, you know, we got a property together still, like we froze embryos. We did all this adult stuff, even while I was like half in America, like we really It sounds weird, but it I think it fostered something really strong between us.
Gabriella Pomare: I think it shows though the dynamic that you two had that strong connection and there was the proper desire to build that life together. So, you know, you going overseas and not being, you know, in Australia necessarily half the year didn't stop that. And the relationship
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: didn't necessarily slow down or fail. Because of that, if anything, it grew stronger. And that's really interesting. And you said that, you know, you both had to go through therapy. And I find that these days so many people are scared to talk about that or to engage, you know, with third parties, you know, therapist, counseling, whatever it might be. But I think there's such beauty in seeking help. Or just, you know, having that third person to, you know, test you the the issues you're having, the communication problems, or sometimes just to reality test what's going on, right? So you don't feel crazy. something you would recommend, I guess.
Lola Berry: Yeah, 100%. If anyone asks me like what's the best biggest career tip I could give someone, I'm like, get into therapy. I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: I'm 40. I started in therapy at 30. I just went to clean up a shitty breakup. And I remember we cleaned that relationship up in three sessions, literally.
Gabriella Pomare: God.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah. And I said to my therapist, can I come back? This feels really good. And he was like, Yeah, and I see him. every second week. Like I've got a session this time tomorrow. So I
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. Yeah.
Lola Berry: keep it up, especially I've found like with the acting stuff, 'cause there is I don't want to say darker side, but there's a h a heavier side of the acting world, which is where you're sitting in rejection and uncertainty for very long periods of time. It feels very different to pitching books, which I know
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. Hmm.
Lola Berry: you're so versed at. But in in book world, you'll often even if you get a no, you'll get feedback. you not always feedback, but you'll get a yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Get you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some direction.
Lola Berry: Acting World, yeah, acting world, you see send on that audition. And if you don't book, you get nothing. Literally zero. So it's almost like I know this is like a big word to throw out there, but it almost feels like abandonment because you get you're giving your heart to these characters and then you just hear nothing. And so for me, therapy's been
Gabriella Pomare: I guess, yeah.
Lola Berry: helpful.
Gabriella Pomare: You you are supposed become that character and you're starting to believe that you're gonna do it and you're gonna play this part. And then if you don't hear back, I mean, I kinda might it took me a long time when I was doing all this kind of work of, you know, if you put a pitch out there and someone doesn't respond or they say no, you feel like it's huge rejection. And it takes a
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: while to just be like, you know what, they probably got thirty pitches that day, yours just wasn't that interesting. But if it's a role you r really wanna play, I guess that yeah, that that would take a lot of self learning and I guess putting it through your head and understanding that's actually not failure. This is just another growth opportunity. There'll be another part. I'll build on whatever I've been learning in my acting classes. what do you think that failure, or not even failure, but maybe the rejection through auditioning and and going for different parts and being in LA and doing these different things has taught you about self-trust and, you know, your self worth?
Lola Berry: I would say it depends on the day. So on a good
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: day, I would say it I feel pretty resilient and adapt. I
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: would say I can adapt quite well. so I think it's fantastic, especially if you do get callbacks, they're usually gonna want quite a big change. I did an audition where I did a callback and I had to be a smoker. Never smoked in my life, never had a cigarette in my life. So I went and ordered the prop cigarettes they used on Peaky Blinders.
Gabriella Pomare: you're funny.
Lola Berry: Yeah. I I feel it 'cause I didn't want to smoke I'm like, I don't really want to smoke tobacco. Like, what's the point? I don't I'm not a smoker. So I ordered the same ones I use in Peaky Blinders. And luckily, my beautiful fiance, he used to be before I met him, he was a smoker. So he was like teaching
Gabriella Pomare: yeah.
Lola Berry: me how to hold it cool. Like I had no idea. I looked like such a nerd. And I was like holding it like a pen. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no. so like I it I just see it all as truly like yeah, a gift. I think it's like As long as you don't feel it's like rejection and you're like, do you know what? It's an opportunity to like build resilience,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: to become more adaptable, to like find the fun and the play in it as well. And that's like if I go for a role that I don't think I'm right for. I auditioned for a horror about a month ago and I had to audition to a teddy bear, like a soft toy, and it was gonna murder me. And I was like, How? How?
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. How do you take that seriously?
Lola Berry: Right and not laugh. Like, do you know what my first audition was? You're going to die. I had to look down the barrel of the lenses with a commercial American audition and I had to say, I'm your fanny godmother and I had to make a wand and say this is a whole body deodorant safe to use on your pits, privates and feet and point to each area in my body. That was my first ever audition
Gabriella Pomare: Wow.
Lola Berry: in America.
Gabriella Pomare: Well you threw yourself into it.
Lola Berry: Truly. Like truly. Like it like it's this that's what I mean. You gotta lose all that sense of like caring if you're being judged and all of that. You just
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: gotta like, cool, on to the next. And that sense of like letting go pretty quickly too.
Gabriella Pomare: Absolutely. I mean, I totally agree with that. And I guess I kind of link that to relationships, friendships and that sort of thing as well, because I think that idea of failure, rejection, or building new opportunities comes into how you, you know, you are in relationships. Do you think over time in your adult life, the travel, the moving, all of that has taught you something different about relationships?
Lola Berry: That's really good question. I feel like the real ones stand the test of time and I'm mad for a voice note. probably, I don't know if you are, but being a podcaster, I think I love a voice note and and our community, and I know I was watching your stories today and you talked about having a confidence community. And
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: I loved it. And I was I was like, who's mine? And I was thinking like it's it's my mates back in Byron that are like,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: you go girl, my god, send me a pick from that audition. And it's like like You've got I I think it's like the thing that I've learned is like even when we go back after like a year being away or a year and a half being away, those friendships don't go anywhere and it does feel like you are just picking up from wherever you left off.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: and it's yeah, it's really I think the travel, like the distance is kind of a gift because it means that you and the other person on the other side of that friendship or relationship also has to put in a little bit of like make a little bit of an effort if they want a friendship. Yeah. So
Gabriella Pomare: The extra effort. Yeah.
Lola Berry: I like it. I mean, I'm I'm big on not having like I've got five mates kind of thing. That's happy to that's a perfect amount for me. But yeah, you don't want
Gabriella Pomare: I agree with that. Yeah. I'm big on that.
Lola Berry: too don't want too many. but yeah, the real ones, like yeah, they'll check in and we voice note. I love it.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Do you think that moving to LA changed a lot of that in terms of maintaining those friendships? Having people who maybe still understood you, didn't judge you, or weren't competitive? Do you think that they were really able to connect with what you were doing? Do you know what I mean?
Lola Berry: Yeah, I think like champion you, like that that way the way you were talking about that confidence yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: The confidence community. Yeah, exactly. It's the people who genuinely believe in you. And it's not like, here she goes again posting or, you know, she thinks she's some actress in Hollywood, but really believe in you. And I think that's important as a person too and gives you that extra confidence.
Lola Berry: Hundred percent. I will say it's been a really good barometer because I in LA like friendships are quite quick and they move p through quite quickly because people ever everyone here is hustling. Everyone wants something. So you do see the other side of that where you'll think someone's a friend and pretty quickly they'll just want something from you. And that definitely does happen. And it's taken me a lot of work over the last couple of years to like catch that before I give somebody the world. 'Cause I love helping and And and and helping people and making friends, but it it usually if it starts coming at my like one-sided cost, I have learned to kind of step away. That's been a big, big, big lesson for me. So again, that's showing the it depends where you are in the world, but here it is very like people are hustling. LA is an expensive city to live in. People want to have their next win. They people don't hold back. Yeah,
Gabriella Pomare: Competitive, yeah.
Lola Berry: and they'll ask you for stuff like. Hey, can I have your manager's data? Hey, can I and you're just like, cool, cool, cool, cool. but if it ends up being like constantly asking for things, then it it fully depletes me. And I'm just like, this feels bad. And then I come back to this, like my confidence community, and it that it never feels taky. It feels nourishing.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: It feels like we've got the same values, even though like one of the people in my confidence community, his name's Sam, and he's a chef, you know, like very different worlds,
Gabriella Pomare: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: right? But like he's passionate and and we have very similar like we express like passion the same way and like get excited from one another. So I think it really like yeah, it just you just want a good gang around you and and you wanna be able to read the play when it feels a little too takey.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I think when it's one way traffic, you know, that's a relationship perhaps to start letting go of. and I'm
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I'm more for helping people out. You know, if someone says, Hey, do you know you know, got a contact in a particular area, of course I'll give it. But at the same time,
Lola Berry: Yeah, me too. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: you know, you give some, it goes around. I then we'll hope that if I need something, someone will help me out.
Lola Berry: Ye yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: But there is that balance of someone always asking and always taking, and then you start to sort of feel a bit empty because you think there's a reason that we've got this relationship and it's not actually because it's a true friendship.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: and that can be really hard. You I guess started over somewhat in that when you did the big move. Did you find that you had to sort of prove yourself, particularly in a city like LA where there are so many people and as you say, they're hustling, they're all trying to get there and, you know, become the next big thing. You obviously had an intention, you're very clear on what you want, your next few goals. Was that hard? And is it hard, I guess, to I mean you're still doing it, right?
Lola Berry: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah, it is, but I think now and I I don't know if something happens when you turn forty. I just have less shits to give about people when it feels not good. You know what I mean? Like it like when I first got here, I think yeah, it wa i it did feel a little I love the way you said one-way traffic. I'm taking that and putting in my pocket because that is like how the best way I could describe how that felt. So I felt like and because yeah, LA is a city where there is a little bit of fluff of and a little bit of that, more so than I would say SIDS or Malbs and and not and like in Australia, like you hang out with your mates. Like, you know what I mean? It's not whereas here you you're trying to build a community from scratch and that feels weird. Like I got here at 35, like that felt so weird. And I it
Gabriella Pomare: Wow, so it's been five years.
Lola Berry: yeah, and I was COVID when I got here too. So like there was a lot of like I was Very lonely. I was just trying to figure out what made me feel safe and secure friendship-wise. So
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Yeah.
Lola Berry: yeah, I would say proving myself the only people that I really care about that with are like that inner core group of people. I don't care. Like when I'm in acting class, I'm like, I'm just here to learn. And you gotta get over yourself real quiet real fast because the actors in your acting class, you see them on billboards driving home.
Gabriella Pomare: Ace, yeah.
Lola Berry: So you gotta get out of your head. You gotta not compare. My acting teacher said comparison is cancer for creatives. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I love that. Yeah. That's true though, because at the end of the day you're you're unique. And I think by trying to be someone else, you're gonna fail. Like those opportunities aren't gonna come because if someone wants you, it's gonna be you for you, right?
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: so look, I g I don't know, I can't imagine living in LA. I think there's just so much going on there and there probably is a lot of competition that my personality probably wouldn't thrive. I'm too like controlling, I need to know what's happening. maybe you'll more go with the flow. but it's hard.
Lola Berry: I can relate to the control. I can relate to I actually think you would fly here because you are such a hard worker and Americans value the time and effort you put in. It's like the American It's like to be free land of the free. You need a show that you can sweat it out, work it out. And it's like w and I love that about America because I love working hard. So it you know, it it does pay off. Like even I had an audition recently and I pitched myself direct. And they're like, I love
Gabriella Pomare: Pra mim.
Lola Berry: how direct you are and I'm like, Well, what have I got to lose? Nothing. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Hundred percent. That's it. Put yourself out there. I mean, that's what you're working hard for. I guess given your health, your nutrition background, wellness, all of that, what do you reckon that the body teaches people about emotional honesty and feeling what's going on?
Lola Berry: my goodness, what a great question. I think your body really lets you know. I mean, we've all heard of polyvagal theory and like, yeah,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: and how like if we're anxious, we'll feel it in the body. for me, and this is gonna sound very woo-woo, but I've been meditating. My naturopath
Gabriella Pomare: Love with it.
Lola Berry: well, my naturopath, I had really high cholesterol at the start of the year, and my naturopath was like, cool, we're gonna make all these lifestyle changes. And we and he goes, because you're a nutritionist, I'm not gonna put you on any supplements yet. I wanna see if you can do it by essentially cutting certain foods out. And I was living a pretty Paleolithic kind of lifestyle. So a lot of meat, a lot of coconut oil, which is very healthy for a lot of people. But for me, it was just too much saturated fat. And he was like,
Gabriella Pomare: Okay.
Lola Berry: just let's try a diet and see and do your bloods and retest in three months. I was like, cool. And he's like, one other thing I need you to do. And I was like, Yeah. He's like, you need to meditate. And I was like, cool. And he didn't think I'd do because I'm he calls me a shark. Like if I stopped moving, I'd die. and so, and we've been friends,
Gabriella Pomare: God. I feel that.
Lola Berry: he's part of my confidence community, we've been friends forever.
Gabriella Pomare: Okay, okay.
Lola Berry: and I was like, all right, well, he's telling me I better start meditating. But the and I love it. I'm like 130 days straight now, I think.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: but I noticed that like I'm so much more emotionally attuned to what I'm feeling. feeling now like I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: can take a meeting and I'll walk out and call my partner call Matt and be like, I like that's not for me. Or the opposite. I really feel like I'm gonna work with that person. It's like it
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, okay.
Lola Berry: sharpens up your intuition. But as far as like the body letting us know, I mean, it definitely does. And like all like gut, like we know like that the gut is like the brain in essentially in the way it responds to things in the body. Serotonin receptors are in our gut. So like if you're feeling like super anxious before or after something or after meeting someone, or you get really bloated, or you get really tired, or everything goes through you, like take notice of that. That's your body literally talking to you and being like, This ain't for me. Or I'm feeling fight and fight or flight right now and I need to like
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, absolutely.
Lola Berry: be ready to fight essentially. So Yeah, I always take notice. I also wear an aura ring, so as soon as I see my heart
Gabriella Pomare: Do
Lola Berry: rate variability change, like and it's li it's elevated, I'll take notice of what I did that day if it feels really and that's been a really good one because I'm like, Wow, game changer.
Gabriella Pomare: I have to jump on the battery. Like I'm seeing everyone doing it. I think I've just got to do it because that is me. My body tells me everything before it's happening. Like I'm telling you before I'm ready to admit there's like a problem in my relationship or I'm too stressed at work, something will happen. And like recently I've had bad blood pressure, stress. I used to have endo, which went away for like, not when I say went away, settled for like seven years, and it's been back really bad. And I just think it's because there's too much going on in life and relationships and everything
Lola Berry: Mm-hmm.
Gabriella Pomare: else. And my doctor sort of said to me, I've done all the bloods. There is nothing physically really wrong with you right now. You just need to, you know, take time for yourself, you know, engage in that self-care, rest more and be aware what's going on. Stop just racing through life and ignoring you know everything that's going on in your personal life. And I thought that probably is true when I'm ignoring what's going on, you know, I'm either having inflammation or whatever health issue. Because I can't just stop and say, Hey Gab, it's time to address what's going on in your personal life right now.
Lola Berry: It's so hard to do that though. It is so hard to stop. I get like acute
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: like shoulder and back pain and it's always psychological. Like always I'll be stressing about something or I'll feel unsafe. Like for me, if I go away somewhere and I'm like, this doesn't feel like right,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: like you can like set your t clock clock to it. Lola's about to get back pain. To the point that I have to go and get like Voltaran from if I'm in Australia from the chemist, because I'm like,
Gabriella Pomare: Bad. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah, I'm out. I'm out for like two days. So yeah, listen to your body. And and and do you know what? Like take notice like when things crop up. Like look back over time. Like you mentioned endo. Like you said it's been really nice and good for seven years, but go back to what was going on in your life when it when it flared up last. Like learn. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: It's it's so fascinating. I actually love all this stuff.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, well that's why I thought I got the perfect person today to talk about it with.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: Do you think though, realistically, that we've got this constant need, you know, to to engage in self-care? But can we separate that need, you know, to to have real self-care from that pressure to constantly need to optimize ourselves? And I think sometimes there's that balance of, you know, we're all on Instagram, we're all on social media, TikTok, we see the reels, and these days, look, I fall for it. All the different self-care tools and machinery and things we need. Is there real self-care versus the things that everyone thinks that they need?
Lola Berry: That's such a great question. Gab, you're a very good podcast host. I would say, yeah, there isn't so for me, like I do a bunch of self-care things. I lift weights, I do yoga, I meditate, I see a therapist, eat pretty clean. And they're kind of my self-care things. Get out in nature, hike, right? But
Gabriella Pomare: Mm, mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: they're kind of like, we know you gotta do those things to feel healthy. So it's kind of like I would happily add in like saunas and red light therapy. So that list like we the stuff you were talking about, you see on TikTok, right?
Gabriella Pomare: To grow. Yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: But then I've got something that I do, two things I do that are arguably better for my self-care that aren't like that. So one is I go to the movies. I see a movie. I can just see a movie. Like and it's like the
Gabriella Pomare: Will you eat the salty popcorn at the movie?
Lola Berry: So I buy the healthy popcorn at
Gabriella Pomare: Course you do.
Lola Berry: at Target on the way through.
Gabriella Pomare: Ha ha ha.
Lola Berry: or at Ollie, but America has like the best alternatives to everything. Only because I don't want to feel like sick after. And then them that
Gabriella Pomare: Fair. Yeah, okay, okay.
Lola Berry: weird American butter, you know, the melted weird movie butter.
Gabriella Pomare: You're balancing it. Okay. Yeah.
Lola Berry: Yeah. So I'll still have a treaty. I'll just make sure I don't feel sick the next day, treaty. the
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: other thing I do, and I've actually been doing it specifically when I'm anxiously awaiting like an email from someone or a callback, I've started drawing.
Gabriella Pomare: Okay.
Lola Berry: Like it just came to me. Like I was talking to Matt and I was like, I'm feeling really flat waiting to hear back from this. And
Gabriella Pomare: I've seen some of these lately, you're right, on your stories. They're really good.
Lola Berry: Ye I've just started like drawing I love West we love Western things. We want to live on a ranch one day. And so I've just started
Gabriella Pomare: Nice.
Lola Berry: drawing like horses and cows and ranches and like a cowboy bandit. And yeah, I just I set aside like fifteen minutes. I don't go, ham. And I'm just like, see how I feel and and it just like it basically it's that s flow state where time stops. I'm not thinking
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: about anything other than the thing I'm doing. And they're like two I would say arguably as important as my meditation and my therapy and all those other things that I'm doing for self care. But they're the two that like I get there's no reward at the end of them other than just being
Gabriella Pomare: I just about to say that.
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I think that's what it is. You're obviously very creative, smart. So you like the idea of maybe it's the creative outlet. But again, there's no competition, there's no reward, there's no end. It's just you getting to be yourself and and have that outlet, perhaps. And I guess that's why I do some of the stuff I do is just I mean, I have a very stressful job. I'm at the office today and I'm like, thinking about the clients I have. And for me, I know this is still work to an extent, but I actually just enjoy switching off and having a chat. And for me, that's
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: like a different maybe side of my brain. I don't know.
Lola Berry: Yeah, totally.
Gabriella Pomare: I did one of these weird ones and I learned it from look, I'm gonna call you one of the OG Wildest people from when I was growing up. And I can't remember who it was, but someone used to talk about putting your legs up on the wall and sort of lying down. So like an L. okay, well there
Lola Berry: Yeah, it's a yoga pose, legs up the wall, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: you go. See, I'm not a I'm not a yogi. But I've been doing that for I'd say twelve years and I do it every morning, every night, and I feel so incredibly different. I can't explain it. It's like I just need to zen out. I don't No, I won't scroll on my phone, I won't listen to anything or watch anything, but I really feel different after doing it. And I just feel like that's one of the original things without doing all the light therapy and the saunas and all these new, you know, techie type things. Mind you, I did buy these strange red light under eye glasses. And I think it's just a trend, but hey, it makes me feel good. So if the placebo works
Lola Berry: my goodness, send me them. I wanna know what they are. I'm gonna text you about that after.
Gabriella Pomare: everyone has been. I'm like, I think it's placebo, but if it's working, that's okay. so yeah, God, it's interesting, the the self care and the wellness world.
Lola Berry: Legs up the wall is great though. I teach yoga here in LA and I tilt every single class. Another thing you can do is if you have a block at home, like a yoga block, you can actually put the block underneath your sacrum and then send your legs up, and that's called waterfall. But against
Gabriella Pomare: Right. Okay.
Lola Berry: a wall means you don't need anything. and basically it's activating your parasympathetic nervous system. So super calming. And also it's really good for lymphatic drainage 'cause your legs
Gabriella Pomare: Yes.
Lola Berry: are the other way all the time pretty much. And so it's one of the most medicinal yoga poses ever.
Gabriella Pomare: There we a bit of yoga advice here today. So you're getting rid of everything in this episode.
Lola Berry: yeah. Love missing my aides. Love yoga.
Gabriella Pomare: If we go back to guess your podcast and what you talk to people about, and obviously we talk a lot about failing, do you think that through all the conversations you've had with so many different people, you've noticed different patterns in terms of
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: failure and trying again and starting out?
Lola Berry: I would this might sound this is the first thing that came to me. I would say like age has a lot to do with it. So if I'm interviewing someone like at the infancy of their career or like early 30s kind of vibe, that's a
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: very different interview versus interviewing someone mid sixties. They're my favorite. When you
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: get to someone that's lived and like like got and like got that wisdom and experience and zero Fs to give, you're gonna get a very honest I like honesty is kind of one of my favorite. ways to communicate. And everybody, everybody is pretty on it, like brutally honest on the pod, but there's something about someone that is so like has that life experience and wisdom. And it's my therapist said this the other day because I was trying to learn this New York accent for this audition and it was taking ages. I wasn't catching
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: it as quick as I used to. And I was like Am I aging? And he's like, Yeah. And he said, We get better as we get older, but we also get slightly slower. And he said, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. And and in your brain with learning lines and stuff, like it's so easy in your thirties. Like you just like can look at it three or four times and you've probably got a pretty solid handle. Whereas I'm noticing I'm like, can you know, and I'm looking into supplements. Does that mean more creatine? Does that mean more fish or you know? But I I would say age is really like r especially 'cause I do interview a lot of creatives, like a lot of actors, a lot of authors.
Gabriella Pomare: You do, yeah. Yeah.
Lola Berry: You were the first lawyer I ever had on the pod, you know?
Gabriella Pomare: There you go. I like to think of myself as a mix. A lawyer's so boring.
Lola Berry: You're you're definitely a mix. You're a slashy. Well, your author, pod host,
Gabriella Pomare: That's it. Yeah.
Lola Berry: mate, speaker.
Gabriella Pomare: She doesn't know what she wants, this girl.
Lola Berry: No, I mean I c I think that I think being a slashy is the best way to be because you get to try
Gabriella Pomare: It's a
Lola Berry: on all those different things. And like you said, this just brings you joy. Like you're having conversations with people. So you just gotta keep doing that. You know, like I feel the same way about pods. But yeah, I I interviewed this actor called Anthony Lapalia. I think he's 64 or 65 now.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, of course. Mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: And I said, you know, what advice have you got? And he goes, He's got this really interesting accent. It's like half New York, half Australian. And he's like, Forget the fluff. There's a lot of fluff in acting. And he's like, I always see I love acting. I don't love the box it comes in. You know, like he was just like, forget that like and and he's
Gabriella Pomare: I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: kind of become a mentor over the years too, in my time in Al. He'll always say to me, You just one audition away, Lola, you just want and every time he says I like tear up, like 'cause you know,
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: he's killed it. Like he's got this incredible career and you know. but yeah, I think I think age has a lot to play with it. Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: You need those people in your corner. It does, it does. Yeah, I think so. would you say then, I mean, okay, we're not in our sixties, but we haven't had that much of life, but you still you've gone through a lot, you've experienced a lot, you've achieved a lot. Is there a particular failure for you that you would say you're now grateful for?
Lola Berry: yeah, I love them all. I've had so many too. So many. Like I had a smoothie bar in Melbourne called Happy Place back in the day. And it
Gabriella Pomare: All right. Okay.
Lola Berry: was so much fun. It was literally like you'd walk in, you get your smoothie, and you get a crystal. That's gonna tell you a lot about me. Complimentary crystal every time. We had clear
Gabriella Pomare: I love it. Yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: quartz in the ground. It we had like this giant, like 60 kilo like
Gabriella Pomare: Awesome.
Lola Berry: raw quartz cluster. Anyway, it was so much fun. And I it was my first time having a business, like actual
Gabriella Pomare: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Lola Berry: bricks and mortar business. And I had in we had like there was five of us. but it was called Happy Place Lola Berry. Like I still remember the logo. I did the whole menu, everything, and it did so well in the summer. But Gab, in the in the winter, it did.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, it makes sense. You wouldn't think of it, yeah.
Lola Berry: In the winter was dead. It would bleed money. Cause it's Melbourne. Who wants a s it
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. Particularly if you're giving away free crystals as well.
Lola Berry: Yeah, true. There you go. I love your business brain. I was like, no, more the merrier. I'll just buy more. and that's the thing. I learned so much about PL. I learned that like getting these amazing macadamias from one tiny farm in Byron Bay wasn't necessarily the most financially viable thing to do. but I learned when to walk away. And so we had it for three and a half years. And by the final winter, the other partners were like, we're out, you should buy us out. And I was like, I want to move to America. Like, I don't think I
Gabriella Pomare: Okay. I have dreams.
Lola Berry: can run a I don't think I can run a smoothie bar. And I sat down with my therapist and I showed him like the like how the like a business plan of how it would look if I stayed. And and it was kind of linked to my ego because I was like having a thing with your name on it, I didn't want that to fail. And then we looked at the alternative of not chasing and following my dream in America. And by the end of the session I knew and I had to walk into a board meeting and Everyone thought I was gonna buy them out and I was like, we're selling and everyone was like, What? And so that was such a what a great lesson. I had no idea about HR, I had no idea about P and L's. Like the I got to learn so much cool stuff.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, that is interesting. I think you're right. And it's only through experiences like that that you probably found what you were more interested in or maybe gave you the confidence to say, Hey, I'm actually gonna go do now what you know my next big dream is or goal is and not stay stuck for the sake of it. I think a lot of people fear that failure and say, If I get out of this business now everyone's gonna look at me, they're gonna judge me and you know, it's who cares, right? it's a long life and we've got to be happy in what we do.
Lola Berry: Do you know what was really fascinating when that happened? Because when we sold, I would have been 31. And someone said to me, Congratulations. Like a really successful
Gabriella Pomare: Really.
Lola Berry: business friend was like, Hey, congrats. I heard you sold. And it was, and that was the first time I was like, thanks. Like I hadn't sat in the excitement of what if, and everybody else was like commiserating. And I
Gabriella Pomare: Mm mm.
Lola Berry: remember that being a turning point of that friend just being like, It's like those friends that yeah, see your spark and they're like, Now you're on to the next thing, how cool, you know.
Gabriella Pomare: 100%. Yeah, yeah. I think they're the true ones who understand business as well.
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: What what would you say to someone, I guess, listening to this who feels like they're watching, you know, everyone's else everyone else's life working out? And I have a lot of friends like that who say I sit, I'm at home, I'm watching all these big things happening for people I know or who are online or on social media, and they feel like their life is sort of it's it's stagnant, nothing's happening
Lola Berry: Flattoing. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: exactly. what's your advice there?
Lola Berry: I mean, we all know that social media is a highlight reel. I think you just gotta come back to like your truth and your barometer. And like, it's been hard for me when I've sat in failure or I shot a pilot last year and I was like, yes, this is gonna be the thing that pops off for me.
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: And like it's done really well, but it hasn't been bought, which means it's just a pilot that's in festivals. A and it's an awesome pilot was so much fun to do. But until that's bought, that's not a TV show. So I can't like Bank my check on that and be like, great, that's the thing that's gonna like launch me as an actor in America. And so when you're then seeing other people like book roles or other people, like a lot of my friends are building families and like we're we're choosing to not do that at this stage of our life right now, which is like a very constant open conversation with each other, with therapists, all that kind of thing.
Gabriella Pomare: Imagine that. Yeah.
Lola Berry: But yeah, I think I come back to that. Acting coach quote of like comparison is cancer for creatives, but I think for anyone, I think just don't compare. It's not worth
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, exactly.
Lola Berry: it. And like everybody has peaks and troughs, like everybody has good ears and shitty, like it just happens. And so it's just like learning that in those like stuck or stagnant or plateauy times, like. connecting to yourself and when we and I'd be coming back to this idea of like self-care, like what can you do that makes you feel good? I like dream up holidays as well. Like if I'm feeling stuck,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: I'll be like, okay, let's plan an adventure. Whether we book it or not is a whole different ballgame. But the joy I get out of like, how about we plan a Christmas in Aspen? Like I just am
Gabriella Pomare: So good.
Lola Berry: and then I'd like TikTok like how what the best way to book Christmas in Aspen. I like start learning about all the cafes. And like it just changes my channel for a sec. It's just finding what that circuit breaker is for you. And it might just be going for
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I know.
Lola Berry: a walk or grabbing a coffee with someone that's like a really honest, genuine friend. You've just got to find your circuit breaker and find the thing that's going to make you feel good. And if you feel like you're still stuck, I would come back to therapy because you can process quicker.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, no, that's important, that circuit breaker idea. I think it's the same for me, I don't know about a holiday, but it's always like, what's that thing to look forward to? And so I'll
Lola Berry: Mm.
Gabriella Pomare: come up with something and then it gives me an idea to to plan it, to think about it, and and it's that distraction maybe from what you think you're failing at, which you're not anyway. but I see that in relationships too so often now. And I did a whole episode on the pod about I guess looking at other people's lives and everyone thinking, wow, they're the perfect couple, you know, they're going on all these big fancy dinner dates or they're holidaying all the time or Because they're posting reels, they're perfect. And we all know that that's not reality. Because I think if you need to seek that external validation, there's probably something going on in that relationship. What do you feel about that in terms of relationships and always looking at others and and wanting more or thinking there's, you know, the grass is greener?
Lola Berry: I saw this on TikTok today. I'm sure you're gonna know who this guy is. I don't know his name, but he's a divorce attorney here in America, does lots of podcasts.
Gabriella Pomare: James Sex did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: And he always says the bigger the ring, the bigger the wedding, the bigger the like celebration, the bigger the honeymoon. He's like, the bigger the divorce, the worse the divorce. Like, you
Gabriella Pomare: Mm. It's true.
Lola Berry: know, and and and I'm like, yeah, because like a real love should be a celebration of that, that. union and that love. And it's like when you're watching someone else live this incredible, highly curated life, that's like awesome for them if that is their truth. But
Gabriella Pomare: Mm.
Lola Berry: it doesn't mean that that their truth is your truth as well. And I think like if you're a travel adventure bunny, like I love traveling, sure, I'm gonna make sure I get a couple of adventures in each year because that's an important thing that fills my cup and I love doing that. Or Like I know how much you love podcasting. And it was funny how you were talking about like finding things to look forward to. I I'm a bit like you. I love recording in studios in person in here in
Gabriella Pomare: Yes.
Lola Berry: LA. And I just have got like a few people lined up for August. I'm like, great, I'm gonna book the pod studio for that day. And then I'm gonna like do this, this, and this. And then I turn it into this whole self-care week. I'm like, I'm gonna get my hair done, I'm getting my nails done,
Gabriella Pomare: Right.
Lola Berry: you know? And it becomes this whole celebration of doing the thing that you love, right?
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, celebration of yourself too, because I mean, let's be
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: honest, it's hard work doing it. and why
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: not celebrate you for that week or for that day or whatever it might be?
Lola Berry: Yeah, yeah. So I think do not compare. That would be my advice.
Gabriella Pomare: biggest one. All right. I guess to wrap it up then, what do you wish people noticed earlier before they lose themselves trying to make the wrong life work for them?
Lola Berry: don't live up to other people's ex like, don't worry about other people's expectation of you being a creative. And I am very lucky I've got awesome parents and great relationships with them. But they didn't always get my dreams and nor should they. Like, why would they need to? One is one's an incredible vet and the other one's a nurse. Like the sciences were very
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, very different. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Lola Berry: different. Whereas I'm like, so I'm gonna go and create a career that I haven't got in Australia and And so I think like not living up to like not needing to live up to expect expectations of other people. I my barometer all in my twenties was because I'm really close to my dad, my barometer was like, How can I make my dad proud? How can I make my dad proud? And I remember he wrote me a card one year, so beautiful with words. He wrote me a it was either a birthday or Christmas card and he was like, I'm always so proud of you. And and so like it was like so freeing for him. And now he's just like, I think it's so cool what you're doing. And when I was in Melbourne for Christmas this last year, we found out that pilot I shot got into a huge festival here called South by Southwest. And he started crying at the cafe. Do
Gabriella Pomare: Wow. Yeah, wow. God, that's cute.
Lola Berry: you know what I mean? But I spent years being like, No, I should go into zoology and be a vet like my dad, you know, like and I love animals. I'm obsessed with animals, but like I this is what's in my like DN like that this is my passion. And so I think
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I feel you. Mm.
Lola Berry: just doing like and coming back to this idea like the body doesn't lie, what we were talking about. Like do the stuff that makes you feel alive, makes you feel good. And even if you've got a different job to your passion, super common, super normal,
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah.
Lola Berry: you know, just make sure you're still doing those things that make you feel alive at least a couple of times a week.
Gabriella Pomare: Yeah, I totally agree with that. I think that's so important because that does. That makes you feel alive and healthy and it still gives you purpose, right? We all need to work, we need the bread and butter, we need the money just to pay bills. But
Lola Berry: Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: I don't think you can hang your hat up on, well, this is my job and I can't have anything outside of that. hobbies are so important, self care is so important.
Lola Berry: Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: making yourself truly happy with I guess not worrying about what everyone else thinks and and whether they're judging you or not, because again, who cares?
Lola Berry: it's not worth it. It was such a waste of time. Like just do you have fun, connect, like
Gabriella Pomare: So that maybe.
Lola Berry: have real friendships and relationships, you know?
Gabriella Pomare: Move to LA if that's what fills your cup. I think I've learned that
Lola Berry: Mate.
Gabriella Pomare: from you today.
Lola Berry: Yeah. It's just follow my my meditation teacher used to say, Follow the charm, Lola. Follow the charm. Yeah. Yeah.
Gabriella Pomare: That's it. I love it. Well, thank you, and thank you for your time today. I really have loved the chat with you and catching up again. And I think so many people are gonna learn so much from this.
Lola Berry: Thanks for having me on. I've been obviously a fan of your pod Feyonx and I'm so excited to hear that there's another book. So keep me posted.
Gabriella Pomare: There is, there it is. Stay tuned. loved that conversation with Lola and what I keep coming back to is the idea that failure's not always a final verdict on who we are or what we're capable of. Sometimes it's information, sometimes it's redirection. Sometimes it's the moment life asks us to stop performing the version of ourselves that once made sense and begin listening to the person that we're becoming. There's so much courage in continuing to believe in yourself when it no longer looks the way you imagined that it would, in releasing the timeline, in allowing an identity or a relationship or a career or a dream to evolve. And in trusting the beginning again doesn't mean you've lost everything. It may mean you've finally stopped abandoning yourself to keep the old story alive. So I really hope this conversation reminds anyone listening that changing direction's not the same as giving up. That heartbreak can exist alongside hope, and that uncertainty doesn't mean that you're behind. And that the life that feels like yours may begin with the courage to admit that something no longer does. You can listen to Lola's podcast, Fearlessly Failing, wherever you listen to podcasts, and you can follow Lola and her work online. So, Lola Berry, thank you for joining me on Before It Breaks. And to everyone listening, thank you for being here. I'll see you in the next episode.
