Rob Nelson: Different but Better

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Is there like a rule of thumb that most founder
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CEOs follow in terms of coming home?
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Having the supportive partner was number one in any success
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that I've had. And I'd say the second thing that
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was the most impactful for me is having a really
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good tight-knit peer group that I could really open up
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and share those concerns with or fears and doubts. Not
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saying I wouldn't share them with my wife because I'm
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trying to protect her and give her the security, it's
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a lonely place. You need some outlet to share that with.
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I've found really great peer groups of people that meet
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once a month and share the highs and lows of
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everything and what's really going on. So that's been really helpful.
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Everybody, welcome back to the Fatherhood Movement Podcast. I'm your host,
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Bubba Page. I have a quick update before I introduce
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our guest. We are building a new application called Becoming. Becoming.app
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is where you'll find it. We're just in the beginning phases,
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so we would love to have alpha and beta users
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test us out, help us to know what's the best
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way to go about it. But this podcast will be
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shifting from the Fatherhood Movement branding to Becoming. It's just
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one of those things. We can become a better father,
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become a better mother, become a better entrepreneur, become a
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better investor. These are the elements of this movement that
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I really wanted in the first place. And fatherhood, it
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did narrow it down a little bit. We want to
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include both mothers and fathers in this movement as we
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go about. So becoming is now your place to come
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and be here with me. So thank you for being here.
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You guys, the guest we have today, Mr. Rob Nelson.
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I think we've known each other for almost 15 years.
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Holy smokes.
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Rob is a phenomenal entrepreneur, an incredible investor. We've shared
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deals back and forth a bunch. He is a wonderful dad.
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And I have first chance in Puerto Rico, which is
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where his family lives most of the time, seeing him
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as a seminary teacher, which is fantastic.
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I forgot about you and Hutch came.
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That was so great. We came bright and early morning,
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6 or 6.30. 6 a.m., yeah. It was fantastic. Awesome.
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So you guys, I'm just so excited to have you here.
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Thank you for joining me.
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Yeah. He's in Utah for a little bit this summer.
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We spend summers here in Utah.
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I love it.
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Utah summers are hard to beat.
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We love it here. That's so good.
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You know, I grew up here, met my wife here
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in college. Yeah. We've been here forever until we moved
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to Puerto Rico five years ago.
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Five years. And how many kids do you have again?
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We have five kids. Yeah.
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Our oldest is a boy, four daughters. And we moved
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when our oldest was going into his senior year of
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high school.
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Wow. Talk about life change. Yeah.
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Big life change.
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And now you have how many that are married? Where
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is everybody? So just so we get the land.
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Oldest is married last year. My daughter, my next oldest
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daughter just got married two weeks ago. And- We moved
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my next daughter into college this summer. So it's like
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big changes in our family.
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That is so crazy. So we're down to two at home.
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Now you only have two.
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Yeah.
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It's a little bit different than the eight I still
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have at home, right? Six to 16. So I got lucky.
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I got to bring my oldest. Thank you for even
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like having us around. We came and visited Puerto Rico,
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got to share in the amazing culture that is down there.
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That was such a fun experience, honestly.
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It was fun having you there.
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Okay. So I've got to ask this question because a
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lot of you who maybe have known or heard of
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Rob's story before, you've built multiple companies and, you know, successes,
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a couple, maybe, or things that didn't always pan out,
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but you've had some amazing successes that prompted you to
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move to Puerto Rico. There's some benefits to go down
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to Puerto Rico, right? And I wanted to talk, you know,
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you've been teaching seminary down there, you've been a leader
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in the church, as you've helped down there. You've been
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raising your family down there. So which of these experiences,
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whether it's building the companies, raising the family, teaching the seminary,
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moving to Puerto Rico, which of these has stretched you
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the most? That's what I want to know.
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I mean, I'd say for sure raising a family. That's
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the hardest job, right?
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Yeah, most fulfilling. And most fulfilling.
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Oh, yeah, for sure. My greatest happiness has come from
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my own family and kids and marriage. And I would
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answer it my family. You know, I think the hardest
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thing that I've done, you know, and maybe just put
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it a little bit differently, the hardest thing I've done
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is being an entrepreneur.
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Yeah.
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But we moved down when, you know, it was COVID
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and I was working on kind of prepping my last
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company to sell. And so anyway, that's how I would
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answer that.
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Yeah. So being an entrepreneur, one of the things, there's
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a lot of entrepreneurs watching, whether they're doing it full
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time or they're doing it on the side, they want
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to be an entrepreneur. And so when I love having
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entrepreneurs on the show like you, because you've not only
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done that, but raised a family at the same time, you've,
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you know, for the most part, from my understanding, you've
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kept the faith, right? And you've done a good job.
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You've been able to be an investor and build, you know,
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more abundance for your family. You've, been very generous to
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other people. Like you're an amazing example of what people
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can be. And I know I'm tooting your horn right
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now and just accept the compliment. Cause I know you
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struggle with accepting those compliments, right? But if you were
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to talk to an early entrepreneur right now, who's just
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getting started, you're looking back at yourself. What are some
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of the things that you wish you knew as an entrepreneur,
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as an entrepreneur? Yeah.
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You know, I think some of the best business advice
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I ever received is was like, look, there's no experts.
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It just comes down to common sense and just add value.
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And that's it.
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And so I come back to that. And there's a
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great saying I was taught early on of the business
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of doing business. And the business of doing business is
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getting more and more customers, staying longer and longer, buying
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more products and services from you at a higher margin,
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relative to the competition and relative to the market. And
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it's kind of really simply put, right? The business of
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doing business. And that's what, you know, I love so much.
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And in a way it's an act of service. I mean,
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you're trying to provide value. And I'd say, and I
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really sincerely mean this, like the best thing and second
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best thing is, you know, Creating something and then having
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somebody say, hey, this was really amazing and it really
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helped me. Thank you. And they give you a check.
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And you're like, are you kidding me? I got paid
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for this? It's like, this is the best. Second best.
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You know, and the first best for me is like,
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you know, when you teach the gospel and the spirit
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is there to testify.
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Yeah.
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And you're both feeling it. And that's why I think
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being a seminary teacher is like the greatest calling in
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the world.
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That's awesome. I love that.
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But, um, yeah, so I, I would say, you know,
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as an entrepreneur, you just boil it down to common
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sense and add value.
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So now it feels like a lot of the younger
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entrepreneurs are trying to find just the quick scheme. Now
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it probably was the same as we were, you know,
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entering entrepreneurship, but for some reason I didn't really know
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or think that there even was a quick way. It just,
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I knew it was going to be a grind because
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that's how I saw the people before me go. It
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was going to be a grind. That's the way they
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talked about it was being an entrepreneur is a grind.
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The hope is that you might work harder or differently
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than people might for the first five or 10 years
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of your career so that you can live like nobody
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can after that. And that was true for me of
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busting my butt for those first five to 10 years
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and really having to grind it out. I think a
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lot of times the younger generation is looking at how
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did they do it super fast? Cause they see that
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they hear the stories, you know, one year, two year exit, or,
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you know, somebody gets acquired by somebody. I think they,
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they don't realize the amount of time it took to
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use for most of people out there to build something. Um,
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and how long it took. So remind me your first business.
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Cause you've done a few, you've raised a bunch of
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money from investors. What was one of the very first ones?
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The first one was I was in college and my
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dad had come to me and said, hey, I invested
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in this little startup and they don't have anyone selling it.
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And the startup is losing money. Like, do you want
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to just go figure out how to sell this thing?
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And you can open up an office and treat it
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like your own little thing. So there was this opportunity
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there that, you know, was really great. And the alternative
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for me was probably working at Olive Garden or something,
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busing tables. I was like, all right, that beats the
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Olive Garden. Let me try and do this. Like, you know,
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I served a mission.
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You can sell. I can sell.
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I can grind on the, you know, and pound the
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phones or whatever. And so I opened up a dumpy
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little office in Provo and just went in and made
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cold call after cold call and got a script and,
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you know, cranked out a hundred calls a day and
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could not sell anything. And I just thought I was like,
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you know, like, Hey, I thought I could succeed at
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this and I'm not. And it was like months of this.
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Oh, shoot.
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And I'd call the company and said, look, none of
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this is like Japanese to me. Can I just come
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in and see what you guys do so I can
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simplify this? They're like, it's way too complex. You wouldn't
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understand it. Just stick to the script. So I went
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back to my dad a few months later. I'm like,
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this thing is a dog. Like you need to dump
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it or something. Like I can't, I can't do, I'm
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not doing anything with it. And, and I went to him,
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I said, what if I, took it over and ran
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it as cheap as I could to get your money
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out of it. Cause it's kind of distracting for you.
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And there's a handful of people that are highly paid
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that aren't doing, you.
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Know, it's not working. Yeah.
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And I don't think he had anything to lose. And
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he's like, all right, you know, and so I hired
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a gal and her and I took it over. And
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just once I, once you talk to customers comes back
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to common sense, right? You just talk to customers like, Hey,
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we do all this stuff for you.
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What do you like?
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And what do you, not care about they're like oh
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90 of what you do we just throw it we
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dump it we throw in the garbage i'm like wait
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i'm printing all this stuff out i'm like we're spending
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so much time and you just dump it in the
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garbage like yeah but this 10 is super valuable to
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us like don't change anything here wow i was like
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oh okay so then i modified the pitch started to
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get traction on that 10 yeah amazing yeah strip out
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a bunch of the stuff and and then.
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Uh There's so many lessons here. I have to pause
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you for a second. There's so many lessons here. Okay,
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so number one, one of the best skills you can
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have as an entrepreneur is selling. So however you can
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as a young entrepreneur, or if you're a stay-at-home mom,
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or if you're a nine-to-fiver, but you want to be
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an entrepreneur, learn how to sell.
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100%.
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Because if you know how to sell, that generates revenue typically. Another,
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I love the lesson here is talk to customers. Because
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if you don't talk to enough customers, how are you
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going to know what that 10% is that they really want?
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because most products or ideas that you have as an entrepreneur,
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most people aren't going to want. That's why businesses fail
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all the time. But if you're talking to customers all
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the time, then you'll know what they want. And hopefully
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you can build that. So I love the sales skills,
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the talking to the customers. And then you just, you
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hustled a hundred calls a day. Oh, that's painful.
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I mean, I got married at the time. I remember
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coming home to my wife crying a few times. Like
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I feel like a total failure.
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Yeah.
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I cannot sell anything. And I thought I would, succeed
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at this and it's just not working and you just
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keep grinding and, you know, eventually some door opens up,
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you know, and I, I think that's the, you know, you,
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you look, yeah, you look back on entrepreneurial journeys and
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I'm sure you've got the same stories, right? Of like, man,
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there was no light at the end of the tunnel
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and you just kind of show up every day anyway.
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Yeah.
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And then certain doors open and certain opportunities and it
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all kind of.
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It compounds. I think that effort, that grind, that effort,
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it compounds over time, right? And to be able to
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help you. So you mentioned your wife early on, you
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guys are trying to figure out this business. How do
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we help spouses understand each other when they're building a business?
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Because this is tough, being married to an entrepreneur or
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being an entrepreneur and trying to convey what you're doing
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and how important it is, but yet you have this family.
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Help us. Help us entrepreneurs know like, how do I
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create the best marital environment as an entrepreneur? Or if
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the person's listening is a spouse of an entrepreneur. Yeah.
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And I would say for sure, having a supportive spouse and,
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you know, through the whole journey has made the biggest
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difference for me. And she's just been a champion and
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biggest cheerleader and, has given me confidence when I didn't
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have confidence in myself at the time, you know, but
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that's made the biggest impact for me.
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How did you create enough trust for her to be
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able to be, be okay with that? Because I think
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some entrepreneurial spouses may have a harder time with the
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risk at play because not all businesses pan out. Yeah.
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So there is a significant risk.
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You know, that is such a good question. And, fortunately
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she's probably more entrepreneurial than i am and she's a
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little more you know she her and i've always been
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aligned on the risk side that's awesome so i don't
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know what that's like to have a partner that's like
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no no no you get the same job nine to
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five you know as secure as you can and i
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don't want to i'm not comfortable with any risk yeah
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and that's not my wife yeah um And I just,
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I don't know what that would be like.
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I think it's fascinating. The topic is tough because obviously
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if you're in the dating world, making sure that that's
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very open in the dialogue that, hey, I'm an entrepreneur
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and this is kind of the life I'm going to
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be living is probably an important discussion to have. If
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you're already married to someone and they're used to the
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nine to five, but you're dying inside because you can't
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stand the nine to five and you want to do
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your own thing, The open communication of like, this is
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going to put us at risk. And so, you know,
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a lot of the guys or gals that come to
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me with, hey, can I start something? I've got a
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nine to five job, but I want to start. A
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lot of them will say, I'm going to quit my
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job and go all in on this idea. And I'm like, wait, wait,
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hold on for a second. And just to help them
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ideate first, come up with the idea and then validate
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the idea first.
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Validate it first.
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Before you take off, you have the security blanket of
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a nine to five, go do a good job at
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your job. Don't, don't, you know, do a half a
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job there. That's not honest work, right? Do a good
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job at work, but then instead of watching Netflix, spend
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two or three hours at night after the kids are
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in bed or whatever, building that side hustle. Yeah. And
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so talk about this kind of thing.
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Yeah, 100%. I think, you know, a couple of thoughts
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with all of that. One, you know, I eventually sold
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that first company. Thought this would be really cool to
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do what we do just at a higher, you know,
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with more resources, bigger scale inside this bigger company that
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bought us. And then I was really unhappy and would
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complain and whine about it. About my job, you know,
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and it was, I've never had a job at that point.
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And I remember talking to my dad and he gave
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me great advice. He said, look, don't quit and start
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another company because you're miserable at your job. Only do
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that and quit and go start another company when the
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opportunity is passing you by and you can't sleep at night.
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Because that's the fuel that you'll need and like fire
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in the belly to like get through, you know, what
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it takes to go build the next company. And so
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I just had to like sit and stew for a
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few months to say, look, like, okay, I've got to
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be motivated by not a, you know, a job that
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I'm unhappy at, but like an opportunity that is just
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killing me that I'm not working on a full time.
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And then a hundred percent, like, I think when you
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look at the data, uh, you're better off financially just
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staying at the job.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Typically there has to be something in you that is
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like stirring your saying, I got to go build.
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I got to go create this.
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I got to go solve this problem. I got to
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go add value here because I know it can be done.
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And then the last thought that I have with this
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is when I was going through the process of selling
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my company, that first company, and my wife was so
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insightful and just had such good instincts through that whole process.
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I thought, why haven't I relied on her more? And
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so when I started and started working on the next company,
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And going through the difficulties that we had with that company,
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I wanted a partner to kind of like share and
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open up. And I probably overshared and talked about my
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fears and stresses and worries. And it created instability for her.
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And she went through like some serious depression for like
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two years. And I think that those two were related. Yeah.
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And so on the flip side, it's like with having
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that supportive partner, it's like part of what you need
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to do is to make sure that they feel stable
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depending on where they're at. And I wish I would
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have gone back and just like, because she wasn't there
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in the office. She didn't see the wins and the
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progress that we were making and all of the little
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things that counterbalance the stress and the negatives. Right. And so,
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you know, now that I've got my oldest daughter just
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got married and I'm like, man, I, I hope that,
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you know, if her husband works full time and she's
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a stay at home mom, I hope that her husband
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doesn't come and dump the stresses of the job on her.
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I hope he just makes her feel stable and secure
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and like, I'll take that on. Yeah.
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Well, and I think if we think about the father's
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perspective of like, Providing for the family is a core characteristic.
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Presiding over the family and protecting the family. The three Ps. Right,
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the three Ps. So those are the most important elements, right?
382
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The protection isn't just the physical protection. It's the emotional
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protection too. And so for us to stay grounded, even
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when the storm is raging outside, is something that I've
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had to learn over time too. I know that I would,
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you know, if I did share... Just like you, it
387
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would cause, it would cause. some struggles for sure. And
388
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so I wonder though, because we want to have these
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open dialogue with our spouse. We want to be able
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to have them involved in the wins and the losses
391
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along for the ride. But this is an interesting, you know,
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component that maybe not everyone will agree with of how
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much do you share? with your spouse who doesn't see
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everything and doesn't know, uh, you know, everyone in the
395
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office and what's, they're not in every meeting. Um, and
396
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so I think, I think about that concept and I
397
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wonder if there is, I don't know the answer to this. I'm,
398
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I'm asking, is there like a rule of thumb that
399
00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:33.390
most founder CEOs follow when it, in terms of coming home?
400
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Like I know I would try to put the phone away.
401
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For the time when, you know, it was family time
402
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and then I'd have to probably pick it back up
403
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when the kids were in bed. But what's like a
404
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protocol or what would you suggest that founders do when
405
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they come home?
406
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Well, having the supportive partner was number one in any
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success that I've had. And I'd say the second thing
408
00:20:59.099 --> 00:21:02.220
that was the most impactful for me is having a
409
00:21:02.390 --> 00:21:07.309
really good tight-knit peer group that I could really open
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up and share those concerns with.
411
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I love it.
412
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All of the fears and doubts and not saying I
413
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wouldn't share them with my wife because I would. It's
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just like trying to protect her and give her the security.
415
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It's a lonely place. Yeah. And You need some outlet
416
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to share that with. And so for me, I've found
417
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really great peer groups of people that meet once a
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month and share the highs and lows of everything and
419
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what's really going on. So that's been really helpful.
420
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I think both men and women need this.
421
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100%.
422
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Because, you know, it's funny. In the fatherhood movement, the
423
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concept of helping us all try to be the best
424
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we can be. Um, I've created a men's group and
425
00:21:57.190 --> 00:22:01.430
a women's group specifically for this purpose. There's a founder's
426
00:22:01.690 --> 00:22:06.809
circle for the business folks, right? Um, because I, I
427
00:22:06.809 --> 00:22:09.839
100% agree. If you don't already have this tight knit
428
00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:11.599
group that you can share the highs and the lows,
429
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you gotta find one. Um, because there, uh, I think.
430
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from a male man's perspective, we have to be able
431
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to open up and be as vulnerable as we can
432
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to allow some of the processing of those emotions. Um,
433
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and although you, you need to have an open dialogue
434
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and be vulnerable with your spouse, having that peer group,
435
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I think is absolutely critical. Um, so that we can
436
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show up at home as the grounded individual who is
437
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protecting and presiding and providing for that, for that family.
438
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And I've found that, a lot of those things of
439
00:22:51.009 --> 00:22:56.609
just the emotions of dealing with the issues or challenges
440
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or the setbacks at work. I mean, it's really best
441
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in these peer networks of just like discovering the emotions
442
00:23:05.329 --> 00:23:08.170
behind it. Right. I mean, you may have a scenario
443
00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:11.339
of like, Oh, this CFO embezzled money.
444
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Yeah.
445
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I'm so upset. I'm so angry. I'm so mad. And
446
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it's like, when you dig down, it's like, you know what?
447
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I'm mad at myself for allowing that to happen. I'm allowing,
448
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you know, I'm mad at myself that I didn't have
449
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the controls in place or better processes or whatever that is.
450
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And it's just like dealing with the emotions. And I
451
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:31.880
haven't had that, but that's just one example of like,
452
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you know, you unpack some of these emotions that you
453
00:23:35.819 --> 00:23:39.000
can do in these groups of like, okay, that's really
454
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what's bothering me. And if you don't have that, it's
455
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just like, you're angry, you're upset. You don't know, you know,
456
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and it's like, it's all that person's fault. It's all
457
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their fault or whatever.
458
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But the other group members of the group can help
459
00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:56.079
you with perspective and learn from those things. I love that. Uh,
460
00:23:56.220 --> 00:23:59.039
that was definitely a motivation to create those men's groups,
461
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the women's groups.
462
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It's really cool to have it.
463
00:24:00.829 --> 00:24:03.410
Okay. So here's the thing, you know, not everybody knows
464
00:24:03.450 --> 00:24:06.349
the story of grow and, you know, from raising capital,
465
00:24:06.390 --> 00:24:08.789
we were raising capital about the same time. Um, I
466
00:24:08.809 --> 00:24:11.789
got lucky to even invest in the fund who funded
467
00:24:11.829 --> 00:24:16.609
you guys, which is great. Um, And, but even though
468
00:24:16.650 --> 00:24:19.430
you had, you know, raised capital, built a beautiful company,
469
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had an exit, went to Puerto Rico, you know, all
470
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:27.500
this stuff, it's such a fun story. The question I
471
00:24:27.559 --> 00:24:30.319
have though, is that what's a chapter of your life
472
00:24:30.660 --> 00:24:35.640
that almost nobody knows that shaped who you became? So
473
00:24:35.660 --> 00:24:38.000
they may know the entrepreneur journey. They may know that
474
00:24:38.059 --> 00:24:41.420
that part of your story, but maybe what's another chapter
475
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:43.349
that shaped who you became?
476
00:24:43.529 --> 00:24:47.410
Well, I think you know, and I've, you know, as
477
00:24:47.750 --> 00:24:49.630
you kind of walk through like, Oh, you built this
478
00:24:49.650 --> 00:24:51.990
beautiful company, you moved to Puerto Rico, you write off
479
00:24:52.029 --> 00:24:55.089
in the sunset. I mean, it sounds great. And I
480
00:24:55.109 --> 00:24:59.750
would say like, boy, it was hard. And we went through, um,
481
00:25:01.500 --> 00:25:09.440
really challenging things. And that has shaped me more than anything. Yeah. Right.
482
00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:12.279
It's just the difficulties of it. I mean, we, we,
483
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:16.500
Saw a need and an opportunity. And it's like, I
484
00:25:16.619 --> 00:25:21.359
wish this existed because I needed this as a founder
485
00:25:21.640 --> 00:25:26.000
and CEO running my last company. So looked at the market.
486
00:25:26.220 --> 00:25:30.299
Nobody was like serving a specific use case that was
487
00:25:30.359 --> 00:25:31.799
my use case. And I said, I'm going to go
488
00:25:32.059 --> 00:25:36.259
create it for company number two. And then we launched it.
489
00:25:37.480 --> 00:25:42.710
And after we launched, Microsoft launched a competing product. Google
490
00:25:42.869 --> 00:25:46.599
launched a competing product. Amazon launched a product. And then
491
00:25:46.660 --> 00:25:48.619
Domo raised another $ 750 million.
492
00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:49.200
Oh my gosh.
493
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:51.940
So it's like, oh, sheesh. Okay, now what do we do?
494
00:25:53.140 --> 00:25:56.160
And it's like, how do you, you know, we have
495
00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:58.490
to find a spot we can win.
496
00:25:59.029 --> 00:26:00.130
Wow.
497
00:26:00.849 --> 00:26:04.930
And doing that, it just took time and it was
498
00:26:05.009 --> 00:26:09.839
really hard. And, you know, we kind of figured it out,
499
00:26:09.900 --> 00:26:13.150
but we went through a lot of difficulty things around
500
00:26:13.190 --> 00:26:18.289
that right i mean like it was um that was
501
00:26:18.349 --> 00:26:20.710
a wild time you know i i would say the
502
00:26:20.789 --> 00:26:25.089
hardest hardest part of that or the hardest time was
503
00:26:25.150 --> 00:26:29.859
like realizing i've got to do another way round of
504
00:26:29.910 --> 00:26:32.940
layoffs i mean we had one maybe a few years
505
00:26:33.000 --> 00:26:36.140
before but like i've got a i've got and this
506
00:26:36.200 --> 00:26:38.160
one's going to be deep and i've got to cut
507
00:26:38.259 --> 00:26:42.329
like a third of the company oh And I remember being,
508
00:26:42.349 --> 00:26:46.039
I was so painful. Um, and I remember being in
509
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:50.559
my office just kind of stewing on this, like what,
510
00:26:50.839 --> 00:26:51.980
what needed to be done.
511
00:26:53.160 --> 00:26:53.319
Right.
512
00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:55.900
And I, I think all of this is so hard.
513
00:26:56.099 --> 00:26:59.970
It makes it a little easier to do really, really
514
00:27:00.009 --> 00:27:04.869
hard things when you're really committed to the mission of
515
00:27:05.509 --> 00:27:05.990
what you're doing.
516
00:27:06.009 --> 00:27:06.589
Cause it's like.
517
00:27:06.809 --> 00:27:12.390
That comes first. Um, and, It's easier to have hard
518
00:27:12.430 --> 00:27:17.009
conversations when the mission comes first at all times.
519
00:27:17.089 --> 00:27:18.549
Right. So, but I.
520
00:27:18.549 --> 00:27:22.160
Remember being in my office thinking like just going through
521
00:27:22.180 --> 00:27:26.160
the weight of what needed to be done. And a
522
00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:30.140
series of questions came to me that helped create this
523
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.059
framework of dealing with this really hard thing. And the
524
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:37.839
first question was like, you still believe in what you're doing.
525
00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:42.730
You still believe in this mission. And I was like, yes,
526
00:27:42.789 --> 00:27:45.890
I still believe in what we're doing, 100%. And the
527
00:27:45.950 --> 00:27:50.440
next question was, do you still want to be doing
528
00:27:50.460 --> 00:27:58.180
this as the CEO? And I was like, sometimes. And
529
00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:01.619
then the next question is, are you still the best
530
00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:02.849
one to be doing this?
531
00:28:03.180 --> 00:28:03.890
Oh, interesting.
532
00:28:03.970 --> 00:28:07.609
Like, is there anyone else that could do this job
533
00:28:08.029 --> 00:28:09.089
better than you right now?
534
00:28:09.690 --> 00:28:10.190
Fascinating.
535
00:28:10.789 --> 00:28:13.069
And I was like, no, I still think that I
536
00:28:13.130 --> 00:28:15.220
am the best person to lead this right now and
537
00:28:15.259 --> 00:28:18.640
go through this hard, hard thing. And then the last
538
00:28:18.700 --> 00:28:21.859
question was, do others still think you're the right one?
539
00:28:23.539 --> 00:28:28.839
And so right then I started calling all of our investors,
540
00:28:29.329 --> 00:28:35.269
our main investors and like, Hey, here's the situation. I've
541
00:28:35.289 --> 00:28:38.589
gone through, you know, this, a lot of thinking and like,
542
00:28:38.849 --> 00:28:40.990
I'm about to do this. I need to know, like,
543
00:28:42.089 --> 00:28:44.529
are you committed to me or do you think somebody
544
00:28:44.569 --> 00:28:45.930
else should be in here running? I don't want to
545
00:28:45.950 --> 00:28:50.119
be surprised in a board meeting. And everybody had, you know,
546
00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:51.880
was really supportive.
547
00:28:51.900 --> 00:28:54.240
That was gutsy to go to them and ask that question.
548
00:28:54.680 --> 00:28:58.079
Because what if they said the opposite? What if they
549
00:28:58.099 --> 00:29:00.140
were to come and say. And they could have. They
550
00:29:00.180 --> 00:29:02.460
could have. Yeah. And they could have. Because they do
551
00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:02.779
it all the time.
552
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:05.730
And I honestly didn't know the answer. When I called him.
553
00:29:06.869 --> 00:29:11.170
But that was gutsy. You felt the prompting. I mean,
554
00:29:11.190 --> 00:29:13.119
I'm just gonna say it was a prompting, right?
555
00:29:13.819 --> 00:29:17.759
I'm not smart enough to think through this and create
556
00:29:17.940 --> 00:29:20.420
this kind of construct that came to me. It was
557
00:29:20.420 --> 00:29:21.579
100% a prompting.
558
00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:22.220
I love it.
559
00:29:23.549 --> 00:29:27.390
How to think about this and the right questions to
560
00:29:27.529 --> 00:29:30.730
ask myself to come to this conclusion, which is what
561
00:29:30.809 --> 00:29:34.890
I needed to say, okay, I've gone through this kind
562
00:29:34.910 --> 00:29:40.309
of laddering approach to arrive at this, and so, as
563
00:29:40.390 --> 00:29:42.319
hard as this is, and I don't want to do it,
564
00:29:42.329 --> 00:29:46.250
I don't want to go through it. I'm the guy
565
00:29:46.369 --> 00:29:46.910
and I need to.
566
00:29:48.829 --> 00:29:51.779
I think sometimes a lot of us entrepreneurs, especially Christian entrepreneurs,
567
00:29:51.819 --> 00:29:54.599
we forget that God wants us to be successful. He
568
00:29:54.640 --> 00:29:56.460
wants us to have abundance and to be able to
569
00:29:56.619 --> 00:30:00.589
help other people. And so including God in your process,
570
00:30:02.609 --> 00:30:05.390
you know, I felt inspired to build a business. We
571
00:30:05.670 --> 00:30:09.069
were raising similar timeframes. Mine didn't pan out, right? Two
572
00:30:09.089 --> 00:30:11.029
and a half years later, had to shut it down.
573
00:30:11.829 --> 00:30:14.529
And I didn't know for another two years that I
574
00:30:14.589 --> 00:30:16.769
realized I had to go through that process. That was
575
00:30:16.829 --> 00:30:20.230
God's plan all along. I didn't know that. I was
576
00:30:20.589 --> 00:30:22.789
fairly frustrated when that was shut down, even though I
577
00:30:22.829 --> 00:30:28.690
felt inspired to start the business. But the lessons and
578
00:30:28.710 --> 00:30:31.329
the learning that I gained from having to go through
579
00:30:31.349 --> 00:30:34.640
that process was what I needed to secure my faith
580
00:30:34.700 --> 00:30:38.700
in Him. So from a personal standpoint, it was exactly
581
00:30:38.759 --> 00:30:41.059
the path God needed me to go down. I didn't
582
00:30:41.099 --> 00:30:44.059
know that, so I was frustrated. How did you.
583
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:50.269
I mean, you had to have been thinking... I felt
584
00:30:50.349 --> 00:30:51.990
prompted to do this and it didn't work.
585
00:30:52.319 --> 00:30:55.059
I was mad. Why? Oh, I was frustrated. How did you?
586
00:30:55.539 --> 00:30:58.339
I didn't like curse God, right? But I definitely had
587
00:30:58.420 --> 00:31:01.380
many a prayer where I wrestled with God because I
588
00:31:01.420 --> 00:31:03.960
went through depths of depression and anxiety for the first
589
00:31:03.980 --> 00:31:07.019
time in my entire life in 2016. And I had
590
00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:10.900
never felt this stuff before. And having shut down something
591
00:31:10.960 --> 00:31:15.240
that I felt very clearly prompted to do and to
592
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:18.460
make the sacrifice, right? The time, the opportunity costs, the
593
00:31:18.500 --> 00:31:23.460
family sacrifices. Um, I, we were blessed that we had
594
00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:26.319
another company that I had started in 2009 that took
595
00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:28.680
care of all of our financial needs throughout that, all
596
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:31.930
that time. And that's the one that I sold in 2020, uh,
597
00:31:33.529 --> 00:31:35.829
because I had hired a CEO and all that stuff.
598
00:31:36.529 --> 00:31:39.410
That was a huge blessing, but, but the pain of
599
00:31:39.470 --> 00:31:42.130
going through building up and working so hard for two
600
00:31:42.150 --> 00:31:45.470
and a half, almost three years, and then shutting it down. Um,
601
00:31:45.890 --> 00:31:48.240
my prayers were different because it was like, what the heck?
602
00:31:49.150 --> 00:31:52.039
What happened? You told me to do this. I listened.
603
00:31:52.140 --> 00:31:54.559
I did it. I brought in the right people. I've
604
00:31:54.759 --> 00:31:57.599
been with you this whole time, you know, walking through
605
00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:00.880
this process. And yet it didn't pan out like I
606
00:32:00.940 --> 00:32:04.420
thought it would. And, you know, talk about being, the
607
00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:07.849
scriptures talk about being, you can either humble yourself or
608
00:32:07.869 --> 00:32:10.769
you can be compelled to be humbled. And unfortunately, I
609
00:32:10.789 --> 00:32:14.109
hate to admit this, I needed to be compelled. And
610
00:32:14.130 --> 00:32:18.190
that was a humbling experience for me. because I had
611
00:32:18.230 --> 00:32:20.490
another successful business. I was on top of the world.
612
00:32:20.549 --> 00:32:25.009
I was winning awards and on magazines and whatever. And
613
00:32:25.710 --> 00:32:29.109
that wasn't what God needed me to be or to know.
614
00:32:30.170 --> 00:32:33.599
He needed me to be humbled and turn my heart
615
00:32:33.630 --> 00:32:35.440
to Him. And when I had to shut it down,
616
00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:39.079
I turned my heart to Him. And that's when I
617
00:32:39.119 --> 00:32:41.759
started going to the temple and worshiping on a weekly basis.
618
00:32:41.779 --> 00:32:44.940
That's when I doubled down on my scripture study because
619
00:32:45.019 --> 00:32:47.680
I was, I was, I've always been a faithful Christian,
620
00:32:48.539 --> 00:32:50.180
but it wasn't until then where I feel like I
621
00:32:50.220 --> 00:32:52.940
was fully converted. Like, you know, I served a mission
622
00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:55.559
in Brazil and loved it and I had a blast
623
00:32:55.599 --> 00:32:58.660
doing it, but it was a deeper level of conversion.
624
00:32:58.700 --> 00:33:03.369
I didn't know existed that I felt started in, in
625
00:33:03.609 --> 00:33:07.029
the 2016, 17 timeframe. And so it wasn't until a
626
00:33:07.049 --> 00:33:09.150
year or two later where I was like, Oh my, it,
627
00:33:09.859 --> 00:33:12.000
sitting in the temple and having that revelation come to
628
00:33:12.059 --> 00:33:14.319
me and say, this is why this is why I
629
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:18.430
get it now. And I felt horrible for the people
630
00:33:18.450 --> 00:33:21.369
who had to, you know, ride that wave with me,
631
00:33:21.970 --> 00:33:24.569
but I, I totally understood why I had to go
632
00:33:24.609 --> 00:33:29.299
through that. And, uh, and I'm incredibly grateful for it
633
00:33:29.359 --> 00:33:33.279
now because it shifted my entire focus in life to,
634
00:33:34.039 --> 00:33:36.079
to wanting to have the billion dollar company, to wanting
635
00:33:36.099 --> 00:33:39.390
to have a thousand employees and grow this, uh, shifted
636
00:33:39.430 --> 00:33:43.829
my total priorities in life. And that's where I wanted
637
00:33:43.869 --> 00:33:47.029
to now focus on what mattered most. And this is
638
00:33:47.309 --> 00:33:49.730
actually the next question I wanted to ask you, because
639
00:33:49.769 --> 00:33:53.990
it's something where, you know, in one of your other
640
00:33:54.039 --> 00:33:57.460
podcasts you had done, you talked about measuring what matters.
641
00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:02.660
How do you decide what actually matters in your, in
642
00:34:02.700 --> 00:34:06.279
your family or in your life? Do you have maybe
643
00:34:06.319 --> 00:34:10.659
family KPIs? I mean, in business, we have key performance indicators, right?
644
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:15.869
Are there family KPIs? Are there personal KPIs to measure
645
00:34:15.909 --> 00:34:19.969
what truly matters most? Yeah. Great, great question.
646
00:34:19.989 --> 00:34:21.989
I mean, how I think about it is, you know,
647
00:34:22.030 --> 00:34:28.570
in a business, you kind of start with what's, you know, vision, mission, values, right?
648
00:34:28.610 --> 00:34:31.710
What's the vision? What's the purpose? Why do we exist?
649
00:34:32.780 --> 00:34:36.039
You know, how do we deliver on that vision is
650
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:41.019
the mission and then values are our behaviors and then
651
00:34:41.059 --> 00:34:44.059
you say okay below that it's what are our kind
652
00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:46.619
of key objectives that we need to get done yeah
653
00:34:47.340 --> 00:34:49.480
and then below that you've got the kpis or the
654
00:34:49.800 --> 00:34:53.320
key performance indicators what are we measuring to determine like
655
00:34:53.429 --> 00:34:55.090
are we on the right course that are all you
656
00:34:55.369 --> 00:34:57.769
know pointed in that direction that's the mountain we want
657
00:34:57.809 --> 00:35:01.929
to go climb and and i guess i've thought about
658
00:35:01.969 --> 00:35:05.719
it with my family in terms of not necessarily KPIs,
659
00:35:05.739 --> 00:35:06.420
but values.
660
00:35:07.429 --> 00:35:08.199
What are the behaviors?
661
00:35:08.300 --> 00:35:16.650
What makes us Nelsons? Or what makes our family our family?
662
00:35:16.690 --> 00:35:17.449
How do we behave?
663
00:35:17.849 --> 00:35:18.789
How do we treat each other?
664
00:35:19.789 --> 00:35:20.389
How do we.
665
00:35:22.070 --> 00:35:26.800
View our relationship with God? And so we, when the
666
00:35:26.820 --> 00:35:29.000
kids were little, we had this big leather mat that
667
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:33.769
we had like engraven with our family values and, you know,
668
00:35:33.809 --> 00:35:35.989
all the kids put their, you know, trace their handprint.
669
00:35:36.030 --> 00:35:40.030
We all signed it as kind of our own family flag. And,
670
00:35:40.239 --> 00:35:44.039
and so I think the values and the behaviors are
671
00:35:45.559 --> 00:35:48.980
what's most important to us. Not necessarily like, you know,
672
00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:53.940
a specific KPI or measurement of, you know, number of
673
00:35:54.119 --> 00:35:57.880
times we did the dishes or whatever jobs or, you know, arguing.
674
00:35:58.809 --> 00:36:00.829
you know, mom to do jobs or the, you know,
675
00:36:01.030 --> 00:36:05.190
tracking that it's just like, Hey, um, you know, are
676
00:36:05.230 --> 00:36:07.670
we kind to each other? Do we support each other?
677
00:36:08.730 --> 00:36:11.329
We say our prayers and are we committed to the
678
00:36:12.070 --> 00:36:14.150
savior and heavenly father?
679
00:36:14.969 --> 00:36:18.909
I wonder, um, thank you for sharing that because, um,
680
00:36:19.570 --> 00:36:22.659
as I, as I felt compelled to do this fatherhood
681
00:36:22.699 --> 00:36:26.860
movement thing, um, there were all these thoughts, these thoughts
682
00:36:26.880 --> 00:36:30.090
going through my head of a book. a resource, a
683
00:36:30.130 --> 00:36:34.530
guide for not just dads, but since I'm a dad,
684
00:36:34.570 --> 00:36:37.329
I felt like I could write it better towards dads,
685
00:36:37.389 --> 00:36:42.289
but where we took these entrepreneurship skills that we've learned
686
00:36:42.530 --> 00:36:46.969
in our career and how could we apply them into
687
00:36:47.030 --> 00:36:52.730
our families? Could a family have a vision mission, you know,
688
00:36:52.789 --> 00:36:56.590
and values could a family have potentially if we are
689
00:36:56.929 --> 00:37:00.409
counting KPIs or whatever it is that, Are we doing
690
00:37:00.469 --> 00:37:04.269
service to other people? Are we worshiping in our churches?
691
00:37:04.369 --> 00:37:08.019
Or are we studying a scripture or two here and there?
692
00:37:08.960 --> 00:37:12.340
And if we had this construct of how to grow
693
00:37:12.360 --> 00:37:14.079
a business and how to build a business, and we
694
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:18.179
spend so much of our time and energy creating this structure,
695
00:37:19.510 --> 00:37:22.150
what if we did that in our own home? And
696
00:37:22.170 --> 00:37:25.409
I met with a guy named Mike Allen who runs
697
00:37:25.530 --> 00:37:28.570
Here Brotherhood. And I was on his podcast last year.
698
00:37:28.590 --> 00:37:31.699
He's such a good dude. He also runs like breathwork sessions. Anyway,
699
00:37:31.719 --> 00:37:37.130
shout out to Mike. He had done this family crest activity,
700
00:37:37.949 --> 00:37:39.510
just like you guys did a flag kind of a
701
00:37:39.530 --> 00:37:42.829
thing where he, so I went to one of his
702
00:37:42.869 --> 00:37:46.369
retreats and they had us create a family crest and
703
00:37:46.409 --> 00:37:48.760
it was pick out the keywords that are the most
704
00:37:48.820 --> 00:37:54.300
important thing for your family. So, you know, love, adventure, kindness, service,
705
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:57.059
you know, things that like, what is it that make
706
00:37:57.260 --> 00:38:00.409
you and your family, you, And as you pick out
707
00:38:00.449 --> 00:38:03.269
those pieces, then pick out the images that would be
708
00:38:03.349 --> 00:38:06.389
displayed on that, you know, that crest, that shield looking,
709
00:38:06.570 --> 00:38:10.909
you know, thing. And, uh, and it was just fascinating, right?
710
00:38:10.969 --> 00:38:11.550
Isn't this cool?
711
00:38:11.590 --> 00:38:11.969
So good.
712
00:38:12.210 --> 00:38:14.750
So he, he has actually allowed me to put this
713
00:38:14.829 --> 00:38:16.989
into my book. And so I'm giving him all the
714
00:38:17.010 --> 00:38:19.369
credit cause it's his thing. It's not my thing. Um,
715
00:38:19.630 --> 00:38:21.849
and there'll be a chapter that's all about building your
716
00:38:21.929 --> 00:38:25.449
own family crest. And the idea behind it is that
717
00:38:25.570 --> 00:38:28.650
you will have family mission. and a family values and
718
00:38:28.710 --> 00:38:32.170
family vision. Because if you can be all in it
719
00:38:32.530 --> 00:38:35.550
together and know where you're headed, it's like Stephen Covey's,
720
00:38:35.989 --> 00:38:38.369
start with the end in mind. If you know where
721
00:38:38.389 --> 00:38:42.000
you're going, then you can plan behind and then you
722
00:38:42.039 --> 00:38:45.079
can have step-by-step. It can be an annual, a monthly, quarterly, whatever,
723
00:38:45.380 --> 00:38:49.900
daily plan. If we want to be a God-fearing family,
724
00:38:49.940 --> 00:38:52.760
then we better say our prayers, like you mentioned. We
725
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:56.619
probably should go worship in his church or in the
726
00:38:56.659 --> 00:39:00.929
temple or serve other people and love other people, no
727
00:39:00.969 --> 00:39:02.909
matter their background or their beliefs or whatever it is.
728
00:39:03.969 --> 00:39:05.570
Well, about intentionality, right?
729
00:39:05.750 --> 00:39:06.030
Yes.
730
00:39:06.070 --> 00:39:07.510
Intentional with all of this.
731
00:39:08.110 --> 00:39:10.690
I have loved this. So, so let's talk about this
732
00:39:10.809 --> 00:39:14.190
intention that you've put in your family. Cause there's no
733
00:39:14.369 --> 00:39:17.070
way that you've gotten to where you are today with
734
00:39:17.110 --> 00:39:19.309
the incredible kids. Cause I've met your kids and they're
735
00:39:19.489 --> 00:39:22.719
fantastic children. Somehow I'm going to try and set up
736
00:39:22.760 --> 00:39:25.840
my kids with one of your kids. Like somehow. I
737
00:39:25.860 --> 00:39:28.920
know I tried when we were there. I know. Distance
738
00:39:28.940 --> 00:39:32.119
makes it harder. Hutch needs to be two years older.
739
00:39:33.179 --> 00:39:36.739
Just a little bit young. Maybe one day I'll figure
740
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:40.019
that out for my kids. Right. You've had this intentionality.
741
00:39:40.039 --> 00:39:44.769
So help the people who are listening. How can they
742
00:39:45.190 --> 00:39:48.179
create more intentionality in their life? Whether it's as an
743
00:39:48.619 --> 00:39:51.320
entrepreneur and an individual, as a husband or a wife,
744
00:39:52.219 --> 00:39:56.250
can you give some kind of instruction, guidance, help to
745
00:39:56.289 --> 00:39:57.090
be more intentional?
746
00:40:02.030 --> 00:40:07.389
First off, let me share this. This is a little
747
00:40:07.429 --> 00:40:10.010
bit of a confession. When you and I first met,
748
00:40:10.989 --> 00:40:14.550
I was thinking, this guy is like, is this guy
749
00:40:14.590 --> 00:40:19.219
for real? Like, he's just so... optimistic and bubbly. Like,
750
00:40:19.300 --> 00:40:23.159
is he, is this like authentic? You know, and then
751
00:40:23.300 --> 00:40:25.409
you and I had this conversation and we started talking
752
00:40:25.449 --> 00:40:29.289
about our faith and you were just really open. And
753
00:40:29.929 --> 00:40:32.250
I could tell that like, it was deeply meaningful to
754
00:40:32.289 --> 00:40:34.829
you and it's deeply meaningful to me. And I just
755
00:40:34.889 --> 00:40:37.199
felt like you and I connected. And that's when I
756
00:40:37.239 --> 00:40:39.980
was like, man, I really liked this guy. I just,
757
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:43.360
total respect. And I think it was that vulnerability and just,
758
00:40:44.659 --> 00:40:47.559
and so I think in an effort to be a
759
00:40:47.559 --> 00:40:52.250
little more vulnerable. You know, I'll share, you know, and
760
00:40:52.269 --> 00:40:55.329
I'll kind of lead this up to things, you know,
761
00:40:55.429 --> 00:40:59.449
answering your question about intentionality. But our son, our oldest,
762
00:40:59.510 --> 00:41:00.530
was just struggling.
763
00:41:01.010 --> 00:41:01.750
You know, I remember, I.
764
00:41:03.260 --> 00:41:06.400
Remember he was in high school. He was failing every class.
765
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:07.199
Oh, shoot.
766
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:12.519
And it was, you know, multiple talks, trying to motivate,
767
00:41:12.760 --> 00:41:17.769
doing everything we could as parents. And, I'm sitting down
768
00:41:17.829 --> 00:41:20.289
on a couch across from him and my wife's sitting
769
00:41:20.329 --> 00:41:23.630
next to him and I'm getting nothing out of him.
770
00:41:23.809 --> 00:41:25.869
He's just like, I don't know. I don't know.
771
00:41:26.690 --> 00:41:26.949
You know?
772
00:41:27.230 --> 00:41:30.480
And I got so frustrated and mad. I like stood
773
00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:32.960
up and I grabbed him by the shirt and I
774
00:41:33.099 --> 00:41:35.300
pulled him up and I'm like right in his face.
775
00:41:35.340 --> 00:41:36.579
I'm like, come on.
776
00:41:36.960 --> 00:41:40.579
And he just had this like look of defeat in
777
00:41:40.619 --> 00:41:41.019
his eyes.
778
00:41:41.039 --> 00:41:41.510
Yeah.
779
00:41:41.619 --> 00:41:44.369
And I knew in that moment, like instantly, oh my gosh.
780
00:41:45.530 --> 00:41:48.699
he's dealing with depression and I had no idea. And
781
00:41:49.489 --> 00:41:56.739
he just struggled. And he chose to self-medicate with drugs.
782
00:41:57.579 --> 00:42:00.420
And that's his way of like, he wasn't out partying,
783
00:42:01.480 --> 00:42:05.019
doing this stuff. He was just self-medicating and trying to
784
00:42:05.159 --> 00:42:12.469
feel different. And so, maybe taking that experience and like, okay.
785
00:42:13.010 --> 00:42:20.260
And then at the same time seeing you know, some
786
00:42:21.420 --> 00:42:24.219
of my daughter's close friends, like, you know, maybe just
787
00:42:24.500 --> 00:42:28.380
start to make different decisions.
788
00:42:28.440 --> 00:42:28.619
Right.
789
00:42:28.679 --> 00:42:31.099
And just kind of worry like, and it's like, okay,
790
00:42:32.639 --> 00:42:36.150
we need to do something different, you know, and the
791
00:42:36.210 --> 00:42:37.750
kids need to be shaken up a little bit. I
792
00:42:38.030 --> 00:42:41.050
think one of the beautiful things about Utah, and this
793
00:42:41.150 --> 00:42:44.730
goes for a lot of places, but yeah, you know,
794
00:42:44.789 --> 00:42:47.590
the talent here is so incredible. You got the best
795
00:42:47.789 --> 00:42:50.230
violin teachers, the best dance, the best piano.
796
00:42:50.280 --> 00:42:50.840
The best.
797
00:42:52.179 --> 00:42:55.780
Sports. And so our kids were just like really over-programmed.
798
00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:59.639
And then we'd get home and we were kind of
799
00:42:59.679 --> 00:43:02.280
scattered in a 10,000 square foot home and like don't
800
00:43:02.300 --> 00:43:05.409
ever see each other. And I'm dealing with the stress
801
00:43:05.449 --> 00:43:08.949
of my son and worried about him like every moment
802
00:43:08.969 --> 00:43:13.639
of every day. And it's like, how do we, do
803
00:43:13.699 --> 00:43:20.320
something different. And, and, um, very few people can do this.
804
00:43:20.639 --> 00:43:23.559
We just said we need to change it and mix
805
00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:26.320
it up. Like we have to change the environment. We
806
00:43:26.340 --> 00:43:28.340
have to get them out. We've got to do something different.
807
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:28.619
Yeah.
808
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:31.639
And that's when we went and explored Puerto Rico and
809
00:43:31.679 --> 00:43:35.280
fell in love with it. But, um, and, and realize
810
00:43:35.300 --> 00:43:37.320
that like not a lot of people are in that position,
811
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:39.590
but it's like, you know, when you, you asked me
812
00:43:39.630 --> 00:43:42.860
about how we're intentional, it's like, you know, That was
813
00:43:42.900 --> 00:43:46.179
an intense move. You know, we're trying to do our best.
814
00:43:47.369 --> 00:43:51.429
And kids are struggling with different things and got different
815
00:43:51.550 --> 00:43:55.250
activities going on and frustrations. And it's like, man, I
816
00:43:55.489 --> 00:44:00.980
don't feel like I'm seeing my kids. You know, so
817
00:44:01.039 --> 00:44:03.099
for us, it was trying to be prayerful of what
818
00:44:03.119 --> 00:44:05.360
do we do here? And how do we mix this up?
819
00:44:05.400 --> 00:44:08.239
And how do we change their environment? Because that's what
820
00:44:08.500 --> 00:44:11.679
I like. We tried so many things and it's like,
821
00:44:12.110 --> 00:44:14.469
just feel like we've got to change the environment in
822
00:44:14.510 --> 00:44:18.849
order to make the change that we want yeah and
823
00:44:18.889 --> 00:44:20.289
that's that's what led to.
824
00:44:20.829 --> 00:44:24.389
To the move to the move interesting to be able
825
00:44:24.409 --> 00:44:26.849
i mean that's a big move that's a it was
826
00:44:26.909 --> 00:44:28.309
a big move did the kids throw a fit at
827
00:44:28.369 --> 00:44:29.849
first oh yeah.
828
00:44:30.070 --> 00:44:33.829
My son like he was going into his senior year
829
00:44:34.090 --> 00:44:36.570
he threw a huge fit yeah and he's like i'm
830
00:44:36.760 --> 00:44:39.300
i'm not not doing this this is stupid and.
831
00:44:40.340 --> 00:44:41.849
I'm staying back with a friend or whatever.
832
00:44:41.869 --> 00:44:44.170
Oh yeah. And it got to a point where it's like, okay,
833
00:44:44.969 --> 00:44:47.469
if you refuse to go, it's okay. We just won't
834
00:44:47.510 --> 00:44:47.829
do this.
835
00:44:48.789 --> 00:44:50.650
Like it's okay.
836
00:44:50.690 --> 00:44:53.230
We, we won't do it, but I feel like you
837
00:44:53.269 --> 00:44:57.230
would regret it down the road. You have this opportunity
838
00:44:57.250 --> 00:45:00.230
to do something very different, live in a unique place,
839
00:45:01.449 --> 00:45:06.530
have a different lifestyle, but you make the call. And
840
00:45:06.570 --> 00:45:10.110
I took him down there and, you know, so he
841
00:45:10.150 --> 00:45:12.269
could experience it. And he and I were at a
842
00:45:12.349 --> 00:45:15.090
restaurant and he's got his head down the whole time.
843
00:45:15.110 --> 00:45:17.969
And he's like, and he finally like unleashes and he
844
00:45:18.050 --> 00:45:19.170
unloads everything, right?
845
00:45:19.210 --> 00:45:20.610
Like this is dumb.
846
00:45:20.639 --> 00:45:22.989
I don't know how you say you feel good about it.
847
00:45:23.010 --> 00:45:24.519
There's no feelings involved in this.
848
00:45:24.539 --> 00:45:25.219
This is stupid.
849
00:45:25.239 --> 00:45:29.000
And then it leads to like, you know, moves towards
850
00:45:29.039 --> 00:45:33.199
his faith and he's sharing doubts and fears and everything.
851
00:45:33.260 --> 00:45:36.280
And I don't know if God exists and he just
852
00:45:36.739 --> 00:45:42.019
let everything out. Wow. And I, you know, had a
853
00:45:42.280 --> 00:45:44.519
feeling of just listen to him and love him.
854
00:45:44.900 --> 00:45:45.119
Yeah.
855
00:45:45.820 --> 00:45:49.219
Don't try and correct anything or like just listen to him.
856
00:45:50.139 --> 00:45:52.690
He was being super vulnerable at that moment, right? Yeah.
857
00:45:52.929 --> 00:45:56.909
And he's crying and, you know, I'm getting emotional. And
858
00:45:57.289 --> 00:46:03.550
then I share, you know, my feelings and, you know,
859
00:46:03.590 --> 00:46:05.489
things that I felt like I should share with him.
860
00:46:05.829 --> 00:46:08.210
And then there was this, we had this turning moment.
861
00:46:08.650 --> 00:46:11.969
And he's like, okay, you know, after a long pause,
862
00:46:12.349 --> 00:46:12.889
puts his head up.
863
00:46:13.489 --> 00:46:16.250
Okay, I'm ready to do this. Wow.
864
00:46:16.429 --> 00:46:18.610
And that was his turning point of like going to
865
00:46:18.630 --> 00:46:22.909
Puerto Rico. But, you know, he pushed back up to
866
00:46:22.929 --> 00:46:26.050
that point. And then it took like a week being
867
00:46:26.070 --> 00:46:27.489
down there. And he's like, dad, this is the greatest
868
00:46:27.530 --> 00:46:28.469
place in the world.
869
00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:32.760
It changed him, huh?
870
00:46:33.420 --> 00:46:35.039
And for other kids, it was harder.
871
00:46:35.099 --> 00:46:36.300
I mean, it's hard.
872
00:46:36.360 --> 00:46:36.960
Moving's hard.
873
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:40.440
It is hard. New schools, new times. We just had
874
00:46:40.460 --> 00:46:42.760
to do that, moving from Orem back to Draper. And
875
00:46:43.610 --> 00:46:45.989
even though we had lived there for 10 years prior
876
00:46:46.409 --> 00:46:48.309
to moving, the kids were little. And so I was
877
00:46:48.349 --> 00:46:51.989
going back into it. And I know it's, especially with
878
00:46:52.030 --> 00:46:57.090
these teenagers, a lot of parents are listening. Making friends
879
00:46:57.110 --> 00:46:59.510
is a lot harder than it was, I think, when
880
00:46:59.550 --> 00:47:02.519
we grew up. I just feel like Maybe not. Depends
881
00:47:02.559 --> 00:47:04.920
on the personality, I'm sure. I just felt like I
882
00:47:04.940 --> 00:47:07.179
could make friends with anybody. You can. Like, you just
883
00:47:07.199 --> 00:47:09.139
want to go play? Like, let's go play. You know,
884
00:47:09.179 --> 00:47:11.340
you'd ask them questions. They'd ask you questions. You were friends.
885
00:47:12.329 --> 00:47:15.130
And now, you know, I'm talking to my daughter and
886
00:47:15.170 --> 00:47:17.750
she made it to the varsity cheer team. She's a freshman.
887
00:47:18.230 --> 00:47:21.389
This is amazing. But all the girls are older. And
888
00:47:21.429 --> 00:47:24.989
so she's, you know, looking at how does she make friends?
889
00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:28.230
When these older girls, they have different things going on.
890
00:47:28.239 --> 00:47:30.900
They're probably driving. She's not. They're probably dating. She's not.
891
00:47:30.980 --> 00:47:34.400
They're probably, you know, doing all these things. And we
892
00:47:34.420 --> 00:47:38.840
had a discussion about just start asking them questions. You know,
893
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:41.139
here are three key tips. Ask them where they're from
894
00:47:41.659 --> 00:47:44.420
and then go deeper. Oh, you're from here? Great. How
895
00:47:44.440 --> 00:47:46.139
was it like growing up here? You know, whatever it
896
00:47:46.199 --> 00:47:49.539
is about how you're from. Tell me about your family. Oh,
897
00:47:49.579 --> 00:47:51.260
I'm the only child or I'm the youngest or I'm
898
00:47:51.280 --> 00:47:54.699
the oldest. Oh, I've got eight kids in my family.
899
00:47:54.719 --> 00:47:57.110
This is and talk about how different and unique those
900
00:47:57.130 --> 00:47:59.989
circumstances are. And then asking them, uh, you know, what
901
00:48:00.010 --> 00:48:01.739
do you like to do? You know, I know we're
902
00:48:01.760 --> 00:48:03.400
here at cheer, but what else do you like to do?
903
00:48:04.360 --> 00:48:08.019
And my hope is if anybody's listening, these three little topics,
904
00:48:08.039 --> 00:48:10.639
you can talk to just about anybody for as long
905
00:48:10.679 --> 00:48:12.460
as you want. Even if they give you one word answers,
906
00:48:12.480 --> 00:48:15.760
you can keep asking them deeper and deeper questions. Um,
907
00:48:16.619 --> 00:48:19.380
and I think making friends has gotten harder with the
908
00:48:19.440 --> 00:48:22.059
advent of the phone. And when you're even in line
909
00:48:22.119 --> 00:48:24.139
and everybody's just, you know, staring at their phone, um,
910
00:48:26.119 --> 00:48:29.239
But these friendships, not just for kids, but you talked
911
00:48:29.260 --> 00:48:32.420
about the men's group and the women's group, having these friends,
912
00:48:32.969 --> 00:48:34.719
I think are a lot more important than we understand.
913
00:48:35.179 --> 00:48:37.130
I feel like a lot of times adults, as we
914
00:48:38.150 --> 00:48:41.030
marry and we cleave to our spouse, which we should,
915
00:48:42.789 --> 00:48:45.210
we don't necessarily keep in contact with our old friends
916
00:48:45.269 --> 00:48:50.110
as much. But I think the value of keeping those relationships,
917
00:48:50.150 --> 00:48:52.050
even if you're not seeing them every week or month even,
918
00:48:52.869 --> 00:48:56.409
keeping those relationships is a healthy thing. positive thing. I
919
00:48:56.590 --> 00:48:58.789
don't know. Maybe our kids can see that. Yeah.
920
00:48:58.849 --> 00:49:01.489
A hundred percent. I like those prompts kind of coach
921
00:49:01.510 --> 00:49:03.960
your kid around different prompts to ask.
922
00:49:04.019 --> 00:49:05.199
And that's, I've been trying.
923
00:49:05.400 --> 00:49:05.659
Yeah.
924
00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:07.559
I would try it. It's right. You know, it's funny.
925
00:49:07.579 --> 00:49:10.579
The different, but she's a lot more shy and timid. Um,
926
00:49:11.579 --> 00:49:13.590
even though people on the outside don't see her that way,
927
00:49:14.289 --> 00:49:16.510
they see her as a super confident and talented and
928
00:49:16.610 --> 00:49:19.650
all this stuff, but she's shy inside. And I'm like, Oh,
929
00:49:19.710 --> 00:49:23.239
I hope people know that, you know, she's just a
930
00:49:23.239 --> 00:49:26.460
little bit more timid. All right. So we got to
931
00:49:26.539 --> 00:49:29.539
wrap things up here. But I wanted to ask, so
932
00:49:29.659 --> 00:49:33.920
what's one belief that you held at 30, age 30,
933
00:49:33.920 --> 00:49:39.380
that you've completely changed your mind about? Let me read
934
00:49:39.400 --> 00:49:43.559
that one more time. What's one belief you held at 30,
935
00:49:43.559 --> 00:49:47.179
age 30, that you've completely changed your mind about?
936
00:49:48.400 --> 00:49:53.320
Just how my life would turn out. I have a plan, right?
937
00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:56.320
And I, okay, I'm going to do this, this, and this.
938
00:49:56.639 --> 00:49:58.849
This is what it's going to look like. And you
939
00:49:58.869 --> 00:50:02.269
spend all this time kind of crafting that. And it
940
00:50:02.349 --> 00:50:06.210
ends up being so different. You know, a business doesn't
941
00:50:06.250 --> 00:50:09.840
work out or, you know, you end up, moving to
942
00:50:09.860 --> 00:50:13.059
a weird place like Puerto Rico or whatever. It's just different,
943
00:50:14.300 --> 00:50:14.739
but better.
944
00:50:14.760 --> 00:50:15.340
Yeah.
945
00:50:16.219 --> 00:50:19.320
You know, and I think it's like, be open to that.
946
00:50:20.940 --> 00:50:25.119
You know, have the plan, do the work, have the vision,
947
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:28.900
but like, know that it's going to be wildly different,
948
00:50:29.480 --> 00:50:29.679
but better.
949
00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:30.219
And that's okay.
950
00:50:30.539 --> 00:50:31.219
And that's okay.
951
00:50:31.380 --> 00:50:34.539
Yeah. I love it. So making sure to still make
952
00:50:34.579 --> 00:50:37.340
the plans, but be open to the difference.
953
00:50:37.559 --> 00:50:37.639
Yeah.
954
00:50:37.659 --> 00:50:39.699
Be open to the change. I love it. All right,
955
00:50:39.739 --> 00:50:42.699
now imagine your grandchildren. This is always something I love.
956
00:50:43.639 --> 00:50:48.719
Imagine your grandchildren are listening to this episode 20, 30
957
00:50:48.719 --> 00:50:54.409
years from now. What's the one lesson you hope to
958
00:50:54.449 --> 00:50:56.030
hear from grandpa?
959
00:50:56.349 --> 00:50:59.429
You know, it's, there's so much pressure in that.
960
00:51:00.789 --> 00:51:04.989
And I think it's just. What's just one of the
961
00:51:05.030 --> 00:51:05.610
many things.
962
00:51:05.630 --> 00:51:08.789
Grandpa loved people.
963
00:51:08.809 --> 00:51:09.349
Yeah.
964
00:51:09.650 --> 00:51:13.849
And I think that's it. Like they knew that, that
965
00:51:14.010 --> 00:51:17.969
I love them, that, you know, I feel like I'm
966
00:51:18.030 --> 00:51:22.300
my best version and best self when I just love
967
00:51:22.380 --> 00:51:25.400
people around me and people I don't know. And that's
968
00:51:25.420 --> 00:51:28.360
something I pray for, something I try and work on
969
00:51:28.380 --> 00:51:35.019
to have those feelings of just, you know, love for people.
970
00:51:35.610 --> 00:51:37.550
I love it. I mean, to me, that is the
971
00:51:37.590 --> 00:51:41.590
definition of charity. the pure love of Christ, is when
972
00:51:41.630 --> 00:51:46.280
we can see people the way Jesus sees people. And
973
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:51.340
I felt like I've been tasked, you know, as part
974
00:51:51.360 --> 00:51:55.400
of my duties to learn that skill. Going through divorce
975
00:51:55.460 --> 00:51:58.400
and going through life changes, that has been one of
976
00:51:58.460 --> 00:52:02.260
the clear directives that I have felt I needed to learn.
977
00:52:03.159 --> 00:52:06.090
And I think it's a lifelong process, but I have
978
00:52:06.110 --> 00:52:10.199
had some glimpses where I've seen people with different set
979
00:52:10.239 --> 00:52:13.380
of eyes than I've ever seen before. And it was
980
00:52:13.500 --> 00:52:15.980
such a blessing for me. And I knew that it
981
00:52:16.019 --> 00:52:20.199
was possible. So now if, you know, something is hard
982
00:52:20.980 --> 00:52:25.119
or someone is hard, I'm able to look with a different,
983
00:52:25.199 --> 00:52:28.179
try to look with a different set of eyes and
984
00:52:28.219 --> 00:52:30.780
it puts me in a more calm, peaceful state.
985
00:52:31.199 --> 00:52:31.409
Yeah.
986
00:52:31.639 --> 00:52:33.369
I love that. Cause I can just see with a
987
00:52:33.389 --> 00:52:35.849
different set and I hope someday I can see everybody
988
00:52:35.869 --> 00:52:38.829
all the time that way. But, um, I love that.
989
00:52:38.869 --> 00:52:41.059
Thank you for sharing. I think it's so fascinating. As
990
00:52:41.099 --> 00:52:44.800
I asked that question multiple times on this podcast, it
991
00:52:44.960 --> 00:52:48.539
always comes down to love when it truly matters and
992
00:52:48.559 --> 00:52:51.340
what we really want people to know and hear. That's
993
00:52:51.380 --> 00:52:54.760
what people are sharing. And we can have whatever success,
994
00:52:55.239 --> 00:52:59.550
you know, financially or physically or whatever in life, but
995
00:52:59.570 --> 00:53:03.670
it really just comes down to core principles. We want
996
00:53:03.690 --> 00:53:05.949
to love each other. We want to feel loved and
997
00:53:05.989 --> 00:53:08.590
share that love. So, Thank you so much for being
998
00:53:08.710 --> 00:53:10.769
on here. If people were to come and reach out
999
00:53:10.789 --> 00:53:12.769
to you, where can they find you? Can they find
1000
00:53:12.809 --> 00:53:16.670
you on LinkedIn, maybe? Yeah, Rob Nelson, LinkedIn.
1001
00:53:17.750 --> 00:53:20.389
I'm not active.
1002
00:53:20.250 --> 00:53:23.530
On social media, but I'm on it. LinkedIn's the right place.
1003
00:53:24.030 --> 00:53:26.260
All right. They'll come and find you. Rob, thank you
1004
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:28.059
for taking the time. You guys, thank you for coming.
1005
00:53:28.619 --> 00:53:34.099
The Fatherhood Movement Podcast, that has a new upcoming name, Becoming.
1006
00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:37.199
Hopefully we can all share. If this made an impact
1007
00:53:37.239 --> 00:53:40.019
on your life, please share it with others. We'll have
1008
00:53:40.110 --> 00:53:42.190
clips going on in social media and we'll make sure
1009
00:53:42.210 --> 00:53:45.849
those go around about. But thank you again for being here. Thanks, Bubba.
1010
00:53:47.750 --> 00:53:48.469
Call it quits.