WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.080
Knowing what to do was never the hard part.
00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:06.080
Becoming someone who actually does it, that's the whole game, baby.
00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:08.480
Hello, hello, my generational change makers.
00:00:08.640 --> 00:00:11.199
Today I want to talk about something a little bit different.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:17.199
I think we do a lot of conversations around here around the mechanics of getting out of debt and managing your money.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:21.440
But today I want to talk about a mindset piece of managing your money.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:24.960
And that is the mindset of trusting yourself.
00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:29.120
A few weeks ago, I was at lunch with some of my other coaching friends.
00:00:29.199 --> 00:00:33.039
And I'll be honest, I wasn't even paying attention to what they were talking about.
00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:34.880
My mind was somewhere else entirely.
00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:39.039
But one of them said something that pulled me right back into the conversation.
00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.439
And she said, trusting yourself is just doing what you'll say you'll do over and over again.
00:00:45.759 --> 00:01:00.799
And that broke my brain just a little bit because for so long, I had been looking at trusting yourself as this philosophical, abstract, enlightenment moment that you come to when you've done enough work on yourself.
00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:04.319
Like one day you'll arrive at this point where you trust yourself.
00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:13.920
And sitting in that table and hearing Gina say that, I realized in that moment that I had been making this way more complicated than it had to be.
00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:17.599
And I realized that that's not what it is at all.
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:22.159
It's not a feeling that you wait for, it's a decision that you make.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:28.239
You decide who you're going to be, and then you show up as that person over and over again.
00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:36.319
I spent a few days chewing on this idea, and then I realized that that is exactly what I had done in my debt payoff journey.
00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:38.239
I just never called it that.
00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:43.280
So I want to spend this episode talking about trusting yourself.
00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:49.519
In 2020, I lost my job, and this was the first time in my adult life I had ever been unemployed.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:52.480
It was the global pandemic, and like everybody else, right?
00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:54.959
I was unemployed for the first time in my life.
00:01:55.200 --> 00:02:02.959
I had no savings, had about$18,000 in credit card debt, and I was still paying on that subpar loan that I told you guys about.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:09.120
When I finally got back on my feet, I told myself that this would be the last time that that had ever happened to me.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:13.599
Prior to that, I had been on this hamster wheel of financial instability.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:17.680
I was making good money, but I hadn't yet learned how to manage the income.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:23.360
I found myself on this perpetual cycle of paying off debt, getting back in debt, paying off debt, getting back in debt.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:26.879
And I had never really been able to save money.
00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:28.639
And so I told myself this was it.
00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:31.039
This was the last time that this would happen to me.
00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:32.800
And I've told that story a million times over.
00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:38.400
I used to think that losing everything, hitting my version of bottom is what helped me rebuild.
00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:39.599
And it didn't.
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:41.599
It just forced the decision.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:44.479
What actually changed me was everything that came after that.
00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:49.599
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money, even before I believed it.
00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:59.199
And I want to get really specific here on what that looked like because showing up can sound as a nice vague phrase when it's actually the opposite of vague.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:03.759
It is the small repetitive decisions that you make again and again.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:05.599
I stopped avoiding my budget.
00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:09.120
I started opening my account every single day.
00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:12.639
I went on a cash-only spending for quite some time.
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:18.319
I showed up honest with myself, with my coach, and in the relationships of the people in my life.
00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.680
I stayed inside what I told myself that I would spend.
00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:25.280
And when I didn't, I told myself the truth about that.
00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:27.599
None of that felt impressive in that moment.
00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:30.879
It just felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:34.000
And I'm not gonna say that it was easy or that it was fun.
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:38.800
But what I didn't realize is that at that time I was building self-trust.
00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:42.719
I was doing what I said I would do over and over again.
00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:48.879
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money way before I ever believed it to be true.
00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:53.360
I was in the becoming process, and the difference is the proof.
00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:56.960
I wasn't affirming something that I had no evidence of.
00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:01.599
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money even before I believed it.
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:04.000
And I want to really be clear about something.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:07.199
I wasn't doing it in a self-gaslighty type of way.
00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:14.400
I wasn't standing in the mirror telling myself I'm so good with money while in the background I wasn't doing anything or nothing was changing.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:17.199
I was in the middle of the becoming process.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:21.120
And the difference between self-gaslighting and becoming is the proof.
00:04:21.360 --> 00:04:24.879
Self-gaslighting is affirming something with no evidence behind it.
00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:26.639
And I'm I'm not I'm not a therapist.
00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:35.199
I don't know if self-gaslighting is even a real term, but I imagine that self-gaslighting is affirming something that you have no evidence of.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:42.720
While becoming is taking a small action, small enough that you can actually follow through on it and then letting that become the evidence.
00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.240
One is about the performance, and the other is about the receipt.
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:47.519
It's about the proof.
00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:50.959
And I think this is where manifestation can sometimes fall short.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:58.560
We do the affirmations, we do the vision boards, we say the words in the mirror, but we don't actually change anything in our life.
00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.399
And that is the problem.
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:08.560
You're trying to talk yourself into feeling instead of building the track record that you can then turn around and trust.
00:05:08.639 --> 00:05:14.560
You're talking yourself into a feeling instead of doing the thing that creates the feeling.
00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:16.079
Making money is a skill.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:18.160
Managing money is a skill.
00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:24.079
And trusting yourself is a completely different skill, and skills can be learned.
00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:27.759
None of these skills come from saying the right words to yourself.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:29.839
They come from doing the thing.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:36.639
Now, the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, that's something I hear pretty regularly from my clients.
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:42.319
Someone will sit across from me and say, in their own words, some version of, I know what I'm supposed to do.
00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:47.199
I've read the books, I've listened to the podcast, I've followed your work, I know the moves.
00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:51.199
I just can't seem to actually make myself do them.
00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:55.040
That's the exact gap that this entire episode is about.
00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:59.600
The space between deciding and proving it to yourself.
00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:02.079
You cannot change what you cannot see.
00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:09.279
And most of us never actually looked at the difference between I know this and I've built the evidence that I can do this.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:11.519
Knowing what to do was never the hard part.
00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:15.519
Becoming someone who actually does it, that's the whole game, baby.
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:18.720
And it only happens one kept promise at a time.
00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:22.079
Now let's get practical for just a second because I can already hear your brain.
00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:23.519
Sabrina, I've tried this.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.240
I've made small promises and I never keep them.
00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:32.720
You are either picking something that is too small to matter or too big to survive real life.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:36.399
Pick a promise that you can keep on your worst day.
00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.639
Not the one that you're gonna keep on your best day.
00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:43.199
Not that I'll never overspend again because that's not realistic.
00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:47.920
Something like I'll open my bank account before I spend anything this week.
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.560
I'll check my account before I go to bed today.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:53.040
I'll check in with my budget on Friday.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:57.360
Something so small that you can keep even when you're having a bad day.
00:06:57.519 --> 00:06:58.800
That's the whole promise.
00:06:58.959 --> 00:07:10.160
It has to feel so small that it almost doesn't count because the small ones, while you're building the habit, are the ones that are going to survive the tough days, the bad days, the stressful weeks.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.519
And then plan for what you're gonna do when it breaks, because it will, life will happen.
00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:23.040
And so often I think we make these big audacious goals that are really great on our best day, but we forget what's gonna happen on our worst day.
00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:26.879
The real question isn't, can I execute this perfectly?
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:31.920
The question is, can I trust myself to respond whatever happens next?
00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:34.399
That's the actual reframe from all of this.
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:38.560
Self-trust was never always about making the right call.
00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:48.879
It's about trusting that when you get it wrong, you'll tell yourself the truth and you'll keep going instead of disappearing into yourself for three weeks because you feel like you already blew it.
00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:51.600
One missday doesn't erase everything.
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:53.439
It's just the next data point.
00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:56.560
And what matters is what you do the day after that.
00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:58.720
So here's what I want you to take from this episode.
00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:03.199
You don't need to wait for the crisis, the wake-up call, or the rock bottom.
00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:05.120
You just need to decide today.
00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:12.720
Pick one promise small enough that you can actually keep it and then keep it and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that.
00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:15.040
That's when the track record starts.
00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:24.160
And if you already know exactly what you're supposed to be doing and you still feel stuck on doing it, that's usually not a I'll figure it out alone problem.
00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:26.240
That's an accountability issue.
00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:32.000
And sometimes the fastest way to build the track record is to have someone else watching you build it.
00:08:32.159 --> 00:08:33.519
I'd love to be that someone.
00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:35.120
You can book a consultation call.
00:08:35.279 --> 00:08:36.799
The link is in the show notes.
00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:40.480
I hope this was helpful and I'll see you on the next episode.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.080
Knowing what to do was never the hard part.
00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:06.080
Becoming someone who actually does it, that's the whole game, baby.
00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:08.480
Hello, hello, my generational change makers.
00:00:08.640 --> 00:00:11.199
Today I want to talk about something a little bit different.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:17.199
I think we do a lot of conversations around here around the mechanics of getting out of debt and managing your money.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:21.440
But today I want to talk about a mindset piece of managing your money.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:24.960
And that is the mindset of trusting yourself.
00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:29.120
A few weeks ago, I was at lunch with some of my other coaching friends.
00:00:29.199 --> 00:00:33.039
And I'll be honest, I wasn't even paying attention to what they were talking about.
00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:34.880
My mind was somewhere else entirely.
00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:39.039
But one of them said something that pulled me right back into the conversation.
00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.439
And she said, trusting yourself is just doing what you'll say you'll do over and over again.
00:00:45.759 --> 00:01:00.799
And that broke my brain just a little bit because for so long, I had been looking at trusting yourself as this philosophical, abstract, enlightenment moment that you come to when you've done enough work on yourself.
00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:04.319
Like one day you'll arrive at this point where you trust yourself.
00:01:04.480 --> 00:01:13.920
And sitting in that table and hearing Gina say that, I realized in that moment that I had been making this way more complicated than it had to be.
00:01:14.239 --> 00:01:17.599
And I realized that that's not what it is at all.
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:22.159
It's not a feeling that you wait for, it's a decision that you make.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:28.239
You decide who you're going to be, and then you show up as that person over and over again.
00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:36.319
I spent a few days chewing on this idea, and then I realized that that is exactly what I had done in my debt payoff journey.
00:01:36.400 --> 00:01:38.239
I just never called it that.
00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:43.280
So I want to spend this episode talking about trusting yourself.
00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:49.519
In 2020, I lost my job, and this was the first time in my adult life I had ever been unemployed.
00:01:49.599 --> 00:01:52.480
It was the global pandemic, and like everybody else, right?
00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:54.959
I was unemployed for the first time in my life.
00:01:55.200 --> 00:02:02.959
I had no savings, had about$18,000 in credit card debt, and I was still paying on that subpar loan that I told you guys about.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:09.120
When I finally got back on my feet, I told myself that this would be the last time that that had ever happened to me.
00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:13.599
Prior to that, I had been on this hamster wheel of financial instability.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:17.680
I was making good money, but I hadn't yet learned how to manage the income.
00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:23.360
I found myself on this perpetual cycle of paying off debt, getting back in debt, paying off debt, getting back in debt.
00:02:23.599 --> 00:02:26.879
And I had never really been able to save money.
00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:28.639
And so I told myself this was it.
00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:31.039
This was the last time that this would happen to me.
00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:32.800
And I've told that story a million times over.
00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:38.400
I used to think that losing everything, hitting my version of bottom is what helped me rebuild.
00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:39.599
And it didn't.
00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:41.599
It just forced the decision.
00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:44.479
What actually changed me was everything that came after that.
00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:49.599
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money, even before I believed it.
00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:59.199
And I want to get really specific here on what that looked like because showing up can sound as a nice vague phrase when it's actually the opposite of vague.
00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:03.759
It is the small repetitive decisions that you make again and again.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:05.599
I stopped avoiding my budget.
00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:09.120
I started opening my account every single day.
00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:12.639
I went on a cash-only spending for quite some time.
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:18.319
I showed up honest with myself, with my coach, and in the relationships of the people in my life.
00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.680
I stayed inside what I told myself that I would spend.
00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:25.280
And when I didn't, I told myself the truth about that.
00:03:25.520 --> 00:03:27.599
None of that felt impressive in that moment.
00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:30.879
It just felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing.
00:03:30.960 --> 00:03:34.000
And I'm not gonna say that it was easy or that it was fun.
00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:38.800
But what I didn't realize is that at that time I was building self-trust.
00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:42.719
I was doing what I said I would do over and over again.
00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:48.879
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money way before I ever believed it to be true.
00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:53.360
I was in the becoming process, and the difference is the proof.
00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:56.960
I wasn't affirming something that I had no evidence of.
00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:01.599
I started showing up as the person who was good with her money even before I believed it.
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:04.000
And I want to really be clear about something.
00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:07.199
I wasn't doing it in a self-gaslighty type of way.
00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:14.400
I wasn't standing in the mirror telling myself I'm so good with money while in the background I wasn't doing anything or nothing was changing.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:17.199
I was in the middle of the becoming process.
00:04:17.360 --> 00:04:21.120
And the difference between self-gaslighting and becoming is the proof.
00:04:21.360 --> 00:04:24.879
Self-gaslighting is affirming something with no evidence behind it.
00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:26.639
And I'm I'm not I'm not a therapist.
00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:35.199
I don't know if self-gaslighting is even a real term, but I imagine that self-gaslighting is affirming something that you have no evidence of.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:42.720
While becoming is taking a small action, small enough that you can actually follow through on it and then letting that become the evidence.
00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.240
One is about the performance, and the other is about the receipt.
00:04:46.319 --> 00:04:47.519
It's about the proof.
00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:50.959
And I think this is where manifestation can sometimes fall short.
00:04:51.279 --> 00:04:58.560
We do the affirmations, we do the vision boards, we say the words in the mirror, but we don't actually change anything in our life.
00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.399
And that is the problem.
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:08.560
You're trying to talk yourself into feeling instead of building the track record that you can then turn around and trust.
00:05:08.639 --> 00:05:14.560
You're talking yourself into a feeling instead of doing the thing that creates the feeling.
00:05:14.720 --> 00:05:16.079
Making money is a skill.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:18.160
Managing money is a skill.
00:05:18.319 --> 00:05:24.079
And trusting yourself is a completely different skill, and skills can be learned.
00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:27.759
None of these skills come from saying the right words to yourself.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:29.839
They come from doing the thing.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:36.639
Now, the difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it, that's something I hear pretty regularly from my clients.
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:42.319
Someone will sit across from me and say, in their own words, some version of, I know what I'm supposed to do.
00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:47.199
I've read the books, I've listened to the podcast, I've followed your work, I know the moves.
00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:51.199
I just can't seem to actually make myself do them.
00:05:51.439 --> 00:05:55.040
That's the exact gap that this entire episode is about.
00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:59.600
The space between deciding and proving it to yourself.
00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:02.079
You cannot change what you cannot see.
00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:09.279
And most of us never actually looked at the difference between I know this and I've built the evidence that I can do this.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:11.519
Knowing what to do was never the hard part.
00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:15.519
Becoming someone who actually does it, that's the whole game, baby.
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:18.720
And it only happens one kept promise at a time.
00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:22.079
Now let's get practical for just a second because I can already hear your brain.
00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:23.519
Sabrina, I've tried this.
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.240
I've made small promises and I never keep them.
00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:32.720
You are either picking something that is too small to matter or too big to survive real life.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:36.399
Pick a promise that you can keep on your worst day.
00:06:36.560 --> 00:06:38.639
Not the one that you're gonna keep on your best day.
00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:43.199
Not that I'll never overspend again because that's not realistic.
00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:47.920
Something like I'll open my bank account before I spend anything this week.
00:06:48.160 --> 00:06:50.560
I'll check my account before I go to bed today.
00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:53.040
I'll check in with my budget on Friday.
00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:57.360
Something so small that you can keep even when you're having a bad day.
00:06:57.519 --> 00:06:58.800
That's the whole promise.
00:06:58.959 --> 00:07:10.160
It has to feel so small that it almost doesn't count because the small ones, while you're building the habit, are the ones that are going to survive the tough days, the bad days, the stressful weeks.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.519
And then plan for what you're gonna do when it breaks, because it will, life will happen.
00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:23.040
And so often I think we make these big audacious goals that are really great on our best day, but we forget what's gonna happen on our worst day.
00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:26.879
The real question isn't, can I execute this perfectly?
00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:31.920
The question is, can I trust myself to respond whatever happens next?
00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:34.399
That's the actual reframe from all of this.
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:38.560
Self-trust was never always about making the right call.
00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:48.879
It's about trusting that when you get it wrong, you'll tell yourself the truth and you'll keep going instead of disappearing into yourself for three weeks because you feel like you already blew it.
00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:51.600
One missday doesn't erase everything.
00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:53.439
It's just the next data point.
00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:56.560
And what matters is what you do the day after that.
00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:58.720
So here's what I want you to take from this episode.
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You don't need to wait for the crisis, the wake-up call, or the rock bottom.
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You just need to decide today.
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Pick one promise small enough that you can actually keep it and then keep it and then do it again tomorrow and the day after that.
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That's when the track record starts.
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And if you already know exactly what you're supposed to be doing and you still feel stuck on doing it, that's usually not a I'll figure it out alone problem.
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That's an accountability issue.
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And sometimes the fastest way to build the track record is to have someone else watching you build it.
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I'd love to be that someone.
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You can book a consultation call.
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The link is in the show notes.
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I hope this was helpful and I'll see you on the next episode.
