Cody McLain: The Purpose Paradox Why Having Everything Can Leave You Empty

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Welcome to The Mind Hack podcast.
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I'm your host, Cody McLain, and I've spent the last decade obsessing over one question, what actually creates a fulfilled life, not just a successful one, a truly meaningful one.
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After building and selling a tech company in my twenties, I had what most would consider everything, but that achievement led me down a rabbit hole of neuroscience, psychology, and ancient wisdom traditions.
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Searching for what really drives human flourishing.
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I've invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in personal development, studied with world renowned teachers, and tested the frameworks and theories that I could find.
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This podcast distills everything I've learned into practical insights for ambitious people who want more than just success, who want genuine fulfillment.
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No motivational fluff, no oversimplified answers.
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Just evidence-based strategies and hard won wisdom from someone who's walked the path.
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In today's episode, we're diving into what I call the purpose Paradox.
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I.
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The counterintuitive truth about achievement and meaning that nobody talks about.
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I used to stare at the bus window every morning in high school.
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Watching that mansion with its private helipad mock me as we drove past.
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I was the foster kid.
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That was the outsider.
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I.
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The one who'd lost both his parents before 17, and every day that helipad represented a world that felt a million miles away.
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But that was a painful distance between where I was and where I wanted to be, and it lit a fire inside me that would change everything.
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Most people think that the story ends when you make it.
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You sell your company, you never have to work again.
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In my case, I could finally prove to all those rich kids.
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That the foster care Cade could do it too.
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That's where most podcasts, most books, most success stories end, but they're missing the most important chapter because standing there in 2021, after selling my company for a life changing amount of money, I felt something I had never expected.
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Emptiness.
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The summit I'd spent my entire life climbing, turned out to be the beginning of the hardest chapter of my life.
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The irony wasn't lost on me.
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I'd finally achieved what I thought would fix everything only to find myself more lost than ever.
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In today's episode, it's not just another success story, it's a raw, honest look at what happens after success, and more importantly, what I wish I had known before I started climbing.
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We're going to explore why the traditional markers of success, like money status achievement, often leave us feeling hollow in what ancient wisdom from Buddhist philosophy to modern psychology tells us about finding true fulfillment.
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If you're currently grinding towards your own summit or if you're already there wondering, is this all there is, this conversation is for you because the truth is, the path to meaning isn't paved with achievements.
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It's something far more subtle and far more profound.
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Let's talk about what really matters and why the most important summit might not be the one you're currently climbing.
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Let me tell you about a moment that captures the achievement trap perfectly.
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It's 1982 and Steve Jobs has just made the cover of Time Magazine.
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He's 26 years old, worth 200 million and has revolutionized personal computing with the Apple two.
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A computer that brought technology into homes and classrooms across America.
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By this point, apple had gone public and the biggest IPO since the Ford Motor Company making jobs, one of the youngest self-made millionaires ever.
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He had transformed from a college dropout tinkering in his garage to a tech industry icon in just six years.
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This was quite literally his childhood dream.
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He told his friends years before that he wanted to be on the major magazine cover by 30, but instead of feeling fulfilled, he later described the feeling strangely empty.
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Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me.
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Jobs would later say, going to bed at night saying, we've done something wonderful.
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That's what matters to me.
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This isn't just a nice quote.
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It's a profound insight into how our brains process achievement.
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When jobs reached what he thought would be his summit, his brain simply moved the goalposts.
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This is exactly what neuroscience tells us about the hedonic treadmill.
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Our brain's remarkable ability to adapt to both positive and negative changes in our lives.
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Jobs experience isn't unique.
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It's a pattern I've not only witnessed, but I've lived through myself having started my entrepreneurial journey at 16.
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I brought into what I now call the deferred life fallacy.
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This idea that if I had just worked hard enough, now I could enjoy the fruits of my labor.
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Later it became my mantra Sacrifice today for tomorrow's rewards in Austin, where I built and sold a company that would later gimme the option to never work again.
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This phenomenon is so common.
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It's almost cliche.
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You see founders hit their number, whether it's a million, 10 million, or even a billion, only to immediately start chasing the next milestone.
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It's like trying to quench your thirst with salt water.
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Each achievement just makes you thirstier for the next one.
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But this isn't just a Silicon Valley problem.
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It's deeply woven into American culture where we've somehow equated our self-worth with our productivity.
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We feel guilty for taking breaks and anxious when we're not being productive, as if our value as human beings is measured solely by our output.
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I see it in the eyes of young entrepreneurs today, that same burning desire I once had a need to prove themselves to achieve, to arrive at some imaginary finish line where life finally begins.
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The cruel irony is that this mindset often leads to burnout.
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Depleting the very sense of purpose and motivation it claims to serve.
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We're running ourselves ragged on a treadmill that never stops chasing a tomorrow.
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That never comes, but why?
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Why do our brains work this way?
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Think about the last time you pre-ordered that newest iPhone.
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Remember the feeling, the countdown to release day, obsessively tracking the shipping, imagining how amazing it will be once you have to unbox it.
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And now be honest.
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How long did that excitement last after you actually got it a week, a few days, maybe just a few hours before it became just another device in your pocket?
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This isn't just about smartphones.
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It's a pattern that plays out in nearly every achievement or acquisition in our lives.
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The brain's reward system, particularly the nucleus accumbens in ventral segmental area, which fires more actively during anticipation than possession.
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A landmark 2007 study by Metson and colleagues at Stanford used FMRI scanning to show this exact pattern.
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The strongest neuroactivation occurred not during the reward itself.
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But during the moments leading up to it, what's particularly fascinating is how this mechanism scales up to life's biggest achievements.
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In 2010 researchers studying lottery winners found a pattern that might surprise you.
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While winners reported an initial spike in happiness within one year, their happiness levels returned to Prew baseline.
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The same pattern has been observed in studies of CEOs post IPO athletes after Olympic victories and even Nobel Prize winners.
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The neuroscience gets even more interesting when we look at a 2015 study from the University of College London.
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Researchers found that dopamine neurons respond differently to expected versus unexpected rewards.
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When we get exactly what we expected, dopamine activity actually dips slightly below baseline.
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It's only when reality exceeds our expectations that we get into a genuine dopamine boost.
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This explains why achieving exactly what we set out to do often feels underwhelming.
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But here's where it gets personal.
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Think about your own life goals right now.
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The promotion you're chasing, the business you want to build the status you're seeking.
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You're probably imagining that achieving these things will bring lasting fulfillment, but your brain is playing a trick on you.
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The same trick it played on that iPhone, the excitement, the meaning, the joy, it's all in the chase.
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This isn't meant to be discouraging, though.
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Rather it's liberating when you understand that your brain is wired this way.
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A 2019 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who understand this mechanism of the hedonic adaptation report higher levels of sustained wellbeing, precisely because they stopped expecting achievements to fill an internal void.
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But that's just the beginning.
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A groundbreaking 2022 study from the nature of neuroscience revealed that our brain's reward prediction error system actually diminishes its response to repeated rewards.
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Even when they're objectively valuable.
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This explains why even major achievements start to feel routine.
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The work of Dr.
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Robert Sapolsky at Stanford shows how chronic goal pursuit can create sustained elevation of cortisol levels, which is our primary stress hormone.
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His research demonstrates that the constant chase of achievement literally changes our brain chemistry, making us more susceptible to anxiety and depression.
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Perhaps most telling is a 2020 longitudinal study from the University of Chicago tracking 1000 high achievers over a decade.
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They found that individuals who tie their self-worth primarily to achievements showed significantly higher rates of burnout, relationship difficulties, and reported lower levels of life satisfaction compared to those who derive meaning from other sources.
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Research from the field of behavioral economics adds another layer.
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Daniel Kahneman's Prospect Theory shows that we're not actually very good at predicting what will make us happy.
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His study's real, that people consistently overestimate the lasting positive impact of achievements and underestimate the importance of daily experience and relationships.
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Even more intriguing is recent work in neuroplasticity.
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A 2021 study from UCLA demonstrates that our brain's reward circuits can actually be retrained to find more satisfaction in the process rather than the outcome.
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This suggests we can literally rewire our brains to break free from the achievement trap.
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Even more intriguing is recent work in neuroplasticity.
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A 2021 study from UCLA demonstrates that our brain's reward circuits can actually be retrained to find more satisfaction in the process rather than the outcome.
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This suggests that we can literally rewire our brains to break free from the achievement trap.
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So what's the solution?
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Research from the Harvard Psychology Department of 2021 suggests that the key lies in finding meaning in the process.
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Rather than the outcome, when subjects focused on the inherent value of their activities rather than the future rewards, they reported significantly higher levels of sustained satisfaction.
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The Harvard research points us towards something fascinating, the truth that ancient cultures have understood for millennia while Western society has been sprinting on the achievement treadmill, other cultures have taken a radically different approach to finding meaning and satisfaction.
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Buddhist philosophy offers an even more radical perspective on our achievement obsession.
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The concept of attachment and Buddhism directly addresses why the achievement trap causes so much suffering.
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According to Buddhist thought, our tendency to attach our happiness to future accomplishments is precisely what prevents us from experiencing genuine fulfillment.
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And I love Mark Manson's quote on this.
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As he says in his book, the desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience.
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And paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience.
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Or you might consider the four noble truths, particularly the second truth with teaches that suffering arises from craving and attachment when we constantly chase achievements where creating what Buddhists call becoming the endless cycle of seeking the next thing.
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Believing it will finally make us complete.
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But as the Buddha taught, this is like drinking salt water to quench our thirst.
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Ancient stoic philosophers arrived at similar conclusions from a different direction.
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Seneca wrote about the futility of achievement without contentment.
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It is not the man who has too little who was poor, but the one who hankers after more, the stoics understood that true wealth lies not in what we acquire or achieve.
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But in our ability to be content with what we have, the Tai Ching puts it beautifully.
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He who knows he has enough, is rich.
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This isn't about settling for less or abandoning our ambition.
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It's about understanding that contentment is a skill to be cultivated rather than a destination to be reached through achievement.
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What's fascinating is how modern neuroscience validates these ancient insights.
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Research on mindfulness meditation, a practice rooted in Buddhist tradition.
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Shows that regular practitioners experience reduced activity in the brain's default mode network, the same network that drives our constant craving for more.
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In other words, these ancient practices literally rewire our brain to break free from the achievement trap.
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But let's dive into one of my favorite Eastern philosophies.
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The Japanese concept of Ikigai roughly translated as a reason for being.
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While Western culture often reduces purpose to career success or financial achievement, ikigai offers a more nuanced framework built on four fundamental questions.
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What do you love so deeply that you could do it for free?
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Passion.
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What are you naturally gifted at or could master through?
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Dedication, vocation.
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How can you serve others and benefit the world your mission?
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And what can you sustain financially, which is your profession?
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But here's what's fascinating.
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True Ikigai isn't just about finding the perfect career at the intersection of these elements.
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It's about something far more fundamental, the deep human need for mastery, purpose, and autonomy.
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I saw this principle in action during my time in Okinawa, home to some of the world's longest living people there.
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I met an 85-year-old karate master who still taught daily classes.
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When I asked him about retirement, he looked at me puzzled and said, why would I stop doing what gives my life?
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Meaning?
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What made his teaching meaningful wasn't just that he loved it, his passion, or that he was skilled in it, his vocation.
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It wasn't even about the income, the profession.
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What made it profound was how it served others, his mission, while allowing him to continuously deepen his mastery and maintain his autonomy.
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He wasn't teaching for achievement or recognition he was teaching because the process itself fulfilled these core human needs.
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This stands in stark contrast to pursuits that might tick some boxes, but miss the deeper essence of Ikigai.
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Consider the professional gambler who masters their craft and achieves financial success, but struggles with the existential weight of not creating value for others, or the high achieving executive who reaches every career milestone.
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But feels trapped in a role that often offers little autonomy or deeper purpose.
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The wisdom of Ikigai points to three core human needs that when satisfied together, create true fulfillment.
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Mastery is our deep desire to excel and continually grow in our chosen craft.
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It's that inner drive to get better, to develop expertise, to push past our current limitations.
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Think of a musician who practices for decades.
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After finding new depths in their art purpose is about creating lasting value beyond ourselves.
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It's the need to contribute something meaningful, whether that's raising a family, building a community project, or solving problems that matter.
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When we feel our work serves something larger than ourselves, it feeds this fundamental human need.
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Autonomy is our need to be the authors of our own lives, to have genuine choice in how we spend our time and energy.
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It is the difference between doing something because we have to versus doing it because we choose to.
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The magic happens when we find activities that combine all three while also keeping us financially stable.
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It's not about hitting arbitrary career milestones, it's about structuring our daily lives so we're growing, contributing, and maintaining the freedom to chart our own course.
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This stands in stark contrast to our Western achievement culture.
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Where retirement is seen as the ultimate reward, a finish line where we can finally stop doing and start living.
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But this mindset didn't emerge from nowhere.
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It's deeply rooted in several cultural forces that have shaped the Western psyche over centuries.
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First, there's the Protestant work ethic, which transformed labor from mere necessity into a form of moral virtue.
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This religious cultural foundation still echoes today in how we valorize hustle culture and wear busyness as a badge of honor.
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When someone asks, what do you do?
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They're not asking about your hobbies or passions.
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They're asking about your job, your status, your place, and the economic hierarchy.
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Then there's the American Dream narrative, the belief that anyone can achieve anything through hard work and determination.
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While inspiring, this narrative has morphed into what I call the achievement imperative, the implicit belief that we must constantly be climbing, achieving, and accumulating to be a worthwhile human being.
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We've created a society where enough is always just out of reach.
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Social media has supercharged these tendencies creating what sociologists call comparative anxiety on an unprecedented scale.
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We're no longer just keeping up with the Joneses next door.
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We're comparing ourselves to carefully curated highlights for millions of people around the world.
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This digital amphitheater of achievement has turned life into a perpetual performance.
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Where we feel compelled to broadcast our successes and hide our struggles.
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The commodification of wellness represents another troubling evolution.
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Even our attempts to find peace and purpose have been colonized by achievement culture.
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Meditation becomes another checkbox.
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Mindfulness under the metric to optimize.
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We've tuned self-care into self-improvement and the rest into another form of productivity.
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Perhaps most insidiously.
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Western culture has embraced what philosopher Charles Taylor calls instrumental rationality, the tendency to evaluate everything in terms of efficiency and measurable outcomes.
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This mindset reduces rich human experiences into quantifiable metrics, steps taken, tasks completed, goals achieved.
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We've created a world where if something can't be measured, it somehow doesn't count.
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Take my friend Michael, a successful tech founder who sold his company for nine figures in 2019.
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He had the exit he dreamed of, but six months later, he confided in me over coffee.
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I feel like I've been sprinting for so long.
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I forgot how to walk.
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He'd achieved everything on his checklist, but had no idea who he was without these goals.
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His story isn't unique.
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It's a logical conclusion of a culture that defines human worth through achievement.
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The Western achievement trap isn't just about work.
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It infiltrates every aspect of our lives.
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Return hobbies into side hustles, friendships into networking opportunities and personal growth into performance metrics.
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Even our leisure time has become another arena for optimization and achievement.
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We've lost the art of simply being.
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Replacing it with an end.
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The cycle of doing and becoming a cultural framework has created what sociologists, Hartman rose calls social acceleration, a perpetual speed up of life that leaves us feeling constantly behind, despite moving faster than ever.
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We're caught in a paradox where the very pursuits meant to bring us fulfillment, often leave us feeling more empty and disconnected.
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The result is a society where we are perpetually exhausted, yet unable to rest, always connected yet deeply lonely.
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And technically successful yet.
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Fundamentally unfilled.
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This disconnection manifests in a rising rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout across all demographics.
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We've created a system that promises happiness through achievement, but delivers only temporary satisfaction in an ever-growing list of new goals to chase.
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The question becomes, how do we break free from this cycle?
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Breaking free starts with recognizing that true fulfillment comes from within, not from external achievements.
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I learned this lesson viscerally when I sold my company.
00:21:02.115 --> 00:21:07.065
When the CEO asked me how I felt, my response was a simple, I feel, okay.
00:21:07.845 --> 00:21:10.513
And in that moment, that should have been a career pinnacle.
00:21:10.934 --> 00:21:18.434
I was more focused on the remaining tasks, the handover of the documents, the transition details than celebrating the achievement.
00:21:18.523 --> 00:21:21.555
This experience taught me something crucial about the achievement trap.
00:21:21.615 --> 00:21:26.744
We often go through the motions of celebration, the champagne toast, the congratulatory dinners.
00:21:27.179 --> 00:21:33.990
Without actually allowing ourselves the feel, the accomplishment internally, it's like we're performing happiness rather than experiencing it.
00:21:34.049 --> 00:21:38.220
We tick off all these massive life goals and immediately move on to the next task.
00:21:38.579 --> 00:21:43.200
Never pausing to let the achievement sink into our bones or truly acknowledge our growth.
00:21:43.289 --> 00:21:45.839
The real work isn't in collecting more achievements.
00:21:45.869 --> 00:21:49.500
It's in learning to separate our inherent worth from our accomplishments.
00:21:49.619 --> 00:21:53.309
Understanding that productivity doesn't define our value as human beings.
00:21:53.369 --> 00:22:01.589
This means consciously stepping back from the achievement treadmill and creating space for genuine self-reflection and experiences that nourish our souls.
00:22:01.710 --> 00:22:03.359
Whether that's deep conversations.
00:22:03.734 --> 00:22:07.095
Creative expression or simply being present in nature.
00:22:07.154 --> 00:22:09.134
The goal isn't to stop achieving.
00:22:09.630 --> 00:22:13.019
It's to stop expecting achievements alone to fill our cup.
00:22:13.109 --> 00:22:20.880
While Western culture has trapped us in cycles of endless achievement, other societies offer profound alternatives for finding meaning and contentment.
00:22:21.029 --> 00:22:26.940
Indigenous cultures in particular provide a stark contrast to our modern obsession with individual accomplishment.
00:22:26.970 --> 00:22:32.009
The wisdom of indigenous cultures offers us practical alternatives to achievement obsessed living.
00:22:32.099 --> 00:22:37.710
Let's look at how these philosophies actually manifest in daily life in aboriginal Australian communities.
00:22:38.650 --> 00:22:42.250
Isn't just an abstract concept, it's woven into daily routines.
00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:50.170
Practitioners often begin their day with dawn listening sessions, sitting quietly as the world awakens throughout the day.
00:22:50.230 --> 00:22:55.869
They practice what we might call deep noticing, pausing to truly hear not just sounds.
00:22:56.190 --> 00:23:01.769
But the spaces between the sounds, the rhythms of nature, and their own internal rhythms.
00:23:01.859 --> 00:23:10.769
Children learn da didi through sitting camps where elders teach them to distinguish between different bird calls, wind patterns, and animal movements.
00:23:10.859 --> 00:23:16.380
This practice shapes everything from conflict resolution where deep listening proceeds speaking.
00:23:16.980 --> 00:23:22.950
To decision making where solutions emerge from quiet contemplation rather than rushed action.
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:27.930
The Navajo concept of Hazel manifests in practical ways throughout daily life.
00:23:28.019 --> 00:23:29.400
Before major decisions.
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:41.730
Many Navajo people perform a beauty way, walking meditation, physically moving in the for cardinal directions, while considering how their life choices might affect the balance of their community and environment.
00:23:42.089 --> 00:23:46.319
Meals begin with a moment of recognition for the interconnected web of life.
00:23:46.679 --> 00:23:48.388
That brought food to the table.
00:23:48.509 --> 00:23:55.049
Even household chores are approached not as tasks to complete, but as opportunities to restore harmony.
00:23:55.740 --> 00:24:00.329
Cleaning isn't about achieving spotlessness, but about maintaining balance.
00:24:00.449 --> 00:24:02.398
The African philosophy of Ubuntu.
00:24:02.904 --> 00:24:13.013
Which translates to I Am because we are represents a fundamentally different way of understanding human identity and success in traditional African communities.
00:24:13.134 --> 00:24:18.174
Ubuntu isn't just about a philosophical concept, it's the foundation of social life.
00:24:18.234 --> 00:24:23.003
At its core, Ubuntu teaches that a person is a person through other persons.
00:24:23.034 --> 00:24:27.924
This isn't just a poetic language that manifests in specific cultural practices.
00:24:28.464 --> 00:24:31.509
In many African villages, when someone asks, how are you?
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:37.319
The response often includes updates about family members, neighbors, and even livestock.
00:24:38.009 --> 00:24:46.378
This isn't just seen as small talk, but as a vital acknowledgement of the web of relationships that make each person who they are.
00:24:46.470 --> 00:24:51.148
The fact that Ubuntu became the name of a major operating system isn't just trivia.
00:24:51.210 --> 00:24:55.559
It represents how these ancient wisdom traditions can inform modern innovation.
00:24:56.099 --> 00:25:02.128
The Linux community chose this name precisely because it emphasized collaborative development over individual achievement.
00:25:02.654 --> 00:25:05.085
Community benefit over personal profit.
00:25:05.204 --> 00:25:18.884
We might translate principles of Ubuntu into our western life by starting meetings, by genuinely checking in about people's lives and families, or sharing resources and knowledge freely trusting that strengthening others strengthens the whole.
00:25:18.914 --> 00:25:23.384
What's particularly relevant is how these traditions naturally address the emptiness.
00:25:23.444 --> 00:25:31.869
Many high achievers feel they offer frameworks for finding meaning through connection rather than accomplishment through contribution rather than acquisition.
00:25:32.684 --> 00:25:38.565
Through being rather than doing cross-cultural studies on happiness reveal fascinating patterns.
00:25:38.595 --> 00:25:50.775
Research from the University of California Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center found that society's emphasizing collective wellbeing over individual achievement consistently report higher levels of life satisfaction.
00:25:51.555 --> 00:25:59.714
The famous Blue Zones research studying the world's longest living populations found that none of these communities prioritize individual achievement.
00:26:00.240 --> 00:26:06.690
Instead, they emphasize strong social bonds, purposeful daily activities, and clear roles within the community.
00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:11.579
But perhaps most revealing is what anthropologists call universal human needs.
00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:15.660
The core requirements for human flourishing that appear across cultures.
00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:17.039
Number one, connection.
00:26:17.369 --> 00:26:19.619
The need for deep, meaningful relationships.
00:26:20.130 --> 00:26:20.519
Two.
00:26:20.730 --> 00:26:21.509
Contribution.
00:26:21.990 --> 00:26:24.539
The desire to add value to others' lives.
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:26.789
Three, competence.
00:26:27.210 --> 00:26:34.289
The ability to develop and express our capabilities for autonomy, the freedom to direct our own lives.
00:26:34.589 --> 00:26:41.638
What's fascinating is that traditional societies often satisfy these needs naturally through community structures and cultural practices.
00:26:41.638 --> 00:26:41.700
I.
00:26:42.285 --> 00:26:53.384
While our achievement oriented culture actually works against them, we sacrifice connection for career advancement, contribution for competition, and autonomy for accolades.
00:26:53.535 --> 00:27:02.954
The Maori concept of Maori aura teaches us that wellbeing comes from the balance between physical, mental, spiritual, and social health, not just from external achievements.
00:27:03.194 --> 00:27:08.023
These traditions aren't just philosophical curiosities, they're backed by modern research.
00:27:08.730 --> 00:27:21.390
A 2021 study in the Journal of Cross-cultural Psychology found that societies maintaining traditional wisdom about purpose and meaning shows significantly lower rates of anxiety and depression even in the face of modernization.
00:27:21.569 --> 00:27:34.950
The scientific understanding of meaning and purpose has come a long way since Viktor Frankl first observed, and the darkest circumstances imaginable that those who survived the Nazi concentration camps weren't necessarily the strongest or healthiest.
00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:37.529
They were the ones who maintained a sense of meaning.
00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:42.539
Those who have a why to live Frankl wrote can bear almost.
00:27:42.599 --> 00:27:46.409
Anyhow, Frankl's observations has been validated by decades of research.
00:27:46.439 --> 00:28:03.449
A groundbreaking 2019 study published in JAMA Network Open followed 7,000 adults over the age of 50, and found that people with a strong sense of purpose were twice as likely to outlive their peers, who lacked any clear purpose regardless of wealth status or achievement level.
00:28:04.095 --> 00:28:11.805
What's fascinating is that this purpose effect remain true even after for controlling traditional health factors like exercise, diet, and genetics.
00:28:11.954 --> 00:28:14.924
But why does this meaning have such profound effects on our wellbeing?
00:28:15.075 --> 00:28:17.325
Recent neuroscience provides compelling answers.
00:28:17.775 --> 00:28:32.865
A 2021 study from the University of Pennsylvania used FMRI scanners to show that when people engage in purposeful activities, they activate the ventral striatum in anterior insula regions associated with the resilience and emotional regulation.
00:28:33.464 --> 00:28:41.444
In other words, meaning doesn't just make us feel better, it literally rewires our brains to handle stress and adversity more effectively.
00:28:41.805 --> 00:28:46.003
This becomes even more relevant when we look at the neuroscience of achievement versus meaning.
00:28:46.214 --> 00:28:57.674
While achievement primarily activates the brain's reward system, creating short-term pleasure, spikes meaningful activities, engage in the default mode network regions associated with self-reflection.
00:28:57.990 --> 00:29:00.660
Emotional processing and long-term satisfaction.
00:29:00.809 --> 00:29:06.990
This helps explain why achievements often feel hollow while meaningful experiences create lasting fulfillment.
00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:10.980
Modern psychology has expanded on these findings in fascinating ways.
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:21.869
The work of Laura King at the University of Missouri demonstrates that people who prioritize, meaning overachievement, showed greater psychological flexibility and recovered more quickly from setbacks.
00:29:22.109 --> 00:29:25.680
Her research reveals that meaning acts as a psychological buffer.
00:29:26.069 --> 00:29:30.329
Helping people maintain wellbeing even when facing failure or adversity.
00:29:30.539 --> 00:29:41.759
Perhaps most telling is a 2023 meta-analysis published in a psychology bulletin, synthesizing data from over 180,000 participants across 45 countries.
00:29:42.150 --> 00:29:45.599
The research identified three key components of meaningful living.
00:29:46.259 --> 00:29:51.420
Number one, coherence, the ability to make sense of one's life experiences.
00:29:52.049 --> 00:29:53.339
Two, purpose.
00:29:53.744 --> 00:29:56.865
Having goals that connect to something larger than oneself.
00:29:57.615 --> 00:29:58.065
Three.
00:29:58.125 --> 00:30:01.845
Significance, the feeling that one's life matters.
00:30:01.845 --> 00:30:09.464
In the grand scheme, what's most striking is that none of these components correlate strongly with traditional markers of success.
00:30:10.065 --> 00:30:20.474
In fact, the study found that individuals solely focus on achievement, often scored lower on overall meaning measures, suggesting that our cultural emphasis on success.
00:30:20.835 --> 00:30:23.744
Might actually be undermining our search for purpose.
00:30:23.894 --> 00:30:33.585
The latest research from positive Psychology labs at Harvard and Stanford suggests that we've been thinking about meaning backwards rather than assuming meaning comes after achievement.
00:30:33.974 --> 00:30:38.444
Studies show that cultivating a sense of purpose actually predicts later success.
00:30:39.255 --> 00:30:48.884
People who report higher levels of meaning show better academic performance, career advancement, and even financial outcomes, not because they're chasing these results.
00:30:48.884 --> 00:30:48.944
I.
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.730
But because meaning provides the resilience and motivation to persist through challenges.
00:30:53.880 --> 00:31:01.619
This aligns with recent neuroplasticity research showing that we become more efficient at whatever we practice the most.
00:31:02.099 --> 00:31:12.990
When we consistently engage in meaningful activities, we strengthen neuro pathways associated with purpose and satisfaction, making it easier to find meaning and future experiences.
00:31:13.589 --> 00:31:15.990
Conversely, when we focus solely on achievement.
00:31:16.305 --> 00:31:20.115
We reinforce pathways that keep us stuck on a hedonic treadmill.
00:31:20.565 --> 00:31:28.515
The implications are clear, meaning isn't just a nice to have addition to success, it's a fundamental requirement for sustainable wellbeing.
00:31:29.355 --> 00:31:29.865
As Dr.
00:31:29.865 --> 00:31:36.255
Emily as Fai Smith notes in her research, it's not that meaning is better than happiness.
00:31:36.644 --> 00:31:41.085
It's that meaning creates the conditions for a more sustainable form of happiness.
00:31:41.398 --> 00:31:45.299
The scientific framework helps explain why so many high achievers feel empty.
00:31:45.299 --> 00:31:51.388
Despite their success, they've optimized for metrics that our brains simply were not designed for.
00:31:52.049 --> 00:31:59.369
The good news is that understanding these mechanisms gives us a roadmap for integrating meaning and achievement in more balanced ways.
00:31:59.549 --> 00:32:00.569
Let me share something deeply personal.
00:32:01.594 --> 00:32:07.319
That mansion with the hapa I mentioned earlier when I finally had enough money to buy one just like it.
00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:09.119
I didn't feel what I expected.
00:32:09.779 --> 00:32:16.589
After selling my company, I had everything I'd ever dreamed about during those long bus rides in high school, the car or the house, the bank account.
00:32:16.650 --> 00:32:18.869
That meant I'd never have to worry about money again.
00:32:19.500 --> 00:32:19.980
I'd done it.
00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:25.380
That foster care kid who'd lost his parents before turned 17, he made it.
00:32:26.339 --> 00:32:28.980
But instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt empty.
00:32:29.789 --> 00:32:30.660
I felt hollow.
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:38.400
The achievement that was supposed to heal all those childhood wounds to prove my worth and make everything okay, it just didn't.
00:32:39.480 --> 00:32:44.819
The void I was trying to fill with success was still there, maybe even bigger than before.
00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:48.390
What followed were some of the darkest years of my life.
00:32:48.809 --> 00:32:57.450
I threw myself into searching for answers, joining exclusive clubs, sticking out spiritual teachers, trying every self-help program I could find.
00:32:57.779 --> 00:33:04.170
I was essentially trying to buy my way to meaning still stuck in the same pattern that got me there in the first place.
00:33:04.890 --> 00:33:07.019
I kept looking for someone to gimme the answer.
00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:11.700
To tell me why I still felt so empty despite having everything I thought I wanted.
00:33:12.059 --> 00:33:14.339
The breakthrough came when I realized something crucial.
00:33:14.940 --> 00:33:19.349
No one else could give me the answer because the journey to meaning is deeply personal.
00:33:20.039 --> 00:33:22.138
I had to be my own guru.
00:33:22.769 --> 00:33:31.919
What slowly emerged was that moments I felt most alive weren't when I was achieving something, but when I was growing, learning and helping others do the same.
00:33:33.059 --> 00:33:35.159
That's actually why I'm speaking with you today.
00:33:35.773 --> 00:33:39.884
This conversation won't add zeros to my bank account or get me featured in Forbes.
00:33:40.365 --> 00:33:47.534
But sitting here sharing these hard one insights about achievement and meaning, this fills me with purpose in a way that no achievement ever could.
00:33:48.194 --> 00:33:57.794
It's about taking everything I've learned through my own struggle with success and using it to help others avoid the same trap that kid on the bus staring at the mansion thought success and fix everything.
00:33:58.484 --> 00:34:05.144
But real fulfillment came not from what I achieved, but from what I could give back, not from the external markers of success.
00:34:05.714 --> 00:34:13.574
But from the internal journey of growth and the ability to help others on their own path, let me share some counterintuitive advice that I learned.
00:34:14.204 --> 00:34:19.005
The path to meaningful achievement isn't about abandoning metrics altogether.
00:34:19.485 --> 00:34:21.494
It's about measuring what actually matters.
00:34:22.094 --> 00:34:28.634
Think of it like upgrading from a basic fitness tracker that only counts steps to one that monitors your overall health.
00:34:29.340 --> 00:34:32.010
We need a more sophisticated dashboard for life.
00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:36.690
When I first started this journey, I was still trying to quantify everything.
00:34:37.139 --> 00:34:44.639
I created elaborate spreadsheets, tracking meaning metrics, essentially trying to optimize fulfillment the same way I optimized my business.
00:34:45.210 --> 00:34:50.670
Ironically, this approach kept me stuck in the same achievement oriented mindset I was trying to escape.
00:34:51.630 --> 00:34:55.829
The breakthrough came when I realized that meaningful metrics aren't about measurement.
00:34:56.099 --> 00:34:56.974
They're about attention.
00:34:57.960 --> 00:35:03.869
Instead of asking how much or how many we need to ask how deep and how real.
00:35:04.829 --> 00:35:06.690
Here's what this looks like in practice.
00:35:07.469 --> 00:35:13.800
Instead of tracking daily productivity, I notice moments of full engagement when time seems to disappear.
00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:24.090
Instances of genuine connection, like conversations that energize me, times you felt truly aligned with your values.
00:35:25.378 --> 00:35:42.960
In opportunities where you made a meaningful difference, however small instead of quarterly goals, consider the quality of your relationships, your growth and self-awareness, the depth of your contribution to others, your capacity for presence and joy.
00:35:44.278 --> 00:35:46.739
This isn't about throwing away traditional metrics.
00:35:46.889 --> 00:35:48.898
Your business still needs KPIs.
00:35:49.378 --> 00:35:51.269
Your projects still need deadlines.
00:35:51.960 --> 00:35:57.599
But these become secondary measures, supporting actors and a larger story rather than the main plot.
00:35:58.260 --> 00:35:59.429
Think of it like a garden.
00:35:59.880 --> 00:36:07.289
Yes, you can measure the height of your plants and count your tomatoes, but a truly thriving garden is more than just about numbers.
00:36:07.650 --> 00:36:13.739
It's about the richness of your soil, the harmony of your ecosystem, the rhythm of the seasons.
00:36:14.219 --> 00:36:17.940
You can't quantify these things, but you can cultivate them.
00:36:18.300 --> 00:36:19.590
The science backs this up.
00:36:20.175 --> 00:36:31.155
Research from Harvard grant study, the longest running longitudinal study on human happiness found that the warmth of relationships was the single strongest predictor of life satisfaction.
00:36:31.844 --> 00:36:45.525
Far outweighing traditional success measures a 2021 study, and a journal of positive psychology showed that people who focused on qualitative measures of growth reported significantly higher levels of life satisfaction.
00:36:45.884 --> 00:36:48.884
The notes, you focus purely on quantitative achievements.
00:36:48.914 --> 00:36:55.273
One of the most powerful tools I've discovered for aligning achievement with meaning is self-observation and self-reflection.
00:36:55.934 --> 00:36:56.864
But here's the key.
00:36:57.403 --> 00:37:02.443
It's not about creating another checklist or turning reflection into yet another achievement to chase.
00:37:02.503 --> 00:37:06.855
Instead, think of these practices as gentle touchstones throughout your day.
00:37:06.943 --> 00:37:08.744
Start your day with a listening ritual.
00:37:09.193 --> 00:37:14.804
Instead of immediately checking your phone, spend the five, 10 minutes of your morning and quiet observation.
00:37:15.494 --> 00:37:22.724
Notice the subtle sounds around you, the hum of your home, distant traffic, birds, or even just your own breath.
00:37:23.563 --> 00:37:33.103
When I first started this practice, I was amazed to discover a cardinal that visited my backyard every morning, something I'd missed for years while rushing to check emails.
00:37:33.193 --> 00:37:44.384
Another tool is to practice deep noticing during routine moments while waiting for coffee to brew, walking to your car, or sitting in a meeting, consciously tune into your surroundings.
00:37:44.775 --> 00:37:49.755
Notice the texture of sounds, the quality of light, the feeling of air on your skin.
00:37:50.445 --> 00:37:52.215
This isn't about achieving anything.
00:37:52.275 --> 00:37:55.364
It's about being present enough to notice what's already bear.
00:37:55.664 --> 00:38:01.934
Before important conversations or decisions, take a moment of genuine listening and observation before responding.
00:38:02.114 --> 00:38:09.704
I found this to be especially powerful and difficult conversations instead of immediately reacting, pause to tribute here.
00:38:09.704 --> 00:38:13.215
Not just the words, but the emotions and needs beneath them.
00:38:13.559 --> 00:38:19.650
You can also create your own sitting spots, designated places where you regularly practice quiet observation.
00:38:20.250 --> 00:38:25.139
This could be a corner of your garden, a park bench, or even a quiet spot in your office.
00:38:25.619 --> 00:38:31.320
The key is returning to the same place regularly enough to notice subtle changes in patterns over time.
00:38:32.338 --> 00:38:43.500
These practices might seem simple, even obvious, but in our achievement oriented culture, simply being present without trying to optimize or achieve anything can feel revolutionary.
00:38:43.559 --> 00:38:48.210
Another important exercise you might try to incorporate in some form is a gratitude practice.
00:38:48.690 --> 00:38:54.315
Gratitude journaling is a mindfulness practice that involves regularly recording things you're thankful for in your life.
00:38:55.153 --> 00:39:02.835
This simple yet powerful habit has been shown to increase happiness, reduce stress, and improve our overall mental wellbeing.
00:39:03.494 --> 00:39:11.414
By focusing on positive aspects of your life, you train your brain to notice and appreciate good things rather than dwelling on negative experiences.
00:39:11.474 --> 00:39:21.224
Common frameworks for gratitude journaling include the three good things, exercise, writing down three positive experiences each day, the five minute journal method.
00:39:21.614 --> 00:39:22.514
Morning and evening.
00:39:22.514 --> 00:39:25.545
Reflections on gratitude, priorities, and accomplishments.
00:39:25.605 --> 00:39:31.724
The GLAD technique, recording something you're grateful for, learned, accomplished, and delighted by each day.
00:39:31.903 --> 00:39:35.713
Notable authors and resources on gratitude include Robert Emmonds.
00:39:36.074 --> 00:39:38.983
Thanks How practicing gratitude can make you happier.
00:39:39.570 --> 00:39:42.840
Also Bene Brown, the gifts of imperfection.
00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:45.000
And lastly, the five Minute Journal.
00:39:45.059 --> 00:39:56.519
By Intelligent Change Research from positive psychology pioneers like Martin Seligman has consistently shown that gratitude practices can lead to increased life satisfaction and improved relationships.
00:39:57.239 --> 00:40:05.460
Many mindfulness apps like Headspace and Calm also include guided G gratitude practices and journaling prompts to help you develop this beneficial habit.
00:40:05.909 --> 00:40:08.070
You can also do a purpose meditation.
00:40:08.474 --> 00:40:17.985
Which unlike traditional meditation, which focuses on breath or mindfulness purpose meditation is a directed practice of reflecting on contribution and meaning.
00:40:18.554 --> 00:40:20.985
This approach pioneered by researchers like Dr.
00:40:20.985 --> 00:40:30.405
Rachel Davidson at the University of Wisconsin Madison Center for Healthy Minds combines elements of loving kindness meditation with purpose focused inquiry.
00:40:30.405 --> 00:40:36.704
There are several other types of purpose guided meditations, and there's several variations as well.
00:40:37.139 --> 00:40:45.659
Which I'm not going to get into today, but you can take a look at the attached sheet or description for more information on these practices.
00:40:46.289 --> 00:40:49.355
This include the three questions, practice I.
00:40:49.355 --> 00:40:52.800
The Eki I reflection and the legacy lens.
00:40:52.980 --> 00:41:01.320
Remember, as Viktor Frankl noted, life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by a lack of meaning and purpose.
00:41:01.500 --> 00:41:06.300
Having a purpose focused meditation helps you to start each day aligned.
00:41:06.579 --> 00:41:07.929
With your deeper purpose.
00:41:08.139 --> 00:41:23.500
I would also recommend the art of deep noticing, which is about creating intentional pauses in your day to fully experience the present moment in mindfulness traditions, but adapted for modern life helps shift our attention from constant doing to simply being.
00:41:23.530 --> 00:41:32.619
Furthermore, I personally found that using apps like one second every day has helped me to find a greater sense of gratitude and purpose for my life.
00:41:33.480 --> 00:41:39.960
By committing to capture just one second of video each day, it trains your brain to actively look for meaningful moments.
00:41:40.559 --> 00:41:47.219
Instead of rushing through your day on autopilot, you become a curator of experiences constantly asking.
00:41:47.429 --> 00:41:49.739
What moment today would I want to remember?
00:41:50.309 --> 00:41:54.179
This simple shift has helped me to notice the beauty and ordinary moments.
00:41:54.630 --> 00:41:59.820
From morning coffee, steam rising, and sunlight to spontaneous laugh with colleagues.
00:41:59.969 --> 00:42:08.190
Other helpful tools include mindfulness bell apps like Mind Bell or Insight Timer that randomly chime through your day as reminders.
00:42:08.190 --> 00:42:08.639
Pause.
00:42:08.699 --> 00:42:17.219
Research from Harvard's Mindfulness Research lab shows that regular mindfulness noticing can reduce activity in the default bone network, which is associated with mind wandering.
00:42:17.804 --> 00:42:26.175
It can increase gray matter in areas associated with attention and emotional regulation, and it can improve cognitive flexibility and creative problem solving.
00:42:27.074 --> 00:42:30.764
Remember, deep noticing isn't about adding another task to your day.
00:42:30.914 --> 00:42:34.275
It's about bringing more awareness to moments you've already been living.
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As Tet Knot Han says, the present moment is filled with joy and happiness.
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If you are tentative.
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You will see it different from gratitude journals.
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Meaningful moments journals focus on capturing depth and significance rather than just positive experiences.
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Here are some established methods and practices, David Brooks Life Chapters Method from the Second Mountain, reflecting on moments that shift your understanding.
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Emily is Fai Smith's Peak and journaling.
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From the Power of Meaning recording both highlight moments and closing reflections.
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In Viktor Frankl's meaning centered approach for man, search for meaning, focused on moments of purpose and significance.
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Other notable tools and resources include reflection app, a digital journal specifically designed for meaningful moment capture.
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The Artist's Way Morning Pages by Julia Cameron, A stream of consciousness reflection in day one.
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Apps on this day feature helping track patterns of meaningful moments over time.
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The key difference is that meaningful moments journals aren't about listing positives, but rather capturing moments of depth growth in significance, even if they were challenging or uncomfortable.
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What makes these practices powerful is their focus on process over outcome.
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You're not trying to become the best version of you with reflection or gratitude.
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You're creating space to notice what's already meaningful in your life.
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I remember when I first started these practices, I approached them like any other optimization project.
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I'd grade my gratitude entries, time, my meditations, intro to quantify my progress, the breakthrough team.
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When I realized that the real value wasn't in doing them perfectly, but in showing up consistently with curiosity and compassion, start small.
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I.
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Pick one practice that resonates with you and commit to it for a week.
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Notice what shifts.
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The goal isn't to add more tasks to your day, but to bring more awareness to the meaning that's already there.
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Remember, these aren't items to check out the list.
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They're invitations to pause and to notice, to connect with what actually matters.
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The magic isn't in the practice itself, but in how gradually it shifts your attention from achievement to meaning.
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Let me bring this full circle.
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By returning to that kid on the bus, the one staring at the mansion with the helipad, if I could go back and tell him anything, it wouldn't be about how to make money faster or achieve more, I tell 'em something that took me millions of dollars and years emptiness to learn.
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Success isn't a destination, it's a practice.
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The new paradigm of success I've discovered isn't about abandoning achievement.
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It's about redefining it.
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Instead of seeing success as a series of milestones to reach, we can view it as a daily practice of aligned living.
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This means, number one, measuring growth, not just goals, because when we focus solely on outcomes, we miss the richness of the journey.
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True success includes not just what we achieve.
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But who we become along the way?
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Are we growing in wisdom, deepening our relationships, contributing meaningful to others?
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These are the metrics that actually matter.
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Number two, integrating purpose into daily life.
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Purpose isn't something we find, it's something we practice.
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It's in the small choices we make each day.
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How we treat the barista, making our coffee the way we listen to a colleague in distress.
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The attention we bring to our craft, whatever it may be, success becomes less about reaching the summit and more about how we climb.
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And number three, creating sustainable fulfillment.
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The old model of success was like a sprint, go hard.
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Burnout, repeat.
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The new paradigm was more like tending to a garden.
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It requires patience, consistent care.
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And in understanding that different seasons bring different kinds of growth.
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It's about creating systems and practices that nourish us rather than deplete us.
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As we wrap up, you might feel overwhelmed with all the practices we've discussed, but if you take just one thing from our conversation today, let it be this tonight.
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Before you go to bed, ask yourself three questions.
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What moment today did I feel most alive and meaningful?
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How did I contribute to someone else's wellbeing?
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And what small step did I take toward my larger purpose?
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These aren't just reflection questions, they're compass points for the new success paradigm because what I've learned, the mansion with the hell pad, you might get it, but what makes life rich isn't what you acquire.
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It's who you become and what you give along the way.
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In our AI driven Hyper Connects world, this message is more crucial than ever.
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As automation handles more of our tasks and social media amplifies our achievement addiction, our uniquely human capacity for beanie making becomes our most valuable asset.
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The future belongs not to those who can just achieve the most, but to those who can find depth and purpose in a world of shallow metrics, in constant distraction.
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So let me challenge you.
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What if success isn't about getting everything you want, but about wanting what you already have?
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What if the next level isn't up deeper?
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What if the real achievement isn't in reaching the summit, but in helping others to climb?
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Because here's the truth I wish I'd known during those bus rides.
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The void you're trying to fill with achievement can only be filled with meaning and meaning isn't found in some distant future accomplishment.
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It's available right now in this moment if we have the courage to embrace it.
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Before we wrap up, I want to thank you for spending this time with us today.
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These conversations about purpose and meaning aren't always easy, but they're essential.
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If something in this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone in your life who might need to hear it.
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Sometimes the right message finds us exactly what we need it most for those wanting to go deeper.
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I put together a purpose integration guide with practical exercises, reading recommendations, and reflection prompts.
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You'll find it in the show notes, along with links to research and resources mentioned in today's episode.
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If you're finding value in these deeper conversations about success, meaning, and personal growth, I'd love to have you join us each week.
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You can subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
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Until next time, keep climbing, but don't forget to notice the view along the way.