Hello, it's been a minute...

It's been a couple of years since I first came up with this brilliant idea to put myself out there. To show my vulnerability, and expose a side of me I've always protected. Oh yeah, I tell you, that's a scary thing. Especially when you've hardwired your habits into thinking, feeling and being a certain way. 
I haven't stopped thinking about this outlet. Thought I have paused recording my voice and started writing my inner voice. I won't lie when I felt this realization flood me with great to me ideas, it developed a thunderstorm of emotions. I got scared. I got excited ... I was beside myself overjoyed. I wanted to do it all, everything all at once and get instant results.
Well, at some point we all have a moment where we realize it doesn't exactly work that way. 
And of course ... naturally doubt tried to challenge me, tried to scream over my voice of reason. Tried to alter my purpose. So I thought I should slow down and collect. Attempt some sort of organized delivery. Heh!
Then along the way life happened and well ... here I am. 
I didn't let fear get hold of me, if anything I used it in my power. I've learned if it's to be feared then it's because it's unknown to me and I should just go for it anyway. Even if it's just to see what happens. Amazing things seem to show themselves when I do!
I don't need to get into the details right now. But I wanted to throw a quick little, "Hello" out there. A little "I'm okay" and "I am happier with so many new to me realizations and I can't wait to better deliver them to those who care to listen, relate and talk about them."
I know when I started this new form of self expression I honestly didn't really care who listened. I only cared to share the broken pieces in such a vulnerable manner to catch the ears of those broken and lost like me. You are not alone. You are not the only one who feels this way. I know love is such an extraordinary feeling that I want so badly to share it especially to those who need to feel it the deepest within themselves.
Anyway, on the original note of wanting to just say hello. 
I hope you are having many joyful feelings through these holidays. And remembering to share more with others who might need to borrow one of your smiles too.
As for the past recordings posted, I don't entirely remember word for word what I have said. Self doubt has me very tempted to delete everything as though I can take it all back and start over. 
But since this is an unorganized gathering of thoughts and words expressed in the moment ... for now, I'm going to leave them. I know what my intentions were when I started. And I am still going forward with all these ideas.
The title alone, Mellowbury came to me with various meanings and has since grown a few more along the way. I can't wait until they have touched your heart and moved your soul too. 
I want to leave on the short expression my mind stuck on for a moment when I woke up this morning. "I can't help you until I've helped myself"
A thought I once believed to be greedy and selfish. But that was because I only understood a fragment of the depths in which that expression is truly meant. I learned the hard way, like most, that you cannot give from a place that you do not know where you're giving from. 
They have said it before me and I'll happily mention it again, the journey to love starts with loving thy self. I can't express love if I don't know how to express loving myself first. Sure we can act on what we think we know but sooner or later the truth in the understanding will reveal itself. 
You are the most important person in your life. To give is to know what and where you are capable of giving from. To love is to know who you are loving from. 💙
---
Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mellowbury/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/mellowbury/support