S2 | EP 41: From Prison To Purpose featuring Yocairys Diaz

WEBVTT
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Now protect my peace by putting keywords that I block.
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So you can no longer comment on my page, murderer, killer, uh, whatever you want to say, right?
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Hey guys, welcome back to a brand new Elevators episode.
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We hope you have been enjoying what's left of the summer, because the summer's kind of kind of coming to a close.
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But we've been we've been giving it to y'all weekly, and we hope you literally enjoy hearing our voices every Monday.
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That's right.
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And if you are listening, I'm Amanda Booz.
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I'm Crystal Vega, and we have a very special guest coming on with us today.
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You know, I think Amanda and I have always talked about, just like briefly, we've dropped little nuggets here and there about like our spirituality and so on and so forth, and like our faith.
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And today we have a very special guest who is gonna be talking to us all about that, about her journey.
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And yeah, I'm just excited to bring her on.
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But Amanda, how are you?
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Before we go into our guests, how are you?
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How is your rough?
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You love a good European summer girl.
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How are your travels?
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It's been really good.
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So I'm just getting black, just just freshly off the plane, getting back, y'all.
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So I've been really good.
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I've been gone for like 14 days, almost 15 days, which is kind of crazy.
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But I literally enjoyed all of Europe.
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I went to Lake Como, Sardinia, and Portugal to offer this vacay, and it was amazing.
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Like I loved it.
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I had moments where I was like, you know, I'm getting dressed, I'm getting cute.
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And I had moments where I had no makeup and I was just doing absolutely nothing and enjoying just taking soaking up everything.
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Yeah, being present.
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Like I literally, I wanna say 60, maybe even 70% of this trip, I was literally in the moment.
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And I loved every bit of it.
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I do love me a Europe girl.
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I love me Italy.
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I think I'm Italian.
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I don't know.
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I'm gonna find out.
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I'm gonna trace my roots.
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I'm gonna go figure out, go look at my family tree and pay, and there's something in there.
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But I just love being in Italy so much.
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The food, the culture.
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Yeah, it's just chill, like nothing is like super like intense.
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Yeah, nothing expressing.
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Like there literally, I sat there and had some express like coffee and I heard the birds.
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Like I didn't hear any noise.
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Like, there's no honking, there's no like people, there's no commotion.
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Like, if anything, it's me with the tripod trying to take content.
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No one is caring, like nobody cares in Italy, like they really don't.
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But it was really, really good.
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Like I needed it, and now I'm feeling super rejuvenated and ready to get back.
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You know how you sometimes need a like a break from the vacate.
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I didn't feel like that this trip.
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Honestly, that's good.
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A blessing that I feel like Italy gave me is being an earlier morning person because we're five hours ahead over there.
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So like I've been getting up at like 5:36 o'clock in the morning since I've been back.
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And I'm like, you know what, Italy?
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We needed this in Q4.
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I need to be in 7 a.m.
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hot yoga and hot pilates.
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So you know what?
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I love that for me.
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So yeah, like this morning I got up literally 6 a.m.
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and no alarm clock, fully energized, and I went to bed at one.
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So we're gonna figure out the bedtime, but the morning, we'll get there.
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Yeah.
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But you know what's crazy?
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Four episodes ago, you said you want to be a 5 a.m.
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girly and look at God.
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Listen, this this episode, this is one of them episodes.
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This is one of them.
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Speaking of blessings and God, let's just jump into this next guest.
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We're so excited.
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Yo, Kairas Diaz is joining us.
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She is an entrepreneur, speaker, execution strategist, founder of a faith-rooted personal development brand, Raise Your Spark.
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She publicly speaks about her journey through incarnation as a teenager and her path to faith, purpose, and business.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome, Yo Kyrus.
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We're so excited to have you.
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Welcome, Yokiris.
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Hi, ladies.
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Thank you so much for having me, Crystal and Amanda.
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It is an honor to be here.
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I'm actually so excited about this chat.
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I love this, just so exciting.
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We are joining us.
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And to talk all things.
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I think this, Amanda and I are spiritual girlies.
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We always talk about God somehow in our podcast, just like naturally.
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You got to.
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We have to.
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Not that right.
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And not that like our podcast is rooted in spirituality, but that's just who we are.
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So I think you are our first guest who is like directly speaking from the Lord themselves.
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Yes.
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Love that.
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This is exciting.
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Look, the pressure is there.
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Oh my god.
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No, no pressure, no pressure.
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Listen, we just want to get anointed in so many ways and just be blessed by your presence, your story, your journey.
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I know so many people are going to be able to receive your message.
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And I think that's what I love about our podcast, not to like toot our own horn or anything, but we are really inspiring people in so many ways to elevate.
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And all of us have just like stories and journeys that people know nothing about.
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So I think that we should open up the podcast with just that.
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Who is Yokiris?
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It's so funny because when people ask me, you know, who are you and all the things, right?
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It's it's kind of hard to answer the question now because before I would say, Yeah, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a founder, I'm an execution strategist, right?
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Now when people ask that question, the Lord has guided me to simplify the answer by just saying, I am a woman on assignment.
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I'm just a girl on assignment, right?
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Like, I guess I have the titles.
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Yes, I have all of those amazing accolades, if you will, right?
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Um, and I and I do believe that the Lord has definitely redeemed my stories.
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And I'm a minister.
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You know, I love what I do.
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I love operating in my purpose, and it's it's been an honor to do it.
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And I just feel like God is literally just getting started.
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And I'm just like, wow, Lord, okay, show me how big it can get.
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So yeah.
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I was telling Amanda a little bit about you, but I'm like, she has to tell her own story because as I was like talking her through the motions of like where everything started for you in New York City and all that you have gone through, I'm like, there's no better person to speak through that story but Yo Carris.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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So I it's so amazing because this past week, I just kind of had the anniversary of, you know, my incarceration and just everything that I went through when I was 17 years old.
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I'm 31 now, but uh I'm just so grateful.
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And I had a moment of just gratitude because I remember not being able to speak on my story without boohooing and without having to like take a break from even talking or without even reserving some of the parts of the story because they were too hard to speak on.
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But fast forward now, 14 years later, I have just seen the hand of God on my life.
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I mean, I knew it was there, but seeing how much He's been healing me throughout the years, I'm just like in a space now where like I'm no longer just healed, I'm made whole again.
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And so, you asking that question, I didn't get the anxiety I normally get because usually I'm like, okay, I don't want to talk about it again, you know?
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But all now, God gets the glory.
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So at the age of 17, I was in a really unfortunate situation that led to someone's death.
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And that someone was my brother, like my blood relative.
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And it was a very unfortunate situation because, you know, I don't know if you ladies can relate to this, but throughout the years, I've been hearing so many stories similar to mine where, you know, people would come up to me and say, hey, that could have been me, you know, a sibling fight that went wrong.
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And though it was never my intention to harm or cause harm on my brother in any way, you know, unfortunately that that was the outcome and the story that I had to live out, you know, not just me, but my family, right?
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Because what happened, what occurred, it didn't just affect me.
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It affected and hurt so many people connected to me, him, my family, you know.
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So it was, oh my God, the worst thing that ever happened to me.
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And I've been to some things after that, right, in life.
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Because life has been always life, right?
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But it was definitely a life-changing moment.
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I truly didn't think that I was going to make it out of it.
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And again, I stand before you today as a woman who has forgiven herself, who has been redeemed by God, who has been forgiven by God, forgiven by her family, and just love.
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Like, I'm I'm so loved.
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And the love that I receive is so overwhelming because I remember there was a point where I'm like, why do you guys love me?
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Why do you, why are you guys forgiving me?
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Like, I don't deserve it.
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I hated myself.
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I viewed myself as a monster.
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Like, how could someone ever love?
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Like, again, even though that wasn't my intent, I was like, it didn't make any sense.
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Um, but fast forward, being in Rikers Island at the age of 17, I remember the first day, like the moment I walked into Rikers Island, literally the very first moment.
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I walked in, I went through the whole intake process and I went into my cell.
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And I remember dropping to my knees.
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I knew there was a God, but I had no relationship with God.
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So I knew there was something bigger than me.
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And I went to Sunday school when I was a kid, but I never had a relationship with him.
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So I didn't know what it meant to drop to my knees and pray in a moment like that.
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But in that moment, I dropped to my knees and started praying.
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Now I know that that was the power of the Holy Spirit that led me to pray.
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But I remember praying and saying, Lord, I don't know why this is happening.
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Literally, these were my prayers.
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And that's the beautiful thing about the Lord that the Holy Spirit will give you the words when you can't even speak them, when you don't even know what to pray about, when you don't even know what to say.
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The Holy Spirit will lead you into the right place.
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And I remember literally saying, Lord, I don't know why this is happening.
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This makes absolutely no sense.
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But whatever it is, have your way.
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I give it to you.
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Like, let your will be done.
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And I'm in a moment of grief.
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I'm in a moment of, I'm in shock, I'm in denial.
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There's so many emotions.
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And that now that I think about that prayer, I'm like, that was too calm.
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Like, you know, like, but fast forward now, I can live and rest on the fact that the Bible tells us that he will give us a peace that surpasses all understanding.
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So even in the midst of chaos, even in the midst of the worst day or time of your life, he will rest on you.
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And that's what I was able to experience.
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And fast forward to now, through that journey, I did, I served five years in prison.
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And upon my release, I remember just saying, Lord, I don't know what's out in that world.
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I remember being in that world, right?
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Because I was outside.
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But I knew that I wanted to, you know, be released, but not leave without him.
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So my prayer was, Lord, whatever I do or whatever you do, don't take your hands off of me.
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Because I know I'm here, I'm I'm I'm I'm secluded, so I'm consecrated.
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But when I step out there, there's distractions, there's things to do, there's life happening, you know.
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But please, I want you to remain my anchor.
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And fast forward to now, again, almost 10 years later, he's been that.
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He's been my anchor.
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Yes, I've had moments of uh where I, you know, had moments where I didn't have faith, or moments where I wasn't reading my word, right?
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Moments where I was distracted.
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But all in all, when when he is your anchor, when you are after his heart, he's never gonna let you go.
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So I'm just honored to be here now because I've grown so much throughout the years and so much throughout my journey.
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And it's so crazy.
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I'm like getting chills hearing your story because I vaguely remember like seeing your story on the news being a New Yorker.
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Like I vaguely remember, yeah, like seeing that.
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And well, I have two brothers.
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So me, my brothers were always fighting.
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Like, and so just hearing how people tell you like they could relate to you.
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In my head, I'm like, I remember hearing this story because I I vaguely remember like my family being like, yo, and like my brand, my brothers used to go at it, like, you know, so I can totally relate and like hear what you're saying in terms of something that was so simple.
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Like, we all go through that.
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Like, I expect my brothers all the time, and like really get down.
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And there was no adult in the house to stop that or to make sure that you know, things don't don't escalate and and go further because it's very easy for teenagers to be in that position.
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And I think it's so crazy.
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It's it's such a blessing, like to have the parents that you have who were able to stand by you through that, yo, Caris.
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Like, it's so beautiful because I'm like, damn, I uh also wonder, like, your your parents must feel like you know, they wish that they were there, and you know, being from New York, everybody gotta work in the house, you know?
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Like, so the kids ain't got no choice but to be home by themselves.
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So there's just so many different pieces to this story that affect, to your point, so many different people that are involved in in in just like different ways and different levels.
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And I just have like chills hearing about how far you have come because it could have been all of us, it could have been any of us, you know, it literally could have been any of us, and and you know, God has works in mysterious ways and picks the people he does, and it's just beautiful to see that you you came out on the other side with God because there's it's so easy for you to have gone the other route and been like, life sucks.
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This, you know, everything is against me, and and it and it's so easier to take that route.
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So again, I'm just like having chills hearing about your story, and for those listening, you know, Google it, yeah, re-read the details if you want to hear more about it.
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But she is who she is, and she's coming on on this side of that experience.
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And for me, you you were talking about knowing God and always, you know, we always know God, right?
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Like we all Caribbean here, we hear God growing up, like we hear about God, but I don't know about child, but for me, it it is a big difference to know about God and actually choose God.
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I've definitely felt felt that.
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And Yokaris, I appreciate you even saying and sharing the moment that you actually felt like you chose God.
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Because a lot of the times growing up in Caribbean households, like Crystal mentioned, we're taught to go to church every Sunday.
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We get dressed, we do this, like you read the Bible, you do like it's almost structured in a sense where you have to follow what your parents tell you to do versus like you choosing to like take your step into you know, walking into Christianity, walking into faith, believing in God, worshiping and doing the things on your own terms.
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But for me, like I definitely felt this in a situation when I had a toxic relationship.
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I felt like if God was not with me in that moment, I wouldn't even be here today to talk to y'all.
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So in those moments, I'm just like, how could you not have faith?
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How could you not believe in God when you know that He's literally the person that's keeping you here alive?
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You know what I mean?
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So for me, I would say that my change story is, you know, that I have decided to walk by faith, and then the redemption part of it is that I actually have been in a really such a really intense situation where it was literally a life or death situation for me, and I'm like, this is God.
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So that would be my like my take on that.
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Wow, yeah.
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Wow.
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I think, I think for me, like I've always grown up, you know.
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Well, my uncle's a pastor, and child, he he be laying it down on us, like you need to go, and we're young, like so.
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Growing up, you know, 12, 13, I'm like, whatever, not thinking about it.
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But I don't think I really connected with my spirituality until probably like my early 20s.
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And then I feel like I kind of fell off, like in life, being outside on social media, all the things.
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But in in the last three to four years, I feel like I'm finally reconnecting with my faith and I'm finally like making the choice, like the active, proactive choice to walk in my spirituality much more and make sure that I'm reading the word every day, or make sure that you know I'm doing the things that I need to do to connect with God in the way that feels right for me.
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:32.240
You know, it's so easy for life to like pull you astray from that with all the things happening, all the things you see on social media.
00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:42.960
And we're gonna get into the social media topic a little later, but to me, it's just nice to hear um your guys' perspective on like when you stopped being taught about God and you started to actually choose God.
00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:49.360
So, Crystal, you said when you were 20, I didn't even put an age on mine, but I would say mine was in middle school, by the way.
00:15:49.440 --> 00:15:52.480
I felt the Holy Ghost in middle school, and I was like, oh, this is real.
00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:54.559
So I would say that was that was for me.
00:15:54.639 --> 00:16:05.440
And I was praying with my cousins, and we were literally in the dark at night, and I'll never I'll never forget this moment because I think that was the moment where I really like chose to practice Christianity, and like that would be my faith.
00:16:05.519 --> 00:16:07.279
Like, so for me it was like in middle school.
00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:11.840
What's the part of redemption that you feel like you don't believe in, but people often push on you?
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:17.039
When I think about redemption, the only thing I can think, not to be so spiritual, but the only thing I can think about is Jesus.
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:24.879
So it's like he t he teaches us in his word that that we should do unto others how we how what we want to done unto us, right?
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:28.720
So do unto others what you want done unto you and love thy neighbor and all the things.
00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:34.399
So I believe that the same way that he's embraced me and redeemed me, I think I just have that same level of grace.
00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:35.759
Obviously, I had to grow into that.
00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:40.159
So I don't necessarily, yeah, I don't I I don't necessarily have an answer to that question.
00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:41.200
Interesting enough.
00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:41.679
Yeah.
00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:42.639
It's good though.
00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:44.559
What are your guys' perspective on that?
00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:45.360
You know what?
00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:58.879
I think when I think when people think about redemption and people who are saved, there is socially uh a standard that everybody who speaks the word publicly is held to.
00:16:59.039 --> 00:17:00.720
And it's a a very high standard.
00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:05.680
And I think that for those who are redeemed, y'all don't get enough grace.
00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:07.440
Like, y'all can't mess up.
00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:09.599
Everybody watching.
00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:10.720
Yeah.
00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:11.279
Yeah.
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:21.839
I mean, we can get into it more later, but like I think that the the the just the idea of redemption in general, it's like you're not allowed to make a mistake.
00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:23.039
Not publicly.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:25.119
Like you're not allowed to be human.
00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:38.319
And I think the part that people get wrong about redemption is forgetting that we're so human and we're gonna make mistakes, and we're gonna battle the the the desires of our flesh every day.
00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:40.079
Um, so that's just my opinion.
00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:40.720
Nah, yes.
00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:41.759
That's actually good.
00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:42.480
I agree.
00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:44.160
I agree with I agree with that, Crystal.
00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:51.599
And I think a lot of a lot of what you're saying also ties into people battling every day with faith and reality.
00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:54.559
Like I think that's something that a lot of people people battle with.
00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:56.240
And I kind of want to pose that to us.
00:17:56.319 --> 00:18:02.880
Like, what is something about you know, faith and reality that we're constantly battling every single day?
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.119
For me, I and this is a conversation that I have with my man all the time.
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:11.039
It's like we're always like, Well, that was God, that was God, like that was God.
00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:13.839
And sometimes I'm like, no, you're just a shitty person.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:14.880
That wasn't God.
00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:19.119
Like, and I have to have that real conversation with myself about things.
00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:30.880
Sometimes, yeah, it might be God, it might be in the plan, you know, but I think for me, the battle sometimes I face is like the escape goat people use with the Bible.
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:42.640
And and I see it so much, me personally, and I think that's why a lot of people like criticize people who who go to church and stuff like that, because they see the other side of the coin, and there's gonna be good and bad in everything, right?
00:18:42.720 --> 00:18:45.680
Like, there's gonna be good and bad in every industry, everything that you do.
00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:47.279
You just can't be a pilot or a doctor.
00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:47.839
You gotta be good.
00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:48.960
Can't be bad there.
00:18:49.200 --> 00:18:55.440
But I think for me, sometimes I struggle with that when it comes to like different topics.
00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:58.400
So, like personally, where I'm like, that's not really God.
00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:04.480
Like, you're just not a good person, or like, you know, blowing something up and killing 50,000 people.
00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:05.920
I don't know if that was God.
00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:06.960
I think that was you.
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:13.440
For me, with faith in reality, some of the times I battle with like letting God handle things, right?
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:23.920
I feel like a lot of the times we try to take matters into our own hands, whether it's like, you know, our goals, our dreams, the things that we want to do, or even something as simple as getting revenge on, like somebody did you wrong.
00:19:24.079 --> 00:19:28.319
You feel like, oh, I need to say something or I need to do something, where it's like you don't have to do those things.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:30.960
Like you literal faith is literally the unseen.
00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:35.039
Like it's believing in things that you cannot feel, see, like hear for the moment.
00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:41.359
Like it's knowing that it's coming or knowing that the person that you believe in, which is God, is the answer to everything that you have.
00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:48.720
So I think for me, the battle between faith and reality is we live currently in this world, but like we're not of this world, right?
00:19:48.799 --> 00:20:00.480
Like we live in a space where it's like we don't have to take matters into our own hands when God literally, like you ever been in a situation with like, let's say like it's an enemy or it's like a hater, and like God be doing his big one on them.
00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.039
Like, God really will like handle people for you.
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:05.119
Like, you literally don't have to do a thing.
00:20:05.279 --> 00:20:13.440
So I think that's something that I feel like I battle with sometimes is like, you know, whether it is I want to say something or like react, where it's like, I really don't have to do anything.
00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.720
Like God really will do it.
00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:19.759
And it's just having the faith and knowing that once you pray and you believe that it will happen in its own time.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.680
It's not gonna happen tomorrow, may not happen today, may not happen next week or next year, but when things are supposed to happen in due time that they will.
00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:26.079
Amen.
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:27.200
All right now.
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:28.880
We're going to church today.
00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:30.559
Listen.
00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:34.480
We need to put out the plate.
00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:39.759
Listen, y'all can donate by the comments or you know, reshares or you know, the reviews.
00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:42.000
That's how you guys give your tithes and offerings.
00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:45.599
The elevators back to the elevators sermon.
00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:47.680
You guys are funny.
00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:50.079
No, I love um what you guys are sharing.
00:20:50.160 --> 00:21:00.720
Like, Crystal, as you were speaking, it's like what you kind of, I guess, battle with between spirituality and reality is just the hypocrisy that comes with it.
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:12.000
You know, there is a lot of that, you know, it's like, and like you said, some people they over-spiritualize everything, even some Christians, to the point where it's like you're, you can't be so heavenly bound that you're no earthly good.
00:21:12.079 --> 00:21:17.519
Like, yeah, we know you believe, and yes, you, you know, but there is a there is a fine line between the two.
00:21:17.680 --> 00:21:23.759
Like, don't, I I get the Lord heals and I get, but you can't be out here bleeding out and talking about I'm not going to the doctor, he's gonna heal me.
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.480
I believe that.
00:21:24.559 --> 00:21:28.960
I've I've experienced his healing, but come on, we we have to still be, we gotta use our brain.
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:32.799
He gave it to us, he he created the doctors and the lawyers and the help that we need.
00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:40.960
So yeah, I I I definitely could see that being a frustrating component of just Christianity or just the the religion in general, right?
00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:42.960
And I mean, that definitely I I agree with that.
00:21:43.039 --> 00:21:47.039
Like the Bible tells us that the only way to please God is faith.
00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:49.519
Faith is how you please the Lord, right?
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.519
It is impossible to please God without faith.
00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:54.319
Not how you dress, not uh how you speak.
00:21:54.480 --> 00:22:02.160
I mean, all of those things contribute obviously to your your journey and and and your purification, but You you it is impossible to please him without that.
00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:05.519
So, and and it's the very thing that the enemy is gonna always attack.
00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:06.480
It's your faith.
00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:08.079
He's going to always attack your faith.
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:09.599
He's gonna always make you question your faith.
00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:13.680
He's gonna pull you from the word of God that will produce more faith and that will bring you back to that.
00:22:13.759 --> 00:22:15.680
So it and that's the beauty of the journey.
00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:24.319
You know, that's the beauty of the journey that you you you have to daily make a choice to follow Christ and say, okay, yeah, I I'm gonna, I'm, Lord, I believe you.
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:28.240
You said to have faith as small as a muscle seas, so okay, I'm I'm just gonna hold on to that.
00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:29.599
And you gotta fight that through.
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:31.759
And it's important to do that, but not alone, right?
00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:39.039
You need a community of people that will consistently remind you what faith is and what it looks like so that they can pull you and you know help you through that.
00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:46.720
Uh for me, I would say one of the things is the between spirituality and reality is uh the idea of holiness, right?
00:22:46.880 --> 00:23:00.640
So I know right now we're in a space and a time right now, especially with Christianity, where everyone is talking about holiness, and it's like, I want to do right onto God, I want to be saved, and I I want to wake up every day and be perfect, and I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to do that anymore.
00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:02.000
And I think that's a beautiful space.
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:10.960
Having a desire to want to be more like Christ every single day, to wake up and and pick up your cross and and say, you know what, I don't I don't want to be that girl anymore.
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:12.400
I I don't want to do that anymore.
00:23:12.559 --> 00:23:16.640
And so with holiness, people think that holiness means perfection.
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:19.920
And that's the holiness component is the spiritual part.
00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.880
The reality is that holiness does not mean perfection.
00:23:23.119 --> 00:23:24.880
To be holy means to be set apart.
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:27.519
God is holy because he is in his own lane.
00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:28.960
He is who he is all by himself.
00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:30.559
He is holy, he is set apart.
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:34.400
So when God is calling us to holiness, he's not saying, I need you to be perfect.
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:35.200
I know you ain't.
00:23:35.359 --> 00:23:36.480
I know you a hot mess.
00:23:36.640 --> 00:23:38.160
I know you be cursing people out.
00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:41.039
I know you be looking this kind of way and acting this kind of way.
00:23:41.119 --> 00:23:45.359
I know, and that's why I said my son, because man, when I look down, I don't see y'all.
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:49.519
I see the blood of Jesus Christ, which is why I can deal with y'all, you know?
00:23:49.680 --> 00:24:05.599
And so I just really wish that believers will read their word and understand, like, you cannot, you know, attack a young lady who just gave her life to Christ and who's still dressing a certain way or still involved in certain things or still doing something and attack her and think you need to be holy, and being holy means perfect.
00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:06.880
Like, no, it does not mean that.
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:09.920
So I hate that because the reality is you can never be perfect.
00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:11.279
No matter how you put it.
00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:17.920
Now, we can't use that as an escape goal to say, well, I'm gonna still be stuck in my ways because the Bible says that I will never be perfect.
00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.920
No, what that means is that you strive daily to be perfect.
00:24:22.079 --> 00:24:25.039
Because God sees the conditions of your heart, He sees your heart posture.
00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:26.319
So, what is your heart posture?
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:28.559
It's like, Lord, I'm gonna be at your feet.
00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:36.079
Like, I know I just sinned against you, and I know this is my vice and this is what I keep struggling with, but Lord, I'm gonna lay at your feet until I get it right.
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:38.240
That's what it looks like to strive for holiness.
00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:43.519
And I just, Christians believe it's no, you gotta just be so perfect and you can't make not one wrong move.
00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:50.000
And that's so irritating because now you're pushing away the baby in Christ, the person who wanted to even give Jesus a try.
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:57.519
Now you're pushing them away because you're putting all of these, these, these standards, these rules that the Lord said, I came to fulfill the law.
00:24:57.680 --> 00:25:00.559
So the old test, like, y'all just doing too much.
00:25:00.799 --> 00:25:01.599
You know what's crazy?
00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:08.720
I was you got you said something and it made me think of some of think of something that we all kind of struggle with, which is imposter syndrome.
00:25:08.880 --> 00:25:13.680
I feel like we've been labeling it wrong because I feel like sometimes imposter syndrome is the devil.
00:25:13.839 --> 00:25:20.240
Like I feel like it's hearing all the things you cannot do or you're not good at, you're not good for this, you shouldn't be here.
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:21.680
That table's not meant for you.
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:28.480
All the things that we hear that are negative to get us to do God's purpose or the purpose that He has set out for us.
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:30.079
I feel like we've been labeling it wrong.
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.680
It's not imposter syndrome, it's the devil.
00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:33.279
You ain't wrong, girl.
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:34.400
You ain't wrong.
00:25:34.559 --> 00:25:48.400
There have been so many times where I'm about to walk into a room and like host or something, and I'm like nervous, and I would literally catch myself and be like, hold on, girl, you would not have been given this opportunity if you were not ready for it.
00:25:49.279 --> 00:25:53.759
Don't don't spit in God's face by being nervous about something that he gave you that you asked for.
00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:55.039
Don't play yourself.
00:25:55.200 --> 00:26:07.519
So if anybody is listening and they feel like nervous about something that's coming up or anxious about an interview or whatever the case may be, just know that you were put in that position because you are ready for it and you're gonna learn something from it.
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:13.599
Whether you get it or not, you're gonna learn something from it, and God put you there for a very specific reason.
00:26:13.759 --> 00:26:16.000
So don't be nervous about it, don't worry.
00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:18.240
If you're worrying, that's not coming from God.
00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:20.640
Because why would he make you worry about something he already settled for you?
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:21.359
That'll make it.
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:23.119
My God, come on, preacher.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:24.799
You better help somebody.
00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:27.920
No, for real.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:37.920
So if you guys again, listeners, if you got something coming up, pray about it and and be calm, be still, let him do the rest because there's nothing else that you could do.
00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:39.599
Because that's another thing I struggle with.
00:26:39.759 --> 00:26:42.480
I am a control freak, y'all.
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:45.920
I am a big believer that if he pays the way, I'm gonna walk the path.
00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:49.200
But I also struggle with letting him pave the way.
00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:50.960
I'm like, no, I'm gonna do it myself.
00:26:51.119 --> 00:26:51.759
Excuse me.
00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:54.319
And I think I can control everything.
00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:59.759
And I have to have this conversation with myself and be like, all right, girl, you did all that you could do as a human.
00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:01.839
Everything else is not up to you.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:03.599
There's nothing else you could do about it.
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:06.640
You prepared, you read your scripts, you did this, you did that.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:11.440
There's nothing else you could do now, is if if you're gonna get it, you're gonna get it.
00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:12.640
If it works out, great.
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:14.480
If it doesn't, it was not for you.
00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:25.599
And there has been so many times where just me as in my professional life, I'm going to do an audition or something, and I'm like, oh my God, I really want this opportunity, and it's not what I think it's gonna be.
00:27:26.000 --> 00:27:27.039
And I don't get it.
00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:35.920
And then I'll work out a bigger deal with said same company three or four years later, and I'm like, ah, that's why I didn't get that other little baby thing that I thought I wanted that I really didn't want.
00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:54.799
Yeah, you know, as we're talking here, I I'm just remembering like just being so much more spiritual years ago, and through the process of like finding my spirituality again, there has been a lot of like self-trust building within that, like trusting myself to be consistent, trusting myself to trust God.
00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:05.599
And that alone has been a battle for me, like retrusting myself all over again to know that I'm making the best decisions through my Lord or the ideas that I have or coming from a higher place.
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:07.359
Have you guys felt like that as well?
00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:12.400
Where it's like you're also not only building your spirituality, but you're building your like self-trust again.
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:14.000
Every day.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:24.079
Every day when it comes to trust or even trusting again, I think the hardest part of doing that is accepting the fact that you will be hurt again.
00:28:24.319 --> 00:28:30.880
Whether that's you trying to trust yourself or you trusting someone else, or you know, Christ will never let you down.
00:28:31.039 --> 00:28:35.359
Only when you want something when you want it and he don't make it happen, then you're gonna be sad and make a big deal about it.
00:28:35.440 --> 00:28:39.359
But when you just know that he works on his timing, right, then you'll be all right.
00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:40.640
You'll you'll have peace with that.
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:50.240
But when it comes to self, yes, I've had moments where it's like, even now, like I need to build a better relationship with myself and keeping my word with myself.
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.480
But in that, I've also just understood that this is a journey.
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:57.599
And the reality is, I will hurt myself.
00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:00.319
I will let myself down because it's life.
00:29:00.480 --> 00:29:05.599
We're literally, we're, we're not just dealing with the component of being consistent and having discipline and being the best we can be.
00:29:05.680 --> 00:29:09.839
We're dealing with the highs and lows of the emotion, the highs and lows of just life.
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:18.480
So I think, yeah, I think I've I've experienced that and I experience it often, right, with with myself and just with the world and just people.
00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:22.720
And I think again, again, I just I strive to become better 1% every day.
00:29:22.799 --> 00:29:24.480
I don't like to set myself up for failure.
00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:28.480
I know myself enough now to know like what works for me, what doesn't work for me.
00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:30.160
And I just do my best.
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.519
And then just like you, Crystal, I was very much so the same.
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:44.400
I've I've kind of let go of it little by little now, like the whole control thing, because I realized that it was causing me to carry weight I was never meant to carry, to be overwhelmed with things I was never meant to be overwhelmed with.
00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:55.920
So I've learned, like, okay, the more I release this, the more I can focus on what truly matters, you know, because as control freaks, it'd be the most tedious things, like, I like this flower arrangement, but I don't like it like that.
00:29:56.000 --> 00:29:57.200
Let me just break how I want it.
00:29:57.279 --> 00:30:00.640
When you could do it to the florist, baby, can you just adjust that a little bit?
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:01.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:09.839
And so yeah, I think it's relationship with the Lord will keep you in relationship with yourself and it will lead that, like that will flow into relationship with others.
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:20.960
And again, with trust, I just think accepting that you will be hurt again is what kind of helps me kind of keep going and not just give up on myself, people or God.
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:32.240
Yeah, and I think a lot of even with when it relates to like building trust or rebuilding trust, like a lot of the inner workings that we do behind the scenes help us deal with if we do get hurt again, right?
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:41.039
So that's like when people are going to therapy or when you're doing like when you're you're doing your devotionals, when you're doing your journal, when you're praying, it's like the first time you were hurt, you were really hurt.
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:44.000
You know, like let's think about it like a breakup, you down bad, right?
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:49.680
And the second time, it's like, okay, you knew it was coming and you're like a better, like you're in a better position to dealing with it.
00:30:49.759 --> 00:30:52.240
So like that's how I like to approach approach trust.
00:30:52.319 --> 00:31:00.640
Like I try to give people like, you know, several chances, but you know, it's like one of those things where it's like, okay, I forgive you the first time, okay, that's on, you know, that's on me the second time.
00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:02.799
All right, you know, the third time, it's like, okay, that's it.
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:15.440
But I think it's so important the work that we do as we're learning to build trust with people and within ourselves that we don't beat ourselves up, that we don't like break ourselves down because then you won't be able to rebuild, you know what I mean?
00:31:15.519 --> 00:31:19.200
And I think a lot of that also stems from us unlearning things.
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:27.599
So I wanted to ask us that like, what are some things that we all collectively had to unlearn in order to move forward to be this version of ourselves today?
00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:39.279
Because in my 20s, I didn't think I was gonna be, you know, this wise and you know, just being able to like bounce back from being hurt or, you know, being broken down in ways that I have been.
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:52.000
I think for me, especially when it just comes to just walking my faith, is giving myself grace that I might not pray every day, that I might not read, you know, a chapter every day.
00:31:52.319 --> 00:32:02.640
But as long as I'm carrying the spirit and I'm moving in this world as such, being good to people, doing right, that sort of stuff, I don't have to be perfect.
00:32:03.039 --> 00:32:05.039
And that's kind of what I was talking about with redemption.
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:13.759
It's like people have this idea that like, you know, once you once you are saved and and once you find your spirituality again, you have to be perfect, everything perfect, perfect, perfect.
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:16.240
You can't curse nobody out, and Lord knows I will.
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:23.359
But you know, like there's just certain things, you know, I have to give myself grace about because at the end of the day, I'm still a human being.
00:32:23.519 --> 00:32:28.720
So I have to unlearn that being a child of God doesn't mean I'm absolutely perfect.
00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:35.680
And that has allowed me to be more consistent in my spirituality as well, because I'm not like, oh damn, I missed three days.
00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:38.240
Like he's mad at me, or you know, my God is not talking.
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:39.119
You get what I'm saying?
00:32:39.200 --> 00:32:46.559
Like, especially as a kid growing up, I felt like I had to be so perfect that it actually steered me away for a while.
00:32:46.720 --> 00:33:02.960
And then the other thing I would say is like just trusting I had to towards like to the point of giving myself grace, like making sure that when things are going good for myself, I'm still praying because Lord knows everybody pick up the Bible when things are tough.
00:33:03.119 --> 00:33:06.880
You know, everybody pick up the Bible, but when things are good, you don't be calling as much.
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:19.839
So I try myself to like give myself grace if I'm finding myself in a moment where things are good and I haven't been praying as much that I remind myself, which is a part of trust, like trusting myself to be like, okay, wait, hold on, Lord, my bad.
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:22.319
I know I ain't been calling, but let's talk.
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:23.359
I know things have been good.
00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:28.480
All the things, all the things that I've been praying for, all the blessings that I have been praying for are flowing in now.
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:35.279
And I gotta give myself a little grace to say, okay, I may not have been calling, but let me let me go ahead and and have that conversation again.
00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:36.720
Let me go ahead and get back on it.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:39.200
Just because things are good doesn't mean I stop praying again.
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:42.400
I would say for me, I had to unlearn.
00:33:42.640 --> 00:33:48.880
To a degree, it was kind of forced too, but I had to unlearn the idea that I can do battle by myself.
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:58.160
Like, it's a cute saying, and you know, I think I'm, you know, I think I'm bad and I can get things done and you know, I can rock my world and rock the world, whatever.
00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:03.519
But I had to allow God to deal with my pride.
00:34:03.680 --> 00:34:20.320
Because people think that pride is just like arrogance and all of the things that we see, but sometimes pride can be not like things that ask for help, you know, because being humble is is is is removing pride and getting pride out the way so that you can really see where you are and what you need.
00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:25.760
And so for a while, I would say like three years ago, the Lord really, I didn't realize that I was dealing with that.
00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:30.639
But I was a girl that was like, I don't like to ask for help, I don't care if I'm drowning, I'm just gonna try to figure it out.
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:33.280
You know, I wouldn't ask my friends for help, my family for help.
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.400
It was like, no, I got this, I'll figure it out, all good.
00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:43.039
And I didn't realize how much trying to do everything on my own was actually slowing me down.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:55.039
And the Lord had to deal with my pride because he said, if you don't open up your mouth or think you don't need anyone to help you, it's going to keep you small.
00:34:55.199 --> 00:34:58.800
Because in everything that I do, people are a part of the plan.
00:34:58.960 --> 00:35:03.599
And so I had to unlearn the idea that asking for help meant I was weak.
00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:12.159
Have you heard that McDonald's spicy chicken McNuggets made with spicy tempora and a blend of age cayenne are back?
00:35:12.639 --> 00:35:14.880
Remember to grab a few extra napkins.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:18.639
Ba-da-ba-ba-ba for limited time to participate in McDonald's.
00:35:20.079 --> 00:35:23.920
I had to learn that asking for help didn't mean that I wasn't capable.
00:35:24.239 --> 00:35:32.159
So unlearning that has been so beautiful because not only am I now getting all of the help that I need, right?
00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:41.519
I'm also seeing God give life and purpose to other people because I was humble enough to say I can't do this on my own.
00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:45.199
So now that puts somebody in position to be connected to purpose.
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:52.719
And a lot of times because we don't want to ask for help, we don't understand that us not opening up our mouth is keeping someone small.
00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:59.599
It's keeping someone stuck in in what they don't need to be stuck in because purpose will unlock doors for people around you.
00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:01.119
Purpose is not just about truth.
00:36:01.199 --> 00:36:04.880
So that's why it is so important to walk, to figure what that is, right?
00:36:05.119 --> 00:36:10.559
Your purpose will unlock that calling and that and that that deal and that that light.
00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:12.239
It will ignite that light in other people.
00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:15.119
So that's again something that I had to unlearn.
00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:30.719
And I'm glad that I unlearned it because I also now see why God was preparing me for it three years ago because now I'm in a space where there's like been so much acceleration in my life and in like in the inner parts of it, and I'm just like, Lord, I don't even know how I'm doing all of this.
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:34.480
Like, and he's like, child, you exactly, you need help.
00:36:34.559 --> 00:36:34.880
Amen.
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:39.360
So I'm I'm I'm glad that that's something that I'm unlearning, well, that I've unlearned.
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:41.039
And that I'm still processing, right?
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:42.320
But I I I'm glad.
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:43.280
I'm so glad.
00:36:43.519 --> 00:36:57.679
Yeah, especially in business, or like when you're building a business or or or growing a community of people and doing what you do with Raise Your Spark, you never know how you saying, Hey, I need help can affect somebody else, or to your point, give somebody purpose.
00:36:57.760 --> 00:36:59.599
So can you talk a little bit about Raise Your Spark?
00:36:59.760 --> 00:36:59.920
Yeah.
00:37:00.079 --> 00:37:01.840
So Raise Your Spark, that's my baby.
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:02.960
Well, it's God's baby.
00:37:03.039 --> 00:37:03.840
He just trusts me with it.
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:05.920
So Raise Your Spark was birthed through.
00:37:06.079 --> 00:37:10.000
So when I heard the gospel and I was in prison, I always knew, like, oh my God, I gotta spread this good news.
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:12.079
Like, this is too good for me to keep to myself.
00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:17.360
So I always had this desire to just live for him and just do things that will lead people to him.
00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:22.159
And so in like 2019, I remember sitting there, like, okay, God, I'm working this job.
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:24.719
So as soon as I came home from prison, I went to school.
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:26.159
I like signed up for college.
00:37:26.239 --> 00:37:28.239
I was like, okay, I'm gonna go be a dental hygienist.
00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:31.280
And then I learned about entrepreneurship through network marketing.
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:32.400
And I was like, what?
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:34.559
I don't have for some reason I had no idea.
00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:41.119
Like now that I look back, my family, my parents, I didn't grow up in a career-oriented home.
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:43.519
Like my family, everybody was just a hustler, you know?
00:37:43.599 --> 00:37:46.639
Like, we're gonna pull hair, we're gonna sell some clothes, we're gonna, everyone was hustling.
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:48.559
At the time, I didn't know what that was entrepreneurship.
00:37:48.639 --> 00:37:53.039
But anyway, fast forward when I learned about entrepreneurship, I was like, ooh, the freedom?
00:37:53.199 --> 00:37:57.280
And so coming out of prison, like freedom was something I desired in every way.
00:37:57.440 --> 00:37:59.599
Because coming from a place where everything was controlled.
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:08.079
When you shower, how you shower, what you wear, what you eat, like every how much time you spend with your family when they come visit you after eight hour driving, like everything was controlled.
00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:11.280
So I desired freedom in every possible way.
00:38:11.519 --> 00:38:16.239
So I remember working a job, learning about entrepreneurship, and being stuck in the in between the two.
00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:19.119
And I'm like, Lord, I know there's greater things for me.
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:21.199
Like, I know there's bigger plans.
00:38:21.360 --> 00:38:26.639
And fast forward, I just remember sitting there one day at my desk at my in my bedroom at my mama's house.
00:38:26.719 --> 00:38:29.599
And I remember just writing, like trying to just ask him for a name.
00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:31.440
Like, I know you want me to build something.
00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:34.639
I know there's something out there that you want me to do, but what is it?
00:38:34.719 --> 00:38:36.159
And I was just was sitting there.
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:38.559
And then I wrote my name down, Yokiris.
00:38:38.719 --> 00:38:42.480
And then if you notice, the last three letters of my name represents Raise Your Spark.
00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:45.519
And when he gave me that, I was like, oh, this is great.
00:38:45.760 --> 00:38:48.079
At the time, my name on Instagram was Sunshine.
00:38:48.159 --> 00:38:50.880
So people always would say, You're like a light, even when I was in prison.
00:38:50.960 --> 00:38:53.360
It was like, you're like a light in this dark place and da-da-da.
00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:55.119
So I'm like, raise your spark.
00:38:55.280 --> 00:39:00.320
And then he gave me, then he gave me like the the soldier for it's like ignite the light within.
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:02.079
We are called to be the light of this world.
00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:05.119
He gave me the whole blueprint, y'all, the whole layout.
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:07.840
Fast forward, so many people was hitting me up on Instagram.
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:09.440
They were like, girl, can you mentor me?
00:39:09.599 --> 00:39:10.800
Girl, can I get on a call with you?
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:12.639
And I'm like, what do y'all want to talk to me for?
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:22.960
I was still stuck in who, I was like in between what who God said I was, and I was also still stuck with the with the old version of me, who the enemy kept trying to remind me I was.
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:25.039
So I'm like, why y'all want to talk to a felon?
00:39:25.199 --> 00:39:26.480
What do I got to offer y'all?
00:39:26.559 --> 00:39:27.599
I ain't got nothing for y'all.
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:29.440
What what could I possibly mentor you all?
00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:30.000
Because my idea is.
00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:35.920
Yeah, my idea was a mentor is someone who is successful financially.
00:39:36.000 --> 00:39:36.880
That was my idea.
00:39:37.039 --> 00:39:40.480
But of course, later on I learned you could have a mentor for different parts of your life, right?
00:39:40.559 --> 00:39:43.119
You can have a spiritual mentor and you can have financial mentors, right?
00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:45.199
But anyway, at the time I just couldn't see it.
00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:48.480
And so what I did was the Lord gave me Raise Your Spark.
00:39:48.559 --> 00:39:52.960
And fast forward like two years later, I started like doing credit repair, Airbnb.
00:39:53.039 --> 00:39:55.360
I went into my full entrepreneurial journey.
00:39:55.440 --> 00:40:00.480
And I was like, this is what I'm gonna call my financial literacy company, raise your spark.
00:40:00.719 --> 00:40:02.960
And I was like, child, that was so off.
00:40:03.039 --> 00:40:05.199
Like, I didn't even correlate.
00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:10.559
But this is this was me running from what God wanted me to do, what he was initially calling me to do.
00:40:10.719 --> 00:40:11.199
Amen.
00:40:11.440 --> 00:40:15.199
And so I remember again, women just kept reaching out and saying, hey, can you mentor me?
00:40:15.360 --> 00:40:18.639
Fast forward, I finally just opened up a call one day.
00:40:18.719 --> 00:40:20.320
I said, Hey, I'm going on Zoom tonight.
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:21.360
Anyone want to join?
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:21.760
Just join.
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:22.320
It's free.
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:22.800
Just get on.
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:25.039
And like 13 women got on the call.
00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:29.119
Fast forward, that 13 women turned into over 5,000 women.
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:30.400
We're four years old.
00:40:30.559 --> 00:40:45.199
It's a movement that the Lord placed on my heart to help bring women into his presence, to help lead women into their purpose, to help lead women into healing, to help lead women to understand that you weren't just called to serve, you were also called to lead.
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:49.840
And it's been such a beautiful, purifying journey.
00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:52.000
I mean, the Lord has been stretching me.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:55.840
I've grown alongside of this community, I've grown alongside of the women.
00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:58.639
There were many times where I was just like, I can't do this.
00:40:58.719 --> 00:40:59.679
Like, I'm not equipped for this.
00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:00.559
I've never done this before.
00:41:00.639 --> 00:41:01.679
I've never seen this before.
00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:07.599
I didn't have a mentor guiding me on how to launch a community, how to host conferences, events, lead women.
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:10.159
Like these were all the things that God was developing me.
00:41:10.239 --> 00:41:14.159
And that's when He were like, I remember just when they're saying, like, Lord, why did you pick me to do this?
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:25.440
Like, I don't want to do this because Crystal, as you mentioned earlier, when you decide to live your life for Christ publicly and you and you say yes to the calling of ministry, you are living a public death.
00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:31.360
And what I mean by that is like you're daily dying to yourself, you're daily dying to the versions of you.
00:41:31.440 --> 00:41:32.000
So guess what?
00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:33.599
The world gets to see that journey.
00:41:33.760 --> 00:41:40.000
You you got to see when I was in the club and in the strip club and then going to church on Sunday and then getting on talking about Jesus loves you.
00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:41.280
You got to see all of that.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:45.599
And I think that's why so many people, you know, kind of rock with me because I shared that journey.
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:46.480
I was never ashamed.
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:50.000
Like one thing was like, Lord, can I just be a girl that just loves you and that's it?
00:41:50.079 --> 00:41:52.800
Like, I don't want to have to leave nobody nowhere because I don't want to leave no one wrong.
00:41:53.119 --> 00:41:56.559
But he said, no, once he calls you to something, he will see that through.
00:41:56.639 --> 00:42:00.719
And what he taught me was I don't call the qualified, I qualified the call.
00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:04.079
So I'm not, I didn't call you because you were qualified.
00:42:04.239 --> 00:42:06.480
I I called you because you love me.
00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:08.400
I called you because you yield to me.
00:42:08.559 --> 00:42:13.280
I called you because before you were even in your mother's womb, I already had a purpose and a plan for your life.
00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:14.800
None of it is a coincidence.
00:42:14.960 --> 00:42:17.440
The fact that we're not shy women, that's not a coincidence.
00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:20.559
The fact that we are beautiful, thank you, that's not a coincidence.
00:42:20.800 --> 00:42:22.719
He's all for his glory, right?
00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:32.079
And so he had to teach me through this journey, like, girl, this is this is what I'm doing through you, but it's not just for you, it's for everyone else.
00:42:32.239 --> 00:42:36.320
And I tell people all the time, if your purpose only benefits you, it's a hobby.
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:41.519
But when your purpose is helping other people grow, other people evolve, that's purpose.
00:42:41.679 --> 00:42:43.599
If you want to know what's the difference, that's purpose.
00:42:43.679 --> 00:42:44.719
It's connected to other people.
00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:54.320
And so Raise Your Spark, again, it is a Christian woman's community, and we offer mentorship, discipleship, and you know, we are a nonprofit, so we're building that like now.
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:56.000
And we're it's amazing.
00:42:56.079 --> 00:42:58.000
I I have an amazing team.
00:42:58.079 --> 00:43:03.280
We have over 20 women, about 23 women that serve in the community.
00:43:03.360 --> 00:43:09.760
Um, some are on our executive team, some are just women that partnered and just served their time and their gifts in this community.
00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:11.199
It's it's fluctuated.
00:43:11.280 --> 00:43:12.800
I've been through a lot of different things, right?
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:14.000
Because ministry is pretty.
00:43:14.079 --> 00:43:17.199
People see the events, the retreats, the conferences, the pictures.
00:43:17.440 --> 00:43:23.519
But child, them same people, some of them people done dragged my name, done hurt me, done did this, done did that.
00:43:23.679 --> 00:43:31.920
But through it all, the Lord has, again, he's equipped me with the endurance and the grace and the heart of forgiveness to just keep it moving and not take things personal.
00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:39.920
Because I understand that ultimately, he, you know, he Jesus washed the feet of the very person he knew what would betray him.
00:43:40.239 --> 00:43:43.280
So for me, I've dealt with betrayal in ministry.
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:49.280
I've had people sit next to me and say, I want to help you grow this thing, and I want to serve you, women of God.
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:53.039
And God told me, and and and they just snake you.
00:43:53.280 --> 00:43:57.280
But I just know 1000% that no man can touch what God has built.
00:43:57.519 --> 00:43:58.800
And his blood will cover me.
00:43:58.880 --> 00:43:59.199
Amen.
00:43:59.280 --> 00:44:09.920
And so that's Have to say, like, you know, it's been a journey, and I just had to share that part because again, when people hear women's communities and women's ministries, they think everything is this beautiful flowers and lilies and roses.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:13.840
And I'm like, no, if you're looking for the perfect community, raise your spark is not for you.
00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:30.719
But if you're looking for a community of Christian women who are thriving and striving for holiness, striving to become a better version of themselves, striving to heal through the trauma and grow and even overcome spiritual hurt or trauma or church hurt or sisterhood hurt, right?
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:36.000
Like there's so many women that come hurt from friendships and churches and things like that.
00:44:36.159 --> 00:44:41.920
So it's just literally, I tell them all the time, it's it's literally training grounds for where God wants to take you next.
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:44.400
And again, it is an honor to lead it.
00:44:44.480 --> 00:44:46.000
And I'm just grateful.
00:44:46.159 --> 00:44:52.000
So thank you for asking about Racist Park because it's definitely, it's it's definitely a gift from God.
00:44:52.159 --> 00:44:52.400
Literally.
00:44:56.400 --> 00:44:59.840
Listen, she said he called, he he he qualifies the call.
00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:01.920
He don't call those that are qualified.
00:45:02.079 --> 00:45:02.719
That's a that's a word.
00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:04.000
I'm gonna take that work.
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:05.119
I'm gonna take that work.
00:45:05.360 --> 00:45:06.559
That was a good one, girl.
00:45:06.800 --> 00:45:07.679
That was so good.
00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:12.800
And I I just love just your story, by the way, is just it's just so powerful.
00:45:12.880 --> 00:45:16.639
And I really appreciate you coming on and telling us about it and your your journey.
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:20.639
But something I wanted to ask you because clearly this has been with you from the beginning.
00:45:20.719 --> 00:45:27.119
Like you had the name, like with your sunshine name, you had it's in your initials, like it's literally been there the whole time.
00:45:27.199 --> 00:45:30.079
But what did you feel like you had to do to be able to hear God's voice?
00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:34.480
Because a lot of us struggle with hearing what he wants us to do, right?
00:45:34.639 --> 00:45:37.280
We pray, we go through the emotions, we do all the things.
00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:45.920
But as someone who's listening or watching us that struggles with hearing God's voice to know like what's the next step for what they should be doing, what would you say they need to do?
00:45:46.159 --> 00:45:47.280
You need to be still.
00:45:47.440 --> 00:45:52.719
Because here's the thing we pray, we ask God to show his face, we ask God to give us instruction and direction.
00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:54.960
And right after we pray that we get busy.
00:45:55.119 --> 00:45:59.599
And so sometimes hearing God is always speaking, but are you still enough to hear him?
00:45:59.840 --> 00:46:04.880
And so when you're still enough to say, okay, God, I'm I I just prayed and asked you what's my purpose.
00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:11.119
Let me be still now instead of trying to launch another business, instead of me trying to do another thing, instead of me trying to stay busy, busy, busy so I don't deal with myself.
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:12.239
What does that look like?
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:17.199
And so for me, for example, raise your spark, I knew it was my purpose.
00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:20.559
I knew God was calling me to it because it was the very thing I kept running from.
00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:24.639
So it is, it is, it are, are you, can you not hear God?
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:29.199
Or are you literally putting your earplugs in because you don't want to hear what he has to say?
00:46:29.360 --> 00:46:34.800
Because sometimes hearing from God is sometimes having to be okay with the fact that what you're going to hear is not what you want to hear.
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:38.639
What he's gonna lead you to do is not what you wanna be done, you what you wanna do, right?
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:43.199
What he's gonna call you to do is is is something that is out of your comfort zone, right?
00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:45.280
So for me, I didn't want to do that.
00:46:45.440 --> 00:46:47.199
That's how I, that's what I said, tell people all the time.
00:46:47.360 --> 00:46:52.400
You know you're called to ministry or you know you're called to do something when it's the very thing you keep running from.
00:46:52.559 --> 00:46:54.960
When it's the very thing that you're like, nah, I'm cool off that.
00:46:55.039 --> 00:46:56.880
I I let me just go over here and do that.
00:46:56.960 --> 00:46:57.599
No, no, no.
00:46:57.760 --> 00:46:59.440
God said I'm calling you forward.
00:46:59.599 --> 00:47:02.079
And so it was when I finally was like, you know what?
00:47:02.159 --> 00:47:04.559
All right, I I I keep I keep playing small.
00:47:04.719 --> 00:47:08.880
I know you too much, I know you too well to know that this is not what you have ordained for me.
00:47:08.960 --> 00:47:13.840
And so I would say slowing down and just slow down and just do it.
00:47:14.000 --> 00:47:17.760
Do it scared, do it worried, do it, do it, just do it.
00:47:17.920 --> 00:47:18.480
Just do it.
00:47:18.639 --> 00:47:19.679
He is gonna carry you.
00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:21.840
And I'm literally a testament of that.
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:23.679
Like, he has carried me through it.
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:24.480
I didn't know how.
00:47:24.719 --> 00:47:26.159
Child, I remember my first event.
00:47:26.239 --> 00:47:28.079
It was like a, I think it was probably$18,000.
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:28.719
I don't know.
00:47:28.800 --> 00:47:31.760
I was just like, I want a conference and I want it to be big and I want a red carpet.
00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:32.639
I had this whole vision.
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:36.639
Child, I had no money, but when you just trust God, girl.
00:47:36.880 --> 00:47:39.199
When you just trust me, I know that feeling too well.
00:47:40.079 --> 00:47:43.360
When you just trust God, He will make a way.
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:44.880
He will do what He needs to.
00:47:44.960 --> 00:47:45.840
He's gonna provide.
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:52.000
He is, he said, if if if I dress the lilies of the fields, baby, I just felt chills when I said that.
00:47:52.239 --> 00:48:01.199
Because I know right now there's so many people, whether you're a believer or a non-believer, like people are literally in depression, in anxiety because of finances.
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:03.840
Finances is like a huge thing.
00:48:03.920 --> 00:48:14.559
But that's one of the that's actually one of the, aside from your identity, that's one of the main tactics the enemy uses is the fear of poverty, the fear of black to keep you bound.
00:48:14.800 --> 00:48:16.400
Anyway, I hope I answered your question.
00:48:16.639 --> 00:48:18.000
Girl, no, you did.
00:48:18.239 --> 00:48:18.880
You really did.
00:48:19.199 --> 00:48:21.920
And and that actually brings me to my next question.
00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:25.360
It's like, where does ministry end and business begin for you?
00:48:25.440 --> 00:48:35.440
Because, like I was saying earlier, when it comes to people who are speaking about their faith publicly and are also entrepreneurs, like the grace is very small for y'all.
00:48:35.519 --> 00:48:38.000
Yeah don't nobody want to see that pastor in a Rolls Royce?
00:48:38.159 --> 00:48:39.039
And don't nobody want to see that.
00:48:39.920 --> 00:48:41.679
They minister uh living a little too good.
00:48:41.920 --> 00:48:47.519
I don't know what in the state why people grew like this, but that's just that's where we are.
00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:48.719
What you was gonna say, Amanda?
00:48:48.800 --> 00:48:50.800
I was gonna say, and you've seen both sides, right?
00:48:50.880 --> 00:49:03.760
Because you started your business as an entrepreneur, you wanted that freedom, so you did, you know, the financial business, you did the Airbnb, which I know at some point the Airbnb business, I don't know if it still is, but people were seeing some coins, okay?
00:49:04.000 --> 00:49:05.199
Like a lot of money.
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:12.239
So you've seen like the fruits of your labor with that, but I'm sure, you know, stepping in to raise your spark, you probably were blown away.
00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:17.119
So like I would love to know between the ministry and then you doing your own thing, like what that looked like.
00:49:17.199 --> 00:49:17.920
So I agree.
00:49:18.159 --> 00:49:18.880
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:49:19.039 --> 00:49:24.159
So one thing is when you, when you when you're gonna finally say yes to God, you you have to lay something down.
00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:26.880
There's no way you surrender to him without laying something down.
00:49:27.119 --> 00:49:32.000
So when he, when I finally was like, all right, this was in 2023, I was like, all right, Lord, I'm gonna lay it down.
00:49:32.079 --> 00:49:34.400
I'm gonna follow you, I'm gonna do what you want me to do.
00:49:34.559 --> 00:49:36.400
He said, Yeah, but I need you to let go of this.
00:49:36.559 --> 00:49:38.079
I need you to let go of your apartment.
00:49:38.159 --> 00:49:41.519
I need you to let go of the Airbnb business, the credit repair business.
00:49:41.679 --> 00:49:42.480
I need you to let it go.
00:49:42.639 --> 00:49:49.440
So I went from making 20 plus K a month, living on my own, being the best that I could be, to literally moving into my girlfriend's house, pride.
00:49:49.519 --> 00:49:52.320
That's when he dealt with my help and all that kind of stuff, right?
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:56.320
And I remember starting Raisier Spark and finally kicking that off.
00:49:56.559 --> 00:49:58.480
And there was nothing coming in.
00:49:58.639 --> 00:50:02.079
I was literally just living in my purpose, pouring, pouring, pouring.
00:50:02.159 --> 00:50:03.440
We we had Mindset Mondays.
00:50:03.679 --> 00:50:05.840
So I host Mindset Mondays, that's a part of my mentorship.
00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:07.519
And it was every single Monday.
00:50:07.679 --> 00:50:13.440
But the Lord told me, He said, I'm gonna deal with the reason I'm telling you to lay it down is because I want to deal with your heart first.
00:50:13.679 --> 00:50:17.039
He wanted me to lead from a place where it was pure.
00:50:17.199 --> 00:50:24.000
Not that I wanted to take advantage of people's hearts and their emotions and their and their and their and their moments of of you know weight, right?
00:50:24.159 --> 00:50:25.280
Because that that's the thing, right?
00:50:25.360 --> 00:50:27.440
There is manipulation in that department, right?
00:50:27.519 --> 00:50:28.159
Let's be real.
00:50:28.719 --> 00:50:30.800
So Especially in business, of course.
00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:31.280
Yeah.
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:33.840
So I he he wanted to first deal with my heart.
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:41.679
And so I truly believe in 2023, when he led me to lay down my businesses, he dealt with my heart, he dealt with my pride.
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:45.119
I I believe he was preparing me for full-time ministry.
00:50:45.280 --> 00:50:49.360
And when he prepared me, it wasn't like, okay, your caris, you just gonna be broke forever.
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:50.400
No, no, no, no, no.
00:50:50.480 --> 00:50:55.360
Because if I'm devoted in my life, the Bible tells us that a laborer is worthy of his wages.
00:50:55.599 --> 00:51:02.400
If I am devoted my life to helping you grow, whether that's me working behind the scenes trying to make you better.
00:51:02.559 --> 00:51:07.280
I mean, this is this, this, I just hired people to help me carry this weight.
00:51:07.440 --> 00:51:22.000
We have a community wellness and culture advisor who is a licensed therapist that's making sure that the volunteers that are in the community, the women that are serving in this community, have a great support system, making sure that their mental health is well, their spiritual health is well.
00:51:22.159 --> 00:51:24.639
That takes time, that takes resources, right?
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:30.480
So I still have to say this that the Lord didn't tell me I'm calling you to ministry so that you can live beneath.
00:51:30.559 --> 00:51:34.000
No, he said, he said that I want you to have life and have it more abundantly.
00:51:34.239 --> 00:51:36.719
And so the first thing he had to do was deal with my heart.
00:51:36.880 --> 00:51:40.559
Make sure that what I am doing unto him is again pure.
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:49.599
And through that, right, then he was able to give me different ideas and different ways of making money for my living, right?
00:51:49.679 --> 00:51:50.320
Because I have to live.
00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:55.440
I have to live, I need to, I have a house, I have a, you know, I have a car, I gotta eat, I have to dress, you know what I mean?
00:51:55.599 --> 00:51:56.239
He provided.
00:51:56.320 --> 00:51:58.960
And so the fine line for me is this this is what I love to say.
00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:01.440
The gospel is free, ministry isn't.
00:52:01.599 --> 00:52:12.239
You can't expect me to show up for you, to help you grow, to help you heal, to give you resources, to show up for you, to host these things and think that, you know, it just, it's just, you know, money just comes from the air.
00:52:12.480 --> 00:52:14.079
So that's the fine line for me.
00:52:14.239 --> 00:52:17.840
So for me, for example, with Razor Spark, I don't charge for prayer calls.
00:52:18.000 --> 00:52:25.920
I know that there's there's some certain organizations and communities that they have a membership, and the membership is like, okay, this includes Bible study, this includes prayer calls.
00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:27.360
But for me, it's a separation.
00:52:27.519 --> 00:52:29.840
Bible studies are free, prayer calls are free.
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:30.639
That's the gospel.
00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:31.760
I can't charge you for that.
00:52:31.840 --> 00:52:32.400
That's free.
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:37.519
But you're my wisdom, the things that I study for, the skills that I've learned, yeah.
00:52:37.679 --> 00:52:45.119
And so the beautiful thing about it too is that raise your spark is not it, there's a profit side and a nonprofit side, but that's not my end all be all.
00:52:45.360 --> 00:52:50.239
I'm building my new company, which is called Agape Influence, which is a strategy and execution company.
00:52:50.320 --> 00:52:53.920
So it's all things branding, marketing, you know, all those things.
00:52:54.000 --> 00:53:04.159
So that's another beautiful thing about being an entrepreneur that you can again do and serve the Lord and operate in your gifts without feeling like that has to be your end-all be all, you know?
00:53:04.239 --> 00:53:05.199
And so I prayed for that too.
00:53:05.360 --> 00:53:09.360
The Lord didn't release me into another business idea immediately.
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:10.159
It took time.
00:53:10.239 --> 00:53:14.639
He had to establish my heart first with Raise Your Spark, establish what that looked like.
00:53:14.719 --> 00:53:20.800
And now He's given me the freedom to you know bloom in a different space of entrepreneurship.
00:53:21.119 --> 00:53:23.519
And he and listen, in the Bible it says seven streams.
00:53:23.599 --> 00:53:26.719
So we're not, we're not put on this earth to get money from one source.
00:53:26.960 --> 00:53:27.280
Amen.
00:53:27.599 --> 00:53:28.880
There's multiple sources.
00:53:29.119 --> 00:53:31.679
So that's that's really amazing that you're building that.
00:53:31.920 --> 00:53:40.800
You you mentioned having somebody on your team that is helping, making sure everyone that is spiritually leading others have their heart in the right posture.
00:53:40.960 --> 00:53:42.960
But like, how do you protect your own peace?
00:53:43.039 --> 00:53:49.039
Because your your testimony is literally like your journey, everything that you've built is is your business.
00:53:49.199 --> 00:53:52.079
So, how do you protect your own peace when your testimony is a part of that?
00:53:52.239 --> 00:53:55.679
And especially with social media, like right, your story is everywhere.
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:56.480
Yeah, yeah.
00:53:56.639 --> 00:54:02.000
So, so I remember when everything first happened, Crystal, as you mentioned, you actually witnessed seeing it on the news.
00:54:02.159 --> 00:54:02.960
I didn't even know that.
00:54:03.039 --> 00:54:06.800
So that's crazy that you even knew of my story prior to even connecting.
00:54:07.119 --> 00:54:13.280
But when that happened, I was aware of it because when I was in Rikers, so many people would come by with the newspaper articles.
00:54:13.360 --> 00:54:15.039
I was like on the front cover at one point.
00:54:15.199 --> 00:54:16.880
It was, it was a lot, there was a lot going on.
00:54:16.960 --> 00:54:24.320
So I think God is so beautiful because everything that we go through, even those dark times, they're preparing us for our latter days, right?
00:54:24.480 --> 00:54:30.239
And so for me, I believe that that time when all that was happening, it prepared me for social media.
00:54:30.480 --> 00:54:37.039
So when I finally started to open up about my story, even though it was already out there, I mean, you Google my name right now, and those articles are still there.
00:54:37.119 --> 00:54:38.480
I never even got them removed.
00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:39.920
I need to, and I desire to.
00:54:40.159 --> 00:54:43.280
I believe the Lord prepared me for this.
00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:57.360
So when I started to talk about it on social media, believe it or not, surprisingly, I would say if I had to put a percentage on it, maybe out of a hundred, maybe five percent of these past 10 years, I've heard negative comments.
00:54:57.599 --> 00:54:58.480
Believe it or not.
00:54:59.039 --> 00:55:01.519
I rarely, I mean, I've seen it.
00:55:01.599 --> 00:55:03.920
I've had people say crazy things, I've seen it.
00:55:04.079 --> 00:55:07.199
But I also now protect my peace by putting keywords that I block.
00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:12.400
So you can no longer comment on my page, murderer, killer, uh, whatever you want to say, right?
00:55:12.480 --> 00:55:14.480
You I I protect my peace by doing that.
00:55:14.639 --> 00:55:19.760
But even without doing that, I was already at peace because the people that matter are in my life.
00:55:19.920 --> 00:55:21.119
My parents forgave me.
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:23.679
I have amazing friends, I have an amazing support system.
00:55:23.760 --> 00:55:25.599
So, and I have the love of God, you know?
00:55:25.679 --> 00:55:28.000
So I think that is what I anchor myself in.
00:55:28.079 --> 00:55:42.239
And I think that's why, not that I think I know that is why the weight of my testimony and sharing it, if there's ever a negative comment, it doesn't really harm me anymore or like I used to, because yeah, I I I'm just in a different space.
00:55:42.400 --> 00:55:43.440
I'm in a different space now.
00:55:43.599 --> 00:55:44.320
That makes sense.
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:47.280
And it's, I think we we kind of talked about this earlier.
00:55:47.519 --> 00:55:57.199
I mean, people have always like criticized, you know, those who go to church or whatever because they feel like, you know, there's hypocrisy or so on and so forth.
00:55:57.280 --> 00:55:59.440
And I think social media really enhances that.
00:55:59.599 --> 00:56:03.039
Like it enhances the good, but it also enhances the bad.
00:56:03.199 --> 00:56:11.519
And I love how you talk earlier about how like we seen publicly that you was outside one day and then the next day you was at church and stuff.
00:56:11.760 --> 00:56:17.280
And people always talk about how the whole to spirituality pipeline needs to be studied.
00:56:17.360 --> 00:56:19.519
Like, and how we see it publicly.
00:56:19.679 --> 00:56:28.480
And when I say hoe, I don't mean like actually hoe, and I mean like the toxic lifestyle, you know, like that sort of thing, and and how we see it unfold publicly.
00:56:28.639 --> 00:56:31.280
Like we've seen so many people go through that journey.
00:56:31.440 --> 00:56:34.800
Like we've seen like Black China, which I absolutely love.
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:40.400
Like, I love when I see people go through that journey publicly, but I see them really stick to it.
00:56:40.719 --> 00:56:44.320
Cause we have also seen some people who not who don't stick to it, which that's a fact.
00:56:44.559 --> 00:56:44.880
Yeah.
00:56:45.119 --> 00:56:45.679
Whatever.
00:56:45.920 --> 00:56:52.400
But I think it's it's so beautiful to see on social media when people actually really do change their life.
00:56:52.559 --> 00:56:59.760
What I battle with is when I see people make that transition, but they don't make right with their wrongs.
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:02.400
Like that personally drives me crazy.
00:57:02.719 --> 00:57:12.719
Because I think that as loud as you are about your faith and your transition and your journey, you need to be just as loud about the wrongs that you have done.
00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:26.559
And not necessarily the wrongs that's been done to you, because there's nothing you can do about that, but if you have lived a certain life, or if you have been super toxic, or if you have been, you know, you have done things with malicious intent in your life.
00:57:26.800 --> 00:57:32.239
In me, my opinion personally is that just because God forgives you, the buck doesn't stop there.
00:57:32.400 --> 00:57:42.239
I personally think there is also a level of getting right with the people that you have done wrong that needs to be done, or at least honesty that needs to happen.
00:57:42.480 --> 00:57:50.239
You cannot live a life of doing all these things wrong, and then all of a sudden you're going through this spiritual transition on social media.
00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:55.199
But have you called that person that you did XYZ to and said, you know what, I was wrong?
00:57:55.440 --> 00:58:01.599
Have you sat down and been like, you know, when I did this, just so you know, this was my intention and it wasn't right.
00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:02.719
You get what I'm saying?
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:03.039
Yeah.
00:58:03.199 --> 00:58:10.159
And you know, you know, you and I, I I you and I battle with this part because I kind of see it the opposite way as a person.
00:58:10.400 --> 00:58:15.840
Like, I feel like when you close some chapters, you don't necessarily have to reopen them all the time.
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:18.800
Because sometimes reopening them bring you back, right?
00:58:19.039 --> 00:58:22.000
So I think that's like my stand on it.
00:58:22.159 --> 00:58:31.199
I feel like I do think that some people do need to publicly, you know, take a stand and saying, hey, like, yeah, I was I did this, I, you know, I'm no longer this person.
00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:33.119
This is my new identity.
00:58:33.280 --> 00:58:39.119
But I think going down and maybe like opening up the door to apologize to every single person, some people may not receive it.
00:58:39.199 --> 00:58:39.920
So I don't know.
00:58:40.000 --> 00:58:40.480
I don't know.
00:58:40.559 --> 00:58:42.960
I I I struggle, I battle with both sides of that.
00:58:43.199 --> 00:58:44.400
What do you think, Yo Caris?
00:58:44.639 --> 00:58:48.960
So I don't want to get in your business, but do you fully feel like someone owes you an apology?
00:58:49.119 --> 00:58:51.199
Like anyone Did she just read we?
00:58:52.159 --> 00:58:53.840
Well, because that's what I'm okay.
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:54.880
Well, let me just say this.
00:58:55.119 --> 00:59:03.440
Well, first not not me personally, but I have seen things unfold as a third party where I'm like, that was dead wrong.
00:59:03.679 --> 00:59:06.880
And like now you're living your life and you're like, God forgives me.
00:59:06.960 --> 00:59:12.719
You're walking in the spiritual journey because you feel like God has blessed you with all these materialistic things that you've been praying for.
00:59:12.960 --> 00:59:15.039
Your care is gonna be a part of real.
00:59:15.519 --> 00:59:16.320
For her to say that.
00:59:17.119 --> 00:59:20.639
For her to say, does somebody owe you an Yes.
00:59:20.880 --> 00:59:21.599
But not me.
00:59:21.760 --> 00:59:22.639
Yes, they do.
00:59:22.800 --> 00:59:27.280
Yeah, so I so truly, truly, this is what I this is this is what I believe.
00:59:27.440 --> 00:59:30.000
Your walk with the Lord is your walk with the Lord.
00:59:30.159 --> 00:59:38.639
And it is not my responsibility to worry or care or even be concerned with how God is dealing with you, Chris too, as a person, or you, Amanda, as a person.
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:41.599
The Lord just may be dealing with you about me.
00:59:41.760 --> 00:59:45.679
Or maybe he's first dealing with your pride, or maybe he's first dealing with your attitude.
00:59:45.840 --> 00:59:48.639
Eventually he'll get to the point where he's dealing with your heart.
00:59:48.800 --> 00:59:56.639
Because I remember you, it takes a certain level of surrender and humility for God to check you and say you were wrong when you did, you did that person wrong.
00:59:56.800 --> 00:59:58.880
It happened to me like a few weeks ago.
00:59:59.039 --> 01:00:05.599
The Lord revealed to me that I did something selfishly that hurts somebody, even where I'm at today, even as someone who's been saved for 10 plus years.
01:00:05.760 --> 01:00:10.800
And I, but I had to build that relationship with him so that I can be sensitive enough for him to check me.
01:00:10.960 --> 01:00:13.920
Because it's easy to say, Crystal, you did me wrong.
01:00:14.079 --> 01:00:16.079
It's hard for me to say, I did me wrong.
01:00:16.239 --> 01:00:17.519
It's easy to point fingers.
01:00:17.679 --> 01:00:22.480
But when it's time to deal with you and the matters of your heart, it is so hard to face yourself, right?
01:00:22.639 --> 01:00:26.960
But because of that relationship, I was able to be humble enough for the Lord to correct my heart.
01:00:27.039 --> 01:00:36.480
So the individual, especially if they're just new in Christ, a year in, two years in, I'm pretty sure that the Lord is still dealing with them in so many different ways.
01:00:36.559 --> 01:00:43.199
And I truly believe that the Lord will place it on their heart eventually to go back to that moment.
01:00:43.360 --> 01:00:50.480
And even if they know they did wrong, maybe they're too prideful, or maybe they fear the rejection of what it looks like to go to that person and say, I'm sorry.
01:00:50.639 --> 01:00:55.119
I don't know where they're at, but I just know that your relationship with the Lord is for you.
01:00:55.280 --> 01:00:59.039
So, yes, the Lord, like I he, he or she can say, Yeah, the Lord forgave me.
01:00:59.119 --> 01:01:01.679
So whatever and whoever I wronged, it like Lord forgive me so.
01:01:01.920 --> 01:01:02.400
So be it.
01:01:02.639 --> 01:01:03.119
So be it.
01:01:03.519 --> 01:01:12.400
But but I do think that there will come a point in time if they're serious with the Lord, the Lord will put it on, He will put that weight and that conviction on their heart.
01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:18.559
Because there's no way that you can love God and do something wrong or do people wrong and not have the conviction of it, right?
01:01:18.719 --> 01:01:26.320
Like he again, even me at this point of my walk, I have moments of conviction where I'm like, dang, you know, and it hurts because you like, dang, I don't want to do wrong.
01:01:26.400 --> 01:01:30.559
So again, daily, that daily commitment of becoming holy, that daily commitment of doing right.
01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:37.119
So I I think it's a journey, and we are to give people the grace to just say, you know what, I don't know where you're at, but you know what?
01:01:37.199 --> 01:01:45.599
My prayer is that one day you do find it in your heart to apologize to my friend or apologize to someone you've heard that I love, you know, pray for them in that way, that capacity.
01:01:45.679 --> 01:01:47.280
Like, Lord, deal with the matters of their heart.
01:01:47.440 --> 01:01:49.280
And uh that's kind of that, yeah.
01:01:49.599 --> 01:01:50.320
Was that a thunder?
01:01:50.400 --> 01:01:52.400
Was that a thunder in the Did you see that?
01:01:53.039 --> 01:01:54.239
Did you see that?
01:01:54.719 --> 01:01:56.239
That was did y'all see that?
01:01:56.400 --> 01:01:57.920
Like, that was crazy.
01:01:58.159 --> 01:02:00.800
On Q that was crazy, not a pain actor.
01:02:01.119 --> 01:02:02.480
Not a pain actor.
01:02:02.800 --> 01:02:16.320
Being somebody who is very public about what their word is and like their story, I just feel like this is so brave of you to put your story out there because the way people are crazy on social media and just say whatever they want and and are just so negative.
01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:18.639
It's a very scary thing to put yourself out there.
01:02:18.719 --> 01:02:22.639
And I really commend you for doing that and like telling your story with the with the compliment.
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:24.079
I could care for judgment.
01:02:24.239 --> 01:02:24.639
Yeah, you can't do that.
01:02:24.800 --> 01:02:25.760
And I love that for you.
01:02:25.920 --> 01:02:29.360
And I and I can and I could close that part out with this, right?
01:02:29.519 --> 01:02:30.960
This is also my belief.
01:02:31.119 --> 01:02:34.480
Jesus died a public, humiliating death for me, right?
01:02:34.719 --> 01:02:37.280
My story is not my own, but I'm getting emotional.
01:02:37.440 --> 01:02:44.400
So for me, it's like when I share my story, I'm not, I don't share it with the idea of I'm exposing myself.
01:02:44.559 --> 01:02:48.079
I share it with the knowing that he's going to get the glory.
01:02:48.239 --> 01:02:53.199
Because anytime I do post it, I have a bunch of DMs right now that I'm too overwhelmed to even open.
01:02:53.360 --> 01:02:57.360
The other day I posted about it because it was the anniversary of, you know, everything that happened.
01:02:57.519 --> 01:03:00.159
People are reaching out saying, hey, I'm in a similar situation.
01:03:00.400 --> 01:03:02.079
Hey, I'm going through this, I'm going through that.
01:03:02.239 --> 01:03:03.840
Or, wow, God is so good.
01:03:04.079 --> 01:03:07.280
It puts people in a position to know if God can love her, he can love me.
01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:08.719
If God forgave her, he could.
01:03:09.039 --> 01:03:10.480
So it's not about me.
01:03:10.639 --> 01:03:16.639
And I think that's what gives me the, the, the freedom to do it because I know it's bigger than me.
01:03:16.800 --> 01:03:18.559
And I wish more people will understand.
01:03:18.639 --> 01:03:19.920
Like, so many people are shameful.
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:22.400
I shared about my abortion about a few months ago.
01:03:22.480 --> 01:03:23.280
It took me a while.
01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:29.599
It happened a while ago, but I shared it recently because I'm like, I don't want the enemy to even think he got one up on me.
01:03:29.760 --> 01:03:33.679
I'll speak my truth because I know that again, it's bigger than me, you know?
01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:40.400
And so I just wish a lot more people will just break out of that shame that the enemy's trying to keep you bound in.
01:03:40.480 --> 01:03:47.519
I'm not saying you gotta tell people every detail of your life, but there's certain components of your life that will help bring people closer to Christ.
01:03:47.679 --> 01:03:48.559
And that's the goal.
01:03:48.639 --> 01:03:50.480
That's the that's that's the true assignment.
01:03:50.639 --> 01:03:50.960
Amen.
01:03:51.119 --> 01:03:52.880
So that's kind of yeah.
01:03:53.039 --> 01:03:54.480
And there's healing in that, right?
01:03:54.559 --> 01:04:30.079
And I think that's one of the reasons why we, Crystal and I even wanted to start this podcast platform too, because when you share different parts of yourself that aren't, you know, the most beautiful parts, like it, it it brings, it makes you have that human moment that other people can be like, wow, like it gives them like a level of confidence to share things that they wouldn't normally publicly share or, you know, just ever say out loud because it it's it's very hard to kind of put yourself out there to to tell your story, your testimony, and knowing that by you doing that, that you're healing and helping other people is really what God wants you to do.
01:04:30.239 --> 01:04:43.199
And that's the purpose that we all have is to live outside of ourselves and know that the things that we put out there on the internet, that we're doing it, whether it's to help people, to inform people, to, you know, inspire people, to make people, you know, uplift them.
01:04:43.360 --> 01:04:45.599
Because a lot of people live in dark places.
01:04:45.760 --> 01:04:49.679
A lot of people are depressed, a lot of people are battling things that we know nothing about.
01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:56.559
And we each of us don't know that we may put out a piece of content that may honestly bring people back to life.
01:04:56.639 --> 01:05:02.480
Like, I'm not trying to be so like, you know, like detrimental in that sense, but it's like sometimes people need that.
01:05:02.559 --> 01:05:08.800
Like, people do need like an outlet, and that's what I think each of us are, is we are a vessel for God.
01:05:09.119 --> 01:05:20.400
And I love that you came on here to tell us your story and that we're just continuing to spread the gospel the way that we are, each spreading it in our own way in our own world in our own world.
01:05:20.559 --> 01:05:26.960
Um, but one thing I do want to ask before we before we let you go is what is something that you are leaving behind in 2026?
01:05:27.199 --> 01:05:28.480
Saying yes to everything.
01:05:28.719 --> 01:05:31.760
I I have so I have a heart of servanthood.
01:05:31.920 --> 01:05:36.480
I love to show up for people, I love people, and I just I love doing things, right?
01:05:36.559 --> 01:05:37.840
Like I'm a busybody.
01:05:38.079 --> 01:05:44.400
But what I've noticed again this year is that the Lord is asking me to create capacity for what he's getting ready to do in my life.
01:05:44.480 --> 01:05:47.360
And so that also means me properly stewarding my time.
01:05:47.519 --> 01:05:51.199
And I believe not that I've done a poor job at it, but to a degree, yeah.
01:05:51.360 --> 01:05:57.119
Cause then I I I've said yes to things that took away from what I should have been doing or could have been doing.
01:05:57.280 --> 01:06:11.280
And so just being more intentional, I mean, I know that's Pretty like, you know, it's not a big one, but that's something that I'm working on, you know, that I'm even applying into my life right now so that I can go into 2027 with a stronger no, right?
01:06:11.360 --> 01:06:14.320
Like, yo, I don't like no is an answer too, right?
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:15.199
Like it's a great one.
01:06:15.440 --> 01:06:25.920
So just being able to say no more, being able to say, hey, I don't have the capacity for this more, because again, I just know what I desire is big, and I know that the plans he has for me are big.
01:06:26.000 --> 01:06:34.719
And so it's going to require me to not just be a good steward of what he's given me, but be a great, a greater steward of my time because it's a little wacky, you know?
01:06:34.880 --> 01:06:35.760
It's a little wacky.
01:06:35.840 --> 01:06:36.880
So we're we're working on that.
01:06:36.960 --> 01:06:37.840
I'm gonna work on that.
01:06:38.000 --> 01:06:40.880
So double backing on that, I think we can all answer this.
01:06:40.960 --> 01:06:46.320
What is something out of the ordinary that it relates to boundary setting that you do that people may think is kind of crazy?
01:06:46.400 --> 01:06:47.760
I feel like we should all answer that one.
01:06:48.480 --> 01:06:49.679
I don't let people in my house.
01:06:50.159 --> 01:06:53.119
Don't let anybody come to that's very Dominican of you.
01:06:53.840 --> 01:06:55.119
I don't like people in my house.
01:06:55.199 --> 01:06:55.599
I don't.
01:06:55.760 --> 01:07:00.800
My little sister asked me to have a sleepover with her girlfriends from school, and I said yes because it was her birthday.
01:07:00.880 --> 01:07:03.679
But I said, girl, if I ain't love you, it would have been a definitive no.
01:07:03.920 --> 01:07:06.400
I don't, yeah, people don't care about your space the way you do.
01:07:06.719 --> 01:07:09.360
You know, they want to just and then people overstay they welcome.
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:12.480
You know, it's like, all right, girl, you was here for an hour or two, go ahead, you know.
01:07:12.639 --> 01:07:13.599
So I I love my home.
01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:14.880
My home is my sanctuary.
01:07:15.039 --> 01:07:16.079
I love spending time home.
01:07:16.159 --> 01:07:21.280
And I don't know if it was because of prison, but I'm able to literally just stay in the house all day and be cool.
01:07:21.519 --> 01:07:23.679
Like I love, I enjoy being with myself.
01:07:23.920 --> 01:07:25.280
So I I love that.
01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:27.679
And for the most part, people respect it, you know.
01:07:27.840 --> 01:07:28.880
So I love that.
01:07:29.280 --> 01:07:30.400
That's so good.
01:07:31.920 --> 01:07:33.840
I'm turning my phone off at 10 o'clock.
01:07:34.159 --> 01:07:35.280
Do not disturb.
01:07:36.079 --> 01:07:36.800
Can't reach me.
01:07:37.360 --> 01:07:41.679
We're going back to the old days where if I'm not home, I'm not answering the phone.
01:07:41.840 --> 01:07:43.599
Like, I don't answer every text message.
01:07:43.760 --> 01:07:49.199
I don't answer, like, I try not to answer after a certain time, just mostly because it leaks into the next day.
01:07:49.280 --> 01:07:51.039
I fall asleep late, I wake up late.
01:07:51.119 --> 01:07:52.320
It's a whole thing for me.
01:07:52.400 --> 01:07:59.119
Like, so I have really had to set boundaries with getting off my phone and like not communicating with anybody past a certain time.
01:07:59.280 --> 01:08:02.000
And it is done wonders for how I perform the next day.
01:08:02.239 --> 01:08:02.480
Beautiful.
01:08:03.360 --> 01:08:04.079
That's so good.
01:08:04.239 --> 01:08:04.800
That's so good.
01:08:05.119 --> 01:08:08.880
Similarly, I mean, I'm honestly, I'm not.
01:08:09.119 --> 01:08:12.880
This is a social media thing because this just recently happened and it kind of irritates me a bit.
01:08:13.039 --> 01:08:16.880
I'm not responding to people that call me after I post something or text me right after I post something.
01:08:17.119 --> 01:08:18.399
You didn't need me in that moment.
01:08:18.479 --> 01:08:20.479
You just seen something and you wanted to reach out.
01:08:20.640 --> 01:08:22.560
I'll wait till tomorrow to follow up.
01:08:22.640 --> 01:08:27.439
Like, I just don't like people who need an immediate thing from you because they think that you're available right in that moment.
01:08:27.600 --> 01:08:32.159
I feel like we all have our own lives that we are, you know, navigating.
01:08:32.319 --> 01:08:33.279
Nothing is that urgent.
01:08:33.359 --> 01:08:36.000
If it is, call 911, don't call me, please.
01:08:36.960 --> 01:08:37.279
Bye.
01:08:37.359 --> 01:08:38.479
You're everything.
01:08:39.680 --> 01:08:42.640
Yo, Caris, thank you so much for coming on.
01:08:42.880 --> 01:08:44.880
We appreciate it talking with you.
01:08:45.119 --> 01:08:47.279
Um, and thank you for dropping them gems, girl.
01:08:47.359 --> 01:08:49.439
I'm gonna take that back and write that down.
01:08:49.600 --> 01:08:51.039
That was a good one, honey.
01:08:51.279 --> 01:08:53.600
Let's see, I'm calling qualified acting and personal.
01:08:55.119 --> 01:08:56.079
We love this.
01:08:56.319 --> 01:08:57.199
It was so good.
01:08:57.359 --> 01:08:58.000
Thank you so much.
01:08:58.079 --> 01:08:59.840
You are welcome back anytime.
01:09:00.079 --> 01:09:02.880
Um, but hopefully, you all enjoyed this episode.
01:09:03.039 --> 01:09:10.640
If you loved it, if it resonated with you, if it touched you, if it pulled your heart in any way, please like, comment, and share it with somebody else.
01:09:10.880 --> 01:09:14.800
And of course, we will see you guys again next week for a brand new episode.
01:09:14.960 --> 01:09:15.600
Bye, y'all.
01:09:15.840 --> 01:09:17.520
Hi, thank you for having me, ladies.
01:09:17.760 --> 01:09:18.239
Of course.