WEBVTT
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What's up, y'all?
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Welcome to another episode of Dr.
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Kimi Unplugged.
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So today I want to talk about being stuck between two worlds.
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Maybe that's what I'll name the episode.
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I'm not quite sure yet.
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But the the thought process or the concept is you are high achieving, you are neurodivergent, right?
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So you have achieved a lot in your life.
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You are a doctor.
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You have quite literally made it to the what some would call the upper echelon of society.
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Like you have done the thing, you have received, okay?
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And you want more.
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So I see this all the time, right?
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I am this, okay.
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People would say, okay, you've achieved a lot.
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Like, isn't that enough?
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Like, just let it go.
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Like, why do you want more?
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Like, why do you want to be a content creator?
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Why do you want to, you know, start a business?
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Why do you want to get promoted or step into leadership or start my own practice?
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Why do you want to create a movement?
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Like, why do you want to do all these things?
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You're already a doctor, like, but you just want more.
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And like, there's no justification, there's no reason.
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You just do.
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You just do.
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You want to make a name for yourself outside of just the bedside, outside of the halls of the hospital.
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Like you want to lead people in a really, really specific way.
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And it's different for different people, right?
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So, like, it doesn't really matter what that thing is for you.
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You just know it's more than what you currently have.
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And like, you look around and you look at your life and you're like, I should feel happy.
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I should feel like this is enough.
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Like, I've actually done the thing that most people aren't able to do.
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And yet I'm looking around and it's just not giving what it used to give.
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Like, there's an idea, there's a thought, right?
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Of what we thought medicine was going to be.
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And then when we get in it and it's not that, right?
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Or you you get past the first few years of new attending hood, and you're like excited but also nervous.
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And like you, you kind of settle into a rhythm.
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You settle into a flow for better or for worse.
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Like if it's a good flow or a bad flow, it's still a flow, right?
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We'll talk about that flow in a second because it's not like always a super productive flow if you're listening to this podcast, but it's still a flow.
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And you're like, okay, I want more.
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Like, I want to do so much more than what I'm doing right now.
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And not only is your brain feeding you, girl, you've already achieved so much.
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Like you should be happy with what you have.
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So not only is it feeding you that, it's also feeding you the fact that the specific aspects of your life are messy, right?
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So you want more, you desire more, but then you're looking around at your current life.
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And you're like, and by you, I mean your cave woman, right?
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So your unconscious mind, your protector, your inner protector that is there to protect you from failure and you know psychological harm, is looking at your day-to-day life and is like, sis, like, let's be so for real.
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How can you create more when you are behind on all of your emails?
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How can you create more when you went, you literally went to a conference for three days, and then you had to crash in order to recover for a smooth five days after?
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Like you didn't want to talk to anyone, your nervous system was a wreck, right?
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Like, how can you want more?
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How can you want to lead people when a conference takes you out?
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Right?
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How can you want to lead people when you set up all these elaborate systems all the time?
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You set up elaborate systems, you have your planning system, you have your email system, you have your content, you have your social media content system, like you got all the systems, but you never adhere to them, you never follow them, you never actually do the thing that you say you're gonna do.
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Everything falls apart, right?
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Like it looks really good in your mind, but then you never are able to execute.
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You're looking around at other people who are go-getters, seemingly high achieving women as well.
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Maybe you're even, you know, if you're coming from a prior podcast, maybe you were even looking at me and saying, Hey, you know, Dr.
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Kimmy, she's built uh a business where she's made over seven figures over the course of her coaching career.
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That's pretty awesome.
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I could never because like she clearly has her stuff together.
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That's really why I did this podcast, y'all.
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Just like this is just a little parenthetical aside, like, because I didn't want to perpetrate a fraud, okay, because no, my brain is just as messy as yours, right?
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But maybe you're looking at your life, you're like, I have ADHD.
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I literally am neurodivergent, or I don't know if I'm neurodivergent, but every single video on TikTok about neurodivergence, like why do they all resonate with me?
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Which by the way is how I initially was diagnosed, was from TikTok and going down that rabbit hole and then eventually finding a psychiatrist.
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So imagine that's you.
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In fact, I think that is you, if you're listening to this episode, right?
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Like you are like, I have this big bold desire.
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And like this is not really for you if you don't have that desire yet.
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I do want to say, if you are someone who let me say it like this: if you desire to have desire, like if you want to be the person that wants more, but you're like not there yet, I still want you to stick around because I do think that being here and me speaking from this place, being vulnerable, showcasing what is possible will help you to desire more, right?
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Like, so if you're like in pre-desire, you're like, I I want to want that, but like I don't yet, stick around, right?
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Like this, you belong here.
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I want you here.
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But this is really for those of you who know exactly what you want.
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You can close your eyes and picture it right now.
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If you want it, listen, if you're driving or on the treadmill, do not close your eyes, or if you're like cooking, or like there's several situations where you don't want to be closing your eyes.
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Okay, so like please use discernment.
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But if it is safe for you to do so, if you can close your eyes and picture exactly who you want to be in the next year, in the next two years, this episode is for you.
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Because what typically happens is there is a clash between the enormous desire we have for the big life, the enormous desire we have to be more, to do more, to achieve more, to execute more, to make a name for ourselves, to create a movement, whatever that thing is, there's a collision between that and the messiness of our day-to-day life.
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The fact that, oh, I wanted to sneak one more thing in there.
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Like you ain't even gotta have ADHD.
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If you're perimenopausal, this also applies to you.
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And sis, if you're perimenopausal and you're neurodivergent, I want to give you a hug because I'm there now and fam.
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It is not cute.
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It is not cute at all.
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Not even a little bit.
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Okay, so anyway, there's this collision between the enormous desire we have and the fact that we don't consistently show up.
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We don't consistently do the thing that we said we were gonna do.
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Our lives are quite literally messy.
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Messy.
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It's a mess, it's a mess around here, right?
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And so you find yourself stuck between two worlds.
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So what ends up happening is right, you will either, you will either join rooms or spaces or follow individuals who are chasing them more, but they're neurotypical.
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Right.
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And so what they're telling you is girl, go for it, go for it, right?
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Like, I want you to chase your dreams, chase your goals, right?
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Decide, I want you to execute at a high level.
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Then there's the D word, which everyone with a messy brain hates, discipline, right?
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Like be disciplined, right?
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Like that is that's that's the room you find yourself in, right?
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And so you're in this space and it feels so good, it feels liberating, it feels empowering, it feels incredible because you are surrounded with folks, maybe it's even women, you are surrounded by women who are doing what you want to do, they are achieving what you want to achieve, they are like chasing it, and there is something so electric and so just like just like gratifying about like being in a space with individuals who are going after the thing, like even again, and that's why I was like, those of you who aren't there yet, like stick around because like even if you're like a little bit farther behind them, you're gonna feel lit up, you're gonna feel on fire, you're gonna feel like let's go.
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And then you're gonna leave, right?
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So you're gonna leave the call, or you're gonna leave the live video, or like walk away from the content, or leave the conference, whatever it is, and then you're gonna be shoved back into the messiness of your life, right?
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You're gonna be faced with the 35 emails that are unread.
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You're gonna be faced with the project that you said you would do two weeks ago that you still haven't even started.
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Like you're gonna be faced with all of those things.
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And so then what happens in that phase is that we begin to shrink because we tell ourselves we don't have the same capacity, we don't have the same ability to show up like these other folks.
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Like we just don't got it, right?
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And like I'm not even saying that that's not true.
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That is true.
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Like, there is something about your brain that works differently, even if, again, even if you're not diagnosed, right?
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If you're listening to this, there's something about this that resonates.
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So, like your brain does not work like the other brains, your brain doesn't brain like their brain, it just doesn't, right?
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And so, okay, so then we swing the pendulum and we find ourselves in another room, and in this room, there are folks who are just like us, and we are neurodivergent, and we are like fully aware of the fact that we have messy brains and that our capacity is different than most people, right?
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And like if you are dealing with perimenopause, then it's like your capacity could fluctuate day to day.
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It's like I don't, I never know.
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It's like perimenopause is like a bag of chocolate.
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You never know what you're gonna get, like legit, right?
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So it's like my capacity is fluctuating, I don't even know who I am on any given day, right?
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So let me go into a space, let me go into a room, let me follow creators, let me listen to podcasts from people who are like me, who are, you know, struggling, who have, you know, capacity constraints, who are, you know, like the ADHD is a disability.
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It's like, okay, like let's show up in those spaces.
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And and what happens in those spaces is now what you're getting is the compassion and the understanding.
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There's the compassion and the understanding for the fact that yes, I have a disability, my brain works differently than other people's brains.
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Like I can't actually sustain in the way that others can without specific accommodations.
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But then in those rooms, in those spaces, what we tend to find is a focus on the management, right?
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So now we're focusing on managing the same, managing the disability, managing the issue or managing our calendar, managing our to-do list, managing our productivity, right?
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So we're either focused on the management of it, or we're in the space of like managing symptoms, right?
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Or our internal state, but like solely our symptoms in our internal state.
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Or we are commiserating, right?
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So we are speaking with individuals who have the same thing as us, and we are sharing experiences, we are sharing thoughts, ideas, we are sharing our worst days, maybe sometimes our best days, but it's about like commiseration and like I see you, you see me.
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And what doesn't often get brought into those spaces is the desire for more, right?
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Like I want to create more.
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It's like much more on like the management and like the day-to-day things that I need to be doing to like stay afloat and manage my ADHD.
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Like those are the the words we use, right?
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Like manage my ADHD, manage my like any anxiety that comes up.
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Man, like we're managing, we're just managing in this place.
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And so when you get in that room, then you're in the commiseration, you're focused on your symptoms, you're focused on managing, and then we start to shrink our desires.
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We start to shrink our desires in lieu of our capacity because we were in the room where the people were doing the big things and we couldn't keep up, right?
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So then we put ourselves in the room, but the folks who get it, but then now we're in management mode and we're like, we're there, we're just we're managing, managing things, right?
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And so you kind of feel like you're stuck between two worlds because you do want more, you do want to go after the thing.
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You actually, in fact, want to create a big life, you want to chase that goal that has been on your vision board for how many, however many years.
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Like you want to actually do that thing.
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And you're like, but I don't know how to sustain it.
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I've never sustained anything.
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Like, I have no evidence that I know how to sustain a thing, right?
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Like I have no evidence for the fact that I can do this thing, which is actually not true because you're a whole doctor.
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So, like, let's just pause there.
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But your brain will tell you we have no evidence that we're able to do this thing, right?
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Usually because the things that we want to do are unstructured, meaning, like, there if you want to go get certified in obesity medicine, this podcast might not resonate because there are like certain steps that you have to take in order to be certified in obesity medicine.
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There's like, I've heard, I don't know, but I've heard there's a book, I've heard there's like courses and things like that, and then you study and then there's an exam.
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And that's very much in line with like who we are as physicians, we know how to do that, right?
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And there's a structured path.
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But if you want to be a content creator and make money on the side, if you want to start a life coaching business, if you want to launch a podcast, right, and grow it, if you want to write a book and traditionally publish it, like whatever it is, if you want to create a new leadership role within your institution that's like never been done before, like whatever it is that you want to do, it's unstructured, right?
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And so there's no like do this, then do that, then do that.
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There are steps, but everyone might take a little bit of a different path.
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And so you now have to be the one to decide.
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You have to decide am I gonna choose this path or that path?
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What steps am I gonna be willing to commit to?
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Am I going to be willing to like evaluate the work that I've done and like adjust and shift?
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Like, you have to be the person who makes that decision, right?
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And then you have to be the one who executes on it.
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And if your brain is telling you you don't have a track record to execute, no amount of hyping yourself up is going to get you to execute.
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It's just not gonna work because your brain's like, girl, no, we don't, we don't do those things.
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Like we're not able to do that.
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Like your cable and brain is always scanning for the truth.
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I say that all the time.
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That's something you're gonna hear me say ad nauseum on this podcast.
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Your cable man brain is always scanning for the truth.
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And so what you do is you find yourself between these two worlds.
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Either I like push myself and burn out and like try to live like a neurotypical person.
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Like try to be a neurotyp and like go after it and like do the big thing, and then I eventually burn out and then I crash and then it's over.
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Or I kind of negotiate with my desire a little bit, I shrink it, right?
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Because I'm like so focused on the day-to-day management of like not being messy anymore, right?
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So you're in the big room, you're in the big space, and everybody's doing the thing, and you're like, okay, but like I haven't eaten breakfast today, and I also didn't eat dinner last night.
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So I'm like running on empty because I forgot to eat.
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And then also when I do eat, I've eaten the same meal for the past two weeks straight, and I just didn't feel like eating that anymore.
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But I also don't know what I do want to eat, so I just decided it would be easier to not eat.
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My office is a mess, I am 30 notes behind on Epic.
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Like you start scanning your life and you're like, okay, it's messy.
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I can't do this.
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Right?
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Or you get into the space where you're managing, managing, managing, and now you're upset.
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And it's like this disquiet.
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You're disquieted, meaning you're in a space with people who get you, people who understand you, people who are with you because they're experiencing the same things you're experiencing, but they are managing, right?
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So they're they're they're like in the muck of it all, and then you're disquieted because deep down inside you still do want more.
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Even though you were in that room and that room nearly took you out, you like low-key want to go back in that room.
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You low-key want to go back in the big room because you're like, okay, but at least I was like chasing my goals.
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But then you go back in the big room or you start following the people who are doing the thing, and then you feel terrible about yourself because you can't keep up.
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So then you so it's like you just are stuck between two worlds.
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You're stuck between the neurotypicals who are like killing it, and the folks who are just like me, who I have so much love and compassion for, but like maybe we're not chasing our dreams in that room, right?
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And so you're either invalidating your desire, turning it down, like just like just turn it down a little bit because maybe we don't need to chase the day thing.
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Maybe we don't need to do that, or you're beating yourself out and burning yourself out.
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And what I want to say is like you don't have to sacrifice your desires, right?
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Knowing that you have a limitation.
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So the thing is the thing that changed in my life, like my life changed when I realized yes, I have a limitation.
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Yes, I do.
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I'm limited.
00:22:44.019 --> 00:22:46.579
Yeah, this was before I was diagnosed.
00:22:46.980 --> 00:22:52.339
Before I was diagnosed, I was like, I can't do things like the other people can do it.
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:54.259
My brain works differently.
00:22:55.379 --> 00:22:58.419
Years before I was diagnosed, like eight years before, right?
00:22:58.500 --> 00:23:06.579
It was like it was very clear to me that I was spending all of my time trying to be like other people, and my brain just simply did not work that way.
00:23:07.700 --> 00:23:12.819
So the first thing is I had to honor and just like own my limitations.
00:23:13.059 --> 00:23:15.460
It doesn't work for me the way it does for other people.
00:23:15.700 --> 00:23:17.139
It is easier for them.
00:23:17.299 --> 00:23:19.940
Like not gonna hold you, not gonna gaslight you.
00:23:20.019 --> 00:23:23.700
It is easier for neurotypical people to achieve their goals.
00:23:23.859 --> 00:23:24.500
It is.
00:24:28.819 --> 00:24:31.379
What I do need to be on is my desire.
00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:33.299
Like my desire needs to stay.
00:24:33.940 --> 00:24:45.220
And then from that place of my desire staying there, being the North Star that I'm pushing toward, I then assess my capacity.
00:24:45.700 --> 00:24:48.419
So I assess my capacity.
00:24:49.299 --> 00:24:53.700
I see what my brain and my body are available for.
00:24:54.259 --> 00:25:02.259
And then from that place, I take action, deciding also who I want to be and what I want to believe.
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:05.940
So I'm gonna give you a story of exactly how I did this.
00:25:06.019 --> 00:25:12.339
Like I'm gonna walk you through like what this looks like in real time because this sounds like a little bit like esoteric and like like it sounds great, Dr.
00:25:12.419 --> 00:25:14.659
Kimi, but like what does this look like in actual practice?
00:25:14.899 --> 00:25:18.740
I'm back and I'm gonna like show you exactly what it looks like.
00:25:20.180 --> 00:25:21.059
All right, y'all.
00:25:21.220 --> 00:25:27.460
So I actually had to break and go coach my clients, and now I am back.
00:25:27.779 --> 00:25:30.980
So here's the reason why.
00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:33.139
Okay, let me back up.
00:25:33.460 --> 00:25:37.940
Today did not go as expected at all.
00:25:38.339 --> 00:25:43.059
And it's like the perfect example of what I'm illustrating.
00:25:43.139 --> 00:25:44.099
It's 10 p.m.
00:25:44.980 --> 00:25:51.379
I just coached for an hour and a half, hour 45 minutes, coach my clients.
00:25:51.619 --> 00:25:55.859
And then after I coach, I have to, I have to take a break.
00:25:56.019 --> 00:25:59.379
Like I have to like down regulate a little bit.
00:25:59.700 --> 00:26:04.180
Even if I'm just going to bed, I can't just like coach and then just get up and go do something else.
00:26:04.259 --> 00:26:07.859
Like I have to, you know, like it take it takes a lot.
00:26:08.019 --> 00:26:09.139
It takes a lot out of me.
00:26:09.299 --> 00:26:10.180
I absolutely love it.
00:26:10.339 --> 00:26:11.059
I adore it.
00:26:11.139 --> 00:26:12.099
I enjoy it.
00:26:12.419 --> 00:26:16.099
And it I have to get my brain on board.
00:26:16.259 --> 00:26:24.419
So today is a perfect example of this because I was not supposed to be still recording my podcast at 10 p.m.
00:26:24.659 --> 00:26:25.059
at night.
00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:26.659
Like that was not in the cards.
00:26:26.740 --> 00:26:30.259
That is not what was supposed to happen at all.
00:26:31.059 --> 00:26:35.220
But I had a messy day.
00:26:35.460 --> 00:26:37.539
I had a messy, messy day.
00:26:37.779 --> 00:26:39.059
Very messy.
00:26:39.379 --> 00:26:41.539
One star, zero stars.
00:26:41.700 --> 00:26:42.659
Do not recommend.
00:26:42.819 --> 00:26:44.740
So I'm gonna walk you through the day.
00:26:44.899 --> 00:26:50.180
I'm gonna walk you through an example of the exact thing I was just talking about.
00:26:50.339 --> 00:26:55.299
Like in the messy life that I have, because my life is messy.
00:26:55.619 --> 00:27:01.859
How do I still have the big goal or the dream or the desire?
00:27:02.579 --> 00:27:16.339
So I wanted today to be the day that I had like, I had actually mapped out exactly how I was going to show up in my business today.
00:27:16.659 --> 00:27:18.579
I had calendared it, y'all.
00:27:18.740 --> 00:27:21.779
Like I calendared my entire day.
00:27:21.940 --> 00:27:26.019
It was like, okay, from this time to this time, here's what we're gonna do.
00:27:26.259 --> 00:27:28.740
From this time to this time, here's what we're gonna do.
00:27:28.819 --> 00:27:30.259
Like I had it all mapped out.
00:27:30.339 --> 00:27:34.819
It was a perfectly wonderful plan, or so I thought.
00:27:35.139 --> 00:27:45.220
So what was gonna happen was my housekeeper that we use part-time was gonna come and she was gonna wash the clothes.
00:27:45.379 --> 00:27:47.460
Okay, that was the plan.
00:27:47.779 --> 00:27:53.940
I was gonna go to the gym, I was gonna come home, pick up my son, take him to his college class.
00:27:54.099 --> 00:27:57.539
My son is 16, he's in college, we homeschool.
00:27:57.619 --> 00:28:00.419
So he's in his last year of community college.
00:28:00.500 --> 00:28:09.539
So I was gonna take him to college, take my daughter with me, get her some breakfast on the road, because normally I like to cook breakfast for her because she's also homeschooled.
00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:11.460
I was gonna get her some breakfast on the road.
00:28:11.619 --> 00:28:25.779
I was gonna go straight from my son's school to getting her breakfast, then directly to the clinic because I needed to get a drug test for the job that I'm starting next week.
00:28:25.859 --> 00:28:28.259
Because I told y'all I'm going back to clinical medicine.
00:28:28.339 --> 00:28:30.019
And so they needed a drug test.
00:28:30.099 --> 00:28:34.740
So, like I would do the drug test and then I would come right back to the school.
00:28:34.899 --> 00:28:44.419
I would pick up my son, I would head home, I would still have time for my noon of my noon meeting, and then I had another meeting at 5:30 p.m.
00:28:44.579 --> 00:28:46.099
And then I had a coaching call tonight.
00:28:46.259 --> 00:28:53.460
So in between that window, I would record my podcast, and like that was the goal.
00:28:53.779 --> 00:28:55.139
That was the goal.
00:28:55.460 --> 00:28:58.099
Everything was supposed to work out.
00:28:58.259 --> 00:29:11.220
So I woke up, woke up on time, did not snooze, did not oversleep, got ready, got my coffee, went to the gym, worked out like I normally do.
00:29:11.539 --> 00:29:12.899
Everything was going good.
00:29:13.059 --> 00:29:21.619
I brought my clothes to the gym because I wanted to shower there because I knew I wasn't gonna have enough time to shower, and I wanted to shower before I went to the clinic.
00:29:21.779 --> 00:29:35.299
So I brought my clothes, had everything packed up, showered there, changed there, got home in just enough time to snatch my children up and take them to my son's school.
00:29:35.779 --> 00:29:37.059
I arrive home.
00:29:38.339 --> 00:29:40.339
Here's what here's what went down.
00:29:40.740 --> 00:29:42.419
Here's what happened.
00:29:43.059 --> 00:29:52.899
I pull up the lawn person, the person who cuts our lawn, is speaking to me because he's asking questions.
00:29:53.059 --> 00:29:54.819
Do we want the lawn to be cut today?
00:29:55.379 --> 00:29:56.980
Do we have the money to pay him for less?
00:29:57.299 --> 00:29:57.619
Whatever.
00:29:57.779 --> 00:29:58.819
There were questions.
00:29:59.059 --> 00:30:08.180
Now I understand Spanish and I can speak Spanish, but not when I'm stressed, not when I'm in a hurry, not when I have places to be.
00:30:08.339 --> 00:30:12.500
Apparently, I lose all my Spanish in those situations.
00:30:12.659 --> 00:30:14.259
So he's talking to me.
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:18.259
I'm like kind of understanding him, and like I should be able to speak back.
00:30:18.419 --> 00:30:23.379
Like I know enough Spanish to be able to speak back, and like I can't find the words.
00:30:23.779 --> 00:30:27.379
So then I'm just like standing there, like bumbling, trying to talk to this guy.
00:30:27.460 --> 00:30:28.740
And I was like, you know what?
00:30:28.980 --> 00:30:30.419
You want to talk to my husband?
00:30:30.579 --> 00:30:34.259
I'm like, Adrian, do you want me to you let me let me let me get him?
00:30:34.419 --> 00:30:35.539
Let me get him on the phone.
00:30:35.700 --> 00:30:38.980
So I get my husband on the phone.
00:30:39.379 --> 00:30:41.059
I should have already left by now.
00:30:41.139 --> 00:30:45.220
I I'm running a tight window to get my son to class on time.
00:30:46.740 --> 00:30:48.099
Children come out.
00:30:48.659 --> 00:30:53.379
My husband is still talking to the lawn man.
00:30:53.539 --> 00:30:56.099
Then the housekeeper pulls up at the same time.
00:30:56.419 --> 00:31:12.579
So she needs directions on like which clothes are gonna be washed, et cetera, et cetera, like what's already clean, what's already not, because I just didn't want her, like, you know, doing double duty and like rewashing things that were already washed and just needed to be put away.
00:31:12.659 --> 00:31:14.259
So like then I'm trying to direct her.
00:31:14.419 --> 00:31:17.379
I'm trying to gather my kids because why aren't you ready?
00:31:17.539 --> 00:31:19.940
Like, I told you by time I'd be here, why aren't you ready?
00:31:20.180 --> 00:31:25.460
So I'm trying to gather then the lawman's still on the phone with Adrian.
00:31:25.539 --> 00:31:29.700
So I finally get everything together, finally get everything together.
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:32.659
Get in the car, I drive off.
00:31:32.819 --> 00:31:33.700
We're still good.
00:31:33.940 --> 00:31:35.379
We are still good on time.
00:31:35.539 --> 00:31:37.940
My son's class starts at 9:30.
00:31:38.180 --> 00:31:42.339
I pull up to the school at 9:29 a.m.
00:31:42.659 --> 00:31:49.859
I'm like, yes, I take my daughter, we go to Dunkin' Donuts, I get her her little breakfast sandwich.
00:31:50.019 --> 00:31:51.379
We get back in the car.
00:31:51.619 --> 00:31:54.899
We get back in the car, I get a message from my husband.
00:31:55.299 --> 00:31:57.619
Our housekeeper is locked out of the house.
00:31:57.940 --> 00:31:59.859
I was like, what?
00:32:00.500 --> 00:32:01.619
What just happened?
00:32:02.579 --> 00:32:04.259
She's locked out of the house.
00:32:04.579 --> 00:32:12.980
Not only is she locked out of the house, her phone is inside the house, she asked the lawnman to open the door.
00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:23.619
He tried to open the door and actually broke the the handle, like the doorknob, like handle, like it's broken now.
00:32:24.419 --> 00:32:32.339
So the the house is really, it's not really actually that it's locked, it's that the handle's broken and we can't get inside.
00:32:32.579 --> 00:32:34.500
I'm like, oh, this is great.
00:32:34.740 --> 00:32:36.419
This is fascinating.
00:32:36.579 --> 00:32:39.619
Okay, so I already feel the day slipping away.
00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:42.819
I feel the day slipping away from me.
00:32:43.299 --> 00:32:55.779
I'm like, okay, let me breathe, but I still know what I want to do today, but I'm clearly gonna have to renegotiate how it gets done, right?
00:32:56.899 --> 00:33:00.899
And so I go home and wait for a locksmith.
00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:04.899
I wait close enough to an hour for the locksmith to come.
00:33:05.059 --> 00:33:08.740
I told my my housekeeper, I say, you go start on the clothes, right?
00:33:08.819 --> 00:33:13.460
At the laundromat, I will bring your phone to you because she had left her phone inside.
00:33:13.539 --> 00:33:15.379
I'm like, I'll bring your phone to you.
00:33:15.460 --> 00:33:17.779
I give her directions to how to get there.
00:33:18.579 --> 00:33:26.259
Locksmith comes, it took it takes like an hour because apparently the highway is shut down, right?
00:33:26.339 --> 00:33:29.379
So like I feel the day slipping away from me.
00:33:29.940 --> 00:33:36.019
And in a prior time, I would have made this mean all of the things.
00:33:36.180 --> 00:33:46.019
I would have made this mean that I am not like it wasn't meant to be, or things always happen to me.
00:33:46.099 --> 00:33:53.299
This this is one that those of us who are neurodiversion, like it feels so true, likely because it is a little bit true.
00:33:53.460 --> 00:33:56.099
Like it is true that things always happen to us.
00:33:56.259 --> 00:34:01.779
And I'm not saying it's a wrong, but I'm saying like that does feel like a like a reality, right?
00:34:01.859 --> 00:34:03.379
Like things are always happening to me.
00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:11.619
So then I would get stuck in this like defeated cycle because I'm like, things are always happening to me.
00:34:13.220 --> 00:34:27.139
And what that did not allow me to do was to say, okay, this thing happened, this has altered what I thought today was going to look like, what I thought I would be able to accomplish, but I still want to do the thing.
00:34:27.220 --> 00:34:29.139
So, like, how can I still do the thing?
00:34:29.300 --> 00:34:30.980
How can I get it done?
00:34:31.300 --> 00:34:52.740
And so what I decided, so by the by the time this whole situation resolved, and I got the drug test, and then I finally picked up my son, brought him home, sat down and relaxed for a second, and then put my makeup on to actually record this video to do this podcast.
00:34:53.140 --> 00:34:54.340
It was like 5 p.m.
00:34:54.660 --> 00:34:57.620
Now, granted, I also wanted to go live today.
00:34:57.780 --> 00:34:58.900
That's actually the thing.
00:34:59.060 --> 00:35:02.019
It it was really, really important for me to go live today.
00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:05.140
I wanted to go live and I wanted to go live on Facebook.
00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:09.539
Sorry, I forgot that little extra little bit of information.
00:35:09.780 --> 00:35:11.860
ADHD, I wanted to go live on Facebook.
00:35:12.019 --> 00:35:15.539
The reason I wanted to go live on Facebook is because I hate going live on Facebook.
00:35:15.620 --> 00:35:19.060
And so I wanted to go live on Facebook because I hate going live on Facebook.
00:35:19.140 --> 00:35:25.060
And what I'm doing is I am approaching the things that scare me.
00:35:25.220 --> 00:35:29.539
I am approaching the things that bring up resistance for me.
00:35:29.700 --> 00:35:31.539
Like that's the season I'm in right now.
00:35:31.620 --> 00:35:48.500
And so, like the final frontier almost, if you will, was Facebook because I will show up on all the other platforms, but I pretend like Facebook doesn't exist because that's where a lot of the 2023 stuff, if you listen to my earlier episodes, like that's where it happened, right?
00:35:48.740 --> 00:35:51.780
So it was important for me to go live on Facebook.
00:35:51.860 --> 00:35:54.660
So those are the two things that I really, really wanted to do today.
00:35:54.820 --> 00:36:00.740
There were other things that I wanted to do as well, but those were like the big things that like I really wanted to get done.
00:36:01.060 --> 00:36:12.580
And so as I felt the day slipping away, I felt myself wanting to descend into that defeated space of see, my life is messy, and this is why I can't have nice things.
00:36:13.220 --> 00:36:18.740
This is why I can't do the things that like other people do, and like I have too much going on.
00:36:18.820 --> 00:36:22.980
It's just always something like that is true.
00:36:23.780 --> 00:36:34.580
I have a lot going on, things don't happen to me the way they happen to other people, and there's always something, like, all of those things are true.
00:36:34.660 --> 00:36:36.580
I'm not gonna gaslight myself.
00:36:36.820 --> 00:36:38.660
I refuse to gaslight myself.
00:36:38.900 --> 00:36:44.500
All of those things are true, and that doesn't mean that I can't still achieve what I want to achieve.
00:36:44.740 --> 00:36:47.300
I just have to think about it in a different way.
00:36:47.620 --> 00:37:08.180
Now, I am not able to think about how to achieve my goal in a different way, if I am not okay with the feeling that comes up in my body when I think about the fact that it's not gonna get done the way I wanted it to get done.
00:37:08.340 --> 00:37:08.660
Right.
00:37:08.900 --> 00:37:25.780
So if I'm resisting the inadequacy that might come up when my podcast has to be split into three different sections and broken up by like a call and a coaching call with my clients, like that's not ideal, right?
00:37:25.860 --> 00:37:26.900
I have ADHD.
00:37:26.980 --> 00:37:30.820
I don't always remember what I said from one moment to the next.
00:37:30.980 --> 00:37:32.019
I really, really don't.
00:37:32.180 --> 00:37:41.380
And then now I have to splice three videos together and edit them together in order to get this podcast up and live by tomorrow morning, right?
00:37:41.539 --> 00:37:43.380
And like I don't do well with stuff like that.
00:37:43.539 --> 00:37:48.340
So like it would have been ideal if I sat down and just recorded it in one sitting.
00:37:48.500 --> 00:37:52.340
That would be ideal, but that's not what I was working with today.
00:37:52.660 --> 00:37:56.820
So I had to be willing for the imperfection to come in.
00:37:56.900 --> 00:38:02.260
I had to be willing for this podcast to not go exactly the way that I would have wanted it.
00:38:02.420 --> 00:38:07.460
I had to show my brain why it was still valuable to show up and speak to my person.
00:38:07.780 --> 00:38:13.780
And I went ahead and also did the live video without any preparation.
00:38:13.940 --> 00:38:20.500
I just sat down and hit record and I was like, I guess I'm gonna figure out what I'm talking about while I'm talking about it.
00:38:20.580 --> 00:38:22.260
Now I knew the general direction.
00:38:22.420 --> 00:38:29.620
I knew I wanted to talk about why I didn't want to be on Facebook, and that's a big thing that I wanted to actually talk about.
00:38:29.780 --> 00:38:34.980
And so I just started off the live video by saying, I actually don't want to be here, and that's why I'm here.
00:38:35.140 --> 00:38:43.380
And then I just allowed the rest of it to flow from there, and it actually turned out to be pretty good.
00:38:43.539 --> 00:38:50.420
And this podcast is not perfect, but I believe it is going to help the person that I serve.
00:38:50.580 --> 00:38:57.220
And so I wanted to give you like a concrete example of like what this looks like, right?
00:38:57.620 --> 00:39:05.380
I do not renegotiate my desires just because my capacity changes.
00:39:05.539 --> 00:39:11.620
Like my capacity could change because I'm in my luteal phase of my menstrual cycle, right?
00:39:11.780 --> 00:39:13.620
And I just want to cry every day.
00:39:13.780 --> 00:39:17.940
My capacity could change because I'm sick, or one of my children is sick.
00:39:18.100 --> 00:39:27.940
My capacity could change because I wake up and I had a night of night sweats because perimenopause and I am exhausted.
00:39:28.180 --> 00:39:36.420
Like, like the input may change, but like my outcome, my desire doesn't have to change.
00:39:36.580 --> 00:39:38.420
My desire stays static.
00:39:38.580 --> 00:39:44.900
And then what I do is I'm responsible for changing how I get to that desire.
00:39:44.980 --> 00:39:46.500
I negotiate the method.
00:39:46.660 --> 00:39:48.820
I keep the desire and negotiate the method.
00:39:48.900 --> 00:40:00.820
And what that requires, though, is that requires me to not be scared of the negative emotions that come up.
00:40:01.140 --> 00:40:13.700
Like when I want to do the thing, and it's not gonna get done in the way that I want it to get done, it's going to feel bad.
00:40:14.260 --> 00:40:14.580
Right?
00:40:14.740 --> 00:40:25.780
Like, one of the biggest things that my clients tell me is that like I am never, ever, ever running and or hiding from negative emotions.
00:40:25.940 --> 00:40:30.980
Like, what we're gonna do up in this coaching program is allow ourselves to feel.
00:40:31.140 --> 00:40:38.260
Now we're gonna feel the positive, the good things, the the vibes that move us forward, but we're also going to allow ourselves to feel the negative emotions.
00:40:38.500 --> 00:40:51.539
The reason that we tend to not actually stay on the path of getting what we want, what we desire, is we are always running from the negative emotion, emotions, right?
00:40:51.700 --> 00:41:00.260
So, like the messiness of my life does not negate the bigness that I want to create because I allow the mess to be there.
00:41:01.140 --> 00:41:06.180
Like I allow the mess to be there, and I allow my desire to be there.
00:41:06.580 --> 00:41:12.500
And then the bridge between the mess and the desire, like that's what I gotta figure out, right?
00:41:12.580 --> 00:41:14.340
It is different every single day.
00:41:14.580 --> 00:41:17.140
Like some days, y'all, I'd be on beast mode.
00:41:17.539 --> 00:41:18.980
I'd be on beast mode.
00:41:19.060 --> 00:41:25.380
I just like one thing after the other, just knocking it out the park, just like I am her.
00:41:25.539 --> 00:41:28.019
And then there's days like today where it's 5 p.m.
00:41:28.100 --> 00:41:30.980
and I'm just sitting down to work for the first time at 5 p.m.
00:41:31.140 --> 00:41:32.340
and then it's 10 p.m.
00:41:32.900 --> 00:41:34.820
and I'm recording a podcast.
00:41:35.060 --> 00:41:37.700
Like there are days like today.
00:41:38.180 --> 00:42:01.940
And like what has kept me and what has allowed me to create the business I've created, and even like me going back into clinical medicine, like all of the things that I'm doing in my life right now, like all the ventures, like being able to homeschool my kids, like really creating one of my coaches calls it my and life, like having the business, right?
00:42:02.100 --> 00:42:08.740
And scaling my business to seven figures and being a present mom with a well-run home.
00:42:08.980 --> 00:42:12.340
Like, though that's my version of an and life.
00:42:13.220 --> 00:42:25.300
What that requires is like I cannot keep putting my desires on the chopping block or like negotiating it or putting it on trial every day just because that day is messy.
00:42:25.380 --> 00:42:31.220
Like, yes, my emails are overrun, and I'm still going to record the podcast.
00:42:31.460 --> 00:42:34.900
And I'm not saying I'm gonna ignore the emails forever, right?
00:42:35.140 --> 00:42:50.420
But I don't let that mess or that muck or whatever it is shift me from what I still desire, how can I change the input, but not the point B or not the output?
00:42:50.580 --> 00:42:51.700
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:51.860 --> 00:43:06.100
Like, how can with the brain that I have today, with the body that I have today, with or with the circumstances that I have today, how do I still take a step toward what I want?
00:43:06.340 --> 00:43:11.460
And that looks like every single day I'm gonna be doing things a little bit different.
00:43:11.620 --> 00:43:17.380
Like I said, there's some days I'm I'm on my my beast mode, I'm in my bag, like all the things.
00:43:17.460 --> 00:43:26.740
And then there's days like today where I'm just allowing some of this to be messy, it's not perfect, right?
00:43:27.220 --> 00:43:32.980
But I am still creating the big life, like I am still creating what I desire.
00:43:33.140 --> 00:43:39.220
I did that live video today, and I've already had people reaching out to me about how it resonated with them.
00:43:39.460 --> 00:43:54.260
Like that's what I mean by I don't have to reduce or shrink my life to like just managing my symptoms, or I don't have to gaslight myself into productivity, right?
00:43:54.420 --> 00:43:56.340
I don't have to beat myself over the head.
00:43:56.420 --> 00:43:59.700
Like, you need to be disciplined and productive, right?
00:43:59.860 --> 00:44:01.539
I don't have to do either of those things.
00:44:01.620 --> 00:44:16.500
I can chase the big, expansive, dope life that I want and honor my shifting, fluctuating capacity, my shifting or fluctuating circumstances, whatever they may be.
00:44:16.980 --> 00:44:20.900
So that is the episode.
00:44:20.980 --> 00:44:23.060
Okay, that's what I wanted to talk about today.
00:44:23.140 --> 00:44:36.660
I wanted to just start introducing to you the way that I think about things differently, how even with my messy brain and my messy life, I've been able to create such success.
00:44:36.980 --> 00:44:53.060
And even with the fact that I have had so many failures, how I am taking those failures and learning and growing with those failures every single day, and like taking y'all along the journey of the failures as well.
00:44:53.220 --> 00:44:58.660
So I hope that this episode was helpful for you, and I will see you all next week.
00:44:58.820 --> 00:44:59.860
Peace and love, y'all.
00:00:44.019 --> 00:00:44.979
What's up, y'all?
00:00:45.059 --> 00:00:46.739
Welcome to another episode of Dr.
00:00:46.899 --> 00:00:47.939
Kimi Unplugged.
00:00:48.099 --> 00:00:52.899
So today I want to talk about being stuck between two worlds.
00:00:53.059 --> 00:00:54.659
Maybe that's what I'll name the episode.
00:00:54.739 --> 00:00:56.099
I'm not quite sure yet.
00:00:56.419 --> 00:01:05.219
But the the thought process or the concept is you are high achieving, you are neurodivergent, right?
00:01:05.299 --> 00:01:07.379
So you have achieved a lot in your life.
00:01:07.539 --> 00:01:08.739
You are a doctor.
00:01:08.900 --> 00:01:15.699
You have quite literally made it to the what some would call the upper echelon of society.
00:01:15.859 --> 00:01:19.699
Like you have done the thing, you have received, okay?
00:01:20.500 --> 00:01:22.659
And you want more.
00:01:23.620 --> 00:01:26.979
So I see this all the time, right?
00:01:27.140 --> 00:01:28.819
I am this, okay.
00:01:29.539 --> 00:01:32.979
People would say, okay, you've achieved a lot.
00:01:33.140 --> 00:01:34.739
Like, isn't that enough?
00:01:34.900 --> 00:01:36.500
Like, just let it go.
00:01:36.659 --> 00:01:37.859
Like, why do you want more?
00:01:38.019 --> 00:01:39.859
Like, why do you want to be a content creator?
00:01:40.019 --> 00:01:44.340
Why do you want to, you know, start a business?
00:01:44.659 --> 00:01:51.539
Why do you want to get promoted or step into leadership or start my own practice?
00:01:51.700 --> 00:01:53.299
Why do you want to create a movement?
00:01:53.379 --> 00:01:54.579
Like, why do you want to do all these things?
00:01:54.659 --> 00:01:58.579
You're already a doctor, like, but you just want more.
00:01:58.739 --> 00:02:02.899
And like, there's no justification, there's no reason.
00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:03.780
You just do.
00:02:04.179 --> 00:02:05.140
You just do.
00:02:05.619 --> 00:02:12.420
You want to make a name for yourself outside of just the bedside, outside of the halls of the hospital.
00:02:12.579 --> 00:02:18.340
Like you want to lead people in a really, really specific way.
00:02:18.659 --> 00:02:20.500
And it's different for different people, right?
00:02:20.659 --> 00:02:24.180
So, like, it doesn't really matter what that thing is for you.
00:02:24.340 --> 00:02:26.899
You just know it's more than what you currently have.
00:02:27.060 --> 00:02:31.780
And like, you look around and you look at your life and you're like, I should feel happy.
00:02:32.099 --> 00:02:35.300
I should feel like this is enough.
00:02:35.459 --> 00:02:41.780
Like, I've actually done the thing that most people aren't able to do.
00:02:41.939 --> 00:02:46.420
And yet I'm looking around and it's just not giving what it used to give.
00:02:47.060 --> 00:02:50.340
Like, there's an idea, there's a thought, right?
00:02:50.500 --> 00:02:53.300
Of what we thought medicine was going to be.
00:02:53.540 --> 00:02:56.500
And then when we get in it and it's not that, right?
00:02:56.660 --> 00:03:04.660
Or you you get past the first few years of new attending hood, and you're like excited but also nervous.
00:03:04.740 --> 00:03:07.860
And like you, you kind of settle into a rhythm.
00:03:08.100 --> 00:03:10.899
You settle into a flow for better or for worse.
00:03:11.060 --> 00:03:14.819
Like if it's a good flow or a bad flow, it's still a flow, right?
00:03:14.980 --> 00:03:22.660
We'll talk about that flow in a second because it's not like always a super productive flow if you're listening to this podcast, but it's still a flow.
00:03:23.540 --> 00:03:25.779
And you're like, okay, I want more.
00:03:25.939 --> 00:03:30.579
Like, I want to do so much more than what I'm doing right now.
00:03:32.420 --> 00:03:39.219
And not only is your brain feeding you, girl, you've already achieved so much.
00:03:39.379 --> 00:03:41.540
Like you should be happy with what you have.
00:03:41.699 --> 00:03:57.139
So not only is it feeding you that, it's also feeding you the fact that the specific aspects of your life are messy, right?
00:03:57.939 --> 00:04:04.100
So you want more, you desire more, but then you're looking around at your current life.
00:04:04.339 --> 00:04:08.100
And you're like, and by you, I mean your cave woman, right?
00:04:08.180 --> 00:04:25.139
So your unconscious mind, your protector, your inner protector that is there to protect you from failure and you know psychological harm, is looking at your day-to-day life and is like, sis, like, let's be so for real.
00:04:25.779 --> 00:04:31.939
How can you create more when you are behind on all of your emails?
00:04:32.259 --> 00:04:48.819
How can you create more when you went, you literally went to a conference for three days, and then you had to crash in order to recover for a smooth five days after?
00:04:49.060 --> 00:04:53.379
Like you didn't want to talk to anyone, your nervous system was a wreck, right?
00:04:53.459 --> 00:04:54.740
Like, how can you want more?
00:04:54.819 --> 00:04:59.060
How can you want to lead people when a conference takes you out?
00:04:59.300 --> 00:04:59.939
Right?
00:05:00.180 --> 00:05:06.020
How can you want to lead people when you set up all these elaborate systems all the time?
00:05:06.180 --> 00:05:23.620
You set up elaborate systems, you have your planning system, you have your email system, you have your content, you have your social media content system, like you got all the systems, but you never adhere to them, you never follow them, you never actually do the thing that you say you're gonna do.
00:05:24.259 --> 00:05:26.100
Everything falls apart, right?
00:05:26.180 --> 00:05:30.500
Like it looks really good in your mind, but then you never are able to execute.
00:05:30.740 --> 00:05:38.579
You're looking around at other people who are go-getters, seemingly high achieving women as well.
00:05:38.740 --> 00:05:45.540
Maybe you're even, you know, if you're coming from a prior podcast, maybe you were even looking at me and saying, Hey, you know, Dr.
00:05:45.699 --> 00:05:52.980
Kimmy, she's built uh a business where she's made over seven figures over the course of her coaching career.
00:05:53.139 --> 00:05:54.100
That's pretty awesome.
00:05:54.259 --> 00:05:56.980
I could never because like she clearly has her stuff together.
00:05:57.139 --> 00:05:58.900
That's really why I did this podcast, y'all.
00:05:59.060 --> 00:06:11.139
Just like this is just a little parenthetical aside, like, because I didn't want to perpetrate a fraud, okay, because no, my brain is just as messy as yours, right?
00:06:11.540 --> 00:06:15.620
But maybe you're looking at your life, you're like, I have ADHD.
00:06:16.259 --> 00:06:28.259
I literally am neurodivergent, or I don't know if I'm neurodivergent, but every single video on TikTok about neurodivergence, like why do they all resonate with me?
00:06:28.420 --> 00:06:39.939
Which by the way is how I initially was diagnosed, was from TikTok and going down that rabbit hole and then eventually finding a psychiatrist.
00:06:40.180 --> 00:06:43.699
So imagine that's you.
00:06:43.939 --> 00:06:48.180
In fact, I think that is you, if you're listening to this episode, right?
00:06:48.340 --> 00:06:52.980
Like you are like, I have this big bold desire.
00:06:53.139 --> 00:06:57.300
And like this is not really for you if you don't have that desire yet.
00:06:57.460 --> 00:07:21.939
I do want to say, if you are someone who let me say it like this: if you desire to have desire, like if you want to be the person that wants more, but you're like not there yet, I still want you to stick around because I do think that being here and me speaking from this place, being vulnerable, showcasing what is possible will help you to desire more, right?
00:07:22.020 --> 00:07:28.980
Like, so if you're like in pre-desire, you're like, I I want to want that, but like I don't yet, stick around, right?
00:07:29.060 --> 00:07:31.939
Like this, you belong here.
00:07:32.180 --> 00:07:33.379
I want you here.
00:07:34.180 --> 00:07:38.420
But this is really for those of you who know exactly what you want.
00:07:38.980 --> 00:07:41.860
You can close your eyes and picture it right now.
00:07:42.020 --> 00:07:52.259
If you want it, listen, if you're driving or on the treadmill, do not close your eyes, or if you're like cooking, or like there's several situations where you don't want to be closing your eyes.
00:07:52.340 --> 00:07:54.819
Okay, so like please use discernment.
00:07:55.060 --> 00:08:05.220
But if it is safe for you to do so, if you can close your eyes and picture exactly who you want to be in the next year, in the next two years, this episode is for you.
00:08:05.540 --> 00:08:33.939
Because what typically happens is there is a clash between the enormous desire we have for the big life, the enormous desire we have to be more, to do more, to achieve more, to execute more, to make a name for ourselves, to create a movement, whatever that thing is, there's a collision between that and the messiness of our day-to-day life.
00:08:34.259 --> 00:08:37.539
The fact that, oh, I wanted to sneak one more thing in there.
00:08:37.939 --> 00:08:40.980
Like you ain't even gotta have ADHD.
00:08:41.059 --> 00:08:44.340
If you're perimenopausal, this also applies to you.
00:08:44.500 --> 00:08:52.259
And sis, if you're perimenopausal and you're neurodivergent, I want to give you a hug because I'm there now and fam.
00:08:52.740 --> 00:08:53.860
It is not cute.
00:08:54.100 --> 00:08:55.539
It is not cute at all.
00:08:55.779 --> 00:08:57.139
Not even a little bit.
00:08:57.460 --> 00:09:06.659
Okay, so anyway, there's this collision between the enormous desire we have and the fact that we don't consistently show up.
00:09:07.460 --> 00:09:10.980
We don't consistently do the thing that we said we were gonna do.
00:09:11.299 --> 00:09:14.659
Our lives are quite literally messy.
00:09:14.980 --> 00:09:15.459
Messy.
00:09:15.539 --> 00:09:18.979
It's a mess, it's a mess around here, right?
00:09:19.459 --> 00:09:24.500
And so you find yourself stuck between two worlds.
00:09:25.139 --> 00:09:41.219
So what ends up happening is right, you will either, you will either join rooms or spaces or follow individuals who are chasing them more, but they're neurotypical.
00:09:41.779 --> 00:09:42.019
Right.
00:09:42.179 --> 00:09:49.139
And so what they're telling you is girl, go for it, go for it, right?
00:09:49.699 --> 00:09:54.019
Like, I want you to chase your dreams, chase your goals, right?
00:09:54.339 --> 00:09:57.379
Decide, I want you to execute at a high level.
00:09:57.939 --> 00:10:03.779
Then there's the D word, which everyone with a messy brain hates, discipline, right?
00:10:03.859 --> 00:10:05.620
Like be disciplined, right?
00:10:06.259 --> 00:10:11.299
Like that is that's that's the room you find yourself in, right?
00:10:11.699 --> 00:11:28.339
And so you're in this space and it feels so good, it feels liberating, it feels empowering, it feels incredible because you are surrounded with folks, maybe it's even women, you are surrounded by women who are doing what you want to do, they are achieving what you want to achieve, they are like chasing it, and there is something so electric and so just like just like gratifying about like being in a space with individuals who are going after the thing, like even again, and that's why I was like, those of you who aren't there yet, like stick around because like even if you're like a little bit farther behind them, you're gonna feel lit up, you're gonna feel on fire, you're gonna feel like let's go.
00:11:29.620 --> 00:11:31.139
And then you're gonna leave, right?
00:11:31.219 --> 00:11:45.459
So you're gonna leave the call, or you're gonna leave the live video, or like walk away from the content, or leave the conference, whatever it is, and then you're gonna be shoved back into the messiness of your life, right?
00:11:46.019 --> 00:11:50.259
You're gonna be faced with the 35 emails that are unread.
00:11:50.419 --> 00:11:56.659
You're gonna be faced with the project that you said you would do two weeks ago that you still haven't even started.
00:11:56.740 --> 00:11:59.539
Like you're gonna be faced with all of those things.
00:11:59.939 --> 00:12:14.659
And so then what happens in that phase is that we begin to shrink because we tell ourselves we don't have the same capacity, we don't have the same ability to show up like these other folks.
00:12:14.899 --> 00:12:17.139
Like we just don't got it, right?
00:12:17.299 --> 00:12:19.620
And like I'm not even saying that that's not true.
00:12:19.939 --> 00:12:21.219
That is true.
00:12:21.379 --> 00:12:27.620
Like, there is something about your brain that works differently, even if, again, even if you're not diagnosed, right?
00:12:27.699 --> 00:12:29.779
If you're listening to this, there's something about this that resonates.
00:12:29.859 --> 00:12:36.179
So, like your brain does not work like the other brains, your brain doesn't brain like their brain, it just doesn't, right?
00:12:36.419 --> 00:13:08.500
And so, okay, so then we swing the pendulum and we find ourselves in another room, and in this room, there are folks who are just like us, and we are neurodivergent, and we are like fully aware of the fact that we have messy brains and that our capacity is different than most people, right?
00:13:08.740 --> 00:13:15.539
And like if you are dealing with perimenopause, then it's like your capacity could fluctuate day to day.
00:13:15.620 --> 00:13:17.939
It's like I don't, I never know.
00:13:18.179 --> 00:13:22.179
It's like perimenopause is like a bag of chocolate.
00:13:22.259 --> 00:13:25.539
You never know what you're gonna get, like legit, right?
00:13:25.699 --> 00:13:32.099
So it's like my capacity is fluctuating, I don't even know who I am on any given day, right?
00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:55.299
So let me go into a space, let me go into a room, let me follow creators, let me listen to podcasts from people who are like me, who are, you know, struggling, who have, you know, capacity constraints, who are, you know, like the ADHD is a disability.
00:13:55.379 --> 00:13:58.899
It's like, okay, like let's show up in those spaces.
00:13:58.979 --> 00:14:05.779
And and what happens in those spaces is now what you're getting is the compassion and the understanding.
00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:19.139
There's the compassion and the understanding for the fact that yes, I have a disability, my brain works differently than other people's brains.
00:14:19.299 --> 00:14:26.579
Like I can't actually sustain in the way that others can without specific accommodations.
00:14:27.139 --> 00:14:41.459
But then in those rooms, in those spaces, what we tend to find is a focus on the management, right?
00:14:41.620 --> 00:14:56.099
So now we're focusing on managing the same, managing the disability, managing the issue or managing our calendar, managing our to-do list, managing our productivity, right?
00:14:56.500 --> 00:15:03.779
So we're either focused on the management of it, or we're in the space of like managing symptoms, right?
00:15:03.859 --> 00:15:09.299
Or our internal state, but like solely our symptoms in our internal state.
00:15:09.620 --> 00:15:12.339
Or we are commiserating, right?
00:15:12.419 --> 00:15:33.939
So we are speaking with individuals who have the same thing as us, and we are sharing experiences, we are sharing thoughts, ideas, we are sharing our worst days, maybe sometimes our best days, but it's about like commiseration and like I see you, you see me.
00:15:34.500 --> 00:15:41.299
And what doesn't often get brought into those spaces is the desire for more, right?
00:15:41.379 --> 00:15:43.059
Like I want to create more.
00:15:43.139 --> 00:15:52.579
It's like much more on like the management and like the day-to-day things that I need to be doing to like stay afloat and manage my ADHD.
00:15:52.659 --> 00:15:54.979
Like those are the the words we use, right?
00:15:55.059 --> 00:15:59.459
Like manage my ADHD, manage my like any anxiety that comes up.
00:15:59.620 --> 00:16:02.899
Man, like we're managing, we're just managing in this place.
00:16:03.539 --> 00:16:15.219
And so when you get in that room, then you're in the commiseration, you're focused on your symptoms, you're focused on managing, and then we start to shrink our desires.
00:16:15.620 --> 00:16:27.779
We start to shrink our desires in lieu of our capacity because we were in the room where the people were doing the big things and we couldn't keep up, right?
00:16:27.859 --> 00:16:38.740
So then we put ourselves in the room, but the folks who get it, but then now we're in management mode and we're like, we're there, we're just we're managing, managing things, right?
00:16:39.859 --> 00:16:48.899
And so you kind of feel like you're stuck between two worlds because you do want more, you do want to go after the thing.
00:16:49.059 --> 00:16:59.059
You actually, in fact, want to create a big life, you want to chase that goal that has been on your vision board for how many, however many years.
00:16:59.219 --> 00:17:01.620
Like you want to actually do that thing.
00:17:02.740 --> 00:17:07.059
And you're like, but I don't know how to sustain it.
00:17:07.140 --> 00:17:08.420
I've never sustained anything.
00:17:08.579 --> 00:17:11.859
Like, I have no evidence that I know how to sustain a thing, right?
00:17:11.940 --> 00:17:19.299
Like I have no evidence for the fact that I can do this thing, which is actually not true because you're a whole doctor.
00:17:19.380 --> 00:17:21.059
So, like, let's just pause there.
00:17:21.299 --> 00:17:27.299
But your brain will tell you we have no evidence that we're able to do this thing, right?
00:17:28.019 --> 00:17:47.619
Usually because the things that we want to do are unstructured, meaning, like, there if you want to go get certified in obesity medicine, this podcast might not resonate because there are like certain steps that you have to take in order to be certified in obesity medicine.
00:17:47.700 --> 00:17:55.220
There's like, I've heard, I don't know, but I've heard there's a book, I've heard there's like courses and things like that, and then you study and then there's an exam.
00:17:55.379 --> 00:18:00.180
And that's very much in line with like who we are as physicians, we know how to do that, right?
00:18:00.339 --> 00:18:01.779
And there's a structured path.
00:18:02.019 --> 00:18:32.339
But if you want to be a content creator and make money on the side, if you want to start a life coaching business, if you want to launch a podcast, right, and grow it, if you want to write a book and traditionally publish it, like whatever it is, if you want to create a new leadership role within your institution that's like never been done before, like whatever it is that you want to do, it's unstructured, right?
00:18:32.500 --> 00:18:36.579
And so there's no like do this, then do that, then do that.
00:18:36.740 --> 00:18:42.899
There are steps, but everyone might take a little bit of a different path.
00:18:42.980 --> 00:18:45.139
And so you now have to be the one to decide.
00:18:45.299 --> 00:18:48.500
You have to decide am I gonna choose this path or that path?
00:18:48.740 --> 00:18:51.220
What steps am I gonna be willing to commit to?
00:18:51.460 --> 00:18:56.500
Am I going to be willing to like evaluate the work that I've done and like adjust and shift?
00:18:56.659 --> 00:19:02.980
Like, you have to be the person who makes that decision, right?
00:19:03.940 --> 00:19:07.059
And then you have to be the one who executes on it.
00:19:07.299 --> 00:19:15.940
And if your brain is telling you you don't have a track record to execute, no amount of hyping yourself up is going to get you to execute.
00:19:16.099 --> 00:19:21.779
It's just not gonna work because your brain's like, girl, no, we don't, we don't do those things.
00:19:21.940 --> 00:19:23.700
Like we're not able to do that.
00:19:23.779 --> 00:19:26.819
Like your cable and brain is always scanning for the truth.
00:19:26.899 --> 00:19:27.700
I say that all the time.
00:19:27.779 --> 00:19:31.139
That's something you're gonna hear me say ad nauseum on this podcast.
00:19:31.379 --> 00:19:35.379
Your cable man brain is always scanning for the truth.
00:19:35.700 --> 00:19:39.619
And so what you do is you find yourself between these two worlds.
00:19:39.940 --> 00:19:47.619
Either I like push myself and burn out and like try to live like a neurotypical person.
00:19:47.779 --> 00:19:58.980
Like try to be a neurotyp and like go after it and like do the big thing, and then I eventually burn out and then I crash and then it's over.
00:20:00.019 --> 00:20:05.139
Or I kind of negotiate with my desire a little bit, I shrink it, right?
00:20:05.220 --> 00:20:11.059
Because I'm like so focused on the day-to-day management of like not being messy anymore, right?
00:20:11.619 --> 00:20:24.339
So you're in the big room, you're in the big space, and everybody's doing the thing, and you're like, okay, but like I haven't eaten breakfast today, and I also didn't eat dinner last night.
00:20:24.419 --> 00:20:27.059
So I'm like running on empty because I forgot to eat.
00:20:27.220 --> 00:20:36.500
And then also when I do eat, I've eaten the same meal for the past two weeks straight, and I just didn't feel like eating that anymore.
00:20:36.579 --> 00:20:40.500
But I also don't know what I do want to eat, so I just decided it would be easier to not eat.
00:20:40.740 --> 00:20:44.579
My office is a mess, I am 30 notes behind on Epic.
00:20:44.659 --> 00:20:48.899
Like you start scanning your life and you're like, okay, it's messy.
00:20:48.980 --> 00:20:50.180
I can't do this.
00:20:50.659 --> 00:20:51.299
Right?
00:20:51.859 --> 00:20:56.740
Or you get into the space where you're managing, managing, managing, and now you're upset.
00:20:57.299 --> 00:20:59.139
And it's like this disquiet.
00:20:59.299 --> 00:21:20.180
You're disquieted, meaning you're in a space with people who get you, people who understand you, people who are with you because they're experiencing the same things you're experiencing, but they are managing, right?
00:21:20.259 --> 00:21:28.099
So they're they're they're like in the muck of it all, and then you're disquieted because deep down inside you still do want more.
00:21:28.339 --> 00:21:35.619
Even though you were in that room and that room nearly took you out, you like low-key want to go back in that room.
00:21:36.339 --> 00:21:41.059
You low-key want to go back in the big room because you're like, okay, but at least I was like chasing my goals.
00:21:41.139 --> 00:21:47.379
But then you go back in the big room or you start following the people who are doing the thing, and then you feel terrible about yourself because you can't keep up.
00:21:47.460 --> 00:21:50.980
So then you so it's like you just are stuck between two worlds.
00:21:51.059 --> 00:22:05.139
You're stuck between the neurotypicals who are like killing it, and the folks who are just like me, who I have so much love and compassion for, but like maybe we're not chasing our dreams in that room, right?
00:22:05.379 --> 00:22:15.700
And so you're either invalidating your desire, turning it down, like just like just turn it down a little bit because maybe we don't need to chase the day thing.
00:22:15.779 --> 00:22:20.419
Maybe we don't need to do that, or you're beating yourself out and burning yourself out.
00:22:20.659 --> 00:22:28.259
And what I want to say is like you don't have to sacrifice your desires, right?
00:22:29.859 --> 00:22:31.539
Knowing that you have a limitation.
00:22:31.700 --> 00:22:41.379
So the thing is the thing that changed in my life, like my life changed when I realized yes, I have a limitation.
00:22:41.619 --> 00:22:42.740
Yes, I do.
00:22:43.379 --> 00:22:43.940
I'm limited.
00:22:44.019 --> 00:22:46.579
Yeah, this was before I was diagnosed.
00:22:46.980 --> 00:22:52.339
Before I was diagnosed, I was like, I can't do things like the other people can do it.
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:54.259
My brain works differently.
00:22:55.379 --> 00:22:58.419
Years before I was diagnosed, like eight years before, right?
00:22:58.500 --> 00:23:06.579
It was like it was very clear to me that I was spending all of my time trying to be like other people, and my brain just simply did not work that way.
00:23:07.700 --> 00:23:12.819
So the first thing is I had to honor and just like own my limitations.
00:23:13.059 --> 00:23:15.460
It doesn't work for me the way it does for other people.
00:23:15.700 --> 00:23:17.139
It is easier for them.
00:23:17.299 --> 00:23:19.940
Like not gonna hold you, not gonna gaslight you.
00:23:20.019 --> 00:23:23.700
It is easier for neurotypical people to achieve their goals.
00:23:23.859 --> 00:23:24.500
It is.
00:24:28.819 --> 00:24:31.379
What I do need to be on is my desire.
00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:33.299
Like my desire needs to stay.
00:24:33.940 --> 00:24:45.220
And then from that place of my desire staying there, being the North Star that I'm pushing toward, I then assess my capacity.
00:24:45.700 --> 00:24:48.419
So I assess my capacity.
00:24:49.299 --> 00:24:53.700
I see what my brain and my body are available for.
00:24:54.259 --> 00:25:02.259
And then from that place, I take action, deciding also who I want to be and what I want to believe.
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:05.940
So I'm gonna give you a story of exactly how I did this.
00:25:06.019 --> 00:25:12.339
Like I'm gonna walk you through like what this looks like in real time because this sounds like a little bit like esoteric and like like it sounds great, Dr.
00:25:12.419 --> 00:25:14.659
Kimi, but like what does this look like in actual practice?
00:25:14.899 --> 00:25:18.740
I'm back and I'm gonna like show you exactly what it looks like.
00:25:20.180 --> 00:25:21.059
All right, y'all.
00:25:21.220 --> 00:25:27.460
So I actually had to break and go coach my clients, and now I am back.
00:25:27.779 --> 00:25:30.980
So here's the reason why.
00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:33.139
Okay, let me back up.
00:25:33.460 --> 00:25:37.940
Today did not go as expected at all.
00:25:38.339 --> 00:25:43.059
And it's like the perfect example of what I'm illustrating.
00:25:43.139 --> 00:25:44.099
It's 10 p.m.
00:25:44.980 --> 00:25:51.379
I just coached for an hour and a half, hour 45 minutes, coach my clients.
00:25:51.619 --> 00:25:55.859
And then after I coach, I have to, I have to take a break.
00:25:56.019 --> 00:25:59.379
Like I have to like down regulate a little bit.
00:25:59.700 --> 00:26:04.180
Even if I'm just going to bed, I can't just like coach and then just get up and go do something else.
00:26:04.259 --> 00:26:07.859
Like I have to, you know, like it take it takes a lot.
00:26:08.019 --> 00:26:09.139
It takes a lot out of me.
00:26:09.299 --> 00:26:10.180
I absolutely love it.
00:26:10.339 --> 00:26:11.059
I adore it.
00:26:11.139 --> 00:26:12.099
I enjoy it.
00:26:12.419 --> 00:26:16.099
And it I have to get my brain on board.
00:26:16.259 --> 00:26:24.419
So today is a perfect example of this because I was not supposed to be still recording my podcast at 10 p.m.
00:26:24.659 --> 00:26:25.059
at night.
00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:26.659
Like that was not in the cards.
00:26:26.740 --> 00:26:30.259
That is not what was supposed to happen at all.
00:26:31.059 --> 00:26:35.220
But I had a messy day.
00:26:35.460 --> 00:26:37.539
I had a messy, messy day.
00:26:37.779 --> 00:26:39.059
Very messy.
00:26:39.379 --> 00:26:41.539
One star, zero stars.
00:26:41.700 --> 00:26:42.659
Do not recommend.
00:26:42.819 --> 00:26:44.740
So I'm gonna walk you through the day.
00:26:44.899 --> 00:26:50.180
I'm gonna walk you through an example of the exact thing I was just talking about.
00:26:50.339 --> 00:26:55.299
Like in the messy life that I have, because my life is messy.
00:26:55.619 --> 00:27:01.859
How do I still have the big goal or the dream or the desire?
00:27:02.579 --> 00:27:16.339
So I wanted today to be the day that I had like, I had actually mapped out exactly how I was going to show up in my business today.
00:27:16.659 --> 00:27:18.579
I had calendared it, y'all.
00:27:18.740 --> 00:27:21.779
Like I calendared my entire day.
00:27:21.940 --> 00:27:26.019
It was like, okay, from this time to this time, here's what we're gonna do.
00:27:26.259 --> 00:27:28.740
From this time to this time, here's what we're gonna do.
00:27:28.819 --> 00:27:30.259
Like I had it all mapped out.
00:27:30.339 --> 00:27:34.819
It was a perfectly wonderful plan, or so I thought.
00:27:35.139 --> 00:27:45.220
So what was gonna happen was my housekeeper that we use part-time was gonna come and she was gonna wash the clothes.
00:27:45.379 --> 00:27:47.460
Okay, that was the plan.
00:27:47.779 --> 00:27:53.940
I was gonna go to the gym, I was gonna come home, pick up my son, take him to his college class.
00:27:54.099 --> 00:27:57.539
My son is 16, he's in college, we homeschool.
00:27:57.619 --> 00:28:00.419
So he's in his last year of community college.
00:28:00.500 --> 00:28:09.539
So I was gonna take him to college, take my daughter with me, get her some breakfast on the road, because normally I like to cook breakfast for her because she's also homeschooled.
00:28:09.700 --> 00:28:11.460
I was gonna get her some breakfast on the road.
00:28:11.619 --> 00:28:25.779
I was gonna go straight from my son's school to getting her breakfast, then directly to the clinic because I needed to get a drug test for the job that I'm starting next week.
00:28:25.859 --> 00:28:28.259
Because I told y'all I'm going back to clinical medicine.
00:28:28.339 --> 00:28:30.019
And so they needed a drug test.
00:28:30.099 --> 00:28:34.740
So, like I would do the drug test and then I would come right back to the school.
00:28:34.899 --> 00:28:44.419
I would pick up my son, I would head home, I would still have time for my noon of my noon meeting, and then I had another meeting at 5:30 p.m.
00:28:44.579 --> 00:28:46.099
And then I had a coaching call tonight.
00:28:46.259 --> 00:28:53.460
So in between that window, I would record my podcast, and like that was the goal.
00:28:53.779 --> 00:28:55.139
That was the goal.
00:28:55.460 --> 00:28:58.099
Everything was supposed to work out.
00:28:58.259 --> 00:29:11.220
So I woke up, woke up on time, did not snooze, did not oversleep, got ready, got my coffee, went to the gym, worked out like I normally do.
00:29:11.539 --> 00:29:12.899
Everything was going good.
00:29:13.059 --> 00:29:21.619
I brought my clothes to the gym because I wanted to shower there because I knew I wasn't gonna have enough time to shower, and I wanted to shower before I went to the clinic.
00:29:21.779 --> 00:29:35.299
So I brought my clothes, had everything packed up, showered there, changed there, got home in just enough time to snatch my children up and take them to my son's school.
00:29:35.779 --> 00:29:37.059
I arrive home.
00:29:38.339 --> 00:29:40.339
Here's what here's what went down.
00:29:40.740 --> 00:29:42.419
Here's what happened.
00:29:43.059 --> 00:29:52.899
I pull up the lawn person, the person who cuts our lawn, is speaking to me because he's asking questions.
00:29:53.059 --> 00:29:54.819
Do we want the lawn to be cut today?
00:29:55.379 --> 00:29:56.980
Do we have the money to pay him for less?
00:29:57.299 --> 00:29:57.619
Whatever.
00:29:57.779 --> 00:29:58.819
There were questions.
00:29:59.059 --> 00:30:08.180
Now I understand Spanish and I can speak Spanish, but not when I'm stressed, not when I'm in a hurry, not when I have places to be.
00:30:08.339 --> 00:30:12.500
Apparently, I lose all my Spanish in those situations.
00:30:12.659 --> 00:30:14.259
So he's talking to me.
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:18.259
I'm like kind of understanding him, and like I should be able to speak back.
00:30:18.419 --> 00:30:23.379
Like I know enough Spanish to be able to speak back, and like I can't find the words.
00:30:23.779 --> 00:30:27.379
So then I'm just like standing there, like bumbling, trying to talk to this guy.
00:30:27.460 --> 00:30:28.740
And I was like, you know what?
00:30:28.980 --> 00:30:30.419
You want to talk to my husband?
00:30:30.579 --> 00:30:34.259
I'm like, Adrian, do you want me to you let me let me let me get him?
00:30:34.419 --> 00:30:35.539
Let me get him on the phone.
00:30:35.700 --> 00:30:38.980
So I get my husband on the phone.
00:30:39.379 --> 00:30:41.059
I should have already left by now.
00:30:41.139 --> 00:30:45.220
I I'm running a tight window to get my son to class on time.
00:30:46.740 --> 00:30:48.099
Children come out.
00:30:48.659 --> 00:30:53.379
My husband is still talking to the lawn man.
00:30:53.539 --> 00:30:56.099
Then the housekeeper pulls up at the same time.
00:30:56.419 --> 00:31:12.579
So she needs directions on like which clothes are gonna be washed, et cetera, et cetera, like what's already clean, what's already not, because I just didn't want her, like, you know, doing double duty and like rewashing things that were already washed and just needed to be put away.
00:31:12.659 --> 00:31:14.259
So like then I'm trying to direct her.
00:31:14.419 --> 00:31:17.379
I'm trying to gather my kids because why aren't you ready?
00:31:17.539 --> 00:31:19.940
Like, I told you by time I'd be here, why aren't you ready?
00:31:20.180 --> 00:31:25.460
So I'm trying to gather then the lawman's still on the phone with Adrian.
00:31:25.539 --> 00:31:29.700
So I finally get everything together, finally get everything together.
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:32.659
Get in the car, I drive off.
00:31:32.819 --> 00:31:33.700
We're still good.
00:31:33.940 --> 00:31:35.379
We are still good on time.
00:31:35.539 --> 00:31:37.940
My son's class starts at 9:30.
00:31:38.180 --> 00:31:42.339
I pull up to the school at 9:29 a.m.
00:31:42.659 --> 00:31:49.859
I'm like, yes, I take my daughter, we go to Dunkin' Donuts, I get her her little breakfast sandwich.
00:31:50.019 --> 00:31:51.379
We get back in the car.
00:31:51.619 --> 00:31:54.899
We get back in the car, I get a message from my husband.
00:31:55.299 --> 00:31:57.619
Our housekeeper is locked out of the house.
00:31:57.940 --> 00:31:59.859
I was like, what?
00:32:00.500 --> 00:32:01.619
What just happened?
00:32:02.579 --> 00:32:04.259
She's locked out of the house.
00:32:04.579 --> 00:32:12.980
Not only is she locked out of the house, her phone is inside the house, she asked the lawnman to open the door.
00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:23.619
He tried to open the door and actually broke the the handle, like the doorknob, like handle, like it's broken now.
00:32:24.419 --> 00:32:32.339
So the the house is really, it's not really actually that it's locked, it's that the handle's broken and we can't get inside.
00:32:32.579 --> 00:32:34.500
I'm like, oh, this is great.
00:32:34.740 --> 00:32:36.419
This is fascinating.
00:32:36.579 --> 00:32:39.619
Okay, so I already feel the day slipping away.
00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:42.819
I feel the day slipping away from me.
00:32:43.299 --> 00:32:55.779
I'm like, okay, let me breathe, but I still know what I want to do today, but I'm clearly gonna have to renegotiate how it gets done, right?
00:32:56.899 --> 00:33:00.899
And so I go home and wait for a locksmith.
00:33:01.059 --> 00:33:04.899
I wait close enough to an hour for the locksmith to come.
00:33:05.059 --> 00:33:08.740
I told my my housekeeper, I say, you go start on the clothes, right?
00:33:08.819 --> 00:33:13.460
At the laundromat, I will bring your phone to you because she had left her phone inside.
00:33:13.539 --> 00:33:15.379
I'm like, I'll bring your phone to you.
00:33:15.460 --> 00:33:17.779
I give her directions to how to get there.
00:33:18.579 --> 00:33:26.259
Locksmith comes, it took it takes like an hour because apparently the highway is shut down, right?
00:33:26.339 --> 00:33:29.379
So like I feel the day slipping away from me.
00:33:29.940 --> 00:33:36.019
And in a prior time, I would have made this mean all of the things.
00:33:36.180 --> 00:33:46.019
I would have made this mean that I am not like it wasn't meant to be, or things always happen to me.
00:33:46.099 --> 00:33:53.299
This this is one that those of us who are neurodiversion, like it feels so true, likely because it is a little bit true.
00:33:53.460 --> 00:33:56.099
Like it is true that things always happen to us.
00:33:56.259 --> 00:34:01.779
And I'm not saying it's a wrong, but I'm saying like that does feel like a like a reality, right?
00:34:01.859 --> 00:34:03.379
Like things are always happening to me.
00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:11.619
So then I would get stuck in this like defeated cycle because I'm like, things are always happening to me.
00:34:13.220 --> 00:34:27.139
And what that did not allow me to do was to say, okay, this thing happened, this has altered what I thought today was going to look like, what I thought I would be able to accomplish, but I still want to do the thing.
00:34:27.220 --> 00:34:29.139
So, like, how can I still do the thing?
00:34:29.300 --> 00:34:30.980
How can I get it done?
00:34:31.300 --> 00:34:52.740
And so what I decided, so by the by the time this whole situation resolved, and I got the drug test, and then I finally picked up my son, brought him home, sat down and relaxed for a second, and then put my makeup on to actually record this video to do this podcast.
00:34:53.140 --> 00:34:54.340
It was like 5 p.m.
00:34:54.660 --> 00:34:57.620
Now, granted, I also wanted to go live today.
00:34:57.780 --> 00:34:58.900
That's actually the thing.
00:34:59.060 --> 00:35:02.019
It it was really, really important for me to go live today.
00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:05.140
I wanted to go live and I wanted to go live on Facebook.
00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:09.539
Sorry, I forgot that little extra little bit of information.
00:35:09.780 --> 00:35:11.860
ADHD, I wanted to go live on Facebook.
00:35:12.019 --> 00:35:15.539
The reason I wanted to go live on Facebook is because I hate going live on Facebook.
00:35:15.620 --> 00:35:19.060
And so I wanted to go live on Facebook because I hate going live on Facebook.
00:35:19.140 --> 00:35:25.060
And what I'm doing is I am approaching the things that scare me.
00:35:25.220 --> 00:35:29.539
I am approaching the things that bring up resistance for me.
00:35:29.700 --> 00:35:31.539
Like that's the season I'm in right now.
00:35:31.620 --> 00:35:48.500
And so, like the final frontier almost, if you will, was Facebook because I will show up on all the other platforms, but I pretend like Facebook doesn't exist because that's where a lot of the 2023 stuff, if you listen to my earlier episodes, like that's where it happened, right?
00:35:48.740 --> 00:35:51.780
So it was important for me to go live on Facebook.
00:35:51.860 --> 00:35:54.660
So those are the two things that I really, really wanted to do today.
00:35:54.820 --> 00:36:00.740
There were other things that I wanted to do as well, but those were like the big things that like I really wanted to get done.
00:36:01.060 --> 00:36:12.580
And so as I felt the day slipping away, I felt myself wanting to descend into that defeated space of see, my life is messy, and this is why I can't have nice things.
00:36:13.220 --> 00:36:18.740
This is why I can't do the things that like other people do, and like I have too much going on.
00:36:18.820 --> 00:36:22.980
It's just always something like that is true.
00:36:23.780 --> 00:36:34.580
I have a lot going on, things don't happen to me the way they happen to other people, and there's always something, like, all of those things are true.
00:36:34.660 --> 00:36:36.580
I'm not gonna gaslight myself.
00:36:36.820 --> 00:36:38.660
I refuse to gaslight myself.
00:36:38.900 --> 00:36:44.500
All of those things are true, and that doesn't mean that I can't still achieve what I want to achieve.
00:36:44.740 --> 00:36:47.300
I just have to think about it in a different way.
00:36:47.620 --> 00:37:08.180
Now, I am not able to think about how to achieve my goal in a different way, if I am not okay with the feeling that comes up in my body when I think about the fact that it's not gonna get done the way I wanted it to get done.
00:37:08.340 --> 00:37:08.660
Right.
00:37:08.900 --> 00:37:25.780
So if I'm resisting the inadequacy that might come up when my podcast has to be split into three different sections and broken up by like a call and a coaching call with my clients, like that's not ideal, right?
00:37:25.860 --> 00:37:26.900
I have ADHD.
00:37:26.980 --> 00:37:30.820
I don't always remember what I said from one moment to the next.
00:37:30.980 --> 00:37:32.019
I really, really don't.
00:37:32.180 --> 00:37:41.380
And then now I have to splice three videos together and edit them together in order to get this podcast up and live by tomorrow morning, right?
00:37:41.539 --> 00:37:43.380
And like I don't do well with stuff like that.
00:37:43.539 --> 00:37:48.340
So like it would have been ideal if I sat down and just recorded it in one sitting.
00:37:48.500 --> 00:37:52.340
That would be ideal, but that's not what I was working with today.
00:37:52.660 --> 00:37:56.820
So I had to be willing for the imperfection to come in.
00:37:56.900 --> 00:38:02.260
I had to be willing for this podcast to not go exactly the way that I would have wanted it.
00:38:02.420 --> 00:38:07.460
I had to show my brain why it was still valuable to show up and speak to my person.
00:38:07.780 --> 00:38:13.780
And I went ahead and also did the live video without any preparation.
00:38:13.940 --> 00:38:20.500
I just sat down and hit record and I was like, I guess I'm gonna figure out what I'm talking about while I'm talking about it.
00:38:20.580 --> 00:38:22.260
Now I knew the general direction.
00:38:22.420 --> 00:38:29.620
I knew I wanted to talk about why I didn't want to be on Facebook, and that's a big thing that I wanted to actually talk about.
00:38:29.780 --> 00:38:34.980
And so I just started off the live video by saying, I actually don't want to be here, and that's why I'm here.
00:38:35.140 --> 00:38:43.380
And then I just allowed the rest of it to flow from there, and it actually turned out to be pretty good.
00:38:43.539 --> 00:38:50.420
And this podcast is not perfect, but I believe it is going to help the person that I serve.
00:38:50.580 --> 00:38:57.220
And so I wanted to give you like a concrete example of like what this looks like, right?
00:38:57.620 --> 00:39:05.380
I do not renegotiate my desires just because my capacity changes.
00:39:05.539 --> 00:39:11.620
Like my capacity could change because I'm in my luteal phase of my menstrual cycle, right?
00:39:11.780 --> 00:39:13.620
And I just want to cry every day.
00:39:13.780 --> 00:39:17.940
My capacity could change because I'm sick, or one of my children is sick.
00:39:18.100 --> 00:39:27.940
My capacity could change because I wake up and I had a night of night sweats because perimenopause and I am exhausted.
00:39:28.180 --> 00:39:36.420
Like, like the input may change, but like my outcome, my desire doesn't have to change.
00:39:36.580 --> 00:39:38.420
My desire stays static.
00:39:38.580 --> 00:39:44.900
And then what I do is I'm responsible for changing how I get to that desire.
00:39:44.980 --> 00:39:46.500
I negotiate the method.
00:39:46.660 --> 00:39:48.820
I keep the desire and negotiate the method.
00:39:48.900 --> 00:40:00.820
And what that requires, though, is that requires me to not be scared of the negative emotions that come up.
00:40:01.140 --> 00:40:13.700
Like when I want to do the thing, and it's not gonna get done in the way that I want it to get done, it's going to feel bad.
00:40:14.260 --> 00:40:14.580
Right?
00:40:14.740 --> 00:40:25.780
Like, one of the biggest things that my clients tell me is that like I am never, ever, ever running and or hiding from negative emotions.
00:40:25.940 --> 00:40:30.980
Like, what we're gonna do up in this coaching program is allow ourselves to feel.
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Now we're gonna feel the positive, the good things, the the vibes that move us forward, but we're also going to allow ourselves to feel the negative emotions.
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The reason that we tend to not actually stay on the path of getting what we want, what we desire, is we are always running from the negative emotion, emotions, right?
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So, like the messiness of my life does not negate the bigness that I want to create because I allow the mess to be there.
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Like I allow the mess to be there, and I allow my desire to be there.
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And then the bridge between the mess and the desire, like that's what I gotta figure out, right?
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It is different every single day.
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Like some days, y'all, I'd be on beast mode.
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I'd be on beast mode.
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I just like one thing after the other, just knocking it out the park, just like I am her.
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And then there's days like today where it's 5 p.m.
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and I'm just sitting down to work for the first time at 5 p.m.
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and then it's 10 p.m.
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and I'm recording a podcast.
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Like there are days like today.
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And like what has kept me and what has allowed me to create the business I've created, and even like me going back into clinical medicine, like all of the things that I'm doing in my life right now, like all the ventures, like being able to homeschool my kids, like really creating one of my coaches calls it my and life, like having the business, right?
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And scaling my business to seven figures and being a present mom with a well-run home.
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Like, though that's my version of an and life.
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What that requires is like I cannot keep putting my desires on the chopping block or like negotiating it or putting it on trial every day just because that day is messy.
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Like, yes, my emails are overrun, and I'm still going to record the podcast.
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And I'm not saying I'm gonna ignore the emails forever, right?
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But I don't let that mess or that muck or whatever it is shift me from what I still desire, how can I change the input, but not the point B or not the output?
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like, how can with the brain that I have today, with the body that I have today, with or with the circumstances that I have today, how do I still take a step toward what I want?
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And that looks like every single day I'm gonna be doing things a little bit different.
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Like I said, there's some days I'm I'm on my my beast mode, I'm in my bag, like all the things.
00:43:17.460 --> 00:43:26.740
And then there's days like today where I'm just allowing some of this to be messy, it's not perfect, right?
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But I am still creating the big life, like I am still creating what I desire.
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I did that live video today, and I've already had people reaching out to me about how it resonated with them.
00:43:39.460 --> 00:43:54.260
Like that's what I mean by I don't have to reduce or shrink my life to like just managing my symptoms, or I don't have to gaslight myself into productivity, right?
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I don't have to beat myself over the head.
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Like, you need to be disciplined and productive, right?
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I don't have to do either of those things.
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I can chase the big, expansive, dope life that I want and honor my shifting, fluctuating capacity, my shifting or fluctuating circumstances, whatever they may be.
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So that is the episode.
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Okay, that's what I wanted to talk about today.
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I wanted to just start introducing to you the way that I think about things differently, how even with my messy brain and my messy life, I've been able to create such success.
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And even with the fact that I have had so many failures, how I am taking those failures and learning and growing with those failures every single day, and like taking y'all along the journey of the failures as well.
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So I hope that this episode was helpful for you, and I will see you all next week.
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Peace and love, y'all.
