S2:Ep22- The Gift we give ourselves

Christine: Hi beautiful people, it's Christine from Collaborative Growth Coaching. And today I thought I would talk about why we do charitable work and why it changes us. You know, we spend a lot of time looking at what's the work that we do, and then we look around us in the world and we say, what's what needs me? What can I do to help my fellow man? So, what we're calling this today is the gift we give ourselves. Why helping others actually improves our well-being? So, why do we volunteer our time, donate our money, comfort a grieving friend, prepare meals for a neighbor, or spend hours helping complete strangers when often there's no reward waiting for us? And perhaps even More importantly, what happens to us when we do that? ⁓ someone who works in end-of-life care and grief support, I have had the privilege of witnessing extraordinary acts of generosity. I've watched family members spend sleepless nights caring for loved ones. I've seen volunteers sit by bedsides who feel that they don't want their person to be alone. I've watched communities rally around someone facing an illness, loss, or a hardship. And I think many of you have seen that too. Sometimes we see it on a large scale and sometimes we see it on a very small scale. But what I've learned from this is that people often begin charitable work believing that they're helping someone else. Well, they are. But along the way, they discover that they themselves are being changed in the process. So let's talk a little bit about why that is. Humans need to matter. Deep down, we all need to matter. So at the core We want to know that our lives have meaning. We want to feel like our presence makes a difference. I think that many of us spend years and years chasing accomplishments. We chase titles, we chase possessions, we chase recognition. And yet when people reflect on their lives, especially near the end, they rarely talk about the car they drove or the promotions that they've earned. Instead they talk about their relationships. They talk about people they loved, moments when they helped someone, contributions they have made to their communities. There seems to be something deeply human about wanting our lives to extend beyond ourselves. And charitable work allows us to answer the question that is really important. Did my life matter? Well, when we help another person, we often receive confirmation that it did. As humans were wired for connection. Modern culture frequently celebrates independence and the strong, self-sufficient, self-made, self-reliant person, but our biology will tell you a different story. Human beings evolved in communities. Our survival depended upon cooperation. So long, long before there were corporations, governments. Social media people survived because they cared for one another. Someone did all the hunting. Someone else gathered food. Somebody cared for the children. Someone else tended for the sick. Someone grieved the col or excuse me, comforted the grieving. Our brains are literally wired for connection. Researchers have found that acts of kindness activate reward centers in the brain. Helping others can trigger the release of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. So chemicals that are associated with pleasure, bonding, and emotional well-being. In other words, helping others. doesn't just feel good emotionally, but it really helps us physically. Our bodies often respond positively when we engage in meaningful acts of service. Now I know many of you've probably heard of the term a runner's high. But there's something very similar and it's called a helper's high. Many volunteers will describe it you show up intending to serve, maybe you're helping a food pantry or a fundraiser or sitting with someone who's lonely. And at the end of that day, you actually feel lighter. You feel more energized, you feel more connected, you feel more hopeful. Scientists believe that this occurs because acts of generosity activate parts of the brain associated with reward and pleasure. The result is often an increased sense of happiness and life satisfaction. And what's fascinating is that the person receiving the help ends up not being the only one who's receiving a benefit. The giver gets a benefit too. And it's one of the few situations in life where both parties walk away with something valuable. Charitable work gives us perspective. One of the most powerful effects of helping others is that perspective. When we're struggling, it's easy to become consumed with our own problems. We focus on our worries, our frustrations, our disappointments. Helping others gently shifts our focus outward to others, reminds us that everyone is carrying something. Everyone is navigating challenges that we never see. And that doesn't diminish our own struggles, but it does broaden our view. Many people report that volunteering helps them develop a greater attitude for what they have, while also deepening their compassion for those who have less. Perspective doesn't eliminate the hardship, it helps us carry it differently. You probably have heard the old saying if you went into a room and you laid your problems on a table along with everyone else's and you had to go back and pick something up, you would probably pick up your own issues first. Because there's always someone dealing with something far worse than we are dealing with. Pense perspective. we look at what we have before us and recognize that in the grand scheme of things it may not be so bad with perspective. So purpose is a word that comes up frequently in conversations about well-being. People feel a strong sense of purpose and often report higher life satisfaction, greater resilience, and an improved emotional health. Charitable work can provide that sense of purpose. We know that our actions are helping someone else and our daily activities take on greater meaning for us. Now the tasks might not be glamorous. Clearly packing food into boxes isn't glamorous, or driving someone to a medical appointment, or making phone calls for a fundraiser. Yet purpose rarely arrives wrapped up in glamour. More often it appears through simple Acts repeated consistently, and purpose is very often found in service. I know that I have been in service in a lot of different ways in my life. ⁓ Service as a nurse, service as a massage therapist. And yes, those were my careers, but they also provided a sense of service. I was doing something for someone else. And that still happens with doula work. It still happens with grief work. in the I can remember being on the board of the American Massage Therapy Association. ⁓ I did several years on the board of directors for New York. I did several years on the national board, and eventually I was the national president. And one of the things that we often talked about was service. and succeeding and feeling good about what happens because we serve. We serve our community, we serve our members, we serve our chapters that we had. So service is a way that we can give ourselves something and make us feel good about what we're doing. In addition to helping others in our community. So those of us who work with grief often witness an interesting phenomenon. Many people who have experienced profound loss become deeply committed to helping others. A parent who loses a child starts a foundation. A cancer survivor becomes a mentor. Someone who loses a spouse volunteers in a bereavement program. Why? Because suffering often expands our capacity for empathy. We understand pain differently once we've lived through it. And many people find that helping others transforms some of their own pain into purpose. Loss doesn't disappear. Grief doesn't magically resolve, but service becomes a way of honoring what was lost. A way of carrying that love forward. So despite being more connected diligently than ever before, many people report feeling lonely. We are so connected and people can find us 24-7, 365 days, yet people feel lonely. Charitable work creates an opportunity for genuine human connection, not who liked my post, who looked at my pictures and said they looked nice. I'm talking genuine human connection. It brings people together around a shared goal. It introduces people who may have not met otherwise. And it creates a relationship based not on status or achievement, but on common humanity. When people volunteer together, they often form meaningful friendships. They develop a sense of belonging and they become part of something that's larger than themselves. And belonging really is a critical component of emotional well-being. I have created some fantastic friendships through volunteer work and friendships that I will never lose track of. And i it's amazing. Some of my best friends have come out of volunteering. So what's the hidden benefit of generosity? Well, the benefits of charitable work extend far beyond just that feeling good. Research has actually been done in this area and it's linked volunteerism and generosity with things like reduced stress, improved mood, lowering your rates of depression, increasing social connection, greater life satisfaction, improving self esteem, enhanced sense of purpose. Better all overall mental health. And some studies have even suggested potential physical benefits among individuals who engage in regular volunteer activity. Of course, now we know that charitable work is not a substitute for medical care, therapies, and other forms of support, but it can be a powerful contributor to your overall wellness. Okay, so what happens then when I feel like that's all I do? I give, I give, I give, I give. So when giving becomes too much, we need to acknowledge that that's not necessarily healthy. Okay? We know that a lot of caregivers, helpers, nurses, social workers, duelers, and volunteers. Know what it's like to give until they're exhausted. They know what burnout is like. And service shouldn't require self sacrifice to the point of depletion. And there's a difference between generosity and burnout. Healthy giving will include healthy boundaries. It recognizes that we can't pour from an empty cup. The goal is to contribute in sustainable ways, and the healthiest charitable work comes from abundance, not exhaustion. So when we find ourselves carrying For others and caring for ourselves. Both of us will become stronger. We need to recognize when it's time to do self-care, time to do something for us, time to take a break and say, you know what? I need a day that's just for me. I need to go do something that reinvigorates my soul, in addition to the charitable things I do that make me happy, so that I can come back to the work. that I love to do and feel like I can really give at that point. So some people will tell you that charity has to be grand. It do it's a large donation, a major project, creating a foundation, doing a public effort. And but in all honesty The most meaningful acts can be remarkably small. Checking in on your next door neighbor, sending a card, making a meal, listening without trying to fix, sitting beside someone who's grieving, holding a hand, offering a ride, sharing encouragement. The simple acts rarely make headlines. And yet they offer changes in lives. And sometimes the smallest kindnesses arrive at exactly the moment that someone needs it the most. So as we come to the end of today's conversation, I want to leave you with a thought. Perhaps charitable work isn't just about helping others. Perhaps it's also about becoming more fully human. When we give, we strengthen our connection to one another. We discover purpose. We cultivate gratitude. We build community. We create meaning. And often without realizing it, we improve our own well being along the way. At the end of life, people rarely regret being kind. They rarely regret helping someone. They rarely regret loving deeply. What they do remember are the lives that they touched and the moments that they showed up for another human being. So if you're wondering whether your small act of kindness matters, the answer is a resounding yes. It does. It matters to the person receiving it. It matters to your community. And it matters to you. So thank you as always for spending this time with me today. Share this with someone you feel needs to hear that their sense of giving is helping them and that the smallest things mean a lot. So like, subscribe, and share. And until next time, I want you to take care of yourselves, take care of one another, and remember that even the smallest acts of compassion have the power to create a ripple effect. Far beyond what it is that we can see. Because sometimes the greatest gift we give is not what we do for others, but who we become in the process. Keep dwelling in those limitless possibilities. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye for now.