WEBVTT
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Hey guys, welcome back to the show.
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Did we see the intro?
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Did we love it?
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Okay, let's talk about it.
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Okay, so guys, this was probably the most fun I've ever had doing anything, like ever.
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Excuse my child, disrespectful.
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This is probably the most fun I've had doing anything ever, as far as like creativity, because you guys know I have like zero creativity whatsoever.
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But I was thinking like last year, I was like, I need a new intro, even though I love the one I have now.
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But I was like, I need or the old one, I need a new intro because sometimes the podcast isn't very jolly, you know, and I felt like that that's what the first intro was giving, like this really like sweet, innocent podcast.
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And sometimes I get like super judgmental up here, like the more comfortable I get, the more I can like say how I truly feel, you know.
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And sometimes I have dark opinions, I talk about suicide, sometimes like it's just always not like kisses and rainbows.
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So I was like, I want a new sound, and I want the new intro to sound like it could possibly get spooky in this bitch, you know?
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And so Zoe, um, I'll put her tag like right here.
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Um she does the vocals for the audio of the intro.
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And so I asked her if she could like change it up for me, kind of make it a little like, but I want like I'm a really like big fan of like rock and heavy metal, so I was like, I really want like a hard punch of something in there, whether it's a I don't even give a fuck what it is, you know.
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I just really want a hard, like heavy metal sound.
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Um, and she did perfect, she did wonderful.
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Also, check out her music.
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I'm gonna put her tag right here again.
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She's phenomenal.
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Um, and then the most, the most, most fun part was working with um this animator that I found, and their name is El Damas.
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I'll put their uh tag right here.
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Guys, I thought of this concept damn near a year ago.
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Like I had a dream about it, and I was just like, damn, that could be an intro, like that's cute.
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And so I was looking for animators for like six months, and I found some good ones, like I found some really, really sick ass animators, but like none of them had I can't even tell you what they didn't have, none of them had what I wanted, I guess.
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And I stumbled upon this animator, and when I tell you phenomenal experience from literally start to finish, phenomenal.
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Like, I I'm not gonna lie, I was throwing some like really weird ideas because this idea was damn near a fever dream.
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I was throwing some really wild ideas at them, and they were just like, Okay, let me see if I can do it.
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Yep, okay, let's see if that'll fit.
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Yep, okay.
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Well, if I can do it, you got it.
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Like, so accommodating, so patient, so good, like, cannot, and just made the experience so fun for me, like didn't make me feel rushed, didn't make me feel like, all right, bitch, like, all right, that's I can only do so much, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, anything I wanted to do, they were like, oh, sick, that sounds great.
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I can't wait to see how that like just just a wonderful experience through and through.
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I I can't recommend ever like literally every episode that I use the intro for, I'm gonna be like, no, shut up, like just such a good experience.
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And I'm probably gonna do like an animated outro just so I can just so I can use it.
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It was it was it was phenomenal, like it was fantastic.
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So yeah, if you have any animation needs, please.
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You'll be you'll thank me.
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I promise.
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Um, okay, but let's get into the episode, guys.
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We have to address the elephant in the room first.
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We always do, because I feel like this is gonna be a constant thing with me because you guys know, unfortunately, I do not have although I have the gift of gab, but I also have the gift of shut the fuck up.
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And I took a little break.
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I took a little break.
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Um, and I know you guys are like this bitch in her breaks, like, bitch, lock the fuck in.
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I'm trying, you guys.
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I promise I'm trying.
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It's just I don't know.
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Like, I have an existential crisis like every three weeks.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like, every week I'm like, I'm just gonna like disappear.
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And then the next week I'll be like, no, I got some shit to say, and people are gonna listen.
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And then the next week I'm just like, what if none of this shit even fucking matters?
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You know, I I'm just like, I'll say it till the day I die.
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Like, being a person is so wild, it's the wildest thing I'll ever do.
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And it's not even my fault, like I didn't even make me, but anyway, um, I had a little bit of a blockage emotionally.
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What else is new?
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Um, but I was just, I just felt so emotionally unregulated, like all of my emotions were everything.
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I like halfway crashed out on my friends.
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I was like, y'all don't even fucking like me.
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Everybody think I'm a monster.
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Like, I was just, and then I haven't cried in a long time.
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From like, I'm not gonna lie, y'all, from like June to like August, I was like, I was really fucked up.
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Um, and I was like getting mad at my friends about old shit.
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Like, I got re mad.
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I got re mad at Mango because she didn't invite me on her birthday trip.
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Mind you, it's her birthday trip.
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Like, I was just finding reasons to feel like people hated me.
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Nobody said that, you know what I'm saying?
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Relax.
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So I was just crashing out very unnecessarily, like just getting pissed off, but I would not cry.
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And I was like, what the fuck is going on?
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Like, I know I just need to release this and cry.
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I just can't, and it's pissing me off that I can't.
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So I was in here one day just fucking cleaning up and stuff, and for the people who live alone, you know that sometimes when it's like your day off, and you know, you don't live with anybody else, you just kind of don't say shit all day.
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And so my TV was on, because I usually have my TV on for my cats and stuff, but my TV had like timed out during the night.
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And I like stood up and I stopped cleaning, and I was like, yo, it is dead fucking silent in here, like that is so crazy.
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Like you could hear a rat piss in the corner, like it's dead ball looking quiet in this bitch.
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And I was like, when was the last time I listened to music?
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You know what I'm saying?
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And I was and I had like a tiny like epiphany, and I was like, oh shit.
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I don't think I've listened to music in a long time.
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Like since like February, you know, and then I go look at my fucking music log because I have uh I don't have Apple Music, I have this music app where you can download music from like YouTube and like everywhere.
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Because one thing about it, if I want to listen to a song from 2003, why the fuck is it not on Spotify?
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Why is it not on Apple Music?
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I don't and if I want to listen to a fucking mixtape, I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to the mixtape.
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That should be pissing me off.
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I don't pay all this money just for you to tell me you don't fucking have it.
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It's out there, you have it.
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Um, but anyway, so I went to look at the last time I like played my playlist, and that shit said like February 2nd.
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I was like, wow, wow, okay.
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So I was like, okay, I just need to listen to music, and and the music will get something out of me, no, because music makes you know everybody emotional.
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And I was like, I'm gonna put on my favorite song.
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My favorite song is Overjoy by C V Wonder.
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That song can pull a tear out of the fucking desert, okay?
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Beautiful song.
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Love it.
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Put it on, nothing happened.
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I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay.
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I know what I'm gonna do.
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I'm gonna lay down, I'm gonna put my headphones in, and I'm gonna fall asleep listening to music.
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That has to trigger something.
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Whenever I'm at my most emotional, whether it's sad or I'm mad, I'm either gonna take a shower or I'm gonna go to fucking sleep.
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You know what I'm saying?
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This whole day is cancelled, we'll try again in tomorrow.
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Um so I was like, clearly that's gonna bring something out of me, you know.
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So I put my headphones in, I lay down, and I get in bed, right?
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I roll over to initiate the nap.
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First song comes on.
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I'm hearing piano.
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I'm like, damn, what is that?
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My eyes all close.
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I'm snuggled the fuck in.
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I'm like, what is this?
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I know that.
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Girl, that piano goes off.
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The first thing I hear is your dog to say to you.
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I when I tell you, you know when you you know you're laying on your side and the tear will up and it come from the corner of your eye and it goes all the way across your nose, bridge, into the other eye, and out the crease of that eye into your ear.
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When I tell you I was bleeding tears, bitch, I was uncontrollably sobbing.
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Sobbing, disgustingly, like like I like like I got shot, like it was actually some of my best work, really.
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I don't know where the fuck that came from.
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I really don't, but I was like like uncontrollably sobbing, it was really bad, and then like I didn't stop, like I just kept going.
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And then when I finally mustered up the wherewithal to get myself together, I was like, well, now we have to watch it.
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You know what I'm saying?
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If it triggered that much out of me, now we have to watch it, you know.
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Bitch, I put on Hamilton Fast Forward all the way to that same part and break down crying all over again.
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I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now?
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Let me tell you, and also let me tell you something about Leslie Odom Jr.
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We don't play about them, we don't play about Leslie, okay?
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We don't, we never have, and we never will.
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But it's something about I don't know, it's something about the way he was saying, and if you know Hamilton, first of all, I'm a theater kid down to the core.
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I was in theater all through school, all through school.
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If I had a class, theater was one of them, okay?
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Right or die.
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Look how dramatic I am.
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Of course I'm a thesbian, like so.
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It's just like it's it already holds a special part in my heart, but like knowing the characters that they play, like Aaron Byrne, him being such a like not necessarily stoic, but just kind of like keep your poker face on, like, shut the fuck up, you know, just kind of play play the game, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, be cool, nigga.
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And then for Alexander Hamilton to be like, hi, I'm 19, I'm adopted, I'm not working, I'm you know what I'm saying, just for him to be a fucking jabber mouth, and then for them to just be singing these two songs about their children, and Aaron, who's usually like a very keep it all together, keep it quiet, keep it tight type of person, he's just overly outpouring his emotions and his feelings about his daughter, and then for Alexander to be this fucking jabber mouth that won't stop talking even when he should, is just kind of like speechless when he's talking about his son.
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He's just like, look, look at him, look at my son! Like he's just like, oh my god, like he's great.
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I did that.
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So I don't know, it just it just choked me up.
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I was like, do I have I was like, do I have daddy issues?
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I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me?
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I was like every time I wake up and something wrong with me, like, I was like, do I have daddy issues that I just never really paid attention to?
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Because like my mom fucking traumatized me enough for two parents.
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I was like, Zarya, why are you crying so hard?
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Like, but I think it was just like the emotion of like being such a hard theater kid, and then also like I mean, the song is emotional, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, I guess it just touched the right heartstring.
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Like, I was sobbing, you guys.
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I was so embarrassed.
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I'm 28 years old, so I'm over here huffing and puffing in my bed to these black men playing old racist ass white men, like you know, in the grand scheme of it all, it was honestly very laughable, but in the moment, it was very, a very deep and emotional moment for me, and uh, yeah, and let's just talk about Hamilton for a moment since we're on the topic.
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Because I don't really even know why that pulled that out of me, but it did, bitch.
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I thought it was Stevie, but apparently it was fucking Leslie.
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But Hamilton was so important to me.
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It was so important to me, y'all, because like y'all know I'm obsessed with black shit.
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Like, I love my people down, and I just I don't know.
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And then y'all also know, like, I'm a really big like I I think we needed reparations like 3,000 years ago, you know what I'm saying?
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Before this shit even happened, I think we should have jumped started on that shit.
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So anything that's like that was white that we just smother with black, I really eat that shit up.
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I really do because it's the you know what I'm saying, that's the least we should be able to do, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, y'all to take everything, we should be able to take something, you know.
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So the fact that they were beatboxing and rapping, and but for it to also be like so perfectly Broadway, it was I I had never seen no shit like it before, you know what I'm saying?
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It's it was it was stunning, and I'm not gonna lie to you, Leslie Odom Jr.
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could have did that whole shit by himself, and I would have watched it, and I would have been just as geeked and emotional as I am today.
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I promise you.
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Him and DeVee Diggs.
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I'm not gonna lie, because I can't, I can't, I can't count him out because he ate that.
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He ate that.
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Lafayette was my nigga, but I just I just loved it.
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And the fact that I know I knew if George Washington was watching his slave mouth teeth having ass would be riddled with rage.
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That's not how the fuck I look.
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Oh my god.
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I just it's something about that just warms a certain section of my being, but um, yeah.
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If you haven't watched Hamilton, I think you should.
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I think you should.
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It's an experience that I wish I could erase from my memory and and have all over again.
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Absolutely beautiful.
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But don't watch it if you don't like musicals.
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I was telling my co-worker about it at work, and she was like, I like musicals, but I don't like when they talk, sing.
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I was like, bitch, you're talking about rapping?
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Don't piss me off.
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So if you don't like musicals, obviously don't watch a musical.
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I hate when people do that.
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Y'all know where people go, y'all know when people go to like those drive-in safaris where you like feed the fucking cows and shit, or the zebras and the llamas, and then people get scared when they stick their head in the fucking window to eat the food that you just paid for to feed them.
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Like, don't do shit like that.
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Don't piss me off.
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So if you don't like musicals or you don't like shit like that, just don't watch it.
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But if you do, or if you think you might like it, I think you should watch it.
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It is two hours and 45 minutes, okay?
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It is quite a commitment, but I promise you, every two hour and 45 minutes of it is worth it.
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It'll change your life.
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It's beautiful.
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I made everybody watch it at work at least seven times.
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I cockin', Zarya, we're not watching Hamilton.
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Unfortunately, we are.
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Turn it on.
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Turn it on.
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Sorry, you got to.
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And then you know, Clover.
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And then you know what's my favorite song.
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Obviously, besides Dear Theodosia.
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It's also something about the room where it happens.
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It's I I I know he won a Tony, but like I feel like Leslie should have won a Nobel.
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I don't know why.
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I don't know why.
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It's the way he performed that.
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Bitch, I wanted to be in the room too.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Two Virginians and an immigrant, bitch.
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That do sound a little fishy.
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You know what I'm saying?
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It's like the emotion he portrayed, like, I don't know.
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You really think that nigga was Aaron?
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You really were.
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You really would.
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It was phenomenal.
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Just watch it and then report back to me when you do watch it.
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Watch it on your day off.
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Watch it on your day off.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:28.960
Just tell me what you're saying.
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:31.200
The intros are my favorite.
00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:33.599
One of them sounds like a logic concert.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:36.160
That might be a good or a bad thing.
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:37.039
I don't know, but it dude.
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:37.599
I love him.
00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:39.039
Anyway, okay.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:41.440
Let's get into the topic.
00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:53.440
Oh, also, I was gonna talk to you guys about I was gonna recatch you guys up on RuPaul's Drag Race, girl, but Crystal Method won.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:17:54.079
And you know what?
00:17:54.160 --> 00:18:02.559
I'm not mad about that because I wanted her, Dawn, or Joey to win in the 2026 All-Stars that just went off.
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:04.400
So I'm satisfied with that.
00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:10.240
But it's just like this is the thing about drag race that I personally don't like.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:16.880
It's like I'm all for the girls that get chosen clearly for personality, right?
00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:24.720
But it's just at some point, at this far in the competition, it's just like, alright, girl, like we did the snatch game, we did the talent show, we've done all the things.
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:27.200
I've keyed all of my fucking keys.
00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:34.720
I want to see looks, I want to see looks, and you're not giving looks, you're giving key keys.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:36.880
Kiki's was three episodes ago.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:38.160
I need to see.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:41.200
I need to see extravagance.
00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:43.039
I need to see balls.
00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:45.279
I want to see something.
00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:47.039
I'm not laughing anymore.
00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:52.559
This is just like this is this this bitch is this is the finale, like, and we're still doing leotards.
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:57.200
I know that's shade, but it's just like I don't know, sometimes it stressed me out.
00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:15.039
Like, I get we want the clicks and we want the views and we want the laughs, but I was just like, okay, but and then and then I guess the whole season just pissed me off because Akiria was robbed like a motherfucker.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:16.400
I have never seen nothing like that.
00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:17.759
And then what's the one girl?
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:19.920
Hold on, what's the one girl's name?
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:27.119
I don't even remember her name, but the trans one, the trans girl that was on, can you stop rubbing your face on my tripod?
00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:36.240
The trans girl, all of her drag was just so Macy's, very basic.
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:40.480
The David Bowie look pissed me off because I was like, You went the safest route you could possibly go.
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:43.519
Like, I don't know, like, I don't know.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:50.319
I don't know, and I don't mean to speak because I'm obviously not a drag queen, but it's just like, come on, girl.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:52.799
How did a carrier not win?
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:53.759
You know what I'm saying?
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:59.519
Anyway, and then anyway, oh, and then also, no, let's talk about it some more.
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:05.279
Because, girl, I downloaded Filo, even though I said I wouldn't, I did because I wanted to watch season 18.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:08.559
Downloaded that funky ass app, mind you, it's$25 a month.
00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:12.000
Girl, I get the app just for me to have to catch it live.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:15.359
Catch what live?
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:18.160
I look and I think that shit said Tuesday, 7 p.m.
00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:19.839
Bitch, I'm gonna be at work.
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.079
What do you mean I can't just click on it and watch that bitch?
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:24.480
Talking about some recorded bitch, is this 2008?
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:25.920
Recording these nuts.
00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:28.480
I should be able to click on it and watch it when I want to.
00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:29.839
Piss me clean off.
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.960
I was like, y'all lucky that you're not gonna take this money until seven days.
00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:36.799
I would be living if I had to pay it to get up in this bitch, and you told me record.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:38.640
Disgusting.
00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:39.599
RuPaul.
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:42.640
Alright now, okay.
00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:43.519
That's all I'm saying.
00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:44.240
That's all I'm saying.
00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:45.359
One more thing before I go.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:51.920
One of my co-workers said something about me, and it really warmed my heart because it's something that I've been trying to work on recently.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:53.119
Well, for a long time.
00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:59.359
It's been a long time that I've been trying to work on this, but I guess me working on it has been working.
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:09.279
But we were talking about something at work, and I had told my other co-worker that I would do something for her, and I had did it, but I guess she didn't see me do it, so she told my other co-worker that I didn't do it.
00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:12.960
And my co-worker was like, no, if Zarya said she was gonna do it, she definitely did it.
00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:28.240
And it just, and that just warmed my heart so much because I one of my biggest, one of my like biggest character flaws, or like red flags, is that I am like severely unreliable.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:54.559
And I know that sounds bad, but like it, I I am like more so back in the day than I am now because I'm actively working on it, but like because I try to mean what I say a lot more now, because I I really don't like when people say shit that they just say, but it has so much more to do with me, like me showing up when I said I would, or me I don't know, doing something that I said it like physically, you know.
00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:57.440
Like a couple years ago, I wasn't good for nothing.
00:21:57.519 --> 00:21:59.759
You know, you couldn't ask me to do shit because I would agree.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:15.680
Knowing that I had no no like I had no want to do it at all and I was not gonna do it, and and it wasn't like I was doing it to be an asshole, I would just be like, Yeah, of course, like absolutely, you know, I don't know.
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:25.920
So it really warmed my heart that something that I don't like about myself that I'm actively working to fix is getting fixed.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:27.680
Because there's a lot about me that I would like to change.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:44.480
I'm not gonna lie, a lot, like even when I'm just in daily conversation with people after the conversation, I'm just like all of that was all of that was error, just error, error, error.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:47.279
Like, what a malfunctioning ass human.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:23:06.720
Oh my god, you know, and then I don't know, and then it's like if I try to stop doing all the things that I don't like about myself, then it's just like now I'm just like operating off a pure like I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:10.960
Like, I don't know, but that did warm my heart, made me feel good.
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:13.759
Um, so yeah, I guess I'll keep working on that.
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:17.839
But guys, I'm gonna end the episode.
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:21.039
Also, I'm gonna start filming at night.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:22.319
It's obviously nighttime.
00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:25.920
Uh, because filming right here in the daytime, atrocious.
00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:31.039
The glare the sun chooses to be right the fuck here whenever I decide to turn this camera on.
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:35.920
So I think nighttime uh recordings are gonna be my thing.
00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:37.359
And I like it.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:37.839
I like it.
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:39.839
It's quiet, it's nice.
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:51.359
Um so yeah, I do have a fuck ton of audio episodes coming out that I recorded between the months of July and August.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:52.640
So those are gonna come out.
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.759
They're gonna sound a little backdated, but it's fine.
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:57.200
It'll be fine.
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:07.759
Um just because it takes me a long time to edit the videos, so I'm just gonna put out little things for you guys to listen to until then.
00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:10.480
But I got a new camera if you guys couldn't tell.
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:15.279
So I'm gonna be putting out more videos and I'm getting more comfortable on video.
00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:18.240
I'm having a really hard time looking at this motherfucker though.
00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:21.440
This whole episode, I was like, wow, this apartment is really nice.
00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:32.000
So I guess I'm having a little trouble with the eye contact, but um I work on that too.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:42.240
Um, I have the Patreon up, but I haven't uploaded anything just because again, it takes me a really long time to edit all of the videos that I have.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:59.839
But when it's up and ready for uh purchase, I hate that, that sounds so greedy, but when it's up and ready for you guys to join, I'll let you guys know that whole time I wasn't even looking at the camera, disgusting.
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.240
I'm gonna have a field day editing this.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:04.799
I'm gonna be like, you are such a stupid bitch.
00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:09.519
Anyway, not self-harm on camera, okay.
00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:13.119
But yeah, so when the Patreon is up and running, guys, I'll let you guys know.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:18.319
Uh other than that, I hope you guys uh are still listening.
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:24.400
I hope you guys still enjoy this podcast, even though I take really long breaks, but I promise you, it's because I'm not lying about my mental illness.
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.359
Like I'm actually fucked up, like I was just crying like a day ago.
00:25:27.519 --> 00:25:31.279
Um, and then never mind, that was about to be too personal.
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:32.160
Never mind.
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:35.279
That would have been crazy.
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:36.559
I definitely would have edited out.
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:37.039
Okay.
00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:39.680
Um, bye guys.
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:40.559
I'll see y'all in the next.
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:41.359
I love you guys so much.
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:43.359
I'll see you in the next episode.
00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:19.440
Hey guys, welcome back to the show.
00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.519
Did we see the intro?
00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:22.960
Did we love it?
00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:24.320
Okay, let's talk about it.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:30.239
Okay, so guys, this was probably the most fun I've ever had doing anything, like ever.
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:32.320
Excuse my child, disrespectful.
00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:40.719
This is probably the most fun I've had doing anything ever, as far as like creativity, because you guys know I have like zero creativity whatsoever.
00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:48.799
But I was thinking like last year, I was like, I need a new intro, even though I love the one I have now.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:01:03.920
But I was like, I need or the old one, I need a new intro because sometimes the podcast isn't very jolly, you know, and I felt like that that's what the first intro was giving, like this really like sweet, innocent podcast.
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:13.040
And sometimes I get like super judgmental up here, like the more comfortable I get, the more I can like say how I truly feel, you know.
00:01:13.120 --> 00:01:20.480
And sometimes I have dark opinions, I talk about suicide, sometimes like it's just always not like kisses and rainbows.
00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:31.280
So I was like, I want a new sound, and I want the new intro to sound like it could possibly get spooky in this bitch, you know?
00:01:31.680 --> 00:01:35.599
And so Zoe, um, I'll put her tag like right here.
00:01:35.920 --> 00:01:42.239
Um she does the vocals for the audio of the intro.
00:01:42.480 --> 00:02:01.280
And so I asked her if she could like change it up for me, kind of make it a little like, but I want like I'm a really like big fan of like rock and heavy metal, so I was like, I really want like a hard punch of something in there, whether it's a I don't even give a fuck what it is, you know.
00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:04.319
I just really want a hard, like heavy metal sound.
00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:07.120
Um, and she did perfect, she did wonderful.
00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:08.719
Also, check out her music.
00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:10.560
I'm gonna put her tag right here again.
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:11.840
She's phenomenal.
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:27.520
Um, and then the most, the most, most fun part was working with um this animator that I found, and their name is El Damas.
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:31.360
I'll put their uh tag right here.
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:37.520
Guys, I thought of this concept damn near a year ago.
00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:42.960
Like I had a dream about it, and I was just like, damn, that could be an intro, like that's cute.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:58.560
And so I was looking for animators for like six months, and I found some good ones, like I found some really, really sick ass animators, but like none of them had I can't even tell you what they didn't have, none of them had what I wanted, I guess.
00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:12.719
And I stumbled upon this animator, and when I tell you phenomenal experience from literally start to finish, phenomenal.
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:23.599
Like, I I'm not gonna lie, I was throwing some like really weird ideas because this idea was damn near a fever dream.
00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:30.159
I was throwing some really wild ideas at them, and they were just like, Okay, let me see if I can do it.
00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:31.840
Yep, okay, let's see if that'll fit.
00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:32.479
Yep, okay.
00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:34.159
Well, if I can do it, you got it.
00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:52.719
Like, so accommodating, so patient, so good, like, cannot, and just made the experience so fun for me, like didn't make me feel rushed, didn't make me feel like, all right, bitch, like, all right, that's I can only do so much, you know what I'm saying?
00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:57.439
Like, anything I wanted to do, they were like, oh, sick, that sounds great.
00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:02.879
I can't wait to see how that like just just a wonderful experience through and through.
00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:13.039
I I can't recommend ever like literally every episode that I use the intro for, I'm gonna be like, no, shut up, like just such a good experience.
00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:20.399
And I'm probably gonna do like an animated outro just so I can just so I can use it.
00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:25.519
It was it was it was phenomenal, like it was fantastic.
00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:32.959
So yeah, if you have any animation needs, please.
00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:34.800
You'll be you'll thank me.
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:35.920
I promise.
00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:39.600
Um, okay, but let's get into the episode, guys.
00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:42.560
We have to address the elephant in the room first.
00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:51.360
We always do, because I feel like this is gonna be a constant thing with me because you guys know, unfortunately, I do not have although I have the gift of gab, but I also have the gift of shut the fuck up.
00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:55.040
And I took a little break.
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:56.480
I took a little break.
00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:01.199
Um, and I know you guys are like this bitch in her breaks, like, bitch, lock the fuck in.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:02.720
I'm trying, you guys.
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:04.319
I promise I'm trying.
00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:09.040
It's just I don't know.
00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:13.040
Like, I have an existential crisis like every three weeks.
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:14.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:20.240
Like, every week I'm like, I'm just gonna like disappear.
00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:24.800
And then the next week I'll be like, no, I got some shit to say, and people are gonna listen.
00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:28.800
And then the next week I'm just like, what if none of this shit even fucking matters?
00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:32.639
You know, I I'm just like, I'll say it till the day I die.
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:35.920
Like, being a person is so wild, it's the wildest thing I'll ever do.
00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:47.199
And it's not even my fault, like I didn't even make me, but anyway, um, I had a little bit of a blockage emotionally.
00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:48.879
What else is new?
00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:56.240
Um, but I was just, I just felt so emotionally unregulated, like all of my emotions were everything.
00:05:56.319 --> 00:05:58.079
I like halfway crashed out on my friends.
00:05:58.160 --> 00:05:59.759
I was like, y'all don't even fucking like me.
00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:01.439
Everybody think I'm a monster.
00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:05.600
Like, I was just, and then I haven't cried in a long time.
00:06:06.079 --> 00:06:12.639
From like, I'm not gonna lie, y'all, from like June to like August, I was like, I was really fucked up.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:16.160
Um, and I was like getting mad at my friends about old shit.
00:06:16.240 --> 00:06:17.519
Like, I got re mad.
00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:22.399
I got re mad at Mango because she didn't invite me on her birthday trip.
00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:24.160
Mind you, it's her birthday trip.
00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:28.800
Like, I was just finding reasons to feel like people hated me.
00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:30.959
Nobody said that, you know what I'm saying?
00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:31.920
Relax.
00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:39.199
So I was just crashing out very unnecessarily, like just getting pissed off, but I would not cry.
00:06:39.279 --> 00:06:40.959
And I was like, what the fuck is going on?
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:44.639
Like, I know I just need to release this and cry.
00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:48.319
I just can't, and it's pissing me off that I can't.
00:06:48.959 --> 00:07:06.000
So I was in here one day just fucking cleaning up and stuff, and for the people who live alone, you know that sometimes when it's like your day off, and you know, you don't live with anybody else, you just kind of don't say shit all day.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:14.879
And so my TV was on, because I usually have my TV on for my cats and stuff, but my TV had like timed out during the night.
00:07:15.920 --> 00:07:22.000
And I like stood up and I stopped cleaning, and I was like, yo, it is dead fucking silent in here, like that is so crazy.
00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:28.000
Like you could hear a rat piss in the corner, like it's dead ball looking quiet in this bitch.
00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:31.519
And I was like, when was the last time I listened to music?
00:07:31.680 --> 00:07:32.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:37.519
And I was and I had like a tiny like epiphany, and I was like, oh shit.
00:07:38.560 --> 00:07:41.040
I don't think I've listened to music in a long time.
00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:55.680
Like since like February, you know, and then I go look at my fucking music log because I have uh I don't have Apple Music, I have this music app where you can download music from like YouTube and like everywhere.
00:07:55.920 --> 00:08:00.000
Because one thing about it, if I want to listen to a song from 2003, why the fuck is it not on Spotify?
00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:01.040
Why is it not on Apple Music?
00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:04.399
I don't and if I want to listen to a fucking mixtape, I'm gonna I'm gonna listen to the mixtape.
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:05.439
That should be pissing me off.
00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:08.160
I don't pay all this money just for you to tell me you don't fucking have it.
00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:09.600
It's out there, you have it.
00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:18.560
Um, but anyway, so I went to look at the last time I like played my playlist, and that shit said like February 2nd.
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.480
I was like, wow, wow, okay.
00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:30.160
So I was like, okay, I just need to listen to music, and and the music will get something out of me, no, because music makes you know everybody emotional.
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:35.440
And I was like, I'm gonna put on my favorite song.
00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:38.320
My favorite song is Overjoy by C V Wonder.
00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:41.759
That song can pull a tear out of the fucking desert, okay?
00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:42.639
Beautiful song.
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:43.120
Love it.
00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:44.639
Put it on, nothing happened.
00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:48.559
I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:49.840
I know what I'm gonna do.
00:08:49.919 --> 00:08:55.840
I'm gonna lay down, I'm gonna put my headphones in, and I'm gonna fall asleep listening to music.
00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:57.679
That has to trigger something.
00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:03.440
Whenever I'm at my most emotional, whether it's sad or I'm mad, I'm either gonna take a shower or I'm gonna go to fucking sleep.
00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:04.080
You know what I'm saying?
00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:06.480
This whole day is cancelled, we'll try again in tomorrow.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:10.960
Um so I was like, clearly that's gonna bring something out of me, you know.
00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:17.279
So I put my headphones in, I lay down, and I get in bed, right?
00:09:17.440 --> 00:09:20.559
I roll over to initiate the nap.
00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:24.080
First song comes on.
00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:26.080
I'm hearing piano.
00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:28.000
I'm like, damn, what is that?
00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:29.440
My eyes all close.
00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:31.600
I'm snuggled the fuck in.
00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:33.120
I'm like, what is this?
00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:34.159
I know that.
00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:37.759
Girl, that piano goes off.
00:09:37.840 --> 00:09:43.360
The first thing I hear is your dog to say to you.
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:55.679
I when I tell you, you know when you you know you're laying on your side and the tear will up and it come from the corner of your eye and it goes all the way across your nose, bridge, into the other eye, and out the crease of that eye into your ear.
00:09:55.840 --> 00:10:02.559
When I tell you I was bleeding tears, bitch, I was uncontrollably sobbing.
00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:14.960
Sobbing, disgustingly, like like I like like I got shot, like it was actually some of my best work, really.
00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:17.120
I don't know where the fuck that came from.
00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:33.200
I really don't, but I was like like uncontrollably sobbing, it was really bad, and then like I didn't stop, like I just kept going.
00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:41.519
And then when I finally mustered up the wherewithal to get myself together, I was like, well, now we have to watch it.
00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:42.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:10:42.799 --> 00:10:46.720
If it triggered that much out of me, now we have to watch it, you know.
00:10:46.960 --> 00:10:52.720
Bitch, I put on Hamilton Fast Forward all the way to that same part and break down crying all over again.
00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:54.720
I'm like, what the fuck is happening right now?
00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:57.279
Let me tell you, and also let me tell you something about Leslie Odom Jr.
00:10:57.440 --> 00:10:59.919
We don't play about them, we don't play about Leslie, okay?
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:02.320
We don't, we never have, and we never will.
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:12.320
But it's something about I don't know, it's something about the way he was saying, and if you know Hamilton, first of all, I'm a theater kid down to the core.
00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:14.960
I was in theater all through school, all through school.
00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:17.679
If I had a class, theater was one of them, okay?
00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.039
Right or die.
00:11:19.279 --> 00:11:20.480
Look how dramatic I am.
00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:23.440
Of course I'm a thesbian, like so.
00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:45.919
It's just like it's it already holds a special part in my heart, but like knowing the characters that they play, like Aaron Byrne, him being such a like not necessarily stoic, but just kind of like keep your poker face on, like, shut the fuck up, you know, just kind of play play the game, you know what I'm saying?
00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:47.600
Like, be cool, nigga.
00:11:47.919 --> 00:12:17.519
And then for Alexander Hamilton to be like, hi, I'm 19, I'm adopted, I'm not working, I'm you know what I'm saying, just for him to be a fucking jabber mouth, and then for them to just be singing these two songs about their children, and Aaron, who's usually like a very keep it all together, keep it quiet, keep it tight type of person, he's just overly outpouring his emotions and his feelings about his daughter, and then for Alexander to be this fucking jabber mouth that won't stop talking even when he should, is just kind of like speechless when he's talking about his son.
00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:22.559
He's just like, look, look at him, look at my son! Like he's just like, oh my god, like he's great.
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:23.600
I did that.
00:12:23.919 --> 00:12:27.440
So I don't know, it just it just choked me up.
00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:33.360
I was like, do I have I was like, do I have daddy issues?
00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:34.879
I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me?
00:12:35.039 --> 00:12:40.960
I was like every time I wake up and something wrong with me, like, I was like, do I have daddy issues that I just never really paid attention to?
00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:44.000
Because like my mom fucking traumatized me enough for two parents.
00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:46.879
I was like, Zarya, why are you crying so hard?
00:12:47.039 --> 00:12:59.200
Like, but I think it was just like the emotion of like being such a hard theater kid, and then also like I mean, the song is emotional, you know what I'm saying?
00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:01.360
Like, I guess it just touched the right heartstring.
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.080
Like, I was sobbing, you guys.
00:13:04.159 --> 00:13:05.039
I was so embarrassed.
00:13:05.200 --> 00:13:36.080
I'm 28 years old, so I'm over here huffing and puffing in my bed to these black men playing old racist ass white men, like you know, in the grand scheme of it all, it was honestly very laughable, but in the moment, it was very, a very deep and emotional moment for me, and uh, yeah, and let's just talk about Hamilton for a moment since we're on the topic.
00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:39.200
Because I don't really even know why that pulled that out of me, but it did, bitch.
00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:41.840
I thought it was Stevie, but apparently it was fucking Leslie.
00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:45.759
But Hamilton was so important to me.
00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:54.159
It was so important to me, y'all, because like y'all know I'm obsessed with black shit.
00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:59.120
Like, I love my people down, and I just I don't know.
00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:06.000
And then y'all also know, like, I'm a really big like I I think we needed reparations like 3,000 years ago, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:08.720
Before this shit even happened, I think we should have jumped started on that shit.
00:14:08.879 --> 00:14:16.960
So anything that's like that was white that we just smother with black, I really eat that shit up.
00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:20.879
I really do because it's the you know what I'm saying, that's the least we should be able to do, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.559
Like, y'all to take everything, we should be able to take something, you know.
00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:40.080
So the fact that they were beatboxing and rapping, and but for it to also be like so perfectly Broadway, it was I I had never seen no shit like it before, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:45.600
It's it was it was stunning, and I'm not gonna lie to you, Leslie Odom Jr.
00:14:45.759 --> 00:14:51.759
could have did that whole shit by himself, and I would have watched it, and I would have been just as geeked and emotional as I am today.
00:14:51.840 --> 00:14:52.960
I promise you.
00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:54.799
Him and DeVee Diggs.
00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:59.759
I'm not gonna lie, because I can't, I can't, I can't count him out because he ate that.
00:14:59.919 --> 00:15:00.399
He ate that.
00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:04.639
Lafayette was my nigga, but I just I just loved it.
00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:13.360
And the fact that I know I knew if George Washington was watching his slave mouth teeth having ass would be riddled with rage.
00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:14.720
That's not how the fuck I look.
00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:15.440
Oh my god.
00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:24.159
I just it's something about that just warms a certain section of my being, but um, yeah.
00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:27.360
If you haven't watched Hamilton, I think you should.
00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:28.480
I think you should.
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:34.240
It's an experience that I wish I could erase from my memory and and have all over again.
00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:35.440
Absolutely beautiful.
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:37.279
But don't watch it if you don't like musicals.
00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:46.000
I was telling my co-worker about it at work, and she was like, I like musicals, but I don't like when they talk, sing.
00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:48.159
I was like, bitch, you're talking about rapping?
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:49.120
Don't piss me off.
00:15:49.279 --> 00:15:52.240
So if you don't like musicals, obviously don't watch a musical.
00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:53.360
I hate when people do that.
00:15:53.519 --> 00:16:10.399
Y'all know where people go, y'all know when people go to like those drive-in safaris where you like feed the fucking cows and shit, or the zebras and the llamas, and then people get scared when they stick their head in the fucking window to eat the food that you just paid for to feed them.
00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:11.600
Like, don't do shit like that.
00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:12.399
Don't piss me off.
00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:15.200
So if you don't like musicals or you don't like shit like that, just don't watch it.
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:18.799
But if you do, or if you think you might like it, I think you should watch it.
00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:21.120
It is two hours and 45 minutes, okay?
00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:26.000
It is quite a commitment, but I promise you, every two hour and 45 minutes of it is worth it.
00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:26.799
It'll change your life.
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:27.600
It's beautiful.
00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:30.559
I made everybody watch it at work at least seven times.
00:16:30.799 --> 00:16:33.360
I cockin', Zarya, we're not watching Hamilton.
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:35.519
Unfortunately, we are.
00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:37.279
Turn it on.
00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:39.039
Turn it on.
00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:40.399
Sorry, you got to.
00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:41.679
And then you know, Clover.
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:45.919
And then you know what's my favorite song.
00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:49.600
Obviously, besides Dear Theodosia.
00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:54.559
It's also something about the room where it happens.
00:16:55.200 --> 00:17:00.399
It's I I I know he won a Tony, but like I feel like Leslie should have won a Nobel.
00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:01.200
I don't know why.
00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:02.559
I don't know why.
00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:05.119
It's the way he performed that.
00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:07.279
Bitch, I wanted to be in the room too.
00:17:07.359 --> 00:17:08.640
You know what I'm saying?
00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:11.440
Two Virginians and an immigrant, bitch.
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:12.720
That do sound a little fishy.
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:13.359
You know what I'm saying?
00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:16.480
It's like the emotion he portrayed, like, I don't know.
00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.240
You really think that nigga was Aaron?
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:19.039
You really were.
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:20.079
You really would.
00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:21.200
It was phenomenal.
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:24.640
Just watch it and then report back to me when you do watch it.
00:17:24.799 --> 00:17:26.000
Watch it on your day off.
00:17:26.240 --> 00:17:27.519
Watch it on your day off.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:28.960
Just tell me what you're saying.
00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:31.200
The intros are my favorite.
00:17:31.440 --> 00:17:33.599
One of them sounds like a logic concert.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:36.160
That might be a good or a bad thing.
00:17:36.240 --> 00:17:37.039
I don't know, but it dude.
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:37.599
I love him.
00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:39.039
Anyway, okay.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:41.440
Let's get into the topic.
00:17:43.519 --> 00:17:53.440
Oh, also, I was gonna talk to you guys about I was gonna recatch you guys up on RuPaul's Drag Race, girl, but Crystal Method won.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:17:54.079
And you know what?
00:17:54.160 --> 00:18:02.559
I'm not mad about that because I wanted her, Dawn, or Joey to win in the 2026 All-Stars that just went off.
00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:04.400
So I'm satisfied with that.
00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:10.240
But it's just like this is the thing about drag race that I personally don't like.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:16.880
It's like I'm all for the girls that get chosen clearly for personality, right?
00:18:17.200 --> 00:18:24.720
But it's just at some point, at this far in the competition, it's just like, alright, girl, like we did the snatch game, we did the talent show, we've done all the things.
00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:27.200
I've keyed all of my fucking keys.
00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:34.720
I want to see looks, I want to see looks, and you're not giving looks, you're giving key keys.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:36.880
Kiki's was three episodes ago.
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:38.160
I need to see.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:41.200
I need to see extravagance.
00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:43.039
I need to see balls.
00:18:43.599 --> 00:18:45.279
I want to see something.
00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:47.039
I'm not laughing anymore.
00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:52.559
This is just like this is this this bitch is this is the finale, like, and we're still doing leotards.
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:57.200
I know that's shade, but it's just like I don't know, sometimes it stressed me out.
00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:15.039
Like, I get we want the clicks and we want the views and we want the laughs, but I was just like, okay, but and then and then I guess the whole season just pissed me off because Akiria was robbed like a motherfucker.
00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:16.400
I have never seen nothing like that.
00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:17.759
And then what's the one girl?
00:19:17.839 --> 00:19:19.920
Hold on, what's the one girl's name?
00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:27.119
I don't even remember her name, but the trans one, the trans girl that was on, can you stop rubbing your face on my tripod?
00:19:29.039 --> 00:19:36.240
The trans girl, all of her drag was just so Macy's, very basic.
00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:40.480
The David Bowie look pissed me off because I was like, You went the safest route you could possibly go.
00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:43.519
Like, I don't know, like, I don't know.
00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:50.319
I don't know, and I don't mean to speak because I'm obviously not a drag queen, but it's just like, come on, girl.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:52.799
How did a carrier not win?
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:53.759
You know what I'm saying?
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:59.519
Anyway, and then anyway, oh, and then also, no, let's talk about it some more.
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:05.279
Because, girl, I downloaded Filo, even though I said I wouldn't, I did because I wanted to watch season 18.
00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:08.559
Downloaded that funky ass app, mind you, it's$25 a month.
00:20:08.640 --> 00:20:12.000
Girl, I get the app just for me to have to catch it live.
00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:15.359
Catch what live?
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:18.160
I look and I think that shit said Tuesday, 7 p.m.
00:20:18.559 --> 00:20:19.839
Bitch, I'm gonna be at work.
00:20:20.000 --> 00:20:22.079
What do you mean I can't just click on it and watch that bitch?
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:24.480
Talking about some recorded bitch, is this 2008?
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:25.920
Recording these nuts.
00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:28.480
I should be able to click on it and watch it when I want to.
00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:29.839
Piss me clean off.
00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.960
I was like, y'all lucky that you're not gonna take this money until seven days.
00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:36.799
I would be living if I had to pay it to get up in this bitch, and you told me record.
00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:38.640
Disgusting.
00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:39.599
RuPaul.
00:20:41.519 --> 00:20:42.640
Alright now, okay.
00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:43.519
That's all I'm saying.
00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:44.240
That's all I'm saying.
00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:45.359
One more thing before I go.
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:51.920
One of my co-workers said something about me, and it really warmed my heart because it's something that I've been trying to work on recently.
00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:53.119
Well, for a long time.
00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:59.359
It's been a long time that I've been trying to work on this, but I guess me working on it has been working.
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:09.279
But we were talking about something at work, and I had told my other co-worker that I would do something for her, and I had did it, but I guess she didn't see me do it, so she told my other co-worker that I didn't do it.
00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:12.960
And my co-worker was like, no, if Zarya said she was gonna do it, she definitely did it.
00:21:13.039 --> 00:21:28.240
And it just, and that just warmed my heart so much because I one of my biggest, one of my like biggest character flaws, or like red flags, is that I am like severely unreliable.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:54.559
And I know that sounds bad, but like it, I I am like more so back in the day than I am now because I'm actively working on it, but like because I try to mean what I say a lot more now, because I I really don't like when people say shit that they just say, but it has so much more to do with me, like me showing up when I said I would, or me I don't know, doing something that I said it like physically, you know.
00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:57.440
Like a couple years ago, I wasn't good for nothing.
00:21:57.519 --> 00:21:59.759
You know, you couldn't ask me to do shit because I would agree.
00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:15.680
Knowing that I had no no like I had no want to do it at all and I was not gonna do it, and and it wasn't like I was doing it to be an asshole, I would just be like, Yeah, of course, like absolutely, you know, I don't know.
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:25.920
So it really warmed my heart that something that I don't like about myself that I'm actively working to fix is getting fixed.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:27.680
Because there's a lot about me that I would like to change.
00:22:27.759 --> 00:22:44.480
I'm not gonna lie, a lot, like even when I'm just in daily conversation with people after the conversation, I'm just like all of that was all of that was error, just error, error, error.
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:47.279
Like, what a malfunctioning ass human.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:23:06.720
Oh my god, you know, and then I don't know, and then it's like if I try to stop doing all the things that I don't like about myself, then it's just like now I'm just like operating off a pure like I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:10.960
Like, I don't know, but that did warm my heart, made me feel good.
00:23:11.119 --> 00:23:13.759
Um, so yeah, I guess I'll keep working on that.
00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:17.839
But guys, I'm gonna end the episode.
00:23:18.160 --> 00:23:21.039
Also, I'm gonna start filming at night.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:22.319
It's obviously nighttime.
00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:25.920
Uh, because filming right here in the daytime, atrocious.
00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:31.039
The glare the sun chooses to be right the fuck here whenever I decide to turn this camera on.
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:35.920
So I think nighttime uh recordings are gonna be my thing.
00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:37.359
And I like it.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:37.839
I like it.
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:39.839
It's quiet, it's nice.
00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:51.359
Um so yeah, I do have a fuck ton of audio episodes coming out that I recorded between the months of July and August.
00:23:51.519 --> 00:23:52.640
So those are gonna come out.
00:23:52.720 --> 00:23:55.759
They're gonna sound a little backdated, but it's fine.
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:57.200
It'll be fine.
00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:07.759
Um just because it takes me a long time to edit the videos, so I'm just gonna put out little things for you guys to listen to until then.
00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:10.480
But I got a new camera if you guys couldn't tell.
00:24:10.559 --> 00:24:15.279
So I'm gonna be putting out more videos and I'm getting more comfortable on video.
00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:18.240
I'm having a really hard time looking at this motherfucker though.
00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:21.440
This whole episode, I was like, wow, this apartment is really nice.
00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:32.000
So I guess I'm having a little trouble with the eye contact, but um I work on that too.
00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:42.240
Um, I have the Patreon up, but I haven't uploaded anything just because again, it takes me a really long time to edit all of the videos that I have.
00:24:43.519 --> 00:24:59.839
But when it's up and ready for uh purchase, I hate that, that sounds so greedy, but when it's up and ready for you guys to join, I'll let you guys know that whole time I wasn't even looking at the camera, disgusting.
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.240
I'm gonna have a field day editing this.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:04.799
I'm gonna be like, you are such a stupid bitch.
00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:09.519
Anyway, not self-harm on camera, okay.
00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:13.119
But yeah, so when the Patreon is up and running, guys, I'll let you guys know.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:18.319
Uh other than that, I hope you guys uh are still listening.
00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:24.400
I hope you guys still enjoy this podcast, even though I take really long breaks, but I promise you, it's because I'm not lying about my mental illness.
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.359
Like I'm actually fucked up, like I was just crying like a day ago.
00:25:27.519 --> 00:25:31.279
Um, and then never mind, that was about to be too personal.
00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:32.160
Never mind.
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:35.279
That would have been crazy.
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:36.559
I definitely would have edited out.
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:37.039
Okay.
00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:39.680
Um, bye guys.
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:40.559
I'll see y'all in the next.
00:25:40.720 --> 00:25:41.359
I love you guys so much.
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:43.359
I'll see you in the next episode.
