Tracey: I did this inner work, because for at the beginning I thought moving abroad could change my life. I thought a change of environment could fix all of my problems that I had in Hong Kong I realized that what you're running away from will come back to you in new forms. That was the first time I decided to not run away anymore.
Marc Alcobé: Hi everyone, welcome to Almost Local, where we turn cultural shock into clarity and stranger stories into something that feels almost like home. Today I'm joined by Tracy Zhang, a coach and somatic practitioner who supports people through the emotional side of moving to a new country. Things like loneliness, identity shifts, grief, and the feeling of who I am here and now. Tracy was born in China. But lived in Shanghai, Hong Kong, Vancouver, Toronto, and now New York City. So today's episode is not just theory, it's a lived experience across different places and different chapters. And we are going to go deep into on what's going on when something lives, and something that almost everyone can relate to many people, but many people feel weird about admitting and it's that loneliness that can drop after you move sometimes right away sometimes months later sometimes even when your life looks absolutely fine on paper so if you ever thought why am I alone when I'm surrounded by people? What is wrong with me? What I'm shouldn't why shouldn't I be grateful about having this new chapter in my life? This episode is for you. Tracy, welcome to Almost Loca. Thank you so much for for being here today with me.
Tracey: Thank you so much for having me here.
Marc Alcobé: So for first question for all the listeners who don't know you, who hasn't checked you at all, can you tell us a little bit about your story? Where where do you come from? How did you end up living abroad? W what sparked the first move on on the first moment, which I know that it was very early in your life. So can you bring us back to that origins, let's say like this.
Tracey: Yeah, absolutely. so I left home when I was sixteen and since then I lived in six cities and the interesting thing about this journey is that I never planned any of this move. Each time before I moved to a new place, it was some unexpected opportunity that showed up. And then I just said to myself, I was gonna try for three months and see what happens. But now after more than two decades I've been away from home. And built new homes in different places around the world. so at first I got this unexpected education opportunity. So I went to Shanghai for high school, and then I went to Hong Kong for my master's degree, and then when I arrived in Hong Kong, I really loved the city. So I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life there. I never thought I was like gonna move abroad, especially I was on that linear path at that time, the linear path, you know. Is that we all have this invisible timeline, like graduate, get a job, buy a house, get married, have children. And so I was on that linear path. Everything was predictable. So I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life in Hong Kong. And until I was 29 years old. That year I was going through major life transitions and losses. Everything I was building was falling apart. So I was going through financial losses, a divorce, and death of my grandma. And I also hated my job, so I decided to just quit my job and move somewhere else. And so at that time I decided to move to Vancouver because one of my friends told me it was easier to go to Canada. You don't really need a visa. All you need is just work experience and you're qualified for their permanent residency. So I I said that was amazing. So I like I decided to give it a try and see what happens. So that's how I decided to move to Vancouver and again at first I was just gonna try for three months see what happens and I never thought that eventually I stayed there for four years and that four years is when I decided to do this inner work step on the spiritual journey that really transformed my life from the inside out. And that also leads me to what I do today becoming a somatic coach, really helping people navigate the emotional side of relocation. So that they can feel at peace and at home no matter where life is taking them.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. How was it like sixteen years old moving alone to a new place? I mean, of course it wasn't still like an inside move. It was not really abroad, but China is enormous. One place to the other, it's like moving from a country to another, I suppose. how was this emotionally also like how much it affected the fact of moving outside of home so early on your on your life?
Tracey: Yeah, it was really tough because the living environment was really bad in China at that time. That was like more than twenty years ago and I had to share one dormitory room with five other girls and we have to use the public bathroom. So it was really, really tough. But it was also through that experience I decided I'd learned to like be independent, take responsibility for myself. But emotionally, because I was so young, I really didn't know how to process those emotions like the homesickness, the loneliness, the grief, the anxiety when you start over somewhere, because that was not something being taught at school. And then my family members, they just keep saying, you just need to keep going and be strong. You have to be a home for yourself. And so for a long time, I learned to surprise those emotions and always trying to pretend I'm okay. I don't need help. I'm just this super independent person. But after years, I learned I feel like those emotions have been stuck in my my body for so long. And again, it cra what cracked that open was my move to Vancouver. Because that was the first time when I had this spiritual awakening where I decided to turn inward to really process those emotions. Because I remember when I lived in Asia, there was always this energy that you need to go, go, go, do, do, do. It was very busy. And I feel like I was always this high achiever, you need to hit those goals. So I was living very externally. I was hoping that those external things could help me find some peace on the inside until everything was falling apart. I moved to Vancouver where I had to start from zero. And that was the first time I came to this turning point where I'm standing at a crossroads. I need to rebuild my life in a different way. Instead of running away from those emotions and beginning to seed wisdom. But still that was super difficult because I remember sometimes people ask me, How am I doing when I just arrived here? I still pretend to be this person, like everything was amazing. I would just come here for a new adventure, a new lifestyle. so I kind of feel the shame about sharing those emotions with other people, especially if you don't know them. So there were many, many tears behind closed doors. And at that time I didn't even know what I was feeling. Until at some point at this journey I I read a book and I realized what I was feeling is actually grief. Because whenever we talk about grief, we often associate it with death. But I think we also experience something called the ambiguous grief when we relocate, even though nothing actually died. But you feel the same sense of loss and sadness. And so whenever we bring the right name to this emotion, it actually just can. help solften that emotion. So that's how I started this emotional healing journey, really acknowledge them and name that emotion. And I think this work requires radical honesty. And I remember the first time I finally mastered my the courage to share my story with one of the local friends in Vancouver. And at that time she didn't give me any advice. She simply just validated what I was feeling. And one thing she said my God, that was so sad. And that was the first time I just feel this immense relief in my body. Finally someone can relate to that, can understand that. So that's the how this journey started, really like acknowledging how you feel.
Marc Alcobé: Yeah. I think it's something that a lot of us passes. Like and and the fact of moving abroad, you are leaving something behind always. That's that's the reality, no? So it is interesting to see how resilient we might be on expressing negative emotions sometimes. how was for you like the the I assume like the trip to Vancouver is like the first moment that it you realize this and it's like probably the major shock or the first major shock. Was it better on the second move? Like when you moved to to to New York eventually did you manage it differently? Did you did you pass through the same grief again or how it was for you?
Tracey: That was a great question because my relocation to Toronto and New York has been completely different. and the reason it's different is because I did this inner work, because for at the beginning I thought moving abroad could change my life. I thought a change of environment could fix all of my problems that I had in Hong Kong until I r landed in Vancouver. I realized that what you're running away from will come back to you in new forms. That was the first time I decided to not run away anymore. I had to begin to slow down to acknowledge all of those grief, the loneliness, the disappointment. Cause I think there are so many emotions experienced when you are moving abroad, not just grief. And at first I also feel very disappointed because I thought I was gonna build a new life in Vancouver. but when I arrived there, nothing was what I expected. The job opportunities were a million times worse than what I had in Hong Kong. And I Also didn't have any friends in Vancouver. I had to meet new people. And somehow I just feel like I didn't connect to them. And so again, part of me wanted to run away. I thought that maybe this was a bad idea. I should just go back to Hong Kong. And then that was also the time when the Hong Kong protest happened. My friend in Hong Kong said, don't come back. Hong Kong is no longer the same. And then after a few months, I thought maybe I should move to UK. there might be job opportunities there, and then the break exit happened. And then after a few months again, I said, I couldn't do this anymore. I need to move to the US. And then COVID happened. So each time when I was about to run away, something just happened. But I now I look back, I feel that's the universe way of reminding me to change that pattern, to not run away anymore. Because when COVID happened, I finally decided to just slow down, to turn inward, to reconnect with myself, to process everything I've been running away from. And that was also the time I met some really great friends in my life. I didn't expect I would meet any friends in Vancouver, but I did. And I went to this spiritual meetup and I connected with two people from that meetup. That was the first time I felt like this person really sees me for who I am, not just what I do, not what my labels. And that connection just transcends all of the cultural differences. We're coming from different age, different gender. But they give me so much unconditional love, unconditional acceptance. So because of that friendship, I also had the courage to do this inner work. We're both on this journey of personal growth, spiritual development. So I think that's what helped me really move through that darkness. And after four years, I remember one day when I wake up w in Vancouver. I just feel this clear knowing that Vancouver has fulfilled its purpose in my life. I didn't hate it and I also didn't like it, but I just feel like I've accomplished every everything I need to do here. I've come completed this inner work. Now it's time to move on. And then where where were where am I going next? I didn't know that was during COVID, you couldn't really move to other countries. So maybe I I should check Toronto. Just Toronto came to my mind. I had no idea why. because I was working remotely, I had the freedom to be anywhere in the world. So I decided to try Toronto. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay there, maybe three months, maybe a year, maybe five years, but I decided to move there. And when I arrived in Toronto, I feel like I was a complete different person. I never really experienced any of those intense emotions anymore. At this time I was just simply being open to whatever comes my way. And same story that happened in New York. It was super, super easy. It felt like everything was just lining up for me. I didn't plan any of that, but then everything just feels right. So I think that's the power of doing this inner work. I think the external environment matters, but what creates that long lasting transformation is also the inner work we did in our body, in our system.
Marc Alcobé: Yeah, looking a little bit internally, no before reflecting that the ex the external way. I I with your experience and with the amount of like people that you help and and that you coach, what is what are the hidden loses, losses that or things that people underestimate when moving abroad? What is the common like let's say the most common things that you see when coaching people?
Tracey: Yeah, that's a great question. So I think what there are visible losses and invisible losses. So the visible losses are pretty obvious. You're losing family, friends, old routines, the old environment, you're losing your job titles. But what's really underneath is that you're also losing what I think used to bring you is the sense of safety, the sense of connection, the sense of belonging. And the deepest layer is the loss of identity, in my opinion, because you're no longer the same person anymore. Maybe you move to this new place physically. You thought you're still the same person, but underneath that, your identity has changed so much, your values have changed so much. So basically you're no longer the same person. And that that's the deepest layer of grief and loss. You're grieving over the person who you once were. And that to me is the deepest transformation you're gonna experience as well. That's the identity shift we experience when we're relocating to a new place. And Whenever you move to a new place, you become a new it's not really about becoming a new person. You may create a new identity, but I think there's like returning to the truth of who you are. Because like I mentioned earlier, when I was leaving in Asia, I was living from a place of conditioning. I feel all I wanted was to meet other people's expectations. I care more about the external achievements, whether people validate me or not. But after v I arrived in Vancouver, I began to finally have the space to release those old identities, those old conditionings and reconnect to the truth of who I am. And that was also through the support of one of my best friends. I remember the first time we had a deep conversation and she just said, my God, you're so good at this. You're really good at asking those deeper questions and emphasize with people's experience. You're very insightful. You could be a good coach or therapist. And that was the first time this idea of becoming a coach came to my mind. And I didn't even fully understand what that was, but it's something just clicked with my heart. And I think it was my friend who sees me for who I am. She saw my talents, my gifts. And so that gives us an opportunity to really connect to the truth, connect to your purpose. And I think that's what relocation brings you. When you're arriving in a new place, you don't have so much influence from your family, from your old culture. You finally get enter into this empty space and now you have the freedom to redefine who you want to be.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. This is actually also something that I wanted to ask, you know, how much do you see that loneliness is social or is rather more like the identity part of yourself? No, like losing a version of yourself that felt understood, mirrored, whatever. But y there is also a social part of loneliness, I suppose. It's not only the inner work, how much is tight What is the percentage there, we would you say?
Tracey: Yeah, so that's a good question. I think it depends on the individual. in my work, I study two types of loneliness. It's exactly what you just named. We have the social loneliness and the emotional loneliness. So the social loneliness is about you're missing a network of people who you can casually connect with. Maybe you are not familiar with your neighborhood and you don't know who you can call to grab dinner with after work, and there is no one you can reach out to to go for a walk on Sunday afternoon, especially after relocation. Think of this like during COVID, we were all being locked down. There was no social events. So I think that was the time when you were experiencing that social loneliness. And then we also have the emotional loneliness. So this is a feeling, it's like you can be in a group, but you still feel lonely on the inside. And this is something I experienced over and over again when I just moved to Vancouver. I was really trying to put myself out there, being open to all those networking events, meetups, but somehow I still feel like nobody really sees me. Nobody understands me at a deeper level. And I have to explain myself over and over again. And sometimes even you explain yourself, people still don't get it. So that's like the emotional loneliness we also experience when we are moving abroad. And then it becomes more complicated if you are also navigating this identity shift. Because whenever we're going through a transition, you kind of feel like you're lost. I'm no longer the person who I used to be. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm becoming. And the truth is that if you don't know who you are, it's really hard for you to find other people who understand you. Before you find others, you first need to find yourself. And that's also what happens during transition. maybe you met some new friends, but after you move become a new version of you, those old relationships, those friendships just naturally fall away. And now you have to rebuild friendship again. Like I said earlier, I met some really, really amazing friends when I lived in Vancouver. And they really served a big purpose in my life. But then I moved to Toronto, now I'm in New York. Those old friendships just still fall fall away. And I have to meet new people. But I feel there is also a purpose in that because a lot of people only come into your life for a chapter. Did not manage to stay with you for the rest of your life and you have to keep meeting new people so that they can teach you different lessons about yourself. So this journey is ever changing, ever evolving. And so I feel that's also a hard part. Like how do you accept the ups and downs, the like the changes, the unexpected changes, and stay connected to yourself. Because I think the only thing that's not changing is your relationship with yourself. And that's also the only thing you can control.
Marc Alcobé: I also read a thing on your website, the take on on delayed crash, no, the idea of like people arriving to a place feeling okay at first, and then some months later it it hits harder and unexpectedly. How do we describe that? Do you see it often? It's a pattern that you see on people. Like it's that like a kind of like the I don't know, let's call it honeymoon phase fading out, or or how do you describe this?
Tracey: Yeah, definitely. So there is for some people they experience the honeymoon phase. It can last from three months to a year. Like when you are first arrived in this new place, you feel the excitement. You're motivated to explore new food, new restaurants, and meeting new people. But after a few months, like everything went back to the same. And you may sometimes adult, is this the right decision, or maybe I should move again? That's why in my work I work with clients who have moved to seven countries in the past ten years. And each time they feel this initial excitement when they arrive there, and then it just got bored and they kind of have to move again. And so this is also something I call the relocation loop. So the loop looks like this. Maybe first you feel unsettled in your current place, and then you project hope onto the next place. And then you move there, you experience this initial excitement, but after three months, the old feeling returns, and then you're just going through the same cycle over and over again. So how do we break the cycle, right? Because that was the negative relocation loop, but you can actually turn this into a positive one. It doesn't mean you will never move. It's just the next time when you move, you're not like escaping from the boredom or the restlessness. You're simply choosing a place more aligned with who you are becoming. And what's really key in this new loop is that at first you feel unsettled instead of running away, instead of Projecting hope onto another place, you decided to sit with yourself, stay present with those emotions. And this is also where you we can use somatic practices to help you move through those emotions. And then this time you begin to connect to yourself at a deeper level when you not avoid those emotions. And now slowly, slowly you begin to release those emotions and you begin to reconnect with yourself. And then that's where you begin to able to make a new decision that comes from a place of. alignment rather than fear or other emotions. So that's what really changes this process. And that's also what happened to me when I moved to Toronto or New York, because those times I was no longer running away from anything. I simply just understand that I've learned everything I could learn in Vancouver because if I continue to stay in Vancouver, my life would become stagnant. That become a comfort zone for me. But I I'm looking for more growth. So I decided to move to Toronto New York, and these two cities have taught me new lessons that I could not have learned anywhere else. I would not become the person I am today if I hadn't moved here. So that's the deeper purpose of relocation. I think you're not moving to escape, you are moving to expand.
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Tracey: Yeah, so imagine like you are visiting a friend in a new place, you're going on this vacation and then when you landed in a place, a place just feels like home for no reason. I think we all may have that experience. It may be different places you experience that feeling. And so that is also the goal of somatic practices. Instead of trying to get that feeling of home in a particular space, you have the power to create a sense of home in your body, to feel that sense of safety, belonging, connection, that deeper place of love and peace within you. And we can do this through somatic practices. So that this is what I call building an inner home. You feel grounded within yourself, even when the external world is uncertain. And this doesn't mean you will never feel sad again. You everything is rainbow and sunshine because life is never gonna be perfect. This simply means the next time you feel those difficult emotions, you know how to move through them and always come back to that deeper place of peace within you. And I I also don't think this means that you can survive or thrive anywhere in the world because I do believe like human beings are like flowers. Some need sunshine, some need more shades. You need to find an environment that supports you. But again, like I mentioned, When you are making those decisions, you're not making a decision play from a place of fear. You're making a play those decisions from alignment. And that's what somatic practices can help me with as well, because it helped me to reconnect to the truth of who you are. So that you once you know your truths, you know your internal guidance, and then you can make a better decision that are truly aligned with who you are.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. Do you think that loneliness and and especially after a move it's something that you people solve or is something that you s just befriend and listen to and then try to live with it somehow and manage it.
Tracey: Hm, that's a good question. So when I think about loneliness or any other difficult emotions, it's it's also tied to your identity. Because again, I truly believe if you are rooted in yourself, you're showing up as your authentic self, the right people will feel drawn to you. It's not so much about searching, looking. It's it's all about r attracting the right people if you're operating at the right frequency. That's what I believe. And this doesn't also mean you just sit at home all day and now going out. Of course you have to put yourself out there. But it's when you do that, it's not really coming from a place of needs or neediness or loneliness. You're simply like just showing up, being your authentic self. And then people will feel drawn to you when you are operating from that frequency. So this is why self-connection is super important. and I I also have this process that can help people really create their new identity, connect to their To themselves so that they can attract better relationships into their life. So basically, this work looks like this. You start with your old self before you move abroad. And that's the version of you maybe had friends or family or your old job title. And then all of a sudden, when you arrive in this new place, you feel a lot of uncertainty. That's the second phase you already enter. Like suddenly you don't have any friends, you don't know what job you're gonna take, and you feel this overwhelmed. sometimes anxious about what comes next. And this is also where we can use somatic practices to help you move through those emotions so that you can regain your agency. And then you can move to the sec third phase, which is the experimentation. Because this is important. You cannot just think your way into a new identity. You have to leave your way into it. So this is when you going out to meet new people, join different communities or trying different hobbies. And A lot people got stuck here because they talked to me, they said, I've did all these things I'm supposed to do. I've one to five meetups a week. I met a hundred people, but still I'm not connecting with anyone. Well, what is the problem? And again, because what we really need to do is we need to enter into the fourth phase, which is the integration. Because once you have enough experiences, experiments, you need to connect to your internal guidance and ask yourself what is true. What is not true? What am I ready to let go of and what do I need to embrace? And this is so important. And this is also the space we get to do a lot of self-reflection and rewire those old patterns like you named a a few before. Because a lot of people, some people got stuck here. It's because they're always searching for the things externally in order to fill an internal void. Let's say if someone is really lonely. And they think I just need to keep new meeting new people, meeting new people. And each time when they find someone new, they experience this initial excitement. But after a while, they may just got bored. That relationship never got the chance to deepen, to grow. So that is a pattern we need to rewire. And this is also the inner work we do in somatic healing. So that you can once you rewire the pattern, you can begin to show up in your relationships in a different way. So there are so many patterns that may be holding you back from connecting. the right people. It's not just the external things. Because a lot of times people say, I don't have resources. I I don't maybe I haven't tried enough, but maybe you have tried enough. You just really haven't the chance to rewire the old patterns. And so this is what where integration becomes so important. And then eventually once we've done the integration work, you can begin to embrace your new self. Like I said, it's not just a new identity, it's really embracing the most authentic version of you. And then everything just begin to unfold. And that's why nowadays when I move to a new place, I no longer worry about if I can find new friends or what the future holds. I feel like I'm at peace with an uncertainty. And somehow I feel like uncertainty excites me. I don't even want to know what the future holds. It will be kind of boring. I would like I would want the life to surprise me. Because I feel no matter what experience you have, you're gonna learn the lesson and that lesson is gonna help you. Grow as a person. And that's the most fulfilling part of this journey. It's it's not about the destination, because for a long time I thought, like, I need to find this place to settle down where I'm gonna buy a house, build a community, build my career, and then I can finally feel at home. Until now I realize that this journey is ever changing, ever evolving. It's not about the destination, it's who you become throughout this journey. And That belonging is not attached to a destination either. It's something you can find in this moment. Like right now, we are doing this podcast. Then I belong to this space we are in. And maybe after this, I'm going out with friends. I belong to them. And then the next day I may go to work and see my coworkers. And then I belong to them. So this is ever changing, ever evolving. So it's most important thing is that you find that belonging in this moment. And you can find that. within yourself as well, you belong to yourself.
Marc Alcobé: Can you guide us or share a simple, I don't know, example of what somatic practices do you use? I assume it's like a kind of mind-body techniques that that are used. What are the normal resources or practices that you use? you have like a checklist that you go through, or what are the the normal tech practices that you that you use?
Tracey: Yeah, so three ways we can release energy from our system. So energy is coming out either through our breath, through sound, through movement. So my favorite one is breastwork. This really helps you connect deeper to your body, connect your mind with your body. Because for a long time I had a difficult time with meditating, had a really busy mind, and then I find breastwork is much quicker, much easier for me to jump into my body. And when you intentionally change your breathing pattern, you kind of change our emotional state as well. So a really simple one is like inhaling for four, exhaling for four. This helps you create that heart coherence, especially if you're looking to connect deeper with other people. So that helps you connect deeper with yourself, opening your heart. Like that's a really good practice. And then the second one is through sound. this is like how you make those sounds out of the system, like maybe. Exhale with a sigh, that's a very easy way to use sound to get that energy out of your system. And then the third one is also my favorite: somatic movements. And because sometimes we don't really need stillness, we need to move our body, like dancing or moving, working out. somatic movements is really simple. It's not forcing the body to move in a certain way. You just listen to your body, letting the body move intuitively, maybe just doing some necros, maybe it's shaking, maybe it's giving yourself a hug. So all these simple ways are sending signals to your nervous system that you're safe, especially if you just arrive in a new environment, your nervous is interpreted as danger because in your nervous system doesn't respond to logic. You can tell yourself logically that I'm safe, I'm here, but your nervous system still needs that felt sense of safety. So you need to send those signals to your nervous system. Like but self-touching is helpful, giving yourself a hug and feeling your feet on the ground, maybe going out for a walk and just letting the nervous system know that you're here and building a routine as well. So I think routine is also something that can give your s nervous system the consistency it needs.
Marc Alcobé: Nice, very cool. I'm trying breath work now also. So I I can relate to that. I mean I've I've done meditation before, but I think it works in another kind of way, like the breath working. It's it's very interesting how you're capable of regulating your own heart rhythm, your own like emotions when you control as with something as simple as controlling your breathing rhythms, which is it's it's very, very interesting. I prepared a mini game. I call it mini game, although it's like kind of a quick fire way of like entering a little bit deeper into the into the topic. I call this one myth versus reality, like about talking about loneliness. So I would give you a sentence, a context, and a scenario, and you tell me from your own experience and from the experience that you have coaching if that is a myth or a reality from your own perspective. The first one that I have it's if I were going if I were doing this move right, I wouldn't be feeling lonely.
Tracey: Mm. How do you define right? I think that's my question. If bright means you're choosing a place that's really aligned with your values, your purpose, then of course I believe you won't feel lonely. The right people will show up. But again, if again if this move is just to e escape from pain, from problems in your life, then it's gonna be really difficult because I don't think the solution is about other people or the external world. It's still like what's What's inside of you?
Marc Alcobé: Second one that I have it's if I go to enough events, loneliness will disappear.
Tracey: Mm. I don't believe that. I think it's way more complicated that if it's that simple then I don't think we will have so many people that I still feel lonely these days.
Marc Alcobé: Makes lot of sense. you talk a little bit about the fact of choosing the place. Feeling lonely means I pick the wrong city.
Tracey: It could be like there there is this possibility because the external environment it does matter. Like I said, if you really move to a small town where maybe they only have one thousand people and they all know each other and they don't really accept outsiders, then of course you're feeling lonely in that case. That's really about your external environment. But there could be also possibilities. Maybe you something inside of you is holding you back from connecting to other people. Like New York City has a lot of people, but still a lot people feel lonely here. It's really not about the external environment anymore. It's about like if we are carrying some emotional wounds like fear of abandonment, fear of different type of emotional wounds. And that's kind of blocking the right people into your life. So it's not really about the city you're in.
Marc Alcobé: Next one it's the goal is to never feel lonely again.
Tracey: Mm, no, I don't agree with that because I think feeling lonely is part of being human. Like no one is perfect. Like nobody is gonna just feeling positive, happy all the time. I think feeling lonely is actually a signal. It's showing you where you need to love, which part of you that needs connection and that needs attention. And so it's it's really a signal. I don't see it like being negative or being positive, but it's just part of being human. And the more you solve The more soft you can be with yourself, the more solid we become. So it's really about embracing the different emotions, allowing them to be there, allowing yourself to be to feel. And then that's eventually they will begin to soften.
Marc Alcobé: Next one it's your body can be homesick, even if your mind is excited about the move that you just made.
Tracey: Yeah, absolutely. That's something I've experienced throughout my entire life. Like for a long time I was really like obsessed with mindset work when I first moved to Vancouver. I really spent a lot of time like rewiring my limiting beliefs and trying to think more positively and it did help to a certain extent. But somehow I still feel I was stuck emotionally because a lot of those feelings, like I mentioned, the grief, the homesickness, it's it's in our nervous system. And your nervous system is not gonna respond to logic, it needs that felt sense of safety. And this is something we need to intentionally create in our body, letting your body know that you're safe through those breastwork somatic practices or different types of tools. Because from the scientific point, you have this weakest nerve in your body. This is the longest nerve. 80% of the information is sent from your body to the mind, only 20% is through the from the mind to the body. So in that sense your brain listens to your body way more than your body listens to your brain. When we are focusing on the body, we're doing eighty percent of the work.
Marc Alcobé: The last one that I have for this section it's belonging is something you build, not something that you find.
Tracey: Mm, absolutely. I I a hundred percent agree with that. And somehow I wanna add a little bit more. I think it's it you can build belonging, but it's also easier to attack belonging because I don't think belonging is something you have to try so hard to search, to find. It kinda just something that naturally shows up when you are operating at the right frequency. Like I said, when I was in Vancouver, I never thought about Like I'm gonna meet the best friends of my life. I've never thought about I would just meet the life, the friends who can connect me with such a deeper level. I simply just show up there and it just kinda happened. And I feel that's the deeper work. A lot of people may say, maybe you're just lucky, but I don't think it's luck. I think we create our own luck. We when you truly reconnect yourself, show up as the most authentic version of you, belonging is something that naturally come into your life. And again, it doesn't mean you're gonna feel that way forever. Like like I said, everything is changing all the time. The next time when you move to a new place, and then you may experience a different type of belonging. But this journey is all about like surrendering, being open to that and not like really attached to a particular form of belonging, because sometimes that's what creates suffering. It's really like opening yourself up and let things unfold.
Marc Alcobé: And also a part of forgiveness, no, I suppose, like a matter of like accepting that we make mistakes and that that it's part of life and it's like self-forgiveness, it's also something that it's very difficult for a lot of people. Like
Tracey: Yeah.
Marc Alcobé: people punish themselves highly, let's say, when they do mistakes and and that pays a tall into your own emotions, of course. Tracy, for anyone listening this episode and maybe being in this moment in their life, spiraling in a little bit into these emotions, how can they get in contact with you? How can they see the work that you are doing? How they can start maybe a journey with you.
Tracey: Yeah, so I I definitely help with people who are navigating a relocation or life transitions. Maybe you're currently standing at a crossroads not knowing what your next chapter could look like, you're navigating those uncertainty and this is the work I help people do to rebuild that self trust, to really have that inner stability, like trusting like things will eventually work out the way it's meant to be and you have the agency to create the life you're meant to live. And so I'm on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube videos. You can find me through TracyJoung.com. all of my social media are TracyJoung Coaching. So yeah, I definitely am open to connect with anyone who needs a little bit of support or help at this time. And yeah, thank you for having me, Mark.
Marc Alcobé: My pleasure for the listeners, if you are not finding Tracy's social media website, so on, you can find it in the notes of the episode. Of course, as always. One last question before we close the episode, Tracy. If you could go back and speak to that 16-year-old self that did that first big move, left home, what would you want to say? to that person, especially about loneliness and belonging and moving abroad.
Tracey: Hmm. feel like really important thing to remember is that you don't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to be independent. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be soft because so often we think our power comes from our achievements, our resilience. but in my experience the most power that comes through the portal of love and softness. The more soft we can be with ourselves, the more solid we become. to just give your some some grease and learn to love yourself.
Marc Alcobé: With that, we close the episode in a perfect way, for everyone listening, if you if this episode resonated a bit, just support the podcast and give some love to to the show itself. check it on your favorite platforms, podcast platforms, but also on YouTube to put a face on who is talking in these microphones. Also, go and check out Tracy's social media, give some love to. her coaching channels. And if it resonates and you know somebody who might be in this place in this moment, share this episode with them, share the contact of Tracy and let's support each other. of course also if you are interested and you are more like a kind of reader person you can always check the the newsletter of the podcast and and check the the summary of this episode there. Trace, it has been a great pleasure. Thank you. Thanks a lot for coming today. It it has been a very, very insightful and interesting conversation.
Tracey: Thank you so much, Mark.
Marc Alcobé: For everyone, until next time, keep exploring, stay curious and see you in the next episode of Almost Local.
Marc Alcobé: Hi everyone, welcome to Almost Local, where we turn cultural shock into clarity and stranger stories into something that feels almost like home. Today I'm joined by Tracy Zhang, a coach and somatic practitioner who supports people through the emotional side of moving to a new country. Things like loneliness, identity shifts, grief, and the feeling of who I am here and now. Tracy was born in China. But lived in Shanghai, Hong Kong, Vancouver, Toronto, and now New York City. So today's episode is not just theory, it's a lived experience across different places and different chapters. And we are going to go deep into on what's going on when something lives, and something that almost everyone can relate to many people, but many people feel weird about admitting and it's that loneliness that can drop after you move sometimes right away sometimes months later sometimes even when your life looks absolutely fine on paper so if you ever thought why am I alone when I'm surrounded by people? What is wrong with me? What I'm shouldn't why shouldn't I be grateful about having this new chapter in my life? This episode is for you. Tracy, welcome to Almost Loca. Thank you so much for for being here today with me.
Tracey: Thank you so much for having me here.
Marc Alcobé: So for first question for all the listeners who don't know you, who hasn't checked you at all, can you tell us a little bit about your story? Where where do you come from? How did you end up living abroad? W what sparked the first move on on the first moment, which I know that it was very early in your life. So can you bring us back to that origins, let's say like this.
Tracey: Yeah, absolutely. so I left home when I was sixteen and since then I lived in six cities and the interesting thing about this journey is that I never planned any of this move. Each time before I moved to a new place, it was some unexpected opportunity that showed up. And then I just said to myself, I was gonna try for three months and see what happens. But now after more than two decades I've been away from home. And built new homes in different places around the world. so at first I got this unexpected education opportunity. So I went to Shanghai for high school, and then I went to Hong Kong for my master's degree, and then when I arrived in Hong Kong, I really loved the city. So I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life there. I never thought I was like gonna move abroad, especially I was on that linear path at that time, the linear path, you know. Is that we all have this invisible timeline, like graduate, get a job, buy a house, get married, have children. And so I was on that linear path. Everything was predictable. So I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life in Hong Kong. And until I was 29 years old. That year I was going through major life transitions and losses. Everything I was building was falling apart. So I was going through financial losses, a divorce, and death of my grandma. And I also hated my job, so I decided to just quit my job and move somewhere else. And so at that time I decided to move to Vancouver because one of my friends told me it was easier to go to Canada. You don't really need a visa. All you need is just work experience and you're qualified for their permanent residency. So I I said that was amazing. So I like I decided to give it a try and see what happens. So that's how I decided to move to Vancouver and again at first I was just gonna try for three months see what happens and I never thought that eventually I stayed there for four years and that four years is when I decided to do this inner work step on the spiritual journey that really transformed my life from the inside out. And that also leads me to what I do today becoming a somatic coach, really helping people navigate the emotional side of relocation. So that they can feel at peace and at home no matter where life is taking them.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. How was it like sixteen years old moving alone to a new place? I mean, of course it wasn't still like an inside move. It was not really abroad, but China is enormous. One place to the other, it's like moving from a country to another, I suppose. how was this emotionally also like how much it affected the fact of moving outside of home so early on your on your life?
Tracey: Yeah, it was really tough because the living environment was really bad in China at that time. That was like more than twenty years ago and I had to share one dormitory room with five other girls and we have to use the public bathroom. So it was really, really tough. But it was also through that experience I decided I'd learned to like be independent, take responsibility for myself. But emotionally, because I was so young, I really didn't know how to process those emotions like the homesickness, the loneliness, the grief, the anxiety when you start over somewhere, because that was not something being taught at school. And then my family members, they just keep saying, you just need to keep going and be strong. You have to be a home for yourself. And so for a long time, I learned to surprise those emotions and always trying to pretend I'm okay. I don't need help. I'm just this super independent person. But after years, I learned I feel like those emotions have been stuck in my my body for so long. And again, it cra what cracked that open was my move to Vancouver. Because that was the first time when I had this spiritual awakening where I decided to turn inward to really process those emotions. Because I remember when I lived in Asia, there was always this energy that you need to go, go, go, do, do, do. It was very busy. And I feel like I was always this high achiever, you need to hit those goals. So I was living very externally. I was hoping that those external things could help me find some peace on the inside until everything was falling apart. I moved to Vancouver where I had to start from zero. And that was the first time I came to this turning point where I'm standing at a crossroads. I need to rebuild my life in a different way. Instead of running away from those emotions and beginning to seed wisdom. But still that was super difficult because I remember sometimes people ask me, How am I doing when I just arrived here? I still pretend to be this person, like everything was amazing. I would just come here for a new adventure, a new lifestyle. so I kind of feel the shame about sharing those emotions with other people, especially if you don't know them. So there were many, many tears behind closed doors. And at that time I didn't even know what I was feeling. Until at some point at this journey I I read a book and I realized what I was feeling is actually grief. Because whenever we talk about grief, we often associate it with death. But I think we also experience something called the ambiguous grief when we relocate, even though nothing actually died. But you feel the same sense of loss and sadness. And so whenever we bring the right name to this emotion, it actually just can. help solften that emotion. So that's how I started this emotional healing journey, really acknowledge them and name that emotion. And I think this work requires radical honesty. And I remember the first time I finally mastered my the courage to share my story with one of the local friends in Vancouver. And at that time she didn't give me any advice. She simply just validated what I was feeling. And one thing she said my God, that was so sad. And that was the first time I just feel this immense relief in my body. Finally someone can relate to that, can understand that. So that's the how this journey started, really like acknowledging how you feel.
Marc Alcobé: Yeah. I think it's something that a lot of us passes. Like and and the fact of moving abroad, you are leaving something behind always. That's that's the reality, no? So it is interesting to see how resilient we might be on expressing negative emotions sometimes. how was for you like the the I assume like the trip to Vancouver is like the first moment that it you realize this and it's like probably the major shock or the first major shock. Was it better on the second move? Like when you moved to to to New York eventually did you manage it differently? Did you did you pass through the same grief again or how it was for you?
Tracey: That was a great question because my relocation to Toronto and New York has been completely different. and the reason it's different is because I did this inner work, because for at the beginning I thought moving abroad could change my life. I thought a change of environment could fix all of my problems that I had in Hong Kong until I r landed in Vancouver. I realized that what you're running away from will come back to you in new forms. That was the first time I decided to not run away anymore. I had to begin to slow down to acknowledge all of those grief, the loneliness, the disappointment. Cause I think there are so many emotions experienced when you are moving abroad, not just grief. And at first I also feel very disappointed because I thought I was gonna build a new life in Vancouver. but when I arrived there, nothing was what I expected. The job opportunities were a million times worse than what I had in Hong Kong. And I Also didn't have any friends in Vancouver. I had to meet new people. And somehow I just feel like I didn't connect to them. And so again, part of me wanted to run away. I thought that maybe this was a bad idea. I should just go back to Hong Kong. And then that was also the time when the Hong Kong protest happened. My friend in Hong Kong said, don't come back. Hong Kong is no longer the same. And then after a few months, I thought maybe I should move to UK. there might be job opportunities there, and then the break exit happened. And then after a few months again, I said, I couldn't do this anymore. I need to move to the US. And then COVID happened. So each time when I was about to run away, something just happened. But I now I look back, I feel that's the universe way of reminding me to change that pattern, to not run away anymore. Because when COVID happened, I finally decided to just slow down, to turn inward, to reconnect with myself, to process everything I've been running away from. And that was also the time I met some really great friends in my life. I didn't expect I would meet any friends in Vancouver, but I did. And I went to this spiritual meetup and I connected with two people from that meetup. That was the first time I felt like this person really sees me for who I am, not just what I do, not what my labels. And that connection just transcends all of the cultural differences. We're coming from different age, different gender. But they give me so much unconditional love, unconditional acceptance. So because of that friendship, I also had the courage to do this inner work. We're both on this journey of personal growth, spiritual development. So I think that's what helped me really move through that darkness. And after four years, I remember one day when I wake up w in Vancouver. I just feel this clear knowing that Vancouver has fulfilled its purpose in my life. I didn't hate it and I also didn't like it, but I just feel like I've accomplished every everything I need to do here. I've come completed this inner work. Now it's time to move on. And then where where were where am I going next? I didn't know that was during COVID, you couldn't really move to other countries. So maybe I I should check Toronto. Just Toronto came to my mind. I had no idea why. because I was working remotely, I had the freedom to be anywhere in the world. So I decided to try Toronto. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay there, maybe three months, maybe a year, maybe five years, but I decided to move there. And when I arrived in Toronto, I feel like I was a complete different person. I never really experienced any of those intense emotions anymore. At this time I was just simply being open to whatever comes my way. And same story that happened in New York. It was super, super easy. It felt like everything was just lining up for me. I didn't plan any of that, but then everything just feels right. So I think that's the power of doing this inner work. I think the external environment matters, but what creates that long lasting transformation is also the inner work we did in our body, in our system.
Marc Alcobé: Yeah, looking a little bit internally, no before reflecting that the ex the external way. I I with your experience and with the amount of like people that you help and and that you coach, what is what are the hidden loses, losses that or things that people underestimate when moving abroad? What is the common like let's say the most common things that you see when coaching people?
Tracey: Yeah, that's a great question. So I think what there are visible losses and invisible losses. So the visible losses are pretty obvious. You're losing family, friends, old routines, the old environment, you're losing your job titles. But what's really underneath is that you're also losing what I think used to bring you is the sense of safety, the sense of connection, the sense of belonging. And the deepest layer is the loss of identity, in my opinion, because you're no longer the same person anymore. Maybe you move to this new place physically. You thought you're still the same person, but underneath that, your identity has changed so much, your values have changed so much. So basically you're no longer the same person. And that that's the deepest layer of grief and loss. You're grieving over the person who you once were. And that to me is the deepest transformation you're gonna experience as well. That's the identity shift we experience when we're relocating to a new place. And Whenever you move to a new place, you become a new it's not really about becoming a new person. You may create a new identity, but I think there's like returning to the truth of who you are. Because like I mentioned earlier, when I was leaving in Asia, I was living from a place of conditioning. I feel all I wanted was to meet other people's expectations. I care more about the external achievements, whether people validate me or not. But after v I arrived in Vancouver, I began to finally have the space to release those old identities, those old conditionings and reconnect to the truth of who I am. And that was also through the support of one of my best friends. I remember the first time we had a deep conversation and she just said, my God, you're so good at this. You're really good at asking those deeper questions and emphasize with people's experience. You're very insightful. You could be a good coach or therapist. And that was the first time this idea of becoming a coach came to my mind. And I didn't even fully understand what that was, but it's something just clicked with my heart. And I think it was my friend who sees me for who I am. She saw my talents, my gifts. And so that gives us an opportunity to really connect to the truth, connect to your purpose. And I think that's what relocation brings you. When you're arriving in a new place, you don't have so much influence from your family, from your old culture. You finally get enter into this empty space and now you have the freedom to redefine who you want to be.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. This is actually also something that I wanted to ask, you know, how much do you see that loneliness is social or is rather more like the identity part of yourself? No, like losing a version of yourself that felt understood, mirrored, whatever. But y there is also a social part of loneliness, I suppose. It's not only the inner work, how much is tight What is the percentage there, we would you say?
Tracey: Yeah, so that's a good question. I think it depends on the individual. in my work, I study two types of loneliness. It's exactly what you just named. We have the social loneliness and the emotional loneliness. So the social loneliness is about you're missing a network of people who you can casually connect with. Maybe you are not familiar with your neighborhood and you don't know who you can call to grab dinner with after work, and there is no one you can reach out to to go for a walk on Sunday afternoon, especially after relocation. Think of this like during COVID, we were all being locked down. There was no social events. So I think that was the time when you were experiencing that social loneliness. And then we also have the emotional loneliness. So this is a feeling, it's like you can be in a group, but you still feel lonely on the inside. And this is something I experienced over and over again when I just moved to Vancouver. I was really trying to put myself out there, being open to all those networking events, meetups, but somehow I still feel like nobody really sees me. Nobody understands me at a deeper level. And I have to explain myself over and over again. And sometimes even you explain yourself, people still don't get it. So that's like the emotional loneliness we also experience when we are moving abroad. And then it becomes more complicated if you are also navigating this identity shift. Because whenever we're going through a transition, you kind of feel like you're lost. I'm no longer the person who I used to be. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm becoming. And the truth is that if you don't know who you are, it's really hard for you to find other people who understand you. Before you find others, you first need to find yourself. And that's also what happens during transition. maybe you met some new friends, but after you move become a new version of you, those old relationships, those friendships just naturally fall away. And now you have to rebuild friendship again. Like I said earlier, I met some really, really amazing friends when I lived in Vancouver. And they really served a big purpose in my life. But then I moved to Toronto, now I'm in New York. Those old friendships just still fall fall away. And I have to meet new people. But I feel there is also a purpose in that because a lot of people only come into your life for a chapter. Did not manage to stay with you for the rest of your life and you have to keep meeting new people so that they can teach you different lessons about yourself. So this journey is ever changing, ever evolving. And so I feel that's also a hard part. Like how do you accept the ups and downs, the like the changes, the unexpected changes, and stay connected to yourself. Because I think the only thing that's not changing is your relationship with yourself. And that's also the only thing you can control.
Marc Alcobé: I also read a thing on your website, the take on on delayed crash, no, the idea of like people arriving to a place feeling okay at first, and then some months later it it hits harder and unexpectedly. How do we describe that? Do you see it often? It's a pattern that you see on people. Like it's that like a kind of like the I don't know, let's call it honeymoon phase fading out, or or how do you describe this?
Tracey: Yeah, definitely. So there is for some people they experience the honeymoon phase. It can last from three months to a year. Like when you are first arrived in this new place, you feel the excitement. You're motivated to explore new food, new restaurants, and meeting new people. But after a few months, like everything went back to the same. And you may sometimes adult, is this the right decision, or maybe I should move again? That's why in my work I work with clients who have moved to seven countries in the past ten years. And each time they feel this initial excitement when they arrive there, and then it just got bored and they kind of have to move again. And so this is also something I call the relocation loop. So the loop looks like this. Maybe first you feel unsettled in your current place, and then you project hope onto the next place. And then you move there, you experience this initial excitement, but after three months, the old feeling returns, and then you're just going through the same cycle over and over again. So how do we break the cycle, right? Because that was the negative relocation loop, but you can actually turn this into a positive one. It doesn't mean you will never move. It's just the next time when you move, you're not like escaping from the boredom or the restlessness. You're simply choosing a place more aligned with who you are becoming. And what's really key in this new loop is that at first you feel unsettled instead of running away, instead of Projecting hope onto another place, you decided to sit with yourself, stay present with those emotions. And this is also where you we can use somatic practices to help you move through those emotions. And then this time you begin to connect to yourself at a deeper level when you not avoid those emotions. And now slowly, slowly you begin to release those emotions and you begin to reconnect with yourself. And then that's where you begin to able to make a new decision that comes from a place of. alignment rather than fear or other emotions. So that's what really changes this process. And that's also what happened to me when I moved to Toronto or New York, because those times I was no longer running away from anything. I simply just understand that I've learned everything I could learn in Vancouver because if I continue to stay in Vancouver, my life would become stagnant. That become a comfort zone for me. But I I'm looking for more growth. So I decided to move to Toronto New York, and these two cities have taught me new lessons that I could not have learned anywhere else. I would not become the person I am today if I hadn't moved here. So that's the deeper purpose of relocation. I think you're not moving to escape, you are moving to expand.
Marc Alcobé: This episode was brought to you by Business Anywhere. Living abroad can give you the freedom to build a life anywhere. But if you're also building a business, setting up a company can be a different story. That's where Business Anywhere. They help digital nomad and entrepreneurs around the world with the process of setting up a US company remotely. If you're thinking about starting your business in the US, Check them out through the link in the description. Now back to the episode. When you use and you say somatic practices for somebody who doesn't come from this world at all, what does it mean in plain language for somebody who's listening while commuting? Let's say like this.
Tracey: Yeah, so imagine like you are visiting a friend in a new place, you're going on this vacation and then when you landed in a place, a place just feels like home for no reason. I think we all may have that experience. It may be different places you experience that feeling. And so that is also the goal of somatic practices. Instead of trying to get that feeling of home in a particular space, you have the power to create a sense of home in your body, to feel that sense of safety, belonging, connection, that deeper place of love and peace within you. And we can do this through somatic practices. So that this is what I call building an inner home. You feel grounded within yourself, even when the external world is uncertain. And this doesn't mean you will never feel sad again. You everything is rainbow and sunshine because life is never gonna be perfect. This simply means the next time you feel those difficult emotions, you know how to move through them and always come back to that deeper place of peace within you. And I I also don't think this means that you can survive or thrive anywhere in the world because I do believe like human beings are like flowers. Some need sunshine, some need more shades. You need to find an environment that supports you. But again, like I mentioned, When you are making those decisions, you're not making a decision play from a place of fear. You're making a play those decisions from alignment. And that's what somatic practices can help me with as well, because it helped me to reconnect to the truth of who you are. So that you once you know your truths, you know your internal guidance, and then you can make a better decision that are truly aligned with who you are.
Marc Alcobé: Interesting. Do you think that loneliness and and especially after a move it's something that you people solve or is something that you s just befriend and listen to and then try to live with it somehow and manage it.
Tracey: Hm, that's a good question. So when I think about loneliness or any other difficult emotions, it's it's also tied to your identity. Because again, I truly believe if you are rooted in yourself, you're showing up as your authentic self, the right people will feel drawn to you. It's not so much about searching, looking. It's it's all about r attracting the right people if you're operating at the right frequency. That's what I believe. And this doesn't also mean you just sit at home all day and now going out. Of course you have to put yourself out there. But it's when you do that, it's not really coming from a place of needs or neediness or loneliness. You're simply like just showing up, being your authentic self. And then people will feel drawn to you when you are operating from that frequency. So this is why self-connection is super important. and I I also have this process that can help people really create their new identity, connect to their To themselves so that they can attract better relationships into their life. So basically, this work looks like this. You start with your old self before you move abroad. And that's the version of you maybe had friends or family or your old job title. And then all of a sudden, when you arrive in this new place, you feel a lot of uncertainty. That's the second phase you already enter. Like suddenly you don't have any friends, you don't know what job you're gonna take, and you feel this overwhelmed. sometimes anxious about what comes next. And this is also where we can use somatic practices to help you move through those emotions so that you can regain your agency. And then you can move to the sec third phase, which is the experimentation. Because this is important. You cannot just think your way into a new identity. You have to leave your way into it. So this is when you going out to meet new people, join different communities or trying different hobbies. And A lot people got stuck here because they talked to me, they said, I've did all these things I'm supposed to do. I've one to five meetups a week. I met a hundred people, but still I'm not connecting with anyone. Well, what is the problem? And again, because what we really need to do is we need to enter into the fourth phase, which is the integration. Because once you have enough experiences, experiments, you need to connect to your internal guidance and ask yourself what is true. What is not true? What am I ready to let go of and what do I need to embrace? And this is so important. And this is also the space we get to do a lot of self-reflection and rewire those old patterns like you named a a few before. Because a lot of people, some people got stuck here. It's because they're always searching for the things externally in order to fill an internal void. Let's say if someone is really lonely. And they think I just need to keep new meeting new people, meeting new people. And each time when they find someone new, they experience this initial excitement. But after a while, they may just got bored. That relationship never got the chance to deepen, to grow. So that is a pattern we need to rewire. And this is also the inner work we do in somatic healing. So that you can once you rewire the pattern, you can begin to show up in your relationships in a different way. So there are so many patterns that may be holding you back from connecting. the right people. It's not just the external things. Because a lot of times people say, I don't have resources. I I don't maybe I haven't tried enough, but maybe you have tried enough. You just really haven't the chance to rewire the old patterns. And so this is what where integration becomes so important. And then eventually once we've done the integration work, you can begin to embrace your new self. Like I said, it's not just a new identity, it's really embracing the most authentic version of you. And then everything just begin to unfold. And that's why nowadays when I move to a new place, I no longer worry about if I can find new friends or what the future holds. I feel like I'm at peace with an uncertainty. And somehow I feel like uncertainty excites me. I don't even want to know what the future holds. It will be kind of boring. I would like I would want the life to surprise me. Because I feel no matter what experience you have, you're gonna learn the lesson and that lesson is gonna help you. Grow as a person. And that's the most fulfilling part of this journey. It's it's not about the destination, because for a long time I thought, like, I need to find this place to settle down where I'm gonna buy a house, build a community, build my career, and then I can finally feel at home. Until now I realize that this journey is ever changing, ever evolving. It's not about the destination, it's who you become throughout this journey. And That belonging is not attached to a destination either. It's something you can find in this moment. Like right now, we are doing this podcast. Then I belong to this space we are in. And maybe after this, I'm going out with friends. I belong to them. And then the next day I may go to work and see my coworkers. And then I belong to them. So this is ever changing, ever evolving. So it's most important thing is that you find that belonging in this moment. And you can find that. within yourself as well, you belong to yourself.
Marc Alcobé: Can you guide us or share a simple, I don't know, example of what somatic practices do you use? I assume it's like a kind of mind-body techniques that that are used. What are the normal resources or practices that you use? you have like a checklist that you go through, or what are the the normal tech practices that you that you use?
Tracey: Yeah, so three ways we can release energy from our system. So energy is coming out either through our breath, through sound, through movement. So my favorite one is breastwork. This really helps you connect deeper to your body, connect your mind with your body. Because for a long time I had a difficult time with meditating, had a really busy mind, and then I find breastwork is much quicker, much easier for me to jump into my body. And when you intentionally change your breathing pattern, you kind of change our emotional state as well. So a really simple one is like inhaling for four, exhaling for four. This helps you create that heart coherence, especially if you're looking to connect deeper with other people. So that helps you connect deeper with yourself, opening your heart. Like that's a really good practice. And then the second one is through sound. this is like how you make those sounds out of the system, like maybe. Exhale with a sigh, that's a very easy way to use sound to get that energy out of your system. And then the third one is also my favorite: somatic movements. And because sometimes we don't really need stillness, we need to move our body, like dancing or moving, working out. somatic movements is really simple. It's not forcing the body to move in a certain way. You just listen to your body, letting the body move intuitively, maybe just doing some necros, maybe it's shaking, maybe it's giving yourself a hug. So all these simple ways are sending signals to your nervous system that you're safe, especially if you just arrive in a new environment, your nervous is interpreted as danger because in your nervous system doesn't respond to logic. You can tell yourself logically that I'm safe, I'm here, but your nervous system still needs that felt sense of safety. So you need to send those signals to your nervous system. Like but self-touching is helpful, giving yourself a hug and feeling your feet on the ground, maybe going out for a walk and just letting the nervous system know that you're here and building a routine as well. So I think routine is also something that can give your s nervous system the consistency it needs.
Marc Alcobé: Nice, very cool. I'm trying breath work now also. So I I can relate to that. I mean I've I've done meditation before, but I think it works in another kind of way, like the breath working. It's it's very interesting how you're capable of regulating your own heart rhythm, your own like emotions when you control as with something as simple as controlling your breathing rhythms, which is it's it's very, very interesting. I prepared a mini game. I call it mini game, although it's like kind of a quick fire way of like entering a little bit deeper into the into the topic. I call this one myth versus reality, like about talking about loneliness. So I would give you a sentence, a context, and a scenario, and you tell me from your own experience and from the experience that you have coaching if that is a myth or a reality from your own perspective. The first one that I have it's if I were going if I were doing this move right, I wouldn't be feeling lonely.
Tracey: Mm. How do you define right? I think that's my question. If bright means you're choosing a place that's really aligned with your values, your purpose, then of course I believe you won't feel lonely. The right people will show up. But again, if again if this move is just to e escape from pain, from problems in your life, then it's gonna be really difficult because I don't think the solution is about other people or the external world. It's still like what's What's inside of you?
Marc Alcobé: Second one that I have it's if I go to enough events, loneliness will disappear.
Tracey: Mm. I don't believe that. I think it's way more complicated that if it's that simple then I don't think we will have so many people that I still feel lonely these days.
Marc Alcobé: Makes lot of sense. you talk a little bit about the fact of choosing the place. Feeling lonely means I pick the wrong city.
Tracey: It could be like there there is this possibility because the external environment it does matter. Like I said, if you really move to a small town where maybe they only have one thousand people and they all know each other and they don't really accept outsiders, then of course you're feeling lonely in that case. That's really about your external environment. But there could be also possibilities. Maybe you something inside of you is holding you back from connecting to other people. Like New York City has a lot of people, but still a lot people feel lonely here. It's really not about the external environment anymore. It's about like if we are carrying some emotional wounds like fear of abandonment, fear of different type of emotional wounds. And that's kind of blocking the right people into your life. So it's not really about the city you're in.
Marc Alcobé: Next one it's the goal is to never feel lonely again.
Tracey: Mm, no, I don't agree with that because I think feeling lonely is part of being human. Like no one is perfect. Like nobody is gonna just feeling positive, happy all the time. I think feeling lonely is actually a signal. It's showing you where you need to love, which part of you that needs connection and that needs attention. And so it's it's really a signal. I don't see it like being negative or being positive, but it's just part of being human. And the more you solve The more soft you can be with yourself, the more solid we become. So it's really about embracing the different emotions, allowing them to be there, allowing yourself to be to feel. And then that's eventually they will begin to soften.
Marc Alcobé: Next one it's your body can be homesick, even if your mind is excited about the move that you just made.
Tracey: Yeah, absolutely. That's something I've experienced throughout my entire life. Like for a long time I was really like obsessed with mindset work when I first moved to Vancouver. I really spent a lot of time like rewiring my limiting beliefs and trying to think more positively and it did help to a certain extent. But somehow I still feel I was stuck emotionally because a lot of those feelings, like I mentioned, the grief, the homesickness, it's it's in our nervous system. And your nervous system is not gonna respond to logic, it needs that felt sense of safety. And this is something we need to intentionally create in our body, letting your body know that you're safe through those breastwork somatic practices or different types of tools. Because from the scientific point, you have this weakest nerve in your body. This is the longest nerve. 80% of the information is sent from your body to the mind, only 20% is through the from the mind to the body. So in that sense your brain listens to your body way more than your body listens to your brain. When we are focusing on the body, we're doing eighty percent of the work.
Marc Alcobé: The last one that I have for this section it's belonging is something you build, not something that you find.
Tracey: Mm, absolutely. I I a hundred percent agree with that. And somehow I wanna add a little bit more. I think it's it you can build belonging, but it's also easier to attack belonging because I don't think belonging is something you have to try so hard to search, to find. It kinda just something that naturally shows up when you are operating at the right frequency. Like I said, when I was in Vancouver, I never thought about Like I'm gonna meet the best friends of my life. I've never thought about I would just meet the life, the friends who can connect me with such a deeper level. I simply just show up there and it just kinda happened. And I feel that's the deeper work. A lot of people may say, maybe you're just lucky, but I don't think it's luck. I think we create our own luck. We when you truly reconnect yourself, show up as the most authentic version of you, belonging is something that naturally come into your life. And again, it doesn't mean you're gonna feel that way forever. Like like I said, everything is changing all the time. The next time when you move to a new place, and then you may experience a different type of belonging. But this journey is all about like surrendering, being open to that and not like really attached to a particular form of belonging, because sometimes that's what creates suffering. It's really like opening yourself up and let things unfold.
Marc Alcobé: And also a part of forgiveness, no, I suppose, like a matter of like accepting that we make mistakes and that that it's part of life and it's like self-forgiveness, it's also something that it's very difficult for a lot of people. Like
Tracey: Yeah.
Marc Alcobé: people punish themselves highly, let's say, when they do mistakes and and that pays a tall into your own emotions, of course. Tracy, for anyone listening this episode and maybe being in this moment in their life, spiraling in a little bit into these emotions, how can they get in contact with you? How can they see the work that you are doing? How they can start maybe a journey with you.
Tracey: Yeah, so I I definitely help with people who are navigating a relocation or life transitions. Maybe you're currently standing at a crossroads not knowing what your next chapter could look like, you're navigating those uncertainty and this is the work I help people do to rebuild that self trust, to really have that inner stability, like trusting like things will eventually work out the way it's meant to be and you have the agency to create the life you're meant to live. And so I'm on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube videos. You can find me through TracyJoung.com. all of my social media are TracyJoung Coaching. So yeah, I definitely am open to connect with anyone who needs a little bit of support or help at this time. And yeah, thank you for having me, Mark.
Marc Alcobé: My pleasure for the listeners, if you are not finding Tracy's social media website, so on, you can find it in the notes of the episode. Of course, as always. One last question before we close the episode, Tracy. If you could go back and speak to that 16-year-old self that did that first big move, left home, what would you want to say? to that person, especially about loneliness and belonging and moving abroad.
Tracey: Hmm. feel like really important thing to remember is that you don't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to be independent. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to be soft because so often we think our power comes from our achievements, our resilience. but in my experience the most power that comes through the portal of love and softness. The more soft we can be with ourselves, the more solid we become. to just give your some some grease and learn to love yourself.
Marc Alcobé: With that, we close the episode in a perfect way, for everyone listening, if you if this episode resonated a bit, just support the podcast and give some love to to the show itself. check it on your favorite platforms, podcast platforms, but also on YouTube to put a face on who is talking in these microphones. Also, go and check out Tracy's social media, give some love to. her coaching channels. And if it resonates and you know somebody who might be in this place in this moment, share this episode with them, share the contact of Tracy and let's support each other. of course also if you are interested and you are more like a kind of reader person you can always check the the newsletter of the podcast and and check the the summary of this episode there. Trace, it has been a great pleasure. Thank you. Thanks a lot for coming today. It it has been a very, very insightful and interesting conversation.
Tracey: Thank you so much, Mark.
Marc Alcobé: For everyone, until next time, keep exploring, stay curious and see you in the next episode of Almost Local.
