Emotional Intelligence and Leadership with Stevie Dawn Carter

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Hello, and welcome, Inspired podcast community.
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This is your new episode.
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My name is Caroline, and my today's guest is
Stevie Dawn Carter.
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And I'm so happy that you are here, that you
made it.
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How are you doing today?
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I am doing good today.
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I am doing very good today.
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Excited for a great day of meetings and
connecting with people, so gonna be a good one.
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Oh, thank you so much for saying yes.
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And I also love connecting with people like
you.
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For example, I'm so happy I found you.
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It was an accident, I think, or not an
accident.
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There are no such things.
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But I was scrolling on a page, and there there
was you.
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And I remember you contacted me on LinkedIn to
do a voting for you.
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This was it.
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And then I asked if you want to do a podcast
interview.
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I'm so happy that we are here today, and I
would like to introduce you to the audience, of
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course.
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You are a seasoned entrepreneur, nationally
acclaimed speaker, and best-selling author with
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over 20 years of experience.
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You are the CEO of Empathic and a five-time
business owner.
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You are a leading advocate of the power of
emotional intelligence in transforming
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communication and leadership.
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Okay.
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I want to know things from you, of course.
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For example, how do you see the role of
emotional intelligence evolving in leadership
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today?
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Yeah.
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I think that emotional intelligence has always
been important as a leadership skill, but I
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feel like in today's generation, today's
society, today's diverse global economy, it's
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even more needed and useful because it allows
us to truly make sure we're hearing what people
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are intending, that we're paying attention to
their words and their thoughts and not always
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just reacting with our emotions or with the
emotions we feel that they are bringing to a
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conversation.
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And I think, especially after the shared trauma
we all went through four years ago with the
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pandemic, I feel that we as a society, we as a
global network need to find ways to communicate
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better.
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So I think it's so important for leadership
because we're bringing all of ourselves into
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work these days.
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We're throwing ourselves into work these days.
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And as leaders, we need to know how to
communicate with people and truly hear and
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listen to people on a daily basis.
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Oh, that's so true what you said.
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Thank you so much for mentioning.
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I understood that when we communicate with
others, we often put or we always put our own
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filters to it, and then we see it through a
different lens.
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It's our perspective.
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Right?
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And then to shift the perspective to the other
person we are talking to or with, and then this
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is the skill or the how do we want to call it?
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I don't know the word.
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Yeah.
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No.
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Skill.
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Absolutely.
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Because it's something you have to learn to do.
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I don't think it's anything we have naturally.
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I think as people, we are naturally concerned
with ourselves and not always with other
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people.
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So I think that it is a skill to be able to
look at communication through their lens and
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not our own.
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Oh, that's so true.
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And you give me hope we can learn this.
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We can yeah.
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Yeah.
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
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In fact, I think for most of us, it's not
something we are just good at or born with.
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I think it is something we truly have to learn.
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And so I think that's why trainings such as our
company and what we do or other people's
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trainings or books or LinkedIn Learning.
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These are why this is why these topics keep
coming up for people is because it is something
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you have to learn and you have to practice.
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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Okay.
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Let's take a look at the next question.
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We have, you have a strong academic background
with a master's in sociology and a doctorate in
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leadership, yet your approach is known for
being highly practical and relatable.
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How do you bridge the gap between academic
theories and real-world application in your
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speaking and training sessions?
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Can you share a specific example where this
blend made a significant impact?
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Yeah.
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So I think for me, my academics allows me to
look at data and say, is what I am seeing in
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the world truthful?
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Is it something I can prove?
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Is it something that really exists, or is it
just me and my own personal thoughts or
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personal ideas?
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And so anytime I have a theory such as, I do
believe that people have a hard time separating
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themselves from their emotions, that emotions
cloud what we do.
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I see that in myself.
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I see that in my family.
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I see that at work.
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But then I can go to the research and I can
show data that says that's not just my
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thoughts.
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Those are actual things that have been studied
that have been verified by scientific research,
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and I think that that gives people more trust
in the things that I'm teaching are not just
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anecdotal, but have been researched and are
things that there is science to back up.
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And so, one of the ones that I use a lot is
listening.
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I think that we don't listen as much as we
think that we do, and there is research to
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support that.
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It's not just me saying we need to listen
better.
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I can show statistics on people only hear about
30% of what they—or sorry.
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They only read about 30% of your email.
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They only listen to about 50 to 60% of what you
say.
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There's science that backs that up.
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So I'm not just saying we need to listen
better.
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I can show you the research that says, no.
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We really do need to listen better.
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We don't do a good job of listening.
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And so I think that's what I try and do is put
out my own ideas, but then research them to
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make sure they are conclusive and that there's
science to back up the things that I say.
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Oh, I love that.
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I love the combination.
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So it's not just an opinion.
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It has to do with research as well.
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And it's not only the result of the studies.
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You have methods and experiments, so to say.
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And today, I came across an interesting
sentence is when a scientist is doing research
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and look at things, then by observing the
things, the results change.
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So I don't know what because you did research
what you think about this.
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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So there's an idea that as humans, we can't
separate ourselves from the things that we
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study.
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So if I am studying humans, just me being in
the room with those humans changes how those
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humans interact because there's different
energy and different thought processes.
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So just by researching, we are changing the
research as we do it.
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So I think you have to try real hard to use
outside research sources, and then conduct your
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own experiments or your own trials, but
understanding that when you're involved, it
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will automatically change because we can't
separate ourselves from other humans.
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Oh, yes.
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That's so true.
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Thank you for pointing that out.
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Now I understand the sentence I read today, and
it is so fascinating, you know, the research
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part and all the other or what every one of us
makes of it when we hear a certain sentence and
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everyone has a different perspective.
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It's so interesting.
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Thank you so much.
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Okay.
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I have the next question.
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Of course, as a five-time business owner,
you've experienced the highs and lows of
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entrepreneurship.
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What are some of the biggest challenges you
faced in your entrepreneurial journey, and how
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did emotional intelligence play a role in
overcoming those challenges?
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What advice do you have for other entrepreneurs
looking to build resilient businesses?
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Yeah.
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I would say my first challenge that I faced was
understanding how a sales conversation can
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work.
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I think that a lot of us go into
entrepreneurship because we have a gift or a
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service or a belief, something that we want to
provide to the world.
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But if you're truly going to run a business, it
has to make you money.
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And the first challenge I faced was not
understanding how to make money doing what I
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wanted to do.
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And I think for me, emotional intelligence
helped there because once I did learn how to
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talk about money and how to talk about
business, then I was able to layer that with
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the emotional intelligence I already had to
have better conversations and make better
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connections.
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So a lot of my clients have been long-term
clients.
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I don't just call them clients.
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They are friends of mine.
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And that is because I have been able to grow
those relationships with emotional intelligence
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on top of the sales process that I had to
learn.
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I would say the second biggest challenge I
faced was during the pandemic as somebody who
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speaks for a living in large groups.
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There was a whole year where none of that
occurred.
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We had to be resilient as a business, and I
don't know that I would have been as resilient
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if not forced into those situations.
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Not sure I would have just thought of them by
myself.
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So once we were faced with that, really looking
at how do we continue to provide service even
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in different ways, thinking outside the box,
thinking about what do people need.
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And so being able to take what was
traditionally an all face-to-face business and
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start offering online programming, online
courses, online webinars, and then also how to
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take care of myself during those times.
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I think sometimes when we think about
resilience as an entrepreneur, we think about
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the business and it being resilient when it has
a bad year or bad quarter, and I think that's
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important.
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But the only true way for a business to be
resilient is if you are resilient.
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So for me, it was figuring out how to still
have fun even though things were tough.
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It was about finding joy and peace in the
little things and making sure that I didn't get
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so stuck in business going poorly that I forgot
that I have a whole life outside of business
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too.
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And so I think for entrepreneurs, one of my
pieces of advice to be more resilient is never
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let your business become everything in your
world.
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While it is your baby and your most important
thing, you still have family, you still have
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friends, you still have health, you still have
faith, and all of those things are things that
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you should lean on when business gets tough.
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So you gotta make sure that they're still
there.
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Oh, thank you so much.
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You shared so many messages and nuggets in your
answers.
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First of all, you pointed out how important the
connection is between emotional intelligence
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and the sales process.
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Let's say you made friends out of your clients,
then you talked about the pandemic and said how
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you transferred your business to an online
business selling courses.
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And I love how we all invented ourselves new
during the pandemic, taking the chance as an
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opportunity, not as failure or I don't know.
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You said, at last, you said that we have to
detach from our business sometimes emotionally
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that it is not all that it doesn't become our
whole life.
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You know, when it breaks down or falls apart,
then it affects our whole personality.
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And this is not what we want.
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You also talked about self-care, and you did
not use the word.
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But I love the word self-care in that we look
for ourselves not as an entrepreneur.
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We don't identify completely.
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You mentioned the family.
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It's important.
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Also, there's a family.
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There are people who want to connect.
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And, also, what I loved, you talked about trust
in the sales process, gaining the trust of the
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people, and then it's easy to promote your
products or services.
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Let's say, you said you make a living out of
speaking.
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Speaking is your passion.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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I love that so much.
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I have another question for you.
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I'm so excited.
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Thank you so much again.
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And I have to relisten to this episode because
there are so many things to learn in it.
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Yes.
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For me, for other people, our listeners, your
speaking style is known for its engaging
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stories and humor.
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How do you use storytelling and humor to
connect with your audience and drive home the
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importance of emotional intelligence?
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Can you share a memorable moment from one of
your speaking engagements where this approach
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had a profound impact on your audience?
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Yes.
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So I believe that storytelling is what connects
us as humans.
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Because when we tell a story, people can feel
that they are part of the process, part of the
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learning.
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And when people see themselves in what you're
talking about, they're more likely to listen
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and they're more likely to learn.
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And so for me, I always plan my speeches based
on a handful of stories, looking for stories
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that are examples of different things I'm
trying to teach or looking for moments where I
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can bring people into a story that they
resonate with, that's relevant to them,
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something that is a shared experience.
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I think that one of the things that we don't
think about enough as humans is that while we
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are all different and we're very diverse,
there's still a lot of similarities between
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every person on this earth.
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And when we can find ways to talk about those
and share those, we bridge the gap between
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somebody feeling like they're over there as an
audience member and I'm over here as a speaker.
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And we bridge that gap and really focus on both
of us as humans.
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So I think one of my most memorable moments of
that is I told a story about how people don't
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listen as much as we think that they should.
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And I always use the same story to give this
example.
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And no matter what group I use it with, I have
used it internationally.
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I have used it with non-native English
speakers.
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I have used it with teenagers.
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I have used it with adults.
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No matter who hears the story, people
understand what I am trying to achieve with the
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story.
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And I think that that's what makes it impactful
is that it's universal.
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And I think there have been several times where
people have come up to me after the story and
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said, that's happened to me.
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I've had that situation.
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I knew exactly what you meant.
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And when you can have audience members connect
with you that way, you know that you've done a
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really good job.
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So the story is a simple story of me and my
husband.
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We had moved into a new house, and we were
going through a list of all the things that had
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changed.
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When you move into a new house, things just
happen at different times.
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The trash guy comes at a different time, and
the post comes at a different time, and the
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newspaper's dropped off in a different
location, and all of these things are
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different.
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And so I remember sitting on the couch, and I
said, it's trash day tomorrow.
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And he said, yep.
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And what I meant by that was, I think you need
to go take out the trash because it's trash day
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tomorrow.
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But what he heard was just a statement of, oh,
it's trash day tomorrow.
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No question.
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And I think that that happens to us a lot when
we communicate.
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We think we're being clear.
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We think we're giving people the information
they need, but they may not hear it with all
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the extra stuff that we didn't actually say.
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Because I never asked him to take out the
trash.
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I just made an assumption that that's what
would happen.
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And I think for a lot of us, that happens a
lot.
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And so I use that story all over the place and
people always can say, I've had that situation
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happen to me where I said something, I thought
it was clear, but then I realized that I hadn't
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really asked what I meant to ask or I didn't
say what I'd meant to say.
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And so I think stories like that are the ones
that stick with people the most.
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Wow.
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Thank you so much for sharing it.
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So what I understand is you prepare your
speeches by selecting stories you want to tell,
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and then you have to fill in the gaps or the
bridges between the stories you tell.
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And then you let the audience connect to your
story.
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And I think also the feeling that no one or
they can feel included by they feel, I don't
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know, heard and seen.
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You said this.
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And then when they connect and they share their
experience, then there's the magic.
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The magic is happening.
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Right?
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And then it opens the doors for further
conversations also.
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I love that so much.
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What else did you say?
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Yes.
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For example, to always communicate what we
really want.
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I had this word in mind, call to action.
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You have this call to action.
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Please bring the trash out or whatever you say.
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I don't know.
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Yes.
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It's so beautiful.
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Thank you so much.
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I learned something, and my next question is
about your goals.
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Do you set goals for yourself or intentions?
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And what is one of your next goals?
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How can we support you?
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Oh, that's sweet of you to ask.
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I don't set a lot of goals because I feel that
it drives me to overwork, which I don't like to
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do.
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I like to balance my work life and my personal
life.
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So what I do every year is I set what's called
a feeling goal, and that is how do I want to
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feel at the end of the year.
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How do I want to feel about business?
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How do I want to feel about life?
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And then throughout my year, I try and do
things that help me achieve that feeling so
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that at the end of the year, I can look back
and say I achieved that.
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So, last year in 2023, my goal was to feel at
peace with my business, at peace with my
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family, just to not have a lot of anger or
resentment, but to let all of that go and just
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be at peace.
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I achieved that.
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It was a wonderful year and a great feeling at
the end of the year.
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This year, my goal is rediscovery.
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I want to rediscover things that are meaningful
to me, rediscover friendships and connections,
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and I want to feel at the end of the year that
this was a season of rediscovery.
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And so I am trying to do things every week,
every month that allow me to rediscover things
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about myself or about my life that maybe I've
forgotten.
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So those are the goals that I set for myself.
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So I would say, how can you help in achieving
those goals?
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I would say, for me, the best way other people
can help me is by doing it for themselves.
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So create a feeling goal for yourself for this
week or this month or this year.
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How do you want to feel about your business?
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How do you want to feel about your
communication and your life?
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And then make choices that get you there so
that you're achieving those feelings that you
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want.
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I think there's a lot of power in our emotions
if we learn that we can choose them.
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And that's what my goal is for the world is
that we learn that we can choose our emotions
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and we can choose to feel better.
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And I think we all need to do that right now.
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Oh, absolutely.
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And thank you so much for sharing about the
feeling.
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We know this feeling is the secret by Neville
Goddard, and there is, I think it was Peggy
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McColl saying, now that my wish is fulfilled,
how do I feel?
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So you ask yourself every time, how do I feel
now when the wish is fulfilled?
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We are often or most of the time talking about
material goals.
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Right?
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Like a money goal or sports car or a new house,
you mentioned it.
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New house or whatever.
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And then, of course, it is connected to a
feeling.
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And to detach this from the material thing, I
think this is an art and or the process,
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something, a skill.
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We talked about skills.
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You can learn this.
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Thank you so much.
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I never thought of it that way.
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I will set a feeling goal for myself, and I
intend to feel it every evening.
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For me, I can share it if you'd like to because
I had the topic earlier this year.
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For me, because I asked myself, what is my
favorite feeling?
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And my feeling is the feeling of accomplishment
that I get when I whatever I set for the day,
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for example, the phone call or reading a book
or whatever, and then the feeling of
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accomplishment in the evening.
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It's reached.
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00:24:32,144 --> 00:24:32,464
Yeah.
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No.
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That's wonderful.
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That's a great goal.
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I love that for you.
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00:24:36,784 --> 00:24:37,825
Thank you so much.
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00:24:37,825 --> 00:24:42,460
And now it's time for your last thoughts to the
audience, please.
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Well, I would say, my last thoughts are since
we are talking about being inspired, I would
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say that my last thoughts are to always
remember that you are an inspiration to someone
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else.
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I don't always think that we realize that we
are inspiring others through things as simple
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as a smile or opening a door or calling
somebody or checking on somebody, but we
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inspire people daily.
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And I think we need to remember that we are not
only seeking inspiration, but we are an
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inspiration.
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Wow.
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00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:24,190
That's so wonderful.
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I'm speechless now.
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00:25:25,744 --> 00:25:27,845
Thank you so much for our interview.
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This was Stevie Dawn Carter.
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00:25:30,065 --> 00:25:32,404
I'm so happy that you said yes.
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00:25:33,105 --> 00:25:33,924
Thank you.
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00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:37,044
And see you in the next episode.