Improving Public Speaking with Emotional Intelligence

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All right.
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Good morning, good evening, good afternoon from wherever you're joining us from.
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I'm excited to be here with my guest, Dr.
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Ralph Hughes, and we're going to be talking about improving public speaking with emotional intelligence.
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This is Solution Illuminator Series Podcast.
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I'm going to read the introduction for my esteemed guest.
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Dr.
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Ralph Hughes is a TEDx speaker, award-winning international keynote speaker, leadership mindset strategist, author, and retired senior federal law enforcement leader.
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With nearly three decades of service, he is the founder of Dr.
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H Speaks, a leadership development company and host of the Lead with Dr.
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Ralph Hughes Leadership Podcast.
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Dr.
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Hughes has trained and inspired thousands of professionals across corporate, academic, healthcare, and government sectors throughout dynamic programs focused on leadership, emotional intelligence, and organizational performance.
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A distinguished professor with more than 20 years in higher education, he combines real-world operational experience with research-based insight.
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He is the author of the book The Thinking Leader: Effective Lessons for Everyday Leadership and From Fear to Freedom, Conquering Public Speaking with Emotional Intelligence.
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He's passionate about equipping leaders to build trust, influence, and sustainable success.
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Please help me welcome my guest, Dr.
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Rafius.
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Thank you, thank you.
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Appreciate it.
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Thank you so much.
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Thank you so much.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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So from your book, yeah, I have these that you wrote.
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Everyone has the potential to shine, but not everyone feels empowered or ready to do so.
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Fear, doubt, and circumstances can create barriers that make stepping forward seem impossible.
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Yet they are those who find the courage to rise, and when they do, they illuminate the path for others, inspiring them to do so.
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And that's why we're here today.
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We want to learn from that.
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We want to learn from that.
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So if you're here joining us to learn from Dr.
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Rafus, please let us know where you're joining us from.
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Put your name in the chat where you're joining us from.
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If you have questions for him, he's ready to answer all your questions and make us learn from his vast experience today.
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Thank you so much for being here, Dr.
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Rafus.
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Thank you.
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So we're gonna get into the conversation.
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Fear of public speaking can manifest in different ways, uh, such as handshaking, trembling of voice, sweating, and so many things.
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And sometimes it prevents people from stepping up to leadership positions because of that fear of public speaking.
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Because guess what?
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If you're a leader, you have to talk in front of people, and a lot of people would prefer to be in a casket than to even do that.
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So that's and that's not good.
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We want to help ourselves, we want we want to learn from your experience so that we can step up.
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So let's start from what is even this emotional intelligence?
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What is it all about?
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It's a very good question.
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Emotional intelligence is not a new phenomenon or concept from a theoretical perspective, it was actually created in the 1990s.
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I'm not gonna bore you because I know this is not a classroom lesson, so I'm not gonna give you a lot of theory and lecture.
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But what I would say is that every human being was born with some sort of emotions.
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We all have emotions.
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We exhibit emotions when we laugh, we exhibit emotions when we cry, we exhibit it, we exhibit more emotions when we are happy, we exhibit emotions when we are sad or down, we exhibit emotions when we are nervous.
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So we all have emotion, emotions.
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In terms of the intelligence aspect, is what do we know about our emotions, whether the emotions are good or bad, and how we can control our emotions in various situations.
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So, in a nutshell, that is what emotional intelligence is understanding how you operate and how to control whatever it is that you're experiencing internally so it doesn't manifest and exhibit externally, especially when you're interacting with other individuals as well.
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Good, good, thank you, thank you so much.
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Uh, you put it in your book, how to influence your emotion and also influence the emotion of others in the process, not controlling them, but trying to influence them positively.
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Thank you so much for sharing that.
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And so this we're trying to connect with the major concept in your book, fear of public speaking.
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Under the context of emotional intelligence, what will be something that comes to you quickly as to how emotional intelligence can help to decrease the fear of public speaking?
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Because we're not trying to eliminate the fear of public speaking, right?
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That's part of what you said in your book.
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So, but how can we better control our fears using emotional intelligence?
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Right.
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See, a lot of times it just really provides a framework because there are a lot of people.
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Earlier today, you said that there are a number of people, a lot of people unfortunately will rather die than give a speech.
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I hate to sound so cliche, um, but it's true.
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And when you look at the Gallup polls that were taken consistently every year, basically 77% of people, it doesn't say about your race, your background, your socioeconomics.
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It says 77% of people around the world have this inherent fear of public speaking.
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I believe the reason most people have a fear of public speaking is because they don't have the formula or the framework to make sure that they quell their fear of public speaking.
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I also believe that a lot of people succumb to the notion that somehow you have to fear speaking before other people.
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I think that is entrenched in our society.
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I think that in our households, when we were growing up, we were told not to have a voice in some instances.
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When we're at school, we were told not to have a voice, a voice in some instances, and that's actually in a book that I talk about.
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And even on the job, even as professionals, even to this very day, you're told as a professional not to have a voice in some sort of instance.
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We are also told and actually trained very early on that if you have a certain pedigree or background, that I need to fear you.
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No, I don't need to fear you.
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Why should I fear you?
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If anything, I'm in a position to learn from you.
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So I'm not going to fear your position.
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I'm not going to fear your background.
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I'm not going to fear your talents.
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The other thing, too, is when you understand that you have knowledge, skills, abilities, talents, and gifts, that you have a place in this world, that you are supposed to be here to share your gifts with everyone else to essentially make your homes better, essentially make your job better, essentially to make the community in which you live better, as well as the world as a whole.
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However, that is defined, however, that is described for you, and how you actually put that out in the universe.
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I totally believe that every single person was placed on this earth for a reason to share their gifts.
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The issue is if you have this fear of speaking to other people, is going to actually hold you back.
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You're not going to be able to step into your fullness, you're not going to be able to do what it is that you were destined to do.
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So I say, have a mission.
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What is your mission?
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Think about your mission.
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Why am I here?
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What is my purpose?
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What am I supposed to do?
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When you have that mission and that understanding, then it crystallizes for you what you are supposed to do.
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Your direction is your vision.
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How do I see myself in this space?
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And how do I want other people to see or perceive me in this space as well?
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That's very important.
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That in addition to knowing that you have a voice, and we're human beings.
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In order for us to communicate, we have to interact with others, we have to speak with others, and that's part of the communication process from a relational standpoint.
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When you also look at it from another perspective, that is the foundation, what I just gave you.
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Applying emotional intelligence can also give you that additional framework to support your internal knowledge, your skills, your abilities, your talents, and your gifts.
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So it actually supports that, it complements that, and it gives you a framework that you can utilize in real time that it doesn't matter what stage you step on, it doesn't matter who you're speaking before, it doesn't matter the background or pedigree or how many people are in the audience, that you will be able to speak.
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Of course, we're not advocating that you're not going to have fear.
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That is not even human nature.
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As humans, you're born with fight or flight tendencies, either you're going to flee or you're going to fight, whether that is literal or from a figurative standpoint, being that we're talking about public speaking.
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So suffice to say, if I'm on stage, I may have some sort of fear, but am I going to continue to fight through that fear and deliver a powerful message to the audience?
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Because inevitably we're there to provide a message to the audience, we're there to give them something.
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They're there, not really.
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I would like to think people are there for me, but they're really there for the message because you have something that they don't have that you've been through in your life.
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Yes, that you have and you were able to overcome.
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And now, because you were able to overcome, you have the knowledge on how to share that information with other people.
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That's inevitably why they're there.
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So you're solving problems, you're helping alleviating pain points.
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That's your purpose.
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And when you focus on your audience and take the focus off of you, then when you're on that stage, the fear is going to dissipate, dissipate because you know that it's not about you and is about the audience, and it's about giving them what they came there for for to change lives, so the fear will actually go away.
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So, or are you going to flee, meaning that you're not going to stand into your fullness on stage, that you're you're going to be so nervous to the point where you're going to forget everything you need to say, you're not going to say everything that you want to say, or you're not going to deliver it in the way that you delivered it in your bedroom in front of your mirror.
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Wow.
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Thank you so much.
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Thank you so much.
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You mentioned something now about certain situations whereby you're expected to fear the other person.
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Um, a certain background actually supports that.
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Uh, coming from Nigeria, whereby one of the ways that you can show that you respect somebody is when you feel certain way in their presence, so they can feel that you, especially in the academic environment, you're a professor, I'm a professor.
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So there's certain ways you have to feel in the presence of somebody who is ahead of you that can suggest that you respect them.
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But then the good thing is that that's not really so popular in the American setting.
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So that's that's that's something I want to say.
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And I also saw something on um social media, artificial intelligence was used to create a video showing how uh women interact with their husband in the 1960s to 2026.
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I'm not getting into that.
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So I'll I'll leave it like I'll I'll leave it, I'll leave it there.
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So it wasn't really relatable as to things like that.
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So all right, so can one of the things that I checked on something.
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I want to touch on something.
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I don't, I'm sorry to interrupt you.
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I just want to touch on something very briefly that you said because I don't want to gloss over it because it's vitally important because we're talking about public speaking.
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You you talked about you being from Nigeria, you talked about cultural culture, and you also talked about position, in other words, positional power.
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In terms of culture, it is true.
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There are people from different parts of the world where they were trained.
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Again, this goes to my point, where they were trained culturally or environmentally that you have to fear someone because of their position, or you have to fear someone because they're an elder.
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That is not the same as respecting someone.
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Fearing someone and respecting someone, those are two totally different dynamics.
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I respect you and I will show respect, but I shouldn't fear you.
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You understand?
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Because now, if I fear you, I'm afraid to ask questions, I'm afraid to be coached, I'm afraid to be mentored.
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And as a professor, I value those relationships.
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I don't want students to leave the classroom thinking that they were too afraid to ask me a question simply because I was the professor.
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You are in a prime position to ask questions, to understand critical thinking and analysis.
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Those are things that are very, very important.
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So if you're not in a position to ask questions, and I've worked, I've had I had colleagues who actually felt the same way that you that you mentioned.
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I never felt that way.
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I always felt that I can learn from the students just as much as they can learn from me.
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The question, however, is are you coachable?
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That's the question.
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Good.
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Well, thank you.
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Thank you for the clarification and giving some some information on that.
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Uh, thank you for joining us, uh uh Christine from Florida.
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If you have a question, please put it in the chat.
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If you're also here, uh please let us know that you're here so you can put some questions in the chat so we can ask our guest today.
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In your book, a leader who lacks emotional intelligence can misinterpret frustration as defiance, leading to unnecessary conflict.
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That's something that is possible in a work environment.
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Uh, any additional information you want to add to that, any situation that somebody told you about that you want to use to flesh that point up a little bit?
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Yeah, I look, I've I've worked in law enforcement for 28 years, exactly.
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28 years.
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I don't know where the time went, but the last government agencies that I worked at, federal government agency that I worked at, I was there for 15 years, and I remember five years on a job.
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I will never forget it.
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I was in court, I had to testify.
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There were probably well 150 people in the courtroom, judges, prosecutors, defense counsel, people in the in the uh pew, in other words, the audience.
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And I was there with another colleague because she also had to testify.
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When we left the courtroom, that hearing lasted about three hours.
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When we left the courtroom, she kept asking, How is it that you were able to speak in front of the judge and everybody else in that courtroom the way you were able to speak?
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I didn't think anything of it because if you know who I am, you know that I'm very down-to-earth, I'm humble.
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I just look at communication as this medium by which we share information or we gather information.
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That's it.
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So I I'm not I never really considered myself a phenomenal or great speaker.
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I just never did.
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I just felt like you were supposed to speak, you're supposed to communicate, and this is how you're supposed to communicate, and that was it.
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Even though I don't feel like even today that I'm the best speaker, I just worked very hard at it throughout my entire life.
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That's number one.
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Number two, I had a job to do.
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I had a job to do.
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Talk about credibility.
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When you have you're you you you have a position of public trust, you're looking at someone's life, literally, their life is on the line, and what's going to determine whether or not they spend the rest of their life in jail or be free, knowing that this person should be in prison for the rest of their lives if you knew what they have done and what I've was also investigated.
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So the passion came out, the conviction came out, the fact that I knew the case front to back, I knew everything involved that involved that case, and I was going to share it.
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And I wanted to see justice for the minor victims that I had to provide a service for in the community that I did not take for granted.
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I was very serious about it, so I didn't think about being nervous, I didn't think about the people in the room.
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The only thing I was concentrating on was seeking and making sure that I got justice and making sure that I did my due diligence, and that's what I told my colleague.
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And she was hung up on wow, I just get nervous.
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I was nervous on the stand, I can't talk.
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I wish I could.
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I was like, You can do it, just focus again on your message, focus, focus on the content, and don't be so hung up on you have to be perfect.
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People are gonna look at you, people are gonna judge you.
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Yes, people are going to look at you, people are going to judge you, but you don't know what they're saying, you're not a mind reader, you're not in their mind, you have absolutely no idea what they're saying.
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All right, so that's how I look at it.
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The fear is induced by our own thinking.
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Yep.
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When you talk about public speaking, in order for me to be a good or even great communicator, I first have to start with my mindset because I can have this book, I can have all the training, go to Toastmasters and this and that, I can do whatever it is that I need to do to become a better speaker, but you have to number one apply it.
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But before you apply what you've learned, you have to get yourself in the right mindset.
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Because I know people who have taken and spent tens of thousands of dollars on coaching and how to become a better speaker through workshops, etc.
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They have the foundation, they have frameworks, they have formula, but they're still stuck.
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Why are they stuck?
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Because of the mindset, and until you work on your mindset, you will continue to be stuck, even if you spend a billion dollars on trying to become a better speaker.
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Wow, thank you so much.
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Uh, it's really important you talked about the mindset thing.
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That's one of the things you mentioned in your book, mindset.
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So I think it's a good time for me to just ask.
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Um, so what are these major or popular mindsets that people have that prevents them from putting themselves out there to speak?
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Limiting beliefs, limiting beliefs that somehow, again, people are going to judge them, limiting beliefs indicating that I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy to be here, I don't deserve this.
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I don't talk about imposter syndrome.
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If you know who I am in my study and my body of work, imposter syndrome, and I'm not even going to get into all that because I don't want to make any upset.
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I'll save that for another another podcast interview where we talk about imposter syndrome.
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But I talk about imposter inversion, okay?
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Because imposter syndrome, you're doing everything you're supposed to do.
00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:25.440
You went to school for X amount of years, you've been working this job for X amount of years, and you're applying what you've learned, but yet you still have this limiting belief.
00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:26.160
Why?
00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:28.319
That's not imposter syndrome.
00:21:28.720 --> 00:21:43.359
You you just have some sort of anxiety, you have this feeling as though you're not worthy, or that you shouldn't be in that position, but you are, but you are in that position.
00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:47.119
You have worked tirelessly to get to where you are today.
00:21:47.359 --> 00:21:52.480
So, again, it's part of the mindset where you hold yourself back, is that limiting belief system?
00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:59.440
It also again goes to the fight or flight tendencies that human beings that we generally have.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:06.160
And it happens almost instinctively, but you have to be in a position to control it.
00:22:06.319 --> 00:22:06.960
That's all.
00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:10.079
The other thing, too, sometimes I can't speak that well.
00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:12.000
I don't have the right vocabulary.
00:22:12.160 --> 00:22:13.759
My grammar is not that good.
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:18.000
Look, it happens to the best of us, it happens to everyone.
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:22.079
If I say, ah, um, ah, yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:25.759
If you say it once, try to control it.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:41.200
But if you say it once, people get hung up on the fact that they said, Ah, uh, um, look, but understanding where it comes from, okay, this is called verbal disfluencies, but understanding where it comes from, everyone is different.
00:22:41.440 --> 00:23:03.200
How you combat that is by being intentional, being the moment, slow down your speaking pace, breathe a little bit, pause a little bit, and give yourself time to be able to process your thoughts in a cogent manner so that way you can articulate whatever it is, whatever message that you're trying to convey to the audience.
00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:04.559
There's nothing wrong with that.
00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:06.079
Everybody slips.
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:10.319
Look at President Barack Obama, one of the best speakers in the world.
00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:20.079
I'm not just saying that, but if you look at statistics and you interview different people, everybody hands down would say yes, he's one of the best speakers in the world.
00:23:20.240 --> 00:23:22.240
Does he use a lot of filler words?
00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:23.279
He absolutely does.
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.839
Does that take away from his intelligence?
00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.599
No, does that take away from who he is as an individual?
00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:31.039
Absolutely not.
00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:46.960
It doesn't, and I think he probably is more filler words than the average average person, but we we still don't disconnect from his message because we know that what he has to say is going to be powerful and he's going to be life-changing for the most part.
00:23:47.200 --> 00:23:49.839
Disclaimer without getting into politics, of course.
00:23:49.920 --> 00:24:10.000
I I hate the fact that you have to say that, but without getting into politics, you you cannot honestly say, I can honestly say anyway, that I believe that Barack Obama, President Barack Obama, is one of the greatest speakers that we have in our time in the world, and you can learn a lot from him.
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:22.960
And that's why I also in my book, the uh leadership book, I actually talked about President Barack Obama in terms of his his communication skills and the framework and the formula that you can actually create just by observing him.
00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:24.079
So there's nothing wrong.
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:33.440
So I'm giving you part of the background in terms of developing your mindset to where you're more confident.
00:24:33.519 --> 00:25:00.480
Because if you look at TED talks, if you look at people who are speaking, if you study some of the greats that are out there, I'm not saying necessarily to emulate them, but to learn from them because it can only be one Les Brown, there can only be one Lisa Nichols, it can only be one President Barack Obama, and they can only be one you, they can only be one me, and I have to be authentic and true to who I am while maintaining my authentic voice.
00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:11.599
I can learn from them, and then use frameworks that's the key, using the frameworks and actually applying that to who I am as a speaker authentically.
00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:13.359
Well, thank you so much.
00:25:13.440 --> 00:25:14.319
Thank you for sharing that.
00:25:14.480 --> 00:25:22.960
Well, since you mentioned there's only can be one particular individual, the uniqueness, and that's part of what I really want to know.
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:28.400
So, what are the things that you say makes you unique?
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:37.119
What are the things that you would think separates you from others that are speakers uh and also doing things that you do?
00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:38.799
It's a very good question.
00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:40.400
It's an excellent question.
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:44.960
What separates me from other speakers that I'm aware that are out there?
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:46.079
Several things.
00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:48.240
One, my background.
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:53.920
I have a lot of stories I had of resilience, fortitude.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:56.240
I've been through a lot growing up.
00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:00.960
I have a lot of tragedy, a lot of different things that I've experienced.
00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:04.640
Also, when I was in high school, I'm also an introvert.
00:26:04.720 --> 00:26:05.279
Let me go back.
00:26:05.359 --> 00:26:06.960
So I've been through a lot growing up.
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:09.200
I'm also naturally an introvert.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:10.559
I truly am an introvert.
00:26:10.720 --> 00:26:13.759
When I whenever I say that, people don't believe that I'm an introvert.
00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:20.799
But it's true, the thing is, then I question, well, what is your definition of being an introvert?
00:26:20.880 --> 00:26:26.319
Because the true definition of being an introvert is simply how we just get energy.
00:26:26.480 --> 00:26:26.960
That's it.
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:32.000
So whether you're an extrovert, introvert, omnivert, it doesn't matter.
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:35.279
It's a matter of how we generate and derive our energy.
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:35.920
That's it.
00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:48.400
If I have to, for example, write a speech, I rather be by myself, brainstorm, maybe have the lights off, no noise around me, so I can process, right?
00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:50.079
Because that's how I derive my energy.
00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:54.559
Now, if other people are constantly around me, I cannot focus, I cannot process.
00:26:54.720 --> 00:26:57.759
I it's actually taxing and draining.
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:08.880
Whereas the flip side, if you're an introvert, I'm sorry, extrovert, you want people around you, you picking people's brains, you're asking different questions, you may interview some people, you know.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:17.359
So you like to have people around you because that helps with the brainstorming process, and you're also getting ideas and also generating energy from them.
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:19.359
Whereas I'm just the opposite.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:22.880
So that's just the difference between being an introvert and extrovert.
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:38.319
So that coupled with the fact that I've been through a lot of tragedy and trauma in my life, growing up in uh low socioeconomics, dealing with drug dealing, uh people drinking alcohol all the time.
00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:49.680
It was just addicted, uh, trauma in my family growing up, losing my mother at a very early age, my grandmother at a very early age on my maternal side.
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:54.480
So it was a lot of tragedy and trauma it throughout my life that I actually bring.
00:27:54.640 --> 00:27:57.599
Uh a lot of balance, fortitude, resilience.
00:27:57.839 --> 00:28:10.880
Always felt that I'm never I was never going to go to jail, I was never going to use drugs, never drink alcohol, because where I grew up, that I learned a lot from my environment that I did not want to engage in.
00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:19.920
And I've also been experienced where I was with a lot of different police officers.
00:28:20.079 --> 00:28:24.319
I mean, I've I've met a lot of police officers who were very, very, very good people.
00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:31.599
But unfortunately, there were some police officers who were not good, for lack of a better word, to be quite honest with you.
00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:47.359
I dealt with a lot of good police officers, but there were also some police officers who were not uh professional and who were not good people, I believe, because of the things that they were doing, uh, it suggested that they were not good people.
00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:55.599
So having those skills and those life skills and experiences that actually pushed me in certain areas.
00:28:55.680 --> 00:29:04.960
And then while in high school, uh, you know, just not wanting to go home because my mother wasn't there and my grandmother wasn't there, and I didn't want to be in the environment.
00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:10.720
So just playing basketball, and after the basketball season was over, I just needed something to do.
00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:17.359
So I just started acting and didn't realize that I had a natural talent for acting.
00:29:17.440 --> 00:29:21.359
At least that's what I was told by uh one of the directors back at that time.
00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:39.039
So I auditioned for school play, and I've learned a lot because the director of the school play, I didn't know that she had a lot of friends in the industry, the acting industry, and uh all my children, if you can remember the daytime soap opera.
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:42.240
All my children, she had a lot of friends in the acting industry.
00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:47.279
She was a professional opera singer, so she really taught me, and she was also my English teacher.
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:55.359
So she taught me about grammar, sentence structure, proper English, proper dish diction, enunciation, projection.
00:29:55.680 --> 00:30:12.400
Because from her singing background, now going into acting, that's where I actually learn a lot of the vocal variety, the modulation, the diction, the projection, stage presence, the difference between stage right and stage left, dealing with the audience, how to speak in a microphone.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:16.559
I've learned that and I've been trained on how to do that for several years.
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:24.880
And then I got an acting agent, and then I was in training for over 10 years to, you know, as a method actor.
00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:41.279
So those are some of the things I believe that actually set me apart from the average speaker because my life skills, my life experiences, also the fact that I've been teaching for over 20 years, been in law enforcement for nearly 30 years, and also corporate America.
00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:43.839
And I've been a lifelong entrepreneur.
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:56.960
So I have all of those varied experiences that not only that I can talk to you from a theoretical perspective, but also from a practical perspective where I've lived the life.
00:30:57.119 --> 00:31:01.759
So it's not just a matter of reading a book and not being able to apply it.
00:31:01.920 --> 00:31:06.880
So it's a matter of actually applying what you need to apply in real time.
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:11.519
So that's what I believe sets me apart from the speaker.
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:12.079
Good.
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:13.359
That's that's very detailed.
00:31:13.519 --> 00:31:24.400
Uh, uh some of these things I know already, I just for the benefit of just uh making us think about our own journey and also try to like refine that uh thank you for sharing that.
00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:25.920
That's that's very powerful.
00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:46.559
That's very I don't like talking about myself, so uh you know, I got a little caught up a couple of times because one of the biggest drawbacks for me or challenges, I should say, is actually talking about myself, especially as an introvert, because I don't like I don't like attention, so I just leave it there.
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:47.920
Yeah, good, good.
00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:49.279
I mean, that's good.
00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:53.599
Um, but uh, we're just gonna enjoy the attention for some time today.
00:31:55.839 --> 00:32:12.319
But but I what I want to say is this so one of the things that I observed during public speaking is drawing from those experiences, like you can literally make up some speeches from those experiences you just mentioned just now.
00:32:12.799 --> 00:32:26.000
My question is still on emotional intelligence, what is the process of getting to a point and say to say that well, I'm ready to share this part of my experience?
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:30.880
I can imagine that not all this experience that you mentioned, you probably gave a speech about.
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:41.440
What is the process of making a decision to say that well, I think I've experienced this very painful situation and I'm healed from it?
00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:50.319
I'm ready to talk about it during a speech without breaking down because that's also part of emotional intelligence.
00:32:50.480 --> 00:32:58.480
So how do you determine which what part of this story that you mentioned you're ready to talk about during a speech?
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.160
That's a very good question.
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:18.400
And I would say this number one, again, as a professional speaker, you have corporations who may be attracted to you for whatever reason, uh, or may mainly your ability to deliver results.
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:22.240
So generally, I would ask them what exactly are you experiencing right now?
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:27.119
What is it that you need to resolve from an organizational standpoint?
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:48.240
And I will look at the response and I would decide and determine what I actually been through personally or professionally that actually fits that organization and what they're going through, and how I was able to overcome it and how they can apply it with some other frameworks, of course, that I actually have.
00:33:48.400 --> 00:33:54.799
So that's what my process looks like when I deal with my clients, particularly to be quite honest with you.
00:33:55.039 --> 00:34:04.640
Given keynotes, speeches, etc., you have to determine only you can decide how much you want to share with people.
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:07.440
How personal do you really want to get?
00:34:08.639 --> 00:34:12.320
I say that you really shouldn't get overly personal.
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:19.840
There's some things that you should keep to yourself as not everyone should be aware of, and only you would know what that is.
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:34.239
I would also say that you need to be vulnerable to make that connection with your audience so they can know that if you were able to overcome, you can too.
00:34:34.559 --> 00:34:35.599
You can too.
00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:42.480
One of the examples I would share with you is I I've given a speech on 9-11.
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:44.880
I call it the 9-11 cure.
00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:46.719
I don't know if you right.
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:50.079
So I've delivered that speech several times.
00:34:50.800 --> 00:34:54.719
I lived through 9-11, September 11, 2001.
00:34:54.960 --> 00:35:00.320
I live, I was only a couple blocks away when the when the twin towers were hit by the planes.
00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:04.639
I was coming right out of a train station, and I talk about that, and I remember that.
00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:09.119
I I've experienced that when it happened.
00:35:09.360 --> 00:35:14.800
It wasn't until last year I made the decision to finally want to talk about it.
00:35:14.960 --> 00:35:15.280
Why?
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:36.320
Because of what's going on in our climate around the world, there's so much hostility and negativity, and I kept thinking about 9-11, my experience during 9-11, looking at the images, looking at the people, everyone was trying to help one another.
00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:42.960
It was more about humanity and less than strife, anger, race, anything.
00:35:43.440 --> 00:35:50.559
I said, if we were able to do that during a catastrophic time, why can't we do that today?
00:35:51.199 --> 00:36:01.440
And I wasn't sure if I wanted to share my story because again, the images I broke down a couple of times when I was writing and drafting the speech.
00:36:01.599 --> 00:36:08.079
I didn't know if I really wanted to talk about my family because we were supposed to be together and I lost them.
00:36:08.400 --> 00:36:12.400
Finally, I was able to find them and make sure that they made it home safely.
00:36:12.559 --> 00:36:19.599
But that was it, wasn't again, it was a very emotional written speech.
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:27.840
And I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to share that again because me, I never wanted to be vulnerable.
00:36:27.920 --> 00:36:30.000
I didn't want people to see that side.
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:54.079
But I wasn't telling them a little bit about mine and how I overcame and how I was able to endure that.
00:36:54.320 --> 00:37:03.119
So it was a little right, it was some introspection, and that introspection got me to think about 9-11 and processing that.
00:37:03.199 --> 00:37:17.119
But I had to be at a good space in order to talk about that because how can you talk about trauma and give the tools to other people to overcome trauma if you have not overcome the trauma yourself?
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:19.039
Then that means there's no credibility.
00:37:19.199 --> 00:37:20.480
Why should I even listen to you?
00:37:20.639 --> 00:37:31.360
So I had to make sure that I was able to overcome that, and when I was at a better place, then I was able to deliver those speeches and keynotes or non-11 specifically.
00:37:31.599 --> 00:37:40.320
Now, after I deliver an emotional written speech or keynote, my process is I have to go for a walk.
00:37:40.480 --> 00:37:49.039
I have to drink some water, I have to go for a walk, maybe listen to some music and shake it off and just bring myself down a little bit, calm down.
00:37:49.199 --> 00:37:56.079
I have to breathe because you're reliving the when you've been through situations.
00:37:56.480 --> 00:37:58.480
This is not something that's made up.
00:37:58.559 --> 00:38:06.639
This is not something I go to Chat GPT to ask for these are real life situations that I've experienced.
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:10.320
So emotional intelligence that comes into play.
00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:17.039
Because how now am I going to deliver this speech that's so emotional?
00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:22.559
And now I'm thinking about it because I've endured this, I experienced this, I live through this.
00:38:22.719 --> 00:38:30.719
How am I going to deliver this and still be able to deliver it in a way where it's impactful without breaking down?
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:32.880
And that's where emotional intelligence comes in.
00:38:33.039 --> 00:38:39.599
So emotional intelligence has two primary areas: the individual side and the relationship side.
00:38:39.840 --> 00:38:43.280
On the individual side, you have what is called self-awareness.
00:38:43.440 --> 00:38:46.880
You have to fully be aware of who you are.
00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:50.159
As a speaker, you have to be aware of who you are.
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:55.760
Then there's also something that's called self-regulation, self-regulation or self-management.
00:38:55.920 --> 00:38:59.519
In other words, it's how you manage your emotions.
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:04.800
Yeah, on the social side, you have which is called social awareness.
00:39:05.119 --> 00:39:12.159
So, from an audience standpoint, is a relationship or relation awareness or relationship awareness, I should say.
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:15.280
Whereas are you gauging the audience?
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:17.679
Are you reading the room?
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:18.800
Are people yawning?
00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:20.239
Are they drifting off?
00:39:20.400 --> 00:39:22.559
Are they laughing at your jokes?
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:23.119
Right?
00:39:23.280 --> 00:39:27.039
Are they getting up and leaving the auditorium or are they doing something else?
00:39:27.199 --> 00:39:28.639
Are they on their phones?
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:40.159
So you have to figure out how you're going to manage, which is the second part of the social element, which is the relationship management aspect.
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:43.280
How are you going to manage your relationship with the audience?
00:39:43.519 --> 00:39:45.119
Do I need to tell a joke?
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:48.159
Do I need to tell another story?
00:39:48.480 --> 00:39:50.400
Do I need to work on my body language?
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:52.159
Does it need to be more descriptive?
00:39:52.320 --> 00:39:53.679
Do I need to project more?
00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:55.920
Do I need to modulate my voice a little more?
00:39:56.079 --> 00:39:58.800
Do I need better eye contact?
00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:00.719
Do I need to bring in a prop?
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:05.599
So that's essentially what you're looking at in terms of emotional intelligence.
00:40:05.760 --> 00:40:06.400
Who am I?
00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:09.360
What's what am I, you know, who am I as a speaker?
00:40:09.599 --> 00:40:13.440
Am I aware of how I am in the good times and the not so good times?
00:40:13.679 --> 00:40:17.840
How do I manage myself if I'm if I feel like I'm not doing a good job?
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:21.679
How do I manage myself in terms of the audience?
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:25.360
Am I aware of what the audience is going through at the at the time?
00:40:25.519 --> 00:40:28.000
What what are they displaying?
00:40:28.159 --> 00:40:33.840
What are the that they're sending to me, and how am I managing them based on those cues?
00:40:34.000 --> 00:40:36.960
So essentially, that's emotional intelligence.
00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:39.360
How do you add it in real time?
00:40:40.480 --> 00:40:48.559
For me being aware, self-awareness comes in where it says again, look, I need to work on my projection.
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:52.239
There's a lot of people in the audience, I don't think they're going to be able to hear me.
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:53.440
I got to work on that.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:54.719
So, what do I do?
00:40:54.880 --> 00:40:55.840
I manage that.
00:40:56.000 --> 00:41:10.559
I manage that by number one before going on stage, work on my projection, maybe visiting the venue or day before, or maybe a couple of hours before, testing the microphone, working on your projection, making sure that you're not yelling.
00:41:10.639 --> 00:41:17.920
Most people use their vocal cords to speak when they're giving a speech, I should actually say, where you want to actually use your diaphragm.
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:33.679
This is where singers and actors, this is they do this very well because they've been trained on how to use your diaphragm to project your voice so you can emote the feeling, the intensity, and whatever it is that you're generating at that time, so people can feel it in the audience.
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:37.920
So now you have self-awareness and self-management based on your projection.
00:41:38.320 --> 00:41:44.320
Now, as I'm speaking from an audience management perspective, can they hear me?
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:47.519
If I'm looking in the back of the room, can can they actually hear me?
00:41:47.760 --> 00:41:52.719
What cues are they sending me to suggest that either they cannot hear me or they can hear me?
00:41:52.880 --> 00:42:05.360
And then I have to manage the relationship with the audience by making sure that if I have to lean in a little closer, modulate a little more, project a little more, or maybe even have to dial it down or tone it down a little more.
00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:08.079
That's now how you actually apply it in real time.
00:42:08.159 --> 00:42:11.840
So I've given you the framework and how to actually apply it in real time.
00:42:12.239 --> 00:42:12.880
Good, good.
00:42:13.039 --> 00:42:13.440
Thank you.
00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:15.679
Thank you for a detailed explanation on that.
00:42:16.079 --> 00:42:25.760
I can tell you for sure the best part of giving a speech is when you find out somebody in the audience is actually packing their bag and leaving while you're giving a speech.
00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:27.760
And you're wondering what did you say?
00:42:27.840 --> 00:42:29.519
What was the wrong thing that you said?
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:36.480
Um, uh, you wonder whether it's about what you're actually giving, or maybe they just really have to leave during during it.
00:42:36.800 --> 00:42:40.400
That's that's that's that's part of what is very important to consider.
00:42:40.639 --> 00:42:51.199
So I'm gonna go to some specifics from the book turning a strange situation into a funny moment.
00:42:52.079 --> 00:43:02.079
There's one particular incident you narrated in the book whereby you you lost your footing and you fell during the presentation giving a self-defense training class.
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:03.360
How was that?
00:43:03.519 --> 00:43:05.360
And how did you get over that?
00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:09.599
Oh man, I mean tell you, I I I remember like it happened yesterday.
00:43:09.679 --> 00:43:10.559
That was so funny.
00:43:10.719 --> 00:43:22.639
So there were about 75 agents because I was the lead tactical instructor for law enforcement officers, and I can't really go into detail, but look for law enforcement officers in uh Florida.
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:30.639
So every year we have this uh training where you have to go in, and at the time we had the training, the refresher training was a week long.
00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:37.840
I used to do the combative sections, which is the strikes, punches, kicks, takedowns, throws, and actually rolls.
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:43.519
I was doing a demonstration presenting, and I lost my footing.
00:43:43.599 --> 00:43:44.159
I really did.
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:46.960
It was a match in the mat.
00:43:47.599 --> 00:44:01.039
And I guess because when you train, and here's the point when you train consistently and you do things the right way, when something happens, you just Follow.
00:44:01.199 --> 00:44:05.039
You just it's like what Bruce Lee said, you know, be like water.
00:44:05.199 --> 00:44:07.599
So it's nothing takes you off course.
00:44:07.760 --> 00:44:08.800
You're still on course.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:19.679
So you take those, which you believe to be those situations where you know, in your mind at the time, it's not really funny, but turning turning them into winning moments.
00:44:19.760 --> 00:44:30.000
So I lost my footing, and ironically, we were I was supposed to train them on how to balance, keep their balance, how to fall if somebody pushes you, how to roll.
00:44:30.159 --> 00:44:45.519
So actually, when I lost my footing and I kept stumbling and I I fell, but I just turned it into a winning situation where I actually just rolled out of it, stood up, started talking again as though nothing ever happened.
00:44:45.679 --> 00:44:50.800
Like looked around, they started applauding, they were clapping, and they were laughing.
00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:52.639
They were like, That was way to go, way to go.
00:44:52.719 --> 00:44:54.639
And I was like, I didn't think anything of it.
00:44:54.800 --> 00:45:03.199
I was just trying to make sure that I covered the section that I was supposed to cover and actually provide the information that was essential for the agents at the time.
00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:04.880
But good, thank you.
00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:07.119
Thank you, thank you.
00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:22.079
Another one that I also want to touch on from your book, speaker you supported, discovered that her name was not on the checking list at an event at a particular event, and she responded in a particular way.
00:45:22.239 --> 00:45:24.800
What uh what was that experience about?
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:29.119
Oh, yeah, it was another speaker and I.
00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:40.079
There were many, many speakers at this particular event, but I had known this particular individual for a while, for several years, and we went to the event together.
00:45:40.239 --> 00:45:42.079
She was supposed to speak as well as I.
00:45:42.239 --> 00:45:45.199
Her name wasn't on the check-in list, and she just lost it.
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:48.079
She became irate, very unprofessional.
00:45:48.239 --> 00:45:53.199
Uh, she was not called back to return the following year because of her attitude.
00:45:53.360 --> 00:46:02.239
So, again, everything you're asking, even with the role, getting back up, having that Beyoncé moment, if you will, just the show must go on.
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:14.079
Because again, having that experience at the age of 14 taking acting classes, where the expression go break, you know, break a leg, if you break a leg, you gotta get up and the show must go on.
00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:18.000
You got to keep doing and give the audience what they paid for, right?
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:23.760
So it's just having that mindset, and that's where the emotional intelligence comes into play, also.
00:46:24.159 --> 00:46:34.880
So that young lady, she was very irate, she was uh unprofessional, she didn't use, I would say, really good language and communication skills that day.
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:38.639
And she was supposed to have been one of the keynote presenters.
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:56.159
So, again, it's just a matter of not having that title, but also making sure that we're not looking at you because your name or because your title, we're looking at you to solve problems and to provide the information that we need so it can drive results.
00:46:56.320 --> 00:47:08.800
So when you have that diva attitude or that div attitude, if you're a gentleman, then what's gonna happen is it's gonna cast a dark shout cloud over your message.
00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:17.199
And if it casts a dark shadow or cloud over your message, you're gonna have problems, and that's where again emotional intelligence comes into play.
00:47:17.360 --> 00:47:22.239
Because if she would have thought about, you know what, it's not about me, mistakes do happen.
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:25.840
I do get it, I understand how we can resolve this.
00:47:26.079 --> 00:47:26.880
There's no problem.
00:47:27.039 --> 00:47:36.719
I think the outcome would have been different, and you actually alluded something to that as well earlier when you talked about when people leave that you know packing their briefcase and they leave.
00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:43.440
You hit the nail on the head because you actually use emotional intelligence because you question, well, how do I know that they don't really have to leave?
00:47:43.599 --> 00:47:48.960
It could be they probably have to take a child, a loved one, they probably have to go to the hospital.
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:49.840
Who knows?
00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:52.800
You don't know, and it's not your business anyway.
00:47:55.679 --> 00:47:57.440
Thank you, thank you for sharing that.
00:47:57.599 --> 00:48:07.039
Another one I also want to touch on is uh from your book, a speaker publicly criticized someone, he or she resented it during a speech.
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:09.920
What was that experience?
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:13.679
Of would you is would you recommend people doing that?
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.519
And how can people make sure they stay away from doing that?
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:26.719
In terms of criticizing anyone, there's nothing wrong with providing feedback as a speaker.
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:39.119
Generally speaking, you have a feedback form that is the audience's opportunity to provide what you did well and what they believe that you need to improve on, and you should take heart to that.
00:48:39.440 --> 00:48:49.039
Now, there's some some sometimes, again, as a speaker, you you're supposed to know what the audience requires, and you have to deliver on that.
00:48:49.199 --> 00:48:56.239
So sometimes the audience just doesn't know either, or it can be where you actually just missed a mark.
00:48:56.400 --> 00:49:07.920
So you have to be coachable, and if you're coachable, then you actually incorporate though the feedback into your future presentation so you don't have that problem again in the future, yeah.
00:49:08.079 --> 00:49:26.239
So, in terms of making sure that the feedback, however, is palatable in a way where people can digest it, meaning that making sure that the communication is appropriate and not attacking the person, because now I have the question are you attacking the ability?
00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:44.480
Are you attacking me, or is this something that's within you that you see that's not full and wish you had it and you don't, and you feel some sort of resolve to attack me because it makes you feel better about yourself?
00:49:44.639 --> 00:49:45.840
I've seen that as well.
00:49:46.000 --> 00:49:48.159
So, again, we should never do that.
00:49:48.320 --> 00:49:54.960
We should always be in a position to learn and understand, and even as a speaker, you're also in a position to learn as well.
00:49:55.119 --> 00:49:59.760
I could tell you, I don't look, my cup is not even halfway full.
00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:08.719
I want it to overflow, but I also know that when it overflows, that again is always going to be another cup that I can fill up again.
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:10.559
So I learn everywhere I go.
00:50:10.719 --> 00:50:15.679
I learn, I meet a lot of amazing people, I learn from them, and hopefully they learn something from me as well.
00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:23.519
And that's what I believe facilitating is all about, and that's what I believe living is all about learning from others, and hopefully others can learn from you.
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:24.800
Okay, thank you.
00:50:25.039 --> 00:50:32.000
Learning from others, and then also uh making sure that uh you can learn from them too.
00:50:32.320 --> 00:50:38.239
So, one of the things that I also want to touch on from the story, if you're here, please let us know that you're here.
00:50:38.400 --> 00:50:40.320
Uh, Christy, thank you for being here.
00:50:40.480 --> 00:50:43.519
Uh, please put your name in the chat where you're joining us from.
00:50:43.679 --> 00:50:45.760
If you have a question for our guest, Dr.
00:50:46.000 --> 00:50:48.480
Ralph Hughes, uh, please put it in the chat.
00:50:48.719 --> 00:50:51.199
I want a story from the book.
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:59.360
When I introduced myself and mentioned I was there to present, she made an odd remark.
00:50:59.599 --> 00:51:02.000
You do not look like your name.
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:06.559
Did you figure out how people with your name should look like now?
00:51:06.880 --> 00:51:09.039
And if so, can you tell us?
00:51:09.760 --> 00:51:25.119
Okay, that situation, and I was being very careful when I wrote that specific chapter relating to that individual.
00:51:25.599 --> 00:51:59.119
Unfortunately, we continue to live in a society where we pass judgment on individuals either based on their name or just how they look, and we generalize based on how people look, and we make a decision based on how we want to interact with them, not only how we want to interact with them, but how we're going to inevitably treat them based on what society says, based on their personal beliefs, and that should never be the case.
00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:01.119
I think we should always be professional.
00:52:01.280 --> 00:52:06.559
You never know who the person is, you have absolutely no idea what the person can bring.
00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:14.719
And if I'm there to again to bring value to your organization, I must be doing something right.
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:19.440
So that was a situation where the individual she wasn't professional.
00:52:19.679 --> 00:52:22.559
It it I don't know what was really going through her head.
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:30.480
I've had my own assumptions and leaves based on her interaction, but it's it was it's unfortunate, and I've dealt with situations like that.
00:52:30.559 --> 00:52:38.480
I grew up in 1970, you know, so in the 70s, 80s, especially at the very tail end of the civil rights movement.
00:52:39.199 --> 00:52:42.239
I've experienced a lot of those things growing up in it as well.
00:52:42.400 --> 00:52:47.199
So I knew how to navigate that, and I knew how to assert myself in a professional manner.
00:52:47.440 --> 00:52:49.119
That's all I was thinking about though.
00:52:49.440 --> 00:52:50.480
Thank you, thank you.
00:52:50.559 --> 00:52:53.760
Let's let's keep it professional and move to the next one.
00:52:53.840 --> 00:53:11.280
Uh there was a close classroom experience or situation where an instructor could have benefited from emotional intelligence uh based on the fact that you were in a class and the person was teaching, and they felt that uh you were not paying attention.
00:53:11.360 --> 00:53:12.320
I think that was the story.
00:53:12.400 --> 00:53:14.800
So, so you know that I read your book very well.
00:53:16.079 --> 00:53:20.400
What was the what what lesson do you want to share from that experience?
00:53:20.960 --> 00:53:33.199
Again, you just can't make assumptions, you can't make assumptions, and I rather first get to understand by asking questions so that way I know how to approach the situation.
00:53:33.360 --> 00:53:34.320
That's all that is.
00:53:34.480 --> 00:54:02.159
Because even as easy, even as professors, and I'm sure you have seen it as well, because I do understand that you're also a college professor, so a lot of times you'll see students, you may assume that they're not paying attention, they may be writing, doing something else while you're speaking, and depending on your background, depending on where you're from or the generation or the culture, you may look at that as a sign of disrespect and you may respond to the person in a particular manner.
00:54:02.480 --> 00:54:11.440
But in those situations, the student may be able to articulate what you've said verbatim because they're listening.
00:54:11.599 --> 00:54:19.280
But a lot of things that we don't take take into consideration are number one, communication styles, learning styles, and neurodiversity.
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:26.079
So some of these students today, unfortunately, they have neurodiverse issues that you have to weigh and look at that.
00:54:26.159 --> 00:54:32.559
So you just can't not generalize because even from a professor's standpoint, I've seen that, I'm sure you have seen that too.
00:54:32.800 --> 00:54:36.559
Where we'll see students, some students they they do check out.
00:54:36.719 --> 00:54:37.920
Let's be honest with that.
00:54:38.239 --> 00:54:42.480
When you check in, you realize they think they check out, okay?
00:54:44.079 --> 00:54:52.800
But then you also have some professors who don't take the time to get to understand and to know and to address those issues accordingly.
00:54:53.119 --> 00:54:53.360
Good.
00:54:53.519 --> 00:54:53.840
Thank you.
00:54:53.920 --> 00:55:00.480
I mean, it's very important you you mentioned that I also teach, also just finished teaching a class.
00:55:00.559 --> 00:55:02.559
I've taught in the past, I'm still teaching.
00:55:02.800 --> 00:55:08.559
So one of the things that I observed about teaching in Nigeria and also teaching in America, it's quite different.
00:55:08.719 --> 00:55:20.880
So when I I went to a very good school in Nigeria, arguably the best university in Nigeria, I know some people will argue that, but uh my professors in that particular university were very tough.
00:55:20.960 --> 00:55:25.360
And um you cannot hold your phone when a professor is teaching.
00:55:25.440 --> 00:55:41.119
Uh, two things can happen: either the professor walks out of your the classroom or they walk you out of the classroom, especially if the assignment they're given has nothing to do with your phone, you have no business holding your phone during during the class.
00:55:41.199 --> 00:55:42.800
That's that's the way that's the way things work.
00:55:43.039 --> 00:55:50.559
Right when I was in Nigeria, I'm not sure whether things have changed because most of this African country are also becoming westernized.
00:55:50.639 --> 00:55:54.079
So that's we have to really also be aware of that.
00:55:54.559 --> 00:56:06.239
But going back to the point of really understanding emotional intelligence, uh, we also need to understand the way people perceive us.
00:56:06.320 --> 00:56:14.320
Uh so there's this particular story that a woman approaching you to express how they feel about your bojaye.
00:56:16.400 --> 00:56:18.800
Uh what was that?
00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:34.559
It's going back, it's the same semblance where I shared the young lady when I went to the organization, the venue to speak, and she said that you don't look like uh a Dr.
00:56:34.719 --> 00:56:35.840
Ralph J Hughes.
00:56:35.920 --> 00:56:37.039
And how does a Dr.
00:56:37.119 --> 00:56:38.400
Ralph J Hugh supposed to look?
00:56:38.559 --> 00:56:40.480
So it's pretty much the same thing.
00:56:40.639 --> 00:56:46.079
I like to wear bow ties, it was nothing more that it just complimented my attire at the time.
00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:50.800
It looked, I like the way it looked and made me look and dignified.
00:56:51.039 --> 00:56:52.960
That was it, that was in my mind.
00:56:53.119 --> 00:57:10.639
But then the individual she approached me and basically said afterwards, after I've already delivered the speech, of course, a keynote that um, you know, she started asking me questions about my religion or religious affiliation and things of that nature.
00:57:10.800 --> 00:57:14.639
There's nothing to do with that, it's just why should that even matter?
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:17.440
Whether I'm this or that, it's none of your business.
00:57:17.599 --> 00:57:19.039
Why should it matter anyway?
00:57:19.199 --> 00:57:21.280
Did you get something from the message?
00:57:21.440 --> 00:57:27.199
Did I did I provide some actionable takeaways that you can implement immediately?
00:57:27.280 --> 00:57:35.360
So that's was my emotional intelligence working, and also how I actually shifted the conversation back to where I felt it needed to go.
00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:38.960
You don't need to know my my religious affiliational background.
00:57:39.119 --> 00:57:45.039
Yes, I'm a I'm a Christian, so I'm and and if I were not a Christian, that's my business.
00:57:45.199 --> 00:57:53.840
If I decided to wear bow tie, I don't have to explain to you why I decided to wear a bow tie, but I also got something out of that too.
00:57:54.079 --> 00:58:05.760
Before I start when I during the planning phase with any client, I always ask them what attire is appropriate for the event.
00:58:07.360 --> 00:58:08.639
That's what I got out of there too.
00:58:08.719 --> 00:58:10.639
You see, emotional intelligence at play here, right?
00:58:10.800 --> 00:58:12.960
What's the appropriate attire for the event?
00:58:13.119 --> 00:58:14.159
Do I need to wear a suit?
00:58:14.239 --> 00:58:15.760
Do I need to wear a tie?
00:58:16.000 --> 00:58:17.679
Are you okay with bow ties?
00:58:18.079 --> 00:58:20.320
Or uh, do I have to wear a shirt?
00:58:20.400 --> 00:58:21.920
Do I can I wear polo?
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:23.119
Do it or jeans?
00:58:23.280 --> 00:58:23.840
What is it?
00:58:23.920 --> 00:58:26.239
Because I want your audience to feel comfortable.
00:58:26.400 --> 00:58:30.639
I want them to feel like I'm a partner, like I'm part of their organization.
00:58:30.719 --> 00:58:33.199
So that's part of my planning as well.
00:58:33.440 --> 00:58:35.119
So I got something out of that.
00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:36.320
Good, good, good.
00:58:36.400 --> 00:58:50.719
Well, it's it's now that you just mentioned about knowing about the events, and one of the things you also mentioned in your book is trying to know the audience needs, the needs of the audience ahead of time.
00:58:50.880 --> 00:59:01.360
So, uh, based on all the public speaking that you've done, are there various strategies you've been able to try to know the audience needs as you try to tailor your message?
00:59:01.679 --> 00:59:02.239
Yeah, absolutely.
00:59:03.440 --> 00:59:04.559
Yeah, absolutely.
00:59:04.719 --> 00:59:10.639
One again with the planning during the planning stage, you you ask those questions.
00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:11.840
What's your mission?
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:14.800
What is it that you're trying to get out of this event?
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:18.639
Why do you want me there to speak on this particular subject?
00:59:18.880 --> 00:59:26.159
What are some of the pain points that you are experiencing at this time that you need direction?
00:59:26.719 --> 00:59:30.800
How I can help you to alleviate those pain points.
00:59:31.039 --> 00:59:36.239
So you want to make sure that you're addressing the audience needs by asking those questions.
00:59:36.559 --> 00:59:38.159
I take it a step further.
00:59:38.320 --> 00:59:41.199
I'm gonna have to start charging though, but I'm just joking.
00:59:42.480 --> 00:59:47.679
I actually go to the client's website, even before I start asking them questions.
00:59:47.840 --> 00:59:54.000
I go to their website and I just I research the website, research the organization.
00:59:54.079 --> 01:00:08.960
I make sure that I can find their mission, their vision statement, their core aims, their anchors, their tenets, their goals, whatever it is that they're doing within the organization, how they're structured internally and what they're doing externally for their clients.
01:00:09.119 --> 01:00:14.800
And I actually come up with my with my notes so I know what to ask as well.
01:00:15.039 --> 01:00:29.920
So in addition to trying to make sure that I address those pain points, I'm also getting insight of the organization and how I can actually best align myself because again, I'm partnering with an agency, I don't want them to feel that okay, we have the speaker for the day.
01:00:30.159 --> 01:00:42.639
I want them to know by the time I leave there that they felt like I was part of their company, part of their organization, and that I come there every once in a while just to help them out as a helpful guide.
01:00:42.800 --> 01:00:43.599
That's it.
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:48.000
So I'm a true partner, I don't go as a speaker, I'm a partner.
01:00:48.320 --> 01:00:50.320
So that's how I brand myself.
01:00:50.480 --> 01:01:00.480
Uh, as far as being a professional speaker, I don't consider myself necessarily per se to be a speaker or trainer, I position myself as a brand.
01:01:00.559 --> 01:01:05.360
I am a brand in terms of bringing value to your organization by being a partner.
01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:07.199
Good, good.
01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:08.480
Thank you for sharing that.
01:01:08.559 --> 01:01:12.960
Uh, if you're here with our guests today, please put your name in the chat.
01:01:13.039 --> 01:01:15.599
If you have questions for our guests, please let us know.
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:54.320
One of the things that you highlighted in your book is the fact that we tend to get too carried away about the way we look and uh perception of the way the audience is perceiving uh physical ex physical appearance and things like that, but then you mentioned that the message is even more important because the audience is not showing up to know that we're perfect, or the things that we are trying to say is perfect, they're trying to we're trying to give value.
01:01:54.559 --> 01:02:04.000
So is there any way we can just help people to develop that confidence?
01:02:04.159 --> 01:02:14.480
Is there any recommendations you provide for somebody who is still talking that oh, how do I look, and things like that, and not know that well, the audience don't even want you to be perfect.
01:02:14.639 --> 01:02:21.599
If you if you look perfect and some perfect, that's a lot of times uh the audience don't connect with that, it's the message.
01:02:21.760 --> 01:02:36.159
So, any any suggestion to ensure that people want to make sure that they're listening to, interacting, and communicating with a real, true, genuine, and authentic person.
01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:53.679
So the way I'm speaking now with you on this platform, again, the delivery would not be the same if I'm on stage, but my mindset is the same where I'm just I'm with a bunch of friends sharing information.
01:02:53.840 --> 01:02:54.719
That's it.
01:02:54.960 --> 01:03:09.519
I want to make sure that I look good, I want to make sure that my hair is neat, that my attire, that I look good, that on stage I exude that confidence, that I'm able to have that stage presence.
01:03:09.840 --> 01:03:11.679
Yep, but that's on the back end.
01:03:11.760 --> 01:03:14.480
You were supposed to do that before you got on stage.
01:03:15.119 --> 01:03:20.400
So if you when you do that before getting on stage, then you'll be okay.
01:03:20.639 --> 01:03:33.760
As a matter of fact, in terms of emotional intelligence in public speaking, when you do all of that before you go on the stage, it actually boosts your confidence, it gives you more confidence.
01:03:33.920 --> 01:03:37.679
Like, yeah, I look good, I feel good, so yeah, I'm going to do good.
01:03:38.000 --> 01:03:40.719
Having those self-affirmations again is all mental.
01:03:40.880 --> 01:03:42.480
Having those self-affirmations, you know what?
01:03:42.639 --> 01:03:43.840
Yeah, you do look okay.
01:03:44.079 --> 01:03:44.639
You know what?
01:03:44.800 --> 01:03:46.719
It's okay to pat myself on my back.
01:03:46.800 --> 01:03:48.320
Nobody else is gonna pat me on the back.
01:03:48.400 --> 01:03:50.079
I might as well pat myself on the back.
01:03:50.159 --> 01:03:51.199
I look okay today.
01:03:51.360 --> 01:03:51.840
You know what?
01:03:51.920 --> 01:03:54.719
The fact that I look okay, I sound okay.
01:03:55.039 --> 01:03:58.559
The audience is going to take a bunch of things.
01:03:58.719 --> 01:04:01.920
That the audience or is gonna have a bunch of takeaways.
01:04:02.079 --> 01:04:08.320
So, again, you gotta look at it from the perspective of working on your mindset, do all of that before you go on stage.
01:04:08.400 --> 01:04:11.760
So, when it's time to go on that stage, it's show time.
01:04:12.079 --> 01:04:16.480
You don't have time to worry about your hair, mirror, mirror on the wall, who the ferris on the wall.
01:04:16.559 --> 01:04:17.679
No, no, we don't have time for that.
01:04:17.760 --> 01:04:19.760
You don't have time to look at your attire.
01:04:20.239 --> 01:04:28.880
What you do have time for is to bring value to your audience because inevitably that's why they're there for the information that you have for the message.
01:04:29.119 --> 01:04:33.119
Concentrate and focus on the message and get out of your head.
01:04:33.679 --> 01:04:34.719
Wow, thank you.
01:04:34.880 --> 01:04:35.599
Thank you so much.
01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:40.239
Focus on the message and just delivering value at that point.
01:04:40.320 --> 01:04:42.719
So are we wrapping up?
01:04:42.800 --> 01:04:44.320
Uh, we still have some extra minutes.
01:04:44.480 --> 01:04:46.639
Uh, if you have to go, please let me know.
01:04:46.880 --> 01:04:51.119
One of the things that I really want to touch on is TEDx.
01:04:51.760 --> 01:04:54.880
You completed your TEDx talk, and it was really great.
01:04:54.960 --> 01:04:56.480
I've listened to it, it was really good.
01:04:56.639 --> 01:04:59.840
What was the journey through being a TEDx speaker?
01:04:59.920 --> 01:05:01.199
What was the journey like?
01:05:02.079 --> 01:05:04.559
That's a very, very good question.
01:05:04.719 --> 01:05:06.000
I can tell you.
01:05:06.880 --> 01:05:24.159
My process before giving a training, whether it's live before a couple of hundred people or being in an auditorium live before thousands of people, this TEDx journey was totally different than any of that.
01:05:24.960 --> 01:05:39.280
Because if you are knowledgeable, every we all have our experiences, personal and professional, and you're able to create something magnificent as a result of that.
01:05:39.519 --> 01:05:50.000
So as long as you know your introduction and your closing, the body of what you're going to share, you don't have to memorize it.
01:05:50.719 --> 01:05:56.960
Because you should know what you're talking about because you lived it personally or professionally.
01:05:57.599 --> 01:05:59.760
Or if you're not talking about lived experience.
01:06:00.159 --> 01:06:06.719
Experiences, you should have researched your subject area where you're an expert.
01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:12.880
So the problem with a lot of people, they become fearful of speaking because they're afraid that people are going to ask them questions.
01:06:12.960 --> 01:06:15.679
Well, that's where imposter syndrome comes into play.
01:06:16.239 --> 01:06:20.000
Because if you didn't do your due diligence, then you're going to have some problems.
01:06:20.480 --> 01:06:20.639
Right?
01:06:20.800 --> 01:06:26.400
So that's why we say hold your questions to the end, and then we run out of time, and then we have no QA session.
01:06:28.960 --> 01:06:32.639
Or we just don't want to entertain questions at all because of that.
01:06:32.800 --> 01:06:41.119
So research your subject, make sure that you know exactly what you're talking about and what you want your audience to take away to provide that substance.
01:06:41.280 --> 01:06:44.000
So once you have that in the middle, you don't have to memorize anything.
01:06:44.159 --> 01:06:49.920
So for me, being on stage, even doing this podcast, none of this is scripted, right?
01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:50.880
It's not scripted.
01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:59.840
Even during the keynotes, most of the time, I already have a formula, I have an outline, I already know what I'm going to cover, but it's not scripted per se.
01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:08.960
So I'm I'm able to deviate, do whatever I feel, look at the audience, feed off the audience, give them more, take a little back or whatever.
01:07:09.519 --> 01:07:12.880
TEDx, the process I appreciate.
01:07:13.599 --> 01:07:15.599
It was very different.
01:07:16.719 --> 01:07:22.320
My delivery, my style was very difficult for me because of my style of speaking.
01:07:22.800 --> 01:07:35.119
Because TEDx is not a speech, it's not a keynote, is not a training session, is not inspirational or motivational necessarily, right?
01:07:35.360 --> 01:07:36.639
It's a talk.
01:07:36.880 --> 01:07:41.440
You're having a conversation, it's a talk, you're sharing a fresh novel idea.
01:07:42.159 --> 01:07:47.679
Now, generally speaking, even in a classroom, you're able to talk and have a conversation with students.
01:07:47.920 --> 01:08:11.920
So I looked at it, and my process was like that, but having the TEDx coach looking at the requirements for TEDx and then the process, I appreciate and have even more of appreciation when I see TEDx speakers because when you go through what you have to go through, and what you have to practice and rehearse.
01:08:19.119 --> 01:08:41.600
Oh yeah, it was it was it was very challenging, it was extremely challenging because you want to also make sure that the audience is going to be able to get something that's worthwhile, something that makes make people think, process something, and hopefully get something out of it that they can apply once again in their life.
01:08:41.760 --> 01:08:51.439
So that aspect wasn't too difficult for me, it was just a matter of coming up with the right message, fine-tune the right message, as well as the delivery.
01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:56.079
The most difficult aspect for the TED Talk for me was the delivery.
01:08:56.159 --> 01:09:03.840
Because if you've seen my speeches, my presentations, my delivery is just a little different, it's more from an inspirational perspective.
01:09:04.000 --> 01:09:12.079
So it was like really trying to keep myself grounded as a TED speaker.
01:09:12.159 --> 01:09:14.239
I'm sorry, TEDx speaker.
01:09:14.640 --> 01:09:15.119
All right.
01:09:15.279 --> 01:09:23.680
So the uh again, I have a lot of respect for TEDx speakers, even more so today, uh, because of my experience and what I went through that.
01:09:23.760 --> 01:09:25.760
But it was one of the best experiences.
01:09:25.840 --> 01:09:31.840
It was an experience like no other that I've ever experienced in my entire professional career.
01:09:32.000 --> 01:09:33.279
It was a great experience.
01:09:33.439 --> 01:09:34.159
I enjoyed it.
01:09:34.239 --> 01:09:35.520
The audience was excellent.
01:09:35.680 --> 01:09:39.920
The directors, all the volunteers, the other TED uh TEDx.
01:09:40.319 --> 01:09:41.039
I keep saying TED.
01:09:41.199 --> 01:09:46.960
There's a difference between the TEDx speakers, they were all phenomenal, all great speakers.
01:09:47.039 --> 01:09:53.920
And we got an opportunity to learn from one another, listen to one another, uh laugh with one another, and even cry with one another.
01:09:54.000 --> 01:09:56.479
So it was a great, great experience all around.
01:09:56.560 --> 01:09:57.600
It truly was.
01:09:57.920 --> 01:10:03.279
And I'm very grateful and happy that I had the opportunity to actually experience that, though.
01:10:03.359 --> 01:10:06.159
I never thought I would in my life, but I'm I'm very grateful.
01:10:06.479 --> 01:10:06.800
Good.
01:10:06.880 --> 01:10:07.279
Thank you.
01:10:07.359 --> 01:10:08.479
I I like the message.
01:10:08.720 --> 01:10:13.680
The main message that I picked from it, people mistake perception for personality, right?
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:17.680
And that's that's a very powerful, powerful thing to think about.
01:10:17.760 --> 01:10:26.720
And that's probably one of the things I would talk about today, where by you look at somebody, you you look at the way they dress, but then that's not all about them.
01:10:26.800 --> 01:10:31.439
That's that's more behind the veil that you're looking at and things like that.
01:10:31.520 --> 01:10:32.239
Yeah, so right.
01:10:32.399 --> 01:10:32.800
Thank you so much.
01:10:33.439 --> 01:10:34.880
Back to what you asked earlier.
01:10:35.039 --> 01:10:42.000
Well, you don't look like a doctor out J you so it's nice, nice, nice.
01:10:42.159 --> 01:10:55.199
So there's one more thing I also want to mention quickly is the the fact that you won evaluation speech competition and also international speech uh with Toastmasters.
01:10:55.359 --> 01:10:58.399
Uh so that's exciting, that's really good.
01:10:58.479 --> 01:11:07.119
Uh so I want to know I can assume, and I also want you to tell me that that's this is not the first time you're competing and things like that.
01:11:07.199 --> 01:11:19.199
So if this is not the first time you're competing, what did you do differently this time that made you have just not not one success, uh two successes in the speech competition?
01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:30.399
Honestly, the last time I competed prior to this one was literally 10 years ago, and I didn't compete in the international speech contest or table topics.
01:11:30.479 --> 01:11:45.520
And for your listeners who are not aware of Toastmasters, Toastmasters is an organization that has been around for over 100 years, and it's an international organization with clubs all over the world, and it's an organization that's dedicated to the development of public speaking skills.
01:11:45.680 --> 01:11:47.199
So that's what Toastmasters is about.
01:11:47.279 --> 01:11:50.720
And generally, we uh we have uh competitions.
01:11:51.359 --> 01:11:55.760
10 years ago when I went into the competition, it was just the evaluation competition.
01:11:56.000 --> 01:11:59.680
This year I went into all three competitions.
01:11:59.840 --> 01:12:07.199
Now, the table topics, I wasn't originally supposed to be in table topics, it just fell on my lap, and I just leave it like that.
01:12:07.359 --> 01:12:09.840
So I wasn't expecting to win table topics as well.
01:12:10.079 --> 01:12:17.600
But the reason I believe I was able to win in each category was because I wasn't focused on winning.
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:21.680
Yeah, I wasn't focused on winning, I wasn't in competition with anyone.
01:12:21.840 --> 01:12:25.520
I was in competition, but I wasn't in competition with anyone other than myself.
01:12:25.760 --> 01:12:30.000
I wanted to see how much I've grown as a speaker.
01:12:30.239 --> 01:12:37.680
I could tell you today, I think I'm a much better, I'm not a great interviewer, I'm a much better speaker on stage.
01:12:37.840 --> 01:12:39.680
That's where I shine, that's where I thrive.
01:12:39.760 --> 01:12:41.920
See, that's where emotional intelligence comes in as well.
01:12:42.159 --> 01:12:45.520
I'm not the best interviewer or even interviewee.
01:12:45.600 --> 01:13:07.680
I'm aware of that, and that's why I also appreciate the fact that I also have a podcast where I actually interview people, and it gives me a platform also to not only provide something to the community of scholars learning about leadership, but also it gives me an opportunity to train and practice in those areas where I feel like I don't do very well.
01:13:08.159 --> 01:13:14.319
One of those areas also in Toastmasters is actually what is it, table topics.
01:13:14.560 --> 01:13:18.640
I'm I'm not the best when it comes to table topics.
01:13:18.800 --> 01:13:35.760
That's why initially I didn't enter that competition, but I'm glad I was able to enter that competition because I I knew that because I wasn't the best in table topics, I needed that in order to push me, to elevate me in order for me to go to that next level.
01:13:35.920 --> 01:13:39.279
And that's what I did in terms of the evaluation.
01:13:39.439 --> 01:13:52.239
I wanted to make sure that I provided something actionable for the individual as well as the audience that they can incorporate once again in real time, because there's also a methodology in terms of how to give good feedback.
01:13:52.319 --> 01:14:08.159
I've worked in again organizations, I worked in law enforcement for a very long period of time, was an educator for a very long period of time, and I can tell you that how we provide feedback, even from a corporate perspective, educational perspective, or government perspective is very different.
01:14:08.399 --> 01:14:13.039
So I always looked at how did I appreciate receiving feedback?
01:14:13.199 --> 01:14:21.439
Number one, if you're open, you're amenable to feedback and receptive to feedback, that's part of it.
01:14:21.600 --> 01:14:21.840
Good.
01:14:21.920 --> 01:14:24.000
That means you're coachable, which is excellent.
01:14:24.159 --> 01:14:35.439
But my role as an evaluator is to share with my perspectives what I feel that you did well and some areas that I believe that you can actually enhance or improve.
01:14:35.680 --> 01:14:48.319
So looking at it from that, but also developing the presentation or the evaluation to the individual in such a way where it's palatable, where they appreciate what I'm sharing with them.
01:14:48.479 --> 01:15:04.239
And that's also rooted in a lot of experiences in my professional life as well, knowing that okay, this person could have said something much deeper, more meaningful, or they could have presented it better or presented it in a more respectful manner.
01:15:04.479 --> 01:15:04.880
Yep.
01:15:05.199 --> 01:15:10.880
And so that's how I approach that in terms of the international speech.
01:15:11.039 --> 01:15:30.000
I wanted to elevate myself to be this speaker where I can be more vulnerable, show that vulnerability, making sure that I can share some of the things that I've been through professionally or personally, that people can relate to.
01:15:30.159 --> 01:15:35.840
Because if I've been through it and you've been through it, we have that commonality, but you may not have the tools to overcome it.
01:15:35.920 --> 01:15:38.880
So that's where I come in to share how I was able to overcome it.
01:15:39.039 --> 01:15:54.239
So that's the reason why I actually entered those competitions, specifically the evaluation contest, because I wanted to elevate myself also and also create that framework of foundation on how to really give feedback to people that where they can actually apply it in real time.
01:15:54.319 --> 01:15:56.239
That's where the coaching hat comes into play.
01:15:56.479 --> 01:16:04.319
Table topics, I just needed to elevate myself because impromptu speaking is this is not my my forte, but I needed to push myself.
01:16:04.479 --> 01:16:06.800
I don't like jogging, I don't like running.
01:16:06.880 --> 01:16:09.439
That's why I do it almost every day.
01:16:09.680 --> 01:16:10.159
Got it?
01:16:10.319 --> 01:16:26.720
So the other thing, in terms of the international speech contest, I've I've honestly never been in an international speech contest ever before in Toastmasters, and I've been in Toastmasters for 15 years, and I felt like this was the time I have a message, I have a voice, and I want to try out some new things.
01:16:26.880 --> 01:16:38.640
So I really didn't enter the competitions to try to win, and I wasn't in competition with anybody, I was just as surprised as everybody else, to be quite honest with you.
01:16:38.880 --> 01:16:51.600
I wasn't in competition with anybody, I was in competition with myself to see how much I can grow, see how much farther that I can go, and not only within Toastmasters, but also external to Toastmasters as well.
01:16:51.920 --> 01:16:53.439
Good, thank you, thank you so much.
01:16:53.520 --> 01:16:59.439
Because I remember we were together last year uh in the in a district conference, and you were just there to to enjoy.
01:16:59.520 --> 01:17:02.800
I was like, Oh, yeah, I actually hear this time around, and you won.
01:17:02.880 --> 01:17:06.159
I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's the one last year.
01:17:06.319 --> 01:17:07.680
Yeah, you were one of the presenters.
01:17:07.840 --> 01:17:09.520
I was also one of the presenters as well.
01:17:09.840 --> 01:17:10.720
Yeah, yeah, good.
01:17:10.960 --> 01:17:11.680
Thank you so much.
01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:12.720
Thank you for sharing that.
01:17:12.880 --> 01:17:16.239
So, uh my last major question for today.
01:17:17.199 --> 01:17:27.520
Currently, there's a big talk and also a surge in artificial intelligence, and but we are here talking about emotional intelligence.
01:17:27.600 --> 01:17:40.960
I hope people are not thinking something is wrong with us, but uh, but it would be nice to actually try to connect the two in terms of uh based on what we're experiencing with artificial intelligence.
01:17:41.199 --> 01:17:50.319
How can you use emotional intelligence to be ahead of the curve and in artificial intelligence?
01:17:50.479 --> 01:17:58.079
Using how can we use emotional intelligence to become better in artificial intelligence?
01:17:58.399 --> 01:18:00.000
All right, good question.
01:18:00.079 --> 01:18:01.600
It's a very, very good question.
01:18:01.760 --> 01:18:04.479
Look, artificial intelligence is here to stay, it's not going anywhere.
01:18:04.560 --> 01:18:08.960
Now, when we say artificial intelligence, again, there are different forms of artificial intelligence.
01:18:09.119 --> 01:18:13.760
You have chatbots like chat GPT, or you have autonomous vehicles like Tesla.
01:18:13.840 --> 01:18:21.680
But I think what we're talking about in a sense in a context of public speaking is chat GPT or some sort of chat bot like that.
01:18:21.920 --> 01:18:35.279
Now, in terms of chat GPT, for example, there's nothing wrong with chat GPT, there's nothing wrong with Grammarly, but I'm gonna stick with Chat GPT because most people are familiar with ChatGPT and most people actually use Chat GPT.
01:18:35.520 --> 01:18:44.800
There's nothing wrong with using a chatbot such as ChatGPT as a partner, as a partner if you want to be a speaker.
01:18:45.199 --> 01:19:01.039
A chat box cannot resemble who you are as an individual, who you are as a speaker, it cannot replicate that only you because you are who you are, right?
01:19:01.199 --> 01:19:02.800
The chatbot cannot do that.
01:19:02.880 --> 01:19:09.920
There's nothing wrong with checking your grammar, your spelling, sentence structure, seeing if you know how this sounds compared to that.
01:19:10.159 --> 01:19:19.840
There's nothing wrong with that, but it cannot take away the foundation of your voice or the foundation of your message and what you're really trying to share with the audience.
01:19:20.079 --> 01:19:34.000
I think I I in with me, I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to that, because I see social media posts, I see text messages, WhatsApp messages, and they all sound the same to me.
01:19:34.159 --> 01:19:42.560
They all look the same, they all sound the same, they have the same rhythm, the same cadence, the same terminology, the same phraseology is all the same.
01:19:42.640 --> 01:19:52.479
And I'm not, I'm being honest with you, when I see that, I'm not inspired to keep reading because I don't want to read what a chatbot provided for you.
01:19:52.640 --> 01:19:56.880
I want to, I want to see, I want to read what you have to say.
01:19:57.119 --> 01:20:02.479
I want to see you in your post, I want to see you in your speech.
01:20:02.880 --> 01:20:09.119
So even when I develop my speeches and keynotes, I drafted.
01:20:09.199 --> 01:20:12.000
I'm not concerned about grammar, spelling, or any of that.
01:20:12.079 --> 01:20:14.720
I just want to get my thoughts on paper, and that's what I do.
01:20:14.880 --> 01:20:18.319
I just type down whatever I need to type and put it on paper, and that's it.
01:20:18.479 --> 01:20:23.119
And then I start editing it, and then in my editing process, then I start looking at that.
01:20:23.279 --> 01:20:30.159
Now, if I use chat GPT, it's just going to be pretty much I you know use chat GPT as a partner.
01:20:30.479 --> 01:20:32.479
This sounds better over what?
01:20:32.640 --> 01:20:33.600
Which sounds better?
01:20:33.760 --> 01:20:36.319
Either A, B, or C?
01:20:36.479 --> 01:20:38.399
Which one sounds better and why?
01:20:38.640 --> 01:20:38.960
Right?
01:20:39.600 --> 01:20:44.640
If you were an audience member, what would be the biggest takeaway for you?
01:20:44.800 --> 01:20:46.159
Would be A or B.
01:20:46.319 --> 01:20:47.520
That's how I use it.
01:20:47.680 --> 01:21:08.399
So I don't I don't really because I want people to know that I'm authentic, that I'm real, that I'm genuine, and I want the words because even the way I'm speaking with you today, now if I see a post or I give you a keynote speech, and then you see, you know, some phraseology and cadence and rhythm that's indicative of Chat GPT, no, then you're gonna know that.
01:21:08.479 --> 01:21:09.119
Well, you know what?
01:21:09.199 --> 01:21:13.680
I'm not sure of you being real, I'm not sure of you being genuine, I'm not sure authentic.
01:21:13.840 --> 01:21:14.319
You understand?
01:21:14.560 --> 01:21:15.520
I don't want to have that problem.
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:25.520
And if I have clients, you know, they're they're paying me, I'm not gonna get in the dollar amount, they're paying me a substantial amount of money to deliver results for them.
01:21:26.319 --> 01:21:28.159
That would be a disservice now.
01:21:28.239 --> 01:21:47.119
If I go to Chat GPT to produce a higher keynote, don't proof it, don't don't edit it to a way where it's really for that client where they have actionable strategies and takeaways that can incorporate in their organization, is a disservice.
01:21:47.279 --> 01:22:04.399
Now you know you should succumb to an imposter syndrome, you know, not doing what you're supposed to do as a professional because being a speaker is one part of it, but a lot of people they want to become professional speakers, so it's not just being a speaker, it's also being a business.
01:22:04.560 --> 01:22:06.079
What does your business sense say?
01:22:06.239 --> 01:22:17.199
So, in terms of emotional intelligence, my my my business sense says what I need to do and what I shouldn't do and what I must do, and if I use chat GPT, how to use it responsibly.
01:22:17.359 --> 01:22:20.800
That's how I utilize emotional intelligence or artificial intelligence.
01:22:21.119 --> 01:22:22.159
Good, thank you so much.
01:22:22.239 --> 01:22:27.199
I like the way you say you should succumb to succumb to that.
01:22:27.359 --> 01:22:35.680
Um I've never seen that I've never seen it in that kind of line whereby it's like um a disease or sickness or something.
01:22:35.920 --> 01:22:39.039
Like that's that's why I was I couldn't hold it back.
01:22:39.439 --> 01:22:40.800
Thank you so much for shine up.
01:22:41.279 --> 01:22:43.760
It is that that's the point, and that's part of the point.
01:22:43.840 --> 01:22:49.840
That's why now you know why I said I don't believe in the notion necessarily of imposter syndrome.
01:22:49.920 --> 01:22:53.680
If you really break it down and really understand, but we'll hold off on that for another time, though.
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:54.880
Good, good, thank you.
01:22:54.960 --> 01:22:55.920
Thank you for being here.
01:22:56.079 --> 01:23:05.520
If you have a last-minute question, if you're here from anywhere, last minute question, you can put it in the chat, tell us where you're coming from, and also uh your name put in the chat.
01:23:05.680 --> 01:23:14.159
Uh, while we'll see if there's anybody who has a question, while we're trying to see if there's any question like that, uh, can you let us know what you're working on now?
01:23:14.399 --> 01:23:18.159
Any programs you're offering, and how people can uh be part of that.
01:23:18.560 --> 01:23:19.600
No, I appreciate that.
01:23:19.760 --> 01:23:25.840
Yeah, I have my own leadership development company, and I've had my own leadership development company now for going on 15 years.
01:23:26.000 --> 01:23:33.680
Uh, for the past five years, I've only been concentrating on keynote speaking as well as leadership training and development.
01:23:33.840 --> 01:23:38.399
Prior to that, I was really doing a lot of coaching and consulting, but I didn't have a passion for that.
01:23:38.560 --> 01:23:39.600
It wasn't my purpose.
01:23:39.760 --> 01:23:44.560
My my passion is being in front of people in the classroom and training and sharing knowledge.
01:23:44.720 --> 01:23:47.279
So that's what I decided to just change my vision.
01:23:47.439 --> 01:23:48.560
So that's what I've been doing.
01:23:48.640 --> 01:24:00.159
I have a lot of uh seminars, most of them are for corporations who hire me, so I can't really go into detail with those because uh again, it's not for public uh knowledge or even public consumption.
01:24:00.479 --> 01:24:12.239
But I also do uh have a lot of my own training programs where you can go on my website and take some of the training on-demand training programs, and I also have live virtual programs as well.
01:24:12.319 --> 01:24:20.720
So I have a uh leadership masterclass, leadership excellence masterclass is actually coming up next week on the 13th from 2 p.m.
01:24:20.800 --> 01:24:21.279
to 4 p.m.
01:24:21.520 --> 01:24:22.800
Eastern Standard Time.
01:24:23.359 --> 01:24:24.079
Yeah, good.
01:24:24.399 --> 01:24:25.359
Well, thank you so much.
01:24:25.439 --> 01:24:25.760
That's it.
01:24:25.840 --> 01:24:27.119
I'm not gonna hold you longer.
01:24:27.199 --> 01:24:31.760
I don't want you not to reply to my email next time I sent email to you.
01:24:32.479 --> 01:24:33.920
Thank you for being here, Dr.
01:24:34.079 --> 01:24:34.880
Ralph Hughes.
01:24:35.039 --> 01:24:39.039
This has been a very knowledgeable discussion on your book.
01:24:39.119 --> 01:24:40.960
Uh, please uh get a book if you have not.
01:24:41.039 --> 01:24:44.079
I read it back to back, and we talk about certain things today.
01:24:44.239 --> 01:24:50.319
Uh that is very important to know about public speaking and fears and using emotional intelligence.
01:24:50.399 --> 01:24:54.239
Uh, so please get a book uh if you have the opportunity to do so.
01:24:54.399 --> 01:24:55.359
Thank you so much, Dr.
01:24:55.520 --> 01:24:56.880
Ralph Hughes from Hinn here.
01:24:57.119 --> 01:24:58.239
Uh, thank you for your time.
01:24:58.399 --> 01:25:01.920
I really appreciate you coming from class and trying to be here.
01:25:02.000 --> 01:25:06.159
Uh, even in your busy schedule, you try to decided to say yes to this small boy.
01:25:07.119 --> 01:25:08.079
Thank you so much.
01:25:08.159 --> 01:25:10.319
Yeah, all Dr.
01:25:10.399 --> 01:25:16.079
Tolulek, and I thank you for allowing me the honor and privilege to be on your show.
01:25:16.159 --> 01:25:17.039
And I thank you.
01:25:17.119 --> 01:25:18.560
And you are immense.
01:25:18.720 --> 01:25:20.399
You are a giant among giants.
01:25:20.560 --> 01:25:21.439
Please do know that.
01:25:21.520 --> 01:25:26.479
And I hope that your listeners got some value out of our discussion today.
01:25:26.640 --> 01:25:27.039
Thank you.
01:25:27.279 --> 01:25:27.600
Good.
01:25:27.680 --> 01:25:28.560
Yeah, thank you so much.