WEBVTT
00:00:40.490 --> 00:00:43.370
Welcome to episode four.
00:00:44.410 --> 00:00:54.250
Today I want to talk about a topic that someone from my community asked me about.
00:00:55.769 --> 00:01:03.370
She asked me to talk about something called safety.
00:01:04.409 --> 00:01:11.930
And she made a comment to me and she said, She said, Lisa, I've never felt safe with men my whole life.
00:01:12.329 --> 00:01:17.930
And she said, I want to get to a place where I feel safe within my body.
00:01:19.689 --> 00:01:28.170
And I suspect that she's not the only person that had this realization.
00:01:29.609 --> 00:01:32.490
And so today I want to talk about safety.
00:01:33.210 --> 00:01:48.090
Because when we hear the word safety, we often think about whether another person is dangerous, but sometimes the question isn't about another person.
00:01:48.650 --> 00:01:51.210
Many times it's not about another person.
00:01:52.729 --> 00:02:04.729
So what we're going to talk about today is what does safety actually feel like inside of me.
00:02:07.770 --> 00:02:14.009
What does safety actually feel like inside of me?
00:02:15.370 --> 00:02:18.330
That is what we're going to explore today.
00:02:22.090 --> 00:02:29.370
And what most people define as safety comes from an external place.
00:02:30.729 --> 00:02:39.289
And we'll start to naturally ask things like, can I trust them?
00:02:40.409 --> 00:02:40.969
Right?
00:02:41.289 --> 00:02:56.409
And before we ask that question, we're usually asking some version of can my nervous system stay present while I'm with them.
00:02:57.129 --> 00:02:59.290
That's what we're really asking.
00:03:00.409 --> 00:03:06.010
And that's not always the same question, right?
00:03:06.969 --> 00:03:21.849
Because a person can show up in our field, I say in our field, in our arena, or in our environment.
00:03:22.810 --> 00:03:42.490
And anytime a person enters our environment, whether it's physically entering our environment, whether it's on the internet entering our environment, our nervous system is calibrating in that moment.
00:03:43.290 --> 00:03:52.650
And it's saying, can I feel and remain present while they enter?
00:03:54.969 --> 00:04:01.689
And we are always asking that question whether we realize it or not.
00:04:03.210 --> 00:04:22.730
And usually in that moment, either our heart races, or our throat tightens, our breath constricts, or maybe our heart opens.
00:04:25.290 --> 00:04:33.849
And so today that is the version of safety that we're going to explore.
00:04:36.329 --> 00:04:42.490
We're going to talk about the safety that lives inside of us.
00:04:44.569 --> 00:05:03.289
And I do want to be clear about something because this comes up a lot when I'm working with clients, is that a lot of times we're looking to not feel triggered or not feel activated.
00:05:03.370 --> 00:05:14.569
I like to use the word activated because I think triggered is used far too much and not completely understood.
00:05:14.810 --> 00:05:17.849
So I like to use the word activated.
00:05:18.169 --> 00:05:33.529
And so when someone enters our arena, physically or metaphorically speaking, something happens.
00:05:35.209 --> 00:05:46.889
Can you think of a person in your life that when they enter your arena, something happens inside your body?
00:05:48.409 --> 00:05:49.930
Just imagine it.
00:05:50.250 --> 00:05:52.649
Take a moment right now and imagine it.
00:05:54.089 --> 00:05:55.529
Think of a person.
00:05:57.689 --> 00:06:01.529
And imagine them entering the room.
00:06:03.209 --> 00:06:05.449
Where do you feel that in your body?
00:06:08.169 --> 00:06:09.930
What does it feel like?
00:06:12.810 --> 00:06:14.729
Did your chest tighten?
00:06:17.049 --> 00:06:19.129
Did your stomach drop?
00:06:21.529 --> 00:06:23.689
Did your breathing change?
00:06:28.169 --> 00:06:36.009
This is the moment that we invite ourselves to pause and notice.
00:06:37.689 --> 00:06:51.689
And when you notice this feeling, and we're specifically going to talk about those feelings other than when the heart opens, right?
00:06:52.169 --> 00:07:08.729
Because most of us, when we are challenged with safety in the presence of others, we are feeling some version of dis-ease in our body.
00:07:09.370 --> 00:07:13.049
And this is what we want to become aware of.
00:07:14.089 --> 00:07:19.849
And so when that feeling hits your body, you have an opportunity.
00:07:21.209 --> 00:07:30.969
You have an opportunity to stay with yourself instead of abandoning yourself in the process.
00:07:33.289 --> 00:07:38.089
This is an opportunity to stay with yourself.
00:07:48.569 --> 00:07:53.049
And this is what return to devotion is all about.
00:07:53.529 --> 00:07:58.569
It's about how do we stay with ourselves during moments of pressure.
00:07:59.609 --> 00:08:16.569
And I'll share with you one of the ways that this shows up for me and why returning to devotion is so precious and important to me for this platform.
00:08:18.169 --> 00:08:31.849
In moments of pressure, I typically recognize the moment and I feel it fully and move through that moment and stay present with myself.
00:08:32.090 --> 00:08:40.169
But there are certain areas in my own experience where I have tended to abandon myself.
00:08:41.690 --> 00:08:46.250
And in those moments, here's what happens.
00:08:48.409 --> 00:08:52.570
When I'll share a story.
00:12:42.009 --> 00:12:54.650
So if your words are silenced in moments when they should speak, we have abandoned ourselves.
00:12:54.970 --> 00:12:56.889
And that's an opportunity.
00:12:57.769 --> 00:13:18.410
And so in those moments, and I've been practicing this in real time, in those moments where I feel my chest tighten, or when I feel my throat constrict, when I feel like my lips are sewn shut, I take a deep breath.
00:13:21.050 --> 00:13:28.650
And I speak from a place of compassion and honesty.
00:13:29.690 --> 00:13:38.970
And speaking from a place of honesty has yourself and others in mind.
00:13:40.250 --> 00:13:48.490
It means that your words, when they leave your mouth, they are still edifying.
00:13:49.530 --> 00:13:56.810
And those words are edifying yourself, also edifying the person who is receiving those words.
00:13:57.370 --> 00:14:12.009
And so sometimes we learn to silence our voice because we don't know how to say truth while still edifying at the same time.
00:14:12.330 --> 00:14:14.330
And that is the practice.
00:14:15.210 --> 00:14:15.850
Right?
00:14:16.330 --> 00:14:24.090
And so here's where we expand this understanding of safety.
00:14:25.290 --> 00:14:35.769
Because a lot of times when we want to feel safe, we are waiting for that feeling.
00:14:37.769 --> 00:14:41.210
But safety requires choice.
00:14:43.930 --> 00:14:52.889
Safety, get this, safety usually comes through fear.
00:14:54.650 --> 00:15:03.530
In order to arrive at safety, we have to feel through the very feelings that we're trying to avoid.
00:15:04.410 --> 00:15:08.490
We have to notice those feelings.
00:15:10.090 --> 00:15:14.889
And then we have to stay with those feelings.
00:15:16.330 --> 00:15:19.290
And we have to breathe through those feelings.
00:15:19.930 --> 00:15:28.330
And then we have to soften through those feelings, which is why we breathe.
00:15:29.930 --> 00:15:35.690
And we have to ask ourselves some questions while we wait, while we breathe.
00:15:37.370 --> 00:15:41.050
We can ask ourselves questions.
00:15:42.889 --> 00:15:48.650
We can ask ourselves like, am I safe?
00:15:51.610 --> 00:15:54.250
Or why don't I feel safe?
00:15:55.210 --> 00:16:05.690
What is it about this moment that has me feel and then fill in the blank with what you're feeling?
00:16:07.690 --> 00:16:16.009
And when you arrive at that knowing, you have an opportunity to make a choice.
00:16:18.250 --> 00:16:27.769
And that choice requires ownership, it requires self-ownership.
00:16:28.090 --> 00:16:33.450
It means we can't blame our husbands.
00:16:35.050 --> 00:16:41.290
We can't blame our coworkers, we can't blame our parents.
00:16:43.290 --> 00:16:48.889
We get to take ownership and know that we have a choice.
00:16:49.930 --> 00:17:02.250
And it is in that choice to do something different than what we've been doing that we can arrive at safety.
00:17:03.850 --> 00:17:28.329
And so maybe you've spent years trying to find someone who makes you feel safe, and that's a great aspiration, but maybe an even deeper invitation is that you become someone that your own body recognizes as safe.
00:17:29.289 --> 00:17:54.569
And this is not about perfection, it's not even about not being fearful, but it's about staying and feeling the feelings, feeling the uncomfortable, imperfect feelings, and taking ownership of those feelings.
00:17:56.650 --> 00:17:58.730
And it's about staying.
00:18:00.730 --> 00:18:05.610
And so, all in all, the message is here.
00:18:07.529 --> 00:18:14.490
Safety isn't something you outsource to those around you.
00:18:14.730 --> 00:18:19.210
Safety isn't something you outsource to your circumstances.
00:18:19.850 --> 00:18:29.769
Safety is a place that you find within yourself where you can stay present in any given moment.
00:00:40.490 --> 00:00:43.370
Welcome to episode four.
00:00:44.410 --> 00:00:54.250
Today I want to talk about a topic that someone from my community asked me about.
00:00:55.769 --> 00:01:03.370
She asked me to talk about something called safety.
00:01:04.409 --> 00:01:11.930
And she made a comment to me and she said, She said, Lisa, I've never felt safe with men my whole life.
00:01:12.329 --> 00:01:17.930
And she said, I want to get to a place where I feel safe within my body.
00:01:19.689 --> 00:01:28.170
And I suspect that she's not the only person that had this realization.
00:01:29.609 --> 00:01:32.490
And so today I want to talk about safety.
00:01:33.210 --> 00:01:48.090
Because when we hear the word safety, we often think about whether another person is dangerous, but sometimes the question isn't about another person.
00:01:48.650 --> 00:01:51.210
Many times it's not about another person.
00:01:52.729 --> 00:02:04.729
So what we're going to talk about today is what does safety actually feel like inside of me.
00:02:07.770 --> 00:02:14.009
What does safety actually feel like inside of me?
00:02:15.370 --> 00:02:18.330
That is what we're going to explore today.
00:02:22.090 --> 00:02:29.370
And what most people define as safety comes from an external place.
00:02:30.729 --> 00:02:39.289
And we'll start to naturally ask things like, can I trust them?
00:02:40.409 --> 00:02:40.969
Right?
00:02:41.289 --> 00:02:56.409
And before we ask that question, we're usually asking some version of can my nervous system stay present while I'm with them.
00:02:57.129 --> 00:02:59.290
That's what we're really asking.
00:03:00.409 --> 00:03:06.010
And that's not always the same question, right?
00:03:06.969 --> 00:03:21.849
Because a person can show up in our field, I say in our field, in our arena, or in our environment.
00:03:22.810 --> 00:03:42.490
And anytime a person enters our environment, whether it's physically entering our environment, whether it's on the internet entering our environment, our nervous system is calibrating in that moment.
00:03:43.290 --> 00:03:52.650
And it's saying, can I feel and remain present while they enter?
00:03:54.969 --> 00:04:01.689
And we are always asking that question whether we realize it or not.
00:04:03.210 --> 00:04:22.730
And usually in that moment, either our heart races, or our throat tightens, our breath constricts, or maybe our heart opens.
00:04:25.290 --> 00:04:33.849
And so today that is the version of safety that we're going to explore.
00:04:36.329 --> 00:04:42.490
We're going to talk about the safety that lives inside of us.
00:04:44.569 --> 00:05:03.289
And I do want to be clear about something because this comes up a lot when I'm working with clients, is that a lot of times we're looking to not feel triggered or not feel activated.
00:05:03.370 --> 00:05:14.569
I like to use the word activated because I think triggered is used far too much and not completely understood.
00:05:14.810 --> 00:05:17.849
So I like to use the word activated.
00:05:18.169 --> 00:05:33.529
And so when someone enters our arena, physically or metaphorically speaking, something happens.
00:05:35.209 --> 00:05:46.889
Can you think of a person in your life that when they enter your arena, something happens inside your body?
00:05:48.409 --> 00:05:49.930
Just imagine it.
00:05:50.250 --> 00:05:52.649
Take a moment right now and imagine it.
00:05:54.089 --> 00:05:55.529
Think of a person.
00:05:57.689 --> 00:06:01.529
And imagine them entering the room.
00:06:03.209 --> 00:06:05.449
Where do you feel that in your body?
00:06:08.169 --> 00:06:09.930
What does it feel like?
00:06:12.810 --> 00:06:14.729
Did your chest tighten?
00:06:17.049 --> 00:06:19.129
Did your stomach drop?
00:06:21.529 --> 00:06:23.689
Did your breathing change?
00:06:28.169 --> 00:06:36.009
This is the moment that we invite ourselves to pause and notice.
00:06:37.689 --> 00:06:51.689
And when you notice this feeling, and we're specifically going to talk about those feelings other than when the heart opens, right?
00:06:52.169 --> 00:07:08.729
Because most of us, when we are challenged with safety in the presence of others, we are feeling some version of dis-ease in our body.
00:07:09.370 --> 00:07:13.049
And this is what we want to become aware of.
00:07:14.089 --> 00:07:19.849
And so when that feeling hits your body, you have an opportunity.
00:07:21.209 --> 00:07:30.969
You have an opportunity to stay with yourself instead of abandoning yourself in the process.
00:07:33.289 --> 00:07:38.089
This is an opportunity to stay with yourself.
00:07:48.569 --> 00:07:53.049
And this is what return to devotion is all about.
00:07:53.529 --> 00:07:58.569
It's about how do we stay with ourselves during moments of pressure.
00:07:59.609 --> 00:08:16.569
And I'll share with you one of the ways that this shows up for me and why returning to devotion is so precious and important to me for this platform.
00:08:18.169 --> 00:08:31.849
In moments of pressure, I typically recognize the moment and I feel it fully and move through that moment and stay present with myself.
00:08:32.090 --> 00:08:40.169
But there are certain areas in my own experience where I have tended to abandon myself.
00:08:41.690 --> 00:08:46.250
And in those moments, here's what happens.
00:08:48.409 --> 00:08:52.570
When I'll share a story.
00:12:42.009 --> 00:12:54.650
So if your words are silenced in moments when they should speak, we have abandoned ourselves.
00:12:54.970 --> 00:12:56.889
And that's an opportunity.
00:12:57.769 --> 00:13:18.410
And so in those moments, and I've been practicing this in real time, in those moments where I feel my chest tighten, or when I feel my throat constrict, when I feel like my lips are sewn shut, I take a deep breath.
00:13:21.050 --> 00:13:28.650
And I speak from a place of compassion and honesty.
00:13:29.690 --> 00:13:38.970
And speaking from a place of honesty has yourself and others in mind.
00:13:40.250 --> 00:13:48.490
It means that your words, when they leave your mouth, they are still edifying.
00:13:49.530 --> 00:13:56.810
And those words are edifying yourself, also edifying the person who is receiving those words.
00:13:57.370 --> 00:14:12.009
And so sometimes we learn to silence our voice because we don't know how to say truth while still edifying at the same time.
00:14:12.330 --> 00:14:14.330
And that is the practice.
00:14:15.210 --> 00:14:15.850
Right?
00:14:16.330 --> 00:14:24.090
And so here's where we expand this understanding of safety.
00:14:25.290 --> 00:14:35.769
Because a lot of times when we want to feel safe, we are waiting for that feeling.
00:14:37.769 --> 00:14:41.210
But safety requires choice.
00:14:43.930 --> 00:14:52.889
Safety, get this, safety usually comes through fear.
00:14:54.650 --> 00:15:03.530
In order to arrive at safety, we have to feel through the very feelings that we're trying to avoid.
00:15:04.410 --> 00:15:08.490
We have to notice those feelings.
00:15:10.090 --> 00:15:14.889
And then we have to stay with those feelings.
00:15:16.330 --> 00:15:19.290
And we have to breathe through those feelings.
00:15:19.930 --> 00:15:28.330
And then we have to soften through those feelings, which is why we breathe.
00:15:29.930 --> 00:15:35.690
And we have to ask ourselves some questions while we wait, while we breathe.
00:15:37.370 --> 00:15:41.050
We can ask ourselves questions.
00:15:42.889 --> 00:15:48.650
We can ask ourselves like, am I safe?
00:15:51.610 --> 00:15:54.250
Or why don't I feel safe?
00:15:55.210 --> 00:16:05.690
What is it about this moment that has me feel and then fill in the blank with what you're feeling?
00:16:07.690 --> 00:16:16.009
And when you arrive at that knowing, you have an opportunity to make a choice.
00:16:18.250 --> 00:16:27.769
And that choice requires ownership, it requires self-ownership.
00:16:28.090 --> 00:16:33.450
It means we can't blame our husbands.
00:16:35.050 --> 00:16:41.290
We can't blame our coworkers, we can't blame our parents.
00:16:43.290 --> 00:16:48.889
We get to take ownership and know that we have a choice.
00:16:49.930 --> 00:17:02.250
And it is in that choice to do something different than what we've been doing that we can arrive at safety.
00:17:03.850 --> 00:17:28.329
And so maybe you've spent years trying to find someone who makes you feel safe, and that's a great aspiration, but maybe an even deeper invitation is that you become someone that your own body recognizes as safe.
00:17:29.289 --> 00:17:54.569
And this is not about perfection, it's not even about not being fearful, but it's about staying and feeling the feelings, feeling the uncomfortable, imperfect feelings, and taking ownership of those feelings.
00:17:56.650 --> 00:17:58.730
And it's about staying.
00:18:00.730 --> 00:18:05.610
And so, all in all, the message is here.
00:18:07.529 --> 00:18:14.490
Safety isn't something you outsource to those around you.
00:18:14.730 --> 00:18:19.210
Safety isn't something you outsource to your circumstances.
00:18:19.850 --> 00:18:29.769
Safety is a place that you find within yourself where you can stay present in any given moment.
