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What if the thing keeping you stuck is actually trying to protect you?
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Think about the last time you really, really truly wanted something.
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Maybe it was a bigger business, a more expansive business, a more profitable business.
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Maybe it's a deeper relationship, a dream you've been circling for years.
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And you did all the work, you made the plan, you told people all about it, and then right when it got close, something in you hit the brakes.
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Perhaps you didn't send that email, or you rewrote the offer for the fifth time, or you got busy or tired or suddenly unsure, and you didn't have that conversation or take that action that you really, really wanted to.
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And afterwards you thought,"What is wrong with me?
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Why do I keep doing this?" Well, let me tell you what I know.
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There is nothing wrong with you.
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And by the end of this episode, you will know how to listen to that part of you that pumps the brakes instead of fighting it.
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I'm Charlotte Jukes, and I have spent over three decades as a registered nurse, and now I coach people through life's big transitions using what the body and the nervous system can teach us.
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And today is all about the brakes, where they come from, what they're protecting, and what changes when you stop pumping the brakes.
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I want to start with a conversation I had with a friend just this past weekend.
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But first of all, I just want to let you know I am not recording in my closet today.
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I am actually sitting in my office in the beautiful sunshine.
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So anyway, I thought I would just share that with you.
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So last weekend was Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, and of course, we were playing pickleball.
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And I have this friend that we were playing pickleball with, and she runs a very successful business.
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Anyone looking in from the outside would think,"Oh my gosh, she is doing brilliantly." And I'm not going to name her or her business, and she does know that I'm sharing this.
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But this is not a story about someone who lacks skill or motivation or the effort, because honestly, she has all of those.
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And what we were talking about we sat down and she told me something that she had noticed about herself.
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She gets to a certain point in her business, and she can't quite bring herself to take the next step every single time.
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She reaches this level, like it's almost like this ceiling, this glass ceiling, and then She stops.
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She procrastinates.
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And the way she described it to me was just so honest, she said it's as though there's this part of her that wants to keep going, that wants to move forward, and this other part of her is Really slamming her foot on the brake and saying,"No, I don't want this." So as I love to do, we lent in and we got curious, not about strategy, not about marketing, not about what she should do next, but we got really curious about that part of her with the foot on the brake.
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And I asked her,"What do you imagine happens if you reach that next level?" And as she talked, you could really see it land for her, because what she believed was that reaching that next level in her business would take away her freedom.
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Less time with her family, less time to travel, less time to do the things that she loves the most.
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She's not afraid of success.
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She's afraid of what the success would cost her.
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That deeper desire underneath what she wants, which is for her business to be even more successful, the deeper desire is freedom.
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And there's this part of her, this unconscious part of her, that believes that if her business gets to the next level, she is going to lose that freedom.
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So here's what's happening.
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Her goal is growth, and underneath it is this desire of freedom, and that deeper desire is quietly overruling the goal every single time she gets close.
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So it's not like she's sabotaging her business.
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What she's actually doing is protecting her life.
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As I sat with her, what I really noticed was how sensible that belief is, how practical and logical that belief is.
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It's not irrational.
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It's not weakness.
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It's this part of her doing exactly what it's designed to do.
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I have caught myself in those moments where I've really slowed things down, I've caught myself thinking,"I really want to expand my business.
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I want to take on another in-person immersion or another mastermind, or perhaps add a couple more clients to my one-on-one list." But there's this part inside of me that was also saying,"If you do that, your time will not be your own.
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If you do that, you are going to be so busy that you won't have time for pickleball, that you won't have time to go and take a walk at lunchtime." So I have noticed this in myself too.
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There is this very real protective part of me that wants to keep me safe, that wants to keep creating this life where I also have freedom to make choices of what my day looks like.
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Let's talk about why this part is actually doing what it's designed very cleverly to do.
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So here's the thing that most mindset advice leaves out.
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We are not one single voice inside of ourselves.
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We all have these different parts, parts of us that want to grow, parts of us that want to rest, parts that want to be seen, and parts of us whose entire job is to keep us safe.
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And these protective parts are not, they're not being dramatic.
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They are being fiercely loyal, and they act on old information, so information that they learnt maybe at the ages between five and seven.
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Maybe it's a little bit later in life, in our teens, maybe at 17, 18, 19 as we adapt to what's going on around us.
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Maybe, yes, in a hard season of adulthood that felt very dangerous and unsafe.
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And these parts are still running by that same rule book today, whether or not it matches the life that we're, building in this moment.
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So now add the nervous system into this, and the nervous system's first priority is not growth, it's not happiness, it's not success, it's safety.
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And safety to a nervous system means what is familiar.
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So change and visibility, the unknown, even if it's good change, can really register as a threat.
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So perhaps that looks like a promotion at work, or a launch in your business, or perhaps that's a new relationship, or a different way of being in your existing relationship, or a bigger life.
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All of that can light up the same alarm as though something very scary and frightening is happening inside of you.
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And so that's why you can want something with all of your heart, all of your soul, and still feel your body pull away from it.
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So okay, what does hitting the brakes actually look and feel like?
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Because rarely does it look like fear., Sometimes yes, but not always.
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It can also look like procrastinating, knowing what the next step is and not taking it, not sending the email, not contacting that person, not having the conversation with your partner.
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Perhaps it looks like getting sick right before that big event, or picking a fight with somebody close to you just before a commitment.
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Perhaps it looks like going back in and tweaking your website again for the 10th, 11th, 12th time.
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From the outside, that can look like perhaps a lack of discipline But from the inside, it's a protector doing its job.
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And I see this on the pickleball court all the time.
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I've done it myself, I'm ahead in the game.
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Perhaps the score is 8-4, that game point is in sight, and suddenly I stop playing the same way that got me to those eight points.
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I grip my paddle a little bit tighter.
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I push the ball back in a lackadaisical way, in a safe way instead of just going for it.
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My mindset just changes, and now I'm not playing to win, I'm playing not to lose.
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So the moment winning becomes real, something in my body says,"Oh, careful, careful." And here's why pushing harder in that moment actually backfires, because when you force your way past a protector, that protector will grip tighter And you can push and push until your willpower runs out of steam, and your protector Will hang on for dear life It believes this is a matter of life and death And in my years as a nurse working in the community, working in palliative care, I have sat with people through some of the biggest transitions of their lives.
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And what I learned is that people resist change the most when they are afraid of losing something that truly matters to them.
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Not because they are stubborn, but because they love something, because it's actually challenging one of their core values.
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So the question isn't how do I get rid of the brakes?
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The question is, what are the brakes protecting?
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So I want to bring in a little bit of science here because that's always fun, and maybe correct a popular myth while I'm at it.
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So You may have heard this, and I have had people quote this to me before, with regards to ninety-five percent of our behavior being subconscious or unconscious.
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And I've heard this repeated a lot, and it does sound catchy, and it does sound scientific, but when you trace this back, it actually comes from a marketing estimate about how people make buying decisions, and it was actually never a measurement of human behavior as a whole.
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I have not been able to find a study that has found this ninety-five to five percent split.
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So, rather than me repeating that, which doesn't feel solid or aligned Because actually the real research is interesting enough on its own.
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So this is what I do know.
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A psychologist by the name of Wendy Wood at the University of Southern California spent years studying habits, and her research found that about forty-three percent of the things we do each day are repeated in the same place, in the same context, and usually while we're thinking about something else.
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Forty-three percent.
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Nearly half of what you do today you won't be consciously choosing.
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And that matters because the beliefs that are sitting underneath those habits shape what we do without actually asking our permission if that's okay.
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Success costs freedom.
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Being visible isn't safe.
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So those don't show up as thoughts, they show up as behavior.
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So the email that doesn't get sent, the offer that never goes live, or the conversation that you never have with your partner.
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and Wendy Wood makes another point that I love.
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Relying on willpower alone actually tends to fail because real change comes from working with the deeper system, not pushing past it or overriding it, which is exactly what we do in somatic work, right?
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We don't muscle past that part of us that's hitting the brakes.
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We lean in, we get curious, we listen, and we allow the body to feel safe enough to shift So let's look at the different kinds of beliefs that are running underneath, because here are the ones that I see most often.
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And as I name these, I want you to notice which one makes your body react.
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So maybe you feel a tightening, a contraction, maybe a sigh, or a little jolt of,"Oh," that's the one to pay attention to.
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So number one, success will cost me my freedom, and this was my friend's belief, right?
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More clients means no time for family.
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A bigger business means I can't travel as much as I want to, or long gone are the slow unhurried mornings.
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That part of her that treasures freedom puts a foot on the brake.
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Number two, if I'm visible, I'll be judged and criticized.
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Growth means being seen.
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More people who see your work or hear your voice form opinions about you.
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And if being seen once in your life when you were younger felt unsafe, maybe that was at school, maybe that was in your own family, maybe it was at work, then a part of you will work very hard to keep you being small and not being seen.
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Number three, I will outgrow the people I love.
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If I change, will my partner still fit into my life?
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Oh my gosh, I hear this so often.
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Will my friends still be my friends?
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Will my family accept me or will they push back?
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And sometimes we hold ourselves back, not because we doubt that we can grow, but because we don't want to leave anyone behind.
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Number four, it's too late at my age.
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Oh my gosh, that was my one thing I said when I hit 50.
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I could have another 40 years and I am not going to keep doing this the same way.
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And I heard this one again just recently, and if you're in midlife or beyond, this can feel like plain fact.
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But listen closely because often this one actually isn't about age at all.
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It's a part of us afraid of starting something that we might not finish, or grieving the years that have already passed when we didn't take the opportunity, right?
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Feel familiar?
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Yes, did for me.
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And number five, I don't deserve this much.
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And this one is usually learned early on and it's rarely said out loud, and it sounds like this, this quiet flinching when good things arrive.
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Like perhaps we change the subject when someone pays us a compliment, or we underprice our work, or we give away the success before we allow it to truly land, before we're truly able to receive it.
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So now I've talked about business a lot and relationships a little bit, but let's see how far this really reaches because, yes, the same brakes do show up in our relationships.
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We pull back right when intimacy deepens.
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The brakes show up in health when we sabotage our fitness routine that was finally working, or, our food regime that was finally working.
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Or the brakes show up in creative dreams.
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Perhaps the book that we will never finish, or the song that we never share with anyone.
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Different areas of life, but the same protector.
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And none of these beliefs are stupid or silly.
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Each one is part of you saying,"I'm trying to keep you safe." And knowing this is helpful because feeling it is where the shift can start to happen.
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Our observation of it, our awareness of it, is where the shift can begin Okay, let's do a quick practice together.
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If you're driving or you're doing something that needs your attention, come back to this part later.
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Otherwise, let's do this together.
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So find a comfortable position.
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You can close your eyes or you can allow your gaze to rest softly on something in front of you.
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And take a breath in through your nose And then let it out slowly through your mouth.
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And let's do that again.
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One slow breath in through your nose Holding at the top and then letting it go, exhaling a little longer this time.
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Feel where your body is supported.
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Maybe it's your feet on the floor.
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Maybe it's your back against the chair that you're sitting on.
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You are safe right here in this moment.
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Now, bring your attention to your next level, whatever that is for you.
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Maybe it's a goal in your business.
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Maybe it's a relationship that you want.
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A dream that you keep circling.
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And picture yourself already there in that moment.
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See yourself moving through your day as if that goal, that relationship, that dream is already here in this moment.
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Now, notice your body, not your thoughts.
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Drop out of your mind and into your body.
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Is there expansion anywhere?
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Is there warmth, openness, lightness?
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Or is there a tightening, a contraction?
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Maybe you notice it in your chest, or in your throat, or your belly, or maybe in your jaw.
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And that's okay if you notice some tightening.
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We're simply noticing without judgment.
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That is the part of you that we're here to meet.
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So allow your attention to rest there gently, exactly the same way that you would sit beside a friend and offer her comfort.
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And you can ask this part of you, this contraction, this tightness,"What are you trying to protect me from?" And then listen.
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And the answer may come perhaps as a word or an image.
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Perhaps it's a memory or simply a feeling.
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There is no right or wrong answer here.
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Simply allow whatever bubbles up for you.
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And now ask,"What are you afraid that I will lose?" And whatever you heard, let this part know that you see it, that you get it.
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You may even want to say,"Thank you for looking out for me." And then you can ask one last question,"What would you need to feel safe letting me go a little further?" And just notice if anything shifted even slightly, perhaps a softening, perhaps a sigh, a deeper breath And let's together take one more breath all the way in through your nose, holding at the top, and then exhaling fully.
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Feel your feet on the floor again.
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And when you're ready, you can open your eyes and come back.
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If something came up for you, I invite you to write it down now before it fades, before you forget it If you did write something down, hold onto it.
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And if what came up felt heavy for you, please be gentle with yourself, and perhaps reach out to someone you trust or a professional who can support you.
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Here's this whole episode in one line: your brakes are not the enemy.
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They are protecting something you love.
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On the pickleball court, the best players don't fight their nerves at game point.
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They breathe, they reset, and they play the next ball.
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They allow their body to feel safe enough to go for it.
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And life works the same way.
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So I'll leave you today with the question I asked at the start: what am I afraid I'll lose if I get what I want?
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And your answer might surprise you.
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Often I know the surprising ones are the ones that are really true for us.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for listening.
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Thank you for being willing to get curious about the part of you that's been trying so hard to keep you safe.
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And if you would like to go further, come and find me on Instagram and comment freedom on my latest post and I'll send you the reflection questions from today's episode.
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Or send me an email and if this one spoke to you, please follow or subscribe and share it with someone who keeps hitting that same ceiling because they also might need to hear that there is nothing wrong with them either.
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Until next time, be kind to the part of you that's been keeping you safe.
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It's working really hard.
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And keep showing up.
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You are all doing beautifully.
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What if the thing keeping you stuck is actually trying to protect you?
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Think about the last time you really, really truly wanted something.
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Maybe it was a bigger business, a more expansive business, a more profitable business.
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Maybe it's a deeper relationship, a dream you've been circling for years.
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And you did all the work, you made the plan, you told people all about it, and then right when it got close, something in you hit the brakes.
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Perhaps you didn't send that email, or you rewrote the offer for the fifth time, or you got busy or tired or suddenly unsure, and you didn't have that conversation or take that action that you really, really wanted to.
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And afterwards you thought,"What is wrong with me?
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Why do I keep doing this?" Well, let me tell you what I know.
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There is nothing wrong with you.
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And by the end of this episode, you will know how to listen to that part of you that pumps the brakes instead of fighting it.
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I'm Charlotte Jukes, and I have spent over three decades as a registered nurse, and now I coach people through life's big transitions using what the body and the nervous system can teach us.
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And today is all about the brakes, where they come from, what they're protecting, and what changes when you stop pumping the brakes.
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I want to start with a conversation I had with a friend just this past weekend.
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But first of all, I just want to let you know I am not recording in my closet today.
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I am actually sitting in my office in the beautiful sunshine.
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So anyway, I thought I would just share that with you.
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So last weekend was Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, and of course, we were playing pickleball.
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And I have this friend that we were playing pickleball with, and she runs a very successful business.
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Anyone looking in from the outside would think,"Oh my gosh, she is doing brilliantly." And I'm not going to name her or her business, and she does know that I'm sharing this.
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But this is not a story about someone who lacks skill or motivation or the effort, because honestly, she has all of those.
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And what we were talking about we sat down and she told me something that she had noticed about herself.
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She gets to a certain point in her business, and she can't quite bring herself to take the next step every single time.
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She reaches this level, like it's almost like this ceiling, this glass ceiling, and then She stops.
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She procrastinates.
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And the way she described it to me was just so honest, she said it's as though there's this part of her that wants to keep going, that wants to move forward, and this other part of her is Really slamming her foot on the brake and saying,"No, I don't want this." So as I love to do, we lent in and we got curious, not about strategy, not about marketing, not about what she should do next, but we got really curious about that part of her with the foot on the brake.
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And I asked her,"What do you imagine happens if you reach that next level?" And as she talked, you could really see it land for her, because what she believed was that reaching that next level in her business would take away her freedom.
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Less time with her family, less time to travel, less time to do the things that she loves the most.
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She's not afraid of success.
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She's afraid of what the success would cost her.
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That deeper desire underneath what she wants, which is for her business to be even more successful, the deeper desire is freedom.
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And there's this part of her, this unconscious part of her, that believes that if her business gets to the next level, she is going to lose that freedom.
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So here's what's happening.
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Her goal is growth, and underneath it is this desire of freedom, and that deeper desire is quietly overruling the goal every single time she gets close.
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So it's not like she's sabotaging her business.
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What she's actually doing is protecting her life.
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As I sat with her, what I really noticed was how sensible that belief is, how practical and logical that belief is.
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It's not irrational.
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It's not weakness.
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It's this part of her doing exactly what it's designed to do.
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I have caught myself in those moments where I've really slowed things down, I've caught myself thinking,"I really want to expand my business.
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I want to take on another in-person immersion or another mastermind, or perhaps add a couple more clients to my one-on-one list." But there's this part inside of me that was also saying,"If you do that, your time will not be your own.
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If you do that, you are going to be so busy that you won't have time for pickleball, that you won't have time to go and take a walk at lunchtime." So I have noticed this in myself too.
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There is this very real protective part of me that wants to keep me safe, that wants to keep creating this life where I also have freedom to make choices of what my day looks like.
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Let's talk about why this part is actually doing what it's designed very cleverly to do.
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So here's the thing that most mindset advice leaves out.
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We are not one single voice inside of ourselves.
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We all have these different parts, parts of us that want to grow, parts of us that want to rest, parts that want to be seen, and parts of us whose entire job is to keep us safe.
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And these protective parts are not, they're not being dramatic.
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They are being fiercely loyal, and they act on old information, so information that they learnt maybe at the ages between five and seven.
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Maybe it's a little bit later in life, in our teens, maybe at 17, 18, 19 as we adapt to what's going on around us.
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Maybe, yes, in a hard season of adulthood that felt very dangerous and unsafe.
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And these parts are still running by that same rule book today, whether or not it matches the life that we're, building in this moment.
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So now add the nervous system into this, and the nervous system's first priority is not growth, it's not happiness, it's not success, it's safety.
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And safety to a nervous system means what is familiar.
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So change and visibility, the unknown, even if it's good change, can really register as a threat.
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So perhaps that looks like a promotion at work, or a launch in your business, or perhaps that's a new relationship, or a different way of being in your existing relationship, or a bigger life.
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All of that can light up the same alarm as though something very scary and frightening is happening inside of you.
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And so that's why you can want something with all of your heart, all of your soul, and still feel your body pull away from it.
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So okay, what does hitting the brakes actually look and feel like?
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Because rarely does it look like fear., Sometimes yes, but not always.
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It can also look like procrastinating, knowing what the next step is and not taking it, not sending the email, not contacting that person, not having the conversation with your partner.
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Perhaps it looks like getting sick right before that big event, or picking a fight with somebody close to you just before a commitment.
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Perhaps it looks like going back in and tweaking your website again for the 10th, 11th, 12th time.
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From the outside, that can look like perhaps a lack of discipline But from the inside, it's a protector doing its job.
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And I see this on the pickleball court all the time.
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I've done it myself, I'm ahead in the game.
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Perhaps the score is 8-4, that game point is in sight, and suddenly I stop playing the same way that got me to those eight points.
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I grip my paddle a little bit tighter.
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I push the ball back in a lackadaisical way, in a safe way instead of just going for it.
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My mindset just changes, and now I'm not playing to win, I'm playing not to lose.
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So the moment winning becomes real, something in my body says,"Oh, careful, careful." And here's why pushing harder in that moment actually backfires, because when you force your way past a protector, that protector will grip tighter And you can push and push until your willpower runs out of steam, and your protector Will hang on for dear life It believes this is a matter of life and death And in my years as a nurse working in the community, working in palliative care, I have sat with people through some of the biggest transitions of their lives.
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And what I learned is that people resist change the most when they are afraid of losing something that truly matters to them.
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Not because they are stubborn, but because they love something, because it's actually challenging one of their core values.
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So the question isn't how do I get rid of the brakes?
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The question is, what are the brakes protecting?
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So I want to bring in a little bit of science here because that's always fun, and maybe correct a popular myth while I'm at it.
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So You may have heard this, and I have had people quote this to me before, with regards to ninety-five percent of our behavior being subconscious or unconscious.
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And I've heard this repeated a lot, and it does sound catchy, and it does sound scientific, but when you trace this back, it actually comes from a marketing estimate about how people make buying decisions, and it was actually never a measurement of human behavior as a whole.
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I have not been able to find a study that has found this ninety-five to five percent split.
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So, rather than me repeating that, which doesn't feel solid or aligned Because actually the real research is interesting enough on its own.
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So this is what I do know.
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A psychologist by the name of Wendy Wood at the University of Southern California spent years studying habits, and her research found that about forty-three percent of the things we do each day are repeated in the same place, in the same context, and usually while we're thinking about something else.
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Forty-three percent.
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Nearly half of what you do today you won't be consciously choosing.
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And that matters because the beliefs that are sitting underneath those habits shape what we do without actually asking our permission if that's okay.
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Success costs freedom.
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Being visible isn't safe.
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So those don't show up as thoughts, they show up as behavior.
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So the email that doesn't get sent, the offer that never goes live, or the conversation that you never have with your partner.
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and Wendy Wood makes another point that I love.
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Relying on willpower alone actually tends to fail because real change comes from working with the deeper system, not pushing past it or overriding it, which is exactly what we do in somatic work, right?
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We don't muscle past that part of us that's hitting the brakes.
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We lean in, we get curious, we listen, and we allow the body to feel safe enough to shift So let's look at the different kinds of beliefs that are running underneath, because here are the ones that I see most often.
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And as I name these, I want you to notice which one makes your body react.
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So maybe you feel a tightening, a contraction, maybe a sigh, or a little jolt of,"Oh," that's the one to pay attention to.
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So number one, success will cost me my freedom, and this was my friend's belief, right?
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More clients means no time for family.
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A bigger business means I can't travel as much as I want to, or long gone are the slow unhurried mornings.
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That part of her that treasures freedom puts a foot on the brake.
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Number two, if I'm visible, I'll be judged and criticized.
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Growth means being seen.
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More people who see your work or hear your voice form opinions about you.
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And if being seen once in your life when you were younger felt unsafe, maybe that was at school, maybe that was in your own family, maybe it was at work, then a part of you will work very hard to keep you being small and not being seen.
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Number three, I will outgrow the people I love.
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If I change, will my partner still fit into my life?
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Oh my gosh, I hear this so often.
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Will my friends still be my friends?
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Will my family accept me or will they push back?
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And sometimes we hold ourselves back, not because we doubt that we can grow, but because we don't want to leave anyone behind.
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Number four, it's too late at my age.
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Oh my gosh, that was my one thing I said when I hit 50.
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I could have another 40 years and I am not going to keep doing this the same way.
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And I heard this one again just recently, and if you're in midlife or beyond, this can feel like plain fact.
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But listen closely because often this one actually isn't about age at all.
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It's a part of us afraid of starting something that we might not finish, or grieving the years that have already passed when we didn't take the opportunity, right?
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Feel familiar?
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Yes, did for me.
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And number five, I don't deserve this much.
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And this one is usually learned early on and it's rarely said out loud, and it sounds like this, this quiet flinching when good things arrive.
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Like perhaps we change the subject when someone pays us a compliment, or we underprice our work, or we give away the success before we allow it to truly land, before we're truly able to receive it.
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So now I've talked about business a lot and relationships a little bit, but let's see how far this really reaches because, yes, the same brakes do show up in our relationships.
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We pull back right when intimacy deepens.
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The brakes show up in health when we sabotage our fitness routine that was finally working, or, our food regime that was finally working.
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Or the brakes show up in creative dreams.
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Perhaps the book that we will never finish, or the song that we never share with anyone.
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Different areas of life, but the same protector.
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And none of these beliefs are stupid or silly.
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Each one is part of you saying,"I'm trying to keep you safe." And knowing this is helpful because feeling it is where the shift can start to happen.
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Our observation of it, our awareness of it, is where the shift can begin Okay, let's do a quick practice together.
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If you're driving or you're doing something that needs your attention, come back to this part later.
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Otherwise, let's do this together.
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So find a comfortable position.
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You can close your eyes or you can allow your gaze to rest softly on something in front of you.
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And take a breath in through your nose And then let it out slowly through your mouth.
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And let's do that again.
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One slow breath in through your nose Holding at the top and then letting it go, exhaling a little longer this time.
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Feel where your body is supported.
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Maybe it's your feet on the floor.
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Maybe it's your back against the chair that you're sitting on.
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You are safe right here in this moment.
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Now, bring your attention to your next level, whatever that is for you.
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Maybe it's a goal in your business.
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Maybe it's a relationship that you want.
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A dream that you keep circling.
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And picture yourself already there in that moment.
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See yourself moving through your day as if that goal, that relationship, that dream is already here in this moment.
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Now, notice your body, not your thoughts.
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Drop out of your mind and into your body.
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Is there expansion anywhere?
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Is there warmth, openness, lightness?
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Or is there a tightening, a contraction?
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Maybe you notice it in your chest, or in your throat, or your belly, or maybe in your jaw.
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And that's okay if you notice some tightening.
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We're simply noticing without judgment.
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That is the part of you that we're here to meet.
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So allow your attention to rest there gently, exactly the same way that you would sit beside a friend and offer her comfort.
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And you can ask this part of you, this contraction, this tightness,"What are you trying to protect me from?" And then listen.
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And the answer may come perhaps as a word or an image.
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Perhaps it's a memory or simply a feeling.
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There is no right or wrong answer here.
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Simply allow whatever bubbles up for you.
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And now ask,"What are you afraid that I will lose?" And whatever you heard, let this part know that you see it, that you get it.
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You may even want to say,"Thank you for looking out for me." And then you can ask one last question,"What would you need to feel safe letting me go a little further?" And just notice if anything shifted even slightly, perhaps a softening, perhaps a sigh, a deeper breath And let's together take one more breath all the way in through your nose, holding at the top, and then exhaling fully.
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Feel your feet on the floor again.
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And when you're ready, you can open your eyes and come back.
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If something came up for you, I invite you to write it down now before it fades, before you forget it If you did write something down, hold onto it.
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And if what came up felt heavy for you, please be gentle with yourself, and perhaps reach out to someone you trust or a professional who can support you.
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Here's this whole episode in one line: your brakes are not the enemy.
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They are protecting something you love.
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On the pickleball court, the best players don't fight their nerves at game point.
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They breathe, they reset, and they play the next ball.
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They allow their body to feel safe enough to go for it.
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And life works the same way.
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So I'll leave you today with the question I asked at the start: what am I afraid I'll lose if I get what I want?
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And your answer might surprise you.
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Often I know the surprising ones are the ones that are really true for us.
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Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for listening.
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Thank you for being willing to get curious about the part of you that's been trying so hard to keep you safe.
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And if you would like to go further, come and find me on Instagram and comment freedom on my latest post and I'll send you the reflection questions from today's episode.
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Or send me an email and if this one spoke to you, please follow or subscribe and share it with someone who keeps hitting that same ceiling because they also might need to hear that there is nothing wrong with them either.
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Until next time, be kind to the part of you that's been keeping you safe.
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It's working really hard.
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And keep showing up.
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You are all doing beautifully.
