Standing on the Sidelines: When Old Stories Hold Us Back

WEBVTT
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:07.280
A deep change in the way that we live requires a deep change in the way that we think.
00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:10.800
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently.
00:00:11.279 --> 00:00:13.839
Hey, welcome back to the Differently Podcast.
00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:15.839
If you are new, welcome.
00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:22.640
Thank you for being someone interested in interrupting default autopilot living.
00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:24.960
Today I have a story for you.
00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:36.240
Last month, I was driving home from a new networking meeting I had attended, and by the time I got home, I had completely convinced myself that I was never going to go back.
00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:40.320
The funny thing is, nothing actually went wrong.
00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:44.079
The crazy thing is, nothing bad happened at all.
00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:50.079
The event was great, the women were thoughtful, the conversations were real and meaningful.
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:56.799
But my mind, by the time I had gotten home, had written an entirely different story.
00:00:57.119 --> 00:00:58.960
Let me tell you what happened.
00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:02.079
So I got invited to attend a networking meeting.
00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:06.879
I, it's a women's luncheon, and I was going to be speaking at it in the coming months.
00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:09.599
And she asked that you attend before you speak.
00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:11.280
So it's an hour away.
00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:15.439
And I was driving there and really thinking about it and excited to be a part of it.
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:19.200
And I thought, gosh, if this goes great, I might do this every month.
00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:24.239
I would be willing to drive an hour each direction if it was a great event.
00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:32.480
And it gives me time to just be quiet and listen to podcasts and audiobooks, which I'm sure you enjoy doing too.
00:01:32.719 --> 00:01:37.359
I pulled in the parking lot, I walked in, and I immediately had that feeling.
00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:39.439
I'm sure you know the one.
00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:42.719
Everyone is already engaged in conversation.
00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:45.519
It felt like everyone knows each other.
00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:54.560
There wasn't an obvious place to jump in without feeling like a, you know, major interruption to make myself feel comfortable.
00:01:55.200 --> 00:01:59.439
And started feeling aware, like, oh gosh, maybe I'm the only new one here.
00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:01.920
Maybe you've felt that way before too.
00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:04.959
So I grabbed my lunch, I found a seat.
00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:09.280
And shortly after the event started, the event itself was really good.
00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:10.639
The presentation was good.
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:14.080
It was on stress and how women manage stress.
00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:18.879
And there was so much interactive and really great conversation.
00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:26.319
There were a lot of different aged women in the room, and there was a lot of wisdom being shared between uh older women and younger women.
00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:28.000
It was beautiful.
00:02:28.319 --> 00:02:30.560
I engaged a little bit.
00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:32.080
The meeting ended.
00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:35.840
I thanked the woman who invited me and I quietly slipped out.
00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:39.280
I didn't connect or really meet anybody.
00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:42.400
I got to the car, and that's when things got interesting.
00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:58.240
I had the hour drive home and my mind started going crazy, telling me things like, These aren't your people, this isn't your thing, you're not good at groups, you don't fit in, you probably don't ever want to come back to this.
00:02:58.879 --> 00:03:04.960
And I was literally even telling myself that I don't I don't think I want to go do that speaking thing there either.
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:10.560
And by the time I'd gotten home, I had an entire case built against ever returning.
00:03:10.879 --> 00:03:14.159
It all felt true and justified.
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:23.520
I later was talking to my husband and he was asking about my day and how it was, and he immediately could tell like something wasn't great for me.
00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:29.039
And I told him, like, I'm giving myself an F today for social interaction.
00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:32.080
We laughed, and yes, it's a little dramatic.
00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:34.800
And um, but it really felt true.
00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:36.960
Like I didn't connect with anybody.
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:38.400
I drove all that way.
00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:41.840
I didn't feel like I showed up or made any kind of impact.
00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:44.639
And I just really didn't show up the way I wanted to.
00:03:44.800 --> 00:03:46.479
Have you ever felt like that?
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:54.000
Like you leave an experience realizing that you were just kind of on the outskirts looking in instead of getting in the pool.
00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:59.840
But as I kept sharing, I realized what a gift being in that room had actually been.
00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:06.800
When I got past the judgments, I actually realized that they, the room itself was not the problem.
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:08.159
The women were not the problem.
00:04:08.319 --> 00:04:09.520
The event was not the problem.
00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:13.039
The problem was I never fully got in the pool.
00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:23.199
I dipped my toe in, I stood on the side and observed it all and watched and got close to the edge, but never fully participated.
00:04:23.439 --> 00:04:34.160
I was watching from a distance, playing small, holding back and staying safe, which honestly is a real familiar pattern for most of my life.
00:04:35.279 --> 00:04:45.759
And as I kept talking to my husband, I realized I almost missed the gift of the day because I was too focused on myself, figuring out whether I belonged or not.
00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:48.800
The room itself was a gift.
00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:50.639
The experience was a gift.
00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:55.199
It reminded me the power of gathering and talking about real things.
00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:00.160
It reminded me of the wisdom that happens in a room when people are willing to be honest.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:09.759
And it reminded me why I love creating spaces where people can think and write and share and see things differently and walk away with a new perspective.
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:19.120
And that was exactly what I needed because I was getting ready to host my Write Your Life Forward class that week and the conversation club that week.
00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:21.920
And I needed that reminder to go all in.
00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:25.360
I looked at my husband and I said, I'm going back.
00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:28.560
Something was stirring inside of me that was different.
00:05:28.639 --> 00:05:45.600
And I was ready to give myself an opportunity to go back and get a better grade, to take the focus off of me and put it on others and to show up in the face of my fears because I'm not going to let that old story right my future anymore.
00:05:45.759 --> 00:05:53.439
That's not the game I'm playing anymore, even though it sometimes feels so familiar and easy to slip back into.
00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:59.439
I have a dear friend, Petra, who once said something I will never forget.
00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:03.439
She said, I don't show up to feel the energy in the room.
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:06.720
I show up to bring energy to the room.
00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:09.199
And I want to do more of that.
00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:18.879
I want to show up in my life, whether it's here, in a business meeting, in my marriage, in my business with my clients, in my friendships.
00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:21.120
I don't want to stand on the sidelines.
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:23.120
How about you, friend?
00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:28.639
As you listen to my story, where are you standing on the sidelines in your life?
00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:34.160
Is there a story that you're believing about yourself, one that's old and outdated?
00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:40.160
And is there one step you could take that aligns with the way you want to show up?
00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:42.160
It's never too late.
00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:59.360
One of the reasons I host spaces like the Write Your Life Forward free class that I host monthly and the new Conversation Club is because I know how easy it is to live inside of a story that is old and outdated without realizing it.
00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:10.319
And sometimes we just need a place to slow down, think, get some distance from our own thoughts and emotions right and get some outside perspective.
00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:16.639
If that sounds like something you need right now, I'd love to have you join the free class or the conversation club.
00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:22.079
You can find out all the upcoming events at carlareeves.com.
00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:25.120
Okay, friend, that's all I've got for today.
00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:27.360
I will see you next week.
00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:30.720
Hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end.
00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:37.920
Before you move on with your day, pause and capture one thought or takeaway that stood out to you.
00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:41.279
Write it down so it doesn't get lost in the noise.
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:53.040
And if you're ready to go deeper, come join me in my free monthly class, conversation and guided writing to help you see things differently and move forward with clarity.
00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:58.079
Save your spot, Carlareeves.com forward slash free class.