Disagreeing Well

Today we are constantly confronted with different views, positions, and opinions. It is important that we learn how to disagree well with our family, neighbors, friends, and fellow church goers. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Joe Gerber and Brian Sutter join Matt Kaufmann in a conversation about the nature of disagreement, how it can be leveraged for good and on what agreement should be based.

Show notes:

Disagreement has always been present. Humans are humans. Yet our current cultural and modern society has allowed disagreement to easily surface.

• Our culture encourages individual thoughts, opinions, and expressions thereof.

• Technology allows access to information on which opinions are based.

• The means for expressing opinions is easily accessible.

What does it mean to disagree well?

• It means to hold our opinions with grace and have a posture of humility. Disagreeing well also means not quick to make enemies of people with opposing views. Rather, being quick to listen and learn and aspiring for Christlikeness above correctness.

What makes disagreements so hard?

• We assume that disagreement creates distance between us and those we disagree with. This is not necessarily the case.

Why do we feel the "distance" between those we disagree with?

• Disagreement can unsettle our security. We feel attacked. We believe disagreement means disrespect when it doesn't happen.

Is there a lens we should use to see matters for which we disagree?

• Yes, not all disagreements are equal. For example, there are matters we believe to be absolute truth; other matters are agreed upon group norms, still other matters are individual preferences. Such lenses help us have the necessary flexibility when addressing disagreements.

How should we view disagreement in the church?

• We are called to unity. Unity is not the same thing as agreement on every point. Rather, it is agreement on Christ. Furthermore, agreement is not a prerequisite for love.

What are practical tactics for disagreeing well:

• Be curious and listen with the intent to learn the other perspective.

• Learn from those with whom you disagree.

• Hold your opinions with humility.

• Use tentative language rather than declarative language. For example, "I could be wrong but…" or "Can you help me understand…"

• Be able to absorb the passion of the other.

• Be able to control your passion.

• Learn to see complexity.

• Let yourself off the hook. You don't need to have the last word.

• Desire to be like Christ more than the desire to win a disagreement.