The Great Forgetting

WEBVTT
00:00:48.950 --> 00:00:56.310
Welcome to Transformative Living Radio, where we explore the power of intentional change for personal growth and fulfillment.
00:00:56.469 --> 00:01:01.030
I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach.
00:01:01.350 --> 00:01:07.909
Long ago, in a village beyond the mountains, there lived a man who suffered from a strange condition.
00:01:08.310 --> 00:01:14.069
Each morning he would gaze into a polished bronze mirror and study his reflection.
00:01:14.310 --> 00:01:18.230
But the moment he turned away, he forgot his own face.
00:01:18.710 --> 00:01:22.710
So the man began asking others to tell him who he was.
00:01:23.030 --> 00:01:26.150
When the villagers praised him, he felt worthy.
00:01:26.390 --> 00:01:29.349
When they criticized him, he felt ashamed.
00:01:29.590 --> 00:01:32.870
When they welcomed him, he believed he belonged.
00:01:33.109 --> 00:01:36.550
When they rejected him, he believed he was nothing.
00:01:36.870 --> 00:01:41.030
Over time, the man no longer saw himself through his own eyes.
00:01:41.270 --> 00:01:44.390
He became a collection of other people's judgments.
00:01:44.710 --> 00:01:51.829
One day a wise traveler came through the village and noticed the man searching every passing face for approval.
00:01:52.150 --> 00:01:56.310
Why do you look to strangers as though they possessed the secret of who you are?
00:01:56.549 --> 00:01:57.989
The traveler asked.
00:01:58.230 --> 00:02:03.510
The man replied, Because whenever I turn from the mirror, I forget my face.
00:02:03.989 --> 00:02:06.310
And I need others to remind me.
00:02:06.710 --> 00:02:09.430
The traveler looked at him with compassion.
00:02:09.750 --> 00:02:12.069
You have not forgotten your face, he said.
00:02:12.310 --> 00:02:16.150
You have forgotten that your face is not who you are.
00:02:16.550 --> 00:02:27.430
Then he placed his hand upon the man's shoulder and said, You have spent your life gathering reflections, but you have never turned inward to meet the one who is looking.
00:02:27.990 --> 00:02:31.269
That evening, the man returned to his own mirror.
00:02:31.509 --> 00:02:34.469
But this time he did not study his appearance.
00:02:34.710 --> 00:02:40.710
He looked deeply into his own eyes and asked, Who am I beneath everything the world has told me?
00:02:40.949 --> 00:02:45.430
And for the first time, he did not search the mirror for an answer.
00:02:45.750 --> 00:02:49.990
He closed his eyes and became still enough to listen from within.
00:02:50.469 --> 00:02:56.389
Now, this ancient story may not be familiar, but its message is deeply personal.
00:02:56.709 --> 00:02:59.829
In one way or another, many of us are that man.
00:03:00.629 --> 00:03:03.030
We have not forgotten what we look like.
00:03:03.269 --> 00:03:08.149
We have forgotten who we are beneath everything that has happened to us.
00:03:08.790 --> 00:03:11.350
And that's what I call the Great Day.
00:03:12.389 --> 00:03:20.949
It happens when you become so identified with your story that you forget that you're the consciousness observing that story.
00:03:21.189 --> 00:03:37.110
You forget that you are more than your roles, more than your circumstances, more than your trauma, more than your success, more than your failures, you are more than the labels placed upon you by people who may never have understood you in the first place.
00:03:37.589 --> 00:03:43.910
You say your story is a part of your life, but your story is not the totality of who you are.
00:03:44.470 --> 00:03:46.949
And that's what I want to talk about today.
00:03:47.189 --> 00:03:48.709
The Great Forgetting.
00:03:48.949 --> 00:03:53.189
So grab a pen and a pad, and if you're ready, let's begin.
00:03:57.110 --> 00:04:00.709
Are you ready to take your life and your career to the next level?
00:04:00.949 --> 00:04:07.990
Andre Flax is a John Maxwell leadership certified coach who is committed to helping you turn your dreams into reality.
00:04:08.230 --> 00:04:15.829
With proven effective self-development principles, Andre will help you put a plan in place that grows you steadily toward your goal.
00:04:16.149 --> 00:04:23.269
Contact Andre for a complimentary coaching session by emailing him at Andre at Transformative LivingRadio.com.
00:04:28.709 --> 00:04:33.509
Hello and welcome to another empowering episode of Transformative Living Radio.
00:04:33.670 --> 00:04:38.149
I'm Andre Flax, your host and certified life and leadership coach.
00:04:38.629 --> 00:04:40.949
I want to be clear about something.
00:04:41.189 --> 00:04:46.550
When I say you are more than your story, I'm not asking you to deny your past.
00:04:47.030 --> 00:04:50.069
I'm not telling you that your pain was not real.
00:04:50.470 --> 00:04:55.110
And I'm not suggesting that you should pretend certain things never happened.
00:04:55.509 --> 00:04:58.069
Some experiences change us.
00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:00.230
Loss changes you.
00:05:00.550 --> 00:05:02.230
Betrayal changes you.
00:05:02.550 --> 00:05:03.990
Poverty changes you.
00:05:04.310 --> 00:05:06.150
Rejection changes you.
00:05:06.470 --> 00:05:13.270
Trauma can change the way you see yourself, the way you relate to people, and the way you move through the world.
00:05:13.509 --> 00:05:20.470
You see, I know what it feels like to grow up surrounded by circumstances that could easily become identity.
00:05:20.949 --> 00:05:25.509
Growing up in Camden, New Jersey, poverty wasn't an abstract idea.
00:05:25.750 --> 00:05:28.069
It was part of the environment.
00:05:28.310 --> 00:05:35.110
Crime and violence were not just stories happening somewhere else, they were close enough to touch.
00:05:35.670 --> 00:05:40.949
Now, when you grow up in an environment like that, it can begin speaking to you.
00:05:41.189 --> 00:05:44.550
It can tell you what kind of life is available to you.
00:05:44.790 --> 00:05:47.990
It can tell you what people from your neighborhood become.
00:05:48.230 --> 00:05:51.670
It can even tell you how far you're allowed to dream.
00:05:52.390 --> 00:05:59.430
And if you hear that message long enough, you may begin to mistake your environment for your identity.
00:06:00.069 --> 00:06:03.990
But where you begin is not the same as who you are.
00:06:04.550 --> 00:06:09.030
What happened to you is not the same as what you're capable of becoming.
00:06:09.830 --> 00:06:12.470
You see, your story explains what happened.
00:06:13.110 --> 00:06:17.590
Your identity is what you decide those experiences meant about you.
00:06:18.230 --> 00:06:20.069
Those are not the same thing.
00:06:21.110 --> 00:06:25.670
A statement that says, This happened to me isn't about an event.
00:06:26.550 --> 00:06:31.030
A statement that says, This is who I am is about your identity.
00:06:31.430 --> 00:06:37.350
Yet many of us have taken painful events and turned them into permanent definitions.
00:06:37.990 --> 00:06:42.790
For example, a relationship ends and you decide I'm difficult to love.
00:06:43.430 --> 00:06:48.150
A business failed and you decide I'm not cut out for success.
00:06:48.870 --> 00:06:52.310
You struggle in school and you decide I'm not intelligent.
00:06:53.110 --> 00:06:57.350
Someone abandons you and you decide people always leave.
00:06:57.910 --> 00:07:01.830
You made mistakes in your past and you decide I'm broken.
00:07:02.470 --> 00:07:03.750
Do you see what happened?
00:07:04.230 --> 00:07:06.710
The experience became a conclusion.
00:07:07.030 --> 00:07:09.830
The chapter became the title of the entire book.
00:07:10.310 --> 00:07:13.350
The event passed, but the identity remained.
00:07:14.069 --> 00:07:21.590
You see, once an experience becomes part of your identity, you no longer need the original circumstances to keep it alive.
00:07:22.150 --> 00:07:23.990
You begin carrying it with you.
00:07:24.310 --> 00:07:25.830
You make decisions from it.
00:07:25.990 --> 00:07:28.550
You interpret new opportunities through it.
00:07:28.790 --> 00:07:32.310
You enter relationships expecting it to repeat itself.
00:07:33.189 --> 00:07:42.870
You may even unconsciously recreate familiar emotional patterns because although they're painful, they agree with the person you believe yourself to be.
00:07:43.830 --> 00:07:49.670
This is why two people can encounter the same opportunity and respond completely differently.
00:07:50.390 --> 00:07:54.310
One person sees possibility, the other sees danger.
00:07:55.110 --> 00:08:02.790
One person thinks, maybe this is my moment, but the other thinks people like me don't get opportunities like this.
00:08:03.830 --> 00:08:12.230
They are not simply responding to the opportunity, they are responding to who they believe they are in relationship to that opportunity.
00:08:13.189 --> 00:08:15.830
You see, identity shapes interpretation.
00:08:16.629 --> 00:08:26.230
Interpretation shapes decisions, decisions shape behavior, and behavior repeated consistently begins shaping destiny.
00:08:27.030 --> 00:08:31.670
That's why real transformation cannot stop at just changing what you do.
00:08:31.990 --> 00:08:36.309
It must eventually reach what you believe about who you are.
00:08:37.269 --> 00:08:50.230
In our last episode, we explored the difference between living as though life only happens to you and recognizing your ability to participate intentionally in what your life becomes.
00:08:50.549 --> 00:08:54.389
One of the deepest parts of that conversation is identity.
00:08:54.789 --> 00:09:01.990
You have a body, you have a personality, you have a history, you have roles that you play.
00:09:02.710 --> 00:09:06.230
But you are not limited to any one of those things.
00:09:06.789 --> 00:09:09.029
Think of your life as a vehicle.
00:09:09.590 --> 00:09:20.469
Your body, your personality, your background, your education, your career, and your social identity are all part of the vehicle you use to move through the world.
00:09:20.709 --> 00:09:23.509
But the vehicle is not the driver.
00:09:23.829 --> 00:09:28.229
You may drive an old car, but that doesn't mean you're old.
00:09:28.469 --> 00:09:33.509
You may drive through a storm, but that doesn't mean you are the storm.
00:09:33.909 --> 00:09:39.669
You may even find yourself on a difficult road, but the road doesn't define your destiny.
00:09:40.229 --> 00:09:49.349
The danger comes when the driver forgets that he is driving and begins believing that he is merely being carried wherever the vehicle happens to go.
00:09:50.149 --> 00:09:51.750
That is the great forgetting.
00:09:52.549 --> 00:09:54.709
You forget that you have an inner life.
00:09:55.189 --> 00:09:58.069
You forget that you can examine your beliefs.
00:09:58.309 --> 00:10:00.789
You forget that you can direct your attention.
00:10:01.189 --> 00:10:04.949
You forget that you can give new meaning to your experiences.
00:10:05.349 --> 00:10:12.069
You forget that you possess imagination, which is the ability to see beyond what currently exists.
00:10:13.189 --> 00:10:21.509
You forget that you can choose what you practice, what you will accept, and what you will no longer allow to define you.
00:10:22.389 --> 00:10:25.990
When you forget these things, you become reactive.
00:10:26.789 --> 00:10:29.669
You spend your life responding to appearances.
00:10:30.149 --> 00:10:34.949
For example, if the outer world looks promising, you feel hopeful.
00:10:35.589 --> 00:10:39.110
If the outer world looks uncertain, you become afraid.
00:10:39.750 --> 00:10:43.029
If people support your vision, you move forward.
00:10:43.589 --> 00:10:47.189
If they question you, you begin questioning yourself.
00:10:48.389 --> 00:10:53.110
But a creator cannot live entirely from the outside in.
00:10:53.750 --> 00:10:57.429
A creator must learn to live from the inside out.
00:10:57.990 --> 00:11:00.949
And that doesn't mean ignoring reality.
00:11:01.669 --> 00:11:08.629
It means refusing to allow your present reality to become the only voice shaping your future.
00:11:08.870 --> 00:11:13.990
Now, most of us were given labels before we were old enough to question them.
00:11:14.549 --> 00:11:28.149
Labels like the quiet one, the difficult one, the smart one, the irresponsible one, the strong one, the sensitive one, the successful one, the one who always messes things up.
00:11:28.629 --> 00:11:34.469
Now sometimes a label sounds positive, but it can still become a prison.
00:11:35.189 --> 00:11:40.469
Maybe you were called the strong one, so you learned never to ask for help.
00:11:40.870 --> 00:11:47.990
Maybe you became the successful one, so you began believing your value dependent on always achieving more.
00:11:48.629 --> 00:11:53.990
Maybe you were the responsible one, and now you feel guilty whenever you rest.
00:11:54.389 --> 00:12:01.829
Maybe you were praised for taking care of everyone else, but somewhere along the way you forgot how to take care of yourself.
00:12:02.229 --> 00:12:10.309
You see, roles can help us understand our responsibility, but they become dangerous when we confuse them with our identity.
00:12:10.629 --> 00:12:15.429
You may be a parent, but parenthood is not the whole of you.
00:12:15.909 --> 00:12:21.750
You may be a spouse, but your relationship status doesn't contain your entire identity.
00:12:22.870 --> 00:12:27.589
You may be a leader, but the title is not the source of your value.
00:12:28.389 --> 00:12:33.429
You may be a caregiver, provider, employee, business owner, or coach.
00:12:34.069 --> 00:12:36.789
Those are all expressions of you.
00:12:37.110 --> 00:12:39.509
They are not the totality of you.
00:12:40.469 --> 00:12:42.709
What happens when the children grow up?
00:12:43.669 --> 00:12:45.909
What happens when the career changes?
00:12:46.549 --> 00:12:48.949
What happens when the relationship ends?
00:12:49.589 --> 00:12:54.389
What happens when the company reorganizes and the title disappears?
00:12:55.349 --> 00:13:03.189
You see, if your identity had been built entirely around a role, losing that role can feel like you're losing yourself.
00:13:04.149 --> 00:13:07.110
You look in the mirror and ask, who am I now?
00:13:07.909 --> 00:13:13.349
But perhaps a better question is, who have I always been beneath the role?
00:13:14.229 --> 00:13:31.269
You see, the role may change, the expression may change, the season may change, but the deeper awareness within you, the part capable of learning, imagining, choosing, loving, creating, and becoming, is still there.
00:13:31.589 --> 00:13:33.269
You did not disappear.
00:13:33.509 --> 00:13:36.870
You may simply need to be reacquainted with yourself.
00:13:37.110 --> 00:13:43.589
Now, when we come back, I want to give you three signs that an old story may still be shaping your identity.
00:13:43.829 --> 00:13:45.189
We'll be right back.
00:13:48.870 --> 00:13:52.469
Are you ready to take your life and your career to the next level?
00:13:52.789 --> 00:13:59.750
Andre Flax is a John Maxwell leadership certified coach who is committed to helping you turn your dreams into reality.
00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:07.589
With proven effective self-development principles, Andre will help you put a plan in place that grows you steadily toward your goal.
00:14:07.909 --> 00:14:15.029
Contact Andre for a complimentary coaching session by emailing him at Andre at Transformative LivingRadio.com.
00:14:19.909 --> 00:14:21.189
Hey, welcome back.
00:14:21.429 --> 00:14:26.309
Now let me give you three signs that an old story may still be shaping your identity.
00:14:26.549 --> 00:14:30.789
Now the first sign is that you keep predicting your future from your past.
00:14:31.189 --> 00:14:34.309
You say things like, This always happens to me.
00:14:34.469 --> 00:14:36.309
People like me never get ahead.
00:14:36.549 --> 00:14:38.870
I've tried before and it didn't work.
00:14:39.110 --> 00:14:41.669
My family has always struggled with this.
00:14:41.990 --> 00:14:46.069
I'm just not good at relationships and I've never been confident.
00:14:46.709 --> 00:14:48.149
Notice the language.
00:14:48.469 --> 00:14:51.509
Always, never, that's just who I am.
00:14:52.229 --> 00:14:56.549
Those words take a past pattern and turn it into permanent identity.
00:14:57.029 --> 00:15:03.189
You see, you're not merely remembering what happened, you're using what happened to predict what's possible.
00:15:03.429 --> 00:15:06.229
But the past is evidence of what has been.
00:15:06.870 --> 00:15:09.269
It is not proof of what must be.
00:15:10.149 --> 00:15:14.789
Now the second sign is you keep rejecting anything that contradicts the old story.
00:15:15.189 --> 00:15:16.229
What do I mean?
00:15:16.469 --> 00:15:19.269
Someone gives you a compliment and you dismiss it.
00:15:19.589 --> 00:15:23.509
An opportunity appears and you explain why you're not ready yet.
00:15:24.069 --> 00:15:27.990
Someone treats you with genuine love and you become suspicious.
00:15:28.629 --> 00:15:32.229
You experience a small success and you call it luck.
00:15:32.549 --> 00:15:33.110
Why?
00:15:33.509 --> 00:15:37.189
Because the experience doesn't fit the identity you have practiced.
00:15:37.669 --> 00:15:45.269
We often say we want a new life, but when evidence of a new life appears, we reject it because it feels unfamiliar.
00:15:45.509 --> 00:15:48.949
The old story may be painful, but it's known.
00:15:49.189 --> 00:15:53.189
The new identity may be freeing, but it's unfamiliar.
00:15:53.349 --> 00:15:56.709
And we often mistake familiarity for safety.
00:15:57.750 --> 00:16:02.309
The third sign is you keep shrinking to remain recognizable.
00:16:02.789 --> 00:16:08.789
You feel yourself changing, you have new ideas, you are beginning to think differently.
00:16:09.029 --> 00:16:11.990
You sense that there's more for your life.
00:16:12.309 --> 00:16:19.029
But then you enter an old environment and suddenly you become the previous version of yourself again.
00:16:19.269 --> 00:16:23.429
You lower your voice, you hide your growth, you downplay your vision.
00:16:23.589 --> 00:16:28.069
You return to the old pattern because you don't want people to feel uncomfortable.
00:16:28.309 --> 00:16:33.909
You are trying to remain recognizable to people who only know an early version of yourself.
00:16:34.229 --> 00:16:37.110
But growth sometimes makes you unfamiliar.
00:16:37.349 --> 00:16:47.269
Not because you're being fake, not because you think you're better than anyone, but because you no longer organize your life around the same fears, wounds, and limitations.
00:16:47.589 --> 00:16:49.589
You are remembering yourself.
00:16:49.829 --> 00:16:53.990
Now, for some people, the old story is connected to trauma.
00:16:54.229 --> 00:16:56.870
And trauma can leave a deep imprint.
00:16:57.110 --> 00:17:01.589
It can teach the body to remain alert even after the danger has passed.
00:17:01.829 --> 00:17:07.110
It can cause a person to expect rejection, betrayal, conflict, or abandonment.
00:17:07.349 --> 00:17:14.150
And healing is not accomplished by simply repeating positive words over unprocessed pain.
00:17:14.390 --> 00:17:17.349
Sometimes healing requires support.
00:17:17.509 --> 00:17:19.589
Sometimes it requires therapy.
00:17:19.750 --> 00:17:26.549
Sometimes it requires grieving, setting boundaries, telling the truth, and learning how to feel safe again.
00:17:26.789 --> 00:17:32.470
But even while honoring the depth of what you experience, I want you to remember something.
00:17:32.710 --> 00:17:34.150
You are not the wound.
00:17:34.470 --> 00:17:37.269
You are the person who became aware of the wound.
00:17:37.829 --> 00:17:39.589
You are not the fear.
00:17:39.910 --> 00:17:42.950
You are the one capable of observing the fear.
00:17:43.670 --> 00:17:50.470
You see, there's a difference between saying I learned to protect myself and saying, I'm a closed-off person.
00:17:51.110 --> 00:17:56.710
There's a difference between saying I've experienced abandonment and saying I'm unwanted.
00:17:56.950 --> 00:18:02.870
One acknowledges the experience, the other turns the experience into a life sentence.
00:18:03.269 --> 00:18:08.230
You see, you're allowed to honor what happened to you without building a permanent home there.
00:18:08.470 --> 00:18:12.550
The past can be a window that helps you understand where you've been.
00:18:12.870 --> 00:18:17.029
But it was never meant to become the room you live in forever.
00:18:17.509 --> 00:18:21.990
Reflection creates wisdom, rumination creates repetition.
00:18:22.230 --> 00:18:29.029
One allows you to visit the past and retrieve the lessons, while the other keeps sending you back to relive the womb.
00:18:30.230 --> 00:18:32.310
You can remember without remaining.
00:18:32.950 --> 00:18:35.670
You can grieve without surrendering your future.
00:18:35.910 --> 00:18:40.070
You can acknowledge the scar without calling yourself the injury.
00:18:41.509 --> 00:18:44.070
Every meaningful creation begins in the unseen.
00:18:45.110 --> 00:18:48.710
Before the building exists, someone sees it in the mind.
00:18:49.350 --> 00:18:52.789
Before the book is written, someone senses the message.
00:18:53.029 --> 00:18:57.190
Before the business is built, someone recognizes possibility.
00:18:57.430 --> 00:19:03.110
Before life changes outwardly, someone begins seeing themselves differently inwardly.
00:19:03.269 --> 00:19:06.710
You see, your imagination is more than a place where you daydream.
00:19:07.190 --> 00:19:09.269
It's an inner projection booth.
00:19:09.590 --> 00:19:18.789
The images you repeatedly hold, the conversations you rehearse, and the outcomes you emotionally anticipate are shaping the way you experience life.
00:19:19.029 --> 00:19:22.550
Now many people use imagination unconsciously.
00:19:22.710 --> 00:19:25.670
They imagine rejection before the conversation.
00:19:25.910 --> 00:19:28.950
They imagine failure before taking the first step.
00:19:29.190 --> 00:19:31.190
They rehearse old arguments.
00:19:31.430 --> 00:19:33.910
They replay embarrassing moments.
00:19:34.550 --> 00:19:38.230
They see themselves falling short before they ever begin.
00:19:38.550 --> 00:19:41.750
Then they say, I'm just being realistic.
00:19:42.150 --> 00:19:47.190
But they are not only observing reality, they are rehearsing an identity.
00:19:47.509 --> 00:19:51.269
They are thinking from the person who already expects to lose.
00:19:51.509 --> 00:19:57.990
Yet to think like a person who creates, you must learn to think from the identity you are becoming.
00:19:58.789 --> 00:20:03.590
You see, there's a difference between thinking about confidence and thinking from confidence.
00:20:03.910 --> 00:20:07.910
Thinking about confidence says, I wish I had more confidence.
00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:13.830
Thinking from confidence asks, how would I enter the room if I trusted myself?
00:20:14.150 --> 00:20:19.110
Now thinking about peace says, I hope my circumstances calm down.
00:20:19.430 --> 00:20:27.430
But thinking from peace asks a question like, how would I respond if I refuse to let chaos take over my inner world?
00:20:27.750 --> 00:20:30.870
Now this is not pretending, it's rehearsal.
00:20:31.110 --> 00:20:44.950
Just like an athlete rehearsed every movement before competition, or a speaker rehearses his message before stepping on stage, in the same way you can begin rehearsing a new relationship with yourself.
00:20:45.190 --> 00:20:47.910
You can begin seeing yourself as capable.
00:20:48.070 --> 00:20:51.509
You can imagine yourself responding rather than reacting.
00:20:51.750 --> 00:20:55.830
You can practice the inner language of the person you intend to become.
00:20:56.070 --> 00:20:58.630
You see, identity precedes behavior.
00:20:58.789 --> 00:21:04.230
And when you change the place from which you think, you begin changing the way you move.
00:21:04.470 --> 00:21:09.029
Now I want to share a practical exercise which I call identity audit.
00:21:09.269 --> 00:21:21.670
So if you can take out a journal or an open blank page on your phone and write down this sentence, the story I've been telling myself is, then finish it honestly.
00:21:22.230 --> 00:21:25.830
Maybe your story is I'm always overlooked.
00:21:26.070 --> 00:21:37.350
Maybe it's I have to do everything alone, or it's too late for me, or I can never get ahead, or I always choose the wrong people, or I'm not ready.
00:21:37.590 --> 00:21:40.310
Now don't judge what comes up, just name it.
00:21:40.470 --> 00:21:46.470
Because I've always said you cannot consciously change a story you're unwilling to identify.
00:21:46.789 --> 00:21:50.550
Then I want you to ask, where did I learn this?
00:21:51.029 --> 00:21:53.029
Was it something a parent said?
00:21:53.269 --> 00:21:55.110
Did it come from a relationship?
00:21:55.269 --> 00:21:57.509
Was it formed during childhood?
00:21:57.830 --> 00:22:00.789
Did it grow from one painful experience?
00:22:01.029 --> 00:22:03.990
Or did you inherit it from family or environment?
00:22:04.230 --> 00:22:07.590
Now we're not looking for someone to put the blame on.
00:22:07.750 --> 00:22:13.670
We're tracing the origin so you stop confusing something you learned with something you are.
00:22:14.230 --> 00:22:19.029
Next, I want you to ask, how has this story shaped my decisions?
00:22:19.430 --> 00:22:21.990
What opportunities have I avoided?
00:22:22.230 --> 00:22:24.710
What relationships have I tolerated?
00:22:24.950 --> 00:22:27.670
What boundaries have I failed to set?
00:22:28.470 --> 00:22:30.630
Where have I remained silent?
00:22:31.509 --> 00:22:33.670
Where have I been playing it small?
00:22:34.870 --> 00:22:40.870
What have you refused to attempt because the old story told you it wasn't for you?
00:22:42.310 --> 00:22:46.550
Then I want you to ask, what has this story cost me?
00:22:47.110 --> 00:22:47.430
Be honest.
00:22:48.789 --> 00:22:55.350
Has it cost you peace, time, confidence, connection, creativity, opportunities?
00:22:56.310 --> 00:23:00.950
Has it kept you so focused on survival that you have forgotten how to live?
00:23:03.190 --> 00:23:04.630
Write this question down.
00:23:05.029 --> 00:23:07.430
Who would I be without this concluding?
00:23:08.789 --> 00:23:18.950
Without the memory, the concluding experience no longer meant that you were unworthy, incapable, unwanted, or powerless.
00:23:19.670 --> 00:23:20.710
Who might you become?
00:23:22.070 --> 00:23:22.789
Would you attempt?
00:23:24.789 --> 00:23:25.430
Would you speak?
00:23:28.630 --> 00:23:30.710
Would you finally allow yourself to receive?
00:23:32.310 --> 00:23:35.430
The question begins separating the event from the identity.
00:23:36.789 --> 00:23:41.110
The words I am are among the most powerful words you can ever speak.
00:23:41.350 --> 00:23:45.190
Because whatever follows them becomes a declaration of identity.
00:23:46.230 --> 00:23:48.470
For example, not good enough.
00:23:49.910 --> 00:23:50.390
You hold.
00:23:51.750 --> 00:23:52.310
Behind.
00:23:53.110 --> 00:23:53.670
I'm damn.
00:23:55.269 --> 00:23:55.830
Unlucky.
00:23:57.509 --> 00:23:58.870
Leadership material.
00:23:59.190 --> 00:24:01.910
I am not the kind of person who can do that.
00:24:03.269 --> 00:24:10.870
Every time you repeat one of those statements, we're not simply describing a feeling, you are planting a seed.
00:24:11.029 --> 00:24:14.310
And your mind, like soil, doesn't argue with the seed.
00:24:14.550 --> 00:24:17.750
It begins looking for evidence that supports what has been planted.
00:24:18.390 --> 00:24:25.110
So if you plant I'm always overlooked, your attention begins finding every moment when someone failed to recognize you.
00:24:25.750 --> 00:24:30.550
If you plant, I'm bad with money, every financial mistake becomes proof.
00:24:31.750 --> 00:24:37.110
Plant I'm difficult to love, every disagreement begins feeling like a confirmation.
00:24:38.070 --> 00:24:42.470
You see, the soil produces according to what is repeatedly planted and nourished.
00:24:42.630 --> 00:24:47.110
That's why you must become intentional about the identity statement you rehearse.
00:24:47.350 --> 00:24:50.550
Now this does not mean repeating words that feel empty.
00:24:51.910 --> 00:24:54.789
Choosing language that opens the door for growth.
00:24:55.029 --> 00:25:01.029
For example, instead of I am broken, try, I am healing, learning, and becoming whole.
00:25:02.070 --> 00:25:05.029
Instead of I have no confidence, try.
00:25:12.870 --> 00:25:16.630
Try, I'm becoming someone who learns, adjusts, and keeps moving.
00:25:17.269 --> 00:25:22.710
Instead of it's too late, try, I'm still here, and this chapter is still being written.
00:25:22.950 --> 00:25:27.430
You see, a new identity is not established through one emotional moment.
00:25:28.390 --> 00:25:31.350
It's developed through repetition, evidence, and action.
00:25:32.550 --> 00:25:35.750
Each time you speak differently, you plant a seed.
00:25:35.990 --> 00:25:40.550
Each time you make a choice consistent with your new identity, you water it.
00:25:40.789 --> 00:25:45.509
And each time you refuse to return to an old pattern, you strengthen the roots.
00:25:46.150 --> 00:25:50.310
Eventually, what once felt unfamiliar begins to feel natural.
00:25:51.509 --> 00:25:54.789
So let me give you a simple practice you can begin tomorrow morning.
00:25:55.750 --> 00:26:00.789
Before you check your phone, read an email, or allow the world to tell you who you need to be.
00:26:02.150 --> 00:26:03.269
Five quiet minutes.
00:26:04.710 --> 00:26:05.750
First, remember.
00:26:06.870 --> 00:26:11.830
Say to yourself, I am more than my story, more than my roles.
00:26:12.630 --> 00:26:15.110
I am more than other people's opinions.
00:26:15.350 --> 00:26:25.910
I am the one who can observe, choose, imagine, and create second, see picture yourself moving through the day as the person you're becoming.
00:26:27.750 --> 00:26:31.590
Not only picture the outcome, picture the identity.
00:26:31.990 --> 00:26:33.990
See yourself speaking clearly.
00:26:34.150 --> 00:26:37.110
See yourself keeping the promise you made to yourself.
00:26:37.350 --> 00:26:40.630
See yourself responding to pressure with composure.
00:26:40.950 --> 00:26:43.029
See yourself setting boundaries.
00:26:43.269 --> 00:26:45.590
See yourself taking the next courageous dog.
00:26:47.190 --> 00:26:47.670
Choose.
00:26:48.150 --> 00:26:53.910
Ask yourself, what is one decision I can make today that agrees with the person I'm become?
00:26:55.509 --> 00:27:07.910
Yet sending the email, making the call, going for the walk, having the conversation, applying for the opportunity, saying no without guilt, saying yes without shrinking.
00:27:08.150 --> 00:27:13.350
You see, the actions may appear small, but identity is built through repeated evidence.
00:27:14.390 --> 00:27:20.789
As we bring this episode to a close, I want you to imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror.
00:27:21.269 --> 00:27:35.910
I want you to look beyond your face, beyond your age, beyond the role you play, beyond the title you carry, beyond the mistakes, beyond the accomplishments, and beyond the labels.
00:27:36.630 --> 00:27:38.870
Look into your own eyes and ask.
00:27:39.509 --> 00:27:41.990
Who is the one standing here right now?
00:27:45.590 --> 00:27:46.470
Who are you now?
00:27:47.830 --> 00:30:18.950
Who are you willing to do?com.
00:30:19.190 --> 00:30:24.310
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a comment wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe.