#182: Visibility As Generosity: Rethinking Photos, Aging, And Confidence With Photographer Kristen Vallejo

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Visibility is generosity.
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When we have so many innate talents to share and things that we can do for other people and help them with, it's almost unfair to keep it to ourselves, right?
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To stay squirreled away and unseen and invisible.
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And you're holding back from your gifts and what you're giving to people.
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And you know, I think it's really important that to connect to people, they see who you are.
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I feel like it's a generous act to really put yourself out there and say, hey, here I am, this is what I look like, take it or leave it, love it or hate it, but I feel good about me.
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Welcome to the Midlife Feast, the podcast that helps you make sense of your body, your health, and menopause in the messy middle of midlife.
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I'm Dr.
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Jen Saleh Huber, intuitive eating dietitian and naturopathic doctor, and author of Eat to Thrive During Menopause.
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Around here, we don't see midlife and menopause as problems to solve, but as invitations to live with more freedom, trust, and joy.
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Each week, you'll hear real conversations and practical strategies to help you feel like yourself again.
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Eat without guilt and turn midlife from a season of survival into a season of thriving.
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I'm so glad you're here.
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Let's dig in.
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My guest is Kristen Vallejo.
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Kristen's a professional photographer who takes beautiful pictures.
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I hope to have mine taken by her at some point this year.
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But she's also on a mission, and she's on a mission to help women in particular, and and women, not just in business, but in general, feel comfortable and confident having their picture taken.
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Now, that's a big ask, right?
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Because anybody, I think, who is living in this world probably has stood up a little straighter, has thought about what their good side or their bad side is, or tries to choose something that is, quote, flattering before they have their photo taken.
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Or maybe you're in that messy middle of trying to accept your body and treat it with kindness, but you're maybe still trying to hide in the background of that family photo.
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What Kristen describes is a very radical way of thinking about what a photo means.
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At one point she shares a quote that having your picture taken is an act of generosity.
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So if you'd like to hear more about that and like to hear more about Kristen's work and also how it can help you feel more confident when you need to have your photo taken, I hope you'll listen to this episode.
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All right.
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Welcome to the Midlife Feast, Kristen.
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Thank you.
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I'm very, very happy to be here.
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So this is really fun for me and hopefully fun for you because we first connected when you joined the Feaster community as a founding member a few years ago now.
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Oh wow.
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And I think so anyway.
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I think I'm pretty sure you were, but certainly you've been part of our community for a while.
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And but we connected over a conversation earlier this year that kind of was the start, I guess, or the spark of this conversation that we're having today.
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But before we get into it, I would love to invite you just to introduce yourself to the audience and who you are and what you do.
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Sure.
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I am Kristen Vallejo.
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I am right now uh living in upstate New York, and I'm a portrait and branding photographer, and I focus on entrepreneurs, people building small businesses, and especially those who have animals or pets involved in their businesses.
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Oh, I didn't know the pets party lover.
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Yep.
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So dogs, horses, cats.
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That that's been the extent of it.
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And you're not wrong if you're listening to that, but there's obviously a twist.
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And one of the things that we connected over was an experience that you had earlier this year.
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Do you mind talking about that?
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No, I'd I'd love to talk about it.
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You know, it's there have been there have been a lot of things that have happened this year that have led me to a thought process around why are people so afraid of having their picture taken, averse to having their picture taken, upset by having their picture taken.
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I mean, often, often as soon as my camera comes up, people run for the hills.
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Um, part of part of my job is to be um, I do corporate events, and at those events, so I'm shooting people in an editorial, you know, spontaneous fashion, but they also have options for headshots.
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And I I had a big event uh late in the summer where I shot 115 headshots in two days.
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And out of the yeah, a little show every five minutes.
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So, and I would say out of that group, 115 people, maybe five participants came to it with joy.
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Otherwise, it was how do you fix?
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How can you adjust?
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Can you make me look good?
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Do I need to do this?
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You know, like it saddens me because you know, I understand the vulnerability in having a picture taken.
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I have my own body issues, things that I'm working on, but to have the vast majority of people that I interact with feel unworthy of having a picture taken is extremely depressing.
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Yeah.
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I mean, anybody who's listening to this podcast um probably has experienced some body image issues.
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I think anybody alive in the world, because it's normal to not always like what your body looks like, that is a hundred percent a normal human experience.
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But you're right about pictures being really vulnerable.
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This comes up a lot, um, certainly in the community, but um, you know, in almost every conversation that I have with women at some point, of feeling like the picture doesn't match what they expect to see or what they think they look like, or what they want to look like, or what they did look like.
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Like there's all of these different disconnects.
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And so, to your point about all, you know, women running or people running for the hills, why why do you think that women avoid being seen in pictures?
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I think there's photographer's story on that.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, the photographer and my own story, right?
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I mean, when I was a kid, I loved having my picture taken.
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Like I was very hammy, I couldn't get enough of it.
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If there was a camera, I was in front of it.
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You know, if if there were suggestions for things to do with my friends, let's get the camera out and play model.
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I was obsessed with magazines.
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But then there comes a point where you start looking at your body and comparing and finding faults, and it's not so fun anymore.
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And, you know, as a child of the 70s, you know, I've been through a lot of different eras of how people feel about pictures and what they do with them.
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And, you know, the further we've gone down the social media hole, the less I see people enjoying this, which is which is such a dichotomy, right?
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Because we want to post pictures and we want to be seen, but there's this drive for every picture has to look perfect.
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So you see people doing a selfie, but they're taking it 30 times before they find the right one, right?
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I also think that people are more savvy about what's out there as far as editing tools and what they can do to make themselves look differently.
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So there's this back of the mind thing.
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Well, oh, well, she'll just Photoshop it or she'll fix it or I'll fix it myself.
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So, so the picture as is is never good enough.
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There's always something expected on the back end, right?
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And, you know, I just think all of that stuff is floating around in people's heads and they're missing out on the joy of what photography can be, the spontaneity, the fun, the silliness.
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You know, we we take ourselves so seriously.
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And I always say, if people can believe the bad pictures, I'm I'm doing air quotes for for anybody who's not watching a visual of this, then why can't we believe the good ones?
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Because we're the same person, you know, whether or not we have the double chin in that particular moment or not, you're the same person.
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So why can't you feel good about the good pictures that come out?
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Or or be indifferent, even, right?
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Or know that sometimes our bodies look funny, sometimes they look silly, they do weird things.
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You know, one of the things, if we do want to do a practical tip, one of the things I have to tell people over and over again is to really push from the back of their neck, neck, and the uh stick their chin out a bit to get rid of the double chin, right?
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So, you know, that's the same person.
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I'm the same person whether I'm retracting or extending.
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That's um that's a really good point that it's the same person.
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It's like that other mindset conversation.
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Like if you, you know, devote time to worrying about all the things that'll happen if it doesn't work out, do yourself a favor and also think about what if it does work out?
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You know, it's like two sides of that same coin, but we're so trained to focus on the negative side of it, whether it's what we see in the picture or the picture itself, that we don't think about, you know, there are good pictures uh even on the same day as maybe a bad picture was taken, right?
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And so what do you feel like as the photographer who's on the lens trying to capture these moments?
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Do you sometimes feel what you think is a good picture is very different than what your client thinks is a good picture?
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That often happens, yes.
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And and what I learned early on in my career is to provide a good variety and to not choose, not to choose four people, right?
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I I I hear I give you a variety of things to pick from, and and we work together to pick what best represents you in life, in business, in whatever the situation happens to be.
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And, you know, I often love the pictures where people's heads are back and the hair is flying and their eyes are closed because it's showing real emotion.
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You know, I I would suggest to your audience when they come across these opportunities to really allow yourself to have a variety of ways of being seen.
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It doesn't always have to be the corporate pose engaged straight with the camera.
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You know, let people see the life behind your eyes, what you look like when you're in motion, what when you when you are bending your body in a weird way.
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It's okay.
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It's okay.
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And I think it's important that we also sometimes intentionally see pictures of our bodies in a non-posed way.
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Because if we're always comparing it to that pose or, you know, the the leg arm pose with like, you know, the hand on the hip and the hip back and like all of those tips that we've all heard a million times.
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But that's no one stands like that in real life.
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Absolutely, they don't.
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You're standing next to the water cooler, yeah, yeah.
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And so it's jarring when you see a real photo if the only ones you have are posed.
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Yes.
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Right.
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I I recently was at an event and and somebody was there, it was kind of one of those step and repeat drops, and and she said, I feel weird, I don't know what to do.
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And I said, Well, that's because you don't do this every day.
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It's not, it's not in practice for you.
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You're not standing in front of the mirror and seeing which angle is the best.
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And, you know, that that's what I'm there for to coach people through that.
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But even in those situations, I'm still always looking for the most natural expression of what that particular body does.
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Because what pose works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another.
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We still always have to go back to the baseline of this is what your body's capable of, and this is how it looks most flattering.
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You know, as a as an example, there's a shot that a lot of corporate women like where their arms are crossed and you're kind of in a power pose.
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Well, my arms are too short for that.
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I I physically can't do it myself.
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I'm envious of long arms.
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You know, so so for some bodies, we have to skip that, right?
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We've got to work with what we're given and and embrace it and appreciate it.
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Yeah, and I think that the authenticity of like capturing that person.
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I think, you know, when I'm talking to people about working through photos like family photos and things like that, I always say that the point of the picture is to capture a moment, not to capture your best side.
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But that is actually a little different, maybe in like a portrait session for branding or for corporate photography, because there is kind of the expectation of wanting to capture a real picture, but also a flattering picture.
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And I think that is a and flattering is such a loaded word.
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I don't even think we can like get into that on the flattering for who, but I just mean like a picture that has a professional look to it, I guess.
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It's not like a candid picture snapped by grandma in the backyard.
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And I know that when I've had uh portrait sessions done before in the past, it has felt like a pressure cooker situation of, you know, what am I gonna wear?
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Making sure that I get my hair done, but not too soon, because I don't want a fresh cut.
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I want it to be like a week old and like all of these things.
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And then like the day of, and it's like, you know, 15, 20 minutes is typically how long you're, you know, in this chair getting these poses.
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And it's by the end of it, you're just exhausted because you feel like you know, you've tried on 20 different outfits before you left the house, and you just like cross your fingers and hope for the best that it turns out okay.
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Yeah.
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But I love this kind of question or you know, that you had about how we can use a good portrait session to kind of boost our confidence and maybe see ourselves in a new light with maybe less pressure to quote unquote look good, I guess.
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Absolutely.
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I I feel like people often approach a session with me with complete terror.
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You know, it starts out in terror mode, like because of the things that you just mentioned, you know, the pressures to what are we gonna wear?
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What are we gonna do with our hair?
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Are we gonna do makeup?
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You know, there's all these choices that need to be made, and we're all overloaded with choices as it is.
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Yeah, so something I try to do is do as much of that work for my client as I can so that they don't have to make too many choices.
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And, you know, I'm always aiming for professional, personal connected.
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So we're not looking for absolutely the best and polished.
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We're looking for pictures that you feel like you can look at and say, oh, that's me.
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That is the best version of myself.
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And I feel good putting that out into the world.
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Um, because after all, if if we're in an entrepreneurial situation, we want to connect with people to buy whatever it is we're selling or to hire us to do whatever you need help with.
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And you want to make sure that those people are the picture that they're seeing is who they're connecting with on the back end.
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You know, and that can mean some it that means something different for every entrepreneur.
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So, yes, I want people to feel a tiny bit of pressure to put some effort into it because it is a collaboration, right?
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You know, you can't just show up to your photographer and say, make some magic.
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Here I am.
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You know, we need to know what your end goals are too.
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How do you want to be perceived?
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What is your business model?
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What who are the clients that you're trying to reach?
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Because then that helps me shape the vision for you in the in the end result.
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I had a conversation with someone a couple of weeks ago that I earmarked in my notebook to talk about with you.
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So this is somebody who works in a, let's just say that she's in a C-level position and uh has been in that position for all of most of her career, not the same company, obviously has moved around a few times and moved to a new company within the last year and had to get new headshots done for their corporate website.
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And let's just say that it it was it was challenging when she saw the pictures because she hadn't had a photo done in I think it was eight years.
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And she had gone through menopause.
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Yeah.
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And that was what prompted her to book a call with me.
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She's like, oh, I need some help because I'm sorry in every way possible.
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But you know, we talked about it.
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It really kind of comes back to what we were saying about at the beginning that you know, we women avoid being seen in pictures, be especially as we get older, because there's that fear of, well, people are going to see that I'm getting older.
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And that was kind of the crux of it for her.
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It's like, wow, I can't hide that I'm older.
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And nobody can really.
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Like, if you've got good genetics and maybe a lot of money, there's a few things you can do.
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But at the end of the day, no one has been able to stop the aging clock.
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So that discomfort of comparing ourselves to younger pictures, right?
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But we don't do that with like our kids.
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Like, I can look at pictures of my kids as babies and as toddlers and as teens now and appreciate the changes that have happened without comparing them.
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And I think that is a skill set that is so hard to turn on ourselves to not be able to be like, oh, I don't like this picture because I look older, but you are older.
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Yeah.
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Right?
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How do you talk people through that?
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You hear versions of that.
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I hear many, many versions of that.
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And you know, it's it's tricky and it requires some work and self-reflection.
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And when I'm starting to work with someone, this is something we talk about, you know, at great length is where your self-esteem is and how you're feeling about yourself.
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And something I encourage people to do is to do selfies and take pictures of themselves, maybe leading up to the event with me, or just in general, so that they get used to looking at themselves.
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Because if you have waited eight years to get a professional headshot done, that's that's a big amount of time and the changes are going to be evident.
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So if you've avoided pictures for that whole amount of time, and then you step into a studio with a professional with high definition cameras and lighting and and everything that's going to show off every little bit and change, it's it's gonna be confrontational for sure.
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Um, but you know, getting back to the last question you asked me, I don't think I've fully answered about how this can be an empowering experience, which which ties in with what we're talking about in aging is that, you know, the when when the when people come to me with the terror and they're like, oh, can I see a little peek you know behind the camera and can I take a little look?
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Almost always it's a sigh of relief, like, oh, I look better than I thought I did.
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Um, but getting the courage to to look at yourself that way, you know, is is hard.
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And it does, it does take internal work.
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You know, photographers can work magic.
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We can do all kinds of things in post-production if you really want us to, but we cannot change how you feel inside.
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And, you know, I think it's just a daily practice to really embrace where you are at in the current moment and what you're capable of, and try not to tie everything to how you look, you know, and that's easier said than done.
00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:59.039
I struggle with it myself, but you know, there are so many things I do in my life that are that have nothing to do with my appearance, you know, in feeling strong and capable.
00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:03.279
And when that picture shows up, like I love what I represent, right?
00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:08.960
Like, like my face where it is now represents a lot of life and I'm proud of it.
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:09.920
Yeah.
00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:12.720
And that's body neutrality in a nutshell, right?
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:18.160
That we don't have to love our body all the time to still be okay.
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:25.759
Like, um, you know, I can there are some pictures that I look at and I think, wow, that's a terrible picture.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:30.079
But I I've learned to step back and be like, okay, how's the rest of the picture?
00:20:30.079 --> 00:20:33.839
Not to focus in on me and be like, how are the other people?
00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.000
Which doesn't apply if you're having like a headshot done.
00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:39.759
But I think you can still look at the purpose of the picture.
00:20:39.759 --> 00:20:53.680
The purpose of the picture isn't always, you know, for us to kind of capture that perfect pose, but to capture the person, the smile, the expression on their face, how they look when they laugh.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:21:03.200
Like when you look at a picture of somebody who's laughing heartily, you are not looking at their chins or their belly or their shoulders.
00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:04.880
You're looking at their smile.
00:21:04.880 --> 00:21:14.799
Like, and that is the part that um it's not easy, but I think learning to shift what you're looking for at the picture can be helpful too.
00:21:15.119 --> 00:21:16.559
That's a really good point.
00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:22.000
And we are all not looking at each other with this critical lens that we're looking at ourselves with.
00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:27.359
And something I do want people to know about photographers is we're not looking at you critically either.
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:29.759
We think everyone is gorgeous.
00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:35.519
You know, like one of my one of my mentors once said the human face is the most interesting thing in the world.
00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:36.640
And I agree with him.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:40.000
I I want people to look different from one another.
00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:48.240
I want them to have misshapen eyes and crooked teeth and one ear bigger than the other, whatever it might be, because that's what that's what builds character.
00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:49.920
That what that's what makes you you.
00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:59.599
And, you know, I hope in my photography that what comes out is actually what's inside the person, you know, because what's behind our eyes is really what.
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:02.319
Being photographed, that magic sparkle.
00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:15.039
You know, you you could be the most beautiful person in the world according to you know traditional aesthetics, but if you don't feel good inside and and joyful and great about yourself, then your pictures will reflect that for sure.
00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:19.599
And I thanks for bringing up the point about body diversity, right?
00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:24.160
You know, we if we all looked the same, what a boring place this world would be.
00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:25.359
Absolutely.
00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:25.839
Yeah.
00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:28.720
I I I love I love diverse looks.
00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:30.480
I want to see it all.
00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:35.759
Yeah, and what makes us unique is the memorable parts of us.
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:36.880
Absolutely.
00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:38.240
Yes.
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:40.240
I'd love to hear.
00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:47.519
Have you what happens when somebody comes to a session and you see that nervous trepidation?
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:50.400
Because I'm sure you can like you have radar for it, I'm sure.
00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:50.640
Right.
00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:52.480
And everybody probably has some.
00:22:52.480 --> 00:23:02.559
But what are some of the things that are helpful in that moment with that person who might be just feeling really vulnerable to the point where maybe they can't show up as themselves, right?
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:06.400
Like they're just so stiff and worried about what it's going to turn out.
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:11.440
That's especially challenging in the quick turnaround, you know, headshots at a conference scenario.
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:15.359
I have very little time to interact with people and show them who I am.
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:18.319
But I like to think I'm pretty skilled at diffusing.
00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:19.839
I, you know, I like to laugh.
00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:22.880
I I like to think I'm funny sometimes.
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:27.359
But I use I use laughter and kindness really more than anything else.
00:23:27.359 --> 00:23:30.480
And I don't push people beyond what they're willing to give either.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:35.119
You know, um, if they if they have physical limitations, that's okay, you know.
00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:48.880
And most of the time, once I start shooting and they get used to the lights flashing and me talking, if I keep talking, kind of when you're at the dentist and they're drilling, if they keep talking and telling you about their family, sooner or later you forget what's going on.
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:50.880
That's a good point.
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:52.240
That's a really good point.
00:23:53.519 --> 00:24:02.240
So after people get to know me and really like like foot zero in more on me than what I'm actually doing, usually they relax into it.
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:08.960
So it's it's rarely that I have somebody that I can't get to at least relax enough to get a few good shots, shots in.
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:09.519
That's good.
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:12.160
And that's the value of working with a professional too.
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:21.200
Somebody who recognizes those signs, I guess, of like, oh, this person needs a little support, needs some distraction, like a good dentist for sure.
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:22.160
That's a great analogy.
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:27.759
I think that's the first time I ever compared myself to a dentist, but it's so true though.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:34.079
As somebody who does not love going to the dentist, I value um somebody who can put on a good show for me.
00:24:34.079 --> 00:24:35.119
Exactly.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:43.599
Okay, so what why do you think it's important for women to feel seen?
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:51.680
Somebody once said or recently said to me that visibility is generosity.
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:54.160
And I really had to like let that sink in.
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:55.839
Like, what does she mean by that?
00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:57.519
But then I thought about it.
00:24:57.519 --> 00:25:08.799
And when we have so many innate talents to share and things that we can do for other people and help them with, it's almost unfair to keep it to ourselves, right?
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:12.480
To to stay squirreled away and unseen and invisible.
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:17.039
And you're you're you're holding back from your gifts and what you're giving to people.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:22.880
And you know, I think it's really important that that to connect to people, they see who you are.
00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:30.400
And you know, I know when I'm doing business with anything, you know, acupuncture, a dentist, whoever I'm hiring, I want to see who they are.
00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:34.160
I want to see that other person because that makes me feel more comfortable.
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:38.720
So I feel like it's a generous act to really put yourself out there and say, hey, here I am.
00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:52.240
This is what I look like, take it or leave it, love it or hate it, but I feel good about me and I want to be confident enough to put myself out there so that I can help you, so that I can do things for you and you know who I am.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:26:11.440
Yeah, and I and I think too that being able to show up as we are, that representation piece of people seeing other people in bodies that maybe look like more like them than the people on the billboards or the photoshopped pictures.
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:16.720
You know, that that whole body diversity piece comes back again.
00:26:16.720 --> 00:26:24.240
Like we need to see people that we see ourselves in to help us feel more comfortable, especially in new situations.
00:26:24.240 --> 00:26:33.519
Yeah, like I think about like gym photography, you know, gyms that advertise only one body type on their advertising.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:39.440
I hope they realize how many people they're turning away just they're losing money.
00:26:39.440 --> 00:26:40.400
They're losing money.
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:59.119
But I really notice when not that I go to a gym because I hate gyms, but you know, I really notice when a gym advertises all different kinds of bodies, shapes, sizes, abilities, skills, like it really makes it feel more welcoming.
00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:00.319
Absolutely.
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:00.960
Yes.
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:01.599
Yeah.
00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:16.000
So, you know, for anybody who thinks I hate having my picture taken, maybe thinking about it as that act of generosity, like giving a piece of yourself to share, right?
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:18.400
To share with somebody who might need to see it.
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:19.920
Yeah, exactly.
00:27:19.920 --> 00:27:23.119
And, you know, that was an issue for me for a long time.
00:27:23.119 --> 00:27:28.960
I'm a thicker person, I'm a size 14, you know, I was not represented for years and years and years.
00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:34.640
And I can remember the relief when I started seeing similar body types in catalogs and magazines.
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:49.119
You know, I love fashion, I love clothes, you know, but it was hard to shop and it was hard to feel good about myself because for so long, you know, as an example, there's a shop in New York City I used to go into and I could never find my size.
00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:52.559
They they all they only carried size eight or below.
00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:54.960
I mean, right?
00:27:54.960 --> 00:28:00.640
It was a sporting goods store too, and I would come out of there and I'd just feel so shitty about myself.
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:10.960
But but then, you know, companies like Athleta, you know, started showing a variety of models in the catalogs, and I remember just feeling so much relief from that.
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:19.359
So if you you never know how your appearance is going to draw somebody in and how you might be able to help them.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:22.079
That's powerful.
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:23.920
That's really powerful.
00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:24.960
Wow.
00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:31.279
You know, I think you know, recently too, there have been a lot of models with bitiligo in that are used in ads.
00:28:31.279 --> 00:28:35.599
And I mean, I think that's uh, you know, uh released a stigma for a lot of people.
00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:37.680
You know, just I we've come a long way.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:41.519
I I see a lot of progress in in the representation for sure.
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:45.599
And I don't know if this is still, I I hope it's not a current stat.
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:58.880
I do remember looking this up, I don't know, let's say 10 years ago, um, that only 5% of the diversity of bodies were represented in North American advertising or Western advertising.
00:28:58.880 --> 00:29:05.119
Meaning that 95% of what the world looked like you would never see on a billboard.
00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:10.400
Yeah, I I I don't know that statistic either, but I I bet it's not much better than that.
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:11.759
If it has improved.
00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:15.839
There's been some improvement, but there's still a very, very long way to go.
00:29:15.839 --> 00:29:22.880
And you know, I've I get when I think about it, I've worked in industries that have to do with appearance for a really long time.
00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:26.960
Even before I was a photographer, I used to work for a clinique in Estee Lauder.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:35.839
Yeah, I was a makeup artist, and so it could be so heartbreaking because people would bring in a picture and say, make me look just like this.
00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:38.799
I'd be like, Oh, I can't, because that's not who you are.
00:29:38.799 --> 00:29:44.319
I can I can use the same products and we can do the same style, but this isn't going to transform you.
00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:46.640
You will you will not become that person.
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:50.559
So, you know, I I've been thinking about this topic for a really long time.
00:29:52.000 --> 00:29:56.720
It reminds me so I have very straight hair, as anybody can see or who knows me.
00:29:56.720 --> 00:30:04.160
And from about age 10 to 16, I was determined to get the perfect spiral perm.
00:30:05.519 --> 00:30:06.160
Remember that?
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:06.880
Right.
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:07.519
Me too.
00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:12.559
Which meant that I had uh a poodle look for about six months.
00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:15.200
Um, and I had everything in between.
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:23.200
And it it really just came down to accepting that like my hair is not going to curl in the way that I want it to.
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:25.200
Yeah, I went through the same journey.
00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:25.839
Yeah.
00:30:25.839 --> 00:30:26.880
Right.
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:35.680
And so accepting that like it's gonna take a lot of time and effort and money to maintain this thing that is just not what I have.
00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:36.319
Right.
00:30:36.319 --> 00:30:37.599
Exactly.
00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:38.799
Yeah.
00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:40.880
This has been such a great conversation.
00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:54.079
I'd love to end before I get to the question that I ask everyone, but I'd love to end with if you have a few kind of final pro tips for either in a session or getting ready for a session or after a session.
00:30:54.079 --> 00:31:00.160
Like, what can you help people with as they're getting ready for some photography?
00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:01.039
Sure.
00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:06.799
Um, I as we've discussed, there's a lot of anxiety around this endeavor.
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:09.039
So I would say don't rush.
00:31:09.039 --> 00:31:10.640
Give yourself plenty of time.
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:14.480
If you know you're going to hire a photographer, pick the right one.
00:31:14.480 --> 00:31:17.440
Pick the person whose vibe feels correct with you.
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:20.000
You know, we're we're not all for everybody.
00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:28.319
So pick the person that you feel is going to make you feel the safest and most comfortable and work with what you want your end result to be.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:42.079
Um, I also think, as you mentioned, outfit styling, put some thought into it, get a Pinterest board, think about how you want to look, and really strive for that elevated version of yourself.
00:31:42.079 --> 00:31:49.680
So if you work with a stylist or you go into a department store and some you tell them, Oh, I'm gonna have my pictures taken, can you help me?
00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:52.880
And they offer you suggestions, try them.
00:31:52.880 --> 00:31:56.400
Try something new, try something that you never would have done before.
00:31:56.400 --> 00:32:09.599
My sister-in-law came to me for headshots a couple of years ago, and I had a dress that I had rented for myself that was a red and black leopardy plant kind of thing, which is something I would wear, but not her.
00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:12.400
But I said, just put it on, let's put put it on and see.
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:16.240
And she loved it, and it's a picture that that she's been crazy for forever.
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:27.039
So, you know, just like actors, if you can look at it as like you're gonna be an actor and try like that puts on a wig and becomes a different person, or puts on a certain suit and becomes that person.
00:32:27.039 --> 00:32:28.400
That's what this is about.
00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:40.160
Try on the things that you think are gonna make you feel empowered and powerful in however it is that you want to feel in your pictures, you know, maybe it's maybe you want to feel more vulnerable or you want to feel softer or more feminine.
00:32:40.160 --> 00:32:47.039
Find the clothes and the looks that are gonna bring that out of you to help you and your photographer get the best out of the session.
00:32:48.240 --> 00:32:48.960
That's great.
00:32:48.960 --> 00:32:49.839
I love that.
00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:53.359
So, what do you think is the missing ingredient in life?
00:32:53.519 --> 00:32:54.319
In midlife.
00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:57.200
I knew you'd ask, so I I gave it some thought.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:00.640
And the the word that keeps coming back to me is novelty.
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:12.400
You know, I realized right, I realized for myself that I was in some ruts and kind of doing the same things and the same patterns, and I just had to mix it up.
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:20.559
And uh, one of the things my husband and I are doing together is learning chess, and that might sound like a totally nerdy, boring thing, but it is novel.
00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:23.920
It's something we had never done before.
00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:32.720
So now we have a standing Friday night date with our chess board and uh you know, just just try, yeah, trying new things, getting out of your comfort zones.
00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:40.400
That might sound cliche, but novelty is really important for the brain, and we all need our brains to get a little help in in midlife for sure.
00:33:40.720 --> 00:33:45.920
Yeah, and you know, novelty is also like part of that dopamine menu, right?
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:55.440
Like when we do new things, that is stimulating to our brain and it can be enjoyable and it can help to just kind of keep us interested.
00:33:55.440 --> 00:33:59.680
And so I think that novelty is undervalued for sure.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:01.200
So I I 100% agree.
00:34:01.200 --> 00:34:05.599
And I think that might be the first time I've gotten that answer in like you know, 180 some episodes.
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:08.800
So I strive I strive to be novel.
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:18.719
So if people want to learn more about you and especially, you know, work with you, where's the best place for them to do that?
00:34:19.039 --> 00:34:24.320
Uh, my website is www.kristenvallejo.com.
00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:26.079
That's my first and last name.
00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:29.599
Uh, and Instagram too, Kristen Vallejo Photography.
00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:33.760
Although I'm trying to go late on the social media, but I will answer DMs.
00:34:34.639 --> 00:34:34.880
Right.
00:34:35.119 --> 00:34:39.440
And we're gonna have those um in the show notes as well so people can find you.
00:34:39.440 --> 00:34:41.679
Thank you so much for joining me today.
00:34:41.679 --> 00:34:42.960
I love the work that you're doing.
00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:46.400
I hope to get a chance to have pictures taken by you at some point.
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:48.320
We've been trying to coordinate now for a while.
00:34:48.320 --> 00:34:49.920
This spring, hopefully.
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:52.159
Amsterdam's in the cards.
00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:56.000
Thank you so much for joining me.
00:34:56.000 --> 00:34:57.280
All right, thank you, Jen.
00:34:57.280 --> 00:35:01.039
This was Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Midlife Feast.
00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:13.920
If you're ready to take the next step towards thriving in midlife, head to menopause nutritionist.ca to learn more about my one-to-one and group coaching programs, free resources, and where to get your copy of Eat to Thrive during menopause.
00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:22.800
And if you've loved today's conversation and found it helpful, please share it with a friend who needs to hear this and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts.
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:28.159
It helps so many more people just like you find their way to food freedom and midlife confidence.
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:32.880
Until next time, remember, midlife is not the end of the story, it's the feast.
00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:34.320
Let's savor it together.