WEBVTT
00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:07.599
We are met for more than just our title.
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:10.560
We're meant for more than just our title.
00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:17.359
I truly believe that each and every one of us was put on this earth for a purpose.
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:33.119
Welcome to the Stop Performing Life podcast.
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:38.399
I am Melissa Tennessee, and this is the human connection movement.
00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:46.320
Each week, my guess and I will explore what it means to stop performing.
00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:48.880
Reconnect to what matters most.
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:56.960
Create a life that feels deeply aligned with who you are.
00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:01.119
You did not press play by accident.
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:04.959
Maybe this is the pause you've been waiting for.
00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:07.599
Let's begin.
00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:16.640
Um, listen, I have a question.
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:20.959
What happens when the role is stripped away?
00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:24.239
The title.
00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:35.120
When your role is eliminated, or you got fired, or it was a situation where your role is repurposed.
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:37.760
What happened?
00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:39.359
What was left?
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:54.319
I have a partner, really a friend, who went through some really interesting transitions, I would say, in December.
00:01:55.040 --> 00:02:01.519
Um, his leader basically came in and said, now mind you, this is after a year and a half working with him.
00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.920
Uh, you know, this is just not working.
00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:06.079
Okay, don't make me unpack that.
00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:10.000
That's that's like so many issues with that to begin with.
00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:11.120
Okay, so move on.
00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:12.879
Back to my friend.
00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:16.800
His role was stripped away.
00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:18.719
No warning.
00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:24.240
Now, some of you listening to this, you know exactly what that feels like.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:27.759
The, oh my god, what the fuck are you mean?
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:29.840
I don't have this job anymore.
00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:31.039
What do you mean?
00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:32.560
You go home.
00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:34.960
I don't have my job.
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:44.159
I'm no longer this leader, this executive, this manager, director, whatever your title is, I'm no longer that.
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:53.439
How as humans do we function and live through these identity changes?
00:02:55.599 --> 00:03:02.960
Well, honestly, some seek professional help, and totally, yes, please.
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:05.120
That's not my job.
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:05.919
I can't do that.
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:09.360
I mean, I could, but it'd probably be dangerous for us both.
00:03:11.280 --> 00:03:12.479
Saying that out.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:26.479
But how do you help a friend who's going through this identity crisis when one big part of his identity was stripped away?
00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:35.680
It's like um I was watching The Resident a couple weeks ago, and there's a character on there, they call him Hawkins.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.400
I couldn't even tell you what his first name is, Hawkett.
00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:54.639
Um, and he is basically fired from the hospital, and he is going through the whole, well, if I can't be a doctor, I don't want to be anything.
00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:04.080
I if I can't be somebody in service of in this way practicing medicine, why am I here?
00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:07.199
I don't I don't know how I fill that void.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:10.800
That void that we feel.
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:18.399
My friend's still struggling to figure that out.
00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:24.879
And that is something that you can't tell somebody.
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:31.199
It you can't um coach them enough, you can't, you can only support them.
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:33.839
Support them through the journey.
00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:37.040
Let them know, hey, I'm here if you need me.
00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:41.120
I am here if you want to re-rehearse for that interview.
00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:52.079
I'm here if you just want to go and have some coffee and talk about anything but being on LinkedIn for hours and trying to find a job.
00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:56.959
And oh, by the way, not getting anywhere.
00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:03.279
He feels like he's on that hamster wheel of, I would say almost a hamster wheel of doom.
00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:05.600
Like, what am I gonna do?
00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:08.160
Almost to the point of desperation.
00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:17.439
That void, that identity shift is costing him big time.
00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:24.639
It's unfortunate, it's costing him his peace.
00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:27.120
His peace.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:33.439
There's fear there, rightfully so.
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:36.959
There is no judgment here, please.
00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:38.959
Because I've been there once.
00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:43.199
Believe me, I have had that situation happen to me.
00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:45.759
And it wasn't fun.
00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:51.920
It wasn't fun coming home and telling my husband and daughter I no longer had this job.
00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:55.519
It was a crushing blow.
00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:08.079
But thank God I had support around me, great connections and relationships, I was able to work through it pretty quickly and gain some confidence again.
00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:17.680
Because when that role is stripped, that role where God, you've put your your a lot into it.
00:06:17.839 --> 00:06:27.279
I mean, gosh, you put so much effort, so much presence, so much work, and it's no longer there.
00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:29.920
It just literally disappears.
00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:31.600
What are you left?
00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:44.399
It is not easy.
00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:48.560
Life is not easy.
00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:58.480
I am learning the older I get, the better and different.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:06.560
That the challenges are a misperception.
00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.240
They're actually opportunities.
00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:16.639
It doesn't feel like that in the moment, though.
00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:29.199
It did at high it does in hindsight feel like opportunities because I think about if that didn't happen to me, I don't know, 14-15 years ago, I wouldn't be right here.
00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:38.480
I wouldn't be sharing and and um talking on this stop performing life podcast.
00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:54.399
Your identity, and I'm sorry, I'm switching gears again real quick, is your identity being anchored in a role, and that role going away.
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:06.560
Yes, you grieve, and you're left with a hollowness, you're left with some fear, you're left with some self-doubt, you're crushed.
00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:12.319
And sometimes it's really difficult for people to get out of that.
00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.079
They stay stuck.
00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:18.240
Some couple months, some a year, some years.
00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.639
They stay stuck.
00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:30.560
They get into that little or let that little voice in their head, the the ego, that nasty voice, not enough, not enough of something.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:48.399
That little ego just grabs popcorn and a beer, and he just, I don't know, sets up camp in your brain and just talks to you all day about all of the things that you are deficient in.
00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:52.240
Who's experienced that?
00:08:54.639 --> 00:08:55.759
Everyone.
00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:58.159
Because it is the human condition.
00:08:58.320 --> 00:08:59.919
It's called the ego.
00:09:00.480 --> 00:09:01.120
Yes.
00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:07.120
My little saboteur, his name is Klaus.
00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:09.120
It used to be Claude.
00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:10.320
Now it's Klaus.
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:14.399
He has evolved to a more evolved name.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:18.720
Claude was one that was a little superficial.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:21.679
Klaus is the one that is very deep.
00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:22.799
And they're both this.
00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:24.720
I mean, it's the same persona.
00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:32.399
Um, I just gave him a different name when I learned more about how he it is a male.
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:35.600
Um, he looks like Rembrandt's younger brother.
00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:41.679
Um, Rembrandt has a self-portrait that he did, and it's him in a beret.
00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:49.840
He has a really scrawny like mustache, and his hair's all wiry, and he has his maroon overcoat on.
00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:52.320
His brother looks just like him.
00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:55.279
Um, and I named him Claude.
00:09:55.600 --> 00:10:04.720
This was a couple years ago when I, you know, was learning about ego and how the saboteur shows up and how they're there to keep us safe.
00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:09.279
That's 200 million-year-old brain is there to keep us safe.
00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:13.919
And it keeps us playing small, right?
00:10:14.480 --> 00:10:16.799
So that's a whole nun podcast.
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:25.200
Going back to the friend, and and and when our identity is ripped away from us, when the role is whipped away from us, what are we left with?
00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:36.559
The fucking ego, the saboteur, the claw that's in in in the corner of my brain, literally shoving popcorn in his mouth, drinking a fucking beer.
00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:57.759
And it's really hard when you're feeling it in your heart, the grief, the loss, and you have this guy in your head talking you through a bunch of stuff, whether it's deflecting, or whatever it is, right?
00:10:57.919 --> 00:10:59.840
Or it's pointed at you.
00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:03.200
It's hard to come out of that.
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:10.639
The roles we play, which ones are the most important?
00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:16.799
When which ones are the forever roles?
00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:22.320
What are the forever roles?
00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:24.399
What are the temporary roles?
00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:30.879
The forever roles require no performance.
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:33.039
No performance.
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:39.840
Those would be the mom, the spouse, the sister.
00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:47.279
Some would argue spouse does require some performance.
00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:48.960
Mine doesn't.
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:53.519
I believe when you meet your soulmate, it's your soulmate.
00:11:53.919 --> 00:11:56.559
They accept you unconditionally to who you are.
00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:03.120
You don't have to hide anything, you don't have to be somebody different than who you truly are with your spouse.
00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:08.399
And I'm hoping every one of you have something like that in your life.
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:12.879
Husband, wife, significant other, somebody in your life.
00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:21.600
But the performing roles, the ones that usually come with a title.
00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:23.919
A title.
00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:49.600
That's your role.
00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:51.440
That's your title.
00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.919
So when that title's gone, what are you left with?
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:04.320
There is one forever role that we always forget.
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:14.320
It is the last thing we think about the relationship with our own selves.
00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:26.720
Getting really deep and understanding what I am good at, what am I not good at?
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:30.000
What will I tolerate?
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:32.480
What will I not tolerate?
00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:42.480
And what are my own expectations of myself and how I lead, how I show up, and how I navigate this world.
00:13:46.559 --> 00:14:00.240
Those answers to those kinds of questions I did not have answered until probably maybe about six or seven years ago at this point.
00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:10.320
When I went through a journey of an excavation process of here's your life's journey.
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:16.559
Your life's story is your leadership journey, and your leadership journey is your life story.
00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:20.879
And I learned that from Doug Conant, who wrote the blueprint.
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:32.000
And when I went through one of his courses, we went through this whole process of excavating the peaks and valleys of our life.
00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:36.559
And during the peaks and the valleys, what we're learning.
00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:48.159
When I think about the valleys, which we all remember the valleys so much more than we remember the peaks.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:51.919
We remember the really big peaks.
00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:58.159
Getting married, having a baby, um, saying I love you to your soulmate for the first time.
00:14:58.240 --> 00:14:59.919
Those are the things we remember.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:11.840
But the other peaks, uh, how when you felt the proudest at work because you delivered a project and how that made you feel and how that made you feel okay, yeah.
00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:14.879
Those are the ones we fit forget really quick.
00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:15.679
Why?
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:21.279
Because of how fast the world is moving, yes, and how distracted we are.
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:25.519
And then also, you know, little clot in our head, right?
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:37.120
Our little ego doing the talk, keeping us distracted, but we absolutely remember the valleys quicker, faster, because they hurt the most.
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:39.519
Who's with me?
00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:44.240
Yes, because they hurt the most.
00:15:47.519 --> 00:16:00.879
This excavation process held me understand when my identity was ripped away from me, I don't know, 14 years ago, I'm not very good with the dates.
00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:06.960
If you were to ask me, yes, I've been married with my husband since 1998.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:09.759
And for me to do the math, like, how many years have you been married?
00:16:09.919 --> 00:16:11.360
Hell, I don't know, long time.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.639
I don't do the math.
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:12.960
No.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:17.039
So when I say these years, it's it was a while ago.
00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:33.440
So when I was stripped of that role a couple years ago, well, no, a while ago, um, I was left with absolutely this hole.
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:37.840
And during this excavation process, why?
00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:45.679
But what I found really interesting, everything happens for a reason.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:53.919
Um, I'm just side note, I'm a certified Gallup Strengths coach, and I have my number one strength is connectedness.
00:16:54.080 --> 00:17:01.519
There are no coincidences, everything is connected to a higher power, which you hear me say all the time.
00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:05.119
And um, everything happens for a reason.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:25.039
At that time, I found this really interesting how I was doing this conference for this organization, and um it was February of that year, I can remember that, and um I delivered that conference.
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:26.079
It was awesome.
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:27.519
It was awesome.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:30.640
That immersive experience that I loved to do.
00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:45.359
After the conference, I walked behind the screens and I see the president with her COO talking.
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:52.960
Well, I couldn't move because I needed to be where I needed to be to help the production company and stuff.
00:17:53.200 --> 00:18:01.680
And I was listening to these women rip apart somebody that was not present.
00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:03.920
Oh, by the way, wasn't present.
00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:16.880
But yet turn the corner with that individual coming up to them, complete mass, different face, completely fake.
00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:19.359
Just it nauseated me.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:29.440
And I thought to myself, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, for me to advance in this organization, I'm gonna have to be behave like that.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.400
I don't I don't think I want to do that.
00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:39.359
I don't think I want to do that.
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:58.960
So the role being stripped, so that was in February, fast forward to like June, July, August, some time in the summer, my role was stripped, and it was hard to go home, share that with my family.
00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:05.759
It was hard to figure what the fuck I was going to do afterwards, because it came out as a shock.
00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:15.359
And um, but once, probably maybe six, eight months afterwards, and I felt safe again, right?
00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:20.000
Because when when things happen like that, we feel we're fearful, right?
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:27.519
When I felt safe again, I was grateful for the gift.
00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:37.200
I had already started to think, hmm, something wicked this way comes.
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:41.359
I'm not gonna do that in order to get ahead.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.680
So what am I gonna do?
00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:53.920
The universe, God universe source, made the decision for me, gave me the direction for me.
00:19:54.640 --> 00:19:57.279
Because, you know, golden handcuffs.
00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:01.039
Um, yeah, just interesting.
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:17.200
This excavation process helped me articulate not only that role being stripped, but also that foresight of wow, that's not what I'm gonna do.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:27.759
Uh tear somebody down behind closed doors, and then when they walk up to me, like be fake and not even share if it's a performance issue.
00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:29.599
I knew that.
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.000
This excavation process helped me articulate it.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:42.880
But the excavation process also helped me identify what I will not and what I will not tolerate.
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:49.839
It also helped me identify the standards into which I'm gonna hold myself accountable.
00:20:51.440 --> 00:21:06.240
It also helped me identify here's the choices that I'm gonna make around how to be the best leader and what you can expect of me.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:14.000
From that moment on, I never ever had.
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:33.440
I never questioned my leadership, nor did I have anybody question my leadership because I was clear on it, I was anchored in who I was, but I had to go through that valley in order to get there, and it took a long time.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:40.000
I simply want to leave you guys with this.
00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:43.599
Like I started this podcast.
00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:48.400
Who would you be if the role was stripped away?
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:53.440
If you're a doctor and your role was stripped away, who would you be?
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:55.279
Would you be the philanthropist?
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:56.559
Would you be the volunteer?
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.680
Would you be the the person?
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.480
At church that helps with the pews.
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:04.720
Who else would you be?
00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:15.119
Because our work takes up so much of our fucking identities that we have lost ourselves.
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:18.400
Many of us.
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:25.359
I would say Gen X, yes, because that's the boomer, right?
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:26.799
The boomer kind of thing.
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:29.359
This is how we we're in their shadow.
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:32.960
Millennials are in our Gen X shadow, right?
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:40.079
They have a little bit of that sh that energy thinking conditioning.
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:50.160
I would say the Gen Z are the ones that have the most freshest mindset.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.759
Now, granted, they drive us crazy.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:56.240
I have a Gen Z for a daughter.
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:57.759
I can say it out loud.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:00.720
There are times when that girl drives me crazy.
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:12.640
However, she is really fucking grounded in who she is, how she's choosing to show up, and what she will and will not tolerate.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:18.000
More so at 23 than I was at 35.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.359
I just find that absolutely interesting.
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:27.359
We could probably learn a lot from them.
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.599
It'll drive us crazy.
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:32.480
But we might be able to learn a couple things.
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:37.599
So I leave you with that.
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.279
Who would you be if you didn't have the role?
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:44.480
If it was stripped away from you, repurposed?
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:48.160
What would you do?
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:50.960
Not what's your backup plan?
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:54.400
Not what's your backup plan?
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:58.640
Although backup plans are very necessary.
00:23:59.359 --> 00:24:00.480
Kid you not.
00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:03.359
But what inside?
00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:06.720
You're gonna take the hit?
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.680
How hard is the hit going to take you out?
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:15.920
It'll take you out, but for how long?
00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:21.759
Have you and and some of you may remember this?
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.599
When I was growing up, there was something called Bozo the Clown.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:47.039
And um there was this toy that you could buy that was a blow-up Bozo the Clown, and it was kind of like um almost, it was round on the bottom, and it was probably about four feet tall, and it was round on top, and it was like a punching bag for kids to wear them out.
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:50.240
Well, at least that's what my mom loved it for.
00:24:50.640 --> 00:25:06.160
Um, but Bozo the clown, um, and I'm making this connection, I can't remember the author, so it's not my original thought, but I I remember when I read it, I'm like, oh my god, that is so cool to think of it that way.
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:08.319
Resilience.
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:18.319
We have through our life and through our journey, we will have those moments where we're not down.
00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:24.000
How long we stay down is a test of our resilience.
00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:32.559
So if you get back up really fast, like this bozo the clown guy, if you punched him down, he came up really fast.
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:43.519
Now, if he was low on air, he'd go down and uh right, he he he would have a hard time coming back up.
00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:49.680
So when you get punched really hard, you're gonna go down.
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:51.359
There's no doubt about that.
00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.839
Hashtag human, we go down.
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:56.960
Question is how long?
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.599
What's left?
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:20.960
Keep going back to that what's left after the role has been stripped, and you have to, as the adult, as the all the other roles you have, especially the forever roles of mom, wife, right, sister, those are the ones that are so linked.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:26.000
You have to honor and show up for them.
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:30.000
How quickly can you do that?
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:32.400
How quickly can you respond?
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:40.000
How quickly can you build your resistance to bounce back and move forward?
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:52.079
As humans, we are meant for more than just our jobs.
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:54.960
We're meant for more than just our title.
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:01.920
And I truly believe each and every one of us was put on this earth for a purpose.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:05.200
Find your purpose.
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.680
Maybe that's the lesson.
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:09.839
I know it was for me.
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.000
Took me years to get there.
00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:25.519
Took my daughter being taken out for a bone marrow transplant for me to stop avoiding and get in the work of living it to my true purpose.
00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:33.359
These identity shifts are again going back to the hardest times of our lives.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:36.559
Devastating.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:51.440
And yet, opportunities, opportunities to build resilience, opportunity to demonstrate resilience for your family, and opportunities to lean into.
00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:56.960
Okay, maybe I need to shift gears.
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:59.279
Maybe I meant to do something different.
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:01.359
Maybe what is it again?
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:08.720
Going back to getting quiet in this fucking distracting, distracting and noisy world.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:10.720
What are you telling me?
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.400
What I could be doing that I'm ignoring.
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:19.599
What am I here to do that I keep ignoring?
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:25.039
You're giving me a sign, you're giving me an opportunity, although it feels not like an opportunity.
00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:29.519
It feels everything other than that, but it's an opportunity.
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:34.640
I can only see this from live experience.
00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:36.960
I'm not blowing smoke up your skirt.
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:39.039
This is lived experience.
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:42.640
And I'm also watching a dear friend go through it.
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:54.880
He popped back with resilience, and he keeps taking the hits because of the identity of having to have that role.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.559
Role's not.
00:28:57.680 --> 00:28:59.519
The role is never the point.
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:01.920
Role's never the point.
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:04.559
It's the human underneath it.
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:06.000
That is the point.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:10.720
Okay, enough.
00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:11.759
That's a wrap.
00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:13.839
I can keep talking about this shit all night.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.599
And I say shit like loosely.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:16.960
I I love this work.
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:17.599
I love it.
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:19.839
I'm passionate about it, as you can tell.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:21.519
I hope you can tell.
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:25.200
And um, I hope I left you with something to think about.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:27.599
Yeah.
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:29.599
Let me know.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:34.240
You can send me a comment, send me a DM, you can find me on LinkedIn.
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.839
I'd love to have a conversation if you want to have a conversation.
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.200
Let's do it.
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:41.039
Alright, guys.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:42.559
That's it for now.
00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:48.079
Have a great night, great day, wherever you're at, listening to this in the world.
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:50.480
And I'll catch you on the next one.
00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:07.599
We are met for more than just our title.
00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:10.560
We're meant for more than just our title.
00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:17.359
I truly believe that each and every one of us was put on this earth for a purpose.
00:00:29.760 --> 00:00:33.119
Welcome to the Stop Performing Life podcast.
00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:38.399
I am Melissa Tennessee, and this is the human connection movement.
00:00:39.359 --> 00:00:46.320
Each week, my guess and I will explore what it means to stop performing.
00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:48.880
Reconnect to what matters most.
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:56.960
Create a life that feels deeply aligned with who you are.
00:00:58.640 --> 00:01:01.119
You did not press play by accident.
00:01:01.679 --> 00:01:04.959
Maybe this is the pause you've been waiting for.
00:01:06.239 --> 00:01:07.599
Let's begin.
00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:16.640
Um, listen, I have a question.
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:20.959
What happens when the role is stripped away?
00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:24.239
The title.
00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:35.120
When your role is eliminated, or you got fired, or it was a situation where your role is repurposed.
00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:37.760
What happened?
00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:39.359
What was left?
00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:54.319
I have a partner, really a friend, who went through some really interesting transitions, I would say, in December.
00:01:55.040 --> 00:02:01.519
Um, his leader basically came in and said, now mind you, this is after a year and a half working with him.
00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.920
Uh, you know, this is just not working.
00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:06.079
Okay, don't make me unpack that.
00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:10.000
That's that's like so many issues with that to begin with.
00:02:10.080 --> 00:02:11.120
Okay, so move on.
00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:12.879
Back to my friend.
00:02:14.479 --> 00:02:16.800
His role was stripped away.
00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:18.719
No warning.
00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:24.240
Now, some of you listening to this, you know exactly what that feels like.
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:27.759
The, oh my god, what the fuck are you mean?
00:02:27.919 --> 00:02:29.840
I don't have this job anymore.
00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:31.039
What do you mean?
00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:32.560
You go home.
00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:34.960
I don't have my job.
00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:44.159
I'm no longer this leader, this executive, this manager, director, whatever your title is, I'm no longer that.
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:53.439
How as humans do we function and live through these identity changes?
00:02:55.599 --> 00:03:02.960
Well, honestly, some seek professional help, and totally, yes, please.
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:05.120
That's not my job.
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:05.919
I can't do that.
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:09.360
I mean, I could, but it'd probably be dangerous for us both.
00:03:11.280 --> 00:03:12.479
Saying that out.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:26.479
But how do you help a friend who's going through this identity crisis when one big part of his identity was stripped away?
00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:35.680
It's like um I was watching The Resident a couple weeks ago, and there's a character on there, they call him Hawkins.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.400
I couldn't even tell you what his first name is, Hawkett.
00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:54.639
Um, and he is basically fired from the hospital, and he is going through the whole, well, if I can't be a doctor, I don't want to be anything.
00:03:55.120 --> 00:04:04.080
I if I can't be somebody in service of in this way practicing medicine, why am I here?
00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:07.199
I don't I don't know how I fill that void.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:10.800
That void that we feel.
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:18.399
My friend's still struggling to figure that out.
00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:24.879
And that is something that you can't tell somebody.
00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:31.199
It you can't um coach them enough, you can't, you can only support them.
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:33.839
Support them through the journey.
00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:37.040
Let them know, hey, I'm here if you need me.
00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:41.120
I am here if you want to re-rehearse for that interview.
00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:52.079
I'm here if you just want to go and have some coffee and talk about anything but being on LinkedIn for hours and trying to find a job.
00:04:52.959 --> 00:04:56.959
And oh, by the way, not getting anywhere.
00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:03.279
He feels like he's on that hamster wheel of, I would say almost a hamster wheel of doom.
00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:05.600
Like, what am I gonna do?
00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:08.160
Almost to the point of desperation.
00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:17.439
That void, that identity shift is costing him big time.
00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:24.639
It's unfortunate, it's costing him his peace.
00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:27.120
His peace.
00:05:30.079 --> 00:05:33.439
There's fear there, rightfully so.
00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:36.959
There is no judgment here, please.
00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:38.959
Because I've been there once.
00:05:39.199 --> 00:05:43.199
Believe me, I have had that situation happen to me.
00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:45.759
And it wasn't fun.
00:05:46.160 --> 00:05:51.920
It wasn't fun coming home and telling my husband and daughter I no longer had this job.
00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:55.519
It was a crushing blow.
00:05:56.639 --> 00:06:08.079
But thank God I had support around me, great connections and relationships, I was able to work through it pretty quickly and gain some confidence again.
00:06:09.040 --> 00:06:17.680
Because when that role is stripped, that role where God, you've put your your a lot into it.
00:06:17.839 --> 00:06:27.279
I mean, gosh, you put so much effort, so much presence, so much work, and it's no longer there.
00:06:27.759 --> 00:06:29.920
It just literally disappears.
00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:31.600
What are you left?
00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:44.399
It is not easy.
00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:48.560
Life is not easy.
00:06:52.959 --> 00:06:58.480
I am learning the older I get, the better and different.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:06.560
That the challenges are a misperception.
00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:12.240
They're actually opportunities.
00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:16.639
It doesn't feel like that in the moment, though.
00:07:17.120 --> 00:07:29.199
It did at high it does in hindsight feel like opportunities because I think about if that didn't happen to me, I don't know, 14-15 years ago, I wouldn't be right here.
00:07:29.600 --> 00:07:38.480
I wouldn't be sharing and and um talking on this stop performing life podcast.
00:07:40.879 --> 00:07:54.399
Your identity, and I'm sorry, I'm switching gears again real quick, is your identity being anchored in a role, and that role going away.
00:07:55.439 --> 00:08:06.560
Yes, you grieve, and you're left with a hollowness, you're left with some fear, you're left with some self-doubt, you're crushed.
00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:12.319
And sometimes it's really difficult for people to get out of that.
00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.079
They stay stuck.
00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:18.240
Some couple months, some a year, some years.
00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.639
They stay stuck.
00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:30.560
They get into that little or let that little voice in their head, the the ego, that nasty voice, not enough, not enough of something.
00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:48.399
That little ego just grabs popcorn and a beer, and he just, I don't know, sets up camp in your brain and just talks to you all day about all of the things that you are deficient in.
00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:52.240
Who's experienced that?
00:08:54.639 --> 00:08:55.759
Everyone.
00:08:56.320 --> 00:08:58.159
Because it is the human condition.
00:08:58.320 --> 00:08:59.919
It's called the ego.
00:09:00.480 --> 00:09:01.120
Yes.
00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:07.120
My little saboteur, his name is Klaus.
00:09:07.679 --> 00:09:09.120
It used to be Claude.
00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:10.320
Now it's Klaus.
00:09:10.799 --> 00:09:14.399
He has evolved to a more evolved name.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:09:18.720
Claude was one that was a little superficial.
00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:21.679
Klaus is the one that is very deep.
00:09:21.759 --> 00:09:22.799
And they're both this.
00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:24.720
I mean, it's the same persona.
00:09:25.120 --> 00:09:32.399
Um, I just gave him a different name when I learned more about how he it is a male.
00:09:32.559 --> 00:09:35.600
Um, he looks like Rembrandt's younger brother.
00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:41.679
Um, Rembrandt has a self-portrait that he did, and it's him in a beret.
00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:49.840
He has a really scrawny like mustache, and his hair's all wiry, and he has his maroon overcoat on.
00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:52.320
His brother looks just like him.
00:09:52.559 --> 00:09:55.279
Um, and I named him Claude.
00:09:55.600 --> 00:10:04.720
This was a couple years ago when I, you know, was learning about ego and how the saboteur shows up and how they're there to keep us safe.
00:10:04.960 --> 00:10:09.279
That's 200 million-year-old brain is there to keep us safe.
00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:13.919
And it keeps us playing small, right?
00:10:14.480 --> 00:10:16.799
So that's a whole nun podcast.
00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:25.200
Going back to the friend, and and and when our identity is ripped away from us, when the role is whipped away from us, what are we left with?
00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:36.559
The fucking ego, the saboteur, the claw that's in in in the corner of my brain, literally shoving popcorn in his mouth, drinking a fucking beer.
00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:57.759
And it's really hard when you're feeling it in your heart, the grief, the loss, and you have this guy in your head talking you through a bunch of stuff, whether it's deflecting, or whatever it is, right?
00:10:57.919 --> 00:10:59.840
Or it's pointed at you.
00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:03.200
It's hard to come out of that.
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:10.639
The roles we play, which ones are the most important?
00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:16.799
When which ones are the forever roles?
00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:22.320
What are the forever roles?
00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:24.399
What are the temporary roles?
00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:30.879
The forever roles require no performance.
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:33.039
No performance.
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:39.840
Those would be the mom, the spouse, the sister.
00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:47.279
Some would argue spouse does require some performance.
00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:48.960
Mine doesn't.
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:53.519
I believe when you meet your soulmate, it's your soulmate.
00:11:53.919 --> 00:11:56.559
They accept you unconditionally to who you are.
00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:03.120
You don't have to hide anything, you don't have to be somebody different than who you truly are with your spouse.
00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:08.399
And I'm hoping every one of you have something like that in your life.
00:12:08.960 --> 00:12:12.879
Husband, wife, significant other, somebody in your life.
00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:21.600
But the performing roles, the ones that usually come with a title.
00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:23.919
A title.
00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:49.600
That's your role.
00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:51.440
That's your title.
00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.919
So when that title's gone, what are you left with?
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:04.320
There is one forever role that we always forget.
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:14.320
It is the last thing we think about the relationship with our own selves.
00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:26.720
Getting really deep and understanding what I am good at, what am I not good at?
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:30.000
What will I tolerate?
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:32.480
What will I not tolerate?
00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:42.480
And what are my own expectations of myself and how I lead, how I show up, and how I navigate this world.
00:13:46.559 --> 00:14:00.240
Those answers to those kinds of questions I did not have answered until probably maybe about six or seven years ago at this point.
00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:10.320
When I went through a journey of an excavation process of here's your life's journey.
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:16.559
Your life's story is your leadership journey, and your leadership journey is your life story.
00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:20.879
And I learned that from Doug Conant, who wrote the blueprint.
00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:32.000
And when I went through one of his courses, we went through this whole process of excavating the peaks and valleys of our life.
00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:36.559
And during the peaks and the valleys, what we're learning.
00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:48.159
When I think about the valleys, which we all remember the valleys so much more than we remember the peaks.
00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:51.919
We remember the really big peaks.
00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:58.159
Getting married, having a baby, um, saying I love you to your soulmate for the first time.
00:14:58.240 --> 00:14:59.919
Those are the things we remember.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:11.840
But the other peaks, uh, how when you felt the proudest at work because you delivered a project and how that made you feel and how that made you feel okay, yeah.
00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:14.879
Those are the ones we fit forget really quick.
00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:15.679
Why?
00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:21.279
Because of how fast the world is moving, yes, and how distracted we are.
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:25.519
And then also, you know, little clot in our head, right?
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:37.120
Our little ego doing the talk, keeping us distracted, but we absolutely remember the valleys quicker, faster, because they hurt the most.
00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:39.519
Who's with me?
00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:44.240
Yes, because they hurt the most.
00:15:47.519 --> 00:16:00.879
This excavation process held me understand when my identity was ripped away from me, I don't know, 14 years ago, I'm not very good with the dates.
00:16:01.039 --> 00:16:06.960
If you were to ask me, yes, I've been married with my husband since 1998.
00:16:07.039 --> 00:16:09.759
And for me to do the math, like, how many years have you been married?
00:16:09.919 --> 00:16:11.360
Hell, I don't know, long time.
00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:12.639
I don't do the math.
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:12.960
No.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:17.039
So when I say these years, it's it was a while ago.
00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:33.440
So when I was stripped of that role a couple years ago, well, no, a while ago, um, I was left with absolutely this hole.
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:37.840
And during this excavation process, why?
00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:45.679
But what I found really interesting, everything happens for a reason.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:53.919
Um, I'm just side note, I'm a certified Gallup Strengths coach, and I have my number one strength is connectedness.
00:16:54.080 --> 00:17:01.519
There are no coincidences, everything is connected to a higher power, which you hear me say all the time.
00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:05.119
And um, everything happens for a reason.
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:25.039
At that time, I found this really interesting how I was doing this conference for this organization, and um it was February of that year, I can remember that, and um I delivered that conference.
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:26.079
It was awesome.
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:27.519
It was awesome.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:30.640
That immersive experience that I loved to do.
00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:45.359
After the conference, I walked behind the screens and I see the president with her COO talking.
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:52.960
Well, I couldn't move because I needed to be where I needed to be to help the production company and stuff.
00:17:53.200 --> 00:18:01.680
And I was listening to these women rip apart somebody that was not present.
00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:03.920
Oh, by the way, wasn't present.
00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:16.880
But yet turn the corner with that individual coming up to them, complete mass, different face, completely fake.
00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:19.359
Just it nauseated me.
00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:29.440
And I thought to myself, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, for me to advance in this organization, I'm gonna have to be behave like that.
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.400
I don't I don't think I want to do that.
00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:39.359
I don't think I want to do that.
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:58.960
So the role being stripped, so that was in February, fast forward to like June, July, August, some time in the summer, my role was stripped, and it was hard to go home, share that with my family.
00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:05.759
It was hard to figure what the fuck I was going to do afterwards, because it came out as a shock.
00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:15.359
And um, but once, probably maybe six, eight months afterwards, and I felt safe again, right?
00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:20.000
Because when when things happen like that, we feel we're fearful, right?
00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:27.519
When I felt safe again, I was grateful for the gift.
00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:37.200
I had already started to think, hmm, something wicked this way comes.
00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:41.359
I'm not gonna do that in order to get ahead.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.680
So what am I gonna do?
00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:53.920
The universe, God universe source, made the decision for me, gave me the direction for me.
00:19:54.640 --> 00:19:57.279
Because, you know, golden handcuffs.
00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:01.039
Um, yeah, just interesting.
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:17.200
This excavation process helped me articulate not only that role being stripped, but also that foresight of wow, that's not what I'm gonna do.
00:20:17.920 --> 00:20:27.759
Uh tear somebody down behind closed doors, and then when they walk up to me, like be fake and not even share if it's a performance issue.
00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:29.599
I knew that.
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.000
This excavation process helped me articulate it.
00:20:34.319 --> 00:20:42.880
But the excavation process also helped me identify what I will not and what I will not tolerate.
00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:49.839
It also helped me identify the standards into which I'm gonna hold myself accountable.
00:20:51.440 --> 00:21:06.240
It also helped me identify here's the choices that I'm gonna make around how to be the best leader and what you can expect of me.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:14.000
From that moment on, I never ever had.
00:21:15.680 --> 00:21:33.440
I never questioned my leadership, nor did I have anybody question my leadership because I was clear on it, I was anchored in who I was, but I had to go through that valley in order to get there, and it took a long time.
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:40.000
I simply want to leave you guys with this.
00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:43.599
Like I started this podcast.
00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:48.400
Who would you be if the role was stripped away?
00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:53.440
If you're a doctor and your role was stripped away, who would you be?
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:55.279
Would you be the philanthropist?
00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:56.559
Would you be the volunteer?
00:21:56.720 --> 00:21:59.680
Would you be the the person?
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.480
At church that helps with the pews.
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:04.720
Who else would you be?
00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:15.119
Because our work takes up so much of our fucking identities that we have lost ourselves.
00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:18.400
Many of us.
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:25.359
I would say Gen X, yes, because that's the boomer, right?
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:26.799
The boomer kind of thing.
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:29.359
This is how we we're in their shadow.
00:22:29.680 --> 00:22:32.960
Millennials are in our Gen X shadow, right?
00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:40.079
They have a little bit of that sh that energy thinking conditioning.
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:50.160
I would say the Gen Z are the ones that have the most freshest mindset.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.759
Now, granted, they drive us crazy.
00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:56.240
I have a Gen Z for a daughter.
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:57.759
I can say it out loud.
00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:00.720
There are times when that girl drives me crazy.
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:12.640
However, she is really fucking grounded in who she is, how she's choosing to show up, and what she will and will not tolerate.
00:23:13.119 --> 00:23:18.000
More so at 23 than I was at 35.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:23.359
I just find that absolutely interesting.
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:27.359
We could probably learn a lot from them.
00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.599
It'll drive us crazy.
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:32.480
But we might be able to learn a couple things.
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:37.599
So I leave you with that.
00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.279
Who would you be if you didn't have the role?
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:44.480
If it was stripped away from you, repurposed?
00:23:46.720 --> 00:23:48.160
What would you do?
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:50.960
Not what's your backup plan?
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:54.400
Not what's your backup plan?
00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:58.640
Although backup plans are very necessary.
00:23:59.359 --> 00:24:00.480
Kid you not.
00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:03.359
But what inside?
00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:06.720
You're gonna take the hit?
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.680
How hard is the hit going to take you out?
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:15.920
It'll take you out, but for how long?
00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:21.759
Have you and and some of you may remember this?
00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:25.599
When I was growing up, there was something called Bozo the Clown.
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:47.039
And um there was this toy that you could buy that was a blow-up Bozo the Clown, and it was kind of like um almost, it was round on the bottom, and it was probably about four feet tall, and it was round on top, and it was like a punching bag for kids to wear them out.
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:50.240
Well, at least that's what my mom loved it for.
00:24:50.640 --> 00:25:06.160
Um, but Bozo the clown, um, and I'm making this connection, I can't remember the author, so it's not my original thought, but I I remember when I read it, I'm like, oh my god, that is so cool to think of it that way.
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:08.319
Resilience.
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:18.319
We have through our life and through our journey, we will have those moments where we're not down.
00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:24.000
How long we stay down is a test of our resilience.
00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:32.559
So if you get back up really fast, like this bozo the clown guy, if you punched him down, he came up really fast.
00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:43.519
Now, if he was low on air, he'd go down and uh right, he he he would have a hard time coming back up.
00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:49.680
So when you get punched really hard, you're gonna go down.
00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:51.359
There's no doubt about that.
00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.839
Hashtag human, we go down.
00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:56.960
Question is how long?
00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.599
What's left?
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:20.960
Keep going back to that what's left after the role has been stripped, and you have to, as the adult, as the all the other roles you have, especially the forever roles of mom, wife, right, sister, those are the ones that are so linked.
00:26:22.160 --> 00:26:26.000
You have to honor and show up for them.
00:26:28.160 --> 00:26:30.000
How quickly can you do that?
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:32.400
How quickly can you respond?
00:26:32.720 --> 00:26:40.000
How quickly can you build your resistance to bounce back and move forward?
00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:52.079
As humans, we are meant for more than just our jobs.
00:26:52.319 --> 00:26:54.960
We're meant for more than just our title.
00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:01.920
And I truly believe each and every one of us was put on this earth for a purpose.
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:05.200
Find your purpose.
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.680
Maybe that's the lesson.
00:27:08.160 --> 00:27:09.839
I know it was for me.
00:27:10.240 --> 00:27:12.000
Took me years to get there.
00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:25.519
Took my daughter being taken out for a bone marrow transplant for me to stop avoiding and get in the work of living it to my true purpose.
00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:33.359
These identity shifts are again going back to the hardest times of our lives.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:36.559
Devastating.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:51.440
And yet, opportunities, opportunities to build resilience, opportunity to demonstrate resilience for your family, and opportunities to lean into.
00:27:53.119 --> 00:27:56.960
Okay, maybe I need to shift gears.
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:59.279
Maybe I meant to do something different.
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:01.359
Maybe what is it again?
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:08.720
Going back to getting quiet in this fucking distracting, distracting and noisy world.
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:10.720
What are you telling me?
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:16.400
What I could be doing that I'm ignoring.
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:19.599
What am I here to do that I keep ignoring?
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:25.039
You're giving me a sign, you're giving me an opportunity, although it feels not like an opportunity.
00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:29.519
It feels everything other than that, but it's an opportunity.
00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:34.640
I can only see this from live experience.
00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:36.960
I'm not blowing smoke up your skirt.
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:39.039
This is lived experience.
00:28:39.279 --> 00:28:42.640
And I'm also watching a dear friend go through it.
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:54.880
He popped back with resilience, and he keeps taking the hits because of the identity of having to have that role.
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.559
Role's not.
00:28:57.680 --> 00:28:59.519
The role is never the point.
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:01.920
Role's never the point.
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:04.559
It's the human underneath it.
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:06.000
That is the point.
00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:10.720
Okay, enough.
00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:11.759
That's a wrap.
00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:13.839
I can keep talking about this shit all night.
00:29:13.920 --> 00:29:15.599
And I say shit like loosely.
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:16.960
I I love this work.
00:29:17.119 --> 00:29:17.599
I love it.
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:19.839
I'm passionate about it, as you can tell.
00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:21.519
I hope you can tell.
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:25.200
And um, I hope I left you with something to think about.
00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:27.599
Yeah.
00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:29.599
Let me know.
00:29:29.920 --> 00:29:34.240
You can send me a comment, send me a DM, you can find me on LinkedIn.
00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.839
I'd love to have a conversation if you want to have a conversation.
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:39.200
Let's do it.
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:41.039
Alright, guys.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:42.559
That's it for now.
00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:48.079
Have a great night, great day, wherever you're at, listening to this in the world.
00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:50.480
And I'll catch you on the next one.
