WEBVTT
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So first off, you don't need to prove yourself to a man to a job to v anything to get validation.
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You can find validation within yourself at any moment.
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It's a choice.
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Easier said than done, but it is a choice that we have at at any moment.
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Love it.
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Yeah.
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Welcome to the Stop Performing Life podcast.
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I am Melissa Tassey, and this is the Human Connection Movement.
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Each week, my guests and I will explore what it means to stop performing, reconnect to what matters most, and intentionally create a life that feels deeply aligned with who you are.
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You did not press play by accident.
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Maybe this is the pause you've been waiting for.
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Let's begin.
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Hey everyone, thanks for joining us again on the Stop Performing Life podcast.
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With me today, I have Anita.
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She is the CEO and founder of Arise with Anita.
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Um and Anita, I I don't want to butcher your last name.
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I know you told me it before.
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What's your last name, Anita?
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You know, I'm just going to say, I love that you just left it as open.
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This is the second time I've had that.
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So it's Kura Dayon.
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But if you actually look at me, if you like find me on Instagram, it's Kura Dayan Gergis.
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My mom was having a bit of a woman movement back in the 90s because she was like, you know what?
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I am the one who is currently getting this baby out of me.
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So my last name stinks.
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I like it.
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I say yes, do it.
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Absolutely.
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Love it.
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So thank you for joining me, Anita.
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Before we jump in, let me just tell the audience a little bit about you.
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How about it?
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So, um, you are a somatic healer, breath work guide, and creator of the HER method, which is a transformational framework that helps women heal emotional and identity-based patterns stored in the body.
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Her work is rooted in the nervous system, regulation, somatic awareness, breath work, and feminine leadership.
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Anita supports women who have outgrown hustle culture and are ready to stop forcing their future, reconnect to their intuition, and lead from embodied self-trust.
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Wow.
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So powerful.
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So, um, is there anything else you would like to add to your introduction, first and foremost, as our listeners are listening to you and they're like, ooh, I want to reach out.
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How do they reach out to you, Anita?
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So I am everywhere with Arise with Anita.
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It's literally at Arise with Anita.
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And then if you dare to try to fumble with the last names, it's Anita Kradayan on literally Facebook, Instagram, uh, not on Twitter, whatever that's called nowadays.
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But uh X.
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X, okay.
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Yeah.
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Um, and then I'm also on LinkedIn, which I don't give that enough love, but I'm trying to.
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It's I'm in all platforms.
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So but also if you just want to tune in, actually, Miss Melissa is this week's guest.
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So the Arise with Anita podcast, that's another way to dive deeper into my world and just get to learn, get some tactical tools on nervous system regulation.
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I bring amazing guests like Melissa herself to share their wisdom, their stories, their hearts, and it's incredible.
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Oh, you're so sweet.
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And thank you, thank you, thank you for letting us know how to get a hold of you.
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Um, so we're gonna dive in because we have a short amount of time.
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This is correct.
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Want to make sure I'm being sensitive to your time.
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Um, because I appreciate you being here.
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Okay, so first and foremost, Anita, let's talk about how did you get to where you're at right now in the reader's digest version.
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And what what is compelling you?
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What is compelling you or calling you to do the work you're doing?
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Reader's digest version, I'll just start off with I was the high achiever who was learning, who learned to prove herself as a way of earning worth and affirmation and love.
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And it was from that stem of I am not enough, that I literally was, how can I overdo the enoughness?
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And to give you the very short version of a very long-winded answer, I realized that I went through years of emotional suppression, so much so that eventually that my body at the age of 21 had hit 300 pounds.
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Most people would attribute that to poor exercise and diet.
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I attribute that fully to emotional suppression because there's so much I was not feeling that those lack of feelings had no place to go.
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So it went into the body and did the thing, it slowed down the metabolism, it's a whole thing.
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Totally.
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I got to this work because I started to go inward and really recognized there's different pillars that were helping me, but when it came to the overall sustainability of actually being able to implement results, there was a missing piece.
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And I recognized once I started to really allow myself to go into the intuition and go into the body, because the body keeps score, I started to recognize hold on, my body is actually sensing when I'm afraid of doing something.
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There's wisdom here that I'm just not paying attention to.
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So, in a nutshell, I started to implement that in my own life, and I started to recognize oh my god, I can literally have anything I want as long as I regulate and expand my capacity.
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Oh my god.
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Okay, so tell me more about again, we're you're on the Stop Performing Life podcast, right?
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And and the the premise of this is all about stop performing the roles that no longer serve us.
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So what when you were hustling for your worth, trying to be enough, all the things, right?
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When did you get to that point where you're like, enough's enough?
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I'm going to discard the old and start with the filter of the new.
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Like, what was your turning point there?
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I feel like there's multiple turning points in different parts of the evolution because here's the secret or not so secret that I like to tell my clients about a healing journey.
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You think you're going to heal, and it's this one-stop finish line, you get to it and you're done.
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That's not how it works.
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Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
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Right.
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So you will find yourself peeling back the same damn onion.
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So I would find that first it started off massively in my career.
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I was looking for validation and promotion and getting the accolades of like, I am doing a good job and I'm making the money.
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And I thought that meant something because externally it would show the success.
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And through that, I was actually hoping to buy relationships.
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Very twisted truth, but it was the reality of what I was living.
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It was if I can just prove that I have a place in this world and I have value and I'm actually doing something that's incredible, then people are gonna naturally be like, oh, I'm so proud of her.
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I want to be a part of that, or whatever the thought was.
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So that was one.
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And as I started to go into my corporate journey, and I realized at one point I'm doing the things that I've been taught that are quote unquote right.
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I recognized, holy shit, I'm still not happy.
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I'm trying to get to this next level.
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I keep getting the promotion, and every time I'm getting the promotion, I'm not I the excitement lasts for about 2.5 seconds, and then I'm going, okay, what's next?
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What else can I do so that I can feel like I earned something again?
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And so it was this constant loop and that recognition of the loop was the first step.
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But here's the caveat: what I found was as I started to heal these elements, I would then start to replace the place of where I was trying to seek that validation or seek that need of I need to feel like I'm earning my worth.
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So then it turned into doing the same thing with my business, doing the same thing with the podcast, doing some the same thing where it was like, I'm trying to show the world I have a place in it, and I had to really step back, and it was sort of a second evolution of oh shit, you're playing the same hamster wheel, and you're not necessarily enjoying the result.
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So I had to get clear, and what really helped me get back to a place of centered was to go and just slow down enough to reconnect with myself and to reconnect with, I call it either creator or God, whatever works for you.
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I really don't care.
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Right.
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And I was like, you know, I don't I don't think you actually make mistakes on this planet.
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And I do have a firm belief that our stories, whatever yours might be, there's lessons and episodes that you're not only here for your own soul's journey, but you're also here to teach based off of that bridge that you are crossing.
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And so I would look at my experiences going, I have this interesting mix that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
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Because people look at me and they go, You're kind of young to be a coach.
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And it's a good thing I don't have that freaking belief of I'm too young.
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Otherwise, hearing that so often, I would probably get into my head.
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And the counter to that though, I had a lady, I was at an event recently, and she actually told me that exact line.
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And she goes, I wish I would have known that what I wanted to do 20 years earlier.
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I wasted 20 years performing my life thinking I was meeting the gap.
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And what it was really for me was when I slowed down and I recognized I have this unique set of intuition, the ability to ground people, high energy at times.
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It allows me to connect with people.
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And when I looked at my core story, I was like, you know, I am literally the woman who's literally able to look at women going, you don't need a man to choose you, you can choose yourself at any goddamn time.
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And once I had that recognition that that was kind of part of my soul's purpose, everything else dismantled.
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So, long story short, I love every piece of that.
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I love every piece of that.
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Um, when you said stop performing, and again, this journey and staying on the hamster wheel and having that insight of I'm doing the same thing, just a different day or a different situation or a different role, right?
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With our audience, because I know this will resonate with a lot of the audiences, uh the audience that were listening today, and also I think about all the people that I coach on a weekly basis of I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, uh, I'm drowning, I I I feel like the carrot is always out of reach, right?
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And it's all in that same like messed up little ball.
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What's one thing that you would offer to them to get them to slow down?
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You need to get clear about what you want.
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Now, most women, especially who are listening to this, are gonna, and I know this because my clients say the same goddamn thing to me.
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They go, I don't know what I want.
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Because no one really poses that question.
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They know what they need to do, they don't know what they want.
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And those are two different things.
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So, firstly, I'm gonna tell you a simple answer is you need to create the space for some white time that looks like I don't care if you're a morning person, you do it in the evening, does not matter.
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You need to create some space where you can be reconnected with yourself without our handy-dandy devices totally, so that you can actually get back to yourself.
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For you, that might be meditation, that might be journaling, that might be breathwork.
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I am a big proponent of breath work because for me, when I first started meditation, I could not silence my mind, and so I would sit there going, This is uncomfortable, I think I'm doing it wrong, and now I know it's more of a natural part of the process.
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But breath work is slightly active, depending on the type of breath work you're doing.
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Now I do breath work that's a little slower and it's more intentional, but it's the intention.
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So, what I do is I will use a practice that feels good to me.
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Some days it's just going on a walk, some days it's literally I'm gonna do a breath work with an intention, I might do a meditation, and I create that white space to get the answers that I'm looking for.
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And sometimes the question you pose and the answer you receive are different, and it might not make sense in that moment, but usually you will find why what the link is to what you intended to and what you received.
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Beautiful, beautiful, I love it, I love it.
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So you were also mentioning how when you slowed down and you had this recognition of, well, yeah, I am suppressing all these emotions and they're now manifesting it.
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And those emotions when um the manifestation of that, did that look like depression?
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Did that look like anxiety?
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What did that look like for you?
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I wouldn't say depression or anxiety at that point because it was a lot of suppression, because I was not going into the weeds of the abandonment feelings or the shame or the guilt.
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And these are very heavy emotions I was actually feeling in my energy, but I was doing what we're all taught to do, and it was I'm not gonna feel into this because feel a feeling into it hurts.
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And to give you guys a little bit of a small background, in my culture, husband and wife, they get married, they have a baby, and that's all very normal.
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When you have a child that is now my parents were together, but they ended up splitting by the time I was born, and he then went on to have a separate family very quickly thereafter, and to give you a very short version of this, he has a daughter that is immediately after me.
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I'm born in January, she is born October of the same year, so he moved very quickly, and so we, my mom and I, were together in this single mom, single daughter childhood experience, and so there was a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, and I started to feel that because you could feel you're not the norm of what you're growing up with, and you get a little bit of that in American culture, you don't get that it's on an elevated level when you're Armenian and you're the first Christian culture, and so they take it and they really look at you like something is wrong with you.
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So for a girl who has a whole thing of I'm already not enough, just that on top of it.
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Oh my god, so I had a lot of yeah, so I had a lot of this I was actually feeling, and you could feel it in like the sense when you're out and about, but I could never explain, and so it was this compounding of it got to a point where I was like, this shit hurts too much, and I would not even acknowledge a lot of the time that I had anger or resentment or I was hurt by my father.
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So when you're not actually acknowledging even the feelings to yourself, much less, it just stayed stagnant.
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So it literally looked like I'm just suppressing this and I'm moving on about my day.
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And the closest feeling I would eventually identify with would be a little bit of depression, more so because the whole question was like, what's wrong with me?
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Why didn't he choose us?
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And so that was like one of my first primary questions as a child was like, Oh, my dad didn't choose us.
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So when you're four or five years old and you literally have that story, it compounds to how you see yourself.
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Absolutely.
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And actually, I was just recently telling a mutual of ours when you grow up in the foresight, when you have the mindset that something is wrong with me, and you're convinced it does not matter how much people externally actually tell you.
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And there's an irony to this because if you looked at what I was trying to do, it was a lot of let me get the validation, let me get the validation.
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Absolutely.
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And people thought it was from the bosses or whatever.
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No, it still came back to I wanted my father's validation, I wanted validation from my mom, I wanted validation from certain family members because I wanted to feel like I'm not a mistake.
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So it was still this external rabbit hole I was running through.
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And I told our specific friend, I was like, when you don't see what's right with you, and you're only filtering yourself from what's wrong, you're always gonna look for how can I grow, how can I heal, how can I because you're not looking at what's already right, right?
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And what's right there.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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Intense.
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Intense.
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And look at I mean, and look at you now.
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I mean, you're you're doing the work, you're doing the inner work, and um what I also am hearing is how you are shedding the expectations that others have of you that you are no longer choosing to serve.
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Absolutely, all the time.
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And it's still a constant revisitation of well, what do I want in this moment?
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Is that what I'm actually expanding towards this in alignment with that, or is it just going to distract from it?
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So when you think about where you're at currently, in your career, your business, your spiritual journey, what expectations are you still trying to shed that are not yours?
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I like that.
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Hitting home with the heavy one, huh?
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Um an expectation I'm shedding that's not quite mine.
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I think there's still an element that it was how the career is supposed to look.
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Because it definitely does not look like your standard nine to five corporate.
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Thank you.
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Thank God, absolutely.
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I was actually in the podcast studio yesterday with a guest, and afterwards I come home and I'm like, I'm still overjoyed from this, and it's a completely different type of episode I did, and I go, man, could you imagine?
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Like, if I didn't get the chance to do this, like I get to actually every day connect with people that I love to connect with and see how we're growing together, and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing, but it's very unconventional when you think about a especially I'm only 31.
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So most 31 years olds are literally corporate or they're high-level CEOs or some some sort of that nature, and I completely just was like, this is no longer the place for me.
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I mean, so when you had that moment, you're in corporate America, and you had that moment of this is no longer that place.
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What was that moment?
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What happened?
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What made you think?
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Well, that I need to.
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It was a it was a stacking.
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So I kept my coaching on the side, and I was doing this for a good three to four years before I even dovefully.
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In it was my little side passion project.
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I loved to connect and go to the events.
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I was doing all the things, but I was afraid to take that jump.
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And so what I often find is if you do not make the jump, even though your soul knows, eventually God gets tired of it and is going to push you out.
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Yes, I know that firsthand, ma'am.
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I know that firsthand for sure.
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Yeah.
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So it literally was.
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I was starting the coaching, and I remember very clearly I had just came up with a framework for her method.
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And I was like, oh my God, I finally got what really fucking makes people stick.
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And I took all these pieces that I've learned and I was experiencing it.
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And I go, okay, I have this.
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Maybe I restart my podcast and I start inviting people.
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I was in action.
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I was starting to invite people to come on my podcast and I was talking to people about it.
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:07.039
And I was like, what if I go on this like sprint and I think I was trying to hit like$10,000 a month at that time.
00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:08.720
I was like, I can just do that.
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.440
I can just quit corporate right after that.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:21.119
But you know, I think it was I was starting to signal to the creator or Gene the Universe, like, hey, I'm in action now.
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:31.039
So what happened was shortly thereafter making this plan, not even a full month later, and I had not even seen a penny yet.
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:32.559
I'm out of a job.
00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:34.000
I'm laid off.
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:34.640
Wow.
00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:36.799
And it was the shock of a lifetime.
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:40.880
Because I'm going, What do you mean you laid me off?
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:43.119
I am your best fucking underwriter.
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.839
Like, full, not even in an egotistical way.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:53.279
I just had hit in a slow season multiple$1 million plus dollar months.
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:56.720
And I was like, what do you mean you just laid me off?
00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:00.079
And interestingly enough, talk about a woman's intuition.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:06.319
Three weeks beforehand, I literally asked my manager at the time, I go, all right, the writing doesn't look good on the walls.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:07.440
Are layoffs coming?
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:09.759
And she goes, No, you have nothing to worry about.
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:13.440
Nothing to worry about.
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:14.480
I was like, interesting.
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:18.400
And then three weeks later, I go to the gym, come out from my 7 a.m.
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:20.400
class, and I get a call.
00:24:20.640 --> 00:24:24.720
I'm trying to check my teams because I was always obsessed with work.
00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:27.440
And I'm not able to access anything.
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.440
And then get a call from my manager.
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:32.799
And they go, sorry, you no longer work here.
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:37.759
Shock, identity, ego death, all at once.
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:38.400
Oh my god.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:44.640
And I recognized in that moment it was, hey, you know what to do.
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:49.039
You're just not fully stepping into the version of you that owns it.
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:52.480
So congratulations.
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:59.440
And I'll be honest, I was a very stubborn little bird because after a while, I was like, I am going to still get another job.
00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:00.799
I'll show you.
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:03.359
And so I would apply and apply and apply.
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:06.799
And I was using contacts I had, and nothing would stick.
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.880
And I was like, oh, God is really telling me you're not going back to this industry.
00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:13.359
Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:16.319
You were definitely getting the signs.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:17.519
Yeah.
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:23.440
So sometimes you just ignore it because you're trying to stay in that safety and whatnot.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:28.319
But I could tell you towards the end, I was already feeling the resentment.
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:33.839
I was already very much like I did not want to go into work.
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.359
I did not want, and I'm a person who likes to work.
00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:42.720
It's not like I I love the feeling of being able to serve at any capacity.
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:44.799
But there was a lot of resentment.
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.720
I was very like hesitant to do anything.
00:25:48.880 --> 00:26:01.839
And then just the trips I would need to make, or like going into the office was starting to feel and the office was by the way, like seven minutes away, and we were only required to go once every other like week.
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:05.359
But that would feel like so much extra effort.
00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:14.960
And so the little signs of the compounding was the resistance, the I'm getting agitated more quickly than normal.
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:21.359
Oh my god, I'm starting to feel very disconnected from myself.
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:25.359
And I was sitting with this, like, I know what I'm meant to be doing.
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:26.000
Yeah.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:28.480
Why can't I get myself to do it?
00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:33.519
What came up for you after the after you asked yourself that question?
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:36.240
I was using all the logical answers.
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:45.759
You have a house, you have expenses, taking a business getting a business to really like get up takes time.
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:48.240
It was all the logical things we hear.
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.559
And I remember going, but what if?
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:53.279
What if this is the thing?
00:26:54.160 --> 00:27:00.240
And so it was like soul on one hand going, you know what to do.
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:05.119
And the ego on the other going, it's not that easy.
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:10.240
Gosh, if it was easy, everybody'd be doing it, right?
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:18.079
But I I sit and I think about uh the the holding yourself back and the logical.
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:23.680
Yeah, there are always the logical things and that leap of faith you took.
00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:41.599
I I think of um as I was walking into my little mini studio here in the library today, I thought about a quote that our coach, and I say our coach, uh said that if it's in you, it's required of you.
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:45.039
Oh yes, yes, that was a big one for March.
00:27:46.319 --> 00:28:05.279
And like when when you were talking and talking about how like, gosh, look, God had the plan and my soul knew it, and I'm over here trying to like make something else work around it, yeah, and and ultimately here you are.
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:19.599
Yeah, and the funny thing is I was trying to take what I had been learning because I've been doing so much training and I have leadership development skills, and like this stuff comes almost naturally to me, whether I like it or not.
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:36.000
And I would try to go into that corporate job I had, and I'd be like, you know, if you just made these tweaks, I was that annoying staff member that's like you're like mid-tier and you're going all the way up to the vice president and the manager and going, if you guys made this tweak and this week and this week, guess what?
00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:38.799
You would probably expedite your business.
00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:51.359
And every single time I was taking a vacation, I put it in air quotes because every time I was taking a vacation, it was actually Anita's going to go develop herself in some way.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:55.519
Whether that was a Tony Robbins event, whether it was some sort of other retreat.
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:59.599
I was not a person who took vacations to rest.
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:02.079
I was a person who took vacations to go inward.
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:02.880
Expand.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:03.200
Yeah.
00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:04.240
To expand.
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:10.000
And I recognized I was in an environment that was just holding me captive to my full capacity.
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:14.559
But I was not willing to take it break out of it.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:15.359
Mm-hmm.
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:16.559
Yeah.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:34.559
I I would say that a lot of uh gosh, and and I find it mostly with women right now that I'm working with that they have the golden handcuffs and they're looking at their life, they're looking at their careers, and they're like, is this really it?
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:36.079
Like, is this it?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:42.799
I've done I've checked all the boxes, I've done all the work, I've climbed the the ladder, and this is it.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.039
And why does it feel so shitty?
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:47.200
Shitty, yeah, right?
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:49.599
Like, why does it feel so bad?
00:29:50.079 --> 00:30:02.079
My god, like it's not our checklist that we're checking, and that's what I was starting to realize is like, and the funny thing is, talk about intuition.
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:11.759
Right before the pandemic, I had been already starting to listen to the podcast, I was getting into the books, all the things, and I was very into Ed Mylet.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.000
I've been very into Ed Mylet since I was like 14, 15.
00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:33.680
Um, but I was talking to the receptionist of the corporate job I was at, and we're talking, and she goes, because we had this whole thing, like we would exchange like what books we're reading at that time, and she goes, Anita, do you think you'll be an insurance forever?
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:36.480
Like, this is what you want to do for the rest of your life.
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:42.000
And I go, Oh god, no, I could not imagine doing 20 to 30 years of this shit.
00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:50.000
And I go, you know, once I get my shit together, this was verbatim what I told her.
00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:58.160
Once I get my shit together, I want to coach and help women uh have like a better life.
00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:00.720
So the soul knew.
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:08.240
Yeah, it recognized that what I was studying and what I was actually spending my free time on, I was enjoying.
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:09.039
Yeah.
00:31:09.279 --> 00:31:13.279
But there was the stubbornness, a little bit of like stability.
00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:21.039
I was using career as validation, I was using career as a way of feeling safe.
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:30.559
And so, because when we think about being a business owner, we have to manage that safe feeling ourselves, right?
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:33.759
And there is no guarantee.
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:43.519
So you're constantly, if you're smart and you're able to be surrounded with people, you are constantly having to look at what are my thoughts?
00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:46.799
Am I expanding my capacity right now?
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:49.200
What what feels unsafe?
00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:56.079
And at the time I didn't really recognize that my body was giving me signs that I was not in the right environment.
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:09.680
Like when I would go for certain promotions, it was like, you're doing the work, and I always had this theme, and I will always tell you guys this is a very side note, but like I think this is helpful.
00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:12.319
Pay attention what patterns come up for you.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:25.599
Because for me, the biggest thing would be I would still not be seen in the work that I was doing, or I'd be seen, but they'd want to keep me in the exact same spot because it was more convenient for them.
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:34.319
So at that specific job, I got bypassed over for a promotion that I deserved, counted not two, but four times.
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:43.920
And it was because I did the work uh so well that I could do the work of like three to four people by myself.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:47.680
So the people who actually sucked at the job got the promotions.
00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:52.640
And I would be sitting there going, I trained you and you're getting a promotion, and I what?
00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:04.960
And then I went into a different company because I did what we all think we'd need to do, and it's if you don't like what's going on, change the external because this was my logic at the time.
00:33:05.279 --> 00:33:05.759
Sure.
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:16.640
And I go into a different company, and almost the exact same situation happens, and I'm fighting teeth and nail for this damn position because I think the position is going to give me the validation.
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:18.720
And it's so easy.
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:25.920
And once I got to the position, the caveat there was once I got the position, I was like, huh, that's it.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:28.480
Yeah, my gosh.
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:36.559
I can't, I like it's it's so like your story is resonates with things that I'm hearing all the time.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:37.759
All the time.
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:38.319
Wow.
00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:39.200
Yeah.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:43.759
Because it's a human journey that's not that special, unfortunately.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:50.079
That we well, like we think we're the only ones going through it, and then it's you come to realize no, you're not that unique.
00:33:50.799 --> 00:33:55.039
Well on the planet and you're experiencing it, someone hasn't experienced it.
00:33:55.279 --> 00:33:55.920
Absolutely.
00:33:56.079 --> 00:33:59.359
Well, and at the end of the day, that's what makes us human, absolutely.
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:15.360
Like I was I was pulling up something that I've used in my past, which is Oprah Winfrey's definition of the master class, and and she talks about in this definition how all of our stories are connected.
00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:28.559
And the reason that it's called a masterclass is when someone that has gone through it is able to tell the story to then help somebody else, that then makes them a master.
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:35.519
But there isn't a feeling at a soul level that we haven't felt as humans.
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:43.760
We all experience joy, devastation, grief, shame, happiness, confidence, whatever the range is.
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:45.840
We all feel the same feels.
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:49.280
And our stories are what absolutely connect us.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:59.119
So you sharing today on how you dropped expectations, how you went in to do the inner work, will absolutely help somebody.
00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:01.360
Will absolutely help somebody.
00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:47.039
And so I've been telling people because what I found was healing sometimes actually comes up by feeling neutral.
00:35:48.480 --> 00:35:57.760
So the ability to remember a situation or to have something that would normally activate you or trigger you, right?
00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.840
For you to feel neutral about it.
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:01.440
Because what does that mean?
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:05.920
Yes, there's no charge.
00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:10.639
You don't feel low, you don't feel high, you feel neutral.
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:31.679
And so something I've been telling them is just like even if you can just get because a lot of them they want to go from I feel shitty about this to I really want to feel better about it, or I want to see it as like a conscious decision that I've made that's so much better, and and sometimes the grounded middle point is just I want to feel neutral about it.
00:36:32.159 --> 00:36:36.079
Yeah, that's awesome, and neutral's progress.
00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:38.239
It is 100%.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:47.679
So we are getting close to time because I know you have to bounce, so I'm going to kind of wrap up with a couple things, okay?
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:54.639
Given your journey, so your life story is your leadership journey, and your leadership journey is your life story.
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:56.400
You can't separate them, okay?
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:09.199
Given your journey, what are the three things that you stand for that you will not abandon because the room, people, pressure, or role has changed?
00:37:09.599 --> 00:37:11.360
What are those three things?
00:37:13.119 --> 00:37:14.320
Good question.
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.800
Three things that I will not stand that I stand for?
00:37:18.960 --> 00:37:27.920
Is that that you stand for that are just unapologetically you and that you will go toe-to-toe with anybody for.
00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:30.000
I love this.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:30.480
Okay.
00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:38.719
So, first off, you don't need to prove yourself to a man, to a job, to anything to get validation.
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:41.440
You can find validation within yourself at any moment.
00:37:41.679 --> 00:37:42.559
It's a choice.
00:37:43.599 --> 00:37:48.000
Easier said than done, but it is a choice that we have at any moment.
00:37:48.639 --> 00:37:49.199
Love it.
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:49.920
Yeah.
00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:55.679
Second is to be an apologetic for what you need to say.
00:37:55.920 --> 00:38:01.280
Now, I'm not saying go balls to the wall and be disrespectful about it.
00:38:01.679 --> 00:38:06.400
Learn about consciously communicating, and that is something I actually teach.
00:38:06.639 --> 00:38:11.119
Is it really speak your truth, but can you do it without reactivity?
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:12.800
There's an art form to that.
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:14.079
Yes, ma'am.
00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:23.599
And so for me, a big message is if you have something to say, say it because you don't know how long you have to be able to say it.
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:34.400
And sometimes we have windows of what we need to say, and if you don't say it during a certain period, you end up leaving it just stuck in the energy.
00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:45.199
And to get really into this, and because I I have to always bring it back to the body, when we think about our throats, if you this is where we're gonna get a little woo.
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:46.000
Sorry, Melissa.
00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:48.719
Love it, bring the woo on, I love it.
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:58.559
If we think about the throat, there's a lot of stuck energy here, and so when people have a closed throat chakra, what is it?
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:07.920
Unexpressed emotions, unexpressed thoughts, unexpressed feelings, and it gets stagnant in here.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:21.519
So if you also are someone who you know there's been times, and we all do this, that you haven't expressed what you needed to express, take the time to like massage your throat.
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:24.559
This is where it sounds a little odd, but it feels better.
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:41.840
And if you can get into the practice of humming two to three minutes a day, and I want you to specifically think about it as you're going to have a conversation that you really care about or whatever it is.
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:49.360
You massage and you hum, and just get intentional and see what a difference that'll make in the way you show up.
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:54.960
So that's second is really say what you need to say because you don't know how long you have.
00:39:55.519 --> 00:39:59.199
And the third, the body knows it all.
00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:12.400
If we just create the space for it, you know why you're anxious, you know why some things don't feel like they're working out, you know why a certain people make you feel like you're unsafe.
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:20.480
But half the time you're bypassing your body, going into the brain, trying to force a situation like I was that was not working.
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:24.880
And you got picked out of it, didn't you?
00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:26.000
I did.
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:28.400
We all do eventually, I'm telling ya.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.960
Okay, so thank you for those.
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:31.840
And I love.
00:40:32.320 --> 00:40:34.000
So a couple quick hits.
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:36.320
I took this from you actually.
00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:38.400
Um, favorite book.
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:40.000
Favorite book.
00:40:40.239 --> 00:40:40.960
What's your favorite book?
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:42.239
All the time.
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:44.480
Right now, today.
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:47.280
Currently it's awakened the giant within.
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:48.960
It's an OG but good one.
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:49.599
Okay.
00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:51.440
Favorite food.
00:40:52.719 --> 00:40:53.519
Sushi.
00:40:54.480 --> 00:40:55.840
Favorite quote.
00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:57.679
Ooh.
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:01.280
I should have known this was gonna turn back on me one day.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:04.639
Um quote.
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:09.920
I don't have one off the top of my head.
00:41:10.239 --> 00:41:10.559
Okay.
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:12.480
Spirit animal.
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:14.639
What's your spirit animal?
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.000
A dolphin.
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:17.039
Okay.
00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:21.360
And do you feel like you fit your zodiac sign?
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:36.239
Well, that's a hob-winded question right there, because for me, I'm an Aquarius sun, but Scorpio moon, Leo rising, so I don't know.
00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:46.239
Um, but I do definitely feel like I sometimes slightly over-identify with the Scorpio moon, depending on where we are in the calendar year.
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:47.199
Got it.
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:50.800
And did you catch the lunar eclipse last?
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:52.800
Partially.
00:41:55.519 --> 00:42:01.119
I have to admit, for me, eclipses tend to be very like emotionally heavy.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:13.920
So sometimes I try to avoid being in direct contact with the eclipse because I'm like, shoot, I already feel all the sensations I probably shouldn't be feeling, so maybe don't want to rock the boat there.
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:16.239
But yes, it was beautiful.
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:17.039
Yeah.
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:18.239
Oh, so good.
00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:19.039
So good.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:19.519
Okay.
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:28.239
Well, is there anything else that you want to leave the listeners with before we wrap up?
00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:42.239
So if you're listening to this right now, and there's something on your heart, maybe it's something you need to say, maybe it's a business that you need to start, maybe it's starting a fucking podcast like Melissa and I have.
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:48.239
Whatever it is that you know you want to do, but you're delaying on it.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:55.039
You're going, I'll do that when the time is right.
00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:59.599
Or I'll do that when I don't know, I have more resources.
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:12.159
Whatever your reason for delaying is, I'm going to invite you to really get clear on what you want.
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:14.719
If it is what you want, to go on.
00:43:16.079 --> 00:43:23.440
And this is ironic given that I just told you guys my whole story about not fully diving fully into my business.
00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:29.280
But you see, I have an interesting relationship with time now.
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:33.840
And what really shifted it for me was seeing my grandpa pass.
00:43:34.239 --> 00:43:37.519
And I literally took him in to the hospital May 1st.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.400
May 29th, he actually passed away.
00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:43.360
Pretty quickly thereafter.
00:43:43.840 --> 00:43:56.400
So my relationship with time and the amount of time we delay by a day, a week, a month, you don't feel the stacking of that until you see how quickly it can actually pass.
00:43:57.199 --> 00:44:02.400
So if there's something in you, to quote Craig, if it's in you, it's required of you.
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:03.199
Totally.
00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.920
So really honor that.
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:06.800
Yeah.
00:44:07.119 --> 00:44:08.800
Oh my gosh, beautiful.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:10.079
Thank you for that.
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:10.639
Thank you.
00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:21.280
And it's um, I I'm on the chapter or in the scrolls of Ogmandino that talks about live today as if as if it is your last.
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:28.000
Because tomorrow's not promised, the the past is is gone, right?
00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:30.079
And you only have right now.
00:44:30.239 --> 00:44:31.119
So why wait?
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:33.920
As Tony Robbins would say, why not?
00:44:34.079 --> 00:44:35.599
Well, how's now a good time?
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:38.159
Like literally, let's go, right?
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:41.519
So I appreciate you so much for coming on.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:51.840
Thank you for sharing and and being so vulnerable and um talking about your journey and your business and how you got there.
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:52.800
Absolutely.
00:44:53.119 --> 00:44:53.440
I love it.
00:44:53.679 --> 00:44:54.320
It was fun.
00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:56.480
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:01.679
So until next time, guys, we're gonna let Anita go.
00:45:02.320 --> 00:45:06.079
And I will catch you the following week.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:07.199
Take care.
00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:08.880
Thank you.
00:45:09.039 --> 00:45:09.679
That was so fun.
00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:10.480
Thank you.
00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:12.480
You are so welcome.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:08.080
So first off, you don't need to prove yourself to a man to a job to v anything to get validation.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:10.720
You can find validation within yourself at any moment.
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:11.919
It's a choice.
00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:17.199
Easier said than done, but it is a choice that we have at at any moment.
00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:18.640
Love it.
00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:19.280
Yeah.
00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:31.760
Welcome to the Stop Performing Life podcast.
00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:37.280
I am Melissa Tassey, and this is the Human Connection Movement.
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:55.679
Each week, my guests and I will explore what it means to stop performing, reconnect to what matters most, and intentionally create a life that feels deeply aligned with who you are.
00:00:57.439 --> 00:00:59.679
You did not press play by accident.
00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.520
Maybe this is the pause you've been waiting for.
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Let's begin.
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:14.239
Hey everyone, thanks for joining us again on the Stop Performing Life podcast.
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With me today, I have Anita.
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She is the CEO and founder of Arise with Anita.
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Um and Anita, I I don't want to butcher your last name.
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I know you told me it before.
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What's your last name, Anita?
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You know, I'm just going to say, I love that you just left it as open.
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This is the second time I've had that.
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So it's Kura Dayon.
00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:47.280
But if you actually look at me, if you like find me on Instagram, it's Kura Dayan Gergis.
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My mom was having a bit of a woman movement back in the 90s because she was like, you know what?
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I am the one who is currently getting this baby out of me.
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So my last name stinks.
00:02:01.439 --> 00:02:02.719
I like it.
00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:05.439
I say yes, do it.
00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:07.200
Absolutely.
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Love it.
00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:11.439
So thank you for joining me, Anita.
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Before we jump in, let me just tell the audience a little bit about you.
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How about it?
00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:35.759
So, um, you are a somatic healer, breath work guide, and creator of the HER method, which is a transformational framework that helps women heal emotional and identity-based patterns stored in the body.
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Her work is rooted in the nervous system, regulation, somatic awareness, breath work, and feminine leadership.
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Anita supports women who have outgrown hustle culture and are ready to stop forcing their future, reconnect to their intuition, and lead from embodied self-trust.
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Wow.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:02:59.199
So powerful.
00:02:59.520 --> 00:03:11.360
So, um, is there anything else you would like to add to your introduction, first and foremost, as our listeners are listening to you and they're like, ooh, I want to reach out.
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How do they reach out to you, Anita?
00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:17.599
So I am everywhere with Arise with Anita.
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It's literally at Arise with Anita.
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And then if you dare to try to fumble with the last names, it's Anita Kradayan on literally Facebook, Instagram, uh, not on Twitter, whatever that's called nowadays.
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But uh X.
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X, okay.
00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:40.159
Yeah.
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Um, and then I'm also on LinkedIn, which I don't give that enough love, but I'm trying to.
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It's I'm in all platforms.
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So but also if you just want to tune in, actually, Miss Melissa is this week's guest.
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So the Arise with Anita podcast, that's another way to dive deeper into my world and just get to learn, get some tactical tools on nervous system regulation.
00:04:07.039 --> 00:04:14.479
I bring amazing guests like Melissa herself to share their wisdom, their stories, their hearts, and it's incredible.
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Oh, you're so sweet.
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And thank you, thank you, thank you for letting us know how to get a hold of you.
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Um, so we're gonna dive in because we have a short amount of time.
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This is correct.
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Want to make sure I'm being sensitive to your time.
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Um, because I appreciate you being here.
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Okay, so first and foremost, Anita, let's talk about how did you get to where you're at right now in the reader's digest version.
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And what what is compelling you?
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What is compelling you or calling you to do the work you're doing?
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Reader's digest version, I'll just start off with I was the high achiever who was learning, who learned to prove herself as a way of earning worth and affirmation and love.
00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:16.079
And it was from that stem of I am not enough, that I literally was, how can I overdo the enoughness?
00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:32.399
And to give you the very short version of a very long-winded answer, I realized that I went through years of emotional suppression, so much so that eventually that my body at the age of 21 had hit 300 pounds.
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Most people would attribute that to poor exercise and diet.
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I attribute that fully to emotional suppression because there's so much I was not feeling that those lack of feelings had no place to go.
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So it went into the body and did the thing, it slowed down the metabolism, it's a whole thing.
00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:50.399
Totally.
00:05:50.879 --> 00:06:11.199
I got to this work because I started to go inward and really recognized there's different pillars that were helping me, but when it came to the overall sustainability of actually being able to implement results, there was a missing piece.
00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:30.240
And I recognized once I started to really allow myself to go into the intuition and go into the body, because the body keeps score, I started to recognize hold on, my body is actually sensing when I'm afraid of doing something.
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There's wisdom here that I'm just not paying attention to.
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So, in a nutshell, I started to implement that in my own life, and I started to recognize oh my god, I can literally have anything I want as long as I regulate and expand my capacity.
00:06:50.879 --> 00:06:51.920
Oh my god.
00:06:52.079 --> 00:07:00.800
Okay, so tell me more about again, we're you're on the Stop Performing Life podcast, right?
00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:06.560
And and the the premise of this is all about stop performing the roles that no longer serve us.
00:07:06.800 --> 00:07:15.439
So what when you were hustling for your worth, trying to be enough, all the things, right?
00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:19.920
When did you get to that point where you're like, enough's enough?
00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:24.480
I'm going to discard the old and start with the filter of the new.
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Like, what was your turning point there?
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I feel like there's multiple turning points in different parts of the evolution because here's the secret or not so secret that I like to tell my clients about a healing journey.
00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:42.399
You think you're going to heal, and it's this one-stop finish line, you get to it and you're done.
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That's not how it works.
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Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
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Right.
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So you will find yourself peeling back the same damn onion.
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So I would find that first it started off massively in my career.
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I was looking for validation and promotion and getting the accolades of like, I am doing a good job and I'm making the money.
00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:10.879
And I thought that meant something because externally it would show the success.
00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:15.199
And through that, I was actually hoping to buy relationships.
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Very twisted truth, but it was the reality of what I was living.
00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:30.560
It was if I can just prove that I have a place in this world and I have value and I'm actually doing something that's incredible, then people are gonna naturally be like, oh, I'm so proud of her.
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I want to be a part of that, or whatever the thought was.
00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:36.320
So that was one.
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And as I started to go into my corporate journey, and I realized at one point I'm doing the things that I've been taught that are quote unquote right.
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I recognized, holy shit, I'm still not happy.
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I'm trying to get to this next level.
00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:59.279
I keep getting the promotion, and every time I'm getting the promotion, I'm not I the excitement lasts for about 2.5 seconds, and then I'm going, okay, what's next?
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What else can I do so that I can feel like I earned something again?
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:09.120
And so it was this constant loop and that recognition of the loop was the first step.
00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:27.120
But here's the caveat: what I found was as I started to heal these elements, I would then start to replace the place of where I was trying to seek that validation or seek that need of I need to feel like I'm earning my worth.
00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:50.320
So then it turned into doing the same thing with my business, doing the same thing with the podcast, doing some the same thing where it was like, I'm trying to show the world I have a place in it, and I had to really step back, and it was sort of a second evolution of oh shit, you're playing the same hamster wheel, and you're not necessarily enjoying the result.
00:09:51.200 --> 00:10:05.519
So I had to get clear, and what really helped me get back to a place of centered was to go and just slow down enough to reconnect with myself and to reconnect with, I call it either creator or God, whatever works for you.
00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:06.639
I really don't care.
00:10:06.879 --> 00:10:07.200
Right.
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:11.840
And I was like, you know, I don't I don't think you actually make mistakes on this planet.
00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:29.519
And I do have a firm belief that our stories, whatever yours might be, there's lessons and episodes that you're not only here for your own soul's journey, but you're also here to teach based off of that bridge that you are crossing.
00:10:29.759 --> 00:10:35.840
And so I would look at my experiences going, I have this interesting mix that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:39.679
Because people look at me and they go, You're kind of young to be a coach.
00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:43.600
And it's a good thing I don't have that freaking belief of I'm too young.
00:10:43.679 --> 00:10:47.120
Otherwise, hearing that so often, I would probably get into my head.
00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:54.240
And the counter to that though, I had a lady, I was at an event recently, and she actually told me that exact line.
00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:59.279
And she goes, I wish I would have known that what I wanted to do 20 years earlier.
00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:06.799
I wasted 20 years performing my life thinking I was meeting the gap.
00:11:06.879 --> 00:11:20.720
And what it was really for me was when I slowed down and I recognized I have this unique set of intuition, the ability to ground people, high energy at times.
00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:24.240
It allows me to connect with people.
00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:36.080
And when I looked at my core story, I was like, you know, I am literally the woman who's literally able to look at women going, you don't need a man to choose you, you can choose yourself at any goddamn time.
00:11:36.559 --> 00:11:43.840
And once I had that recognition that that was kind of part of my soul's purpose, everything else dismantled.
00:11:44.000 --> 00:11:49.279
So, long story short, I love every piece of that.
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:51.360
I love every piece of that.
00:11:51.600 --> 00:12:07.200
Um, when you said stop performing, and again, this journey and staying on the hamster wheel and having that insight of I'm doing the same thing, just a different day or a different situation or a different role, right?
00:12:07.600 --> 00:12:30.240
With our audience, because I know this will resonate with a lot of the audiences, uh the audience that were listening today, and also I think about all the people that I coach on a weekly basis of I'm overwhelmed, I'm exhausted, uh, I'm drowning, I I I feel like the carrot is always out of reach, right?
00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:35.279
And it's all in that same like messed up little ball.
00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:41.519
What's one thing that you would offer to them to get them to slow down?
00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:45.440
You need to get clear about what you want.
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:52.399
Now, most women, especially who are listening to this, are gonna, and I know this because my clients say the same goddamn thing to me.
00:12:52.559 --> 00:12:54.000
They go, I don't know what I want.
00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:56.080
Because no one really poses that question.
00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:59.360
They know what they need to do, they don't know what they want.
00:12:59.600 --> 00:13:01.600
And those are two different things.
00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:17.120
So, firstly, I'm gonna tell you a simple answer is you need to create the space for some white time that looks like I don't care if you're a morning person, you do it in the evening, does not matter.
00:13:17.360 --> 00:13:31.519
You need to create some space where you can be reconnected with yourself without our handy-dandy devices totally, so that you can actually get back to yourself.
00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:36.000
For you, that might be meditation, that might be journaling, that might be breathwork.
00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:51.840
I am a big proponent of breath work because for me, when I first started meditation, I could not silence my mind, and so I would sit there going, This is uncomfortable, I think I'm doing it wrong, and now I know it's more of a natural part of the process.
00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:56.799
But breath work is slightly active, depending on the type of breath work you're doing.
00:13:56.960 --> 00:14:03.279
Now I do breath work that's a little slower and it's more intentional, but it's the intention.
00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:07.759
So, what I do is I will use a practice that feels good to me.
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:20.799
Some days it's just going on a walk, some days it's literally I'm gonna do a breath work with an intention, I might do a meditation, and I create that white space to get the answers that I'm looking for.
00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:39.200
And sometimes the question you pose and the answer you receive are different, and it might not make sense in that moment, but usually you will find why what the link is to what you intended to and what you received.
00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:44.960
Beautiful, beautiful, I love it, I love it.
00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:59.440
So you were also mentioning how when you slowed down and you had this recognition of, well, yeah, I am suppressing all these emotions and they're now manifesting it.
00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:11.759
And those emotions when um the manifestation of that, did that look like depression?
00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:13.440
Did that look like anxiety?
00:15:13.600 --> 00:15:15.440
What did that look like for you?
00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:31.120
I wouldn't say depression or anxiety at that point because it was a lot of suppression, because I was not going into the weeds of the abandonment feelings or the shame or the guilt.
00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:44.000
And these are very heavy emotions I was actually feeling in my energy, but I was doing what we're all taught to do, and it was I'm not gonna feel into this because feel a feeling into it hurts.
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:53.919
And to give you guys a little bit of a small background, in my culture, husband and wife, they get married, they have a baby, and that's all very normal.
00:15:54.879 --> 00:16:17.919
When you have a child that is now my parents were together, but they ended up splitting by the time I was born, and he then went on to have a separate family very quickly thereafter, and to give you a very short version of this, he has a daughter that is immediately after me.
00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:58.240
I'm born in January, she is born October of the same year, so he moved very quickly, and so we, my mom and I, were together in this single mom, single daughter childhood experience, and so there was a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, and I started to feel that because you could feel you're not the norm of what you're growing up with, and you get a little bit of that in American culture, you don't get that it's on an elevated level when you're Armenian and you're the first Christian culture, and so they take it and they really look at you like something is wrong with you.
00:16:58.559 --> 00:17:04.960
So for a girl who has a whole thing of I'm already not enough, just that on top of it.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:33.119
Oh my god, so I had a lot of yeah, so I had a lot of this I was actually feeling, and you could feel it in like the sense when you're out and about, but I could never explain, and so it was this compounding of it got to a point where I was like, this shit hurts too much, and I would not even acknowledge a lot of the time that I had anger or resentment or I was hurt by my father.
00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:41.680
So when you're not actually acknowledging even the feelings to yourself, much less, it just stayed stagnant.
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:46.400
So it literally looked like I'm just suppressing this and I'm moving on about my day.
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:58.559
And the closest feeling I would eventually identify with would be a little bit of depression, more so because the whole question was like, what's wrong with me?
00:17:58.720 --> 00:18:00.480
Why didn't he choose us?
00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:08.720
And so that was like one of my first primary questions as a child was like, Oh, my dad didn't choose us.
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:15.759
So when you're four or five years old and you literally have that story, it compounds to how you see yourself.
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:16.319
Absolutely.
00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:31.920
And actually, I was just recently telling a mutual of ours when you grow up in the foresight, when you have the mindset that something is wrong with me, and you're convinced it does not matter how much people externally actually tell you.
00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:38.880
And there's an irony to this because if you looked at what I was trying to do, it was a lot of let me get the validation, let me get the validation.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:40.000
Absolutely.
00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:42.880
And people thought it was from the bosses or whatever.
00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:52.799
No, it still came back to I wanted my father's validation, I wanted validation from my mom, I wanted validation from certain family members because I wanted to feel like I'm not a mistake.
00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:57.519
So it was still this external rabbit hole I was running through.
00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:18.640
And I told our specific friend, I was like, when you don't see what's right with you, and you're only filtering yourself from what's wrong, you're always gonna look for how can I grow, how can I heal, how can I because you're not looking at what's already right, right?
00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:20.559
And what's right there.
00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:22.079
Yeah.
00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:25.039
Wow.
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:27.279
Intense.
00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:28.400
Intense.
00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:31.279
And look at I mean, and look at you now.
00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:46.880
I mean, you're you're doing the work, you're doing the inner work, and um what I also am hearing is how you are shedding the expectations that others have of you that you are no longer choosing to serve.
00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:49.039
Absolutely, all the time.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:54.319
And it's still a constant revisitation of well, what do I want in this moment?
00:19:55.359 --> 00:20:02.640
Is that what I'm actually expanding towards this in alignment with that, or is it just going to distract from it?
00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:21.359
So when you think about where you're at currently, in your career, your business, your spiritual journey, what expectations are you still trying to shed that are not yours?
00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:24.880
I like that.
00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:28.480
Hitting home with the heavy one, huh?
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:33.519
Um an expectation I'm shedding that's not quite mine.
00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:42.000
I think there's still an element that it was how the career is supposed to look.
00:20:42.559 --> 00:20:48.480
Because it definitely does not look like your standard nine to five corporate.
00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:49.519
Thank you.
00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:51.759
Thank God, absolutely.
00:20:52.160 --> 00:21:05.119
I was actually in the podcast studio yesterday with a guest, and afterwards I come home and I'm like, I'm still overjoyed from this, and it's a completely different type of episode I did, and I go, man, could you imagine?
00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:23.359
Like, if I didn't get the chance to do this, like I get to actually every day connect with people that I love to connect with and see how we're growing together, and it's a beautiful, beautiful thing, but it's very unconventional when you think about a especially I'm only 31.
00:21:23.519 --> 00:21:35.039
So most 31 years olds are literally corporate or they're high-level CEOs or some some sort of that nature, and I completely just was like, this is no longer the place for me.
00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:43.759
I mean, so when you had that moment, you're in corporate America, and you had that moment of this is no longer that place.
00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:45.599
What was that moment?
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:46.960
What happened?
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:48.720
What made you think?
00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:50.480
Well, that I need to.
00:21:50.960 --> 00:21:52.960
It was a it was a stacking.
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:59.680
So I kept my coaching on the side, and I was doing this for a good three to four years before I even dovefully.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:03.759
In it was my little side passion project.
00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:08.880
I loved to connect and go to the events.
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:12.880
I was doing all the things, but I was afraid to take that jump.
00:22:13.440 --> 00:22:24.799
And so what I often find is if you do not make the jump, even though your soul knows, eventually God gets tired of it and is going to push you out.
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:28.000
Yes, I know that firsthand, ma'am.
00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:30.160
I know that firsthand for sure.
00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:30.640
Yeah.
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.400
So it literally was.
00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:39.279
I was starting the coaching, and I remember very clearly I had just came up with a framework for her method.
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:44.559
And I was like, oh my God, I finally got what really fucking makes people stick.
00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:49.440
And I took all these pieces that I've learned and I was experiencing it.
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:51.279
And I go, okay, I have this.
00:22:51.440 --> 00:22:54.880
Maybe I restart my podcast and I start inviting people.
00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:55.920
I was in action.
00:22:56.000 --> 00:23:00.799
I was starting to invite people to come on my podcast and I was talking to people about it.
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:07.039
And I was like, what if I go on this like sprint and I think I was trying to hit like$10,000 a month at that time.
00:23:07.200 --> 00:23:08.720
I was like, I can just do that.
00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:11.440
I can just quit corporate right after that.
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:21.119
But you know, I think it was I was starting to signal to the creator or Gene the Universe, like, hey, I'm in action now.
00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:31.039
So what happened was shortly thereafter making this plan, not even a full month later, and I had not even seen a penny yet.
00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:32.559
I'm out of a job.
00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:34.000
I'm laid off.
00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:34.640
Wow.
00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:36.799
And it was the shock of a lifetime.
00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:40.880
Because I'm going, What do you mean you laid me off?
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:43.119
I am your best fucking underwriter.
00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.839
Like, full, not even in an egotistical way.
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:53.279
I just had hit in a slow season multiple$1 million plus dollar months.
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:56.720
And I was like, what do you mean you just laid me off?
00:23:56.960 --> 00:24:00.079
And interestingly enough, talk about a woman's intuition.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:06.319
Three weeks beforehand, I literally asked my manager at the time, I go, all right, the writing doesn't look good on the walls.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:07.440
Are layoffs coming?
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:09.759
And she goes, No, you have nothing to worry about.
00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:13.440
Nothing to worry about.
00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:14.480
I was like, interesting.
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:18.400
And then three weeks later, I go to the gym, come out from my 7 a.m.
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:20.400
class, and I get a call.
00:24:20.640 --> 00:24:24.720
I'm trying to check my teams because I was always obsessed with work.
00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:27.440
And I'm not able to access anything.
00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.440
And then get a call from my manager.
00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:32.799
And they go, sorry, you no longer work here.
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:37.759
Shock, identity, ego death, all at once.
00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:38.400
Oh my god.
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:44.640
And I recognized in that moment it was, hey, you know what to do.
00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:49.039
You're just not fully stepping into the version of you that owns it.
00:24:50.160 --> 00:24:52.480
So congratulations.
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:59.440
And I'll be honest, I was a very stubborn little bird because after a while, I was like, I am going to still get another job.
00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:00.799
I'll show you.
00:25:01.039 --> 00:25:03.359
And so I would apply and apply and apply.
00:25:03.440 --> 00:25:06.799
And I was using contacts I had, and nothing would stick.
00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.880
And I was like, oh, God is really telling me you're not going back to this industry.
00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:13.359
Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:16.319
You were definitely getting the signs.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:17.519
Yeah.
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:23.440
So sometimes you just ignore it because you're trying to stay in that safety and whatnot.
00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:28.319
But I could tell you towards the end, I was already feeling the resentment.
00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:33.839
I was already very much like I did not want to go into work.
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.359
I did not want, and I'm a person who likes to work.
00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:42.720
It's not like I I love the feeling of being able to serve at any capacity.
00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:44.799
But there was a lot of resentment.
00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.720
I was very like hesitant to do anything.
00:25:48.880 --> 00:26:01.839
And then just the trips I would need to make, or like going into the office was starting to feel and the office was by the way, like seven minutes away, and we were only required to go once every other like week.
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:05.359
But that would feel like so much extra effort.
00:26:05.759 --> 00:26:14.960
And so the little signs of the compounding was the resistance, the I'm getting agitated more quickly than normal.
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:21.359
Oh my god, I'm starting to feel very disconnected from myself.
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:25.359
And I was sitting with this, like, I know what I'm meant to be doing.
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:26.000
Yeah.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:28.480
Why can't I get myself to do it?
00:26:29.359 --> 00:26:33.519
What came up for you after the after you asked yourself that question?
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:36.240
I was using all the logical answers.
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:45.759
You have a house, you have expenses, taking a business getting a business to really like get up takes time.
00:26:46.160 --> 00:26:48.240
It was all the logical things we hear.
00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.559
And I remember going, but what if?
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:53.279
What if this is the thing?
00:26:54.160 --> 00:27:00.240
And so it was like soul on one hand going, you know what to do.
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:05.119
And the ego on the other going, it's not that easy.
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:10.240
Gosh, if it was easy, everybody'd be doing it, right?
00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:18.079
But I I sit and I think about uh the the holding yourself back and the logical.
00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:23.680
Yeah, there are always the logical things and that leap of faith you took.
00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:41.599
I I think of um as I was walking into my little mini studio here in the library today, I thought about a quote that our coach, and I say our coach, uh said that if it's in you, it's required of you.
00:27:42.079 --> 00:27:45.039
Oh yes, yes, that was a big one for March.
00:27:46.319 --> 00:28:05.279
And like when when you were talking and talking about how like, gosh, look, God had the plan and my soul knew it, and I'm over here trying to like make something else work around it, yeah, and and ultimately here you are.
00:28:05.759 --> 00:28:19.599
Yeah, and the funny thing is I was trying to take what I had been learning because I've been doing so much training and I have leadership development skills, and like this stuff comes almost naturally to me, whether I like it or not.
00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:36.000
And I would try to go into that corporate job I had, and I'd be like, you know, if you just made these tweaks, I was that annoying staff member that's like you're like mid-tier and you're going all the way up to the vice president and the manager and going, if you guys made this tweak and this week and this week, guess what?
00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:38.799
You would probably expedite your business.
00:28:39.119 --> 00:28:51.359
And every single time I was taking a vacation, I put it in air quotes because every time I was taking a vacation, it was actually Anita's going to go develop herself in some way.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:55.519
Whether that was a Tony Robbins event, whether it was some sort of other retreat.
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:59.599
I was not a person who took vacations to rest.
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:02.079
I was a person who took vacations to go inward.
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:02.880
Expand.
00:29:02.960 --> 00:29:03.200
Yeah.
00:29:03.519 --> 00:29:04.240
To expand.
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:10.000
And I recognized I was in an environment that was just holding me captive to my full capacity.
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:14.559
But I was not willing to take it break out of it.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:15.359
Mm-hmm.
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:16.559
Yeah.
00:29:16.799 --> 00:29:34.559
I I would say that a lot of uh gosh, and and I find it mostly with women right now that I'm working with that they have the golden handcuffs and they're looking at their life, they're looking at their careers, and they're like, is this really it?
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:36.079
Like, is this it?
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:42.799
I've done I've checked all the boxes, I've done all the work, I've climbed the the ladder, and this is it.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.039
And why does it feel so shitty?
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:47.200
Shitty, yeah, right?
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:49.599
Like, why does it feel so bad?
00:29:50.079 --> 00:30:02.079
My god, like it's not our checklist that we're checking, and that's what I was starting to realize is like, and the funny thing is, talk about intuition.
00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:11.759
Right before the pandemic, I had been already starting to listen to the podcast, I was getting into the books, all the things, and I was very into Ed Mylet.
00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.000
I've been very into Ed Mylet since I was like 14, 15.
00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:33.680
Um, but I was talking to the receptionist of the corporate job I was at, and we're talking, and she goes, because we had this whole thing, like we would exchange like what books we're reading at that time, and she goes, Anita, do you think you'll be an insurance forever?
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:36.480
Like, this is what you want to do for the rest of your life.
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:42.000
And I go, Oh god, no, I could not imagine doing 20 to 30 years of this shit.
00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:50.000
And I go, you know, once I get my shit together, this was verbatim what I told her.
00:30:50.240 --> 00:30:58.160
Once I get my shit together, I want to coach and help women uh have like a better life.
00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:00.720
So the soul knew.
00:31:00.880 --> 00:31:08.240
Yeah, it recognized that what I was studying and what I was actually spending my free time on, I was enjoying.
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:09.039
Yeah.
00:31:09.279 --> 00:31:13.279
But there was the stubbornness, a little bit of like stability.
00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:21.039
I was using career as validation, I was using career as a way of feeling safe.
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:30.559
And so, because when we think about being a business owner, we have to manage that safe feeling ourselves, right?
00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:33.759
And there is no guarantee.
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:43.519
So you're constantly, if you're smart and you're able to be surrounded with people, you are constantly having to look at what are my thoughts?
00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:46.799
Am I expanding my capacity right now?
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:49.200
What what feels unsafe?
00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:56.079
And at the time I didn't really recognize that my body was giving me signs that I was not in the right environment.
00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:09.680
Like when I would go for certain promotions, it was like, you're doing the work, and I always had this theme, and I will always tell you guys this is a very side note, but like I think this is helpful.
00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:12.319
Pay attention what patterns come up for you.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:25.599
Because for me, the biggest thing would be I would still not be seen in the work that I was doing, or I'd be seen, but they'd want to keep me in the exact same spot because it was more convenient for them.
00:32:25.839 --> 00:32:34.319
So at that specific job, I got bypassed over for a promotion that I deserved, counted not two, but four times.
00:32:34.960 --> 00:32:43.920
And it was because I did the work uh so well that I could do the work of like three to four people by myself.
00:32:44.480 --> 00:32:47.680
So the people who actually sucked at the job got the promotions.
00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:52.640
And I would be sitting there going, I trained you and you're getting a promotion, and I what?
00:32:53.519 --> 00:33:04.960
And then I went into a different company because I did what we all think we'd need to do, and it's if you don't like what's going on, change the external because this was my logic at the time.
00:33:05.279 --> 00:33:05.759
Sure.
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:16.640
And I go into a different company, and almost the exact same situation happens, and I'm fighting teeth and nail for this damn position because I think the position is going to give me the validation.
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:18.720
And it's so easy.
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:25.920
And once I got to the position, the caveat there was once I got the position, I was like, huh, that's it.
00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:28.480
Yeah, my gosh.
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:36.559
I can't, I like it's it's so like your story is resonates with things that I'm hearing all the time.
00:33:36.799 --> 00:33:37.759
All the time.
00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:38.319
Wow.
00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:39.200
Yeah.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:43.759
Because it's a human journey that's not that special, unfortunately.
00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:50.079
That we well, like we think we're the only ones going through it, and then it's you come to realize no, you're not that unique.
00:33:50.799 --> 00:33:55.039
Well on the planet and you're experiencing it, someone hasn't experienced it.
00:33:55.279 --> 00:33:55.920
Absolutely.
00:33:56.079 --> 00:33:59.359
Well, and at the end of the day, that's what makes us human, absolutely.
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:15.360
Like I was I was pulling up something that I've used in my past, which is Oprah Winfrey's definition of the master class, and and she talks about in this definition how all of our stories are connected.
00:34:15.599 --> 00:34:28.559
And the reason that it's called a masterclass is when someone that has gone through it is able to tell the story to then help somebody else, that then makes them a master.
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:35.519
But there isn't a feeling at a soul level that we haven't felt as humans.
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:43.760
We all experience joy, devastation, grief, shame, happiness, confidence, whatever the range is.
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:45.840
We all feel the same feels.
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:49.280
And our stories are what absolutely connect us.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:59.119
So you sharing today on how you dropped expectations, how you went in to do the inner work, will absolutely help somebody.
00:34:59.280 --> 00:35:01.360
Will absolutely help somebody.
00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:47.039
And so I've been telling people because what I found was healing sometimes actually comes up by feeling neutral.
00:35:48.480 --> 00:35:57.760
So the ability to remember a situation or to have something that would normally activate you or trigger you, right?
00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.840
For you to feel neutral about it.
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:01.440
Because what does that mean?
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:05.920
Yes, there's no charge.
00:36:06.079 --> 00:36:10.639
You don't feel low, you don't feel high, you feel neutral.
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:31.679
And so something I've been telling them is just like even if you can just get because a lot of them they want to go from I feel shitty about this to I really want to feel better about it, or I want to see it as like a conscious decision that I've made that's so much better, and and sometimes the grounded middle point is just I want to feel neutral about it.
00:36:32.159 --> 00:36:36.079
Yeah, that's awesome, and neutral's progress.
00:36:36.639 --> 00:36:38.239
It is 100%.
00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:47.679
So we are getting close to time because I know you have to bounce, so I'm going to kind of wrap up with a couple things, okay?
00:36:48.320 --> 00:36:54.639
Given your journey, so your life story is your leadership journey, and your leadership journey is your life story.
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:56.400
You can't separate them, okay?
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:09.199
Given your journey, what are the three things that you stand for that you will not abandon because the room, people, pressure, or role has changed?
00:37:09.599 --> 00:37:11.360
What are those three things?
00:37:13.119 --> 00:37:14.320
Good question.
00:37:14.880 --> 00:37:18.800
Three things that I will not stand that I stand for?
00:37:18.960 --> 00:37:27.920
Is that that you stand for that are just unapologetically you and that you will go toe-to-toe with anybody for.
00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:30.000
I love this.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:30.480
Okay.
00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:38.719
So, first off, you don't need to prove yourself to a man, to a job, to anything to get validation.
00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:41.440
You can find validation within yourself at any moment.
00:37:41.679 --> 00:37:42.559
It's a choice.
00:37:43.599 --> 00:37:48.000
Easier said than done, but it is a choice that we have at any moment.
00:37:48.639 --> 00:37:49.199
Love it.
00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:49.920
Yeah.
00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:55.679
Second is to be an apologetic for what you need to say.
00:37:55.920 --> 00:38:01.280
Now, I'm not saying go balls to the wall and be disrespectful about it.
00:38:01.679 --> 00:38:06.400
Learn about consciously communicating, and that is something I actually teach.
00:38:06.639 --> 00:38:11.119
Is it really speak your truth, but can you do it without reactivity?
00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:12.800
There's an art form to that.
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:14.079
Yes, ma'am.
00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:23.599
And so for me, a big message is if you have something to say, say it because you don't know how long you have to be able to say it.
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:34.400
And sometimes we have windows of what we need to say, and if you don't say it during a certain period, you end up leaving it just stuck in the energy.
00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:45.199
And to get really into this, and because I I have to always bring it back to the body, when we think about our throats, if you this is where we're gonna get a little woo.
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:46.000
Sorry, Melissa.
00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:48.719
Love it, bring the woo on, I love it.
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:58.559
If we think about the throat, there's a lot of stuck energy here, and so when people have a closed throat chakra, what is it?
00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:07.920
Unexpressed emotions, unexpressed thoughts, unexpressed feelings, and it gets stagnant in here.
00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:21.519
So if you also are someone who you know there's been times, and we all do this, that you haven't expressed what you needed to express, take the time to like massage your throat.
00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:24.559
This is where it sounds a little odd, but it feels better.
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:41.840
And if you can get into the practice of humming two to three minutes a day, and I want you to specifically think about it as you're going to have a conversation that you really care about or whatever it is.
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:49.360
You massage and you hum, and just get intentional and see what a difference that'll make in the way you show up.
00:39:49.519 --> 00:39:54.960
So that's second is really say what you need to say because you don't know how long you have.
00:39:55.519 --> 00:39:59.199
And the third, the body knows it all.
00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:12.400
If we just create the space for it, you know why you're anxious, you know why some things don't feel like they're working out, you know why a certain people make you feel like you're unsafe.
00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:20.480
But half the time you're bypassing your body, going into the brain, trying to force a situation like I was that was not working.
00:40:21.440 --> 00:40:24.880
And you got picked out of it, didn't you?
00:40:25.599 --> 00:40:26.000
I did.
00:40:26.320 --> 00:40:28.400
We all do eventually, I'm telling ya.
00:40:28.559 --> 00:40:30.960
Okay, so thank you for those.
00:40:31.119 --> 00:40:31.840
And I love.
00:40:32.320 --> 00:40:34.000
So a couple quick hits.
00:40:34.639 --> 00:40:36.320
I took this from you actually.
00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:38.400
Um, favorite book.
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:40.000
Favorite book.
00:40:40.239 --> 00:40:40.960
What's your favorite book?
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:42.239
All the time.
00:40:43.519 --> 00:40:44.480
Right now, today.
00:40:45.280 --> 00:40:47.280
Currently it's awakened the giant within.
00:40:47.360 --> 00:40:48.960
It's an OG but good one.
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:49.599
Okay.
00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:51.440
Favorite food.
00:40:52.719 --> 00:40:53.519
Sushi.
00:40:54.480 --> 00:40:55.840
Favorite quote.
00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:57.679
Ooh.
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:01.280
I should have known this was gonna turn back on me one day.
00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:04.639
Um quote.
00:41:07.840 --> 00:41:09.920
I don't have one off the top of my head.
00:41:10.239 --> 00:41:10.559
Okay.
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:12.480
Spirit animal.
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:14.639
What's your spirit animal?
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:16.000
A dolphin.
00:41:16.719 --> 00:41:17.039
Okay.
00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:21.360
And do you feel like you fit your zodiac sign?
00:41:23.840 --> 00:41:36.239
Well, that's a hob-winded question right there, because for me, I'm an Aquarius sun, but Scorpio moon, Leo rising, so I don't know.
00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:46.239
Um, but I do definitely feel like I sometimes slightly over-identify with the Scorpio moon, depending on where we are in the calendar year.
00:41:46.559 --> 00:41:47.199
Got it.
00:41:47.440 --> 00:41:50.800
And did you catch the lunar eclipse last?
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:52.800
Partially.
00:41:55.519 --> 00:42:01.119
I have to admit, for me, eclipses tend to be very like emotionally heavy.
00:42:01.360 --> 00:42:13.920
So sometimes I try to avoid being in direct contact with the eclipse because I'm like, shoot, I already feel all the sensations I probably shouldn't be feeling, so maybe don't want to rock the boat there.
00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:16.239
But yes, it was beautiful.
00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:17.039
Yeah.
00:42:17.280 --> 00:42:18.239
Oh, so good.
00:42:18.480 --> 00:42:19.039
So good.
00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:19.519
Okay.
00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:28.239
Well, is there anything else that you want to leave the listeners with before we wrap up?
00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:42.239
So if you're listening to this right now, and there's something on your heart, maybe it's something you need to say, maybe it's a business that you need to start, maybe it's starting a fucking podcast like Melissa and I have.
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:48.239
Whatever it is that you know you want to do, but you're delaying on it.
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:55.039
You're going, I'll do that when the time is right.
00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:59.599
Or I'll do that when I don't know, I have more resources.
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:12.159
Whatever your reason for delaying is, I'm going to invite you to really get clear on what you want.
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:14.719
If it is what you want, to go on.
00:43:16.079 --> 00:43:23.440
And this is ironic given that I just told you guys my whole story about not fully diving fully into my business.
00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:29.280
But you see, I have an interesting relationship with time now.
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:33.840
And what really shifted it for me was seeing my grandpa pass.
00:43:34.239 --> 00:43:37.519
And I literally took him in to the hospital May 1st.
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:40.400
May 29th, he actually passed away.
00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:43.360
Pretty quickly thereafter.
00:43:43.840 --> 00:43:56.400
So my relationship with time and the amount of time we delay by a day, a week, a month, you don't feel the stacking of that until you see how quickly it can actually pass.
00:43:57.199 --> 00:44:02.400
So if there's something in you, to quote Craig, if it's in you, it's required of you.
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:03.199
Totally.
00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.920
So really honor that.
00:44:06.320 --> 00:44:06.800
Yeah.
00:44:07.119 --> 00:44:08.800
Oh my gosh, beautiful.
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:10.079
Thank you for that.
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:10.639
Thank you.
00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:21.280
And it's um, I I'm on the chapter or in the scrolls of Ogmandino that talks about live today as if as if it is your last.
00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:28.000
Because tomorrow's not promised, the the past is is gone, right?
00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:30.079
And you only have right now.
00:44:30.239 --> 00:44:31.119
So why wait?
00:44:31.840 --> 00:44:33.920
As Tony Robbins would say, why not?
00:44:34.079 --> 00:44:35.599
Well, how's now a good time?
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:38.159
Like literally, let's go, right?
00:44:38.559 --> 00:44:41.519
So I appreciate you so much for coming on.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:51.840
Thank you for sharing and and being so vulnerable and um talking about your journey and your business and how you got there.
00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:52.800
Absolutely.
00:44:53.119 --> 00:44:53.440
I love it.
00:44:53.679 --> 00:44:54.320
It was fun.
00:44:54.639 --> 00:44:56.480
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:01.679
So until next time, guys, we're gonna let Anita go.
00:45:02.320 --> 00:45:06.079
And I will catch you the following week.
00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:07.199
Take care.
00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:08.880
Thank you.
00:45:09.039 --> 00:45:09.679
That was so fun.
00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:10.480
Thank you.
00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:12.480
You are so welcome.
