Finding Yourself | MENtality with Ebuka, Banky W & Mai Atafo

WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:06.400
Today's episode of Mentality with Abuka, we're discussing finding yourself as a young Nigerian man.
00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:14.080
And we're joined in this episode by my co-host, of course, Banky W, an absolutely legendary designer, my Atafa.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:24.160
This season of mentality with Abuka is brought to you by Schweppes and the Glen Leavette.
00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:25.199
How are you doing?
00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:32.560
Yeah, I see what you're wearing, and it's probably gonna lead me into our conversation for today.
00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:35.600
But first of all, let me welcome everyone.
00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:37.759
You can feel free to do whatever you want to do.
00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:39.359
I think it was stuck to the floor.
00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:40.560
No, no, you're good.
00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:42.640
Okay, that's that's a lot better.
00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:46.000
Yeah, of course, as you know, it's mentality with AbuCar.
00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:46.719
Thanks for joining us.
00:00:46.799 --> 00:00:48.560
I'm here with my co-host Banky W.
00:00:49.039 --> 00:00:49.759
Yes, sir.
00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:51.840
Happy to be here as always.
00:00:51.920 --> 00:01:00.799
And we have the legendary the kings when your friends are watching you like this.
00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:10.719
You're the one that drops things for people.
00:01:12.719 --> 00:01:16.640
No, they watch us, but you know him as a taffle.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:19.599
Yeah, um, come on now.
00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:20.000
Uh uh.
00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:23.200
I'm calling what we call you stick me.
00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:24.480
Okay, Maya Taffer.
00:01:24.799 --> 00:01:25.280
Thank you very much.
00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:26.959
The brand is a taffle.
00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:27.280
I know.
00:01:28.159 --> 00:01:30.079
Yes, yes, indeed.
00:01:30.319 --> 00:01:30.959
Very well done.
00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:31.760
Thanks for being here today.
00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:37.040
And I said I was gonna start with your uh because our topic today is finding yourself.
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:43.519
And a lot of what we're gonna be talking about this season are sort of intertwined, right?
00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:55.040
Um, but I feel like finding yourself is also an important conversation for men today because there's a lot of not knowing what's coming.
00:01:55.439 --> 00:02:07.359
I think I said this at a planet I was at recently, I probably even on this show last season where I said a third of the jobs that will exist in 10 years don't exist yet.
00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:08.479
Wow.
00:02:08.960 --> 00:02:10.240
Oh interesting.
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:14.319
And even thinking about it, the jobs that exist today didn't exist 10 years ago.
00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:17.520
Everybody who tells you that they want to be an influencer or YouTube, it wasn't a thing.
00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:19.280
10 years is not that long.
00:02:19.439 --> 00:02:19.919
Yeah, yeah.
00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:23.439
In 10 years, a third of the jobs that will exist don't exist yet.
00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:26.639
AI is coming to scatter everybody's life.
00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:29.120
That's a whole other topic.
00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:44.479
And I talk about finding yourself on your outfit because this is your brand, this is what many will call a rival brand on your shirt, and not many people would understand the idea behind like collaboration and how important something like that might be.
00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:48.400
How do you get to the point where you are self-confident enough?
00:02:48.479 --> 00:02:59.520
You find yourself that there's no fear of this is a rival.
00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:02.639
I'm confident in who I am.
00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:05.680
I know you you guys are probably friends, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:10.400
But still, it's competition for the people watching.
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:13.039
So I guess when I was looking for a backstory, how did you reshare?
00:03:13.280 --> 00:03:17.280
I think I like this presentation for for people watching.
00:03:17.439 --> 00:03:25.199
Yes, because you know, I I don't see us as competitors, just happen to be in the same industry.
00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:28.879
And you didn't give him the water now.
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:30.560
The water is not enough.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:38.879
And I'm wearing the t-shirt because I like the t-shirt, yes, you know, uh, and we know the name Lisa Folario as a brand carries something.
00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:43.039
You know, so if I'm wearing a Folari t-shirt, that means I'm I'm a cool guy.
00:03:43.599 --> 00:03:45.360
Because the cool brand, right?
00:03:45.520 --> 00:03:46.879
And that's the way I look at it.
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:53.039
So I can wear things from any brand that I like, regardless of where the origin or source is from.
00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:58.319
So if I'm going to wear a Tom Ford suit today, thank you very much.
00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:02.159
Um, I'll wear a Tom Ford because it's a nicely tailored cup suit.
00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:10.159
Now, because I do not know him personally, doesn't make it any different for me wanting to wear Ugomoye.
00:04:10.319 --> 00:04:14.080
Because I think that's where the issue comes that you know the person personally and the competition.
00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:14.560
Yeah, yeah.
00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:16.639
If it's good enough, it's good enough, period.
00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:18.560
That's right, then you engage.
00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:23.839
So I can engage with any Nigerian brand and I look at it beyond fashion.
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:29.920
If it's food, but like I'm gonna go to another Nigerian restaurant.
00:04:30.879 --> 00:04:36.959
It's it's just a product, and if it's a good enough product that fits your lifestyle, how you want to use it, then you use it, you know.
00:04:37.199 --> 00:04:38.639
And I and I get what you're saying.
00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:42.079
It's also a message to a lot of people out there because that's the way we think.
00:04:42.160 --> 00:04:48.800
I don't even think it's as Africans, but as black people in general, you know, it's almost like you're guarding your territory, you know.
00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:54.720
There's there was something that LD put on social media a long time ago about we are always in competition.
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:57.600
That's why the generator has gone to a better past my neighbor.
00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:00.160
You know, you're trying to show off the wealth.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:04.000
Yeah, yeah, Ibo men, go and build these big, big houses in the village.
00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:06.879
You know, it's like you're just trying to show something off.
00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:09.839
But what if the audience wasn't there?
00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:17.199
What if the crowd you want to get um what's what comments and opinions from are not there?
00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:18.639
How would your life be?
00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:19.839
Will your life be empty?
00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:21.199
Would it be full?
00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:22.639
Now that's the big question.
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:23.759
That's the big question.
00:05:23.920 --> 00:05:46.160
I think that's a question a lot of us need to answer because a lot of what you said, the markers for a lot of people for what it means to be a man, which we've talked about quite a lot on the show, is money, cars, marriage, you know, where have you gotten to in whatever career it is you're building?
00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:49.439
Those are sort of the markers of this guy is a man.
00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:53.279
But is that what it means to find yourself?
00:05:53.839 --> 00:05:58.319
Because there's probably the other conversation around who are you really?
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.040
Where does contentment come in?
00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:05.040
When do you stop thinking that chasing those things will fulfill you?
00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:12.160
And let's be honest because I don't want us to I do not like us sounding very preachy, because the fact is the fact.
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:13.680
There's a reason why we're all doing what we're doing.
00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:15.839
We want to hammer, there's no liar about it.
00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:16.399
It's true.
00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:19.600
We all want to live a certain life, we all want to be happy, we want to be comfortable.
00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:24.639
So those things are important, but also how do you now balance that and tell someone, oh, these things are not that important.
00:06:25.360 --> 00:06:26.240
You need to find yourself.
00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:32.720
But if he's looking at you and you're hustling, you know, how do you how does that make sense to the person you are talking about?
00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:34.399
There are different contexts to it.
00:06:34.480 --> 00:06:38.480
So, first of all, it's you know, Nigeria had so that's the problem.
00:06:38.959 --> 00:06:48.560
If you're somewhere in Europe where you can have a standard of living that is okay without you over hustling, you know, that'll be okay.
00:06:49.040 --> 00:06:50.319
You don't have that in Nigeria.
00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:57.839
If you want to have power 24-7, if you have power 24-7 in Nigeria, you are a big boy by every standard in Nigeria.
00:06:57.920 --> 00:06:58.240
Yes, yeah.
00:06:58.639 --> 00:06:59.040
You get solar.
00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:06.399
24 hours in Nigeria, you are a big boy by because you have to pay for that.
00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:07.120
Yeah, you do.
00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:14.079
So even if it's solar, you're going to outlay 40, 50, 60 million to be able to be off-grid, if not even more.
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:14.639
Right?
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:18.399
If you're buying diesel, I'm seeing the diesel generation, you buy diesel regularly.
00:07:18.480 --> 00:07:21.120
If it's petrol, so that is money outlay.
00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:23.120
So you have to hustle.
00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:23.839
You know?
00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:25.680
That's why that is like that.
00:07:25.759 --> 00:07:28.800
If you want to live in a house that's relatively good, it's the same thing.
00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:31.120
When I lived in England, I lived in a council apartment.
00:07:31.279 --> 00:07:38.639
They almost have to knock me on my head to realize that, oh, you are living in what is supposed to be less of an apartment.
00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:41.600
But I was living in a masonet, man.
00:07:41.680 --> 00:07:45.600
It was nice, it was two bedrooms up, it was a nice, lovely living room downstairs.
00:07:45.759 --> 00:07:47.040
Yeah, you had no complaints.
00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:48.800
I was you were content.
00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:49.920
I was very content.
00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:53.360
Even got my wall in my bedroom was window to window.
00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:56.480
So I had the view of Canary Wall from my place in Woolwich.
00:07:56.639 --> 00:07:57.279
I was all right.
00:07:57.360 --> 00:07:58.800
I could see the Millennium Dome.
00:07:58.959 --> 00:08:00.959
So I'm like, you know, this is okay.
00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:03.920
But people start reading the head that no, you're staying in a cancelled apartment.
00:08:04.639 --> 00:08:05.680
No, I have to step my game up.
00:08:05.920 --> 00:08:07.360
So society started telling you what you should do.
00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:09.199
Society starts to tell you that kind of thing.
00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:14.720
So I feel like it's something I saw somewhere many, many years ago.
00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:18.240
And the question is, what makes your soul happy?
00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.240
Not what makes you happy, it's what makes your soul happy.
00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:32.000
That means that if there's nobody around, there's no interaction at the end, but what will you do by yourself with yourself that you'll be happy and you'll be content?
00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:39.679
So that if you can figure that thing out and you can live your life like that, no matter what noise is around you, you will cut it out.
00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:52.720
So that leads me to something that I read something that I thought was very interesting, and it says the scariest prison in life is not failure, it is success in something that isn't really you.
00:08:53.200 --> 00:09:17.679
And I think maybe it's not the scariest thing in life, but it's this idea that there are a lot of people who go through life and end up doing something career-wise, business-wise, that maybe they're not really happy with, but they're stuck in the prison of comfort or convenience or just familiarity, and they never really break out of that.
00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:34.480
So somebody that I've listened to a lot over the years is Miles Monroe, and he always said the richest place in on earth is the graveyard, because there's so many people that die with the dreams that could have changed the world or ideas or whatever, and they just never take that.
00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:37.519
The first place in the world is probably the Nigerian graveyard.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:41.360
Nigerian graveyard, because this place is hard, it's hard.
00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:47.600
So and and I bring that up because you have such a fascinating um story.
00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:53.919
Because most of us, when we first originally met my atafu, you were a brand manager.
00:09:55.919 --> 00:09:57.679
You were what you mind at the time, you were not even my.
00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:16.240
You know, and we all and we all knew you in that capacity, and then it was like you started kind of doing things on the side, and you were doing the fashion on the side.
00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:20.000
So we started knowing that oh, this brand manager guy also does this.
00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:23.759
And as it is with Nigeria, everybody has multiple hustles.
00:10:24.159 --> 00:10:29.360
So there was a short period of time where it seemed like you had that going on on the side, and then take us.
00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:36.080
So maybe take us back to that moment and that conversation in your head as a man to be like, like, I don't even know.
00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:38.960
I don't remember if you were already married then, if you had a kid.
00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:58.320
So how so take us back to that place to say, I'm going to leave this very well-paying job and the security of my paycheck every few weeks and benefits and all of that, to say no, upon all of this, so now this place I won't go.
00:10:58.799 --> 00:10:59.440
I'll to go and be a good thing.
00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:05.360
And and in that switch, they were you like making the money right away?
00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:12.240
Like, what would take us back to that that I think is interesting because a lot of people ask me that question, and I think there are two sides to it.
00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:16.480
Okay, you know, when you say you make the decision, people wonder did you make an informed decision?
00:11:18.399 --> 00:11:24.000
Now, the question is that if you didn't make an informed decision, what would have been the informed decision if you had to make it?
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:29.679
Okay, so the decision I made to leave my job and follow wasn't an informed decision.
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:30.399
Really?
00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:32.639
It was a totally emotional decision.
00:11:32.879 --> 00:11:34.399
Oh wow, right?
00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:39.200
If I had to redo it, I wouldn't have done it the way I did it.
00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:49.840
And that's what I tell people like someone comes to me and say, like, I like you, they've read my story, they've seen my journey, and I say, Go to fashion school first.
00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:53.279
And the person goes like, but he didn't go to fashion, so why tell me to do this?
00:11:54.480 --> 00:12:00.720
But I'm telling you so that you do not make the mistakes that I made, because I went to fashion school five years after I started my brand.
00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:06.320
I had to go to Italy for a month to go and do that.
00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:09.600
I know how much I spent trying to achieve that, right?
00:12:09.840 --> 00:12:11.200
So I'll take it back.
00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:15.919
When I left my job, I entered the office that day.
00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:17.360
I didn't know I was resigning.
00:12:17.679 --> 00:12:18.159
Really?
00:12:18.399 --> 00:12:18.720
Yep.
00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:20.879
I resigned right before lunchtime.
00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:21.679
Wow.
00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:27.279
Did yoga vex you are annoying me today?
00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:35.840
But since I was already doing the fashion thing at the point in time, I don't know if I was, I do not know if I was making money or not making money, but I was doing this fashion thing.
00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:36.320
Okay.
00:12:36.799 --> 00:12:41.360
And the one thing I always had in the back of my head was like, I want to, I want to try this thing.
00:12:41.519 --> 00:12:41.679
Yeah.
00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:48.240
And I kept saying, if all fails and doesn't work out right, I cannot be brand manager tomorrow.
00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:51.279
I was multi good at my job as being a brand manager.
00:12:51.440 --> 00:12:51.679
I agree.
00:12:51.759 --> 00:12:52.960
Because I'm not sure.
00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:55.679
I almost still brag that he puts money in my pocket.
00:12:56.000 --> 00:13:02.159
I don't think I don't think there were brand managers as good as I was even till today, what I was doing way back then.
00:13:02.720 --> 00:13:03.759
And this is no bragging.
00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:05.360
That's the man who's found himself.
00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:07.759
No, no bragging.
00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:12.240
But so I quit and I I it was it was a few things.
00:13:12.480 --> 00:13:25.120
One was I was on the same level in my four years plus at at um at um four years, no promotion, but when you perform, you get more money.
00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:27.840
Okay, so when they appraise you, right, you get more money.
00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:30.559
So I was getting more money, but it was not promotion.
00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:34.720
But I was okay with that because I went to a totally different segment of marketing.
00:13:34.960 --> 00:13:39.440
I went to start with innovation marketing, then I went to brand marketing after two years.
00:13:39.600 --> 00:13:40.960
So I was okay with learning.
00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:42.000
Okay, right?
00:13:42.159 --> 00:13:48.559
Okay, and when I decided to leave, was the point where I was saying that you're gonna get a promotion.
00:13:48.639 --> 00:13:54.799
They've actually printed up a promotion to become a certain role, and they will pull this back, you know.
00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:55.360
Oh, really?
00:13:55.519 --> 00:13:55.840
Oh, yes.
00:13:56.399 --> 00:13:57.120
So it was the frustration.
00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:01.200
I was at the airport with one of the directors, and I said, Congratulations.
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:05.120
I'm like, oh, I said, Oh, this, that, that, that, that is, I signed it off.
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:08.399
I'm like, I told you, it's not been I said, don't spoil it.
00:14:08.559 --> 00:14:09.440
It's not been announced.
00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:09.679
Okay.
00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:12.399
Because I knew the way they were playing at the point in time.
00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:14.799
Um, and that didn't happen.
00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:18.320
Even after one of the directors already congratulated me.
00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:29.600
And second, I was thinking if I get promoted, I won't be able to do fashion because I'll be so senior that it wouldn't make sense to be having a side hustle whereby your face is always part of that brand.
00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:33.519
You know, and that's the reason why it was Ohimai and Mai.
00:14:33.600 --> 00:14:35.120
You know, I see that made a difference.
00:14:35.360 --> 00:14:37.679
It feels like Superman with the glasses and all of a sudden.
00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:41.039
She was not the act, but that was the whole Ohimai and Mai.
00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:42.720
So two people were saying that who is Mai?
00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:43.519
Who's Ohimai?
00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:47.279
But Mai was not the fashion design, Ohimai was the guy that worked at the business.
00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:50.399
So when I looked at those things, I was like, you know what?
00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:52.639
Let me leave now.
00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:54.879
Let me try this thing out.
00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:56.639
I gave myself two years.
00:14:56.879 --> 00:15:05.759
The one thing that I did was that I managed to save my salary for two years, meaning that if I didn't have to go to work for two years, I was earning the same salary.
00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:07.200
I had the money in my bank account.
00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:09.440
It sounds to me like you made an informed decision.
00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:09.840
Yeah.
00:15:09.919 --> 00:15:12.399
So that part of that part, yes.
00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:24.559
Because one thing I hate to do is like I pray to God every day that I don't want to do that guy that says, you know, I'm on Instagram and I say, help my with money for medical treatment.
00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:25.440
You know, yeah.
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:30.559
I I keep praying to God that you know, you shouldn't get to that point, right?
00:15:30.720 --> 00:15:36.480
When I see people I even give, but I just telling God like please don't let it get to that point in my life, you know.
00:15:36.639 --> 00:15:40.159
So I always tend to manage that part very, very well.
00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:41.759
Is that still an active fear?
00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:44.000
It is your fear you worry about, really.
00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:44.639
It is.
00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:52.720
Bro, I've seen people that are billionaires and go down to zero because of one medical condition.
00:15:54.080 --> 00:16:07.840
One you know, it's like you can't necessarily call, and again, it's people around you who are advising you to do A and do B, then do Z, then that, that, that, then you then if Nigeria happens to you, Nigeria's one of the only places I know that.
00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:14.879
I mean, all of the only places that you could be a billionaire today and wake up tomorrow morning, you're just a millionaire, and nothing different happens.
00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:18.159
But you know that statement, that's what Nigeria happens to you.
00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:30.720
It's I I guess it's but it's painful, but it is really because I work with both you know you wake up one day, then you are buying diesel for one price, then the next day you are buying it at four times the price, you know.
00:16:30.879 --> 00:16:32.000
So it's the same kind of thing.
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:34.399
So I always try to like keep things in the corner and stuff.
00:16:34.559 --> 00:16:35.440
So that's how I left.
00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:39.519
So it wasn't quite informed, like the way I would think about it now.
00:16:39.759 --> 00:16:46.240
So are you saying if if you could have still been working there if you got those promotions?
00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:48.879
Most likely.
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:52.879
And are you happy you didn't get those promotions now?
00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:54.240
Or do you miss this?
00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:56.720
That's a very interesting question.
00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:03.120
Is the one the I use one person to check my life if I was still in corporate?
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:06.799
Is what my colleague who was in where we shared the same.
00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:08.480
Okay, right?
00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:10.319
We're innovation managers together.
00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:11.279
We started together.
00:17:11.440 --> 00:17:18.799
Okay, he's the MD of a premium alcoholic beverage company for the company for the whole of the African continent right now.
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:22.960
So he did okay, he found himself right where he was in that job.
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:26.960
So I always say if I was bad, I'd probably be that guy.
00:17:27.359 --> 00:17:28.480
That's not a bad look.
00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:29.839
Wasn't he bad?
00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:35.519
No, because it could even be more.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:36.720
Yeah, he can be more.
00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:38.240
So are you sad?
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:41.359
There are times that you get to that low.
00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:44.480
Yeah, as an entrepreneur in this country, things just happen to you.
00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:51.279
So the entrepreneurship telling you that it's that thing that you come to work one day and you're working with people.
00:17:51.440 --> 00:17:53.599
Yesterday, I used four resources.
00:17:53.839 --> 00:18:03.519
Four of us were pursuing bringing out three garments of the dry cleaners, four people, three hours, right?
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:06.640
And wasted time to just get clothes out of the dry cleaners.
00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:11.200
And I said, if you are the MP of Africa, thank you very much.
00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:13.599
Do you get what I mean?
00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:18.400
Because the old person is saying this didn't come out on time, the driver is there.
00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:19.519
I don't know if the driver has it.
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:20.559
So it was a back and forth.
00:18:20.640 --> 00:18:26.480
I and I tried to educate my people that you know what, you should have a sense of urgency in everything you do, even if it's for next year's start.
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:28.960
Finishing now, she has place to do something else.
00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:38.559
So those kind of things always hit me back and say, hey, I hey because in 2010, my budget to manage was 4 billion.
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:40.559
Damn.
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:46.319
In 2010, that was how much more I had more budget than local government chairman in idea.
00:18:47.279 --> 00:18:48.799
That was the budget like that.
00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:55.519
And you know, when you work for companies, if you don't finish your budget, it's an issue.
00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:59.920
You have to explain why you didn't finish the money because that means it gives you the right marketing activities.
00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:04.559
Yeah, so yeah, so that's the kind of budget I was running, and because I was in the top brand, everybody.
00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:09.759
So you have a billion.
00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:12.559
Now it tells you 20 years later.
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:14.000
We can't tell you that kind of thing, right?
00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:15.200
Yeah, but you know what I mean.
00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:17.039
So it's like you miss things like that.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:20.079
You think of activations and they would happen, you know.
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:23.039
Like I was saying, I'm not trying to brag, but I'll brag.
00:19:23.119 --> 00:19:26.160
You know, I was the first person to do an official song for the superheroes.
00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:27.680
I was endorsed by the superheroes.
00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:29.759
You're marketing on that level.
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:30.319
Yes.
00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:36.319
I took the idea and I executed it, and it was accepted at the farewell party of the superheroes to the World Cup.
00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:39.119
You know, I did things like that at that point in time.
00:19:39.279 --> 00:19:43.279
So I looked like, you know, I've done some major, major things.
00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:47.279
When I think about those things, I can't do that kind of activation with my brand now.
00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:51.119
I don't have the money, I don't have the cloud, I don't have all that.
00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:53.359
So I missed that from a marketing perspective.
00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:59.119
I also miss the fact that I had the resources to do whatever I wanted to do, you know, which made me happy.
00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:03.119
Then I did have to deal with a lot of you know things on the lower level.
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:04.799
And these are the things that kill you.
00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:13.039
I think what you're saying is very interesting because it's it's it kind of goes back to the question you asked and the kind of issues that a lot of young men grapple with.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:19.200
Um, I I got into entertainment or media because I didn't know what I wanted to do.
00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:22.720
So mine was more, I'm just going with the wind.
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:27.279
And then I found myself, I'm like, okay, I guess this is it, and then I fell in love with it.
00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:33.279
So, unlike you, maybe I don't have what to sort of compare it to if I had done this or what I was doing.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:36.400
I mean, I practiced law for like a couple of months, and I just knew it wasn't for me.
00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:39.519
So I don't have that sort of nostalgia with it.
00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:46.559
Um, but when you a lot of people will tell you today, like you talk about ideas dying with you.
00:20:46.720 --> 00:21:00.960
There are people who have these ideas, and but they also have to grapple with the reality of being a man, yeah, and the pressures that come with being a man, being a man in Nigeria, you know, and you just have to put that one there.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:01.759
Exactly.
00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:02.880
What comes with it?
00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:05.599
I was looking at something, I'm trying to see if I can find it.
00:21:05.920 --> 00:21:19.599
The three things that sort of dictate um, yeah, the three Ps that sort of dictate how you finding yourself purpose, pressure, and provider identity.
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:25.839
So purpose is probably the purpose, pressure, pressure, provider and the provider identity.
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:29.680
Now, purpose is probably the most important, right?
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:30.319
And is it?
00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:33.119
I guess it's purpose that leads you to follow your dream.
00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:35.279
Yeah, this is what I'm here to do.
00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:36.000
Yeah.
00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:45.519
Um, I'm I'm working as a brand manager, but I think my calling is to I don't know, work in charity.
00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:54.559
Yeah, and I really you are you sure you're going to be able to then there's a pressure, which and we I guess pressure in this concept is more pressure from yourself.
00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:56.079
How are you handling that?
00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:59.440
You know, what's what's really my calling?
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:02.480
You How are you dealing with that before you now get to provide our identity?
00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:05.519
Where as a man now, okay, priority now sets it.
00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:14.480
Yeah, you're making money, which is where this conversation is very important now for a lot of young people who are saying, Okay, I think I found myself, and this is what I want to do.
00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:19.200
But even you as parents now raising kids, yeah, your child comes to you to that and tells you that this is what I want to do.
00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:21.359
The first instinct is money no day this thing.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.039
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:23.359 --> 00:22:24.160
Money no day.
00:22:24.720 --> 00:22:27.039
I always say this thing about my kids, and everybody laughs.
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:31.599
My kids are amazing swimmers, they won medals countlessly at tournaments.
00:22:31.680 --> 00:22:39.279
Mamma is like, I don't know anybody who's swimming, but there's money in swimming now.
00:22:40.640 --> 00:22:42.880
We can get a scholarship, I would think that it's the wrong location.
00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:43.920
Look at the first people you come back.
00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:46.640
Everybody keeps every time I say anybody's microfebs.
00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:47.119
That's it.
00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:49.119
They're not even football, you can call three on the day.
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:54.640
Tennis, you can go swimming, my dog, are you sure?
00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:58.319
And it's so expensive, yeah.
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:06.720
So these are the things that just like you're grappling with that yeah, what's your passion, what's your calling, what's your purpose, but you also have that okay.
00:23:06.799 --> 00:23:09.359
I also need to exist, yeah.
00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:11.440
Which is why for you, I know when you did we're doing both.
00:23:11.519 --> 00:23:13.519
There are people who end up just doing that for life, yeah.
00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:18.319
Yeah, they are doing this that's bringing in the money, but then on the side, ask for their little doses of happiness.
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:20.480
Okay, uh this is where I go, this is my happy place.
00:23:20.559 --> 00:23:26.799
Yeah, you know, I go here, I do this, and I don't know if that balance works for a lot of people, yeah.
00:23:26.960 --> 00:23:39.920
You know, and the worst thing you want to do, like you say, is regret because you left your passion and it died, which a lot of men say, but there are people who also go to their passion and they regret because they did have a happy life, yeah, yes, yes, because they were just hungry.
00:23:40.079 --> 00:23:49.839
It's like people who are like even apart from hungry, they were not still fulfilled because they thought that's what it was, and it wasn't just going around the surface.
00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:59.920
Such a great point because that's the other side of this conversation that I think sometimes people don't even realize is there.
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:00.720
You brush over.
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:16.319
So I I think I don't know if I've shared this on this platform, but you know, there was a time when um you know, remember this guy, Anthony Bourdain, who was the food network guy, you know, he would travel the world and he would have conversations with people who were restaurants.
00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:22.799
So, and you know, I've had my time where I was kind of more in the restaurant space.
00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:30.880
And so when he came to Lagos some years ago, you know, he sat down with me and another friend who was in the hospitality space, and we're you know, we were having conversations on camera and off camera.
00:24:31.119 --> 00:24:32.400
I can just rewatch that a few months ago.
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:39.759
In between takes, I literally said to him, I said, Man, sir, you have the greatest job in the world.
00:24:40.400 --> 00:24:44.240
You just travel and eat and just talk with people.
00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:46.480
I was like, that's like the drink job, man.
00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:47.599
You know, like food.
00:24:49.119 --> 00:24:53.359
That's you know, give me different kinds of food, let me meet interesting people, and that's it.
00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:58.640
And he created a lot of wealth from this path, which was very unique to him.
00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:05.839
And then sometime down the line from that, the news hit us that the guy had committed suicide.
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:13.680
On another show, we were talking about Robin Williams, who again, somebody that was the light in every room that he walked in.
00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:21.519
Doing what he loved, or doing what he loved, making a lot of money, making a lot of people happy, definitely had found himself because that's who he was.
00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:25.599
And yet, again, it it ended in such a purpose wasn't enough.
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:26.559
A sad way.
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:40.000
So then it starts to be like, okay, is there something that we're missing in this beyond beyond like it's definitely beyond money because if money was the key to happiness, then billionaires would never commit suicide.
00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:40.880
But we know that they do.
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:45.200
So it's it's something around this idea of meaning.
00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:48.000
Um, it's beyond money, it's beyond pay.
00:25:48.480 --> 00:26:02.079
But even in meaning, like it's it's I don't know if if what I'm saying is is coming across, but rather than just saying I want to find myself, but it's like I in finding myself, it has to mean something.
00:26:02.960 --> 00:26:10.799
You know, and that's that's it's I think there are different levels to this thing, and that thing of people always, and that's why I hate motivational speakers.
00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:11.759
I'm sorry.
00:26:12.079 --> 00:26:16.480
People always making it sound like it's easy to say find yourself, find what you love, and blah blah blah blah.
00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:17.359
It's not like that.
00:26:17.519 --> 00:26:26.079
Yeah, you know, even I would happily say, you know, I'm doing fashion and I'm happy with it, but it's years later I'm doing that.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:34.640
I realize that my real joy is literally being a creative director in anything at all.
00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:41.680
I want to be able to bring concept to life to a point where you can't see to the point where you can see, and that's my joy.
00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:48.079
So if it's me doing an event, I will happily do the event, and when you see the event, like I enjoyed your event.
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:56.880
But you see, when I was drawing the lines, I was saying, let's go to a co-hotel, let's do six roles, let's do this, let's do that, let's get the choir, let's get the this, let's get the that, no one saw that.
00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:59.680
Yeah, and that gave me joy, right?
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:08.640
Because of that, I happily am writing a movie because I want to bring it to fruition, and that's what we garment is a concept we bring to fruition.
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:12.480
Right now, I would say sometimes I look at it, I can actually stop doing fashion.
00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:13.039
Really?
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:21.839
Yeah, I can because the actual joy that I used to get from it before is not like that as much as it used to be, you know.
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:27.680
So I can understand people going like, I enjoy doing this thing, but all of a sudden it's like it's not as enjoyable.
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:32.400
So, what are you going to do to enjoy or have fun or being happy with your life?
00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:39.039
And I think those things are different buckets and some things that you don't push to monetize, even if it makes you happy.
00:27:39.519 --> 00:27:44.640
So I tell people today that if there was Instagram when I went to do fashion, I'll be an influencer.
00:27:44.720 --> 00:27:46.000
I would not make clothes for people.
00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:46.640
Interesting.
00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:47.599
That's interesting.
00:27:48.559 --> 00:27:49.200
Yeah.
00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:52.559
That's interesting.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.319
Because when I was I didn't want anybody to look as good as me.
00:27:56.480 --> 00:28:00.000
I want to be the best dressed person in the room at every single point in time.
00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:04.480
So imagine me now had the chance to now be showing people that know what I'm the cool guy.
00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:10.400
Then my challenge is to always be the cooler guy, to go and get the baths, to get the this, and be shooting the content and be posing.
00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:11.599
Come on, stop it, man.
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:13.440
I'll be very happy.
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:15.039
Or so I think I'll be.
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:16.319
But it wouldn't be fashion.
00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:17.519
So can I ask you a fashion question?
00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:20.240
Was the only expression at the point in time?
00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:24.319
Now you have stylists, you have creative directors, you have all those people that do so.
00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:25.519
So, can I ask you a question?
00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:29.200
Why do you think that you can't do that anymore?
00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:33.039
He's gonna so I already found an expression, okay, right?
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:36.400
Okay, so I still do that, I still wear clothes and I still take this.
00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:39.279
But I'm saying I wouldn't have thought of being a fashion designer at all.
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:42.480
Okay, it wouldn't be anything that comes to come to my mind.
00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:52.240
And I also think that what people also confuse is that you try to make your purpose or what you think you want to do, the source of your income, or how you make your living.
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:53.920
I think that's also wrong.
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:58.720
If you enjoy playing football, it may just you playing football five aside every day and you're happy.
00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:00.000
It doesn't mean you want to go pro.
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:01.839
Yeah, as long as it gives you joy.
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:07.200
Yeah, and I realized just around the pandemic period, I realized I loved interior design.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:12.480
I watched an interior design show on TV during lockdown and I loved it.
00:29:13.119 --> 00:29:14.799
Every season I am watching it.
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:16.799
You can see why I flipped my office every year.
00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:18.880
You do, you actually do.
00:29:19.119 --> 00:29:19.519
There you go.
00:29:19.599 --> 00:29:20.559
Yeah, so it's almost an extreme.
00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:21.920
Every six months, not every year.
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:27.759
When I got a house, the way I redesigned the whole house, I brought the kitchen, it was the first thing you see.
00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:29.440
The living went up to the top floor.
00:29:29.599 --> 00:29:30.880
I switched the whole thing around.
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:34.960
My bedroom is as small as the bed and the bedside cabinet, and the walking closet is bigger.
00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:35.759
But you know what?
00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:40.640
I'd pick things from different places, but this is brings me so much joy.
00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:42.559
People are going, oh no, it's monetized.
00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:47.039
I'm thinking, no, it's my secret place, it's it's what makes me happy.
00:29:47.200 --> 00:29:53.680
So if you tell me to come and do it for you, I will happily do it for you, but it shouldn't be something that now think I want to make money off.
00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:56.079
So someone tells me, I just got the taste right now.
00:29:56.640 --> 00:29:58.079
I'm like, hey, hey, come, come, come.
00:29:58.559 --> 00:29:59.839
I'm so excited to do it.
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.759
But I like the happiness that I get from it.
00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:04.480
I literally mine my TV reality show.
00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:06.079
It's called The Block Australia.
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:10.319
I watch one episode, and I'm like, let's see the other one for nothing.
00:30:11.119 --> 00:30:16.559
That's how when I travel overseas, HGTV is the one that shows flipping houses.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:19.119
Okay, that's what my TV is on the whole time.
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:20.240
That's just happiness.
00:30:20.559 --> 00:30:21.839
Not even wear sewing clothes.
00:30:23.119 --> 00:30:24.160
So you get what I mean?
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:26.880
So this is now my sewing clothes, now my my day.
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:28.319
So I have those kinds of things.
00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:29.359
Like my first love is music.
00:30:29.440 --> 00:30:32.559
I know I can't sing to save my life, but I enjoy those things.
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:33.680
We're having a chat conversation.
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:35.920
I said, There's a guy I love called Michael Friends.
00:30:36.079 --> 00:30:36.960
He's 78 years old.
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:38.400
Did the concert I travel to Detroit?
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:39.119
I signed up the four.
00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:40.960
It was an out.
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:45.359
I was like, this is my life, and I enjoyed it.
00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:48.240
So I'm waiting for someone called Barbers Tryington to do a show.
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:49.519
I'll leave the same thing.
00:30:49.599 --> 00:30:51.279
I'm like, those are little things.
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:52.400
He has 18 CDs.
00:30:52.480 --> 00:30:54.000
I have 17 of the 18 CDs.
00:30:54.160 --> 00:30:54.400
Wow.
00:30:54.640 --> 00:30:56.559
And I played them back CDs.
00:30:56.960 --> 00:30:57.839
So I'm playing it.
00:30:57.920 --> 00:30:59.759
I guess I bought a CD player because of that.
00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:02.240
So in my office, turn off the lights, and I just chill.
00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:02.960
That's my time.
00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:04.000
That's not on streaming.
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:04.960
I can leave with that.
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:05.200
Sorry?
00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:06.000
It's not on streaming.
00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:10.160
I want to enjoy it the way the way I met him was on CD.
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:11.680
So I want to enjoy it in that future.
00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:17.680
You know, so it that so I always tell people that you don't have to make it your purpose.
00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:18.720
Do you understand?
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:23.279
If you find it, I also I think you should be even very, very coded with it.
00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:24.079
Make it your secret.
00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:25.119
What's for you?
00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:28.079
What you actually say is very interesting because sorry to cut you up.
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:30.799
I I uh I chat GPT.
00:31:32.400 --> 00:31:34.240
Is that a headquarters of research?
00:31:34.319 --> 00:31:36.000
It's not Google anymore.
00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:38.000
Yes, but like my wife says, What did Dr.
00:31:38.079 --> 00:31:38.799
GPT say?
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:42.960
I'm gonna start using that because it's like everything.
00:31:43.039 --> 00:31:44.000
I just say let me ask.
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:46.000
It's like wow, who does your doctor?
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:53.440
Anyway, what she said is very interesting because it says, Who because I asked basically, what does finding yourself mean as a man?
00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:57.200
And it says, Who are you when nobody's watching?
00:31:57.759 --> 00:31:59.680
What do you enjoy when nobody's there?
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:04.720
Self-awareness, it's what you value, not what you were taught to value.
00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:10.160
What energizes you versus what drains you, your identity, what do I stand for?
00:32:10.240 --> 00:32:11.920
Your principles, boundaries, and beliefs.
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:14.160
This is what I've been told to be.
00:32:14.400 --> 00:32:17.119
You change it to this is who I choose to be.
00:32:18.160 --> 00:32:21.839
It's not quitting everything and starting over, which is very interesting.
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:24.400
100% totally agree.
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:30.400
So, so okay, sorry, will you you don't find yourself, you build and refine yourself over there?
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:30.880
100%.
00:32:31.519 --> 00:32:32.319
I like Dr.
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:33.599
GBT, I think he's saying it.
00:32:33.759 --> 00:32:34.079
You see?
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:39.599
Sorry, just one last one.
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:40.799
Why men struggle?
00:32:41.039 --> 00:32:44.400
I want to hear the reward for finding yourself because I know the reward is not financial.
00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:51.680
Why men struggle with finding themselves when you get rewarded for performance, not reflection?
00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:59.759
So the reward if I don't necessarily enjoy what you're doing, but you're excelling at it, right?
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.160
And because you keep getting positive validation for it, you feel like, okay, this is where I'm supposed to be.
00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:07.759
So the reward in reflection is self-growth.
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:08.400
Yeah.
00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:10.559
And sometimes that's not monetized.
00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.519
Sometimes it's it's in character, it's in mindset.
00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:20.799
And eventually those things have something to do with the success that you experience materially, even so.
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:26.559
Um, but I think this idea of purpose, right?
00:33:27.039 --> 00:33:41.359
And finding your purpose, I think there's there's a way that I've learned to think about it in the sense that purpose is not like purpose is is is almost like a world.
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:47.920
It's like this big world that you are meant to tackle, and within that world of purpose, there are multiple callings.
00:33:48.160 --> 00:33:53.680
Yeah, so purpose is permanent and it's so huge, but callings are multiple.
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:58.319
So you are an on-air personality, that's a calling.
00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:04.720
You're a father, you're a husband, you are into fashion, you are a writer, you are a lawyer.
00:34:04.799 --> 00:34:12.639
So these are all callings within the world of purpose that Ebuka was created to fulfill.
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:23.199
And so this idea, and I think the challenge that people have when looking at the purpose puzzle is that they're trying to find this one thing that fulfills it.
00:34:23.519 --> 00:34:24.960
That makes everything make sense.
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:28.079
And it doesn't really work like that, even scripturally.
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.079
Like we think about King David, right?
00:34:30.159 --> 00:34:39.280
And yes, great king, you know, Israel would say he's probably the greatest king in their history, but he was a warrior, he was a soldier, he was a songwriter.
00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:45.760
I think he was one of the greatest songwriters of all time because of all the psalms that we still use to make songs or pray today.
00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:50.400
You know, he was a shepherd boy at certain points, you know, he served the kid, he was a prophet.
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:56.800
He was all of these callings within the world of purpose that God created him for.
00:34:56.960 --> 00:35:05.599
So to the point that the Bible actually says that when David had served the purpose of God in his generation, he fell asleep.
00:35:05.840 --> 00:35:12.800
So it's like when he had served this world of purpose that God had created him for, then you know, then he puts it down.
00:35:12.880 --> 00:35:25.519
And I think it's so critical to think about it like that, so that you don't put pressure on yourself in any one particular season to say, I have not found that one thing, right?
00:35:25.679 --> 00:35:32.400
Because that thing will change and it will evolve, and you will evolve, and your priorities will change season by season.
00:35:32.719 --> 00:35:38.480
And the challenge you'll you'll see is some people, like especially when you have something that's so dominant and public.
00:35:38.639 --> 00:35:44.400
So if you're in music or filmmaking or maybe fashion or like an athlete, right?
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:50.480
It's crazy how an athlete's career is probably the smallest part of their entire life.
00:35:50.719 --> 00:35:51.440
Entire life, yeah.
00:35:51.679 --> 00:35:57.519
It's like a three, four, if you are lucky, seven, eight years, yeah.
00:35:57.679 --> 00:35:59.280
You know, if you're Ronaldo 50.
00:35:59.519 --> 00:36:00.159
If you are well, okay.
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:03.360
There's Ronaldo and LeBron James, and then there's everybody else to do it.
00:36:03.599 --> 00:36:10.559
But it's that small period where it's like everybody knows your name, you're making obscene amounts of money, then it just ends, and then it ends.
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:17.599
And then it's like they some people really struggle with like, so who am I now that I'm not playing football anymore?
00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:24.639
So it's for me, it's like, how do I think about this as this world that God has created me to go after?
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:35.760
And within that, understanding that there are different callings, there are different seasons, and just answering the calling for whatever season that you are in and doing that to the best of your ability.
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:54.639
And as you start to feel the goalposts change, or you start to intentionally change the goalposts, you say, okay, yes, you know, I yes, I was a musician and a record label person, but I also feel like I have a calling in filmmaking and I have a calling in business, and I have a calling in leadership, and I have a calling in ministry, and I have it.
00:36:54.719 --> 00:36:57.599
My first calling is to my family as a husband and a father.
00:36:57.840 --> 00:37:25.280
So you start your mind expands and your heart expands and your dreams expand, and that's where you will find meaning because in the smallest of activities, in the smallest of seasons, in what may look like a downtime to other people, like when you come home from work and your child just runs into your arms, and you are the most important person in the world to this one little human being.
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:28.320
That's purpose, that's fulfilling purpose there.
00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:36.159
But you can be so stuck in chasing after this one big moment that you miss all of the miracles that happened along the way.
00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:38.719
That's that's that's very valid.
00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:54.800
Um, I almost want to say what is what is that one big thing that came back to you that made you very happy, that wasn't money, wasn't material, and came from a part of you somewhere that you never expected it to happen.
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:56.400
And that happened to me recently.
00:37:56.559 --> 00:37:56.880
Oh, really?
00:37:57.679 --> 00:37:58.559
Literally put me to tears.
00:37:58.719 --> 00:38:12.719
Like I'm ever there's um there's a girl that asked me to be a couple, she's married, actually the godfather to their twin daughters.
00:38:13.039 --> 00:38:16.239
Oh yeah, so I was in church on Sunday, godfather.
00:38:16.400 --> 00:38:20.800
She's able, we're not related in any shape, form, or manner.
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:22.320
Our parents don't know each other.
00:38:22.559 --> 00:38:24.239
How did she come into my life?
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:32.639
She sent a GM to me to be her mentor, and I said, Go and apply for this competition, it's closing tomorrow.
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:35.119
If you win, I'll be your mentor.
00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:39.039
Because part of the prize was me mentoring whoever I was going to win.
00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:43.199
And this part of the story I didn't remember.
00:38:43.360 --> 00:38:44.800
She told it to me years later.
00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:50.400
So all I remember was her in the competition and she winning the competition.
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:50.960
So she won.
00:38:51.119 --> 00:38:52.079
And coming to my office.
00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:52.639
Yes.
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:54.159
She entered and she won.
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:55.119
That's amazing.
00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:56.880
And she came to intern with me.
00:38:57.119 --> 00:39:02.559
It was while she was, even after she had intern, it was years later she told a story of how she happened.
00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:05.119
She told me about the DM, which I had no clue about.
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:06.960
So that's where her story started.
00:39:07.280 --> 00:39:11.920
For me, the story started when she won because I didn't know she was the person I chose to go to flight.
00:39:12.000 --> 00:39:12.079
Okay.
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:13.519
I told many people to apply.
00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:14.000
Okay.
00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:14.559
Right?
00:39:14.800 --> 00:39:19.599
And when she came to me, I remember clearly she was telling me she had she was probably going to stop fashion.
00:39:19.840 --> 00:39:24.719
She had two things she was thinking: going to do a master's degree or going to meet her boyfriend in Canada.
00:39:25.119 --> 00:39:26.159
So they all started like that.
00:39:26.239 --> 00:39:27.280
This fashion thing was crazy.
00:39:27.360 --> 00:39:28.880
And I said, Can we give you one more shot?
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:29.840
Said yes.
00:39:30.079 --> 00:39:38.559
So sat with her, did a full analysis of her business on an Excel sheet, walked through the whole motion, told her what to stop, what to continue doing, blah, blah, blah.
00:39:38.719 --> 00:39:39.599
Handed it to her.
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:42.239
Say, Work on this thing whilst you're interning.
00:39:42.400 --> 00:39:43.679
She was going to intern for a month.
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:46.800
At three weeks, she said, I want to go and give this thing a shot.
00:39:47.760 --> 00:39:50.000
To use this Excel sheet, eight shot.
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:51.039
And she did.
00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.559
And it came from change your brand name, do blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:39:54.719 --> 00:40:01.199
Needless to say, she's one of the biggest women's wear designers for suits in this country right now, by the name of Mimi Castle.
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:02.000
Okay.
00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:02.719
Right?
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:03.199
Okay.
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:06.400
And the boyfriend she was going to meet is now her husband who works with her.
00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:07.519
That's amazing.
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:09.920
He's taking charge of all the digital things.
00:40:10.159 --> 00:40:18.800
And these guys have rode with me like I'm doing a fashion show, they're backstage parking chairs and tables.
00:40:19.280 --> 00:40:20.079
Do you get what I mean?
00:40:20.159 --> 00:40:20.320
Yeah.
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:22.480
Like that service they still give to me.
00:40:22.639 --> 00:40:24.960
But I look like, okay, I mentored you.
00:40:25.039 --> 00:40:25.760
We're not cool.
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:26.559
Do you understand?
00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:28.000
You really don't have to be doing this.
00:40:28.079 --> 00:40:31.519
You know, when she's opening that store, and there she has to make a big show.
00:40:31.679 --> 00:40:34.400
She's calling me, boss, I want to do blah blah blah.
00:40:34.719 --> 00:40:38.559
No, don't do it like that, do it like that, that I got to the point where we are right now.
00:40:38.639 --> 00:40:44.639
And she sends me a message and says, I want you to be the godfather to my daughters, not just figurative.
00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:46.400
I want you to actually guide them.
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:48.079
I want you to protect them.
00:40:48.239 --> 00:40:52.239
I want you to hold their hands and make them be like exemplary to the society.
00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:56.239
And that thing just made me feel like, yeah.
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:58.159
All this for me.
00:40:58.320 --> 00:40:59.760
This is why we do this thing.
00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:01.199
Do you get what I mean?
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:01.440
Yeah.
00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:09.280
If someone said that, and the the fulfillment I got, the joy I got, it's probably I want to probably have that joy every time I look at those girls.
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:09.679
Yeah.
00:41:10.079 --> 00:41:10.800
Do you get what I mean?
00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:13.199
That's beyond anything else.
00:41:13.440 --> 00:41:18.639
So I was starting to say, so I do something called fashion conversations where I mentor people, it's a one-day session.
00:41:18.719 --> 00:41:21.280
I just really ask questions, I just talk to them, answer their questions.
00:41:21.360 --> 00:41:21.920
That's what I do.
00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:23.039
I answer your questions.
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:29.599
I don't necessarily teach you from what I'm like if you ask that answer and authentic answers, not from books of my experience.
00:41:29.679 --> 00:41:29.840
Sure.
00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:30.800
But I don't have the answer.
00:41:30.880 --> 00:41:32.239
I try to have the answer.
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:34.880
Last one we did was two Sundays ago.
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:36.079
It was seven hours.
00:41:37.039 --> 00:41:43.199
And seven hours, these guys were still seated because it was authentic.
00:41:43.280 --> 00:41:47.440
And I've done this, I've probably done like 30 of it since I've been very powerful.
00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:49.840
And why do I do this thing?
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:52.800
It's because I know how I got into fashion.
00:41:52.960 --> 00:41:57.840
I didn't go to fashion school, I'll come out something and it will bang, it will bang, it will bang, it will bang.
00:41:58.000 --> 00:42:12.000
Then even goes to something I am I said to me many years ago when I went to actually do fashion and I was Diddy Darling, and it was like, my when you make heaven, because I want you to make heaven.
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:18.800
If God asks you what did you do on earth, you said you were the best brand manager ever, best marketing director ever, blah, blah, blah.
00:42:18.960 --> 00:42:21.280
He'll ask you, What did you do with gifts I gave you?
00:42:21.440 --> 00:42:22.000
Yeah.
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:22.559
Yeah.
00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:24.079
And I'll be like, hmm.
00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:25.599
And I said, dude, go for it.
00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:30.000
That was one of the things that actually pushed me to go for it, you know, at the end of the day.
00:42:30.159 --> 00:42:37.360
So when I started getting success with fashion, I'll tell myself, you didn't learn, you didn't train, you know, you didn't do all these things.
00:42:37.440 --> 00:42:38.960
How come you're where you are?
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:45.280
And I said I have to now give back to those that didn't know, don't do don't know what they're lost in fashion.
00:42:45.360 --> 00:42:45.519
Yeah.
00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:47.599
So I started doing fashion conversation.
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:48.239
Right?
00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:52.480
Because I said that God will look at you and go like, eh, I made you a superstar.
00:42:52.559 --> 00:42:53.039
You're keeping it.
00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:54.639
Okay, don't worry, I'll see you in the future.
00:42:54.719 --> 00:42:56.400
I'm like, okay, I've heard you.
00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:58.159
Fashion conversation is open again.
00:42:58.239 --> 00:42:59.199
Let's go and do another one.
00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:07.920
But the number of people that have attended, that when I post on not that one, they're like, oh, I was there four years ago and it was the best time of my life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:11.360
That just makes me feel like it's wholesome.
00:43:11.440 --> 00:43:15.679
I hardly even put out the clips afterwards because that's not the reason why I'm doing it.
00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:16.719
You know.
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:23.440
So I believe that if I didn't do fashion, would I be telling marketing directors how to be amazing marketing directors?
00:43:23.599 --> 00:43:25.119
No, something already covers that.
00:43:25.599 --> 00:43:32.320
So me, becoming a fashion designer, has opened up to this thing where I can actually still touch lights in a different way.
00:43:32.639 --> 00:43:38.400
And I enjoy it because they say when you just when you do kindness and you wait for it to come back in return, it's a strategy.
00:43:38.800 --> 00:43:42.159
But when you do something, I know it's when you come back in return, and that's pure kindness.
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:46.159
So when people do, I'm like, I don't expect you to give me back.
00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:47.679
I just want to do it.
00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:49.440
And I'll keep moving.
00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:59.599
So I believe that some of these things are part of purpose that we cannot actually document that this is the reason why it's my job to do this, you know.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:09.840
One thing I'm very terrible at is actually, you know, how motivational speaker I can tell you uh what you are doing is the propulsity for a man's subtleity for maturity.
00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:15.280
I don't know how to couch those things, but I live in the practicality of those things, yeah, and that's what I do everything.
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:18.000
Yeah, but I told my wife she wants me to be that godfather.
00:44:18.079 --> 00:44:21.280
You know, she said, You are a good man, and that one just hit me.
00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:57.199
I I I like I like when you've taken this conversation too, uh, about you know, I guess starting from you talking about purpose in general, and you now sort of put it in context because I guess when I was thinking of this topic, and I like to talk very realistically a lot in the context of the space we exist in, where a lot of people believe finding themselves is rooted in well, what is my calling?
00:44:57.280 --> 00:44:57.760
What's my duty?
00:44:57.840 --> 00:45:00.320
Sorry, not as every calling, what's my duty as a man?
00:45:00.559 --> 00:45:16.400
Yeah, that sort of dictates how you and I think that's why there's a lot of maybe confusion is the word with how this new generation of generation Z are more about self-self, yeah.
00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:23.119
People see it as selfish, but it's actually I want to be okay.
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:26.159
People see it as selfish, which is not bad because selfish is not a bad thing, yeah.
00:45:27.199 --> 00:45:28.960
But we think selfish as a bad thing, yeah.
00:45:29.039 --> 00:45:35.599
But you know, because we think selfish is a bad thing, no, selfish is not a bad thing, so I want to put it in the selfish itself as a word, it's not a bad thing.
00:45:35.679 --> 00:45:37.360
So if I'm selfish, right?
00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:40.800
It doesn't mean against you, it means for me.
00:45:42.639 --> 00:45:44.320
Okay, that's that's what I will like.
00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:52.880
So it's like doing things selfishly, it's like it's not like I'm trying to hurt you, it's like I'm trying to let you why I struggle with what you're saying.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:45:58.320
I think there's a difference between self-care and being selfish.
00:45:59.280 --> 00:46:08.079
I personally don't believe that being selfish is a positive thing because you can't live your life for yourself alone.
00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:09.039
Fair enough.
00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:17.280
Like, is it is a miserable or eventually will end up being a miserable way of life if you only care about yourself.
00:46:17.440 --> 00:46:23.039
Like you can't have a selfish and be a father, you can't be selfish and be a husband.
00:46:27.679 --> 00:46:28.480
Yeah, you understand?
00:46:28.719 --> 00:46:34.960
It's like you will compromise for somebody when you feel like it's like I need to sleep one hour, so guys, I can't make it.
00:46:35.119 --> 00:46:36.079
Hey, that's what I'm saying.
00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:38.079
So, self-care, I agree with completely.
00:46:38.400 --> 00:46:40.639
Okay, so the guy for us, but that's what I was saying.
00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:47.519
I was trying to make because a lot of us are brought up in that oh look out for, lookout for, look out for.
00:46:47.599 --> 00:46:50.559
Yeah, a lot of them now are more about well, I need to be okay first.
00:46:50.639 --> 00:46:57.280
Yeah, yeah, it might be called selfish because some people may term it as your selfish because we are like you don't care about anybody for now.
00:46:57.360 --> 00:46:59.039
This is about me, me, yeah.
00:46:59.199 --> 00:47:03.920
Whereas we're taught to everybody has to be okay first before, yeah.
00:47:04.079 --> 00:47:06.239
So as I talk about duty, what's your duty?
00:47:06.400 --> 00:47:18.000
Not necessarily your calling, yeah, what's seen as your duty is almost more paramount, and I feel like which is what I was talking about, the space we are in the Nigeria, yeah.
00:47:18.159 --> 00:47:18.800
Nigeria, yeah.
00:47:19.039 --> 00:47:20.480
There's also the economic factor, right?
00:47:20.639 --> 00:47:38.079
So when you're trying to be self-caring, I won't say ish when you want to make it about okay, finding myself, and you also know that's okay, ah or more the hustle here is different.
00:47:38.239 --> 00:47:50.880
Yeah, whether we like it or not, I know you don't like say you like to say let's not put Nigeria in this box, but they're very it's one of those places where planning comes with policy change or whatever it is.
00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:53.199
Yeah, so people are always constantly living on it.
00:47:53.360 --> 00:47:56.320
Remember when we woke up and they say we're in band a exactly overnight.
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:16.239
I remember getting this never back down to Bandi or the first time I bought uh after the band, when like I was like, everything I forgot they have put us back down to the band, and I bought units.
00:48:18.079 --> 00:48:24.159
I said, let's not tell anybody forgot no money.
00:48:24.719 --> 00:48:29.199
Yeah, so we exist in a space where like content is very important.
00:48:29.679 --> 00:48:39.440
When you're telling a man here to go and discover yourself, the traffic I was in, so we exist in a very different plane, yeah.
00:48:40.079 --> 00:48:47.360
Where duty calls, provider calls, pressure calls, and finding yourselves become becomes completely secondary, yeah.
00:48:47.840 --> 00:48:52.800
And sadly, people get to their 50s, 60s, yeah, and you just have to find comfort in.
00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:57.119
Well, at least I have children, yeah, and they don't go to school, yeah, and no hunger, no kimi.
00:48:57.360 --> 00:48:58.880
Yeah, that is your own, yeah.
00:48:59.119 --> 00:48:59.679
That is where you are.
00:49:00.320 --> 00:49:01.199
That's your reality, yeah.
00:49:01.440 --> 00:49:03.199
And you find happiness there somewhere, sad.
00:49:03.519 --> 00:49:11.360
Yeah, but this journey to finding self, and I want to sound like the typical African man or Nigerian man.
00:49:12.000 --> 00:49:12.719
What is finding?
00:49:13.039 --> 00:49:14.559
How do you know you found yourself?
00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:21.519
Do we even understand the journey in the way we have been brought up and what we have seen around us for years?
00:49:22.719 --> 00:49:26.960
Do you really know what it is to find self at the end of the day?
00:49:27.119 --> 00:49:32.880
I I know how to describe my own position in life, which is have to do with contentment.
00:49:33.199 --> 00:49:41.119
And I think the more I verbalize it and be okay with some things, like I say, I'm very sure Arias is um wealthier than me, and that's okay.
00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:44.320
20 something you're all charging.
00:49:44.639 --> 00:49:45.199
It is what it is.
00:49:49.039 --> 00:49:50.000
I guess what it is.
00:49:52.719 --> 00:49:53.679
Very easy believable.
00:49:54.239 --> 00:49:54.960
But you know what I mean?
00:49:55.039 --> 00:49:57.679
So when you think about things like Judge and like you know what?
00:49:57.840 --> 00:50:01.280
I thought they were never able to own the house in Banana Island, and I'm okay.
00:50:01.360 --> 00:50:02.480
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:11.599
Yeah, when you start doing things like that, you can genuinely be happy for somebody who has bought a house in Banana Island, yeah, you know, so you don't necessarily see it as competition, but you know what?
00:50:11.920 --> 00:50:13.280
Well done, nice one.
00:50:13.360 --> 00:50:15.039
Because that was good for you, yeah.
00:50:15.199 --> 00:50:16.639
But this is me and my own journey.
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:21.599
Did you not draw the line between being content and not being inspirational?
00:50:22.079 --> 00:50:22.719
Motivational.
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:28.960
So I think because then it's not like you know, no, people are likely for banana.
00:50:29.119 --> 00:50:41.679
No, I think the contentment is a spirituality thing, doesn't mean that you will never get it, but if you're okay to say I would drive as hard as I can drive, it's like sometimes do we sit as do as men just look at ourselves in the mirror and just like you know what?
00:50:41.840 --> 00:50:43.599
Oh, but well done, you don't try.
00:50:43.679 --> 00:50:46.239
Yeah, we don't do that, yeah.
00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:47.920
We don't do that, you just sit and look.
00:50:48.000 --> 00:50:50.320
Like I said, I said, Man, well done, man.
00:50:50.400 --> 00:50:58.559
You you know, I know the time I want to go to the UK and I want to stay in the hotel, and I'm going to Kent stay with my brother because I can't afford it.
00:50:58.719 --> 00:50:59.199
Yeah, right?
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:00.159
Or you want to use it?
00:51:01.280 --> 00:51:03.440
I am here, or you just want to come, I'll get you one room.
00:51:03.519 --> 00:51:06.239
The rest of the I'm like, oh wow, did I just say that?
00:51:06.800 --> 00:51:08.320
You know, I'm like, well, you don't try.
00:51:08.559 --> 00:51:11.039
I'm like, ah, man, Babaji, thanks, man.
00:51:11.199 --> 00:51:12.480
You know, you know what I mean?
00:51:12.559 --> 00:51:13.599
Yeah, we don't do that.
00:51:13.679 --> 00:51:24.159
And I feel like if you appreciate your journey, and as you go, you you thank yourself for like Snoop, we say, I want to thank myself for being myself.
00:51:24.239 --> 00:51:24.400
Right.
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:30.000
The next level, you want to because they even try a bit harder, you know, so I can get to another level.
00:51:30.159 --> 00:51:34.480
Because in Nigeria, in the context of this country, oh boy, money is important.
00:51:34.719 --> 00:51:39.599
That thing of providing is huge for men in this country.
00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:51.360
A man will look at someone having conversation with young men, and they're like, when I see a girl on Instagram, I see Fendi Bag, I see G Wagon, and I like her.
00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:53.199
I will pack my face and move away.
00:51:53.519 --> 00:51:54.000
Hey, why?
00:51:54.159 --> 00:51:56.880
Because I know I do not have what it takes to step up.
00:51:57.519 --> 00:52:00.079
So I would cover my and I'll move this way.
00:52:00.239 --> 00:52:04.880
And when I say why I've never married, I don't have what it takes, I don't have enough money to get married.
00:52:05.280 --> 00:52:07.599
He is ready, but he's looking financially.
00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:11.920
Can I add another person to my lifestyle and take care of that person too?
00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:16.239
That's what's happening to a lot of men, and that's the real part of things.
00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:23.920
Because I I mean I may sound it sounded a little bit funny here, but a woman's life can change because of marriage.
00:52:24.079 --> 00:52:26.159
A man's life can also change because of marriage.
00:52:26.480 --> 00:52:38.320
Change in the opposite because the one time your wife will look at you and disrespect you when she asked you money for market many times and you don't give a body, she will call you useless and compare you and compare you to your friends.
00:52:38.480 --> 00:52:39.599
Yeah, do you know what I mean?
00:52:39.760 --> 00:52:50.559
And that's the reality of it, she will tell you, and that's when the man will look at that and go like, hey, Chimo, now me be this, but now you be this, and that's the reality.
00:52:50.719 --> 00:52:57.840
You are telling that guy to find self because he has the mind space to find self because he's constantly hosting.
00:52:58.000 --> 00:53:14.960
I mean, to everybody here, when you genuinely have a free time in courts and you relax, and there's not a lot to do, your brain starts to work because it's not cluttered, you know, that's like, I mean, oh, that's a great idea.
00:53:15.199 --> 00:53:19.679
That idea does not come when you are trying to shoot director, you ready?
00:53:19.760 --> 00:53:21.679
Did he will not hit you?
00:53:22.000 --> 00:53:27.519
But when you are in Venice on a boat, wow, I think you know what?
00:53:27.679 --> 00:53:32.559
Maybe I want to propose because your head is now clear.
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:36.639
Well said, well said, because your head is now clear.
00:53:36.800 --> 00:53:39.440
You see, you are saying things differently, you know what I mean?
00:53:39.760 --> 00:53:52.559
I think I think the thing to to watch out for in terms of the the finding the line between contentment and you know being ambitious or being you know aspiring to something greater is or lacking ambition.
00:53:52.800 --> 00:54:01.599
Yeah, or lacking ambition is where you don't where you want to have the place you want to avoid being in is in a place of envy and covetousness.
00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:04.400
And those are big, like heavy spiritual words.
00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:22.079
But envy essentially means I see somebody who is doing whatever and has become successful, and I find myself in a place where I'm hating or thoroughly disliking the person because of what they've achieved or the success that has come to them.
00:54:22.400 --> 00:54:28.000
Covetousness is me seeing somebody who has something, and I want that thing.
00:54:28.639 --> 00:54:42.000
So I want that wife or that house or whatever, and I'm now so obsessed with wanting what somebody has, and I'm not even I don't even care so much about the story or anything else that has gone into the person's process into getting there.
00:54:42.159 --> 00:54:44.960
Um, and I think that that's where being content.
00:54:45.280 --> 00:54:51.199
Bible says, sorry, Bible says uh godliness with contentment um is great gain, right?
00:54:51.440 --> 00:55:03.119
So we want to be godly, want to you know be like Christ, but we want to be content with where we are and not stumble into this place of envy or covetousness.
00:55:03.360 --> 00:55:16.800
But the Bible also gives this great story about the talents in the Bible where it says one the master's going away, he gives one five, he gives one two, he gives one one, each according to his capacity, and then he goes away.
00:55:17.039 --> 00:55:21.039
And then the one with five talents goes invests it, gets five more.
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:26.800
The one with two, I think it's two or three talents, goes invested and comes back with double what he was given.
00:55:26.880 --> 00:55:30.000
And then the one who was given one just sits on it.
00:55:30.320 --> 00:55:41.679
And what that story always said to me, even though it was told in the context of money, but I also thought about in the context of talents and giftings and whatever God has bestowed on the inside of you.
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:52.480
So if all I ever did was sing because God gave me the ability to sing a song, and that's all I ever did, then settling is failure, right?
00:55:52.960 --> 00:55:55.280
Dust settles, but people should never.
00:55:55.760 --> 00:55:57.679
We should we should be ambitious.
00:55:57.840 --> 00:56:02.800
We should say, I've been given this, but let me try and do something more with what I've been given.
00:56:02.880 --> 00:56:05.760
Let me try and expand, let me try and grow, let me try and scale.
00:56:06.079 --> 00:56:08.000
You know, healthy things tend to grow.
00:56:08.079 --> 00:56:16.800
So you you push yourself, but you don't push yourself so much where you are now envious and covetous about everything else that you see around you.
00:56:16.960 --> 00:56:17.360
Let me ask you.
00:56:17.519 --> 00:56:18.400
You're content with where you are.
00:56:18.719 --> 00:56:20.400
I know a lot of the host here, but I have to ask you.
00:56:20.719 --> 00:56:22.079
No, please, please, it's a conversation.
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:31.760
Do you think your being a musician was a part of your story, or was it supposed to be your story?
00:56:32.639 --> 00:56:34.079
Was it supposed to be my story?
00:56:34.159 --> 00:56:36.960
Or is it is it is it your story, or is it supposed to be part of your story?
00:56:37.039 --> 00:56:37.840
Oh, it's definitely just a part.
00:56:38.159 --> 00:56:38.880
It's just a part of your story.
00:56:39.039 --> 00:56:40.480
Yeah, for me, absolutely just a part.
00:56:40.639 --> 00:56:42.079
I think it goes back to what I was just saying.
00:56:42.320 --> 00:56:43.039
Would you sing again?
00:56:43.760 --> 00:56:44.639
Would I sing again?
00:56:45.519 --> 00:56:45.920
I would.
00:56:46.159 --> 00:56:48.000
Like would you publish?
00:56:48.320 --> 00:56:49.760
Here's what here's what I would say.
00:56:50.159 --> 00:56:53.039
I heard once that artists don't retire.
00:56:53.280 --> 00:56:53.760
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:56:54.000 --> 00:56:56.320
They just stop when they have nothing left to say.
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:06.320
And that kind of rings true for me in the sense that when I feel like I have something that I want to say musically, I will.
00:57:06.639 --> 00:57:06.960
Okay.
00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:22.239
And that obviously will take longer periods in between because of the stage of life that I'm in now and the other things that are priority to me, and the other things that you know, family, provision, income, business, reducing for self, calling, ministry.
00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:30.159
So what I would say is that, and I've told God this that if you give me the songs to sing, I'll sing them.
00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:30.800
Okay.
00:57:31.199 --> 00:57:38.800
And you so, so, so I I have I have folders on my phone when ideas come to me, I'll just you know, write the lyrics or or hum the melody down.
00:57:38.880 --> 00:57:42.320
And I know that at some point I'll probably get back in the studio.
00:57:42.400 --> 00:57:56.719
I just actually don't know what based on when this episode will come out, but in me writing all these ideas down, I don't know if you know Victor Thompson, this yeah, he just reached out to me out of the blue and was like, oh, I have a song that I think I'm supposed to do with you.
00:57:56.800 --> 00:58:02.639
And it was right around the time that I was thinking, you know, I should probably, you know, dust the microphone off.
00:58:02.800 --> 00:58:08.239
And I recorded a song with him, and I I really appreciated the opportunity because I think he's phenomenal.
00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:14.960
But what I'll say is that I'm at the stage where that will never be the number one thing that I do.
00:58:15.920 --> 00:58:30.880
Like, I'm my goal now is being a vessel for God to use me to pour into other people, for God to use me to teach, for God to use me to impart, for God to use me to uplift, for God to use me to change lives and bless people.
00:58:31.119 --> 00:58:38.079
And that tends to be more in like teaching or preaching or speaking or you know, those kinds of things.
00:58:38.400 --> 00:58:41.679
But it I will never say never.
00:58:41.840 --> 00:58:45.519
I will never say I'm never ever going to record again or anything like that.
00:58:45.679 --> 00:58:51.519
It's just that in the hierarchy of priorities of my life, it's just not gonna be number one.
00:58:51.920 --> 00:58:52.800
But it'll be in the mix.
00:58:56.639 --> 00:59:03.280
Some people have gotten to a point whereby you know, you sing in all go, you know, go hits again.
00:59:04.079 --> 00:59:06.559
Well, you you didn't leave the music before the music left you.
00:59:06.719 --> 00:59:07.039
Yes.
00:59:07.199 --> 00:59:11.760
And is it time that you just say, you know what, it is what it is, right?
00:59:11.920 --> 00:59:14.079
Yeah, and I'm fine, right?
00:59:14.239 --> 00:59:20.559
And let it be, and then we go and look for another side hustle to just keep it going, or do I keep trying?
00:59:20.800 --> 00:59:30.000
Or second is there's also that part of who says you cannot do music but not be the guy that puts it out because he wants something in return.
00:59:30.079 --> 00:59:30.480
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:59:30.719 --> 00:59:31.199
Do you understand?
00:59:31.280 --> 00:59:38.079
Yeah, so it's like we can be in a room and it's 20 people, and we say, uh, let's sing, and we sing, and we are happy for the memories, and we just leave.
00:59:38.320 --> 00:59:42.079
You can drop something new and just share with wherever this is, so put it there.
00:59:42.159 --> 00:59:43.920
If it goes, it goes, doesn't go, it doesn't go.
00:59:44.079 --> 00:59:49.760
I I'm not expecting anything major out of it, but not fulfilling that little side of me.
00:59:50.079 --> 00:59:51.119
Such a great point.
00:59:52.320 --> 01:00:04.239
I think to everything there's a time and a season, and especially in in worlds like sports or entertainment, music, you know, so on and so forth.
01:00:05.360 --> 01:00:17.360
You will have your moments in the sun, but your life and your identity and your sense of fulfillment of purpose cannot be about that moment in the sun alone.
01:00:17.519 --> 01:00:23.920
Like the sun is shining on other parts of your life, but you need to be wise enough to know is it time to pivot?
01:00:24.079 --> 01:00:25.519
Is it time to expand?
01:00:26.079 --> 01:00:28.320
Because it'll it'll sneak up.
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:31.519
It's like the athlete that all of a sudden no longer has a playing career.
01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:37.119
Does life end at that point, or have you now taken steps in other areas?
01:00:37.280 --> 01:00:44.639
And I think it's tough for people, like I said, who do like music or or you know, sports, sports, yeah.
01:00:44.880 --> 01:00:47.199
Because it's like you're looking for that day.
01:00:48.480 --> 01:00:52.480
You know, and and sometimes that day is is that ship has sailed.
01:00:52.719 --> 01:00:59.199
So you hopefully would have set up enough other things, and I'm very blessed and very fortunate God has been gracious.
01:00:59.519 --> 01:01:10.880
Where, you know, being in ministry gives me probably the greatest sense of fulfillment that I've ever had in my life, aside from my family and my faith.
01:01:11.119 --> 01:01:21.199
But just being in ministry, serving, teaching, preaching, pouring into people, helping people in that way fulfills me more than anything else that I've ever done.
01:01:21.440 --> 01:01:30.559
So everything else is just all, and even this is just a part of the story, but it's because I've come to this understanding that purpose is this world.
01:01:30.800 --> 01:01:42.960
Like you can't, you're in a part of your purpose right now because somebody's sitting here listening to Mayatafu talk about a lady who did it who did this and did that, and now her business like that's fulfilling purpose.
01:01:43.119 --> 01:01:43.760
Oh, yeah, 100%.
01:01:44.320 --> 01:01:46.880
That's we're we're all in a part of our purpose every day.
01:01:46.960 --> 01:01:58.800
So don't be so stuck on one job or one area of provision or income or one thing that you did or one thing that you're hoping to do, that you miss everything else that God is doing around you.
01:01:59.039 --> 01:02:08.960
Because with God is always the journey, oh, yeah, it's always the steps you're taking, it's always the person that you are becoming and not just this one thing that you were fortunate enough to do.
01:02:09.280 --> 01:02:09.679
Fair enough.
01:02:09.920 --> 01:02:10.239
Okay.
01:02:12.800 --> 01:02:14.239
Sorry, offering time.
01:02:14.480 --> 01:02:18.559
Maybe break time before you go.
01:02:18.639 --> 01:02:19.840
I want to ask you a question now.
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:36.159
Yeah, do you think age or age and or exposure in life helps you in this finding self and purpose or advancement, everybody?
01:02:36.480 --> 01:02:51.360
Advancement, exposure, maybe I know maybe it's very strong because I don't know, but I think everybody growth without even necessarily being exposed, you kind of know, right?
01:02:51.440 --> 01:02:52.480
But I don't think age does.
01:02:52.559 --> 01:03:00.400
I think age even maybe puts you more because the older you are, the less likely you are to even risk, take risks, yeah, right?
01:03:00.719 --> 01:03:02.239
So does it make you understand?
01:03:02.320 --> 01:03:07.440
Because when I can understand myself, look at myself as a 20-something year old boy, right?
01:03:07.760 --> 01:03:16.480
Yeah, I didn't know what yeah, you understand it better, yeah, right, but it's also now harder to get up.
01:03:16.719 --> 01:03:18.559
I mean to try to fulfill.
01:03:18.800 --> 01:03:28.719
Yeah, a lot can do this, a lot can say, okay, today now I want to start building rockets as big as towers, he can afford to.
01:03:28.880 --> 01:03:33.840
Not many people have that luxury to start over, try new things because they are dreaming it.
01:03:34.159 --> 01:03:39.840
And it's harder when you're older, but then, like you say, when you're younger, you can take those risks, you don't even necessarily know what the purpose is.
01:03:40.159 --> 01:03:43.280
What I'm trying to do now is just like you know, to people that are watching this, yeah.
01:03:43.360 --> 01:03:53.920
So the knowing is there, but the doing is I don't, I think for us Nigerians, you know, growth, age, advancement helps you gives you clarity.
01:03:54.239 --> 01:03:58.960
Definitely, and this might sound a bit motivational.
01:03:59.760 --> 01:04:05.280
Whatever age you are, and you begin to get the clarity, still still still do the stuff.
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:07.840
Yeah, because it doesn't mean you're not gonna go for it.
01:04:08.079 --> 01:04:12.320
By all means, if you are 50, you don't have to abandon the other one, go for it.
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:14.400
You can sort of still that I agree with you.
01:04:14.559 --> 01:04:25.039
It may not be your provider note, it may just be your um purpose mode and also part of your happiness, yeah, in that little space.
01:04:25.119 --> 01:04:31.519
So because that's what happens to a lot of people, they just think I don't old now, I know if it's I think that's very, very true.
01:04:31.920 --> 01:04:36.320
So I I think regardless of how old you are, yeah, you know, still still go for it.
01:04:36.400 --> 01:04:45.199
It may it may look stupid, but if you are happy with it, then you know, by all means, in this ageism is a huge thing in this.
01:04:45.599 --> 01:04:46.880
We have a show on ageism coming up.
01:04:47.039 --> 01:04:48.400
Yeah, we're not sure ageism coming up.
01:04:48.480 --> 01:05:03.599
I think what I've tried to do is like I've been telling people I've I've come to you because initially like I'm like, no, I think you want to look young, feel young, but be wise with yeah with oldness, whatever that is, right?
01:05:03.840 --> 01:05:10.480
So I'm happy to tell you I am old, I'm not your mate, I am older because you're like, Yeah, yeah, I am.
01:05:10.639 --> 01:05:18.000
Like my my standing joke is like, you know, under 10 years' time, I'll be a senior citizen in England after pay for transportation anymore.
01:05:18.320 --> 01:05:19.199
Do you get what I mean?
01:05:19.280 --> 01:05:22.239
So I try to look for things that are positive because you know what?
01:05:22.559 --> 01:05:27.440
Like you say in Spanish or in French, I say how many years do you have?
01:05:28.159 --> 01:05:31.760
Because they equate the years to some level of growth.
01:05:32.639 --> 01:05:34.079
Not how old are you?
01:05:34.159 --> 01:05:35.360
It's how many do you have.
01:05:35.760 --> 01:05:39.599
So if I have 60 and you have 20, I have more than you have.
01:05:40.159 --> 01:05:41.280
Do you get what I mean?
01:05:41.760 --> 01:05:44.559
And my prayer for you is that you should have 60.
01:05:44.719 --> 01:05:48.320
And you can't say no to that prayer except she wants to die earlier.
01:05:48.559 --> 01:05:56.480
And I think, and because a lot of people are feeling that thing about ageism, it's like, no, one musician is saying, Ah, look at this person now, she's adding roles to it.
01:05:56.559 --> 01:05:58.159
Look at him, you cannot move like a butt.
01:05:58.320 --> 01:05:59.360
But that's the beauty of it.
01:05:59.440 --> 01:06:01.920
Because I Did that when I was your time, right?
01:06:02.000 --> 01:06:03.760
And this is where I am right now.
01:06:04.079 --> 01:06:05.440
And I think it's fine.
01:06:05.599 --> 01:06:12.159
So I just use that little cue to just tell people that as you age, it's probably when you are advanced enough to start saying, you know what?
01:06:12.239 --> 01:06:13.679
I figured out myself.
01:06:13.920 --> 01:06:18.559
I want to do interior design, but not for the commercial part of it, but for the happiness I'm going to get out of it.
01:06:18.800 --> 01:06:19.599
Then you know what?
01:06:19.920 --> 01:06:20.719
I'll do it.
01:06:24.559 --> 01:06:33.360
I was to wrap up with this, uh it's our live original moment, and um, I got this message, which I find very interesting.
01:06:33.519 --> 01:06:42.480
He said, Is it even possible to find yourself when your family already wrote the scripts of your life before you were born?
01:06:43.760 --> 01:06:47.440
I feel like I'm just a collection of my parents' expectations.
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:55.199
How did you handle the guilt of disappointing people to finally find who you actually are?
01:06:56.320 --> 01:06:56.880
Yes.
01:06:57.920 --> 01:07:01.199
So I I if I think back far enough, because I'm a little older.
01:07:03.760 --> 01:07:06.400
If I think back far enough, you were in big disappointments.
01:07:09.519 --> 01:07:12.719
You go study for four years, college student loan.
01:07:15.360 --> 01:07:16.000
Music.
01:07:16.400 --> 01:07:21.199
Ah I so I know I know what it feels like.
01:07:21.360 --> 01:07:35.440
Um, where there's a version of your life story that everybody is comfortable with and expecting, and then you just kind of do a 180-degree turn and you're going in a completely different direction.
01:07:36.480 --> 01:07:53.039
I would say though, that ultimately sometimes you have to lose the version of yourself that everybody is comfortable with to find the person that you will be happy living with for the rest of your life.
01:07:53.519 --> 01:08:01.840
And it was similar for me, like it was with you when you described when you said, you know what, if I take two years, let me just take two years and just try and do this thing.
01:08:02.000 --> 01:08:13.280
For me, it was like when I graduated, I studied engineering in university, had a pretty good job coming out of um college, and you know, great pay, great benefits, good all of that.
01:08:13.360 --> 01:08:24.079
But it was just this thing where I was wrestling with like, is this what my life is going to be like for the rest of my I'll just be here, sitting in front of a computer, going to client side, you know.
01:08:24.399 --> 01:08:31.359
And I just got to the point where I was like, if I don't try this thing, then I'll never know.
01:08:31.520 --> 01:08:39.199
Like, and I'll wake up one day, I'll be 45, 50 years old, and I'll say, ah, but when I was young, I used to, and I didn't want that to be my story.
01:08:39.279 --> 01:08:50.880
And so at the time I had to have what were very tough conversations with my folks to be like, I need you to just ignore me for two years and just let me go get this thing out of my system.
01:08:50.960 --> 01:08:54.159
Let me just know that I I gave it everything that I wanted to give it.
01:08:54.239 --> 01:08:55.600
And if it doesn't work, no problem.
01:08:55.680 --> 01:08:58.319
I'll come back, I'll get a master's, I'll get a job.
01:08:58.479 --> 01:09:04.399
But I need to like I can, I used to say this I can live with trying and failing, but I can't live with not trying.
01:09:05.439 --> 01:09:06.399
Let me layer that question.
01:09:06.479 --> 01:09:06.720
Sorry.
01:09:06.880 --> 01:09:10.159
Okay, with with parents now who do not get it.
01:09:10.720 --> 01:09:12.319
The reality is that some parents won't.
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:18.079
So, like a lot of I don't want to generalize, but if we have a lot of parents in this past who are just like, what?
01:09:18.319 --> 01:09:20.399
Yeah, so how do you handle that?
01:09:20.560 --> 01:09:32.800
So we came up at a time when I think parents now are probably even more liberal liberal because they've seen that these things work, these things work, and there are more examples of people doing unorthodox things.
01:09:33.600 --> 01:09:36.960
When we came up, I used to say something like a joke.
01:09:37.680 --> 01:09:47.439
In our time when we were young and we were growing up, our parents say you can be one of five things engineer, doctor, lawyer, accountant, or failure.
01:09:48.079 --> 01:10:03.439
And that and that was it, but it was like even you had to risk, or at least I had to risk being seen like that to become who I felt I was meant to be.
01:10:03.680 --> 01:10:19.680
And I didn't even know who I was meant to be, but I knew that was not on this space, it's not here in this space, and it sometimes it's it's in having the courage to go after those things that other doors start to open and you start to evolve.
01:10:19.760 --> 01:10:28.640
Like I'm not the same person today that I was five or ten years ago, talkless of 20 years ago, when I was making the decisions on what to do with myself.
01:10:28.960 --> 01:10:43.920
So, again, for the person that would share, or for anybody that's going through something like that, it's like you have to be okay with losing the version of your life story that everybody else is comfortable with, to find the version that is meant for you.
01:10:44.239 --> 01:10:48.479
For me, that cannot come without the context of your relationship with God.
01:10:48.640 --> 01:10:50.159
That's been my experience.
01:10:50.640 --> 01:11:03.920
Um I'll say this courage brings relationships, it brings resources, it brings, it gives you the opportunity to build a legacy.
01:11:04.079 --> 01:11:05.359
Just having courage.
01:11:05.760 --> 01:11:08.560
Sometimes it's just finding the courage to take a step.
01:11:09.119 --> 01:11:18.880
One of my favorite quotes of all time, and I'll stop here, is by uh Zig Ziglar, and he says, You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.
01:11:20.399 --> 01:11:26.640
And if you don't even give yourself the chance to start putting one foot in front of the other, then you'll you'll just never know.
01:11:27.039 --> 01:11:33.279
So sometimes just just just start, start something, you know, and see what happens.
01:11:33.520 --> 01:11:36.399
All right, I think I'll just wrap this up with saying that.
01:11:36.479 --> 01:11:37.760
I mean, I I hear you.
01:11:37.840 --> 01:11:45.199
I also had some of those conversations, have conversations with my own parents because I'm a lawyer who decided to hold microphone.
01:11:46.159 --> 01:11:59.119
Yes, and I mean when shit that has a whole idea up until six years into my TV life, my dad used to still send me vacancies that like I know someone at this officer.
01:11:59.439 --> 01:12:02.960
Yeah, you know, I've spoken to them, you can just go and do an interview.
01:12:03.039 --> 01:12:05.359
You know, he had because he had no freaking idea.
01:12:05.439 --> 01:12:05.920
What are you doing?
01:12:06.079 --> 01:12:07.119
And they were digging it from your love.
01:12:08.239 --> 01:12:10.319
Yeah, that's why I want to end with this.
01:12:10.479 --> 01:12:13.600
Because now, as a parent, let's tell ourselves the truth.
01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:14.319
Yes.
01:12:14.880 --> 01:12:17.760
And your child comes to you and says, This is what I want to do.
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:25.520
And I think because a lot of us have also gone down this path of uncertainty for years, knowing it's not a I want to be an actor, so I'm going to start acting.
01:12:25.680 --> 01:12:28.079
There's all of these pitfalls that come with it.
01:12:28.319 --> 01:12:39.119
You can see why going back to this meal, parents have expectations, or they've planned your life for you because they know that this thing is hard or this thing might not work.
01:12:39.199 --> 01:12:41.119
So this is where you're going to follow.
01:12:41.359 --> 01:12:48.319
Um, so while it is great that we're finding ourselves, I guess the charge is for us to also keep in mind because I find myself with that.
01:12:48.399 --> 01:12:58.960
Well, I look, I have concerns of my children, and I'm just, oh, yeah, you're going to work at NASA, you're gonna just training them up in the way they need to grow and the job they need to have.
01:12:59.840 --> 01:13:02.079
So it's that's yeah, yeah.
01:13:02.319 --> 01:13:10.560
Also remembering that you know, we pay it for what you let go and let God, but it's a very hard one.
01:13:10.720 --> 01:13:11.359
It is hard.
01:13:11.600 --> 01:13:25.600
I also think like people like um I recall her name again, Arias Mom should be should be spoken, we should hear from her how they handled their because that's that is a very tricky situation.
01:13:25.760 --> 01:13:31.600
You hear your 19-year-old child is in studio somewhere, and you are somewhere, and you're okay.
01:13:31.760 --> 01:13:36.720
Yeah, those stories are not be okay, but you know, look at what it's turned out to be.
01:13:36.880 --> 01:13:40.880
It's like, how have you guys in the middle of all this?
01:13:41.199 --> 01:13:42.880
How did you do it and make it work?
01:13:43.119 --> 01:13:48.479
I want to know, yeah, because we could learn a thing or two from that because it is scary, yeah.
01:13:48.640 --> 01:13:54.000
Because I my friends will watch Arias and go like, hey, hey, his daughter that is the same age, you see how to go clumb.
01:13:54.319 --> 01:13:54.560
Are you mad?
01:13:56.640 --> 01:13:57.600
Dude, there you are.
01:13:59.680 --> 01:14:01.039
You know, it is very well.
01:14:01.119 --> 01:14:02.399
Please share with us in the comments.
01:14:02.560 --> 01:14:05.199
We want to hear from you how you are finding yourself.
01:14:05.439 --> 01:14:07.119
You found yourself, how did you get through with it?
01:14:07.199 --> 01:14:13.359
And um, you know, share this video with your friends, subscribe, spread the word.
01:14:13.680 --> 01:14:15.439
Mentality is here for you.
01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:17.760
And um, thanks for joining us today.
01:14:17.920 --> 01:14:18.479
Cheers.
01:14:21.439 --> 01:14:22.880
All of you with your water.
01:14:22.960 --> 01:14:25.840
Yes, take us like we've found ourselves.
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:29.359
We are still finding ourselves.
01:14:29.920 --> 01:14:31.119
We are still finding ourselves.
01:14:40.640 --> 01:14:46.880
This season of mentality with Abuka is brought to you by Schweppes and the Glen Event.