High During a Robbery: 1st-Degree, ACA & a Police Chase | Isaiah King |

WEBVTT
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He jumped in the driver's seat.
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I jumped in the passenger seat.
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Next you know, them boys pulled up on it so fast, man.
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Like the task force army, man.
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I was like, oh hell nah.
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So my partner punched the gas.
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Cause he was sitting there like, nah, nigga, we busted.
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We caught.
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I'm like, no, we not.
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My past wasn't there, bro.
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That took a it took a real hole on me.
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You know, I'm like a real hole on me.
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So I didn't know how to even respond to emotions or feelings.
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You know what I'm saying?
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All I knew was family was supposed to be there, but family wasn't there.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Um cousins really never seen none of them, you know what I'm saying?
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So I kind of felt alone.
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You know what I'm saying?
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But all I really had was just my sisters when I was growing up.
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A lot of women.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
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So it took like a challenge whether I didn't know how to protect.
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Because then, you know what I'm saying, your sister get they ass whooped by their nigga.
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It's like they call you, and then now all of a sudden they turn around and still with this nigga.
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So it's like you tune in with like, man, you confusing the shit out of me.
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So I was more like, I'd rather just be alone because don't call me because I'm not coming to talk, coming to play.
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I'm just coming to whoop ass, you know what I'm saying, to carry on my day.
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But reality was just like, I was just stuck with them though.
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So I learned a lot from my sisters though.
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Uh and if you know me, you know them.
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You know what I'm saying?
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So it was like growing up with them, it was a challenge because they showed me a lot of emotions.
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So I was more like, I didn't want to show my emotions by hitting my sisters or hitting the women that I was with, you know what I mean?
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Or things that they was getting involved with, that I didn't want to be that type of nigga.
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You know what I'm saying?
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What was love, what was not love.
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And then my mama really wasn't showing me no real love.
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So it was like, I don't know.
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It just went all left for me.
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Do you remember feeling yourself changing just because your father wasn't there?
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Do you remember like, like, where's my fucking father at?
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I think the only time I feel like where my father is is when my mama was like, your pop's on the way.
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And so we'll look out the well, I know for sure me, I'd be looking out the front window, and if he never showed up, that was the only time I kind of like felt like that.
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You know what I mean?
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I didn't really take it to heart the way they try to embrace it on me, like, yo daddy ain't shit, he ain't gonna never be here, because you know say I know that was not real.
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That wasn't true.
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In my heart, I felt like that wasn't true.
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You know what I mean?
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Based on me knowing who my mama was, but I didn't know what she was really was doing or what was going on or if she was trying to keep us away from my daddy.
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So all I knew was what I seen and what I witnessed.
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But reality, nah, I never really felt like not having a father was gonna hinder me, but I did know things I needed to learn as a kid for a father to help you get through life as a young boy with all these girls around.
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Yeah, I felt like he he left me.
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I was alone, you know what I mean?
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So I know my feelings did start changing for him.
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It was hurtful, bro.
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I ain't gonna lie to you.
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Like, you know what I mean?
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I needed a I needed a man in my life, bro.
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Like, because I was doing a lot of mistakes I was doing a lot of fucked up shit that I didn't know that was gonna affect me in the long run because I didn't know how to do things, you know what I'm saying, properly.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Like, a man ain't supposed to be emotional, you know what I'm saying, when it comes to certain things a woman say to you, or you know what I mean?
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You ain't supposed to, you know what I mean, like certain things that I should have been learning from him that I felt like he should have been there for it, you know what I'm saying?
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And um that was like the biggest challenge that I had, not having my pops.
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You know what I mean?
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Then I started hearing stories about that wasn't who my pops was.
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It kind of gave me more mixed feelings against my own family.
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So I started looking at my family different, then I started looking at him different before that, and then it just made him and me have like an odd-ass relationship.
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You know what I mean?
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Where he didn't know how to even explain to me like why I wasn't there, but it was like my mind, I don't care about your excuses because now that I got kids, I didn't give no excuses.
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You know what I mean?
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But at the same time, I wasn't taught how to be a man.
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Yeah.
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So it did bring a lot of drama to me where I was always feeling like my sister was always there.
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My mama was in and out, but she was there, but at the same time, only time my pops really came and got me is the the rememory of me being in foster care, bro.
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Because we wasn't also in foster care.
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We got took it from my mama.
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With me and my baby sister, we got taken away from my mama.
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Like, I think two times.
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So when he did pick us up from when he did come near and picked us up, all right, I feel like somebody was saving us.
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But then it was like we went again, they didn't take me this time.
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So I felt like abandoned, you know what I mean?
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So it was just like mixed feelings until a certain time where I got in my life where it was like, it is what it is, you know what I'm saying?
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And you said your mom was on drugs.
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Yeah.
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What kind of drugs was she on?
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Crack, okay.
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Did you know she was on drugs then or not?
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Looking back now, like you Nah, nah, I didn't know.
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You know what I'm saying?
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My old my older sister, she was like the OG of the family.
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You know what I mean?
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She was like a shot caught of the family.
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Like she she was just more like it's gonna be okay.
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You know what I mean?
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Mama just knows dealing, but she never told us what mama was dealing with.
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Now we had we seen the signs when we was kids, but we didn't know what them signs was looking out the window and shit, and just, you know what I mean, doing certain shit where it was like, that's mama.
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Not saying she never provided and made sure we had a roof over our head, but it was still like bothering us as kids, like the fuck wrong mama.
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But at the same time, it was like, I never knew, you know what I mean?
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So I got older, but as long as we was eating, you know what I'm saying, that had a roof over our head, I don't think we really cared.
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I never really cared.
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Because I'm the only boy, so I'm here to protect my mama.
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I done got into my childhood brother.
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Uh can't say his name, but you know what I'm saying?
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I got into my childhood brother, because you know what I'm saying, his uh his older brother was selling crack to my mama.
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You know what I'm saying?
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And I that took a hold of me.
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But at the end of the day, it was like I didn't know shit about it.
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But when I did find out about it, I kind of fell out with my partner, you know what I'm saying?
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But as I say, like my older sister grew me with game, was like, nigga, that's part of the game.
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You can't, she's gonna do this shit whether you here or not.
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You know what I mean?
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But no, me, that's my mama, so yeah, kind of didn't give a fuck, you know what I'm saying?
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So it was like always friction when I seen niggas.
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Yeah.
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But it was never on no tough shit, bro.
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It was just like, I was always a protector, man.
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So that crack is a was a powerful drug, you know what I mean?
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But we didn't know how powerful it was as uh kids.
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But my grandma took us in and we stayed with her.
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I can't remember how long we stayed with her.
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Well, I know me and my sister had bedrooms upstairs.
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My pops would come over, you know what I'm saying?
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And for the first time ever, because you know, my grandma always Sunday dinners, you know what I mean, and you know, candy right there on the table.
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She whooped my ass one day, and I was like, my heart was hurt because my grandma whooped me, you know what I'm saying?
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Like, she whooped me with me.
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So when she did that, I knew then, like, whatever me and my baby sister was going through, my grandma really loved us, you know what I mean?
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Because she really showed us what family was, bro.
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And everything was just family when she was here.
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You know what I mean?
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Now that she gone, you know, family ain't family.
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You know what I mean?
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So the impact she left was something like phenomenal.
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I can't even explain any words because that woman was a hell of a woman.
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So how did you lose your grandma?
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And how old was you at that time?
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Uh I was I was out of high school then.
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Uh yeah, I was out of high school, but my grandma died from cancer.
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Uh I was there last days, and that crushed, that shit crushed me so that shit crushed me, dah.
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Like just thinking about her because I know like what she was trying to leave with me and my sister, and like how she was trying to create this family thing for us and keep us, you know what I'm saying, surrounded with love and kindness and letting us know like things y'all angry about.
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Y'all don't really know the whole story about, you know what I mean?
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But it was kind of like we was already tuned in with who we we was as growing up as two separate lives, and some some say some say, like we was raised in my grandma's house, but it was like we weren't even raised in her house.
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It was more so that was the last option, like, all right, you going to grandma's, you going to your grandma's, you know what I mean?
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Because my mama wanted to go do her one too.
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And my daddy, you know what I'm saying, I don't, you know what I mean?
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It was like, this is where we at.
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So my grandma was just like, shit, I'm always gonna sell my grandkids, you know what I mean, no matter what.
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So when she dying from cancer, it kind of divided up both sides of the family, like in a way where it was like, shit, I could tell you straight up, I still don't know everybody in my family.
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I don't know too many of my aunties.
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You know, I know aunties on my my pop's side, I know my mama's two sisters, but besides that, I really don't know a lot of family members at all.
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They mention people, I don't know nobody.
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All we know is grandma, grandpa, daddy, auntie, and two or three cousins.
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You know what I'm saying?
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But it's a list of people that we done never met in our life, bro.
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They just be like, you remember him?
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I don't remember shit.
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You know what I mean?
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Because we wasn't over there on that side.
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We was on my mama's side with the dope, the alcoholics, the violent people, the people that didn't want shit in life, didn't have no purpose, didn't graduate from high school.
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Me and my sisters on that side.
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You know what I mean?
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My sister was kind of was back and forth, but I was always stuck over there.
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So it was like, nah, bro.
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My grandma died.
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Nah, that was the only love, unconditional love I ever felt.
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So for me to be in a relationship, that shit ended like in two or three months, because I didn't know how to give unconditional love or give love to a female.
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I knew how to be nice, but my grandma showed me unconditional love.
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That shit just broke my heart.
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So it was a uh, it was fucked up when she died, but cancer was the reason why she passed away.
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Yeah.
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At what point did you start attaching yourself to what was going on outside?
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High school, freshman year.
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My freshman year.
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What happened freshman year for you to start attaching yourself to?
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Because you grew up in that environment.
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Yeah.
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But you at this point, you like, oh man, what's happening?
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My freshman year, man, I drove my first beer.
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That first beer led me to my first pill, you know what I'm saying?
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Okay.
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That first pill led me to more pills, you know what I'm saying?
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And then What kind of pills?
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Ecstasy pills.
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Gotcha.
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Yeah.
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And then uh from there, man, it was like I was fucking like a rag dog, you know what I'm saying?
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I was, I was, I was getting cleaner, I was getting fresh, I was stepping out with the D-boys, I was, I was chilling, I was I was mobbing, I was rapping, I was fighting, then I got into uh boxing school, authentic boxing, my sophomore year.
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And then I really didn't really use guns until like the middle of my sophomore year.
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And that's when the gun stuff started getting violent, I mean, came around, and then, you know, here and there we go to clubs, and it might be some shit where it's a shootout, and one of my partners has already been doing that shit for a while, and shit, next thing you know, it's like that's when you come with the 30s, you come with the 40s, you come with the I wouldn't even register with none of that shit.
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You know what I mean?
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All I knew is you fucking one of my partners, and nigga, it's like that.
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You know what I mean?
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But it was never like I'm from the trades, I'm from the 40s.
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Nah, I know what it is, but I wouldn't, you know what I'm saying?
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I'm I'm who I am, you know what I'm saying?
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So it wasn't never like I'm going around rapping shit, you know what I mean?
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Because I was locked in with everybody.
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Or I was like taught in.
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And you said from the beard you went to pills, how did pills get introduced to you, though?
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That was this nation back then, you know what I'm saying?
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You weren't thizzing, you know what I'm saying?
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You wasn't really like who you say you were.
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Sometimes your truth would come out, you know what I'm saying, when you thizzing, you know what I'm saying?
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But that shit just gave you a different feeling.
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You know what I'm saying?
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The real authentic ones, you know what I mean?
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Now, don't get me wrong, like the first couple times I did it, I was fucking, I didn't know who I was.
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I was crazy as hell, you know what I mean?
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Like snapping on people.
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Uh sometimes I felt like I was out of my body, you know what I'm saying, the way that motherfuckers affecting me, you know what I mean?
00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:51.039
But after a while, I started uh adapting to them.
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So now I started using them against, I'm using them for like certain stuff, you know what I mean?
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Like macking on hoes and shit, and stand up all night writing music or you know, stuff like that.
00:13:01.200 --> 00:13:05.519
But now it's like I look back at it like, what the fuck was I doing?
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You know what I'm saying?
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I should have been trying to fix my credit around that time, or you know what I'm saying, or take the time to try to figure out, man, like how to make myself a better person.
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You know what I mean?
00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.639
I couldn't do that because I didn't have no influences to help me do that.
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Yeah, that was like sophomore year, wasn't it?
00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:19.519
When you got there.
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Freshman sophomore year.
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Do you remember your first that first experience though?
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With the bottom.
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I didn't know.
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I felt, I ain't gonna lie, like rest in peace with my brother Raymond.
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:40.159
Uh, we was on 41st in Virginia, and they gave me a Pisces.
00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:41.039
A what?
00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:41.840
A Pisces.
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That's what I think it's a it's an ex appeal.
00:13:44.080 --> 00:13:44.559
It's an XP.
00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:46.000
Yeah, that's what they call a Pisces.
00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:47.600
It's like shaped like a fish.
00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:48.080
Okay.
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:53.840
Threw one back, man, and I feel like a demon took over my body.
00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:56.960
Where they locked me in the house, bro, and just left.
00:13:57.360 --> 00:14:00.559
Like that was like that's how they affected me, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:09.600
Because reminding you, all this shit that took affecting me from a child to then, all those emotions came out, you know what I'm saying?
00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:14.399
Now that I see it now from my point of view, but all those emotions was affecting me, you know what I mean?
00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:18.559
So it was just like I just started thinking about everything, like, what the fuck?
00:14:18.639 --> 00:14:19.600
Like, you know what I mean?
00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:23.919
I don't know, like, but yeah, it was like an out-of-body type of experience for me.
00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:25.919
So, what would make you try it again, though?
00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:30.879
I know you said you picked the wrong one, but after that fact.
00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.120
Yeah, because I would have been like, man, I expect that.
00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:35.759
This is the time when I had run, because all right.
00:14:36.799 --> 00:14:40.080
Cause my sophomore year, like that that whole year was like crazy.
00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:42.559
So, all right, I won the first, I won the I won the Apollo night.
00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:43.120
You know what I'm saying?
00:14:43.200 --> 00:14:44.799
That's when I don't know if you heard of Apollo night before.
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:51.039
Yeah, if at uh uh what's the name of that building?
00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:52.000
Uh the NX building.
00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:52.240
Uh-huh.
00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:52.799
You know what I'm saying?
00:14:52.879 --> 00:14:54.159
They tore that down, but you know what I'm saying?
00:14:54.240 --> 00:14:57.200
Me and my partner uh Justin Union.
00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:58.159
Justin Ewing.
00:14:58.320 --> 00:14:59.759
We won the Apollo night.
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.519
And uh I was still getting, I was still getting beat by my pops.
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:06.159
You know what I'm saying?
00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:06.879
My steppops.
00:15:06.960 --> 00:15:07.120
Uh-huh.
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:08.000
You know what I'm saying?
00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:12.320
And uh I was like, enough is enough, you know what I'm saying?
00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:14.879
And uh, this was after the experience.
00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:23.840
And uh I ended up running away from home, and you know, the normal typical kid'll runaway next door or down the street to the block.
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:25.600
I ran away to Atlanta.
00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:26.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:28.480
Like South Forgie?
00:15:28.720 --> 00:15:30.399
Yeah, I went to Atlanta, bro.
00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:32.320
Like, I went to Atlanta.
00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:36.240
And uh, yeah, I went to Atlanta, but I had to come back my junior year to graduate.
00:15:36.320 --> 00:15:44.080
But you know, Alvin Brooks was calling me, like, it was really that deep, you know what I'm saying, where I was so confused on why this man didn't like me.
00:15:44.159 --> 00:15:44.799
That's how I felt.
00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:45.600
You know what I'm saying?
00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:48.320
Plus, this is a church going nick, you know what I'm saying?
00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:50.559
Like I was like, damn, like, you know what I mean?
00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:55.120
So it was just like anything where I felt like was like, damn, bro, like, you know what I mean?
00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.720
But he he kind of shows still like I'm still here for y'all.
00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:04.080
But it was like, these are the rules that I went by when I was growing up, and these are the things y'all gotta learn.
00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:07.200
Cause to me, like, your pops ain't here.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:12.159
No, nigga, you was keeping them away by threatening them or listening to my mama, you know what I mean?
00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:14.480
Because of whatever they had going on when we was growing up.
00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:18.240
So it was like whatever they had, I would have, you should have stepped out of that, you know what I mean?
00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:24.879
But at the end of the day, everybody wanted my mama to do somebody where it can at least keep her in line to keep her kids.
00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:31.919
So yeah, like that experience kind of put me in a position where I was like, shit, I'm gonna try it again.
00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:33.759
Why Atlanta, though?
00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:36.240
Did you know you knew people in Atlanta or something?
00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:38.639
Like, I had a partner named Terrell Kemp.
00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:45.440
He lived down there, but it was more so like I was doing music in school too, though.
00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:49.039
So I was like, shit, everybody popping in Atlanta.
00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.600
But then I wouldn't expect myself to be like, yeah, when I run away, I'm just going straight to Atlanta.
00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:54.559
I thought it through.
00:16:54.639 --> 00:17:02.480
I don't know when and how, but when uh Cornbread Cafe was on the landing, that was my last stop to go and get on that bus and leave.
00:17:02.639 --> 00:17:07.279
So, and that was my partner, uh, my partner Perry Spencer.
00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:09.839
That's the emotional uh situation.
00:17:09.920 --> 00:17:14.480
But yeah, he uh picked me up, we ate there, and he was like, shit, this is what you really want to do?
00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:16.160
I said, Yeah, bro, I'm gone, bro.
00:17:16.240 --> 00:17:17.680
I'm tired of this nigga was hitting me.
00:17:17.839 --> 00:17:19.200
And yeah, bro, I left.
00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:23.759
So when I went out there, it was like, it was all, it was all action, you know what I'm saying?
00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:29.359
I had my runs and know what I mean, because I moved down there, but my partner was living with his grandma.
00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:30.400
You know what I mean?
00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:34.960
So it was like we was knuckleheads and we was around, you know what I mean?
00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:39.359
Plus, it's kind of like my mentality was still Kansas City.
00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:40.559
You know what I mean?
00:17:40.720 --> 00:17:43.680
And his was already like tuned in with Atlanta, you know what I mean?
00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:49.920
So we was kind of rubbing, you know what I'm saying, around, but it was like eventually we got it together, but they had pills down there too.
00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:51.759
Started popping pills down there.
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:53.200
You know what I mean?
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:56.319
And I was popping pills down there too, but I had to come back.
00:17:56.480 --> 00:18:05.759
Eventually I came back because when they kept calling me on the radio, they was trying to do like mediation, mediation with me and shit when I came back, and I was just like, this ain't even worth it.
00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:06.559
I love Atlanta.
00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:08.720
But you said you was gone for like a whole year.
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:10.240
Yeah, I was gone for a whole year.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:13.279
Nobody knew you was in Atlanta though, or did you?
00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:16.079
I knew after a couple of months, you know what I mean?
00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:20.000
Okay, but and that but the what's crazy part is they kind of knew why I left too.
00:18:20.079 --> 00:18:21.680
Well, at least my older sister did.
00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:24.480
At least my yeah, my sisters did, you know what I mean?
00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:27.440
But it was like they don't know why I left to go to Atlanta, though.
00:18:27.519 --> 00:18:30.480
It's like, nah, this, so they still kind of tell jokes about it to this day.
00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:33.119
Like, nigga, you didn't go down the street, you didn't go around the corner.
00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:35.839
Nigga, you went to a whole nother state, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:40.319
But Riyazi was like, it was only one, two ways.
00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:48.640
Like, my I had big cousins, man, that come by, like, bro, you know, it's like it was they was telling me stuff that they would do, but on the strength and respect for my mama.
00:18:49.279 --> 00:18:51.599
So it was like, whatever.
00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:52.319
You know what I'm saying?
00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:55.200
But Riyazzi was like, I ain't nobody gonna do shit, so I'm leaving.
00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:56.160
You know what I'm saying?
00:18:56.240 --> 00:18:57.599
And I didn't want to, you know what I'm saying?
00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:03.039
It was like, I didn't, it was a form of just uh misunderstanding.
00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.240
I didn't know shit about I I was just I wasn't scared.
00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:09.680
It was more like I was already angry.
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:12.960
So anything could have happened, you know what I'm saying?
00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:16.079
So I just took it upon myself to leave.
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:24.240
The only thing that had me and uh make feel like I made a bad decision because I left my sister, baby sister, behind.
00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:25.279
You know what I'm saying?
00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:29.359
But she had my older sister, smaller sister came and graduated, so it was cool.
00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:35.680
You said you had an emotional, I mean that's an emotional situation as far as your partner from down there.
00:19:35.839 --> 00:19:36.559
What happened with him?
00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:37.759
No, no, no, no, no.
00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:44.000
My partner that well that was in Kansas City before I left to go to Atlanta.
00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:44.720
Gotcha.
00:19:44.880 --> 00:19:53.680
Yeah, my partner, Perry Spencer, uh, yeah, he died, you know what I'm saying, during the same time as my other brother died, which is Kevion.
00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:55.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:58.240
And like, shit was crazy, man.
00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:04.079
Like, this like 2025 was one of the craziest years of my life.
00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:05.440
You know what I'm saying?
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:11.119
But yeah, he died, man, and uh, that was really unexpected, you know what I mean?
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:14.240
So, I mean, it was like peas in the pot, bro.
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:15.119
We was close as hell.
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:17.200
So it was like, you seen P, you seen me.
00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:18.079
You know what I mean?
00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:24.720
And times my sister caught me when I she wanted me to come beat somebody up at her school or something like that, he was right there.
00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:25.759
He picks me up.
00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:28.720
I stayed with his mama, stayed in the basement.
00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:31.759
His sisters were my sisters, you know what I mean?
00:20:31.839 --> 00:20:35.200
His little brother was my little brother, like his mama treated me like her own son.
00:20:35.279 --> 00:20:37.279
Like, bro, that shit was real, it was heavy.
00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:40.319
Like his mama was the same situation as my mama.
00:20:40.640 --> 00:20:41.279
You know what I mean?
00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:42.799
But he was from Chicago.
00:20:43.119 --> 00:20:43.680
You know what I mean?
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:45.200
They moved down here, you know what I'm saying?
00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:46.640
So it was it was a lot, you know what I mean?
00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.119
Because his story was kind of like my story, you know what I mean?
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:51.200
It just it was a lot.
00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:53.119
You lost a real brother then.
00:20:53.200 --> 00:20:55.519
Y'all, yeah, y'all connect on that level.
00:20:55.599 --> 00:20:55.839
Yeah.
00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:59.680
How'd you hear about his and how did he pass away?
00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:11.279
Uh they said, um he died from he died from uh he died from an overdose, man.
00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:17.440
Yeah, this is my first time ever like accepting it for what it is.
00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:19.039
He died from an overdose.
00:21:19.279 --> 00:21:20.160
You know what I'm saying?
00:21:20.319 --> 00:21:24.960
And uh I got a call from my partner, my brother, James Dunlat.
00:21:25.440 --> 00:21:27.839
He called me and was like, P gone, bro.
00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:29.680
And that shit just destroyed me.
00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:30.640
You know what I'm saying?
00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:32.960
It took me to a place where I was just like, what the fuck?
00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:33.519
You know what I mean?
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:34.559
Like anger.
00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:39.200
Anger again, like, but that was one of my biggest supporters, you know what I'm saying?
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:42.319
And shit, that shit, yeah, that shit affected me, bro.
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:43.680
He was in my first movie too.
00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:46.480
He was with one of the police officers with uh Royce.
00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:50.400
And uh, yeah, when he died, that shit, it took a lot out of me too.
00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:53.599
He was the one that was always holding the camera, you know what I'm saying?
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:59.680
When that was time for me to go film, I mean I shot the first uh movie at his house, like well on the porch.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.400
Whatever, but yeah, bro, that should have fed it bad.
00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:07.279
But when I found out what happened and how it happened, it was just like that's how it happened.
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:09.599
Did it did it slow you down?
00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:18.160
Did it uh it just took a part of me, took a piece of put you in a room by yourself for a minute, and was it hard to talk to you?
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:20.559
Was it hard to I gonna lie to you?
00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:22.799
It kind of made me want to start doing drugs again.
00:22:26.640 --> 00:22:27.279
It did.
00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:33.359
Why'd you find it so hard to accept that that was what happened?
00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:35.279
Cause that ain't P.
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:36.000
Yeah.
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:37.279
You know what I'm saying?
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:42.079
At all people, he was a smart, he was a he's one of the smartest niggas I know.
00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:43.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:46.480
And for him to do something like that, nah, that wasn't P.
00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:57.920
But then again, we ain't been and we wouldn't, you know, brothers fall out, brothers have, you know, so we kind of went seeing out of eyes certain things, but at the same time, it was like, that ain't P.
00:22:58.400 --> 00:23:00.799
That nigga ain't gonna, he ain't, he know better than that.
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:01.359
You know what I mean?
00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:02.720
And that's what stuck me forever.
00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:03.680
Like, that ain't Pete.
00:23:03.759 --> 00:23:06.160
And still to this day, that's still what sticks with me.
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:11.440
So I kind of still feel like I still blame it on somebody, but I just don't know who to blame it on.
00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:12.319
You know what I'm saying?
00:23:12.559 --> 00:23:14.960
So you sitting there like, what was he going through?
00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:16.079
What was he going through?
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:17.279
Why you couldn't call me, nigga?
00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:20.960
Why the fuck you even decided, nigga, like you could have called me.
00:23:21.039 --> 00:23:32.240
You could have called, bro, you could have called bro, like, nigga, you could have told her what you was going through instead of just thinking like one more time or you know, like whatever the case may have been, like, bro, like you could have called me, bro.
00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:33.680
I was going through shit too.
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:35.039
Did he know he could call you?
00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:36.079
Yeah, he know he could call me.
00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:38.000
Did you say y'all was going through something at the time?
00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:43.440
Yeah, yeah, but at the same time, we we bro, if I'm f if I'm gonna argue with my brother, bro, I don't care how it is, bro.
00:23:43.519 --> 00:23:45.359
We still gonna be against him, whoever, you know what I'm saying?
00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:47.359
But at the same time, it was come on, bro.
00:23:47.440 --> 00:23:48.720
You could have called me, bro.
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:51.519
That shit hurting me, so yeah.
00:23:52.480 --> 00:23:57.119
It was it was and then I found out most stuff behind it was like, God damn.
00:23:57.279 --> 00:23:57.920
You know what I mean?
00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:02.000
But I was I was in I was in Vegas at the time.
00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:04.079
So it was a lot of shit, bro.
00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:08.640
Like, then they were right after that.
00:24:09.359 --> 00:24:18.160
I know it was like during the same time, like either right after that, because I ended up going to Texas with my kids, then I get another phone call, the Kevion died.
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.319
And that shit crushed the fuck out of me.
00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:21.359
You know what I'm saying?
00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:23.279
Because he was just in my movie too.
00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:23.759
You know what I mean?
00:24:23.839 --> 00:24:30.400
So when you got out of jail, man, I was pushing, pushing a hard line with bro, you know what I'm saying, from time he touched foot, you know what I mean?
00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:32.480
So it was like, damn, you know what I mean?
00:24:32.799 --> 00:24:35.119
And we just got the phone before that even happened.
00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:36.880
So that shit took a lot of me too.
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:40.240
So it was, it was one place like back to back.
00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:40.799
Yeah.
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:52.079
So yeah, but I couldn't even feel nothing but to first thing first is reach out to mom shit and you know what I'm saying, and see if she, not say she's okay, but it was like really didn't even know what to do.
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.359
All I knew was to get back on the highway and punch and coming down here.
00:24:55.440 --> 00:24:56.000
You know what I'm saying?
00:24:56.079 --> 00:24:59.440
And uh, in Texas was like 10 hours from here, something like that.
00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:01.200
So yeah, 10 or 11 hours from here.
00:25:01.279 --> 00:25:01.839
So yeah.
00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.559
I was in I was in Texas when that when I got that call.
00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:08.240
But everybody trying to call and reach out to me, like, you heard what happened, you heard what happened.
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:14.000
This shit was like the next day or some shit when motherfuckers were telling me, oh.
00:25:14.799 --> 00:25:32.240
So yeah, a lot of shit, bro, kind of still kind of make me question a lot of niggas that I used to be around or niggas that I grew up around, because like, damn, bro, like, you know, to me, Kansas City, if something happened to somebody, somebody that knows somebody, know somebody, know you, know what happened.
00:25:32.319 --> 00:25:32.799
You know what I mean?
00:25:32.960 --> 00:25:34.799
Ain't really no secrets, you know what I mean?
00:25:34.880 --> 00:25:40.319
But nine times out of ten, I just feel like everything behind a female.
00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:41.599
To me.
00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:42.720
You know what I'm saying?
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:56.720
So we, I mean, I can't never say we know, but I mean, people are kind of familiar or think they know about the type of life Kivian lived or whatever.
00:25:56.799 --> 00:26:00.240
So you or lived at one point.
00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:08.880
You also talked about you in the 10th grade going towards that life, like carrying guns and all of that.
00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:14.960
So when something like that happens, do it make you draw back to things y'all used to do?
00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:16.720
I'm not saying you was doing it with him.
00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:22.799
I'm just saying things you used to do when you were younger and think about those situations and be like, damn.
00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:23.680
Nope.
00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:26.960
We was that was the situation.
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:27.680
You know what I mean?
00:26:27.759 --> 00:26:30.319
I don't look at it like, damn, we could have changed it or did something.
00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.119
That was just that just was the situation, you know what I mean?
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:41.839
But I wasn't in the situation where they put a title on it, how they label, you know what I'm saying, Kivian.
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:49.759
They they couldn't put no title on me like that, because I was, you know what I mean, like I wasn't putting myself on front line like that.
00:26:49.839 --> 00:26:50.400
You know what I mean?
00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:53.519
It was just like, if you seen them, you seen me.
00:26:53.759 --> 00:26:54.559
But you know what I mean?
00:26:54.640 --> 00:26:57.680
I was always like, I was there too, you know what I'm saying?
00:26:57.759 --> 00:27:00.319
And I ain't gonna say what was going on, but I was there too.
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:01.119
You know what I mean?
00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:03.440
But it was just like, nah, not him.
00:27:03.759 --> 00:27:13.680
But it was never like we was in situations we didn't either uh start, we didn't even, because we never we never started shit.
00:27:13.839 --> 00:27:19.279
I mean, you know what I'm saying, but we always kind of like put ourselves in a situation where it was like you or me, type shit.
00:27:19.519 --> 00:27:23.519
But back then, bro, I was accepting whatever came with it, you know what I mean?
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:25.279
Because I was not pressured and doing it.
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:26.720
I I made my own choice.
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:27.039
Yeah.
00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:27.759
You know what I mean?
00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:30.720
So I was never pressured, I was never forced to do nothing.
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:32.240
All them choices was mine.
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:39.039
Until this day, it's still everything I do is by a conscious decision, you know what I'm saying?
00:27:39.119 --> 00:27:43.359
Now thinking mentally while I was in a better way of living and doing it, yeah.
00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:47.440
I don't ever want to put my kids and make them feel like that's the decision you gotta make.
00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:48.720
That's what you gotta do.
00:27:48.880 --> 00:27:53.920
Because that emotion that I had then, my kids army don't have now.
00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:55.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:27:55.519 --> 00:27:59.119
Did you ended up getting into drugs for monetary game too?
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:01.759
Selling drugs.
00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:02.720
Yeah, for sure.
00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:08.160
So, and we talking about growing communities of I was in Springfield though.
00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:09.200
You know what I'm saying?
00:28:11.039 --> 00:28:13.680
I was in Springfield when I was doing that shit, man.
00:28:13.759 --> 00:28:14.400
You know what I'm saying?
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:18.640
So it was like, these are the college town, they gonna accept that shit or not accept it.
00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:19.279
You know what I mean?
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:29.440
It was like, nigga, the plug was it was the drugs was like selling it for like, you get a pill for like, you can sell a pill for like 20 bucks,$30 down there.
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:31.359
It was the money I was chasing.
00:28:31.440 --> 00:28:33.680
I wasn't chasing like who get high or don't get high.
00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:35.440
Like, if you buy, you I'm selling.
00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:36.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:28:36.720 --> 00:28:41.039
But I I never I never sold crack.
00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:43.279
I never sold crack at all.
00:28:43.440 --> 00:28:47.039
I sold meth, I sold pills, but I never sold crack.
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:48.240
You sold meth.
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:49.039
Yeah.
00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:51.119
Yeah, I definitely sold that.
00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:51.359
Yeah.
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:53.279
But I ain't never sold crack before.
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:55.839
I didn't know what yeah.
00:28:56.079 --> 00:28:57.759
Nah, I never sold crack, bro.
00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:02.960
So I just felt like shit, as long as it wasn't that shit, everything was everything.
00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:03.599
Mm-hmm.
00:29:04.400 --> 00:29:08.079
And you talk about the boundaries being crossed and stuff like that.
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:17.680
What are some of the boundaries that, because obviously we, I mean, we talked about you not having a lot of people in your life no more that were in your life before.
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:30.720
So that means some boundaries had to be crossed, some snaking had to go on, or some things just wasn't one against the loyalty of your brand or your hood, or not hood, your uh family ties or whatever.
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:35.279
What did what did those situations look like without saying names and what you know what I'm saying?
00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:36.319
Like, what does that look like?
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:41.200
My mama used to get molested by my uncle or cousins.
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:46.799
These stories of mama told me, like, she used to get, you know what I'm saying, treated real bad and shit like that.
00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:54.799
So those are boundaries that that that one big reason why we did not fuck with our mama's side of the family for it for real, you know what I mean?
00:29:55.039 --> 00:29:59.200
And uh I couldn't accept that from anybody.
00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:02.640
If you're a pedophile nigga, I'm against you.
00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:08.240
If you, you know what I'm saying, you would think about jokey way talking about touching a little kid, I'm against you.
00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:08.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:09.039 --> 00:30:12.000
Like, those are things I would never accept, you know what I'm saying?
00:30:12.079 --> 00:30:18.160
And I and I witness stories and heard and and and seen niggas where it thought it was a joke.
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:20.400
No, nigga, we got I got to fights cause of that shit.
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:21.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:22.799
Cause I don't joke about that shit.
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:23.599
You know what I mean?
00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:30.880
Like, it's a lot of shit that's funny, nigga, but when you talking about touching on a little kid, or you that's nigga, nah, nigga, you cut off.
00:30:31.039 --> 00:30:32.000
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:32.319 --> 00:30:39.279
Or if one of my partners claiming he a father, he ain't take care of his kids.
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:40.319
I wanna be your homie.
00:30:40.480 --> 00:30:41.200
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:42.720
Cause I know how that feels.
00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:43.039
Yeah.
00:30:43.200 --> 00:30:43.680
You know what I mean?
00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:50.880
So it was a lot of stuff that crossing boundaries where it was like more, we was more like, nigga, we went by certain rules.
00:30:50.960 --> 00:30:52.400
Like, that just wasn't it.
00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:55.119
So I started seeing niggas start doing weird shit.
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.960
So it was like backdoor and shit.
00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:01.519
Like, man, I see a lot of shit in my days, bro.
00:31:01.599 --> 00:31:03.680
But family, I ain't gonna lie.
00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:07.839
If it wasn't my sisters or my mom and my grandma, I really didn't give a fuck about family.
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:09.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:15.359
I Well, when I say family, I'm just meaning like even your boys, you looked at as family or stuff like, you know what I'm saying?
00:31:15.599 --> 00:31:16.240
Like the talk.
00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:24.240
But while we're on your uh mother, have you had a real talk with her since she's been older about like what she went through?
00:31:24.559 --> 00:31:28.000
Because as we know, she went through the drug thing.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:32.240
You know, sometimes you led through that by stuff that happened to you.
00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:35.359
Have you really had a talk with her about like what she went through?
00:31:35.599 --> 00:31:37.599
Did you say you heard that stuff through other family?
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:39.119
Or did you do drugs?
00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:39.519
Huh?
00:31:39.680 --> 00:31:40.319
Her doing drugs?
00:31:40.559 --> 00:31:41.759
No, her being touched on something.
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:43.359
Oh yeah, my mama told me that.
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:44.240
Your mama told you that.
00:31:44.559 --> 00:31:52.880
It was at a point where the man that actually did touch her, he was my cousin's daddy went to his funeral, and now I was going.
00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:55.839
I got almost down to a fight with the niggas at that motherfucker.
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:58.240
My mama was like, that's the man that touched me.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:04.160
The whole family was in shock, like this nigga finna fight at the funeral, like, yeah, nigga, this is my mama.
00:32:04.240 --> 00:32:04.799
You know what I'm saying?
00:32:04.960 --> 00:32:09.359
My older sister and my uh my sub my sister's husband was the only reason why I didn't.
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:10.319
You know what I mean?
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:15.920
But the reality is like, she never, to me, she said she never got over it.
00:32:16.079 --> 00:32:17.200
You know what I'm saying?
00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:25.440
But the thing is, like, y'all telling me all this shit when I get older, so how am I supposed to react or respond to it now?
00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:26.079
You know what I'm saying?
00:32:26.160 --> 00:32:27.279
Now I got my own family.
00:32:27.440 --> 00:32:27.599
Yeah.
00:32:27.759 --> 00:32:29.680
It's like now I gotta take chances on hurting.
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:34.720
You know, it's like, I was thinking out the emotions was coming in, like, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:38.799
Because I'm pretty sure I ain't the only person that knows this story, but y'all know how I'm gonna react.
00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:54.079
So why come to me and tell me and let me crash out and lose everything that I worked hard for to be away from a dysfunctional family, to be dysfunctional, be crashing out, do the exact same thing that y'all had to come out of or still dealing with.
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:55.839
Like, I didn't choose to go that route.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.759
So it's like, y'all knowing how I'm gonna trigger me.
00:32:59.839 --> 00:33:01.440
So it's like, why tell me that shit now?
00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:02.240
You know what I'm saying?
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:07.920
So yeah, me and my mama telling me all them stories about all different cousins, some of them dead, some of them in jail.
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:12.000
But that particular ones at funeral and shit, yeah, I was finna crash the fuck out.
00:33:12.079 --> 00:33:13.039
I was finna lose my mind.
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:15.759
Like, cause my mama's telling me this to her only son.
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:27.759
So when she did tell me those stories, it was like, it moved me, but how my sisters react to it, it kind of like put me at a standstill because they gangsters too.
00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:28.559
You know what I'm saying?
00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:32.799
But they was just like, like, nah, bro, this ain't the time or place.
00:33:34.079 --> 00:33:40.799
So yeah, she had sat down and talked to me about a couple of things, but now it's like, I don't know how to feel about it.
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:45.920
I just know protecting the woman that I'm gonna be with or soon to be married or whatever.
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:47.440
I'm not gonna let her go through nothing.
00:33:47.599 --> 00:33:51.200
Plus, I'm not gonna tie a woman down, I'm not gonna convince her drugs is the right choice.
00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:59.440
Like everything my mama didn't allow me to understand, took it upon myself to try to be patient with a woman.
00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:01.200
Because nobody was patient with my mama.
00:34:01.599 --> 00:34:02.160
You know what I mean?
00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:08.480
Once she had that turning wheel and she went a whole nother way, it was like nobody can do nothing with her, nobody can handle it.
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:12.239
But my mama felt like to me that she didn't have unconditional love herself.
00:34:12.559 --> 00:34:13.599
So she felt alone too.
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:14.880
She felt alone too.
00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:20.480
And sometimes when women get, you know what I'm saying, touched on or whatever, it's hard for them to even tell anybody.
00:34:20.559 --> 00:34:21.119
You know what I mean?
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:23.760
And I know she was one of them, you know what I mean?
00:34:23.920 --> 00:34:29.760
And she when she opened up to us about it, it was like, damn, not the family though, not the uncle, not the cousin.
00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:31.599
So yeah, she was heartbreaking, bro.
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:46.880
Yeah, because those sometimes, like, them, even though they did it, them is people you trying to protect as the to as the person who went through it, you're still trying to protect those people because you feel like you're not supposed to say nothing because they family.
00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:49.039
Or like women really go through that.
00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:49.199
Yeah.
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:50.000
Even some do.
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:56.159
It's like, but yeah, women really go through that when people are saying, don't say nothing about it.
00:34:56.239 --> 00:35:02.559
Or because they go to somebody sometimes, or sometimes they told not to go to nobody, or this is gonna happen to them people.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:06.559
So they always trying to protect somebody from what they went through.
00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:07.599
And it's fucked up.
00:35:07.679 --> 00:35:08.559
So it's fucked up.
00:35:08.719 --> 00:35:10.639
What's the next thing you lean on?
00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:26.159
Some type of drug or something like that, because this drug seems to understand you in some type of way, and you become to become addicted to that, whether it's alcohol, drugs, beating people up or whatever.
00:35:26.239 --> 00:35:34.079
Like we all sex, we all attached to some type of addiction that we think understands us or relieves us of that that feeling.
00:35:34.400 --> 00:35:53.519
But going back to that, uh I the time when my daddy was trying to get us back or whatever, you know, so my sister was always, no, she was coming back, but uh, they said that I got molested when I was like, uh, I got molested by a woman, you know what I'm saying, and that still ain't funny.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:35:59.679
But I got molested by a woman that was, damn, bro, you got me.
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:02.880
I got molested by a woman that was supposed to be like a family member, right?
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:03.519
Yeah.
00:36:03.679 --> 00:36:05.280
Uh, you know what I'm saying?
00:36:05.360 --> 00:36:08.000
But she gave me some, she gave me a blowjob.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:15.679
Didn't know nothing about it, but I think that took effect where I started feeling voice by having sex a lot after that happened.
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:16.400
You know what I'm saying?
00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:39.199
And that that gave me a trigger of uh not so much doing drugs, like speeding up the process of what what transition to like uh I say like uh when I was in Springfield when I first tried out Coke, uh I was real I was a real sex addict, and that shit wasn't enough.
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:42.400
Cause it started getting tough topping the bitches, and you know what I mean?
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:44.639
It's like bitch, I don't shouldn't talk a lot, you know what I mean?
00:36:44.719 --> 00:36:46.000
Bitch, I got my own motion.
00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:49.679
But Coke made bitches do whatever they wanna, you know what I'm saying?
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:53.599
So it was like, you know, after a while when I was I was selling that too, you know what I'm saying?
00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:56.719
And after a while it was like shit, let me try this shit.
00:36:57.519 --> 00:36:59.199
And that shit went left.
00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:03.519
And it was like, yeah, it was a lot.
00:37:04.000 --> 00:37:09.519
Was it a uh situation that stands out during that time?
00:37:10.159 --> 00:37:17.039
As far as like why you on those that that that substance and you doing things you shouldn't be doing.
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:18.480
Nah, I didn't stand out.
00:37:18.960 --> 00:37:22.239
That was very quiet behind the closet, you know what I'm saying?
00:37:22.480 --> 00:37:24.320
So I was like, man, I don't give a fuck no more.
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:26.000
Like I that shit was a past.
00:37:26.079 --> 00:37:29.679
I did, but when I was doing it, it was like, damn, nigga.
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:31.199
The fuck?
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:31.920
You know what I'm saying?
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:32.880
What was you thinking about?
00:37:32.960 --> 00:37:33.679
You know what I'm saying?
00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:40.000
Like, now I know because I have therapy, therapy sessions.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:43.599
Like, as a man, like, I don't care who you are, therapy is great.
00:37:43.760 --> 00:37:44.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:52.960
So once I started doing them, uh, it's like, yeah, bro, this was some shit that you was dealing with as a kid, and you couldn't even figure out why you was doing it.
00:37:53.119 --> 00:37:54.719
But I was filling the void, bro.
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:59.519
Like, I was addicted to sex and drugs, you know what I'm saying?
00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:11.280
And that shit was like filling that void of not having family love, not family family together, and I didn't know really how to be, continue to be a good father, you know what I'm saying?
00:38:11.440 --> 00:38:13.119
My baby mama was keeping my son from me.
00:38:13.199 --> 00:38:15.679
It was a lot of shit that I was trying to run from.
00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:17.599
Cause I was I was running out of state.
00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:18.400
Like I was running.
00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:20.320
I really wasn't like, oh, I'm about to take a trip.
00:38:20.480 --> 00:38:21.440
No, I was running.
00:38:21.760 --> 00:38:22.320
You know what I'm saying?
00:38:22.480 --> 00:38:23.519
Running from something.
00:38:23.679 --> 00:38:24.239
You know what I mean?
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:30.719
Because if I came down here and I needed a place to stay just for a couple days, like, they made it hard for me to do, you know what I mean?
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:32.159
So I had to get out and do it myself.
00:38:32.239 --> 00:38:36.159
It was like, but when I had my own place, it's like, man, my doors open.
00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:37.760
So it was just like weird, man.
00:38:37.840 --> 00:38:40.400
So it was like, man, I gotta, I gotta figure out something.
00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:41.199
You know what I mean?
00:38:41.360 --> 00:38:49.039
But that's where I was filling those voices, like all that mixed emotions and shit that was hurting me, but I wasn't speaking on it.
00:38:49.199 --> 00:38:50.639
I was I speak on a lot of shit.
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:53.280
I bought all that shit inside, but I was hurt.
00:38:53.599 --> 00:39:03.199
So that's So that's it, that that situation that happened when you got touched, you do remember that it wasn't something they told you about.
00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:04.719
You actually remember.
00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:07.840
She took me up, took me to Soil Parkway, and knocked me down.
00:39:08.159 --> 00:39:12.639
And you shared that with with people before you went to therapy?
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.199
Or that's something you always kept bottled in?
00:39:15.679 --> 00:39:19.199
I only showed it, I only shared that with my big sister.
00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:20.800
Later on in life?
00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:23.760
Yeah, later on in life, yeah.
00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:26.880
So you kept it in just kind of like your mama kept it in?
00:39:26.960 --> 00:39:27.440
Mm-hmm.
00:39:28.079 --> 00:39:28.400
Yeah.
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:31.039
Why didn't you share it earlier?
00:39:31.280 --> 00:39:33.199
I probably got my ass whooped.
00:39:33.440 --> 00:39:36.159
And they probably wouldn't have believed me, you know what I'm saying?
00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:48.000
But, you know, during that time, you know, you already smelled like a because I'm looking at those valves, so I'm like, I already had that, I already smelt a funny smell when she came around.
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:52.079
So clearly that was wet that the lady was on, you know what I'm saying?
00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:52.400
Yeah, yeah.
00:39:52.639 --> 00:39:53.360
You know what I'm saying?
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:55.599
So it was like, damn, you know what I'm saying?
00:39:55.840 --> 00:39:57.679
Now it all makes sense, you know what I mean?
00:39:57.840 --> 00:40:01.199
So it's like, it was a lot of stuff that I wasn't aware of, didn't know.
00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:01.760
You know what I mean?
00:40:01.840 --> 00:40:09.119
But now that I fully know where everything is like, damn, like I wasn't tripping, you know what I'm saying?
00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:12.239
But I wasn't in a position to be like, oh, I ain't gonna do it.
00:40:12.320 --> 00:40:14.800
Cause you know, I watched that shit on TV or, you know what I mean?
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:15.840
I was in middle school, bro.
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:17.519
Like, yeah, I was fingering girls on the school bus.
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:18.559
Like, you know what I mean?
00:40:18.639 --> 00:40:28.719
But when I really got some shit that I wasn't expecting to have just randomly from somebody that I thought was close to us, yeah, that shit was, that shit was crazy.
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:42.320
And we had some uh guests on here, and it makes sense what you're saying, it made you sexual because uh Coreyon Robinson said he got molested by I think she was in his family, a stud in his family.
00:40:42.639 --> 00:40:48.800
And he said that shit just made him, he didn't like it, but it made him sexually active.
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:53.599
So it makes sense what you're saying, that it took it took you down that road.
00:40:53.679 --> 00:40:58.960
And we always think that doesn't affect the man or the boys, but it does.
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:02.719
Like you you may brag about some stuff like that later.
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:03.199
Yeah.
00:41:03.599 --> 00:41:12.159
Well, you not would it be in your family, but we you know, with it being anybody, you may brag about that stuff later, but really you start looking back and you be like, man, that shit was wrong.
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:24.639
That shit wasn't that shit wasn't cool, but you know, they look at shit like it was something to brag about because you did it at a, you got it done to you at a younger age, plus you a male, you a man, so it's okay.
00:41:24.960 --> 00:41:33.679
I mean, shit, it don't really it never affected me, but it uh it affected me in ways where I felt like damn, you know what I'm saying?
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:35.840
Like, was this shit planned?
00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:36.559
You know what I'm saying?
00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:41.679
Because ain't no way in hell, like you supposed to be a close family member, and this is different, you know what I mean?
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:44.880
Now this, and it wasn't like I said, okay, let's do it.
00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:45.679
You know what I mean?
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:54.239
It was like, damn, like she really took it upon herself to be like, shit, whatever she was feeling at that moment, it was like, shit, I'm gonna do this shit, you know what I'm saying?
00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:56.559
But it was like a choice she made.
00:41:57.119 --> 00:41:57.599
You know what I mean?
00:41:57.679 --> 00:41:59.920
So it was like I wasn't ready for that shit.
00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.000
It was like, you know what I'm saying, I'm about to take it to the store, and that shit wasn't a storage one.
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:05.119
That's all I know.
00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:06.320
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:11.360
So that did, that did put me in a position where I I love having sex.
00:42:11.840 --> 00:42:12.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:13.760 --> 00:42:15.199
Yeah, it's fucked up.
00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:19.599
How did you eventually stop with the pill addiction and drug addiction?
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:23.760
So how did you because they say those addictions are hard to get away from?
00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:25.039
Nah, it ain't hard.
00:42:25.280 --> 00:42:26.480
You gotta have a will.
00:42:26.559 --> 00:42:29.920
You gotta So I never was addicted to nothing.
00:42:30.079 --> 00:42:34.000
I was just more like, it was, it was a choice that I didn't, I just didn't want to stop.
00:42:34.239 --> 00:42:34.559
Got you.
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:36.559
I just didn't want to stop doing what I was doing.
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:37.119
You know what I mean?
00:42:37.280 --> 00:42:41.360
Whether the people were like, yeah, then you're gonna turn around and I just didn't want to stop what I was doing.
00:42:41.519 --> 00:42:41.760
Yeah.
00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:46.639
But I just I moved I moved to Atlanta, you know what I'm saying?
00:42:46.719 --> 00:42:48.719
And I had a clothing brand called Drugs.
00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:51.760
And that stuff where you do write you gain success.
00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:53.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:42:53.199 --> 00:42:55.119
And I had that shit jumping.
00:42:55.360 --> 00:42:56.159
You know what I mean?
00:42:56.239 --> 00:43:00.880
From and I was still like, man, I was in my 20s, bro.
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:02.159
I had this shit jumping though.
00:43:02.239 --> 00:43:02.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:43:03.119 --> 00:43:05.440
Like, I was one of them, I guess, you know what I'm saying?
00:43:05.519 --> 00:43:07.039
But in my mind, shit, I gotta keep going.
00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:12.320
But long story short, when I start seeing people attaching to something, I found something different, bro.
00:43:12.400 --> 00:43:13.760
I said, fuck all that shit.
00:43:14.159 --> 00:43:23.280
You can't be high, and then you up all night, then you gotta have somebody do a search for, or you gotta, man, and then I can't go into these places where, you know what I'm saying, I'm I was trying to sell myself.
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:24.880
Yeah, bro, I had purpose.
00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:26.320
I started finding purpose.
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:27.679
I found purpose.
00:43:27.920 --> 00:43:30.400
All that shit was irrelevant.
00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:31.440
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
00:43:31.599 --> 00:43:36.639
It took a process, and then like happened overnight, but yeah, I found purpose.
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:47.519
You know, we gotta go through there though, as far as your um the time you did and why you had to do it, you know, the day you got picked up, all that.
00:43:47.599 --> 00:43:49.679
Like, what'd you what'd you get picked up for?
00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:52.800
Uh first degree robbery, ACA and resistant arrest.
00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:58.639
Uh on Thanksgiving.
00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:04.960
This is wait, this is when you got picked up, or this is the situation you got picked up for.
00:44:06.239 --> 00:44:10.320
This is why I got picked up for it, but the way the situation was on Thanksgiving.
00:44:10.719 --> 00:44:11.039
Okay.
00:44:13.280 --> 00:44:15.039
Yeah, I was hot in.
00:44:15.440 --> 00:44:16.960
I was popping some pills.
00:44:17.039 --> 00:44:17.920
You know what I'm saying?
00:44:18.159 --> 00:44:21.840
All I know is I was enjoying my life, enjoying my time.
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.960
And uh, yeah, bro, we was uh just riding around the city.
00:44:27.039 --> 00:44:28.639
This is when Bannister Marl was open.
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:30.079
Oh, this is a long time ago.
00:44:30.320 --> 00:44:30.800
Yeah, man.
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:32.800
It's like 2005, you know what I'm saying?
00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:35.679
Because I did I did my time, I did my time in 2005.
00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:36.079
Okay.
00:44:36.480 --> 00:44:38.880
Uh riding around, man.
00:44:38.960 --> 00:44:41.599
We just this when I was in the box and shit.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:43.440
Anyway, long story short, it was just like boom.
00:44:43.519 --> 00:44:44.800
We seen somebody just hanging out.
00:44:44.960 --> 00:44:48.000
I had to had some some tags that was out of state.
00:44:48.239 --> 00:44:53.920
And uh niggas needed some money, a quick come up, you know what I'm saying?
00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:56.159
And things went left from there.
00:44:56.400 --> 00:44:59.199
Y'all just sing the person and was like, Yeah.
00:44:59.519 --> 00:45:05.039
It was like, that's why I say, like, our brotherhood, it was just like we just knew, like, yeah, yeah.
00:45:05.280 --> 00:45:11.119
But it was like, I was that's why I told you, like, I was there, but I was not there, but I was always there.
00:45:11.199 --> 00:45:19.519
So like I was there, but to the everybody else, I wasn't there until it was like, yeah, Isaiah did that for real, for real.
00:45:19.599 --> 00:45:20.239
You know what I'm saying?
00:45:20.400 --> 00:45:22.239
But reality, like, I wasn't there.
00:45:22.400 --> 00:45:23.199
You know what I'm saying?
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:24.960
So yeah, that took place.
00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:31.519
And uh the night, no, the following night.
00:45:31.599 --> 00:45:32.800
Nah, it was that night, I think.
00:45:32.880 --> 00:45:34.159
Yeah, we was all excited and shit.
00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:36.719
We end up hitting, we ended up knocking, you know, doing that.
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:42.079
I can't go like into like the exact thing, but uh, yeah, we ended up we ended up robbing him.
00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:48.480
And um after we robbed him, it was like a movie kind of to me though.
00:45:48.559 --> 00:46:00.400
Well, now I look at it, but it was on Bannison all parking lot, and uh it wasn't even just it wasn't even tour, it was like two of my sisters that was there too, not my biological sister, but okay.
00:46:00.639 --> 00:46:01.280
You know what I'm saying?
00:46:01.840 --> 00:46:05.440
But it was like they was the drivers, you know what I'm saying?
00:46:05.519 --> 00:46:13.519
But it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, I could laugh about it now because we was all just enjoying our our life, man.
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:16.159
We was young and we was wilding out, man.
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:17.840
Like you couldn't tell us shit, you know what I mean?
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:22.880
So long story short, we ended up, you know, I I ended up doing the whole the whole parade.
00:46:22.960 --> 00:46:23.519
You know what I'm saying?
00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:40.559
They was there to back me up, but it was like I was too excited because I love to fight, so I was too excited, but it was a lot of stuff going on, boom, bam, bam, robbed them, took that shit, and um next thing you know, man, it was like we thought everything was sweet, sweet.
00:46:40.880 --> 00:46:42.320
We thought everything was cool.
00:46:42.719 --> 00:46:51.679
And then boom, we parked the car in front of the house, and uh we in there ate Thanksgiving food, you know what I mean?
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:53.920
And everybody was full, you know what I'm saying?
00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:55.199
We was still in the stolo.
00:46:55.599 --> 00:46:56.159
Uh uh.
00:46:56.400 --> 00:47:00.480
And shit, we all walk outside, everybody shook hands.
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:02.480
Me and my partner, you know what I'm saying?
00:47:02.639 --> 00:47:06.079
He jumped in the driver's seat, I jumped in the passenger seat.
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:09.599
And they see no boys pulled up on it so fast, man.
00:47:09.760 --> 00:47:12.000
Like the task force army, man.
00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:13.920
I was like, oh, hell nah.
00:47:14.079 --> 00:47:20.320
I told my partner, punched the gas, because he was sitting there like, nah, nigga, we busted, we caught.
00:47:20.400 --> 00:47:21.840
I'm like, nigga, no, we not.
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:22.320
You know what I mean?
00:47:22.480 --> 00:47:25.360
But mind you, we still high.
00:47:25.519 --> 00:47:26.079
You know what I'm saying?
00:47:26.159 --> 00:47:27.920
We ain't everything, you know what I mean?
00:47:28.079 --> 00:47:29.840
But at the end of the day, it was coming down.
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:31.840
So niggas was restless, you know what I mean?
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:32.960
So boom.
00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:38.800
There wasn't no way around that, but he he had wheels until, man, shit started just going left from there.
00:47:38.880 --> 00:47:40.239
It was too many police, man.
00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:43.599
So we was shooting down 59th and Pacil right there.
00:47:43.679 --> 00:47:45.280
Uh, where was that?
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:47.199
Uh oh, so he actually pressed the guys.
00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:48.559
Hell yeah, we got a better there.
00:47:48.719 --> 00:47:49.920
Yeah, he got through there.
00:47:50.079 --> 00:47:50.239
Okay.
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:56.719
Yeah, we got through there, boom, until we hit a tree, boom, hit that tree, bam, hit the tree.
00:47:57.039 --> 00:47:59.119
Remind you, we we fucked up.
00:47:59.280 --> 00:48:00.800
So that shit didn't even affect us.
00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:02.800
Hopped right out, you know what I'm saying?
00:48:02.880 --> 00:48:08.239
We separate, we we split, you know what I mean, and he went one way and went another way.
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:10.400
Long story short, I got caught.
00:48:10.559 --> 00:48:11.920
You know what I'm saying?
00:48:12.639 --> 00:48:13.840
Got me in there.
00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:19.440
They was pressing the issue about we know who it was, we know who you was with, we know we blah, blah, blah.
00:48:19.679 --> 00:48:20.880
I know they ain't no shit.
00:48:20.960 --> 00:48:23.119
I knew what the shit came with, you know what I'm saying?
00:48:23.199 --> 00:48:24.960
They was like, shit, this is gonna be the issue.
00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:26.880
25, and you gotta tell who did it.
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:27.599
You know what I'm saying?
00:48:27.760 --> 00:48:29.519
They kept coming to me with different pleads.
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:31.599
They dropped it all down to 15.
00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:37.119
And then uh they dropped all seven, and this is like two years later.
00:48:37.199 --> 00:48:38.480
I'm still in that motherfucker.
00:48:38.559 --> 00:48:39.519
I'm just like, what the fuck?
00:48:39.599 --> 00:48:40.159
You know what I mean?
00:48:40.239 --> 00:48:44.960
But at the end of the day, once they came with that, they still didn't have nobody but me.
00:48:45.119 --> 00:48:45.679
You know what I mean?
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.320
Did my time, came home, that was it.
00:48:48.559 --> 00:48:53.840
The only thing I was mad about is that I really don't get no more, I didn't get no letters, I didn't really get no commissary.
00:48:55.440 --> 00:49:01.039
But as you see, about see it now, like, niggas be like, yeah, bro, you see who your real friend is and all that shit.
00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:02.719
I just I didn't see that till now.
00:49:02.960 --> 00:49:03.519
You know what I mean?
00:49:03.599 --> 00:49:05.599
Like, when I was in jail when I got out, I didn't give a fuck.
00:49:05.679 --> 00:49:08.960
I wanted to go back to doing the goofy shit, but at the same time, I couldn't do it.
00:49:09.199 --> 00:49:11.760
My house arrest was at my daddy's house, you know what I mean?
00:49:11.920 --> 00:49:16.800
So I was concerned more like why these niggas didn't buy me nothing, give me nothing.
00:49:16.880 --> 00:49:17.360
You know what I'm saying?
00:49:17.440 --> 00:49:18.000
When I got out of it.
00:49:18.239 --> 00:49:18.639
When you got out.
00:49:18.800 --> 00:49:19.440
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:49:19.519 --> 00:49:22.239
It's like peace here, peace there, like, nigga, that ain't shit.
00:49:22.400 --> 00:49:23.119
You know what I mean?
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:25.440
But I didn't care about nothing.
00:49:25.519 --> 00:49:26.960
I was just glad to be home, bro.
00:49:27.199 --> 00:49:30.000
But yeah, I did my time and came back, bro.
00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:30.719
That's it.
00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:32.159
No paperwork, no nothing.
00:49:32.239 --> 00:49:32.719
You know what I mean?
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:39.039
Even though they came to me three or four times with 25 years, like, I know what that shit come with.
00:49:39.840 --> 00:49:43.679
What what did you think you was going to when they was coming with the 25 years?
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:45.360
I ain't gonna lie, I thought I was going to jail.
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:47.360
I was mad as a motherfucker in there.
00:49:47.440 --> 00:49:50.000
Like, these niggas got me fucked up, you know what I'm saying?
00:49:50.079 --> 00:49:52.880
But my mind, I'm like, fuck, you know what I'm saying?
00:49:52.960 --> 00:49:57.599
But remind you, this is when Moody and Slicks and then was locked up with me.
00:49:57.679 --> 00:49:58.320
You know what I'm saying?
00:49:58.480 --> 00:50:04.159
I never encountered with Moody, but Slicks and a lot of people from the 50s, you know what I'm saying, was locked up during that time.
00:50:04.239 --> 00:50:04.719
You know what I mean?
00:50:04.800 --> 00:50:07.599
So it reminds you, my grandma stayed off 59th of Park.
00:50:08.239 --> 00:50:11.280
So I'm not saying, yeah, I was cool, I was cool.
00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:17.440
Nah, nigga, because I had brothers from the 30s that was still beefing with five Ace dudes, this one, all that shit, you know what I was around.
00:50:17.519 --> 00:50:21.039
So it was like, damn, but still, you know what I mean?
00:50:21.199 --> 00:50:24.400
This shit was hurting me because them niggas couldn't buy me out.
00:50:24.559 --> 00:50:26.079
They couldn't get me out of jail.
00:50:26.239 --> 00:50:32.639
Like, like the nigga that was saying on uh Miss's side, like, you niggas ain't got nothing on the petrol, like niggas selling all that shit.
00:50:33.119 --> 00:50:34.559
But ain't got nothing, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:34.639 --> 00:50:36.800
I'm not, and I'm just my first offense.
00:50:36.960 --> 00:50:38.800
So I'm like, I'm probably gonna get out.
00:50:38.880 --> 00:50:46.159
But you know, me saying I'm not gonna I'm gonna get out because it's my first time saying this song on camera.
00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:48.880
I think I told them myself, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:48.960 --> 00:50:50.320
Like, I did it.
00:50:50.559 --> 00:50:52.400
So they was like, that's all we need, nigga.
00:50:52.559 --> 00:50:53.199
You in here.
00:50:53.360 --> 00:50:55.920
That's how that's that's how I think they they took it.
00:50:56.000 --> 00:50:59.119
Like, but I had no choice, but because they didn't have Shelman.
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:00.079
You know what I'm saying?
00:51:00.239 --> 00:51:02.639
They was threatening me with like, we know who did it, we know this.
00:51:02.880 --> 00:51:05.280
It's like, I didn't want to see my niggas, you know what I'm saying?
00:51:05.360 --> 00:51:07.280
Like, I don't just stick it to the code, bro.
00:51:07.360 --> 00:51:08.159
I just know for sure.
00:51:08.239 --> 00:51:11.519
I'm gonna try and get out and go get killed and get knocked off, none of that weird shit.
00:51:11.679 --> 00:51:16.719
But in the day, that was it, it was in me to do that shit because I really love these niggas like my brothers.
00:51:17.360 --> 00:51:18.400
Even when you heard 25.
00:51:18.800 --> 00:51:20.800
Even when I heard 25, I love them niggas.
00:51:21.039 --> 00:51:22.719
Like, nigga, I'm cool, bro.
00:51:22.880 --> 00:51:24.000
Just keep some money in my books.
00:51:24.159 --> 00:51:28.639
And the nigga that I told that to before, he tell you, like, that's what that nigga told me.
00:51:29.119 --> 00:51:31.280
Make sure you just keep money in my books, and that wasn't the case.
00:51:31.360 --> 00:51:32.320
They done that shit.
00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:33.039
You know what I mean?
00:51:33.119 --> 00:51:37.760
So I was in there still in commissary with a lot of niggas.
00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:38.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:51:38.639 --> 00:51:42.480
A Wax, Rest of Peace from 12th Street, Dante uh Bronston.
00:51:42.559 --> 00:51:45.599
Uh, I'll name a lot of people, like yeah, bro.
00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:46.400
Like, you know what I'm saying?
00:51:46.480 --> 00:51:48.079
I was really locked up with these niggas, bro.
00:51:48.320 --> 00:51:51.360
I was in there, but it was fights every day.
00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:55.119
From 4B to 4A to 5A, like, you know what I'm saying?
00:51:55.199 --> 00:51:59.039
So I had to I had to get comfortable.
00:51:59.360 --> 00:52:01.760
Or yeah, I had to get comfortable.
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:04.400
So, but they knew I could fight, they knew I, you know what I mean?
00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:05.599
But that didn't mean shit, nigga.
00:52:05.679 --> 00:52:07.519
I'd rather be outside with y'all.
00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:08.960
At least bomb me out.
00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:10.639
Nobody bombed me out, bro.
00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:18.480
Yeah, I'm saying, when you when you heard that 25, how long did you actually think you would end up getting?
00:52:18.559 --> 00:52:19.519
Because this is your first time.
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:20.960
Yeah, my first thing, yeah.
00:52:21.199 --> 00:52:24.000
Did you hear 25 and say, I'm gonna end up getting 25?
00:52:24.159 --> 00:52:25.920
Or in your head you was like, nah, it can't be a good one.
00:52:26.079 --> 00:52:34.960
Yeah, because they told me what first offense came, I mean first uh first robbery come with like five to 25, ACA come with five, three three to three to uh three to life.
00:52:35.039 --> 00:52:36.559
I'm just like, nigga, what the fuck?
00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:38.960
But this is what the public defender was telling me.
00:52:39.119 --> 00:52:39.519
Uh-huh.
00:52:40.239 --> 00:52:43.599
I didn't know what a public defender was because I never got caught for shit.
00:52:43.679 --> 00:52:44.239
You know what I mean?
00:52:44.320 --> 00:52:52.960
But when they told me ACA by itself coming three to life, nigga, or three to twenty four, I'm like, the fuck, who can I call?
00:52:53.039 --> 00:52:53.519
You know what I mean?
00:52:53.599 --> 00:52:55.840
Because remind you, bro, I don't know these niggas' numbers.
00:52:55.920 --> 00:52:57.599
We change our numbers there all the time.
00:52:57.840 --> 00:53:01.760
So I couldn't call nobody, but that night I could use that phone one last time.
00:53:01.920 --> 00:53:09.280
But when they was like, uh, they said they when they, you know, you got you got your state and then you got your uh you got your city.
00:53:09.519 --> 00:53:13.440
Once they switch you over to the state side, you about to do some time when you're going to, you know what I'm saying?
00:53:13.519 --> 00:53:16.239
You about to go to the county to the other side of the other side.
00:53:16.559 --> 00:53:20.000
So when they said shit, a nigga, nobody came pick me up.
00:53:20.159 --> 00:53:24.719
They was like, they can they remind me like, you know what I'm saying, this is a time you're gonna be facing.
00:53:24.880 --> 00:53:26.000
I was scared for real.
00:53:26.079 --> 00:53:27.599
I wasn't scared to be in there.
00:53:27.679 --> 00:53:27.840
Yeah.
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:34.000
I was scared I was gonna do all this time, knowing the reality, I don't want to get all the shit.
00:53:34.079 --> 00:53:34.719
You know what I'm saying?
00:53:34.800 --> 00:53:40.719
But the thing is, they was telling me they knew they were my partners too, and it was like, come on, man.
00:53:41.199 --> 00:53:42.320
It's fucked up, bro.
00:53:42.719 --> 00:53:43.119
Yeah.
00:53:43.440 --> 00:53:48.559
So I was I was just scared, like, damn what I'm gonna do when I get out and see these niggas.
00:53:48.639 --> 00:53:49.280
You know what I mean?
00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:53.599
Like, now I'm facing 25 years, nigga, in 15 years, nigga, it's gone.
00:53:53.760 --> 00:53:58.800
Yeah, we gonna, but I had a praying, I had a praying mother, you know what I'm saying?
00:53:59.039 --> 00:54:02.880
I had a praying, I had a praying grandma.
00:54:03.119 --> 00:54:06.960
Man, I just had a lot of people, man, that was supporting me, but wouldn't put money on my books.
00:54:07.280 --> 00:54:07.920
You know what I'm saying?
00:54:08.079 --> 00:54:12.800
Like, they come and visit me, but it was like in my mind, like, shit, they struggling too, though.
00:54:12.880 --> 00:54:14.320
Like, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying?
00:54:14.400 --> 00:54:18.239
Now I look at it like, damn, because I didn't have nobody put money on my books.
00:54:18.320 --> 00:54:21.039
I mean, my nigga P, he did one time.
00:54:21.519 --> 00:54:22.639
Then I got into a fight.
00:54:22.719 --> 00:54:24.239
That's man, it was a lot of shit, bro.
00:54:24.320 --> 00:54:25.119
In the county, bro.
00:54:25.199 --> 00:54:29.599
You, I was dealing with a lot of shit, because you know, like I said, they was claiming five days dudes, you know, this was in the trade.
00:54:29.679 --> 00:54:29.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:54:30.079 --> 00:54:31.119
It was a lot of shit, bro.
00:54:31.199 --> 00:54:32.719
So it was like, I'm thankful.
00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:40.000
God knows, like, a lot of niggas looked at me like, yeah, bro, you was real, you was doing good in school, you know what I'm saying?
00:54:40.079 --> 00:54:42.000
Like, you was doing Apollo night, you know what I'm saying?
00:54:42.079 --> 00:54:44.000
Like, they just looked at it a different way, you know what I mean?
00:54:44.159 --> 00:54:46.960
But it was never like, we'll block you from neighborhood you're from.
00:54:47.039 --> 00:54:47.519
Nah, bro.
00:54:47.599 --> 00:54:49.519
I was just respect me, I respect you.
00:54:49.599 --> 00:54:51.039
That's how I carried myself.
00:54:51.280 --> 00:54:58.960
I want to talk about your uh time in there too, but also you made some mention to something that I never thought about.
00:54:59.039 --> 00:55:03.519
Uh, because you know how we say school don't teach us credit and all of that stuff.
00:55:03.679 --> 00:55:17.840
But when you attach to the streets, I don't recall any anybody even saying they OG taught them about public defenders and going what what what type of time you can get for this and da-da-da.
00:55:18.159 --> 00:55:26.079
And I think they withhold that information because they don't want you to be scared to take a charge for them as a so that shit is bullshit too.
00:55:26.239 --> 00:55:26.559
Yeah, yeah.
00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:31.599
Because you you triggered that when you said, nigga, I ain't know nothing about a public defender.
00:55:31.840 --> 00:55:34.159
Hell nah, because no, people are saying PD.
00:55:34.320 --> 00:55:37.360
Yeah, they never saying public defender, you know what I'm saying?
00:55:37.440 --> 00:55:42.480
So when you when you look at you think prosecutor, def uh defensive prosecutor or something.
00:55:42.559 --> 00:55:46.400
But if I didn't, I wasn't thinking of none of that shit because I wasn't expecting to get caught.
00:55:46.559 --> 00:55:50.880
So all of my mind is I know niggas that got out of jail was like I had a PD, you know what I mean?
00:55:50.960 --> 00:55:51.519
But that was just it.
00:55:51.599 --> 00:55:52.719
Like, damn, it's crazy, bro.
00:55:52.800 --> 00:55:53.119
Whatever.
00:55:53.280 --> 00:55:54.000
You know what I'm saying?
00:55:54.079 --> 00:56:02.000
But now you go in there, you actually in that when you actually in that situation, it's like, damn, bro, I got a public defender, I'm going to jail, bro.
00:56:02.159 --> 00:56:03.760
I am not getting out, bro.
00:56:04.159 --> 00:56:04.800
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:04.960 --> 00:56:08.800
Because niggas know if they really know.
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:14.400
If you get a public defender, nine times out of ten, my nigga, you take it, you gotta take a plea.
00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:19.119
Rather, it's five to fifteen, most likely gonna be 10 to 15 years.
00:56:19.199 --> 00:56:20.239
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:21.199 --> 00:56:27.599
So they and God, when they told me seven years, which I was still like, what the fuck?
00:56:27.679 --> 00:56:28.480
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:28.719 --> 00:56:32.559
I took it, but I didn't know it was like seven years back up.
00:56:33.039 --> 00:56:34.159
You know what I'm saying?
00:56:34.639 --> 00:56:37.039
So I was like, Yeah, that's cool.
00:56:37.360 --> 00:56:39.199
And how how old was you when you went in?
00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:41.360
It was it was in my 20s, though, I know for sure.
00:56:41.599 --> 00:56:41.920
Yeah.
00:56:43.199 --> 00:56:44.719
Because I graduated in 2003.
00:56:46.559 --> 00:56:49.119
So I was like later like 24, 25.
00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:50.159
Yeah, somewhere around.
00:56:50.400 --> 00:56:51.119
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:58.960
So you and you you didn't built up some some that's kind of late for somebody in the streets, you know what I'm saying?
00:56:59.920 --> 00:57:05.360
And yeah, I was hearing stories about what go on in jail and stuff and in prison and stuff.
00:57:05.519 --> 00:57:10.719
So what your mind, what was your mind thinking what was gonna what it was gonna be like when you got in there?
00:57:10.960 --> 00:57:11.599
None of that.
00:57:11.679 --> 00:57:16.880
It was more like steady yourself, mind your business, and you're gonna come home.
00:57:16.960 --> 00:57:17.599
You know what I'm saying?
00:57:17.679 --> 00:57:18.400
So that's what I did.
00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:24.239
I studied myself, mind my business, and only time I really was getting to fights when niggas was playing chess with me.
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:24.880
That was it.
00:57:25.119 --> 00:57:30.480
When I was learning how to play chess, besides that, and then I had a couple of people, you know what I'm saying, trying to give me be Muslims.
00:57:30.639 --> 00:57:32.639
They they got those type of people in there, you know what I mean?
00:57:32.880 --> 00:57:35.360
They start calling you op and start giving you their breakfast.
00:57:37.280 --> 00:57:40.960
But it was the county, but it was 23-hour lockdown, you know what I mean?
00:57:41.119 --> 00:57:43.679
So I seen niggas pulling chains, you know what I mean?
00:57:43.760 --> 00:57:47.199
But it was like, I didn't know what pulling chain was, you know what I'm saying?
00:57:47.360 --> 00:57:48.800
That means you going to prison.
00:57:49.280 --> 00:57:52.320
But now I didn't know they can keep you in the county for like five or seven years.
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:52.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:57:53.039 --> 00:57:54.800
Like, damn, nigga, this is torture.
00:57:54.960 --> 00:57:57.840
I read the poor chain and stay in the county any day.
00:57:57.920 --> 00:57:58.480
You know what I mean?
00:57:58.639 --> 00:58:04.880
But everybody said, Yeah, I wasn't never like scared or nothing though, because I already built up a lot of anger.
00:58:05.039 --> 00:58:08.559
I was already mad, you know what I'm saying?
00:58:08.639 --> 00:58:11.360
So the only thing I can do is just stand on business when it came my way.
00:58:11.440 --> 00:58:17.039
But it was never like, oh man, you're gonna go to jail and get shanked as soon as you walk in there.
00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:18.800
Yeah, yeah.
00:58:19.039 --> 00:58:33.519
And they say you shouldn't be a few people say, man, stay away from them games and and when you locked up, like spades, no games, oh, games, games, yeah, games, spades, chest, all that stuff, because you gonna get in a fight, probably.
00:58:33.760 --> 00:58:35.280
Definitely, you're gonna get into a fight, yeah.
00:58:35.440 --> 00:58:38.480
Cause niggas is always trying to prove a point.
00:58:38.800 --> 00:58:39.360
You know what I'm saying?
00:58:39.519 --> 00:58:43.360
I'll be better than the next nigga when it's like, bro, we're not here to do that.
00:58:43.519 --> 00:58:44.719
We here to jail.
00:58:44.960 --> 00:58:45.599
You know what I mean?
00:58:45.840 --> 00:58:49.280
Work out, jail, do uh rec, whatever you want to do.
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:50.639
But bro, we jailing.
00:58:50.960 --> 00:58:52.960
Now, if you get out of pocket, you know what I'm saying?
00:58:53.039 --> 00:58:55.360
It's a niggas gonna click up.
00:58:55.440 --> 00:58:56.400
I'm just gonna be honest with you.
00:58:56.480 --> 00:58:59.760
They gonna click up, they gonna tell another pod, they're gonna tell another pod.
00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:02.159
When you go to rec, go ask give me what.
00:59:02.400 --> 00:59:03.119
You know what I'm saying?
00:59:03.280 --> 00:59:04.159
That's just what it is.
00:59:04.320 --> 00:59:06.800
Because, you know, in the county, you know, they got the elevator.
00:59:06.880 --> 00:59:07.679
So, you know what I'm saying?
00:59:07.760 --> 00:59:17.039
You got some like coming up the steps, like for it's like uh people that was locked up, and then you got the other ones coming up the elevator, but these are the COs bringing them up to wreck, though.
00:59:17.119 --> 00:59:19.840
But we always enter, you know, and the meeting up each other.
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:23.440
But it's like they keep like groups of pies in the gym, bro.
00:59:23.519 --> 00:59:27.119
Like, you gonna get your ass jumped, bro, and get beat the fuck out of.
00:59:27.199 --> 00:59:27.760
You know what I'm saying?
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:31.280
Where you're gonna want to go hit that panic button and go to the seventh floor.
00:59:31.519 --> 00:59:35.280
So it was a lot of shit like that that I seen, like, I seen a lot of shit.
00:59:35.360 --> 00:59:38.960
Like niggas really get their ass beat for trying to be something they wasn't.
00:59:39.039 --> 00:59:42.000
But then again, it was mostly on games.
00:59:42.320 --> 00:59:46.639
Dude, can you remember the time, the first time you got in a fight over chess?
00:59:46.880 --> 00:59:50.719
I swear, I swear on my kids' life right now, bro.
00:59:50.800 --> 01:00:00.480
I just I know somebody knows this dude, man, but my first time I went to 3D, that was like the the craziest pod in that time, right?
01:00:00.719 --> 01:00:02.880
Time frame for 2005 to 2007.
01:00:03.440 --> 01:00:09.199
It was a uh quote unquote, they say a big ass nigga by bro sides, a little bit bigger.
01:00:09.280 --> 01:00:12.960
Because mind you, I wasn't big going to jail, you know what I'm saying?
01:00:13.039 --> 01:00:16.239
I was kind of, I was like 160.
01:00:16.400 --> 01:00:17.360
You know what I'm saying?
01:00:17.599 --> 01:00:21.599
So uh the dude's name was like, I forgot his name.
01:00:21.679 --> 01:00:26.079
All I know is he wore glasses, he was heavy set, and they said he was shooting a lot of police.
01:00:26.159 --> 01:00:26.960
He killed a lot of police.
01:00:27.119 --> 01:00:28.320
Some kind of monstrous and that.
01:00:28.480 --> 01:00:29.119
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
01:00:29.199 --> 01:00:30.960
But I was wondering why was he in 3D?
01:00:31.039 --> 01:00:35.199
So reminding me, like, I don't know this dude, and I'm I'm new to this pod.
01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:36.400
So, you know what I'm saying?
01:00:36.480 --> 01:00:40.239
These niggas already in this pod been jailing for a year, a couple months.
01:00:40.400 --> 01:00:41.840
They all locked in with each other.
01:00:42.000 --> 01:00:43.679
So if you come into a pod, you knew.
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:44.960
You know what I mean?
01:00:45.280 --> 01:00:57.840
Let it be known when you start seeing niggas putting their uh pins in their socks, they either gonna start something or they about to get ready to do some shit that, you know what I'm saying, where they're gonna try to pump you, or whatever they want to call it.
01:00:58.079 --> 01:01:01.679
But uh I thought I was pretty good at chess, bro.
01:01:01.760 --> 01:01:03.039
So I'll I called dude out.
01:01:03.119 --> 01:01:03.519
You know what I mean?
01:01:03.599 --> 01:01:05.519
I was like, shit, nigga, I'll play chess with you.
01:01:05.599 --> 01:01:06.960
But I wasn't as good as I thought.
01:01:07.039 --> 01:01:07.599
You know what I mean?
01:01:07.679 --> 01:01:12.480
But the way he was taking my pods, my ponds, it made me feel some way.
01:01:12.559 --> 01:01:19.119
So I told you, like, that triggered me when he kind of said some shit that was like feeling like he was like yelling at me.
01:01:19.280 --> 01:01:19.599
Yeah.
01:01:19.760 --> 01:01:22.960
And from there, shit, the whole pod tried to jump me though.
01:01:23.119 --> 01:01:24.079
It wasn't just him.
01:01:24.239 --> 01:01:25.440
You know what I'm saying?
01:01:25.599 --> 01:01:27.360
But he, I don't know why I didn't.
01:01:27.840 --> 01:01:28.880
I gave him time.
01:01:29.679 --> 01:01:31.920
After he took my pod, I was like, nigga, what you standing on?
01:01:32.000 --> 01:01:32.400
Blah, blah, blah.
01:01:32.480 --> 01:01:40.159
I don't remember the words we had exactly, but I gave him time to go up to pod, put his shoes on, then come back down and then fight him.
01:01:40.320 --> 01:01:45.840
But when I was, as I'm fighting him, they're all putting on their shoes and coming down trying to take a hit too.
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:51.119
But I just knew then how to stand on my feet, and I learned that from my brother Raymond Dealworth, you know what I mean?
01:01:51.360 --> 01:01:54.559
Don't never fall, don't never, never might get you off your feet.
01:01:54.639 --> 01:01:55.039
You know what I mean?
01:01:55.119 --> 01:01:57.840
So I remember they got like lunch tables in there too.
01:01:58.000 --> 01:01:58.559
You know what I mean?
01:01:58.639 --> 01:02:00.000
But these are metal lunch tables.
01:02:00.159 --> 01:02:03.840
So I kept my hand on that motherfucker, and I was going left and right, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:03.920 --> 01:02:10.000
So it was, it was a lot of shit that was going in there, but I don't know if they got the nah, they didn't get the best of me.
01:02:10.159 --> 01:02:12.320
Because I only came out with scratching my head.
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:13.039
You know what I'm saying?
01:02:13.119 --> 01:02:14.000
That's still there to this day.
01:02:14.079 --> 01:02:18.559
But that was scratch, they uh it was from the table.
01:02:18.719 --> 01:02:19.119
Yeah.
01:02:19.360 --> 01:02:19.920
You know what I mean?
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:29.199
Cause they did get me down, but uh, they didn't get me where I, you know what I'm saying, they almost could have killed me or something, but they just got me down where I slipped on my pins because it came out of my socks.
01:02:29.440 --> 01:02:30.800
So they just rushed you.
01:02:30.880 --> 01:02:32.960
He never like came up to you one-on-one.
01:02:33.360 --> 01:02:35.440
Nah, he was like the lieutenant and they module.
01:02:35.679 --> 01:02:36.079
You know what I mean?
01:02:36.159 --> 01:02:38.639
They poded me, so it was like, damn, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:38.880 --> 01:02:40.960
It was never like a one-on-one, you know what I'm saying?
01:02:41.119 --> 01:02:49.599
Because you already gonna know somebody in that pod that you know went to school with or some shit, but he probably like a poodle in there, or he was just probably, you know what I mean?
01:02:49.679 --> 01:02:56.639
So he's trying to figure out if he can reach out to you just in case something, but like Tosha, I ain't never been on no tough shit.
01:02:57.039 --> 01:02:58.480
But you are gonna respect me though.
01:02:58.800 --> 01:02:59.840
You gotta respect some.
01:03:00.320 --> 01:03:00.719
Shit.
01:03:01.039 --> 01:03:03.039
Was that the worst situation you was in?
01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:04.079
There?
01:03:04.320 --> 01:03:07.119
And prison locked up and period.
01:03:08.320 --> 01:03:23.280
It was the county, but uh and I had one situation when uh I was actually like uh what was it called at uh I was fucking um slicks, man.
01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:24.400
Slicks gotcha.
01:03:24.960 --> 01:03:25.760
You know what it is?
01:03:25.920 --> 01:03:32.320
Yeah when he was in there, he he made me feel like really, really like uh like a family member, you know what I'm saying?
01:03:32.400 --> 01:03:39.840
But somebody tried him and I ended up going back to the hole because I fought somebody for him, but he couldn't, he couldn't afford to do nothing, you know what I'm saying?
01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:40.960
Yeah you know what I mean.
01:03:41.119 --> 01:03:44.800
I did that on the strength of just knowing like this is one solid nigga.
01:03:44.880 --> 01:03:46.880
I've been knowing of him, you know what I'm saying?
01:03:46.960 --> 01:03:49.840
But my family knew his family, so it was like, bro, it was all right.
01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:56.239
So at the end of the day, yeah, that was like the only time I had a fight then, and when I first got to the county, that was it.
01:03:56.480 --> 01:03:57.280
And you was good?
01:03:57.440 --> 01:03:58.400
Yeah, I was good after that.
01:03:58.480 --> 01:04:00.000
I jailed the rest of the time, man.
01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:01.440
It was it was a blessing, man.
01:04:01.519 --> 01:04:03.280
I met a lot of good people in there.
01:04:03.519 --> 01:04:06.400
A lot of people that was giving me wisdom, telling me not to come back.
01:04:06.480 --> 01:04:07.679
Pale telling me, you know what I'm saying?
01:04:07.840 --> 01:04:10.639
Franny was locked up uh during that time.
01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:13.760
Uh I seen him a lot in the uh law library, though.
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:14.480
You know what I mean?
01:04:14.639 --> 01:04:19.920
So it was it was a lot of people I met in there, bro, that was like giving me some good ass advice, you know what I mean?
01:04:20.320 --> 01:04:22.639
That's what made me just think about life differently.
01:04:22.800 --> 01:04:32.159
Because from the stories you heard from them before you met him, you be like, damn, these like the the biggest killers or the biggest gang, they call themselves out there.
01:04:32.320 --> 01:04:35.679
These niggas is the nicest, funniest, you know what I mean?
01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:44.079
But it's like you wonder, like, how these niggas be, you know, but now you understand, like, they get tried, or somebody just feel like it's okay to do some weird shit.
01:04:44.159 --> 01:04:44.800
So, you know what I'm saying?
01:04:44.880 --> 01:04:46.639
That shit come on top or come on top of shit.
01:04:46.719 --> 01:04:49.199
So, but yeah, I I met a lot of good people in there, man.
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:52.880
But I just said you seen a lot of like bad situations in there.
01:04:53.039 --> 01:04:55.760
What's some of the worst things you seen in there?
01:04:56.559 --> 01:04:59.840
The time when that dude, um, no, actually, two of them.
01:05:00.079 --> 01:05:05.039
This is time when uh, what's that um uh Precious Dough?
01:05:07.039 --> 01:05:10.239
The people that killed Precious Dough, I think that was her parents or something like that.
01:05:10.480 --> 01:05:13.119
They came in there, they beat the dog shit out of the dude.
01:05:13.280 --> 01:05:14.719
Even the CEO was helping.
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:16.639
Like, they beat the dog mess out of that dude.
01:05:16.719 --> 01:05:18.000
That's that was the craziest thing.
01:05:18.239 --> 01:05:22.320
They they to me it was playing, because them niggas beat the shit out of that dude.
01:05:22.400 --> 01:05:22.719
That was the thing.
01:05:22.800 --> 01:05:24.239
And you said the CEO was helping too.
01:05:24.400 --> 01:05:30.559
Yeah, hell yeah, they can cause they didn't they didn't, but um they didn't stop what was happening.
01:05:30.719 --> 01:05:32.639
Like everybody wanted a piece of action on that nigga.
01:05:32.719 --> 01:05:36.239
Like he killed the little girl, you know what I mean, and was acting like he was okay with that.
01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:45.119
And then um the other time was uh the dude that raped all the women uh for the prospect killer or I know what you're talking about.
01:05:45.199 --> 01:05:48.159
I can't think of his Was it the Wall Wall Warriors?
01:05:48.559 --> 01:05:49.119
No, no, no.
01:05:49.360 --> 01:05:53.519
Um this was the uh cause I was gonna I was supposed to do his movie.
01:05:53.840 --> 01:05:54.960
Is he dark skinned?
01:05:55.119 --> 01:05:59.440
Yeah, he's his name as soon as you hear his last name, it rings a bell.
01:05:59.519 --> 01:05:59.760
Yeah, yeah.
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:00.159
Yeah.
01:06:00.320 --> 01:06:00.960
You know what I'm saying?
01:06:01.039 --> 01:06:03.199
So yeah, they they beat the dog shack him.
01:06:03.360 --> 01:06:04.239
That was in wreck.
01:06:04.480 --> 01:06:05.679
And I seen that one too.
01:06:05.760 --> 01:06:08.639
So it was like, damn, it was it French's or not?
01:06:09.199 --> 01:06:10.639
I forgot his name, man.
01:06:10.719 --> 01:06:12.639
But yeah, you know what I'm talking about, though.
01:06:12.960 --> 01:06:13.519
I know you talk about it.
01:06:13.599 --> 01:06:14.320
People know yeah.
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:19.519
He was he was real, yeah, famous for raping hoes or prostitutes or something like that.
01:06:19.920 --> 01:06:21.280
Yeah, but yeah.
01:06:21.599 --> 01:06:24.960
That was the worst space I ever seen, or worstest thing I ever seen there.
01:06:25.119 --> 01:06:27.360
Besides that, everything was like from the 50s.
01:06:27.440 --> 01:06:31.280
And I was just niggas funking and talking, you know what I'm saying, and stuff like that.
01:06:31.440 --> 01:06:34.960
But it was always outside type shit when I see type shit.
01:06:35.039 --> 01:06:36.079
But I don't know, man.
01:06:36.159 --> 01:06:40.000
It wasn't really like some wow, they killed that nigga or not like that.
01:06:40.239 --> 01:06:43.840
What do they usually do with them type of people after they get whooped on like that?
01:06:43.920 --> 01:06:51.360
Like was the what's they take them to the seventh floor, they take them to the uh the bottom floor of the second floor, or they give them the pickle suits, you know what I'm saying?
01:06:51.440 --> 01:06:53.679
Like, cause they gonna admit and say they're crazy and shit.
01:06:53.760 --> 01:06:58.400
So they once you go in there and say you're crazy, or they know you're crazy, they give you a pickle suit.
01:06:58.480 --> 01:07:01.920
They let you go into the rec room by yourself and you know what I'm saying, do your own rec.
01:07:02.480 --> 01:07:05.199
Or uh, yeah, they take you back up to the seventh floor.
01:07:05.280 --> 01:07:16.480
That's where like uh people need med uh medication, people need uh uh like real close eye on because they sent you crazy stuff.
01:07:16.719 --> 01:07:18.000
Yeah, you know what I mean, stuff like that.
01:07:18.079 --> 01:07:24.719
So it was always about them was always they was always you could never get a hold to them for repair once they get locked up.
01:07:24.880 --> 01:07:26.880
But if they catch them in wreck, it was over with.
01:07:26.960 --> 01:07:31.760
But the CO sometimes just act like they forgot to go grab them and put them, you know what I'm saying?
01:07:31.920 --> 01:07:34.239
That's why I think that's how them niggas got they got attacked.
01:07:34.320 --> 01:07:44.079
But it was definitely one of them ones, but I done seen a lot of them, there was the main ones I seen, but I seen a lot of like extra shit, but it wasn't no like dramatic where I was like, damn, that's fucked up.
01:07:44.239 --> 01:07:46.960
But seen niggas get jumped all the time though.
01:07:47.440 --> 01:07:56.320
At this time, too, and I remember you mentioning your granny, so did she uh ever any did you do could you hear her voice while you was in there?
01:07:56.400 --> 01:07:59.679
Did was she ever like kind of disappointed or anything like that?
01:08:00.880 --> 01:08:02.639
Nah, she was never disappointed.
01:08:02.800 --> 01:08:04.159
She never was disappointed in me.
01:08:04.239 --> 01:08:11.360
She knows I didn't I wouldn't say she knew what she knew, but all I know is she never judged me.
01:08:11.760 --> 01:08:12.400
You know what I'm saying?
01:08:12.480 --> 01:08:17.199
She never judged what I did, she never judged what I what I was thought, whatever.
01:08:17.279 --> 01:08:17.840
You know what I'm saying?
01:08:17.920 --> 01:08:20.479
At that time, like she never did no judgment with me though.
01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:22.319
She always prayed for me.
01:08:22.479 --> 01:08:26.319
I know that for sure, but she never was like, you should have known better.
01:08:26.880 --> 01:08:27.199
Nah.
01:08:27.359 --> 01:08:29.119
She was like, talk to your daddy.
01:08:29.279 --> 01:08:29.920
You know what I mean?
01:08:30.319 --> 01:08:32.479
My daddy, my pops, if he visited me one time.
01:08:32.960 --> 01:08:33.520
Really?
01:08:33.840 --> 01:08:36.880
He didn't have no, he didn't even buy me no lawyer or give me no lawyer.
01:08:37.279 --> 01:08:37.920
Like, you know what I mean?
01:08:38.000 --> 01:08:40.399
Like, damn, nigga, this could have filled up made up for everything.
01:08:40.479 --> 01:08:41.119
You know what I'm saying?
01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:43.279
Could have got me a lawyer, you know what I'm saying?
01:08:43.359 --> 01:08:45.279
Like, all that shit could have changed.
01:08:45.359 --> 01:08:55.279
Like, nigga, I was like, shit, fuck who against my pops, but nigga, it was like, boy, you should have, you should have like, damn, but I don't think in my head, like, niggas, my first offense.
01:08:55.600 --> 01:08:57.600
Why nobody gonna try to help me get out?
01:08:57.760 --> 01:08:58.640
But it was like, all right.
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:01.359
It ain't like you just kept repeating and stuff like that.
01:09:01.840 --> 01:09:03.920
That was my first ever since I got out of jail, bro.
01:09:04.000 --> 01:09:05.279
I ain't not been back since.
01:09:05.600 --> 01:09:06.720
You know what I'm saying?
01:09:07.039 --> 01:09:08.800
And I thank God for that.
01:09:08.880 --> 01:09:09.359
You know what I mean?
01:09:09.439 --> 01:09:15.039
Because I was still doing miscellaneous, stupid stuff, but it was like, nigga, we getting older, bro.
01:09:15.119 --> 01:09:16.239
This shit getting draining.
01:09:16.399 --> 01:09:16.960
You know what I mean?
01:09:17.039 --> 01:09:19.119
So now just regular shit, but yeah.
01:09:19.439 --> 01:09:21.199
But how was the visit with your pops?
01:09:21.359 --> 01:09:22.159
What'd you what'd you do?
01:09:22.319 --> 01:09:23.439
I don't remember, bro.
01:09:23.520 --> 01:09:29.680
I remember who I remember they gave, they gave us putting us in the private room, and I was like, Pops, can you give me a lawyer?
01:09:30.640 --> 01:09:32.000
I can't afford that shit.
01:09:32.239 --> 01:09:33.359
I was like, damn.
01:09:33.840 --> 01:09:34.479
You know what I mean?
01:09:34.560 --> 01:09:38.800
But I understood the fact still, is like that nigga came and seen me though.
01:09:38.880 --> 01:09:39.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:41.840
He didn't have to come up there and see me, you know what I mean?
01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:45.199
You know, the process of even seeing people when they ain't locked up in the county, you know what I'm saying?
01:09:45.279 --> 01:09:49.199
Them CEOs be making you wait for hours to go see that person behind that glass.
01:09:49.279 --> 01:09:52.560
But they actually gave me a chance to see my pops.
01:09:52.880 --> 01:09:56.960
Uh I think did my mama come visit me?
01:09:57.119 --> 01:09:58.000
I think my mama visited me.
01:09:58.079 --> 01:10:01.039
Everybody visited me like one time, and that was like the first year.
01:10:01.199 --> 01:10:03.279
After that, it was like nobody came visiting me.
01:10:03.359 --> 01:10:05.199
It was like a girlfriend once or twice.
01:10:05.279 --> 01:10:05.840
You know what I'm saying?
01:10:05.920 --> 01:10:09.920
Uh not a girlfriend, but a girl that I talked to, you know what I mean, from the past and shit.
01:10:10.000 --> 01:10:22.640
But well, I mean, with but with your father being so absent in your life, most of the time, uh, did you ever feel at that point like, damn, he kind of rocked with me if he'll come up and meet me and see me.
01:10:22.880 --> 01:10:24.560
I think he did that on the strength of my mama.
01:10:24.720 --> 01:10:24.960
Uh-huh.
01:10:25.119 --> 01:10:28.720
Because I believe him and my mama got had the one frightened.
01:10:29.199 --> 01:10:30.479
They were so attached to each other.
01:10:30.640 --> 01:10:36.640
You know, you could just tell by what kind of relationship him and my mama had, because every time I go around him, he always talking about my mama.
01:10:37.119 --> 01:10:37.920
Even though he's married.
01:10:38.079 --> 01:10:38.560
You know what I mean?
01:10:38.640 --> 01:10:41.760
He'd say some real slick shit, but then you could tell, like, nigga, you still love her.
01:10:43.520 --> 01:10:43.920
You know what I'm saying?
01:10:44.079 --> 01:10:46.880
And I'm with my mama, she like, huh, you know what I mean?
01:10:46.960 --> 01:10:48.640
But I remind her of him.
01:10:48.880 --> 01:10:51.840
So now I see why it was like some type of, you know what I mean?
01:10:51.920 --> 01:10:55.840
So I could see all the the blanks, you know what I'm saying?
01:10:55.920 --> 01:11:00.560
So yeah, my daddy, he's I know he was a good nigga, you know what I'm saying?
01:11:00.640 --> 01:11:02.319
But I don't know how good of a nigga he was.
01:11:02.399 --> 01:11:02.960
You know what I'm saying?
01:11:03.039 --> 01:11:05.680
He probably wasn't no uh no good ass nigga, you know what I'm saying?
01:11:05.760 --> 01:11:08.239
But he made sure his kids were straight from my story.
01:11:08.319 --> 01:11:10.640
But my daddy, he just knew like, this is my only son.
01:11:10.720 --> 01:11:11.680
I gotta go see that nigga.
01:11:11.760 --> 01:11:12.640
You know what I'm saying?
01:11:12.960 --> 01:11:18.000
What was the plan when you got out and uh how did he go through?
01:11:18.880 --> 01:11:20.720
I didn't have no plan, bro.
01:11:20.880 --> 01:11:29.199
I just knew he did accept the fact that when they said you getting probation with this backup, he accepted into his house.
01:11:29.680 --> 01:11:36.800
And that shit didn't last long, so I ended up meeting the girl at Price Chopper and the working at Price Chopper, milked her down.
01:11:36.880 --> 01:11:39.199
Because I was reading like a mug in there, you know what I'm saying?
01:11:39.359 --> 01:11:42.720
Milked her down and boom, transferred that shit to her house.
01:11:42.800 --> 01:11:44.479
Then next thing you know, we back partying.
01:11:44.640 --> 01:11:51.760
My niggas come over, they come visit, but it was like she was a good woman, but it wasn't the it wasn't the time for me to be with a good woman.
01:11:52.079 --> 01:11:53.439
But I wasn't recognizing that.
01:11:53.520 --> 01:11:57.359
All I was recognizing was, yeah, nigga, I'm my player shit.
01:11:57.439 --> 01:11:58.000
You know what I'm saying?
01:11:58.079 --> 01:11:59.199
I'm I'm just getting out.
01:11:59.279 --> 01:12:03.279
But at the end of the day, shit, things start changing.
01:12:03.439 --> 01:12:04.399
I started growing up.
01:12:04.560 --> 01:12:06.479
I started seeing things from really what it was.
01:12:06.560 --> 01:12:10.159
Like, nigga, you can be back homeless or you can be kicked out here, then you go back to.
01:12:10.319 --> 01:12:11.279
I started seeing that.
01:12:11.359 --> 01:12:15.279
Then one of my partners, which was P, he grew up kind of, he just grew up, period.
01:12:15.359 --> 01:12:17.520
It was like, nigga, I got a job, you know what I mean?
01:12:17.600 --> 01:12:20.479
He stayed, I still drink, you know what I mean, but I don't do drugs.
01:12:21.039 --> 01:12:24.319
Like, that shit started making me realize, nigga, it's time to change.
01:12:24.479 --> 01:12:25.359
You know what I mean?
01:12:25.600 --> 01:12:30.880
So yeah, bro, like that transition when I got out of jail was do better.
01:12:31.039 --> 01:12:31.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:12:31.760 --> 01:12:38.239
And give an opportunity that I never gave myself, never seen was gonna ever happen, that was boom.
01:12:39.439 --> 01:12:41.119
Find something better to do, nigga.
01:12:41.199 --> 01:12:41.840
You know what I'm saying?
01:12:41.920 --> 01:12:43.119
Like, cause this shit ain't it.
01:12:43.279 --> 01:12:43.840
You know what I mean?
01:12:44.239 --> 01:12:54.640
So going to your mom and talking about what she's going through right now and uh your mental navigation through it.
01:12:54.800 --> 01:12:58.000
So what she's in the hospital right now, she's going to be.
01:12:58.159 --> 01:12:58.479
Yeah.
01:12:59.680 --> 01:13:02.640
My mama has hospice, she's she's on the hospice right now.
01:13:02.960 --> 01:13:03.279
Okay.
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:10.479
And uh she have my mama don't want to accept the fact that she's getting old.
01:13:11.520 --> 01:13:23.119
And I feel like at this time, you know what I'm saying, she still don't feel like she done her job.
01:13:23.279 --> 01:13:24.000
You know what I'm saying?
01:13:24.159 --> 01:13:27.680
When we know, mama, you did your job.
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:29.039
You know what I'm saying?
01:13:29.279 --> 01:13:36.239
But I right now I'm I'm I'm currently staying with my mother to make sure she does great, do good, do better.
01:13:36.399 --> 01:13:39.279
Because you know, like right now, I'm my residence.
01:13:39.359 --> 01:13:40.880
Well, I reside in Vegas.
01:13:41.039 --> 01:13:43.359
I got my own car, I got my own place there.
01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:47.600
But I'm taking the time to sacrifice to be here, which I don't really look at as a sacrifice.
01:13:47.680 --> 01:13:49.760
It's this, I had this is what I'm supposed to do.
01:13:49.840 --> 01:13:53.920
I'm I'm your son, I'm gonna be here, and I'll I'll figure it out where I'll stay at life later on.
01:13:54.000 --> 01:13:54.319
Yeah.
01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:59.279
But it got so bad right now with her where she gotta have somebody with her 24 hours.
01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:00.239
You know what I mean?
01:14:00.399 --> 01:14:02.960
And yeah, it's it's it's a lot, you know what I mean?
01:14:03.039 --> 01:14:11.760
Because these things and these emotions and these stages that she goes through, bro, I I it's like, it's it's hurting me, you know what I'm saying?
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:21.920
But the reality is like, my mama, she don't know what she done, and she raised us to be great people.
01:14:22.079 --> 01:14:22.720
You know what I mean?
01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:27.199
But she don't accept the fact that that I do my job.
01:14:27.359 --> 01:14:27.920
You know what I mean?
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:31.439
So she look at us like, you know what I'm saying?
01:14:31.520 --> 01:14:34.720
We trying to make her feel like she didn't, you know what I mean?
01:14:34.880 --> 01:14:39.199
We get loud or we my mama is like really emotional, you know what I'm saying?
01:14:39.840 --> 01:14:45.199
But she don't know how emotional this feels to us when we trying to stay strong about it, you know what I mean?
01:14:45.359 --> 01:14:54.720
Because when a doctor tells us that your mama only got three, six months to live, and this is more severe than last time, nigga, that shit hurts.
01:14:54.880 --> 01:14:55.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:14:55.760 --> 01:14:57.279
So I try to smile through it.
01:14:57.359 --> 01:15:04.960
I try to avoid my mama like just out of nowhere, just start tripping with me or saying some stuff because I know she's scared.
01:15:05.119 --> 01:15:05.600
You know what I mean?
01:15:05.680 --> 01:15:08.640
Because when I first heard about it, she was staying at my sister's house.
01:15:08.800 --> 01:15:17.680
And when I and when I walked, and when I walked into that, and when I walked into that room where my sister got her at, I couldn't hold nothing back but tears, bro.
01:15:17.760 --> 01:15:21.119
I was trying not to, but it was like I had I couldn't do nothing but cry.
01:15:21.199 --> 01:15:24.800
Like I I felt that pain like my mama was gone.
01:15:25.119 --> 01:15:31.199
Cause she, like, a couple days before that me and her got to, not an argument, but it was like, mama, you wrong.
01:15:31.279 --> 01:15:32.000
You shouldn't have done that.
01:15:32.159 --> 01:15:34.960
Or mama, are you still doing drugs?
01:15:35.039 --> 01:15:35.600
You know what I mean?
01:15:35.680 --> 01:15:37.840
Like, it was like that type of feeling.
01:15:37.920 --> 01:15:41.039
And then when I walked to that room, oh, that shit wasn't left.
01:15:41.119 --> 01:15:42.399
Like, I love you, son.
01:15:42.479 --> 01:15:44.960
That's why she said that shit was, that shit hurt it.
01:15:45.039 --> 01:15:46.560
Like, that shit hurt it.
01:15:46.800 --> 01:15:49.359
Hearing that, hearing my mama say that, you know what I mean?
01:15:49.520 --> 01:15:57.039
But the way she looked at, that gotta, like I said, reminds you, like, I was there my my grandma last days too.
01:15:57.119 --> 01:16:01.600
I was in the bed laying next to her, trying to get her a smile after a joke, you know what I mean?
01:16:01.760 --> 01:16:05.520
But my mama's body is forming like that, you know what I'm saying?
01:16:05.760 --> 01:16:08.079
Whereas like, remind me of that, you know what I mean?
01:16:08.239 --> 01:16:14.239
So she's still trying to move around and she's still trying to, like, these people are not playing with you.
01:16:14.399 --> 01:16:16.399
You cannot be doing this, you know what I mean?
01:16:16.479 --> 01:16:21.840
So it's like she like, you know, they got all these different types of drugs and stuff.
01:16:22.079 --> 01:16:24.159
So today, you know what I mean, she passed out.
01:16:24.319 --> 01:16:28.159
So it's like, damn, mama, you what's going on?
01:16:28.239 --> 01:16:29.039
Like, what are you doing?
01:16:29.119 --> 01:16:30.079
Cause she don't sleep.
01:16:30.399 --> 01:16:31.359
Now, you know what I'm saying?
01:16:31.439 --> 01:16:34.960
It makes sense to me now what the reality is.
01:16:35.520 --> 01:16:40.399
But it don't make sense for me to feel like you think it's still okay to be still doing this.
01:16:40.720 --> 01:16:41.680
You know what I'm saying?
01:16:42.079 --> 01:16:46.560
So it's like how do I accept it still?
01:16:46.880 --> 01:16:47.520
You know what I'm saying?
01:16:47.840 --> 01:16:49.840
Cause she looked like I'm the mama.
01:16:50.399 --> 01:16:51.760
You can't tell me what to do.
01:16:51.920 --> 01:16:52.239
Yeah.
01:16:52.640 --> 01:16:55.039
But it's like we know it's best for you.
01:16:55.199 --> 01:16:56.079
You know what I'm saying?
01:16:56.319 --> 01:16:58.880
So it's like, you want to argue with you?
01:16:58.960 --> 01:17:02.319
Or I want to just sit back and be like, watch you kill yourself.
01:17:03.199 --> 01:17:05.520
So that's kind of hard to deal with, you know what I'm saying?
01:17:06.159 --> 01:17:09.199
So my mama, uh, she's strong.
01:17:09.279 --> 01:17:10.159
I ain't gonna lie to you.
01:17:10.239 --> 01:17:12.159
She's strong as a motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?
01:17:12.239 --> 01:17:18.000
But the reality, mama, it's time to fall back and let your kids take care of you until whenever.
01:17:18.159 --> 01:17:22.880
But I don't see nobody else that, you know what I mean?
01:17:23.039 --> 01:17:28.560
She claims that our family members, her sisters, nobody else being there for her like her kids is.
01:17:28.640 --> 01:17:34.319
And she always trying to make them feel like they the ones that always been there for her when it was her kids, you know what I mean?
01:17:34.399 --> 01:17:35.520
So they kind of hurt us too.
01:17:35.600 --> 01:17:38.079
That's why my sister's now at kind of distance with her.
01:17:38.239 --> 01:17:45.199
It's a lot of shit what mama currently dealing with right now, but I don't know what the fuck I can do anymore, you know what I mean?
01:17:45.279 --> 01:17:46.800
Because I do have my own kids.
01:17:46.960 --> 01:17:49.600
I do have my own place in Vegas.
01:17:49.680 --> 01:17:57.680
I I mean, these are all things I'm thinking about why she's giving me the most worst like problems.
01:17:58.159 --> 01:18:00.960
Yeah, and I got the biggest responsibility, you know what I mean?
01:18:01.039 --> 01:18:02.720
That's be around you and be under you.
01:18:02.880 --> 01:18:05.439
Make sure you take your medicine 24-7.
01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:06.239
You know what I'm saying?
01:18:06.319 --> 01:18:12.239
Every four hours I gotta give you a medication and you like making me feel like I ain't doing enough.
01:18:12.319 --> 01:18:12.960
You know what I'm saying?
01:18:13.039 --> 01:18:15.279
I've been here practically the whole time.
01:18:16.000 --> 01:18:18.880
So I don't know, because she had it before.
01:18:19.199 --> 01:18:23.680
And she was doing uh uh uh chemo, but chemo was killing her.
01:18:23.840 --> 01:18:24.479
You know what I mean?
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:28.560
So now they actually uh said it came back and it came back worse.
01:18:29.039 --> 01:18:31.119
So now they gave her an actual date.
01:18:31.199 --> 01:18:33.840
And I'm just like, how that doctor can't tell you shit?
01:18:33.920 --> 01:18:34.399
You know what I mean?
01:18:34.479 --> 01:18:38.159
This mother, like you just said, like, God got the last say so.
01:18:38.479 --> 01:18:39.039
You know what I'm saying?
01:18:39.119 --> 01:18:42.479
So it's like, hell nah, I'm not here for all that.
01:18:42.560 --> 01:18:47.920
I'm here to try to make you smile, I'm gonna change your house around, I'm gonna clean up, I'm gonna do all this stuff, but you gotta calm down.
01:18:48.000 --> 01:18:50.640
You can't keep going running out this door like you've been doing.
01:18:50.720 --> 01:18:52.800
Like, we ain't young no more, mama.
01:18:53.119 --> 01:18:53.920
We know what's going on.
01:18:54.079 --> 01:18:54.640
You know what I mean?
01:18:54.720 --> 01:19:00.079
So the best thing for you to do is just start listening, but she still feels like she got so much shit to do before then.
01:19:00.399 --> 01:19:04.640
And I don't know what then was she thinking is gonna happen later, but mama, chill out.
01:19:05.039 --> 01:19:06.239
So it's frustrating, bro.
01:19:06.319 --> 01:19:07.439
It's really frustrating to me.
01:19:08.239 --> 01:19:22.239
You you think the hardest uh go to sleep thing could be because you know, if I heard three to six months, it would be hard for me to go to sleep because I'm like, man, at any moment, like I don't want to go to sleep, then this happened.
01:19:22.399 --> 01:19:28.479
Well, I I I experienced that one of my partners that mama passed away where they told her three to six months she died within that month.
01:19:28.640 --> 01:19:29.600
Yeah you know what I mean?
01:19:29.760 --> 01:19:32.159
So it was like that, the fuck?
01:19:33.119 --> 01:19:34.000
You know what I mean?
01:19:34.239 --> 01:19:38.159
So that ain't the reason why I can't go to sleep.
01:19:38.319 --> 01:19:42.640
I just Oh, I was saying your mom, because you said she don't be going to sleep and stuff.
01:19:43.119 --> 01:19:44.399
The reason why she can't go to sleep?
01:19:44.560 --> 01:19:44.960
Yeah.
01:19:45.439 --> 01:19:47.119
Nah, she's getting high.
01:19:48.800 --> 01:19:49.520
You know what I mean?
01:19:49.600 --> 01:19:58.720
And she think we she think we still I mean, I like I told you, bro, I'm I don't want I'm not here to impress or approve shit, bro.
01:19:58.880 --> 01:20:05.439
But mama, the reality is when we have all the, we're gonna have this, we're gonna have this, we're gonna have this meeting.
01:20:05.680 --> 01:20:07.680
My oldest sister coming down from Atlanta.
01:20:08.239 --> 01:20:13.279
And uh, yeah, we all gonna sit down because you know they gave us two, they gave us two options.
01:20:13.439 --> 01:20:14.800
Either, they gave us three options.
01:20:14.880 --> 01:20:23.520
They give you three options nursing home, hospice, or uh you can they if they put you back on chemo, they take you off a hospice.
01:20:24.720 --> 01:20:29.279
Chemo gonna care of it's gonna it's gonna hurt you and damage you more faster than you know what I'm saying.
01:20:29.359 --> 01:20:30.159
It's gonna hurt you.
01:20:30.319 --> 01:20:31.600
We're telling you this.
01:20:31.840 --> 01:20:37.600
You just like, I wanna be my own, I wanna do it, you just but I know you're angry, I know you're frustrated, I know you're scared.
01:20:37.760 --> 01:20:38.720
We all know that.
01:20:38.880 --> 01:20:48.880
But instead of you taking our advice and letting us prepare things and get things in order, you rather just do it all on your own, keep doing it like you've been, you know, this ain't how you've been doing it.
01:20:48.960 --> 01:20:50.800
So this is how I'm looking at it.
01:20:51.119 --> 01:20:52.640
She's scared as hell.
01:20:52.800 --> 01:20:53.119
Yeah.
01:20:53.600 --> 01:20:57.279
So I try to tell her every day, like, mama, let me hug, I'm you need a hug before you leave.
01:20:57.600 --> 01:20:58.399
Let me hug you.
01:20:58.560 --> 01:21:02.960
You know, things that just make her feel like you're not doing this by yourself.
01:21:03.039 --> 01:21:04.479
Your kids are here, you know what I mean?
01:21:04.640 --> 01:21:12.640
But at the end of the day, bro, she gonna do what she does, and I'm gonna do what I'm supposed to do as a son and still make sure she knows that she loved.
01:21:12.800 --> 01:21:13.359
You know what I mean?
01:21:13.520 --> 01:21:14.479
I love my mama.
01:21:15.439 --> 01:21:23.279
But my only thing is shall I let her just do what she wanna do?
01:21:23.600 --> 01:21:24.800
You know what I'm saying?
01:21:25.520 --> 01:21:28.880
Because if I don't, then she's gonna just do it anyway.
01:21:29.279 --> 01:21:32.239
Cause I can't be under her 24 hours because eventually.
01:21:33.840 --> 01:21:34.720
You know what I'm saying?
01:21:34.880 --> 01:21:38.640
Like, she gonna figure out some type of way to still do what she does.
01:21:38.880 --> 01:21:41.359
So that's the hurtfulest part about it, though.
01:21:41.520 --> 01:21:41.840
Yeah.
01:21:42.000 --> 01:21:43.439
That's a tough call.
01:21:43.600 --> 01:21:44.000
Yeah.
01:21:44.239 --> 01:21:47.760
Like trying to figure out, like, uh, yeah, you grown.
01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:51.600
I can't stop you from doing what you want to do, but I know what you need to do.
01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:54.319
And it's like, bro, this is killing me.
01:21:54.560 --> 01:21:55.600
This is hurting me.
01:21:55.840 --> 01:21:56.399
It kills me.
01:21:56.880 --> 01:21:58.319
I'm the only boy.
01:21:58.479 --> 01:21:58.720
Yeah.
01:21:58.880 --> 01:21:59.520
You know what I'm saying?
01:21:59.600 --> 01:22:05.760
I remember those times, you know, say my mama was to pick me up and had a dude pick her up in the truck when I stayed in Kirktown.
01:22:05.840 --> 01:22:06.399
You know what I'm saying?
01:22:06.479 --> 01:22:08.399
Like, we stayed in Kirktown forever.
01:22:08.800 --> 01:22:12.800
Like, it's so many memories that I did have my mama more than anything.
01:22:13.039 --> 01:22:14.800
But I was the boy that was, I was there.
01:22:14.960 --> 01:22:15.439
I was there.
01:22:15.600 --> 01:22:16.399
Like, mama, no.
01:22:16.560 --> 01:22:17.840
I was biting people on the hand.
01:22:18.000 --> 01:22:20.560
I remember all these things, like protecting my mama.
01:22:20.800 --> 01:22:25.840
So for my mama to know and feel like she's gonna do this and be alone, you not.
01:22:26.319 --> 01:22:31.119
But you make me feel alone by trying to press me like I'm the one that's hurting you.
01:22:31.279 --> 01:22:32.319
You know what I'm saying?
01:22:32.560 --> 01:22:35.199
Because I ain't trying to be nothing more than your son.
01:22:35.359 --> 01:22:44.960
So I really don't know how to accept it by letting her just do her until she feels like I could be comfortable with this.
01:22:45.039 --> 01:22:45.199
Yeah.
01:22:45.439 --> 01:22:48.479
You think she knows she you love her and you're there for her?
01:22:48.560 --> 01:22:51.920
Because y'all know you say she says her sisters and them is the ones there for.
01:22:52.079 --> 01:22:56.800
She knows that she just trying to find a way to run y'all away because she don't want to burden y'all no more.
01:22:57.920 --> 01:23:06.319
Nah, uh before I got here, my sister was saying, like, uh, we just don't take no shit from our mama.
01:23:06.640 --> 01:23:08.720
Like, we gonna call you out on your shit, mama.
01:23:09.279 --> 01:23:10.800
We know you probably lying.
01:23:11.119 --> 01:23:12.720
No, we're not gonna accept that.
01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:13.279
You know what I mean?
01:23:13.359 --> 01:23:15.680
Like, her kids gonna be blunt and forward with that.
01:23:15.760 --> 01:23:16.399
You know what I'm saying?
01:23:16.479 --> 01:23:20.000
And I think a lot of times she feels like that's not love to her.
01:23:20.640 --> 01:23:20.960
Got you.
01:23:21.359 --> 01:23:30.800
Because she feels like like, like, just what have she ever got from her own parents?
01:23:30.880 --> 01:23:31.760
Like, you know what I'm saying?
01:23:31.840 --> 01:23:34.239
My grandpa, her daddy was a pimp.
01:23:34.399 --> 01:23:35.520
You know what I'm saying?
01:23:35.760 --> 01:23:43.359
My grandma, I really can't even tell you what I know about her, but I do know that her last days was my mama took care of her.
01:23:43.520 --> 01:23:44.319
You know what I'm saying?
01:23:44.479 --> 01:23:52.159
So it's like, but she's always gonna beat by my, you know, so it's a lot of like misunderstanding of love and shit in our family.
01:23:52.479 --> 01:23:53.119
You know what I mean?
01:23:53.279 --> 01:23:54.800
And everybody's step parents.
01:23:55.199 --> 01:24:02.239
Ain't no, that's my daddy and my mama, they've been together much my auntie and my that ain't nobody really like together forever.
01:24:02.319 --> 01:24:02.960
You know what I mean?
01:24:03.520 --> 01:24:09.920
So I don't know if she feels love, but I can only do what I can, you know what I'm saying?
01:24:10.079 --> 01:24:10.640
Shit.
01:24:11.439 --> 01:24:23.520
As we close, I do want to make mention to uh as far as your your uh movies and stuff, what is it the message you want to convey through your movies, like through the art of your movie?
01:24:23.600 --> 01:24:25.520
Is it or is it just shooting?
01:24:25.680 --> 01:24:29.359
Is it something you want to get out through your movies?
01:24:29.600 --> 01:24:30.319
You get what I'm saying?
01:24:30.479 --> 01:24:31.439
Like a message or something?
01:24:31.840 --> 01:24:34.960
I can only say like I'm how I'm seeing it, just giving out the real like that.
01:24:35.039 --> 01:24:36.319
Like, that's the impact I want to leave.
01:24:36.399 --> 01:24:43.199
Like these movies that I make, it's just gonna leave an impact where motherfuckers actually see what's going on in real life.
01:24:43.279 --> 01:24:43.840
You know what I mean?
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:50.560
Ain't shit edited, ain't shit like like really like uh fabricated, you know what I mean?
01:24:50.720 --> 01:24:52.800
I want to leave the real shit, you know what I'm saying?
01:24:52.880 --> 01:24:55.279
Let them know what's really going on behind closed doors.
01:24:55.520 --> 01:24:56.560
Okay, you know what I mean?
01:24:56.720 --> 01:24:57.279
So yeah.
01:24:58.159 --> 01:25:04.159
The thing is, like, these movies, man, that I do, it's a true story.
01:25:04.319 --> 01:25:05.039
You know what I mean?
01:25:05.359 --> 01:25:18.000
I might not be able to give you every, you know what I'm saying, like aspect of it and every puzzle to the pieces, pieces of the puzzle, but I'm just giving you a real true story on the side of what I experienced.
01:25:18.079 --> 01:25:18.640
You know what I mean?
01:25:18.720 --> 01:25:21.760
And if I can touch somebody with that, bro, that's all I need to do.
01:25:21.920 --> 01:25:28.079
I don't need to do nothing else to make you feel like shit, yeah, you can jump off of three buildings and get back up and start walking.
01:25:28.159 --> 01:25:28.800
Hell nah.
01:25:28.960 --> 01:25:29.920
You know what I'm saying?
01:25:30.159 --> 01:25:37.039
If I'm arguing with my woman and she says some fucked up shit, I'm leaving.
01:25:37.359 --> 01:25:41.840
But now I want you to know, like, yeah, I almost slap the dog's shot of her though, because that was some disrespect.
01:25:42.000 --> 01:25:44.000
You know, like, but that is not who I am.
01:25:44.079 --> 01:25:47.279
But I'm saying, like, my impact on me leaving me something different.
01:25:47.439 --> 01:25:48.000
You know what I mean?
01:25:48.079 --> 01:25:49.840
Like, yeah, just break toxic, bro.
01:25:50.000 --> 01:25:51.439
Just the real in the stories.
01:25:51.600 --> 01:25:55.760
It's not like we don't have that feeling of slapping the shit out of you.
01:25:55.840 --> 01:25:59.119
Yeah, because we may not do it, but I want to slap the shit out of you.
01:25:59.359 --> 01:26:08.640
Yeah, I want to slap the dog shadow, but the the reality is you just want to show people when I when I make these movies that I'm making, and it's always a choice.
01:26:08.960 --> 01:26:09.279
Yeah.
01:26:09.520 --> 01:26:10.159
Hmm.
01:26:10.720 --> 01:26:13.359
Well, can you leave us marked out?
01:26:14.159 --> 01:26:16.479
My biggest thing is, man, be authentic.
01:26:16.800 --> 01:26:18.560
Be real, you know what I'm saying?
01:26:18.720 --> 01:26:20.000
Stay consistent.
01:26:20.239 --> 01:26:28.399
And when it comes to doing anything that you feel like, you know what I'm saying, you can carry and you can do it alone, whether you got a team or whether you're just doing it by yourself.
01:26:28.640 --> 01:26:31.359
Make sure, nigga, you can finish that shit.
01:26:31.439 --> 01:26:32.239
You know what I'm saying?
01:26:32.399 --> 01:26:34.159
Walk to that finish line, you know what I mean?
01:26:34.239 --> 01:26:35.600
Because it's gonna be bumps in the road.
01:26:35.680 --> 01:26:38.960
It's gonna be people that's gonna have uh egos, you know what I'm saying?
01:26:39.039 --> 01:26:42.960
It's gonna be people that's gonna try to, you know what I'm saying, waiver you from doing something.
01:26:43.199 --> 01:26:44.239
Man, keep going.
01:26:44.319 --> 01:26:44.880
You know what I mean?
01:26:44.960 --> 01:26:47.840
Because at the end of the day, shit.
01:26:48.000 --> 01:26:48.960
It's only you.
01:26:49.119 --> 01:26:50.079
You know what I'm saying?
01:26:50.319 --> 01:26:51.039
You know what I mean?
01:26:51.279 --> 01:26:52.960
There ain't no deals and ain't nothing.
01:26:53.039 --> 01:26:55.680
They don't even invite you because it's you.
01:26:55.840 --> 01:26:56.560
You know what I mean?
01:26:56.640 --> 01:26:57.520
So be real.
01:26:57.600 --> 01:27:01.600
And that's why I say it's to try it on the real, be real to yourself.
01:27:01.760 --> 01:27:02.079
Yeah.
01:27:02.239 --> 01:27:02.960
You know what I mean?
01:27:03.039 --> 01:27:05.680
So whatever you're doing, just be real yourself, bro.
01:27:06.239 --> 01:27:08.000
Because that's real.
01:27:08.319 --> 01:27:09.520
It's always a choice.
01:27:09.680 --> 01:27:09.840
Okay.
01:27:10.159 --> 01:27:11.439
You mind praying us out?
01:27:11.760 --> 01:27:12.079
Yeah.
01:27:13.760 --> 01:27:17.600
Dear God, I thank you once again for allowing us to see another day.
01:27:17.840 --> 01:27:20.800
I thank you, God, for protecting us and watching over us, giving us strength.
01:27:20.960 --> 01:27:21.359
Thank you, God.
01:27:21.600 --> 01:27:23.279
Please, Lord, ask you again.
01:27:23.760 --> 01:27:25.279
Please give my mama the strength.
01:27:26.000 --> 01:27:28.319
The family members that I know they're praying for as well.
01:27:30.960 --> 01:27:38.880
Protect and watch and keep the things that needed to be changed upon my heart, Lord, to be a better man, a better father.
01:27:39.199 --> 01:27:43.840
And those that's around me, Lord, to have purpose in life and create a better open day.
01:27:44.159 --> 01:27:45.920
That I continue with a blessed day.
01:27:46.079 --> 01:27:47.760
And I thank you, Lord, for this opportunity.
01:27:47.840 --> 01:27:48.800
In your name we pray.
01:27:48.960 --> 01:27:49.359
Amen.
01:27:50.079 --> 01:27:52.720
The goal is to leave a lasting imprint on their minds and their hearts.
01:27:52.800 --> 01:27:54.640
We praise you've been indelibly marked.
01:27:54.880 --> 01:27:55.600
Watch the money.