WEBVTT
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Welcome to Grown Plants, Grown People, the podcast where we discover that the principles which help our gardens flourish are often the very same principles that help people grow.
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And together we're exploring one of the most fascinating gardens of all.
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The human mind.
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But those beliefs that seem to have been there for so long that you rarely even notice them or even question them.
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I'm not very good at that.
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I've never been a confident person.
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I always struggle with things like this.
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Or perhaps that's just the way I am.
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And when you've believed something about yourself for long enough, it can stop feeling like a belief.
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It starts feeling like a fact.
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But what if it isn't?
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What if some of the things you've believed about yourself for years aren't actually facts at all?
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What if there are things you've learned to believe?
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Because that raises a fascinating question.
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If something was learned, does it have to stay that way?
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And that's why today's conversation matters.
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Because we're going to start exploring one of the most important connections in understanding the way we're programmed.
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Programming creates beliefs.
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And by the end of the conversation today, we want to help you begin to recognize where some of those beliefs you've carried may have come from.
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How something you hear, experience, or are repeatedly exposed to can gradually become something you accept as true.
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And why understanding that completely change the way you look at some of the things that you believed about yourself?
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Because perhaps the question isn't simply, what do I believe?
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Perhaps we need to keep asking or start to ask, how did I learn to believe it?
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I'm Christian, and after more than 40 years in horticulture and over two decades of helping people build confidence, develop skills, and overcome limitations, I'm now also a certified self-talk trainer with the Life Self-Talk Institute and a certified life coach with the Life Coach Institute.
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And across those very different areas of my life and work, I've discovered one factor that influences almost everything else, the way we talk to ourselves.
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And I'm Daniel.
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As a certified self-talk trainer with the Self-Talk Institute and a certified life coach with the Life Coach Institute, I've seen firsthand how changing our internal dialogue can transform the way we think, feel, act, and ultimately the results we create in our lives.
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So although we've come from self-talk and from very different backgrounds and experiences.
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We now bring a shared professional foundation to the conversations we're having here.
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And we arrived exactly at the same conclusion.
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The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one that you have with yourself.
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Now, if you've been following this journey with us, you'll notice that something special or rather special happened between our foundation series and today's episode.
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We had the opportunity to sit down with Dr.
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Shad Helmstedder.
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And also hear directly from the person whose pioneering work in self-talk has influenced so much of what we've been exploring.
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We talked about where these ideas came from.
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What he learned across his life's work.
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And how he sees self-talk today.
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And there's there was something from that conversation that connects particularly well with where we're going to next.
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And an easy way to picture that is like this.
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Imagine watching someone painting a painting.
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We've all seen pictures of, or we've seen people painting a watercolor painting or an oil painting.
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And we watch them take the brush and they'll dip it in the either put it oil paint on it or dip it in the watercoloring, and then they'll they'll dab here and they'll make a line there.
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And and and you watch them, and sometimes it takes a long time.
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But over a period of time, that painting, imagine a watercolor painting that goes just from a series of small points and dots and colors here and there.
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But over time, that painting gets filled in.
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And once it's filled in, it becomes this this reality.
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We can see it.
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It looks like it's real.
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And and if you stop then and think, what did it take for that reality to happen?
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It was brushstroke by breaststroke.
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It's word by word.
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It's thought by thought.
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And that brings us right back to the question we asked at the beginning of today's episode.
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How does something we hear something we experience or something we're repeatedly exposed to eventually become something we believe?
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Because that's where this stage of our journey begins.
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Understanding your programming.
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And today we're going to take that first connection in the process of beginning to unpack it.
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Programming creates beliefs.
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Which brings us back to one very important question.
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How did I learn to believe it?
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And sometimes that positive programming came from somebody seeing something in us before we see it in ourselves.
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Daniel, I had an experience quite early in my horticultural career that really brings that home to me.
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So this was at Powiss Castle?
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Yes, yes, it was.
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We were in magazines and newspapers, and the gardens actually had more than 120,000 visitors coming through it from March through till the end of October.
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Then there was a certain amount of pressure to get things right.
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Absolutely.
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It was a big, big job.
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And you know, between every uh every year, between the permanent plants, the herbaceous perennials in the borders, we would plant tender perennials.
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And they would add more interest and help extend the flowering season from spring right the way until the frosts in November.
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And because every border was different, we were working with a very diverse range of plants as well.
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And who decided where all of those plants went?
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Well, that was down to the head gardener, Jimmy.
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He'd been doing it for 20 years.
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So he would go out through the borders every spring.
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He would place every plant exactly where he wanted it to be planted.
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And it was the gardener's responsibility, that was my responsibility for the area that I had to follow behind him with my team, and we would plant them.
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And then came year three.
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Yes, year three.
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And how did you feel?
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How did you feel when he said that?
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Well, a few mixed emotions.
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I was taken aback because this had never happened to any previous gardener in my role during those 20 years.
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And then suddenly I'm thinking, me?
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These are world-renowned gardens.
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Thousands of people are going to walk through those borders, well, walk past those borders, should I say, and see these displays.
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And now I'm responsible for deciding where all these tender perennials go and how it's going to evolve through the summer period.
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So what did you say?
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I said with a pretty terrified voice, if I remember rightly.
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I said, Jimmy, what if I what if I get it wrong?
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And what did he say?
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He said, Well, Christian, we'll observe.
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We can always make changes next year.
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I'm sure you'll do a great job.
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Oh, that's quite a message.
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It was.
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It was because I wasn't completely sure that I could do it.
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Um, I really didn't think I could pull it off, and I was in a panic.
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But Jimmy was.
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He thought he was, yes.
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Ah, because he'd watched you for two years.
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Yeah, he'd been he'd be he'd seen me and what I'd been learning because I was always asking questions, and by handing me that responsibility, he was effectively saying, You're ready.
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And were you?
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Well, in that moment, I didn't feel ready, but yes, it was a great success.
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So Jimmy's belief in you came before you had quite developed the same level of belief in yourself.
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Exactly.
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And that's why I think this this matters.
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When we're talking about programs, because some because sometimes the messages we receive don't tell us what we can't do.
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Sometimes they tell us what we might be capable of.
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Yeah, and those messages are reinforced by our experiences.
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Something that began with somebody else's belief in us can begin becoming a belief we hold about ourselves.
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Absolutely, and of course, you know, messages don't only come through words.
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Sometimes they're communicated through the opportunities we're given.
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Absolutely, and the responsibility that someone trusts us with it.
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Or simply somebody saying, I believe you're ready.
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Yes.
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But that actually, Daniel, it does raise another interesting question.
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Because whether the message is helpful or unhelpful, how does that information actually get into our programming in the first place?
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Yeah.
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And that's where my computer keyboard story comes in.
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I've heard you tell this before, Daniel, and I think this is one of the simplest of ways of making the idea of programming easier to understand.
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Because if you think about a computer, it can only work with the information that's been entered into it.
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So, Daniel, I really want you to tell us this story again.
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Take us through it.
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Take us through your computer keyboard story.
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Will do, Christian.
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So let's say that you have a computer and you interact with your computer via a keyboard.
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Can you imagine that a keyboard right here is a prop, Christian, just waiting in case you would ask me?
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That is incredible.
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Brilliant, excellent prop.
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Let's get typing on that keyboard.
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Indeed.
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Yes.
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So with your personal computer, you interact with it with your keyboard.
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And your computer is waiting for your input.
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Whatever it is that you type on that keyboard is what goes into the computer, is what the computer processes, and is what the computer displays back out to you.
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So if you're thinking about sitting down at your keyboard and typing in whatever message you want to, the computer itself isn't evaluating whatever it is you're typing on the keyboard.
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The computer doesn't pause to think, oh, that was a wonderful message.
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I'm going to record that and I want more like it.
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Or I don't know if that was such a helpful message.
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Maybe I just won't record it at all.
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Or, oh, that was an okay message.
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That's fine.
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It can sit here for a while.
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The computer doesn't evaluate a message that's helpful or unhelpful.
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It doesn't evaluate if a message is accurate or inaccurate.
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It doesn't evaluate if the message is true or not.
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The computer is just waiting for whatever it is you're typing on your keyboard.
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And when you type those messages on your keyboard, your computer now has something to act on.
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No matter what those messages are, it's waiting for you to give it the directions.
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It's waiting for you to tell it what to do.
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And whatever you type on your keyboard into your computer in one form or another is always what the computer will display back out to you.
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It's always what your computer is going to act on.
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Because after you've typed in on your keyboard, your computer now knows what to do, and it has messages from which it can take and process what it's going to do next.
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Indeed.
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The information went in.
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Exactly.
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And particularly when we're very young, we don't necessarily we don't necessarily stop at every message that comes in and asks, is this true?
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Or is this person's judgment of me accurate?
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We're just receiving information.
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From the people around us?
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From what happens to us?
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From what we're repeatedly told.
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And from the conclusions where we begin to draw from those experiences.
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And some of that information may eventually become part of our programming.
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Programming creates beliefs.
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But there's an important distinction here.
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The information going in isn't automatically a belief.
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Something has to happen between receiving a message.
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And eventually accepting that message as something that's true about ourselves.
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And Daniel, there's a gardening analogy that I'd like to make that distinction particularly easy to see, if that's okay with you.
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Well, Christian, I had a feeling we might be heading back into the garden here.
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We certainly are.
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And not every seed you plant becomes an established plant.
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Exactly.
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And there's a very simple way I think about it.
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I think about this as a gardener.
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The seed.
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Exactly.
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When you sow a seed, you put something into the soil.
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But what you've put in isn't yet an established plant.
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It has to germinate.
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It has to take some roots.
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And begin to grow.
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Yeah, and I think that that's a useful way of looking at programming.
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A message goes in.
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Perhaps someone says, You're really good at that.
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Or you'll never be able to do that.
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Maybe we hear it once.
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Maybe we hear it repeatedly.
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Perhaps expect.
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Experiences come along that we that seem to reinforce it.
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And gradually that message can begin to take root.
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Until eventually, we're no longer saying, someone told me I'm not good at this.
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We're saying I'm not good at this.
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And something important has changed.
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It has.
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The message came from outside.
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But the belief is now being repeated from inside.
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So if we keep the gardening picture really simple.
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The seed is the programming.
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Yep.
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And the belief is what takes root.
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But there's something important about seeds.
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There is.
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Not every seed actually grows.
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And that's an important point.
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Because we're not suggesting that everything anybody has ever said to us automatically becomes something that we believe.
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Some messages actually barely register.
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Some messages we forget entirely.
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Some we question.
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And some we reject completely.
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It's a little like sowing seeds.
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You can sow several seeds into exactly the same patch of soil.
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And they won't necessarily all establish.
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Exactly, but some do.
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So what might make one message more likely to take root than another?
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Sometimes it might be repetition.
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We hear the same thing again and again.
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And sometimes it might be who the message actually came from or comes from.
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A parent, a teacher, a coach, a manager, someone we respect or whose opinion carries weight.
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And sometimes our experiences seem to reinforce what we've already been told.
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Someone tells you you're not very good at this, then something doesn't go particularly well.
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And instead of seeing that as one experience, we might be seeing it as evidence.
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And think maybe they were right.
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And the more evidence we think we're finding, the easier it can become for the message to take root.
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But there's something else we need to remember here, Daniel.
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Good point, Christian, because we've used a limiting example.
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Yeah, and programming isn't only about the seeds that hold us back.
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Some of the most important seeds planted in us can help us grow.
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And I think that's something that's something that we really need to emphasize here.
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Yes, because when we start talking about programming, it's very easy to focus on everything that might have gone wrong.
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The criticism.
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The limiting messages.
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The things that somebody said that have perhaps stayed with us.
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But what about the other messages?
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You've got this.
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I believe in you.
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Give it a go.
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I think you're ready.
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That last one takes me straight back to Jimmy at Power's Castle.
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Because before you were completely convinced that you were ready.
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He was.
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He was.
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And sometimes another person's confidence in us gives us the opportunity to discover something about ourselves.
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We try.
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We learn.
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And we actually succeed.
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And perhaps we begin thinking, maybe I can do this.
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And that can take root too.
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Absolutely.
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Think about the people who have encouraged you during your life.
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The teacher who spotted something you were good at.
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The friend who encouraged you to try something.
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The manager who trusted you with more responsibility.
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The parent or the grandparent who kept reminding you that they believed in you.
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:53.839
Those messages matter too.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:28:06.880
And perhaps they're the things you believe about yourself today, because somewhere along the way, somebody helped you to see that they were possible.
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:21.519
So understanding our programming isn't about searching through our past, looking for everything that went wrong.
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.799
Or even finding people to blame.
00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:36.240
And the messages that limited us.
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:41.440
And the messages that helped us grow.
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:50.319
Because if we're going to understand our programming, we need to recognize both.
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:55.519
And we also need to recognize something else.
00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:00.000
Our programming didn't stop when we grew up.
00:29:01.759 --> 00:29:05.119
And I think that's really important.
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:15.839
Yeah, because when people hear the word programming, it's very easy to think that we're only talking about our childhood.
00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:17.200
Parents?
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:18.880
Teachers?
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:20.400
School?
00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:27.359
Those early years of experiences that helped shape the way that we began seeing ourselves.
00:29:28.079 --> 00:29:31.279
And of course, those things can be important.
00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:36.000
But we haven't stopped receiving information.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:41.920
We still have people around us.
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:43.920
We certainly do.
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:46.960
Family, friends, colleagues.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:54.079
We have workplaces and the expectations that come with them.
00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:02.079
We have advertising, social media, and culture.
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:13.599
And experiences that can continue influencing the conclusions we draw about ourselves and the world around us.
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:18.799
But there's another source of programming that becomes increasingly important.
00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:24.400
And this one is much closer to home.
00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:29.119
The conversations we have with ourselves.
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:32.240
Our self-talk.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:39.680
Because think about some of those messages we've been talking about.
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:47.039
Perhaps years ago, somebody said, You're no good at that.
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:52.640
But that person may no longer be in your life.
00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:59.200
They may not have said those words for twenty or thirty years.
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:03.839
And yet the messages can still be there.
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:07.519
Only now.
00:31:09.519 --> 00:31:12.480
You might be the person that's saying it.
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:17.200
I'm no good at that.
00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:21.279
I've never been able to do things like this.
00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:25.680
I'm just not that sort of person.
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:32.799
And it's quite a moment when you really think about it.
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:39.599
Because the original voice may have disappeared years ago.
00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:42.559
But the message can continue.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:49.359
Because we've learned to repeat it for ourselves.
00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:59.039
So over time we can actually become one of the people doing the programming.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:04.640
Through our own repeated self-talk.
00:32:07.920 --> 00:32:12.559
And of course, that doesn't only apply to the limiting messages.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.920
No, we can repeat the good ones too.
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:17.839
I learned to do this.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:21.119
I've handled difficult things before.
00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:24.319
I don't know how to do it yet.
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:26.799
But I can find out.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:35.839
So perhaps the question isn't only what was planted in the years ago.
00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:44.319
Perhaps we also need to ask, what am I continuing to plant today?
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:52.799
And maybe the first step isn't trying to change any of it.
00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:58.720
Maybe the first step is simply beginning to notice it.
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:12.400
So over the next few days, listen, for some of the things you say about yourself.
00:33:13.759 --> 00:33:23.920
Particularly those statements that begin with things like I'm not very good at.
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:29.519
I always I never.
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.400
I've just never been that sort of person.
00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:39.519
Or the one we've already heard today.
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:42.319
I'm just the way I am.
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:45.599
That's just the way I am.
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:53.920
And when you notice one, don't immediately try to correct it.
00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:57.759
And don't criticize yourself for saying it.
00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:06.400
And don't assume that because you've been saying it for years, it must be true.
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:09.440
Just become curious.
00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:13.840
And ask yourself one question.
00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:18.000
How did I learn to believe that?
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:23.440
Was it something somebody once said?
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:27.519
Or something I heard repeatedly?
00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:33.599
Or an experience I interpreted in a particular way?
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:43.280
Or is it something I've repeated to myself for so long that I've stopped questioning where it came from?
00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:50.079
But let's notice the positive beliefs too.
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.880
Perhaps you hear yourself saying, I'll work it out.
00:34:55.679 --> 00:34:57.280
I can learn.
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:01.039
I've done difficult things before.
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.199
Or simply, I can do this.
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:10.079
Where did those beliefs come from?
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:13.039
Who encouraged you?
00:35:13.519 --> 00:35:15.280
Who believed in you?
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:25.840
What experiences helped you discover something about yourself that perhaps you hadn't recognized before?
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:32.320
Those are the part of your those are part of your story too.
00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:44.159
And perhaps understanding our programming isn't about deciding that everything we've learned needs to change.
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:51.119
Perhaps it's about beginning to recognize what's already growing.
00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:55.199
What we want to keep nurturing.
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:02.800
And what we might eventually decide no longer deserves quite such as much space.
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:17.519
Because once we begin to understand that some of our beliefs were learned, we arrive at something rather hopeful.
00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:29.599
If I've learned to believe this about myself, does that belief have to stay exactly the same for the rest of my life?
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:35.920
And that's where this understanding can give us something really important.
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:42.880
Not going back through our lives trying to find somebody to blame.
00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:47.039
And not judging the people who influenced us.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:52.880
And not judging ourselves for the things we've come to believe.
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:55.760
It's really about understanding.
00:36:56.800 --> 00:37:07.599
Because once we understand that some of what we believe was learned, something rather important becomes possible.
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:15.840
We begin questioning what we've always assumed to be true.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:23.119
We can begin noticing the messages we're continuing to repeat.
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:34.719
And perhaps we can begin becoming more deliberate about the messages we give ourselves in the future.
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:42.880
So let's think back to the seed that we've been talking about, Daniel.
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:43.920
Yes.
00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:46.880
The seed is the programming.
00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:50.400
And the belief is what takes root.
00:37:52.639 --> 00:38:05.199
But as any gardener knows, what is growing in a garden today doesn't necessarily determine what has to grow there forever.
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:06.400
No.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:19.440
We can observe what's growing, decide what we want to nurture, and begin thinking differently about what we want to cultivate in the future.
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:28.960
And perhaps that's the most hopeful part of today's conversation.
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:33.920
Your beliefs may influence the way you see yourself today.
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:45.360
But that doesn't necessarily mean every belief you currently hold has to define who you become tomorrow.
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:50.639
New programming can be introduced.
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:55.039
Different messages can be repeated.
00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:59.280
Old assumptions can actually be questioned.
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:05.519
And different beliefs can begin to take root.
00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:16.320
So when you're catching yourself saying, I'm just the way that I am, or it's just the way that it is.
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:22.239
Perhaps add one more question.
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:25.280
Does it have to be?
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:32.400
Because programming creates beliefs.
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:38.079
And understanding that gives us something enormously important.
00:39:40.239 --> 00:39:41.039
Choice.
00:39:45.760 --> 00:40:03.920
If today's conversation has got you thinking about some of the things you believe about yourself, you may also want to go back and explore some of the foundations we've been building throughout this podcast.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:08.159
And we've now made it much easier for you to.
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:19.119
Throughout our first six episodes, we created a reflection worksheet to accompany each conversation.
00:40:20.159 --> 00:40:24.639
And we brought all six of those worksheets together in one place.
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:31.280
The Growing Plants, Growing People, Foundation Workbook.
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:38.239
And it's designed to help you work through those first six conversations at your own pace.
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:42.239
To reflect on what you're discovering.
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:49.280
And to begin connecting some of the ideas that we've been exploring to your own life.
00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:59.119
So whether you've been with us from episode one, or you've just only discovered growing plants, grown people.
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:04.400
The workbook gives you a place to begin.
00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:12.320
And you'll find those details on how to get your free copy in the notes, in the episode notes.
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:21.519
And we have something else we'd like to offer you.
00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:25.039
Something a little more personal.
00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:30.559
Let us ask you a question.
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:41.760
On who you are.
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:45.679
What you want to be.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:49.039
What you want to do.
00:41:50.079 --> 00:41:53.760
Or what you want to have in your life.
00:41:56.159 --> 00:41:59.280
Someone who listened deeply.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:02.079
Without judgment.
00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:08.880
And gave you the space to explore where you want to go.
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:14.480
Even if you're not quite sure what that looks like yet.
00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:20.960
That's the experience we'd like to invite you to have.
00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:26.880
We'd like to offer you a free coaching call with one of us.
00:42:27.840 --> 00:42:29.199
No obligation.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:30.960
No pressure.
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:35.280
Just a conversation focused on you.
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:38.079
Where you are now.
00:42:38.719 --> 00:42:40.480
Where you'd like to be.
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.320
And perhaps what's standing between the two.
00:42:47.199 --> 00:43:01.199
Because sometimes having someone really listen and ask the right questions can help you begin seeing things differently.
00:43:03.599 --> 00:43:10.320
If you'd like to take us up on that invitation, you'll find the details in the episode notes.
00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:29.519
And if you'd like to take what we've been exploring in the podcast and putting self-talk into practice for yourself, we've got another way to help you get started.
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:35.760
We'd like to invite you to try the self-talk app.
00:43:37.199 --> 00:43:46.239
And as a listener to Growing Plants, Growing People, you can try it free for 30 days.
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:55.679
But we also know that downloading an app and knowing how to make the best use of it are two different things.
00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:59.760
So we've created something specifically for.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:01.599
Our listeners.
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:07.360
The Grown Plant, Grown People Listener's Guide to the Self-Talk App.
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:11.360
It's there to help you get started.
00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:15.519
Understand how to begin using Self-Talk.
00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:24.960
And make those first 30 days something you can actually explore and experience for yourself.
00:44:26.639 --> 00:44:34.880
Because throughout the podcast, we're going to continue exploring why conversations we have with ourselves actually matter.
00:44:35.679 --> 00:44:42.159
But the app gives you an opportunity to begin experiencing self-talk for yourself.
00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:55.599
So if you'd like to give it a try, you'll find the listener's guide and details of your free 30-day trial in the episode notes.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:08.719
Today we've explored one of the most important connections in this whole journey.
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:12.000
Programming creates beliefs.
00:45:12.639 --> 00:45:18.480
We've looked at how messages and information can enter our lives.
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:22.800
And how some of those messages can begin to take root.
00:45:23.519 --> 00:45:27.199
Some may come from the people around us.
00:45:27.679 --> 00:45:30.400
And some from our own experiences.
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:39.840
And some can eventually be reinforced by the conversations we continue having with ourselves.
00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:50.800
And perhaps one of the most important things we've discovered today is that a belief can feel like a fact.
00:45:52.079 --> 00:45:55.599
Without necessarily beginning as one.
00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:06.480
Something that may once have been somebody else's message can eventually become something we say about ourselves.
00:46:08.719 --> 00:46:15.280
But we've also seen on the other side of that the people who encourage us.
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:18.159
The people who believe in us.
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:23.920
The experiences that help us discover what we're capable of.
00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:29.199
And those seeds can take root too.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:40.480
And that's why understanding our programming isn't about looking backwards for someone to blame.
00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:44.079
It's about becoming curious.
00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:49.039
About what we've learned to believe.
00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:53.039
What we're continuing to reinforce.
00:46:53.760 --> 00:47:00.159
And perhaps what we might choose to nurture differently in the future.
00:47:03.679 --> 00:47:07.519
But all of this leaves us with another question.
00:47:08.559 --> 00:47:10.800
A really important one.
00:47:13.920 --> 00:47:20.880
If programming can have this much influence over what we eventually come to believe.
00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:27.280
How does our brain actually get programmed in the first place?
00:47:29.280 --> 00:47:31.840
And that's where we're going to next.
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:37.840
In episode eight of understanding your programming.
00:47:39.039 --> 00:47:41.679
How your brain gets programmed.
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:49.679
We're going to look more closely at how information is received.
00:47:50.159 --> 00:47:51.840
How it can be stored.
00:47:52.239 --> 00:47:59.360
And how over time we're able to build upon what we've already learned.
00:48:02.079 --> 00:48:09.199
And I'm going to take you back to something that began for me when I was studying my horticulture.
00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:12.159
Plant identification.
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:16.400
Every week we had twenty plants to learn, Daniel.
00:48:17.119 --> 00:48:20.079
And then you were tested on them.
00:48:21.519 --> 00:48:25.280
Yes, before we were then given another twenty.
00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:29.039
Week after week.
00:48:29.360 --> 00:48:31.039
Year after year.
00:48:32.159 --> 00:48:37.119
Until something rather interesting had started to develop.
00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:41.360
A mental filing cabinet, would you believe it?
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:50.320
And the more you learned, the more draw drawers there were to put things into.
00:48:52.480 --> 00:49:00.159
And that's going to help us understand something much bigger than plant identification.
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:06.079
Because whether we're learning plants, learning about the world.
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:10.000
Or learning about things about ourselves.
00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:18.639
Our brains are continually receiving information and finding somewhere to put it.
00:49:21.039 --> 00:49:27.360
And in the next episode, we're going to open the filing cabinet.
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:36.239
So perhaps there's one thought worth taking away from today's conversation.
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:43.920
Something you believed about yourself for a very long time can feel like a fact.
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:48.159
But perhaps it isn't.
00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:55.119
Perhaps somewhere along the way it was something you learned to believe.
00:49:57.360 --> 00:50:07.519
And if it was learned, perhaps it doesn't have to define what's possible for you in the future.
00:50:08.719 --> 00:50:10.320
Until next time.
00:50:11.039 --> 00:50:16.159
Remember, you weren't born believing the things that now hold you back.
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:23.119
The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:24.719
Make it count.
00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:20.960
Welcome to Grown Plants, Grown People, the podcast where we discover that the principles which help our gardens flourish are often the very same principles that help people grow.
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:26.320
And together we're exploring one of the most fascinating gardens of all.
00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:27.839
The human mind.
00:00:42.399 --> 00:00:50.799
But those beliefs that seem to have been there for so long that you rarely even notice them or even question them.
00:00:51.679 --> 00:00:53.679
I'm not very good at that.
00:00:54.560 --> 00:00:56.719
I've never been a confident person.
00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:00.320
I always struggle with things like this.
00:01:01.039 --> 00:01:05.120
Or perhaps that's just the way I am.
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:16.000
And when you've believed something about yourself for long enough, it can stop feeling like a belief.
00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:19.599
It starts feeling like a fact.
00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:23.599
But what if it isn't?
00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:30.719
What if some of the things you've believed about yourself for years aren't actually facts at all?
00:01:31.599 --> 00:01:35.760
What if there are things you've learned to believe?
00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:41.519
Because that raises a fascinating question.
00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:48.159
If something was learned, does it have to stay that way?
00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:54.400
And that's why today's conversation matters.
00:01:55.920 --> 00:02:04.319
Because we're going to start exploring one of the most important connections in understanding the way we're programmed.
00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:09.199
Programming creates beliefs.
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:18.560
And by the end of the conversation today, we want to help you begin to recognize where some of those beliefs you've carried may have come from.
00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:31.680
How something you hear, experience, or are repeatedly exposed to can gradually become something you accept as true.
00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:41.680
And why understanding that completely change the way you look at some of the things that you believed about yourself?
00:02:44.080 --> 00:02:49.919
Because perhaps the question isn't simply, what do I believe?
00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:59.919
Perhaps we need to keep asking or start to ask, how did I learn to believe it?
00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:22.560
I'm Christian, and after more than 40 years in horticulture and over two decades of helping people build confidence, develop skills, and overcome limitations, I'm now also a certified self-talk trainer with the Life Self-Talk Institute and a certified life coach with the Life Coach Institute.
00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:35.360
And across those very different areas of my life and work, I've discovered one factor that influences almost everything else, the way we talk to ourselves.
00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:37.759
And I'm Daniel.
00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:59.280
As a certified self-talk trainer with the Self-Talk Institute and a certified life coach with the Life Coach Institute, I've seen firsthand how changing our internal dialogue can transform the way we think, feel, act, and ultimately the results we create in our lives.
00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:08.000
So although we've come from self-talk and from very different backgrounds and experiences.
00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:16.480
We now bring a shared professional foundation to the conversations we're having here.
00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:21.360
And we arrived exactly at the same conclusion.
00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:31.439
The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one that you have with yourself.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:43.680
Now, if you've been following this journey with us, you'll notice that something special or rather special happened between our foundation series and today's episode.
00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:48.720
We had the opportunity to sit down with Dr.
00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:50.480
Shad Helmstedder.
00:04:51.360 --> 00:05:00.959
And also hear directly from the person whose pioneering work in self-talk has influenced so much of what we've been exploring.
00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:06.720
We talked about where these ideas came from.
00:05:08.720 --> 00:05:12.000
What he learned across his life's work.
00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:16.160
And how he sees self-talk today.
00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:26.079
And there's there was something from that conversation that connects particularly well with where we're going to next.
00:05:27.519 --> 00:05:29.839
And an easy way to picture that is like this.
00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:35.519
Imagine watching someone painting a painting.
00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:43.040
We've all seen pictures of, or we've seen people painting a watercolor painting or an oil painting.
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:55.040
And we watch them take the brush and they'll dip it in the either put it oil paint on it or dip it in the watercoloring, and then they'll they'll dab here and they'll make a line there.
00:05:55.199 --> 00:05:58.560
And and and you watch them, and sometimes it takes a long time.
00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:08.240
But over a period of time, that painting, imagine a watercolor painting that goes just from a series of small points and dots and colors here and there.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.480
But over time, that painting gets filled in.
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:16.399
And once it's filled in, it becomes this this reality.
00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:17.439
We can see it.
00:06:21.759 --> 00:06:23.360
It looks like it's real.
00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:33.759
And and if you stop then and think, what did it take for that reality to happen?
00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:38.240
It was brushstroke by breaststroke.
00:06:38.560 --> 00:06:40.480
It's word by word.
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:43.199
It's thought by thought.
00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:52.639
And that brings us right back to the question we asked at the beginning of today's episode.
00:06:54.319 --> 00:07:06.560
How does something we hear something we experience or something we're repeatedly exposed to eventually become something we believe?
00:07:09.120 --> 00:07:13.360
Because that's where this stage of our journey begins.
00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:17.360
Understanding your programming.
00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:25.120
And today we're going to take that first connection in the process of beginning to unpack it.
00:07:26.399 --> 00:07:29.600
Programming creates beliefs.
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:35.680
Which brings us back to one very important question.
00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.319
How did I learn to believe it?
00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:55.519
And sometimes that positive programming came from somebody seeing something in us before we see it in ourselves.
00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:06.000
Daniel, I had an experience quite early in my horticultural career that really brings that home to me.
00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:09.600
So this was at Powiss Castle?
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.240
Yes, yes, it was.
00:09:15.919 --> 00:09:26.879
We were in magazines and newspapers, and the gardens actually had more than 120,000 visitors coming through it from March through till the end of October.
00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:34.720
Then there was a certain amount of pressure to get things right.
00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:36.960
Absolutely.
00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.360
It was a big, big job.
00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:51.840
And you know, between every uh every year, between the permanent plants, the herbaceous perennials in the borders, we would plant tender perennials.
00:09:52.159 --> 00:10:00.879
And they would add more interest and help extend the flowering season from spring right the way until the frosts in November.
00:10:01.600 --> 00:10:09.039
And because every border was different, we were working with a very diverse range of plants as well.
00:10:10.639 --> 00:10:15.679
And who decided where all of those plants went?
00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:18.799
Well, that was down to the head gardener, Jimmy.
00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:21.440
He'd been doing it for 20 years.
00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:25.200
So he would go out through the borders every spring.
00:10:25.440 --> 00:10:30.799
He would place every plant exactly where he wanted it to be planted.
00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:40.639
And it was the gardener's responsibility, that was my responsibility for the area that I had to follow behind him with my team, and we would plant them.
00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:58.480
And then came year three.
00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:01.840
Yes, year three.
00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:16.240
And how did you feel?
00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:18.559
How did you feel when he said that?
00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:22.879
Well, a few mixed emotions.
00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:32.000
I was taken aback because this had never happened to any previous gardener in my role during those 20 years.
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:34.720
And then suddenly I'm thinking, me?
00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:38.159
These are world-renowned gardens.
00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:45.919
Thousands of people are going to walk through those borders, well, walk past those borders, should I say, and see these displays.
00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:56.240
And now I'm responsible for deciding where all these tender perennials go and how it's going to evolve through the summer period.
00:11:57.919 --> 00:11:59.600
So what did you say?
00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:05.440
I said with a pretty terrified voice, if I remember rightly.
00:12:05.840 --> 00:12:10.399
I said, Jimmy, what if I what if I get it wrong?
00:12:12.320 --> 00:12:14.159
And what did he say?
00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:19.679
He said, Well, Christian, we'll observe.
00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:22.480
We can always make changes next year.
00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:25.120
I'm sure you'll do a great job.
00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:30.000
Oh, that's quite a message.
00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:31.679
It was.
00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:36.320
It was because I wasn't completely sure that I could do it.
00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:40.879
Um, I really didn't think I could pull it off, and I was in a panic.
00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:42.559
But Jimmy was.
00:12:42.960 --> 00:12:45.600
He thought he was, yes.
00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:50.960
Ah, because he'd watched you for two years.
00:12:51.679 --> 00:13:07.519
Yeah, he'd been he'd be he'd seen me and what I'd been learning because I was always asking questions, and by handing me that responsibility, he was effectively saying, You're ready.
00:13:10.159 --> 00:13:11.360
And were you?
00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:20.879
Well, in that moment, I didn't feel ready, but yes, it was a great success.
00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:33.919
So Jimmy's belief in you came before you had quite developed the same level of belief in yourself.
00:13:34.799 --> 00:13:35.759
Exactly.
00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:40.720
And that's why I think this this matters.
00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:52.720
When we're talking about programs, because some because sometimes the messages we receive don't tell us what we can't do.
00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:58.080
Sometimes they tell us what we might be capable of.
00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:04.159
Yeah, and those messages are reinforced by our experiences.
00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:16.639
Something that began with somebody else's belief in us can begin becoming a belief we hold about ourselves.
00:14:17.279 --> 00:14:22.720
Absolutely, and of course, you know, messages don't only come through words.
00:14:23.519 --> 00:14:28.480
Sometimes they're communicated through the opportunities we're given.
00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:33.440
Absolutely, and the responsibility that someone trusts us with it.
00:14:34.399 --> 00:14:39.759
Or simply somebody saying, I believe you're ready.
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:41.360
Yes.
00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:46.399
But that actually, Daniel, it does raise another interesting question.
00:14:47.759 --> 00:15:00.399
Because whether the message is helpful or unhelpful, how does that information actually get into our programming in the first place?
00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:01.519
Yeah.
00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:06.480
And that's where my computer keyboard story comes in.
00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:16.879
I've heard you tell this before, Daniel, and I think this is one of the simplest of ways of making the idea of programming easier to understand.
00:15:18.639 --> 00:15:27.360
Because if you think about a computer, it can only work with the information that's been entered into it.
00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.679
So, Daniel, I really want you to tell us this story again.
00:15:31.840 --> 00:15:32.559
Take us through it.
00:15:32.639 --> 00:15:35.360
Take us through your computer keyboard story.
00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:37.600
Will do, Christian.
00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:50.320
So let's say that you have a computer and you interact with your computer via a keyboard.
00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:55.279
Can you imagine that a keyboard right here is a prop, Christian, just waiting in case you would ask me?
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:56.720
That is incredible.
00:15:57.039 --> 00:15:58.879
Brilliant, excellent prop.
00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:01.759
Let's get typing on that keyboard.
00:16:02.080 --> 00:16:02.879
Indeed.
00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:03.840
Yes.
00:16:04.559 --> 00:16:10.799
So with your personal computer, you interact with it with your keyboard.
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:16.480
And your computer is waiting for your input.
00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:32.559
Whatever it is that you type on that keyboard is what goes into the computer, is what the computer processes, and is what the computer displays back out to you.
00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:50.879
So if you're thinking about sitting down at your keyboard and typing in whatever message you want to, the computer itself isn't evaluating whatever it is you're typing on the keyboard.
00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:57.440
The computer doesn't pause to think, oh, that was a wonderful message.
00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:00.799
I'm going to record that and I want more like it.
00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:05.359
Or I don't know if that was such a helpful message.
00:17:05.519 --> 00:17:07.599
Maybe I just won't record it at all.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.480
Or, oh, that was an okay message.
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:11.039
That's fine.
00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:12.880
It can sit here for a while.
00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:18.319
The computer doesn't evaluate a message that's helpful or unhelpful.
00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:23.599
It doesn't evaluate if a message is accurate or inaccurate.
00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:27.440
It doesn't evaluate if the message is true or not.
00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:36.240
The computer is just waiting for whatever it is you're typing on your keyboard.
00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:45.839
And when you type those messages on your keyboard, your computer now has something to act on.
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:52.319
No matter what those messages are, it's waiting for you to give it the directions.
00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:55.759
It's waiting for you to tell it what to do.
00:17:56.799 --> 00:18:10.720
And whatever you type on your keyboard into your computer in one form or another is always what the computer will display back out to you.
00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:15.440
It's always what your computer is going to act on.
00:18:15.839 --> 00:18:28.640
Because after you've typed in on your keyboard, your computer now knows what to do, and it has messages from which it can take and process what it's going to do next.
00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:40.559
Indeed.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:43.359
The information went in.
00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:51.440
Exactly.
00:18:52.720 --> 00:19:03.519
And particularly when we're very young, we don't necessarily we don't necessarily stop at every message that comes in and asks, is this true?
00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:09.920
Or is this person's judgment of me accurate?
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:13.039
We're just receiving information.
00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:15.839
From the people around us?
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:18.640
From what happens to us?
00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:21.839
From what we're repeatedly told.
00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:28.319
And from the conclusions where we begin to draw from those experiences.
00:19:31.359 --> 00:19:39.200
And some of that information may eventually become part of our programming.
00:19:46.799 --> 00:19:50.160
Programming creates beliefs.
00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:58.720
But there's an important distinction here.
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.160
The information going in isn't automatically a belief.
00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:12.160
Something has to happen between receiving a message.
00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:20.720
And eventually accepting that message as something that's true about ourselves.
00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:32.799
And Daniel, there's a gardening analogy that I'd like to make that distinction particularly easy to see, if that's okay with you.
00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:39.039
Well, Christian, I had a feeling we might be heading back into the garden here.
00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:41.039
We certainly are.
00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:57.279
And not every seed you plant becomes an established plant.
00:20:58.079 --> 00:20:59.039
Exactly.
00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:03.759
And there's a very simple way I think about it.
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:06.559
I think about this as a gardener.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:08.640
The seed.
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:10.240
Exactly.
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:15.200
When you sow a seed, you put something into the soil.
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:20.079
But what you've put in isn't yet an established plant.
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:23.359
It has to germinate.
00:21:24.400 --> 00:21:26.319
It has to take some roots.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:28.880
And begin to grow.
00:21:29.599 --> 00:21:34.160
Yeah, and I think that that's a useful way of looking at programming.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:39.119
A message goes in.
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:44.720
Perhaps someone says, You're really good at that.
00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:49.920
Or you'll never be able to do that.
00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.440
Maybe we hear it once.
00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:57.519
Maybe we hear it repeatedly.
00:21:58.799 --> 00:21:59.680
Perhaps expect.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:04.079
Experiences come along that we that seem to reinforce it.
00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:09.599
And gradually that message can begin to take root.
00:22:12.319 --> 00:22:18.880
Until eventually, we're no longer saying, someone told me I'm not good at this.
00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:24.000
We're saying I'm not good at this.
00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:30.240
And something important has changed.
00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:31.920
It has.
00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:34.960
The message came from outside.
00:22:35.759 --> 00:22:41.920
But the belief is now being repeated from inside.
00:22:45.440 --> 00:22:49.440
So if we keep the gardening picture really simple.
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:53.759
The seed is the programming.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:54.720
Yep.
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:58.319
And the belief is what takes root.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:04.880
But there's something important about seeds.
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:07.359
There is.
00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:10.480
Not every seed actually grows.
00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:15.680
And that's an important point.
00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:27.839
Because we're not suggesting that everything anybody has ever said to us automatically becomes something that we believe.
00:23:28.400 --> 00:23:31.119
Some messages actually barely register.
00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:34.480
Some messages we forget entirely.
00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:36.559
Some we question.
00:23:37.519 --> 00:23:40.160
And some we reject completely.
00:23:43.279 --> 00:23:45.440
It's a little like sowing seeds.
00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:50.400
You can sow several seeds into exactly the same patch of soil.
00:23:51.119 --> 00:23:55.279
And they won't necessarily all establish.
00:23:56.400 --> 00:23:58.640
Exactly, but some do.
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:08.799
So what might make one message more likely to take root than another?
00:24:09.599 --> 00:24:11.839
Sometimes it might be repetition.
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:16.079
We hear the same thing again and again.
00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:23.039
And sometimes it might be who the message actually came from or comes from.
00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:36.640
A parent, a teacher, a coach, a manager, someone we respect or whose opinion carries weight.
00:24:37.599 --> 00:24:43.759
And sometimes our experiences seem to reinforce what we've already been told.
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:54.880
Someone tells you you're not very good at this, then something doesn't go particularly well.
00:24:55.599 --> 00:25:03.920
And instead of seeing that as one experience, we might be seeing it as evidence.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.640
And think maybe they were right.
00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:20.319
And the more evidence we think we're finding, the easier it can become for the message to take root.
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:26.640
But there's something else we need to remember here, Daniel.
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:33.759
Good point, Christian, because we've used a limiting example.
00:25:35.039 --> 00:25:40.640
Yeah, and programming isn't only about the seeds that hold us back.
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:47.839
Some of the most important seeds planted in us can help us grow.
00:25:49.200 --> 00:25:54.559
And I think that's something that's something that we really need to emphasize here.
00:25:55.119 --> 00:26:07.359
Yes, because when we start talking about programming, it's very easy to focus on everything that might have gone wrong.
00:26:08.160 --> 00:26:09.519
The criticism.
00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:12.079
The limiting messages.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:16.799
The things that somebody said that have perhaps stayed with us.
00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:23.359
But what about the other messages?
00:26:23.839 --> 00:26:25.279
You've got this.
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:27.680
I believe in you.
00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.279
Give it a go.
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:31.920
I think you're ready.
00:26:33.920 --> 00:26:37.920
That last one takes me straight back to Jimmy at Power's Castle.
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:44.240
Because before you were completely convinced that you were ready.
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:45.440
He was.
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:46.720
He was.
00:26:49.119 --> 00:27:00.240
And sometimes another person's confidence in us gives us the opportunity to discover something about ourselves.
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:02.079
We try.
00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:04.000
We learn.
00:27:04.319 --> 00:27:06.720
And we actually succeed.
00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:13.839
And perhaps we begin thinking, maybe I can do this.
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.839
And that can take root too.
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:22.000
Absolutely.
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.640
Think about the people who have encouraged you during your life.
00:27:27.519 --> 00:27:32.240
The teacher who spotted something you were good at.
00:27:33.359 --> 00:27:36.400
The friend who encouraged you to try something.
00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:42.960
The manager who trusted you with more responsibility.
00:27:43.680 --> 00:27:49.200
The parent or the grandparent who kept reminding you that they believed in you.
00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:53.839
Those messages matter too.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:28:06.880
And perhaps they're the things you believe about yourself today, because somewhere along the way, somebody helped you to see that they were possible.
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:21.519
So understanding our programming isn't about searching through our past, looking for everything that went wrong.
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.799
Or even finding people to blame.
00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:36.240
And the messages that limited us.
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:41.440
And the messages that helped us grow.
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:50.319
Because if we're going to understand our programming, we need to recognize both.
00:28:51.279 --> 00:28:55.519
And we also need to recognize something else.
00:28:56.559 --> 00:29:00.000
Our programming didn't stop when we grew up.
00:29:01.759 --> 00:29:05.119
And I think that's really important.
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:15.839
Yeah, because when people hear the word programming, it's very easy to think that we're only talking about our childhood.
00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:17.200
Parents?
00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:18.880
Teachers?
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:20.400
School?
00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:27.359
Those early years of experiences that helped shape the way that we began seeing ourselves.
00:29:28.079 --> 00:29:31.279
And of course, those things can be important.
00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:36.000
But we haven't stopped receiving information.
00:29:38.559 --> 00:29:41.920
We still have people around us.
00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:43.920
We certainly do.
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:46.960
Family, friends, colleagues.
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:54.079
We have workplaces and the expectations that come with them.
00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:02.079
We have advertising, social media, and culture.
00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:13.599
And experiences that can continue influencing the conclusions we draw about ourselves and the world around us.
00:30:14.400 --> 00:30:18.799
But there's another source of programming that becomes increasingly important.
00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:24.400
And this one is much closer to home.
00:30:25.599 --> 00:30:29.119
The conversations we have with ourselves.
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:32.240
Our self-talk.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:39.680
Because think about some of those messages we've been talking about.
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:47.039
Perhaps years ago, somebody said, You're no good at that.
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:52.640
But that person may no longer be in your life.
00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:59.200
They may not have said those words for twenty or thirty years.
00:31:00.240 --> 00:31:03.839
And yet the messages can still be there.
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:07.519
Only now.
00:31:09.519 --> 00:31:12.480
You might be the person that's saying it.
00:31:15.440 --> 00:31:17.200
I'm no good at that.
00:31:18.240 --> 00:31:21.279
I've never been able to do things like this.
00:31:23.279 --> 00:31:25.680
I'm just not that sort of person.
00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:32.799
And it's quite a moment when you really think about it.
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:39.599
Because the original voice may have disappeared years ago.
00:31:40.319 --> 00:31:42.559
But the message can continue.
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:49.359
Because we've learned to repeat it for ourselves.
00:31:52.319 --> 00:31:59.039
So over time we can actually become one of the people doing the programming.
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:04.640
Through our own repeated self-talk.
00:32:07.920 --> 00:32:12.559
And of course, that doesn't only apply to the limiting messages.
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:15.920
No, we can repeat the good ones too.
00:32:16.240 --> 00:32:17.839
I learned to do this.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:21.119
I've handled difficult things before.
00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:24.319
I don't know how to do it yet.
00:32:24.960 --> 00:32:26.799
But I can find out.
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:35.839
So perhaps the question isn't only what was planted in the years ago.
00:32:36.720 --> 00:32:44.319
Perhaps we also need to ask, what am I continuing to plant today?
00:32:46.880 --> 00:32:52.799
And maybe the first step isn't trying to change any of it.
00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:58.720
Maybe the first step is simply beginning to notice it.
00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:12.400
So over the next few days, listen, for some of the things you say about yourself.
00:33:13.759 --> 00:33:23.920
Particularly those statements that begin with things like I'm not very good at.
00:33:25.759 --> 00:33:29.519
I always I never.
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:34.400
I've just never been that sort of person.
00:33:36.079 --> 00:33:39.519
Or the one we've already heard today.
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:42.319
I'm just the way I am.
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:45.599
That's just the way I am.
00:33:49.039 --> 00:33:53.920
And when you notice one, don't immediately try to correct it.
00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:57.759
And don't criticize yourself for saying it.
00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:06.400
And don't assume that because you've been saying it for years, it must be true.
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:09.440
Just become curious.
00:34:10.239 --> 00:34:13.840
And ask yourself one question.
00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:18.000
How did I learn to believe that?
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:23.440
Was it something somebody once said?
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:27.519
Or something I heard repeatedly?
00:34:29.119 --> 00:34:33.599
Or an experience I interpreted in a particular way?
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:43.280
Or is it something I've repeated to myself for so long that I've stopped questioning where it came from?
00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:50.079
But let's notice the positive beliefs too.
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.880
Perhaps you hear yourself saying, I'll work it out.
00:34:55.679 --> 00:34:57.280
I can learn.
00:34:58.239 --> 00:35:01.039
I've done difficult things before.
00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:05.199
Or simply, I can do this.
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:10.079
Where did those beliefs come from?
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:13.039
Who encouraged you?
00:35:13.519 --> 00:35:15.280
Who believed in you?
00:35:16.000 --> 00:35:25.840
What experiences helped you discover something about yourself that perhaps you hadn't recognized before?
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:32.320
Those are the part of your those are part of your story too.
00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:44.159
And perhaps understanding our programming isn't about deciding that everything we've learned needs to change.
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:51.119
Perhaps it's about beginning to recognize what's already growing.
00:35:52.079 --> 00:35:55.199
What we want to keep nurturing.
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:02.800
And what we might eventually decide no longer deserves quite such as much space.
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:17.519
Because once we begin to understand that some of our beliefs were learned, we arrive at something rather hopeful.
00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:29.599
If I've learned to believe this about myself, does that belief have to stay exactly the same for the rest of my life?
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:35.920
And that's where this understanding can give us something really important.
00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:42.880
Not going back through our lives trying to find somebody to blame.
00:36:43.679 --> 00:36:47.039
And not judging the people who influenced us.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:52.880
And not judging ourselves for the things we've come to believe.
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:55.760
It's really about understanding.
00:36:56.800 --> 00:37:07.599
Because once we understand that some of what we believe was learned, something rather important becomes possible.
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:15.840
We begin questioning what we've always assumed to be true.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:23.119
We can begin noticing the messages we're continuing to repeat.
00:37:23.840 --> 00:37:34.719
And perhaps we can begin becoming more deliberate about the messages we give ourselves in the future.
00:37:38.000 --> 00:37:42.880
So let's think back to the seed that we've been talking about, Daniel.
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:43.920
Yes.
00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:46.880
The seed is the programming.
00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:50.400
And the belief is what takes root.
00:37:52.639 --> 00:38:05.199
But as any gardener knows, what is growing in a garden today doesn't necessarily determine what has to grow there forever.
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:06.400
No.
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:19.440
We can observe what's growing, decide what we want to nurture, and begin thinking differently about what we want to cultivate in the future.
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:28.960
And perhaps that's the most hopeful part of today's conversation.
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:33.920
Your beliefs may influence the way you see yourself today.
00:38:34.880 --> 00:38:45.360
But that doesn't necessarily mean every belief you currently hold has to define who you become tomorrow.
00:38:47.840 --> 00:38:50.639
New programming can be introduced.
00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:55.039
Different messages can be repeated.
00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:59.280
Old assumptions can actually be questioned.
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:05.519
And different beliefs can begin to take root.
00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:16.320
So when you're catching yourself saying, I'm just the way that I am, or it's just the way that it is.
00:39:17.920 --> 00:39:22.239
Perhaps add one more question.
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:25.280
Does it have to be?
00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:32.400
Because programming creates beliefs.
00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:38.079
And understanding that gives us something enormously important.
00:39:40.239 --> 00:39:41.039
Choice.
00:39:45.760 --> 00:40:03.920
If today's conversation has got you thinking about some of the things you believe about yourself, you may also want to go back and explore some of the foundations we've been building throughout this podcast.
00:40:05.039 --> 00:40:08.159
And we've now made it much easier for you to.
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:19.119
Throughout our first six episodes, we created a reflection worksheet to accompany each conversation.
00:40:20.159 --> 00:40:24.639
And we brought all six of those worksheets together in one place.
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:31.280
The Growing Plants, Growing People, Foundation Workbook.
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:38.239
And it's designed to help you work through those first six conversations at your own pace.
00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:42.239
To reflect on what you're discovering.
00:40:42.800 --> 00:40:49.280
And to begin connecting some of the ideas that we've been exploring to your own life.
00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:59.119
So whether you've been with us from episode one, or you've just only discovered growing plants, grown people.
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:04.400
The workbook gives you a place to begin.
00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:12.320
And you'll find those details on how to get your free copy in the notes, in the episode notes.
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:21.519
And we have something else we'd like to offer you.
00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:25.039
Something a little more personal.
00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:30.559
Let us ask you a question.
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:41.760
On who you are.
00:41:43.920 --> 00:41:45.679
What you want to be.
00:41:47.119 --> 00:41:49.039
What you want to do.
00:41:50.079 --> 00:41:53.760
Or what you want to have in your life.
00:41:56.159 --> 00:41:59.280
Someone who listened deeply.
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:02.079
Without judgment.
00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:08.880
And gave you the space to explore where you want to go.
00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:14.480
Even if you're not quite sure what that looks like yet.
00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:20.960
That's the experience we'd like to invite you to have.
00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:26.880
We'd like to offer you a free coaching call with one of us.
00:42:27.840 --> 00:42:29.199
No obligation.
00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:30.960
No pressure.
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:35.280
Just a conversation focused on you.
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:38.079
Where you are now.
00:42:38.719 --> 00:42:40.480
Where you'd like to be.
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.320
And perhaps what's standing between the two.
00:42:47.199 --> 00:43:01.199
Because sometimes having someone really listen and ask the right questions can help you begin seeing things differently.
00:43:03.599 --> 00:43:10.320
If you'd like to take us up on that invitation, you'll find the details in the episode notes.
00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:29.519
And if you'd like to take what we've been exploring in the podcast and putting self-talk into practice for yourself, we've got another way to help you get started.
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:35.760
We'd like to invite you to try the self-talk app.
00:43:37.199 --> 00:43:46.239
And as a listener to Growing Plants, Growing People, you can try it free for 30 days.
00:43:48.800 --> 00:43:55.679
But we also know that downloading an app and knowing how to make the best use of it are two different things.
00:43:56.480 --> 00:43:59.760
So we've created something specifically for.
00:44:00.320 --> 00:44:01.599
Our listeners.
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:07.360
The Grown Plant, Grown People Listener's Guide to the Self-Talk App.
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:11.360
It's there to help you get started.
00:44:12.079 --> 00:44:15.519
Understand how to begin using Self-Talk.
00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:24.960
And make those first 30 days something you can actually explore and experience for yourself.
00:44:26.639 --> 00:44:34.880
Because throughout the podcast, we're going to continue exploring why conversations we have with ourselves actually matter.
00:44:35.679 --> 00:44:42.159
But the app gives you an opportunity to begin experiencing self-talk for yourself.
00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:55.599
So if you'd like to give it a try, you'll find the listener's guide and details of your free 30-day trial in the episode notes.
00:45:00.719 --> 00:45:08.719
Today we've explored one of the most important connections in this whole journey.
00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:12.000
Programming creates beliefs.
00:45:12.639 --> 00:45:18.480
We've looked at how messages and information can enter our lives.
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:22.800
And how some of those messages can begin to take root.
00:45:23.519 --> 00:45:27.199
Some may come from the people around us.
00:45:27.679 --> 00:45:30.400
And some from our own experiences.
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:39.840
And some can eventually be reinforced by the conversations we continue having with ourselves.
00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:50.800
And perhaps one of the most important things we've discovered today is that a belief can feel like a fact.
00:45:52.079 --> 00:45:55.599
Without necessarily beginning as one.
00:45:57.360 --> 00:46:06.480
Something that may once have been somebody else's message can eventually become something we say about ourselves.
00:46:08.719 --> 00:46:15.280
But we've also seen on the other side of that the people who encourage us.
00:46:16.239 --> 00:46:18.159
The people who believe in us.
00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:23.920
The experiences that help us discover what we're capable of.
00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:29.199
And those seeds can take root too.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:40.480
And that's why understanding our programming isn't about looking backwards for someone to blame.
00:46:41.679 --> 00:46:44.079
It's about becoming curious.
00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:49.039
About what we've learned to believe.
00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:53.039
What we're continuing to reinforce.
00:46:53.760 --> 00:47:00.159
And perhaps what we might choose to nurture differently in the future.
00:47:03.679 --> 00:47:07.519
But all of this leaves us with another question.
00:47:08.559 --> 00:47:10.800
A really important one.
00:47:13.920 --> 00:47:20.880
If programming can have this much influence over what we eventually come to believe.
00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:27.280
How does our brain actually get programmed in the first place?
00:47:29.280 --> 00:47:31.840
And that's where we're going to next.
00:47:32.800 --> 00:47:37.840
In episode eight of understanding your programming.
00:47:39.039 --> 00:47:41.679
How your brain gets programmed.
00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:49.679
We're going to look more closely at how information is received.
00:47:50.159 --> 00:47:51.840
How it can be stored.
00:47:52.239 --> 00:47:59.360
And how over time we're able to build upon what we've already learned.
00:48:02.079 --> 00:48:09.199
And I'm going to take you back to something that began for me when I was studying my horticulture.
00:48:10.400 --> 00:48:12.159
Plant identification.
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:16.400
Every week we had twenty plants to learn, Daniel.
00:48:17.119 --> 00:48:20.079
And then you were tested on them.
00:48:21.519 --> 00:48:25.280
Yes, before we were then given another twenty.
00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:29.039
Week after week.
00:48:29.360 --> 00:48:31.039
Year after year.
00:48:32.159 --> 00:48:37.119
Until something rather interesting had started to develop.
00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:41.360
A mental filing cabinet, would you believe it?
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:50.320
And the more you learned, the more draw drawers there were to put things into.
00:48:52.480 --> 00:49:00.159
And that's going to help us understand something much bigger than plant identification.
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:06.079
Because whether we're learning plants, learning about the world.
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:10.000
Or learning about things about ourselves.
00:49:10.880 --> 00:49:18.639
Our brains are continually receiving information and finding somewhere to put it.
00:49:21.039 --> 00:49:27.360
And in the next episode, we're going to open the filing cabinet.
00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:36.239
So perhaps there's one thought worth taking away from today's conversation.
00:49:37.840 --> 00:49:43.920
Something you believed about yourself for a very long time can feel like a fact.
00:49:44.880 --> 00:49:48.159
But perhaps it isn't.
00:49:49.280 --> 00:49:55.119
Perhaps somewhere along the way it was something you learned to believe.
00:49:57.360 --> 00:50:07.519
And if it was learned, perhaps it doesn't have to define what's possible for you in the future.
00:50:08.719 --> 00:50:10.320
Until next time.
00:50:11.039 --> 00:50:16.159
Remember, you weren't born believing the things that now hold you back.
00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:23.119
The most important conversation you'll ever have is the one you have with yourself.
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:24.719
Make it count.
