S06E04 - FDTL Kim Long
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Kim Long: [00:00:00] And we've forgotten that like anything, relationships take work and communities take work and it's so much easier to just stay in our house. But we've forgotten that society can change if we don't pay attention to it. And now that we are all struggling, I think, I think we're seeking community again, where we just care about our neighbor or, or at least care about the, the people that are in our lives.
And we seek to help.
ANNCR: Is there anyone out there from Darkness to Life contains the real stories of individuals who found their way out of the darkness caused by mental health challenges and substance abuse. If these stories resonate with you and you or someone you love, need help and don't know where to turn, our collective journey is here for you.
Please reach out when you're ready to our collective journey.ca or on Facebook at our collective journey.
Poncho: Welcome. We, uh, we share stories of [00:01:00] struggle and real life conversation because, uh, the life, uh, as much as we want to think that we live a perfect life, isn't the. I'm your host, uh, poncho, and today's guest, Kim Long, let's see if I get it right this time.
Military kid turned, teacher turned psychologist.
Yes.
Alright. I, I got that right. And you have channeled all of your work into something that, um, well brings you out a lot of, uh, authenticity. You, someone who doesn't keep her therapist mask on, someone who prefers real conversation.
Kim Long: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I, I truly believe in practicing therapy and even when I was a teacher, that you have to bring all of who you are because otherwise people can tell.
Right? They can tell when you're handing them a mask.
Poncho: Well, the BS detector, I, I mean, call it what you will. People are really intuitive, a lot more intuitive than I think they give themselves credit for.
Kim Long: Mm-hmm.
Poncho: You know,
Kim Long: [00:02:00] especially if they've had a little bit of a messy life. Our, our BS meter tends to run a little bit hotter
Poncho: Yeah.
Than
Kim Long: others.
Poncho: Yeah. And, and you've, you've had a, a messy life of, of sorts and I think, uh, is that one of the reasons that got you into what you were doing today? That of psychologist?
Kim Long: Yes. I mean, I don't think I necessarily thought about it that way, but absolutely. I feel like everything that's happened in, in life has led.
Me here. And, and so in that way it's almost a silver lining too.
Poncho: Can, can we talk a little bit about what has happened in your life? Uh, sure. Just based on what I, I got about your, um, your bio and of course Yeah. Mental, mental health and the path to recovery. Uh, that's a big part of what our collective journey is all about.
And, um, this is very near and dear to your heart. Mm-hmm. You lost your father to addiction about 10 years ago. And in no specific words, he said that he put more trust in the alcohol and [00:03:00] the prescription pills that he took to
Kim Long: Yeah, yeah. It was a, it was a meaningful conversation at the time because I remember asking him why he knew he had resources.
Um, he knew like he had other things to live for. And I remember asking him one day why, why he just wasn't seeking those things out. And he said, Kim, I, well, Kimmy, 'cause that's what he used to call it. Sure. Um. Kimmy, I just can't trust anything to take away the pain the way the drugs and alcohol do. And, and in that moment it actually was a gift because I no longer had to think that it was because of me or because of just not finding the right answer.
It was, huh. That actually kind of makes sense.
Poncho: Did you realize that right away when he, when he told you that?
Kim Long: Yeah, it was a li did. Okay. It was a light bulb moment for me where it was like, oh, and just this feeling of sad relief. Like it was this weird blend [00:04:00] of the, the pressure's not on me anymore to try to figure it out.
And, and I mean, he never put that pressure on me. It came from me. Um, but it, it was also, it was also just really sad,
Poncho: you know? '
Kim Long: cause I knew there were alternatives.
Poncho: Yeah. Were, were your dad and you really close.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. Like, I remember dancing, like I was standing on his feet as he taught me to dance, this little girl and, and he just, um, he was my guy.
He still, you know, uh, the way I came to approach it was my dad was dad, and my dad who had the addictive side was Eric.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: So I could separate the two. I could still so remember my dad as like my hero and all these wonderful things. And a man who consistently showed up even when he was struggling versus Eric who was wounded and, and just couldn't, couldn't find another way was, and eventually Eric won.
So
Poncho: [00:05:00] was, and, and was he always open with you about his struggles and his addiction? How did you find out?
Kim Long: No. So, um, the first time. The first time I think I really realized it was a problem was when he had his heart attack in Germany and he had to give up smoking. Um, and when he did that, he also stopped drinking, which I didn't realize, like now reflecting back on it as an adult.
Yeah. I remember a lot of mom and dad's arguments would be either because he had done something ridiculous, he was more of a binge alcoholic, so he would do something stupid when he was drinking, um, or money. Like those were the two things that they would argue about. And so I didn't really clue in like they, they had kept us isolated from that.
And then, um, I didn't know about the prescription pills until my mom died when I was 30. I'd always thought it [00:06:00] was quote unquote just alcohol.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But, um, he was actually addicted to prescription pills throughout my entire life, I guess. And he would doctor shop after mom died. So
Poncho: What do you
mean
Kim Long: that was fun?
Poncho: What do you mean when you say doctor shop?
Kim Long: So dad would go to, he would see a doctor for a while, um, and then when the doctor became concerned about the medication usage or want to switch the meds or something, um, 'cause he had his preferences right. And, um, so he would just go to another doctor or to a medi center or whatever to get the prescription he needed while still keeping his main doctor for his heart stuff and all of that.
Yeah. And so there was a moment, um, when. My sister and I both tried to talk to the doctor, but because my dad was an adult, rightfully so, the doctor wouldn't talk to us because of confidentiality. So, and that, at that time I was in my master's degree for psychology and writing an [00:07:00] ethics paper about confidentiality.
So, thanks dad. I just used him as a case study.
Poncho: Um, so how, how would that shape the way that you look at trust and identity in, in recovery then being so, being so close to something like that
Kim Long: in recovery, you know. I, I really think, and of course I have my bias lens with my dad. Yeah. But I really think if dad had ever just been accepted for who he was and, and was allowed to be fully who he was, I don't think he ever would've had to go down the path that he went down to cope emotionally. So I think being able to find our inner true, compassionate, loving selves, it can help with recovery.
I think trust is so [00:08:00] easily broken and so hard to regain. Yeah. And when it comes to trust and identity and the intersect of the two, particularly in recovery, it, it's almost like learning to trust yourself. And we ha we have to find a way to believe that we can overcome and, and that if we slip. We can learn and overcome because relapse is part of the process.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. And every time you relapse, you learn something new. So hopefully the time between maintenance and relapse extends and the relapse time is shorter. But there's an element of being able to trust ourselves and know who we are in our core that I think sometimes people are missing and that causes.
A sense of, of loss and pain, I think.
Poncho: And, and I think your father being from a, a different generation than what you are that would, you know, you and I are from a different generation. There was [00:09:00] a stigma attached with your father's generation that you don't talk about feelings.
Kim Long: Oh, no. No. And especially with the way my dad grew up.
So my dad comes from a long line of alcoholics or, um, mental issues. And so he, they did not talk about emotions. They learned that the way to have fun and the way to deal with stuff was to drink. Um, and that dad just didn't know another way. Like there, there, that path wasn't open to him. He didn't believe.
And that generation, you just, you didn't even talk about when you were struggling. So the only way that he could really show my sister and I love comfortably was to buy us things. That's how, that's how he would show, Hey, I'm really proud of you, or whatever. And the only time that he was ever really vocal about his emotions was when he [00:10:00] was really drunk.
So, you know, him and my sister ended up going down a different path. They, they no longer had a relationship before he passed. Um, and that's their journey. Um, but I think that was part of it for Chris, my, my sister, was that she, she, it just didn't feel genuine to her. Um, so she couldn't, speaking of trust, right.
She couldn't trust that he valued and loved her because he didn't know how to communicate it unless he was drunk.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And, and that's partially like you said, the social context that he grew up in, but also that long generational history of. Coping with life that way. So,
Poncho: and, and you mentioned that alcoholism runs deep in your family.
Kim Long: Yeah. On my dad's side. Yeah.
Poncho: And of course that is often passed down from generation to generation, you know? Yeah. From parents to their kids. Is that something that concerned you? Is that something that you ever [00:11:00] struggle
Kim Long: with personally?
Poncho: Oh, absolutely.
Kim Long: Yeah. Absolutely. So, um, for me, I've, I mean, luckily I've never really enjoyed the taste of alcohol.
Um, but it doesn't take much. Like I can have a sip and be like, why are my shoulders down? Like, I just, I don't like what it does.
ANNCR: Yeah.
Kim Long: But if I'm being honest, my biggest concern was if there is a genetic flip in that I just don't wanna risk it. I, I don't wanna risk it. I don't wanna be involved in drinking and driving.
I don't want, and that was from really young, um. I asked my dad to do an ad with me for students against drinking and driving, and I made him sign the contract and where you make an agreement that you won't drink and drive. And I remember one time he did it afterwards and I found out and I said to him, you signed this contract.
This was a promise. If you ever do it again, I'm calling the police. [00:12:00] And I think that was a shock to both him and I because I had never really been that director about it. But in that way, I think I was trying to exert power to try to manage the drinking. Right. Um, so I feel like I'm going all over the place.
This is bringing up a lot of memories with it, but Yeah. Um,
Poncho: and thank you for sharing.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: Really, because
Kim Long: I know it's not easy. Bad memories.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: No, I mean, they aren't bad memories. It's just a, a part of, luckily it's a part of my life in a way. And I say luckily because it did teach me. That I get to make my own choices.
So when you think of adult children of alcoholics, the way it's presented or the way it used to be presented was that we had no choice. If our parents were alcoholics, we would be alcoholics. If our parents were drug addicts, we would be drug addicts. And that's not true. We, I think we need to be conscious, um, but also not just because of a genetic [00:13:00] predisposition, but because of the context that we end up being raised in.
ANNCR: Yeah.
Kim Long: And, but that ultimately at the end, and this goes back to identity and trusting yourself, we ultimately get to choose who we are and how we approach life. And so I've decided since I was young, I'm just not gonna drink. I, I just, it's not my jam and I'll be dd 'cause then I can make up stories Right.
About what people did when they were drunk and laugh at them.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But I don't, I don't, I personally don't need it. Other people can do it and it works for them. Great. I just never wanted to risk it.
Poncho: So I in part your, your childhood would, would that ultimately go on to fuel about what your purpose is doing today?
Kim Long: Yeah. My, my parents are really involved in my purpose. Um, so Doche is founded on Doche. It means hope in [00:14:00] Gaelic. And my dad, it's a nod to my dad and his Irish ancestry and, um, a book series that my mom and I used to read where that was the name of the women's shelter. And they raised me to believe that everyone deserves to be loved and appreciated for whatever moment of life you find the man.
And that's the driving mission behind Doche, but watching Dad with his family and the context of that and how, as much as him and my mom had a challenging relationship, they were best friends. And I don't think my dad would've lived as long as he did if he didn't have mom, because she was that stabilizing influence in his life.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, his role where she did accept him for who he was. So, you know, I, I think that that really is why I do what I do now because I know the power of non-judgmental acceptance. [00:15:00] It doesn't mean I have to agree with the person.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But I don't have to treat them like crap either
Poncho: now. And, and acceptance is easier said than done, isn't it?
How, how, so how would you teach someone, how would you tell someone to begin to learn how to accept? Whether it's them or, yeah, yeah. 'cause it starts here, doesn't it? Yeah. So
Kim Long: it really does. Uh, acceptance doesn't mean forgiveness, and it doesn't mean making an excuse. Um, a great analogy I heard just a little while ago is acceptance is about if you have a flat tire before you can do anything about that flat tire, you have to accept that the flat tire exists.
You don't have to be happy about it. You don't have to, you know, um, pretend that it doesn't matter. You just have to accept that it exists without judging it, and then go, okay, what can I do about it now? [00:16:00] From there, you can move forward. But if you stay in the ick of trying to push against, oh, I have a flat tire.
This is the worst day ever and I'm not gonna do anything. I'm mad about this flat tire. You stay stuck there.
Poncho: Why do you think so many of us stay stuck? Why, why do you think it's, it hurts? Yeah,
Kim Long: because it hurts. And because we don't like unpredictability. And I mean, addiction is so unpredictable, um, in my opinion.
And I think by believing that, um, I had some sort of control, then I could change, sorry, I'm leaking a little bit. Um, then I could change the outcome. But what I had to accept was my dad was an adult and he could make his own choices and that he had his own very good reasons. For making the choices that he was making, and I had to accept that I had no power over [00:17:00] that.
And that's where it's easier said than done.
Poncho: Yeah. It, it, it's humans. I, I think nature is to, to think that we have a lot of control over a lot of the things that happen in our lives.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: We don't, we have very, very little control over what happens in our lives, don't we? We can control how we react to something outside.
Outside of that. We have very,
Kim Long: yeah.
Poncho: We have very limit power when it comes to that, don't we?
Kim Long: Well, and when you think about it too, we don't control the way it emotionally shows up or how our body reacts. Yeah. We, where we do have the choice is where we can take that information and translate it into behavior, right?
So you're gonna feel what you feel that there's nothing wrong with what you feel. You can feel angry, disappointed, um, excited, all those things. But it's what you do with it that creates the problem. So, I mean, yeah, like it, like as you're asking these [00:18:00] questions, I'm, I'm curious about you and how, how this shows up for you as we're, as we're talking, like, what was your path to acceptance?
How did you figure out what acceptance would look like for you?
Poncho: It's, it's, it's something I, I still struggle with. Uh, I, I still struggle with, uh, you know, substance issues. Kinda like you, alcoholism, uh, runs deep in my family. Yeah. Um, and it's still something that, you know, I, I fight with, uh, my daughter fortunately wants absolutely nothing to do with alcohol or Yeah.
Or drugs. She's, yeah. You know, made, made that choice. Uh, so in a lot of respects, a lot wiser than I ever was at her age. You know, she's, hang on, did that come out right? She's a lot wiser than I was at her age.
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Is is what I meant to say. Yeah.
Kim Long: Or was it felt like she was given more opportunity to make that choice.
Poncho: I think that as well. Mm-hmm. You know, and, you know, there's a lot of challenges that today's generation has, but I also like to think that there's a lot more openness. That there [00:19:00] is a lot more acceptance in terms of no matter what baggage, no matter what luggage you, you show up with on your own personal carousel, is that
Kim Long: Yes,
Poncho: it's, it's okay.
And that it yeah. You will be accepted.
Kim Long: Yeah. And that you can talk about it, you know? 'cause that's the other aspect is that so much of this was taboo and sometimes it still is.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, but being able to give your daughter the opportunity to say, you have a choice in this.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And I'm gonna love you anyway.
I'm,
Poncho: I, and, and you know what, and, and, uh, and I hid my struggles from her, uh, I hid my depression from her and I hid my mm-hmm. Uh, drug abuse and, and my alcoholism from her for years. And, and even now, I don't know why I did, but. I don't anymore. Very, I've been very open and very honest, and I like to think that has played a huge role in her making choices for her present and, and for her future as well.
Kim Long: What was that like for you though, to, to make that first decision, that first choice, [00:20:00] to say I'm, I'm gonna talk with her about it. That must have been so vulnerable.
Poncho: Uh, vulnerable, terrifying. Probably one of the scariest things that I've ever had to do. And then relief, you know, here I am telling this young mind about all of these heavy issues and she just, you know, she held my hand and, and looked at me and
Kim Long: oh,
Poncho: and didn't, uh, you know, didn't, didn't, didn't judge me after everything that I had told her.
And I was just the amount of love that comes from, you know, unconditional love, which I think is a huge part of recovery as well.
Kim Long: Well, and it creates that intimacy, right? Because we can't have. Intimacy and that strong, meaningful connection in our lives without being vulnerable with each other. But it is like stepping off a cliff.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You know? 'cause there's, I, there's so much shame that comes,
Poncho: you know, and,
Kim Long: and
Poncho: be
Kim Long: able to [00:21:00] be open. I mean,
Poncho: KU
Kim Long: to you. Yeah.
Poncho: And, and, and you and I was thinking, okay, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna hurt my daughter by, by telling her this. And that's the last thing that a parent wants to do with her child. And I don't think she was hurt at all.
You know, uh, you know, to put your, to put that shield down and to expose yourself to be vulnerable. I think that was one of the most positive things that I did for, for her, for my mental health and for, you know, the, the connection that we share, which is incredibly strong, uh, yeah. Between my daughter and I.
I,
Kim Long: well, like you said, especially as a parent, you know, because there, there's layers to that, right? Like, like I think it's. It's complicated when you're a parent 'cause you're trying to protect your child from all of it. Yeah. Right. Whereas kids are smart. Like, as much as I couldn't put my finger on what was going on when I was younger, I still knew something was going on.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: There were days when dad was dad, but there were days when dad wasn't dead. Even if, and you just figured out how to read it. You [00:22:00] know,
Poncho: even if you couldn't find the words to describe how you were feeling, you could, you, like you said, you could feel it. You could sense it. Okay.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: So I, there was something there.
Yeah.
Kim Long: Kudos to your daughter.
Poncho: Oh, well, thank, I will. Uh, it's kind of, yeah. Well, you know what? She's, uh, she's a little envious. I, I told her that I was speaking with you today and she's, um, she's in grade 10, but she's already planning a career in psychology. She wants to be a, a, a psychologist. Well,
Kim Long: we offer mentorship, so she has any questions at all.
I'll make sure you have my
Poncho: email and stuff. Oh, well, yeah, yeah,
Kim Long: yeah. And we, 'cause sometimes it's a weird path to, can be a really weird path to get here. So, so yeah. We like to support people so
Poncho: Well, and speaking of weird path, you, you mentioned in your bio about collecting life's mess. So, uh, what first told you that, uh, that that pile needed attention and not necessarily just more storage.
Kim Long: Huh? Um, okay. I can laugh about it now. The, the [00:23:00] way it happened was really funny. Um, but the precipitating event was my, my mom unfortunately was diagnosed with cancer. And then, um, she, she had a period where she was just like a week shy of remission and it came back and she unfortunately passed away. And so I ended up going to my doctor and describing a bunch of symptoms.
And by that point, I had already had my undergrad in psych, but I was teaching, I had just started to teach. And my doctor, after describing all the symptoms, she goes, um, so, you know, you're depressed, right? And I went, what, what? And she starts listing things off and I'm like, okay, well when you put it that way, I guess, yeah.
So I got connected with a therapist and thus began my, um, my journey with doing my own therapy and then, um, ultimately going back and getting my master's. [00:24:00] And doing this now.
Poncho: Yeah. Uh, so, and speaking of, uh, doing this now, where can we find more of what you do? This, this is an opportunity for some, uh, for some people to, to get to know Kim Long, a little bit better.
Kim Long: Shameless self-promotion.
Poncho: Okay. So we can do it that way as well? Sure.
Kim Long: Fantastic. Um, um, so actually we're kind of in a lot of different places. So we have a Facebook channel, we have uh, Instagram, um, we have a YouTube channel, um, where my team and I, in all those spots, we, we have blogs and all these other things.
We also have a, a Dojos app, and then our website too, which is, uh, doche site.com and the, all the blogs are on there as well. Um, and we're in Alberta.
Poncho: Yeah,
Kim Long: that's, I dunno,
Poncho: when you say doche site.com. D-O-C-H-A-S,
Kim Long: yes.
Poncho: SIT e.com.
Kim Long: No. P-S-Y-C-H-P-S-Y-C
Poncho: of course. Okay. Yeah. That
Kim Long: like first psychology. Yeah.
Poncho: I [00:25:00] gotcha.
Yes. No, that would, yeah, that would make sense. Yeah, that's, yeah, it's all
Kim Long: good.
Poncho: That's on me. Thank you. Um, and, and your clients say, or you say clients get the, the, the real you, so Yes. Those poor people. No, not at all. Because when you, when you, when you drop the mask, as, as we talked about, people know that you're becoming vulnerable and when they see you being vulnerable, I think it, it makes it a lot easier for them to be the same.
Is, is, is, is that a fair statement?
Kim Long: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And so at the clinic here, um, I'm fortunate to say that I work with a team of people where we all kind of practice in that way, the same, um, where we bring who we are with all our quirks and, and personalities into the session because. You, you, I just don't think you can do the work without being honest with yourself about who you are and how you're [00:26:00] showing up that day.
Poncho: And that's probably the, the, the one of the very first steps, if not the first step.
Kim Long: Oh yeah. The, without the therapeutic relationship, it doesn't matter what strategy you throw at stuff. Yeah. If there's no therapeutic relationship, meaning trust and connection, it doesn't matter. And nothing will, nothing will be effective.
Poncho: You know, and, and, and I get it as individuals, what works for this person might not work for that person, but, but there is, I, I, I think a common foundation and I think trust is definitely one of them. Acceptance is is one of them. So what, what, what tangibles, if any, help people put down that shield so that they are a little more vulnerable.
Kim Long: Hmm. What tangibles,
Poncho: you know, maybe sights or sounds or, or rituals perhaps?
Kim Long: Yeah. So in my opinion, I really think that the emotion brain is, um, like your [00:27:00] emotion and body, brain are talking all the time, and they're the things that are perceiving things in the environment. So the environment has to be calm, um, or fun.
It can be fun, but not too excitable. So it's, it's about figuring out what sense is soothing to you. So for me, I'm very tactile. I need touch. So I have a lot of different, I'm looking around my office as I'm talking to you. I have a lot of different fabrics and, and textures so that I can just fiddle with my jewelry or touch in with something, and that's soothing to me.
ANNCR: Yeah,
Kim Long: you just wanna find like, maybe it's a smell that brings you into a different space. I think it's called opposite action, where you basically pick, um, like if I'm feeling sad, I'm going to choose the strategy that where I know it helps me feel happy. Music is a big one,
Poncho: right?
Kim Long: Music is massive. Yeah. Um, but in terms of dropping the guard, it's the [00:28:00] environment.
If, if you walk into an environment and you feel your shoulders rise and you feel like, ugh, there's no real descriptor for that, but it's like a ugh, an unease, then you're not gonna, you're not gonna trust. You're not gonna drop your guard. Yeah. That I would be ridiculous. I.
Poncho: It's interesting that, that you bring that up because I, I think we all have our uniqueness in that respect.
I mean, for me, yeah. For me to feel comfortable, to me, for me to feel vulnerable, I need to feel grounded, and I literally need to take my shoes off when I go, like right now, I'm Yes, soft. I, I have to feel that floor beneath me. Beautiful. I gotta feel that ground beneath me. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. You know, that's, that's what helps keep me grounded and when I can stay grounded, I can stay focused and open and vulnerable.
Yes. You know?
Kim Long: Beautiful.
Poncho: Otherwise, it, otherwise there's just too much sensation and it's so easy for me to get wrapped up in that.
Kim Long: Yeah. So even giving yourself body breaks too. So like for some people, the world is too stimulating. [00:29:00] Go have a bath and dunk your ears under the water.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like even if I do, like, even if you were to do that right now and bring your hands up beside your head and keep talking.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You can tell that there's a muffling to it. You probably can't. I
Poncho: gonna, I gotta keep my headphones on, but, but yeah, I know that feeling. Kinda like, you know, if you've ever put your ear to a, a seashell.
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: It just takes away some of that sensation or sit for a bit with your eyes closed. That's very vulnerable for people though.
So sit with your back in a corner Right. With the two walls and just close your eyes and you feel a little bit more isolated and it can feel, it can give you a bit of a break.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. But yes, anything
Poncho: like that. And you, and you said music and music is very important to me as, as well. I, I work on the world of music when I'm, when I'm not doing this.
So, on a personal note, what are you listening to these days?
Kim Long: EE everything. I, I've been on an eighties, nineties kick lately because it just reminds me, reminds me of [00:30:00] bygone days. Um, so in terms of the radio, when I'm driving, I'm listening to that. But I just love any, anything
Poncho: music
Kim Long: I heard. Don't worry, be Happy the other day by Bobby McFaren.
Poncho: Yes. From the, just
Kim Long: makes me remember the video with Robin Williams in it.
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim Long: So that, that brings me joy.
Poncho: 19, 19 86. It was also part of the cocktail soundtrack. I think so. What's it? Yes, I think so. Oh, you know
Kim Long: what? I think you're right. Yeah.
Poncho: And now we both have that song in our head, don't we? I can get us hear him singing, welcome and Yeah, you can hear him singing and whistling, but yeah.
But you know, but look at that. I mean, there we are sharing, you know, that song and you're smiling. And I'm smiling, and I think we both have, you know, positive thoughts right now. Yeah. You know, and, uh, and yeah, music is, is a huge mover in Yes. In, in my world as well. Do you think there's, yeah,
Kim Long: we make a playlist, right?
Yeah. You
Poncho: can
Kim Long: make a playlist of songs that bring you joy and just [00:31:00] play that when you're feeling a little, like you need something,
Poncho: you know, and, and doing what you do, doing what you do. Do you, do you find people that they don't have that release, whether it's music or whether it's being grounded, do you find that there they struggle to, to look for that, you know, whatever it is that they need to, you know, to bring, to bring that shield down?
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Yeah,
Kim Long: absolutely. Um, my clientele tends to be with complex trauma, so they've learned in their lives to have these protector parts that don't trust the self and they don't trust the world around 'em. And so sometimes when I'll bring up strategies, they kind of give me this look. Like, what do you know?
You are like, you, you think dropping my guard is a good idea? You're outta your freaking mind.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So it's, it's a gentle leaning into it and honoring that that part has been there [00:32:00] since the trauma happened. And so really, who am I to come in and just say, just take a break from it.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You know, I have to honor that that part has a point.
Poncho: No. And that's where I can see the real conversation happening with you and, and your clients. Yeah. Yeah. And that right there, you know, has a lot of openness and a, and a lot of trust. And I wanna bring something up that, that we, that you mentioned in passing. Um, we don't have to discard old pieces to evolve.
Kim Long: No, no. They were there for a reason and they've been there to help you survive.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Everything. And so they're still a beautiful part of you, and most likely they want a different job. The right. Yeah. They, they wanna be able to rest too, but they don't think they can. So it's about learning that that part still has a place in your future, but you gotta invite it forward with you and realize, hey, I'm not the person I was back [00:33:00] then anymore,
Poncho: my.
So I, I have several pieces of, of ink on my body and I was gonna get one of my tattoos covered up, and it was my tattoo artist who convinced me otherwise. He said, I could cover this up for you, but I'm not going to. And he said, here's why. He says, when you got that done, you wanted it. He says, you might not want it now.
He says, but that was a piece of you then. It's a piece of you now. Mm-hmm. Why would you want to cover that up? Yeah. I never thought, yeah, I never thought, you know, some of the most influential advice I would hear would be from, you know, Monty, my tattoo guy. But wow. I think I think of that over and over and over again when I'm having a bad day and when there was a lot, there was a lot of wisdom in, in those words.
Kim Long: It's so true. And really think of your life like a story that hasn't been done yet. So that tattoo was a chapter in your life.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And it's an important chapter because it got you here.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. And tattooing, I [00:34:00] mean, there's a whole psychology behind tattooing, which is cool. Um, I do not yet have ink because I'm a chicken.
Um, but my sister has quite a bit. My dad had some.
Poncho: Right.
Kim Long: Yeah,
Poncho: I loved how you said. Not yet.
Kim Long: Not, oh, I keep thinking about it and then I'm like, I, I don't think my body's done sagging yet, so I have to be careful.
Uh, I'm a whim is really what goes down to,
Poncho: I, I doubt that very, very, very much.
Kim Long: Well, when it comes to physical pain. Yeah.
Poncho: Yes. Yeah.
Kim Long: I'm not emotional pain. I'm in gimme emotional pain, physical pain. I'm like, ah, dunno.
Poncho: What is, is there a, um, do, do you, do you see, and again, and, and I don't wanna stereotype, is there a, a common fear that walks through your door with some of the people that, that you deal with?
And if so, how do you lower that temperature? [00:35:00]
Kim Long: A common fear you said?
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I, I don't know that they come in articulating it. Most of the time it comes down to am I needed, am I valued? Am I valuable? Um, it's those kinds of purpose, life meaning questions that really makes them afraid. Um, or am I screwing this up that bad?
Hmm.
Poncho: You
Kim Long: know, um. Just basically, where do I belong? Where's my place?
Poncho: Yeah. Because
Kim Long: most of the time people feel very lost
Poncho: because I have to stress, there's no wrong answer. When, when you talk about mental addiction and when you talk or, or, or mental recovery and mental health and recovery through addiction.
You know, it, it's, yeah. It's about sorting and processing and filtering and becoming stronger than ever before. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And healing. Healing is huge, you know? Um,
Kim Long: absolutely.
Poncho: So what's, so when people first meet you, what's one thing that, that, um, surprises them when they first meet you? [00:36:00]
Kim Long: Okay.
There's, there's a couple things.
Poncho: Oh, I like, I like, I like this answer already and you haven't even answered. I could, I can just see it.
Kim Long: The first thing might sound really inappropriate, so please bear with me. Um, people are often surprised that I'm not Chinese because of my name,
because
Poncho: of long, because you,
Kim Long: well, because the way it goes together, Kim.
Long, they think that I'm. Chinese. So,
Poncho: um,
Kim Long: for all those people, I'm sorry to have disappointed you.
Poncho: It's like a Seinfeld episode.
Kim Long: So, so that surprises people. I think the other thing that surprises people is that, um, I'm def I definitely don't present as a stereotypical professional.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So they're like, when they come in into a psychologist's office, they're expecting something.
I'm not quite sure what, maybe the Freud with the couches and I'm sitting behind with the paper and pen.
ANNCR: Hmm.
Kim Long: Um, [00:37:00] but I think they're surprised at how I like to laugh with them and, and I just, right away I am like, so how are you? What's going on? What's like, come on in, let's, I. I don't, I don't know. That seems to surprise them 'cause they're expecting something scary and I'm like, I'm so not scary.
Poncho: And and the moment, you know, your clients realize that, I bet the guard comes down almost instantly.
Kim Long: Yeah. That, that's a massive part of it. I think that they can just be themselves. And also, honestly, when people come in for the first session, they aren't really paying attention to me until they get their story out.
Once their story's out and they see my reaction and that I'm not like that, I'm feeling with them. Yeah. But I'm not owning it or judging them for it. I think that is the biggest surprise for them.
Poncho: And what's something that your clients have taught you?
Kim Long: Oh gosh. [00:38:00] There isn't just one thing.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I think, well the biggest, the biggest gift other than trusting me with their stories is they've taught me that.
They've taught me that even if people go through some of the most horrible things that a person can go through, there is still always resilience and hope in the human spirit that if you can just find someone to connect with, you'll already start healing. That's, that's what they've taught me. They're just such cool people.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like there's some really wicked cool people in this world that we don't give credit to because we're looking at the surface and making an assumption
Poncho: and look at or looking through the wrong lens.
Kim Long: Yeah. Like what? What's the underneath? What's their story? This is a beautiful human being who, this is [00:39:00] one moment in their life that you're meeting them in.
There's a whole novel before that. Right. I think that's. They've just taught me too many things. I can't narrow it down to one thing, like how beautifully complex people really are and how you can still laugh.
Poncho: That must be in incredibly so fulfilling for you when you make people realize their self-worth.
Kim Long: Oh my gosh. I, it is one of the most frustrating things I think I deal with is because I can see them as this beautiful human being and then hear how they talk to themselves. Yeah. But then when they have that first moment, it happened recently for a client of mine where they recognized that a part of them wanted to defend themselves.
And that they were worth something and that they actually actioned it out in the world and came back so excited. Oh my gosh. I think we were laughing and tearing up together in sessions. Yeah. Because it was just,
Poncho: and hugging you, you, it's
Kim Long: so beautiful.
Poncho: You strike me as [00:40:00] a, a hugger as well, you know, when you get to share those victories with, you know, with some of the people that you, those personal triumphs, you know?
Kim Long: Yeah. If, if the client
Poncho: wants, well, of course, yes, of course. Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. But it's hard. You are right though. It's really hard. 'cause my instinct is I want to give them a hug, but I've trained myself to either ask or, um, most of the time the client will ask and I'll be like, of course, bring it in.
Poncho: So if you, if you weren't a psychologist, what would you be doing right now?
Kim Long: Oh gosh. I, I don't, I think I'd be teaching in some way. I don't know that I'd be teaching back in the schools, because that's, don't get me started on that system.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I feel for all of our, our teachers out there and all the kiddos, um, what would I be doing? I maybe law.
Poncho: Okay,
Kim Long: that's messed up. Or a dancer, [00:41:00] which is also a little messed up.
Poncho: I was gonna say they're e they're equally messed up. I mean, just, you know,
Kim Long: a dancing lawyer
Poncho: maybe. There, there you are. I'm sure there's a niche for it somewhere,
Kim Long: right? Uh, I don't, I I don't know. That's the thing is we get to choose.
Poncho: Um, if you could give your younger self a piece of advice,
Kim Long: don't do it.
Don't ask me to.
Poncho: I I have to. I don't have to, but I want to. I want to. I'm, I'm thoroughly, I, and you know what, and I think this is, believe it or not, I think this is the first time that I've ever asked a guest this, but I'm just, I'm thoroughly enjoying this conversation so much. And the more I get to speak with you, the more I get to know about you, the more I want to ask about, you know, thank you.
Your personal, you. So
Kim Long: this well, and I'll be honest, a part of my brain, this whole conversation, I'm like, I wanna ask you more questions, but I don't know how to get them in. Um,
Poncho: just ask.
Kim Long: It's funny. You're sneaky. Good. [00:42:00] Oh, thank, I, thank you. Don't have a problem sneaking in the questions. Um, okay. What, what advice would, do you want yourself, um,
Poncho: because it seems like you, you, you really had stuff figured out of what you wanted to do and where you wanted to be for, for, from, from a young age.
Kim Long: Yeah. But I don't think I knew it.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So I, I think the advice I would give myself is. It's not always gonna make sense and it's gonna really suck at times.
And as long as you always get back up, you're gonna be okay. Yeah. So just get back up.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. Like it doesn't have to be pretty, just has to work. So just keep getting back up.
Poncho: Yeah. I, I think it's important that everybody has, I don't wanna say a mantra, but a, a piece of advice or something that they tell themselves so that they can get back up.
I, I, for me, it's, I have to remind [00:43:00] myself to live in the present. I can't,
Kim Long: yeah.
Poncho: I can't worry about what I've done in the past. I can learn from it.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know, and I can't worry about the future. I need to think about it, but here and now is, is is all we have. Yeah. And so when I find my thoughts reeling, that's what I tell myself.
I plant my feet back on the ground and yeah.
Kim Long: Beautiful. Yeah, very sematic like. Um, a, a piece that I heard that helps me with that kind of mindfulness that you're talking about is be where your feet are.
Poncho: Hmm.
Kim Long: Right. Like my feet right here, right now I'm talking with you. I don't have to think about anything else.
Just be where your feet are. So I try to use that one, I think my brain works more in visuals than in, in words, which sounds strange, but for me, it took me a bit to translate my, my mantra I guess. Because all I could see was me down on my knees pushing a weight. It's [00:44:00] almost like, was it Atlas who carried the rock?
I think so. On his shoulders. Yeah. We'll
Poncho: go with Atlas.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. So like I, I picture myself pushing this weight up and getting back up.
Poncho: Right.
Kim Long: And that's, that's my visualization that I have. So I think it depends for people. It just depends on how. How it shows up for them. So maybe that is my mantra of just be you and that's okay.
Poncho: Yeah. And that's, that's enough.
Kim Long: Yeah. Like you are enough as you are,
Poncho: you know? And especially in a world where we're getting pressure from every direction, whether it's friends or family or career or otherwise, you know, you need to do more, accomplish more in less time.
Kim Long: Yeah. Perfectly imperfect. That's, you know, but yes.
Accomplish more in less time. Ugh. Well, especially right now at Christmas.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like I had for the parents who have kiddos and, and like you're juggling school and sports and [00:45:00] family and divided families and Oh my God.
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. I, I know, I mean, for fortunately my ex and I, I mean, we, we've become, we, we are best friends and we get along so incredibly well.
You know, I mean, yeah, I'm heading over to their place for the holidays and then vice versa, and then heading here and heading over there and,
Kim Long: oh,
Poncho: you know,
Kim Long: that's beautiful.
Poncho: So
Kim Long: I'm, I'm really curious how you helped that happen.
Poncho: Um, I, I, fortunately, I, I mean, I think both myself and, and, and my ex, and she's an, an amazing and an amazing person, uh, we both realized that, I mean, for the greater good, we're locked through our daughter for the rest of our lives.
So why wouldn't we want to make the effort to make the best life for us and for her and, you know, and, and for those around us.
Kim Long: Well, that's a very logical, that's a very logical answer. But then help me understand how that's. Such a struggle for some people.
Poncho: It, um, right. [00:46:00] Yeah. It, well, it took a long time and we just didn't wake up and go, Hey, we're best friends now.
I mean, it was something that we had to, you know, uh, therapy and it was something that we had to work at for years and years. But being open, uh, communicating and being honest and vulnerable, you know, I, I mean, we've had a lot of hard talks and I think through that, I think we're stronger than ever before, you know.
Kim Long: Well, again, to me it goes back to making that choice that that was important to you though.
Poncho: Yeah. You know?
Kim Long: Right.
Poncho: It's, uh, because
Kim Long: that's, I mean, that's admirable that.
Poncho: I, I love that my ex, my ex can go shopping with my partner or they can go out for, for lunch. Don't get me wrong. Exactly. I get, you know, I'm a little concerned going, man, what are they talking about?
Are they, are they sharing stories about me?
Kim Long: They come in, you see them kind of,
Poncho: yes. Um, careful. I, uh, I, I'm gonna move on. I'm just gonna stop it right there. I I, I do wanna ask [00:47:00] you, uh, something though. I, I want, we ask every single guest, guest this, we talk about connection and we talk about community and how they're vital in recovery.
Kim Long: Mm-hmm.
Poncho: So what does that look like to you? What, what does connection in your community look like?
Kim Long: Uh, it means getting off your phones and actually coming up for air and getting outta your house and doing community events and maybe doing a community barbecue. And you don't have to always get along with your neighbor, but maybe bringing over some banana bread to your neighbor and saying,
Poncho: Hey,
Kim Long: yeah.
I'm Kim. Nice to meet you. Just wanted you to know my face.
Poncho: Do you think we've forgotten? Do you think we've forgotten how important community is because of, because of, not even social media, but the fact that we have, you know, access to the outside world, right there in that little square, rectangular piece of technology that we keep in the palm of our hand.
Kim Long: I think it's part of it. I, I have this love hate relationship with tech. Um,
Poncho: yeah.
Kim Long: But I, I also [00:48:00] think that we've become complacent and we've forgotten that like anything, relationships take work and communities take work and it's so much easier to just stay in our house. But we've forgotten that society can change if we don't pay attention to it.
And we got comfortable with the eighties and the nineties and the, the affluent nature of those eras. And now that we are all struggling, I think, I think we're seeking community again. Where we just care about our neighbor or, or at least care about the, the people that are in our lives and we seek to help.
But that's, to me, it starts with just someone getting out, getting out of their house and going over to their neighbor and saying, we've never met. Hi.
Poncho: Do you know your neighbors?
Kim Long: I do actually. Yeah. Um, my boyfriend and I were both [00:49:00] military kids, so when we first moved into our little subdivision, we had an open house and just invited every, so now at Christmas, and we, we were thinking about doing it in the summer too, just doing an open house and people can come in and we meet each other in the community and
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But it's also because of my dogs. I have a ninja dog that sneaks outta the fence, so I, I need my neighbors to know where she belongs and Right. That we're trying to keep her in the fence. So just let me know if there's any issues. Yeah. But it's, it's something we're taught in the military and I, I, it's old school, but.
Man, it would make a difference in our world.
Poncho: It's, uh,
Kim Long: just go say hi.
Poncho: Yeah. Like, I, I'm fortunate. I'm, I'm really fortunate. I know all of my neighbors on a first name basis, like I have to return. Wow. I have to return a, a plate to my neighbors because they brought them over full of cookies. So now I have to return them plate with, with, with cookies, you know?
And then a few weeks ago, we had 15 neighbors come together to move a playhouse from my yard to one of my other's neighbor's yard. The kids had outgrown it and they wanted to [00:50:00] use it. And, and so, and I'll tell you, and I just, you're so right, Kim. I mean, C community is huge. And when you said that we're on the verge of understanding and, and making community important again, I truly, truly believe that.
Yeah. I think social media, we've reached the golden age. We've peaked and then some Yeah. And people are realizing that.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. 'cause it's a very, it's a connected loneliness, I think.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. I like, I like that. But it's, uh, I love that story of helping with the playhouse and, and I love the idea with the plates.
That is so ingenious. Don't bring the cookies over on a paper plate. Yeah. Bring the cookies over or whatever it is over. And people love food, so you may as well Oh. But bring cookies over in a dish that has to be returned, whether it's full of, of something else or not, but they return the dish and then it's like, do you wanna come in for coffee?
Poncho: Yeah, yeah. That
Kim Long: right. Or whatever you drink. I don't drink coffee, so whatever.
Poncho: Yeah, no, I'm a, I'm a coffee, I'm a coffee guy. Yeah. I know my neighbor, Sandy, [00:51:00] she started that, she knocked on the door and it was a plate full of goodies. And so we've been doing that for years, back and forth, you know,
Kim Long: see how easy
Poncho: that was.
And, and it was easy. And, and I love it. And my house feels more like a, it doesn't feel like a, a house, it's, it's a home surrounded by other homes, surrounded by community. I grew up in a really small village where everybody knows everybody, and I feel like that on my street. You know, I mean, it's great for the most part every once in a while, you know?
Kim Long: Yeah,
Poncho: yeah.
Kim Long: I mean, what you're describing as a military base.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: Right. Like we all, we all knew each other in the pm qs, private, married quarters. We, we all knew each other where we could look after each other's kids.
Poncho: Yes.
Kim Long: Like, you know, 'cause I grew up in the era of like, almost latchkey kids, so
Poncho: Yep.
Kim Long: If somebody was working that day, you would go to this house and you just knew that.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And it was just, but the pros and cons. Yeah. Because then there's always, it's like eyes in the back of their head. And so my parents would know if I had screwed up [00:52:00] before I even got home and saw them.
Poncho: Oh man. I, there'd be more than one occasion I'd, you know, I'd get home off the school bus and mom and dad knew that I had already done something even before I had the opportunity to explain my side of the story to them.
Kim Long: Right. But there, there's beauty in that because
Poncho: there is,
Kim Long: you know, then that you're safe.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So you don't have to be on edge all the time.
Poncho: Yeah. You know, and that there's
Kim Long: pros and cons, but, uh,
Poncho: you know that at the end of the day, they legitimately care. And those around you, in this case, the neighbors, they, they care about you as well.
I, Kim, I, I wanna ask, uh, I want to ask you one more question. What does connection in recovery mean to you?
Kim Long: Oh, gosh. The type of connection we're talking about.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: To me, I think my dad would still be alive today.
I think that's the easiest way to say it. I'm, I'm getting a little emotional, but
Poncho: Yeah. No, I, so am so am I. Your answer makes me, I gotta reach for [00:53:00] some Kleenex, so.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. He would, um, his whole life would've been different.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And so, yeah, he'd
thank you for your response because. That to me is community, right? Like, we get it, we get what that means. How we would give anything to have that person back and to change their outcome. Um, 'cause my dad was an amazing man and he understood community and he just never found his, I don't think so. Yeah, he'd be alive.
Poncho: I, uh, I, I lost my mother to, to cancer a, a few years ago and
Kim Long: Oh, yeah.
Poncho: And, and she never used the word community, but I'll tell you man, she, she lived at family. There was nothing more important to her than family and her extended family [00:54:00] and her neighbors. And it was only a few years ago and I never had the opportunity to tell it, tell that to her.
But I'm like, mom, I, I get it now.
Kim Long: Yeah. Oh, how beautiful.
Poncho: So
Kim Long: she knows.
Poncho: Oh, yes.
Kim Long: She knows. I mean, regardless of what you believe in terms of religion, if you believe in spirituality at all.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: She knows.
Poncho: I talk to mom every day.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know, and she an and she answers back in her own way.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know?
Kim Long: Yeah.
It's a beautiful thing.
Poncho: Uh, I, I, yeah. I
Kim Long: been, and speaking of community when it comes to recovery.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, when you think of cancer and recovery of that, I remember sitting with my mom on her last day of her chemo treatment, and it was a hot summer day, and all the women, all different ages, different, different backgrounds, they all just whipped their wigs off and were like, oh, thank God.
And, and only the, and I, it was such a gift to watch that and then giggling about [00:55:00] it, talking about getting tattoos on their bald heads. But there's community in that, right? People. It doesn't matter what your background is, there's always a way to connect. Your mom knew that. Yeah. She built beautiful thing that she showed you that you now it sounds like has have built for yourself.
And so really like you are the best one to speak to what community means in recovery. So what would your answer be?
Poncho: I see how you snuck that in
the tables, uhhuh, the, the tables have turned,
Kim Long: how the tables subdued.
Poncho: Um, what, what, but
Kim Long: it's still an important answer, so please,
Poncho: no, but no, it is, what does community in, in, uh, in recovery mean to me?
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: Um, as, as the days go by, I understand that it's, it's tantamount. It's, it's become a much bigger priority in my life than I ever thought it would be.
I, I used to be that believer [00:56:00] that yes, I need to heal, uh, that yes, I need to lead a positive life, and that yes, I need help. But that said, I can still do it all by myself. Which
Oh, interesting.
Which, you know, is, you know, which makes, you know, almost zero sense. But then when I learned that it's okay to ask my family for help, and it's okay to ask my neighbors for help mm-hmm.
And my friends for help, and to see their support, and then to see them in kind ask for my help when they need it. Yeah. You know, and I mean, when one set of walls come down, all of the walls come down, and yet, you know, we're stronger when we stand together.
Kim Long: But how did you accept that? Like, going back to the acceptance piece that you mentioned, right?
How did you get to that point where you accepted that, Hey, I don't have to do this by myself.
Poncho: How did I get there? That's, that's a really good question. I don't know if I have a full answer for you. I think that's something that I'm still working on. [00:57:00]
Kim Long: Okay.
Poncho: You know, I,
Kim Long: what opened the door then
Poncho: hitting the lowest of my lows.
Kim Long: Okay.
Poncho: I think, you know, I,
Kim Long: and so how did that, how did that open the door though, that, Hey, I don't have to do this alone. Because in some ways it could make you more
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like, withdraw more.
Poncho: I, uh, I realized that I, I, I needed help with my, my personal struggles. And if I, I guess so I, I tried to, you know, uh, I tried to commit suicide several times, several, several years ago.
And fortunately, I, uh, oh, okay. I, I failed at it. And it was, it was a series of moments going, I wanna live and I need help. And I have neighbors and friends that are telling me it's okay to ask. So ask, asking, asking for help was, was the start.
Kim Long: Wow. And you had to trust them [00:58:00] too.
Poncho: And I had to trust them. Yeah.
Kim Long: Wow. Thank you for sharing that.
Poncho: Thank you. Uh,
Kim Long: and I'm glad you're still here.
Poncho: Yes, me too. Yeah, I really, really, really am because every day is a good day. Every day is a great day. It's just varying levels of
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. And it it sounds like your desire to live.
Poncho: Yes. Yeah.
Kim Long: Right.
Poncho: Yeah. Huge.
Kim Long: Really.
Poncho: You know. Yeah.
Um, I would love it if, uh, I, I don't, and, and I'm gonna put you on the spot here, but if you would be a, a, a future guest from Darkness to Life somewhere down the road, I would love to reconnect with you that again, and, and chat again.
Kim Long: I would love that. And I'm gonna figure out how to ask you more questions.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: That's gonna be my plan. Time connect.
Poncho: We've been
Kim Long: spending No, I love, thank you. So much
Poncho: we've been speak. Oh, thank you. We've been speaking with Kim Long. Uh, one more time. Uh, an opportunity for some shameless advertising here.
Kim Long: Okay. Doche Psychological Services in in Spruce Grove, Alberta. We can help just about anybody in Alberta.[00:59:00]
And we do telehealth, we do all those things, and we're just here. We just wanna support you. That's look us up,
Poncho: Kim. Thank you very much.
Kim Long: Thank you.
Poncho: Alright. See you soon. Okay. Bye.
ANNCR: From Darkness to Life is an our Collective Journey podcast. These are the true stories of struggles and triumphs against addiction and mental health challenges.
If these stories resonate with you and you, or. Someone you love, need help, and don't know where to turn. Our collective journey is here for you. Please consider supporting Ocj by visiting our collective journey.ca and clicking donate. All proceeds go to supporting the health and wellness of people in our community.
Hosted by members of our collective journey, produced by Rob Pap, engineered, edited, and directed by Dave Crookshank From Darkness to Life is a plugged in media exclusive. Thank you for [01:00:00] listening.
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Kim Long: [00:00:00] And we've forgotten that like anything, relationships take work and communities take work and it's so much easier to just stay in our house. But we've forgotten that society can change if we don't pay attention to it. And now that we are all struggling, I think, I think we're seeking community again, where we just care about our neighbor or, or at least care about the, the people that are in our lives.
And we seek to help.
ANNCR: Is there anyone out there from Darkness to Life contains the real stories of individuals who found their way out of the darkness caused by mental health challenges and substance abuse. If these stories resonate with you and you or someone you love, need help and don't know where to turn, our collective journey is here for you.
Please reach out when you're ready to our collective journey.ca or on Facebook at our collective journey.
Poncho: Welcome. We, uh, we share stories of [00:01:00] struggle and real life conversation because, uh, the life, uh, as much as we want to think that we live a perfect life, isn't the. I'm your host, uh, poncho, and today's guest, Kim Long, let's see if I get it right this time.
Military kid turned, teacher turned psychologist.
Yes.
Alright. I, I got that right. And you have channeled all of your work into something that, um, well brings you out a lot of, uh, authenticity. You, someone who doesn't keep her therapist mask on, someone who prefers real conversation.
Kim Long: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I, I truly believe in practicing therapy and even when I was a teacher, that you have to bring all of who you are because otherwise people can tell.
Right? They can tell when you're handing them a mask.
Poncho: Well, the BS detector, I, I mean, call it what you will. People are really intuitive, a lot more intuitive than I think they give themselves credit for.
Kim Long: Mm-hmm.
Poncho: You know,
Kim Long: [00:02:00] especially if they've had a little bit of a messy life. Our, our BS meter tends to run a little bit hotter
Poncho: Yeah.
Than
Kim Long: others.
Poncho: Yeah. And, and you've, you've had a, a messy life of, of sorts and I think, uh, is that one of the reasons that got you into what you were doing today? That of psychologist?
Kim Long: Yes. I mean, I don't think I necessarily thought about it that way, but absolutely. I feel like everything that's happened in, in life has led.
Me here. And, and so in that way it's almost a silver lining too.
Poncho: Can, can we talk a little bit about what has happened in your life? Uh, sure. Just based on what I, I got about your, um, your bio and of course Yeah. Mental, mental health and the path to recovery. Uh, that's a big part of what our collective journey is all about.
And, um, this is very near and dear to your heart. Mm-hmm. You lost your father to addiction about 10 years ago. And in no specific words, he said that he put more trust in the alcohol and [00:03:00] the prescription pills that he took to
Kim Long: Yeah, yeah. It was a, it was a meaningful conversation at the time because I remember asking him why he knew he had resources.
Um, he knew like he had other things to live for. And I remember asking him one day why, why he just wasn't seeking those things out. And he said, Kim, I, well, Kimmy, 'cause that's what he used to call it. Sure. Um. Kimmy, I just can't trust anything to take away the pain the way the drugs and alcohol do. And, and in that moment it actually was a gift because I no longer had to think that it was because of me or because of just not finding the right answer.
It was, huh. That actually kind of makes sense.
Poncho: Did you realize that right away when he, when he told you that?
Kim Long: Yeah, it was a li did. Okay. It was a light bulb moment for me where it was like, oh, and just this feeling of sad relief. Like it was this weird blend [00:04:00] of the, the pressure's not on me anymore to try to figure it out.
And, and I mean, he never put that pressure on me. It came from me. Um, but it, it was also, it was also just really sad,
Poncho: you know? '
Kim Long: cause I knew there were alternatives.
Poncho: Yeah. Were, were your dad and you really close.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. Like, I remember dancing, like I was standing on his feet as he taught me to dance, this little girl and, and he just, um, he was my guy.
He still, you know, uh, the way I came to approach it was my dad was dad, and my dad who had the addictive side was Eric.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: So I could separate the two. I could still so remember my dad as like my hero and all these wonderful things. And a man who consistently showed up even when he was struggling versus Eric who was wounded and, and just couldn't, couldn't find another way was, and eventually Eric won.
So
Poncho: [00:05:00] was, and, and was he always open with you about his struggles and his addiction? How did you find out?
Kim Long: No. So, um, the first time. The first time I think I really realized it was a problem was when he had his heart attack in Germany and he had to give up smoking. Um, and when he did that, he also stopped drinking, which I didn't realize, like now reflecting back on it as an adult.
Yeah. I remember a lot of mom and dad's arguments would be either because he had done something ridiculous, he was more of a binge alcoholic, so he would do something stupid when he was drinking, um, or money. Like those were the two things that they would argue about. And so I didn't really clue in like they, they had kept us isolated from that.
And then, um, I didn't know about the prescription pills until my mom died when I was 30. I'd always thought it [00:06:00] was quote unquote just alcohol.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But, um, he was actually addicted to prescription pills throughout my entire life, I guess. And he would doctor shop after mom died. So
Poncho: What do you
mean
Kim Long: that was fun?
Poncho: What do you mean when you say doctor shop?
Kim Long: So dad would go to, he would see a doctor for a while, um, and then when the doctor became concerned about the medication usage or want to switch the meds or something, um, 'cause he had his preferences right. And, um, so he would just go to another doctor or to a medi center or whatever to get the prescription he needed while still keeping his main doctor for his heart stuff and all of that.
Yeah. And so there was a moment, um, when. My sister and I both tried to talk to the doctor, but because my dad was an adult, rightfully so, the doctor wouldn't talk to us because of confidentiality. So, and that, at that time I was in my master's degree for psychology and writing an [00:07:00] ethics paper about confidentiality.
So, thanks dad. I just used him as a case study.
Poncho: Um, so how, how would that shape the way that you look at trust and identity in, in recovery then being so, being so close to something like that
Kim Long: in recovery, you know. I, I really think, and of course I have my bias lens with my dad. Yeah. But I really think if dad had ever just been accepted for who he was and, and was allowed to be fully who he was, I don't think he ever would've had to go down the path that he went down to cope emotionally. So I think being able to find our inner true, compassionate, loving selves, it can help with recovery.
I think trust is so [00:08:00] easily broken and so hard to regain. Yeah. And when it comes to trust and identity and the intersect of the two, particularly in recovery, it, it's almost like learning to trust yourself. And we ha we have to find a way to believe that we can overcome and, and that if we slip. We can learn and overcome because relapse is part of the process.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. And every time you relapse, you learn something new. So hopefully the time between maintenance and relapse extends and the relapse time is shorter. But there's an element of being able to trust ourselves and know who we are in our core that I think sometimes people are missing and that causes.
A sense of, of loss and pain, I think.
Poncho: And, and I think your father being from a, a different generation than what you are that would, you know, you and I are from a different generation. There was [00:09:00] a stigma attached with your father's generation that you don't talk about feelings.
Kim Long: Oh, no. No. And especially with the way my dad grew up.
So my dad comes from a long line of alcoholics or, um, mental issues. And so he, they did not talk about emotions. They learned that the way to have fun and the way to deal with stuff was to drink. Um, and that dad just didn't know another way. Like there, there, that path wasn't open to him. He didn't believe.
And that generation, you just, you didn't even talk about when you were struggling. So the only way that he could really show my sister and I love comfortably was to buy us things. That's how, that's how he would show, Hey, I'm really proud of you, or whatever. And the only time that he was ever really vocal about his emotions was when he [00:10:00] was really drunk.
So, you know, him and my sister ended up going down a different path. They, they no longer had a relationship before he passed. Um, and that's their journey. Um, but I think that was part of it for Chris, my, my sister, was that she, she, it just didn't feel genuine to her. Um, so she couldn't, speaking of trust, right.
She couldn't trust that he valued and loved her because he didn't know how to communicate it unless he was drunk.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And, and that's partially like you said, the social context that he grew up in, but also that long generational history of. Coping with life that way. So,
Poncho: and, and you mentioned that alcoholism runs deep in your family.
Kim Long: Yeah. On my dad's side. Yeah.
Poncho: And of course that is often passed down from generation to generation, you know? Yeah. From parents to their kids. Is that something that concerned you? Is that something that you ever [00:11:00] struggle
Kim Long: with personally?
Poncho: Oh, absolutely.
Kim Long: Yeah. Absolutely. So, um, for me, I've, I mean, luckily I've never really enjoyed the taste of alcohol.
Um, but it doesn't take much. Like I can have a sip and be like, why are my shoulders down? Like, I just, I don't like what it does.
ANNCR: Yeah.
Kim Long: But if I'm being honest, my biggest concern was if there is a genetic flip in that I just don't wanna risk it. I, I don't wanna risk it. I don't wanna be involved in drinking and driving.
I don't want, and that was from really young, um. I asked my dad to do an ad with me for students against drinking and driving, and I made him sign the contract and where you make an agreement that you won't drink and drive. And I remember one time he did it afterwards and I found out and I said to him, you signed this contract.
This was a promise. If you ever do it again, I'm calling the police. [00:12:00] And I think that was a shock to both him and I because I had never really been that director about it. But in that way, I think I was trying to exert power to try to manage the drinking. Right. Um, so I feel like I'm going all over the place.
This is bringing up a lot of memories with it, but Yeah. Um,
Poncho: and thank you for sharing.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: Really, because
Kim Long: I know it's not easy. Bad memories.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: No, I mean, they aren't bad memories. It's just a, a part of, luckily it's a part of my life in a way. And I say luckily because it did teach me. That I get to make my own choices.
So when you think of adult children of alcoholics, the way it's presented or the way it used to be presented was that we had no choice. If our parents were alcoholics, we would be alcoholics. If our parents were drug addicts, we would be drug addicts. And that's not true. We, I think we need to be conscious, um, but also not just because of a genetic [00:13:00] predisposition, but because of the context that we end up being raised in.
ANNCR: Yeah.
Kim Long: And, but that ultimately at the end, and this goes back to identity and trusting yourself, we ultimately get to choose who we are and how we approach life. And so I've decided since I was young, I'm just not gonna drink. I, I just, it's not my jam and I'll be dd 'cause then I can make up stories Right.
About what people did when they were drunk and laugh at them.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But I don't, I don't, I personally don't need it. Other people can do it and it works for them. Great. I just never wanted to risk it.
Poncho: So I in part your, your childhood would, would that ultimately go on to fuel about what your purpose is doing today?
Kim Long: Yeah. My, my parents are really involved in my purpose. Um, so Doche is founded on Doche. It means hope in [00:14:00] Gaelic. And my dad, it's a nod to my dad and his Irish ancestry and, um, a book series that my mom and I used to read where that was the name of the women's shelter. And they raised me to believe that everyone deserves to be loved and appreciated for whatever moment of life you find the man.
And that's the driving mission behind Doche, but watching Dad with his family and the context of that and how, as much as him and my mom had a challenging relationship, they were best friends. And I don't think my dad would've lived as long as he did if he didn't have mom, because she was that stabilizing influence in his life.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, his role where she did accept him for who he was. So, you know, I, I think that that really is why I do what I do now because I know the power of non-judgmental acceptance. [00:15:00] It doesn't mean I have to agree with the person.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But I don't have to treat them like crap either
Poncho: now. And, and acceptance is easier said than done, isn't it?
How, how, so how would you teach someone, how would you tell someone to begin to learn how to accept? Whether it's them or, yeah, yeah. 'cause it starts here, doesn't it? Yeah. So
Kim Long: it really does. Uh, acceptance doesn't mean forgiveness, and it doesn't mean making an excuse. Um, a great analogy I heard just a little while ago is acceptance is about if you have a flat tire before you can do anything about that flat tire, you have to accept that the flat tire exists.
You don't have to be happy about it. You don't have to, you know, um, pretend that it doesn't matter. You just have to accept that it exists without judging it, and then go, okay, what can I do about it now? [00:16:00] From there, you can move forward. But if you stay in the ick of trying to push against, oh, I have a flat tire.
This is the worst day ever and I'm not gonna do anything. I'm mad about this flat tire. You stay stuck there.
Poncho: Why do you think so many of us stay stuck? Why, why do you think it's, it hurts? Yeah,
Kim Long: because it hurts. And because we don't like unpredictability. And I mean, addiction is so unpredictable, um, in my opinion.
And I think by believing that, um, I had some sort of control, then I could change, sorry, I'm leaking a little bit. Um, then I could change the outcome. But what I had to accept was my dad was an adult and he could make his own choices and that he had his own very good reasons. For making the choices that he was making, and I had to accept that I had no power over [00:17:00] that.
And that's where it's easier said than done.
Poncho: Yeah. It, it, it's humans. I, I think nature is to, to think that we have a lot of control over a lot of the things that happen in our lives.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: We don't, we have very, very little control over what happens in our lives, don't we? We can control how we react to something outside.
Outside of that. We have very,
Kim Long: yeah.
Poncho: We have very limit power when it comes to that, don't we?
Kim Long: Well, and when you think about it too, we don't control the way it emotionally shows up or how our body reacts. Yeah. We, where we do have the choice is where we can take that information and translate it into behavior, right?
So you're gonna feel what you feel that there's nothing wrong with what you feel. You can feel angry, disappointed, um, excited, all those things. But it's what you do with it that creates the problem. So, I mean, yeah, like it, like as you're asking these [00:18:00] questions, I'm, I'm curious about you and how, how this shows up for you as we're, as we're talking, like, what was your path to acceptance?
How did you figure out what acceptance would look like for you?
Poncho: It's, it's, it's something I, I still struggle with. Uh, I, I still struggle with, uh, you know, substance issues. Kinda like you, alcoholism, uh, runs deep in my family. Yeah. Um, and it's still something that, you know, I, I fight with, uh, my daughter fortunately wants absolutely nothing to do with alcohol or Yeah.
Or drugs. She's, yeah. You know, made, made that choice. Uh, so in a lot of respects, a lot wiser than I ever was at her age. You know, she's, hang on, did that come out right? She's a lot wiser than I was at her age.
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Is is what I meant to say. Yeah.
Kim Long: Or was it felt like she was given more opportunity to make that choice.
Poncho: I think that as well. Mm-hmm. You know, and, you know, there's a lot of challenges that today's generation has, but I also like to think that there's a lot more openness. That there [00:19:00] is a lot more acceptance in terms of no matter what baggage, no matter what luggage you, you show up with on your own personal carousel, is that
Kim Long: Yes,
Poncho: it's, it's okay.
And that it yeah. You will be accepted.
Kim Long: Yeah. And that you can talk about it, you know? 'cause that's the other aspect is that so much of this was taboo and sometimes it still is.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, but being able to give your daughter the opportunity to say, you have a choice in this.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And I'm gonna love you anyway.
I'm,
Poncho: I, and, and you know what, and, and, uh, and I hid my struggles from her, uh, I hid my depression from her and I hid my mm-hmm. Uh, drug abuse and, and my alcoholism from her for years. And, and even now, I don't know why I did, but. I don't anymore. Very, I've been very open and very honest, and I like to think that has played a huge role in her making choices for her present and, and for her future as well.
Kim Long: What was that like for you though, to, to make that first decision, that first choice, [00:20:00] to say I'm, I'm gonna talk with her about it. That must have been so vulnerable.
Poncho: Uh, vulnerable, terrifying. Probably one of the scariest things that I've ever had to do. And then relief, you know, here I am telling this young mind about all of these heavy issues and she just, you know, she held my hand and, and looked at me and
Kim Long: oh,
Poncho: and didn't, uh, you know, didn't, didn't, didn't judge me after everything that I had told her.
And I was just the amount of love that comes from, you know, unconditional love, which I think is a huge part of recovery as well.
Kim Long: Well, and it creates that intimacy, right? Because we can't have. Intimacy and that strong, meaningful connection in our lives without being vulnerable with each other. But it is like stepping off a cliff.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You know? 'cause there's, I, there's so much shame that comes,
Poncho: you know, and,
Kim Long: and
Poncho: be
Kim Long: able to [00:21:00] be open. I mean,
Poncho: KU
Kim Long: to you. Yeah.
Poncho: And, and, and you and I was thinking, okay, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna hurt my daughter by, by telling her this. And that's the last thing that a parent wants to do with her child. And I don't think she was hurt at all.
You know, uh, you know, to put your, to put that shield down and to expose yourself to be vulnerable. I think that was one of the most positive things that I did for, for her, for my mental health and for, you know, the, the connection that we share, which is incredibly strong, uh, yeah. Between my daughter and I.
I,
Kim Long: well, like you said, especially as a parent, you know, because there, there's layers to that, right? Like, like I think it's. It's complicated when you're a parent 'cause you're trying to protect your child from all of it. Yeah. Right. Whereas kids are smart. Like, as much as I couldn't put my finger on what was going on when I was younger, I still knew something was going on.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: There were days when dad was dad, but there were days when dad wasn't dead. Even if, and you just figured out how to read it. You [00:22:00] know,
Poncho: even if you couldn't find the words to describe how you were feeling, you could, you, like you said, you could feel it. You could sense it. Okay.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: So I, there was something there.
Yeah.
Kim Long: Kudos to your daughter.
Poncho: Oh, well, thank, I will. Uh, it's kind of, yeah. Well, you know what? She's, uh, she's a little envious. I, I told her that I was speaking with you today and she's, um, she's in grade 10, but she's already planning a career in psychology. She wants to be a, a, a psychologist. Well,
Kim Long: we offer mentorship, so she has any questions at all.
I'll make sure you have my
Poncho: email and stuff. Oh, well, yeah, yeah,
Kim Long: yeah. And we, 'cause sometimes it's a weird path to, can be a really weird path to get here. So, so yeah. We like to support people so
Poncho: Well, and speaking of weird path, you, you mentioned in your bio about collecting life's mess. So, uh, what first told you that, uh, that that pile needed attention and not necessarily just more storage.
Kim Long: Huh? Um, okay. I can laugh about it now. The, the [00:23:00] way it happened was really funny. Um, but the precipitating event was my, my mom unfortunately was diagnosed with cancer. And then, um, she, she had a period where she was just like a week shy of remission and it came back and she unfortunately passed away. And so I ended up going to my doctor and describing a bunch of symptoms.
And by that point, I had already had my undergrad in psych, but I was teaching, I had just started to teach. And my doctor, after describing all the symptoms, she goes, um, so, you know, you're depressed, right? And I went, what, what? And she starts listing things off and I'm like, okay, well when you put it that way, I guess, yeah.
So I got connected with a therapist and thus began my, um, my journey with doing my own therapy and then, um, ultimately going back and getting my master's. [00:24:00] And doing this now.
Poncho: Yeah. Uh, so, and speaking of, uh, doing this now, where can we find more of what you do? This, this is an opportunity for some, uh, for some people to, to get to know Kim Long, a little bit better.
Kim Long: Shameless self-promotion.
Poncho: Okay. So we can do it that way as well? Sure.
Kim Long: Fantastic. Um, um, so actually we're kind of in a lot of different places. So we have a Facebook channel, we have uh, Instagram, um, we have a YouTube channel, um, where my team and I, in all those spots, we, we have blogs and all these other things.
We also have a, a Dojos app, and then our website too, which is, uh, doche site.com and the, all the blogs are on there as well. Um, and we're in Alberta.
Poncho: Yeah,
Kim Long: that's, I dunno,
Poncho: when you say doche site.com. D-O-C-H-A-S,
Kim Long: yes.
Poncho: SIT e.com.
Kim Long: No. P-S-Y-C-H-P-S-Y-C
Poncho: of course. Okay. Yeah. That
Kim Long: like first psychology. Yeah.
Poncho: I [00:25:00] gotcha.
Yes. No, that would, yeah, that would make sense. Yeah, that's, yeah, it's all
Kim Long: good.
Poncho: That's on me. Thank you. Um, and, and your clients say, or you say clients get the, the, the real you, so Yes. Those poor people. No, not at all. Because when you, when you, when you drop the mask, as, as we talked about, people know that you're becoming vulnerable and when they see you being vulnerable, I think it, it makes it a lot easier for them to be the same.
Is, is, is, is that a fair statement?
Kim Long: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And so at the clinic here, um, I'm fortunate to say that I work with a team of people where we all kind of practice in that way, the same, um, where we bring who we are with all our quirks and, and personalities into the session because. You, you, I just don't think you can do the work without being honest with yourself about who you are and how you're [00:26:00] showing up that day.
Poncho: And that's probably the, the, the one of the very first steps, if not the first step.
Kim Long: Oh yeah. The, without the therapeutic relationship, it doesn't matter what strategy you throw at stuff. Yeah. If there's no therapeutic relationship, meaning trust and connection, it doesn't matter. And nothing will, nothing will be effective.
Poncho: You know, and, and, and I get it as individuals, what works for this person might not work for that person, but, but there is, I, I, I think a common foundation and I think trust is definitely one of them. Acceptance is is one of them. So what, what, what tangibles, if any, help people put down that shield so that they are a little more vulnerable.
Kim Long: Hmm. What tangibles,
Poncho: you know, maybe sights or sounds or, or rituals perhaps?
Kim Long: Yeah. So in my opinion, I really think that the emotion brain is, um, like your [00:27:00] emotion and body, brain are talking all the time, and they're the things that are perceiving things in the environment. So the environment has to be calm, um, or fun.
It can be fun, but not too excitable. So it's, it's about figuring out what sense is soothing to you. So for me, I'm very tactile. I need touch. So I have a lot of different, I'm looking around my office as I'm talking to you. I have a lot of different fabrics and, and textures so that I can just fiddle with my jewelry or touch in with something, and that's soothing to me.
ANNCR: Yeah,
Kim Long: you just wanna find like, maybe it's a smell that brings you into a different space. I think it's called opposite action, where you basically pick, um, like if I'm feeling sad, I'm going to choose the strategy that where I know it helps me feel happy. Music is a big one,
Poncho: right?
Kim Long: Music is massive. Yeah. Um, but in terms of dropping the guard, it's the [00:28:00] environment.
If, if you walk into an environment and you feel your shoulders rise and you feel like, ugh, there's no real descriptor for that, but it's like a ugh, an unease, then you're not gonna, you're not gonna trust. You're not gonna drop your guard. Yeah. That I would be ridiculous. I.
Poncho: It's interesting that, that you bring that up because I, I think we all have our uniqueness in that respect.
I mean, for me, yeah. For me to feel comfortable, to me, for me to feel vulnerable, I need to feel grounded, and I literally need to take my shoes off when I go, like right now, I'm Yes, soft. I, I have to feel that floor beneath me. Beautiful. I gotta feel that ground beneath me. Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. You know, that's, that's what helps keep me grounded and when I can stay grounded, I can stay focused and open and vulnerable.
Yes. You know?
Kim Long: Beautiful.
Poncho: Otherwise, it, otherwise there's just too much sensation and it's so easy for me to get wrapped up in that.
Kim Long: Yeah. So even giving yourself body breaks too. So like for some people, the world is too stimulating. [00:29:00] Go have a bath and dunk your ears under the water.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like even if I do, like, even if you were to do that right now and bring your hands up beside your head and keep talking.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You can tell that there's a muffling to it. You probably can't. I
Poncho: gonna, I gotta keep my headphones on, but, but yeah, I know that feeling. Kinda like, you know, if you've ever put your ear to a, a seashell.
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: It just takes away some of that sensation or sit for a bit with your eyes closed. That's very vulnerable for people though.
So sit with your back in a corner Right. With the two walls and just close your eyes and you feel a little bit more isolated and it can feel, it can give you a bit of a break.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. But yes, anything
Poncho: like that. And you, and you said music and music is very important to me as, as well. I, I work on the world of music when I'm, when I'm not doing this.
So, on a personal note, what are you listening to these days?
Kim Long: EE everything. I, I've been on an eighties, nineties kick lately because it just reminds me, reminds me of [00:30:00] bygone days. Um, so in terms of the radio, when I'm driving, I'm listening to that. But I just love any, anything
Poncho: music
Kim Long: I heard. Don't worry, be Happy the other day by Bobby McFaren.
Poncho: Yes. From the, just
Kim Long: makes me remember the video with Robin Williams in it.
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim Long: So that, that brings me joy.
Poncho: 19, 19 86. It was also part of the cocktail soundtrack. I think so. What's it? Yes, I think so. Oh, you know
Kim Long: what? I think you're right. Yeah.
Poncho: And now we both have that song in our head, don't we? I can get us hear him singing, welcome and Yeah, you can hear him singing and whistling, but yeah.
But you know, but look at that. I mean, there we are sharing, you know, that song and you're smiling. And I'm smiling, and I think we both have, you know, positive thoughts right now. Yeah. You know, and, uh, and yeah, music is, is a huge mover in Yes. In, in my world as well. Do you think there's, yeah,
Kim Long: we make a playlist, right?
Yeah. You
Poncho: can
Kim Long: make a playlist of songs that bring you joy and just [00:31:00] play that when you're feeling a little, like you need something,
Poncho: you know, and, and doing what you do, doing what you do. Do you, do you find people that they don't have that release, whether it's music or whether it's being grounded, do you find that there they struggle to, to look for that, you know, whatever it is that they need to, you know, to bring, to bring that shield down?
Kim Long: Yes.
Poncho: Yeah,
Kim Long: absolutely. Um, my clientele tends to be with complex trauma, so they've learned in their lives to have these protector parts that don't trust the self and they don't trust the world around 'em. And so sometimes when I'll bring up strategies, they kind of give me this look. Like, what do you know?
You are like, you, you think dropping my guard is a good idea? You're outta your freaking mind.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So it's, it's a gentle leaning into it and honoring that that part has been there [00:32:00] since the trauma happened. And so really, who am I to come in and just say, just take a break from it.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: You know, I have to honor that that part has a point.
Poncho: No. And that's where I can see the real conversation happening with you and, and your clients. Yeah. Yeah. And that right there, you know, has a lot of openness and a, and a lot of trust. And I wanna bring something up that, that we, that you mentioned in passing. Um, we don't have to discard old pieces to evolve.
Kim Long: No, no. They were there for a reason and they've been there to help you survive.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Everything. And so they're still a beautiful part of you, and most likely they want a different job. The right. Yeah. They, they wanna be able to rest too, but they don't think they can. So it's about learning that that part still has a place in your future, but you gotta invite it forward with you and realize, hey, I'm not the person I was back [00:33:00] then anymore,
Poncho: my.
So I, I have several pieces of, of ink on my body and I was gonna get one of my tattoos covered up, and it was my tattoo artist who convinced me otherwise. He said, I could cover this up for you, but I'm not going to. And he said, here's why. He says, when you got that done, you wanted it. He says, you might not want it now.
He says, but that was a piece of you then. It's a piece of you now. Mm-hmm. Why would you want to cover that up? Yeah. I never thought, yeah, I never thought, you know, some of the most influential advice I would hear would be from, you know, Monty, my tattoo guy. But wow. I think I think of that over and over and over again when I'm having a bad day and when there was a lot, there was a lot of wisdom in, in those words.
Kim Long: It's so true. And really think of your life like a story that hasn't been done yet. So that tattoo was a chapter in your life.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And it's an important chapter because it got you here.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. And tattooing, I [00:34:00] mean, there's a whole psychology behind tattooing, which is cool. Um, I do not yet have ink because I'm a chicken.
Um, but my sister has quite a bit. My dad had some.
Poncho: Right.
Kim Long: Yeah,
Poncho: I loved how you said. Not yet.
Kim Long: Not, oh, I keep thinking about it and then I'm like, I, I don't think my body's done sagging yet, so I have to be careful.
Uh, I'm a whim is really what goes down to,
Poncho: I, I doubt that very, very, very much.
Kim Long: Well, when it comes to physical pain. Yeah.
Poncho: Yes. Yeah.
Kim Long: I'm not emotional pain. I'm in gimme emotional pain, physical pain. I'm like, ah, dunno.
Poncho: What is, is there a, um, do, do you, do you see, and again, and, and I don't wanna stereotype, is there a, a common fear that walks through your door with some of the people that, that you deal with?
And if so, how do you lower that temperature? [00:35:00]
Kim Long: A common fear you said?
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I, I don't know that they come in articulating it. Most of the time it comes down to am I needed, am I valued? Am I valuable? Um, it's those kinds of purpose, life meaning questions that really makes them afraid. Um, or am I screwing this up that bad?
Hmm.
Poncho: You
Kim Long: know, um. Just basically, where do I belong? Where's my place?
Poncho: Yeah. Because
Kim Long: most of the time people feel very lost
Poncho: because I have to stress, there's no wrong answer. When, when you talk about mental addiction and when you talk or, or, or mental recovery and mental health and recovery through addiction.
You know, it, it's, yeah. It's about sorting and processing and filtering and becoming stronger than ever before. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And healing. Healing is huge, you know? Um,
Kim Long: absolutely.
Poncho: So what's, so when people first meet you, what's one thing that, that, um, surprises them when they first meet you? [00:36:00]
Kim Long: Okay.
There's, there's a couple things.
Poncho: Oh, I like, I like, I like this answer already and you haven't even answered. I could, I can just see it.
Kim Long: The first thing might sound really inappropriate, so please bear with me. Um, people are often surprised that I'm not Chinese because of my name,
because
Poncho: of long, because you,
Kim Long: well, because the way it goes together, Kim.
Long, they think that I'm. Chinese. So,
Poncho: um,
Kim Long: for all those people, I'm sorry to have disappointed you.
Poncho: It's like a Seinfeld episode.
Kim Long: So, so that surprises people. I think the other thing that surprises people is that, um, I'm def I definitely don't present as a stereotypical professional.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So they're like, when they come in into a psychologist's office, they're expecting something.
I'm not quite sure what, maybe the Freud with the couches and I'm sitting behind with the paper and pen.
ANNCR: Hmm.
Kim Long: Um, [00:37:00] but I think they're surprised at how I like to laugh with them and, and I just, right away I am like, so how are you? What's going on? What's like, come on in, let's, I. I don't, I don't know. That seems to surprise them 'cause they're expecting something scary and I'm like, I'm so not scary.
Poncho: And and the moment, you know, your clients realize that, I bet the guard comes down almost instantly.
Kim Long: Yeah. That, that's a massive part of it. I think that they can just be themselves. And also, honestly, when people come in for the first session, they aren't really paying attention to me until they get their story out.
Once their story's out and they see my reaction and that I'm not like that, I'm feeling with them. Yeah. But I'm not owning it or judging them for it. I think that is the biggest surprise for them.
Poncho: And what's something that your clients have taught you?
Kim Long: Oh gosh. [00:38:00] There isn't just one thing.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I think, well the biggest, the biggest gift other than trusting me with their stories is they've taught me that.
They've taught me that even if people go through some of the most horrible things that a person can go through, there is still always resilience and hope in the human spirit that if you can just find someone to connect with, you'll already start healing. That's, that's what they've taught me. They're just such cool people.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like there's some really wicked cool people in this world that we don't give credit to because we're looking at the surface and making an assumption
Poncho: and look at or looking through the wrong lens.
Kim Long: Yeah. Like what? What's the underneath? What's their story? This is a beautiful human being who, this is [00:39:00] one moment in their life that you're meeting them in.
There's a whole novel before that. Right. I think that's. They've just taught me too many things. I can't narrow it down to one thing, like how beautifully complex people really are and how you can still laugh.
Poncho: That must be in incredibly so fulfilling for you when you make people realize their self-worth.
Kim Long: Oh my gosh. I, it is one of the most frustrating things I think I deal with is because I can see them as this beautiful human being and then hear how they talk to themselves. Yeah. But then when they have that first moment, it happened recently for a client of mine where they recognized that a part of them wanted to defend themselves.
And that they were worth something and that they actually actioned it out in the world and came back so excited. Oh my gosh. I think we were laughing and tearing up together in sessions. Yeah. Because it was just,
Poncho: and hugging you, you, it's
Kim Long: so beautiful.
Poncho: You strike me as [00:40:00] a, a hugger as well, you know, when you get to share those victories with, you know, with some of the people that you, those personal triumphs, you know?
Kim Long: Yeah. If, if the client
Poncho: wants, well, of course, yes, of course. Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. But it's hard. You are right though. It's really hard. 'cause my instinct is I want to give them a hug, but I've trained myself to either ask or, um, most of the time the client will ask and I'll be like, of course, bring it in.
Poncho: So if you, if you weren't a psychologist, what would you be doing right now?
Kim Long: Oh gosh. I, I don't, I think I'd be teaching in some way. I don't know that I'd be teaching back in the schools, because that's, don't get me started on that system.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, I feel for all of our, our teachers out there and all the kiddos, um, what would I be doing? I maybe law.
Poncho: Okay,
Kim Long: that's messed up. Or a dancer, [00:41:00] which is also a little messed up.
Poncho: I was gonna say they're e they're equally messed up. I mean, just, you know,
Kim Long: a dancing lawyer
Poncho: maybe. There, there you are. I'm sure there's a niche for it somewhere,
Kim Long: right? Uh, I don't, I I don't know. That's the thing is we get to choose.
Poncho: Um, if you could give your younger self a piece of advice,
Kim Long: don't do it.
Don't ask me to.
Poncho: I I have to. I don't have to, but I want to. I want to. I'm, I'm thoroughly, I, and you know what, and I think this is, believe it or not, I think this is the first time that I've ever asked a guest this, but I'm just, I'm thoroughly enjoying this conversation so much. And the more I get to speak with you, the more I get to know about you, the more I want to ask about, you know, thank you.
Your personal, you. So
Kim Long: this well, and I'll be honest, a part of my brain, this whole conversation, I'm like, I wanna ask you more questions, but I don't know how to get them in. Um,
Poncho: just ask.
Kim Long: It's funny. You're sneaky. Good. [00:42:00] Oh, thank, I, thank you. Don't have a problem sneaking in the questions. Um, okay. What, what advice would, do you want yourself, um,
Poncho: because it seems like you, you, you really had stuff figured out of what you wanted to do and where you wanted to be for, for, from, from a young age.
Kim Long: Yeah. But I don't think I knew it.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So I, I think the advice I would give myself is. It's not always gonna make sense and it's gonna really suck at times.
And as long as you always get back up, you're gonna be okay. Yeah. So just get back up.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. Like it doesn't have to be pretty, just has to work. So just keep getting back up.
Poncho: Yeah. I, I think it's important that everybody has, I don't wanna say a mantra, but a, a piece of advice or something that they tell themselves so that they can get back up.
I, I, for me, it's, I have to remind [00:43:00] myself to live in the present. I can't,
Kim Long: yeah.
Poncho: I can't worry about what I've done in the past. I can learn from it.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know, and I can't worry about the future. I need to think about it, but here and now is, is is all we have. Yeah. And so when I find my thoughts reeling, that's what I tell myself.
I plant my feet back on the ground and yeah.
Kim Long: Beautiful. Yeah, very sematic like. Um, a, a piece that I heard that helps me with that kind of mindfulness that you're talking about is be where your feet are.
Poncho: Hmm.
Kim Long: Right. Like my feet right here, right now I'm talking with you. I don't have to think about anything else.
Just be where your feet are. So I try to use that one, I think my brain works more in visuals than in, in words, which sounds strange, but for me, it took me a bit to translate my, my mantra I guess. Because all I could see was me down on my knees pushing a weight. It's [00:44:00] almost like, was it Atlas who carried the rock?
I think so. On his shoulders. Yeah. We'll
Poncho: go with Atlas.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. So like I, I picture myself pushing this weight up and getting back up.
Poncho: Right.
Kim Long: And that's, that's my visualization that I have. So I think it depends for people. It just depends on how. How it shows up for them. So maybe that is my mantra of just be you and that's okay.
Poncho: Yeah. And that's, that's enough.
Kim Long: Yeah. Like you are enough as you are,
Poncho: you know? And especially in a world where we're getting pressure from every direction, whether it's friends or family or career or otherwise, you know, you need to do more, accomplish more in less time.
Kim Long: Yeah. Perfectly imperfect. That's, you know, but yes.
Accomplish more in less time. Ugh. Well, especially right now at Christmas.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like I had for the parents who have kiddos and, and like you're juggling school and sports and [00:45:00] family and divided families and Oh my God.
Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. I, I know, I mean, for fortunately my ex and I, I mean, we, we've become, we, we are best friends and we get along so incredibly well.
You know, I mean, yeah, I'm heading over to their place for the holidays and then vice versa, and then heading here and heading over there and,
Kim Long: oh,
Poncho: you know,
Kim Long: that's beautiful.
Poncho: So
Kim Long: I'm, I'm really curious how you helped that happen.
Poncho: Um, I, I, fortunately, I, I mean, I think both myself and, and, and my ex, and she's an, an amazing and an amazing person, uh, we both realized that, I mean, for the greater good, we're locked through our daughter for the rest of our lives.
So why wouldn't we want to make the effort to make the best life for us and for her and, you know, and, and for those around us.
Kim Long: Well, that's a very logical, that's a very logical answer. But then help me understand how that's. Such a struggle for some people.
Poncho: It, um, right. [00:46:00] Yeah. It, well, it took a long time and we just didn't wake up and go, Hey, we're best friends now.
I mean, it was something that we had to, you know, uh, therapy and it was something that we had to work at for years and years. But being open, uh, communicating and being honest and vulnerable, you know, I, I mean, we've had a lot of hard talks and I think through that, I think we're stronger than ever before, you know.
Kim Long: Well, again, to me it goes back to making that choice that that was important to you though.
Poncho: Yeah. You know?
Kim Long: Right.
Poncho: It's, uh, because
Kim Long: that's, I mean, that's admirable that.
Poncho: I, I love that my ex, my ex can go shopping with my partner or they can go out for, for lunch. Don't get me wrong. Exactly. I get, you know, I'm a little concerned going, man, what are they talking about?
Are they, are they sharing stories about me?
Kim Long: They come in, you see them kind of,
Poncho: yes. Um, careful. I, uh, I, I'm gonna move on. I'm just gonna stop it right there. I I, I do wanna ask [00:47:00] you, uh, something though. I, I want, we ask every single guest, guest this, we talk about connection and we talk about community and how they're vital in recovery.
Kim Long: Mm-hmm.
Poncho: So what does that look like to you? What, what does connection in your community look like?
Kim Long: Uh, it means getting off your phones and actually coming up for air and getting outta your house and doing community events and maybe doing a community barbecue. And you don't have to always get along with your neighbor, but maybe bringing over some banana bread to your neighbor and saying,
Poncho: Hey,
Kim Long: yeah.
I'm Kim. Nice to meet you. Just wanted you to know my face.
Poncho: Do you think we've forgotten? Do you think we've forgotten how important community is because of, because of, not even social media, but the fact that we have, you know, access to the outside world, right there in that little square, rectangular piece of technology that we keep in the palm of our hand.
Kim Long: I think it's part of it. I, I have this love hate relationship with tech. Um,
Poncho: yeah.
Kim Long: But I, I also [00:48:00] think that we've become complacent and we've forgotten that like anything, relationships take work and communities take work and it's so much easier to just stay in our house. But we've forgotten that society can change if we don't pay attention to it.
And we got comfortable with the eighties and the nineties and the, the affluent nature of those eras. And now that we are all struggling, I think, I think we're seeking community again. Where we just care about our neighbor or, or at least care about the, the people that are in our lives and we seek to help.
But that's, to me, it starts with just someone getting out, getting out of their house and going over to their neighbor and saying, we've never met. Hi.
Poncho: Do you know your neighbors?
Kim Long: I do actually. Yeah. Um, my boyfriend and I were both [00:49:00] military kids, so when we first moved into our little subdivision, we had an open house and just invited every, so now at Christmas, and we, we were thinking about doing it in the summer too, just doing an open house and people can come in and we meet each other in the community and
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: But it's also because of my dogs. I have a ninja dog that sneaks outta the fence, so I, I need my neighbors to know where she belongs and Right. That we're trying to keep her in the fence. So just let me know if there's any issues. Yeah. But it's, it's something we're taught in the military and I, I, it's old school, but.
Man, it would make a difference in our world.
Poncho: It's, uh,
Kim Long: just go say hi.
Poncho: Yeah. Like, I, I'm fortunate. I'm, I'm really fortunate. I know all of my neighbors on a first name basis, like I have to return. Wow. I have to return a, a plate to my neighbors because they brought them over full of cookies. So now I have to return them plate with, with, with cookies, you know?
And then a few weeks ago, we had 15 neighbors come together to move a playhouse from my yard to one of my other's neighbor's yard. The kids had outgrown it and they wanted to [00:50:00] use it. And, and so, and I'll tell you, and I just, you're so right, Kim. I mean, C community is huge. And when you said that we're on the verge of understanding and, and making community important again, I truly, truly believe that.
Yeah. I think social media, we've reached the golden age. We've peaked and then some Yeah. And people are realizing that.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. 'cause it's a very, it's a connected loneliness, I think.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Right. I like, I like that. But it's, uh, I love that story of helping with the playhouse and, and I love the idea with the plates.
That is so ingenious. Don't bring the cookies over on a paper plate. Yeah. Bring the cookies over or whatever it is over. And people love food, so you may as well Oh. But bring cookies over in a dish that has to be returned, whether it's full of, of something else or not, but they return the dish and then it's like, do you wanna come in for coffee?
Poncho: Yeah, yeah. That
Kim Long: right. Or whatever you drink. I don't drink coffee, so whatever.
Poncho: Yeah, no, I'm a, I'm a coffee, I'm a coffee guy. Yeah. I know my neighbor, Sandy, [00:51:00] she started that, she knocked on the door and it was a plate full of goodies. And so we've been doing that for years, back and forth, you know,
Kim Long: see how easy
Poncho: that was.
And, and it was easy. And, and I love it. And my house feels more like a, it doesn't feel like a, a house, it's, it's a home surrounded by other homes, surrounded by community. I grew up in a really small village where everybody knows everybody, and I feel like that on my street. You know, I mean, it's great for the most part every once in a while, you know?
Kim Long: Yeah,
Poncho: yeah.
Kim Long: I mean, what you're describing as a military base.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: Right. Like we all, we all knew each other in the pm qs, private, married quarters. We, we all knew each other where we could look after each other's kids.
Poncho: Yes.
Kim Long: Like, you know, 'cause I grew up in the era of like, almost latchkey kids, so
Poncho: Yep.
Kim Long: If somebody was working that day, you would go to this house and you just knew that.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And it was just, but the pros and cons. Yeah. Because then there's always, it's like eyes in the back of their head. And so my parents would know if I had screwed up [00:52:00] before I even got home and saw them.
Poncho: Oh man. I, there'd be more than one occasion I'd, you know, I'd get home off the school bus and mom and dad knew that I had already done something even before I had the opportunity to explain my side of the story to them.
Kim Long: Right. But there, there's beauty in that because
Poncho: there is,
Kim Long: you know, then that you're safe.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: So you don't have to be on edge all the time.
Poncho: Yeah. You know, and that there's
Kim Long: pros and cons, but, uh,
Poncho: you know that at the end of the day, they legitimately care. And those around you, in this case, the neighbors, they, they care about you as well.
I, Kim, I, I wanna ask, uh, I want to ask you one more question. What does connection in recovery mean to you?
Kim Long: Oh, gosh. The type of connection we're talking about.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: To me, I think my dad would still be alive today.
I think that's the easiest way to say it. I'm, I'm getting a little emotional, but
Poncho: Yeah. No, I, so am so am I. Your answer makes me, I gotta reach for [00:53:00] some Kleenex, so.
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. He would, um, his whole life would've been different.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: And so, yeah, he'd
thank you for your response because. That to me is community, right? Like, we get it, we get what that means. How we would give anything to have that person back and to change their outcome. Um, 'cause my dad was an amazing man and he understood community and he just never found his, I don't think so. Yeah, he'd be alive.
Poncho: I, uh, I, I lost my mother to, to cancer a, a few years ago and
Kim Long: Oh, yeah.
Poncho: And, and she never used the word community, but I'll tell you man, she, she lived at family. There was nothing more important to her than family and her extended family [00:54:00] and her neighbors. And it was only a few years ago and I never had the opportunity to tell it, tell that to her.
But I'm like, mom, I, I get it now.
Kim Long: Yeah. Oh, how beautiful.
Poncho: So
Kim Long: she knows.
Poncho: Oh, yes.
Kim Long: She knows. I mean, regardless of what you believe in terms of religion, if you believe in spirituality at all.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: She knows.
Poncho: I talk to mom every day.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know, and she an and she answers back in her own way.
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: You know?
Kim Long: Yeah.
It's a beautiful thing.
Poncho: Uh, I, I, yeah. I
Kim Long: been, and speaking of community when it comes to recovery.
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Um, when you think of cancer and recovery of that, I remember sitting with my mom on her last day of her chemo treatment, and it was a hot summer day, and all the women, all different ages, different, different backgrounds, they all just whipped their wigs off and were like, oh, thank God.
And, and only the, and I, it was such a gift to watch that and then giggling about [00:55:00] it, talking about getting tattoos on their bald heads. But there's community in that, right? People. It doesn't matter what your background is, there's always a way to connect. Your mom knew that. Yeah. She built beautiful thing that she showed you that you now it sounds like has have built for yourself.
And so really like you are the best one to speak to what community means in recovery. So what would your answer be?
Poncho: I see how you snuck that in
the tables, uhhuh, the, the tables have turned,
Kim Long: how the tables subdued.
Poncho: Um, what, what, but
Kim Long: it's still an important answer, so please,
Poncho: no, but no, it is, what does community in, in, uh, in recovery mean to me?
Kim Long: Yeah.
Poncho: Um, as, as the days go by, I understand that it's, it's tantamount. It's, it's become a much bigger priority in my life than I ever thought it would be.
I, I used to be that believer [00:56:00] that yes, I need to heal, uh, that yes, I need to lead a positive life, and that yes, I need help. But that said, I can still do it all by myself. Which
Oh, interesting.
Which, you know, is, you know, which makes, you know, almost zero sense. But then when I learned that it's okay to ask my family for help, and it's okay to ask my neighbors for help mm-hmm.
And my friends for help, and to see their support, and then to see them in kind ask for my help when they need it. Yeah. You know, and I mean, when one set of walls come down, all of the walls come down, and yet, you know, we're stronger when we stand together.
Kim Long: But how did you accept that? Like, going back to the acceptance piece that you mentioned, right?
How did you get to that point where you accepted that, Hey, I don't have to do this by myself.
Poncho: How did I get there? That's, that's a really good question. I don't know if I have a full answer for you. I think that's something that I'm still working on. [00:57:00]
Kim Long: Okay.
Poncho: You know, I,
Kim Long: what opened the door then
Poncho: hitting the lowest of my lows.
Kim Long: Okay.
Poncho: I think, you know, I,
Kim Long: and so how did that, how did that open the door though, that, Hey, I don't have to do this alone. Because in some ways it could make you more
Poncho: Yeah.
Kim Long: Like, withdraw more.
Poncho: I, uh, I realized that I, I, I needed help with my, my personal struggles. And if I, I guess so I, I tried to, you know, uh, I tried to commit suicide several times, several, several years ago.
And fortunately, I, uh, oh, okay. I, I failed at it. And it was, it was a series of moments going, I wanna live and I need help. And I have neighbors and friends that are telling me it's okay to ask. So ask, asking, asking for help was, was the start.
Kim Long: Wow. And you had to trust them [00:58:00] too.
Poncho: And I had to trust them. Yeah.
Kim Long: Wow. Thank you for sharing that.
Poncho: Thank you. Uh,
Kim Long: and I'm glad you're still here.
Poncho: Yes, me too. Yeah, I really, really, really am because every day is a good day. Every day is a great day. It's just varying levels of
Kim Long: Yeah. Yeah. And it it sounds like your desire to live.
Poncho: Yes. Yeah.
Kim Long: Right.
Poncho: Yeah. Huge.
Kim Long: Really.
Poncho: You know. Yeah.
Um, I would love it if, uh, I, I don't, and, and I'm gonna put you on the spot here, but if you would be a, a, a future guest from Darkness to Life somewhere down the road, I would love to reconnect with you that again, and, and chat again.
Kim Long: I would love that. And I'm gonna figure out how to ask you more questions.
Poncho: Okay.
Kim Long: That's gonna be my plan. Time connect.
Poncho: We've been
Kim Long: spending No, I love, thank you. So much
Poncho: we've been speak. Oh, thank you. We've been speaking with Kim Long. Uh, one more time. Uh, an opportunity for some shameless advertising here.
Kim Long: Okay. Doche Psychological Services in in Spruce Grove, Alberta. We can help just about anybody in Alberta.[00:59:00]
And we do telehealth, we do all those things, and we're just here. We just wanna support you. That's look us up,
Poncho: Kim. Thank you very much.
Kim Long: Thank you.
Poncho: Alright. See you soon. Okay. Bye.
ANNCR: From Darkness to Life is an our Collective Journey podcast. These are the true stories of struggles and triumphs against addiction and mental health challenges.
If these stories resonate with you and you, or. Someone you love, need help, and don't know where to turn. Our collective journey is here for you. Please consider supporting Ocj by visiting our collective journey.ca and clicking donate. All proceeds go to supporting the health and wellness of people in our community.
Hosted by members of our collective journey, produced by Rob Pap, engineered, edited, and directed by Dave Crookshank From Darkness to Life is a plugged in media exclusive. Thank you for [01:00:00] listening.
