WEBVTT
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00:00:42.859Yeah, you know, codependency.
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00:00:51.420And for me, it was it it's essentially uh caring more about what other people think about me than what I think about myself, and more importantly, what God thinks about me.
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00:00:57.020And I'm gonna talk to not only the men but the women out there too, because this is a not a gender-specific uh issue.
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00:00:57.820Absolutely.
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00:01:04.060Um, but you know, if you're out there right now and you're you're you it has its hook its hooks in you.
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00:01:09.020I don't need to go into specifics because you know if you're listening, you know exactly who you are.
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00:01:16.859The fair the if you truly, truly want to change, you have to stop trying to play God.
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00:01:19.740This episode is sponsored by Arsenal RX.
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00:02:01.259Welcome back to another episode of Faith and Failures.
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00:02:05.819Uh, I have a very special guest with me, uh, Wesley Fawnsworth.
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00:02:12.140So um he has so you're an author, you now have your second book out.
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00:02:14.460You are a public speaker, a U.S.
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00:02:21.979Air Force veteran, Air Force veteran, uh creative professional with a background in photography and communications.
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00:02:25.979We're going to talk about that a lot because you can see my shirt.
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00:02:27.419I also have a media company.
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00:02:29.099We're gonna have some things to talk about.
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00:02:31.020I'm very excited about that.
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00:02:39.020Um, he's the author of The Blueprint of Becoming and the host of Unmasked with Wesley Fawnsworth.
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00:02:53.659Um, he has openly shared about his journey through addiction, through shame, through his struggles with identity, which I think applies big time in the world we live in today, and how faith has shaped his recovery and sense of purpose.
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00:02:59.180Um so, Wesley, thank you so much for for coming on the show.
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00:03:02.060And um so let's start from the beginning.
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00:03:04.379So, what who were you as a child?
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00:03:05.659How did you grow up?
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00:03:09.579Yeah, grew up like any other kid, one day at a time.
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00:03:16.539Uh no, I grew up uh in Michigan as a pastor's kid.
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00:03:19.900Uh my dad was uh was called a full-time evangelist.
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00:03:23.419Uh so he uh was a pastor, but not a pastor of a church.
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00:03:27.579Uh he would he would travel and uh speak anywhere that would have him.
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00:03:29.340Uh and so that's how I grew up.
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00:03:37.579I grew up um with my dad on the road um for the first part of my my uh youth years, if I if you will.
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00:03:51.019Um my mom was also in ministry, uh serving in a lot of different capacities over the years, um everything from the church secretary to running children's church to Sunday school, like you name it.
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00:03:55.419I think she did it at some point in her life, uh, and is still doing it today.
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00:03:59.340I she she's like the energizer by me, she never stops.
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00:04:04.379Um but so I grew up in the church.
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00:04:07.340You know, if if the church was open, I like to say we were there.
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00:04:09.900Uh it was uh family business, if you will.
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00:04:10.460Yeah.
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00:04:17.180Um I I sometimes I joke that if the if the janitor was there cleaning, we were there watching or helping.
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00:04:19.740Um it's funny you say that.
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00:04:23.980I literally like the whole thing you just said was almost my story growing up.
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00:04:31.100Uh I was a preacher's kid, but when um when I was born, my my parents were actually evangelists and they traveled around and preached.
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00:04:37.259Um and I think I was two or three years old, and an RV wasn't as big as it used to be.
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00:04:47.900And so having a bassinet in there, and then they wanted to have more kids, so they actually ended up taking their first church because they had me and they wanted to be more established and stay in one spot.
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00:04:52.060So uh yeah, and that was my mom did all the jobs in the church, you know.
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00:04:55.740We were the ones vacuuming and cleaning and mowing the yards and everything like that.
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00:05:03.660But it it really uh it really instilled in me the the burden and the duty and the responsibility of serving in the church.
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00:05:15.980Uh that I actually I circled back to I hated it as a kid because I'm like, oh everybody else is doing this, and but but when I got older and now I'm like trying to teach my kids like that's what you need to do, you need to be a servant, and so that's pretty awesome.
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00:05:17.740I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rept go ahead.
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00:05:18.379Yeah.
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00:05:21.660No, I was just gonna let you do the episode for me because we have the same story.
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00:05:22.620No one's kidding.
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00:05:24.300Just kidding, just kidding.
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00:05:47.900Um no, so yeah, look I grew so I grew up in the church, you know, and a lot of people are like, Oh, you poor thing, and I'm like, man, you I had the pr I had the privilege of seeing my seeing my parents' faith play it out and lived out on a day-to-day basis, yeah, in scenarios and times that a lot of people probably would never have experienced.
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00:05:48.460Yeah.
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00:05:52.860Um, and so that that's made a huge impact into who I am today.
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00:05:54.620Um, at the time I didn't know it.
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00:05:57.420At the time, I was just like, oh, here we go again, you know.
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00:06:02.939Um and and I just didn't understand the importance of what I was seeing.
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00:06:11.660Um and then on top of that, as a pastor's kid, you know, sometimes there are some unwritten rules that come with being a pastor's kid.
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00:06:19.260You have to act a certain way, do certain things, um, so that you reflect positively on your parents and on the church and on God.
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00:06:23.100Uh you're just held to a different standard than other kids.
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00:06:25.340Now when you other people admit it or not.
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00:06:35.500When you were growing up and you felt did you actually was it later in life that you looked back and realized that you had that burden on you, or was what did you feel that as you were growing up?
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00:06:38.140Like did you feel that weight on you to be different?
00:06:38.620 -->
00:06:41.100It's all hindsight's 2020.
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00:06:47.980Uh, as I've kind of gone back and looked over um my life, I kind of have realized that you know some of those some of those things.
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00:06:53.340Um and you're you you were always known by who you belong to.
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00:06:55.020Oh, you're so-and-so's kid.
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00:06:55.500Yeah.
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00:06:56.060Right?
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00:06:59.740You're you're not you're not Wesley, you're so-and-so's kid.
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00:07:00.060Right.
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00:07:07.100Um, and it's just part of being a pastor's kid and being, you know, in our environment.
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00:07:26.939Um but because of that unwritten pro the unrented unwritten rule of making sure that you fit in and reflect positively and all that stuff, um, I began to have that desire to fit in and please people uh at a deeper level.
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00:07:38.540And eventually it it's led to what I now know know as codependency, um, where I care more about what other people think um about me than what I think about myself.
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00:08:01.660Uh, and that's led to a lot of issues in my life, including the addiction that you reflect referred to earlier, because I wanted so so desperately to fit in with the people that I was hanging out with that I got into uh pornography um because somebody said something that spurred uh curiosity because I didn't know what it was they were talking about.
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00:08:06.780So I went home and looked it up because I didn't want to be unprepared next time because remember I want to fit in.
00:08:06.939 -->
00:08:07.580Right.
00:08:08.220 -->
00:08:14.460Uh and so I got home, looked it up, and but you know, the addiction was started.
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00:08:17.100Um, and that lasted for 20 years.
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00:08:21.020It took me a long time to be able to kick it, no matter how much I tried.
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00:08:26.140Um yeah, so that's kind of where I came from.
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00:08:29.820I I I could just keep going, so I guess I'll pause there and what questions do you have?
00:08:29.900 -->
00:08:33.019And well, how how old were you when you when you started?
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00:08:43.740Um, I know you said that um was it younger friends, or was it kind of high school age, kind of when you go into puberty, all that crazy stuff that we all go through and you you didn't really know much, so you go exploring.
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00:08:46.299Is that kind of the age bracket, or was it later in life?
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00:08:48.299For for the addiction, yeah.
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00:08:50.299Uh it was later in life.
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00:08:54.299Uh I was working, uh, it was people from work that I was hanging out with.
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00:09:02.539So I was I was let's see, with that job, I I would have been probably 15 or so.
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00:09:15.580Um, but again, I mean we we didn't live a very I I wouldn't say that I was sheltered, but I didn't live a secular lifestyle, if that makes sense.
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00:09:28.700Um I was homeschooled, uh, so there was not a whole lot of exposure to secular terminology, uh things like that, unless I heard it in the workplace or while I was out about doing things, whatever.
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00:09:40.860Um, and so when this term came up while I was hanging out with these people from work, uh I didn't know what it was, but apparently it was funny because everybody was joking and laughing and stupid and hollering and all and whatever.
00:09:40.940 -->
00:09:45.500And so that's kind of where I was like, well, what in the world are they talking about?
00:09:46.779 -->
00:09:54.540So on that, like you kind of um and we'll go we'll touch on that in a minute, but uh the photography stuff.
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00:09:57.980So you tell me about the photography thing.
00:09:58.060 -->
00:09:58.779When did you start that?
00:09:58.860 -->
00:09:59.899Like, how did you fall in love with that?
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00:10:02.300Was that from an early age or something later in life?
00:10:02.460 -->
00:10:03.580And how does that go?
00:10:03.899 -->
00:10:06.300How does that uh swing into your story?
00:10:06.700 -->
00:10:07.899Yeah, you know, it's funny.
00:10:08.700 -->
00:10:13.500Uh growing up, I was not a fan of photography at all.
00:10:13.659 -->
00:10:20.540My I had uh uh some family members that it seemed like every time you turned around they were taking your picture.
00:10:20.700 -->
00:10:24.540Um, and so I kind of got a little tired of it.
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00:10:42.860Um, but it wasn't until I joined the Air Force in 2007 uh that photography kind of entered the scene because I was I was enlisting and was at uh the processing station kind of picking what job I wanted, uh, and it was one of the jobs that was available for me to pick.
00:10:44.060 -->
00:10:48.860And the recruiter at the station was like, Don't pick that.
00:10:50.220 -->
00:10:51.100I was like, why?
00:10:51.340 -->
00:10:58.060He's like, if you pick it, you're gonna waste a slot because you only get like five slots to pick your jobs that you would like to do.
00:10:58.540 -->
00:11:04.620And he said, That is such a small career field that if you pick it, you're gonna be wasting a slot because you will not get it.
00:11:05.100 -->
00:11:05.420Wow.
00:11:05.580 -->
00:11:11.820And so I was I was gonna put it as my number one, but I didn't want to waste my number one, so I put it as my number two.
00:11:13.580 -->
00:11:24.779Uh and so it was a few days later that the the the monthly job drop happened, uh, and my recruiter calls me and calls me up and he says, Hey Farnsworth, uh, need to come in.
00:11:24.860 -->
00:11:27.740You've you've been uh we've got a job match for you.
00:11:28.300 -->
00:11:29.740It's like all right, I'm coming.
00:11:29.980 -->
00:11:35.500So I get into the get in the recruiter's office and I am at the door and he looked at me and he's like, All right.
00:11:35.659 -->
00:11:38.700He's like, who do you know and how much did you have to pay him?
00:11:38.940 -->
00:11:41.820And I said, What do you I said, what are you talking about?
00:11:42.379 -->
00:11:45.180He said, Who do you know and what how much did you have to pay him?
00:11:45.340 -->
00:11:46.379And I just kind of looked at him.
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00:12:01.820He's like, You have a job, here's your job, and it's the photographer, he said, in my time doing recruiting, which for a average recruiter, they only are a recruiter for two or three years, so that's not a long period of time.
00:12:02.060 -->
00:12:11.580He's like, But in my time as a recruiter, and all the time of the guy up at the MEP station, the processing station, who'd been doing it a lot longer, like over ten years, I think it's what he said.
00:12:11.740 -->
00:12:18.540Well, he's like, We've never seen this job job come available, and it came available and you got it.
00:12:18.700 -->
00:12:21.659So, again, who do you know and how much did you pay him?
00:12:23.180 -->
00:12:27.259I was like, I don't know anybody and I didn't pay him anything, but awesome.
00:12:27.580 -->
00:12:33.659Now, to get the job, did you have to display some sort of knowledge or ability or anything like that?
00:12:34.060 -->
00:12:45.820Or it just kind of happened when you enlist, you have to take a whole bunch of different at the ASVAB test, which measures all kinds of different areas, uh, and then based on your score is the jobs that you can qualify for.
00:12:45.899 -->
00:12:48.540Um then after that they train you.
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00:13:01.659Uh so I picked it, uh, enlisted enough, and we ended up going uh all the photographers um for the Department of Now War, um, they all go to the same schoolhouse.
00:13:01.740 -->
00:13:09.100Uh it's at Fort Meade, Maryland, uh, and it's called the Defense Information School, and you go through an intense training.
00:13:09.180 -->
00:13:13.420Uh, they say it's equivalent to two years of college in about two to three months.
00:13:13.580 -->
00:13:31.500Um, and you learn the ins and outs of photography from everything to location to uncontrolled action to standard, you know, grip and grin photos to you know just award presentations, you know, whatever it is, um crime scenes.
00:13:31.580 -->
00:13:44.779Uh you you learn how to photograph pretty much anything and everything that you could possibly be called on to photograph um in your official capacity for the for the uh Department of War or Department of Defense at the time.
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00:13:50.060Um and so yeah, it's a very uh intense job.
00:13:50.220 -->
00:13:54.460Uh you get to you get to see and do a lot of cool things.
00:13:54.620 -->
00:13:58.060Um do you get to keep the pictures you take?
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00:13:59.580Or is that ever a problem?
00:14:01.259 -->
00:14:09.500Um actually every photograph that a photographer takes for the Department of War um is public domain.
00:14:09.820 -->
00:14:20.460So and you can go out to Divid's Hub, um, which is a defense um video imagery distribution system, you can go out there and you can see all the photos that have been published.
00:14:20.700 -->
00:14:33.100Um you don't you don't you don't see all every photo because obviously, just like if you go to shoot a wedding or something like that, um you know you you're gonna take 500 photos and you're not gonna publish all 500 photos.
00:14:33.340 -->
00:14:34.060It's the same thing.
00:14:34.139 -->
00:14:40.460We they go through and they pick the best of the best that tells the story of whatever it is that they were covering, and that's what gets published.
00:14:40.700 -->
00:14:46.700Um but yeah, it's all public domain, so I have copies of almost all the jobs that I took photos of.
00:14:46.940 -->
00:14:47.580That's pretty cool.
00:14:47.659 -->
00:14:50.139Um at least the cool ones that I wanted to remember.
00:14:50.300 -->
00:14:52.940I mean, I I got to do a lot of really cool things.
00:14:53.100 -->
00:14:57.100Um, I photographed uh sporting events at pretty much every level.
00:14:57.259 -->
00:15:02.300Um I did uh presidential inauguration for uh Barack Obama.
00:15:02.379 -->
00:15:03.740It was at his second one.
00:15:03.899 -->
00:15:06.779Wow uh deployment to Afghanistan.
00:15:06.860 -->
00:15:09.820Um I flew with the Army Golden Knights.
00:15:10.139 -->
00:15:13.420Uh I got to do a lot of really cool stuff.
00:15:13.500 -->
00:15:15.259I was very blessed in my career.
00:15:15.500 -->
00:15:22.460So that was kind of a in my personal opinion, that was kind of a God thing and a blessing that you were able to get that and be able to experience all that.
00:15:22.540 -->
00:15:23.580That's really cool.
00:15:23.899 -->
00:15:24.379100%.
00:15:24.940 -->
00:15:32.620It it gave me a passion for something that was in a creative outlet that I didn't know I had, uh, and I love it to this day.
00:15:32.860 -->
00:15:37.259Now, you mentioned at 15, and you're how old when you went into the Air Force?
00:15:37.580 -->
00:15:40.700I was 22.
00:15:41.500 -->
00:15:42.22022.
00:15:42.300 -->
00:15:45.340So in this gap, what what does your story sound like?
00:15:45.500 -->
00:15:47.980Are you are you staying in church this entire time?
00:15:48.139 -->
00:15:49.659Is God a part of your life?
00:15:49.899 -->
00:15:57.019Because I know in my personal story, the more I got into sin, the less I really in my heart belonged to God.
00:15:57.259 -->
00:16:05.100And so there was like a schism that began to happen to where I played church and I did the church thing and I showed up and did what I was supposed to do and made sure mom and daddy were happy.
00:16:05.340 -->
00:16:09.180And then in private, I was somebody else, or around my friends, I was somebody else.
00:16:09.340 -->
00:16:13.659Does did that same fracture happen inside of you and in your mind?
00:16:14.379 -->
00:16:15.820It did to a point.
00:16:15.899 -->
00:16:17.899Uh, I've always attended church.
00:16:17.980 -->
00:16:19.580Um, I knew how important it was.
00:16:19.740 -->
00:16:22.379I knew you know that I wanted it in my life.
00:16:22.540 -->
00:16:28.620Um, for a long time I was riding mommy and daddy's coattail, you know, with faith, like a like a lot of kids were.
00:16:28.940 -->
00:16:46.460Um but yeah, throughout my entire life, I've always been in church, but there was a difference between who I was on Sunday and who I was at home because I was having this internal battle going on.
00:16:46.700 -->
00:16:58.700I wanted to follow Christ with everything I was, and I was doing everything I could to do that, but I was still also trying to deal with this this uh sin um that was going on in my life.
00:16:59.019 -->
00:17:01.100And so it was a constant battle.
00:17:01.180 -->
00:17:21.019So I wouldn't say that I I I never walked away from God, um, but I was never uh I I can't say that I was a hundred percent all in either because I was still dealing with things in the background and trying trying to become the person that I knew he wanted me to be.
00:17:21.339 -->
00:17:30.059Now let's pause here for a second because I think this is very important, and I think it's oftentimes overlooked and not really talked about.
00:17:30.299 -->
00:17:39.819There's a lot of people that you hear you end up hearing their story on the other side after they've gone through addiction, after this and that.
00:17:40.059 -->
00:17:55.579What would you say to somebody that right now that that period of time that you were talking about when you first were introduced to it and then when you got free, they're trying to serve God, like you just mentioned, you described it very well, like you're you're trying to serve God, but there's just it's it has its hooks in you.
00:17:55.740 -->
00:17:59.899And it's even like how Paul would say, like, I want to do good, I want to do this, but yet I don't.
00:17:59.980 -->
00:18:09.740It's like all of a sudden you just you you don't even mean to, and all of a sudden you just like come to yourself and you're awakened and you realize what you've done, and it's too late, it's already done.
00:18:09.899 -->
00:18:24.539And then you've you have that damnation on yourself and that shame, and you just you you feel like a piece of junk, and then you're then you put that shame on top of you, even though it's not what the father does, but it's what we do to ourselves, which keeps us from going and actually getting clean.
00:18:24.699 -->
00:18:31.099It's this over and over again cycle that I'm sure you've dealt with, and I I've dealt with porn myself over and over again.
00:18:31.259 -->
00:18:35.259So to a young man or even older men, every man has an issue.
00:18:35.419 -->
00:18:39.099Um, some deal with it and then some try to pretend like it doesn't exist.
00:18:39.339 -->
00:18:46.299But those who love God, they care about God, yet they're struggling and they don't know what to do.
00:18:46.459 -->
00:18:48.459What would you say to them right now in that moment?
00:18:48.939 -->
00:18:59.179Yeah, you know, I'm gonna and I'm I'm gonna even take what you just said a step further, and I'm gonna talk to not only the men but the women out there too, because this is a not a gender-specific uh issue.
00:18:59.500 -->
00:19:00.299Absolutely.
00:19:00.699 -->
00:19:06.299Um, but you know, if you're out there right now and you're you're you it has its hook, it's hooks in you.
00:19:06.379 -->
00:19:11.179I don't need to go into specifics because you know if you're listening, you know exactly who you are.
00:19:12.299 -->
00:19:19.259The fair the if you truly, truly want to change, you have to stop trying to play God.
00:19:21.019 -->
00:19:22.539And what do I mean by that?
00:19:22.859 -->
00:19:25.899For the longest time I was trying to quit.
00:19:26.539 -->
00:19:34.299And I would try and I'd say, okay, I'm gonna do it this way, and I would try to quit and I would have a little success, and then I would end up going back to it.
00:19:34.699 -->
00:19:37.579And so, okay, that didn't work, so I would try something different.
00:19:38.539 -->
00:19:41.500And it would work for a little while and I would go back to it.
00:19:41.819 -->
00:19:47.179The problem was I was trying to play God and to be myself at the same time.
00:19:47.419 -->
00:19:50.299I was trying to play both roles, but you can't do that.
00:19:50.539 -->
00:19:51.019That's right.
00:19:51.579 -->
00:19:54.859The first thing that you have to do is number one, admit that you have a problem.
00:19:55.579 -->
00:19:57.980Admit that it's something that you can't control.
00:19:58.779 -->
00:20:07.500That's very hard for somebody to do because if you're into it and it's an addiction, you're probably telling yourself I can quit anytime I want to.
00:20:07.819 -->
00:20:09.259It's not that big of a deal.
00:20:09.579 -->
00:20:11.819I'm not hurting anybody else but me.
00:20:12.859 -->
00:20:18.139And I know I can I know that's true because those are things that I went through, but those are things I was telling myself.
00:20:18.539 -->
00:20:20.459So you have to admit that there's a problem.
00:20:21.419 -->
00:20:24.779Number two, you have to take it before God and say, God, this is a problem.
00:20:25.259 -->
00:20:26.299Remove it from me.
00:20:27.980 -->
00:20:36.379And then you have to do what the Bible tells you to do, which is probably the hardest thing that you're going to do.
00:20:36.699 -->
00:20:36.939Yeah.
00:20:38.299 -->
00:20:45.099And that is you have to go to another human being and admit the exact nature of your wrongs.
00:20:45.259 -->
00:20:45.419Yeah.
00:20:46.219 -->
00:20:55.099You have to find somebody that you can talk to that's that can be in your life, and I I would encourage you not to do not have it be your spouse.
00:20:55.500 -->
00:20:55.659Yeah.
00:20:56.139 -->
00:20:58.219That that's her later down the road.
00:20:59.419 -->
00:21:11.819But go and find somebody that can be your accountability partner and find somebody you can trust and go to them and say, hey, I'm having an issue with this, this, this.
00:21:13.419 -->
00:21:15.500I'm having an issue with pornography.
00:21:16.059 -->
00:21:18.859I've tried to quit, I'm not able to do it.
00:21:19.099 -->
00:21:20.219I need help.
00:21:22.379 -->
00:21:23.899And then be honest with them.
00:21:24.379 -->
00:21:24.779Yeah.
00:21:25.899 -->
00:21:29.339And invite them into the situation.
00:21:30.459 -->
00:21:37.019Put a blocker on your phone, something along the lines of Covenant Eyes, or the other pro there's several apps out there for it.
00:21:37.740 -->
00:21:39.419And it make them your accountability partner.
00:21:39.659 -->
00:21:44.699So if you look at something that you're not supposed to, they get notified, and then they can call you on it.
00:21:45.179 -->
00:21:51.579And it makes a difference when when you have somebody that can see in the window of what's going on.
00:21:52.459 -->
00:21:53.099You change it.
00:21:53.899 -->
00:21:54.299Yeah.
00:21:55.339 -->
00:21:59.500Because you start to second guess, do I really need to go to this website?
00:21:59.980 -->
00:22:06.539And then likewise they have to be they have to be able to have the ability to s to ask you at any time, hey, how's it going?
00:22:06.699 -->
00:22:07.019Yeah.
00:22:07.259 -->
00:22:09.259What what's going on right now?
00:22:10.539 -->
00:22:12.939And you should be honest with them.
00:22:13.179 -->
00:22:18.299And that in and of itself would put you in check a little bit because you never know when they're gonna ask, how you doing?
00:22:18.539 -->
00:22:19.259What's going on?
00:22:19.419 -->
00:22:20.699What'd you do last night?
00:22:21.819 -->
00:22:30.779But those three those are the first three steps to taking the to taking and beginning your journey out outside of uh the addiction.
00:22:31.339 -->
00:22:36.539Now it's it's very hard to do because you get scared that for that third step.
00:22:36.699 -->
00:22:40.619Yeah, you get scared because you don't know how that other person's going to react.
00:22:41.259 -->
00:22:43.899You don't know what they're gonna think or say or do.
00:22:44.139 -->
00:22:51.259And so because it's so scary, everything inside of you is gonna tell you not to do it.
00:22:51.500 -->
00:22:56.379You're gonna you're gonna think of a million different reasons why you shouldn't do it.
00:22:57.579 -->
00:23:01.339Because you don't know what you don't know.
00:23:01.500 -->
00:23:03.019You don't know how they're gonna react.
00:23:03.339 -->
00:23:05.259So for somebody can tell you it's worth it.
00:23:05.500 -->
00:23:26.939So for somebody who's on that tipping point to where they know they have an issue, they're bringing it to God, they know it's wrong, they know, but yet they're having that like it's shame, it's embarrassing, it's it's being vulnerable to somebody else, and accountability is a must if you want to be successful in being a Christian.
00:23:27.019 -->
00:23:28.059It is a must.
00:23:28.299 -->
00:23:39.259Um, so what was what was your journey like to where you finally got to that step three, to where you actually could be bold enough and strong enough and have the courage to say something to somebody?
00:23:39.819 -->
00:23:41.500I was tired of it.
00:23:42.299 -->
00:23:47.019It got to the point that I knew I couldn't do it by myself and something had to change.
00:23:47.819 -->
00:23:50.699And my church started this amazing program.
00:23:50.779 -->
00:23:54.219Um, it's called Celebrate Recovery, and it is a Christ.
00:23:54.379 -->
00:23:55.980It's a excuse me.
00:24:12.139 -->
00:24:16.699Um my church started this amazing program called Celebrate Recovery.
00:24:16.779 -->
00:24:19.259It's a Christ-centered recovery program.
00:24:19.579 -->
00:24:23.419Um, that is for any kind of a hurt, have a hang-up addiction.
00:24:23.579 -->
00:24:28.299Um, you know, only one in three people that go there are first there for something like drugs or alcohol.
00:24:28.379 -->
00:24:44.299The rest of us are there for life issues, broken relationships, pornography addiction, overeating, self-body images, uh, self uh um self uh uh self-esteem issues, um, you you name it, uh anything.
00:24:44.619 -->
00:24:57.419Um and it was there that I was finally able to find somebody that I could be honest with because I knew that there was uh anonymity and there was confidentiality.
00:24:57.579 -->
00:25:00.779So I knew that the person that I was talking to was going to be safe.
00:25:01.099 -->
00:25:05.419Uh, and that's if you don't have anybody in your life, check it out.
00:25:05.579 -->
00:25:12.059There's there's more meetings held every month and or every week in the US than there are Starbucks locations.
00:25:12.299 -->
00:25:18.699So, and this is why I really wanted to talk about this topic, and I know we're spending a little time here, but I think it's very important and overlooked in the church.
00:25:18.779 -->
00:25:27.819I think it's an epidemic in the church that people don't want to talk about because they're afraid, well, if people know, then they're gonna they're gonna cast me out.
00:25:28.379 -->
00:25:32.459And if they're a true church, they will not cast out, they will bring them in.
00:25:32.619 -->
00:25:36.219Um, because I I want people, I I see this a lot.
00:25:36.379 -->
00:25:42.379People say, Yeah, I have struggles, I have struggles, but yet they don't want to open up and receive that accountability.
00:25:42.619 -->
00:25:54.859And and so what I heard from your story is one of the things that helped you open up was to realize, and this is why I wanted to talk about it, you realized that other people were just as messed up and hurt as you were.
00:25:55.419 -->
00:26:03.019Yeah, you know, the the number one thing the enemy wants you to think is that you are unique and that nobody is going to understand.
00:26:03.179 -->
00:26:03.819Yeah.
00:26:04.059 -->
00:26:08.619Those are the lies that I heard day in and day out throughout my addiction.
00:26:08.939 -->
00:26:12.699And because I believed it, it kept me in sin.
00:26:13.259 -->
00:26:15.579It kept me from talking about it.
00:26:16.219 -->
00:26:27.019And so the the church has to be a place where anybody can come in and feel welcome.
00:26:27.259 -->
00:26:27.579Yeah.
00:26:27.819 -->
00:26:33.419No matter how they're dressed, no matter how they smell, no matter what their background is, no matter what.
00:26:34.139 -->
00:26:39.339They have to those doors have to be open and they have to be welcomed with open arms and loved.
00:26:39.899 -->
00:26:46.139Because if if we don't have that kind of environment, then they're gonna go elsewhere to find it.
00:26:46.379 -->
00:26:46.779Yeah.
00:26:46.939 -->
00:26:47.899And they do.
00:26:48.139 -->
00:26:53.899They go to the streets and they find the drug dealer that's gonna love them with open arms while they take their money and get them hooked.
00:26:54.219 -->
00:26:56.459I say from the pulpit all the time.
00:26:56.539 -->
00:27:00.619Like the bar down the street should not be more welcoming than the church.
00:27:00.939 -->
00:27:01.740Absolutely.
00:27:01.899 -->
00:27:04.539And that's I I say from the pulpit all the time.
00:27:04.619 -->
00:27:19.339I mean, I I'm actually preaching here in the next couple weeks, and I'm talking about the very same thing because it's so important because I have talked to people that say I don't come to church because I won't feel welcome.
00:27:19.740 -->
00:27:30.779I went out actually, uh, one of my favorite uh examples of this is as a teenager, I went out on a missions uh uh missions trip in the city that I was living in.
00:27:31.019 -->
00:27:31.259Right?
00:27:31.339 -->
00:27:37.819We were having this big uh end of week like conference festival thing, you know, big big celebration at the church.
00:27:37.980 -->
00:27:40.059And uh we went out all over town.
00:27:40.139 -->
00:27:42.459We were inviting anybody and everybody to it.
00:27:43.339 -->
00:27:51.339And I was at the mall, and there was a there was a group of I think it was like four bikers uh that pulled in and I was like, well, let's go invite them.
00:27:51.500 -->
00:27:52.779I'm a you know, I'm a teenager.
00:27:52.859 -->
00:28:00.299I don't and I I I go up to him and I'm like, hey guys, I was like, hey, come to this thing, you know what we're gonna have is there's gonna be free food, you know, blah blah blah.
00:28:00.459 -->
00:28:01.579Come out and check it out.
00:28:01.740 -->
00:28:05.500And he looked at the one of the bikers, looked at me, and I'll never never forget it.
00:28:05.579 -->
00:28:11.899He had uh sleeves of tattoos now, both arms, leather jacket, beard, like traditional biker.
00:28:11.980 -->
00:28:13.740When you think biker, that was him.
00:28:13.899 -->
00:28:20.699Uh and he looked at me and he looked at the he looked at the flyer and he looked back at me and he said, We won't be there.
00:28:20.779 -->
00:28:21.899And I said, Why not?
00:28:22.219 -->
00:28:23.899He said, Look at me.
00:28:24.139 -->
00:28:25.899I'm not gonna be welcomed there.
00:28:26.059 -->
00:28:29.339I wouldn't be accepted, so we're not even gonna come.
00:28:29.579 -->
00:28:31.019And they walked in.
00:28:31.740 -->
00:28:35.659That's sad that that that's what people think the church about the church.
00:28:35.980 -->
00:28:38.219Absolutely, because that's the way that it is.
00:28:38.859 -->
00:28:42.139I have seen it played out though, and that's the sad part.
00:28:42.219 -->
00:28:50.059And as even as I've gotten into recovery, I've talked to people that are like, I don't feel like I can talk like I talk at with this recovery group.
00:28:50.139 -->
00:28:52.059I can't talk the same way at church.
00:28:52.219 -->
00:29:07.179Yeah, I can't go to the person across the aisle and say, How you do, or and tell them how I'm doing and what I'm struggling with, because they're not gonna keep it confidential, yeah, and they're not gonna support me the same way that I get here in a recovery program, and that's sad.
00:29:07.740 -->
00:29:10.219It's definitely important who you tell your business to.
00:29:11.259 -->
00:29:24.539The church should be the safest place in the world to come to when you are struggling with something and and find community of people that are gonna love you and keep your business private.
00:29:24.859 -->
00:29:35.740Um, but now we we talked about the uh the person that was understanding that that addiction is wrong.
00:29:36.379 -->
00:29:47.980What can you say to warn against someone who has just started dabbling in porn or they have not yet so a lot of times we'll stay in sin because we haven't yet felt the effects of sin.
00:29:48.619 -->
00:29:54.219So what would you say to someone who is just starting out or has just begun to be curious?
00:29:54.379 -->
00:30:01.819Um what can you speak on the damage of what it does to not only your mind but relationships and and everything that touches it?
00:30:02.139 -->
00:30:07.019Yeah, I would say if if you if you're just starting to dabble in it, run.
00:30:07.259 -->
00:30:09.819Run as fast as you can away from it.
00:30:10.059 -->
00:30:14.859Um it messes with your mind in so many different ways.
00:30:15.179 -->
00:30:22.539It will completely change the way that you think and look uh at the opposite sex.
00:30:22.699 -->
00:30:39.019Yeah, it will completely change the way you view intimacy, it will change so many things, and it is a very long road to get back to a healthy spot in your mind.
00:30:39.259 -->
00:30:42.859It's possible, but it is a long and hard road.
00:30:43.179 -->
00:30:49.339So if you're out there and you're you're just starting to dabble in, you're like, well, that's not me, that's never gonna happen, I can control it.
00:30:49.500 -->
00:30:55.740Yeah, that is the enemy speaking a hundred percent to you right now, trying to keep you right where he's got it.
00:30:55.899 -->
00:31:13.179Because as long as you're watching that garbage, he has his hooks in you and he has control over you, especially if you're a man, because if the devil has control of you, if the enemy has control over you in the bedroom, then he has control over you in all of your life.
00:31:13.899 -->
00:31:29.019And so if we if you're just even thinking about running and dabbling in it, or you're just starting in it, or whatever whatever stage you're at in it, I would just say run and find help and kick into the curb as fast as you possibly can.
00:31:29.339 -->
00:31:33.579Now, one of the things I know we talked about pornography, we talked about the addiction.
00:31:33.819 -->
00:31:43.819Um the main thing that I think we land that we need to land on and and and in with that part is find somebody that's trustworthy.
00:31:44.219 -->
00:31:54.139And the Bible does say confess your sins one to another, because it purges your soul when you let that stuff come out and you're not holding on to it anymore.
00:31:54.299 -->
00:32:00.219Um, and that's where the damage really comes in when you try to hold it in, suppress it, and and keep it.
00:32:00.459 -->
00:32:03.740Um now you mentioned codependency.
00:32:04.219 -->
00:32:04.619Yeah.
00:32:04.939 -->
00:32:05.579Explain that.
00:32:05.740 -->
00:32:11.899Like what what exactly, how did that shape your life from a young child being a people pleaser?
00:32:11.980 -->
00:32:17.179I've been there myself, I'm a people person, and so if I was if I was somewhere, I was the life of the party.
00:32:17.339 -->
00:32:20.139I was being stupid or whatever, just trying to make people laugh.
00:32:20.219 -->
00:32:22.779It didn't really matter, and that bled into my adulthood.
00:32:22.859 -->
00:32:28.779Well, then you introduced drugs and alcohol, and then everything else just is magnified and it just life blew up.
00:32:28.859 -->
00:32:38.459So on codependency for you, what did that look like for you, and how did that start uh manipulating not only you but your relationships as you got older?
00:32:39.019 -->
00:32:41.019Yeah, you know, codependency.
00:32:41.339 -->
00:32:49.819And for me, it was it's essentially uh carrying more about what other people think about me than what I think about myself, and more importantly, what God thinks about me.
00:32:50.699 -->
00:32:55.259And so for a lot of people, it's also known as just being a people pleaser.
00:32:55.419 -->
00:32:57.579You say yes to everybody because you want to please them.
00:32:57.740 -->
00:33:01.179Yeah, uh, you're you're the yes man or yes woman.
00:33:01.419 -->
00:33:11.980Um and the problem with that is you start saying yes to so many things, and you start becoming so focused on what is it that they want me to think?
00:33:12.299 -->
00:33:21.819What is it that they want me to say or do right now that you you if you if you're like me, you became very good at starting to be able to identify that.
00:33:22.059 -->
00:33:27.419And over time, I just completely I honestly I lost track of who I was.
00:33:28.139 -->
00:33:37.019I had somebody ask me um a hand just less than 10 years ago, they asked me, What does Wes think about this?
00:33:37.339 -->
00:33:39.019Like, Wes, what do you think about this?
00:33:39.179 -->
00:33:41.899And immediately I was like, Oh, I think blah blah blah blah blah.
00:33:42.139 -->
00:33:44.139And it was what I thought they wanted me to say.
00:33:44.299 -->
00:33:44.939Yeah.
00:33:45.259 -->
00:33:51.740And then they were like, they knew me well enough, and they were like, Okay, now what do you really think of this?
00:33:52.379 -->
00:33:59.500Now what you want me to hear, what I think you what you think you want me to hear, what is it that you truly think about it?
00:34:00.139 -->
00:34:01.659And that set me off.
00:34:01.899 -->
00:34:02.859That set me back.
00:34:02.939 -->
00:34:03.819I had to stop and think.
00:34:03.899 -->
00:34:05.579I'm like, what do you mean?
00:34:06.139 -->
00:34:15.820And it took me a while, and I I wasn't able to give them an answer because I couldn't differentiate what I thought versus what I thought that they wanted me to think.
00:34:16.139 -->
00:34:16.300Right.
00:34:16.460 -->
00:34:18.460You just wanted to be whoever they wanted you to be.
00:34:19.340 -->
00:34:24.380Exactly, because I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be a part of the in crowd.
00:34:24.539 -->
00:34:37.579Um and it took me a long time in counseling to be able to to kind of work through that and begin to find myself again and and begin to identify, okay, is this we you know when I'm answering somebody now?
00:34:37.659 -->
00:34:39.179I I tend to stop them.
00:34:39.340 -->
00:34:45.820Okay, am I saying this because it's what I think they want me to say, or am I saying this because it's truly what I think and what I feel?
00:34:46.139 -->
00:34:57.179Um so that's essentially, I mean, that that's played a role in my entire life and in every capacity from the workplace to the personal life to you name it.
00:34:57.500 -->
00:35:07.659Now, is this all of what you're talking about right now, what we've kind of touched on as we went along, is that kind of what inspired you to write your first book, uh The Blueprint of Becoming?
00:35:08.619 -->
00:35:19.259Yeah, so my first book, The Blueprint of Becoming, actually was uh born out of my um my participation in Celebrate Recovery.
00:35:19.420 -->
00:35:25.019Um so the first two to three chapters is my personal testimony, my celebrate recovery testimony.
00:35:25.099 -->
00:35:31.980Um the very first draft that I first wrote um as I would after about a year of being in the program.
00:35:32.699 -->
00:35:43.259Um and after I wrote it and gave it a few times, I really just felt like God was saying, You now you're gonna start sharing this outside of celebrate recovery.
00:35:44.539 -->
00:35:46.299And I was like, I'm gonna do what?
00:35:46.380 -->
00:35:46.699Uh-uh.
00:35:46.940 -->
00:35:48.380No, uh no, no, no, no.
00:35:48.940 -->
00:35:51.179I've told one person and maybe a few people.
00:35:51.259 -->
00:35:52.460I'm not telling the world.
00:35:53.179 -->
00:35:59.420Oh, I've t I've told groups of people because you know, I've I would share with in a mixed um in the large groups.
00:35:59.659 -->
00:36:03.339Oh, so you would you were actually willing to share it beyond just a small group that you were in.
00:36:03.420 -->
00:36:03.579Yeah.
00:36:03.739 -->
00:36:03.980Okay.
00:36:04.219 -->
00:36:12.059Yeah, because well, some people they they break, you know, they kind of say a little bit and that, but they don't want it to be outside of the the little bubble that they feel safe and you know, not judge.
00:36:12.299 -->
00:36:15.420So that's awesome that you were able to have the courage to do that.
00:36:15.739 -->
00:36:21.500Yeah, but I had but I had safety still because even though I was there, I still had anonymity confidentiality.
00:36:21.659 -->
00:36:25.819So I knew I could share within celery recovery and it wouldn't go outside celibate recovery.
00:36:25.980 -->
00:36:26.539Gotcha.
00:36:26.940 -->
00:36:32.699So uh when he's like you're gonna share it outside, I was like, uh let's talk about this.
00:36:33.659 -->
00:36:45.500Um, so I that kind of started the book, and then uh over time I I would write a little bit and then I would stop and I'd write a little bit and I'd stop, and then it just kind of would go back and forth.
00:36:45.739 -->
00:36:51.900Um and it was about 20, I say this is 26, so but 24, 2024.
00:36:51.980 -->
00:36:54.779Uh I found myself unemployed for about five months.
00:36:55.739 -->
00:37:01.900Been there and God's like, hey, God's like, hey uh, let's go ahead and finish that thing up.
00:37:02.139 -->
00:37:03.500Now that I have your full attention.
00:37:05.179 -->
00:37:09.659Uh so I I worked on it for a little bit and not as much as I should.
00:37:09.900 -->
00:37:20.619Um and so it it got to 26 now, and uh I found myself unemployed again, this time for nine and a half months.
00:37:20.779 -->
00:37:25.420Oh, and he's like, he's like, hey, hey, uh remember that book?
00:37:26.219 -->
00:37:29.980He's like, I should have did it the first five months and I wouldn't be suffering now.
00:37:30.619 -->
00:37:38.539Uh so um so that's kind of the the so the essentially the first book blueprint of becoming is my personal testimony to begin with.
00:37:38.619 -->
00:37:48.059Um, but then we walk through what it means to walk in the blueprint that God has for your life uh and what that looks like.
00:37:48.219 -->
00:37:56.619Um I use the analogy in the book of uh sailors and they're navigating the waters of by stars, right?
00:37:56.860 -->
00:38:03.259Um and they always look to their north star as their compass to make sure that they're going the direction they're supposed to go.
00:38:03.579 -->
00:38:05.339Well, the same is true in our life.
00:38:05.579 -->
00:38:17.579God has very clearly laid this out for me, and he said, If I'm if I am your true North Star, then everything else is gonna fall into place.
00:38:18.380 -->
00:38:26.539As long as I'm this as long as I am the center and you're making all of your decisions around me, then you're gonna be okay.
00:38:26.619 -->
00:38:29.980You're gonna be walking in the blueprint that I have for your life.
00:38:30.299 -->
00:38:48.139But when you allow your job or your relationship or your children, or your favorite TV show, or your video game, or whatever it is, your sports, when you allow that to overcome and become your new North Star that you navigate everything by.
00:38:48.299 -->
00:38:51.500Well, I can't go to church Sunday because Jimmy's got a soccer game.
00:38:51.659 -->
00:38:56.219Yeah, I can't go to church Sunday because the the Chiefs are playing on on CPS.
00:38:56.539 -->
00:38:58.219I can't and that's just a random team.
00:38:58.299 -->
00:38:59.420I'm not a Chiefs fan.
00:38:59.900 -->
00:39:02.940But uh I I you get the idea.
00:39:03.099 -->
00:39:03.339Yeah.
00:39:03.500 -->
00:39:14.139When when you allow something else to become the North Star, then you're no longer walking in true alignment to what's what God has, and that becomes your compass.
00:39:14.779 -->
00:39:26.940And so we look through, okay, if if you truly are have allowed something else to become your North Star, what are some ways that you can number one figure out what that thing is, and number two, how do you eliminate it?
00:39:27.179 -->
00:39:28.860And it doesn't need to be eliminated.
00:39:29.019 -->
00:39:32.860Maybe it just needs to be uh your priorities need to shift.
00:39:33.099 -->
00:39:36.460Uh, and so that's what we talk about throughout the first book.
00:39:36.779 -->
00:39:40.460Uh, and I am such a huge believer in community.
00:39:40.539 -->
00:39:48.940Um, I've seen it play out in my own life and the importance of it, that I actually encourage people to go through the book with another person.
00:39:49.339 -->
00:39:58.219So much so that I actually wrote a participant's guide and a leader's guide for it, and I offer those free of charge on my website.
00:39:58.380 -->
00:40:08.380Uh that actually takes the book and it turns it into a 10-week study where you can go through and as you begin to identify things in your life that maybe you need to change.
00:40:08.699 -->
00:40:36.860Now, hey, you have a community right here with you that you can be open and honest with, and then they can be that accountability to you just as you can be the accountability to them, as they share what they're learning and identifying from the book, uh, and their own reflection of their own life, because every chapter has um discussion questions and journal prompts and stuff like that at the end of it for you to to uh go through and apply what you just learned to your own life.
00:40:37.179 -->
00:40:46.380Um so we get through the we finally get the first book published, and God says, Hey, uh, you're not done yet.
00:40:47.179 -->
00:40:48.139Of course.
00:40:50.059 -->
00:40:53.500He's like, uh uh, now I want you to start this podcast.
00:40:53.739 -->
00:40:57.099And I said, I'm like, God, like, okay.
00:40:57.339 -->
00:41:01.819I'm like, if you want me to do this, I I'm game, but remember, I'm unemployed.
00:41:02.059 -->
00:41:05.500I said, so if if you want me to do this, you have to provide.
00:41:05.579 -->
00:41:07.739Because there's a cost with starting a podcast.
00:41:07.900 -->
00:41:08.460Yeah.
00:41:08.779 -->
00:41:12.699And I said, I'm in, but you have to provide.
00:41:13.500 -->
00:41:14.940Don't challenge God.
00:41:17.819 -->
00:41:27.099The next day, I kid you not, I was handed an envelope that said from an anonymous source, and in the money, in the envelope was the money to start the podcast.
00:41:27.579 -->
00:41:28.219Wow.
00:41:29.179 -->
00:41:30.619So I was I just started laughing.
00:41:30.699 -->
00:41:31.900I was like, okay, God.
00:41:32.460 -->
00:41:33.019All right.
00:41:33.259 -->
00:41:36.539So I went home and I I the the podcast was born.
00:41:36.619 -->
00:41:39.579And so it's called Unmasked with Wesley Farnsworth.
00:41:39.739 -->
00:41:43.900Uh we talk faith, we talk uh religion, and we talk recovery.
00:41:44.059 -->
00:41:46.460Uh, and every week there's two episodes that come out.
00:41:46.619 -->
00:41:50.299Tuesday is a solo episode where I talk something faith and recovery related.
00:41:50.380 -->
00:42:07.659Uh, and then Thursdays is an episode, uh guest episode, uh, where somebody comes on and they share just as I'm doing uh their journey, uh, what things that they have gone through and how God met them in the middle of their mess, uh, and how the what the what life's like for them now on the other side.
00:42:07.980 -->
00:42:14.779So the podcast is born, and I'm like, okay, I can breathe.
00:42:15.099 -->
00:42:16.940And he said, You're not done yet.
00:42:19.179 -->
00:42:21.579And I'm like, what else is there to do?
00:42:22.219 -->
00:42:27.420And he's he's like, um, now I want you to start speaking.
00:42:29.179 -->
00:42:31.339And I'm like, You want me to do what?
00:42:31.900 -->
00:42:39.980He's like, I want you to start speaking, and so for a week I wrestled with this, and I threw a little temper tantrum like a teenager being told to take out the trash.
00:42:40.219 -->
00:42:40.699Of course.
00:42:41.019 -->
00:42:48.139And and I'm like, uh no, you you must have meant the person behind me in the in the in the pew behind me, because that's not me.
00:42:48.380 -->
00:42:52.940My dad was a pastor, my dad's dad was a pastor, I can take this one out.
00:42:53.420 -->
00:42:57.579And he he he made it pretty clear, no, I I want you.
00:42:57.900 -->
00:43:00.139Uh, and so after a week I finally gave in.
00:43:00.299 -->
00:43:04.299I was like, fine, if this is what you want, I'm in.
00:43:05.659 -->
00:43:09.659So then he says, Okay, if you're true, I want you to.
00:43:10.059 -->
00:43:19.980This is a Sunday morning, he says, if that's true, I want you to go up front and I want you to tell your pastor exactly what I've told you to do and offer to speak for him.
00:43:21.659 -->
00:43:24.059And I'm like, You want me to do what?
00:43:25.819 -->
00:43:27.819I already said yes, isn't that enough?
00:43:27.980 -->
00:43:30.539Uh yeah, where's the envelope of money this time?
00:43:32.699 -->
00:43:34.940So I went up front and I did as he told.
00:43:35.019 -->
00:43:43.019Uh, I still haven't spoken in my church, but uh he has begun to you know walk with me, and I'm doing a lot of different things now.
00:43:43.259 -->
00:43:49.739Um, but the next morning my phone rang and a church contacted me about doing some pulpit fill form.
00:43:51.739 -->
00:44:00.299And and then another church reached out to me to do pulpit fill form, and now I'm doing pulpit fill for three different churches, and I'm preaching once or twice a month.
00:44:00.380 -->
00:44:02.619Uh, and I have been since I said yes.
00:44:02.860 -->
00:44:08.059Um, and so it's just crazy how God is opening doors and using me to do different things.
00:44:08.299 -->
00:44:08.779It's awesome.
00:44:08.940 -->
00:44:15.980And now I've got a workshop that I did a few months, uh a few weeks ago, and now that's starting to take off, and I've got more requests to do workshops.
00:44:16.219 -->
00:44:19.259Um so finally I thought I was done.
00:44:20.619 -->
00:44:33.739And he's like and then I started getting these questions over and over and over again in different put slightly different ways, um, throughout that nine and a half month unemployment season.
00:44:34.059 -->
00:44:38.059And they were all where does your faith come from?
00:44:38.299 -->
00:44:40.460How is your faith so strong?
00:44:41.259 -->
00:44:46.779That you're not losing your ever loving mind during this unemployment season.
00:44:47.980 -->
00:44:54.940And as I began to really wrestle with that and think about that, I realized it was from my upbringing.
00:44:55.179 -->
00:45:04.460The lessons and the things that I learned growing up and how I saw faith playing out and the little ways that I saw God provide and show up in my life.
00:45:04.699 -->
00:45:08.699And so that's what led to my second book, When Faith Meets Fire.
00:45:08.940 -->
00:45:20.380In that book, we explore how to build your faith, how to walk in faith, and what it looks like to have faith when you're in the middle of the fire and life isn't going like you expected it to go.
00:45:20.619 -->
00:45:33.900You know, when when you find yourself unexpectedly on the unemployment line, when you find yourself with your with your marriage ending, when you find yourself, you know, with whatever the issues might be.
00:45:34.139 -->
00:45:39.739Um there's a lot of different fires that somebody can go through in their life.
00:45:40.219 -->
00:45:42.619But what does faith look like in the middle of it?
00:45:42.860 -->
00:45:48.779And so that's what we explore in uh my second book on Faith Mage Fire, which is which just released.
00:45:49.259 -->
00:46:05.339So how when you were going through this process, okay, you talked about how you kind of you you introduced people to be a um hold you accountable in that space that would um that was vulnerable to other people.
00:46:05.900 -->
00:46:13.900How did you in that how did you in the codependency how did you get out of the codependency mode?
00:46:14.059 -->
00:46:23.019Like, how did you not just know you had a problem without just pretending to be something else just to feel like you don't have a problem anymore?
00:46:23.099 -->
00:46:24.219Does that make sense?
00:46:24.539 -->
00:46:26.219Yeah, I didn't.
00:46:26.539 -->
00:46:29.339Codependency, I think, is a human nature issue.
00:46:30.139 -->
00:46:33.819The problem is is when you start letting it run your life.
00:46:34.059 -->
00:46:39.659When you when you when you have to learn to say no, there's probably a problem.
00:46:40.539 -->
00:46:42.860And so I had to learn how to tell people no.
00:46:43.019 -->
00:46:45.099Hey, can you come help me out this weekend?
00:46:45.339 -->
00:46:48.779Man, you know, I have a full calendar, but sure, I can come help you out.
00:46:49.019 -->
00:46:50.139I'll figure it out.
00:46:50.380 -->
00:46:54.139You know, I had to learn to say, you know what, I'd love to, but I really can't.
00:46:54.219 -->
00:46:56.539I've just I'm I'm so packed, you know.
00:46:56.860 -->
00:46:58.380It's not the right time for me.
00:46:58.460 -->
00:47:00.139I'm I I'm sorry.
00:47:00.380 -->
00:47:04.619Um and I had to be okay with disappointing somebody.
00:47:04.860 -->
00:47:05.420That's dude.
00:47:05.659 -->
00:47:10.219Because the old the old me would have been like, oh no, I'm gonna disappoint them.
00:47:10.299 -->
00:47:12.539They're never gonna want to talk to me again.
00:47:12.779 -->
00:47:26.699I'm not gonna be invited over to to Sunday dinner, or I'm not gonna be invited off to eat next time they go, or or or you know, the world's gonna end if I tell them if I if I tell them no, they're not gonna have any help because I'm the linchpin that makes everything happen.
00:47:26.860 -->
00:47:28.299You know, the world remote.
00:47:31.420 -->
00:47:38.059So I had you you I joke and it sounds funny, but it's exactly the mindset a lot of people think.
00:47:38.380 -->
00:47:53.659And so I had to be I had to learn to be able to say no and to be okay with saying no and doing what was right for me uh in those times, and that took a long time to be able to get, and then eventually as you begin to do it, it gets a little bit easier.
00:47:53.980 -->
00:48:03.179Now, did you ever hit walls where you where you were trying to do the right thing, yet it kept seeming like it was just not working?
00:48:03.980 -->
00:48:04.779All the time.
00:48:04.940 -->
00:48:09.579It's uh how do you push through how do you push through that to where you don't feel defeated?
00:48:09.739 -->
00:48:23.659Because especially somebody starting out to where they're just trying to do the right thing, and and you know it's the right thing, but yet you can get so discouraged because you you just feel like you're not making any progress, and you feel like you're you're failing and you're failing.
00:48:23.739 -->
00:48:35.099Like we talked about that endless cycle earlier, where it's like I'm doing good for a couple weeks, and then all of a sudden I look again or something pops up on social media and it reminds me of this, and then I go down the rabbit hole, and then it's all and then here I am again.
00:48:35.259 -->
00:48:42.380So, how do you keep from from we're our we are our best and worst discourager?
00:48:42.539 -->
00:48:46.539Like we will beat ourselves up and nobody will ever even know we're suffering in silence.
00:48:46.699 -->
00:48:49.739So, how did you how did you wrestle with that?
00:48:49.819 -->
00:48:50.860How did you get past that?
00:48:50.940 -->
00:48:56.139Or how are you maybe still, if it's a part of your makeup, how are you still dealing with that today?
00:48:56.460 -->
00:48:59.259Yeah, you know, it comes down to the accountability teams.
00:48:59.500 -->
00:49:07.420You have to have somebody in your life that you can be honest with and not have a fear over what they might think, say, or do.
00:49:07.659 -->
00:49:15.420I have people in my life, I have men in my life that I can go to and be like, yo, life sucks right now.
00:49:15.659 -->
00:49:17.900Here's what's here here's what just happened.
00:49:18.059 -->
00:49:18.940Can I quit?
00:49:19.179 -->
00:49:22.539You know, I I have a I have a buddy that I call one of my accountability partners.
00:49:22.699 -->
00:49:31.259I call him probably well, we talk just about every day now because we're bit we're best friends, but I will often call and be like, I quit.
00:49:31.420 -->
00:49:32.860I quit life, I'm just done.
00:49:33.019 -->
00:49:36.699Like it's it is what it is, and we're like, okay, what's going on?
00:49:36.779 -->
00:49:48.059And we just talk about what's going on, like that's what we're so stressed over because it's natural, and that's where a lot of people are they feel like they have to hide everything.
00:49:48.460 -->
00:49:55.980But if you don't hide, if you don't talk about it, it's just gonna eat you up on the inside and it's gonna just continue to build and fester.
00:49:56.460 -->
00:49:59.420And so you have to be able to talk about the things you're going through.
00:49:59.659 -->
00:50:04.940But the problem is you don't want to do it.
00:50:05.179 -->
00:50:09.819Yeah, it's easier to keep things in the darkness and not talk about it.
00:50:10.059 -->
00:50:14.860I often I often get asked, Wes, how can you talk so freely about your addiction?
00:50:15.819 -->
00:50:21.179And I tell people, you know, the addiction is a part of my life.
00:50:21.819 -->
00:50:25.179It has a role and it played a role in my life.
00:50:25.420 -->
00:50:26.779Am I proud of it?
00:50:27.019 -->
00:50:28.299Absolutely not.
00:50:29.099 -->
00:50:30.460Can I change it?
00:50:30.699 -->
00:50:32.059Absolutely not.
00:50:32.460 -->
00:50:36.940Can I control what role it plays in my life moving forward?
00:50:37.179 -->
00:50:38.139Absolutely.
00:50:38.380 -->
00:51:18.460Yeah, I would rather talk about it now and keep it in the light and potentially help somebody else with my story, whether it be the addiction or the codependency or whatever it is that we've talked about today, I would rather talk about that stuff and keep it in the light where other people can see it, and my the men that I've chosen as my my accountability partners can keep me and keep me accountable than to stop talking about it, to allow it to s to slowly move into the background and back into the darkness, into the shadows, where then it can begin to grow and fester.
00:51:19.099 -->
00:51:28.619Because when it gets back into the darkness, yeah, now now the enemy has a way to be able to get a hold of it again, and he has a way to be able to get his hooks back in you.
00:51:28.779 -->
00:51:38.619And and those all those lies that you've believed for so long that you were you were unique, that nobody else is gonna understand, all those things are gonna start resurfacing again.
00:51:38.860 -->
00:51:41.819And now you have to start back from almost ground zero.
00:51:42.059 -->
00:51:42.619Yeah.
00:51:42.860 -->
00:51:53.980And now when as far as your question goes about what happens if you if you have the urge to do this again or you do do it again, you know, what happens?
00:51:54.460 -->
00:52:03.019You know, recovery and change is not a linear journey, and that's what I think people get mixed up.
00:52:03.339 -->
00:52:11.019They say, okay, I'm gonna start here, I'm gonna be here by tomorrow, and I'm gonna wake up and where I'm gonna be all better, hallelujah! God did it, I'm good.
00:52:11.099 -->
00:52:14.940Yeah, that's not the truth, that's not how it works for most people.
00:52:15.099 -->
00:52:20.299It does work for some people, but that's not the traditional that's how we want all of us want it to work that way.
00:52:20.699 -->
00:52:22.059Absolutely.
00:52:22.940 -->
00:52:29.739But you know, it's it's a hill and valley, you know, and you have to kind of and you have to accept that.
00:52:29.900 -->
00:52:38.779And the one thing I tell people is you know what, if you're gonna struggle, at least make it a struggle when you're that you're gonna learn from it.
00:52:39.259 -->
00:52:47.179Yeah, you know, if if if you go back and you tell people yes, okay, Lord's, we'll use people pleasing for for this example.
00:52:47.420 -->
00:52:51.420You know, you're you're a formal people pleaser, you're trying to stop doing it.
00:52:51.579 -->
00:52:53.579Somebody comes and says, Hey, can you do this?
00:52:53.659 -->
00:52:58.699and you say yes, and then you stop and you think, Oh, I should have said no.
00:52:59.659 -->
00:53:03.980Now you can take that and figure, okay, what was I thinking beforehand?
00:53:04.139 -->
00:53:18.619What was going on when I said yes, what was in my head, what was all this, and you can kind of you can decipher and kind of unpack what was going on internally, what was going on in your environment, all those different things.
00:53:18.860 -->
00:53:27.900Uh, and then you kind of I tell people to like write them down or to take mental notes about those things, and then when it happens again, you do the same thing.
00:53:28.059 -->
00:53:43.099Yeah, and then as you do that, you can begin to figure out, oh, okay, so if somebody asks me to say yes, and I they if somebody asks me to say yes or something and they ask me when I first come out of the gym, I'm most likely gonna say yes.
00:53:43.420 -->
00:53:48.860Because you you're identifying a common denominator between all the times that you've done it recently.
00:53:49.179 -->
00:53:53.819And so you know if I'm just coming out of the gym, I just need to not answer my phone.
00:53:55.259 -->
00:54:10.860You know, uh, or you know, if maybe you're in the middle of a high stress environment and somebody asks you to do something, then you know when you're in the middle of a high stress environment, maybe you should not commit to anything because you're gonna regret it later.
00:54:11.099 -->
00:54:27.019Um we talked a little bit about um and I think I think it's just as important as the part of where you admit that you have an issue, you find wise counsel, um, you know, you open up to somebody.
00:54:27.980 -->
00:54:40.539What what was the process or good markers that you used to be able to know that you found the person that you can confide in?
00:54:40.699 -->
00:54:41.579You know what I mean?
00:54:41.739 -->
00:54:48.219Like that that's that in itself is a process because you got to choose wisely or it can make things a lot worse.
00:54:48.380 -->
00:55:03.099Like, did you go through a process or even realize that you were going through a process, and maybe you could assess it after what would be some qualities that somebody could look for, be like, okay, how do I know if I can trust this person with one of the darkest things about me?
00:55:03.579 -->
00:55:06.539Yeah, for me, it was totally a god thing.
00:55:06.699 -->
00:55:13.500Uh, the person that I first opened up to, I already knew prior to going to the meeting for the first time.
00:55:13.819 -->
00:55:19.259Um, and so when I it it just kind of naturally happened.
00:55:19.420 -->
00:55:25.099Um I I I won't give the full story because I I don't want to um eat up the rest of the time.
00:55:25.259 -->
00:55:27.179I know we're we're probably getting close.
00:55:27.420 -->
00:55:32.139Um, but I talk about that in my book, uh, my first book, The Blueprint of Becoming.
00:55:32.460 -->
00:55:40.460Um but as far as like markers, I would just say find somebody that you already have a relationship with.
00:55:41.579 -->
00:55:53.739Somebody that you have already established a friendship with, and that you see on a regular basis, and you you have something started, and then just ask them, take them out to dinner.
00:55:53.819 -->
00:55:55.579Like, hey, you want to go grab a burger?
00:55:55.739 -->
00:56:00.699Like, and just if you don't already do it, you know, just get to know them on a little bit more of a personal level.
00:56:00.860 -->
00:56:03.500Yeah, that community that you've been talking about.
00:56:03.819 -->
00:56:11.739Absolutely, but then slowly, if you don't know them really well, you can slowly start to open up.
00:56:12.139 -->
00:56:15.019Don't just talk about a first conversation.
00:56:15.500 -->
00:56:19.179Just don't go up to some random stranger and be like, hey, you want to go grab a burger?
00:56:21.019 -->
00:56:22.460I've got all these problems.
00:56:23.259 -->
00:56:35.739Um, but get find your buddy that you you haven't gone, you know, and go up grab a burger and and talk about something that isn't life-ending, you know, and it's a little bit deeper and see how they handle it.
00:56:35.980 -->
00:56:40.059And then next time go a little bit deeper, and then a little bit deeper, a little bit deeper.
00:56:40.219 -->
00:56:42.380Well, the whole time we're you're praying about it.
00:56:42.460 -->
00:56:53.420God, put the person in my life that you want me to have as my my person, my my person that I can talk to about anything, my accountability partner, and he'll provide the person for you.
00:56:53.500 -->
00:57:00.779Yeah, but then you have to make the choice to take the step, the scary step, yeah, to be open and honest with the person.
00:57:01.019 -->
00:57:11.339Now, a little nugget of wisdom from your experience because you've gone through all of this, and community is a must to be successful in this area.
00:57:11.659 -->
00:57:16.139Matter of fact, community is a must to be successful in any area of life.
00:57:16.299 -->
00:57:18.380You have to have we are built to be together.
00:57:18.539 -->
00:57:23.980Like even in the beginning, Adam was by himself and God saw that he needed somebody, he was lonely.
00:57:24.380 -->
00:57:37.980Uh, so how somebody who is going through recovery, going through uh that transformation of being free from that, how do they know when they are ready to do what you do?
00:57:38.139 -->
00:57:40.139I know God called you, he told you to do it.
00:57:40.380 -->
00:57:46.619Sometimes that happens, but sometimes it's just kind of God it kind of slowly elevates you into a position to where you just end up doing things.
00:57:46.699 -->
00:57:48.219That's actually how I became a pastor.
00:57:48.299 -->
00:57:54.139I never wanted to be on a stage and never wanted to do anything, but like all I did was serve and God did the elevation.
00:57:54.380 -->
00:58:11.579And so, how can what are some markers or wisdom, uh nuggets of wisdom that you have for somebody who is walking through when do when can they know, or when would they know, maybe, of when they should share it publicly with other people or when they need to stop and just keep working privately?
00:58:11.819 -->
00:58:13.179Does that make sense?
00:58:13.500 -->
00:58:17.739Yeah, that would be your where your community comes in.
00:58:18.539 -->
00:58:21.500And if you're married, that's where your spouse comes in.
00:58:22.059 -->
00:58:30.139Eventually you're gonna get to a point where you've got it a little under control and you're willing, you can start talking about a little bit easier with people around you.
00:58:30.380 -->
00:58:45.659You've talked to your spouse about what the area that you're struggling with, and then the sneeze is coming back to me, and then you can you can start to think about going outside of your uh outside.
00:58:45.900 -->
00:58:46.860So kind of work your way out.
00:58:47.019 -->
00:58:51.900Start small, keep your your numbers small, close, and then kind of work your way out.
00:58:52.219 -->
00:58:52.539Yep.
00:58:52.699 -->
00:59:02.380Don't don't go from telling telling your best friend Jimmy at the dinner one night to sit standing on the stage the next day and confessing everything to the world.
00:59:02.539 -->
00:59:04.219That's not gonna work in your favor.
00:59:04.539 -->
00:59:06.460You're not ready to do that.
00:59:06.940 -->
00:59:23.420Um, but then as far as like how do you know like to where I am today with the speaking and the podcast and everything that I'm doing, you know, I struggled with that a lot, and I'm like, God, how do how do I know this is what you really want me to do?
00:59:24.380 -->
00:59:33.099And for me, he actually gave me like a three-point checklist that I I run everything through to know that it's him talking to me.
00:59:36.139 -->
00:59:37.099Absolutely.
00:59:38.299 -->
00:59:48.619So he he said, number one, if you think I'm telling you to do something, the first question you should ask yourself is will it further the kingdom?
00:59:49.099 -->
00:59:49.500Yeah.
00:59:51.019 -->
00:59:53.739If the answer to that is yes, move to number two.
00:59:54.699 -->
01:00:01.500Number number two, is it something the enemy wants you to do, would want you to do?
01:00:02.299 -->
01:00:06.779Well, chances are if the answer to number one is yes, the answer to question number two is no.
01:00:07.019 -->
01:00:10.059Yeah, congratulations, you can move to question number three.
01:00:10.299 -->
01:00:13.980So kind of a double filter to see if it actually passes the first two.
01:00:14.380 -->
01:00:14.860Got it.
01:00:15.420 -->
01:00:21.339And then the third one is is it something that you would be comfortable doing?
01:00:23.659 -->
01:00:30.699And the reason that one is so important is because it's very easy for us to do things that we're comfortable with.
01:00:31.179 -->
01:00:36.699Oh, yeah, I can go up and say this from the stage because it's gonna make me look all high and mighty and blah blah blah.
01:00:36.779 -->
01:00:41.420And and so, yeah, I'm just gonna go up and I'm gonna share it, and it's gonna be awesome.
01:00:41.819 -->
01:00:45.019For me, that terrified the ever-living daylights out of me.
01:00:45.179 -->
01:00:48.539You want me to go up front, you want me to talk about what, and you want me to do what?
01:00:49.500 -->
01:00:56.619And so the answer to that was very clearly uh, no, that's not something I would choose to do.
01:00:56.860 -->
01:00:59.179My dad was a preacher, my dad's dad was a preacher.
01:00:59.339 -->
01:01:00.380That's not me.
01:01:00.619 -->
01:01:18.699Yeah, and so he's like, Well, then if if so, if if it further furthers the kingdom, it's not something the enemy would want you to do, and it's not something that you would choose for yourself, chances are it's probably a good chance that I'm calling you to do something.
01:01:19.099 -->
01:01:20.539Yeah, I like that.
01:01:21.659 -->
01:01:26.539And so that's what I've run everything through, and it's not steered me wrong yet.
01:01:26.860 -->
01:01:32.219In our men's Bible study right now, we're going through a um a Bible study called Experiencing God.
01:01:32.460 -->
01:01:58.139And so a lot of the topics end up being like, and and I love the way it made us think about a lot of times we want to we want to have agendas, we want to have our ideas and what we want to do, and then we want God to come along and stamp his approval on it instead of come alongside of what God is doing and just be a part of and say, Can I, can I just be here?
01:01:58.299 -->
01:02:05.099Can I, you know, instead of trying to make strong arm God to fit in our box, we are following him.
01:02:05.420 -->
01:02:15.339And I'm like, that's just you don't think in those terms sometimes because we we have agendas, we have checklists, we have this and that we want to do, and we're like, oh God bless this, bless that, bless that.
01:02:15.500 -->
01:02:17.819We never stop to say, God, do you even want to bless it?
01:02:17.900 -->
01:02:19.579Is this something you're wanting to do?
01:02:19.739 -->
01:02:25.739Because the blessing may not be something that I actually am ready to handle yet, and I may mess it up.
01:02:26.380 -->
01:02:30.619That's what I get asked time and time again, Wes, what's next for you?
01:02:31.819 -->
01:02:35.099And it's to the point now where I say, I have no idea.
01:02:35.420 -->
01:02:41.179I said, I and I tell him, I said, every time I've tried to drive the car, I've gotten myself lost.
01:02:42.219 -->
01:02:45.420And so now I'm just in the passenger seat and I'm along for the ride.
01:02:45.579 -->
01:02:46.779God's the one at the wheel.
01:02:46.940 -->
01:02:56.940I'm driving along, I'm cruising along, he's he's driving, and if he tells me we're we're going for a pit stop, well then I'm going for a pit stop and I'll see what there is there for me to do.
01:02:57.420 -->
01:02:59.259Because I don't know what's next.
01:02:59.500 -->
01:03:02.860I I have people right now that are speaking pastorship over me.
01:03:03.099 -->
01:03:03.420Yeah.
01:03:03.659 -->
01:03:05.500Does that mean I'm gonna be a pastor?
01:03:05.659 -->
01:03:06.460I don't know.
01:03:06.699 -->
01:03:09.259Does it mean I'm gonna lead some kind of a ministry?
01:03:09.579 -->
01:03:10.219I don't know.
01:03:10.460 -->
01:03:12.139Do I have my own ministry going on?
01:03:12.299 -->
01:03:12.779Yep.
01:03:12.940 -->
01:03:16.380I know I know that between my podcast and my speaking, you know.
01:03:16.460 -->
01:03:18.779My I'm basically an evangelist now, just like my dad.
01:03:21.500 -->
01:03:26.779There's a lot of there's a lot of scary correlation there that I I won't get into now.
01:03:27.259 -->
01:03:31.259But um so I just tell people I don't know.
01:03:31.339 -->
01:03:32.619I'm just too long for the ride.
01:03:32.779 -->
01:03:39.739I've given up trying to drive because I just get myself lost, and and so I'm just we'll see where it takes me.
01:03:39.900 -->
01:03:41.500I heard the other day on a podcast.
01:03:41.659 -->
01:03:42.539What was it?
01:03:43.099 -->
01:03:44.059Was it plan?
01:03:45.980 -->
01:03:46.779I can't remember.
01:03:46.940 -->
01:03:52.460Something about planning like you're in control, do something like God's in control.
01:03:52.539 -->
01:03:54.860Anyways, I can't remember what it was, but it was so good when I heard it.
01:03:54.940 -->
01:03:56.460I w I should have written it down.
01:03:56.779 -->
01:04:02.139But yeah, sometimes we just gotta let God do what God wants to do with our lives.
01:04:02.219 -->
01:04:17.019I tell my people all the time, if we fully belong to God, it doesn't matter if he's called us to a life of suffering or a life of great wealth or a life of poverty, it doesn't matter because as Paul wrote, I can be content.
01:04:17.099 -->
01:04:34.380I've had much, I've had little, because I don't serve God or uh praise him because of what he is doing or what he has done, but because of who he is, and it it makes it where it's not a um I do this, you do that, I do this, you do that.
01:04:34.460 -->
01:04:37.980It's just you are who you are, so I'm gonna be yours.
01:04:38.219 -->
01:04:43.500And uh so uh you have anything else you want to add?
01:04:43.579 -->
01:04:47.019We pretty much touched on everything I I think I wanted to talk to you about.
01:04:47.339 -->
01:04:53.259Yeah, you know, I would just add, you know, you said something there that just kind of spurred this thing on in my head.
01:04:53.339 -->
01:04:58.059So let's just explore this real quick because I think somebody out there is gonna need to hear this.
01:04:59.659 -->
01:05:10.460There's somebody out there right now and they're listening to this podcast and they're saying everything that you've said is great, but I can't go to God and be honest with him about what I'm feeling.
01:05:10.699 -->
01:05:11.500Oh, that's good.
01:05:11.659 -->
01:05:16.860I can't I can't go to God because uh and tell him I'm angry with him.
01:05:18.299 -->
01:05:22.380If that's you, I want you to know that is not the truth.
01:05:22.619 -->
01:05:27.500I think of the story of the in the book of Job and of Job.
01:05:27.980 -->
01:05:34.860Job was a was this awesome believer with super strong faith.
01:05:35.980 -->
01:05:40.860And everything that could go wrong in his life went wrong.
01:05:42.059 -->
01:05:45.500He got hurt in so many ways, he lost so much.
01:05:46.619 -->
01:05:51.579But throughout the entire thing, he was raw and honest with God.
01:05:52.779 -->
01:05:57.500And he told him how much he was hurting, but he never gave up gave up his faith.
01:05:57.659 -->
01:05:58.059Yeah.
01:05:59.579 -->
01:06:03.739And God called him his servant.
01:06:03.900 -->
01:06:08.460He called he he he said, I am pleased with this man and his faith.
01:06:08.860 -->
01:06:12.380I the exact words escape me off the top of my head.
01:06:12.619 -->
01:06:17.500Um so if if if Job can do it, why can't you?
01:06:18.139 -->
01:06:21.179And you but yeah, yeah, but but that's j that's Job.
01:06:21.259 -->
01:06:22.380That's just another human being.
01:06:22.539 -->
01:06:22.860Okay.
01:06:23.099 -->
01:06:26.299Well then let's just take Jesus as as the example.
01:06:28.219 -->
01:06:35.500Jesus before he was crucified, he went to God and he said, I don't want to do this.
01:06:35.659 -->
01:06:37.339Please don't make me do this.
01:06:38.860 -->
01:06:40.139But your will be done.
01:06:40.460 -->
01:06:40.699Yeah.
01:06:41.420 -->
01:06:43.259Can you imagine that conversation?
01:06:44.460 -->
01:06:48.779Jesus was the only the only perfect person to walk the face of the planet.
01:06:50.380 -->
01:06:56.619And he had this conversation, this raw conversation with God, because he was a human being just like us.
01:06:56.779 -->
01:07:00.059He knew what he was about to go through was going to be excruciating.
01:07:01.179 -->
01:07:04.619And he said and he pleaded, God, why do I have to go through this?
01:07:05.659 -->
01:07:14.940If he can be honest and raw and angry and plead with God for his own life, but ultimately say, Your will be done, then we can too.
01:07:15.659 -->
01:07:22.460The emotions that you're feeling, the thoughts that you're feeling, the things that you're going through right now, God already knows them.
01:07:23.339 -->
01:07:26.699He just wants you to be honest with him and to bring it to him.
01:07:27.019 -->
01:07:27.339Yeah.
01:07:27.900 -->
01:07:29.099And he'll be there for you.
01:07:29.259 -->
01:07:30.380He'll meet you there.
01:07:30.940 -->
01:07:33.179But you have to take that first step.
01:07:34.380 -->
01:07:41.099And I don't know who needs to hear that, but I just I feel like somebody out there is gonna listen to this episode and they need to hear that.
01:07:42.139 -->
01:07:44.139You can be honest with God.
01:07:45.420 -->
01:07:47.019He's there and he's waiting.
01:07:48.219 -->
01:07:49.420I really appreciate that.
01:07:49.579 -->
01:07:51.819And thank you so much for your heart and being able to share.
01:07:51.900 -->
01:07:55.019And I'm excited to see what is next for you.
01:07:55.179 -->
01:08:03.900Uh it seems like God just in a very short time has kind of pushed you into a place and made you it pulled things out of you that you didn't even know were there.
01:08:04.059 -->
01:08:14.460And that's pretty awesome to see, especially from a uh a ministry side of uh you kind of carrying on a generational uh what do you call it?
01:08:14.619 -->
01:08:17.900Generational uh not curse, but the other thing.
01:08:18.300 -->
01:08:19.020What is it called?
01:08:19.260 -->
01:08:23.260Mantle, mantle, generation of mantle, mantle, yeah, not curse.
01:08:24.140 -->
01:08:24.940Oh man.
01:08:25.180 -->
01:08:28.060Because my dad wasn't yeah, it depends on how you look at it.
01:08:28.140 -->
01:08:29.180My dad was a pastor too.
01:08:29.340 -->
01:08:34.699So it's like I I never wanted to be a pastor, never never even thought about being a pastor.
01:08:35.020 -->
01:08:44.539But once I stopped being an idiot and decided to do it God's way, he said, okay, now that I'm in control, let's do this thing the way I want to do it.
01:08:44.779 -->
01:08:50.539And he broke me, and uh every day he keeps breaking me in a good way.
01:08:50.779 -->
01:08:53.659Yeah, he can use you, yeah.
01:08:54.060 -->
01:08:58.940So um I'm very thankful for you, man, and thank you for taking the time to come on the podcast.
01:08:59.180 -->
01:09:02.380And so uh, why don't you tell everybody where they can find you?
01:09:02.460 -->
01:09:07.660I know you I think you kind of have everything on your website, every book that we've mentioned, uh his website.
01:09:07.820 -->
01:09:09.980Your new book's not on your website yet, correct?
01:09:10.220 -->
01:09:10.539It is.
01:09:10.700 -->
01:09:11.579Oh, it is okay.
01:09:11.740 -->
01:09:12.380I didn't see it.
01:09:12.539 -->
01:09:21.340Yeah, the best the best way to get to it and to find everything that I'm doing is go to Wesleyfarnsworth.com forward slash start.
01:09:22.300 -->
01:09:27.579That's a name page that I have developed specifically for people that find me via podcasts.
01:09:27.740 -->
01:09:31.500Uh, I have a link to my books there, I have a link to my podcast there.
01:09:31.660 -->
01:09:34.780Uh, I have a place where you can sign up for a newsletter.
01:09:34.860 -->
01:09:41.180Uh, and if you sign up for my newsletter there, I have some gifts that I've developed that are specifically for you as a thank you for signing up.
01:09:41.260 -->
01:09:42.860I'll email those over to you.
01:09:43.020 -->
01:09:47.900One of which is the three-part checklist that I uh mentioned that God gave me.
01:09:47.980 -->
01:09:49.980Uh I put that in a PDF form.
01:09:50.700 -->
01:09:51.420Yeah, so you can see that.
01:09:51.579 -->
01:09:52.860So that you can have that.
01:09:53.180 -->
01:09:53.500Excuse me.
01:09:53.579 -->
01:09:57.900You heard him, Wesleyfarnsworth.com forward slash start.
01:09:57.980 -->
01:09:59.660It has his photo right there.
01:09:59.820 -->
01:10:02.700Uh, gives a little uh bio of who he is.
01:10:02.780 -->
01:10:03.900You can sign up for his stuff.
01:10:03.980 -->
01:10:05.020I'm looking at it right now.
01:10:05.180 -->
01:10:11.100Everything will be in the show notes of how you can reach out to him and how you can get a hold of his books and listen to his podcast.
01:10:11.260 -->
01:10:12.140Go support him.
01:10:12.220 -->
01:10:15.180Uh, do you have do you put your podcast on YouTube as well?
01:10:15.500 -->
01:10:20.220Uh it's on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, anywhere you listen to podcasts or watch content.
01:10:20.460 -->
01:10:21.260All right, awesome.
01:10:21.340 -->
01:10:28.460So make sure you go follow him, subscribe to his stuff so you can stay up to date on what he's got doing next so you can see what God is doing in his life.
01:10:28.620 -->
01:10:33.420Uh, Wesley, thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Faith and Failures.
01:10:33.500 -->
01:10:36.060Make sure that you like and subscribe, share this with a friend.
01:10:36.220 -->
01:10:46.300Maybe you have somebody that you love that is um going through some serious things right now, and they need courage to actually step out and do something about the sin that they're in.
01:10:46.460 -->
01:10:48.220Uh God is about redemption.
01:10:48.380 -->
01:10:49.820God is about restoration.
01:10:49.900 -->
01:10:58.460Uh, he wants to, he, he, he has in his character, he is one that comes down to us and pulls us out of the jaws of hell and out of our sin.
01:10:58.539 -->
01:11:09.340And so that's that was the whole point of the podcast tonight, so that you can see if you have the issue or someone you love um can see that we all struggle with sin.
01:11:09.500 -->
01:11:14.860And God is the God of redemption, and He wants to um He wants to set us free.
01:11:15.180 -->
01:11:19.020Uh and the Bible says that who the Son sets free is free indeed.
01:11:19.180 -->
01:11:22.380So uh you can have that freedom available to you as well.
01:11:22.620 -->
01:11:23.420So we love you.
01:11:23.500 -->
01:11:27.900We're praying for you, and God bless you all, and we will see you on the next episode.
01:11:28.060 -->
01:11:28.620Bye bye.
