Finally Eliminate Procrastination By Making Friends With Your Inner Child

WEBVTT
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Today, I am pulling back the curtain and sharing a
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real coaching session with you. I'm speaking to Lucio
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from Buenos Aires, who has kindly allowed me to
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share this as a podcast episode. I really
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enjoyed this session because we go deep, and I want you to notice
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in this session how initially all of the problems
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and challenges are presented as business problems,
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but as we will find out, they are much deeper
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than that. And if you stay all the way to the end, I actually
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catch up with Lucio a week later,
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and he tells us about some of the tangible results that
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he's been experiencing by going deeper
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and doing some of this work. As always, if you enjoyed
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this episode, please hit the subscribe button and share it with a friend.
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Lucio, just before we jump into the coaching session, I want to
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make sure that I've got the context about you correct.
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So, you're an English coach and you're specialty
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is helping executives master English
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communication so that they can elevate their careers essentially.
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Is that right? Yep, exactly right. Cool.
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And I think you, when we spoke on LinkedIn a while ago,
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you said some of the things that felt like a real challenge
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for you at the moment were really
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the kind of leadership side of the business.
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So kind of managing a team, leading a team, that kind
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of thing. Is that correct? Yeah, sounds right. Cool.
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And so just give me like some context, like how big is the business right
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now? Just talk me through the actual structure of the business and give me an
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idea of sort of monthly revenue and things like that, just so that
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I know where you, where you are. Yes. So our monthly revenue right
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now stands at about $8,000 per month.
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Um, we have a team of about 4.
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So it's 3 people teaching the classes,
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so to speak. It's me and 2 other coaches.
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And then we have 2 people on the marketing side.
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We get about 200 leads a month and
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I take all of the sales calls.
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We are mainly active on Instagram,
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LinkedIn,
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That's where we promote our service mainly.
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Cool. What other piece of information would sound— No, no, I think that's good.
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Gives me a really good idea of where you're at, how big the business is,
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et cetera. And you're based in Buenos Aires, but you're from the States originally,
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is that right? Half my family's from the States. I'm from Argentina,
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but I have a lot of cultural, like, you know,
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I feel close to the States because of my family. It's kind
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of a long story, but like, basically I'm Argentine, but like, I have a lot
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of real close relationships with estates.
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Awesome. Makes sense. So what would you love to get from
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this conversation if we fast forwarded to the end of today? What would you love
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to have by the end of this conversation? I think confidence.
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I think confidence. Okay. Confidence in what specifically?
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I feel like a lot of the things that hold me back is stuff you
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typically talk about in terms of beliefs that like lead to
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actions that then lead to the results that you're looking for.
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Um, but I think, I think that's what I'm lacking, honestly.
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It could be other things, but okay.
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I want you to imagine that me and you are having this exact conversation,
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but in 12 months' time, and you've had the best year you've ever
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had in your personal life and in your business life. And we're catching up
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over a beer. And you're describing to me why it's been such a great year.
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What are you telling me? Like, what are some of the things that have happened
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in that year to make it the best year you've ever had?
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I think I can imagine a
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bigger business than we have now that allows both
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me and my team to really feel
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like we have, like our full potential is being, you know,
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out there, so to speak. I don't know what word to use. And that
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we've helped our students to achieve some really,
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really amazing results, but without
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the business being like, you know, I have to work 12,
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16 hours a day. I've never been that kind of person. So that's not the
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business I want to build. So that's important. For me.
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And just feeling, you know,
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feeling good, like feeling proud of the business
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I've built. I think that would be a good way to say it.
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Yeah. And what are some things that would need to happen for you to feel
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proud of the business that you built, Lucio?
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To be It'd make me feel great to overcome
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some of these blockers that I'm feeling, even if,
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even if I fail, but just knowing that I actually
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really, really tried. Um,
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yeah, I would say that. Okay. And so if I
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said to you, what's currently preventing you from building a business
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that you're really, truly proud of and getting great results for your clients and
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not having to work 14-hour days? What's the first thing that comes to your mind?
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I think the fact that it's the first time I'm doing all of this,
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it's really, really tough.
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I've always been like a really good employee in all the jobs I've had.
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So it's just like being on, it feels like I'm being on the other side
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and it's really hard. Once I do it,
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I tend to become pretty good in my opinion,
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of course, but like I feel satisfied, you know what I mean? So,
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but it's just that first step is so hard for me.
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The first step of what specifically? So for example,
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one of our big leaps as a business was when we started doing like high-ticket
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sales. I had never done that before. The first like 5
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felt horrible, but once I got into it,
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You know, it started feeling easier and now it's like, oh sure,
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let's do it. You know? Yeah. That's the way skill acquisition
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works. Yeah. So why
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is that a blocker? I'm curious.
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I don't know. I don't know really. What's the story that you're currently
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telling yourself about this being your first business?
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Uh, well, I used to,
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when I started teaching, um, I got like a
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comment of like that I was not a very good teacher and that made me,
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that made me super mad. So I was like, I'm gonna become like literally the
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best teacher ever. And I started like, I don't know, but like I started
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like spending so many hours into like
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becoming a better, a better teacher. Um, and I
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feel like I, I, I, I did do that. And when it
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came time to like start a business, I feel like
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I tried the same approach of like learning all of the hows.
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And I don't know, it just, it never
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feels easy to translate it into reality. You know, it's like, I feel like a
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lot of friction. And so I
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attribute like lack of experience, I guess, to that.
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If that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. So I don't have the experience
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and so there's a lot of friction and that
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means,
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uh, I don't know what it means.
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Um, it means that I'm not very good,
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you know? So I don't really like that feeling.
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Yeah. You don't like the feeling of conscious
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incompetence. I feel, yeah, I feel
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like a very, I have this very strong belief of like, I want to be
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really good at what I'm doing. I feel like I have that belief, you know,
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that's pretty, yeah. Well, it's not a belief. That's a desire,
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right? Or a desire. Okay. Okay. And the reason I'm here, the reason
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I'm being pedantic about that is because I think that's a good desire to
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have. Hmm. What's the belief under the
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journey about getting to that place?
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I guess I'm afraid of, like, in the process of becoming that, like,
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failing the people I'm trying to, to help, you know?
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Whether that is my students or in this case, the people that are
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working with me. Yeah. And if you failed them, what would
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that mean?
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Well, it means that I failed. Mm-hmm. 'Cause that's, you know,
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as an educator, I feel like what I wanna do most is collaborate and help,
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you know? Yeah. And if you failed as an educator, what would that mean about
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you personally?
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It means that, I don't know, like I have to find a new identity,
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I guess. Yeah. But what would it mean to
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you if, if you knew that you'd failed as an educator? What's the,
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the thought or the feeling that comes up for you in that reality?
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The primary mission in my life has, uh, not been achieved.
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Yeah. Actually. Yeah. And, and if the primary mission in your
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life has not been achieved, what does that
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mean for Lucio?
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That I guess life doesn't have a lot of meaning anymore.
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Yeah. Yeah. And, and how do you feel when life doesn't have a lot of
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meaning? Um, wow.
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Um,
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Feels lonely.
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Yeah. So do you see that really the emotion that
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you're trying to avoid is loneliness?
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I've never thought about it that way. That makes a lot of sense.
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How often— I
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was going to ask you a question there and I stopped myself. And the reason
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I stopped myself is because I think there's a
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lot of stigma right now around everything being linked to
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our childhood and having some kind of childhood trauma, right?
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It's like people have watched Tony Robbins and
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all these other coaches and all of a sudden they get into
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coaching and they think, right, I'm, I'm just going to dig
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into everything about this person's childhood. And it's not always the case,
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but I am always interested in the context. Of that childhood.
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So the question I was gonna ask you is,
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how often did you feel lonely as a child?
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Oh, um, all the time.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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So what do
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you get? I don't mind going, I don't, I don't mind going into detail about
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that if that helps. Yeah. I mean, at the moment we don't need to.
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Okay. I'm just curious, like, what have you taken from this
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conversation so far?
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That I'm avoiding something is what comes to mind. Yeah.
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You're avoiding a feeling of loneliness. Yeah. Avoiding a feeling
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is something I've never thought about. Like, you can avoid a feeling.
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I've never considered that. So what is it like to feel
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lonely?
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And by the way, I really, I appreciate the amount of thought and
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attention you're putting on these questions. You're not just letting your first
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reaction or your logical brain take over. And what you're doing a lot
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is you're doing these big deep sighs, right?
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Which is good because you're accessing your body. And I think as men,
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One of the things that we really struggle with is getting out of our head
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and into our body. So when I'm going to ask you that question again,
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right? And I want you to notice what
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comes up in your body and feel free to take another one
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of those nice big breaths, but I just want you to focus on this feeling.
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So Lucio, what is it like to feel lonely?
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Helpless is the word that comes to mind.
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Okay. And where do you feel that helplessness in your body?
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I feel a lot of weight in my back. Okay, interesting.
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Can you just put your attention on that part of your body for a second?
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And just, I want you just to allow it to be there. So we're not
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going to try and get rid of it. We're not going to try and move
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it anywhere. It just, it just is where it is.
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So I want you just to focus on that feeling of helplessness.
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Just let it be. And I just want you to just describe to me that
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feeling. Okay. So when I say that, I mean, does it
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feel heavy? Does it feel,
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you know, what shape is it? What color would it be? Just sort of describe
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to me how it's showing up in your body right now.
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It feels like it's been there for a long time is what it feels like.
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Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
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How long would you say it's been there for,
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Lucio?
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Probably since I was a kid. Yeah, since I
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was a kid, for sure. For sure, like 100% since I was a kid.
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And if you had to put an age to it, how old would you say
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it was when it was created?
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I remember the exact moment I think when this, uh,
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happened. So, yeah. So I
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was about 6 years old, I would say. Okay. And what was happening to Lucio
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when he was 6 that created this feeling of helplessness and
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loneliness? It's, it's the day my, my dad
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left the house, man. Yeah. My parents got divorced,
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so I mean, I have a great relationship with my dad,
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but, but I remember that day very, I remember that
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moment, you know what I mean? Very, very specifically.
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Yeah. And how old are you today, Lucio?
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37. 37. Okay. So I want you to imagine for a second,
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can you picture that 6-year-old version of yourself?
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Mm-hmm. Can you picture where you were when that happened and your
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dad left? Yeah, I remember. Okay. So how
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are you seeing that right now? Is it like on a screen in front of
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you as if you're watching on a film or are you in it seeing it
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through your eyes? I feel like I'm in the, in the,
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in the living room where it happened. Okay. Amazing.
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Cool. So just stay with that for a second. So you're in the living room
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and you can see yourself, right? Mm-hmm. How do you
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feel towards that 6-year-old version of you right now?
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I mean, I feel sorry for all the pain he's gonna go through. Yeah,
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I get that. I get that.
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How else do you feel towards him right now?
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Like, I wish there was something I could do to like spare,
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spare him, uh, you know, that,
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that experience, you know, or that set of experiences.
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Yeah. Yeah. Um,
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is he aware of you being there right now?
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No. Okay. I just want you to to
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make him aware of you right now. So just see if you can get his
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Okay. What would you like to say to
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that 6-year-old child right now?
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That your pain will be momentary. It will be deep,
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but it will, you know, it will subside and you will get through
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it. Yeah. Just to encourage him, you know, I think encourage him is
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the, what I would do. Okay, cool.
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Anything else?
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Just a big hug, you know? Yeah. Can you do that?
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Can you imagine actually giving that version
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of yourself a hug?
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Yeah, I can imagine it. Yeah.
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Hmm. Is there anything else that you wanna
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say to him, or is there anything else that you
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think he should know? I think
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reach out to God is what I would say. He's going to help. Yeah,
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absolutely. I wonder if you could just show him just
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briefly, he can come back to exactly where he is. I wonder if you could
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just show him your life now as 37-year-old
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Lucio, just show him around where you
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live, where you work, the people you've helped.
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I wonder if you could just show him your life as it currently is.
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That feels good.
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Yeah. All that you've achieved, all the
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people you've helped, how hard you've worked to master your
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craft and all the skills and all the things that you push through, the adversity.
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The relationship you now have with your dad. I wonder
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if you could just show him all of those things.
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Yeah, he feels happy to see that. Yeah.
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And just tell him that he doesn't need to be alone because you're
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here and you're always
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going to be with him. He lives inside of you. And if he ever feels
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lonely, he can reach out to you and he can come into
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this world and he can hang out with you. What do you think he likes
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to do? If he was going to hang out with you for a day,
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what do you think he would like to do?
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We drink a lot of mate here in Argentina. I don't know if you're familiar
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with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a kind of tea. Yeah. It's a very collaborative
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experience, you know, it's like you do it together. It's like a, you know,
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culturally significant for us. I think that would be a good, like, have a chat.
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Having some, some madness together.
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Yeah. Beautiful.
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Okay, cool. How does that feel now? Now that
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you've sort of acknowledged that 6-year-old version of yourself?
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I've never done anything like this before.
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It feels like I was in a little bit of a trance and now I'm
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out of it. Yeah, it's cool, right? So the amazing thing
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is, right, this version of you lives inside of you.
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And often these emotions that
21:39.029 --> 21:42.733
we're feeling, this resistance is really just a younger version
21:43.233 --> 21:47.729
of ourselves that we're not acknowledging. We're not giving them the
21:48.229 --> 21:51.139
reassurance, the acknowledgement.
21:51.301 --> 21:53.589
We're not hearing that voice.
21:55.279 --> 21:58.594
And I've done a lot of this myself, and I find that the more I
21:59.094 --> 22:02.839
can identify these different parts of myself, these younger parts,
22:02.871 --> 22:05.991
and we often have several, and the more I can listen to
22:06.491 --> 22:10.590
them and the more that I can integrate those parts
22:11.217 --> 22:15.332
of myself into my kind of older version of myself or my real self,
22:15.959 --> 22:19.056
if you like, the less noisy they are and
22:19.073 --> 22:20.510
the less that resistance shows up.
22:23.765 --> 22:26.985
I feel lighter for sure, man. So I wonder
22:27.485 --> 22:32.154
what would be possible for you now, Lucio, now that you know
22:32.299 --> 22:33.977
that it's impossible for you to be alone.
22:36.467 --> 22:39.736
Because that part of you is never really alone. It's with you all the time.
22:41.830 --> 22:45.892
That 6-year-old boy is never really alone. It has you who's done
22:45.908 --> 22:46.916
all this incredible stuff.
22:50.168 --> 22:53.737
I wonder what would be possible for you if you let go
22:53.753 --> 22:58.982
of the resistance and
22:59.014 --> 23:02.680
the belief and the idea that
23:03.180 --> 23:06.454
somehow you're going to fail if you don't get everything right,
23:06.502 --> 23:10.549
perfect first time, that somehow
23:10.678 --> 23:14.370
you're going to let people down, that somehow you're going to lose your life's
23:14.870 --> 23:18.624
purpose and somehow that you're gonna ultimately be alone. I wonder
23:19.124 --> 23:22.589
what would happen if you let go of that belief and that resistance,
23:22.734 --> 23:23.897
what would be possible for you?
23:27.300 --> 23:30.760
I have this feeling like I just, it makes me want to help as many
23:30.792 --> 23:34.559
people as I can, you know? Yeah. Amazing.
23:35.303 --> 23:38.735
And I'm curious, does that feeling show up when you are fully focused
23:38.783 --> 23:41.359
on serving and you're fully focused on that other person?
23:41.907 --> 23:45.808
Does that feeling of failure
23:46.259 --> 23:49.627
or afraid of failing and losing your purpose
23:49.659 --> 23:53.367
and being alone, does that show up? Not in the moment because
23:53.867 --> 23:56.774
I'm so like trying to connect, you know,
23:57.162 --> 24:00.295
with the other, with the other. Well, you're just focused on your mission and your
24:00.795 --> 24:04.248
purpose and you're just focused on helping, right? So here's the interesting thing is
24:04.345 --> 24:07.168
that you, those 2 things cannot exist simultaneously.
24:10.254 --> 24:13.255
Right. If you are fully focused on your mission and you are fully focused on
24:13.755 --> 24:17.663
the other person and helping them, your own ego cannot
24:17.679 --> 24:20.643
exist in that moment because you are so focused on them.
24:23.370 --> 24:26.792
So often the key to getting out of our own way is actually
24:27.292 --> 24:29.892
just to focus more on other people, but you weren't able to do that prior
24:29.940 --> 24:33.301
to this conversation because you were too afraid of failing them.
24:34.862 --> 24:38.442
Or you were too afraid of failing and then them leaving and you
24:38.942 --> 24:42.558
being alone. Yeah. Which one of those resonates more
24:43.058 --> 24:46.646
with you? I'm just curious. Leaving, them leaving 100%. Yeah.
24:46.984 --> 24:50.602
Yeah. Do you see how powerful
24:51.102 --> 24:54.398
this stuff is? Yeah, man. And so what I want you to
24:54.430 --> 24:59.184
get from this conversation is that your business growth and
24:59.265 --> 25:04.055
everything that's in front of you, your ability to serve people powerfully has
25:04.120 --> 25:07.945
nothing to do with the strategies. It has nothing to do with
25:08.284 --> 25:11.464
how you get leads and any of that other stuff. Right.
25:11.609 --> 25:15.288
True. True. And your confidence in these areas is going to come
25:15.401 --> 25:19.402
from being fully focused on other people and
25:19.902 --> 25:25.958
knowing that it's okay to not have everything figured out and
25:26.055 --> 25:30.670
being open and authentic and honest
25:31.170 --> 25:34.045
with people when things feel like they're not working,
25:35.034 --> 25:37.127
safe in the knowledge that they can never leave.
25:38.350 --> 25:41.926
Because the only way that you can really be alone is if you abandon yourself
25:42.007 --> 25:45.294
and you abandon that 6-year-old version of you that lives inside of you. That's the
25:45.374 --> 25:46.679
only way that you can ever be alone.
25:52.440 --> 25:54.443
Wow. That makes, that makes a lot of sense.
25:59.308 --> 26:01.117
You're pretty good at this, Matt. I gotta say.
26:04.120 --> 26:07.949
Yeah, man. I mean, that's my secret is that throughout this whole conversation,
26:07.965 --> 26:09.425
I forgot I existed for a moment.
26:13.356 --> 26:15.949
I was just listening to you, right? I was just listening to what was coming
26:16.449 --> 26:22.106
up in your world. And so what's What's
26:22.606 --> 26:26.589
the shift here for you? What, what needs to happen for you to really
26:28.621 --> 26:32.302
take everything we've spoken about today and integrate it
26:33.239 --> 26:35.308
into your way of being?
26:40.786 --> 26:46.952
I think I need to give myself more, more freedom, you know, to Well,
26:47.064 --> 26:49.417
to be myself, I guess. Yeah.
26:51.350 --> 26:55.071
So just lastly, I just want to dig into this because often being
26:56.165 --> 26:59.509
aware of the behaviors is really,
26:59.606 --> 27:02.902
really valuable because once we become aware of the behaviors, we have the power to
27:03.402 --> 27:06.598
change them. So when you're afraid that people will leave,
27:07.911 --> 27:11.750
what do you do? What's your strategy to stop
27:12.250 --> 27:12.269
them from leaving?
27:16.022 --> 27:19.003
I isolate myself quite a bit. Like I avoid,
27:19.229 --> 27:23.371
I avoid a lot, you know? Which is interesting because isolation
27:23.999 --> 27:27.386
is another word or another way of looking at being alone. Yeah.
27:28.134 --> 27:31.531
So it's almost like you create it for yourself before anyone can create it for
27:35.892 --> 27:38.621
Hmm. Yep. I do do that.
27:40.458 --> 27:43.602
So what's the alternative? How would you like to show up if you knew that
27:44.102 --> 27:47.735
you could never really be alone and you were fully connected to yourself?
27:49.646 --> 27:53.168
When you are worried, when that fear comes up that someone's going to leave,
27:53.281 --> 27:56.884
what's the alternative behavior that you would like to embody?
27:59.650 --> 28:02.339
Just to have a chat with them.
28:04.290 --> 28:06.889
Get some mate, you know? Yeah.
28:07.919 --> 28:08.868
And have that chat.
28:12.939 --> 28:15.389
Yeah. So I think that's a great strategy. The only thing I would encourage you
28:15.889 --> 28:19.751
to do prior to that is to connect with that younger version
28:20.251 --> 28:23.468
of yourself. And it only has to
28:23.533 --> 28:24.398
be 5 minutes.
28:27.557 --> 28:30.455
So initially to start with, I'd encourage to see if you can just do 5
28:30.471 --> 28:33.317
minutes a day, just to, all you're doing is just checking in and you just,
28:33.478 --> 28:36.674
you're going back to that scene. You're taking yourself back
28:36.722 --> 28:39.903
to that living room and you're just saying to your 6-year-old self,
28:40.176 --> 28:43.100
hey man, how's it going? I just wanted to check in. Hey,
28:43.470 --> 28:46.859
I've got some, how do you say it? Matcha? Matcha?
28:47.566 --> 28:50.892
Oh, mate. Mate. I've got some mate here
28:51.020 --> 28:54.458
if you wanna share it, you know, if not,
28:54.490 --> 28:57.077
no worries. Cool. Totally get on with your thing. But I just wanted to check
28:57.125 --> 28:58.796
in and see how you were today. How are you feeling?
29:00.499 --> 29:04.005
Yeah, that sounds amazing. Yeah, I'd just love
29:04.505 --> 29:07.812
you to do that for the next 7 days, let's say a week, and just
29:08.312 --> 29:11.247
see what changes in your world, what comes up for you.
29:12.242 --> 29:16.037
And maybe we could do a little check-in next week and just
29:16.537 --> 29:19.106
report back to see what's happened and what's come up.
29:21.149 --> 29:24.344
I love that. I can do
29:24.844 --> 29:26.554
that. Awesome.
29:29.896 --> 29:34.096
Well, Lucio, thank you so much for being coachable today. Thank you for being open.
29:34.464 --> 29:38.055
Thank you for being vulnerable. It takes a lot of courage to go to where
29:38.555 --> 29:42.912
you went today and to share that process
29:42.960 --> 29:46.214
and that journey with other people. So I just
29:46.230 --> 29:50.190
really want to acknowledge you for being here, for showing up for yourself,
29:50.879 --> 29:54.069
and for showing up for everybody else listening to this conversation.
29:56.033 --> 29:59.488
Thanks so much. Uh, you told me to be open-minded. I really
29:59.988 --> 30:03.281
tried. Yeah, you nailed it, man. Thank you so much. Oh,
30:03.409 --> 30:07.256
thanks, man. So that was my conversation
30:07.756 --> 30:10.768
with Lucio. I'd love to know what you thought,
30:11.750 --> 30:15.281
but let's just have a quick catch up with him. So this is now 7
30:15.329 --> 30:19.458
days later. I caught up with Lucio and here's what
30:19.958 --> 30:23.009
he had to say about the session, having reflected on it,
30:23.106 --> 30:26.468
but also more importantly, having put some of the things that we spoke about into
30:26.500 --> 30:30.856
practice. Hey, Lucio, welcome back,
30:30.872 --> 30:34.158
my friend. How are you? All good. All good.
30:35.124 --> 30:36.574
How are you feeling since we last spoke?
30:39.230 --> 30:42.661
Um, I have like a, like a huge sense of
30:43.161 --> 30:46.415
release, to be honest. Wow. Okay. Tell me
30:46.915 --> 30:50.971
more. I noticed I
30:51.115 --> 30:54.506
started sort of moving forward in a
30:54.554 --> 30:58.458
couple of things that would've taken me like a really long time
30:58.570 --> 31:01.848
to process emotionally before. Like I used to procrastinate a lot in sending
31:02.348 --> 31:05.849
some messages to some people in the team or even
31:05.881 --> 31:08.757
clients. And I kind of, I don't know,
31:09.416 --> 31:12.757
I just did it and it didn't feel like it used to
31:12.774 --> 31:16.401
feel. So it's amazing. Interesting. Yeah.
31:17.043 --> 31:20.510
I mean, obviously it's only been, been exactly a week since we last spoke.
31:20.558 --> 31:24.249
So what do you feel have been the biggest shifts
31:24.749 --> 31:26.849
for you in the last 7 days? What are some things that you could point
31:26.913 --> 31:29.545
to other than what you just mentioned there?
31:30.989 --> 31:35.001
I started to be more aware, you know, of everything we talked about.
31:35.419 --> 31:38.628
I started to see it like, oh, like it's,
31:38.853 --> 31:42.460
oh, it It showed up here. Like it, I started to see,
31:42.540 --> 31:45.744
I started to see it kind of like not everywhere, but like,
31:46.497 --> 31:49.942
I was like, oh, I had never noticed this before, like the impact that it
31:50.442 --> 31:53.420
was having. And that was really, really interesting.
31:54.413 --> 31:57.506
Yeah. And I think I said this on our last call,
31:57.538 --> 32:00.902
but that really is the first stage is this awareness.
32:01.127 --> 32:04.988
And it's so powerful because it's
32:05.488 --> 32:08.595
a bit like when you get a new car. If you've ever had this experience
32:09.095 --> 32:12.219
where you buy a new car and then you drive it down the road and
32:12.283 --> 32:15.908
all of a sudden you start seeing your car everywhere. Like everyone
32:16.408 --> 32:19.340
in the neighborhood bought the same car as you, right? But they didn't. And how
32:19.484 --> 32:23.124
that happened is that your brain was like, oh, this thing is now important to
32:23.173 --> 32:26.701
Lucio. So I'm going to start pointing it out to him. And that's kind of
32:27.201 --> 32:30.293
how our brain works. And so I guess part of what we've done there is
32:30.325 --> 32:34.190
we've just brought this from an unconscious
32:34.238 --> 32:38.232
level to a conscious level. And the fact that you have already started
32:38.906 --> 32:41.761
to notice it and become aware of it, but also more importantly,
32:42.258 --> 32:46.092
change your behavior as a result of that is, is so powerful.
32:46.990 --> 32:50.840
And so what are some areas of your life and your business you think
32:51.882 --> 32:55.925
may now get better if you are able to continually be aware
32:56.390 --> 32:59.886
of this pattern, but also more importantly, make different choices in
32:59.983 --> 33:00.897
the way that you show up?
33:04.143 --> 33:07.372
Let me just give you an example. I was having some issues with a client
33:07.872 --> 33:12.328
who was not like really doing
33:12.377 --> 33:16.146
things as we said they were gonna happen. And I was procrastinating
33:16.243 --> 33:19.819
confronting him and I literally like, hey, we need to
33:20.319 --> 33:23.729
like meet and talk. And we had this amazing conversation
33:23.745 --> 33:26.277
that was nothing like it was playing out in my brain before.
33:27.163 --> 33:30.101
'Cause I was afraid again, I was afraid of him like leaving or like being
33:30.213 --> 33:33.729
mad, you know, kind of like that. So when that fear kind of moved,
33:33.745 --> 33:37.903
it's like, and we had like this incredible conversation that,
33:38.160 --> 33:40.792
you know, he was so happy by the end of it. I was like,
33:40.808 --> 33:44.292
wow, I was like really avoiding this. It was so, so interesting
33:44.806 --> 33:48.225
to have that experience. Yeah, I love that, man. That's such a great example.
33:48.434 --> 33:52.318
And I think just to recap from our last conversation,
33:52.511 --> 33:56.141
this idea of putting our focus
33:57.046 --> 34:01.734
on the other person and putting our focus on service. Like we can't hold 2
34:02.234 --> 34:06.165
emotions at the same time. We can't focus on ourselves
34:06.829 --> 34:10.339
and be scared of somebody leaving. If we truly
34:10.550 --> 34:14.239
are fully focused on that other person and serving, it's not possible
34:14.739 --> 34:16.728
to kind of hold those 2 states simultaneously.
34:19.055 --> 34:22.868
Yeah. But what's different also is like, I feel like I had Like
34:23.368 --> 34:26.700
if you were to test me or quiz me, like prior to last week,
34:27.341 --> 34:30.659
I would've probably said, oh yeah, you gotta be like open and listen and all
34:30.707 --> 34:34.314
that. But it just feels so different now. You know what I
34:34.394 --> 34:36.895
mean? So I don't know how to explain that, but.
34:37.824 --> 34:41.463
Well, there's the experiential, right? There's the knowing and then there's the experience.
34:41.527 --> 34:45.375
And I think that's actually a great place to kind of land this conversation
34:45.875 --> 34:48.388
because I think one of the things that I admire about you is that you
34:48.404 --> 34:51.995
have put this into practice and you really leaned into the resistance
34:52.027 --> 34:55.297
that was showing up. You really leaned into the coaching. You really lent
34:55.797 --> 34:59.385
into the experiential side. And I think myself
34:59.885 --> 35:03.329
included, I think it's so easy to try and work all this stuff out
35:03.829 --> 35:05.894
in our brain and try and think like,
35:06.856 --> 35:10.623
basically think our way out of the problem. And oftentimes what we need to do
35:11.123 --> 35:14.310
is feel our way into the problem. We need to feel our way into the
35:14.810 --> 35:18.366
resistance. We need to go out there, have the uncomfortable conversation,
35:18.574 --> 35:22.007
do the courageous thing. And then we realize we have that
35:22.507 --> 35:26.676
epiphany because it's not a logical part of your brain that
35:26.885 --> 35:30.238
was experiencing that fear. It was the visceral
35:30.832 --> 35:34.330
part of your brain. It was the emotional sense that you had when
35:34.346 --> 35:38.598
those things showed up. And as we uncovered last time we spoke,
35:39.016 --> 35:42.562
that was a much younger version of yourself. And you can give children
35:42.770 --> 35:46.862
all the logic in the world. As I'm sure you know, you can't logic
35:47.362 --> 35:51.460
children into tidying their room or not wanting sweets or whatever,
35:51.541 --> 35:55.001
right? It's that they're emotional, emotional things.
35:55.114 --> 35:57.958
And so we all still have that inside of us. So I think it was
35:58.458 --> 36:02.202
a really beautiful example of that. And I think it was just a beautiful example
36:02.702 --> 36:06.156
of actually having to experience the thing rather than trying to figure it out
36:06.656 --> 36:10.221
in your head. I mean, I mean, you really, you really
36:10.237 --> 36:12.657
helped out, I gotta say. So thank you so much.
36:13.464 --> 36:17.448
You're welcome, dude. It was an absolute pleasure. Coaching you and yeah,
36:17.497 --> 36:20.865
I just look forward to hearing the rest of your journey at some
36:21.365 --> 36:23.880
point when maybe we get to meet up in person.
36:25.179 --> 36:28.178
I would love that. That sounds amazing. All right,
36:28.242 --> 36:32.107
dude. Thank you so much for being a guest on the Creative Courage Podcast
36:32.316 --> 36:35.379
and sharing your journey and your experience
36:35.879 --> 36:38.410
with everybody listening. My pleasure.