Jack Black

WEBVTT
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A new McDonald's side mission has been unlocked. The Quarter
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Pounder Deluxe Legendary Edition. With double American cheese, crispy lettuce,
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fresh mustard and tomato. Available until the 29th of September.
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Take a side mission to McDonald's. From 11am, Wastock Slash.
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Subject to availability. Participation varies.
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Hi, my name is Jack. My name is Black. My
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name is Jack Black. And I feel shitty about being
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Conan O'Brien's friend.
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Jesus.
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I didn't, in fairness, I didn't read the whole sentence
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before I threw in however you feel. You know what?
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You accidentally told the truth, didn't you?
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You did.
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Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring
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the bell, brand new shoes, walkin' loose, climb the fence,
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books and pens, I can.
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Tell that we are gonna be friends.
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Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.
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Hello, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
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Some say my desperate ploy to use the podcasting medium
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to make a few pals. It's actually working. Having a
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lot of fun talking with a lot of really terrific people.
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And enjoying the company of my good amigos, Sona Mocessian,
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my assistant.
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Hello.
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Hi.
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And Matt Gourley.
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Hi.
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Producer, I suppose.
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And what?
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No, just whatever.
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I like a safety word in there, just in case.
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I don't quite know what it is you're up to
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with this podcast. But I got to say, my mind's
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a little blown because today, for reasons I don't understand,
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I've been seated on the opposite side of the table. Now,
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to anyone listening, if you're in your car or you're
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making love... Oh. You think people listen to you when
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they're making love? I assume. I think that this podcast
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is sort of like a Barry White album.
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No.
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No, this is a contraceptive.
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You think.
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The sound of my voice.
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This podcast is the abstinence method.
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It's a boner killer. You just called this podcast, which,
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by the way, is, I think, held in high regard,
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a boner killer?
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Yes.
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Yes.
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No, no, no.
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I disagree. I think people are listening right now. I
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think the sound of my reedy, pinched voice... He's causing
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people's erogenous zones to heat and swell. Ew, stop.
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Jesus, stop.
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I think my slightly nasal gender ambiguous voice is causing
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babies to just spring forth in the womb. What do
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you think? I think you're the anti-fluffer. I think it's like...
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You mean, as if there were a problem, you say
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that on porn sets they need a fluffer, but then
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sometimes there's a guy whose erection won't go away.
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Right.
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And so what they do, they used to have an
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anti-fluffer who would just hold up pictures of your grandmother
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playing baseball, but they then found an easier method, automated,
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which is just to play Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And the sound of my voice... would cause the erection
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not only to fall, but the penis then to curl
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up inside the abdominal wall of any male. Is that
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what you're saying? Yes.
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Yeah.
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Yes, that's what I'm saying. And then, yeah, yeah. And
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for the penis to come back out again, it would
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need to be coaxed with various candies. Oh, candies! Promises of.
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Maybe, oh, we'll go see a movie. We'll take you
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to a movie, you know.
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I ain't coming out. Staying in here.
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No, don't worry. Conan's gone. Conan's not going to come out.
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Just come on out. We turned off. Conan O'Brien needs
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a friend, Penis. You can come out.
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Don't trust you.
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I was going to stay in here for a while
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in the old abdominal cavity.
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Penis, you can come out. We turned it off.
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I like it in here. I've got a magazine.
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You've got a magazine, do you?
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Yeah.
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I'm reading The Atlantic. Oh, you're reading The Atlantic? I
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have a question.
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Yes.
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What kind of candy gets a penis to come out
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from the abdominal wall?
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Well.
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And I'm not asking for meat. No, no, I know,
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I know. You've got to coax them out, but they
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love a gummy worm. Oh, that makes sense, I guess. Yeah,
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they love a gummy worm because it looks sort of like,
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you know, like a friend they might have known maybe earlier.
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They like a Sour Patch.
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I do, too.
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But anyway, okay, well, that happened.
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Yeah.
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I don't know how we got into that. Well, because
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you're sitting catty-corner from Sona. Yeah, usually Sona and I
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are side-by-side, and this time we're catty-corner, and I think
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I'm going to try and do the forensics on what
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just happened. But I believe what happened is that we
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were talking about it's so weird to be on this side.
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And then I imagined people doing it while they were
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listening to the podcast. And then you said, oh, no
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one's listening while they're doing it.
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Right.
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And by doing it, I mean sexual congress. You didn't
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have to explain it.
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Okay.
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And then you said, no, the show's a boner killer.
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And then, Matt, you were quite happy to say that
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it actually probably destroys semen.
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Yeah, I think it's a sterilization tool.
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It's mass sterilization.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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The fertility rates. You know, I've been contacted by the
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Chinese government. Very interested in using the, they want to
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use this podcast. Try and keep population levels lower. So,
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all right. Well, that was a wake-up call for me.
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Yep.
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It's old boner killer O'Brien here. Just very unhappy right now.
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You know, I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be unhappy because,
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no transition here, but I was going to say we've
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got a guest who's definitely not a boner killer, but
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what does that mean? That's creepy too. That's awful. What
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does that mean? Do you know what I mean? That's awful.
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Everything's awful. I'm trapped right now in this thick mud,
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and I can't, anything I do is wrong. So I
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can't say my next guest definitely gets the old Johnson
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at full staff, because what does that mean? That's weird.
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Yeah.
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That's crazy. I can't say that. There's no transition. I'm stuck.
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So I'm just going to have to say, you know,
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am I happy? Don't make that noise. Okay, that's no good.
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Yeah.
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My guest today is an absolutely hilarious actor and musician.
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You know him as the lead singer and guitarist of
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the rock band Tenacious D, and from such movies as
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School of Rock, Tropic Thunder, and Jumanji. Welcome to the jungle.
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The sequel, Jumanji The Next Level, is in theaters Friday.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the very funny, multi-talented Jack Black is
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with us.
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Jack.
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Look at you. You're a huge star now.
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That's right.
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Remember when we first met and I said, you'll never
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be a star. Remember that?
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That was so cruel, but it planted a seed in
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me to say, I will prove Conan wrong.
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I took you by the shoulders and I looked you
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in the eye and I said, as sure as I
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draw a breath, you will never have success in this business.
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You know, the first time we crossed paths, wasn't it
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when I came on your show to replace Andy Richter?
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That was my bit. That was my comedy bit.
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I don't know if that was the first time you
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came on, but you did a hilarious bit where you
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were auditioning to be the new sidekick.
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Yes.
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To replace Andy.
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Yes. And it's absolutely hilarious. Well, he had announced that
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he was going to peel off for a while.
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He was going to.
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He was going to pursue other things. Yeah. And that's, yeah.
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So I took that lane. Yeah.
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That comedy lane.
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You came in hard and you said, I want to
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be Conan's sidekick.
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Yes.
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And I wrote a new sidekick song.
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We're going to put this up online because it's absolutely hilarious.
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It's still one of the funniest things. It's the best
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thing I've ever done. But I did feel a little bad.
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Because it was so, I was enjoying it so much.
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And Andy, I could tell he was like, I felt
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a little bit like embarrassed that I was pointing so
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much attention at his impending departure.
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Right.
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And relishing at how much better I would be at sidekicking.
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You know what, but it could never have worked. It
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couldn't have worked because of our, you know, you're, you're just,
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you're one of those, you're one of those horses that
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can't be broke. You know, that's the problem. It's true. You're, you're,
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you're too, Sona, what's your problem?
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Sorry.
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What is your problem? That analogy is really funny. No,
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you're just a, You're one of those crazy stallions that
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came out of the hills, and everyone's like, wow. You know, Andy, yes,
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he has pride and everything, but eventually I broke him.
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I broke Andy, and now he's a mule. He's a mule.
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It's just clopping along, and he's taking kids on a
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five-dime ride through the past. But you, Jack Black, you
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can't be broke.
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Yeah, no, it would have come to blows when you
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tried to break me.
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Yeah.
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We would have, yeah, we would have butted heads.
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And the way I break sidekicks is literally getting on
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their backs and wearing a cowboy hat and trying to
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ride them. And it's embarrassing. It's an embarrassing and often
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confusing experience. Scenario.
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That's not a sidekick, really.
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That's more of a ride kick. You and your rhyming.
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It's all about the rhymes to me. I can't help it.
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You know, I remember the first time I heard your
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name was from Bob Odenkirk.
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Yeah.
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Bob Odenkirk. said to me years ago, Tenacious D. And
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I remember very clearly him telling me Tenacious D. And
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I was like, wait, what's a Tenacious D? Because I
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didn't know. And he was like, these guys are hilarious.
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And then eventually you and I met. And the first
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time we met, you came out on the air- I
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think I interviewed you or talked to you. And then
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in the commercial break, you leaned over and Robert Smiley
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and I had written this really weird TV pilot. And
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you had also done a really weird TV pilot that
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had become sort of like weird underground cult status. You
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leaned over and you whispered in my ear, look well.
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Like it was a secret to open a cave or something.
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And I was like, oh, you've seen Look Well? And
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you're like, look well, man. I saw it. I had
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a tape of a tape of a tape of a tape.
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And then I talked to you about your Amazing pilot
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you made.
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Yeah, I made one with Ben Stiller at the helm.
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What's it called? It's called? It was called Heat Vision
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and Jack.
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Heat Vision and Jack.
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And that was Dan Harmon, who now has this incredibly
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successful cartoon on the air, Rick and Morty. He wrote
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that pilot for me about, because we had a little
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meeting at Swinger's Café. Ben Stiller got us together. He said,
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you guys should collaborate together, and I'll produce it and
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maybe direct it if I like it. And so we
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got together, and we were riffing on ideas. And I
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was just like, well, my favorite show growing up was
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Six Million Dollar Man. It would be really cool if
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you could write a comedy where I have enhanced powers
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like Six Million Dollar Man. And he just took that
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and ran with it. And he and his friend Rob
251
00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:38.919
wrote this thing that was a combination of Six Million
252
00:11:38.940 --> 00:11:44.330
Dollar Man– and Knight Rider, where I rode a talking motorcycle.
253
00:11:44.929 --> 00:11:47.230
It's hilarious. You've got to find it and watch it.
254
00:11:48.070 --> 00:11:50.110
I'm sure this is old news to people with lots
255
00:11:50.169 --> 00:11:52.490
of comedy cred, but if you haven't seen it, Heat
256
00:11:52.529 --> 00:11:56.220
Vision and Jack is, and it's funny because your superpower
257
00:11:56.269 --> 00:11:59.409
is that when you're hit with sunlight, is it sunlight
258
00:11:59.429 --> 00:11:59.889
or moonlight?
259
00:11:59.960 --> 00:12:00.639
It's sunlight.
260
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Sunlight.
261
00:12:01.059 --> 00:12:01.820
So dumb.
262
00:12:01.940 --> 00:12:05.059
When you're hit with sunlight, you become the smartest man
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in the world.
264
00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:06.100
Yeah.
265
00:12:06.539 --> 00:12:09.409
And so there's actually this moment where I think you're
266
00:12:09.450 --> 00:12:12.149
in like a jail or something and the sun is
267
00:12:12.289 --> 00:12:14.590
moving its way slowly across the room and then it
268
00:12:14.629 --> 00:12:18.429
goes up the bars and it hits you and you,
269
00:12:18.740 --> 00:12:21.879
it's this really cheesy effect and you just say, I
270
00:12:22.039 --> 00:12:25.759
know everything. Yes.
271
00:12:26.379 --> 00:12:29.659
I know everything and that's what happens. And it would
272
00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:32.840
have happened every episode, you know, when I was in
273
00:12:32.879 --> 00:12:36.190
a really tight situation. Somehow I would gain access to
274
00:12:36.230 --> 00:12:39.289
sunlight and I would solve the, The problem.
275
00:12:39.350 --> 00:12:42.470
Somehow gain access to sunlight, the most readily available.
276
00:12:45.009 --> 00:12:48.590
But sometimes I'd be, you know, indoors and I couldn't
277
00:12:48.610 --> 00:12:50.669
get the sunlight. So there would have to be the
278
00:12:50.730 --> 00:12:53.570
reflection of a thing and a thing or whatever. But
279
00:12:53.750 --> 00:13:00.330
it was a really funny, stupid pilot. And it borrowed
280
00:13:00.350 --> 00:13:04.240
a little bit from Charlie Kaufman. where you take someone real,
281
00:13:04.279 --> 00:13:07.679
like he did with Bing John Malkovich, but you create
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00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:11.259
a fiction around them. And we had this guy, because
283
00:13:11.330 --> 00:13:13.269
I was from NASA, and I was this astronaut that
284
00:13:13.289 --> 00:13:15.629
was on the run from the government and NASA because
285
00:13:15.649 --> 00:13:18.169
they wanted to chop out my brain and study how
286
00:13:18.210 --> 00:13:21.429
can I be the smartest in the world. And the
287
00:13:21.509 --> 00:13:27.100
head of NASA security, this just incredible killing machine, was
288
00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:31.279
Ron Silver, the actor. Yes. Also known as the actor
289
00:13:31.419 --> 00:13:34.190
Ron Silver. But then the thing you didn't know about
290
00:13:34.250 --> 00:13:36.409
Ron Silver is he was this killing machine.
291
00:13:36.429 --> 00:13:38.649
No, and it's such a great choice because Ron Silver,
292
00:13:39.789 --> 00:13:43.210
it was not an obvious choice. It was so great
293
00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:45.629
that Ron Silver is, yeah, he's busy being an actor,
294
00:13:45.950 --> 00:13:48.070
but he's also got this other thing he does, which
295
00:13:48.169 --> 00:13:50.129
is he's a killing machine for NASA.
296
00:13:50.250 --> 00:13:50.600
Yeah.
297
00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:53.100
So here's my point. because I always have a point,
298
00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:59.639
because I'm very, very good at this. Sounds like you're
299
00:13:59.659 --> 00:14:00.379
killing time.
300
00:14:00.620 --> 00:14:02.000
You're trying to think of a point.
301
00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:05.080
No, no, no, here's my point. And I'll tell you
302
00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:08.679
about this point when it comes. It's not a time-killing measure,
303
00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:12.610
but points are important. No, like Heat Vision and Jack,
304
00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:14.929
you probably thought, this is the path. And then it
305
00:14:14.970 --> 00:14:17.549
gets turned down. Then it's, okay, what is it going
306
00:14:17.570 --> 00:14:19.289
to be next? Is it going to be music? Is
307
00:14:19.309 --> 00:14:23.529
it going to be How do I find what is
308
00:14:23.570 --> 00:14:24.190
Jack Black?
309
00:14:24.490 --> 00:14:27.210
Yeah, I had lots of swings and misses. You're trying
310
00:14:27.230 --> 00:14:29.230
to take me down this road where it was better
311
00:14:29.269 --> 00:14:31.220
that it didn't get picked up. It was meant to be,
312
00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:34.519
but I disagree. There's a sliding door reality where Lookwell
313
00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:38.309
was the biggest hit comedy of all time. But, yeah,
314
00:14:38.409 --> 00:14:39.210
be that as it may.
315
00:14:39.230 --> 00:14:40.090
Well, now I'm depressed.
316
00:14:40.169 --> 00:14:41.289
I'm sorry to do that to you.
317
00:14:41.529 --> 00:14:44.429
So there's an alternate reality where I own a Greek
318
00:14:44.570 --> 00:14:48.629
island because I've created pretty much the Friends of 1990.
319
00:14:48.629 --> 00:14:51.899
Well, I'm just saying that, yeah, you can swing and miss,
320
00:14:52.059 --> 00:14:55.200
and that's not the end. It's just they're all like
321
00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:56.379
steps on a ladder.
322
00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:56.940
Right.
323
00:14:57.000 --> 00:15:01.240
But like me and Kyle did a movie called Pick
324
00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:01.759
of Destiny.
325
00:15:01.779 --> 00:15:01.860
Okay.
326
00:15:02.389 --> 00:15:04.820
Nobody went to see it. It did not get good reviews.
327
00:15:05.009 --> 00:15:08.820
It was clearly a miss on all counts. But here
328
00:15:08.860 --> 00:15:13.120
we are, you know, 15 years later, still going on tour,
329
00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:15.539
and we still play those songs. Those songs from that
330
00:15:15.600 --> 00:15:19.919
movie get the biggest reaction of our whole set because,
331
00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:22.789
you know, that little movie that nobody liked at the
332
00:15:22.809 --> 00:15:26.730
time has over time gotten a little cult status amongst,
333
00:15:27.590 --> 00:15:30.049
you know, your heavy metal stoners of the world. That's
334
00:15:30.710 --> 00:15:33.759
a slightly bigger... group than you think.
335
00:15:33.860 --> 00:15:36.159
You know I used to think that you were a
336
00:15:36.259 --> 00:15:39.059
music guy who became a comedy guy and that's really
337
00:15:39.100 --> 00:15:42.600
not the case you were you picked up the guitar
338
00:15:42.820 --> 00:15:45.679
late yeah relatively late I.
339
00:15:45.620 --> 00:15:49.679
Got going around 23 years old which is not not
340
00:15:49.779 --> 00:15:51.820
usually when you start a musical.
341
00:15:51.460 --> 00:15:54.950
Instrument that's me that's me too I think I started
342
00:15:54.990 --> 00:15:58.289
when I was 22 yeah and it was me just
343
00:15:58.309 --> 00:16:00.889
a lack of I didn't have money I was a
344
00:16:01.029 --> 00:16:03.330
kind of a shitty drummer I had a drum set.
345
00:16:03.350 --> 00:16:07.389
I came to LA in 1985 and I thought, you
346
00:16:07.850 --> 00:16:10.879
can't have drums in LA. I have a $ 380 a
347
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.120
month apartment. You're going to let me have, you know,
348
00:16:14.179 --> 00:16:16.559
the landlady isn't going to let me have a drum set.
349
00:16:17.179 --> 00:16:19.419
And who would I play with? So I remembered going
350
00:16:19.470 --> 00:16:23.190
to a pawn shop and getting a freedom guitar in
351
00:16:23.230 --> 00:16:26.889
Hollywood and getting a $ 90 guitar and a little chord book.
352
00:16:27.429 --> 00:16:28.970
The Mel Bay Chord Book.
353
00:16:29.330 --> 00:16:31.570
Were you self-taught?
354
00:16:31.669 --> 00:16:34.409
For a while, and then I was wise enough and
355
00:16:34.490 --> 00:16:36.820
smart enough, and I recommend this to anyone out there listening,
356
00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:41.960
get a talk show with a band. And then every
357
00:16:42.019 --> 00:16:44.019
day you're with someone who's like, no, no, no, no,
358
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.259
you slide up the neck this way. Thanks a lot.
359
00:16:46.700 --> 00:16:49.590
But you got, I mean, you dove into it strong.
360
00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:52.690
I dove into it, but I had my Jim Avino
361
00:16:52.870 --> 00:16:56.519
early in Kyle Gass. He was my... my buddy from
362
00:16:56.559 --> 00:16:58.419
the Actors Gang Theater here in L.A.
363
00:16:58.940 --> 00:17:01.179
He was the one leaning on you to get better
364
00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:01.820
and better and better.
365
00:17:02.039 --> 00:17:04.220
No, I was leaning on him to teach me his
366
00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:07.279
ways to make me a rock star. I wanted him
367
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.599
to guide me. And I would bring him Jack in
368
00:17:10.619 --> 00:17:15.210
the Box food in exchange for guitar lessons. And we
369
00:17:15.230 --> 00:17:17.950
would record the jams that we would do, and then
370
00:17:17.990 --> 00:17:21.549
we would go stony playback. That was our thing. Let's
371
00:17:21.589 --> 00:17:23.529
smoke a J and then listen back.
372
00:17:23.430 --> 00:17:27.089
To what we did. That's called Stony Playback. We have
373
00:17:27.109 --> 00:17:29.069
to do that with the podcast.
374
00:17:29.670 --> 00:17:30.529
I would love to do that.
375
00:17:30.549 --> 00:17:32.130
I know you would. I'm in.
376
00:17:32.150 --> 00:17:32.450
I'm in.
377
00:17:32.490 --> 00:17:32.670
Yeah.
378
00:17:32.930 --> 00:17:34.759
I mean, I won't partake, but I'll watch you.
379
00:17:34.859 --> 00:17:35.539
Oh, come on.
380
00:17:35.640 --> 00:17:38.099
Don't be a square. Hey, man, you might be a narc.
381
00:17:39.339 --> 00:17:42.680
What if all this time Sona was a narc? She's
382
00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:45.220
just biding her time over a 10-year period.
383
00:17:45.700 --> 00:17:47.269
A slow burn.
384
00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:50.190
To catch me. But you know what's cool is, so
385
00:17:50.549 --> 00:17:54.029
you have, you get all of this accolades and you
386
00:17:54.069 --> 00:17:56.650
create a lot of joy with Tenacious D. And I
387
00:17:56.670 --> 00:18:00.910
understand you just, you and Kyle just worked with Mr.
388
00:18:01.009 --> 00:18:03.329
Jack White, your opposite in all things.
389
00:18:03.369 --> 00:18:03.690
Yeah.
390
00:18:03.930 --> 00:18:05.970
You worked with Jack White and you cut an album together.
391
00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:07.680
It's Third Man Records.
392
00:18:07.900 --> 00:18:10.569
We had this opportunity because we were going on tour
393
00:18:10.869 --> 00:18:14.549
through the South, doing Texas and all these different places,
394
00:18:14.890 --> 00:18:18.650
and we were going into Nashville, where his headquarters now are.
395
00:18:19.329 --> 00:18:20.990
He moved from Detroit to Nashville.
396
00:18:21.690 --> 00:18:22.359
Oh, I've been there.
397
00:18:22.450 --> 00:18:24.900
But I think he's still got a finger and a
398
00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:27.019
toe in each place. I think he's got a little
399
00:18:27.359 --> 00:18:28.779
Detroit headquarters as well.
400
00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:29.619
I think he does, yeah.
401
00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:32.279
He heard that we were coming there, and he said, hey,
402
00:18:32.440 --> 00:18:34.569
when you guys come to Nashville, why don't you stop
403
00:18:34.589 --> 00:18:37.359
by and lay down some hot tracks at my studio.
404
00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:40.900
We'll do this cool thing where it doesn't take any time.
405
00:18:40.940 --> 00:18:44.339
You can like come right before soundcheck and just record
406
00:18:44.460 --> 00:18:48.390
live to vinyl. Yes. In this weird like antique booth,
407
00:18:48.970 --> 00:18:51.250
the way they used to back in the olden times.
408
00:18:51.569 --> 00:18:53.619
And we were like, well, we have to do it.
409
00:18:53.730 --> 00:18:57.589
We can't say no to Jack White's invitation. If for
410
00:18:57.650 --> 00:18:59.809
no other reason, just to hang out with Jack White,
411
00:18:59.970 --> 00:19:03.509
it'd be very, foolish to bypass that opportunity.
412
00:19:03.609 --> 00:19:05.250
Why did you do that to the word foolish? There
413
00:19:05.269 --> 00:19:06.410
was no reason.
414
00:19:06.569 --> 00:19:10.279
It comes from insecurity. I go for a weird pronunciation comedy.
415
00:19:10.539 --> 00:19:14.319
But anyway, so we say yes, but we don't know
416
00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:15.839
what we're going to sing. I don't want to sing
417
00:19:15.859 --> 00:19:17.960
an old song. We have to write a new song
418
00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:21.019
for Jack White, you know? And so we wrote this
419
00:19:21.099 --> 00:19:26.109
little jam basically on the way to the studio. about
420
00:19:26.150 --> 00:19:30.299
how nervous we were about jamming with Jack White and
421
00:19:30.410 --> 00:19:35.220
for him in his studio and making, just wanting to
422
00:19:35.299 --> 00:19:39.559
do so well, wanting to rock so hard. Don't blow it, Cage,
423
00:19:39.900 --> 00:19:43.109
is the name of the song. Don't blow it, Cage.
424
00:19:45.329 --> 00:19:50.619
Just play the best shit you've ever fucking played.
425
00:19:51.140 --> 00:19:56.500
And so jack white's like um you know what guys
426
00:19:56.960 --> 00:19:59.579
uh there's actually a couple options we can do the
427
00:19:59.619 --> 00:20:02.180
thing where i put you in the weird antique booth
428
00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:05.089
where you just play live and it goes right onto
429
00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:07.660
an album Or you could come over to my house,
430
00:20:07.740 --> 00:20:09.880
to my home studio, and we could do like a
431
00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:13.779
slightly souped up version of that in my home studio.
432
00:20:13.940 --> 00:20:17.009
And it'll be like more legit and like we can
433
00:20:17.069 --> 00:20:17.569
track it.
434
00:20:17.789 --> 00:20:17.970
Yep.
435
00:20:18.589 --> 00:20:20.890
And we're like, we're doing that one, the better one,
436
00:20:21.109 --> 00:20:24.670
because mainly we want to see what your house looks like. Yep.
437
00:20:25.609 --> 00:20:27.960
We want to gain access to the inner sanctum.
438
00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:28.460
Yeah.
439
00:20:29.720 --> 00:20:33.140
So we go over to his house and, oh, my God.
440
00:20:33.630 --> 00:20:36.099
my itchy trigger finger was so hot on my phone.
441
00:20:36.140 --> 00:20:38.220
I wanted to be snapping photos, but he was like,
442
00:20:38.259 --> 00:20:39.880
as soon as we got there, it was like, guys,
443
00:20:39.900 --> 00:20:41.339
if it's, if it's cool, no photos.
444
00:20:41.539 --> 00:20:41.700
Yeah.
445
00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:43.579
Yeah. No, of course. Of course not. No photos.
446
00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:43.960
Fuck.
447
00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:47.240
So we go in through the house and it's, uh,
448
00:20:47.819 --> 00:20:50.789
it's like a museum every, it's like you would expect
449
00:20:50.849 --> 00:20:54.069
with Jack White. Cause he's, you know, always been, uh,
450
00:20:54.410 --> 00:20:59.589
a visual artist along with his music. There's always been
451
00:20:59.609 --> 00:21:02.029
this kind of aesthetic, uh, Right?
452
00:21:02.069 --> 00:21:02.609
Oh my God.
453
00:21:02.650 --> 00:21:02.910
Yes.
454
00:21:02.950 --> 00:21:04.710
The colors and the shapes and the things.
455
00:21:04.829 --> 00:21:06.789
A lot of thought goes into. Yes.
456
00:21:07.569 --> 00:21:13.279
Micro details in the house and like funny, strange rooms
457
00:21:13.819 --> 00:21:17.599
that have jokes to them. Like there's these, there's this
458
00:21:17.920 --> 00:21:21.789
gorgeous like throne room where you would go and sit
459
00:21:21.900 --> 00:21:25.569
in the throne and this chair was ornate and filled
460
00:21:25.609 --> 00:21:29.069
with details and And on either side of the throne,
461
00:21:29.109 --> 00:21:33.809
there's these two giant lions, taxidermy lions, that are... And
462
00:21:33.849 --> 00:21:35.589
he's like, that's where.
463
00:21:35.529 --> 00:21:38.349
I go to read. Jesus Christ.
464
00:21:38.390 --> 00:21:40.890
Read between the lions. No.
465
00:21:41.230 --> 00:21:41.789
No.
466
00:21:41.809 --> 00:21:43.349
He goes to read between the lions.
467
00:21:43.369 --> 00:21:44.690
Boo.
468
00:21:44.829 --> 00:21:47.130
Boo.
469
00:21:47.490 --> 00:21:48.569
You may say boo.
470
00:21:48.630 --> 00:21:50.890
End this now. I say boo.
471
00:21:51.369 --> 00:21:51.490
No.
472
00:21:51.650 --> 00:21:52.650
I say yay.
473
00:21:52.710 --> 00:21:52.829
But.
474
00:21:57.230 --> 00:22:00.109
I was wandering through there and I was thinking, God,
475
00:22:00.170 --> 00:22:01.950
why can't I take pictures? Why wouldn't he want to
476
00:22:01.970 --> 00:22:03.750
share this with the world? Why would he keep this
477
00:22:03.809 --> 00:22:06.890
all hidden and secret? Yeah. And then I realized why.
478
00:22:06.910 --> 00:22:10.119
I didn't say anything then, but I was thinking, this
479
00:22:10.170 --> 00:22:11.019
is his Graceland.
480
00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:11.480
Yeah.
481
00:22:11.960 --> 00:22:15.579
Someday when he dies, people will wander through these. It'll
482
00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:17.900
be open to the public. Right. I need to make
483
00:22:17.960 --> 00:22:18.740
my Graceland.
484
00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:20.059
We all have to make our Graceland. Well, here's the
485
00:22:20.099 --> 00:22:22.079
revelation I had because I got to hang out with
486
00:22:22.099 --> 00:22:24.710
him in Nashville and a bunch of years ago, and
487
00:22:24.769 --> 00:22:29.230
we made an album with my band. And I'm at
488
00:22:29.369 --> 00:22:31.930
Third Man Records, and I'm thinking, what is it about
489
00:22:31.970 --> 00:22:35.579
this place? Because there's all this crazy stuff on the wall.
490
00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:39.619
There'll be like, like you said, like some kooky, antique,
491
00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:42.720
taxidermied animal that has a digital clock in its skull.
492
00:22:43.200 --> 00:22:46.000
And then there'll be, you know, like a weird machine
493
00:22:46.019 --> 00:22:49.359
in the corner that's a fortune-telling machine from 1911. And
494
00:22:49.380 --> 00:22:51.089
then you notice that everyone who works for him is
495
00:22:51.119 --> 00:22:54.869
wearing They're dressed in a certain way. The guys are
496
00:22:54.890 --> 00:22:58.230
all wearing bowler hats and they look kind of like
497
00:22:58.390 --> 00:23:02.420
hip Hasidim. And then the women are all wearing another
498
00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:05.680
kind of different costume. There's no rhyme or reason to anything.
499
00:23:05.779 --> 00:23:08.660
And then I had this revelation. He's a Batman villain.
500
00:23:08.680 --> 00:23:08.980
Ah!
501
00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:13.759
I had this revelation, which is he's a Batman villain.
502
00:23:13.980 --> 00:23:16.660
And you know what? The only place I've seen this
503
00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:19.859
before is on Batman, because if you're the penguin, you
504
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:21.700
hire 15 people and you say- Adam.
505
00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:22.980
West, Adam West era.
506
00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:25.460
Yeah, and you say, and you hire 15 people and
507
00:23:25.480 --> 00:23:28.900
you say, you're all dressing like penguins. And they're like, okay.
508
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:31.660
And we're gonna put penguins all over the place. Sure,
509
00:23:31.900 --> 00:23:35.099
it's your abandoned macaroni factory on the bad side of town.
510
00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:39.289
So that was my big revelation, is that he's an
511
00:23:39.329 --> 00:23:44.450
insane- superhero villain that really exists. And I also was
512
00:23:44.490 --> 00:23:47.250
trying to picture, what if you're the UPS guy, and
513
00:23:47.269 --> 00:23:48.710
that's part of your delivery route.
514
00:23:49.170 --> 00:23:49.450
Yeah.
515
00:23:49.529 --> 00:23:50.970
And you come to the door and you go, yeah,
516
00:23:50.990 --> 00:23:54.910
I've got a, a gatling gun. I've got a World
517
00:23:54.930 --> 00:24:00.309
War I gatling gun that's been turned into an Edison
518
00:24:00.529 --> 00:24:04.829
era music player, and it has fur on it. And
519
00:24:04.869 --> 00:24:07.930
to be, to be Jack White at the door going, yeah,
520
00:24:08.069 --> 00:24:11.640
wrong address, that's not for me. You asshole, I know
521
00:24:11.680 --> 00:24:12.059
it's you.
522
00:24:12.519 --> 00:24:17.220
But if he's the Batman villain who is the Batman,
523
00:24:17.849 --> 00:24:19.829
that's the problem is he doesn't have a Batman to
524
00:24:19.849 --> 00:24:24.069
battle against. Right. Unless you say maybe the Black Keys. Yeah, exactly.
525
00:24:24.210 --> 00:24:27.369
But they don't, they don't, well, it could be a
526
00:24:27.410 --> 00:24:29.710
Batman and Robin, those two. Yeah, sure they are. It's
527
00:24:29.730 --> 00:24:30.210
two of them.
528
00:24:30.230 --> 00:24:31.549
It's two of them.
529
00:24:31.569 --> 00:24:34.380
They're not playing along, though. They don't have, like, the costumes.
530
00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:35.819
Eh, we don't know what they're doing.
531
00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:37.299
They need to step the costume game up.
532
00:24:37.299 --> 00:24:39.480
We don't know what they do at night. They might
533
00:24:39.500 --> 00:24:41.200
be protecting us all, the black.
534
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:43.440
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
535
00:24:43.650 --> 00:24:44.930
I know what you mean, Coo Column.
536
00:24:45.150 --> 00:24:48.250
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
537
00:24:48.390 --> 00:24:50.509
Eating tons of fresh grass.
538
00:24:50.670 --> 00:24:50.950
What?
539
00:24:51.109 --> 00:24:54.200
Not you, we're cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
540
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:57.900
milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
541
00:24:58.200 --> 00:24:59.819
Legendary.
542
00:25:00.259 --> 00:25:03.630
Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions...
543
00:25:03.630 --> 00:25:07.150
Help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look
544
00:25:07.190 --> 00:25:11.190
for the National Dairy Council guarantee. Learn more at ndc.ie.
545
00:25:11.450 --> 00:25:13.369
Did you hear about the Murphys down the road?
546
00:25:13.670 --> 00:25:16.490
I did. And with the Walshes too, of all people.
547
00:25:16.829 --> 00:25:18.390
I heard the Flins were at it as well.
548
00:25:18.650 --> 00:25:18.990
No.
549
00:25:19.170 --> 00:25:20.430
Switchers, the lot of them.
550
00:25:20.789 --> 00:25:23.250
You know, it might not be a bad idea.
551
00:25:23.670 --> 00:25:23.970
Really?
552
00:25:23.990 --> 00:25:26.750
I heard they all got a brilliant deal and saved
553
00:25:26.809 --> 00:25:30.990
hundreds of euros switching their energy with switcher.ie. Happy days.
554
00:25:31.670 --> 00:25:32.630
Maybe we should join them.
555
00:25:33.099 --> 00:25:33.210
Hmm.
556
00:25:33.789 --> 00:25:37.309
See if you can save on your energy at switcher.ie.
557
00:25:37.750 --> 00:25:38.109
Switch.
558
00:25:38.630 --> 00:25:39.049
Save.
559
00:25:39.529 --> 00:25:40.230
Happy days.
560
00:25:46.529 --> 00:25:48.150
There must have been a day when you realized I
561
00:25:48.250 --> 00:25:50.930
can do things with my eyes. Yeah. I can make
562
00:25:50.970 --> 00:25:55.730
my eyes crazy jack-o'-lantern eyes. There's a day where you
563
00:25:55.779 --> 00:25:57.460
catch yourself doing that in the mirror and you're like,
564
00:25:57.619 --> 00:25:59.799
got it. I've got that. That's one arrow.
565
00:26:00.180 --> 00:26:05.099
My earliest memory of getting attention, I had, as you know,
566
00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:08.980
I was obsessed with the $ 6 million man. Yep. And
567
00:26:09.069 --> 00:26:13.109
I did get some wires from the garage and put
568
00:26:13.170 --> 00:26:17.309
them up my sleeve. And hid them, though, in the sleeve,
569
00:26:17.390 --> 00:26:22.299
tucked them away so that if I was at school
570
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:27.079
and they would accidentally come out, then people would think. Oh,
571
00:26:27.180 --> 00:26:28.059
and then I would hide them.
572
00:26:28.259 --> 00:26:30.519
I don't want you to see those wires.
573
00:26:30.539 --> 00:26:34.289
Then people would think I was bionic. That I had
574
00:26:34.349 --> 00:26:38.609
bionic powers. And so that's not really comedy, but.
575
00:26:39.609 --> 00:26:40.609
It's deeply sad.
576
00:26:40.910 --> 00:26:43.269
It is. It's wonderful. It's from the same place of
577
00:26:43.329 --> 00:26:47.109
wanting to get attention and be special. Very Radiohead. I'm
578
00:26:47.130 --> 00:26:47.470
a creep.
579
00:26:48.029 --> 00:26:48.369
Yeah.
580
00:26:48.430 --> 00:26:52.490
Wish I was special. But, oh, here's one. This is
581
00:26:52.609 --> 00:26:56.750
not politically correct, but back in the day of You
582
00:26:56.789 --> 00:27:00.720
remember Weird Al Yankovic at the height of his powers
583
00:27:00.819 --> 00:27:05.200
in the 70s. There was a song before Weird Al's
584
00:27:05.799 --> 00:27:09.859
My Bologna. Right. The song that was making fun of
585
00:27:10.119 --> 00:27:14.769
my Sharona. There was a song called Ayatollah that was
586
00:27:15.309 --> 00:27:16.950
making fun of my Sharona.
587
00:27:17.069 --> 00:27:17.289
Yes.
588
00:27:17.970 --> 00:27:21.130
And me and some other kids did a cover of
589
00:27:21.190 --> 00:27:24.880
that at the school assembly. And we had the turbans
590
00:27:24.980 --> 00:27:28.720
and the beards. And it just killed. We were the
591
00:27:28.779 --> 00:27:32.019
funniest thing to ever happen to Hermosa Beach North School.
592
00:27:33.180 --> 00:27:36.990
But I don't recommend doing that now. That gag did
593
00:27:37.049 --> 00:27:37.730
not age well.
594
00:27:39.410 --> 00:27:40.269
It was of its time.
595
00:27:40.769 --> 00:27:45.009
Yeah. But that was an early experience that gave me
596
00:27:45.049 --> 00:27:48.670
the bug of going, this could be a fun. I
597
00:27:48.710 --> 00:27:52.799
love to make people laugh. And I was doing improv. Improv.
598
00:27:53.420 --> 00:27:56.829
I remember at a Passover Seder, we went to a
599
00:27:57.450 --> 00:28:01.730
friend's house, a friend of the family. And she was
600
00:28:01.750 --> 00:28:04.269
this rad lady who was a Holocaust survivor. And she
601
00:28:04.309 --> 00:28:07.720
was really intense. But then after we finished the Seder,
602
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:10.619
she said, now it's time to play the freeze game.
603
00:28:11.700 --> 00:28:12.839
And we went to the living room.
604
00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:13.660
Wow.
605
00:28:13.740 --> 00:28:18.309
And she taught us this old viola spolin improvisational game
606
00:28:18.349 --> 00:28:21.519
where two people go up there and just have a
607
00:28:21.539 --> 00:28:24.740
little conversation and then anyone in the audience can say freeze.
608
00:28:24.759 --> 00:28:26.619
And then you go and they have to freeze in
609
00:28:26.640 --> 00:28:28.500
their body position. Then you go up and tap one
610
00:28:28.519 --> 00:28:30.460
of them on the shoulder and they leave and you
611
00:28:30.509 --> 00:28:34.069
take their body position and you change the, the scene
612
00:28:34.460 --> 00:28:38.569
based on this body position. And I did it all
613
00:28:38.869 --> 00:28:41.009
night and I just kept on saying freeze and I
614
00:28:41.069 --> 00:28:43.430
couldn't stand being in the audience. I only wanted to
615
00:28:43.470 --> 00:28:45.829
be up on stage, which when you think about it,
616
00:28:45.849 --> 00:28:50.130
that's a super annoying personality trait, but I think that's
617
00:28:50.220 --> 00:28:53.599
what it takes. You have to want it so bad
618
00:28:53.640 --> 00:28:55.839
that you just... Your eyes just.
619
00:28:56.099 --> 00:28:58.279
People can't see this on the podcast, but your eyes
620
00:28:58.339 --> 00:29:00.650
became demonic as you were talking about it.
621
00:29:01.420 --> 00:29:05.519
But it's a hunger. It's a fine line between a
622
00:29:05.720 --> 00:29:10.670
sickness of being empty and too needy and actually being
623
00:29:11.509 --> 00:29:14.339
meant for... the, the, the stage.
624
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.420
Well, I'll tell you, I've, uh, my father said to
625
00:29:17.480 --> 00:29:19.700
me years ago, uh, early in the run of my
626
00:29:19.740 --> 00:29:23.440
late night show, this is, you know, 26 years ago,
627
00:29:23.480 --> 00:29:25.950
he said to me, and he's a scientist. He said, Oh,
628
00:29:26.029 --> 00:29:28.049
I see. And he wasn't doing a joke. He just said,
629
00:29:28.849 --> 00:29:32.670
you're making a career out of something that should probably
630
00:29:32.710 --> 00:29:33.250
be treated.
631
00:29:35.049 --> 00:29:35.630
And it's true.
632
00:29:35.630 --> 00:29:41.279
It is actually true. It's, you know, I wish he had,
633
00:29:41.470 --> 00:29:44.740
you know, said I love you or something, but I'm
634
00:29:44.759 --> 00:29:49.420
sure that was coming later. But no, that's his way
635
00:29:49.480 --> 00:29:50.319
of telling me he loves me.
636
00:29:51.460 --> 00:29:51.920
It's true.
637
00:29:51.980 --> 00:29:55.539
There is a fine line between this is good, this
638
00:29:55.559 --> 00:29:58.910
is fun, this is, and a great way to make
639
00:29:58.950 --> 00:30:05.009
a living. And probably this needs to be medicated in
640
00:30:05.089 --> 00:30:05.690
some ways.
641
00:30:06.690 --> 00:30:08.549
I think that it's a scary way to make a
642
00:30:08.589 --> 00:30:11.349
living because there's so much adrenaline involved with getting up
643
00:30:11.410 --> 00:30:16.019
in front of an audience and entertaining them because the
644
00:30:16.119 --> 00:30:19.359
idea of not entertaining, going up there and bombing.
645
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:20.319
Is so terrifying.
646
00:30:20.619 --> 00:30:21.440
They're judging you.
647
00:30:21.740 --> 00:30:22.660
Yeah.
648
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:26.890
So the only way that it works is is if
649
00:30:26.950 --> 00:30:30.289
you want it so badly that you're willing to risk
650
00:30:30.430 --> 00:30:34.329
that kind of humiliation. So it takes a kind of desperation.
651
00:30:35.029 --> 00:30:37.210
I don't know many performers that don't have a seed
652
00:30:37.230 --> 00:30:39.880
of desperation at their core. Yeah.
653
00:30:40.460 --> 00:30:44.180
Again, your eyes got crazy. You really spike. You pick
654
00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:45.519
a certain part of the sentence and you go, and
655
00:30:45.539 --> 00:30:46.200
it's true.
656
00:30:46.519 --> 00:30:50.160
You found my, that's my technique. That's your technique. I've
657
00:30:50.180 --> 00:30:51.720
been doing it since sixth grade.
658
00:30:51.799 --> 00:30:54.960
Yeah. like a latte please and if you could just
659
00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:58.869
put a little bit of pumpkin spice in there.
660
00:30:58.609 --> 00:31:01.230
I'd appreciate it I don't know why I do that
661
00:31:01.369 --> 00:31:04.730
there's just certain words and sentences where I kick into
662
00:31:04.849 --> 00:31:07.049
overdrive right in the middle of the sentence but.
663
00:31:06.990 --> 00:31:09.890
Also like the way you perform when you go out
664
00:31:10.009 --> 00:31:13.829
especially I mean in comedy and in music you take
665
00:31:13.890 --> 00:31:18.539
it to 11 in a way that I would think
666
00:31:18.579 --> 00:31:21.400
it would take you hours to come down afterwards.
667
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:23.940
Oh yeah it's hit or miss, you know, sometimes I'll
668
00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:26.769
see a performance, uh, in a movie and I'll go,
669
00:31:26.779 --> 00:31:31.329
good Lord, take it down. Jack black, you're weapon 11.
670
00:31:31.329 --> 00:31:35.890
This scene clearly called for a six, but, um, other
671
00:31:35.930 --> 00:31:39.619
times it feels great, uh, to take it to the,
672
00:31:39.809 --> 00:31:43.799
to the maximum. Um, when me and Kyle are out there, uh,
673
00:31:43.890 --> 00:31:49.190
performing with tenacious D yeah, I, I go full throttle and, uh,
674
00:31:49.710 --> 00:31:54.660
I'm on a literal high afterwards, sometimes for hours. It's
675
00:31:54.700 --> 00:31:55.660
definitely like a drug.
676
00:32:00.160 --> 00:32:02.960
That's the sound of green tea.
677
00:32:02.980 --> 00:32:03.700
Still going.
678
00:32:04.089 --> 00:32:07.430
Going down. Hey, killed a whole bottle in one galoop.
679
00:32:07.890 --> 00:32:08.650
That was pretty good, huh?
680
00:32:09.609 --> 00:32:12.789
I have a little bit of ADHD, I think, where
681
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:15.980
I'll start a sentence, and I think I know what
682
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:18.240
I'm talking about, and I think I know where I'm heading,
683
00:32:18.579 --> 00:32:20.759
what the point of it is, and then I'll lose
684
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:22.900
it in the middle of the sentence. I can't remember
685
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:26.000
what the hell I was talking about or where I
686
00:32:26.039 --> 00:32:26.539
was going.
687
00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:27.940
That happens to all of us, I think.
688
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:28.460
You know what?
689
00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:30.650
It gets worse, I will say. I'm a little older
690
00:32:30.690 --> 00:32:32.509
than you. It gets worse over time.
691
00:32:33.009 --> 00:32:35.309
I heard that it gets better, though, if you exercise
692
00:32:35.470 --> 00:32:38.589
super strenuously. I read this in a New York Times
693
00:32:38.650 --> 00:32:39.250
article just yesterday.
694
00:32:39.269 --> 00:32:39.789
I wouldn't know.
695
00:32:41.349 --> 00:32:43.930
I was thinking about climbing a mountain later.
696
00:32:44.119 --> 00:32:44.799
Yeah.
697
00:32:44.940 --> 00:32:45.599
If you want to.
698
00:32:46.339 --> 00:32:48.519
Do you know what my favorite exercise? I like to push.
699
00:32:49.099 --> 00:32:53.029
My bicycle up the mountain. Because it's too hard to
700
00:32:53.130 --> 00:32:53.690
ride it up.
701
00:32:53.750 --> 00:32:54.170
Exactly.
702
00:32:54.250 --> 00:32:55.930
Even in the super easy gear.
703
00:32:55.950 --> 00:32:56.470
Right.
704
00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:59.509
That looks ridiculous like a circus performer, by the way.
705
00:33:01.529 --> 00:33:03.769
It's like, wait, why don't you just walk? You're pedaling
706
00:33:03.829 --> 00:33:06.859
way faster than a person walking next to you would
707
00:33:06.910 --> 00:33:11.160
be stepping. So when you're pushing it up, does it
708
00:33:11.180 --> 00:33:12.920
have a little bell? Because the saddest thing in the
709
00:33:12.940 --> 00:33:14.950
world is to be pushing a bike. I've done this.
710
00:33:15.309 --> 00:33:18.630
Pushing a bike up a hill and then occasionally, ding, ding,
711
00:33:19.410 --> 00:33:21.720
ring the bell without ever getting on the bike.
712
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:24.220
I think it's really sweet that you have a bell
713
00:33:24.279 --> 00:33:24.700
on your bike.
714
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:25.180
I do.
715
00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:26.759
No, I don't have the bell. It's a safety. It's
716
00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:27.579
a safety thing.
717
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:30.039
It's a safety equipment. I like to mountain bike. And
718
00:33:30.099 --> 00:33:33.259
so on the way down, you're supposed to have this
719
00:33:33.380 --> 00:33:38.390
bell that's constantly ringing. It just rings because every time you... Well,
720
00:33:38.410 --> 00:33:39.930
what it is, it's just a bell that you take
721
00:33:39.950 --> 00:33:42.529
the clapper or you take the muffler off. So on
722
00:33:42.549 --> 00:33:44.890
the way down, you're making a little ga-jing, ga-jing, ga-jing sound.
723
00:33:44.930 --> 00:33:47.630
So if you're coming around a corner... people have warning
724
00:33:47.670 --> 00:33:49.069
that a bike is coming down the hill.
725
00:33:49.250 --> 00:33:49.910
That's smart.
726
00:33:50.109 --> 00:33:54.630
It's smart, but it's also very emasculating. Because, you know,
727
00:33:54.650 --> 00:33:56.480
I've got my gear on and I'm going down the
728
00:33:56.539 --> 00:34:00.380
hill and dust is flying around and you hear like,
729
00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:04.700
I've got ice cream for everyone. It's just, I don't know.
730
00:34:04.980 --> 00:34:07.440
It takes some of the cool factor out of it.
731
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:12.329
You could just like put a card, a baseball card
732
00:34:12.369 --> 00:34:15.030
or something in between your spokes, right? Don't they do
733
00:34:15.070 --> 00:34:17.329
that to make a, sound.
734
00:34:17.789 --> 00:34:19.590
Well, then people will just think a blackjack dealer is
735
00:34:19.650 --> 00:34:20.429
coming down the hill.
736
00:34:20.809 --> 00:34:23.179
Someone's shuffling up behind them.
737
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:25.389
You're quite the gamer, aren't you?
738
00:34:26.420 --> 00:34:29.780
I do enjoy gaming, but I have to say, as
739
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:33.699
of late, I've been all about my iPhone games, which
740
00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:36.739
has ruined my console gaming. I used to be all
741
00:34:36.780 --> 00:34:40.820
about my Xbox and PlayStation, and I still haven't even
742
00:34:40.900 --> 00:34:45.230
conquered Red Dead Redemption Part 2. which I was so
743
00:34:45.409 --> 00:34:48.230
anticipating for years. You know what.
744
00:34:48.510 --> 00:34:51.320
I was actually, I heard so much hype about Red
745
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:54.469
Dead Redemption 2 that I was going to get it.
746
00:34:55.840 --> 00:35:00.300
And my son is a really talented at computers and
747
00:35:00.360 --> 00:35:03.690
he built a computer for me so I could play games.
748
00:35:03.710 --> 00:35:05.869
I mean, I gave him the, I said, look, if
749
00:35:05.889 --> 00:35:07.550
you build this thing, it's a really cool thing. And
750
00:35:07.570 --> 00:35:09.949
he did it with his friend. I'll buy the parts.
751
00:35:10.420 --> 00:35:12.400
So they put together this really cool computer for me
752
00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:15.449
to just, you know, so I could do Red Dead
753
00:35:15.650 --> 00:35:21.590
Redemption 2. And then before I even got the game,
754
00:35:21.610 --> 00:35:23.710
people were telling me, people who are good at games
755
00:35:23.750 --> 00:35:26.590
were saying, yeah, so far I've just been wandering around
756
00:35:26.610 --> 00:35:32.670
and collecting hay for my horse. And I saw like, well,
757
00:35:32.690 --> 00:35:36.789
how long you been playing? About six weeks. What else
758
00:35:36.809 --> 00:35:38.860
did you do? I got some wax and I put
759
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:41.199
them on my chaps and then I got more hay
760
00:35:41.239 --> 00:35:45.119
for my horse and some oats and then my horse
761
00:35:45.199 --> 00:35:46.980
wandered off so I had to go find my horse
762
00:35:47.019 --> 00:35:50.920
and that took about six weeks and I got dispirited
763
00:35:50.960 --> 00:35:51.820
before I even tried it.
764
00:35:52.159 --> 00:35:54.420
So yeah, you never even saddled up.
765
00:35:54.719 --> 00:35:55.599
I didn't saddle up.
766
00:35:56.699 --> 00:36:02.760
That game is, from what I've, gathered, it's more like
767
00:36:02.820 --> 00:36:05.239
living life, really, than playing a game.
768
00:36:05.809 --> 00:36:06.030
Right.
769
00:36:06.969 --> 00:36:09.349
And I'm playing a game where I live life called
770
00:36:09.389 --> 00:36:12.090
Living Life. I don't need to do that.
771
00:36:12.130 --> 00:36:14.809
You can choose to be more proactive and get to
772
00:36:14.849 --> 00:36:18.829
the story and get to the next piece of the puzzle. Oh,
773
00:36:18.829 --> 00:36:18.949
I see.
774
00:36:18.969 --> 00:36:20.530
So I can just press a button and it gets
775
00:36:20.570 --> 00:36:24.739
me to you get yours, let's draw, that kind of thing.
776
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:28.579
Yeah. You can avoid the conflict and just, you know,
777
00:36:29.380 --> 00:36:32.679
go buy some moonshine and wander through the desert aimlessly,
778
00:36:32.699 --> 00:36:35.619
or you can go where you know the story wants
779
00:36:35.659 --> 00:36:40.550
you to go. It's a real commitment, a time commitment
780
00:36:40.570 --> 00:36:43.630
that my phone has taken so much of those.
781
00:36:43.650 --> 00:36:45.030
So what are you doing on your phone?
782
00:36:46.150 --> 00:36:50.440
Right now, it's all about WGT Golf.
783
00:36:51.539 --> 00:36:51.659
What?
784
00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:53.480
And it's really embarrassing because.
785
00:36:53.500 --> 00:36:54.460
What are you talking about?
786
00:36:54.480 --> 00:36:54.559
Golf?
787
00:36:54.579 --> 00:36:56.300
It's a golf game. Yes.
788
00:36:56.539 --> 00:36:57.860
And you do it on your phone?
789
00:36:57.960 --> 00:36:58.380
Yes.
790
00:36:58.659 --> 00:37:00.119
Do you do a swipe to do the swing?
791
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:07.559
Yes. And it's extremely satisfying. And truth be told, expensive.
792
00:37:09.599 --> 00:37:10.500
How is it expensive?
793
00:37:10.639 --> 00:37:14.909
It's just horrifying because they figured me out. They know
794
00:37:14.949 --> 00:37:17.280
my brain. And I have a little bit of OCD.
795
00:37:17.510 --> 00:37:21.090
And there's a bunch of choices of. Clothing that you
796
00:37:21.130 --> 00:37:25.590
can wear. And the clothing doesn't just look rad, which
797
00:37:25.650 --> 00:37:27.670
is important to me. I do want my avatar to
798
00:37:27.690 --> 00:37:31.780
look super sharp. And also a big mistake a lot
799
00:37:31.820 --> 00:37:33.719
of people do is like, you got to match. Make
800
00:37:33.739 --> 00:37:36.659
sure the socks matches the shirt and the pants match
801
00:37:36.679 --> 00:37:40.400
the hat. No, dude. You look dumb. You look like
802
00:37:40.460 --> 00:37:46.710
a circus performer with your weird triangle patterns. You got
803
00:37:46.730 --> 00:37:51.440
to go like tasteful top. loose hanging, green pattern, and
804
00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:57.780
then not a matching color down below. But the main
805
00:37:57.800 --> 00:38:00.250
thing with the clothing is that each piece of clothing
806
00:38:00.309 --> 00:38:03.369
has a value that helps your game. Like this is
807
00:38:03.409 --> 00:38:06.349
going to help your short game. It improves your accuracy
808
00:38:06.409 --> 00:38:09.190
on your drive. This one gives you more strength on
809
00:38:09.230 --> 00:38:14.570
your drive. And to buy these little pieces of digital
810
00:38:14.610 --> 00:38:18.949
clothing is, you actually either have to put in tons
811
00:38:18.989 --> 00:38:22.139
of hours of work or you can just buy it
812
00:38:22.280 --> 00:38:24.900
and get it done real quick. And I'm not going
813
00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:27.159
to tell you how much money I've spent on these
814
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:31.039
clothes because I don't even know. It's been so much
815
00:38:31.139 --> 00:38:32.909
money and it's horrifying.
816
00:38:32.949 --> 00:38:35.750
So your children will not go to college because you
817
00:38:35.789 --> 00:38:39.750
wanted the avatar on your phone that plays pretend golf
818
00:38:40.190 --> 00:38:41.730
to be dressed appropriately.
819
00:38:42.070 --> 00:38:45.289
I have set aside some money for their college, but it.
820
00:38:45.260 --> 00:38:48.039
Will, it, You'll dip into it. You know you will.
821
00:38:48.059 --> 00:38:51.920
Yeah, they're not going to be going to the best college.
822
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:55.500
There's still enough to send them to a good college.
823
00:38:55.679 --> 00:38:57.679
Sure. A good state school.
824
00:38:57.699 --> 00:39:03.989
Yeah, it's not just money, but hours of time. It's both.
825
00:39:04.670 --> 00:39:05.550
And it's so foolish.
826
00:39:05.590 --> 00:39:08.070
I did this with Clash of Clans. My son was
827
00:39:08.110 --> 00:39:10.550
really into Clash of Clans like, you know, four years ago,
828
00:39:10.570 --> 00:39:12.809
five years ago. And his friends were into it, too.
829
00:39:13.050 --> 00:39:15.110
And then he got me into it. And I wanted to...
830
00:39:16.079 --> 00:39:18.469
I partake with my son. You know, I wanted to
831
00:39:18.780 --> 00:39:22.829
be part of his world. And so again, it was like,
832
00:39:22.909 --> 00:39:26.469
you can spend all this time slowly making sure that
833
00:39:26.489 --> 00:39:28.809
you get a tiny little catapult or you can just
834
00:39:28.889 --> 00:39:33.139
buy the catapult. And so I started doing that. And
835
00:39:33.179 --> 00:39:36.550
then you see this little like, you know, like MasterCard charge,
836
00:39:37.159 --> 00:39:39.429
you know, and you don't think that much about it
837
00:39:39.449 --> 00:39:42.030
because each one is so small. And then I started,
838
00:39:42.050 --> 00:39:46.050
I remember showing my son and his friends, I'm like,
839
00:39:46.110 --> 00:39:50.679
check out my you know, check out my fortress. And
840
00:39:50.739 --> 00:39:53.480
so he and his friends online checked out my fortress
841
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:56.400
and his friends were like, wow, you know, your dad's
842
00:39:56.420 --> 00:39:59.039
got the cannon that shoots lava and he's also got
843
00:39:59.099 --> 00:40:03.969
the special massive dinosaur bird that drops boulders and he's
844
00:40:04.010 --> 00:40:06.789
got six of them positioned on each. And I was
845
00:40:06.809 --> 00:40:09.650
getting some props from my kids and then my son
846
00:40:09.710 --> 00:40:13.409
was like, you're buying this stuff, aren't you? And I
847
00:40:13.639 --> 00:40:15.909
was like, yeah. And then I started, I think I
848
00:40:15.949 --> 00:40:19.150
checked a bill and it was, oh my God, I
849
00:40:19.909 --> 00:40:25.989
could have bought an okay watch. And instead I've defended
850
00:40:26.090 --> 00:40:29.949
something that doesn't exist to impress friends of my son
851
00:40:29.989 --> 00:40:30.889
that I haven't met.
852
00:40:31.130 --> 00:40:31.409
Yeah.
853
00:40:33.179 --> 00:40:34.519
It was bad. And that's when I had to go
854
00:40:34.579 --> 00:40:37.079
cold turkey. And I think that Ford exists somewhere.
855
00:40:37.610 --> 00:40:38.550
You cut yourself off?
856
00:40:38.849 --> 00:40:39.710
I cut myself off.
857
00:40:39.889 --> 00:40:42.699
No, that fort has definitely been raided since then. You
858
00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:45.849
can't just leave a... A delicious fort.
859
00:40:45.650 --> 00:40:47.630
Like that out in the open. It's a really good fort,
860
00:40:47.650 --> 00:40:50.510
and I think it's been raided and pillaged and destroyed.
861
00:40:50.550 --> 00:40:52.730
No, those things take maintenance to protect them.
862
00:40:52.969 --> 00:40:53.289
I know.
863
00:40:53.630 --> 00:40:55.429
They're so smart, these gaming companies.
864
00:40:55.809 --> 00:40:57.829
You can carry it around in your pocket while you're
865
00:40:57.869 --> 00:41:00.269
waiting for the dentist or anything. You can't do that
866
00:41:00.329 --> 00:41:01.369
with the console games.
867
00:41:01.469 --> 00:41:02.659
You wait for the dentist?
868
00:41:02.840 --> 00:41:03.840
Yes, I wait.
869
00:41:04.090 --> 00:41:06.739
You're doing it all wrong, man. I show up and
870
00:41:06.780 --> 00:41:11.940
I go, Conan O'Brien's here. Everyone shit themselves. I actually
871
00:41:12.019 --> 00:41:14.639
say that. I say, I'll just be sitting in this
872
00:41:14.739 --> 00:41:19.739
chair now. You're sitting on an old woman, Mrs. Hepstein. Well,
873
00:41:20.340 --> 00:41:23.219
I don't see her television show. Does she have a
874
00:41:23.260 --> 00:41:25.599
television show? You're hurting me.
875
00:41:26.969 --> 00:41:27.360
Toss.
876
00:41:29.289 --> 00:41:34.349
Crunch, that's her bones crunching. Lie down, that's the sound
877
00:41:34.389 --> 00:41:36.989
effect of me lying down. And you get on a seat.
878
00:41:37.900 --> 00:41:42.230
It's a lazy sound effect. Lie down, reach. Those are
879
00:41:42.250 --> 00:41:43.449
my sound effects from now on.
880
00:41:44.789 --> 00:41:47.650
Yeah. When I go to the dentist, I really look
881
00:41:47.670 --> 00:41:48.889
forward to that laughing gas.
882
00:41:50.010 --> 00:41:50.929
You get laughing gas?
883
00:41:51.409 --> 00:41:53.800
And the last time I went, I was hit with
884
00:41:53.840 --> 00:41:58.800
a cold fish. They just realized that laughing gas, nitrous,
885
00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:02.139
actually is bad for you. And it's bad for the
886
00:42:02.179 --> 00:42:04.440
people that give you the nitrous. They get a little
887
00:42:04.900 --> 00:42:06.699
whiff of it on the side. They get like a.
888
00:42:07.349 --> 00:42:13.690
A contact high, it causes something like you– it can–
889
00:42:13.949 --> 00:42:16.030
mess with your reproductive organs.
890
00:42:16.369 --> 00:42:16.690
Wow.
891
00:42:16.860 --> 00:42:19.099
I never heard anything. I thought laughing gas was something
892
00:42:19.139 --> 00:42:21.650
from like the 1950s. I didn't know people still got it.
893
00:42:22.420 --> 00:42:24.579
Yeah, nitrous did. I guess maybe I'm the last of
894
00:42:24.599 --> 00:42:27.260
the Mohicans. Anyone else here get the laughing gas?
895
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:27.840
My wife does.
896
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:28.559
Yes!
897
00:42:28.760 --> 00:42:31.179
Amanda, she goes to a chicken dentist because she's afraid
898
00:42:31.219 --> 00:42:33.340
of shots. So she gets gas every time.
899
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:35.659
Only a chicken dentist has it? What does that mean?
900
00:42:35.739 --> 00:42:36.639
Like for chickens.
901
00:42:36.760 --> 00:42:40.210
Oh, for scared people. Yeah. Yes. I'm a chicken.
902
00:42:41.369 --> 00:42:43.050
So you don't want to get Novocaine?
903
00:42:43.460 --> 00:42:47.480
I hate that numbness feeling. That puffy numbness.
904
00:42:47.639 --> 00:42:49.449
No, I don't like it. I just didn't know there
905
00:42:49.469 --> 00:42:51.510
was an alternative. I've never been offered gas.
906
00:42:51.989 --> 00:42:54.369
The gas. You'd have to ask for it.
907
00:42:54.650 --> 00:42:55.360
They've got it.
908
00:42:56.170 --> 00:42:58.869
They just don't offer it. And now, especially since they
909
00:42:58.889 --> 00:43:01.889
found out about the organs. I don't think you can
910
00:43:01.909 --> 00:43:02.130
get it.
911
00:43:02.139 --> 00:43:03.480
I'm not having kids anymore.
912
00:43:03.500 --> 00:43:07.300
That's what I'm saying. Gas them. Gas them balls. But
913
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:08.929
the thing that's great about the- Wait, they're gonna gas
914
00:43:08.949 --> 00:43:10.949
the balls? That's how they do it now.
915
00:43:11.429 --> 00:43:14.309
Oh, they put a little mask, two masks over each
916
00:43:14.369 --> 00:43:16.650
testicle and gas the balls.
917
00:43:17.710 --> 00:43:18.130
Sweet.
918
00:43:18.530 --> 00:43:20.829
Here's the thing that's great. I gotta do this now. Sona,
919
00:43:20.849 --> 00:43:24.329
book me a dental appointment with a pervy old dentist.
920
00:43:24.510 --> 00:43:27.199
Ask for the ball gas. Yeah, I want, hey, say
921
00:43:27.219 --> 00:43:30.099
Conan's coming and he's gonna want ball gas and he's
922
00:43:30.119 --> 00:43:32.400
gonna sit on any old woman who's in the chair
923
00:43:32.440 --> 00:43:33.079
when he gets in.
924
00:43:33.099 --> 00:43:39.159
Okay. You get the gas. They gas you up and
925
00:43:39.699 --> 00:43:46.019
you're just blitzed. You're like, and my mind just travels
926
00:43:46.059 --> 00:43:50.699
and wanders to strange exotic places. It's a wonderful blazing high.
927
00:43:51.219 --> 00:43:54.079
And then as you're coming down, they switch it to oxygen,
928
00:43:54.119 --> 00:43:57.820
just pure oxygen. So it like flushes all of the
929
00:43:58.000 --> 00:44:00.699
toxins out and you're good to go.
930
00:44:00.719 --> 00:44:05.809
So you're perfectly, it wears off. And then there's no pain.
931
00:44:06.150 --> 00:44:07.949
Or are you aware of the pain, but you don't care?
932
00:44:10.849 --> 00:44:14.119
Okay, I do it even just for like a cleaning.
933
00:44:14.599 --> 00:44:15.619
You do it for cleaning?
934
00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:18.179
I actually go in there and I don't need dentistry
935
00:44:18.400 --> 00:44:22.289
at all. I'm just like hooking up that juicy ball gas.
936
00:44:25.389 --> 00:44:27.030
Are you sure you're even seeing a dentist? I think
937
00:44:27.050 --> 00:44:29.949
you're just going to a place where they just put
938
00:44:29.969 --> 00:44:35.090
on ESPN. They send you to a special world.
939
00:44:35.369 --> 00:44:38.780
Remember when Woody Harrelson had oxygen bars?
940
00:44:39.539 --> 00:44:41.280
Yeah, I do remember that.
941
00:44:41.400 --> 00:44:44.360
It was just like that. It's just Woody Harrelson. I
942
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:46.960
go over to his house, and he gasses my balls.
943
00:44:47.320 --> 00:44:47.440
Man.
944
00:44:50.170 --> 00:44:52.150
I wish you had that at your house and that
945
00:44:52.170 --> 00:44:52.789
I was invited.
946
00:44:52.869 --> 00:44:55.429
What happened to that oxygen bar thing? That didn't really
947
00:44:55.469 --> 00:44:55.949
take off.
948
00:44:56.309 --> 00:44:58.130
I think they realized that it's in the air. You
949
00:44:59.409 --> 00:45:02.969
know what I mean? It's one of those things where
950
00:45:03.010 --> 00:45:05.920
it's like you'll go to a special place and you'll
951
00:45:05.960 --> 00:45:12.739
get oxygen and we'll charge you. And then someone realized that, oh, well, no.
952
00:45:13.300 --> 00:45:16.530
Wasn't it like flavored though? Fruity pebble flavor and?
953
00:45:17.280 --> 00:45:19.590
I don't remember that. I never went. I never experienced it.
954
00:45:19.719 --> 00:45:23.260
I imagine it was based on that rad movie. Did
955
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:26.679
you ever see that incredible movie, Harold and Maude?
956
00:45:26.739 --> 00:45:27.099
Yes.
957
00:45:28.059 --> 00:45:30.769
And you remember she had a little oxygen bar in
958
00:45:30.849 --> 00:45:35.050
her house. And he would take a whiff. And she
959
00:45:35.070 --> 00:45:39.429
would say, what do you smell? And he'd be like, hot,
960
00:45:39.489 --> 00:45:46.110
fresh buttered popcorn at the movie theater. Oh, autumn breeze. Yeah.
961
00:45:46.929 --> 00:45:51.940
In the Sunset Strip. Oh, winter in my, you know.
962
00:45:52.420 --> 00:45:55.460
Yeah. You remember that actor, right? Bud Cort.
963
00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.920
Bud Cort. And the legendary, what's her name?
964
00:46:01.429 --> 00:46:03.050
You say it first because I know it.
965
00:46:03.289 --> 00:46:04.250
Her name.
966
00:46:04.269 --> 00:46:04.340
Yep.
967
00:46:04.429 --> 00:46:06.969
We both know it. She's like the best actress of
968
00:46:07.030 --> 00:46:08.230
all time. She was fantastic. It's not fair that I
969
00:46:08.230 --> 00:46:09.550
don't remember. Ruth Gordon.
970
00:46:09.670 --> 00:46:12.190
Exactly. I was waiting for you and you got it.
971
00:46:12.530 --> 00:46:14.650
She knocked it out of the park in that movie.
972
00:46:15.059 --> 00:46:17.539
That was the movie about the 80-year-old woman and the
973
00:46:17.559 --> 00:46:20.760
20-year-old boy. Yeah, classic. Falling in love.
974
00:46:21.039 --> 00:46:24.840
It's like the first cool, quirky, independent movie.
975
00:46:24.559 --> 00:46:27.800
They ever made. Yeah, it might be time for Harold
976
00:46:27.860 --> 00:46:31.269
and Maude Redux. You know what I mean?
977
00:46:31.309 --> 00:46:32.170
Who are you going to cast?
978
00:46:33.030 --> 00:46:35.429
Good question.
979
00:46:35.510 --> 00:46:39.309
Did you not have time to say question? You didn't
980
00:46:39.349 --> 00:46:40.710
have time for question?
981
00:46:41.050 --> 00:46:46.230
It's just more fun with the pronunciation. Ruth Gordon, she
982
00:46:46.250 --> 00:46:49.829
didn't do a lot of movies. And I don't remember
983
00:46:49.909 --> 00:46:53.780
Ruth Gordon from before she was 70. You know what
984
00:46:53.800 --> 00:46:54.059
I mean?
985
00:46:54.079 --> 00:46:55.780
She had this run.
986
00:46:56.280 --> 00:46:59.280
No one's had a run like this, starting at 70
987
00:46:59.280 --> 00:47:03.039
and ending at 80, that was just crushing, crushing, crushing.
988
00:47:03.440 --> 00:47:07.440
Do you think she knew her whole life? People were like, no, sorry, Ruth.
989
00:47:07.500 --> 00:47:08.679
It didn't quite work out for you.
990
00:47:09.090 --> 00:47:10.070
Just you wait.
991
00:47:10.750 --> 00:47:13.019
When I turn 70... I.
992
00:47:13.019 --> 00:47:16.380
Don't know much about her. I'd love to– I should
993
00:47:16.420 --> 00:47:19.380
do a little research on her because she's a fascinating lady.
994
00:47:19.780 --> 00:47:22.539
I assume that she was a writer because she had
995
00:47:22.579 --> 00:47:24.599
that kind of approach to acting where it was like
996
00:47:24.900 --> 00:47:28.860
she's such a brilliant actor. It feels like she had
997
00:47:28.880 --> 00:47:33.079
the mind, a writer's mind. Can you kind of tell
998
00:47:33.119 --> 00:47:36.820
when you see it? A performer who is also a writer.
999
00:47:36.900 --> 00:47:37.860
Yeah, I think it can.
1000
00:47:37.980 --> 00:47:38.719
She was a writer.
1001
00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:40.800
She was a writer. Look at that.
1002
00:47:40.840 --> 00:47:43.699
Numerous plays, film scripts, and books, most notably co-writing the
1003
00:47:43.719 --> 00:47:45.840
screenplay for the 49 film Adam's Rib.
1004
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:47.610
That's a great movie.
1005
00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:50.489
She was a Broadway actress at 19.
1006
00:47:50.489 --> 00:47:50.929
Oh, damn.
1007
00:47:50.949 --> 00:47:53.019
So she was acting all the way back in the day.
1008
00:47:53.050 --> 00:47:56.269
She was, but she probably knew the whole time at 70,
1009
00:47:56.269 --> 00:47:59.610
I'm putting this into hyperdrive, which is what I intend
1010
00:47:59.650 --> 00:48:01.110
to do. I'm holding back.
1011
00:48:01.269 --> 00:48:02.469
What an inspiration.
1012
00:48:02.590 --> 00:48:05.360
And who saw us going there? That's the magic of
1013
00:48:05.380 --> 00:48:08.179
this podcast. You never know where we're going to end up.
1014
00:48:08.519 --> 00:48:09.219
That's right.
1015
00:48:09.570 --> 00:48:14.090
We ended up with you regularly gas your balls.
1016
00:48:14.309 --> 00:48:16.010
Yeah. And dream of Ruth Gordon.
1017
00:48:16.030 --> 00:48:20.150
Dream of Ruth Gordon. This is the beginning of a
1018
00:48:20.230 --> 00:48:20.909
true friendship.
1019
00:48:20.949 --> 00:48:21.309
Don't you think?
1020
00:48:21.349 --> 00:48:23.630
Now we've crossed paths many times over the years. I
1021
00:48:23.630 --> 00:48:26.480
have a huge admirer of yours. And now I feel
1022
00:48:26.500 --> 00:48:29.070
like there's a real friendship here that will It's.
1023
00:48:28.949 --> 00:48:31.510
Really going to get in the way of my WGT
1024
00:48:31.550 --> 00:48:36.090
golf time, though, which is literally all the time. It's
1025
00:48:36.110 --> 00:48:39.409
really annoying when I have to stop playing my WGT
1026
00:48:39.449 --> 00:48:40.989
golf to do anything.
1027
00:48:41.670 --> 00:48:44.309
So you think the chances are you and I won't
1028
00:48:44.389 --> 00:48:45.909
hang together because of.
1029
00:48:45.929 --> 00:48:49.550
Your WGT golf on your phone. I'd love to make
1030
00:48:49.590 --> 00:48:52.739
a date to push bikes up a mountain, and I'd
1031
00:48:52.780 --> 00:48:57.639
love to hear them bells jingling, jangling. on the way down.
1032
00:48:57.960 --> 00:49:00.000
It's all about the way down. You know what I mean?
1033
00:49:00.179 --> 00:49:00.440
Oh yeah.
1034
00:49:00.460 --> 00:49:03.199
The punishment of pushing the bike and the embarrassment as
1035
00:49:03.219 --> 00:49:06.880
you cross people are like, Oh, nice push in there.
1036
00:49:06.920 --> 00:49:09.159
You know, cause you're, everyone knows you're supposed to be
1037
00:49:09.260 --> 00:49:13.389
riding it, but it's too hard. You're pushing it up.
1038
00:49:13.710 --> 00:49:16.070
But when you get up to the top and you
1039
00:49:16.090 --> 00:49:17.889
look down, you're like, I'm going to ride this baby
1040
00:49:17.989 --> 00:49:20.460
all the way home. Because I'm next to a hill,
1041
00:49:20.880 --> 00:49:24.159
like in the Los Feliz area. Got it. Griffith Park Hills.
1042
00:49:24.420 --> 00:49:24.780
Nice.
1043
00:49:24.800 --> 00:49:26.800
You come riding down that hill, you can ride it
1044
00:49:27.039 --> 00:49:27.800
all the way home.
1045
00:49:27.820 --> 00:49:29.059
Can I tell you my dream?
1046
00:49:29.079 --> 00:49:29.159
Yeah.
1047
00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:32.800
My dream, and this is real, this is a fantasy
1048
00:49:32.840 --> 00:49:36.090
of mine, is I've had friends, because I ride with
1049
00:49:36.150 --> 00:49:38.489
these other guys at Mountain Bike, I have friends that
1050
00:49:38.550 --> 00:49:42.429
ride up. in the hills above LA and they've encountered
1051
00:49:42.469 --> 00:49:46.630
like a bobcat, you know? And the bobcat usually looks
1052
00:49:46.670 --> 00:49:50.130
at them and then walks away. I want to be
1053
00:49:50.170 --> 00:49:53.809
on my bike, encounter a bobcat and fight it. I
1054
00:49:53.889 --> 00:49:56.030
really do. I really want to fight it. And I
1055
00:49:56.090 --> 00:49:59.289
know I'd get somewhat hurt, but I know that I
1056
00:49:59.329 --> 00:50:01.590
would come back out of the hills and people would
1057
00:50:01.630 --> 00:50:04.159
have a real respect for me for the first time
1058
00:50:04.179 --> 00:50:07.300
in my life. I would fucking fight a bobcat. I
1059
00:50:07.340 --> 00:50:11.110
would come back. So, I mean, can't you see this? Like,
1060
00:50:11.150 --> 00:50:14.269
I'd be scraped and scratched, and I would have wrestled
1061
00:50:14.309 --> 00:50:16.969
the cat. Yeah, no. And the cat eventually, and I
1062
00:50:16.989 --> 00:50:18.800
would have parted company, and then they'd be- You would
1063
00:50:18.820 --> 00:50:19.639
have been murdered.
1064
00:50:20.159 --> 00:50:20.280
What?
1065
00:50:20.300 --> 00:50:23.530
What do you mean? Wouldn't you? Would I be killed? Yeah,
1066
00:50:23.570 --> 00:50:25.210
he's very easily murdered.
1067
00:50:25.469 --> 00:50:25.809
Who is?
1068
00:50:25.829 --> 00:50:26.769
Not murdered, but killed.
1069
00:50:26.829 --> 00:50:27.710
You're murderable.
1070
00:50:27.789 --> 00:50:29.829
Yeah, you're very easily killable.
1071
00:50:29.949 --> 00:50:30.199
Yeah.
1072
00:50:30.659 --> 00:50:32.119
So I think you would be killed. I would cover
1073
00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:33.980
my throat the whole time. Oh, that'll work. Because that's
1074
00:50:34.000 --> 00:50:35.780
where they try and get the jugular. That'll help.
1075
00:50:35.860 --> 00:50:36.079
Yeah.
1076
00:50:36.260 --> 00:50:38.780
That'll help. I would have one hand covering my jugular
1077
00:50:38.820 --> 00:50:42.320
and the other I would just be swatting at this bobcat.
1078
00:50:42.590 --> 00:50:43.489
No. No?
1079
00:50:43.829 --> 00:50:43.900
No.
1080
00:50:45.019 --> 00:50:47.050
You'll die. You'll die quickly.
1081
00:50:47.800 --> 00:50:50.570
There was a story about a guy who was attacked
1082
00:50:50.630 --> 00:50:52.929
and fought and killed a Bobcat.
1083
00:50:52.969 --> 00:50:53.909
Yes, I saw that.
1084
00:50:53.929 --> 00:50:56.230
Not that long ago. Right. Like a year ago, maybe.
1085
00:50:57.179 --> 00:51:00.340
And it seemed like he was this heroic figure for
1086
00:51:00.380 --> 00:51:02.900
the first, like, 24 hours of this story coming out.
1087
00:51:03.480 --> 00:51:05.739
And then the next day, a little more came out
1088
00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:08.730
that it was actually a tiny little baby. Baby Bobcat
1089
00:51:08.789 --> 00:51:11.789
that he had murdered. And it was less heroic.
1090
00:51:11.949 --> 00:51:12.789
And it was sleeping.
1091
00:51:12.829 --> 00:51:15.929
And more just sort of sad. But no, then he
1092
00:51:15.949 --> 00:51:17.519
had to, the next day after that, I was like, no,
1093
00:51:17.539 --> 00:51:19.900
you don't understand. Even though it was a little one,
1094
00:51:20.059 --> 00:51:24.559
it was really dangerous. It was still self-defense. Yeah. I
1095
00:51:24.599 --> 00:51:25.619
was almost killed.
1096
00:51:25.780 --> 00:51:26.039
Right.
1097
00:51:26.119 --> 00:51:28.469
It turned out that he had four machetes and it
1098
00:51:28.510 --> 00:51:29.050
was sleeping.
1099
00:51:29.349 --> 00:51:30.820
So at the end of the day, he was 50-55.
1100
00:51:32.329 --> 00:51:37.360
And 50-50. No, I think it's 80-20. Yeah. 80 douche,
1101
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:37.699
20 hero.
1102
00:51:37.719 --> 00:51:39.699
See, I feel like that would be kind of your
1103
00:51:39.739 --> 00:51:41.500
story coming down the line. It would.
1104
00:51:41.519 --> 00:51:43.760
They would find out later on, no, that's a cat.
1105
00:51:44.420 --> 00:51:46.039
It was Bobcat Goldthwait. That was not a Bobcat. Yeah,
1106
00:51:46.119 --> 00:51:50.780
it was Bobcat Goldthwait. Bobcat Goldthwait was sleeping on a
1107
00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:54.489
park bench, taking a nap in Santa Monica, and you
1108
00:51:54.570 --> 00:51:58.349
rode by, got off your bike, and hit him with
1109
00:51:58.389 --> 00:51:59.349
the manhole cover.
1110
00:52:00.250 --> 00:52:00.369
So.
1111
00:52:01.980 --> 00:52:06.340
Well, this has been a real joy. You are one
1112
00:52:06.360 --> 00:52:10.460
of the most enjoyable fellows in the whole business of.
1113
00:52:10.460 --> 00:52:11.949
Show, which is show business.
1114
00:52:11.989 --> 00:52:17.349
The feeling's mutual. No, please. It's true. Well, let's really
1115
00:52:17.389 --> 00:52:19.190
stretch that thought out a little bit in about 10 minutes.
1116
00:52:19.210 --> 00:52:22.929
Feel free to snip and cut if there's any long,
1117
00:52:23.090 --> 00:52:25.889
awkward sections where I rambled on. No, no, no.
1118
00:52:25.929 --> 00:52:28.570
We like to only have the long, awkward sections.
1119
00:52:28.630 --> 00:52:28.889
Cool.
1120
00:52:29.150 --> 00:52:30.889
It's called Long and Awkward with Conan O'Brien.
1121
00:52:32.480 --> 00:52:33.099
That's you.
1122
00:52:33.500 --> 00:52:33.659
What?
1123
00:52:33.880 --> 00:52:34.400
That's you.
1124
00:52:34.420 --> 00:52:36.559
Oh, God.
1125
00:52:37.340 --> 00:52:40.880
I don't like the way this ended. Jack, you're a
1126
00:52:40.900 --> 00:52:42.699
great man. Thank you very much for being here.
1127
00:52:42.800 --> 00:52:43.420
Thank you, Con.
1128
00:52:43.539 --> 00:52:45.599
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
1129
00:52:45.619 --> 00:52:47.119
I know what you mean, Coo Collum.
1130
00:52:47.340 --> 00:52:50.449
Leaping vast distances, holding off armies.
1131
00:52:50.610 --> 00:52:52.690
Eating tons of fresh grass.
1132
00:52:52.869 --> 00:52:53.090
What?
1133
00:52:53.110 --> 00:52:56.389
Not you, we're cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
1134
00:52:56.429 --> 00:53:00.070
milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
1135
00:53:00.369 --> 00:53:02.570
Legend. Did you hear about the Murphys down the road?
1136
00:53:02.590 --> 00:53:02.739
I did.
1137
00:53:02.929 --> 00:53:04.590
And with the Walshes too, of all people. I heard
1138
00:53:04.610 --> 00:53:06.010
the Flins were at it as well.
1139
00:53:06.030 --> 00:53:06.090
No.
1140
00:53:06.090 --> 00:53:06.659
Switchers.
1141
00:53:06.679 --> 00:53:07.280
The lot of them.
1142
00:53:07.380 --> 00:53:07.820
You know.
1143
00:53:23.849 --> 00:53:25.429
It might not be a bad idea.
1144
00:53:25.849 --> 00:53:26.150
Really?
1145
00:53:26.170 --> 00:53:28.929
I heard they all got a brilliant deal and saved
1146
00:53:29.010 --> 00:53:33.179
hundreds of euros switching their energy with Switcher.ie. Happy days.
1147
00:53:33.860 --> 00:53:34.820
Maybe we should join them.
1148
00:53:35.980 --> 00:53:39.500
See if you can save on your energy at Switcher.ie.
1149
00:53:39.940 --> 00:53:40.300
Switch.
1150
00:53:40.820 --> 00:53:41.250
Save.
1151
00:53:41.730 --> 00:53:42.429
Happy days.
1152
00:53:49.019 --> 00:53:50.679
Every so often, I think it's good to do a
1153
00:53:50.719 --> 00:53:52.460
State of the Podcast, sort of a State of the
1154
00:53:52.539 --> 00:53:52.880
Union thing.
1155
00:53:52.900 --> 00:53:54.260
Your voice started really high there.
1156
00:53:54.280 --> 00:53:54.570
It did?
1157
00:53:54.590 --> 00:53:57.650
Did you hear that? Every so often. Do you hear that, Sana?
1158
00:53:57.670 --> 00:53:58.369
A little bit.
1159
00:53:58.389 --> 00:54:01.070
Yeah, he went, every so often. But anyway, I think,
1160
00:54:01.130 --> 00:54:02.909
go ahead. I don't want to criticize or make you
1161
00:54:02.929 --> 00:54:05.130
feel self-conscious. No, you've never done that. Go ahead.
1162
00:54:05.250 --> 00:54:05.449
Okay.
1163
00:54:06.110 --> 00:54:08.380
So I thought we'd check in and see where we are.
1164
00:54:08.400 --> 00:54:11.860
I'm really having a great time. I'll admit, I was
1165
00:54:11.880 --> 00:54:13.460
a little worried. Oh, my God, we're going to do
1166
00:54:13.480 --> 00:54:15.119
this a second season, and what if it starts to
1167
00:54:15.159 --> 00:54:18.460
feel like a job? I think we have retained our
1168
00:54:18.500 --> 00:54:22.980
level of unprofessionalism. I think it's as foolish as ever.
1169
00:54:23.239 --> 00:54:24.460
It trickles down. Yeah.
1170
00:54:24.619 --> 00:54:28.030
We should be commended on our levels of maintaining this unprofessionalism.
1171
00:54:28.110 --> 00:54:32.510
Yes, I think so. And, yeah, I've been really having
1172
00:54:32.550 --> 00:54:36.480
a good time and loving the guests this season and
1173
00:54:37.559 --> 00:54:40.159
just enjoying it, really enjoying it. And for me to
1174
00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:43.460
truly enjoy myself is unheard of.
1175
00:54:44.320 --> 00:54:44.550
Yeah.
1176
00:54:44.780 --> 00:54:49.500
So, Anna, what about you? It's cool. You see an
1177
00:54:49.579 --> 00:54:51.719
edible fell out of her mouth when she said that? No,
1178
00:54:51.820 --> 00:54:54.860
I'm fine. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay, it's
1179
00:54:54.880 --> 00:54:57.400
all good, right? What are you doing? I don't know.
1180
00:54:57.619 --> 00:55:00.829
I seem a little buzzed. I'm not buzzed.
1181
00:55:01.110 --> 00:55:01.409
Okay.
1182
00:55:01.449 --> 00:55:03.550
Don't do that. It's 1130 in the morning.
1183
00:55:03.570 --> 00:55:03.739
It is.
1184
00:55:03.750 --> 00:55:06.329
It's 1130. I didn't do anything. Okay. If you worked
1185
00:55:06.409 --> 00:55:08.829
for you, you'd be high all the time.
1186
00:55:10.650 --> 00:55:10.989
That's great.
1187
00:55:11.010 --> 00:55:14.199
If I worked for me, I'd be high all the time. Yeah,
1188
00:55:14.239 --> 00:55:17.420
you'd put it in your breakfast. I'm a lovely boss,
1189
00:55:17.519 --> 00:55:17.860
I think.
1190
00:55:18.559 --> 00:55:19.079
Oh, are you?
1191
00:55:19.219 --> 00:55:20.820
Yeah, I am a good boss. We were just talking
1192
00:55:20.840 --> 00:55:23.449
about how you called my dad Geppetto because he has
1193
00:55:23.489 --> 00:55:25.449
a mustache and you said he made my brother out
1194
00:55:25.469 --> 00:55:28.920
of wood. Yeah, your father... It's true. When I first
1195
00:55:28.980 --> 00:55:30.599
met your father, I saw that he had this big
1196
00:55:30.639 --> 00:55:34.530
white mustache, and you have an older brother. And then
1197
00:55:34.550 --> 00:55:37.429
I started imitating your father by putting my finger under
1198
00:55:37.469 --> 00:55:40.150
my nose, pretending it was a mustache, and talking about
1199
00:55:40.190 --> 00:55:42.469
how he carved... He wanted a boy, so he carved
1200
00:55:42.489 --> 00:55:45.050
your brother Danny out of wood. And then Danny came
1201
00:55:45.090 --> 00:55:47.809
to life and started trading in stocks.
1202
00:55:48.130 --> 00:55:48.329
Yeah.
1203
00:55:48.750 --> 00:55:49.730
Are you proud of yourself?
1204
00:55:49.829 --> 00:55:50.150
Yeah.
1205
00:55:50.210 --> 00:55:51.969
I thought it was pretty funny. I remember you actually
1206
00:55:52.030 --> 00:55:53.309
laughing really hard at the time.
1207
00:55:53.429 --> 00:55:53.750
It was.
1208
00:55:53.769 --> 00:55:56.730
It was funny. It was funny. Yeah. And I love
1209
00:55:56.750 --> 00:56:00.769
your dad. I... I danced with your dad at your wedding. Yeah.
1210
00:56:00.809 --> 00:56:04.329
We did a crazy dance together. And I remember- People
1211
00:56:04.349 --> 00:56:05.320
threw money on you.
1212
00:56:05.409 --> 00:56:05.719
Yes.
1213
00:56:05.909 --> 00:56:09.199
People were throwing money. It's an Armenian, I guess, tradition
1214
00:56:09.219 --> 00:56:10.780
that they throw money up in the air.
1215
00:56:10.880 --> 00:56:11.059
Yeah.
1216
00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:14.039
And so I remember just getting showered with dollar bills
1217
00:56:14.719 --> 00:56:16.900
while I was doing an insane dance with your father.
1218
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:20.099
And I couldn't keep up with your dad. He must
1219
00:56:20.159 --> 00:56:21.420
jazzercise constantly.
1220
00:56:21.440 --> 00:56:21.519
Yeah.
1221
00:56:22.179 --> 00:56:24.230
It was amazing what your dad was able to do.
1222
00:56:24.679 --> 00:56:24.920
Yeah.
1223
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:28.119
No, but you did really well. You did. That's a video.
1224
00:56:28.239 --> 00:56:30.119
It's out there. It's a video that's out there. It's
1225
00:56:30.219 --> 00:56:33.179
Conan dancing at my wedding with my dad and people
1226
00:56:33.219 --> 00:56:36.099
throwing money. And it was really fun. And I made
1227
00:56:36.099 --> 00:56:40.750
$ 66 that day. You took the money? That wasn't for you.
1228
00:56:40.809 --> 00:56:43.590
I fought a child. There was a little boy that
1229
00:56:43.650 --> 00:56:45.110
came out who must have been four years old. I
1230
00:56:45.110 --> 00:56:46.210
think it was one of your nephews.
1231
00:56:46.329 --> 00:56:46.769
Pinocchio.
1232
00:56:46.989 --> 00:56:49.150
Yeah, a little Pinocchio. I mean, he was made of wood,
1233
00:56:49.190 --> 00:56:52.309
but he was slowly coming to life. And I remembered
1234
00:56:52.369 --> 00:56:54.570
he was picking up the dollar bills off the floor,
1235
00:56:54.610 --> 00:56:57.679
and I thought, I'm the one that danced. So I
1236
00:56:57.719 --> 00:57:00.840
gave him a hockey hip check, and he went flying
1237
00:57:00.860 --> 00:57:03.559
into some baklava, and I picked up all the money.
1238
00:57:03.739 --> 00:57:07.039
Like an exotic dancer. Yeah, and stuffed it into my pants.
1239
00:57:07.059 --> 00:57:08.920
Like a freak dancer.
1240
00:57:11.610 --> 00:57:13.559
Yeah, those were good times. That was a great wedding.
1241
00:57:13.739 --> 00:57:14.119
Thank you.
1242
00:57:14.599 --> 00:57:16.860
Yeah, really good. So I thought I was invited. So
1243
00:57:17.449 --> 00:57:19.940
the state of the podcast is pretty good. I would say, look,
1244
00:57:20.719 --> 00:57:22.659
there's a lot of, we have a little bit of
1245
00:57:22.760 --> 00:57:23.559
dysfunction here.
1246
00:57:23.659 --> 00:57:23.860
Yeah.
1247
00:57:23.880 --> 00:57:24.920
At the show.
1248
00:57:25.539 --> 00:57:25.659
A lot.
1249
00:57:25.719 --> 00:57:28.800
But I do think that it's real. Here's what I'm
1250
00:57:28.860 --> 00:57:33.090
learning about as I do this podcast. I'm learning, Sona,
1251
00:57:33.530 --> 00:57:36.349
I love that the real you comes across. Sona's gift,
1252
00:57:36.429 --> 00:57:38.510
I think, on this podcast is that she is always
1253
00:57:38.510 --> 00:57:39.690
100% herself.
1254
00:57:39.969 --> 00:57:40.110
Oh.
1255
00:57:40.449 --> 00:57:42.510
And I've seen you in, you meet all these famous
1256
00:57:42.570 --> 00:57:45.730
people and you're always just Sona. You don't, You don't
1257
00:57:45.929 --> 00:57:49.570
freak out. You're always like, oh, hi, you know, Hillary
1258
00:57:49.610 --> 00:57:54.420
Clinton or hi, famous person. And you're just yourself. Gorley,
1259
00:57:54.780 --> 00:57:56.940
I'm learning that you are a god in the podcast.
1260
00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:57.619
Yeah.
1261
00:57:57.860 --> 00:57:59.400
Every time guests come in here, they're like, oh, I
1262
00:57:59.420 --> 00:58:02.539
love your podcast. Jim Jim and with Jub Jub or
1263
00:58:02.559 --> 00:58:04.800
Flip Flop and Squub Squub. You know, you have all these.
1264
00:58:05.030 --> 00:58:05.989
Squub Squub's good.
1265
00:58:06.010 --> 00:58:06.409
Thank you.
1266
00:58:06.429 --> 00:58:08.030
That's my pet. No, but you have, you have like,
1267
00:58:08.150 --> 00:58:11.230
I guess you've, have you hosted like 40 podcasts? Something
1268
00:58:11.670 --> 00:58:13.730
ridiculous like that. It's not, I'm not proud of it.
1269
00:58:14.280 --> 00:58:14.619
Why?
1270
00:58:14.780 --> 00:58:15.820
Well, it's ridiculous.
1271
00:58:16.219 --> 00:58:16.900
It's absurd.
1272
00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:19.059
I mean, some of them are truly absurd. No, but
1273
00:58:19.099 --> 00:58:21.989
you get a lot of street cred. When people come
1274
00:58:22.050 --> 00:58:24.170
in here, and I'm always surprised, because sometimes it'll be,
1275
00:58:24.590 --> 00:58:26.869
you know, someone who I won't think will know you.
1276
00:58:26.949 --> 00:58:27.329
Yeah, me too.
1277
00:58:27.369 --> 00:58:30.780
Like a Robert Caro, like a great historian in his 80s.
1278
00:58:30.769 --> 00:58:32.679
For the record, he did not. Yeah, he came in
1279
00:58:32.699 --> 00:58:34.500
and he was like, oh my God, you do Flub
1280
00:58:34.539 --> 00:58:37.739
Flub on the Squanto. And I love it. I love
1281
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:41.289
the one, you know. Robert Caro did improv with you.
1282
00:58:41.329 --> 00:58:41.510
Yeah.
1283
00:58:41.530 --> 00:58:44.449
Remember the time you and I. We do improv together weekly.
1284
00:58:44.510 --> 00:58:49.380
He's a regular at UCB. So anyway, that's what I'm learning.
1285
00:58:49.949 --> 00:58:52.329
Well, the three of us, we really bring the goods,
1286
00:58:52.369 --> 00:58:56.539
don't we, in our relative expertise of hosting, of podcasting,
1287
00:58:56.579 --> 00:58:57.519
and of being yourself.
1288
00:58:57.780 --> 00:58:58.019
Yeah.
1289
00:58:58.159 --> 00:59:00.159
It's sort of a, yeah, it's a 95.5, I think.
1290
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:00.860
Oh, wow.
1291
00:59:00.920 --> 00:59:04.510
I think that's an accurate- 95.5? Yeah. I think I
1292
00:59:04.510 --> 00:59:12.039
bring an incredible- like 90%, you know, and then. No,
1293
00:59:12.119 --> 00:59:14.800
I think if this podcast. Be happy with five. I
1294
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:18.690
think if this podcast was just you, people would hate you.
1295
00:59:18.710 --> 00:59:18.789
Yeah.
1296
00:59:24.530 --> 00:59:26.130
We make you likable.
1297
00:59:26.409 --> 00:59:26.690
Yeah.
1298
00:59:26.789 --> 00:59:29.699
You humanize me. We humanize you. Yeah. Because you are,
1299
00:59:29.780 --> 00:59:32.539
you could be. Untrue. Whatever you're going to say now,
1300
00:59:32.559 --> 00:59:33.739
you're going to go too far and say I'm a
1301
00:59:33.780 --> 00:59:36.260
monster or something. I was actually thinking monster.
1302
00:59:36.300 --> 00:59:37.199
You know me so well.
1303
00:59:37.219 --> 00:59:39.719
I was thinking inhuman, monster. Yeah, but no, that's not true.
1304
00:59:39.780 --> 00:59:42.639
You are, you know what, you are, you are. You know,
1305
00:59:42.679 --> 00:59:43.219
let's keep in mind.
1306
00:59:43.239 --> 00:59:43.519
We love you.
1307
00:59:43.539 --> 00:59:44.480
We all love each other.
1308
00:59:44.500 --> 00:59:44.989
Yes, sure.
1309
00:59:45.050 --> 00:59:48.210
We love you. Let's keep in mind, Stalin was fun
1310
00:59:48.230 --> 00:59:50.710
at a party. Okay. Why did you say that, though?
1311
00:59:50.750 --> 00:59:51.369
That makes sense.
1312
00:59:51.409 --> 00:59:53.449
Yeah, I think that's right. Why would you say that?
1313
00:59:53.610 --> 00:59:57.309
Have I collectivized farms? Have I displaced millions? Yes, in
1314
00:59:57.329 --> 01:00:00.230
my own way, I have. But at a party, I'm
1315
01:00:00.289 --> 01:00:03.070
really fun. Well, now, Stalin had a kind of Geppetto mustache.
1316
01:00:03.329 --> 01:00:03.610
He did.
1317
01:00:03.630 --> 01:00:04.230
Okay.
1318
01:00:04.349 --> 01:00:05.849
Thanks for comparing it to my dad.
1319
01:00:06.050 --> 01:00:06.889
Yeah. That was nice.
1320
01:00:07.199 --> 01:00:08.360
You just did a nice tie-in.
1321
01:00:08.510 --> 01:00:08.989
That was good.
1322
01:00:09.280 --> 01:00:12.099
Thank you for that. At least in my telling, Sona's
1323
01:00:12.139 --> 01:00:13.239
dad is a kindly man.
1324
01:00:13.360 --> 01:00:13.519
Yes.
1325
01:00:13.619 --> 01:00:16.760
All he wants is a boy. In yours... He's probably
1326
01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:19.320
the worst mass murderer in history. Well, you were likening
1327
01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:22.269
yourself to Stalin. Only in the good qualities, in that
1328
01:00:22.349 --> 01:00:25.150
I love to talk to my staff late at night
1329
01:00:25.650 --> 01:00:27.150
at parties where I force them to drink a lot
1330
01:00:27.170 --> 01:00:30.679
of vodka. And I'm incredibly paranoid.
1331
01:00:31.599 --> 01:00:32.920
And, yeah.
1332
01:00:33.260 --> 01:00:34.980
I don't like it. You don't like what now? You
1333
01:00:35.019 --> 01:00:37.460
compared yourself to Stalin, and then you got angry that
1334
01:00:37.500 --> 01:00:40.179
I was going to go call you a monster. But
1335
01:00:40.239 --> 01:00:43.400
you yourself, you do it to you. You're just, you
1336
01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:45.130
know what? I don't know. I'm over it.
1337
01:00:45.619 --> 01:00:46.030
Yeah.
1338
01:00:46.280 --> 01:00:47.760
We're walking out. We're unionizing.
1339
01:00:47.780 --> 01:00:48.409
Least coherent.
1340
01:00:48.869 --> 01:00:53.250
That was the least coherent clap back. Yeah, well, you just,
1341
01:00:53.590 --> 01:00:56.300
because you, I'm over it.
1342
01:00:56.570 --> 01:00:58.090
Gloop. Wow.
1343
01:00:58.630 --> 01:01:03.110
Sona claps back incoherently. Hey, guess what? The English language
1344
01:01:03.150 --> 01:01:04.369
just clapped back at you.
1345
01:01:04.389 --> 01:01:05.349
Oh, wow. This is a.
1346
01:01:05.349 --> 01:01:08.159
Full-on Twitter feud between you and the English language. Oh,
1347
01:01:08.179 --> 01:01:09.820
my God. Oh, come on. So we're just having a
1348
01:01:09.860 --> 01:01:10.980
good time here. Everyone have some vodka.
1349
01:01:11.000 --> 01:01:11.539
Come on.
1350
01:01:11.559 --> 01:01:13.079
Oh, thank you. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp.
1351
01:01:13.320 --> 01:01:13.719
Gulp, gulp.
1352
01:01:14.670 --> 01:01:16.349
Well, the state of the podcast is strong.
1353
01:01:16.369 --> 01:01:16.650
Is it?
1354
01:01:16.869 --> 01:01:17.699
I really don't think it is.
1355
01:01:17.710 --> 01:01:17.980
No, it's not.
1356
01:01:17.989 --> 01:01:19.989
It's as strong as ever. Train wreck. Barely hanging on.
1357
01:01:20.170 --> 01:01:22.690
We're going full steam ahead. It's hanging on by a
1358
01:01:22.829 --> 01:01:25.489
very thin thread. Depthed up a notch here. We go
1359
01:01:25.530 --> 01:01:27.650
home to our podcast home where the three of us live.
1360
01:01:27.670 --> 01:01:28.349
Oh, God.
1361
01:01:28.530 --> 01:01:28.809
Yeah.
1362
01:01:28.869 --> 01:01:32.719
This is my nightmare. I think the state of the
1363
01:01:32.760 --> 01:01:36.000
podcast is strong. And I have both of you to
1364
01:01:36.039 --> 01:01:39.119
thank for that. I thank you. 95.5 still?
1365
01:01:39.280 --> 01:01:39.440
Yeah.
1366
01:01:39.539 --> 01:01:40.800
You know what?
1367
01:01:41.079 --> 01:01:41.519
I'm 88. Oh, thanks.
1368
01:01:41.619 --> 01:01:41.860
Thanks.
1369
01:01:44.610 --> 01:01:48.309
You're two and Gourley's ten. Gourley, if you take this,
1370
01:01:48.329 --> 01:01:50.449
you get ten. That's accurate, though, kind of.
1371
01:01:50.710 --> 01:01:52.849
I can't throw you under the bus.
1372
01:01:52.869 --> 01:01:53.349
Do it.
1373
01:01:53.610 --> 01:01:54.230
You know you want to.
1374
01:01:54.230 --> 01:01:54.670
I know, you can't.
1375
01:01:54.969 --> 01:01:55.690
Favorite nations.
1376
01:01:55.989 --> 01:01:56.170
No.
1377
01:01:56.349 --> 01:01:58.949
Yeah. You're not going to drive a wedge. Well, if
1378
01:01:58.969 --> 01:02:02.159
you've enjoyed listening to Gourley today, check him out. How
1379
01:02:02.559 --> 01:02:05.840
many podcasts do you have right now? Right now? Yeah.
1380
01:02:06.519 --> 01:02:06.739
Two.
1381
01:02:06.980 --> 01:02:08.920
Two, three. Oh, they're clearly very important to you.
1382
01:02:09.179 --> 01:02:09.380
I know.
1383
01:02:09.420 --> 01:02:11.139
They come and go. In a way, they're not, but
1384
01:02:11.199 --> 01:02:12.139
that's why they're fun, right?
1385
01:02:12.460 --> 01:02:12.599
Nope.
1386
01:02:13.159 --> 01:02:15.179
I believe in really caring so much about your work
1387
01:02:15.239 --> 01:02:17.760
that it's an indelible part of your soul. But that's
1388
01:02:17.780 --> 01:02:18.969
where you and I differ.
1389
01:02:19.219 --> 01:02:19.550
Okay.
1390
01:02:19.610 --> 01:02:26.210
Yeah, I have a soul.
1391
01:02:27.630 --> 01:02:31.250
Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Sona Movsesian and Conan
1392
01:02:31.289 --> 01:02:35.809
O'Brien as himself. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced
1393
01:02:35.849 --> 01:02:38.510
by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and
1394
01:02:38.570 --> 01:02:41.869
Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Theme song by
1395
01:02:41.889 --> 01:02:46.699
The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Our supervising
1396
01:02:46.739 --> 01:02:49.760
producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is
1397
01:02:49.820 --> 01:02:50.619
Jennifer Samples.
1398
01:02:51.019 --> 01:02:52.679
The show is engineered by Will Beckton.
1399
01:02:53.059 --> 01:02:55.449
You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts
1400
01:02:55.550 --> 01:02:58.230
and you might find your review featured on a future episode.
1401
01:02:58.610 --> 01:03:01.429
Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline
1402
01:03:01.489 --> 01:03:06.190
at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It too could be
1403
01:03:06.230 --> 01:03:08.989
featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already,
1404
01:03:09.150 --> 01:03:13.380
please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher,
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01:03:13.579 --> 01:03:20.980
or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a
1406
01:03:21.059 --> 01:03:24.750
Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.
1407
01:03:30.920 --> 01:03:32.980
Not every day you meet an Irish legend.
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Eating tonnes of fresh grass.
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What?
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Not you, we're cows. That's one of the reasons Irish
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milk is so good. It's famous all over the world.
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Legendary.
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Ireland's grass and our farmers' commitment to more sustainable actions
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help make Irish dairy a true Irish legend. Always look
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for the National Dairy Council guarantee.
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Learn more at ndc.ie.