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Welcome to a Curious Mind podcast.
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Today I am gonna talk about love.
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I'm gonna talk about love and being loving and spreading love and doing this from a place of expecting nothing in return.
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So at the beginning of this year, I started like religiously listening to Florence Given, who is an artist, and she has her own podcast, The Florence Given Show, and she came to me in a time where I really, really needed to hear her, and she's hugely, hugely helped me come into myself and understand myself and love myself and love my femininity in womanhood.
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And I've been so blessed to sort of have that to have her um as kind of like a big sister, I guess, like an online big sister, or just like some sort of guidance, and like one of the things that she says is sort of like love is infinite, like there is no limitation on love in this world.
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Love is an ever, it's it's a never-ending fountain um that people can can give and spread and be, and there is no limit.
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There is no limit.
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And she kind of likes to, like, on one of her episodes, she said, like, flirt with life, like go out and flirt with life, and that means just like appreciate sort of the nature, appreciate you know, the seasons, appreciate the people that are walking by you.
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She was like, if you want to create an environment that is loving and happy and friendly, you have to be that loving and happy and friendly person first to attract that kind of environment.
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And I kind of I started to do it, and I started to just enjoy my life so much more because I was seeing the good in life, I was seeing the beauty in the basic, small, simple things, and it has brought me so much joy.
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And I sit here today after sort of practicing this over the last few months, of course, not perfectly, and like I've come in and I've dipped out, um, but the last week, I think probably for the last two, three, four weeks, I have been practicing um like a lot more mindfulness, I have been meditating more, I've been making time to connect to my body, to connect to me, to connect to whatever um whatever this sort of being is inside of me.
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Um and it has been so it has been so rewarding and so beautiful, and I feel an immense amount of love for myself at the moment.
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Um, and I say at the moment because I know that there are moments when I feel more love for myself than others, and I think that that is just simply part of being human.
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Um, but I really do, I feel so much love for myself at the moment, and it is so unbelievably just reassuring and comforting to feel this way about myself, and I feel as though I have this cup within me, this cup of love and joy and respect and curiosity, like all things good about me.
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I have this cup and it is overflowing, and I'm actively practicing like just sharing that with people and having no limits on and no ex and I and I don't expect anybody to give it back to me, you know.
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Like I'll go out and I smile at people or I say good morning or good evening.
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Uh some people respond to me, but the majority of people are super busy in their lives and don't, but it doesn't stop me from carrying on, you know.
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Like I look people in the eye, I ask them how they're doing, I genuinely care about the response.
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Um, I say I acknowledge when I'm happy to hear that people are well, I acknowledge um people's pain when they share pain with me.
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I am present and I am there and I am loving and I am endlessly loving, and it is bringing me so much joy.
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And also being loving is not always like I don't I don't see and I don't believe that being loving is always is like allowing people to walk over you and disrespect you.
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Um a couple of episodes back I I spoke about like what it is that we're deserving of, and and it's super important to create boundaries and not just kind of like have you and your your person and your energy and your time as like an open door for anybody to come into and enjoy as much as they want.
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Like I don't I don't see that being loving is that I think that being loving is simply being joyous, kind, respectful, curious, present with people and just life, like nature.
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I'm loving towards nature when I go on my walks.
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I notice the change in the seasons.
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I notice my dog smelling every single thing that she passes.
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I notice when she stops, I notice when she shows more interest.
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I'm present and I'm loving, and I'm trying so hard to be the person that I want to be around.
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And that person is loving, that person is joyous, that person is kind, that person is present, and I feel it's it's this beautiful cycle because it all it does is it makes me feel because I I act with love, I'm met with love, and therefore it makes me want to act with more love because I'm met with more love.
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I have an infinite amount of love in within me, and I want my life to be loving, I want my life to reflect who I am inside, and it's not in other people's hands to dictate the amount of love that I am going to receive, it's within my hands, and in order for me to build, construct, mold, create the life that I want, I have to be that, and I have to embody that, and I want a life where I show up for myself, I build things, I learn, I'm curious, I'm present, and I allow this beautiful life and universe and existence to do the rest because ultimately I don't know enough, and I don't know what I don't know, and I don't want to limit my life to what I know just because I'm scared of the unknown.
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Like, imagine how many doors there are eventually for me to open and go through and experience and learn through and grow through, and I and and I'm I'm subconsciously limiting them because I'm being stingy with I don't know my time and my energy because I just don't know what what is on the other side.
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So that's why I'm leading with love.
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I'm leading with love and I choose to lead with love and it makes me feel so good.
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It makes me feel so good because seeing this world through a loving lens is how I choose to live.
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And I know that it sounds privileged, and I know that I am privileged, I know I'm privileged to be able to see this world through a loving lens.
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It's just that especially with things like social media and like the news and online discourse and everyone giving their two cents of on a situation that they watched a 30-second video on and therefore they think they know everything about.
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I think it makes me it can subconsciously make me feel like dread and fear and f low.
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And I understand that there are many, many things in this world that I should fear and I do fear, and I understand there are many, many things in this world that are wrong and need addressing.
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Um But I don't know, I just feel as though if I choose to focus on the things that I don't like and that bother me and that should be changed, and I focus all of my energy on looking at the problem, pointing at the problem, and saying, like, that's a problem, that's a problem, oh my god.
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I used to work at a place that was like that.
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Everyone would identify a problem, everyone was really, really good at identifying a problem.
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So everyone's like, This is a problem, problem, this is a problem, fucking pointing at this fucking problem.
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But then the minute that someone was like, Okay, so what do we do about the problem?
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Everyone's like, Oh dunno, I don't know, like not even freaking like an idea bouncing around, like, oh maybe this, no, maybe that, oh no, maybe that.
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I like that.
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No, just uh it is a pro it is a problem though.
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Oh, by the way, it's a problem, and it's like, yes, I'm aware that it's a problem, but I'm I like let's actually try and solve the problem, shall we?
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And I feel as though I solve the problem within my life by focusing on things that bring me joy, that make a change, that are positive, that are useful.
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And I I choose to throw all of my energy and my love and my kindness and my resources and my time into those things rather than focusing on bullshit things that are going on in on the internet where people are throwing their two cents in all the fucking time.
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Why don't you use the time that you are using to construct these really well-edited, recorded, produced, really well-produced videos pointing at the fucking problem?
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Why don't you use that time to actually think about a solution, throw out ideas, throw out your opinion on what the solution could be, open up a discourse about it?
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It needs to be identified as a problem.
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But the minute you keep focusing on the fucking problem after having it identified and not changing the direction and focusing on the solution or focusing on something else in order to find some sort of solution, you're wasting time.
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It's a waste of your time, it's a waste of everybody's time.
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I just I don't know.
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I I just don't subscribe to it, and I'm honestly super, super like I really do open up, you know.
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I I want to open up a conversation around this.
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I I'm not like closed-minded, I I do appreciate that some things need to be spoken about, need to be uh directly addressed, need to be identified.
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I completely agree with that.
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I think that that's super super important to you know identify shortcomings and name them and shame them so that we can not uh repeat that in the future.
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Like I'm all here for that.
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Where I have an issue is when things just carry on, like people just keep going in that cycle.
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And the thing is, it feels good.
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Like I found myself yesterday getting into this real hole around this recent ad that was created, and I completely completely understand why people are pushing back.
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But there was a part of me that was like all of this ruckus and like attention that you are putting onto this fucking advert, you are giving this advert so much power, you are giving this stupid, menial, benign, ridiculous advert so much power and effort and attention.
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When if you just said that's a fucking stupid advert and carried on with your life, like just focused on what matters, which is what they were sharing, like like actually focusing on that rather than name it like carrying on naming and shaming and bringing attention to this fucking ridiculous advert.
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And you just identified the issue, identified the problem, but throw your love and your time and your energy into the thing that matters.
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That's where change happens, and this is why I feel like I love Florence Given so much because she has made her name on being a feminist artist, and you know, over her career, she has definitely like you know her the way that she delivers her message has changed, but the fundamentals of it is that she is a feminist, she wants women to feel good about being women, she wants to empower women, and I totally believe that.
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And the way that she does it now is she chooses to focus on the strengths and the joys and the goodness that women have.
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Her focus is totally on women and on the positives of being a woman.
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That is her focus.
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Her focus is completely on women.
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She barely mentions men, she just focuses on women and how women can grow, and how women are amazing, and how women are this and women are that, and and it's so intoxicating to listen to because all you're met with is love and inspiration and joy and positivity towards being a woman, and that's it.
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And I love that because it's it's love, she's spreading love, she's spreading love, she's spreading messages of strength and of joy and of empowerment, and honestly, like it feels good to hate, it does feel good.
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I'll I'll I'll be the first to tell you.
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Like yesterday, I fucking loved, I loved the the beautiful, incredible, empowering, like really, really wonderful videos that were coming up online in response to this advert, and it felt good to hate.
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It felt good to hate the person that created this whole discourse.
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It did, it does.
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I think that Brene Brown says that like um there's a there's a piece of research.
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She shared this on Trevor Noah's podcast.
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There's a piece of research that says that like uh the way to connect a community of people, I'm gonna butch this by the way.
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I'll I'll get the information properly and I'll put it in the caption.
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But like it was along the lines of the way the most effective way to get a community of people to connect to each other is to have a common enemy, and she used the analogy of uh football, uh, like the way that the fans connect with each other is through connecting over hating the other team.
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And I completely understand that.
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Like I see how that it feels good because you're all you're all splitting and othering, you know, this this person or this group of people, and you're all together and you're all like you know, like fighting against a common cause together.
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It feels good, it feels empowering.
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But the problem is is over time you are focusing on the enemy rather than focusing on what you can do and what matters to you.
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Your your energy and your focus is is going towards the thing that you least like rather than on the thing that you most love.
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You know, and I choose to focus on the thing that I most love, and that is me, and that is my life, and that is people, and I f I I choose to love.
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I choose to love because this life is too short not to, and I have an abundance of it.
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I do, and I need to remind myself of that sometimes because I'm not always I don't always feel this way, but I truly do have an abundance of love, and I choose to lead with that because that is the kind of message I want my kids, my grandkids, my nieces, my nephews, my friends, my family, my loved ones, my dog.
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That is the message I want them to know is that you can lead, you can always lead with love.
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Yeah.
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Allow yourself to be part of the of the community, allow yourself to indulge in the hate the hatred.
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I did that yesterday.
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I did exactly that yesterday.
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But last night I was sat reflecting on, you know, the way that I spent my time that day and the energy I've poured my the what I poured my energy into that day, and so much of it was hatred.
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And the thing is is your body doesn't know your body, your your physiological like organs don't know that it's for this bigger common cause.
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All it knows is to produce loads of cortisol and anger and sadness and frustration.
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I don't want to do that to my body.
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I want to produce love.
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I want to produce intellect and problem solving.
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I want to be creative.
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I want to innovate.
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I want to empathize.
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I do.
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Oh man, it's it feels so good.
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It does feel really good.
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Okay, I'm gonna leave it there.
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Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you again next week.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.439
Welcome to a Curious Mind podcast.
00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:07.839
Today I am gonna talk about love.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:22.000
I'm gonna talk about love and being loving and spreading love and doing this from a place of expecting nothing in return.
00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:49.039
So at the beginning of this year, I started like religiously listening to Florence Given, who is an artist, and she has her own podcast, The Florence Given Show, and she came to me in a time where I really, really needed to hear her, and she's hugely, hugely helped me come into myself and understand myself and love myself and love my femininity in womanhood.
00:00:49.200 --> 00:01:13.040
And I've been so blessed to sort of have that to have her um as kind of like a big sister, I guess, like an online big sister, or just like some sort of guidance, and like one of the things that she says is sort of like love is infinite, like there is no limitation on love in this world.
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Love is an ever, it's it's a never-ending fountain um that people can can give and spread and be, and there is no limit.
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There is no limit.
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And she kind of likes to, like, on one of her episodes, she said, like, flirt with life, like go out and flirt with life, and that means just like appreciate sort of the nature, appreciate you know, the seasons, appreciate the people that are walking by you.
00:01:42.879 --> 00:01:53.359
She was like, if you want to create an environment that is loving and happy and friendly, you have to be that loving and happy and friendly person first to attract that kind of environment.
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And I kind of I started to do it, and I started to just enjoy my life so much more because I was seeing the good in life, I was seeing the beauty in the basic, small, simple things, and it has brought me so much joy.
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And I sit here today after sort of practicing this over the last few months, of course, not perfectly, and like I've come in and I've dipped out, um, but the last week, I think probably for the last two, three, four weeks, I have been practicing um like a lot more mindfulness, I have been meditating more, I've been making time to connect to my body, to connect to me, to connect to whatever um whatever this sort of being is inside of me.
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Um and it has been so it has been so rewarding and so beautiful, and I feel an immense amount of love for myself at the moment.
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Um, and I say at the moment because I know that there are moments when I feel more love for myself than others, and I think that that is just simply part of being human.
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Um, but I really do, I feel so much love for myself at the moment, and it is so unbelievably just reassuring and comforting to feel this way about myself, and I feel as though I have this cup within me, this cup of love and joy and respect and curiosity, like all things good about me.
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I have this cup and it is overflowing, and I'm actively practicing like just sharing that with people and having no limits on and no ex and I and I don't expect anybody to give it back to me, you know.
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Like I'll go out and I smile at people or I say good morning or good evening.
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Uh some people respond to me, but the majority of people are super busy in their lives and don't, but it doesn't stop me from carrying on, you know.
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Like I look people in the eye, I ask them how they're doing, I genuinely care about the response.
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Um, I say I acknowledge when I'm happy to hear that people are well, I acknowledge um people's pain when they share pain with me.
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I am present and I am there and I am loving and I am endlessly loving, and it is bringing me so much joy.
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And also being loving is not always like I don't I don't see and I don't believe that being loving is always is like allowing people to walk over you and disrespect you.
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Um a couple of episodes back I I spoke about like what it is that we're deserving of, and and it's super important to create boundaries and not just kind of like have you and your your person and your energy and your time as like an open door for anybody to come into and enjoy as much as they want.
00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:25.279
Like I don't I don't see that being loving is that I think that being loving is simply being joyous, kind, respectful, curious, present with people and just life, like nature.
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I'm loving towards nature when I go on my walks.
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I notice the change in the seasons.
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I notice my dog smelling every single thing that she passes.
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I notice when she stops, I notice when she shows more interest.
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I'm present and I'm loving, and I'm trying so hard to be the person that I want to be around.
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And that person is loving, that person is joyous, that person is kind, that person is present, and I feel it's it's this beautiful cycle because it all it does is it makes me feel because I I act with love, I'm met with love, and therefore it makes me want to act with more love because I'm met with more love.
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I have an infinite amount of love in within me, and I want my life to be loving, I want my life to reflect who I am inside, and it's not in other people's hands to dictate the amount of love that I am going to receive, it's within my hands, and in order for me to build, construct, mold, create the life that I want, I have to be that, and I have to embody that, and I want a life where I show up for myself, I build things, I learn, I'm curious, I'm present, and I allow this beautiful life and universe and existence to do the rest because ultimately I don't know enough, and I don't know what I don't know, and I don't want to limit my life to what I know just because I'm scared of the unknown.
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Like, imagine how many doors there are eventually for me to open and go through and experience and learn through and grow through, and I and and I'm I'm subconsciously limiting them because I'm being stingy with I don't know my time and my energy because I just don't know what what is on the other side.
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So that's why I'm leading with love.
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I'm leading with love and I choose to lead with love and it makes me feel so good.
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It makes me feel so good because seeing this world through a loving lens is how I choose to live.
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And I know that it sounds privileged, and I know that I am privileged, I know I'm privileged to be able to see this world through a loving lens.
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It's just that especially with things like social media and like the news and online discourse and everyone giving their two cents of on a situation that they watched a 30-second video on and therefore they think they know everything about.
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I think it makes me it can subconsciously make me feel like dread and fear and f low.
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And I understand that there are many, many things in this world that I should fear and I do fear, and I understand there are many, many things in this world that are wrong and need addressing.
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Um But I don't know, I just feel as though if I choose to focus on the things that I don't like and that bother me and that should be changed, and I focus all of my energy on looking at the problem, pointing at the problem, and saying, like, that's a problem, that's a problem, oh my god.
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I used to work at a place that was like that.
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Everyone would identify a problem, everyone was really, really good at identifying a problem.
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So everyone's like, This is a problem, problem, this is a problem, fucking pointing at this fucking problem.
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But then the minute that someone was like, Okay, so what do we do about the problem?
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Everyone's like, Oh dunno, I don't know, like not even freaking like an idea bouncing around, like, oh maybe this, no, maybe that, oh no, maybe that.
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I like that.
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No, just uh it is a pro it is a problem though.
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Oh, by the way, it's a problem, and it's like, yes, I'm aware that it's a problem, but I'm I like let's actually try and solve the problem, shall we?
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And I feel as though I solve the problem within my life by focusing on things that bring me joy, that make a change, that are positive, that are useful.
00:10:29.279 --> 00:10:45.919
And I I choose to throw all of my energy and my love and my kindness and my resources and my time into those things rather than focusing on bullshit things that are going on in on the internet where people are throwing their two cents in all the fucking time.
00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:58.639
Why don't you use the time that you are using to construct these really well-edited, recorded, produced, really well-produced videos pointing at the fucking problem?
00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:13.279
Why don't you use that time to actually think about a solution, throw out ideas, throw out your opinion on what the solution could be, open up a discourse about it?
00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:15.279
It needs to be identified as a problem.
00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:33.120
But the minute you keep focusing on the fucking problem after having it identified and not changing the direction and focusing on the solution or focusing on something else in order to find some sort of solution, you're wasting time.
00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:37.360
It's a waste of your time, it's a waste of everybody's time.
00:11:42.879 --> 00:11:44.159
I just I don't know.
00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:50.799
I I just don't subscribe to it, and I'm honestly super, super like I really do open up, you know.
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:53.360
I I want to open up a conversation around this.
00:11:53.519 --> 00:12:03.279
I I'm not like closed-minded, I I do appreciate that some things need to be spoken about, need to be uh directly addressed, need to be identified.
00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:05.200
I completely agree with that.
00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:17.519
I think that that's super super important to you know identify shortcomings and name them and shame them so that we can not uh repeat that in the future.
00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:19.120
Like I'm all here for that.
00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:25.279
Where I have an issue is when things just carry on, like people just keep going in that cycle.
00:12:25.519 --> 00:12:27.840
And the thing is, it feels good.
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:41.279
Like I found myself yesterday getting into this real hole around this recent ad that was created, and I completely completely understand why people are pushing back.
00:12:41.360 --> 00:13:00.080
But there was a part of me that was like all of this ruckus and like attention that you are putting onto this fucking advert, you are giving this advert so much power, you are giving this stupid, menial, benign, ridiculous advert so much power and effort and attention.
00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:19.519
When if you just said that's a fucking stupid advert and carried on with your life, like just focused on what matters, which is what they were sharing, like like actually focusing on that rather than name it like carrying on naming and shaming and bringing attention to this fucking ridiculous advert.
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:29.679
And you just identified the issue, identified the problem, but throw your love and your time and your energy into the thing that matters.
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:58.159
That's where change happens, and this is why I feel like I love Florence Given so much because she has made her name on being a feminist artist, and you know, over her career, she has definitely like you know her the way that she delivers her message has changed, but the fundamentals of it is that she is a feminist, she wants women to feel good about being women, she wants to empower women, and I totally believe that.
00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:10.639
And the way that she does it now is she chooses to focus on the strengths and the joys and the goodness that women have.
00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:17.360
Her focus is totally on women and on the positives of being a woman.
00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:18.639
That is her focus.
00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:21.120
Her focus is completely on women.
00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:43.840
She barely mentions men, she just focuses on women and how women can grow, and how women are amazing, and how women are this and women are that, and and it's so intoxicating to listen to because all you're met with is love and inspiration and joy and positivity towards being a woman, and that's it.
00:14:44.000 --> 00:15:03.600
And I love that because it's it's love, she's spreading love, she's spreading love, she's spreading messages of strength and of joy and of empowerment, and honestly, like it feels good to hate, it does feel good.
00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:05.279
I'll I'll I'll be the first to tell you.
00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:18.320
Like yesterday, I fucking loved, I loved the the beautiful, incredible, empowering, like really, really wonderful videos that were coming up online in response to this advert, and it felt good to hate.
00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:22.320
It felt good to hate the person that created this whole discourse.
00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:23.759
It did, it does.
00:15:24.000 --> 00:15:29.039
I think that Brene Brown says that like um there's a there's a piece of research.
00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:31.919
She shared this on Trevor Noah's podcast.
00:15:32.399 --> 00:15:40.000
There's a piece of research that says that like uh the way to connect a community of people, I'm gonna butch this by the way.
00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:42.799
I'll I'll get the information properly and I'll put it in the caption.
00:15:42.960 --> 00:16:04.960
But like it was along the lines of the way the most effective way to get a community of people to connect to each other is to have a common enemy, and she used the analogy of uh football, uh, like the way that the fans connect with each other is through connecting over hating the other team.
00:16:05.279 --> 00:16:07.200
And I completely understand that.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:24.559
Like I see how that it feels good because you're all you're all splitting and othering, you know, this this person or this group of people, and you're all together and you're all like you know, like fighting against a common cause together.
00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:26.559
It feels good, it feels empowering.
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:39.440
But the problem is is over time you are focusing on the enemy rather than focusing on what you can do and what matters to you.
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:51.600
Your your energy and your focus is is going towards the thing that you least like rather than on the thing that you most love.
00:16:54.320 --> 00:17:18.799
You know, and I choose to focus on the thing that I most love, and that is me, and that is my life, and that is people, and I f I I choose to love.
00:17:19.119 --> 00:17:27.200
I choose to love because this life is too short not to, and I have an abundance of it.
00:17:27.519 --> 00:17:52.720
I do, and I need to remind myself of that sometimes because I'm not always I don't always feel this way, but I truly do have an abundance of love, and I choose to lead with that because that is the kind of message I want my kids, my grandkids, my nieces, my nephews, my friends, my family, my loved ones, my dog.
00:17:54.480 --> 00:18:01.759
That is the message I want them to know is that you can lead, you can always lead with love.
00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:02.880
Yeah.
00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:12.400
Allow yourself to be part of the of the community, allow yourself to indulge in the hate the hatred.
00:18:12.880 --> 00:18:14.000
I did that yesterday.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:15.920
I did exactly that yesterday.
00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:29.279
But last night I was sat reflecting on, you know, the way that I spent my time that day and the energy I've poured my the what I poured my energy into that day, and so much of it was hatred.
00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:41.759
And the thing is is your body doesn't know your body, your your physiological like organs don't know that it's for this bigger common cause.
00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:52.559
All it knows is to produce loads of cortisol and anger and sadness and frustration.
00:18:57.039 --> 00:18:58.640
I don't want to do that to my body.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:00.960
I want to produce love.
00:19:02.160 --> 00:19:07.519
I want to produce intellect and problem solving.
00:19:07.759 --> 00:19:11.599
I want to be creative.
00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:13.440
I want to innovate.
00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:16.480
I want to empathize.
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:20.160
I do.
00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:24.160
Oh man, it's it feels so good.
00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:27.759
It does feel really good.
00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:32.799
Okay, I'm gonna leave it there.
00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:36.079
Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you again next week.
