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Divorce does not happen in isolation. You may be dealing with the end of your marriage while still running a business, leading a team, raising children, managing a household, and showing up in situations where people expect you to function just as you always have.
But what happens when you simply don't feel like yourself anymore?
Today, Strategic Divorce Consultant Mardi Winder talks with mental performance specialist and psychotherapist Tom Rohrer, PhD, about the connection between emotional experiences and our ability to perform in everyday life.
Tom shares how unresolved emotional issues can affect confidence and performance, why taking responsibility is different from taking all the blame, and how realistically examining your role in a relationship can help interrupt unhealthy patterns. He also introduces brainspotting, a therapeutic approach he uses in his work, and discusses the connection between emotional processing, the brain, and the body.
Questions We Explore
Q: Why can divorce affect your ability to perform in other areas of life?
A: Significant emotional stress does not disappear simply because you walk into the office, attend an event, or need to take care of your family. Tom explains how unresolved emotional experiences can be triggered in situations that require us to perform and function at our usual level.
Q: How do you stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong in the marriage?
A: Tom discusses “disputation,” a positive psychology approach that involves examining what actually happened, identifying your realistic share of responsibility, and separating that from the tendency to personalize everything that went wrong.
Q: Can changing your own behavior interrupt an unhealthy relationship pattern?
A: Sometimes. When one person stops covering, placating, making excuses, or participating in an established dynamic, the pattern itself may begin to change.
Q: What is brainspotting?
A: Tom describes brainspotting as a therapeutic approach that uses a person’s visual field along with awareness of physical sensations as part of processing emotional experiences. He discusses how it developed from EMDR and how he incorporates it into his work.
Q: What if you don't feel confident or capable after divorce?
A: Rather than accepting that this is simply who you are now, Tom encourages looking at what may be underneath that loss of confidence and addressing the emotional experiences that may be affecting how you show up today.
About the Guest:
Tom Rohrer, PhD, is a mental performance specialist and psychotherapist who assists public performers, mainly athletes to: resolve emotional issues that are causing performance problems, integrate mental resource states like confidence, courage, or optimism, and expand their ability to perform in the flow state (zone). He also helps his clients with addiction issues by neutralizing triggers, boosting motivation and commitment. He works individually and offers webinars.
To connect with Tom:
Website: https://tomrohrer.com/
About the Host
Mardi Winder is a Strategic Divorce Consultant and High-Conflict Divorce Coach who helps high-achieving individuals navigate divorce with clarity, confidence, and control. Drawing on more than 30 years of experience in mediation, divorce coaching and conflict resolution, she supports clients in making smart decisions while reducing emotional and financial fallout, particularly in high-conflict, high-asset and complex divorces. Mardi is the founder of Positive Communication Systems, LLC, and the Strategic Divorce Directory, LLC.
For Mardi’s gift: The Resilience Building Blueprint: A 28-Day Journey To A Stronger You https://www.divorcecoach4women.com/rbb
Connect with Mardi on Social Media:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Divorcecoach4women
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mardiwinder/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoach4women/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@divorcecoach4women
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