WEBVTT
00:00:40.490 --> 00:00:41.929
Welcome back.
00:00:43.289 --> 00:00:50.649
As I record this episode, I thought I'd start out with some transparency.
00:00:52.570 --> 00:01:08.969
As I was contemplating this week, I thought about skipping this week's episode because I'm currently on a two-day retreat as well as navigating some grief.
00:01:10.250 --> 00:01:23.770
And the thought crossed my mind that it would be okay to just skip this week or postpone recording this week.
00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:34.490
And then I thought about the title of this podcast, Return to Devotion.
00:01:36.329 --> 00:01:41.770
And I've been thinking about the word devotion a lot lately.
00:01:42.490 --> 00:01:46.569
It's becoming such a familiar word in my world.
00:01:47.370 --> 00:01:51.289
And obviously, it's the title of this podcast.
00:01:51.610 --> 00:01:55.449
It's also the title of my upcoming event.
00:01:56.250 --> 00:02:00.490
And it's a word that I use often.
00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:05.289
So I realize something.
00:02:06.569 --> 00:02:11.849
Most of us don't actually know what devotion is.
00:02:13.129 --> 00:02:23.530
And so in today's episode, I'm going to scale it back and talk about what devotion is.
00:02:24.890 --> 00:02:39.449
And I'll start off by saying one of the things that I'm also been wrestling with, that I'm no longer wrestling with, is how long these episodes need to be.
00:03:18.570 --> 00:03:20.730
Sometimes it may be 30 minutes.
00:03:20.969 --> 00:03:28.090
But what I'm going to be doing is giving myself permission to allow however long is needed.
00:03:28.490 --> 00:03:31.770
And however long is needed might be 10 minutes.
00:03:32.010 --> 00:03:35.210
However long is needed might be 30.
00:03:35.930 --> 00:03:45.849
And that is also part of what is sparking this conversation around devotion today.
00:04:02.170 --> 00:04:06.010
Some of us confuse it with religion.
00:04:07.290 --> 00:04:12.090
And devotion isn't actually any of those things.
00:04:12.730 --> 00:04:20.409
It encompasses some of those things sometimes, but devotion is something more subtle.
00:04:21.689 --> 00:04:24.889
It is more intimate.
00:04:25.849 --> 00:04:33.290
And the word that I use a lot, devotion is more transformational.
00:04:34.730 --> 00:04:44.250
And for a long time, I thought that devotion meant trying harder, being more committed.
00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:46.810
That was my approach.
00:04:47.050 --> 00:04:59.769
If I'm just more committed, or if I'm more spiritual and more consistent and checking all the boxes.
00:05:15.689 --> 00:05:18.889
Devotion is asking me not to leave myself.
00:05:19.049 --> 00:05:24.009
Devotion is asking you not to leave yourself.
00:05:24.250 --> 00:05:30.810
And that's the realization that has literally changed my life.
00:05:31.849 --> 00:05:40.889
Asking myself, is this choice that I'm about to make in every living moment?
00:05:41.370 --> 00:05:47.529
Is this choice going to have me leave myself in the process?
00:05:48.729 --> 00:05:54.329
And that's been a very powerful recognition for me.
00:05:55.449 --> 00:06:12.089
And because when I look back over the last couple of years, the moments that really shaped me the most were actually the moments where things weren't going well.
00:06:13.529 --> 00:06:29.209
And so it brings me back to not leaving myself in those moments and learning that when I stay with myself during hard moments, that's devotion.
00:06:30.649 --> 00:06:40.649
Devotion, it's not about those moments when we do everything right.
00:06:43.049 --> 00:06:47.049
It's those moments when life becomes uncertain.
00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:53.370
It's those moments when relationships stretch us.
00:06:54.169 --> 00:07:03.129
It's those moments when grief arrives, which is something I'm currently navigating in my life right now.
00:07:04.489 --> 00:07:07.769
It's those moments when fear arrives.
00:07:07.930 --> 00:07:10.250
We talked about fear last week.
00:07:10.810 --> 00:07:14.810
And it's those moments when we just want to run.
00:07:15.370 --> 00:07:20.569
And sometimes I hear clients say they just want to burn it all down.
00:07:21.529 --> 00:07:25.289
It's those moments when we want to burn it all down and run.
00:07:26.889 --> 00:07:30.810
It's the moments when we want to perform.
00:07:33.129 --> 00:07:38.009
It's also those moments when we want to fix everything as quickly as we can.
00:07:38.169 --> 00:07:40.649
I know I'm guilty of those moments.
00:07:41.370 --> 00:07:56.489
And something that happens over and over and over again is that I'm always met with this moment of will I stay?
00:07:58.009 --> 00:08:01.689
Will I stay in this moment?
00:08:01.930 --> 00:08:04.089
Will I stay with myself?
00:08:04.569 --> 00:08:07.209
Will I not abandon myself?
00:08:08.329 --> 00:08:21.849
And that doesn't mean staying in unhealthy situations or staying in this place of abandoning yourself.
00:08:22.329 --> 00:08:34.730
It just means staying present, staying honest with yourself with yourself, staying connected to yourself, staying with what's true.
00:08:36.169 --> 00:08:39.769
I think that's where devotion actually begins.
00:08:40.889 --> 00:09:00.009
Because a lot of times we think that things have to be certain or perfect, but those aren't the moments when devotion actually has the opportunity to arrive.
00:09:00.169 --> 00:09:02.810
It's the moments where things are uncertain.
00:09:03.289 --> 00:09:07.529
It's the moments where things are not perfect.
00:09:08.570 --> 00:09:13.930
Right now, my life is full of some uncertainties.
00:09:15.850 --> 00:09:26.570
I got on a plane to come facilitate at a retreat in the Northeast in Massachusetts.
00:09:26.889 --> 00:09:35.210
And right as I got on the plane, I had a loved one pass away.
00:09:36.009 --> 00:09:44.490
And as you know, if you've experienced grief, it brings a lot of uncertainty.
00:09:44.730 --> 00:09:46.889
It brings a lot of emotions.
00:09:47.530 --> 00:09:57.210
For me, I was met with the moment of do I still leave and facilitate for this retreat?
00:09:58.250 --> 00:10:11.530
And I'd had this conversation with family, knowing that there might be this choice to make, and I chose to stay with myself.
00:10:12.170 --> 00:10:20.570
I also had my family's honoring of that choice, and I'm very blessed with that.
00:10:21.610 --> 00:10:42.810
But one of the biggest moments that we experience are the moments where there are misunderstandings, or we are met with making difficult choices, and how those difficult choices will affect our life.
00:10:43.450 --> 00:11:09.930
And whether the choices we're making are how to have a morning practice or having a beautiful meditation, thinking that devotion has to be this extraordinary thing, it doesn't have to be extraordinary.
00:11:11.610 --> 00:11:24.650
Even though the extraordinary moments matter, devotion in and of itself is about the ordinary moments in life.
00:11:25.610 --> 00:11:33.530
It's the conversations where you tell the truth instead of saying what feels easier.
00:11:35.050 --> 00:11:44.410
It's also those moments when you notice that your body is responding to something in a way.
00:11:45.129 --> 00:11:58.889
Maybe your body starts to feel tense or constricted, and in that moment you still choose to stay and listen.
00:12:00.490 --> 00:12:13.450
Maybe during a hard conversation, maybe during a hard conversation when you normally would try to defend yourself, you choose to listen.
00:12:14.970 --> 00:12:22.009
And you choose to be gentle with yourself and the other person.
00:12:23.769 --> 00:12:25.370
That's devotion.
00:12:26.889 --> 00:12:33.930
And we're met with this choice over and over and over again.
00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:39.690
And that's something I've come to love about devotion.
00:12:41.129 --> 00:12:51.850
Because devotion assumes that we'll wander, but it doesn't shame us when we do.
00:12:52.810 --> 00:13:01.290
It just simply invites us to come back over and over and over again.
00:13:02.170 --> 00:13:08.730
And I think many of us spend a lot of our lives giving our devotion away.
00:13:09.850 --> 00:13:14.810
We devote ourselves to the approval of others.
00:13:16.009 --> 00:13:19.690
We devote ourselves to productivity.
00:13:21.530 --> 00:13:23.530
I've been working on that one.
00:13:24.970 --> 00:13:28.330
We devote ourselves to expectations.
00:13:29.610 --> 00:13:53.450
I know that when I was making this choice to come facilitate at this retreat that had been, I'd been booked about six months ago for, I was met with that moment of, am I making this choice for approval or because of an expectation?
00:13:55.290 --> 00:14:36.570
And I was making that choice, making sure that I wasn't doing it for approval, but I was doing it because it meant that I was honoring myself, not abandoning myself, not trying to keep everyone else comfortable, and not making the choice out of fear, but making choices based on the version of ourselves that we ultimately desire to become.
00:15:27.290 --> 00:15:37.370
That's why devotion isn't about becoming something where we abandon ourselves.
00:15:40.009 --> 00:15:59.290
I also think that it's important to share that devotion isn't about perfection, it's it's not about constant motivation or proving things.
00:16:00.810 --> 00:16:05.290
And it's not about having all the answers.
00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:09.530
We will never have all the answers.
00:16:10.889 --> 00:16:28.250
So I keep coming back to this conversation to say devotion is about returning, returning to your body, returning to truth with a capital T.
00:16:29.769 --> 00:16:35.610
Returning to love, returning to your values.
00:16:43.370 --> 00:16:46.490
Returning after you've fallen.
00:16:48.330 --> 00:16:52.810
It's about returning after you've abandoned yourself.
00:16:54.250 --> 00:17:04.170
And every single time that we choose to return, it strengthens something within us.
00:17:05.769 --> 00:17:18.970
And we don't even have to get it right every time because you can always return back to yourself.
00:17:20.490 --> 00:17:33.849
And so I'm gonna ask: if you're somewhere where you can safely do this, close your eyes for a moment and just take a slow breath.
00:17:41.450 --> 00:17:43.769
And just ask yourself this.
00:17:46.569 --> 00:17:53.850
Where in my life have I been giving my devotion away?
00:17:57.130 --> 00:18:02.170
And just allow whatever comes without judgment.
00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:13.930
And then ask yourself this.
00:18:15.769 --> 00:18:31.130
What would it look like to return and not returning next month or when it settles down?
00:18:33.210 --> 00:18:40.170
I'm talking about what would it look like to return today.
00:18:44.809 --> 00:18:52.250
Maybe returning means resting or having a difficult conversation.
00:18:54.490 --> 00:19:00.569
It may even mean telling the truth about something where you haven't been honest.
00:19:03.210 --> 00:19:05.210
Maybe it means saying no.
00:19:07.450 --> 00:19:09.370
Maybe it means saying yes.
00:19:12.970 --> 00:19:24.090
Maybe it means just simply placing your hand on your heart and remembering that you don't have to leave yourself in order to be loved.
00:19:28.490 --> 00:19:38.650
So I invite you today to just make one choice that allows you to return.
00:19:40.650 --> 00:19:41.850
And that's enough.
00:19:46.090 --> 00:19:47.690
Thank you for listening.
00:00:40.490 --> 00:00:41.929
Welcome back.
00:00:43.289 --> 00:00:50.649
As I record this episode, I thought I'd start out with some transparency.
00:00:52.570 --> 00:01:08.969
As I was contemplating this week, I thought about skipping this week's episode because I'm currently on a two-day retreat as well as navigating some grief.
00:01:10.250 --> 00:01:23.770
And the thought crossed my mind that it would be okay to just skip this week or postpone recording this week.
00:01:24.329 --> 00:01:34.490
And then I thought about the title of this podcast, Return to Devotion.
00:01:36.329 --> 00:01:41.770
And I've been thinking about the word devotion a lot lately.
00:01:42.490 --> 00:01:46.569
It's becoming such a familiar word in my world.
00:01:47.370 --> 00:01:51.289
And obviously, it's the title of this podcast.
00:01:51.610 --> 00:01:55.449
It's also the title of my upcoming event.
00:01:56.250 --> 00:02:00.490
And it's a word that I use often.
00:02:01.530 --> 00:02:05.289
So I realize something.
00:02:06.569 --> 00:02:11.849
Most of us don't actually know what devotion is.
00:02:13.129 --> 00:02:23.530
And so in today's episode, I'm going to scale it back and talk about what devotion is.
00:02:24.890 --> 00:02:39.449
And I'll start off by saying one of the things that I'm also been wrestling with, that I'm no longer wrestling with, is how long these episodes need to be.
00:03:18.570 --> 00:03:20.730
Sometimes it may be 30 minutes.
00:03:20.969 --> 00:03:28.090
But what I'm going to be doing is giving myself permission to allow however long is needed.
00:03:28.490 --> 00:03:31.770
And however long is needed might be 10 minutes.
00:03:32.010 --> 00:03:35.210
However long is needed might be 30.
00:03:35.930 --> 00:03:45.849
And that is also part of what is sparking this conversation around devotion today.
00:04:02.170 --> 00:04:06.010
Some of us confuse it with religion.
00:04:07.290 --> 00:04:12.090
And devotion isn't actually any of those things.
00:04:12.730 --> 00:04:20.409
It encompasses some of those things sometimes, but devotion is something more subtle.
00:04:21.689 --> 00:04:24.889
It is more intimate.
00:04:25.849 --> 00:04:33.290
And the word that I use a lot, devotion is more transformational.
00:04:34.730 --> 00:04:44.250
And for a long time, I thought that devotion meant trying harder, being more committed.
00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:46.810
That was my approach.
00:04:47.050 --> 00:04:59.769
If I'm just more committed, or if I'm more spiritual and more consistent and checking all the boxes.
00:05:15.689 --> 00:05:18.889
Devotion is asking me not to leave myself.
00:05:19.049 --> 00:05:24.009
Devotion is asking you not to leave yourself.
00:05:24.250 --> 00:05:30.810
And that's the realization that has literally changed my life.
00:05:31.849 --> 00:05:40.889
Asking myself, is this choice that I'm about to make in every living moment?
00:05:41.370 --> 00:05:47.529
Is this choice going to have me leave myself in the process?
00:05:48.729 --> 00:05:54.329
And that's been a very powerful recognition for me.
00:05:55.449 --> 00:06:12.089
And because when I look back over the last couple of years, the moments that really shaped me the most were actually the moments where things weren't going well.
00:06:13.529 --> 00:06:29.209
And so it brings me back to not leaving myself in those moments and learning that when I stay with myself during hard moments, that's devotion.
00:06:30.649 --> 00:06:40.649
Devotion, it's not about those moments when we do everything right.
00:06:43.049 --> 00:06:47.049
It's those moments when life becomes uncertain.
00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:53.370
It's those moments when relationships stretch us.
00:06:54.169 --> 00:07:03.129
It's those moments when grief arrives, which is something I'm currently navigating in my life right now.
00:07:04.489 --> 00:07:07.769
It's those moments when fear arrives.
00:07:07.930 --> 00:07:10.250
We talked about fear last week.
00:07:10.810 --> 00:07:14.810
And it's those moments when we just want to run.
00:07:15.370 --> 00:07:20.569
And sometimes I hear clients say they just want to burn it all down.
00:07:21.529 --> 00:07:25.289
It's those moments when we want to burn it all down and run.
00:07:26.889 --> 00:07:30.810
It's the moments when we want to perform.
00:07:33.129 --> 00:07:38.009
It's also those moments when we want to fix everything as quickly as we can.
00:07:38.169 --> 00:07:40.649
I know I'm guilty of those moments.
00:07:41.370 --> 00:07:56.489
And something that happens over and over and over again is that I'm always met with this moment of will I stay?
00:07:58.009 --> 00:08:01.689
Will I stay in this moment?
00:08:01.930 --> 00:08:04.089
Will I stay with myself?
00:08:04.569 --> 00:08:07.209
Will I not abandon myself?
00:08:08.329 --> 00:08:21.849
And that doesn't mean staying in unhealthy situations or staying in this place of abandoning yourself.
00:08:22.329 --> 00:08:34.730
It just means staying present, staying honest with yourself with yourself, staying connected to yourself, staying with what's true.
00:08:36.169 --> 00:08:39.769
I think that's where devotion actually begins.
00:08:40.889 --> 00:09:00.009
Because a lot of times we think that things have to be certain or perfect, but those aren't the moments when devotion actually has the opportunity to arrive.
00:09:00.169 --> 00:09:02.810
It's the moments where things are uncertain.
00:09:03.289 --> 00:09:07.529
It's the moments where things are not perfect.
00:09:08.570 --> 00:09:13.930
Right now, my life is full of some uncertainties.
00:09:15.850 --> 00:09:26.570
I got on a plane to come facilitate at a retreat in the Northeast in Massachusetts.
00:09:26.889 --> 00:09:35.210
And right as I got on the plane, I had a loved one pass away.
00:09:36.009 --> 00:09:44.490
And as you know, if you've experienced grief, it brings a lot of uncertainty.
00:09:44.730 --> 00:09:46.889
It brings a lot of emotions.
00:09:47.530 --> 00:09:57.210
For me, I was met with the moment of do I still leave and facilitate for this retreat?
00:09:58.250 --> 00:10:11.530
And I'd had this conversation with family, knowing that there might be this choice to make, and I chose to stay with myself.
00:10:12.170 --> 00:10:20.570
I also had my family's honoring of that choice, and I'm very blessed with that.
00:10:21.610 --> 00:10:42.810
But one of the biggest moments that we experience are the moments where there are misunderstandings, or we are met with making difficult choices, and how those difficult choices will affect our life.
00:10:43.450 --> 00:11:09.930
And whether the choices we're making are how to have a morning practice or having a beautiful meditation, thinking that devotion has to be this extraordinary thing, it doesn't have to be extraordinary.
00:11:11.610 --> 00:11:24.650
Even though the extraordinary moments matter, devotion in and of itself is about the ordinary moments in life.
00:11:25.610 --> 00:11:33.530
It's the conversations where you tell the truth instead of saying what feels easier.
00:11:35.050 --> 00:11:44.410
It's also those moments when you notice that your body is responding to something in a way.
00:11:45.129 --> 00:11:58.889
Maybe your body starts to feel tense or constricted, and in that moment you still choose to stay and listen.
00:12:00.490 --> 00:12:13.450
Maybe during a hard conversation, maybe during a hard conversation when you normally would try to defend yourself, you choose to listen.
00:12:14.970 --> 00:12:22.009
And you choose to be gentle with yourself and the other person.
00:12:23.769 --> 00:12:25.370
That's devotion.
00:12:26.889 --> 00:12:33.930
And we're met with this choice over and over and over again.
00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:39.690
And that's something I've come to love about devotion.
00:12:41.129 --> 00:12:51.850
Because devotion assumes that we'll wander, but it doesn't shame us when we do.
00:12:52.810 --> 00:13:01.290
It just simply invites us to come back over and over and over again.
00:13:02.170 --> 00:13:08.730
And I think many of us spend a lot of our lives giving our devotion away.
00:13:09.850 --> 00:13:14.810
We devote ourselves to the approval of others.
00:13:16.009 --> 00:13:19.690
We devote ourselves to productivity.
00:13:21.530 --> 00:13:23.530
I've been working on that one.
00:13:24.970 --> 00:13:28.330
We devote ourselves to expectations.
00:13:29.610 --> 00:13:53.450
I know that when I was making this choice to come facilitate at this retreat that had been, I'd been booked about six months ago for, I was met with that moment of, am I making this choice for approval or because of an expectation?
00:13:55.290 --> 00:14:36.570
And I was making that choice, making sure that I wasn't doing it for approval, but I was doing it because it meant that I was honoring myself, not abandoning myself, not trying to keep everyone else comfortable, and not making the choice out of fear, but making choices based on the version of ourselves that we ultimately desire to become.
00:15:27.290 --> 00:15:37.370
That's why devotion isn't about becoming something where we abandon ourselves.
00:15:40.009 --> 00:15:59.290
I also think that it's important to share that devotion isn't about perfection, it's it's not about constant motivation or proving things.
00:16:00.810 --> 00:16:05.290
And it's not about having all the answers.
00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:09.530
We will never have all the answers.
00:16:10.889 --> 00:16:28.250
So I keep coming back to this conversation to say devotion is about returning, returning to your body, returning to truth with a capital T.
00:16:29.769 --> 00:16:35.610
Returning to love, returning to your values.
00:16:43.370 --> 00:16:46.490
Returning after you've fallen.
00:16:48.330 --> 00:16:52.810
It's about returning after you've abandoned yourself.
00:16:54.250 --> 00:17:04.170
And every single time that we choose to return, it strengthens something within us.
00:17:05.769 --> 00:17:18.970
And we don't even have to get it right every time because you can always return back to yourself.
00:17:20.490 --> 00:17:33.849
And so I'm gonna ask: if you're somewhere where you can safely do this, close your eyes for a moment and just take a slow breath.
00:17:41.450 --> 00:17:43.769
And just ask yourself this.
00:17:46.569 --> 00:17:53.850
Where in my life have I been giving my devotion away?
00:17:57.130 --> 00:18:02.170
And just allow whatever comes without judgment.
00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:13.930
And then ask yourself this.
00:18:15.769 --> 00:18:31.130
What would it look like to return and not returning next month or when it settles down?
00:18:33.210 --> 00:18:40.170
I'm talking about what would it look like to return today.
00:18:44.809 --> 00:18:52.250
Maybe returning means resting or having a difficult conversation.
00:18:54.490 --> 00:19:00.569
It may even mean telling the truth about something where you haven't been honest.
00:19:03.210 --> 00:19:05.210
Maybe it means saying no.
00:19:07.450 --> 00:19:09.370
Maybe it means saying yes.
00:19:12.970 --> 00:19:24.090
Maybe it means just simply placing your hand on your heart and remembering that you don't have to leave yourself in order to be loved.
00:19:28.490 --> 00:19:38.650
So I invite you today to just make one choice that allows you to return.
00:19:40.650 --> 00:19:41.850
And that's enough.
00:19:46.090 --> 00:19:47.690
Thank you for listening.
