WEBVTT
1
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What you believe failure means changes what it does to you.
2
00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.320
This isn't a feel good idea. It's the difference between
3
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:11.519
a person who gets knocked down and comes back sharper
4
00:00:11.960 --> 00:00:14.800
and a person who gets knocked down and never recovers
5
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:22.239
same event, completely different outcome. And the variable isn't toughness,
6
00:00:22.679 --> 00:00:26.839
it's how the failure gets processed internally. My name is
7
00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:30.760
Josh Terry. I help business owners work through the emotional, mental,
8
00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:34.439
and performance issues that hold them back from making better
9
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:37.719
decisions and taking more action. If you'd like to work
10
00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:40.079
with me, you can book a calum the description below
11
00:00:40.280 --> 00:00:43.000
or go to apply dot Josh terryplays dot com and
12
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:45.359
one of the most common things I work on with
13
00:00:45.479 --> 00:00:50.520
people is their relationship with failure. Not whether they fail
14
00:00:50.840 --> 00:00:55.000
everyone does that, but what happens inside them when they do.
15
00:00:55.960 --> 00:00:59.000
Because at a certain level of ambition, the fear of
16
00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:04.799
failure becomes more destructive than failure itself. It quietly narrows
17
00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:09.280
your risk tolerance, makes your decisions more conservative, and slowly
18
00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:12.359
kills the thing that made you capable in the first place.
19
00:01:13.239 --> 00:01:16.480
If that pattern sounds familiar, this is about how to
20
00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.799
change it. Here's how failure becomes destructive. Failure breaks people
21
00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:24.680
when they believe they are their results. Not my strategy
22
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:28.400
didn't work, but I'm the kind of person whose strategies
23
00:01:28.439 --> 00:01:32.640
don't work. Not that pitched in land, but I'm bad
24
00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:36.200
at this and it can't be fixed. When someone comes
25
00:01:36.200 --> 00:01:39.400
home from a failed negotiation, the person who suffers the
26
00:01:39.400 --> 00:01:42.000
most isn't the one thinking about the lost deal or
27
00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:45.120
the next steps. It's the person thinking about what the
28
00:01:45.159 --> 00:01:49.159
failure says about them. That the mistake wasn't situational, it
29
00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:53.799
was a reflection of some deeper inadequacy. From that perspective,
30
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:57.280
failure doesn't feel like part of the process. It feels
31
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:02.359
like evidence of a permanent limitation, something to hide, not
32
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:05.280
something to use. And the person who comes home from
33
00:02:05.280 --> 00:02:09.120
that same rejection, thinking about what they learned, using the
34
00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:13.240
information to adjust their approach, feels more confident after the
35
00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:18.319
failure than before it. Same event, completely different internal experience.
36
00:02:19.319 --> 00:02:23.039
The difference is whether the failure gets processed as information
37
00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:27.520
about the world or as information about you. And here's
38
00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:31.800
the frame that makes separation possible, the scientific method. It's
39
00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:35.520
the most useful tool I know for thinking about failure.
40
00:02:36.199 --> 00:02:39.159
Observe the world form an idea about how it works.
41
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.800
Test the idea, and see if you were right. If
42
00:02:42.840 --> 00:02:45.280
you were wrong, your model of the world just got
43
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:50.319
more accurate. That's not failure, that's success. The scientific method
44
00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:54.360
isn't an identity. It's a tool for navigating the world
45
00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:58.319
under the assumption that you're going to be wrong a lot.
46
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:02.240
And the people you've wanted pursue their goals relentlessly. The
47
00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:05.199
ones who love failure and seem to succeed more than
48
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:08.680
should be possible. They see the world this way, whether
49
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:13.080
they use that language or not. Edison said he didn't
50
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:16.960
fail ten thousand times, he found ten thousand ways the
51
00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:20.879
light bulb wouldn't work. The light bulb wasn't a process
52
00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:24.120
of a thousand failed attempts. It was an invention with
53
00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:28.719
a thousand steps. Michael Jordan said the reason he succeeded
54
00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:31.719
was because of how many times he'd failed. He became
55
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:34.919
a champion because of how willing he was to miss
56
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:40.159
a shot. These aren't motivational quotes. They're descriptions of a
57
00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:45.879
specific cognitive orientation where failure feeds the process instead of
58
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:51.080
attacking the person. If failure informs your identity, it crushes you.
59
00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:55.439
If it informs your process, it enables you. And here's
60
00:03:55.680 --> 00:04:00.240
the most honest part that most failure advice skips. Not
61
00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:06.000
all failure is useful. Some failure is genuinely destructive, and
62
00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:10.240
pretending otherwise is dangerous. If a failure is so large
63
00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:14.479
that you can't recover from it financially, physically, psychologically, it's
64
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:18.680
not information, it's just damage. You have to learn to
65
00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:23.160
seek discomfort without destruction. Putting yourself in enough danger to
66
00:04:23.240 --> 00:04:25.959
grow is one of the most powerful tools in existence.
67
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:29.519
Putting yourself in so much danger that it harms you
68
00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:33.360
is just stupid. And then another point is scarcity changes
69
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.680
everything about how this works. When you have resources, a
70
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:40.040
safety net people around you, failure just feels like data
71
00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:43.160
you can afford to learn from it. When you're operating
72
00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:47.279
with no margin, every failure feels existential, not because you're weak,
73
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:51.639
but because it's actually existential. Think about two people who
74
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get a flat tire with no spare and no jack.
75
00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:56.920
One has money in the bank, is driving with a
76
00:04:56.920 --> 00:04:58.959
friend on their day off, and the whole thing is
77
00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:03.079
an inconvenience. The lesson learned is keep a spare tire.
78
00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:06.560
The other person is paycheck to paycheck already late to
79
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:08.519
a job where the boss said one more time and
80
00:05:08.600 --> 00:05:11.120
you're done, And this person has no one to call,
81
00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:14.959
same flat tire. But the lesson is technically the same.
82
00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:18.639
But one situation is learning experience and the other is
83
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a catastrophe so stressful you can barely process the lesson
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at all. I grew up watching this play out. Wealthy
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kids make mistakes, absorb the hit, learn from it, and
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move on. Kids from scarce backgrounds make the same mistake
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and never recover, not because they're less capable, but because
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they don't have the infrastructure to turn failure into education.
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So as you build resources for yourself, learn to create
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that infrastructure for yourself. Give yourself a safety net, make
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sure you're not betting everything on a single outcome. Treat
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yourself like someone you have responsibility for, which means putting
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yourself in positions where failure teaches instead of destroys, Which
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brings us to the most practical piece. If failure is
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currently breaking you, if you're in a season where setbacks
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are piling up and each one feels worse, you can't
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just decide to love failure. You have to change the
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conditions around it. The first thing to do is build
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abundance somewhere. If you're failing at the thing you care
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about most, make sure you're succeeding somewhere else. The person
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who is winning in some area of their life can
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absorb a loss in another. The person who is losing
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everywhere has no foundation to stand on. So the stronger
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you feel, the stronger you are, and the more abundant
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you feel, the more abundant you become. So create a
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situation where you're winning, even if it's in a completely
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different domain, because it makes you more capable of handling
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the losses and the domain that matters most. The second
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is to scale the failures down. If the thing you're
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working on will crush you if it doesn't work, it's
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not the right place to start building your tall life.
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Give yourself a version small enough that a failure is
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genuinely informative rather than devastating. Try it, see what happens,
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adjust and try again with variation. Then use that same
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process on something more challenging. The human mind isn't designed
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to fail constantly with no wins to offset it, So
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create an environment where you can win and use those
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wins to build the psychological capacity to handle bigger failures
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over time, and the last piece is the most powerful.
120
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One of the best things you can do about failure
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is to change your goal. If your goal is to
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make a light bulb on the first try and it
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doesn't work, then you've failed. But if your goal is
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to invent a light bulb eventually, that same result is
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step forty seven of a longer process. It's not a failure,
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it's information on the overall project. Playing a song correctly
127
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is a different goal than learning to play a song.
128
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The first one turns every wrong note into a failure.
129
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The second one turns every wrong note into practice. Running
130
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a successful business isn't the same goal as building a
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business that gets better every year. The first creates constant
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pressure to do it right. The second creates permission to
133
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be wrong in productive ways. And when you can't change
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00:08:23.920 --> 00:08:28.560
the goal, change your timeline. Stretch the horizon out far
135
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:33.559
enough that the individual setbacks stop feeling catastrophic. When you're
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thinking in terms of a ten year trajectory, a bad
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00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:39.399
quarter is just noise. When you're thinking in terms of
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00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:42.840
this quarter, a bad quarter feels like the end. Make
139
00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:47.000
your goal something that makes your failures useful. Frame the
140
00:08:47.039 --> 00:08:52.519
timeline so that individual setbacks become data instead of judgment.
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Failure needs to be three things to be useful. It
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00:08:56.919 --> 00:09:01.399
needs to be detached from your identity and something you
143
00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:05.039
can recover from. If you can set your life up
144
00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:08.919
so that those three conditions are met, if you can
145
00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:13.039
separate who you are from just what happened and extract
146
00:09:13.159 --> 00:09:16.679
the lesson and absorb the hit, you will learn faster
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00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:20.120
than anyone around you, and the fear that's been quietly
148
00:09:20.159 --> 00:09:23.639
running your decisions will lose its grip. If this resonates,
149
00:09:23.639 --> 00:09:25.679
go to Josh terryplace dot com and book a call
150
00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:28.759
with me. I work with people whose relationship with failure
151
00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:32.080
has become the thing holding them back, where the fear
152
00:09:32.120 --> 00:09:34.679
of being wrong has gotten more powerful than the drive
153
00:09:34.759 --> 00:09:38.039
to move forward. We figure out where the identity got
154
00:09:38.120 --> 00:09:41.639
fused the results, and we build a framework where failure
155
00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:44.840
works for you instead of against you. Let's make sure
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00:09:44.879 --> 00:09:48.519
failure is something you learn from, not something you hide
1
00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:04.000
What you believe failure means changes what it does to you.
2
00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.320
This isn't a feel good idea. It's the difference between
3
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:11.519
a person who gets knocked down and comes back sharper
4
00:00:11.960 --> 00:00:14.800
and a person who gets knocked down and never recovers
5
00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:22.239
same event, completely different outcome. And the variable isn't toughness,
6
00:00:22.679 --> 00:00:26.839
it's how the failure gets processed internally. My name is
7
00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:30.760
Josh Terry. I help business owners work through the emotional, mental,
8
00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:34.439
and performance issues that hold them back from making better
9
00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:37.719
decisions and taking more action. If you'd like to work
10
00:00:37.719 --> 00:00:40.079
with me, you can book a calum the description below
11
00:00:40.280 --> 00:00:43.000
or go to apply dot Josh terryplays dot com and
12
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:45.359
one of the most common things I work on with
13
00:00:45.479 --> 00:00:50.520
people is their relationship with failure. Not whether they fail
14
00:00:50.840 --> 00:00:55.000
everyone does that, but what happens inside them when they do.
15
00:00:55.960 --> 00:00:59.000
Because at a certain level of ambition, the fear of
16
00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:04.799
failure becomes more destructive than failure itself. It quietly narrows
17
00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:09.280
your risk tolerance, makes your decisions more conservative, and slowly
18
00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:12.359
kills the thing that made you capable in the first place.
19
00:01:13.239 --> 00:01:16.480
If that pattern sounds familiar, this is about how to
20
00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.799
change it. Here's how failure becomes destructive. Failure breaks people
21
00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:24.680
when they believe they are their results. Not my strategy
22
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:28.400
didn't work, but I'm the kind of person whose strategies
23
00:01:28.439 --> 00:01:32.640
don't work. Not that pitched in land, but I'm bad
24
00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:36.200
at this and it can't be fixed. When someone comes
25
00:01:36.200 --> 00:01:39.400
home from a failed negotiation, the person who suffers the
26
00:01:39.400 --> 00:01:42.000
most isn't the one thinking about the lost deal or
27
00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:45.120
the next steps. It's the person thinking about what the
28
00:01:45.159 --> 00:01:49.159
failure says about them. That the mistake wasn't situational, it
29
00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:53.799
was a reflection of some deeper inadequacy. From that perspective,
30
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:57.280
failure doesn't feel like part of the process. It feels
31
00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:02.359
like evidence of a permanent limitation, something to hide, not
32
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:05.280
something to use. And the person who comes home from
33
00:02:05.280 --> 00:02:09.120
that same rejection, thinking about what they learned, using the
34
00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:13.240
information to adjust their approach, feels more confident after the
35
00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:18.319
failure than before it. Same event, completely different internal experience.
36
00:02:19.319 --> 00:02:23.039
The difference is whether the failure gets processed as information
37
00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:27.520
about the world or as information about you. And here's
38
00:02:27.599 --> 00:02:31.800
the frame that makes separation possible, the scientific method. It's
39
00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:35.520
the most useful tool I know for thinking about failure.
40
00:02:36.199 --> 00:02:39.159
Observe the world form an idea about how it works.
41
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.800
Test the idea, and see if you were right. If
42
00:02:42.840 --> 00:02:45.280
you were wrong, your model of the world just got
43
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:50.319
more accurate. That's not failure, that's success. The scientific method
44
00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:54.360
isn't an identity. It's a tool for navigating the world
45
00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:58.319
under the assumption that you're going to be wrong a lot.
46
00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:02.240
And the people you've wanted pursue their goals relentlessly. The
47
00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:05.199
ones who love failure and seem to succeed more than
48
00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:08.680
should be possible. They see the world this way, whether
49
00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:13.080
they use that language or not. Edison said he didn't
50
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:16.960
fail ten thousand times, he found ten thousand ways the
51
00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:20.879
light bulb wouldn't work. The light bulb wasn't a process
52
00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:24.120
of a thousand failed attempts. It was an invention with
53
00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:28.719
a thousand steps. Michael Jordan said the reason he succeeded
54
00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:31.719
was because of how many times he'd failed. He became
55
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:34.919
a champion because of how willing he was to miss
56
00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:40.159
a shot. These aren't motivational quotes. They're descriptions of a
57
00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:45.879
specific cognitive orientation where failure feeds the process instead of
58
00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:51.080
attacking the person. If failure informs your identity, it crushes you.
59
00:03:51.520 --> 00:03:55.439
If it informs your process, it enables you. And here's
60
00:03:55.680 --> 00:04:00.240
the most honest part that most failure advice skips. Not
61
00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:06.000
all failure is useful. Some failure is genuinely destructive, and
62
00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:10.240
pretending otherwise is dangerous. If a failure is so large
63
00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:14.479
that you can't recover from it financially, physically, psychologically, it's
64
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:18.680
not information, it's just damage. You have to learn to
65
00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:23.160
seek discomfort without destruction. Putting yourself in enough danger to
66
00:04:23.240 --> 00:04:25.959
grow is one of the most powerful tools in existence.
67
00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:29.519
Putting yourself in so much danger that it harms you
68
00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:33.360
is just stupid. And then another point is scarcity changes
69
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.680
everything about how this works. When you have resources, a
70
00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:40.040
safety net people around you, failure just feels like data
71
00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:43.160
you can afford to learn from it. When you're operating
72
00:04:43.199 --> 00:04:47.279
with no margin, every failure feels existential, not because you're weak,
73
00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:51.639
but because it's actually existential. Think about two people who
74
00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:54.079
get a flat tire with no spare and no jack.
75
00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:56.920
One has money in the bank, is driving with a
76
00:04:56.920 --> 00:04:58.959
friend on their day off, and the whole thing is
77
00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:03.079
an inconvenience. The lesson learned is keep a spare tire.
78
00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:06.560
The other person is paycheck to paycheck already late to
79
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:08.519
a job where the boss said one more time and
80
00:05:08.600 --> 00:05:11.120
you're done, And this person has no one to call,
81
00:05:11.680 --> 00:05:14.959
same flat tire. But the lesson is technically the same.
82
00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:18.639
But one situation is learning experience and the other is
83
00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:22.360
a catastrophe so stressful you can barely process the lesson
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at all. I grew up watching this play out. Wealthy
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kids make mistakes, absorb the hit, learn from it, and
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move on. Kids from scarce backgrounds make the same mistake
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and never recover, not because they're less capable, but because
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they don't have the infrastructure to turn failure into education.
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So as you build resources for yourself, learn to create
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that infrastructure for yourself. Give yourself a safety net, make
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sure you're not betting everything on a single outcome. Treat
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yourself like someone you have responsibility for, which means putting
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yourself in positions where failure teaches instead of destroys, Which
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brings us to the most practical piece. If failure is
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currently breaking you, if you're in a season where setbacks
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are piling up and each one feels worse, you can't
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just decide to love failure. You have to change the
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conditions around it. The first thing to do is build
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abundance somewhere. If you're failing at the thing you care
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about most, make sure you're succeeding somewhere else. The person
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who is winning in some area of their life can
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absorb a loss in another. The person who is losing
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everywhere has no foundation to stand on. So the stronger
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you feel, the stronger you are, and the more abundant
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you feel, the more abundant you become. So create a
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situation where you're winning, even if it's in a completely
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different domain, because it makes you more capable of handling
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the losses and the domain that matters most. The second
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is to scale the failures down. If the thing you're
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working on will crush you if it doesn't work, it's
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not the right place to start building your tall life.
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Give yourself a version small enough that a failure is
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genuinely informative rather than devastating. Try it, see what happens,
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adjust and try again with variation. Then use that same
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process on something more challenging. The human mind isn't designed
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to fail constantly with no wins to offset it, So
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create an environment where you can win and use those
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wins to build the psychological capacity to handle bigger failures
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over time, and the last piece is the most powerful.
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One of the best things you can do about failure
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is to change your goal. If your goal is to
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make a light bulb on the first try and it
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doesn't work, then you've failed. But if your goal is
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to invent a light bulb eventually, that same result is
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step forty seven of a longer process. It's not a failure,
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it's information on the overall project. Playing a song correctly
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is a different goal than learning to play a song.
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The first one turns every wrong note into a failure.
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The second one turns every wrong note into practice. Running
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a successful business isn't the same goal as building a
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business that gets better every year. The first creates constant
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pressure to do it right. The second creates permission to
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be wrong in productive ways. And when you can't change
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the goal, change your timeline. Stretch the horizon out far
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enough that the individual setbacks stop feeling catastrophic. When you're
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thinking in terms of a ten year trajectory, a bad
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quarter is just noise. When you're thinking in terms of
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this quarter, a bad quarter feels like the end. Make
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your goal something that makes your failures useful. Frame the
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timeline so that individual setbacks become data instead of judgment.
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Failure needs to be three things to be useful. It
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needs to be detached from your identity and something you
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can recover from. If you can set your life up
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so that those three conditions are met, if you can
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separate who you are from just what happened and extract
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the lesson and absorb the hit, you will learn faster
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than anyone around you, and the fear that's been quietly
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running your decisions will lose its grip. If this resonates,
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go to Josh terryplace dot com and book a call
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with me. I work with people whose relationship with failure
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has become the thing holding them back, where the fear
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of being wrong has gotten more powerful than the drive
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to move forward. We figure out where the identity got
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fused the results, and we build a framework where failure
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works for you instead of against you. Let's make sure
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failure is something you learn from, not something you hide
