Ketchup and Mustard Make Toothpaste

WEBVTT
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Oh, welcome in. I'm Don Finnelli, this is Mutterply. We got three pairs of improvisers.
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They're all improvising a short scene.
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They're all starting with the same two lines that I am secretly messaging them
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right before we start recording. So they can't pre-plan anything.
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They don't know each other's lines. They're hearing them for the first time
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when you are hearing them. I have some fun news to get to, but first I want
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to shout out Becca Bowerman.
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Today's first two lines were submitted by Becca Bowerman. Thank you, Becca.
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She emailed over the first two lines of the scene and you know what?
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You can do the same thing.
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If you have two fun lines, you'd love to see our guests start with.
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You could send them over to me. I'll use them in a future episode.
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I'll give you a nice shout out.
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You can DM me on Instagram at mutterflythepod, or you can email the lines like
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Becca did to mutterflythepod at gmail.com.
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All right, let's get to the news. So I bought a house.
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I'm moving to New Jersey in a few weeks, and I'm starting grad school in the fall. So no big deal.
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Very small life changes are on the horizon for me.
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Yeah. You know what? I got about eight more hilarious episodes recorded.
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They're in the can. They're ready to go.
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But my time is going to be extremely limited here. Okay. It's actually,
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it's been extremely limited.
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This was an ill-advised project that I started, but you know what?
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I'm having a lot of fun. My guests seem to have a lot of fun with it.
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I think they enjoy the kind of quick and easy recording process and seems like you enjoy it too.
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So this is what I'm I'm going to do it. Okay. I think I'm going to do this in seasons, right?
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I got about eight more episodes to go in this season and we'll put the brakes on for a while.
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I'm going to get situated on the East coast again. I'm going to start grad school.
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Uh, and then I'll batch record a few more episodes, hopefully,
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you know, towards the end of the semester.
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And, uh, that will become season two. Uh, so feel free, you know,
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to keep, uh, send me those ideas for the first two lines of the scene.
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I'll still take those. Just know you might not hear them until season two.
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Okay. Yeah. So, you know, next few weeks,
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They're going to be great.
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But enough about me. Let's get to our first mutter, okay? We actually have two
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of my past students. I'm so pumped about this. You know, they were hilarious then.
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They're hilarious now. It's Tao
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Yang and Jake Cornell. Tao is an advanced experimental, to say the least.
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Just this insane performance class that I ran many years ago.
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Jake, I think he was in my first 401 that I taught at the UCB Theater.
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But Tao's the best, man. He's rocking out Harold Knight right now in LA,
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so you can check him out there. But he's, of course, you can see him on Dropout TV.
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You know, he's written for shows like Game Changer and Breaking News and Nobody
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Asked. And, uh, you can catch him on the new season of smarty pants,
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uh, that should be coming out soon.
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And, uh, Jake, he was at the UCB for a long time in New York,
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but he pivoted to stand up and, uh, he's been rocking that out for a bit.
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He's racked up like 200,000 followers on Instagram and Tik TOK because he puts
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out extremely funny videos, uh, that make me laugh extremely fucking hard.
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Uh, but, uh, he's touring this June. He's doing standup in DC, Boston, Provincetown.
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So you can see him there. But for now, hey, let's get to our first mutter with Teo and Jake.
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I have so many lip balms.
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Ketchup and mustard make toothpaste.
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Um yeah yeah that's i i've
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heard that you it's the the the acidity in the two right it's good sorry i just
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i'm cleaning my room right now i was not i have so many lip balm i mean i guess
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i could yeah i do have a lot of ketchup and mustard so that i could use some
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of it for toothpaste but i could is it bad if i throw it out you
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Could i just i think we should keep it i just i think we should keep most of
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the things that you know it's a big move we should keep most stuff
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Yeah yeah i guess we should i'm just so into like you know it's like you're
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moving after a breakup i'm like clean slate it you know like get rid of all
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the all these lip i don't know how many of these like what if billy used some
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of these lip balms like i don't want billy's lip cells in my next apartment
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it's like i want to like leave it behind like
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Nothing sucks more i'll say than buying a lip balm a second time you know that's
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kind of the worst feeling in the world besides the massive breakup that you
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just had and the cheating and you know
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That was all i will say that was real it was really
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bad it was really bad but like i want like
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i just want like fresh start like all new like like
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clean slate like am i making like am i brushing my teeth with
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billy's ketchup and mustard mixed together because of the chemical reaction
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or am i like like i know you i know you
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like hate waste but it's also like i'm like really trying to like get a fresh
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start here and it's like but i don't want to be a bad person because like karma
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or whatever and like i keep on asking myself like what did i do to deserve right
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cheated on me with every member of his volleyball team i called every member and they all and
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I honestly i i it they're hot they're hot i'll i'll just say oh they're hot i'm sorry i'm just
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They're hot it's fine it's i i'd rather you be honest with you about it because
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like i am really aware that they are and like it's i want like i wanted and
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it's and like kind of better it's
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Kind of kind of better that it was like people that he knew
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Yeah i just wish i hadn't tried out for the team and not got on because that
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is the part where it was like okay cool so like would this have happened if
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i got on like if i was a better volleyball like is it because i'm like like
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i don't know if it's because they're hotter than me or if because i fucking
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am not good at volleyball enough apparently or like both right
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And just at least to his credit it was like it wasn't like it was like a random
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person at a bar it was someone he played three to four seasons of volleyball
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with like trials tribulations ups and downs like
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No and it was like they also made it clear that it was like it was one-on-ones
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and then groups like they would do it he like did it one-on-one with every person
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and then also groups after the games and it's so i i know like i get like
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environmentalism like i get that but like every time i look at any of this shit
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i see my boyfriend getting gang banged by a bunch of hot volleyball players
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i i understand it feels like i'm getting spiked spiked okay
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Yeah it's just you know you don't want to throw out the the bath water with
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that baby or whatever yes well let's okay no lip balms you can throw them away
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yeah you want to throw away the pile we can let's we can throw away the pile of
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Underwear that's his like i know that it's perfectly good clean like he washed
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it but he didn't take it when he left i want to throw that out
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I mean he's the same size i mean what's the okay or you know what i'll take him
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You want you want billy's underwear
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Not all of them but i'll take the box and then i'll take what i want i'll take
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the pile okay is that weird is that weird if it's weird i don't need them i don't want
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To make you i know that you care about both of you i don't
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Can you sorry i'm on your side now i'm on your side ultimately what he did was
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messed up i'm on your side it's
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Sorry shit sorry uh hello hey uh just here to pick up some of my stuff i kind
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of forgot that i left some stuff here and um we don't have to talk about anything
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i just thought you had volleyball
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On at this time
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What uh i always told you i had volleyball at this time but it was actually
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fucking a bunch of uh just kind of like our gangbang sessions listen i'm just
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being honest i'm just it's time to be honest and now is the honest time practice was always later and
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Your radical honesty practice has done a lot for us i guess um yeah cool there's
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a box of underwear over there tayo is going to take it but he
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Yeah oh you wanted to well
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If you don't want them i mean we can
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Split skis if you want you
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Want split skis
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Okay yeah take half take whatever you go through it right now take whatever
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okay let me go because i left about like oh what 10 10
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Okay i'll take five take five
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Go ahead good
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To see you by the way
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You too man it's been uh this is awkward and uh i miss you guys you know i miss
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i miss both of you but yeah i really i really miss you tayo i really
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Because, like, you're just, like, first of all, you're always sustainable.
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Like, you just are always, like, you care so much about people,
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the environment. And I don't have a lot of that in my life. People just kind of want to use me for me.
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Yeah. And actually, this is actually a good place to say, I do want you both at my leftovers party.
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Ooh, I would love to be here.
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It's where we watch the leftovers and bring our leftovers.
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No, I know.
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No, I love it.
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I'd love to.
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Yeah, of course.
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Billy, do you, Billy, have you ever watched, we're on season three.
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Have you watched any of the leftovers?
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I was fucking a lot. Okay.
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I didn't have a lot of time. No, totally. Because there's like,
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what, 15 guys on the team.
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So, because I would fuck each individual and then I would fuck in groups.
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Right.
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And then those groups would get bigger. So, it was a lot of iterations.
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You ever see like those things like how many squares are in the,
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you know, how many rectangles are in this big rectangle?
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Yeah. Right.
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Some people only see like five but there's actually like 15 right it was like
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that sometimes this square turned into this so sometimes there's
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Two three of us
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Right we would just be wearing our high socks and knee pads and you know bump
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sets spiking each other flying i would do it like one of these like fly-ins
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and slap someone in the back of the head yeah all fucking them at this it was
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it was oh i wish you were there you know it's
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Probably like 80 80 plus sessions then
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Yeah it's team of 15 thanks for doing the math man it's like 15 factorial something
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back and napkin math dude you're always great at that that was it was about
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that yeah it was about whatever factorial it was you're probably right on that
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so i wish you made the team i wish you made the team i'm sorry
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Um you know i think i'm gonna i think i have to i think i'm um gonna leave all
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of this here I think I have to just start fresh.
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I don't think I can carry it. Do you want any of these lip balms,
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Billy? Because I think there's some ketchup and mustard in the fridge.
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For teeth brushing?
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I guess that's what I, I was not aware that that was the,
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Yeah, yeah. Ketchup and mustard makes toothpaste. This is why,
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you know, this is why we don't work out, right? This is like,
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you just don't know a lot of stuff.
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Wait, isn't that, isn't that your nickname on the team? Ketchup?
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Me?
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Yeah.
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Yeah. I'm ketchup. Ketchup.
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You gotta be. Was there someone named mustard on the team?
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This is hard.
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It was, it was my nickname for a lot of men. and uh it was kind of a little
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Can i tell i'm a little sorry sorry i just i kind of was under the impression
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that i was giving you all the information in regards to what willie was doing
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with the team and it feels like you have like a separate set of data that like i was not
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privy to and that is just confusing to me uh personally right now and i just
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We text is that is that okay it was okay we
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Text we text a lot billy there's kind of an emotional relationship happening
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here. I am not attracted.
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I would have sex, but I'm...
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Have you? No.
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it's a really long pause it's
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The no it's not no it's not a pause it's a pause it's a shocking question i just i
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Don't know we had to look we had to look at each other real quick and connect
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and just kind of look into each other's eyes and be like did we because there's
00:12:04.453 --> 00:12:08.093
been so much emotional connection and
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It's hard to know imagination from reality sometimes and you know what this
00:12:12.693 --> 00:12:17.213
is so fucked up i'm sorry this is so messed up we you i i'm here to support
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you let's throw away the lip balm it's
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I don't need any of them throw them away you got to get just got to get rid of it
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Just feels like everyone here is mistaking radical brutal
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cruel honesty with support um in a way that has never made a me i felt i've
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never felt lower than i sort of do right now in this moment um and i and i know
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you guys are just being like honest um but currently experiencing a level of
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pain that's um wow it's a lot right now i have to tell you
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I'm not offended by that but oh i will say i've always it's not like you're
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the gum on the floor of the taxi or anything like that um although that was
00:12:58.973 --> 00:13:02.853
my first thought when you said you felt low um uh-huh
00:13:03.473 --> 00:13:10.253
but you just we just don't connect a lot so you you always actually felt a little lower than me
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physically not that i'm i'm i'm six eight but you know yep uh-huh um i'm just
00:13:19.393 --> 00:13:24.813
being honest this is how it is radical honesty can i can i yeah just what
00:13:24.813 --> 00:13:29.353
I want to say is i think you have a really good shot next season of joining
00:13:29.353 --> 00:13:32.453
the team i think you have a really good shot joining
00:13:33.871 --> 00:13:35.171
We have talked about it
00:13:35.171 --> 00:13:37.111
Really yeah yep
00:13:37.111 --> 00:13:39.951
And if mustard doesn't come back
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From i guess
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Their ankle injury you you could be a shoe in
00:13:43.131 --> 00:13:46.011
I mean i guess that feel i it would feel a little weird to do at this moment
00:13:46.011 --> 00:13:52.631
but also like i i do i i think community would be really good for me um i don't
00:13:52.631 --> 00:13:57.151
really know where else to go so i guess i guess yeah maybe you know i'll have
00:13:57.151 --> 00:14:02.451
a new apartment i'll have new stuff maybe i try out for the team and oh man
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If you make it
00:14:03.131 --> 00:14:06.131
If you just have anything if you guys have any pointers based on what you saw
00:14:06.131 --> 00:14:11.571
me do at the last tryout just something to do differently sure
00:14:11.571 --> 00:14:19.911
Grow you need to be taller so put on them flat forms and work on them spikes
00:14:19.911 --> 00:14:22.551
Okay and
00:14:22.551 --> 00:14:24.511
Then you could join the team that we go then we could have sex
00:14:24.511 --> 00:14:26.031
Okay
00:14:30.875 --> 00:14:36.335
Thanks, Tao. Thanks, Jake. Next up, it's my boys, James Coker and Marshall Stratton.
00:14:36.595 --> 00:14:39.995
Yes, I've been running a fantasy football league for over a decade.
00:14:39.995 --> 00:14:44.155
And yes, Coker and Stratton are two exclusive members of that league.
00:14:44.355 --> 00:14:48.075
But more importantly, they were a sketch comedy duo for many years out of the
00:14:48.075 --> 00:14:49.955
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York.
00:14:50.115 --> 00:14:54.835
They performed at the New York City Sketch Festival, North Carolina Comedy Arts
00:14:54.835 --> 00:14:57.375
Festival, Out of Bounds Comedy Festival, Brooklyn Comedy Festival,
00:14:57.595 --> 00:15:00.395
the Just for Laughs Beyond the Box Pitch Competition.
00:15:01.055 --> 00:15:04.915
They were awarded Best Actors and the Comedy Central Development Award at the
00:15:04.915 --> 00:15:08.735
New York Television Festival for their web series, The Other Kennedys.
00:15:08.955 --> 00:15:14.375
And they served as 13-month champions of the sketch competition show Backyard
00:15:14.375 --> 00:15:15.835
Brawl at the UCB Theater in New York.
00:15:15.835 --> 00:15:18.875
separately uh cocker he's acted in shows like
00:15:18.875 --> 00:15:21.795
matlock and 911 ted mythic quest
00:15:21.795 --> 00:15:24.815
uh stratton's been in uh daisus and miro and late
00:15:24.815 --> 00:15:29.175
night with seth myers late night with jimmy fallon abc's what would you do and
00:15:29.175 --> 00:15:32.835
now uh cocker he makes videos for formula one and uh stratton he lives in a
00:15:32.835 --> 00:15:37.295
place called seaconch massachusetts i believe hey i love these dudes let's get
00:15:37.295 --> 00:15:44.495
to our second mutter with cocker and stratton i
00:15:44.495 --> 00:15:46.155
Have so many lip balms
00:15:48.643 --> 00:15:55.603
Ketchup and mustard make toothpaste? I mean, I just think at this point,
00:15:56.083 --> 00:15:58.483
you know, like, yes, you're a lifeguard.
00:15:59.003 --> 00:16:06.103
And yes, your lips are very important. But, like, I just think you got too many lip balms, man.
00:16:07.323 --> 00:16:12.903
Listen, when I told my wife that I wanted to be a career lifeguard, she didn't support me.
00:16:13.943 --> 00:16:20.223
So I had to go. I didn't care that, you know, we had a family together,
00:16:20.243 --> 00:16:24.843
that we had three kids like, you know, beaches life, as they say.
00:16:26.623 --> 00:16:31.683
And I had to I had to make it a part of my life, my purpose and my profession.
00:16:31.983 --> 00:16:38.223
So, yeah, you having so many lip balms is part of this part of the job.
00:16:39.803 --> 00:16:43.723
Great. Listen, I'm your best friend. I'll love you no matter what.
00:16:43.723 --> 00:16:50.423
you know and i i you know like yes you are employed you know like we're we're
00:16:50.423 --> 00:16:55.623
doing like a pros cons thing like yes by a city by a city by the city right
00:16:55.623 --> 00:17:00.203
you're a city employee yeah and like you got good benefits and stuff and like
00:17:00.203 --> 00:17:03.703
yeah you're you're working on your tan uh 365 it's actually
00:17:03.703 --> 00:17:07.263
Seasonal so it's not full-time we don't get the benefits but it's
00:17:07.263 --> 00:17:11.143
Still Okay, I'm going to just mark that off the pros.
00:17:12.123 --> 00:17:17.463
I just think like it's like you're 43, you know?
00:17:17.603 --> 00:17:21.803
Sure. It's just, you know, this is usually like a summer job,
00:17:21.823 --> 00:17:25.663
you know, in high school or college. It's not something you make a career out
00:17:25.663 --> 00:17:27.243
of, especially with kids, man.
00:17:27.683 --> 00:17:31.103
They say 43 is the new 27. Who say?
00:17:31.863 --> 00:17:35.223
A lot of people. I mean, who says that ketchup and mustard makes toothpaste?
00:17:35.483 --> 00:17:37.343
Like that's not an expression I've ever heard.
00:17:38.223 --> 00:17:42.223
It was just like a, like, you know, like, you know, tomato, tomato,
00:17:42.543 --> 00:17:44.683
you know? Like, it's just like, it's just...
00:17:46.213 --> 00:17:50.373
I don't know, man. I just think, like, you just got to grow up at some point.
00:17:50.573 --> 00:17:53.793
You know, like, yeah, I work a really boring job. I'm in finance.
00:17:54.013 --> 00:17:57.593
You know, I'm just, like, crunching numbers and, like, crushing meetings.
00:17:57.813 --> 00:18:03.173
But, like, I grew up, man. I had to. Like, I left the beach, man.
00:18:03.533 --> 00:18:07.973
You know, like, I can't have the sand between my toes, you know,
00:18:08.073 --> 00:18:10.153
for three months out of the year like you.
00:18:10.293 --> 00:18:14.213
I just can't do it. It burns my feet. I have plantar fasciitis now.
00:18:14.833 --> 00:18:21.593
I and I respect that you decided to, you know, take the the worn path through
00:18:21.593 --> 00:18:25.333
life and, you know, make the safe bet and support your family.
00:18:25.513 --> 00:18:29.213
But I just I've ever told you about my hero growing up.
00:18:30.936 --> 00:18:36.836
I mean, I think you'd mentioned something about like it's not your dad or anything, right?
00:18:37.476 --> 00:18:47.796
No, my dad was a total piece of shit. But my hero growing up was a lifeguard at my public pool.
00:18:47.876 --> 00:18:51.236
And his name was Trent Richardson. No relation to the...
00:18:51.236 --> 00:18:52.136
Running back?
00:18:53.556 --> 00:18:55.916
To that. It's a very good... The
00:18:55.916 --> 00:18:59.116
name is more common than you would think because I've tried to find him.
00:19:02.356 --> 00:19:07.696
Very common name I mean you know yeah but yeah go on
00:19:07.696 --> 00:19:13.396
I've tried to find his family because he's no longer with us but like he was
00:19:13.396 --> 00:19:19.976
my hero growing up because he was the main lifeguard of my public pool and
00:19:21.496 --> 00:19:28.176
he tragically died it wasn't on the job he choked on a hot dog but what I'm
00:19:28.176 --> 00:19:35.756
trying to say is that he embodied everything that I wanted to be in a man.
00:19:36.116 --> 00:19:38.136
And now I feel like I'm 43.
00:19:39.196 --> 00:19:46.116
I wasn't happy and I felt like I needed to honor him by pursuing my dream,
00:19:46.236 --> 00:19:50.296
which is being a lifeguard for the city and on a seasonal basis.
00:19:51.896 --> 00:19:57.416
Okay i mean i think your your mind's made up you know and i'm sorry your hero
00:19:57.416 --> 00:20:02.296
choked on a hot dog but i i just i care about you and i just yeah
00:20:02.296 --> 00:20:05.676
Thank you but this is why i was calling the reason i was calling to tell you
00:20:05.676 --> 00:20:10.156
all this is um yeah i need you to take care of my family for me while i'm gone
00:20:12.005 --> 00:20:19.085
Like, I just, if, listen, if Brittany is having a tough time and needs some
00:20:19.085 --> 00:20:22.305
help, like, I need you to be that guy.
00:20:22.305 --> 00:20:29.405
I'm going to list you as the emergency contact for my kids and my wife in case something happens.
00:20:31.005 --> 00:20:35.105
And, you know, I don't need you to be a stepfather, per se, but I do need you
00:20:35.105 --> 00:20:36.365
to be the father who stepped up.
00:20:37.525 --> 00:20:40.985
You know, I'll do it because I do care about them,
00:20:41.125 --> 00:20:46.165
and I care about your family, and I care that they will be okay for three months
00:20:46.165 --> 00:20:53.105
while you go down to Florida and live this dream, but I gotta tell you, man, that's a lot.
00:20:53.225 --> 00:20:58.285
I have my family of my own, but I'll do it, because I care, and you know, like.
00:20:58.825 --> 00:21:02.965
But you know what they say, what's better than family is more family.
00:21:05.793 --> 00:21:09.473
These sayings, I've never heard these before. And you keep saying them like,
00:21:09.653 --> 00:21:14.033
I'm supposed to have heard. I've never heard these before. You know?
00:21:15.053 --> 00:21:17.833
But listen, okay. I appreciate the phone call.
00:21:17.853 --> 00:21:22.493
You guys want to buy a bird? Either of you want to buy a bird? You want to buy a bird?
00:21:22.693 --> 00:21:23.773
What kind of bird are we talking?
00:21:23.953 --> 00:21:24.213
Yeah.
00:21:25.093 --> 00:21:27.633
This is a songbird, and this is a dove.
00:21:29.093 --> 00:21:30.133
You got two birds?
00:21:31.033 --> 00:21:32.853
Yeah, they're on my shoulder. You want one?
00:21:34.053 --> 00:21:39.453
Shit, I'll take it, man. Um, listen, buddy, could you actually spot me for this bird?
00:21:39.873 --> 00:21:44.573
Because my first check for my life regarding job.
00:21:48.013 --> 00:21:52.513
Thanks, James. Thanks, Marshall. Last up, you heard them before in episode 18.
00:21:52.513 --> 00:21:56.073
If you haven't, go check it out. It's Jen Bartels and George Karaman.
00:21:56.553 --> 00:22:01.833
Jen and I, we were on a mod team. It was called Gramps for many years back in
00:22:01.833 --> 00:22:04.933
the day at the UCB in New York. She was also on Harold Knight,
00:22:05.133 --> 00:22:09.893
too, at the time, but she was a writer and actor on the sketch comedy series Friends of the People.
00:22:10.073 --> 00:22:15.253
She starred alongside Mina Savari and Alicia Silverstone in the TV series American Woman.
00:22:15.473 --> 00:22:19.653
She was in shows like Better Things and Shrill and in all sorts of commercials.
00:22:20.073 --> 00:22:25.233
George Caraman, maybe you saw him on Broad City or Search Party or Last Man
00:22:25.233 --> 00:22:28.553
on Earth or Single Parents. I think you should leave. Hacks.
00:22:28.853 --> 00:22:33.753
And, of course, Funny or Dies, Long-Haired Businessmen. They just made a movie. I cannot wait to see it.
00:22:34.433 --> 00:22:38.953
And he's also in a very funny series called Man Thinkers with past guest Dan Klein.
00:22:39.513 --> 00:22:44.173
I've known George for many years. I talked about it on his last episode.
00:22:44.373 --> 00:22:48.093
But he's also in my fantasy football league with Coger and Marshall,
00:22:48.333 --> 00:22:50.553
which, again, is very exclusive.
00:22:51.193 --> 00:22:55.913
But, hey, let's get to our final mutter, shall we? It's with Jen Bartels and George Karaman.
00:22:56.153 --> 00:22:56.753
Good evening.
00:23:00.608 --> 00:23:02.228
Yeah, I have so many lip balms.
00:23:04.128 --> 00:23:06.428
Ketchup and mustard make toothpaste.
00:23:09.028 --> 00:23:10.208
Yeah, I have all of those.
00:23:10.988 --> 00:23:14.228
You have that? Wow. Yeah. That's fantastic.
00:23:14.508 --> 00:23:17.608
Because when I walked in, I said, your place is great. And I was like,
00:23:17.688 --> 00:23:23.068
I love that I'm on a date with a woman that has such a cozy environment to live in.
00:23:23.188 --> 00:23:26.408
And then when you know, like, you already have ketchup and mustard so we can
00:23:26.408 --> 00:23:27.288
make toothpaste together.
00:23:27.428 --> 00:23:30.468
Like, that is freaking, we are hitting it off right now. You know what I mean?
00:23:32.988 --> 00:23:34.268
Why don't you take off your coat
00:23:34.268 --> 00:23:40.428
Yeah yeah for sure um cool thing about this coat oh yeah go ahead.
00:23:40.428 --> 00:23:44.728
Sorry i was gonna say it seems like you're it's okay i'm nervous
00:23:45.448 --> 00:23:48.268
Me too i think you're really cute oh.
00:23:48.268 --> 00:23:55.128
Okay thanks me too i mean i think you're cute i'm sweating um tell me about
00:23:55.128 --> 00:23:57.208
your coat i'm sorry to interrupt you i do that a lot
00:23:57.208 --> 00:23:59.848
No that's all right it's um it's elk's fur and
00:23:59.848 --> 00:24:03.108
i kill i killed the elk myself um so
00:24:03.108 --> 00:24:07.648
this is actually yeah it's a it's a coat that i sort of fashioned out of a dead
00:24:07.648 --> 00:24:12.128
animal that i murdered so it's oh yeah it's pretty cool i like kind of like
00:24:12.128 --> 00:24:16.088
making things out of you know what i mean like the most basic properties and
00:24:16.088 --> 00:24:21.428
then i create something that i could buy in a store but i just make it myself it's pretty cool oh.
00:24:21.428 --> 00:24:23.128
Yeah yeah it has a tail
00:24:23.128 --> 00:24:27.428
Yeah yeah for sure yeah elks have tails A lot of people don't know that,
00:24:27.548 --> 00:24:29.868
but it's a kind of bushy. Mm-hmm.
00:24:31.918 --> 00:24:37.018
Yeah. So, yeah. Anyway, can I get you something to drink?
00:24:37.278 --> 00:24:40.258
I feel like we had a good dinner, but I kind of want to keep the night going.
00:24:40.658 --> 00:24:45.478
Yeah, I want to get drunk. I mean, I'm, you know, what do you what's your poison?
00:24:45.658 --> 00:24:47.898
You know, what do you like to sip on?
00:24:49.078 --> 00:24:53.018
Oh, I would say like heavy vodka, like a heavier, thicker vodka.
00:24:53.578 --> 00:24:57.818
Oh, I love thick vodka. What's cool about thick vodka is you never know how
00:24:57.818 --> 00:25:01.438
it got that way. You know, it's like, did they mess up? Did I mess up?
00:25:01.918 --> 00:25:06.978
Turtle yeah yeah totally totally oh
00:25:06.978 --> 00:25:11.878
man so i guess we can go to the kitchen if you want um yeah it's funny because
00:25:11.878 --> 00:25:15.198
i never thought that we would start dating you know i didn't know that this
00:25:15.198 --> 00:25:20.018
would happen but um i gotta say when i saw your moccasin yeah yeah i just thought
00:25:20.018 --> 00:25:24.978
you had a cool style you know and i'm a curator of cool things absolutely
00:25:24.978 --> 00:25:29.478
Yeah no i i saw on instagram you do like a whole curation page of like you know
00:25:29.478 --> 00:25:31.458
culture and whatnot so i think that's pretty.
00:25:31.458 --> 00:25:38.478
Yeah like buzzwords curated things bespoke culture farm to table short totally
00:25:38.478 --> 00:25:44.518
yeah totally that's awesome and yeah yeah and short form just short form things yeah
00:25:44.518 --> 00:25:49.038
No you're like yeah you're a short form curator not even creator just curating
00:25:49.038 --> 00:25:51.458
short form stuff which is awesome i think.
00:25:51.458 --> 00:25:56.858
Yeah influencers content creators i'm a short form curator so right that's cool
00:25:56.858 --> 00:26:00.898
yeah yeah awesome My hallway is long. Here's my kitchen.
00:26:01.538 --> 00:26:06.118
Yeah. Wow. Huge place, but mostly just a hallway. That's pretty interesting. A large hallway.
00:26:06.418 --> 00:26:09.478
Did you know back in the 30s, that's what primarily homes were?
00:26:10.298 --> 00:26:10.698
Hallways?
00:26:10.878 --> 00:26:12.618
I don't. Yeah. Hallways.
00:26:13.218 --> 00:26:14.958
Is that like a Great Depression thing?
00:26:15.978 --> 00:26:18.938
It was after the Depression, but before people got happy again.
00:26:19.518 --> 00:26:26.278
Oh, got it. Right. So they kind of just, it was like, let's just spend time in a narrow space.
00:26:26.518 --> 00:26:28.078
Yeah. I mean, that's what. Yeah, absolutely.
00:26:28.698 --> 00:26:32.418
that's cool though but you've done a lot with the hallway I think so I feel
00:26:32.418 --> 00:26:33.378
comfortable in this hallway,
00:26:34.745 --> 00:26:37.945
Mostly because you're here, you know what I mean? Small, definitely small.
00:26:38.965 --> 00:26:42.665
It's really small. I'm we're pressed together right now in a way that's cute.
00:26:42.945 --> 00:26:45.505
And yeah, I'm really sweating.
00:26:46.305 --> 00:26:50.565
That's okay. I like sweat. I can do a lot with that. Um, I can take people's
00:26:50.565 --> 00:26:53.665
sweat. I can kind of, yeah, I can cleanse it and may turn into drinking water.
00:26:54.285 --> 00:27:00.465
Um, I can bathe in it. Um, you know, there's a lot, there's a lot you can do
00:27:00.465 --> 00:27:02.385
with sweat, uh, human sweat specifically.
00:27:03.485 --> 00:27:08.925
I did a post once that was like similar. So it was a small, it was a small carrying device.
00:27:09.125 --> 00:27:12.185
And so I took it and then I put in it that was transparent.
00:27:12.425 --> 00:27:15.565
And then I said, here it is. And then you decide.
00:27:17.506 --> 00:27:22.346
Cool wait sorry what i don't know if i follow that it.
00:27:22.346 --> 00:27:27.686
Was just a post i did for curating small farm-to-table
00:27:27.686 --> 00:27:33.266
Essences oh got it got it that's cool that's awesome yeah one time um i was
00:27:33.266 --> 00:27:39.306
living in the woods and um i couldn't uh find any like potable drinking water
00:27:39.306 --> 00:27:43.246
you know it was all like filled with piss and shit from animals and stuff and
00:27:43.246 --> 00:27:45.206
so what i did was i just did a bunch of really intense.
00:27:48.046 --> 00:27:51.266
So you just found pockets of shit, water, like shit and piss everywhere.
00:27:51.366 --> 00:27:52.726
What forest, where were you?
00:27:53.346 --> 00:27:56.186
Yeah, I was, I was in the Arctic circle. And what a lot of people don't know
00:27:56.186 --> 00:28:01.846
about the Arctic circle is the bodies of water in the Arctic circle are filled with piss and shit.
00:28:02.026 --> 00:28:05.826
Like it is just heaping because the animals up there are so big.
00:28:05.906 --> 00:28:08.346
We're talking moose, we're talking bears, we're talking wolves,
00:28:08.346 --> 00:28:10.926
and they're just shitting and pissing all over the rivers.
00:28:11.186 --> 00:28:14.586
And so a lot of the water is tough to drink.
00:28:14.746 --> 00:28:17.906
So what I did instead was I did a bout of really intense cardio,
00:28:18.106 --> 00:28:20.086
which I was very weak at the time because I was lost.
00:28:20.486 --> 00:28:26.106
Um, and I was able to, yeah, I siphoned.
00:28:26.286 --> 00:28:29.126
Yeah, I did a workout. I did like an intense called a Norwegian four by four.
00:28:29.266 --> 00:28:33.206
You go four bouts of running as fast as you can for four minutes.
00:28:33.346 --> 00:28:35.966
And then you walk for three minutes and then you do that four times in a row.
00:28:36.066 --> 00:28:37.546
It's really good for your VO two max,
00:28:37.686 --> 00:28:41.846
but I was get my sweat on and I squeezed all the sweat from the elk coat uh
00:28:41.846 --> 00:28:45.706
into this little cylinder and then um I was able to drink that and that's how
00:28:45.706 --> 00:28:48.286
I was able and a lot of people would say but that water came out of your body
00:28:48.286 --> 00:28:50.626
then you're putting it back in and I say I don't care.
00:28:52.237 --> 00:28:54.057
Oh, you're kind of a risk taker.
00:28:54.677 --> 00:28:55.657
Oh, big guy.
00:28:56.497 --> 00:28:59.937
Yeah. Yeah. You should see. One time I found this. What? No,
00:29:00.037 --> 00:29:01.897
tell me. I should see what? No, I want to finish.
00:29:02.117 --> 00:29:04.737
Nah, the moment's passed. The moment's passed. If I say it now, it'll sound weird.
00:29:06.117 --> 00:29:08.557
No, now it's back again. I really want to know.
00:29:08.997 --> 00:29:11.437
All right. I was going to say, you should see the wrist side take in the bedroom.
00:29:12.957 --> 00:29:15.157
Oh, okay. I thought it was going to be like, look at my penis,
00:29:15.317 --> 00:29:16.657
but you weren't being more coy with it.
00:29:17.937 --> 00:29:21.957
Which, when and if, and I'm not saying it will happen, But if you were to see
00:29:21.957 --> 00:29:24.037
my penis, you would understand why that actually would make sense.
00:29:25.137 --> 00:29:29.737
Because it's a risk for me to show my penis to anyone because I have a strange
00:29:29.737 --> 00:29:31.737
penis. Do you have a strange penis?
00:29:32.177 --> 00:29:34.857
It's not bad. It's not bad. But it's strange.
00:29:36.429 --> 00:29:40.989
Can I ask, you know, this is moving away from me turned on and me just curious.
00:29:41.249 --> 00:29:45.809
So when you say a strange private part, I just I kind of want to know more.
00:29:45.969 --> 00:29:48.029
You know, what is it? Absolutely. What is it? Absolutely.
00:29:50.169 --> 00:29:53.169
No, no, it's not two headed. It's not two headed. That would be crazy.
00:29:53.169 --> 00:29:55.149
And I would definitely make fun of men with two heads.
00:29:56.229 --> 00:29:56.629
Yeah.
00:29:56.909 --> 00:30:02.509
No, my situation is it was a botched circumcision. And so it just looks really
00:30:02.509 --> 00:30:05.969
kind of fucked up. And that's, I think, what sent me on my journey into the
00:30:05.969 --> 00:30:09.149
woods originally was I just didn't feel like I would be accepted in the world.
00:30:09.869 --> 00:30:14.929
But now I'm an activist for proper circumcisions and I'm back in the world.
00:30:15.029 --> 00:30:16.609
I'm really passionate about it. And yeah.
00:30:16.989 --> 00:30:20.609
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Are you you are the leader and founder of Cut It The Right Way?
00:30:21.469 --> 00:30:24.489
Absolutely. Yeah. I can't believe you know about us. That's awesome.
00:30:25.709 --> 00:30:27.809
Seriously, my stepbrother, he's part of Cut It The Right Way,
00:30:27.889 --> 00:30:32.129
too. And they have the shirts. That song that's like, don't cut it the wrong way.
00:30:32.909 --> 00:30:37.969
Right way yep that's us i wrote that yeah yeah yeah they have like tens.
00:30:37.969 --> 00:30:39.909
Of followers that's amazing
00:30:39.909 --> 00:30:43.069
Yeah yeah wow that's so cool i was actually um
00:30:43.069 --> 00:30:47.349
because originally i read when i reached out to you over instagram i was wondering
00:30:47.349 --> 00:30:53.349
if you wanted to curate some of our smaller um some images of our smaller members
00:30:53.349 --> 00:30:59.229
is botched you know for culture uh on your page and then we just hit it off
00:30:59.229 --> 00:31:00.809
and I was like, I got to take this woman on a date,
00:31:01.029 --> 00:31:03.349
but you know, I.
00:31:03.469 --> 00:31:06.069
I mean, I would love that. I would love to, you know, highlight and spotlight
00:31:06.069 --> 00:31:10.009
and give a voice to those that feel less seen with tinier, smaller things to
00:31:10.009 --> 00:31:14.689
make a vision and a journey, you know, as words, it'd be cool.
00:31:15.509 --> 00:31:19.769
Well, thank you so much. Yes. Okay, cool. This is like, yeah,
00:31:19.869 --> 00:31:22.849
you own like, this is like a couple of city blocks here, right? This is amazing.
00:31:22.949 --> 00:31:24.229
Four miles. Four miles.
00:31:24.549 --> 00:31:26.689
Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
00:31:31.334 --> 00:31:34.294
Thanks, Jen. Thanks, George. And thank you to all my guests.
00:31:34.414 --> 00:31:38.714
Catch Tao Yang on Herald Night at the UCB in L.A. And on the new season of Smarty
00:31:38.714 --> 00:31:42.414
Pants on Dropout TV, Jay Cornell is at Jake W. Cornell.
00:31:42.694 --> 00:31:46.314
He's doing stand up all summer. In June, he will be in Washington,
00:31:46.514 --> 00:31:50.574
D.C., Boston and Provincetown. So go see him if you're in those cities.
00:31:50.814 --> 00:31:55.054
Follow Marshall Stratton at Marshall Stratton and follow James Coker at this
00:31:55.054 --> 00:31:59.954
James Coker or on YouTube at Temple of Vroom, where he's making Formula One
00:31:59.954 --> 00:32:04.094
content. Follow Jen Bartels at TheJenBartels on Insta.
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And you can follow George Karaman at George Karaman as well.
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And you can check him out on Hacks and also be on the lookout for Long-Haired
00:32:11.454 --> 00:32:12.794
Businessmen, The Movie.
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Thank you to Seth and Nooch for the music and the art. And thanks to Becca Bowerman
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for submitting today's first two lines.
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If you want to submit your own first two lines to be used in a future episode,
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just like Becca did, you can DM me at MutterflyThePod on Instagram or email
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MutterflyThePod at gmail.com.
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Please rate and review the show if you can to feed Mr. And Mrs.
00:32:35.354 --> 00:32:39.794
Algorithm. And I'll see you next Thursday. All new episode of butterfly coming at you.
00:32:39.934 --> 00:32:44.354
I'm Don Fanelli. Thank you for joining me. A hearty and awkward. Goodbye.